August 30, 2011
Dawson’s Creek 3.6, Secrets and Lies: Lonely Hearts Club
Yeah, this might turn into the Joey and Pacey Devotion Blog. Deal with it
Summary: Jen laments to Dawson that she’s turning into her mother. First she was head cheerleader, then homecoming queen. Dawson thinks people voted for her because she’s different from everyone else. “They voted for me ’cause I’m blonde and I fill out my sweater,” Jen says. She’s introduced to a bunch of former Capeside High homecoming queens and learns their secret handshake. (No, seriously. This is not a dream.)
Thanks to help from the Police Auxiliary, Bessie and Joey have turned the Icehouse into a bed and breakfast. Joey’s happy to have a place to work that doesn’t involve her creepy ex-boss Rob. Pacey guesses that he fired her over a girl, and when Joey won’t tell him who it is, he realizes it was Andie. Dawson comes home from school and is surprised to Gail in the house. She’s in Capeside for the homecoming queen gala, which Jen has to plan. Gail wants Dawson to be her escort, which totally does not in any way hurt Mitch’s feelings.
Pacey avoids Andie at school, and she figures out that Joey told him about her and Rob. Andie tells Joey she can’t help liking Rob. Joey says sooner or later, she’ll get to tell Andie, “I told you so.” Jen meets with Ms. Franklin, the oldest living Capeside homecoming queen, and tries to get out of planning the gala with her. Ms. Franklin notes that most of the girls who win the honor are excited about it. She clearly doesn’t approve of who Jen is. Oh her way out, Jen encounters Ms. Franklin’s “handyboy,” Hank (AKA Henry), who has upset some bees and tells her to run.
Andie calls Joey while she’s working with Pacey at the B&B, tearfully begging her for help. Joey and Pacey rush over to Rob’s house, where he’s throwing a party, and Andie tells them that he tried to assault her. Pacey finds Rob, punches him in the face, and threatens to kill him if he hurts Andie again. Rob claims that nothing happened.
Jen and Henry hide from the bees in a greenhouse and he regales her with his knowledge of all the plants’ Latin names. He tells her that Ms. Franklin is lonely and he talked Jen up to her, so she was looking forward to meeting Jen. Joey encourages Andie to go to the police about Rob, but Andie doesn’t want to. Pacey assures Joey that he’ll handle things. Henry helps Jen and Ms. Franklin smooth things over, which allows them to start planning the gala. Jen announces that Henry will be her date.
Pacey takes Andie to his boat, since she said she wanted to go somewhere quiet. He wants to show her that he’s getting by without her, and has a new hobby. Andie admits that she’s not over him. If it took what happened with Rob to get them back together, then she’s fine with it. She tries to kiss him, but he doesn’t want anything to happen between them. He’s worried that tomorrow, she’ll regret it if they do something. Andie manages to talk Pacey into some making out, and the next morning, she tells him that she’s fine with whatever happens next.
Rob drops by Joey’s house and swears that he didn’t do anything to Andie. He claims that she pulled him upstairs, then started freaking out when they kissed. Joey notes that sexual assault and inappropriate behavior at work are both illegal. Rob points out that everyone knows about Andie’s mental-health history. He can’t figure out why she would accuse him of assault.
At the gala, Dawson learns the real reason Gail’s back in Capeside: She was fired from her station in Philadelphia because they thought she was too old. Jen and Henry show up in attire that’s not exactly right for a gala. The drag queens they’ve brought with them as the evening’s entertainment are much better dressed, though.
Joey asks Andie again about going to the police, and Andie says she may have overreacted to what happened. Joey tells her that Rob came by and begged her to believe that he’s innocent. She wishes she’d reported his behavior at work and prevented all of this from happening. Andie tells her that it may have happened for a reason, since she and Pacey are now back together. Joey is totally not at all in any way jealous.
Henry’s a little worried that Ms. Franklin will be mad at him for bringing the drag queens to the gala, but Jen thinks Ms. Franklin gets what she’s trying to say: Homecoming queens and drag queens are all just people dressing up and pretending to be people they’re not. In spite of herself, Ms. Franklin seems to be enjoying the evening’s entertainment.
Andie brings Pacey a skipper’s cap and topsiders, and he admits that he’s not sure if he’ll ever finish rebuilding the boat. He knows that it can never be the way it was before. (In case you were just born yesterday, this is all a metaphor for his relationship with Andie.) Pacey says that last night he went against what he knew was right. Andie says that this is the first day she’s really been happy since she got out of the hospital. He notes that they reacted to the same event in opposite ways.
Andie begs Pacey not to break up with her again, accusing him of punishing her. He says that punishment implies that she did something wrong. Andie points out that she did – she slept with another guy. “Maybe that was just your heart’s way of telling you that I’m not the one,” Pacey replies. “Because that’s what my heart’s telling me right now. It’s telling me that you’re not the one.”
As the now-much-livelier gala continues, Jen apologizes to Ms. Franklin for trying to shock her. Now she’s able to “look past the cliché” and has actually enjoyed being homecoming queen. Ms. Franklin tells her that Henry’s completely in love with her and talks about her all the time. She’s just worried that Jen doesn’t feel the same way about him. Jen admits that that’s true. Ms. Franklin tells her about her own experience with young love, which ended badly. She’s worried that Jen will hurt Henry so badly that he never recovers.
Henry takes Jen back to the greenhouse and tries to kiss her, but Jen stops him and tells him they’re just friends. He tells her he’s in love with her. She points out that he barely knows her, so that’s impossible. He’s two years younger and is going to fall in love a million times in the next couple of years. Henry asks for a chance, and Jen tells him he needs someone who both understands what he’s going through and can go through it with him. She’s not ready to be with anyone, let alone someone like Henry.
Dawson asks Gail why she didn’t tell him she got fired. She didn’t want to tell him that she followed her dream and failed. He tells her she didn’t, adding that she doesn’t look old. Gail doesn’t want to come back to Capeside for good, but Dawson thinks she and Mitch could help each other out right now. She tells him she doesn’t want to go back to being friends with Mitch.
Andie goes back to Joey’s and accuses her of sabotaging her relationship with Pacey. Joey says she hasn’t talked to Pacey since the previous night. She also knows that Andie wouldn’t lie about something like an assault. Andie replies that Joey doesn’t know what she’s capable of. She has blinders on and can only see what she’s after: Pacey. She’s desperate to get him back.
Jen returns to the gala to find Ms. Franklin having a great conversation with the drag queens. At the Leerys’ house, Gail and Mitch also have a conversation, though theirs seems to be more awkward. Meanwhile, Henry walks home alone, Pacey works on his boat, and Joey tries to comfort Andie.
Thoughts: Way to not even try to come up with a creative title for this episode, writers.
Ms. Franklin is played by K Callan, who has now officially been in every TV show ever.
Season 2 Andie was fun. Season 3 Andie is really annoying.
The drag queens’ names are awesome: Amanda Reckonwith, Summer Clearance, Megan Whoopee, and Christi Anity.
Aww, Jen. I’ve been there. But she let down the guy in love with her much more gently than I did.
August 28, 2011
BH90210 2.1, Beach Blanket Brandon: Summertime, and the Quittin’ is Easy
"When I'm done with you, you'll be the finest surgeon in all of Beverly Hills. Uh, lifeguard. I mean lifeguard"
Summary: Andrea gives the newspaper a long goodbye speech before they eat cake to celebrate the end of the school year. Brenda pretends she’s going to have a great summer, but her mind is clearly elsewhere. Scott’s being sent to Oklahoma for the summer, not like we would have noticed he wasn’t around. Brenda and Donna are taking an acting class, and Kelly says they’re ditching her. Brenda tells her friends her period’s late and she doesn’t know what to do.
Brandon brings up his almost-sexcapades with Andrea, who says it’s “no big deal.” They agree that they’re still friends. Brenda goes to a drugstore after school to get a pregnancy test, which she takes at home. The stick is supposed to turn either blue or red, but Brenda’s turns green. Donna suggests that that means twins. Brenda can’t believe that she waited to have sex and took precautions, but she still might be pregnant. She admits that the sex might not have been worth it.
Brandon laments that summer hours at the Peach Pit are pretty light. Steve tells him about a bonfire on the beach that night, but Brandon wants to keep working since he’s looking to buy a Mustang. (I guess Jim took his back.) Steve learns that Brandon was a lifeguard the previous summer and encourages him to get a job at the Beverly Hills Beach Club. At home, Brenda asks Cindy about gynecologists, making Cindy wonder if something’s wrong. Dylan comes by and Brenda tells him about her possible pregnancy. He promises to support her if necessary.
Brandon reports to the beach to show a guy named Henry Thomas that he can cut it as a lifeguard. Meanwhile, Brenda, Dylan, and Kelly go to Kelly’s gynecologist’s office. When the doctor arrives for Brenda’s appointment, she announces that her period is no longer late, so the crisis is over. The doctor encourages her to set up another appointment since she’s sexually active. (Uh, why doesn’t he just examine her then?) Dylan suggests that Brenda start taking the pill, and she accuses him of thinking about himself instead of her.
Brandon struggles with the lifeguard exam, finishing everything last and out of breath. He’s sure it’s because he’s used to working at a pool, not the beach. He tells Henry he already has a job anyway, so it’s okay. Henry offers him a job as a cabana boy instead of a lifeguard. Brandon’s worried about abandoning Nat so quickly, but Henry tells him if he doesn’t make up his mind soon, he’ll lose his chance. Brandon decides to take the job.
Brandon goes to ask Brenda to take his place at the Peach Pit until Nat can find a replacement, but she’s mopey about her relationship issues and pregnancy scare. She shares this with him, telling him that sex is a bigger deal than people make it out to be. Brandon thinks Brenda should talk to Jim and Cindy about what’s been going on, but agrees to keep quiet because Brenda wants him to. Downstairs, Cindy, who’s sorting the recycling, finds the box that held Brenda’s pregnancy test.
Cindy and Jim confront Brenda, Jim freaking out when he confirms that Brenda’s no longer a virgin. He and Cindy are both upset that she didn’t tell them ahead of time that she was thinking of having sex. Brenda tells them that her first time was just a few weeks ago. Jim’s angry with Dylan, because that’s how dads react. Cindy doesn’t think Brenda was emotionally ready and worries that in a few years, she’ll regret what she did.
Brenda points out that Jim and Cindy had sex before they were married; she doesn’t appreciate them trying to make her feel bad about doing the same thing. Jim notes that sex in the ’90s is very different than it used to be. Cindy wants her to remember that sex in real life isn’t like it is in the movies. Dylan arrives for a date and Brenda tells her parents not to let on that they know the two of them had sex. Dylan sees the pregnancy-test box in Brenda’s hands, and when Jim warns them not to stay out too late, Dylan yelps, “I swear to God, we won’t!” (Heh.)
Jim remarks to Cindy that when he was talking to Brenda, he sounded just like his own father. He thought he was open-minded, but it went out the window when one of his kids became involved. He wonders how to handle the situation, and Cindy says they’ll have to trust Brenda to make good decisions. Brandon tells Nat he has to quit because he needs a job that pays better. Nat understands but isn’t happy that he only got a day’s notice. He asks Brandon to stay on until he replaces him, but Brandon can’t.
Dylan and Brenda make out in his car at the beach, stopping when he realizes she’s upset. He doesn’t like that Jim and Cindy made her feel guilty for having sex with him. Brenda feels lucky to be with Dylan, but now they’ve “crossed an imaginary line” and this new territory holds a lot of responsibilities. They’re moving too quickly and she wants to break up. Dylan says she’s just afraid, which isn’t a good enough reason to end things. Brenda won’t budge.
At home the next morning, Brenda tells her parents that she and Dylan broke up. Things got more serious than she wanted, and she doesn’t feel ready for a sexual relationship. When Kelly hears the news, she says Brenda might be overreacting. Brenda says she just wants to be her own person. Brandon shows up for his first day of work, running into Dylan and mentioning that he had to abandon Nat. Dylan notes that the Walshes have been dumping people left and right lately. He doesn’t think the money Brandon will make at the club is worth ditching Nat.
Brenda and Donna go to their acting class, which is also attended by Andrea. Their teacher, Chris, tells the class his entire life story and calls it a monologue. He makes Brenda give the next monologue, telling her she has a pretty smile, so I think we can all tell where this is going. At the beach, Kelly tells Steve that Brenda and Dylan broke up and asks if he’s seen Dylan. Steve is sure that Dylan’s happy about the breakup.
Brandon gets his uniform from the Young and the Restless-loving Henry, telling him he can’t start at the club for a week because he needs to help Nat out. Henry replies that Brandon better be worth waiting for. Brenda gives her bio/monologue, mentioning her breakup with Dylan the previous night. “Huh. I’m always the last to know,” Andrea says. Chris asks Brenda about all of her feelings about the breakup, saying that no matter what they are, they’re great because they make her human. Brandon heads to the Peach Pit to take back his job for a week, but Nat has already replaced him. At least the two of them are now okay again.
After drama class (which concludes with Andrea’s babbling monologue), Brenda and Dylan run into each other. Brenda says she needs time away from him, but Dylan “fell in love with [her] or something” and is having a hard time with the breakup. He thinks he’s the only person he can depend on. Brenda assures him that she still loves him. She got too close to Dylan and it scared her. “I don’t want to be scared with you,” she tells him. He thinks they’re meant to be together. He offers to drive her home, but she thinks she should walk, telling him goodbye.
Thoughts: Whoa! They changed the opening credits! But I don’t like change. And where are Andrea’s glasses??
Henry is played by the awesome James Pickens, Jr., Chief Webber on Grey’s Anatomy. He has hair! And a mustache! It’s weird.
Yeah, Brenda, Dylan sure is a jerk for trying to take precautions to make sure you don’t become parents.
August 27, 2011
BSC Mystery #20, Mary Anne and the Zoo Mystery: Gorilla Warfare
Matt's shorter than I always pictured him
Summary: SMS teams up with a local zoo for a project in which the eighth graders observe animals. They’re split into groups of three, and the group with the best report gets extra credit and a trip to a water park. The timing is great, since there are two gorillas, James and Mojo, on loan, and there’s a lot of hype surrounding their visit. There are also a bunch of protesters hanging out around the zoo.
Mary Anne’s in a group with Alan and a guy named Howie (previously mentioned as a friend of Claudia and Stacey’s), while Logan’s in a group with Dawn and Claudia. Kristy’s placed with Stacey and wants nothing to do with her, so their group studies their own pets (Stacey doesn’t have one, so she studies the Johanssens’ dog). So Mary Anne, Dawn, Claudia, Logan, Alan, and Howie go to the zoo a lot; Logan, Dawn, and Claudia observe the gorillas while Mary Anne, Alan, and Howie watch an emu, bears, and seals. Alan and Logan really want to beat each other, so they get all macho and competitive.
One day the emu escapes from her cage, and when Mary Anne goes to take a look after the emu’s return, she sees that the fence is intact. There are also some stains that look like berry juice from a nearby bush. She decides that the emu didn’t really escape but was let out. Oh, and the director, Ms. Wofsey, has lost her master key that opens all the cages. It happens to look like all the keys the SMS students were given to access info at different exhibits.
This is, of course, a case for the BSC. They decide that the protesters are obviously suspects, but they’ve also seen a couple in matching sweatsuits observing all the animals. Not long after that, a giraffe is let out of its cage. Mary Anne again sees berry stains nearby. Knowing that one of the gorillas, Mojo, knows sign language and can see the emu’s cage from hers, the BSC girls bring Matt Braddock to the zoo to communicate with Mojo. However, Mojo will only sign “food,” so the girls think she’s hungry, since Mr. Chester, a zoo employee, is bringing her lunch.
Next the gibbons’ cage is opened (they don’t escape), and Mary Anne and Logan think the matching-sweatsuit couple is responsible, since they’ve been observing the gibbons. The couple has been writing down prices, and Mary Anne and Logan think they want to steal a gibbon and sell it. As she’s doing more observation for the project, Mary Anne realizes that she no longer has her own key – she has Ms. Wofsey’s skeleton key. She knows she hasn’t had it the whole time, and the only time she could have accidentally swapped her key with someone else’s was when she, Alan, and Howie were taking things out of their bags to look for change.
Mary Anne confronts Alan, accusing him of freeing the animals to better observe them for the project (though why would he free animals he wasn’t observing)? Alan admits that he’s been doing research for the project, which was supposed to only be based on observation and the info from the exhibits, but has no idea what she’s talking about regarding the key. They both realize that Howie must have had Ms. Wofsey’s key. He confesses that he found it in the bushes and used it to open the emu’s cage, but she didn’t escape until after he left; obviously he didn’t secure the cage well enough. Howie also says that he didn’t free any other animals, and he has to be telling the truth since Mary Anne had Ms. Wofsey’s key by that point.
Logan and Mary Anne remember Mr. Chester saying he was late to an event because he was feeding the seals, but he wasn’t, since they’d just been with the seals. With a couple of more pieces of potential evidence, the BSC girls (and Logan) tell Ms. Wofsey their suspicions. Ms. Wofsey thinks Mr. Chester was trying to get her in trouble because he’s mad that she got the job he wanted. She knows that Mr. Chester’s big move will be trying to free Mojo and James, so the zoo sets up a sting operation involving people in gorilla suits. It works (yeah, I bet), and Mr. Chester is done for. Later, the girls realize that Mojo was probably signing “food” because Mr. Chester fed all the animals. Also, the matching-sweatsuit couple was looking for an animal to buy for some rich guy.
The B-plot involves a baby elephant being displayed at the mall until a home can be found for it. (Maybe this is crazy, but couldn’t they take it to…THE ZOO?) The BSC girls and their charges decide to hold a walkathon to raise money to relocate the elephant. They call it an Elephant Walk and make buttons and other swag for it. There’s some drama because on the day of the walkathon, the girls don’t have a stereo to play “Baby Elephant Walk,” and Claudia suggests that they borrow one from Stacey. Stacey agrees to loan it to them, but only if she can participate. Kristy’s ticked but doesn’t have time to do anything about it. Anyway, the walkathon is a success, and contributes to getting the elephant relocated.
Thoughts: This mystery is actually structured plenty well, with some good red herrings. Bravo, ghostwriter.
Mary Anne shares a soda with Alan and Howie. That’s kind of gross. And I’m sure Logan wouldn’t appreciate it. Mary Anne probably told him about it, too. I bet they’re like Marshall and Lily from How I Met Your Mother, telling each other every single detail of their days.
Like Stacey would ever let Charlotte wear a matching kitty headband and backpack.
Mary Anne is much less of a mouse than usual in this book. When Logan’s insults toward Alan bug her, she asks him to stop – without crying. I’m impressed.
Logan: “Do gorillas like chocolate cake?” Mary Anne: “Everybody likes chocolate cake.” For some reason, I thought that was really funny.
I think something was moved around here. Matt signs to Mojo, and then a few pages later Jessi asks if anyone who knows sign language can talk to Mojo. Then Matt signs the same questions he’d already asked her. Why would Jessi ask that if she knew Matt had already signed with Mojo?
Speaking of that, Matt signing with the gorilla was the only part of the book I remembered. I always thought that was really cool.
Recurring character Erica Blumberg makes a good point: “How would a gorilla know what an emu is?”
I love that Alan cheats on a class assignment by doing extra work.
Dawson’s Creek 3.5, Indian Summer: The Two Faces of Eve
Looks like Pacey's more turned on by Eve undressing than Dawson is
Summary: Dawson watches a movie (not sure which, but Orson Welles is in it, so possibly The Third Man) while Pacey plays around with a fan, all hot (in more than one way) and sweaty. Pacey laments that they no longer have girlfriends to hang out with. He can’t believe Dawson’s watching this film, since it’s so different from Spielberg’s movies. Dawson wonders how Welles can’t see he’s being set up by a woman. Pacey notes that most men get really dumb when sex is a possibility. After Pacey leaves, Dawson looks out his window and sees someone going through Jen and Grams’ house with a flashlight. He calls the police, then goes over to the house, where he finds Eve.
Dawson takes Eve back to his place and she tells him she and Jen are having a hot lesbian affair. He threatens to tell the police she was robbing the house unless she tells him the truth. She blackmails him with the PSAT scandal, reminding him that she likes making trouble for him and “the rest of the Sweet Valley High extras” he hangs out with. (Ha and HA!) Doug (not seen since “Hurricane”) comes by, responding to Dawson’s 911 call, and Dawson tells him he mistook Jen for an intruder. When he goes back up to his room, Eve’s gone.
Jen and Jack lie on a blanket outside somewhere, looking at the stars. He can’t believe she’s happy enough to be with him when she could be with a hot straight guy. He brings up Henry and his $500 kiss, but Jen says the sweet ones are the most dangerous. She talks about Dawson and Joey’s friendship, comparing it to hers and Jack’s, except without the possibility of a relationship. Then the sprinklers come on.
Joey’s creepy boss Rob checks her out while she works, then takes his shirt off, but it doesn’t have the intended effect. He asks her out and she reminds him that she’s jailbait. Clearly unable to take any kind of hint, Rob tries to lighten things up by spraying her with a hose. Dawson goes to Capeside High and the strip club looking for information on Eve, learning that she was never enrolled at the school.
Jack tries to get Henry to chill out where Jen’s concerned. It doesn’t help that she comes by and offers Henry a bite of her popsicle. Jack offers to set up a “chance” meeting for the two of them so Henry can go on a date with Jen without having to ask her out. Dawson pretends he’s working on a film noir piece so he can ask Doug for tips on tracking someone down. Doug suggests checking out the landromat, since everyone has to do laundry. (Apparently Doug has never heard of having one’s own laundry machine. Or maybe he just wants Dawson to waste his time on a stakeout.)
Pacey joins Dawson outside the landromat and tells him there are some women who he’ll never be able to completely understand. Pacey suggests renting some old movies, though his idea of film noir is Wild Things. Leaving the stakeout, the guys spot Eve, and Pacey says his dad’s tips on tailing suspects are better than Doug’s landromat theory. Rob brings a date to the marina, bragging to Joey about landing a high school girl. It’s a clueless Andie. Rob pays Joey for gassing up his boat, telling her to buy herself something nice. “Save it for bail money,” she shoots back.
Jack’s meet-up spot for Jen and Henry is the same place where he and Jen looked at the stars the night before. Henry has advice written on his hand, but he still has trouble speaking when Jen shows up. He babbles that everything about her is awesome. Jen thinks Jack is meeting her, but Henry says Jack sent him in his place. Jen quickly figures out what’s going on. Henry confirms that Jack set them up, and Jen notes that dating is a consensual activity. Next time, he needs to ask her out.
Dawson and Pacey tail Eve to the marina, where she changes clothes on a boat. Pacey wants to follow her when she leaves, but Dawson wants to check out the boat. On it he finds Eve’s clothes, some food containers, and a picture. Oh, and Doug trying to arrest him for trespassing. Dawson says his friend lives there, but Doug knows the boat belongs to a couple in their 80s who only live in Capeside during the summer. He continues that someone stole a speedboat a couple of weeks ago and took it for a joyride. Pacey returns, which of course means more gay jokes about Doug. After he leaves, Pacey tells Dawson that he lost track of Eve.
Joey follows Rob and Andie to the movies and tells Andie what a creep Rob is. Andie doesn’t mind being treated like a sexual object, so she doesn’t really care. She thinks Joey’s so closed off that even guys who are trying to be nice freak her out. Joey thinks Andie’s trying to rebound from Pacey. Andie says she’s just trying to move on with her life. Joey lets her go back into the theater to meet Rob, then goes in to sit with them.
Just as Grams is noting to Jack how happy he’s been making Jen, she comes home angry about Henry’s blindside. (Heh, football pun.) She’s upset that Jack didn’t listen all the times she told him she wasn’t interested in Henry. She says Jack took Henry’s side over hers. Dawson comes home to find Eve coming through his window to get her picture back. He confronts her over all her lies and secrets. She’ll only tell him that she went to Grams and Jen’s to get money for a bus ticket. He asks about the picture, and she tells him it’s of her mother, who she never met.
Eve explains that last Christmas, she found the photo while looking for wrapping paper. Her parents told her she was adopted, but she didn’t have much of a reaction at first. Later, she decided to look for her birth mother, and she came to Capeside because she knew her mother lived around there once. Since Eve hasn’t found any clues in Capeside, she’s planning to leave. Dawson believes the story and gives Eve back the picture. She admits that she played a role with him because she knew she wouldn’t be staying long. Dawson just wanted to know who she really was. After some more banter, Eve goes back out the window.
Jack meets up with Jen at their stargazing spot and tells her he tried to set her up with Henry to show her that she can have the things she wants. Jen’s upset that he brought someone else to their special place. She’s never been just friends with a guy. Jen also thinks Jack set her up because he’s the one who’s lonely. He points out that there are no other gay people in Capeside (Pacey would beg to differ). Jen tells him to have faith that something good will happen when he’s not expecting it. Like the sprinklers coming on again.
Andie visits Joey at work and tells her nothing happened between her and Rob after they left Joey the night before. Rob busts Joey for having left work early to go to the movies, firing her. She tells him to rot in Hell. Dawson takes an air-conditioner over to Grams and Jen’s house, spotting a picture on Grams’ bedside table that peaks his interest. Grams tells him it’s of her daughter Helen, Jen’s mom. It’s the same woman in Eve’s picture.
Thoughts: What was the point of having it be hot in this episode? It just means everyone was sweaty and unattractive.
Eve must be pretty dumb not to notice two not-at-all-stealthy guys following her all day. Wait, why did I say “must be”? She’s just dumb.
Joey’s behavior with Rob and Andie is very reminiscent of how she acted with Dawson and Jen in the pilot. Nice touch.
So who are you going to ogle now, Rob? You didn’t exactly think this through.
August 23, 2011
BH90210 1.22, Home Again: The Best-Laid Plans
When I inevitably proposition the man of my dreams, I hope it's while I'm on a carousel horse, holding a stuffed panda
Summary: School’s out for the day, and Steve’s celebrating by getting punched in the face by some guy. Brandon breaks things up and Steve says the guy said something mean about his mother. At work, one of Jim’s coworkers says some guy named Henry Powell is in town, which means people are probably going to be fired. Jim says he’s not worried, then learns he’s supposed to have Powell with Henry the next day. At home, he tells Cindy he’s sure the lunch means something bad.
Brandon and Brenda commiserate over their father’s possibly axing, Brandon saying that they’ve taken for granted how awesome their lives are. The next day, Jim has an awkward lunch with Powell, who’s noticed that Jim isn’t very happy in Beverly Hills. Steve (wearing an eyepatch) stops by the Walshes’ and he and Kelly talk about how great a mom Cindy is. Jim kicks them out so he can tell his family he hasn’t been fired, he’s been promoted – and they have to move back to Minnesota.
Cindy, Brenda, and Brandon aren’t too excited about leaving Beverly Hills, and Brenda notes that Jim doesn’t have to take the promotion. Jim says they’d have to move immediately, but he wants the family to make the decision together. They do a blind vote, with everyone but Jim voting to stay. He’s not surprised that Brandon and Brenda want to stay, but he’s surprised that Cindy does. Jim calls Powell to turn down the promotion offer, and Powell doubles his salary, so Jim overrides the family vote and announces they’re going back to Minneapolis.
Brandon and Brenda talk about how they felt when they first moved to Beverly Hills (she was excited to come, he wasn’t). She’s sad to leave Dylan and miss out on a summer production of Romeo and Juliet. She’s worried that people will think they’re going back to Minneapolis because they couldn’t hack it in Beverly Hills. Cindy tells the twins that they have to move by June 1st. Brandon doesn’t think his mother ever adjusted to life in California, but Brenda disagrees. The twins make a list of pros and cons about their two states.
At school, with everyone now aware of the Walshes’ move, Kelly offers to let Brenda move in with her, and Steve does the same with Brandon. At the Peach Pit, Nat’s also sad to see Brandon go. Andrea wants to have a “goodbye dinner” with Brandon, who’s too dumb to realize that this is really a date, even when Brenda tells him it is. Jim distracts Brandon from his request to stay with Steve by giving him his old car (his promotion comes with a new one). He then heads back to Minneapolis by himself.
Brandon notices that Steve is acting weird around him, but can’t get him to talk. Dylan’s all mopey over Brenda’s impending move, lamenting all the things they haven’t done together yet. Kelly tells Brenda that her mom said no to Brenda moving in (not like Jim was going to allow that anyway). At home, Cindy encourages Brenda to trust that Dylan won’t go out with any other girls after she leaves. Brenda and Brandon complain that their friends are either not speaking to them or are moving on without them.
Andrea and Brandon go to the boardwalk and ride a carousel while she teases that she has a surprise. Her goodbye present is…herself. She wants them to have a memorable goodbye with each other. (Wink wink.) The next day, Brandon tells Brenda that he thinks Andrea’s pretty, but he never wanted to do anything with her because they’re just friends. Brenda encourages him to bed her. They run into Dylan, and Brenda lets it slip to Brandon that they’re sleeping together. He hopes she’s being careful. (Foreshadowing!)
Out in cold, gray Minnesota, where there’s snow on the ground even though it’s June, Jim goes back to his old office and learns that work requires a lot of work. Back at the beach, Brenda tells Dylan that she’s not sure a long-distance relationship will work for them, considering it didn’t for Brandon. He suggests running away together, but instead they just make out. At school, Brandon tells Andrea he’ll sleep with her, then kisses her. At home, Jim calls Cindy and tells her how busy things are. She worries that he’ll be working a lot when the rest of the family joins him.
Andrea drops by the Peach Pit to tell Brandon that she actually can’t have sex with him that night because of a family get-together. They can’t find a time when they’ll be able to be alone at her house, so Brandon suggests that they meet at the Peach Pit on Sunday. (That HAS to be a health-code violation.) Steve arrives, is short with Brandon, and leaves. Brenda and Dylan hook up at his place before she tells him she came over to break up with him. He can’t talk her out of it.
On Sunday, Brenda’s still bummed over the breakup, as well as Kelly declining to hang out with her. She tells Brandon she thinks Steve’s just mad at him for leaving. (Ya think?) Brandon takes Steve to the beach and forces him to talk about his feelings. He admits that he dreamed about coming to California and being in the ocean, but the first time he went in, he got pounded by waves. He hasn’t been back in since the fall, and he thought he’d share his “last wipeout” with Steve.
Brenda and Cindy pack, and Brenda complains that Jim’s job is ruining her life. Jim calls to say he has to take a later flight (I guess to come back and help pack). Brandon falls asleep on the beach and dreams about hooking up with Andrea. As Jim arrives back in California earlier than expected, Nat calls to ask Brenda to help out with a private roast at the Peach Pit that night (since he can’t get a hold of Brandon). She reluctantly agrees to go.
Brandon and Andrea meet at the Peach Pit and make out before letting themselves in…to find a surprise party organized by their friends. Andrea quietly assures Brandon that she wasn’t setting him up. When Brenda arrives, the party starts, with David filming people saying nice things about the twins. Jim and Cindy look on, hearing how much their kids’ friends like them. Dylan says his goodbyes to Brandon in person, saying that Brenda saved him from going back to drinking. “You Walsh people are the only family I got,” he says.
Jim thanks everyone for accepting them in Beverly Hills. He gets all cliché, saying “home is where the heart is,” then announces that the promotion and raise aren’t what he really wants. The family is staying in Beverly Hills. Andrea thinks this means she and Brandon are destined to just be friends. He asks if she would have really slept with him, and she tells him he’ll never know. Cindy wonders why Jim didn’t tell her earlier that they were staying, but he just decided. Instead of just letting everyone have a happy ending, Brenda tells Dylan that she’s late.
Thoughts: Brenda wears a long black dress on the beach. Is she mourning her sailor husband who was lost at sea?
So Brandon had no idea what Brenda and Dylan were doing when they disappeared from the dance together? He’s even dumber than I thought.
When Brandon agrees to have sex with Andrea, they’re standing by a big banner that says, “Go for it.” Nice.
No one told Andrea about the surprise party? Nice friends.
Kelly: “I’ve even become less of a b*%$# since I started hanging out with [Brenda].” Steve: “Well, there really only was one way you could go, Kelly.” I love them together.
I made it through the first season! It…wasn’t that great, actually. But I know it starts to get soapy coming up, and I’m excited for that.
August 22, 2011
SVH #98, The Wedding: Margo at the Wedding
Lila would NEVER wear that dress. For shame, cover artist
Summary: Lila decides that the only way to get Grace to stay in California is to Parent Trap her parents back together. This means getting rid of Grace’s obnoxious French boyfriend, Pierre. He unknowingly helps her out by groping Amy, who confides in Lila. Lila gets Pierre drunk and goes to dinner alone with her parents, where George takes advantage of Pierre’s absence to propose to Grace. When Pierre arrives, Lila tells him she knows what he did to Amy, but she’ll keep quiet if he goes back to France. He agrees, and George and Grace get engaged without even knowing what was going on with Pierre.
Jessica and Todd’s “relationship,” or whatever, fizzles out, so Jessica’s down one dead boyfriend and one boyfriend she was dating just to stick it to Elizabeth. She visits Sam’s grave and realizes that she needs to stop feeling sorry for herself and do something. She comes up with the idea to hold a fundraising bike rally in Sam’s honor. Jessica and Elizabeth are still not talking, though they come close to a breakthrough when Jessica comforts Liz after a nightmare and almost tell she spiked her and Sam’s drinks at Jungle Prom.
Speaking of Elizabeth, she’s getting back into the swing of things but still hasn’t reconnected with Todd. She’s ticked because he was with Jessica, and because he hasn’t made an effort to talk to her since the prom (she still doesn’t know about the letter he wrote her in The Verdict, which Jessica stole). At the wedding, Todd asks Liz to dance, but they don’t talk, and when the dance is over, she simply thanks him and walks away.
Margo meets a dirt biker named James and hires him to a) enter Jessica’s rally and b) go out with her so he can get information on the Wakefields for Margo. She also gets a job as a caterer so she can gain access to George and Grace’s wedding and stalk the twins. (How does she do this? By killing someone. Seriously, this chick is twisted.) Margo’s getting closer and closer to fulfilling her plan to kill Elizabeth and take her place, but she doesn’t know that Josh, the brother of the boy she killed in The Arrest (and who she previously ran into in The Verdict), has figured out where she is.
Thoughts: Grace is the president of a multimillion-dollar stationery company. That is the least plausible part of this book.
I’m surprised Elizabeth went to a dirt-bike rally to memorialize someone she killed and organized by someone she’s not speaking to.
Winston brings a cowbell to the rally. Of course he does. If you asked me which SVH character would be most likely to bring a cowbell to a sporting event, I would definitely say Winston.
George and Grace’s wedding cake has 50 tiers. Aaaaaaand they’ve officially gone overboard.
August 21, 2011
Dawson’s Creek 3.4, Home Movies: Varsity Blues
I'm making this my computer wallpaper
Summary: Pacey brings over a Betamax so Dawson can look at a bunch of Gail’s old news footage and turn himself into a documentary expert. If he can, he might get to air a human-interest story on her news show. Pacey tells him that real life is much more interesting than fiction anyway. Dawson’s planning to do his piece on Jack, noting that it’ll be more difficult than it sounds. He and Pacey watch footage of Dawson and Joey meeting for the first time and instantly becoming friends.
Jen’s ready for school, wearing her cheerleading uniform with combat boots, fishnets, and crimped hair. Grams thinks she should show more school spirit. The school is showing plenty of it, decorated in the school colors. Pacey suggests that he and Joey skip class together, though he won’t tell her what he wants to do. He gives her ten seconds to make up her mind, and she winds up agreeing to go with him (with four seconds to spare).
Dawson interviews Jack, who thinks his football talents are really just instinct. Dawson also wants to interview Mitch, but he wants to stay focused on the upcoming game. Henry shows everyone his good-luck charm (Doug Flutie’s mouthpiece), getting dumbstruck when Jen arrives. He begs Jack to help him out. Jen learns that the other cheerleaders are auctioning off a kiss with her. She puts her foot down, telling the girls that she’s sick of pep and all the cheerleading activities she’s had to endure. She’s done with the squad.
Andie runs into someone from the testing service responsible for the PSAT and pretends to wonder if someone at Capeside High has done something wrong. Pacey (who’s carrying a package he just picked up from the post office) takes Joey to the edge of town and tries to get her to hitchhike while he hides in the bushes. She gets the first car driving by to stop…but it’s driven by Principal Green. Pacey tells him they were working on a botany assignment and got lost. Principal Green tells him he’s holding poison ivy.
Dawson tries again to interview Mitch, who’s surprised to hear that his piece is for an actual news broadcast. He’s worried that Jack will lose focus. Dawson’s angry that Mitch isn’t taking his movie dreams seriously. Mitch says he’ll have other opportunities. He won’t tell Dawson he can’t film Jack, but he knows Dawson will make the right choice.
Later, Dawson visits Joey at work, looking for advice on the Jack story. Joey thinks Dawson’s piece is more important than a football game. Dawson, however, can see Mitch’s side of the argument, since he could use the ego boost of the team winning. Joey says that some father/child fights end with mutual respect, but some end with loss. Dawson needs to decide what he’s willing to lose. To thank Joey, he gives her a tape of their first meeting.
The cheerleaders wake Jen up the next morning and ask her to reconsider participating in the auction. Grams notes that someone bid $500 to kiss her. Jen continues to refuse until she learns that the proceeds from the auction go to an orphanage. Principal Green asks Andie to stop by his office on Monday to discuss a “disciplinary problem.” (Way to ruin someone’s weekend, Green.) He then comes up with a way to punish Pacey and Joey for skipping.
Jack finds Andie sitting alone on the steps (I’m sure the other students love having to step around her) and asks her what’s going on. She babbles about making a mistake that could ruin her life. She’s worried about public exposure and their father being disappointed. Jack thinks she’s talking about him, so she goes with it, reminding him that all actions have consequences.
Dawson shows Mitch some of the footage he’s shot of Jack and the opposing team’s coach. Mitch is upset that now the other team knows how good Jack is, so they’ll be targeting him. Dawson’s angry that Mitch isn’t happy for his “first professional success.” (You haven’t been successful yet, buddy.)
Dawson’s also mad that Mitch never talks to him anymore, since he has all his football players to talk to. Mitch points out that the players respect him. Dawson says he respects Mitch, but he knows Mitch wishes he were more like the players. Mitch tells him he needs to stop living in a fantasy world and think about someone else. Dawson shoots back that he’s more of a parent and an adult than Mitch is.
Dawson and Jen watch the football game together, unhappy to see Jack take a beating. Jen admits that it’s Dawson’s fault, but at least he doesn’t have to kiss someone after the game. He also doesn’t have to dress up as a mule like Joey and Pacey do. Andie practices confessing to Principal Green; her plan is to blame her breakup with Pacey for her cheating.
The Capeside Minutemen finish the first half of the game down 21 points. Mitch starts to give them a pep talk (it involves Sun Tzu), but Dawson has a better idea: smudge the players’ numbers so they can’t find Jack, then have the cheerleaders put makeup on them to make the other team wonder which is the gay player. This helps, and Capeside wins the game. Andie approaches Principal Green and starts to tell him about her “error in judgment,” but he has no idea what she’s talking about. He wants to form a student disciplinary committee, and he wants her to be in charge of it.
Henry won the kiss with Jen, and he gets to ride over to her on Joey and Pacey. He sold the mouthpiece to get the $500 to win the auction. Jen’s touched that he sold his good-luck charm just to kiss her. Henry tells her she doesn’t have to go through with it, but she kisses him in front of everyone. Oh, and Jen won homecoming queen. She’s not at all happy about it. Andie tells Jack that she knew everything would turn out great. “So who won the game, anyway?” she asks.
Pacey and Joey wind up at a boatyard, having gotten two students to take their place as the mule. Pacey’s working on restoring a boat and plans to sail it around the world. Joey doesn’t think he’ll have enough room for all the supplies he needs. Pacey opens the package he got earlier, which holds a sign with his boat’s name, True Love. Joey sticks around to help him with some sanding.
Mitch finds Dawson at the football field and tells him how happy and scared he was when Dawson was born, because raising a son is difficult. He can’t give Dawson the whole picture, since he can’t see it himself, but he can help him with pieces of the puzzle. Mitch doesn’t want Dawson to let anyone get in the way of his dreams and his future. Dawson notes that he was just doing what Mitch always tells him to do: think for himself.
Mitch suggests going home and watching a movie, but Dawson wants to toss around a football. Joey watches the video Dawson gave her, which includes him throwing a football with Mitch, as well as playing with her.
Thoughts: Really, Grams? You’re okay with Jen getting paid to be kissed?
Pacey: “I hurled myself upon the flames of responsibility!” Joey: “I hope a deer tick crawled in your eye and laid eggs.” Best exchange ever.
Yeah, I bet all the football players would agree to wear makeup.
I wish we’d gotten to see Andie actually give her big speech to Green. I doubt he would have shown her the compassion she was hoping for.
Hey, writers, if I wanted to watch football, I would…well, I’ll never want to watch football. Anyway, cut it out.
August 20, 2011
BH90210 1.21, Spring Dance: This is Why I Don’t Miss High School
Girls, girls. You're both morons
Summary: Steve’s very excited that it’s spring. The two of them ogle a girl named Darla, putting on x-ray glasses. Steve’s determined to go to the spring dance with Darla, then hook up with her in a room at the hotel where the dance is being held. David announces the four girls chosen as spring princesses; Kelly’s one of them. Andrea tells Brandon that Kelly’s the first spring princess she’s ever known. She tries to dig for information on Brandon’s plans for the dance, but he says he’s not going. Andrea rants about how stupid dances are, though she obviously wants to go with him.
Steve flirts with Darla (“Steve Sanders. We say hi a lot”) and asks her to the dance. She tells him she won’t ride in his Corvette. Brenda asks Andrea if Brandon asked her to the dance, then encourages her to do the asking. Andrea says they might just hang out together that night. After school, Kelly drops by the Peach Pit and admits to Brandon that she doesn’t have a date to the dance. He’s the only guy she’d consider going with. He’s uncertain about going, but Kelly promises that they’ll have a good time.
Steve arrives and Kelly tells him she’s going to the dance with Brandon. “Brandon who?” he asks. Brandon tells Steve to ask Donna and double-date with them. The next day, Steve does so, and Donna hesitantly accepts. Kelly wants a limo for the dance, since she’s a spring princess, but Brandon can’t afford one. She tells him Dylan will probably pay for one. Andrea asks Brandon about their plans for Saturday night, and he tells her he’s going to the dance with Kelly. Shockingly, she’s not happy for him. (I know!)
The next day, Brandon questions why Andrea’s so upset, since she didn’t want to go to the dance anyway. He basically says he’s going with Kelly as a favor. Brandon shops for a rental tux with Steve and Dylan, who mention how expensive everything for the dance will be. Steve mentions that Dylan’s planning to get a hotel room with Brenda, which is definitely not something Brandon wants to hear. Steve warns him that Kelly has a thing for him and “usually gets what she wants.” Kelly and Brenda shop for dresses, picking out the same one; each girl says the other can have it.
The night of the dance, Kelly shows up at the Walshes’ in the dress she supposedly didn’t want. Steve’s obviously jealous to see her with Brandon. Cindy’s surprised to see the dress Kelly’s wearing, because it’s the same one Brenda bought. (Kelly wears it better, by the way.) The girls argue over who gets to wear the dress, and Kelly accuses Brenda of being jealous. She’s worried that people will thing they planned to dress identically.
Andrea eats ice cream and watches a horror movie like all the lonely girls do on Saturday nights. Steve and Kelly snipe at each other as the gang arrives at the dance. Brenda and Kelly snipe at each other next. Dylan tells Brenda that it’s her night, then shows her the key to the hotel room he’s gotten for them. Kelly tries to get Brandon to dance, but he tells her to ask Steve. That’s not going to happen, so Brandon gives in. Steve doesn’t want to dance with Donna either.
David ogles Kelly, betting Scott (who? Oh, yeah) $20 that she’ll dance with him before the end of the night. He does this right in front of his date, by the way. Brenda admits to Dylan that she’s nervous about what they’re planning in their hotel room. She’s ready, but she thinks she’ll disappoint him. He promises her that they won’t be judging each other, they’ll be enjoying each other. She should know how important she is to him since he’s been willing to wait to sleep with her. Dylan solidifies this by telling Brenda he loves her.
Kelly tells Brandon that she’s thought he’s cute since she first met him, and he admits the same about her. She wonders what’s been stopping them from getting together. He notes that she’s Steve’s ex, and Steve’s one of his best friends. She’s also one of Brenda’s best friends. Kelly points out that Dylan’s his best friend’s sister. Brandon realizes he’s out of reasons not to get together with her, and they make out. He stops, saying something doesn’t feel right, and thinks it might be that he knows her too well. Brandon says that Kelly’s like a sister to him, which doesn’t go over well.
A tipsy Steve interrupts, telling Brandon that Kelly might pretend to care about him, but she only cares about herself. Steve’s upset that he was told Brandon and Kelly were going to the dance as friends, but they’re definitely not acting like it. He takes off and Brandon follows him, promising that he’s not going after Kelly. He thinks Steve’s just upset because he’s drunk. Steve says he’s not drunk, then reveals why he’s really upset: It’s his birthday.
Steve tells Brandon that a few months ago, his mother got drunk and told him that she was told she could never have children. He’s adopted, and he didn’t know for almost 17 years. Steve says his mom is the only mother he’s ever known; even if she’s not perfect, she loves him. Brandon notes that everything worked out well for him. Steve tries to tell himself that it doesn’t matter who or where his biological parents are, but it’s hard to be happy around his birthday. He’s upset that he confided all this to Kelly and she doesn’t care. David announces that the spring queen is Kelly. The students then compete in a dance competition (the prizes: pizza and the last dance of the night with the spring king and queen).
Brenda and Dylan head upstairs, and she tells him she’s grateful that her first time having sex will be with someone she loves. At home, inspired by the movie she’s watching, Andrea imagines herself taking a chainsaw to everyone at the dance. Then she asks to borrow her mother’s evening gown. Brandon returns to the dance, telling Kelly about his conversation with Steve and encouraging her to talk to him. She doesn’t want to deal with him when he’s been drinking, but Brandon insists that he needs Kelly. He reminds her that it’s Steve’s birthday, which makes her decide to find him.
Steve tells Kelly that he wanted to be friends with her, but she’s too self-centered. She shoots back that he doesn’t have the best character either. He notes that they have a lot in common. Kelly’s mom is an alcoholic and her dad ditched her. All Steve wanted was for her to say one word to let him know she cares. She insists that she does, not sure what else she can do other than apologize. Steve says he’s sorry, too, and regrets what he said to her. Kelly replies that deep down, he’s just a jerk.
Andrea arrives at the dance and quickly finds Brandon. She admits that she feels dumb for coming, but she also doesn’t want to wake up years from now feeling like she missed out on high school. He tells her she looks beautiful. David’s horribly dorky dancing gets him into the finals of the dance competition. As a very happy Dylan and Brenda get dressed in their room, Brian Austin Green puts down some moves that his child will most likely use against him for the rest of his life. Brenda and Kelly make up, and Kelly realizes just where Brenda was up until now.
David wins the dance competition, which is not at all surprising, since he’s the only character in it we know. He gets pizza, a dance with Kelly, and $20 from Scott. Brandon dances with Andrea. David tells Kelly that she smells as good as he expected her to. Andrea asks Brandon if he thinks she’s a geek for coming to the dance by herself. He notes that they never get to slow dance in the newsroom.
Steve cuts in on David and Kelly, wanting to finish his earlier conversation with his ex. They apologize for being jerks to each other all night. Despite everything they’ve been through, he still loves her and thinks she still loves him. Kelly says she might, but not the way Steve means. Then she pulls Donna in to dance with her date. As the gang gathers around, Kelly lets Andrea wear her crown, and everyone asks where Brenda and Dylan disappeared to. They all agree that tonight was one of the strangest of all time.
Thoughts: Darla is played by Sharon Case, the same actress who was in one of Brandon’s imagine movie scenes in “April is the Cruelest Month.” I only remember her name because she’s now on The Young and the Restless.
Donna wears a tomato-red plantation dress. 2011 Tori Spelling would weep.
Kelly gives brandon a corsage made of radishes. So Kelly is Luna Lovegood?
August 16, 2011
Dawson’s Creek 3.3, None of the Above: “We’re All Criminals”
Whatever you're thinking of doing, just...do it
Summary: Dawson and Eve are watching Felicity in his room, since she’d rather watch TV than movies. She argues that TV shows are the same as films, just shorter. Dawson complains that Felicity’s a horrible heroine because she’s indecisive and is stuck in her feelings of how relationships should be. Eve says he’s the same way. Dawson says that on TV, everything’s always perfect and people never make mistakes. Eve is still inexplicably hot for him.
Joey has a dream about being late for the PSAT, banging on the door to the classroom, and being ignored by Dawson. As Andie studies her vocabulary words and does sit-ups, Jen and Jack look through flashcards, and Pacey sleeps. At school, the kids all attend a study session with Principal Green. Dawson complains about standardized testing, and Principal Green notes that he’ll have to put up with it if he wants to go to college.
Still studying, Andie runs into Pacey and they shoot barbs at each other about how there’s no way they’re getting back together. He tells her not to get so concerned over a practice test. She tries to remind him that they did a lot of hard work together last year. Principal Green tells Joey that if she does well on the PSAT, she could get a National Merit scholarship. She confides that she’s worried about bombing the test and winding up a maid. He advises her to take the night off and try to relax. Joey asks Dawson for a mindless movie night, but he already has plans with Eve.
Henry gives Jack some pointers at football practice, but the other guys on the team aren’t as welcoming to their new teammate. Rob, Joey’s still-skeezy boss, agrees to give her the night off on Friday so she can study for the PSAT. He tells her he hired a kid to take the test for him and wound up with a scholarship. Rob wants to take Joey out to celebrate after the test, so she tells him she’s a lesbian to try to get him to leave her alone.
Eve comes to Dawson’s window with an apple and they talk about Joey. Eve mentions that she was an Army brat. She’s somehow stolen an advance copy of the PSAT. The next day, Dawson tells the rest of the gang about the stolen test, and Joey immediately guesses that Eve gave it to him. Pacey and Jen are the only ones who want to open it. Joey notes that no one’s required to take the PSAT, and Dawson reminds her of the scholarship opportunities she could get. He notes that each of them could benefit from the stolen test.
A fire alarm interrupts a practice test session, and Dawson has to leave the test behind while everyone leaves the building. When he returns, the test is gone. Jen says that she took it, then hilariously admits she’s joking. Andie accuses Pacey of taking it. No one comes clean and the test remains missing. At work, Joey’s distracted and overfills a boat’s gas tank, losing herself some money and her night off. She thinks Rob’s punishing her because she refused to go out with him.
Jen tends to Jack’s injured ribs and he tells her he’s quitting the team. She tells him he could be destined to become a well-known gay athlete, or he might meet someone else in a similar situation and connect with him. That night, Dawson and Eve sneak into the school to look for the stolen test. Well, he’s looking for it; she’s doing nothing, since she’s sure there’s no hope in finding it. Eve notes that one of Dawson’s friends had to have taken the test, since it was in an unmarked envelope and no one else knew what it is.
Joey dreams about the gang being called to Principal’s Green office about the stolen test, then trying to save them by pulling the fire alarm. Dawson wants to know who took the test, while Joey and Jack say it doesn’t matter. Joey tells Dawson that he’s acting weird because of Eve. She’s frustrated that he’s putting them through a “morality play,” while he was the one who accepted the stolen test to begin with. Dawson says that whoever stole the test needs to return it to his locker.
Andie gives Pacey back a box of the things he gave her. She doesn’t want to drag out their breakup, since she has more important things to focus on, like getting into Harvard. Jack and Henry work out together, with Henry offering his new friend a lot of encouragement. He suggests that Jack come up with a mantra to help him. Jack wonders why Henry’s helping him out, and Henry admits that part of it is because he wants Jack’s help to get with Jen. Jack points out that Henry’s a freshman and has no chance with Jen.
A drunken Pacey visits Joey at work and tells her about Andie’s box o’ returns, which he accidentally drops in the water. He decides he can’t go home drunk and asks Joey to call his dad and make an excuse for him. Dawson goes to the school with Eve, expecting to find the test in his locker. He tells her he believes in happy endings. Eve calls him naïve. He definitely is, since the test isn’t there. Eve implies that she knows who the culprit is, asking Dawson to first tell her who he thinks it is. He says the most obvious answer usually isn’t right, but she disagrees. “Welcome to the real world, Dawson,” she says, “where the first person to stab you in the back is your best friend.”
Dawson finds Pacey at Joey’s work; Pacey calls him Inspector Get-a-Clouseau. He’s offended that Dawson won’t believe his insistence that he didn’t take the test. Dawson says that he didn’t think anyone would be weak enough to actually take it. Pacey calls him self-righteous and Dawson replies that Pacey’s cold-hearted, bringing up his treatment of Andie. They hit each other, but when Joey comes out, Pacey tells her it was his fault.
Later, Pacey tells Joey that he thought Dawson was the one person who respected him. When people tell you enough that you’re a loser, you start to believe it. Joey jokes that she’s called him a loser for years but he never believed her. Pacey asks her to tell Dawson that he’s innocent. Joey admits that she doesn’t want to know what happened to the test, as there are some things in life you don’t need to know.
Eve finds Dawson, who tells him her test started the whole mess with his friends. He accuses her of knowing exactly what kind of trouble she was causing. She tells him she’s fine with him casting her as the villain, but the truth is that “we’re all criminals…. It’s just the stupid ones who get caught.” Dawson starts to leave, and Eve notes that he can’t handle the truth about human nature. He says he was spending time with her to get to know her better, and now that he knows her better, he doesn’t like her very much.
At their next football practice, Jack tells Henry his mantra: “Fug.” It’s the only word he can think of. Somehow, it works. It also inspires Henry to run toward Jen…then run off the field. Just before the PSAT begins, Dawson hands Principal Green his test, says, “It’s a long story” by way of explanation, and walks out. Pacey does the same, shooting Joey a small smile. Outside, he asks Dawson why they just did that. “Because if we’re going to beat the crap out of each other, it should at least be over a chick,” Dawson replies. The other students take the test, with Andie speeding through the first few questions without even needing to open her test booklet.
Thoughts: It would have been more fun if the supposedly stolen test was a fake.
The PSAT is, in some ways, more important than the SAT. If you get a National Merit scholarship (if your score is 1200 or higher, I believe), some schools (like mine) will give you a full ride. I actually had no idea about that until after I got my score.
Dear Rob, have you ever heard the word “jailbait”?
I love drunk Pacey.
August 15, 2011
BSC #84, Dawn and the School Spirit War: Smells Like Teen Spirit
I bet those socks are made from hemp
Summary: It’s School Spirit Month at SMS, which means lots of theme days, like Pajama Day and Clean Up Your School Day. The month is supposed to drum up support for the undefeated baseball team. At most schools, students would have fun with this, other would roll their eyes and decline to participate, and no one would really care much either way. But since Dawn is involved, School Spirit Month has to become A Thing.
It starts when Mary Anne admits that she doesn’t want to participate. She really, really doesn’t want to wear her pajamas to school. Instead of telling her to either suck up and do it or shut up and not do it, Dawn lets her keep whining. On the day when the students are supposed to wear yellow, Dawn forgets, only putting on yellow socks at the last minute. A local reporter comes to the school to cover the event (uh, as if) and makes Dawn look foolish.
Mary Anne realizes that she’ll have to wear pajamas on Pajama Day or risk being a social pariah, or some nonsense like that. Instead of, again, either sucking it up and going along or shutting up and not participating, Dawn and Mary Anne decide to circulate a petition to get Spirit Month canceled. This turns the event into an all-out war that divides the school, as well as the club. (Kristy, Claudia, and Jessi are pro-Spirit Month; Dawn, Mary Anne, and Mallory are anti-. Stacey’s not in the club but is anti- as well.)
Things get out of control, with lockers getting glued shut, parents screaming at each other at meetings about Spirit Month, and Dawn getting phone calls telling her to go back to California. (All in due time, my dears. All in due time.) The school decides to cancel Spirit Month, which is probably a good idea if the students aren’t mature enough to handle it without attacking each other. Dawn, however, has realized that things have gotten way out of control. She decides that she didn’t want to get the event canceled after all, so she and Mary Anne write up a proposal to get it reinstated, with the stipulation that participation be voluntary. Which…it…was in the first place. Shut up, Dawn.
In the B-plot, the Barretts and DeWitts are having trouble surviving in their crowded house. They decide to put an addition on the house to make more room, but the kids just want two big rooms to share. Yeah, that’s realistic.
Thoughts: I love how Dawn is all, “We have to stand up for what we believe in!” but when she actually gets Spirit Month canceled, she’s all, “Uh, just kidding.” I mean, I get her and Mary Anne wanting to stand up for their beliefs, but they’re really overreacting here. Save the protests for something political, not yellow socks. They act like they’re the Rosa Parks of SMS.
Shawna Riverson also forgets to wear yellow on Color Day. Probably because the girl has brain damage.
The girls get 300 signatures on their anti-Spirit Month petition. How big is SMS? Are we really supposed to think that’s half the school? Because that means SMS has 600 students, and I just don’t think there are that many people in Stoneybrook.
Someone calls Sharon an unfit mother because she supports Dawn and Mary Anne, and I’m kind of surprise Sharon doesn’t take her out. Sharon strikes me as the sort of person who would cut you if you looked at one of her children funny.
