May 19, 2013
BH90210 5.29, The Real McCoy: I Can’t Believe They Didn’t Call This “The Real McKay”
Once again, Dylan and guns are a bad combination
Summary: At Brandon’s final student senate meeting, Alex and Janice surprise the president with a cake and a visit from his parents and friends. They also encourage him to run for another term. He agrees to serve again, even though he knows it’s crazy. Valerie is suddenly interested in Brandon, and she wonders how close he and Kelly are. David offers to help Brandon with his campaign, but he doesn’t plan to do much, mostly since he’s running unopposed.
Jim’s worried about his job because there was a meeting without him. Having turned down a move to Idaho, Jesse and Andrea don’t have any plans for next year yet. Brandon tells Andrea that he talked to her high school buddy Jordan (on the Internet!), and he still wishes she’d gone to Yale with him. David and Clare try to keep Valerie from getting too close to Brandon. Val promises to look after “him” while Kelly and Steve are in New York doing fashion-y stuff. Kelly thinks she means Brandon, but she really means Dylan: “He’s the one you dream about.”
Valerie packs a picnic for Dylan, but Charlie keeps her out of the house, since Dylan’s having a session with Dr. Campbell. Dylan regresses to the Old West, where he’s a robber named Billy McCoy. While robbing a stagecoach, he flirts with one of his victims, who looks like Kelly. Then things get even more ridiculous when Billy starts narrating.
He and his partner go to a saloon, where a guy recognizes Billy from a wanted poster. Billy starts shooting and takes a bullet in the shoulder. Dylan tells Dr. Campbell that he’s enjoying reinventing himself. Billy goes back to the saloon another time and hooks up with a singer, Dixie. She tells him he’s “the real McCoy.” Gaaaaaag. Billy looks out the window and sees the girl who looks like Kelly.
Brandon wants to have his victory party at the After Dark, though he tells Nat he doesn’t need to campaign. Nat teases him for being so humble. Charlie tells Valerie that as crazy as the regression therapy might seem, it’s very real when it’s happening. Billy and his partner pull off a bank robbery, but Billy’s confronted by a guy he shot during the stagecoach robbery. There’s more shooting, Billy shoots someone, and another guy gives him a guilt trip because he shot a guy with a family.
Billy drinks at the saloon and rejects Dixie when she asks him to spend the night. He goes outside and watches his friends torment an Indian. Dylan flashes back to the sweat lodge, then goes back to his regression, making his friends leave the Indian alone. Old West Kelly sees this and praises Billy for being a good guy. She thinks he can become a better person.
Billy and Old West Kelly are suddenly in love, but Billy’s friends are upset that he’s not a bad guy anymore. He forgot that they were all supposed to rob a train together. Billy assures his friends that he’ll be there, but Dixie overhears and knows something’s up. While the other guys head toward the train, Billy leaves town with Old West Kelly.
Charlie and Valerie come over after the regression session (hey, that rhymes!), and Dylan yells at Val that he found out that he was on the path to Hell until Kelly came into his life. Apparently Dr. Campbell thinks Dylan and Kelly’s link is “seminal.” Charlie deciphers this to mean that Kelly and Dylan are soulmates. Meanwhile, Jim is still worried about his job. No one cares.
Brandon got an endorsement from the Condor, so his candidacy is pretty much a done deal. Valerie asks Brandon if he thinks he has a soulmate, and if he does, is it Kelly? Brandon says he sees a future with her. He thinks Val and Charlie are interested in each other. Valerie complains that Kelly’s trying to turn everyone against her.
She reveals that when she first moved to town, she told Kelly that she was going to make Brandon see her as more than a sister by the end of the year. Valerie continues that she and Brandon have never touched each other; they’ve never even given each other a high five. She hopes Kelly appreciates what she has. Brandon does, too. The he hugs Val, and I can’t believe Kelly didn’t walk in and see that.
At the beach apartment, Donna tries to round up David and Clare for sushi and bowling. They’re on board until they find out Ray’s also coming. Clare quickly comes up with a prior engagement they totally forgot about until just now. (Well played, Clare.) Donna’s disappointed (what, that your friends have other friends?), and Ray calls them on the bluff after she leaves. “How’s Valerie?” Clare asks, actually making me like her for once.
Dylan calls Kelly in New York, and she admits that she’s been thinking about him all day. For some reason, the city makes her think of him. He suggests that it’s déjà vu. Kelly has to leave, but Dylan wants her to call when she gets back to the hotel, no matter how late it is. Back to the boring stuff: Andrea and Cindy talk about Andrea’s lack of plans for the future. Brandon’s still very confident that he’ll win the election, and Andrea thinks he has it in the bag barring “a twist of cataclysmic proportion.”
Brandon prepares for an interview on CU’s news show, CU Later, and Clare warns that the interviewer has something up his sleeve. The interviewer catches Brandon off-guard with a question about a tuition increase. Brandon takes the question to a dean, worried because the election is tomorrow, and he could be blamed. In fact, he’s being slammed by Janice and Alex for not going public with the increase (which Brandon didn’t know about). Alex is now running as a write-in candidate.
Valerie flirts with Brandon, wanting to dance with him at his victory party. She also offers to stuff the ballot box. Kelly and Steve have a successful day in New York, and return to their hotel to find flowers from Dylan. In Beverly Hills, Dylan begs Dr. Campbell to regress him back to his happily-ever-after moment with Old West Kelly. He’s confused because those images don’t fit with how he feels about Kelly or himself. Dr. Campbell wonders exactly what they’re looking for but agrees to another regression.
Back to the Old West! Except it’s a few years later, and Billy and Old West Kelly are married and have kids. (And Billy a mustache. It’s not working for me.) Also, Billy is a marshal, and he’s going by the name Jedediah. One of the robbers tracks him down to tell him that Dixie’s in trouble. Billy agrees to go with him to help her, though Old West Kelly is worried because Billy’s old gang doesn’t know what he’s like now. The two of them say goodbye, knowing they might never see each other again.
Billy rescues Dixie, unknowingly having his life saved by an Indian who knocks down a guy trying to shoot him. Billy takes Dixie to the train station, and as she’s about to leave for San Francisco, Billy’s shot by the son of a man he killed. From Billy’s grave, Dylan sees that some of the people at the funeral are Brandon, Donna, and the real Kelly. Dr. Campbell tells him that this might actually be a premonition. Dylan remembers going to a palm reader who told him he doesn’t have a long life line, so he needs to make the most of his time.
Brandon loses to Alex, so the victory party at the After Dark isn’t to celebrate anything. On the bright side, Brandon doesn’t have to deal with anyone’s complaints about the tuition increase. Jim: still worried. Jesse tells Andrea that he’s been offered a teaching position at Yale Law (I BET), and negotiated a spot for Andrea as an undergrad. Kelly calls the After Dark to talk to Brandon; Valerie remarks that it’s just her to call after the election is over. (Huh?) Kelly’s back in town, at the beach apartment, which is where Dylan finds her to give her big smoochies.
Thoughts: ’90s music alert: Dionne Farris’ “I Know.”
A 15% tuition increase? No, no, no. You have to raise it, like, 3% at a time so people don’t realize how much they’re getting screwed.
Dylan + mustache = Yosemite Sam.
Okay, Dr. Campbell is clearly just making crap up. She’s not even good at pretending she knows what she’s talking about! “This could be a memory, but it could also be a premonition. But I’m not really sure.” Yeah, you’re just taking his money and telling him stuff that sounds good.
May 13, 2013
BH90210 5.28, Girls on the Side: Everybody Loves Kelly
It’s a picture of a picture. Trippy, right?
Summary: Donna’s trying to tan at the beach apartment, but Kelly ruins her good times by lecturing her about the hazards of the sun. Donna tries to get her to go swimming, thinking she’s had her burns bandaged for too long. Kelly gets a package from Seventeen containing a framed copy of her cover. Ray drives back to Beverly Hills from Reno and reunites with LuAnn, who’s surprised that Valerie went all the way to Reno to get him to come home. Ray invites her to see him perform at the After Dark the next night. He also asks her to keep Valerie’s visit a secret from Donna.
Brandon is about to go to Sacramento for some conference. Pretend to care. Cindy’s excited to bring home a copy of Seventeen with Kelly’s cover. Kelly’s not as excited, since all the agents who want to work with her don’t know about her burn scars. Brandon explains that Kelly’s upset that she’ll never look like she did when she shot the cover. Then he calms her down by making out with her.
Dylan’s also appreciative of Kelly’s cover, which bugs Charlie, since he wants them to get some work done on their screenplay. Valerie joins the writers as Dylan asks why Charlie’s added a threesome to the movie. Charlie claims it’s an homage to the classic movie Jules and Jim, but it’s really just a way for the writers to hit us over the head with the concept of a woman being in love with two men. You know, like Kelly is with Brandon and Dylan.
Clare notices that Ray and David are getting along, which Donna attributes to their time in Portland. They all head to the Peach Pit, where Ray and Valerie pretend that they didn’t just talk in Reno. Kelly continues to turn down offers from agents, then calls Jackie to tell her to stop giving out her number. She has a flashback to being trapped in the bathroom with Alison. She’s so upset that she breaks the framed cover.
Jesse gets a job offer in Idaho, so I guess he and Andrea won’t be around much longer. Try to contain your sadness. Kelly meets with Jackie and Steve, who have teamed up to convince her to meet an agent. Steve will even go with her, and will let her leave if she starts feeling uncomfortable. Kelly’s sure that the agent will dismiss her as soon as he sees her scars. Jackie and Steve wear her down, and Steve immediately takes her to the meeting.
LuAnn has picked out a frightening outfit to go to the After Dark, and Ray tries very hard not to tell her she looks crazy. He questions what she’s drinking, wondering when she fell off the wagon. She says she needed a hobby while he was gone, and tonight she’s just nervous for his performance. Ray puts on his worried face.
Kelly leaves the meeting in a good mood, since the agent told her he can get her work right away. He also doesn’t think her scars are that visible. Kelly spots Dana, Alison’s girlfriend, who she hasn’t spoken to since before that whole cult thing. Dana blows her off, and Kelly thinks it’s because she’s kept her distance from Alison.
Ray’s annoyed to see LuAnn at the bar at the After Dark and asks Donna to get her to leave. She passes the task along to Valerie instead. Valerie has her cut off, and Donna suggests that LuAnn leave so Ray doesn’t get distracted. David and Clare take her away as LuAnn trash-talks Valerie. She tells them that Valerie and Ray slept together. Meanwhile, Nat questions Andrea’s move to Idaho, since there are apparently no medical schools there.
Clare and David get LuAnn home, discussing whether or not she was telling the truth about Ray and Valerie. Clare remembers a number of times she’s seen Val checking Ray out. They decide not to say anything to Donna. Charlie wants to watch Jules and Jim with Dylan and Valerie, since he’s…we’ll say he’s hoping to reenact some scenes. Dylan laughs at him, so Charlie bugs him about Kelly, telling him to just go after her already.
Kelly and Brandon talk on the phone, and she tells him about running into the icy Dana. He encourages her to visit Alison at the burn clinic. Kelly feels bad since she hasn’t seen Alison since she was released from the hospital. Clare and David return to the After Dark, finding it hard to hide their concern over the Donna/Ray/Valerie situation. Now Clare’s more convinced than ever that LuAnn was telling the truth. They still don’t think they can tell Donna, though.
Kelly goes to the clinic but Alison won’t see her. The next day, she goes to see Dana, and learns that she’s dating someone new. The new girlfriend, Kate, tells her that Alison dumped Dana shortly after the fire. Kelly thinks that Alison is avoiding her because she’s mad that Kelly wasn’t as injured as she was. Kate reveals that Alison is actually in love with Kelly.
David pays Ray a visit to reveal that he knows he and Valerie hooked up. Ray admits it, swearing that he regrets it. David promises to keep quiet as long as Ray keeps his pants on around girls who aren’t Donna. (And since he’s dating Donna, he’ll be keeping his pants on around her, too.) As soon as David’s gone, Ray tears into LuAnn for spilling about the affair. Meanwhile, Clare confronts Valerie, who says LuAnn’s lying. Clare warns her to stay away from Ray. Andrea reads up on Idaho, but Jesse tells her that he’s decided it’s not the right place for them since there’s no medical school.
Kelly’s also decided to turn down her job offer, and won’t be signing with the agent she met with. She’s surprised to get a call from Alison, who’s sitting around in the dark like a serial killer or something. She thinks Kelly needs to pursue modeling so she can share her gift of beauty with the world. She asks Kelly to come back for a visit in about a month, after she has a final skin graft. Kelly finally takes off the bandage on her arm, which she definitely didn’t need to keep wearing, since she looks totally fine.
The next day, Kelly goes to the Walshes’, where Brandon has gathered a stack of Seventeens for Kelly to sign for various people. He notices that she’s not wearing the bandage anymore. Everyone’s all happy, and the music lets us know that this is a magical moment. Be happy for Kelly, everyone! Her life is wonderful! Everyone loves her, and she probably smells like cotton candy!
Thoughts: Kelly’s hair is as cute as Donna’s is hideous.
If they want us to think Kelly’s scars are that big a deal, they need to actually be visible.
David and Clare should tell Brandon about Ray and Valerie. He loves making the “right” decision so he can feel good about himself.
Andrea’s not going to be ready for medical school for two more years. Why not move to Idaho, then move somewhere else in two years?
I like that we keep seeing the characters studying. A lot of shows with characters in school don’t show them actually doing school things outside of attending classes. It’s realistic that while Kelly’s moping and fretting, Donna’s trying to study for a test or something.
May 11, 2013
BH90210 5.27, Squash It: Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself
Not vanilla, indeed
Summary: We open in Reno, where Ray has just finished a show. He rejects a groupie in order to take a call from Donna, who offers to talk to Valerie about letting him come back to the After Dark. He’s supposed to be coming back to Beverly Hills in a couple weeks. Ray tells her that he might not be coming back then (but it has nothing to do with her). He invites her to come on the road with him. Donna doesn’t see much of a future in following him around while he tours.
Performance artists are on the stage at the After Dark, and the joint is definitely not jumping. Steve tells Valerie that with Ray gone, no one knows what the club is about anymore. Valerie says that she can’t afford to hire acts like Ray. Steve knows he’s not supposed to get involved, but he’ll give her some advice: Let David turn the place into a hip-hop club. Valerie’s out of ideas, so she lets Steve take the reins on this.
David offers Donna a ride home, and somehow accidentally starts a fight with Clare. She admits to Donna that she misses him. At CU, Chancellor Arnold recruits Brandon to convince a prospective student, Warren, to come to their school. The kid is, like, 13 and a jerk. He also has no interest in going to CU and is only there as a courtesy. Also, he immediately hates Brandon, so I like him.
At the After Dark, David catches Willie the cook’s nephew Juwan using his equipment. He’s a little ticked, but he likes what Juwan was playing. Willie calls him into the kitchen, where he’s supposed to be working as a dishwasher. Back on campus, Brandon’s new protégé demands to be entertained, announcing that he’s staying with Brandon until he has some fun. If Brandon doesn’t cooperate, Warren will complain, and the school will lose endowments.
Donna asks Valerie straight out what happened between her and Ray. She’s noticed that Ray doesn’t like talking about her, and she knows Valerie is the reason Ray doesn’t want to come back to the After Dark. Valerie plays innocent victim, saying she must have given Ray mixed signals when they first met. Donna asks her to call Ray in Reno and convince him that he’s welcome to come back to the After Dark. Valerie is totally on board with that idea.
Dylan has another hypnotherapy session, though he doesn’t think it was successful. Dr. Campbell thinks he’s ready to do his first regression that night. She tells him to open his hand, and he sees that he’s holding a stone with a yin/yang symbol on it. At the Peach Pit, David tells Steve that he wants Juwan to DJ at the After Dark. Steve objects, saying Juwan’s a gangster – he’s only working at the Peach Pit so he’ll be off the streets and away from gang activity. Nat backs up David’s desire to give Juwan a second chance.
Now David just needs permission from Juwan’s parole officer. He finds him at a group session, where Juwan and other delinquents are watching an anti-fighting video called “Squash It.” The officer literally tells the kids, “Check yourself before you wreck yourself.” Somehow, they manage not to laugh in his face. Some of the other kids tease Juwan for getting a visit from a white boy. Juwan’s surprised that David got Willie to agree to let him play; Willie doesn’t see a difference between gangster rap and real gangsters.
Dr. Campbell goes to Dylan’s house for the regression, in which Dylan sees himself in a rail yard (what’s with him and trains?) in the 1920s. They’re interrupted by the phone. Dylan’s really excited to have seen something, but Dr. Campbell doesn’t want to do another regression until the next night. Brandon takes Warren to his house, and upon seeing Valerie, Warren is finally rendered speechless for the first time all day. Valerie calls Ray, but he hangs up on her.
Donna, Clare, and Andrea chat at the Peach Pit, and Andrea admits that she might be willing to move to Idaho with Jesse, if it means they’re patching things up. Some Australian rocker is looking for Valerie – she was supposed to book his band but won’t let them play – so Valerie pretends to be someone else to avoid him.
Juwan gives David DJing tips, then asks why David’s giving him a chance. David just wants to play music, and asks Juwan to advertise the gig to his friends. Steve thinks he’s crazy, since Juwan will bring in a bunch of gang members. He doesn’t want to risk getting busted so David can “play social worker.” (Steve, David’s not the reason you’ll be busted – you’re violating a court order to do this stuff, and that’s on you, idiot.)
Valerie calls David to let him and Steve know that they’ll have to take care of hip-hop night on their own – she has to go out of town. Brandon and Kelly take Warren to the KEG house so he can play pool with Steve and the other brothers. Steve wants him, but Kelly thinks he’s a jerk, since he groped her. Brandon finally loses it, yelling at Warren and telling him he doesn’t care what the chancellor finds out. Kelly thinks he overreacted. Warren runs off, so now Brandon has to find him.
Hip-hop night kicks off, and don’t tell Steve, but there are a lot of non-white people there. Donna and Clare stop by, though Clare isn’t sure how Donna and David can still be friends after their breakup. Donna wonders why Clare decided to come, since she supposedly hates David. Juwan notices that David’s happy to see Donna, and that Clare seems happy to see David. Clare finds onstage David to be hot. I knew I hated that girl.
The Australian rockers try to crash the After Dark, learning that the woman who’s been avoiding them is really Valerie. They pay the bouncer to let them in. David raps – let me repeat that: DAVID RAPS – and Clare is all turned on. The Australians decide to cause trouble in the form of bumping into people and bugging Clare. Nat goes off to call the police before anything more can happen. David tries to calm everyone, but the Australians turn to vandalism and storm the stage.
Juwan starts to mobilize his friends to fight back as David struggles to keep the peace. Willie tells Juwan to check himself (no, really). Juwan refuses to put up with disrespect. David gets between the guys and gets Juwan to back off. The delinquents all make the “squash it” hand gesture from the video. Everyone leaves except the Australians, who are disappointed that everyone else was a coward.
Valerie surprises Ray in Reno while Dylan undergoes his second regression attempt. This time he’s on a train with a woman. He appears to be a writer. Someone boards the train looking for him, so they try to hide. The guy grabs the woman and pulls her off the train while Dylan stands there meekly.
The cops arrest the Australians while Juwan tells David that he did the “squash it” thing because he couldn’t think of anything else to do. Willie’s proud of him. David’s mad that the Australians caused damage, but Clare notes that the whole night was a disaster. He starts getting mad, so Juwan tells him to squash it. Clare tells David how hot he was, and how he almost made her like hip-hop. Then they kiss, so I guess that’s back on.
In Reno, Valerie tells Ray that Donna wants him to come back to Beverly Hills. Valerie’s just trying to be helpful, you know? She wants Ray back at the After Dark, but not because the club is doing badly, or anything. Ray says he’ll only return on his own terms. Val tries to play it off like they’re friends, and everything will be totally professional.
Dylan’s disturbed by his regression, though Dr. Campbell says what he saw could have only been a message from his subconscious. Dylan thinks it really happened. She tells him it could be “one link in a chain.” He could be interpreting a point in his life when he let a woman down. Now he needs to investigate and find out the truth about himself.
Brandon has spent the evening looking for Warren, who wound up returning to the Walshes’ house to hang out with Cindy. He tells Brandon he got upset because of the yelling. Brandon notes that he’s going to have to be more mature if he wants to go to college. The problem is that Warren doesn’t want to go yet, since he likes what he has at home. Brandon duhs that he should live at home while he goes to college. (I’m not sure they would let someone that young live in a dorm anyway.)
Valerie meets Ray after a performance, having convinced him to come back to Beverly Hills. Ray thinks she’s changed. She quickly disproves that by trying to get him back into bed. Ray declines, and Valerie says she was just testing him.
Thoughts: Okay, this is scary: Juwan is played by the same actor who played Andy in the most recent Party of Five episode I watched.
Clare, if the dress you’re wearing made me think you were really wearing an apron, that’s a problem.
“I might be white, but I ain’t vanilla.” No, David, what you are is delusional.
Seriously, what is Clare’s appeal? I choose to believe that David’s only with her because he’s bored and can’t be with Donna.
May 5, 2013
BH90210 5.26, A Song for My Mother: Portlandia
Oh, David, those flowers aren’t for you, silly
Summary: Ray meets Donna at the airport in Portland, and poor David has to watch them kiss hello. Ray didn’t know he was tagging along to visit his mother. Back in Beverly Hills, Dylan accompanies Valerie to a tattoo parlor, complaining the whole time. She knows he’s cranky because his and Charlie’s screenplay isn’t going well. Dylan’s planning to visit Charlie’s former hypnotherapist so he can learn more to apply to their protagonist. Valerie chickens out on the tattoo.
In Portland, David goes to visit his mother at work, but learns that Sheila was fired a while ago for not showing up on time (and in some cases, at all). Next he heads to her apartment, but someone else is living there. The building manager says she left two months ago after failing to pay her rent for four months.
Dylan meets the hypnotherapist, Dr. Campbell, who has a really nice house despite living in the middle of an area destroyed by fires and mudslides. She tells Dylan the house is still standing because of luck and fate – and this isn’t the first time she’s survived a fire. Dylan thinks she’s talking about a previous lifetime. Dr. Campbell tells him that she used to be in advertising, but one day she was hypnotized and started on a new journey. Or an old one, really, because she’s been “channeling travelers” for hundreds of years.
Donna and Ray’s reunion makeout session is interrupted by David, who’s distressed about not being able to find Sheila. She left a bunch of mail behind in her apartment, including alimony checks from Mel. Donna’s surprised that Mel didn’t say anything about his checks not being cashed. Ray has little sympathy, I guess because his relationship with his mom is good. Also, because he’s a jerk. Donna asks if they can borrow his truck, but Ray refuses. Because he’s a jerk.
Ray goes off to his club while Donna stays behind with David to follow a lead. He found a flier for a Valentine’s Day gathering at a bar Sheila used to frequent. The bartender hasn’t seen her for a while, but another patron reports that he recently saw her at a hotel, “setting up shop.” David and Donna go to the hotel and learn that Sheila was arrested for disorderly conduct. David doesn’t understand what’s happened to his formerly posh mom. Donna advises him to call Mel.
David makes the call from a police station, then reports to Donna that Mel didn’t sound surprise. A police officer tells them that no one pressed charges against Sheila, so they let her go. It’s been six weeks and no one’s seen her since. The police can’t do anything until 48 hours after Sheila was reported missing. The officer suggests that they check homeless shelters. David tries to send Donna off to Ray’s club to see him perform, but she wants to keep helping him look for Sheila. You can guess how that goes over with Ray.
Donna and David head to a shelter but have no luck. Next they make missing-person posters, and David berates himself for not being more involved in his mother’s life. Donna wonders why she moved to Portland when she doesn’t know anyone there. David tells her that Sheila used to say she was tired of pretending to be happy in California; she preferred the rainy weather in Portland. In bed in Beverly Hills, Dylan teases Valerie about her still-yet-uninked tattoo, and she teases him back about wanting to be hypnotized.
Ray and Donna fight about her spending so much time with David, but Donna is unapologetic about trying to help her friend, not to mention the guy who saved her from Garrett. Ray snaps at her to go sleep with him, then, mockingly saying that he forgot that she won’t sleep with anyone. Donna starts to leave but he pushes her back onto the bed. She tries again, and this time he knocks her into the door. He apologizes (not sounding sincere), saying it was an accident, but Donna leaves anyway.
Ray follows her to David’s hotel room, but Donna’s locked herself in the bathroom and won’t talk to him. David doesn’t know what’s going on. Ray gives him the keys to his truck to use the next morning. David assures him that he didn’t come to Portland to drive a wedge between Donna and Ray. Donna emerges from the bathroom and goes back to her and Ray’s hotel room. Ray apologizes to Donna again, promising he would never do anything to hurt her. He just loves her so much and was scared he was going to lose her.
The next day, David and Donna meet Mel at the airport, and he tries to ease David’s anxieties about Sheila. David says that the police think she’s crazy. Mel informs him that Sheila was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and has been on lithium since David was a kid. David’s upset that no one told him (and they should have, since there’s a history of mental illness in Sheila’s family). Sheila never wanted him to know because she didn’t want him to see her fall apart.
Mel continues that Sheila was stable for years, but stopped taking her medication while David was at camp one summer. She went on a shopping spree, then smashed all the china when Mel confronted her. When David came home, she acted like nothing was wrong. David asks why Mel didn’t think anything was wrong when Sheila stopped cashing his checks. Mel admits that he didn’t want to get sucked back into her problems, and he’d hoped she was being cared for by someone else.
Dr. Campbell hypnotizes Dylan by telling him to imagine he’s in an elevator. Instead, he sees himself running on train tracks, similar to the dreams he had when he was in a coma. He admits to Dr. Campbell that he’s never been able to shake the dreams. She tells him that she’s not 100 percent sure that reincarnation and past lives are real, but if Dylan can regress, he can gain understanding and move forward with his life. He just needs to commit. She decides that they should have their next session at his house, though he isn’t sold on trying again.
David, Donna, and Mel return to the hotel, where Ray tells them that someone saw their flier and has information. A homeless woman takes David and Mel to the street where Sheila (also homeless) has been living, and after a minute of being unable to get through to her, Sheila becomes lucid. David and Mel take her to the hospital and discuss other family members who have been mentally ill. Mel admits that he was relieved to learn that David had a drug problem last year, rather than a chemical imbalance.
David wonders what to do next, and Mel says that the doctors want her to stay in Portland for a while. Then they can bring her to Beverly Hills and help her get a job and a place to live. David thanks Mel for doing so much for his ex, but Mel doesn’t think he’s doing anything unordinary. Sheila is the reason he has a son, so he’ll always be grateful to her.
Ray tries to explain away his behavior with Donna the night before, saying that being on the road is hard. He also feels bad that he wasn’t there to save Donna from Garrett. Donna’s totally over it. David and Mel play a cute tape for Sheila that she and David made when she taught him to play the piano as a child. She says that she never wanted to be a burden; she thought she could take care of herself. David tells her she doesn’t have to do that anymore.
Valerie visits Dylan to show off her new tattoo: She got his name inked on her breast. He flips, but she tells him it’s fake. Then she shows him her real tattoo, a daisy on her back. David meets up with Donna at Ray’s club and tells her that listening to the tape made him want to get back into music. He admits that he stopped playing because he thought the music was making him crazy. Donna notes that the drugs were doing that. He thanks her for all her help.
Ray dedicates his next song to Donna, and David realizes while watching them look at each other that they’re happy together. He goes outside and looks up at the moon. In Beverly Hills, Dylan is also looking up at the moon instead of sleeping next to Valerie. She thinks he should blow off Dr. Campbell if he doesn’t really want to be hypnotized. Her father used to say that we’re only alive for a short time, so it should be a good time. Dylan replies that he’s not sure we’re only alive for a short time.
Thoughts: I think this episode was to make up for earlier episodes where Brian Austin Green didn’t get to do anything.
Donna and Ray, please learn how to kiss more quietly. You’re grossing me out.
Dylan wears a suit during the day and jeans in bed. Okay, then.
Danger, Donna Martin, danger!
April 29, 2013
BH90210 5.25, Double Jeopardy: I’ll Take This Episode Is Full of Hostility for 200, Alex
Clare’s dream would be my nightmare
Summary: Kelly watches Jeopardy with the Walshes, and Jim shows off how smart he is. He thinks Brandon should try out for the upcoming college tournament. Brandon reveals that he’s already planning to but doesn’t think he’ll make the cut. He starts to call Andrea and find out if she’s trying out, too, but Kelly tells him it’s not a good time. Word has spread to Kelly about Andrea’s affair with Peter (but apparently not the word that Jesse also had an affair).
Speaking of the Cheatersons, they’ve gone to a therapy session, but Jesse isn’t very invested in trying to work things out. He tells Andrea she’s not the person he fell in love with. She notes that she got pregnant and had to turn herself into a wife and mother practically overnight. I’m not sure what that has to do with Peter, but okay.
Steve helps Brandon study for Jeopardy, telling him to make sure he hits the buzzer faster than the other contestants. Brandon notes that he’s not even a contestant yet. Clare and Donna show up, and Clare reveals that she’s also trying out. The guys don’t think she’ll be a threat, but Donna tells them that Clare plays every night on her computer…and answers the questions in French.
Kelly and David show up at Jackie’s place to find her, Mel, and Erin all happy and cuddly together. Kelly thinks it’s gross, but she’s glad Erin gets to have her parents back together. David’s surprised that Jackie forgave Mel. He’d like to get some of that forgiveness from Donna. Donna tries to get in touch with Ray, who’s still on the road but hasn’t called recently. Clare assures her that he’s not up to anything. But even if Ray and Donna break up, she still has the option of reconciling with David….
Clare’s father calls her while Brandon’s in his office and pretends that Clare is trash-talking him. Jesse goes to the Peach Pit to mope and ends up unloading his problems on Dylan. Andrea told him that Dylan saw her at the motel. He wants to move out, and when Dylan starts to offer some help, Jesse jumps on the idea of moving in. Dylan actually wants to loan him some money to get a hotel. Jesse guilts him into agreeing to let him stay at Casa McKay.
Brandon’s on Jeopardy, but Alex Trebek calls a stop to the contestant interviews when he learns that Brandon’s GPA is only 3.2. He wishes they’d chosen Clare instead. Then Brandon turns into a clown, because it’s a dream. In the real world the next day, Brandon and Clare go to take the written test with Steve and Donna there for moral support.
Dylan is annoyed at having a houseguest, and even more annoyed when Jesse asks for details of Andrea’s rendezvous with Peter. Jesse says he’s just thinking like a lawyer, trying to collect all the evidence. Clare tries to make nice with Brandon, pretending they’re not really competing with each other. (Mostly because she thinks she has it all sewn up.) The test starts and Clare accuses Brandon of cheating off of her on the first question. The second one stumps her, but he knows the answer.
Cindy and Valerie hang out at CU, talking about how Cindy and Jim want to stop by the After Dark sometime, since they just love to dance. Andrea needs a babysitter, and since Cindy isn’t available, Valerie offers to help. (Apparently she helped raise her little sister, and Cindy claims she’s good with kids.) Andrea is desperate enough to let her take Hannah.
Brandon and Clare leave the test arguing over her accusations about him cheating and his complaints that she’s pretentious for answering questions in French. He challenges her to a one-on-one competition. Valerie takes Hannah to Dylan’s, and Jesse freaks out, thinking Andrea left the baby with her so she could run off to have sex with Peter. When Dylan and Valerie tell him to chill, he complains because they’re Andrea’s friends, not his. He takes Hannah and goes to his parents’.
Steve emcees Brandon and Clare’s faceoff at the After Dark (even though Kelly’s the only person in the audience, so it’s not like they need all that space). Andrea shows up and tells Kelly that she applied to try out, too. Kelly points out that there are usually three contestants, and challenges Brandon and Clare to test their skills against Andrea. Andrea crushes it. Clare and Brandon are all embarrassed because Andrea’s a housewife, and I guess housewives are supposed to be dumb? Shut up, Brandon and Clare.
Valerie arrives and tells Andrea that Jesse has Hannah and might be thinking about filing for divorce. Andrea goes to meet him and promises that she wasn’t with Peter; that’s over. She admits that she went to see a lawyer because she knew Jesse would be working on a case to get custody. Jesse thinks he was reasonable for asking Valerie where Andrea was. She tells him she wants Hannah back the next day, then kicks him out.
Donna’s still waiting for a call from Ray and jumps every time the phone rings. Clare does the opposite, not wanting another pep talk from her father. She admits to Donna that she’s feeling a lot of pressure. She has a dream that she’s on Jeopardy and all the categories are about Brandon. She wins $52,000 and Brandon himself. Then Chancellor Arnold interrupts to take Brandon away for college business. He says Clare likes guys who speak French anyway, so Alex subs in a guy named Gaston.
Brandon visits Andrea to thank her for schooling him and Clare. He thinks she should represent CU on Jeopardy, but she points out that it’s not the best timing. She tells him that her affair was serious enough that she was willing to leave Jesse; Peter just didn’t feel the same way. Andrea married Jesse because she thought it was right, not just because she was pregnant, and now it’s a year later and they’ve both cheated. She’s worried that there’s something wrong with her.
Brandon tells her that she hasn’t seemed happy since they graduated high school. Andrea says that she keeps backing off of things like Yale and working on the Condor. She feels like a failure. He assures her that she’s a great daughter and a great mother, not to mention incredibly smart. They hug, and I can’t believe Jesse didn’t walk in and get jealous.
David goes to the beach apartment looking for Kelly but finds Clare instead. He asks about Donna, and Clare jumps on him, thinking he’s there to see Donna and only lied about Kelly. Ray finally calls, but it’s David who answers the phone. The poor guy has to stand there and listen while Donna and Ray make plans to meet up in Portland over spring break. Donna tells David that she feels bad about his breakup with Clare, especially since Clare has no reason to be jealous. Amazingly, David’s also going to Portland for spring break, since his mother lives there.
Brandon and Clare make Andrea take the Jeopardy test after both of them drop out of the process. Jesse asks Dylan again for information on Andrea’s affair, saying that he could get subpoenaed in the custody case anyway. Dylan isn’t sure Andrea wants a divorce at all. He encourages the two of them to work things out for Hannah’s sake.
Before taking her test, Andrea remembers watching Jeopardy with her grandmother, who told her to always remember that she can do anything she wants. Jesse meets her afterward and asks if he can come home. She agrees. Then we fast-forward a month, and the whole gang and Chancellor Arnold gather at the Peach Pit to watch Andrea on Jeopardy. The final question is a variation of the one asked in her memory, so she has this one in the bag.
Thoughts: Steve’s right about the importance of the buzzer. For more, read Bob Harris’ awesome book Prisoner of Trebekistan.
Good news, everyone: Erin is still adorable!
Chancellor Arnold to Brandon: “[Clare] says the only way you’ll win is if the category is funny haircuts.” HA!
Please shave, Dylan. No, more than that.
Johnny Gilbert in Brandon’s dream: “I’ll have the contestant coordinators taken out and shot, Alex.” HA again!
April 27, 2013
BH90210 5.24, Unreal World: When People Stop Being Polite and Start Getting Yelly
I don’t even know where to start with this
Summary: Valerie has just gone on a shopping spree, but she probably should have held on to her money, because her account at the hotel has been cut off. At the beach apartment, Clare has thrown a little welcome-back lunch for Donna, who spent a few weeks at her parents’ house recovering from Garrett’s attempted rape. Felice is thankful that David was her hero and remarks that she almost wishes he were still living in the apartment. She also hopes that David and Donna will give things another try now that Ray’s gone. She doesn’t think David and Clare will last much longer.
Clare and David will be spending their weekend working on a class project – basically, it’s a documentary about real college students. (The title of this episode should give you a hint as to where they got this idea.) They run into one of the participants, who tells them his roommates don’t want to be a part of the project anymore, so they’re all dropping out. Clare’s mad because David was supposed to secure their participants and location. David calls her a control freak. She wishes she hadn’t signed on for a project where her grade depends on him.
Valerie meets with the hotel manager, who’s annoyed that she hasn’t paid her tab. Valerie’s annoyed that she’s being asked to pay her tab. She asks for a special rate, which he says she’s already getting. Then she tries to proposition him. He won’t budge. David gathers Kelly, Brandon, Donna, and Steve at the beach apartment so they can be four of the six “roommates” in the video. (Clare and David will be the other two.) David and Donna seem especially interested in the idea of spending 24 hours with each other.
Cindy calls Jim at work to let him know that Valerie has come crawling back to their house. Jim thinks they need to set some ground rules. Cindy’s just glad she’s back, and thinks that if they talk to her, she’ll be different this time. Clare does some late-night prep for the video, planning out the arguments the “roommates” will be having. David complains that she never uses any of his ideas. Clare casually wonders who arranged for David to play the character who has a crush on Donna’s character. He blows off the question, then says, “Good night, Donna.” Oops!
Brandon’s already in character when he gets up in the morning (he’s playing an annoying skater type). Jim’s distracted by trying to figure out why Valerie came back. He also smelled pot coming from her room. The other “roommates” start filming, but everyone is awful at acting. Then Steve takes a phone call and breaks character to announce that Celeste is getting married. Clare films him anyway, but when he realizes she’s capturing his real feelings, he goes back to his character.
Things are better over at Jesse and Andrea’s, so she decides to put her plan to tell him about Peter on hold. Over at the beach apartment, David (in a sweater vest and nerd glasses) watches Donna pretend to play the piano (which is actually a keyboard, and which would never sound like that). Then the real Tuck shows up, having gotten his roommates to change their minds about the project, and objects to Brandon’s portrayal of him. Brandon finds the whole thing hilarious. Meanwhile, Kelly eats a bunch of watermelon Steve spiked with vodka.
Dylan and Charlie work on their screenplay at the Peach Pit, and I’m happy to report that Dylan is no longer wearing suits. Valerie shows up (and <i>she’s</i> wearing a suit, so I don’t know what’s going on anymore) and invites them to a movie premiere. David and Donna film in her bedroom, and she gets a little shaken when she remembers what happened the last time they were in there together. David comforts her, and Clare sees him give her a quick kiss. The kiss almost turns into a lot more, but Donna puts on the brakes.
During a later scene, Clare gets jealous of David and Donna’s closeness, so she gets Steve to dance with her, then makes out with him. Kelly (drunk on watermelon) gets a call from Jackie reporting that she’s asked Mel to move back in. She rants at the guys for always letting women down. She brings up Brandon’s fling with Emily, David’s affair with Ariel, and Steve cheating on Celeste, adding that Ray probably had his own little thing on the side that Donna doesn’t know about. (Kelly’s psychic!)
Andrea and Jesse have a nice night in, happy that they’re finally having fun together. Dylan and Charlie go to the premiere, though Dylan doesn’t want to. Charlie just wants to check out Valerie and network. He runs into his former hypnotherapist (a consultant on the film), who inspired the screenplay he’s working on.
At the beach apartment David decides to put the project out of its misery. (Donna and Steve are now drunk on watermelon anyway.) Clare thinks David was just tired of seeing Donna flirt with someone else. She gets him to admit that he still loves her. He asks if she has feelings for anyone else; he thinks she’s still hung up on Brandon. Clare admits that this is true.
In her bedroom with Brandon, Kelly drunkenly brings up the night of the fire and asks straight-out if he slept with Emily. Brandon says they just kissed, assuring her that she can trust him. He starts to tell her he can see them spending the rest of their lives together, but she’s already passed out. Valerie gives Dylan a ride home from the premiere, and though he doesn’t want to invite her in at first, she changes his mind by promising that they’ll just keep things platonic. (She really means they’ll be friends with benefits.)
The non-drunk “roommates” discuss cheating and relationships that ended poorly. Brandon admits that when Emily came back to town, he realized he had feelings for both her and Kelly. David and Steve think Kelly also still loves Dylan, and he probably still loves her. Steve admits that if Kelly asked him to get back together, he’d do it in a heartbeat. Donna’s worried that her virginity will be the end of all of her relationships, like it was with her and David’s.
Kelly wakes up the next morning with a hangover and no memory past eating all the watermelon. (She does imply that she remembers the Emily conversation, though.) Jesse and Andrea are all smiles, but for some reason she thinks this is the right time to tell him about Peter. She’s been seeing a therapist who wants her to be honest. But before Andrea can come clean, Jesse tells her that he had a fling while he was out of town on an interview.
Donna and Steve discuss the previous night’s conversations, and he tries to make a move on her, which is really weird. David and Clare edit their film, and Clare says the real-life stuff is better than the character stuff. They start bickering, and they confront each other for their respective kisses with Donna and Steve. David’s mad that Clare keeps flirting with other guys right in front of him. Also, her expectations of people are too high, or something. They decide they’re done with each other.
Thoughts: A 20-page proposal for a 30-minute video? Claire is a control freak.
The suit epidemic has spread so far that David almost wears one to bed. This is like 28 Days Later, but fancier.
Donna’s fake British accent is hilarious.
Tuck is clearly based on Puck, and Steve’s character seems to be based on Jon from the L.A. season of The Real World, but I’m not sure who the others are supposed to be.
’90s music alert: “Dreams” by the Cranberries.
Drunk Kelly is kind of adorable.
Nooooo, Jesse, you weren’t supposed to be a jerk!
Now that she and David are over, can Clare please go away?
April 21, 2013
BH90210 5.23, Love Hurts: I’ll Be Watching You
I definitely wouldn’t want to be alone with this guy
Summary: At the campus quad, Donna complains to Steve and Andrea that Clare and David are helping Valerie find a new band for the Peach Pit After Dark. Brandon joins them and shares the supposedly confidential news that Lenny isn’t the real rapist and theft. Andrea’s beeper goes off and she says she has to go to work. No one questions why a college student with a research job would have an emergency beeper. Andrea winds up with Peter at their new no-tell motel room. Valerie and Clare audition bands at the After Dark. One of them is covered in mud.
David collects Lenny from the police station, saying he knew the charges would never stick. Lenny confesses that after he got back from Desert Storm, he went out with some friends, got really drunk, and woke up the next morning in jail, having been arrested for rape. He served two years and is now a registered sex offender. David thinks Lenny has turned his life around, since he’s in college and has made the dean’s list. Lenny notes that any time a sex crime is committed, his name will come up.
Indeed, word has spread, and Janice the angry student politician is one of the many people upset that Lenny was allowed on campus. Brandon would rather focus on the real rapist and the lack of security on campus. The police admit that they don’t have any suspects or leads. Over at his family’s hotel, Charlie tells Dylan about the screenplay he’s working on and invites him to help out. He notes that the hotel is a great place to work because people leave him alone. In fact, most of them are having secret rendezvous there. Hey, like that woman leaving right now, who Dylan knows!
Garrett, an employee from the campus quad, goes to the After Dark looking for a job. He chats with Donna, who’s there to confront Valerie for firing Ray. Val tells her that David thought they should get some new musicians. She further snows Donna by pointing out that Ray will grow more as a musician if he plays different venues. Donna goes to get Garrett, but he’s gone. She sees that someone moved her backpack and overreacts.
On campus, Steve runs into Valerie and gives her a ride in a golf cart (it looks like KEG is giving women rides so they’ll feel safer). She asks for his help finding a special music act to play on Friday night. Steve points out that he’s not supposed to get involved in that sort of thing, so someone finally remembered that. Then he promises to help anyway, so that was a waste of continuity. Lenny’s back on campus, and a mob of students is harassing him.
Dylan’s also back on campus to let Andrea know that he knows about her affair. He promises to keep it quiet. He tells her it’s not what he thinks, which is hilarious, because it’s exactly what Dylan thinks. He says it’s none of his business and won’t talk about it if she doesn’t want to. Andrea says something about how it’s good that she didn’t ignore her feelings, so if that’s how she’s able to sleep at night, good for her.
David learns that Lenny’s moving out of the dorm but thinks he should stay since he didn’t do anything. He should fight, not run away. Lenny doesn’t want to be “the poster child for ex-con rights.” David notes that he’s involved with campus media and is friends with the student-body president. Lenny says there are other things going on but won’t discuss them. David asks if that means he’s guilty. Lenny replies that he needs someone to believe in him even if he’s guilty.
Steve has lined up someone for the After Dark, but Valerie has already booked someone and shoos him away. “I hate her,” Steve grumbles. David goes to the beach apartment to try to get Clare to help him produce a profile on Lenny portraying him as rehabilitated. Clare won’t help; she thinks if Lenny wants to go to college, he should go to an all-male school. David doesn’t even get to broach the subject with Donna, since she thinks he helped Valerie get rid of Ray. He calls her self-involved and wonders why he ever dated her in the first place.
As someone packs a bag with a flashlight and knife, Cindy and Jackie hang out at the Peach Pit, discussing possible men for Jackie to date. Mel brings Erin for a custody exchange, and for some reason Jackie is all a-flutter. The rapist breaks into the beach apartment, and we finally see his face: It’s Garrett.
At the Walshes’ house, Brandon talks to Janice on the phone, telling her he’s not running for another term as president. Cindy tells him that Jackie and Mel are suddenly getting along; apparently Mel’s girlfriend just dumped him for someone younger. David comes by and asks Brandon to talk Lenny out of dropping out of CU. Brandon easily agrees. Jesse’s back from his massive interview tour, and he and Andrea immediately start fighting about random things. There’s yelling, and I hate them both.
Brandon tracks Lenny down on campus, and though Lenny is defensive at first, Brandon breaks the ice by making it clear that he doesn’t think Lenny’s the rapist. Lenny confirms that he was in custody when a girl named Melody was raped, which is why he was released. He asks how much cloud Brandon has with the administration and the police. Brandon wonders if Lenny needs a lawyer. Lenny announces that he knows who raped Melody.
Donna, Clare, and Steve hang out at the After Dark, waiting to find out who Valerie’s mystery performer is. Donna decides to bail early since it’s weird being there without Ray. She leaves just as Valerie brings out the mystery act, the Flaming Lips. David shows up and Clare tells him Donna went home.
Donna arrives to see Garrett in the apartment, and though she tries to overpower him with her self-defense training, she’s no match for him. He tells her she’s even prettier than Clare, then takes her to the bedroom, telling her they’re going to get to know each other. Brandon goes to the After Dark with the police, who think Clare’s the rapist’s target. Valerie recognizes Garrett’s name and tells Brandon and Steve that he may be a friend of Donna’s.
At the apartment, Garrett pulls his knife and Donna begs him not to hurt her. She tells him she’s a virgin, which is a surprise to him. David arrives and Donna tells Garrett he’s her roommate. He makes her tell him to go away. David thinks the lights are off because Donna has a migraine, and that she doesn’t want to talk to him because of Ray. She calls him Dave to try to signal that something’s wrong. It works, because when Donna screams, David runs into the room and attacks Garrett. Donna joins in and they knock him out.
Dylan’s back at the hotel with Charlie, and he sees Peter arrive for a hook-up with Andrea. Andrea announces that she’s leaving Jesse because there’s no point in being miserable with him when she can be happy with Peter. Peter, however, is happy with the current arrangements. He reminds Andrea that they agreed not to have any strings. She doesn’t seem to remember that. Dylan sees Peter leave and goes to comfort Andrea, who laments believing that she and Peter were going to be together.
The cops go to the beach apartment, along with Brandon and Clare. Brandon relays Lenny’s news that he was in military prison with Garrett. He was afraid to say anything when he was arrested because he thought he would be pegged as an accomplice. Garrett had been asking him about girls on campus, which tipped Lenny off that he was interested in Clare. Donna apologizes to David for using a figurine he gave her to knock out Garrett. He’s surprised she kept it, and she says of course she did – it was the last thing he gave her. They hug, and Clare should probably be worried.
Thoughts: Donna: “I don’t know your name.” Funny, because you greeted him by name less than a minute ago. Did a writer fall asleep or something?
Yeah, being alone in a golf cart with a frat guy woud not make me feel safe. They need to tell all the women not to walk alone at night.
Dylan suit status: still active. Also, contagious – David caught the disease.
I think the Flaming Lips are the first musicians to play on the show who are still performing today.
Kudos to the guy playing Garrett – he’s normal at first, kind of creepy later, then just full-on shiver-inducing scary at the apartment. Though I think the story would have worked better if there had been some indication that Clare might be the target earlier on. We would have thought he was going to the apartment for her and been surprised when he went after Donna instead.
Kelly isn’t in this episode, but no one’s worried, so I don’t think she went back to the cult.
April 15, 2013
BH90210 5.22, Alone at the Top: Why Don’t You Not Come On Over, Valerie?
That’s not even the same shade of green as the shirt Lenny was wearing! Come on!
Summary: Valerie calls LuAnn, looking for Ray, but she lies that he just left. Rush comes by her hotel room and she tells him she wants to buy the Peach Pit After Dark from him. He’s willing to negotiate a deal. The gang throws Kelly a welcome-back-from-your-cult picnic, but Donna leaves after about 30 seconds to meet Ray. As someone lurks in the bushes, watching, a friend of David’s tells the group that someone stole a bunch of bikes from outside a dorm.
Valerie tracks Ray down at the After Dark, arriving just before Donna does. Nothing happens. David and his dorm mate Lenny bowl with soda cans in a dorm hallway; Clare’s bored and makes fun of Lenny’s music collection. Then she leaves, telling David she doesn’t like Lenny because he’s weird. Peter flirts with Andrea at the hospital, and I guess neither of them is worried about anyone seeing them and telling their spouses. Then they make out in an on-call room, because this really is Grey’s Anatomy.
Ray does a set at the After Dark while Donna shows off her poodle-like hairdo. David’s sick of hearing the same songs over and over. Steve and Rush are both around, so I guess we’re just supposed to forget that Steve isn’t allowed to be there. He gets suspicious when he sees his father talking to Valerie. After Ray’s set, Rush announces to the club that Valerie is the new owner. This is news to David, Clare, and Ray. Donna’s the only person who thinks it’s not a horrible idea.
Valerie goes to Dylan’s in the middle of the night to celebrate her new purchase. (And also to smoke some pot.) He declines, and she thinks it’s because he’d rather be with Kelly. He counters that she’d rather be with someone else, too. She goes, but leaves a joint behind. The Walshes discuss Valerie, wondering whether they should tell her mother what she’s up to. Jim says she can do whatever she wants with her money. If she gets into trouble, she’ll come to them.
Steve calls Brandon to let him know that some frat houses were robbed overnight. Brandon isn’t sure what he should do, so way to take your role as president seriously, Bran. The bush lurker watches Kelly as David dreads working with Valerie. Lenny comes by and talk turns to why he lives in a dorm. David notes that he was in the Army, so he should have some sort of GI benefits. Lenny says he has to “beg, borrow, and steal” to afford things, and David makes a joke about the bike thefts. Lenny doesn’t find it funny.
Jesse’s out of town on another interview, so he’s not there when Peter pops by his and Andrea’s place. She’s mad at him for taking a risk and coming over, but not mad enough to deny him some making out. At the After Dark, Ray pretends that he’s finally gotten Valerie’s messages. She threatens to pull his performance slots if he doesn’t start sleeping with her again. He refuses, so she tells David and Clare to book some new performers. Now David’s happy.
Steve meets Rush for lunch and grills him about his arrangement with Valerie; he thinks they slept together. Rush just laughs and gives him commission from the sale. Dylan goes to the park to smoke Valerie’s joint, but he can’t get his lighter to light. Clare gives Donna the news that Valerie doesn’t want Ray at the After Dark anymore, promising that she campaigned for him to stay. Donna isn’t surprised to hear that David didn’t.
Meanwhile, Ray packs his things to go on the road and play at various colleges. LuAnn blasts him for leaving without saying goodbye to Donna. She tells him to go to the gig he has booked that night, then go see Donna. Dylan visits Charlie at the hotel his family owns and admits that he almost smoked pot. Charlie tells him to stop letting Kelly get to him. He also advises Dylan to figure out what he wants to do with his life.
Brandon complains to Kelly that everyone wants him to beef up campus security. People get robbed all the time; he can’t do anything about it. Kelly hears rustling in the bushes but doesn’t see the lurker. We do, and he has a knife and shiny black shoes. Later, David, Clare, and Lenny learn that a girl was raped and cut in the bushes in the middle of the day. Hey, guess who has shiny black shoes? If you said Lenny, you get a gold star!
Brandon, however, doesn’t get a gold star; he’s still whining about having to deal with crimes on campus. Kelly’s freaked out because she and Brandon were right in the area where the girl was attacked. Ray does go to the After Dark for his gig, warning Valerie to stay away from Donna. He hints that he’s going to tell Donna that they had an affair. Valerie calls his bluff, saying he wouldn’t risk hurting her.
Dylan stops by just long enough to return her joint, then goes to the Peach Pit to mope. Kelly finds him there and thanks him for coming to her picnic, even though he didn’t stay long. She also thinks that without him, she’d still be a Finion. She wants him to promise that he’ll always be her friend. Over at the hospital, Peter gives Andrea a motel key, telling her he’s booked a room by the week. She tells him she might meet him there some night.
Donna watches Ray’s farewell performance while Nat wonders why Valerie’s cutting him loose. She tells him to just handle refreshments while she handles running the club. David and Clare skip work to hang out at the student union, where they wind up talking to Lenny. They’re surprised when a detective arrives and asks Lenny to come to the police station for questioning. He thinks he’s being accused of stealing the bikes, but that’s not what it’s about.
After his final set, Ray tells Donna he’s leaving town and isn’t sure when he’s coming back. She thinks something’s off. He starts to tell her about Valerie, but Donna doesn’t need to hear anything other than that he loves her.
Thoughts: The casting of Jed Allan as Rush is great. He and Ian Ziering have a lot of similar mannerisms and facial expressions.
Andrea is a mega-jerk for what she’s doing to poor Jesse. He deserves so much better.
Brandon, your compassion is matched only by your lack of compassion. Can you imagine him as the president of the U.S.? “There was a school shooting? Well, I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t know what you expect me to do about it.”
So we’re just going to completely ignore how Dylan keeps wearing suits?
Even if Lenny were the rapist (and he’s obviously not), why would I care? We were just introduced to him.
April 13, 2013
BH90210 5.21, Stormy Weather: The Evolution Will Not Be Televised
Good news: The cult storyline is over. Bad news: The love triangle is back on
Summary: Kelly, Donna, and Clare are at the Peach Pit, where Kelly has just announced that she’s dropping out of the sorority. Kelly blathers about sacrifice and other cult stuff. Clare calls her on the cult-speak, but Dylan defends her, saying she’s trying to find meaning in her life. Brandon watches from his car as Dylan walks Kelly to hers, then comes to report that Kelly arranged for him to meet Finley.
Valerie orders room service for herself…and Ray, who has spent the night again. He tries to rush off (probably to meet Donna), reminding Val that she said their activities were just for fun. Then he upends her room-service cart. Andrea’s at Peter’s hospital to interview for a research job, which she is totally not interested in because it means she’ll get to see Peter all the time.
Brandon visits Chancellor Arnold in his leaky office (it rains for almost the whole episode, by the way) to talk about Finley, but the chancellor doesn’t care about him since he doesn’t teach at CU anymore. Brandon notes that Finley’s minions (Finions?) are mostly CU students, including Kelly. He also knows that CU settled a lawsuit with some parents, and he’d like to learn more. The chancellor can’t say anything because it would violate students’ confidentiality. He thinks Kelly will be okay, since she’s smart.
Dylan (still suited up) goes to the compound and meets Finley; they talk about Hawaii and Iris’ New Age-ness. Finley’s surprised to learn who Dylan’s father was. He thinks Dylan would make a great Finion and encourages Kelly to invite him to a party the next day. Jesse calls Andrea from Boise, where he went for the clerkship interview, and she tells him she got the job at the hospital. Jesse thinks they should invite Peter and Adrienne over for dinner when he gets home.
Kelly and Dylan talk about Finley, and he pretends he supports her commitment to the cause. Brandon calls but Dylan can’t talk to him about their plan with Kelly in the room. Kelly invites Dylan to the next day’s “milledding,” a type of wedding where a couple “enter in the new millennium together.” Ray and Donna make out in his truck outside the Peach Pit, and he assures her that no one will be able to come between them. Valerie is currently in her car, watching them, like the freaky stalker she is.
The next day, Kelly and Dylan go to the milledding, which is between a young woman and a guy old enough to be her father (or maybe a young grandfather). Kelly explains that the box people keep putting envelopes into is to hold their pledges for a new learning center, the next step in Finley’s plan. Finley talks about the evolution of mankind, and how they’re all still evolving, and blah blah blah. Dylan’s face says, “Really with this crap?”
Peter and Andrea flirt at the hospital, and though she hesitates when he starts to kiss her, she definitely doesn’t stop him. Back at the milledding, Kelly says that the groom is going to sell his house to Finley, and they’ll use the money to fund their learning center in Oregon. She admits that she’s always been afraid to be too pretty, too smart, or too funny because people might be jealous. Finley has made her realize that “everyone has limitless possibilities.” She’s so happy, she kisses Dylan.
Ray left something at Valerie’s, so she takes it to his place and meets LuAnn. Ray is not happy to see her. She apologizes and reiterates that she wants to have sex with no strings attached. He tries to resist, but she doesn’t think he’ll keep that mentality for long. LuAnn warns her son to be careful of Val.
Dylan and Brandon meet at the Walshes’, and Dylan relays the information that Finley’s getting lots of money out of his Finions. Brandon’s a little worried because Dylan thinks Finley is nice and has some good ideas. He also thinks Kelly and Dylan might be getting closer than they should be. Dylan admits to kissing her, then tells Brandon that if he wants to save Kelly, he’d better move fast.
Brandon goes back to the chancellor the next day to talk about Kelly again; he knows that because of her past, she’s hard on herself. He asks again about the settlement. Chancellor Arnold still won’t tell him anything, but says that he’ll be going to lunch soon, and he can’t stop Brandon from opening his file cabinet and looking up files on a couple of students.
Dylan visits Finley, spouting some cult-speak and asking for more information on the learning center. Then he offers to help fund it, in exchange for knowledge of what Finley has planned for Kelly. Basically, Finley wants to hit that. Dylan tells him that they used to date, and he’s determined to get her back. Since Finley was able to get Kelly to break up with Brandon, Dylan thinks he can talk Kelly into going back to him. If Finley’s successful, he’ll get his funding.
Brandon tries to call a student named Greg (one of the people who received a settlement) from the beach apartment but can’t get through. He decides to go to Orange County to see him in person. Ray comes over and learns that Val is on her way to hang out. He gets upset with Donna for not telling him that someone else would be there, since he thought it would just be the two of them. He throws a fit and leaves.
At the compound, Finley tells Kelly how great Dylan is, and the wonderful chemistry they have. In fact, he thinks Kelly and Dylan are soulmates. She needs to give him everything she has physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Greg, one of Finley’s former teaching assistants, won’t talk to Brandon until Brandon says his girlfriend has gotten involved with the Finions and might move to Oregon with them. Andrea and Peter make out in a hospital elevator, stopping just before poor, clueless Jesse shows up to surprise his wife.
Kelly goes to Dylan’s house and quickly obeys Finley’s suggestion that she give herself to Dylan physically. Dylan figures out her game and comes clean about their deal. Then he calls out Brandon and Greg, who are also in the house. Greg was a charter member of the New Evolution, and he tells Kelly that Finley targets students who can provide money. He was the groom at the first milledding, and his wife was an heiress who funded the first year of the Evolution. (Also, her grandkids love her chocolate chip cookies. Seriously, she’s a grandmother.)
Dylan tells Brandon that he gets how Kelly got snowed – he went to the compound knowing it was a scam and still found himself agreeing with some things Finley said. He thinks Brandon would understand if he’d had the kind of traumatic experiences Dylan and Kelly have. Now successfully deconditioned, Kelly apologizes to Dylan (but not Brandon, interestingly). Greg tells Brandon that he got through to her by showing where the New Evolution led him: to a suicide attempt.
Ray finds Donna at the Peach Pit and apologizes for being a jerk. She’s worried that he’ll get worse when he becomes more famous (because clearly his success is the reason he’s been acting this way). Valerie comes in and teases them, then follows Ray to the After Dark to try to get some. Ray tells her that fooling around with her was a mistake, and they’re done. She threatens to tell Donna in retaliation.
Kelly confronts Finley for pimping her out and for, you know, being a cult leader. He thinks she’ll come back. He also wonders which guy she’ll end up with. Both of them are outside waiting for her, and as soon as they’ve confirmed that she’s back to normal, suddenly they’re rivals for her affection again.
Thoughts: ’90s music alert (both at the Peach Pit): Wilson Phillips’ “Hold On” (which I will admit I think is an awesome song) and Amy Grant and Vince Gill’s “House of Love.”
At the milledding (gag), Finley addresses that some people might challenge marriage as being antiquated, since it’s something their parents did. Then he jokes, “Well, maybe not all your parents did.” Ha ha, some of you are illegitimate!
Aw, the chancellor’s a good guy. It’s nice, because I’ve always liked Nicholas Pryor.
If I had a dime for every time an ex-boyfriend offered to fund a cult’s education center in order to get me back, I’d…well, it wouldn’t matter how many dimes I had – I’d also have a super-rich boyfriend.
I’m surprised the Finions still go to class. I’m surprised he still lets them go to class.
Elevator makeout sessions? What is this, Grey’s Anatomy?
Did anyone miss David in this episode? Ha ha, no, you didn’t. Sadly, I didn’t notice until the end that Steve wasn’t in it either, and I thought I would have missed him earlier on. I’m sorry, Steve! Forgive me!
April 7, 2013
BH90210 5.20, You Gotta Have Heart: Cult-ure Club
“Have you heard the good news about Lord Xenu?”
Summary: Ray has had another successful set at the After Dark, so he and Donna celebrate by making out at his place. He invites her to spend the night, and they end up in bed, just about to trade in Donna’s V card. She puts the brakes on at the last minute. Brandon tries to contact Kelly at the mansion that’s now serving as Finley’s headquarters, but she doesn’t want to talk to him. Finley uses cult buzzwords to make her take Brandon’s call, where she herself uses cult buzzwords. Kelly’s flaking out on a sorority event she organized, and Brandon’s mad.
The event is a Valentine’s-themed telethon for a pediatric heart fund. Brandon and Donna kick things off with a lot of making out, for some reason. (Donna’s subbing for Kelly.) Meanwhile, Valerie’s moving out of the Walshes’ house and into a luxury hotel called the Bellamy so she can enjoy everything her newfound wealth can bring. Cindy’s upset and wants Jim to talk to her, but Jim thinks it’s pointless. He also thinks she’ll be back in two weeks, having spent everything.
Steve tells David, Clare, and Donna (who are running and airing the telethon) that he booked the band Jade for them. Brandon talks to Nat about Finley, and Nat becomes the first person to call him a cult leader. One of his former waitresses had a sister who died in Jonesboro. Brandon doesn’t think Kelly’s in that much danger, but Nat tells him that’s what his waitress said.
LuAnn’s back from her cruise and very grateful to Donna for financing the trip. Ray confides that he’s having trouble keeping it in his pants while dating a virgin. LuAnn warns him not to screw up the relationship. “Whatever you do, just be discreet,” she advises. Dylan visits Valerie in her new home, having been contacted by a panicking Cindy. He thinks Val will get lonely (and he would know, since he used to live in a hotel). He regrets getting her involved with Jonesy.
Brandon goes to the Finley compound, and Finley tells Kelly to talk to him since right now she’s acting like a tease. She needs to deal with Brandon so she can “start the next phase of [her] life.” Kelly tells Brandon that he won’t understand what she’s doing if he’s not ready to evolve. Finley has helped her realize that she’s a different person than she thought she was. Kelly starts to give a break-up speech, but Brandon doesn’t want her to go through with it. He tries to get her to admit that she still loves him. She says she can’t deny it.
Andrea and Jesse go to the movies, bickering about…whatever. They run into Peter and his wife, Adrienne, and things get super-awkward super-fast, especially when Adrienne suggests that they all sit together. Valerie stops by the telethon, mostly to see Ray. She ducks into his truck and pulls out the cigarette lighter. Brandon’s managed to get Kelly to come in and help answer phones. Valerie sees Dylan watching Kelly and taunts him. Donna asks Brandon how he got Kelly to come; he jokes that he threatened to dance on TV.
David brings out the cute kids to collect donations, and Dylan gives $100. Valerie offers $300, asking for Ray to perform. He sings that song he always sings. After the movie, Andrea, Jesse, Peter, and Adrienne hang out, so there’s more awkwardness. Andrea fantasizes about dancing with Peter a la Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. Ray tries to leave after his set, but his battery’s dead. Valerie follows him outside, offering to give him a “charge,” and not the kind that requires jumper cables.
The next morning, Kelly lies awake in Brandon’s bed, looking…culty. David and Clare are trying to stay awake for the rest of the telethon. Steve wants David to mention Jade again. Donna’s in a good mood, having gotten to sleep the night before, but when she tries to call Ray, LuAnn lies that he just left. He’s really at the Bellamy, having spent the night with Valerie. She doesn’t want him to feel guilty for cheating, and she makes it clear that she doesn’t want a relationship.
Kelly ditches Brandon at the apartment, and Clare is naïve enough to think she just went to get them breakfast. Steve goes to pick up Jade, but learns that the guy he thought he arranged their performance with isn’t their manager, he’s their laundry guy. He ends up chasing their limo, which turns out not to be their limo.
Brandon goes back to the compound and interrupts one of Finley’s “tutorials.” He threatens to call the police if Finley doesn’t tell him where Kelly is. Finley uses him as an example of an “unevolved rough beast.” Kelly arrives and Finley tells her to tell Brandon what she needs. She says Brandon’s holding her back and she can’t let him do so any longer. Brandon leaves while the cult minions applaud Kelly’s evolutionary step.
Ray comes to the telethon to see Donna and accidentally make Andrea jealous that they have a good relationship (supposedly). Peter calls, having seen Andrea on TV, and reveals that he had the same fantasy Andrea did. Steve shows up to break the news to Clare that he didn’t get Jade after all, but the group is already there. Everyone dances dorkily to their performance.
Ray gives Donna a necklace, pretending he was out getting it when she called. She wonders how he went to the jewelry store since his truck was at the After Dark. In fact, how did he get home last night? Valerie walks by and says they look cute together. Brandon tells Nat that he’s probably right about Finley being a cult leader – it seems like Kelly’s being brainwashed. Nat wonders who they can find to get through to her.
Jade hangs out with Steve while Donna spots Valerie and Ray talking. Brandon goes to Dylan’s house to ask him to talk to Kelly. Dylan doesn’t think Finley’s a threat; he says Brandon’s just upset because Kelly dumped him. Brandon thinks Kelly gave Finley her settlement from the fire. He asks Dylan again to talk to her, and this time Dylan agrees, making it clear it’s not for Brandon. Over at the compound, Finley leads his minions in a toast to Kelly for ending her relationship with an outsider. Kelly says it’s nice to be home.
Thoughts: How did Finley afford his compound? Even if each minion gave some money, there’s just no way. Even Val and Dylan couldn’t afford that place.
I guess my knowledge of ’90s music isn’t as extensive as I thought, sinve I’ve never heard of Jade.
Whoever wrote the script for the telethon shouldn’t quit his day job. Unless his day job is writing.
Ray: “This is dedicated to everyone with a heart.” So…everyone?
I’m 99% sure one of the men in the limo Steve chases is Aaron Spelling.
Remember when David had storylines? Me neither.
I’d question why Dylan wears a suit for the whole episode, but I guess I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.
