May 18, 2013
Party of Five 2.6, Analogies: Detours
Charlie, hold on to this radio. You’re going to really want it in a few years. Trust me on this
Summary: Hey, everyone! Let’s talk about Charlie and Kirsten’s sex life! Isn’t that exactly how you want to start an episode? Fortunately, Bailey interrupts by summoning Kirsten downstairs. But maybe she should have put on more clothes, because her parents, Ellie and Gene, are there for a surprise visit. (Surprise! Your daughter’s not a virgin!) They insist on staying in a hotel, but say it in that way that means they’re expecting to be invited to stay at the house.
Julia and Claudia are supposed to go see a dressmaker after school, but Claudia refuses to let Griffin chauffeur them. Julia goes home instead, just in time for Bailey to open his SAT scores. He got a 900, and Julia gets $5 from Will for correctly guessing that Bailey would get under 950. Bailey’s hurt, but Will points out that he doesn’t need a very high score to get into the college he wants to attend.
Griffin wants to hang out with Claudia, but she’s a brat again. He gives her a bracelet he made her as a peace offering. She throws it back at him, so Julia blasts her for being rude. Claudia tells her she preferred Justin, and since they’re in her house, she gets to choose who she’s nice to. Julia says that whoever she dates is none of Claudia’s business. Also, Claudia’s a brat.
The Salingers play musical rooms to accommodate Ellie and Gene, who reveal that they sleep in separate beds. Kirsten wonders if that means they don’t have sex anymore. Charlie and I are both trying not to think about it. Speaking of sex, Charlie tries to get romantic with Kirsten, which I’m sure she really wants a) after talking about her parents’ love life and b) while they’re in the next room.
Charlie and Gene play golf, and Kirsten and Ellie tag along but don’t play. The men discuss Charlie and Kirsten’s honeymoon in Mexico, though Charlie would like to go to Europe. Gene pushes him to set an actual date; otherwise it’ll never happen. As soon as he retires, he plans to take Ellie to a baseball game in every Major League park. They’ll make a vague route, but let themselves be flexible. Charlie agrees that detours make things interesting.
Bailey wants to transfer out of an advanced class and take woodshop, then go to a state school, giving up his dream of going to college on the East Coast. The teacher whose class he’s transferring out of tells him not to run away just because things got difficult. Charlie and the Bennetts go to Chinatown, but Ellie gets food poisoning, though Kirsten thinks it’s revenge because she didn’t get to choose the restaurant. This means the rest of the day’s plans are ruined. Kirsten comes up with alternate plans, and Charlie tells her she sounds just like her mother.
Claudia extends an olive branch to Griffin, asking if he can help her with a school project. She tells him she and Justin were friends, which is why she’s been so cold to Griffin. Bailey’s teacher has locked her keys in her car, so she asks him for a ride home to get her spares. (Red flag #1). He tells her he’s thinking about retaking the SAT. She quickly offers to tutor him, inviting him to study at her house. (Red flag #2). Then she tells him to call her Maggie. (Red flag #3. Bailey, get out!)
Griffin and Claudia are such good friends now that he invites her to hang out with him and Julia. Julia quickly objects, but Claudia doesn’t seem too hurt. Kirsten and Charlie start talking about their sex life again; she’s trying to convince herself that they’re spontaneous, unlike her mother. Somehow, her list of ways they’re different from her parents leads to sex. I don’t want to think about it.
Maggie tutors Bailey, who notes that she’s the same age as Charlie. Despite all the signs that Maggie is totally crossing the line with this whole situation, she does give Bailey some good encouragement, telling him that he’s not facing anything incredibly difficult, or even that hard. He needs to keep an open mind because sometimes the right answer is the last one you would expect. At home, Charlie appreciates Julia’s efforts to do something Griffin likes by getting tickets to a car show.
Griffin is currently out with Claudia, doing that thing where you make up stories about strangers. She shows him that she’s wearing the bracelet he gave her. Charlie shows Gene a picture of his father and grandfather at Ebbets Field, one of the parks he and Ellie will need to visit before it’s torn down. This is the first Ellie’s heard about Gene’s post-retirement plans. She tells Charlie and Kirsten about Gene’s past plans, which he never saw through. Gene gets annoyed and storms out.
Kirsten is also annoyed, blasting her mother for embarrassing Gene. Ellie says this isn’t the first time he’s told someone they’re selling the house and going on some adventure. Everyone always supports his ideas because he’s a dreamer. Then Ellie has to come in and bring him back to reality. She’s annoyed that he can never make a decision more than a day in advance. Ellie doesn’t like that she’s always been the bad guy with Kirsten and her sister. Kirsten loves Gene, but Ellie made her responsible. She thinks Charlie and Kirsten have a similar relationship.
Griffin and Claudia come home later than planned, which means Julia couldn’t take him to the car show. She complains that she has to jump through hoops to get her own boyfriend’s attention while he tries to make her sister happy. She just wants him to do something for her instead. After Julia kicks Griffin out, Claudia accuses her of being jealous. Julia shoots back that if Claudia has a crush, Griffin’s not interesting. He’s only spending time with her out of pity, because she has no friends. “That is not a date, Claudia, it’s called babysitting,” Julia says.
Bailey takes a practice SAT but gets a 900 again. He thinks Maggie should have listened when he said he wasn’t good at this sort of thing. She reminds him that they only worked for a day. Bailey calls himself dumb and tells her not to lie to herself. He’s resigned himself to go to a state school. Maggie thinks his home life is part of the problem – no one holds him accountable for his actions. When he fails, no one encourages him or tells him he can do better.
Gene tells Charlie that he and Ellie are adding on to their house so they’ll have room for their grandchildren. (I guess Kirsten’s sister will be providing those grandchildren.) He gets his ideas for great adventures from National Geographic, and doesn’t see the harm in daydreaming. That’s good enough for him. Charlie doesn’t think it has to be good enough – he doesn’t have to give up all of his dreams. Gene knows that Ellie’s right, and he doesn’t think it’s so bad to stay in one place. He wonders why it matters so much to Charlie.
Bailey tells Charlie that he’s not going to retake the SAT after all. Charlie tells him he got around a 900, too. Now Bailey doesn’t have to put himself through the stress of the test again. Bailey tries to bait him to have a reaction to a low score, but Charlie doesn’t. He asks if anyone gave him a hard time when he dropped out of college. Charlie says their father did, but no one was surprised, since Charlie failed all the time. Charlie reveals that when the accident happened, he was planning to move home for a semester. Their mother thought he would be able to turn things around.
Griffin gives Julia a necklace, which she thinks is an apology. It actually belonged to Jill, and was the first present he gave her that wasn’t childish. She followed him around when she was a kid, and he got used to having her around. Griffin starts reminiscing, then tells Julia that he’s more used to dealing with a little sister than a girlfriend.
Gene and Kirsten discuss house renovations while Ellie confronts Charlie, who she thinks is mad at her. She thinks Charlie and Gene are a lot alike. She calls them both lost, but Charlie likes to think of himself as “not finished looking yet.” He wants them to figure out what they want and not settle for anything else. He regrets getting involved in Gene and Ellie’s issues.
Julia invites Claudia to hang out with Griffin while she does homework. She admits that she was jealous and apologizes. Claudia says Griffin doesn’t have to babysit her, but he doesn’t see it that way. They play the piano together, and he tells her he used to play growing up (clearly with Jill). The Bennetts got to the airport, and Gene assures Charlie that they’ll stay in a hotel for the wedding. Kirsten and her parents part on good terms.
Kirsten thinks the whole trip went well (Charlie thinks she’s crazy), and she’s pleased to see that her parents are still happy together, even though they just have each other. She understands that because she only needs Charlie. It’s hard to tell, but Charlie might not agree. Bailey writes a college essay about losing people in his life who made him feel like he could do amazing things. He’s trying to remember his mother’s voice so he can feel her encouragement.
Thoughts: All three of this week’s guest stars have been on soaps (Falcon Crest is technically a soap). Gene is played by Nicholas Pryor (AKA Chancellor Arnold on Beverly Hills, 90210), who’s been on a ton of soaps, including Port Charles, where he was a regular. Ellie is played by Kathleen Noone, who’s been on All My Children, Passions, and Sunset Beach. And Maggie is played by Stacy Galina, who was on Falcon Crest.
Guys, LEARN TO SAY NO. There’s no room in the house for guests! Claudia already lives in a freaking tent!
What horrible school is going to let Bailey in with only a 900?
Kirsten’s kind of funny when she’s freaking out. Is that bad?
I’m not a huge Griffin fan, but he’s great with Claudia.
Here’s an analogy: Griffin’s connection with Claudia is to Julia’s connection with Mrs. Thompson.
May 13, 2013
BH90210 5.28, Girls on the Side: Everybody Loves Kelly
It’s a picture of a picture. Trippy, right?
Summary: Donna’s trying to tan at the beach apartment, but Kelly ruins her good times by lecturing her about the hazards of the sun. Donna tries to get her to go swimming, thinking she’s had her burns bandaged for too long. Kelly gets a package from Seventeen containing a framed copy of her cover. Ray drives back to Beverly Hills from Reno and reunites with LuAnn, who’s surprised that Valerie went all the way to Reno to get him to come home. Ray invites her to see him perform at the After Dark the next night. He also asks her to keep Valerie’s visit a secret from Donna.
Brandon is about to go to Sacramento for some conference. Pretend to care. Cindy’s excited to bring home a copy of Seventeen with Kelly’s cover. Kelly’s not as excited, since all the agents who want to work with her don’t know about her burn scars. Brandon explains that Kelly’s upset that she’ll never look like she did when she shot the cover. Then he calms her down by making out with her.
Dylan’s also appreciative of Kelly’s cover, which bugs Charlie, since he wants them to get some work done on their screenplay. Valerie joins the writers as Dylan asks why Charlie’s added a threesome to the movie. Charlie claims it’s an homage to the classic movie Jules and Jim, but it’s really just a way for the writers to hit us over the head with the concept of a woman being in love with two men. You know, like Kelly is with Brandon and Dylan.
Clare notices that Ray and David are getting along, which Donna attributes to their time in Portland. They all head to the Peach Pit, where Ray and Valerie pretend that they didn’t just talk in Reno. Kelly continues to turn down offers from agents, then calls Jackie to tell her to stop giving out her number. She has a flashback to being trapped in the bathroom with Alison. She’s so upset that she breaks the framed cover.
Jesse gets a job offer in Idaho, so I guess he and Andrea won’t be around much longer. Try to contain your sadness. Kelly meets with Jackie and Steve, who have teamed up to convince her to meet an agent. Steve will even go with her, and will let her leave if she starts feeling uncomfortable. Kelly’s sure that the agent will dismiss her as soon as he sees her scars. Jackie and Steve wear her down, and Steve immediately takes her to the meeting.
LuAnn has picked out a frightening outfit to go to the After Dark, and Ray tries very hard not to tell her she looks crazy. He questions what she’s drinking, wondering when she fell off the wagon. She says she needed a hobby while he was gone, and tonight she’s just nervous for his performance. Ray puts on his worried face.
Kelly leaves the meeting in a good mood, since the agent told her he can get her work right away. He also doesn’t think her scars are that visible. Kelly spots Dana, Alison’s girlfriend, who she hasn’t spoken to since before that whole cult thing. Dana blows her off, and Kelly thinks it’s because she’s kept her distance from Alison.
Ray’s annoyed to see LuAnn at the bar at the After Dark and asks Donna to get her to leave. She passes the task along to Valerie instead. Valerie has her cut off, and Donna suggests that LuAnn leave so Ray doesn’t get distracted. David and Clare take her away as LuAnn trash-talks Valerie. She tells them that Valerie and Ray slept together. Meanwhile, Nat questions Andrea’s move to Idaho, since there are apparently no medical schools there.
Clare and David get LuAnn home, discussing whether or not she was telling the truth about Ray and Valerie. Clare remembers a number of times she’s seen Val checking Ray out. They decide not to say anything to Donna. Charlie wants to watch Jules and Jim with Dylan and Valerie, since he’s…we’ll say he’s hoping to reenact some scenes. Dylan laughs at him, so Charlie bugs him about Kelly, telling him to just go after her already.
Kelly and Brandon talk on the phone, and she tells him about running into the icy Dana. He encourages her to visit Alison at the burn clinic. Kelly feels bad since she hasn’t seen Alison since she was released from the hospital. Clare and David return to the After Dark, finding it hard to hide their concern over the Donna/Ray/Valerie situation. Now Clare’s more convinced than ever that LuAnn was telling the truth. They still don’t think they can tell Donna, though.
Kelly goes to the clinic but Alison won’t see her. The next day, she goes to see Dana, and learns that she’s dating someone new. The new girlfriend, Kate, tells her that Alison dumped Dana shortly after the fire. Kelly thinks that Alison is avoiding her because she’s mad that Kelly wasn’t as injured as she was. Kate reveals that Alison is actually in love with Kelly.
David pays Ray a visit to reveal that he knows he and Valerie hooked up. Ray admits it, swearing that he regrets it. David promises to keep quiet as long as Ray keeps his pants on around girls who aren’t Donna. (And since he’s dating Donna, he’ll be keeping his pants on around her, too.) As soon as David’s gone, Ray tears into LuAnn for spilling about the affair. Meanwhile, Clare confronts Valerie, who says LuAnn’s lying. Clare warns her to stay away from Ray. Andrea reads up on Idaho, but Jesse tells her that he’s decided it’s not the right place for them since there’s no medical school.
Kelly’s also decided to turn down her job offer, and won’t be signing with the agent she met with. She’s surprised to get a call from Alison, who’s sitting around in the dark like a serial killer or something. She thinks Kelly needs to pursue modeling so she can share her gift of beauty with the world. She asks Kelly to come back for a visit in about a month, after she has a final skin graft. Kelly finally takes off the bandage on her arm, which she definitely didn’t need to keep wearing, since she looks totally fine.
The next day, Kelly goes to the Walshes’, where Brandon has gathered a stack of Seventeens for Kelly to sign for various people. He notices that she’s not wearing the bandage anymore. Everyone’s all happy, and the music lets us know that this is a magical moment. Be happy for Kelly, everyone! Her life is wonderful! Everyone loves her, and she probably smells like cotton candy!
Thoughts: Kelly’s hair is as cute as Donna’s is hideous.
If they want us to think Kelly’s scars are that big a deal, they need to actually be visible.
David and Clare should tell Brandon about Ray and Valerie. He loves making the “right” decision so he can feel good about himself.
Andrea’s not going to be ready for medical school for two more years. Why not move to Idaho, then move somewhere else in two years?
I like that we keep seeing the characters studying. A lot of shows with characters in school don’t show them actually doing school things outside of attending classes. It’s realistic that while Kelly’s moping and fretting, Donna’s trying to study for a test or something.
May 12, 2013
Party of Five 2.5, Change Partners…and Dance: Hello, My Name Is
And then, of course, the happy family moment ends in disaster
Summary: The Salingers, Kirsten, Griffin, and Sarah are at an ice-skating rink, and it turns out Kirsten’s a really good skater. Griffin’s (blue shirt) moping because he got fired. The rest of the family’s happy, at least until Claudia flies into a wall and breaks her arm. But then she gets painkillers at the hospital and everyone’s happy again.
At home, Kirsten opens some wedding presents, including an ugly urn and a certificate for a psychic reading. Charlie’s planning a weekly lounge night at the restaurant, and Julia mentions that Griffin needs a new job. Charlie doesn’t think it would be a good idea since Griffin doesn’t respect him. Julia says that Griffin is just intimidated, and he thinks Charlie’s great.
At school, Julia tells Griffin (oatmeal and gray shirts) that Charlie’s willing to give him a shot at the restaurant. The $6.25 and tips are some kind of draw. Bailey delivers a note to Sarah’s English class to summon her to the principal’s office, but it’s a forgery so he can spend time with her. Sarah would rather be in class since she has a test coming up.
Kirsten goes to the psychic reading; according to her tea leaves, she and Charlie are a good match, even though Charlie hasn’t always been such a great guy. The psychic can see them dancing at their wedding. Kirsten and “Rob” will have a long, happy life together. Griffin skips out on his first day at work, putting Charlie in a bad mood. Ross worries that Claudia’s injury will cause muscle damage that could lead to her not being able to play the violin anymore.
At home, Charlie tells Julia to tell Griffin that he’s fired. Julia takes responsibility, claiming that she gave Griffin the right start date. Charlie reluctantly gives him a second chance. Bailey and Sarah make out in a park, but when the clothes start to come off, Sarah gets nervous. The two are interrupted by a police officer, and Bailey tries to come up with a lie about a spider in Sarah’s shirt. Sarah won’t play along.
Kirsten tells Charlie about the psychic reading and the guy named Rob. She admits that she did date a guy named Rob for a month, but he’s the last guy she would entertain thoughts of marrying. Kirsten wants them to take dance classes to be prepared to dance at their wedding. As Bailey’s running around, getting ready for school, he tells Claudia to get moving because he has to go pick up Jill. She corrects him, but he denies that he misspoke.
Julia finds Griffin (gray shirt) at the coffeehouse and asks why he missed work. Griffin basically blows off the question, since he’s so busy buying motorcycle stuff. Julia tries to make plans for them to meet up at a Soul Asylum concert. Claudia overhears Charlie and Ross talking about her arm and getting a second opinion. Now she’s concerned that she won’t heal properly.
Bailey and Sarah meet Julia at the concert, but Griffin is MIA. Sarah tells Julia that dating Bailey is different than she expected; she thought it would be similar to when they were friends. Bailey learns that the concert is actually by an unknown band (they thought Soul Asylum was booked under a fake name), so he and Sarah split.
Kirsten and Charlie go to their first dance class, where their teacher thinks Charlie’s holding on too tightly and Kirsten isn’t showing enough trust. He thinks they’re there on their first date. Sarah and Bailey drive around, talking about misheard song lyrics. Bailey talks about driving to Seattle, and Sarah thinks he’s joking until he says he really wants to go. Sarah again has her test to think about, and she’s not amused by Bailey’s spontaneity.
Julia stays behind at the concert venue, still waiting for Griffin. Instead, she sees Justin meeting another girl. She runs into him again at school the next day, and he notes that ever since she ditched him for Griffin, she’s been alone a lot. He tells her he never would have stood him up like Griffin did. Justin doesn’t get why girls go for guys who treat them like dirt.
Sarah asks Bailey why his idea of fun is different now that they’re dating. He tells her that they didn’t know each other this well when they were just friends. Part of the fun of dating is finding out new things. They should relax and have fun. Charlie is currently doing neither of those things in a dance class with Kirsten. He suggests that Kirsten might like to dance with Rob instead.
Griffin actually shows up for work, and Julia corners him there to ask him why he skipped out on their date. He’s not sorry at all. Charlie snaps at him for breaking glasses, and Julia sides with him, telling Griffin to clean up the mess. But when Charlie tells Griffin he’s fired, Julia immediately blames wobbly shelves for the breakage. Griffin doesn’t appreciate her defending him, or trying to control him by getting him a job in a place where she can keep an eye on him.
Bailey and Sarah go to a movie, but Bailey just wants to make out. Sarah finally gets so fed up with his persistence that she walks out. She’s upset that he wasn’t paying attention to a movie she loves and wanted to share with him. She’s also mad that what she wants doesn’t matter to Bailey anymore. He suggests that she tell him exactly what she wants to do. Sarah would like to feel like what they do is special, and somehow different from what they did as friends.
At home, Charlie grumbles to Julia that dancing is suddenly such a big deal to Kirsten. She tells him that a lot of girls dream of dancing at their weddings, and feeling like they’re going to live happily ever after. She gives Charlie a little waltz lesson, telling him that their father taught her by letting her stand on his feet. He tells her that she deserves a boyfriend who will dance with her.
Griffin (gray, and he officially has a realistic number of shirts, so I’ll stop bugging him) and Julia meet up at school, and she tells him she doesn’t know why they’re together. He never talks about how he feels, he never calls or comes over, and he never even says her name. “Maybe it doesn’t matter to you what my name is,” Julia says. “It’s really too bad.”
Claudia’s still nervous about her arm, even though the doctor said there’s a 98 percent chance she’ll be fine. She’s worried that she’ll never play at Carnegie Hall. Charlie assures her that she would be able to handle the disappointment. Claudia tells him that she’s always the best when she goes to a master class, and she likes that.
Sarah confides in Julia again that she expected things to be different with Bailey. Instead, he just wants to rebel and drive away. It’s like he’s acting like someone else. Julia corrects that he’s acting like Sarah’s someone else. Lounge night at the restaurant is a bust, but it’s where Sarah finds Bailey and reminds him that she’s not Jill. She also doesn’t want to do the things he liked to do with Jill. After all, that relationship wasn’t exactly healthy. Sarah isn’t sure why Bailey would pick that over spending time with her. She doesn’t think he’s ready to date her.
Charlie wants to make the money he spent on the band worth it, so he gets Kirsten to dance with him. He tells her that he read the crumbs at the bottom of his cereal bowl and saw the two of them dancing at their wedding. They’re going to get their happily ever after. The other Salingers are mopey, but Bailey makes Claudia dance anyway.
Griffin comes by and asks Julia if she wants to hang out. She’s not charmed by his lame invitation. Instead, he gives her what he’s been trying to buy all week: a second helmet so she can ride his motorcycle. Then he calls her by her name, so now she’s all charmed and stuff.
Thoughts: The dance teacher is played by Sam McMurray, who’s been in pretty much everything and is one of the last people I would picture as a dance teacher.
To be fair, Justin, you can be quite a jerk, too.
Griffin looks kind of cute in the white shirt he wears to work at the restaurant. Keep dressing like that, Griffin!
Charlie, if you’re going to wear a tux, you should really shave.
May 11, 2013
BH90210 5.27, Squash It: Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself
Not vanilla, indeed
Summary: We open in Reno, where Ray has just finished a show. He rejects a groupie in order to take a call from Donna, who offers to talk to Valerie about letting him come back to the After Dark. He’s supposed to be coming back to Beverly Hills in a couple weeks. Ray tells her that he might not be coming back then (but it has nothing to do with her). He invites her to come on the road with him. Donna doesn’t see much of a future in following him around while he tours.
Performance artists are on the stage at the After Dark, and the joint is definitely not jumping. Steve tells Valerie that with Ray gone, no one knows what the club is about anymore. Valerie says that she can’t afford to hire acts like Ray. Steve knows he’s not supposed to get involved, but he’ll give her some advice: Let David turn the place into a hip-hop club. Valerie’s out of ideas, so she lets Steve take the reins on this.
David offers Donna a ride home, and somehow accidentally starts a fight with Clare. She admits to Donna that she misses him. At CU, Chancellor Arnold recruits Brandon to convince a prospective student, Warren, to come to their school. The kid is, like, 13 and a jerk. He also has no interest in going to CU and is only there as a courtesy. Also, he immediately hates Brandon, so I like him.
At the After Dark, David catches Willie the cook’s nephew Juwan using his equipment. He’s a little ticked, but he likes what Juwan was playing. Willie calls him into the kitchen, where he’s supposed to be working as a dishwasher. Back on campus, Brandon’s new protégé demands to be entertained, announcing that he’s staying with Brandon until he has some fun. If Brandon doesn’t cooperate, Warren will complain, and the school will lose endowments.
Donna asks Valerie straight out what happened between her and Ray. She’s noticed that Ray doesn’t like talking about her, and she knows Valerie is the reason Ray doesn’t want to come back to the After Dark. Valerie plays innocent victim, saying she must have given Ray mixed signals when they first met. Donna asks her to call Ray in Reno and convince him that he’s welcome to come back to the After Dark. Valerie is totally on board with that idea.
Dylan has another hypnotherapy session, though he doesn’t think it was successful. Dr. Campbell thinks he’s ready to do his first regression that night. She tells him to open his hand, and he sees that he’s holding a stone with a yin/yang symbol on it. At the Peach Pit, David tells Steve that he wants Juwan to DJ at the After Dark. Steve objects, saying Juwan’s a gangster – he’s only working at the Peach Pit so he’ll be off the streets and away from gang activity. Nat backs up David’s desire to give Juwan a second chance.
Now David just needs permission from Juwan’s parole officer. He finds him at a group session, where Juwan and other delinquents are watching an anti-fighting video called “Squash It.” The officer literally tells the kids, “Check yourself before you wreck yourself.” Somehow, they manage not to laugh in his face. Some of the other kids tease Juwan for getting a visit from a white boy. Juwan’s surprised that David got Willie to agree to let him play; Willie doesn’t see a difference between gangster rap and real gangsters.
Dr. Campbell goes to Dylan’s house for the regression, in which Dylan sees himself in a rail yard (what’s with him and trains?) in the 1920s. They’re interrupted by the phone. Dylan’s really excited to have seen something, but Dr. Campbell doesn’t want to do another regression until the next night. Brandon takes Warren to his house, and upon seeing Valerie, Warren is finally rendered speechless for the first time all day. Valerie calls Ray, but he hangs up on her.
Donna, Clare, and Andrea chat at the Peach Pit, and Andrea admits that she might be willing to move to Idaho with Jesse, if it means they’re patching things up. Some Australian rocker is looking for Valerie – she was supposed to book his band but won’t let them play – so Valerie pretends to be someone else to avoid him.
Juwan gives David DJing tips, then asks why David’s giving him a chance. David just wants to play music, and asks Juwan to advertise the gig to his friends. Steve thinks he’s crazy, since Juwan will bring in a bunch of gang members. He doesn’t want to risk getting busted so David can “play social worker.” (Steve, David’s not the reason you’ll be busted – you’re violating a court order to do this stuff, and that’s on you, idiot.)
Valerie calls David to let him and Steve know that they’ll have to take care of hip-hop night on their own – she has to go out of town. Brandon and Kelly take Warren to the KEG house so he can play pool with Steve and the other brothers. Steve wants him, but Kelly thinks he’s a jerk, since he groped her. Brandon finally loses it, yelling at Warren and telling him he doesn’t care what the chancellor finds out. Kelly thinks he overreacted. Warren runs off, so now Brandon has to find him.
Hip-hop night kicks off, and don’t tell Steve, but there are a lot of non-white people there. Donna and Clare stop by, though Clare isn’t sure how Donna and David can still be friends after their breakup. Donna wonders why Clare decided to come, since she supposedly hates David. Juwan notices that David’s happy to see Donna, and that Clare seems happy to see David. Clare finds onstage David to be hot. I knew I hated that girl.
The Australian rockers try to crash the After Dark, learning that the woman who’s been avoiding them is really Valerie. They pay the bouncer to let them in. David raps – let me repeat that: DAVID RAPS – and Clare is all turned on. The Australians decide to cause trouble in the form of bumping into people and bugging Clare. Nat goes off to call the police before anything more can happen. David tries to calm everyone, but the Australians turn to vandalism and storm the stage.
Juwan starts to mobilize his friends to fight back as David struggles to keep the peace. Willie tells Juwan to check himself (no, really). Juwan refuses to put up with disrespect. David gets between the guys and gets Juwan to back off. The delinquents all make the “squash it” hand gesture from the video. Everyone leaves except the Australians, who are disappointed that everyone else was a coward.
Valerie surprises Ray in Reno while Dylan undergoes his second regression attempt. This time he’s on a train with a woman. He appears to be a writer. Someone boards the train looking for him, so they try to hide. The guy grabs the woman and pulls her off the train while Dylan stands there meekly.
The cops arrest the Australians while Juwan tells David that he did the “squash it” thing because he couldn’t think of anything else to do. Willie’s proud of him. David’s mad that the Australians caused damage, but Clare notes that the whole night was a disaster. He starts getting mad, so Juwan tells him to squash it. Clare tells David how hot he was, and how he almost made her like hip-hop. Then they kiss, so I guess that’s back on.
In Reno, Valerie tells Ray that Donna wants him to come back to Beverly Hills. Valerie’s just trying to be helpful, you know? She wants Ray back at the After Dark, but not because the club is doing badly, or anything. Ray says he’ll only return on his own terms. Val tries to play it off like they’re friends, and everything will be totally professional.
Dylan’s disturbed by his regression, though Dr. Campbell says what he saw could have only been a message from his subconscious. Dylan thinks it really happened. She tells him it could be “one link in a chain.” He could be interpreting a point in his life when he let a woman down. Now he needs to investigate and find out the truth about himself.
Brandon has spent the evening looking for Warren, who wound up returning to the Walshes’ house to hang out with Cindy. He tells Brandon he got upset because of the yelling. Brandon notes that he’s going to have to be more mature if he wants to go to college. The problem is that Warren doesn’t want to go yet, since he likes what he has at home. Brandon duhs that he should live at home while he goes to college. (I’m not sure they would let someone that young live in a dorm anyway.)
Valerie meets Ray after a performance, having convinced him to come back to Beverly Hills. Ray thinks she’s changed. She quickly disproves that by trying to get him back into bed. Ray declines, and Valerie says she was just testing him.
Thoughts: Okay, this is scary: Juwan is played by the same actor who played Andy in the most recent Party of Five episode I watched.
Clare, if the dress you’re wearing made me think you were really wearing an apron, that’s a problem.
“I might be white, but I ain’t vanilla.” No, David, what you are is delusional.
Seriously, what is Clare’s appeal? I choose to believe that David’s only with her because he’s bored and can’t be with Donna.
May 6, 2013
Party of Five 2.4, Have No Fear: Don’t You Want Me, Baby?
“I’m totally fine! It’s completely normal to have shooting pains in your arms and to feel like an elephant is on your chest!”
Summary: Julia hangs out with Griffin (gray shirt) while he works on his motorcycle, then invites him to family dinner. He declines, and she decides to stay with him. Everyone else is at the restaurant, where Joe clearly isn’t feeling well. He insists he’s fine until he collapses. He winds up in the hospital, but just as Charlie’s calling to check on him the next morning, Joe arrives at the house, doing much better. It’s just congestive heart…something. (Joe, the third word is probably “failure.”)
At school, Bailey runs into Sarah (literally), and she tries to laugh off what she told him at the engagement party. He agrees to put the whole embarrassment behind them. Bailey’s dropped out of the election, citing being too busy to serve in student government, especially since he’s back on the football team. Julia tells Nina and her new way-too-old-for-her haircut how hard it is to see Justin at school every day. Nina gives her condoms, noting that her new boyfriend has had sex and will expect it again.
Charlie wants to take Kirsten to a nice lunch, since he just made some money on a painting job, but she wants to go to the family’s restaurant and check on Joe. Charlie thinks she’s being overdramatic about his health problems. She thinks everyone else is being unrealistic. He’ll need someone to help run the restaurant. She means Charlie, but he thinks she’s overreacting and that Joe will be fine by Christmas.
Julia and Griffin (gray shirt) hang out at the coffeehouse, and he teases her about doing a sex quiz in Sassy. She panics about the topic of conversation and runs off. At football practice, Bailey hits a teammate, Andy, so hard that he flips him. Andy hits the ground hard and says he can’t move. Bailey spends the night at the hospital, where he’s joined by Claudia and Charlie in the morning. They learn that Andy has a spinal injury and might not walk again.
Griffin (rust shirt) and Julia meet up and she notices that he got a tattoo. He thinks she should get one, too, though it looks like he just wants an excuse to touch her. Bailey goes to football practice, where the coach says the players get to decide whether they play the next day. Everyone elects to play. The coach tells Bailey he doesn’t have to practice, but Bailey wants to. He spends the whole time taking hits until Will questions his state of mind.
Claudia busts Julia and Griffin making out, announcing she’s going to Ross’. No one else is home, so the lovebirds are alone. Julia quickly suggests that they go out, but Griffin’s tired and wants to stay in. Charlie finds a weak Joe out behind the restaurant and finally gets him to admit that he’s sick. He signed himself out of the hospital early because he doesn’t want to deal with his health problems. He feels young mentally, and now is forced to admit that he feels old physically. Charlie announces that he’ll take over running the restaurant.
Julia practices telling Griffin she’s not ready for sex, but when she goes back to her bedroom, he’s already half naked. (The top half, rendering the Griffin Shirt Watch moot.) But he doesn’t want to have sex – he wants to sleep. Sarah finds Bailey at the football field, and he tells her he’s struggling to get past injuring Andy. She reminds him that it was an accident, but he doesn’t think it matters. He also thinks he deserves worse injuries than he sustained in practice. Sarah kisses one of his bruises, and before long, they’re making out.
Charlie learns in the middle of the night that running a restaurant is a more involved job than he expected. He’s so busy taking calls from Joe that he almost doesn’t notice that Griffin spent the night. He blasts Julia for having sex, but she assures him that they only slept together. No, literally slept. Yeah, in the same bed, but still. Sarah calls for Bailey, but he makes Claudia tell her he’s not there. Charlie announces that Julia’s not having sex in the house, or anywhere else. “Exactly,” she says.
Bailey goes back to the hospital and meets Andy’s mother, who’s outside his room so he doesn’t see her cry. But the tears are happy ones – he’s going to be okay. He’s also in a great mood when Bailey visits, and has no hard feelings about what happened. Andy knew when he started playing football that anyone could get hurt. He tells Bailey that he was lucky, because if the injury had been an eighth of an inch higher, he wouldn’t be in such a good mood.
Joe goes by the Salingers’ house to talk to Charlie about some lunch receipts. Charlie takes offense that Joe’s second-guessing his work. But it turns out it’s a good thing he did, because Charlie did the math wrong. Charlie blasts Joe for climbing a bunch of stairs to talk about $14. Joe says he’s trying to help, but Charlie thinks he’s having trouble letting go of the only thing he has in his life. Bailey’s coach puts him in the game that night, but Bailey freezes and can’t make himself get off the bench.
Griffin (blue shirt, I think – it’s too dark to tell) and Julia sneak into a junkyard so he can get something for his motorcycle. She decides to bring up sex, asking if he wants to sleep with her: “Don’t you want me?” He doesn’t know how to respond. Sarah goes to the Salingers’ to yell at Bailey for ignoring her call and not telling her Andy was okay. She asks why he’s such a jerk. (Well, Sarah, he’s kind of having a bad year.) Sarah says that she’s never gone so far with anyone, and now she feels stupid. All Bailey can think to say is sorry.
Bailey continues that he couldn’t bring himself to play in the game. Sarah asks if he just turns his back on everything. He tells her that he went to the hospital the night Andy was hurt, and when he saw Andy’s mom, he felt like he’d taken something from her. He knew how she felt because someone took something from him, too. Bailey didn’t know how to make it up to her or change what had happened. He knows how close he came to killing Andy, and he’s scared that he’s capable of doing something so terrible.
In the morning, Charlie tries to talk to Bailey about the game, but Bailey thinks he’s in for more criticism. Charlie tells him that he’s taking over the restaurant (Bailey didn’t know), though he’s not completely sure that’s what he wants. He felt like he needed to take the chance. Charlie then goes to the restaurant and apologizes to Joe, who’s packing up his things. Charlie invites him to come by for dinner whenever he wants. Joe gives him a couple of last-minute pieces of information, but they’re on much better terms now.
Griffin (blue shirt) goes to the Salingers’ (but won’t go inside) to tell Julia that if they had sex, it would be a big deal, and he’s “not into big deals,” so they shouldn’t do it. Then he invites her for a ride on his motorcycle. Charlie has to stay late at the restaurant, but Kirsten thinks he knows what he’s doing after watching his father and Joe run things for so long. Charlie says that his dad and Joe would stay late to hang out and tell stories; the restaurant wasn’t their job, it was their life. Kirsten guesses that Charlie’s afraid he’ll come to see the restaurant the same way. He says he’s only scared that he won’t be as good as his father was.
Bailey waits for Sarah at her apartment building, and when she comes home, she tells him she kept wanting to call and apologize for being mad at him. She doesn’t like that she thinks he’s entitled to feel bad but he’s not. She feels pathetic for wanting their kiss to mean more to him. Sarah says she won’t apologize, and she won’t let him say he wants to try to make her feel better. Bailey takes her hand, which distracts her from her rant. She ends up telling him that everything will be okay.
Thoughts: Charlie finally made a good, grown-up decision! Running the restaurant is a much better job for him than his regular odd jobs, considering how many people he has to support.
I’d totally forgotten Bailey played football until this episode.
Hey, Charlie, while you’re making rules about sex, maybe you should make some about motorcycle riding.
Yeah, Sarah, no one blames you for being unable to stay mad at that face for very long.
May 5, 2013
BH90210 5.26, A Song for My Mother: Portlandia
Oh, David, those flowers aren’t for you, silly
Summary: Ray meets Donna at the airport in Portland, and poor David has to watch them kiss hello. Ray didn’t know he was tagging along to visit his mother. Back in Beverly Hills, Dylan accompanies Valerie to a tattoo parlor, complaining the whole time. She knows he’s cranky because his and Charlie’s screenplay isn’t going well. Dylan’s planning to visit Charlie’s former hypnotherapist so he can learn more to apply to their protagonist. Valerie chickens out on the tattoo.
In Portland, David goes to visit his mother at work, but learns that Sheila was fired a while ago for not showing up on time (and in some cases, at all). Next he heads to her apartment, but someone else is living there. The building manager says she left two months ago after failing to pay her rent for four months.
Dylan meets the hypnotherapist, Dr. Campbell, who has a really nice house despite living in the middle of an area destroyed by fires and mudslides. She tells Dylan the house is still standing because of luck and fate – and this isn’t the first time she’s survived a fire. Dylan thinks she’s talking about a previous lifetime. Dr. Campbell tells him that she used to be in advertising, but one day she was hypnotized and started on a new journey. Or an old one, really, because she’s been “channeling travelers” for hundreds of years.
Donna and Ray’s reunion makeout session is interrupted by David, who’s distressed about not being able to find Sheila. She left a bunch of mail behind in her apartment, including alimony checks from Mel. Donna’s surprised that Mel didn’t say anything about his checks not being cashed. Ray has little sympathy, I guess because his relationship with his mom is good. Also, because he’s a jerk. Donna asks if they can borrow his truck, but Ray refuses. Because he’s a jerk.
Ray goes off to his club while Donna stays behind with David to follow a lead. He found a flier for a Valentine’s Day gathering at a bar Sheila used to frequent. The bartender hasn’t seen her for a while, but another patron reports that he recently saw her at a hotel, “setting up shop.” David and Donna go to the hotel and learn that Sheila was arrested for disorderly conduct. David doesn’t understand what’s happened to his formerly posh mom. Donna advises him to call Mel.
David makes the call from a police station, then reports to Donna that Mel didn’t sound surprise. A police officer tells them that no one pressed charges against Sheila, so they let her go. It’s been six weeks and no one’s seen her since. The police can’t do anything until 48 hours after Sheila was reported missing. The officer suggests that they check homeless shelters. David tries to send Donna off to Ray’s club to see him perform, but she wants to keep helping him look for Sheila. You can guess how that goes over with Ray.
Donna and David head to a shelter but have no luck. Next they make missing-person posters, and David berates himself for not being more involved in his mother’s life. Donna wonders why she moved to Portland when she doesn’t know anyone there. David tells her that Sheila used to say she was tired of pretending to be happy in California; she preferred the rainy weather in Portland. In bed in Beverly Hills, Dylan teases Valerie about her still-yet-uninked tattoo, and she teases him back about wanting to be hypnotized.
Ray and Donna fight about her spending so much time with David, but Donna is unapologetic about trying to help her friend, not to mention the guy who saved her from Garrett. Ray snaps at her to go sleep with him, then, mockingly saying that he forgot that she won’t sleep with anyone. Donna starts to leave but he pushes her back onto the bed. She tries again, and this time he knocks her into the door. He apologizes (not sounding sincere), saying it was an accident, but Donna leaves anyway.
Ray follows her to David’s hotel room, but Donna’s locked herself in the bathroom and won’t talk to him. David doesn’t know what’s going on. Ray gives him the keys to his truck to use the next morning. David assures him that he didn’t come to Portland to drive a wedge between Donna and Ray. Donna emerges from the bathroom and goes back to her and Ray’s hotel room. Ray apologizes to Donna again, promising he would never do anything to hurt her. He just loves her so much and was scared he was going to lose her.
The next day, David and Donna meet Mel at the airport, and he tries to ease David’s anxieties about Sheila. David says that the police think she’s crazy. Mel informs him that Sheila was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and has been on lithium since David was a kid. David’s upset that no one told him (and they should have, since there’s a history of mental illness in Sheila’s family). Sheila never wanted him to know because she didn’t want him to see her fall apart.
Mel continues that Sheila was stable for years, but stopped taking her medication while David was at camp one summer. She went on a shopping spree, then smashed all the china when Mel confronted her. When David came home, she acted like nothing was wrong. David asks why Mel didn’t think anything was wrong when Sheila stopped cashing his checks. Mel admits that he didn’t want to get sucked back into her problems, and he’d hoped she was being cared for by someone else.
Dr. Campbell hypnotizes Dylan by telling him to imagine he’s in an elevator. Instead, he sees himself running on train tracks, similar to the dreams he had when he was in a coma. He admits to Dr. Campbell that he’s never been able to shake the dreams. She tells him that she’s not 100 percent sure that reincarnation and past lives are real, but if Dylan can regress, he can gain understanding and move forward with his life. He just needs to commit. She decides that they should have their next session at his house, though he isn’t sold on trying again.
David, Donna, and Mel return to the hotel, where Ray tells them that someone saw their flier and has information. A homeless woman takes David and Mel to the street where Sheila (also homeless) has been living, and after a minute of being unable to get through to her, Sheila becomes lucid. David and Mel take her to the hospital and discuss other family members who have been mentally ill. Mel admits that he was relieved to learn that David had a drug problem last year, rather than a chemical imbalance.
David wonders what to do next, and Mel says that the doctors want her to stay in Portland for a while. Then they can bring her to Beverly Hills and help her get a job and a place to live. David thanks Mel for doing so much for his ex, but Mel doesn’t think he’s doing anything unordinary. Sheila is the reason he has a son, so he’ll always be grateful to her.
Ray tries to explain away his behavior with Donna the night before, saying that being on the road is hard. He also feels bad that he wasn’t there to save Donna from Garrett. Donna’s totally over it. David and Mel play a cute tape for Sheila that she and David made when she taught him to play the piano as a child. She says that she never wanted to be a burden; she thought she could take care of herself. David tells her she doesn’t have to do that anymore.
Valerie visits Dylan to show off her new tattoo: She got his name inked on her breast. He flips, but she tells him it’s fake. Then she shows him her real tattoo, a daisy on her back. David meets up with Donna at Ray’s club and tells her that listening to the tape made him want to get back into music. He admits that he stopped playing because he thought the music was making him crazy. Donna notes that the drugs were doing that. He thanks her for all her help.
Ray dedicates his next song to Donna, and David realizes while watching them look at each other that they’re happy together. He goes outside and looks up at the moon. In Beverly Hills, Dylan is also looking up at the moon instead of sleeping next to Valerie. She thinks he should blow off Dr. Campbell if he doesn’t really want to be hypnotized. Her father used to say that we’re only alive for a short time, so it should be a good time. Dylan replies that he’s not sure we’re only alive for a short time.
Thoughts: I think this episode was to make up for earlier episodes where Brian Austin Green didn’t get to do anything.
Donna and Ray, please learn how to kiss more quietly. You’re grossing me out.
Dylan wears a suit during the day and jeans in bed. Okay, then.
Danger, Donna Martin, danger!
May 4, 2013
Party of Five 2.3, Dearly Beloved: Take Back the Wedding
This is what Kirsten and Charlie should put on top of their cake. “We survived the crazy people – high five!”
Summary: Bailey’s trying to stock up on extracurriculars so he can make his college transcripts look better. Sarah offers him her last piece of gum, so she’s definitely in love. Bailey wonders if he can save someone’s life and get an automatic spot in college. Sarah suggests that he run for vice president of the senior class. Elsewhere in the building, Julia spots Griffin (rust shirt) and awkwardly tells him that their kiss can’t lead to anything more. He says he gets it, then kisses her again.
Charlie’s friend Dudley is throwing him and Kirsten an engagement party, but Bailey notes the irony of him throwing it at their house with catering from their family’s restaurant. Kirsten storms in, just back from a visit with her family in Chicago, and rants about her mother’s lack of support. She’s so mad that she doesn’t want her parents to pay for the wedding anymore.
Justin and Julia are supposed to be practicing to work at a teen hotline, but he’s busy telling her the dream he had about her. She tells him they can’t go out tonight because she has to fill in for someone at the restaurant. The guy who runs the hotline tells all the volunteers that they need to always tell the truth. At home, the Salingers and Kirsten work on wedding plans, and Julia offers up her mother’s wedding dress. Kirsten tries to politely decline. (Free dress, Kirsten. You might want to take it.)
Sarah shows up with all the signatures Bailey needs to run for vice president. He’s not sold on the idea, so she bets him dinner and a movie that he’ll win. (Sarah is brilliant.) She also offers to run his campaign. In the backyard, Kirsten tries to calm herself so she won’t go off on the Salingers for taking over all the wedding plans. Charlie says they’re just happy and want to be involved. She tells him she’s not letting a committee plan her wedding.
Julia meets Griffin (blue shirt) at the coffeehouse and they make awkward small talk before going off for a makeout session. Kirsten does some wedding planning in the middle of the night, telling Charlie that she’s okay with letting the others help. She’s not sure why all the rituals are necessary, though. Justin comes by in the morning and notes that he went by the restaurant to see Julia, but she wasn’t there. She quickly says that the person she was subbing for came in after all.
At family dinner that night, the Salingers continue the wedding planning, but Kirsten starts panicking in when Claudia suggests that they have the wedding at the restaurant. Later, Bailey and Sarah work on his campaign, or at least that’s what they were doing before they got caught up chatting about their lives. He calls her a nerd, then clarifies that he thinks it’s cute. Then he asks her to write his speech for him.
Julia and Griffin (gray shirt! With a plaid shirt over it! Whoa!) meet up again, but only so she can tell him she has to go meet Justin. He says that’s fine, but that’s not the response she wanted. She notes that Justin would freak out if he knew she was going out with someone else. Griffin replies that she’d better not tell him, then. Basically, Julia wants him to tell her not to see Justin. He says his rule is that he doesn’t tell anyone what to do, and no one tells him what to do. She wishes he would care a little.
Kirsten tries on the wedding dress, but it’s definitely not right for her. (Two words: butt bow.) Also, it’s both too big and too short. She tells Charlie that she dreamed about her wedding day for years, and she’s not seeing any of her dreams come true. She thinks they’re receiving signs. Charlie doesn’t know what to say, mostly because he can’t, since Kirsten’s doing so much yelling.
Sarah wrote Bailey’s speech after all, but he won’t even read it. She gives him gum again. Julia wonders why Sarah’s going to such lengths to get Bailey elected when he doesn’t even want to serve. Sarah admits her crush, and Julia tells her that if Bailey’s not returning her feelings, it’s not going to happen. She needs to be with a guy who dreams about her. Julia finds concert tickets in her locker and tells Sarah they’re from “the right guy.”
Kirsten opens a wedding present – a hideous teapot – and tells Charlie it’s his when they divorce. Dudley announces that 73 percent of couples end up hating each other during the wedding-planning process. (He made that up, but he stands by his point.) He thinks eloping to Reno would be a better idea. Suddenly Kirsten does, too.
Julia thanks Justin for the tickets, but they’re obviously not from him. He volunteers them to man the teen hotline that night, and which confuses Julia even more, since the concert is that night. Sarah goes by the Salingers’ again and is sad to hear that Bailey still hasn’t read her speech. She finally realizes that he doesn’t care about the election. She yells at him for a little bit, saying that of course he’s treating her this way: She follows him around like a puppy, so it makes sense that he would tell her to go fetch. She tells him she quits.
While Justin volunteers at the hotline, counseling a girl whose boyfriend is flaking out on her, Julia meets up with Griffin (blue with plaid) at the concert. Justin puts two and two together and realizes that he and the girl on the phone are both being cheated on. Bailey tells Claudia about the Sarah situation, then informs Julia that Justin called while she was out. Claudia suggests that they all videotape the wedding and give Charlie and Kirsten the tape as a present. Meanwhile, Charlie and Kirsten sneak out to elope.
In the morning, the others find their brother’s note and wonder why Kirsten and Charlie had to rush the ceremony. They’re hurt that they won’t get to be involved in the wedding. Claudia’s especially upset because she wanted the family to be together for something happy: “We’re always together for the sad stuff.”
Julia tells Justin that she missed her shift at the hotline because she panicked over not being ready for it. He reminisces about a vacation their families took together when they were kids; she hurt him with a seesaw and he said he couldn’t trust her anymore, but she promised he could. “I was just thinking about that,” Justin tells her. Bailey tries to call Sarah to make things up to her; he’s gotten Will to take over as his campaign manager.
Dudley and Bailey decorate the house for a reception for Charlie and Kirsten while Claudia mopes by playing her violin. When Julia gets home, Dudley tells her that a guy named “Geffen” called, and Dudley invited him to the party. Julia flips and takes it out on Bailey, telling him he’s an idiot for not seeing how Sarah feels about him. In Reno, Charlie and Kirsten happily await their turn at the altar.
The reception kicks off (even though the bride and groom aren’t back yet), and as soon as Griffin (rust button-down shirt – someone’s branching out) arrives, Julia tries to make him leave. He won’t go. Sarah also shows up long enough to drop off a present and tell Bailey that she ran his campaign because she’s in love with him. Bailey is shocked because he’s clueless. Not clueless: Justin, who figures out who Julia’s been seeing as soon as he spots Griffin at the party. She says she loves Justin, but when he tells her to make Griffin leave, she says nothing.
Justin storms off, but before Julia can follow him, she gets pulled into a fresh family fight: Charlie and Kirsten are home, and Claudia and Bailey are confronting them about eloping. The couple admits that they didn’t get married; when the justice of the peace started off with, “Dearly beloved,” they realized that there was no one beloved there to witness their happiness. Everyone rejoins the party, which is no longer a wedding reception, but I guess more of the engagement party Dudley had originally planned. Everyone’s happy except Julia.
Thoughts: Jennifer Love Hewitt was so cute and sweet back before she started showing off her cleavage all the time and bedazzling things that should never, ever be bedazzled.
Julia, if you’re going to secretly meet someone after you lied to your boyfriend about where you would be, maybe don’t do it in a coffeehouse where a ton of people you know hang out.
I think they replaced Owen. He’s a cutie.
Sarah: “I’m running for office…” Bailey: “Under incredible duress.” Sarah: “If elected…” Bailey: “I will demand a recount.” Hee.
Sarah, on basketball: “I used to play at sleepaway camp, before I got short.” See? Cute.
April 29, 2013
BH90210 5.25, Double Jeopardy: I’ll Take This Episode Is Full of Hostility for 200, Alex
Clare’s dream would be my nightmare
Summary: Kelly watches Jeopardy with the Walshes, and Jim shows off how smart he is. He thinks Brandon should try out for the upcoming college tournament. Brandon reveals that he’s already planning to but doesn’t think he’ll make the cut. He starts to call Andrea and find out if she’s trying out, too, but Kelly tells him it’s not a good time. Word has spread to Kelly about Andrea’s affair with Peter (but apparently not the word that Jesse also had an affair).
Speaking of the Cheatersons, they’ve gone to a therapy session, but Jesse isn’t very invested in trying to work things out. He tells Andrea she’s not the person he fell in love with. She notes that she got pregnant and had to turn herself into a wife and mother practically overnight. I’m not sure what that has to do with Peter, but okay.
Steve helps Brandon study for Jeopardy, telling him to make sure he hits the buzzer faster than the other contestants. Brandon notes that he’s not even a contestant yet. Clare and Donna show up, and Clare reveals that she’s also trying out. The guys don’t think she’ll be a threat, but Donna tells them that Clare plays every night on her computer…and answers the questions in French.
Kelly and David show up at Jackie’s place to find her, Mel, and Erin all happy and cuddly together. Kelly thinks it’s gross, but she’s glad Erin gets to have her parents back together. David’s surprised that Jackie forgave Mel. He’d like to get some of that forgiveness from Donna. Donna tries to get in touch with Ray, who’s still on the road but hasn’t called recently. Clare assures her that he’s not up to anything. But even if Ray and Donna break up, she still has the option of reconciling with David….
Clare’s father calls her while Brandon’s in his office and pretends that Clare is trash-talking him. Jesse goes to the Peach Pit to mope and ends up unloading his problems on Dylan. Andrea told him that Dylan saw her at the motel. He wants to move out, and when Dylan starts to offer some help, Jesse jumps on the idea of moving in. Dylan actually wants to loan him some money to get a hotel. Jesse guilts him into agreeing to let him stay at Casa McKay.
Brandon’s on Jeopardy, but Alex Trebek calls a stop to the contestant interviews when he learns that Brandon’s GPA is only 3.2. He wishes they’d chosen Clare instead. Then Brandon turns into a clown, because it’s a dream. In the real world the next day, Brandon and Clare go to take the written test with Steve and Donna there for moral support.
Dylan is annoyed at having a houseguest, and even more annoyed when Jesse asks for details of Andrea’s rendezvous with Peter. Jesse says he’s just thinking like a lawyer, trying to collect all the evidence. Clare tries to make nice with Brandon, pretending they’re not really competing with each other. (Mostly because she thinks she has it all sewn up.) The test starts and Clare accuses Brandon of cheating off of her on the first question. The second one stumps her, but he knows the answer.
Cindy and Valerie hang out at CU, talking about how Cindy and Jim want to stop by the After Dark sometime, since they just love to dance. Andrea needs a babysitter, and since Cindy isn’t available, Valerie offers to help. (Apparently she helped raise her little sister, and Cindy claims she’s good with kids.) Andrea is desperate enough to let her take Hannah.
Brandon and Clare leave the test arguing over her accusations about him cheating and his complaints that she’s pretentious for answering questions in French. He challenges her to a one-on-one competition. Valerie takes Hannah to Dylan’s, and Jesse freaks out, thinking Andrea left the baby with her so she could run off to have sex with Peter. When Dylan and Valerie tell him to chill, he complains because they’re Andrea’s friends, not his. He takes Hannah and goes to his parents’.
Steve emcees Brandon and Clare’s faceoff at the After Dark (even though Kelly’s the only person in the audience, so it’s not like they need all that space). Andrea shows up and tells Kelly that she applied to try out, too. Kelly points out that there are usually three contestants, and challenges Brandon and Clare to test their skills against Andrea. Andrea crushes it. Clare and Brandon are all embarrassed because Andrea’s a housewife, and I guess housewives are supposed to be dumb? Shut up, Brandon and Clare.
Valerie arrives and tells Andrea that Jesse has Hannah and might be thinking about filing for divorce. Andrea goes to meet him and promises that she wasn’t with Peter; that’s over. She admits that she went to see a lawyer because she knew Jesse would be working on a case to get custody. Jesse thinks he was reasonable for asking Valerie where Andrea was. She tells him she wants Hannah back the next day, then kicks him out.
Donna’s still waiting for a call from Ray and jumps every time the phone rings. Clare does the opposite, not wanting another pep talk from her father. She admits to Donna that she’s feeling a lot of pressure. She has a dream that she’s on Jeopardy and all the categories are about Brandon. She wins $52,000 and Brandon himself. Then Chancellor Arnold interrupts to take Brandon away for college business. He says Clare likes guys who speak French anyway, so Alex subs in a guy named Gaston.
Brandon visits Andrea to thank her for schooling him and Clare. He thinks she should represent CU on Jeopardy, but she points out that it’s not the best timing. She tells him that her affair was serious enough that she was willing to leave Jesse; Peter just didn’t feel the same way. Andrea married Jesse because she thought it was right, not just because she was pregnant, and now it’s a year later and they’ve both cheated. She’s worried that there’s something wrong with her.
Brandon tells her that she hasn’t seemed happy since they graduated high school. Andrea says that she keeps backing off of things like Yale and working on the Condor. She feels like a failure. He assures her that she’s a great daughter and a great mother, not to mention incredibly smart. They hug, and I can’t believe Jesse didn’t walk in and get jealous.
David goes to the beach apartment looking for Kelly but finds Clare instead. He asks about Donna, and Clare jumps on him, thinking he’s there to see Donna and only lied about Kelly. Ray finally calls, but it’s David who answers the phone. The poor guy has to stand there and listen while Donna and Ray make plans to meet up in Portland over spring break. Donna tells David that she feels bad about his breakup with Clare, especially since Clare has no reason to be jealous. Amazingly, David’s also going to Portland for spring break, since his mother lives there.
Brandon and Clare make Andrea take the Jeopardy test after both of them drop out of the process. Jesse asks Dylan again for information on Andrea’s affair, saying that he could get subpoenaed in the custody case anyway. Dylan isn’t sure Andrea wants a divorce at all. He encourages the two of them to work things out for Hannah’s sake.
Before taking her test, Andrea remembers watching Jeopardy with her grandmother, who told her to always remember that she can do anything she wants. Jesse meets her afterward and asks if he can come home. She agrees. Then we fast-forward a month, and the whole gang and Chancellor Arnold gather at the Peach Pit to watch Andrea on Jeopardy. The final question is a variation of the one asked in her memory, so she has this one in the bag.
Thoughts: Steve’s right about the importance of the buzzer. For more, read Bob Harris’ awesome book Prisoner of Trebekistan.
Good news, everyone: Erin is still adorable!
Chancellor Arnold to Brandon: “[Clare] says the only way you’ll win is if the category is funny haircuts.” HA!
Please shave, Dylan. No, more than that.
Johnny Gilbert in Brandon’s dream: “I’ll have the contestant coordinators taken out and shot, Alex.” HA again!
April 28, 2013
Party of Five 2.2, Falsies: The Big Kiss-Off
Bailey, you’re on a plane. Also, it’s night. You’re being ridiculous
Summary: Charlie has returned home to tell Kirsten that Pamela took his money and Spencer and split. Kirsten thinks it’s for the best; Spencer won’t have Charlie in and out of his life, and Charlie could have gotten attached to him before Pamela left. Charlie doesn’t think he can just let it go. The school principal makes an announcement that there’s a new rule about PDAs and certain types of touching. That means Julia and Justin can’t suck each other’s faces anymore. Will tells Bailey that his father wants him to go to a certain college (Perry), but Bailey doesn’t like the idea. Will invites him to tag along for a tour.
Over at the middle school, Claudia feels uncomfortable in the locker room because she’s by far the smallest kid in her class, both vertically and in the chest region. Justin and Julia lament the no-kissing rule, though Julia is kind of fine following it if it means Griffin doesn’t see them together. Then she sees Griffin kissing his girlfriend and tries to make him jealous, landing herself and Justin in detention. Bailey and Will fly out to Perry, though Bailey doesn’t see the point in visiting a college he’s not going to attend. Coach is overbooked, and the two are randomly chosen to sit in first class.
Claudia fakes sick but Charlie doesn’t buy her act. She’s upset that Bailey got to skip school, though Charlie notes that he didn’t give Bailey permission to go off with Will. Charlie’s day gets harder when he learns about Julia’s detention. Later, he laments to Kirsten that he never disciplined his brothers and sisters when he was still just their brother because he wanted to let their parents handle that. Now he knows he has a child out there who might actually listen to his discipline, but he’s not around. Charlie wants to find him.
Bailey and Will’s tour guide, Keri, is pretty, so now Bailey’s not so bored by the whole thing. He pretends he’s already in college and is thinking of transferring to Perry. Charlie goes to all the art schools in San Francisco to find out if Pamela has modeled there, and just when he’s at the end of his rope, he gets a lead. Claudia calls a catalog company to buy a very, very small bra. At the coffeehouse, Justin and Julia arrange a kiss-off because they fancy themselves masters of civil disobedience. Julia gets uncomfortable when Justin approaches Griffin about participating. But she does learn that he and his girlfriend are over.
Keri takes Will and Bailey to a party, and she and Bailey get closer. He tells her he’s never been in love, then kisses her. Charlie crashes an art class to confront Pamela for keeping Spencer from him. He insists that he’s not the same person she knew four years ago. Pamela confesses that Spencer isn’t his son. Charlie’s the only person in the world who’s surprised. She thought that if she told him he was Spencer’s father, he would just give her money and send her away. Pamela’s mother is threatening to take Spencer away because she doesn’t think Pamela’s taking good care of him. She tells Charlie that Spencer isn’t his problem after all.
Back at home, Charlie tells Kirsten that he felt a connection with Spencer despite not being related to him. Kirsten reminds him that they were supposed to go get their marriage license today, but maybe they should wait since he’s distracted. Claudia takes forever in the bathroom, then emerges wearing an obviously stuffed bra. (Honey, you can’t wear that under a white shirt,) Keri’s late taking Will to his campus interview because she and Bailey had breakfast and spent the morning together. Will doesn’t catch the fact that Bailey didn’t tell Keri that his parents are dead.
At school, Julia expresses her condolences to Griffin on the end of his relationship. He doesn’t think it’s a big deal. While Kirsten and Charlie get their marriage license, Sarah shows up for the Big Kiss-Off, but since Bailey’s not there, she doesn’t have anyone to kiss. She serves as a lookout and alerts the kissers when the principal’s approaching. Julia gets cold feet and suggests that they try to save the rainforest instead. At home, she tells Claudia to take off the stuffed bra and enjoy being a kid. Claudia shares her anxiety over looking different from everyone else.
Will hangs out with Keri some more, trying to get something started with her. She resists but says she’s sympathetic for his losses. He’s not interested in her pity, which is why he didn’t tell her about his parents or Jill. Kirsten’s up organizing in the middle of the night and tells Charlie that she likes to have everything in its place, while he’s fine with chaos. She’s not sure if she’ll still find that endearing in five years or 25 years. She reminds him that she can’t have kids, and though he’s said he’s fine with that, she’s now seen how much Spencer matters to him. Kirsten hates that Charlie’s heartbroken over something she can’t give him. She’s worried he’ll change his mind about wanting kids.
Bailey and Will fly home, but Bailey gives Will the silent treatment over telling Keri about his life. Will points out that he went along with Bailey’s lie about being in college. Bailey wanted a weekend where he was just a normal guy; he wanted the clean slate Will said college would be. Justin and Julia are sent to the principal’s office, but instead of being yelled at, she tells them she remembers what it was like being young and in love, so she’s revised the school rules. Claudia finally takes off the stuffed bra when a super-tall kid tries to befriend her because he likes what he sees.
Sarah’s happy to see Bailey back at school; she’s totally obvious about being in love with him, and when he touches her shoulder, she probably thinks, “I will never wash that again.” Bailey goes to his guidance counselor and asks what he needs to do to go to college on the other side of the country. He’s willing to do whatever’s necessary to get far away from his family. Claudia yells at Charlie for making Kirsten cry while they were looking at bridesmaids’ dresses. She’s worried that they’ll break up because Kirsten can’t have kids. (She heard their late-night conversation.) Charlie says it’s complicated, but Claudia disagrees.
Julia is sentenced to clap erasers (because this is 1970, I guess), and when Griffin comes across her, he kisses her. At home, Charlie tells Kirsten that he does want kids, but he wants to be with Kirsten more. Besides, they basically already have kids. He takes her to Owen’s room and says that they should adopt him. (The other siblings have already okayed this.) Kirsten asks if this will be enough for Charlie, and he says yes. The other Salingers watch from the doorway, because there’s no privacy in that freaking house.
Thoughts: Keri is played by Allison Smith. She’s been in a bunch of stuff, but is best known for Kate & Allie and The West Wing.
Charlie adopting Owen just seems weird. “This is my son, who’s really my brother.” And it would be confusing for Owen to have siblings who are also his father’s siblings. Why go through the adoption when Charlie’s already his guardian?
You know what would have saved a lot of problems? A paternity test. Call Maury, Charlie.
Pamela sucks at running away. She didn’t even leave the city!
Griffin’s shirts status: We’re up to three – one green, one blue, and one rust-colored.
April 27, 2013
BH90210 5.24, Unreal World: When People Stop Being Polite and Start Getting Yelly
I don’t even know where to start with this
Summary: Valerie has just gone on a shopping spree, but she probably should have held on to her money, because her account at the hotel has been cut off. At the beach apartment, Clare has thrown a little welcome-back lunch for Donna, who spent a few weeks at her parents’ house recovering from Garrett’s attempted rape. Felice is thankful that David was her hero and remarks that she almost wishes he were still living in the apartment. She also hopes that David and Donna will give things another try now that Ray’s gone. She doesn’t think David and Clare will last much longer.
Clare and David will be spending their weekend working on a class project – basically, it’s a documentary about real college students. (The title of this episode should give you a hint as to where they got this idea.) They run into one of the participants, who tells them his roommates don’t want to be a part of the project anymore, so they’re all dropping out. Clare’s mad because David was supposed to secure their participants and location. David calls her a control freak. She wishes she hadn’t signed on for a project where her grade depends on him.
Valerie meets with the hotel manager, who’s annoyed that she hasn’t paid her tab. Valerie’s annoyed that she’s being asked to pay her tab. She asks for a special rate, which he says she’s already getting. Then she tries to proposition him. He won’t budge. David gathers Kelly, Brandon, Donna, and Steve at the beach apartment so they can be four of the six “roommates” in the video. (Clare and David will be the other two.) David and Donna seem especially interested in the idea of spending 24 hours with each other.
Cindy calls Jim at work to let him know that Valerie has come crawling back to their house. Jim thinks they need to set some ground rules. Cindy’s just glad she’s back, and thinks that if they talk to her, she’ll be different this time. Clare does some late-night prep for the video, planning out the arguments the “roommates” will be having. David complains that she never uses any of his ideas. Clare casually wonders who arranged for David to play the character who has a crush on Donna’s character. He blows off the question, then says, “Good night, Donna.” Oops!
Brandon’s already in character when he gets up in the morning (he’s playing an annoying skater type). Jim’s distracted by trying to figure out why Valerie came back. He also smelled pot coming from her room. The other “roommates” start filming, but everyone is awful at acting. Then Steve takes a phone call and breaks character to announce that Celeste is getting married. Clare films him anyway, but when he realizes she’s capturing his real feelings, he goes back to his character.
Things are better over at Jesse and Andrea’s, so she decides to put her plan to tell him about Peter on hold. Over at the beach apartment, David (in a sweater vest and nerd glasses) watches Donna pretend to play the piano (which is actually a keyboard, and which would never sound like that). Then the real Tuck shows up, having gotten his roommates to change their minds about the project, and objects to Brandon’s portrayal of him. Brandon finds the whole thing hilarious. Meanwhile, Kelly eats a bunch of watermelon Steve spiked with vodka.
Dylan and Charlie work on their screenplay at the Peach Pit, and I’m happy to report that Dylan is no longer wearing suits. Valerie shows up (and <i>she’s</i> wearing a suit, so I don’t know what’s going on anymore) and invites them to a movie premiere. David and Donna film in her bedroom, and she gets a little shaken when she remembers what happened the last time they were in there together. David comforts her, and Clare sees him give her a quick kiss. The kiss almost turns into a lot more, but Donna puts on the brakes.
During a later scene, Clare gets jealous of David and Donna’s closeness, so she gets Steve to dance with her, then makes out with him. Kelly (drunk on watermelon) gets a call from Jackie reporting that she’s asked Mel to move back in. She rants at the guys for always letting women down. She brings up Brandon’s fling with Emily, David’s affair with Ariel, and Steve cheating on Celeste, adding that Ray probably had his own little thing on the side that Donna doesn’t know about. (Kelly’s psychic!)
Andrea and Jesse have a nice night in, happy that they’re finally having fun together. Dylan and Charlie go to the premiere, though Dylan doesn’t want to. Charlie just wants to check out Valerie and network. He runs into his former hypnotherapist (a consultant on the film), who inspired the screenplay he’s working on.
At the beach apartment David decides to put the project out of its misery. (Donna and Steve are now drunk on watermelon anyway.) Clare thinks David was just tired of seeing Donna flirt with someone else. She gets him to admit that he still loves her. He asks if she has feelings for anyone else; he thinks she’s still hung up on Brandon. Clare admits that this is true.
In her bedroom with Brandon, Kelly drunkenly brings up the night of the fire and asks straight-out if he slept with Emily. Brandon says they just kissed, assuring her that she can trust him. He starts to tell her he can see them spending the rest of their lives together, but she’s already passed out. Valerie gives Dylan a ride home from the premiere, and though he doesn’t want to invite her in at first, she changes his mind by promising that they’ll just keep things platonic. (She really means they’ll be friends with benefits.)
The non-drunk “roommates” discuss cheating and relationships that ended poorly. Brandon admits that when Emily came back to town, he realized he had feelings for both her and Kelly. David and Steve think Kelly also still loves Dylan, and he probably still loves her. Steve admits that if Kelly asked him to get back together, he’d do it in a heartbeat. Donna’s worried that her virginity will be the end of all of her relationships, like it was with her and David’s.
Kelly wakes up the next morning with a hangover and no memory past eating all the watermelon. (She does imply that she remembers the Emily conversation, though.) Jesse and Andrea are all smiles, but for some reason she thinks this is the right time to tell him about Peter. She’s been seeing a therapist who wants her to be honest. But before Andrea can come clean, Jesse tells her that he had a fling while he was out of town on an interview.
Donna and Steve discuss the previous night’s conversations, and he tries to make a move on her, which is really weird. David and Clare edit their film, and Clare says the real-life stuff is better than the character stuff. They start bickering, and they confront each other for their respective kisses with Donna and Steve. David’s mad that Clare keeps flirting with other guys right in front of him. Also, her expectations of people are too high, or something. They decide they’re done with each other.
Thoughts: A 20-page proposal for a 30-minute video? Claire is a control freak.
The suit epidemic has spread so far that David almost wears one to bed. This is like 28 Days Later, but fancier.
Donna’s fake British accent is hilarious.
Tuck is clearly based on Puck, and Steve’s character seems to be based on Jon from the L.A. season of The Real World, but I’m not sure who the others are supposed to be.
’90s music alert: “Dreams” by the Cranberries.
Drunk Kelly is kind of adorable.
Nooooo, Jesse, you weren’t supposed to be a jerk!
Now that she and David are over, can Clare please go away?
