Brandon does Blue Steel

Summary: Kelly’s on a plane to California, and a guy asks to sit with her so he can flirt badly. He’s an artist and is moving to a studio in Venice Beach. They kiss, and the other passengers enjoy the show. Then the guy asks Kelly if she wants to join the Mile-High Club. Despite the fact that no one has ever successfully used that line, she follows him to the bathroom. There, they reveal that they already know each other – in fact, they spent all summer together in New York.

Even though the Walshes’ house was sold at the end of last season, there’s still a sign outside. Most of the furniture is gone. Brandon wanders around, winding up in his bed, but he’s not alone. Not that he minds – he’s always up for a makeout session with a stranger. The mystery woman is Ginger, Valerie’s best friend from Buffalo, who was staying at the house while Brandon was gone for the summer.

Kelly takes her new boy-toy to the beach apartment, where he makes fun of her and her roommates’ taste in art. Clare welcomes Kelly home and meets the boy-toy, Colin Robbins. Clare’s familiar with his work, having read about him in an art magazine. (Also, she has a photographic memory – who knew?) Donna and Ray hang out on a boat, and I guess their summer was good, because there’s no yelling or pushing or anything. Also, Ray has spent the summer sailing with Dr. Martin on his yacht.

Valerie gives us the exposition that Brandon spent the summer in Boston; he was working for a newspaper. He calls Ginger “a piece of work.” Valerie’s glad to have Brandon back, since she spent most of the summer alone (and with no furniture). Escrow closes next week, so they don’t have much time to find new places to live. Brandon plans to move in with Steve. Valerie tells him he’ll “learn how to buy beer in six languages.”

She brings up their brush with romance from months ago, and we learn that once they started to get naked, they started laughing and couldn’t continue. Valerie moved on to a baseball player, but apparently she was such a distraction to him that he got bumped back to the minors. She’s been lonely, since the gang ignored her all summer. Brandon thinks they were just busy doing their own stuff, and that everyone will be happily reunited now that they’re all back in town. Val isn’t sure, but he encourages her to stay in Beverly Hills since she’s the only family he has left there.

Kelly shows Clare the photos she took in New York; she’s not giving up school for her modeling career, though. Dylan arrives and admires her portfolio as well (not a euphemism for anything). He traveled a bunch over the summer but is “back where [he] started.” Kelly thinks he’s talking about the two of them, but I think he means that he didn’t get any further in his investigation. He shows Kelly his father’s pocket watch, which he’d once sold to pay a bar tab. He wants to visit Jack’s storage facility, and he wants Kelly to come with him (but just as a friend).

Brandon gets an email from his parents, asking him to call them. Steve and David drop by, and Ginger coos over David. (No, I don’t know why.) The guys tell Brandon that they know of an apartment the three of them can rent together. The Walshes’ real estate agent shows up to make some last-minute arrangements, and Brandon assures her that they’ll clean the house before the closing. She tells him that the buyers are going to tear the house down after they buy it, so the kids can trash it if they want. Steve decides they need to throw a huge, messy party.

Dylan and Kelly go to the storage facility while Brandon, Steve, and David drive over to their potential new place. Steve expositions that David and Clare broke up over the summer. Steve had to go to summer school and still isn’t a junior. Also, he worked as a doorman at the After Dark, so he really isn’t trying to hide that he’s flaunting the law, is he? The guys’ possible new building is super-nice, and they would have a penthouse with three bedrooms and three bathrooms. No, I don’t know how they would pay for it.

Kelly and Dylan find a bunch of Jack’s paperwork and discuss their daddy issues. Dylan also finds a notebook Jack wrote in while he was in prison. He played a lot of pinochle and his cellmate owed him a lot of money. Kelly jokes that Dylan should go collect, but Dylan thinks visiting the cellmate might actually be a good idea, since he might know something. He tells Kelly that he plans to make his father’s killer pay. She asks him to be careful. They almost kiss, but she stops and tells him he doesn’t need her anymore.

The gang attends a party on the Martins’ yacht, along with a bunch of rich people. Valerie and Ginger crash the party, but Donna doesn’t want to ruin the party with a confrontation, so she lets them stay. One of Felice’s guests tells her that she accidentally left a ring on the sink, and when she went back to get it, it was gone. Ray says he was just there but didn’t see the ring.

Dylan visits Jack’s cellmate, Harris, who warns him not to go after Jack’s killer because he’s dangerous. Dylan, of course, doesn’t want to listen. He’s brought Harris some Robert Ludlum novels, and he notes that things always work out in the books, but in real life, the good guys don’t always make it. Then he tells Dylan that Jack was killed by a man named Anthony Marchette. Harris doesn’t think Dylan will be able to get to him. “That’s what they said about Jack,” Dylan replies.

The woman whose ring went missing files a report with her insurance company as Felice all but asks Donna if she thinks Ray might be a thief. Back at the Walshes’ after the party, Ginger sends Brandon’s parents an email telling them she’s in love with him. He’s both turned on and creeped out. Steve brings over some spray paint so they can really make a mess in the house. Brandon objects until Steve asks if he’s going to cry when the bulldozer knocks the house down. Ginger draws a big heart on the wall, so I think she’s high on paint fumes.

At the beach apartment, Donna tries to pretend that Felice doesn’t think Ray stole the ring. Kelly helps Colin move into his studio as they discuss her trip to the storage facility with Dylan. Apparently Colin’s dad doesn’t know that he’s a professional artist. I don’t care since I don’t like Colin. The party at the Walshes’ starts, but Brandon’s upstairs unpacking and moping over the engagement ring Kelly gave back.

Kelly arrives at the party, and she and Brandon are on surprisingly friendly terms. She meets Ginger and, upon learning that she knows Val, says, “Well, any friend of Valerie’s….” (No, she doesn’t want to finish that sentence.) Brandon and Ginger make out again. Nat brings over some food so he has an excuse to be in this episode. Valerie questions Kelly’s activities since returning to town, and Kelly tells her she’s not going to be nice anymore. (Not that she was that nice to her before.)

Dylan eventually shows up at the party, and Valerie’s happy to see him until he asks if Kelly’s there. Dylan tells Brandon that Marchette, who’s known as a big land developer, killed Jack, and he wants Brandon to…do something, apparently. (Because Brandon’s good at helping people get revenge on murderers?) The party starts to get crazy as Ray tells Donna that he’s feeling more comfortable around her friends. Dylan heads out, telling Kelly not to worry about him.

Ginger wants some alone time with Brandon, and he starts to cooperate until he spots Kelly and gets cold feet. Nat announces that he’s leaving, telling Brandon that what the gang is doing is disgraceful. Brandon doesn’t think it’s a big deal since the house is going to be destroyed. As Nat leaves, the real estate agent arrives and informs Brandon that the house fell out of escrow. There’s no sale, and the Walshes still own the place.

The party ends with the gang trying to figure out what to do about the totally trashed house that is now the responsibility of one of them. They all offer to help get things back in order. Donna borrows Ray’s jacket, and when she puts her hand in a pocket, she finds the missing ring. Steve asks Ray straight out if he took it, and when Ray says no, Steve says he believes him. Ray thinks he’s being mocked. He notes that if he did take the ring, he wouldn’t keep it in his pocket.

Brandon kicks himself for being irresponsible and letting everyone trash his house. Valerie reminds him that everyone’s going to help fix it. He wonders if he can talk his parents into not selling the house and letting him live there. Knowing them, they probably will.

Thoughts: Ginger is played by Elisa Donovan, who’s probably best known as Amber from Clueless.

The email the Walshes send Brandon is in all caps, so I bet Jim typed it.

Also, they bought Brandon a new car when they moved, since they felt guilty for leaving him. What the–? You should be happy to get away from him! Of course, these are the people who rewarded Brenda’s brattiness with a trip to Paris, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

Donna’s tan plus her bleached hair isn’t a good look.

“Sorry your parents lied to you, dear, but didn’t you know that no one on this show is allowed to be happy?”

Summary: The food from the failed wedding is still at the Salingers’ house, and Julia, Bailey, and Claudia aren’t sure what to do with it. They ask Charlie what they’re supposed to do with all the presents. Charlie doesn’t want to deal with reality, so he plans to run away for a little while. He has nonrefundable tickets to Mexico for what was supposed to be his honeymoon, and he’ll be using them. Since Claudia’s the maddest at him, he thinks he should take her with him so he can try to win her over.

Julia has a doctor’s appointment, and she cracks up when the doctor asks if she’s sexually active. She babbles that she had sex once but doesn’t plan on repeating the experience again for a while. The doctor admires her for coming to see a gynecologist. She suggests a number of possible methods of birth control.

Bailey helps Sarah set up for a party for her grandmother; he doesn’t want them to stay too long since Charlie’s gone and they can do whatever they want at the Salingers’ house. Bailey also doesn’t get why the family celebrates Sarah’s grandparents’ anniversary every year since her grandfather’s been dead for 15 years. Gram arrives, and she’s one of those women who doesn’t watch her mouth now that she’s older. Bailey quips with her, so she immediately likes him.

Claudia gives Charlie the silent treatment on the plane, getting a stranger to agree with her that calling off a wedding the day of the ceremony is “pretty unforgivable.” Somehow, foreign languages turn Julia and Justin on, and they start making out in their school’s language lab. But while they’re making plans to take advantage of the empty Salinger house, Sarah is resistant to Bailey’s plans to do the same. She tells him she still doesn’t completely trust him.

¡Mexico! Claudia refuses to have fun. Charlie meets a chick named Courtney and promises to come to her room and kill a bug for her if she needs him. Justin and Julia end up in her bedroom, doing exactly what she told the gynecologist she didn’t plan on doing again yet. They discuss what to call what they just did. It’s all fun and games until Julia suggests “made love,” since they’re not actually in love, and, in fact, not even dating. They’ll just be French and cosmopolitan.

Charlie runs into Courtney, who tells him she’s traveling the world until she runs out of money. He tells her he’d like to go to Greece but has never had the time. She tells him to just take the time. Claudia encounters a boy named Enrico lurking around the hotel; he tells her his father owns it. He teases her for being mad at Charlie for making her come to Mexico.

Gram shows Sarah and Bailey some of her late husband’s things, including a letter telling her that Sarah’s parents had a baby. The wording of the letter makes it sound like either Sarah’s father isn’t her biological father, or she’s adopted. Gram tries to take the letter back, but Sarah wants to figure out what it means.

Julia visits Justin at his house with the flimsy excuse of looking for something she thinks he has. He tells her that if she’s there to have sex, she should just be honest. Sarah confronts her mother about the letter, and Mrs. Reeves admits that Sarah is adopted. Claudia and Enrico spy on hotel guests, including Charlie and Courtney, who are getting much closer.

Justin’s father walks in on Justin and Julia having sex, so that’s awkward. Justin doesn’t want to hear a lecture on sex from Mr. Thompson, since he knows about the affair. Mr. Thompson makes a weak attempt to lie, but admits that he made a stupid mistake. Charlie and Courtney flirt boringly and make out by the pool; eventually they go swimming topless.

Sarah goes to the Salingers’, shaken by what her parents have told her. She doesn’t want to go back home, so Bailey tells her she can stay. Sarah says that her birth mother named her, and her parents changed it after they adopted her. “I don’t even know my name,” she says. In Mexico, Charlie blasts Claudia for running off by herself, then grounds her. She calls him out on making out with Courtney.

Thurber solves the problem of the leftover cake by eating it himself. Mrs. Reeves finds Sarah at the Salingers’, but Sarah doesn’t want to talk to her. Bailey chastises Mrs. Reeves for not telling her daughter the truth. Mrs. Reeves says that they were going to when she was little, but she wasn’t ready, so they waited. Then I guess they just forgot, or something. There isn’t really a good excuse here.

Julia checks on Justin after his confrontation with his dad; he insists that everything’s fine. He reminds her that they weren’t going to care about each other, just have sex. (Justin, this is why you’re single. Sort of.) Claudia and Enrico do more spying while she tries to work out her feelings over Charlie and Kirsten. Enrico goes all Manny Delgado on her, saying poetic things, and gives Claudia her first kiss.

Mrs. Reeves tries to call Sarah, who still won’t talk to her. Bailey thinks Sarah should forgive her mother for making a mistake. Sarah doesn’t agree – her parents aren’t really her parents, so she doesn’t owe them anything. Bailey’s her boyfriend and should be on her side.

Justin surprises Julia at the house, but she doesn’t think they should do anything since Sarah and Bailey are there. Oh, and since he was a jerk to her earlier. She doesn’t like their friends-with-benefits arrangement anymore. He tells her that their sleeping together doesn’t have to mean anything. “Like father, like son,” she replies.

Courtney and Charlie discuss her future travel plans, and it soon becomes clear that she isn’t looking for a relationship. (She’s also kind of awful about it and actually makes me feel bad for him.) She reminds him that they don’t know each other, so their fling probably doesn’t mean as much to Charlie as he thinks it does right now.

At school, Bailey gives Sarah a key to the Salingers’ backdoor, telling her she can still feel like herself when she’s there. Justin tells Julia that having sex with her doesn’t make him care as much about her as when she taught him to dance. He’s worried that he’ll drop his guard around her and get hurt again. He also doesn’t want to do what his dad does – have sex without it meaning something.

On the plane home, Charlie tries again to connect with Claudia, but now she has another angle to get at him with. She misses Enrico already and might never see him again. “You never miss anyone,” she says. Kirsten could be gone forever, and Charlie doesn’t seem to care. He’s already moved on. Charlie calls her cruel; he does miss Kirsten, and being with Courtney made him feel better for a while. But now he knows that you can’t get rid of feelings by ignoring them.

Sarah goes home with Bailey, but this time she’s sad to be there. She tells him she doesn’t feel right because it’s not her home. Julia runs into Justin at the coffeehouse, and they talk about how they know each other better than anyone else. Their relationship (whatever it may be now) is a combination of good and bad, but some things just fit. They decide to go to a movie together as a baby step for whatever may come next.

Charlie and Claudia (now on much better terms) return home and are surprised to find Kirsten there, getting some of her things. She’s equally surprised that he went on their honeymoon trip. She doesn’t want to talk. Kirsten drops some dried flowers, which Charlie recognizes as a bouquet he gave her after their first fight. He gives them to Claudia and goes upstairs alone.

Thoughts: I’ll be mad at you for a free trip to Mexico, Charlie. I wouldn’t want to hang out with you there, though.

Why did Sarah’s grandfather have to write his wife a letter telling her they were grandparents? Sarah would have been born in the late ’70s – there were these things called phones back then. And why weren’t the grandparents together to get the news at the same time? I wish they’d explained that, since it’s a little contrived that Sarah finds out she was adopted from a letter.

Speaking of which, I don’t get why parents don’t tell their kids they’re adopted. I think it’s better to have them grow up knowing the truth than to let them stumble on it themselves when they’re older and get mad about being lied to. It puts a stigma on adoption, as if it’s a bad thing. Plus, how do you get the whole family to keep up the lie? How do you explain the lack of pregnancy pictures?

Good news, everyone: Owen’s still alive.

I’m impressed that Julia and Bailey go to school even when Charlie’s not around to make them.

Oh, come on, Mary Anne doesn’t dress like this

Summary: Stoneybrook, that hotbed of new businesses, is about to welcome a new bookstore. Mary Anne is suddenly a big fan of reading, and she winds up helping to get the place ready. It’s run by a man named Mr. Cates and a woman named Ms. Spark. Mr. Cates has two kids, Tom and Gillian, so the BSC girls suddenly have some new charges. They take turns helping out at the store and watching the kids, who are having a lot of trouble adjusting to the move and their parents’ separation.

The bookstore, Poe and Co., is mystery-centric, and is soon the sight of its own mystery. Mary Anne hears what sounds like a beating heart (a la The Tell-Tale Heart), finds the store’s cat trapped behind a wall (a la The Black Cat), and encounters a raven (a la…well, you know). Then she thinks she sees a ghost. It doesn’t help that Mary Anne’s doing a school project about Edgar Allan Poe, or that a local professor who’s a Poe expert has been hanging around.

There’s also another mystery surrounding the bookstore itself. It used to be the home of a writer named Benson Dalton Gable (not a real person), who may have had a rivalry with Poe. Gable disappeared, may be buried in his own basement – and may have been killed by Poe. One of Gable’s ancestors, a high schooler named Alex, is also helping out at the store, and Mary Anne wonders if he’s doing all the weird stuff to drive all the Poe lovers away.

Mary Anne starts investigating, earning herself the nickname Dupin, after an investigator in some of Poe’s stories. She thinks the raven might be a pet, so she stops by a pet store to find out if anyone’s bought one recently. She learns that one was purchased by a woman calling herself Lenore.

Then Mary Anne, Stacey, and Mallory find a tape player in the bookstore’s basement, plus a tape that plays the sound of a heartbeat. Mallory uses the triplets’ detective kit to get fingerprints off of the tape and player, and the girls use coffee mugs to get fingerprints from all their suspects. There are two sets that match – Mr. Cates’ and Ms. Sparks’.

More reading for her school project introduces Mary Anne to the idea that the press and publicity can inflate a story. She figures out that Mr. Cates and Ms. Sparks planned all the creepy stuff to drum up interest in the store. Mary Anne arranges a sting operation using the heartbeat tape and catches them in the basement. They admit that they did all the weird stuff for publicity. It works, as the bookstore is a huge hit.

In the B-plot, it’s been raining a lot in Stoneybrook, and everyone’s going stir crazy. The BSC girls arrange a big sunny-day festival where their charges all do activities like making sandcastles and mud pies. There’s also stuff about Tom and Gillian making friends and growing to not hate Stoneybrook so much.

Thoughts: Mary Anne is very smart in this book. I think she’s such a good detective because she’s so observant.

Trivia: Star Wars is one of Stacey’s favorite movies, which doesn’t really fit with what we know about her.

“Am I getting old or is it very noisy in here?” I love you, Mrs. Pike. You’re not old. Especially since it’s entirely likely that you’re only in your 30s. Which means I’m now closer in age to the BSC girls’ parents than I am to the girls themselves. I’m going to go cry now.

Why is it that the girls keep thinking they’ve encountered ghosts, they find out what’s really going on, and the next time something happens, they think there’s a ghost again? At some point, wouldn’t they stop suspecting ghosts?

He was going to smoke the marijuana like a cigarette

Summary: The day after his drunken revelry, Brandon’s hungover. He warns David and Clare, who’ve just arrived in Palm Springs, to stay away from the devil’s brew. They tell him Kelly didn’t come with them but try to avoid further discussion about her. David assures Brandon that they didn’t see her with Dylan. But he thinks the dinner Kelly had with Alison was more than just a meal between friends. And now Brandon thinks that, too.

Donna and Ray are late to Felice’s panel, since they were busy riding horses and fighting. Kelly, who’s in Palm Springs now, is surprised to hear that Brandon’s also there. He’s becoming more and more like a KEG member, making prank phone calls and razzing Kelly for possibly being a lesbian. She tells him they’re just friends. Valerie interrupts, implying that she and Brandon are bunking together, but Kelly doesn’t care.

Steve and Rush play tennis again with Robin and her father, and Steve confronts his father for using him for a business deal. Rush and I both roll our eyes. Tom Rose’s girlfriend auditions for Dylan and Charlie’s movie, but she’s horrible. Rose blames the movie plot, since the bank scam would never work. Dylan disagrees, since it’s the scam his father pulled. Rose realizes who Dylan’s dad was, so now he believes the plot.

Brandon decides to move in to Valerie’s suite; first he and Steve head off to run some errands. Valerie overhears Ray and Donna fighting over how annoyed he is to be in Palm Springs. He tells her he’s mad because she makes him angry. She tries to walk away, but he pulls her back, making her fall down a flight of stairs. Valerie runs over to help as Ray insists that it was an accident. At a gas station, Steve runs into his “goddess” again and finally learns her name, Elle. She makes a nice double entendre, so Steve loves her even more.

Donna winds up in the emergency room, where Ray tells Kelly that she tripped. Her arm is injured, but not badly. Donna decides not to correct Ray’s version of what happened. Steve, Brandon, and Elle go to a bar, and Steve and Elle sing karaoke (“I Got You, Babe”). Brandon has another Jim/Cindy-vision, which confuses him since he’s not drunk this time. They think he’s having second thoughts about sleeping with Valerie (and Cindy thinks he’s right to have those second thoughts). Brandon says that if they really cared, they wouldn’t have abandoned him and moved to Hong Kong.

Charlie and Rose stargaze and discuss the movie until one of Rose’s guards tells him Dylan was caught making a phone call. Apparently the recipient of the call is someone Rose doesn’t want him to talk to. Steve gets closer to sealing the deal with Elle, but the moment is over when Steve realizes she stuffed her bra. Then he looks down and realizes Elle has something between her legs that Steve doesn’t want to see.

Ray gives an impromptu concert at the hotel while Felice tells Donna that she should be more cheerful since he’s being so great. Kelly blasts David and Clare for telling Brandon that she was with Alison, and for misinterpreting the whole situation. Valerie comes in looking for Brandon, the last person Kelly wants to talk about right now. (You and me both, Kel.)

On his way back to the hotel, Brandon gets pulled over (for pausing too long at a stoplight, or something like that). The cop asks if he’s been drinking, and Brandon admits to having had a couple of beers earlier in the day. He has trouble finding the car registration since he’s never driven it before. Something he has no trouble finding: a joint Valerie left in the car. Enjoy your patdown, Brandon.

The next day, Rose and his goons take Dylan out to scout locations for the movie. (The finger quotes are implied.) Brandon makes it back to the hotel after a night in jail and flushes Valerie’s stash. He beats himself up for not listening when his parents told him to be responsible and look after Val. He gives her back her keys and says he’ll find another ride back to Beverly Hills.

Steve decides to give Robin another shot, since he’s pretty sure she was born a woman. He tells Brandon what happened to Elle, swearing him to secrecy. Donna tells Ray to leave her alone, but says she doesn’t hate him. He basically says he’s annoyed that she wouldn’t let him go back to Beverly Hills, so I guess everything is her fault. Felice is completely unable to read the room and has no idea that there’s a problem.

As he’s leaving Palm Springs, Brandon runs into Kelly and apologizes for his remarks about her and Alison. She thinks that they should still be together even if they’re not going to get married. He’s upset because she seems to view him as “just another guy,” even though he proposed. Kelly wonders if he’ll ever forgive her. Brandon says that’s not the point; “there’s just no going back.”

Rose takes Dylan to a tramway so they can take a trip up a mountain. Dylan’s suspicious since Charlie isn’t there. He should have been suspicious a little earlier; it’s too late now, since Rose and his guards force him into a tram. They stop it partway up the mountain, open the door, and hold Dylan outside.

Rose reveals that he knows Dylan called Christine, and he’d like to know why Dylan tried to talk to an FBI agent. Rose thinks Dylan suspects him of killing Jack, and insists he didn’t. Dylan quickly says he believes him. Back at Rose’s house, Dylan tells Charlie that he’s done with their deal. Charlie tells him to at least stay for lunch – and Dylan does! What??

Kelly patches things up with David and Clare, since Brandon doesn’t hate her anymore. They’re surprised to see that Felice and Ray seem to be getting along. Valerie tells Donna that she saw the whole “accident,” but Donna asks her to keep quiet. Valerie offers to be there if Donna wants to talk. Donna declines, since she knows there’s something more than friendship and business dealings going on between Ray and Valerie. Then she gives a speech to the frat/sorority convention, saying that the new Alpha girl can’t be pushed around.

Dylan and Brandon run into each other at a bus station, then ride back to Beverly Hills together. Brandon shares that his conscience took the form of his parents. Dylan’s impressed that he was able to keep himself from sleeping with Valerie. The guys bond over being in love with and rejected by Kelly.

Felice thinks that Ray is a great guy after all; obviously he cares about Donna since he was so worried after her fall. Donna drops hints that things aren’t all rosy, but says she still loves him. Brandon and Dylan arrive in Beverly Hills, now friends, and Dylan points out that the “for sale” sign on the Walshes’ house is now a “sold” sign. At his own house, Dylan gets a message from Christine, who begs him to stay away from Rose. Dylan ignores her, finding his gun.

Brandon’s watching home movies from his childhood when Valerie gets home. (Fun fact: He and Brenda once had a Smurf-themed birthday party.) He assures her that he forgives her, but they’ll need to just be friends and nothing more. Now that the house has sold, they have two weeks to find a new place to live. Then Brandon totally forgets what he said 20 seconds earlier, and he and Val start making out.

Thoughts: Whoever cast Elle is a genius. She could pass for a man or a woman.

“Hey, kid, to convince you I didn’t kill anyone, I’m going to threaten to kill you.” Makes sense, doesn’t it?

I still want to know why Clare’s on this show.

“What’s that ‘sold’ sign all about?” Well, Brandon, I think it means your house has been sold. Which was the point of the “for sale” sign. Do you need to write all this down?

I’m halfway through the series! And it only took me two years! Sheesh.

This is exactly what I want my wedding day to look like

Summary: The Salinger house is all set up for Charlie and Kirsten’s wedding. Charlie doesn’t look the least bit excited. Kirsten is already in her dress but is crying in the bedroom because her sister isn’t able to come to the wedding. Also, her parents are running late. Kirsten worries that something else will happen, since bad things always occur in threes. Charlie gives her the third piece: He wants to postpone the wedding six months.

He’s feeling anxious and trapped, and something in him says that getting married right now is a bad idea. “I’m not ready for the rest of my life to start today,” he says. Kirsten thinks that Charlie’s just tired and hungover from his bachelor party, and that he just needs a little time to get himself together. And by “a little time,” she means half an hour. When Charlie hesitates again, she tells him that he just has to meet her at the altar and make a promise.

The other Salingers take care of reception arrangements as Ross, Sarah, and Will arrive. Sarah and Bailey both think Will’s outfit is ridiculous for a wedding. Ellie and Gene finally make it to the house, so Kirsten decides it’s time for pictures. Julia goes to retrieve Charlie, who is clean-shaven for the first time in the series. She notices that he’s nervous but doesn’t think it’s a big deal.

As the pictures start, Justin arrives to drop off a present from his mom. He doesn’t think Julia still wants him there, since she invited him before they broke up. Then he decides to stay so he doesn’t have to be at home with his father. During the picture-taking, Charlie grows more and more anxious until he finally runs off.

Kirsten follows him and he tries to tell her again that he’s not ready to get married. She thinks he’s just nervous and is having the same feelings everyone has before getting married. He just needs to go downstairs and say, “I do.” Charlie can’t do it – it means he’ll live in his parents’ house and take care of his brothers and sisters and work at the restaurant for the rest of his life. He’ll never be able to make another decision for himself.

Kirsten takes this to mean that he doesn’t want to be with her. Charlie corrects that he just needs time to think about everything. Kirsten points out that there are a bunch of people waiting for a wedding. He needs to take a deep breath and follow through. Again, he says no.

The bride and groom announce that the wedding’s off, so of course everyone wants to know what happened, especially Gene. Charlie doesn’t want to talk to anyone. Bailey takes over as resident mature adult, saying he’ll explain things to the minister and pay everyone. He notes bitterly that this is the first time in a while that he’s had to clean up a mess Charlie made.

Ellie is sure that Charlie will come around; he’s clearly not thinking rationally. Meanwhile, Kirsten breaks down. Julia confides in Justin that she’s trying to figure out how to convince Charlie to change his mind. He offers to be her sounding board, as if they’re friends again. She declines the offer but asks him to stay with her. Bailey tries to negotiate the caterer’s payment but just winds up with a bunch of shrimp. Ellie’s in denial that the whole thing is over.

Julia finally figures out what to say to Charlie, but it’s basically just begging him not to call off the wedding. She tells him no one understands what he’s doing. He knows that he’s being horrible to Kirsten, and he doesn’t want to hurt her. Defeated, Julia grabs a bottle of champagne and goes off to drink it with Justin.

Kirsten tries to talk herself into going along with Charlie’s idea to just postpone for a few months. Ellie tells her that if she wants to get married today, she should. She needs to tell Charlie that this is his only chance. Kirsten worries that he’ll say no. “He’s already said no,” Ellie reminds her.

In the basement, Julia and Justin get on the road to Drunkville. He notes that they had their first kiss in the basement when they were kids. They reenact the historic moment, though she remembers it happening somewhere else. Bailey tells Sarah that men in his family always make the same mistake: They walk away from the best thing in their life. He knows that someday, Charlie will regret his decision, but it’ll be too late.

Kirsten takes Ellie’s advice and tells Charlie that they’re either getting married today or they’re breaking up. She knows that if they wait six months, they’ll just replay today. She leaves to give him time to think, but this allows him to run away. Sarah blathers to Will about uncertainty and relationships and decisions and some other crap, which confuses him, since they’ve only been together for three weeks.

Bailey gives Julia the news about Charlie, but she can’t really process it since she’s drunk. Justin grabs another bottle of champagne and they go up to Julia’s room. Kirsten redoes her makeup, making Claudia think that Charlie will come back. She really wants them to be together. Kirsten admits that she doesn’t think he’ll be back.

Bailey asks Will straight out if he loves Sarah. Will doesn’t really know what to say, since, again, they’ve been dating for less than a month. Bailey thinks he himself loves her, so he needs to know where Will stands. Upstairs, a super-drunk Julia and Justin start making out. She asks if he has protection, but it doesn’t look like he makes a move to actually get a condom out of his wallet.

Downstairs, Kirsten tells everyone that the wedding’s really off. Just then, Charlie returns and pulls Kirsten away to tell her he’s changed his mind and wants to get married. If it’s a choice between the wedding and breaking up, he’ll go through with the wedding.

Will pulls Bailey and Sarah into Bailey’s room so they can figure out who wants to be with who. Sarah feels like the guys are competing for her. Bailey says that Will and Sarah care about each other, and he also cares about Will, and also really cares about Sarah. Now everyone’s more confused than before. Julia suddenly sobers up when she realizes that she and Justin just had sex. Claudia knocks on the door to tell her that Charlie’s there and the wedding’s back on.

The ceremony is about to begin but this time the bride isn’t ready. Charlie finds her in her regular clothes, and she tells him that she doesn’t know what else she can give him if he’s not sure he wants to marry her. Charlie promises that he’s sure, but Kirsten knows he’s not. He begs her to marry him. She tells him she’s afraid that one day he’ll come home and say he doesn’t want to be with her anymore. She can’t take the chance that he’ll keep his word not to leave her.

The wedding is called off again, and this time everyone actually leaves. Will tells Bailey that Sarah broke up with him. He could be mad that his girlfriend and best friend want to be together, but he’d rather let it go and keep his best friend. Plus, he thinks Bailey and Sarah are meant to be together. Then Will punches Bailey in the stomach, apologizing for having to do such a guy thing.

Julia isn’t that happy that her first time having sex was at a failed wedding after getting drunk. She wishes she’d been able to look at Justin afterward and know that she wanted to be with him. It would be nice if they were at least still friends. Bailey tells Sarah that when they were together before, it was too soon; when she was with Will, it was too late. Maybe now, the timing is right. They kiss, so I guess that means the timing is right.

That night, Ellie and Gene help Kirsten move her things out of the Salingers’ house. She tells Charlie she’ll be with them in Chicago for a while, then gives him back her engagement ring. They exchange “I love you”s, but she hopes that feeling goes away soon.

Claudia’s really confused about the breakup since she’s sure Charlie loves Kirsten. She decides to save the top of the wedding cake, as per tradition, in hopes that they’ll change their minds again. Bailey goes to talk to Charlie, who thinks he’s in for a lecture. Instead, Bailey promises that he’s on Charlie’s side.

Thoughts: Trivia: Julia’s allergic to shrimp.

No one seems to have any problem with Charlie seeing Kirsten in her wedding dress before the ceremony. I mean, obviously it winds up not mattering, but still.

Why does everyone hang around after the wedding’s cancelled? Go home! There’s no more party! Take some shrimp and get out!

Thanks for showing up for two scenes, Ross.

I remember being so bummed about this episode when it first aired. It’s nice to know that (SPOILER!) Charlie and Kirsten end up getting married in season 6.

That’s Liz in front, Jess in the chair, and Lila looking like Leighton Meester

Summary: It’s finally time for prom! No, not Jungle Prom, a new one. Elizabeth and Devon are on good terms after he set her up to see if she’d choose him or Todd, and they’re going to the dance together. (By the way, there are three events that night: Lila’s pre-prom party, the prom itself, and an after-party on a yacht.) Devon and Liz plan to have dinner first, but he calls to tell her to meet him at the restaurant instead of Secca Lake. Jessica forgets to give Elizabeth the message, so Liz winds up at the lake, where she runs into Todd. She thinks Devon has stood her up, so she and Todd decide to go to the dance together, even though he was supposed to go with Courtney.

Remember how Jessica and Lila both made dates with the same guy but didn’t know it? The guy, Jordan, thinks they’re horrible for going behind each other’s backs, so he ditches them both, leaving them both dateless. Jessica suggests that they just steal other girls’ dates at the prom. She goes to tell Devon that Elizabeth didn’t get his message, then decides to pretend to be Liz and spend the pre-prom time with him, then give him to Liz for the prom. Devon falls for it.

Elizabeth and Todd skip the pre-party, so they’re not there when Courtney shows up, ticked about having been dumped just before the prom. Lila tells her to come to the prom anyway. Courtney does, and when she sees Todd and Liz together, she freaks out. Meanwhile, no one (except Enid and possibly Maria Slater) notices that Devon and Todd both think they’re with Elizabeth, and Devon thinks Todd is with Jessica. I really have no idea how Devon goes the entire dance without figuring out he’s with the wrong twin. Well, at least until Courtney tells him who he’s really with.

Devon confronts Elizabeth, whose default reaction is to start crying. (I can’t feel that bad for her; she went along with Jessica’s plans and let Jess pretend to be her.) Todd is also ticked, so Liz is single again. Lila wants revenge on Jessica, so she and Courtney arrange to lock the twins up in a shed. Liz is with Enid and Maria, so Lila locks them in, too. Then everyone else heads to the yacht for the after-party.

Tyler and Blubber (Maria and Enid’s dates) free the girls, and they all take a speedboat out to meet the yacht. No, I don’t know who would rent a speedboat to a bunch of 16-year-olds after dark. On the boat, Courtney goes fully insane and pushes Todd overboard. Elizabeth rescues him, but he still doesn’t want to be with her. Then Jessica sees Lila and Devon together and gets mad, though I don’t think they’re actually doing anything.

Thoughts: Guys, the first 1,000 people who log on to the Sweet Valley website get a free ‘N Sync cassette sample and autographed picture! Hurry, hurry, hurry!

“We’ve beend reaming about prom night for years, and it’s finally here!” You’ve already had a prom, Jess. Remember? Your boyfriend died?

I’m surprised Lila finds Jessica’s twin switch so objectionable. Maybe she’s just jealous that she can’t do it.

Winston: “You only have one junior prom.” No, you don’t! Am I the only one who remembers Jungle Prom?

The twins think they can pull off the switch for the entire dance. The problem is that they would need everyone else to go along with it for it to work. As soon as anyone talks to Elizabeth and Todd, and finds out that’s Liz, it’s obvious Jessica’s with Devon. To have everyone either pretend Jessica is Elizabeth and vice versa would be impossible.

Tyler wears a navy jacket with black pants. As a model, he should really know better.

1. Why would Valerie want to hook up with Brandon?
2. Should Elizabeth be with Todd or Devon?
3. Where does Owen go in the long stretches of time he’s not on-screen?
4. Which title in the BSC is the most meaningless?

Awww, now I want a puppy

Summary: Kristy’s family takes in a puppy named Scout so they can train her to one day be a guide dog for a blind person. Most of the book is about training Scout, and how they have to treat her differently from Shannon (the dog, not the person – though they have to treat her different from Shannon the person, too, of course). The book is basically a big advertisement for organizations that train and place guide dogs, but it’s a good kind of ad.

The B plot fits in with the main plot. A local 12-year-old named Deb has recently gone blind due to glaucoma, and she’s having a lot of trouble adjusting. She’s extremely bitter and nasty about it. The BSC girls are sitting for her younger brothers, so they encounter Deb a lot, but they can’t find a way to befriend her because she thinks everyone’s staring at her and/or pitying her. She also freaks people (including me) out by telling them how quickly she got sick and lost her eyesight, and how the same thing could happen to them.

One day while Kristy’s sitting for Deb’s brothers, Deb disappears. She’d been wanting to go to the video store (awww, remember those?), and when Kristy delayed the trip, she decided to go by herself to show she’s independent. But she went the wrong way and wound up in the middle of a busy road. Kristy finds her, then basically yells at her for acting like she needs pity when she keeps saying she doesn’t want it. It’s kind of mean, but honestly, Deb was really annoying and needed to hear it.

Thoughts: I’m glad I didn’t read this when I was the actual target age of the books, because I might have had a bit of a meltdown. Deb seriously freaked me out. Deb: “You could go blind…right now.” Silence. Me: “Waaaaah, Mommy!”

Trivia: To Kill a Mockingbird is one of Kristy’s favorite books.

“Scout was growing up so fast.” You’ve had her for two weeks, Kristy. Don’t break into “Sunrise, Sunset” just yet.

Kristy says a dog that wasn’t able to become a guide dog now mentors others. Dogs can be mentors? Huh?

That awkward moment when you’re about to hook up with a girl who’s practically your sister, and your parents have something to say about it

Summary: Road trip! Steve’s going to Palm Springs. At a red light, he spots a woman in a pink hat and is instantly smitten. He and Rush are in town for a frat/sorority convention, and the senior Sanders has already found a blind date for the junior Sanders. Brandon wants to skip out on the convention (which makes sense since he’s not in a frat), but Steve wants him to come to Palm Springs so he’ll stop sitting around and moping about his parents moving and Kelly turned down his proposal. Brandon doesn’t think he can leave, since he’s helping his parents move, but Steve encourages him to come down.

Kelly brings the Walshes a going-away present (a cheesy-looking palm tree), and they encourage her to chat with Brandon. Kelly in turn encourages Brandon to go to Palm Springs. She also doesn’t want them to break up just because they’re not getting married. Valerie shows up to mention that she’s on her way to see Dylan. She taunts Kelly for breaking two guys’ hearts at once. Clare and David help Donna write the speech she’ll give at the convention, though the two of them don’t get the appeal of sororities. Kelly will also be going to the convention, though she’ll be late and won’t tell her friends why.

Ray writes a mopey song, telling LuAnn he’s been thinking about her divorce from his father. He knows Mr. Pruit used to push her around. LuAnn corrects that he hit her, then gave excuses for his behavior and tried to apologize. Ray tells her he was mean to Donna, and she encourages him to make up with her. Valerie finds Dylan packing for a trip to Hawaii to see Iris and Erica. She’ll be staying behind to “be there for” Brandon (Dylan gets the euphemism). Charlie’s supposed to take Dylan to the airport, but he really wants to get him to cancel the trip. He’s found a paragliding company that wants to put up some money for their movie (which…has a paragliding scene).

The Walshes go to the Peach Pit for what will be Jim and Cindy’s last dinner there. Nat’s sad to see Jim go since he’s always been helpful with the diner. Brandon and Valerie will be living in the house and dealing with possible buyers until it’s sold. Donna works more on her speech but is interrupted by a serenade from Ray. He tells her she wasn’t the only one who was scared by his behavior. Donna’s willing to take him back if he comes to the convention in Palm Springs. And now we know that if you get in a fight with your girlfriend, you just have to write her a song.

Jim and Cindy are gone (‘bye, Jim and Cindy), so Brandon and Valerie are alone to contend with late-night visits from potential buyers. Ironically, one family is moving from Hong Kong. Brandon and Valerie decide to go to Palm Springs after all. She tries to proposition him, telling him she’s going to bed, but not to sleep. Kelly goes to the burn clinic to retrieve Alison; a nurse mistakes her for Alison’s girlfriend. Alison, who looks 100 times better, will be staying at the beach apartment temporarily.

Steve and Rush play tennis with Steve’s blind date, Robin, and her father. Brandon and Valerie show up, and Steve complains about being set up with Robin. Brandon doesn’t see what he has to complain about. Steve says all the girls Rush has set him up with have had baggage. Brandon thinks he has it worse since he had to share a house with Valerie, knowing she was next door, waiting for him to join her. They get some refreshment from Muntz’s margarita/sloe gin fizz backpack server.

Donna and Ray are next to arrive in Palm Springs. He’s in a bad mood, shockingly enough. Felice is also there and notes that Donna will be busy, so Ray might not have much to do. Once everyone’s arrived at the hotel, there’s a pool party, and Ray attends, even though he hates fun. Brandon’s drunk on Muntz’s booze and jumps in the pool with his clothes on. He and Steve goof around. Robin asks Valerie if the two of them are always like this, then pretty much asks if Steve is gay. (Fair question, considering how he and Brandon are playing.)

Robin gets on some guy’s shoulders, and Brandon declares a chicken fight. Donna participates, which doesn’t amuse Ray. Felice complains to him about Donna’s skimpy bathing suit, the first thing she and Ray have ever been on the same page about. She asks him to talk to Donna about wearing more appropriate clothing. Ray grabs a towel and tells his girlfriend to get out of the pool. Brandon and Steve decide they need to get out, too, before Valerie and Robin make a move. Muntz gives them a good excuse – they need to get more beer.

Back from a day of paragliding, Dylan complains to Charlie about the footage they shot. Charlie has another potential backer; they just have to give the guy’s girlfriend a part in the movie. Brandon and Steve go on a beer run, which Brandon points out they’re doing instead of hanging out with hot girls in bikinis. Steve says he’s just not into Robin. He spots his pink-hatted “goddess,” and he and Brandon spend some time checking her out.

Back in Beverly Hills, Kelly and Alison have dinner at the beach apartment while David and Clare spy on them. David wonders why Kelly turned down her two boyfriends for Alison. Kelly figures out that they think she and Alison are on a date. She addresses Alison’s crush on her and is trying to let her down when Alison announces that she’s in love with her.

The convention-goers also have dinner, and Felice now approves of Donna’s attire. Brandon’s still drunk and heckles Rush that Sonny Bono (the scheduled speaker) isn’t going to show up. “He has no sense of punctuality, and he never could carry a tune!” he yells. Steve kicks him out, sending him off without a sorely needed babysitter. Brandon winds up at the hot tub, making Valerie very happy.

Alison asks Kelly why she didn’t tell her roommates she was coming. Kelly isn’t sure. She’s concerned that Alison still sees them as a potential couple. Alison tells her “it’s [lesbianism, I guess] one of those things [she'll] never know” unless she tries. They’ll miss each other when Kelly goes to Palm Springs. As Brandon prepares to join Valerie in the hot tub, he hallucinates his parents shaming him for being irresponsible and self-destructive. Cindy goes all Felice, saying he’s having “impure thoughts” about someone who’s practically family. Val catches him talking to “himself.”

Ray continues being grumpy but cheers up when Donna invites him to swing by her room. Steve apologizes to Robin for ignoring her, and she commiserates over having a parent who always wants to fix her up with guys she doesn’t like. Steve’s about to kiss her when he learns that their fathers are working on a business deal together. Brandon makes it to the hot tub, but he and Valerie don’t have much time alone before the rest of the convention-goers show up. Dylan and Charlie go to meet a guy named Tom Rose, who has bodyguards and a New York accent, and works in “vending machines,” according to Charlie. Dylan knows this means Rose is really a mobster.

Donna and Ray go horseback-riding (the only thing he wanted to do in Palm Springs), and he’s not ready to go back when she is. He blasts her for making him do all sorts of things with all sorts of people he didn’t want to be with, then not hanging out with him. He’s also mad about her bathing suit. She tells him she got it because she thought he would like it. She’ll dress differently, but she can’t miss her mother’s panel, so they have to go back. Ray taunts that she dresses the way she does to get attention from other guys. She’s totally asking for it.

Thoughts: Kelly wears suspenders over a white belly polo shirt. I didn’t even know they made shirts that horrible.

Dylan, get that fuzz off your lip and never grow a mustache again.

Steve uses a fake ID to buy beer. There are a ton of people at the convention – why doesn’t someone legal buy it? And should Steve be running this risk when he’s already had legal trouble?

Brandon, failing to fight the urge to look at Steve’s “goddess”: “If I turn into a pillar of salt, just use me for margaritas.” Drunk Brandon is kind of funny.

Forgive me for sounding like Felice, but there are entirely too many exposed navels in this episode.

I put my “Arrested Development” marathon on hold for this one-hit wonder. Come on!

Summary: Charlie’s trying to write his wedding vows, but he’s suffering from writer’s block. Kirsten has already written hers, and when Julia proofreads them for her, she gets emotional. She shares them with the rest of the family. Charlie tells Bailey to get him a book of quotations. Bailey doesn’t get what’s so difficult about telling Kirsten he loves her and wants to be with her forever.

On the way to school, Bailey and Julia discuss their wedding dates. She can’t bring Griffin, since he left, and he’s dreading having to see Sarah and Will there together. It’s already hard enough for him to have to see them together at school. Speaking of seeing exes, Julia runs into Justin and reminds him that while they were dating, they’d planned to go to an upcoming Sophie B. Hawkins concert together. Now she wants him to have her ticket.

Charlie’s friend Dudley tries to explain bachelor parties to Claudia. Kirsten’s sister isn’t able to come to San Francisco before the wedding, so she won’t get to have a bonding session with her. Kirsten tries to get Dudley to promise not to do certain things at Charlie’s party. He quickly finds a loophole in the agreement, asking Bailey to take responsibility for all the plans.

Justin comes to the Salingers’ to get his ticket, then refuses it when Julia won’t take money for it. He doesn’t want to be friends with her. Julia takes the ticket back, saying she’ll stop being nice to him, in that case. Bailey tells Charlie that his bachelor party is going to be wild; if he has a request regarding strippers, he should make it known now. But Charlie doesn’t think he’ll have time for the party, partly because he still hasn’t written his vows. Bailey teases him, but Charlie’s taking it very seriously. He changes his mind about the party, though.

Claudia takes a call for Bailey about confirming a stripper, so he tells her they’re getting the house repainted. Claudia’s offered to fill in for Kirsten’s sister and having a girls’ evening with her soon-to-be-sister-in-law. (It’s the day before the wedding, by the way.) Julia goes to the concert, so we get to kill a few minutes listening to Sophie B. Hawkins sing. Justin complains because he hates that “As I Lay Me Down” song.

Bailey, Dudley, and Charlie’s friends arrive at a hotel for the bachelor party and meet the stripper, Honey. For some reason, Bailey had to buy the beer, even though he’s underage; he could only get a six-pack. The group gets stuck in an elevator. In the room, Charlie keeps trying to write his vows, but he’s distracted by the couple next door, who are having sex very loudly. He thinks Dudley’s playing a joke, so he goes over to break things up. It turns out the sex is real, and it’s between a man and his mistress. Charlie meets the man’s wife in the hall and invites her to his room.

Kirsten and Claudia’s girls’ night is a bust; their massages weren’t good. Claudia’s next treat is supposed to be a song dedicated to Kirsten on the radio, but the DJ plays “Get an Ugly Girl to Marry You.” At least Kirsten finds it funny. At the concert, Justin decides to find a different place to sit while Julia nags him for being mean. He snarks that he would have sent her a card to get her through her breakup, but Hallmark doesn’t make one for girls whose boyfriends are in prison. Suddenly, Julia spots Justin’s father with a woman who’s not Justin’s mother.

The stripper is claustrophobic, so that’s fun. Charlie’s new friend, Monica, wants to bust her husband, though she’s nervous to find out if the other woman is prettier and younger than she is. Charlie tells her he’s there for a bachelor party, but doesn’t mention that it’s his own. Monica offers to buy him a drink in the bar downstairs. They’re gone by the time Bailey and the others are freed from the elevator.

Charlie and Monica discuss his love life pre-Kirsten; he’s slept with about 30 women and didn’t always know their names. She wonders if he would be able to give up all other women if he met the right person. She advises him to tell his groom friend that if he’s going to say his vows, he’d better mean them and have his wild days out of his system.

Kirsten and Claudia’s girls’ night continues with An Affair to Remember, or at least it would if the video hadn’t accidentally been swapped with porn. (I’m guessing it was the porn Bailey rented for the bachelor party.) Claudia laments that all her plans were ruined, but Kirsten doesn’t mind. She notes that sometimes good things happen unexpectedly, like her meeting the Salingers. She had a bunch of nanny interviews the same day she met them, and she chose this job because it was close.

Julia tries to get Justin to talk about his feelings about what he just saw, but he thinks she would do better talking to Mr. Thompson, since they’re both cheaters. Julia reminds him that they’ve always been good friends. He was the first person she called when her parents died. Justin reminds her that they’re not friends.

Bailey searches for Charlie, who’s still with a drunk Monica. She wants to get even with her husband, so she asks Charlie to sleep with her. After all, “turnabout is foreplay,” right? Bailey sees them at the reception desk and thinks they’re getting a room together. He follows them and finds a “do not disturb” sign on the doorknob.

A couple of Charlie’s friends play strip poker with Honey (who’s winning and fully dressed) while the others get really into An Affair to Remember. Bailey tells Dudley about Charlie and Monica, blaming himself for taking Charlie to a place with women and beds when he was having issues. Now he knows he can’t stand up for Charlie at the wedding. Elsewhere, Charlie’s about to get it on with Monica, but he quickly puts on the brakes, admitting that he’s been using her to figure out things. He tells her he’s in love with someone and would give up every other woman in the world for her.

Justin goes to the Salingers’ in the middle of the night to call a brief truce with Julia so he can confide in her. By the time he got home, his father was already there, acting like nothing had happened. He wants to tell his mother about the affair. Julia doesn’t think he should. Maybe Mr. Thompson will realize on his own that he wants to be with his wife – “that he was with the right person all along.” Justin wonders if that’s how Julia feels about the two of them, but she’s not sure.

Charlie goes back to his room, passing Honey on her way out. Bailey confronts him for being with another woman. Charlie explains what happened, but Bailey doesn’t believe that they didn’t have sex. Charlie assures him that he doesn’t want anyone but Kirsten. Bailey says that he just said everything he needs to say in his vows. He wishes their parents were there to see Charlie get married.

Kirsten’s too excited to sleep, so she puts on her wedding dress to show Claudia. Claudia says she looks like the prettiest piece of music she knows. Julia’s also amazed. Charlie tries to finish his vows at the restaurant before it opens, and winds up chatting with one of the maintenance guys. He shares what happened the night before and admits that he feels like running away. He asks the maintenance guy for a coin, saying he’ll get married if he flips it and it turns up heads.

Thoughts: No rehearsal or rehearsal dinner? Weird.

Ha, Sophie B. Hawkins. Whatever happened to her?

Kirsten, run away! Run away now!

Friend 1: “You’re the stripper?” Honey: “I prefer ‘sartorially challenged.’” Friend 1: “What does ‘sartorially’ mean?” Friend 2: “Nekkid.” Highlight of the episode.