April 27, 2013
BH90210 5.24, Unreal World: When People Stop Being Polite and Start Getting Yelly
I don’t even know where to start with this
Summary: Valerie has just gone on a shopping spree, but she probably should have held on to her money, because her account at the hotel has been cut off. At the beach apartment, Clare has thrown a little welcome-back lunch for Donna, who spent a few weeks at her parents’ house recovering from Garrett’s attempted rape. Felice is thankful that David was her hero and remarks that she almost wishes he were still living in the apartment. She also hopes that David and Donna will give things another try now that Ray’s gone. She doesn’t think David and Clare will last much longer.
Clare and David will be spending their weekend working on a class project – basically, it’s a documentary about real college students. (The title of this episode should give you a hint as to where they got this idea.) They run into one of the participants, who tells them his roommates don’t want to be a part of the project anymore, so they’re all dropping out. Clare’s mad because David was supposed to secure their participants and location. David calls her a control freak. She wishes she hadn’t signed on for a project where her grade depends on him.
Valerie meets with the hotel manager, who’s annoyed that she hasn’t paid her tab. Valerie’s annoyed that she’s being asked to pay her tab. She asks for a special rate, which he says she’s already getting. Then she tries to proposition him. He won’t budge. David gathers Kelly, Brandon, Donna, and Steve at the beach apartment so they can be four of the six “roommates” in the video. (Clare and David will be the other two.) David and Donna seem especially interested in the idea of spending 24 hours with each other.
Cindy calls Jim at work to let him know that Valerie has come crawling back to their house. Jim thinks they need to set some ground rules. Cindy’s just glad she’s back, and thinks that if they talk to her, she’ll be different this time. Clare does some late-night prep for the video, planning out the arguments the “roommates” will be having. David complains that she never uses any of his ideas. Clare casually wonders who arranged for David to play the character who has a crush on Donna’s character. He blows off the question, then says, “Good night, Donna.” Oops!
Brandon’s already in character when he gets up in the morning (he’s playing an annoying skater type). Jim’s distracted by trying to figure out why Valerie came back. He also smelled pot coming from her room. The other “roommates” start filming, but everyone is awful at acting. Then Steve takes a phone call and breaks character to announce that Celeste is getting married. Clare films him anyway, but when he realizes she’s capturing his real feelings, he goes back to his character.
Things are better over at Jesse and Andrea’s, so she decides to put her plan to tell him about Peter on hold. Over at the beach apartment, David (in a sweater vest and nerd glasses) watches Donna pretend to play the piano (which is actually a keyboard, and which would never sound like that). Then the real Tuck shows up, having gotten his roommates to change their minds about the project, and objects to Brandon’s portrayal of him. Brandon finds the whole thing hilarious. Meanwhile, Kelly eats a bunch of watermelon Steve spiked with vodka.
Dylan and Charlie work on their screenplay at the Peach Pit, and I’m happy to report that Dylan is no longer wearing suits. Valerie shows up (and <i>she’s</i> wearing a suit, so I don’t know what’s going on anymore) and invites them to a movie premiere. David and Donna film in her bedroom, and she gets a little shaken when she remembers what happened the last time they were in there together. David comforts her, and Clare sees him give her a quick kiss. The kiss almost turns into a lot more, but Donna puts on the brakes.
During a later scene, Clare gets jealous of David and Donna’s closeness, so she gets Steve to dance with her, then makes out with him. Kelly (drunk on watermelon) gets a call from Jackie reporting that she’s asked Mel to move back in. She rants at the guys for always letting women down. She brings up Brandon’s fling with Emily, David’s affair with Ariel, and Steve cheating on Celeste, adding that Ray probably had his own little thing on the side that Donna doesn’t know about. (Kelly’s psychic!)
Andrea and Jesse have a nice night in, happy that they’re finally having fun together. Dylan and Charlie go to the premiere, though Dylan doesn’t want to. Charlie just wants to check out Valerie and network. He runs into his former hypnotherapist (a consultant on the film), who inspired the screenplay he’s working on.
At the beach apartment David decides to put the project out of its misery. (Donna and Steve are now drunk on watermelon anyway.) Clare thinks David was just tired of seeing Donna flirt with someone else. She gets him to admit that he still loves her. He asks if she has feelings for anyone else; he thinks she’s still hung up on Brandon. Clare admits that this is true.
In her bedroom with Brandon, Kelly drunkenly brings up the night of the fire and asks straight-out if he slept with Emily. Brandon says they just kissed, assuring her that she can trust him. He starts to tell her he can see them spending the rest of their lives together, but she’s already passed out. Valerie gives Dylan a ride home from the premiere, and though he doesn’t want to invite her in at first, she changes his mind by promising that they’ll just keep things platonic. (She really means they’ll be friends with benefits.)
The non-drunk “roommates” discuss cheating and relationships that ended poorly. Brandon admits that when Emily came back to town, he realized he had feelings for both her and Kelly. David and Steve think Kelly also still loves Dylan, and he probably still loves her. Steve admits that if Kelly asked him to get back together, he’d do it in a heartbeat. Donna’s worried that her virginity will be the end of all of her relationships, like it was with her and David’s.
Kelly wakes up the next morning with a hangover and no memory past eating all the watermelon. (She does imply that she remembers the Emily conversation, though.) Jesse and Andrea are all smiles, but for some reason she thinks this is the right time to tell him about Peter. She’s been seeing a therapist who wants her to be honest. But before Andrea can come clean, Jesse tells her that he had a fling while he was out of town on an interview.
Donna and Steve discuss the previous night’s conversations, and he tries to make a move on her, which is really weird. David and Clare edit their film, and Clare says the real-life stuff is better than the character stuff. They start bickering, and they confront each other for their respective kisses with Donna and Steve. David’s mad that Clare keeps flirting with other guys right in front of him. Also, her expectations of people are too high, or something. They decide they’re done with each other.
Thoughts: A 20-page proposal for a 30-minute video? Claire is a control freak.
The suit epidemic has spread so far that David almost wears one to bed. This is like 28 Days Later, but fancier.
Donna’s fake British accent is hilarious.
Tuck is clearly based on Puck, and Steve’s character seems to be based on Jon from the L.A. season of The Real World, but I’m not sure who the others are supposed to be.
’90s music alert: “Dreams” by the Cranberries.
Drunk Kelly is kind of adorable.
Nooooo, Jesse, you weren’t supposed to be a jerk!
Now that she and David are over, can Clare please go away?
April 21, 2013
BH90210 5.23, Love Hurts: I’ll Be Watching You
I definitely wouldn’t want to be alone with this guy
Summary: At the campus quad, Donna complains to Steve and Andrea that Clare and David are helping Valerie find a new band for the Peach Pit After Dark. Brandon joins them and shares the supposedly confidential news that Lenny isn’t the real rapist and theft. Andrea’s beeper goes off and she says she has to go to work. No one questions why a college student with a research job would have an emergency beeper. Andrea winds up with Peter at their new no-tell motel room. Valerie and Clare audition bands at the After Dark. One of them is covered in mud.
David collects Lenny from the police station, saying he knew the charges would never stick. Lenny confesses that after he got back from Desert Storm, he went out with some friends, got really drunk, and woke up the next morning in jail, having been arrested for rape. He served two years and is now a registered sex offender. David thinks Lenny has turned his life around, since he’s in college and has made the dean’s list. Lenny notes that any time a sex crime is committed, his name will come up.
Indeed, word has spread, and Janice the angry student politician is one of the many people upset that Lenny was allowed on campus. Brandon would rather focus on the real rapist and the lack of security on campus. The police admit that they don’t have any suspects or leads. Over at his family’s hotel, Charlie tells Dylan about the screenplay he’s working on and invites him to help out. He notes that the hotel is a great place to work because people leave him alone. In fact, most of them are having secret rendezvous there. Hey, like that woman leaving right now, who Dylan knows!
Garrett, an employee from the campus quad, goes to the After Dark looking for a job. He chats with Donna, who’s there to confront Valerie for firing Ray. Val tells her that David thought they should get some new musicians. She further snows Donna by pointing out that Ray will grow more as a musician if he plays different venues. Donna goes to get Garrett, but he’s gone. She sees that someone moved her backpack and overreacts.
On campus, Steve runs into Valerie and gives her a ride in a golf cart (it looks like KEG is giving women rides so they’ll feel safer). She asks for his help finding a special music act to play on Friday night. Steve points out that he’s not supposed to get involved in that sort of thing, so someone finally remembered that. Then he promises to help anyway, so that was a waste of continuity. Lenny’s back on campus, and a mob of students is harassing him.
Dylan’s also back on campus to let Andrea know that he knows about her affair. He promises to keep it quiet. He tells her it’s not what he thinks, which is hilarious, because it’s exactly what Dylan thinks. He says it’s none of his business and won’t talk about it if she doesn’t want to. Andrea says something about how it’s good that she didn’t ignore her feelings, so if that’s how she’s able to sleep at night, good for her.
David learns that Lenny’s moving out of the dorm but thinks he should stay since he didn’t do anything. He should fight, not run away. Lenny doesn’t want to be “the poster child for ex-con rights.” David notes that he’s involved with campus media and is friends with the student-body president. Lenny says there are other things going on but won’t discuss them. David asks if that means he’s guilty. Lenny replies that he needs someone to believe in him even if he’s guilty.
Steve has lined up someone for the After Dark, but Valerie has already booked someone and shoos him away. “I hate her,” Steve grumbles. David goes to the beach apartment to try to get Clare to help him produce a profile on Lenny portraying him as rehabilitated. Clare won’t help; she thinks if Lenny wants to go to college, he should go to an all-male school. David doesn’t even get to broach the subject with Donna, since she thinks he helped Valerie get rid of Ray. He calls her self-involved and wonders why he ever dated her in the first place.
As someone packs a bag with a flashlight and knife, Cindy and Jackie hang out at the Peach Pit, discussing possible men for Jackie to date. Mel brings Erin for a custody exchange, and for some reason Jackie is all a-flutter. The rapist breaks into the beach apartment, and we finally see his face: It’s Garrett.
At the Walshes’ house, Brandon talks to Janice on the phone, telling her he’s not running for another term as president. Cindy tells him that Jackie and Mel are suddenly getting along; apparently Mel’s girlfriend just dumped him for someone younger. David comes by and asks Brandon to talk Lenny out of dropping out of CU. Brandon easily agrees. Jesse’s back from his massive interview tour, and he and Andrea immediately start fighting about random things. There’s yelling, and I hate them both.
Brandon tracks Lenny down on campus, and though Lenny is defensive at first, Brandon breaks the ice by making it clear that he doesn’t think Lenny’s the rapist. Lenny confirms that he was in custody when a girl named Melody was raped, which is why he was released. He asks how much cloud Brandon has with the administration and the police. Brandon wonders if Lenny needs a lawyer. Lenny announces that he knows who raped Melody.
Donna, Clare, and Steve hang out at the After Dark, waiting to find out who Valerie’s mystery performer is. Donna decides to bail early since it’s weird being there without Ray. She leaves just as Valerie brings out the mystery act, the Flaming Lips. David shows up and Clare tells him Donna went home.
Donna arrives to see Garrett in the apartment, and though she tries to overpower him with her self-defense training, she’s no match for him. He tells her she’s even prettier than Clare, then takes her to the bedroom, telling her they’re going to get to know each other. Brandon goes to the After Dark with the police, who think Clare’s the rapist’s target. Valerie recognizes Garrett’s name and tells Brandon and Steve that he may be a friend of Donna’s.
At the apartment, Garrett pulls his knife and Donna begs him not to hurt her. She tells him she’s a virgin, which is a surprise to him. David arrives and Donna tells Garrett he’s her roommate. He makes her tell him to go away. David thinks the lights are off because Donna has a migraine, and that she doesn’t want to talk to him because of Ray. She calls him Dave to try to signal that something’s wrong. It works, because when Donna screams, David runs into the room and attacks Garrett. Donna joins in and they knock him out.
Dylan’s back at the hotel with Charlie, and he sees Peter arrive for a hook-up with Andrea. Andrea announces that she’s leaving Jesse because there’s no point in being miserable with him when she can be happy with Peter. Peter, however, is happy with the current arrangements. He reminds Andrea that they agreed not to have any strings. She doesn’t seem to remember that. Dylan sees Peter leave and goes to comfort Andrea, who laments believing that she and Peter were going to be together.
The cops go to the beach apartment, along with Brandon and Clare. Brandon relays Lenny’s news that he was in military prison with Garrett. He was afraid to say anything when he was arrested because he thought he would be pegged as an accomplice. Garrett had been asking him about girls on campus, which tipped Lenny off that he was interested in Clare. Donna apologizes to David for using a figurine he gave her to knock out Garrett. He’s surprised she kept it, and she says of course she did – it was the last thing he gave her. They hug, and Clare should probably be worried.
Thoughts: Donna: “I don’t know your name.” Funny, because you greeted him by name less than a minute ago. Did a writer fall asleep or something?
Yeah, being alone in a golf cart with a frat guy woud not make me feel safe. They need to tell all the women not to walk alone at night.
Dylan suit status: still active. Also, contagious – David caught the disease.
I think the Flaming Lips are the first musicians to play on the show who are still performing today.
Kudos to the guy playing Garrett – he’s normal at first, kind of creepy later, then just full-on shiver-inducing scary at the apartment. Though I think the story would have worked better if there had been some indication that Clare might be the target earlier on. We would have thought he was going to the apartment for her and been surprised when he went after Donna instead.
Kelly isn’t in this episode, but no one’s worried, so I don’t think she went back to the cult.
April 2, 2013
BH90210 5.19, Little Monsters: Deal or No Deal
To be fair to Dylan, hookers probably would dress like this
Summary: Valerie drives Dylan home from the airport after he’s delivered Erica to Iris in Hawaii. She’d like some compensation for her part in the rescue mission. Dylan agrees, and I’m sure Jonesy will totally go for it, too. Also, Dylan and Val are back together, it seems. Ray performs at the After Dark, so we kill a couple minutes there. He complains to David and Clare that the sound system is screwed up, then snipes at them when they say he’s wrong. Donna tells them he’s nervous because a talent scout is coming to see him.
Brandon meets Andrea at the Peach Pit and asks for her advice on the editorial he’s submitting to the Condor in defense of Finley. He admits that Kelly hasn’t seen it because they haven’t been spending much time together lately. That’s because Kelly has turned the beach apartment into Save Finley Central. Ray performs again, this time under the watchful eye of Ariel. (Steve’s also at the After Dark, because he’s an idiot.)
Valerie asks Dylan for money so she can buy a new coat (in Beverly Hills? Okay); he laughs over the fact that he’s giving her money after having sex with her. He gives her $10,000 and she balks at the small fraction she’s getting from his almost $8 million. Dylan calls her greedy, telling her she should have set a price up front. It turns out Ariel is the rep who’s come to scout Ray, which David knows Donna won’t like. Ariel asks Ray to come to her label for a meeting.
Jesse’s supposed to go out of town for a clerkship interview, but Andrea’s nervous because Hannah’s sick again. He suggests that she call Peter for medical advice. On campus, Brandon and Cindy run into Kelly and Finley, but Kelly basically ignores her boyfriend. She confides in Finley her annoyance with Brandon’s lack of support for her cause. Finley says that when the heat is on, people show who they really are. David informs an unhappy Donna that Ariel is the rep courting Ray.
Ray has a good meeting with Ariel’s label, and Ariel’s boss instructs her to sign him. She offers to take Ray out to buy new boots. He tries to decline, so she turns on the flirting. Dylan visits Jim to admit that he should have listened to him about his business deal with Suzanne and Kevin. He’d like Jim to be his business manager (but this time, Dylan’s in control of his money). Jim seems willing to agree, since Dylan has changed since the last time they worked together. Dylan mentions that he gave Val $10,000.
Speaking of, Val is spending the money on something that’s decidedly not a winter coat. Ray and Ariel are at the same boutique, looking at boots. Valerie accuses Ray of cheating on Donna, saying that it looks like Ariel wants him. “But don’t we all,” she adds. Ray takes his new boots to the beach apartment, where Donna tells him that Ariel was the reason she and David broke up. Ray insists that Ariel’s just interested in her music. Donna says that’s what she said about David, too. She wants him to give back the boots and stay away from Ariel. Ray refuses.
Kelly reads Brandon’s editorial and is all happy with him again. But when he asks her to skip out on doing research for Finley to hang out with him, she accuses him of writing the piece just to get on her good side. Ray and his band do a sound check at the After Dark, after which David warns that Ariel might go to unconventional lengths to win him over. Ray doesn’t care what David has to say since Ariel wasn’t the only one who hurt Donna.
Over at the Peach Pit, Donna and Clare agree that Ariel is bad news. The conversation turns to Kelly, and Clare reveals that according to her father, the other professors aren’t supportive of Finley. David tells Donna that he warned Ray about Ariel, but he doesn’t think Ray listened. She’s pleased that he tried, though. Dylan goes to the Walshes’ for dinner so they can recap what happened in Mexico. Cindy wonders if there’s anything they should know about Valerie. Dylan says she’s a “bigger package” than Brenda, “with a much bigger bow.”
Val is currently with Jonesy, trying to get more money. He just wants to sleep with her. Then he says he’ll pay her if she agrees to pair up with him again in the future. Ray meets with Ariel’s label again but is resistant to sign anything – they want him to give up his publishing rights. Ariel tells him she’s willing to do whatever she has to for this deal to go through. Ray already knows this from talking to David, so he’s out.
Andrea and Peter meet up for coffee because Andrea put on her Bad Idea Jeans this morning. There’s flirting, them some meaningful looks, and then a kiss. Meanwhile, Finley assures his students that he’s going to fight for his tenure in his meeting that night. He thanks Brandon for his editorial. Brandon brings Kelly flowers and apologizes if he’s been selfish lately. (Actually, for once, Brandon didn’t do anything wrong.)
Ariel tracks Ray down at the Peach Pit, but he doesn’t want to change his mind about the deal. She tries to get Donna to talk him into signing with the label. Of course, Donna doesn’t owe Ariel anything. Ariel warns her that Ray’s ego might get the better of him. Donna thanks Ray for rejecting the deal, and he confirms that she was right about Ariel, but he turned the deal down because it was a bad one. Valerie shows up at the Peach Pit in a brand-new car, so Dylan calls her a hooker for taking money from Jonesy. (Whoa, Dylan. Back off.)
Dozens of Finley’s students wait outside his meeting for news about his tenure. He addresses his acolytes, calling them “constant soldiers” and sounding more like a cult leader than ever. He didn’t get tenure, but as long as he has students, everything’s fine. He can just lecture in other places. “The new evolution will go on,” Finley promises. Once he’s alone with Kelly, he tells her the faculty feels threatened by him. The Finleyites need to stay together and block out all outsiders. That means Kelly needs to break up with Brandon.
Thoughts: Erica’s going to live with the woman her father was cheating on when he conceived her? Whoa.
Dude, Dylan, Val did have a gun pulled on her. I think you can spare a little more than $10,000.
David, you were a nice guy in this episode, but your hat is losing you cool points.
More pointless so far this season: Clare or Cindy?
March 2, 2013
BH90210 5.12, Rock of Ages: Like a Rolling Stone
If you’d never seen him before, seeing this picture of Alex would tell you everything you need to know about him
Summary: Cindy and Brandon are surprised to hear Jim blasting the Rolling Stones at the house. A client has given him a bunch of Rolling Stones memorabilia, though what Brandon really wants is tickets to their concert at the Rose Bowl. Jim offers to try to get him some, though they might be sold out. Cindy’s surprised people still like them.
At the beach apartment, Kelly looks over her photos from the Seventeen shoot. Brandon brings her a Rolling Stones shirt and learns she’s going to the concert. Seventeen has arranged for her to hang out in the VIP lounge. She’s not excited since she has a midterm the next day. Brandon offers to take her place, and not just because the Constitutional Review Board is going to meet soon to determine whether he’s really the student body president.
Donna tapes David and Clare doing a promo for the concert; they can’t even hide their lack of interest. Ray’s there and tells Donna that the Rolling Stones are awesome. He’s been going to their concerts since he was six. He wants to take Donna to see them.
At the Peach Pit, Steve tries to convince Nat to change the name of the Peach Pit After Dark to the Voodoo Lounge. He claims to have a meeting with someone who works with the Rolling Stones, to do…something. He asks Nat to make sure Dylan is officially no longer a partner; Rush is adamant about it.
Cindy hangs out with Kelly and Andrea on campus, so I guess she’s still taking classes at CU. She informs the girls that Jim managed to get Brandon Rolling Stones tickets and VIP passes. She thinks he should take Valerie. Andrea offers Jesse’s legal advice in case Brandon needs him before the CRB. Brandon thinks the meeting will be postponed since the chancellor isn’t around. Kelly tells Andrea and Cindy that she thinks Brandon’s in denial that by the end of the week, he could be impeached.
Alex informs Brandon that the CRB has moved up the hearing – it’s tonight. He gloats that Brandon’s going to lose, so he should resign as a show of good faith. Then if he wants to run for another office next term, Alex and his pals will back him. Brandon won’t back down.
Valerie visits Dylan in rehab and tells him she’s also going sober. She also delivers one of Brandon’s Rolling Stones hats. Val tells him no one knows that she was with him the night of his accident, and she’d like to keep it that way. She also flushed his stash in case the police searched his house. Dylan doesn’t want Valerie to get caught up in his insane life, so they decide to part ways.
Concert-goers gather at the Rose Bowl. Ray tells Donna he doesn’t have tickets but can get them in anyway. He gets to see all sorts of concerts by working as a vendor. Clare and David use a very primitive Internet to see what people are saying about the Stones. Clare is a troll, to absolutely no one’s surprise. David mentions that Mel offered him tickets, so Clare suggests they go and make fun of the fans.
Kelly can’t go to the CRB hearing to support Brandon, but he’s fine with it. In fact, he’s become pretty zen about it. Valerie doesn’t want Brandon’s extra ticket to the concert, so he offers it to Steve, but Steve has been invited by Claudette, his connection with the Stones. Kelly’s happy to have someone to hang out with. Nat and his cook, Willie, head off to see Dylan in rehab.
Ray and Donna, now dressed as vendors, sneak onto the Rose Bowl stage, where he serenades her with the only song he ever sings (I’m starting to think it’s the only song he knows). At rehab, Dylan easily agrees to sign over his share of the Peach Pit. He’ll be starting therapy that night and knows he’s in for something intense. Nat advises him to ease into it. Willie feels bad for Dylan, telling him, “You just keep messing up.”
Jim is still rocking out at the house. His and Cindy’s clothes start coming off right in the living room. Fortunately, Valerie interrupts. Jesse goes to the hearing with Brandon, telling him he needs to win over two of the three judges. Janice assures Brandon that she has nothing personal against him; she’s totally over the whole Roland Turner thing. Andrea knows who the three judges are and gives Brandon and Jesse some info. They’re probably in trouble.
Kelly and Steve arrive at the Rose Bowl in a limo and run into Clare and David. The latter two are supposed to meet Mel, who has the tickets, but Kelly doesn’t think he’ll show. Kelly gets right in, but Steve isn’t on the VIP list – Claudette didn’t leave him a ticket after all. He bumps into a guy who looks more suited to a Grateful Dead concert, and soon realizes the guy stole his wallet.
Dylan attends his first group therapy session and is immediately razzed by a guy named Charlie. Dylan’s still wearing his Rolling Stones hat, so Charlie pegs him as a junkie. Another participant recognizes Dylan as a fellow West Beverly student. Now Charlie thinks he’s privileged and plans to continue to make his time in rehab difficult. Steve spots Donna and Ray and tells them he can’t get in. Ray offers to get him in for free, but he’ll have to sell ice cream.
The concert starts, as does Brandon’s hearing. Janice argues that after Josh’s death, Brandon, as vice president, wasn’t guaranteed the presidency. They just want a new election so the students can decide who they want. Brandon thinks he’s going down and would rather have this go like the French Revolution. He laments going to all those senate meetings. Jesse’s surprised to hear that he called them all to order even though they didn’t actually meet.
Charlie’s ranting about Dylan’s hat, since rock music = stoned craziness. Dylan notes that he was sober for two years and music sounded the same to him. Charlie points out that the phrase “sex, drugs, and rock and roll” exists for a reason. Dylan says it’s not his fault if Charlie feels like getting wasted when he looks at the hat, because he can’t listen to rock music without getting high. Charlie storms out.
Armed with his new information about the senate meetings, Jesse asks for the hearing to end. The senate has met every week, and because Brandon has called every meeting to order, he’s maintained the integrity of his office. Janice notes that the senate didn’t attend most of those meetings. One of the judges notes that there are no rules of succession in the student government, but this case should set a precedent. Brandon gets to stay president, and the hearing’s over.
Alex tells Brandon there are no hard feelings, and I totally believe him, you guys. Then Brandon and Andrea head to the concert, where David and Clare are still trying to get in touch with Mel to get their tickets. They mope for a bit, then get offered some scalped tickets. Kelly studies backstage, because she’s no fun, and gets Steve entrance to the VIP lounge.
Charlie tries to make up with Dylan, saying he treats every new person the same. Dylan’s annoyed because he came to rehab to get better, and Charlie’s making things worse. Charlie thinks he’s toughening Dylan up. Dylan’s the only person who’s willing to stand up to him, and Charlie appreciates it. He’s 42 and wants this to be his last attempt to get clean. Also, he wants to borrow Dylan’s hat. Eventually, everyone but Dylan and Valerie makes it to the Rose Bowl, and there is dancing with varied levels of dorkiness.
Thoughts: Dylan looks weird in a Rolling Stones hat.
I guess they used real footage of the crowds at the concert. Nice hair, everyone.
Steve’s meltdown is hilarious. I kind of love it when he whines like a child.
February 18, 2013
BH90210 5.10, The Dreams of Dylan McKay: Spirits in the Material World
Kelly’s into psychology – she needs to psychoanalyze these dreams
Summary: Paramedics tend to an unconscious Dylan after his car accident. A firefighter finds drugs in the car. Once Dylan’s admitted to a hospital, a doctor tries to present his case to other doctors, but they don’t really care about him because he’s a junkie. His doctor tells a nurse that according to shamans, when a person’s unconscious, he’s experiencing a battle for his soul. In his “battle,” Dylan dreams that his doctors are Ms. Teasley, Suzanne, and Kevin. He can hear Erica calling for help. Dream Dylan runs off to save Erica, who’s kneeling on a subway track. His drug dealer winks at him.
Over at CU, David and Clare make a video about a frat flag-football tournament Steve and Brandon are playing in. The tournament lasts for four days, so I guess the students don’t have anything else to do right now. Clare wants the video to highlight how jocks are competitive and girls cheer them on, or something. Shut up, Clare. She doesn’t even know why they’re wearing flags. Rush arrives and asks to take over coaching duties, even though KEG is doing fine.
Jim and Cindy disagree about whether or not Valerie should be allowed to smoke in the house. (Cindy is okay with it, since Valerie is such a poor, delicate flower, but Jim is against it.) Valerie overhears and offers to quit. Suddenly they get a call from Iris. After their football game, Brandon, Steve, and Kelly go to the Peach Pit to kill the 90 minutes before the playoffs. Steve’s annoyed that Rush got involved, but Kelly says he’s just trying to recapture his own glory days of being the big man on campus. Inside, Nat and Andrea tell them about Dylan’s accident.
The Walshes and Valerie head to the hospital, where the doctor tells them Dylan’s in a coma. She doesn’t think it’ll last more than 24 hours. Oh, wait, she’s not a doctor, just a med student. Okay, who cares? Dylan dreams that he and Valerie go to the Walshes’ for Thanksgiving (Dylan calls Cindy “Mom” – aww). Suzanne and Kevin are there, and Kevin is friends with Jacques Cousteau. Dylan goes to answer the door and sees a snake slithering around the turkey Jim’s carving. Dylan thinks he’s letting Erica in, but his dealer’s at the door.
Then we get a black-and-white flashback of Dylan and Jack singing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame,” then their final scenes before the car bombing. Dylan keeps seeing the car exploding and burning. Brandon and Kelly go to the hospital, though she thinks he should still go to the playoff game. She doesn’t want them to act like Dylan’s already died. Valerie worries that her presence is making Dylan feel worse. She blames herself for the accident. Kelly reminds her that they did everything they could to help Dylan, but he checked himself out of rehab. It’s not like Valerie knew he was getting wasted and didn’t try to stop him. Val asks if Kelly still loves him. Kelly doesn’t get a chance to answer.
As Kelly says mean things to him, Dylan dreams about their swim in the pool, then imagines them getting married. (Jim walks her down the aisle, so that’s weird.) Suzanne appears to be the maid of honor. Then Dylan realizes Brandon is the groom. Jim asks Dylan, the best man, if he brought the rings. Valerie, in her own wedding gown, says she brought one. Except she’s not Valerie – she’s supposed to be Brenda. Dylan goes back to the subway to get Erica, and his dealer tells him to save her. He just needs to “follow the light.”
Dylan wakes up and rings for a nurse, but instead gets Ms. Teasley, Suzanne, and Kevin again. Suzanne apologizes for stealing his money, then says that since they’ve already come this far, they might as well keep going. The dealer gives him an injection. In reality, the med student (Jamie) asks for more medication for Dylan, but the nurse tells her to fill out the proper paperwork. Over at the Peach Pit, Steve and Nat worry about Dylan’s addiction. Steve wants Dylan’s share of the After Dark, angering Andrea, since they’re discussing business while Dylan’s in the hospital. Nat gives Steve 12 hours to make things work or he’s walking away.
Dylan dreams again about going to Jack’s car, but this time he’s the one who gets in, and it doesn’t blow up. His dealer is there and takes him to the pool hall, which is full of girls Dylan’s slept with. Dylan’s all proud of himself. Kelly makes out with him while the dealer plays electric guitar. Then Valerie intercepts Dylan, offering to do whatever he wants. Next, Donna shows up in her underwear, saying they’re “fixing it.” Suzanne’s next, but then the dealer shoots Dylan up and sends him back to the subway.
Rush helps the KEG guys get ready for the playoffs, annoying Steve. Brandon tells Steve to suck it up so they can win the tournament. Steve doesn’t want to have to put up with his father turning everything into a competition and showing him up. Brandon threatens to quit, since he’s not in KEG anyway and has more important things to do, like check on his possibly dying friend. They decide to pretend it’s still that morning, before they knew about Dylan and before Rush made Steve mad.
Dylan dreams of Kevin and Suzanne urging Ms. Teasley to shoot him. Ms. Teasley realizes that she has nothing against him; Suzanne and Kevin are the ones who ripped him off and “destroyed his faith in mankind.” The dealer offers to pull the trigger. Instead, he sends Dylan back to the subway, but this time Dylan says he won’t follow the light. He gives money to a homeless man and approaches the train. Clare and David wander through, saying the tunnel would be a great place for a music video. (They’re actually in Dylan’s hospital room, and Clare is being a shrew.)
Dream Dylan goes to the pool hall, where Kevin and the dealer, dressed as bikers, scrutinize him. Suzanne tells him he just needs to make the next shot – not with a pool cue but with a syringe. Kevin and Suzanne hold Dylan down while the dealer gets ready to shoot him up. Meanwhile, Donna smokes and dances on the bar. Clare tries to make out with Dylan, then fights with Suzanne over who he belongs to. Clare sits Dylan up and lets him see that Erica’s in the bar. Erica screams and the real Dylan has a seizure. Dream Dylan drives his car down the cliff again and flatlines. Kevin and Suzanne are with him. The dealer turns off his heart monitor.
Football is played, and Jim arrives toward the end of the scoreless game. He chats with Rush, who’s kept himself away from the action so he won’t bother Steve. They talk about Dylan, and Jim says his condition doesn’t look good. Rush is surprised since Steve didn’t mention anything. Steve decides to use one of Rush’s plays to win the game. So now he has a game victory AND his father’s approval! What a great day for Steve!
Jamie and Dylan’s actual doctor bicker, standing close enough to each other to kiss. The doctor doesn’t get why Dylan isn’t getting better. The nurse mentions Jamie’s remark about Dylan undergoing a battle for his soul. Dream Dylan goes to Jack’s car again, and it blows up. Then he’s back in the subway tunnel, giving the homeless man money again. The dealer promises not to shoot him up again if he saves Erica. Dylan reaches out for her, but she screams again and disappears. The homeless man turns Dylan around, but this time it’s Jack. He tells Dylan to keep trying and trust himself.
The real Dylan is calm and stable now, though Jamie and the doctor didn’t have anything to do with the change. Steve toasts the KEG guys’ entrance into the finals and thanks Rush for the game-winning play. Then he hints that Rush will be paying for his shares in the After Dark. That night, Dylan wakes up for real with Iris next to him. He imagines Jack sitting in the room, smiling at him. Then Dylan makes out with Jamie. Okay, not really, but wouldn’t that have made sense?
Thoughts: The mention of Jacques Cousteau made me think of the Friends episode where Phoebe dreams about him. Hey, that took place at Thanksgiving, too!
Dude, Dylan wants Donna! I wouldn’t have expected that.
Hey, Brandon, the emerald green shirt with the kelly green shorts are really working for you.
Very appropriate music in the background of the last pool hall dream: the Police’s “Spirits in the Material World” (hence the name for the recap).
February 16, 2013
BH90210 5.9, Intervention: Your Behavior Has Affected Me Negatively in the Following Ways
Sexaaaaay
Summary: Dylan is asleep after another bender when Cindy shows up at his house. She asks him to come to the Walshes’ house, getting very insistent when he tries to decline. He goes to get cleaned up, by which he means snort some drugs. When they get to the Walshes’, they’re met not just by Jim, but also by Brandon, Kelly, Andrea, Steve, Donna, David, Nat, and a woman named Ellen who’s there to run an intervention.
Dylan is defensive, unsurprisingly, but agrees to listen. Brandon starts off, saying that Dylan may have given up on himself, but Brandon hasn’t given up on him. He wants to save Dylan since Dylan saved him when they were camping. David brings up the time Dylan helped him avoid a drug arrest. Dylan insists he’s fine, but Brandon outs him for getting high and messing around with a gun, which is not the behavior of someone who’s “fine.”
Valerie and Clare run into each other at the mall; Clare’s ticked that they weren’t invited to the intervention. (Has she ever even met Dylan? Shut up, Clare.) Meanwhile, Ellen tells Dylan that she skipped the usual step of having the interveners from writing letters to the intervenee because Dylan’s hurt himself more than anyone else. Nat objects: Dylan stole money from the Peach Pit. He warns that Dylan will die if he doesn’t get control of his behavior.
Dylan starts to leave, but Ellen says he won’t get another chance if he does. Steve decides this is a good time to bring up the Valerie issue. He doesn’t really give a crap about Dylan. For some reason, Steve threatening to leave makes Dylan want to listen. Elsewhere, Ray bickers with his mother, LuAnn, who encourages his relationship with Donna since she’s rich. He insists that that’s not the reason he wants to be with her.
Donna tells Dylan she’s always thought of him as an older brother. She lost a lot of respect for him when he crashed her mother’s benefit. He reminds her that he apologized the next day. She reminds him that he was supposed to meet her for registration at CU. Dylan says he’s just not a good guy, but Andrea blames the drugs. She’s mad that he’s never come by to see Hannah. Kelly lets Dylan know that his behavior after he learned she was with Brandon humiliated her, as he wanted.
Dylan goes to the bathroom to do more drugs but changes his mind and puts them away. Ellen tells him they’ve gotten him a spot in rehab. Dylan says he’ll go to meetings, but not rehab. Then he does that typical defensive-addict thing where he claims he could get through rehab with no trouble. He thinks everyone else will be ashamed when he gets better because they’ll realize they’re not really better than him. Ultimately, Dylan says he’ll go.
At the beach apartment that night, Clare suggests that she and David make a sex tape. He only cares about the “sex” part of that. Donna complains about David’s lack of manners as a houseguest but assures Kelly that she doesn’t care that he and Clare are dating. Her own new boyfriend is helping with that. Jackie calls to tell Kelly that Seventeen wants her to do a layout based on the shots she did for the mother/daughter shoot. Kelly doesn’t really want to participate but agrees to since Jackie’s so excited about it.
The next morning, his first in rehab, Dylan is his typical sunny self. Felice is getting ready for Griffin to come to dinner, because Donna hasn’t told her yet that they’re not dating anymore. She tells Felice that she’s seeing Ray now, trying to dance around who he is and the fact that he’s not rich. Felice isn’t sold on him but suggests that Donna invite him to dinner with her and Dr. Martin.
Kelly and Jackie meet with someone from Seventeen, though Jackie dominates the conversation and has to be kicked out. Kelly still isn’t sure about doing the shoot. However, the woman is understanding and says she can take some time to decide. Over at rehab, Dylan decides to sign himself out. The director asks him to stay one more day since the alternatives are all bad and his life isn’t going to get any better. Dylan says he’ll take his chances. Valerie arrives just as he’s leaving, so he suddenly has a ride home.
Cindy learns that Dylan left and is less than happy about it. Jim tells her that they did everything they could, but their all will never be enough. David wants to watch the sex tape, but Clare can’t find it. Ray’s late to dinner at the Martins’, where Donna’s planning to show her parents an air check of herself and David. Little does she know that that’s what David and Clare taped over. Ray inadvertently saves everyone the horror by showing up.
Brandon, Kelly, and Jackie meet up for their own dinner together, celebrating Kelly’s acceptance of the Seventeen offer. Now Kelly’s worried about her weight again, since she’s going to be showing off her body in magazines. Jackie thinks what the gang did for Dylan was great – she wishes she’d had friends like them when she had her own drug problems. Valerie takes Dylan home and he immediately starts drinking.
Ray handles the awkward dinner with the Martins perfectly, and if Felice weren’t such a snob, she might find him charming. Valerie calls Dylan on his drinking when she should really call him on leaving half of his shirt unbuttoned. He makes a call, telling Valerie he’s calling Brandon, but she realizes he’s contacting his dealer. She tells him she thought the intervention was unnecessary, but now she’s changed her mind.
Kelly, Brandon, Steve, Andrea, and Jesse meet up at the Peach Pit, where Nat gets a call from Cindy telling him that Dylan checked himself out of rehab. Dylan goes to the pool hall and meets with his dealer, who offers him heroin. The first taste is for free, of course. Donna and Ray take Rocky II for a walk (does the dog live with the Martins now? Did Donna just bring him for dinner?) and talk about his impressions on her parents. He notes that he only needs to impress Donna (and maybe the dog).
When Donna gets back to the beach apartment, she finds David and Clare searching for their tape. She tells them she took it to her parents’ house. Once she knows it’s no longer an air check, she runs back to the house to retrieve it. Her father tells her and Felice that he tried to watch it but it’s all static. Once Felice leaves the room, Dr. Martin gives Donna the tape, saying, “Give David my best.” She owes him one. Felice wants Donna to give Griffin another chance, so Donna tells her about him pressuring her to have sex.
LuAnn presses Ray for details about the evening with the Martins, again urging him to keep up the relationship with Donna. At the Walshes’, Valerie “learns” that Dylan left rehab and pretends she wasn’t just with him. She tells the Walshes and Kelly to stop worrying about him since he doesn’t want their help. Dylan spends the night in his car by the side of a road, waking up to smoke heroin. A cop passes by, so Dylan drives away. He loses control of the car and drives down a cliff.
Thoughts: Ellen is played by Mackenzie Phillips. Makes sense, doesn’t it?
Dylan snorts his drugs off of a key. Dude, have some self-respect. Get a straw or a dollar bill or something. (…Don’t do drugs, kids! Stay in school!)
You will never be in the cool club, Clare.
I’m pretty sure we’ve seen Kelly eating in every episode from this season. Do they want us to think she’s gained weight or something?
“Getting drunk out of your mind is really not that cool.” I don’t think he’s doing it to be cool, Val.
How is Dylan paying for drugs? Remember how he’s poor? Maybe he’s still on his “free tastes.”
It could be worse, Donna – your dad could have seen a tape of YOU have sex.
Cindy may be my favorite mom on the show, but Dr. Martin is definitely my favorite dad.
February 10, 2013
BH90210 5.8, Things That Go Bang in the Night: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
And this is why Dylan shouldn’t have weapons
Summary: Valerie’s packing up her things to go back to Buffalo, since she thinks everyone hates her for the events of the previous episode. Brandon tries to get her to stay, for some reason. Cindy talks to Valerie’s mother, Abby, on the phone, then tells Valerie that Abby’s going to a clinic for a few days. Valerie’s upset that her mother’s having a breakdown now (yeah, how dare she not time that better?), and that it means she’ll have to stay in Beverly Hills.
The KEG guys and Alpha girls are getting ready for a big Halloween party at the KEG house. Steve tries help, despite having injured his hand when he hit Dylan. Griffin tries to make sure things between him and Donna are okay after the Catalina misunderstanding. Kelly tells everyone that Valerie’s staying in town, and only Donna defends her, since she, too, is dating two guys at once. Speaking of which, Ray shows up unexpectedly to deliver some pumpkins. Griffin and Ray hit it off, but Donna won’t acknowledge that she and Ray are more than friends.
Valerie’s still working on getting out of Beverly Hills, thinking that Cindy and Jim don’t want her to stay. They assure her that they’ll work out their problems. Also, they totally blame Dylan for everything that happened. Cindy tells Valerie she has a clean slate. Andrea and Jesse bring Hannah by so she can get Brenda’s old bunny costume for Halloween. Jesse mentions that he wants the baby to celebrate the Day of the Dead with his family the next day. He thinks Andrea should be willing to sit in a cemetery all night since he sat through Yom Kippur. Andrea’s worried what her dead grandfather would think, since the celebration is part Catholic.
At the Peach Pit, Dylan and Nat discuss the After Dark; Dylan wants to keep it going, just not with Steve. Nat notes that the whole thing was Steve’s idea, and he managed everything. Dylan reminds him that he took out a mortgage on his house to pay for everything, so if it fails, he’s the one who’s screwed. Nat tells him to come back at 4 the next afternoon to actually participate in the club. David and Clare attend a lecture on UFOs, which inspires her to suggest a trip to the desert. (She totally wants to have sex with an alien.)
Brandon visits Steve at the KEG house, but Steve’s mad that Brandon’s still friends with Valerie. Brandon tries to garner some sympathy for her, sharing the news that Valerie’s mom is having mental-health problems. If Steve gives her another chance, everyone else will follow suit. Steve is barely swayed by Brandon’s argument of “come on, bro” and tells him to invite her to the KEG party. However, he’ll never forgive Dylan. Speaking of Dylan, he’s drunk. He looks through some papers at home and finds his gun.
Clare and a skeptical David tell Kelly about their road trip to Barstow. Donna joins them and the other girls tease her about having to juggle two guys. Speaking of them, they’re already at the party at the KEG house, wondering where Donna is. When Valerie arrives, Steve and Kelly make themselves be nice to her, though at least Kelly gets the reward of making out with Brandon (if you want to call that a reward). Donna hides out from Ray and Griffin. Ray entertains the kids with that song about the worms.
Steve makes nice with Valerie, inviting her to the frat’s Halloween party (to which I’m guessing the little kids aren’t invited). Griffin teasingly tells Donna that he thinks Ray likes her. Ray gets mad when he sees the two of them together, and isn’t any happier when Donna can’t go out with him that night because she’s going to the frat party. Meanwhile, Dylan plays pool and chats with a guy who turns out to be a drug dealer.
David and Clare go out to Barstow and eat at a diner run by a guy who claims they get aliens in there all the time. Oh, and he’s an alien too. They can buy a video of his spaceship or a map of the galaxy. Clare’s upset that people make money off of something she takes seriously. Trick-or-treaters hassle Dylan at his house as Valerie arrives for a romp before the frat party. There’s no candy, so Valerie gives the kids money. She’s worried when she sees Dylan’s gun and bullets, telling him her father shot himself. He kicks her out.
Clare and David have been in Barstow for ten minutes and she already thinks the trip is a bust. She complains that 90% of people think we’re not alone in the universe, but those people think she’s crazy for believing in UFOs. Andrea, Jesse, and Hannah meet up with Jesse’s family in the cemetery, and Andrea gets uncomfortable when someone gives Hannah a crucifix. In Barstow, David and Clare see weird green lights and think they’re about to meet some aliens. The UFO they think they see is really a satellite dish. (Uh, then where did the lights come from? I hate this plot.)
Valerie’s late for the party, and Steve knows she must be with Dylan, so he’s mad. Griffin’s at the KEG party, but Donna can only think about Ray. She tells Kelly that she and Griffin are at the point in their relationship where other people would start having sex. She still hasn’t told him that she wants to wait until she’s married. Kelly urges her to be honest like Valerie wasn’t.
So Donna tells Griffin she went out with Ray a few times, then tells him to go to Hell when he calls Ray “Mr. Pumpkinhead.” He tells her that when she explains to Felice that Griffin wasn’t good enough for her, she should also mention that she’s been sleeping with a delivery boy. As Ray arrives, Griffin calls Donna “a pathological tease who sluts around.” This gets him a well-deserved slap from Donna. He tells her he can’t believe he put up with her as long as he did. Donna goes off with Ray.
Valerie skips the party and goes back to the Walshes’, where Brandon blasts her for ruining the second chance he begged everyone to give her. Valerie feels bad for Dylan since no one else is on his side. Brandon points out that he just has to ask for help if he wants someone on his side. She tells him Dylan’s been taking drugs and is playing around with his gun, just like her father used to. Brandon decides it’s time to pay Dylan a visit.
Ray and Donna drive up to the hills and start kissing. She tells him they can’t sleep together, and he plays her a song. Dylan’s trick-or-treaters return with friends, looking for more money, but Dylan’s passed out. They egg his house and he responds by pointing his gun at them. Then he shoots a paper skeleton Valerie put on his chair. Andrea and Jesse leave the cemetery early, and she tells him she’s fine with Hannah being connected to Catholicism, but she’s Jewish. Jesse is much less concerned about his daughter’s religious identity.
Blah blah David and Clare blah. They have sex. Something we’re supposed to think is a UFO flies over them. Brandon goes to Dylan’s, tells him to get over the Kevin/Suzanne theft, and asks if his relapse is due to anything else. Dylan tells him to stop analyzing him. Brandon notes that he’s the only friend Dylan has left, so he better be careful which bridges he burns. Dylan threatens to call the police if Brandon takes his gun, but Brandon starts to leave with it anyway. Instead, he decides to spend the night.
Thoughts: Random guest star of the episode: Jon Gries (here going by Jonathan) as Dylan’s dealer. He’s probably best known as Uncle Rico in Napoleon Dynamite, but to me he’ll always be Broots from The Pretender.
Jason Priestley directed this episode. Pretend you care.
Would you let your kids go to a Halloween party at a frat house?
Also, would you take your not-even-six-month-old baby to an all-night outdoor celebration?
The kid Valerie gives money to asks what he’s supposed to do with $5. I don’t know, maybe BUY CANDY? I weep for our future.
Things Andrea and Jesse should have discussed before Hannah was born: religion.
Kelly refers to her mother by her first name, so I guess she caught that annoying disease Brandon has.
It’s a little distracting to watch Donna and Ray have a serious relationship discussion while she’s dressed like a cat.
February 5, 2013
BH90210 5.7, Who’s Zoomin’ Who?: Smashing Pumpkins (and Faces)
Nothing says “I dig you” like a gigantic pumpkin
Summary: The After Dark is jumping, and Steve is happy. He tells David his relationship with Valerie is going well, even though they’re moving slowly. The fire marshal makes an appearance and tells Steve he’s exceeded the Peach Pit’s maximum capacity, so he has to shut things down. Now Steve isn’t happy anymore.
The next day Steve promises Nat he’ll pay the fine, but he wants to keep the club going. David suggests that they charge more and let in fewer people. Clare adds that they could get a bigger place – and the rug store next door is going out of business. Nat can’t afford the lease, so Valerie urges him to talk to Dylan (even though she knows he has no money – jerk).
Ray makes a long, picturesque drive to the beach apartment so we can all hear Jamie Walters sing. He takes Donna the biggest and smallest pumpkins of the season, then suggests that they decorate them together that night. Kelly isn’t as charmed as Donna is. Then there’s a lot of exposition: Kelly’s picking up Erin, then spending the night at Brandon’s since Jim and Cindy are going to Palm Springs, which means Ray can come over and hang out with Donna.
At the Peach Pit, Steve and Nat give Dylan their business proposal to take over the rug store and expand. Clare and David are also present, for some reason. Dylan okays the plan, even though it’ll cost $150,000. Jackie tells Kelly she’s been booked for a modeling job, which Kelly isn’t happy about. Apparently Cindy was serious when she said she wanted another baby, because she and Jim are actually making plans in that regard.
Jim gets a fax regarding Dylan’s trust (Dylan hasn’t signed the papers to sever that relationship) and sees that he’s taken out a mortgage on his house. Valerie spills that he’s broke. Mel and Kelly discuss Jackie’s return to modeling, and he tells her that Jackie and Erin are scheduled to take part in a mother/daughter fashion shoot. You can imagine how unexcited Kelly is by that news.
The Walshes figure out that Suzanne took all of Dylan’s money, using Erica to get close to him. Jim’s relieved that they didn’t invest their own money. He decides that he and Cindy shouldn’t go away for the weekend, so that means no sex for Brandon. Jim asks why Valerie’s been spending time with Dylan when they told her to stay away from him. She sticks to her story about him talking to her and trying to kiss her at the Peach Pit rave.
Griffin surprises Donna at the beach apartment, hoping to take her out. (Clare forgot to tell Donna he’d called.) She tries to back out but he wears her down. Donna quickly calls Ray but can’t reach him, so she asks Clare to give him a rain check. She has no idea that Griffin doesn’t plan to bring her home until the next day.
Kelly confronts Jackie over taking Erin to a night modeling shoot, and Jackie brings up all the things the money will pay for (including a car phone, hee). Jackie invites her to stay if she’s so worried that the experience will be damaging to her sister. Griffin flies Donna to Catalina, since apparently he’s a pilot.
Ray shows up at the beach apartment and Clare annoyingly tells him Donna’s out with another guy. Word of Dylan’s financial situation has made it to Nat, who helps Jim ambush him at the Peach Pit. Dylan thinks Jim is pleased with the turn of events because Dylan’s getting what he deserves. Now Jim doesn’t want to help him anymore.
At the beach apartment, David goes looking for a shirt (he got watermelon all over his – don’t ask) and finds handcuffs in Clare’s drawer. He handcuffs himself to the bed, then learns she doesn’t have the key. (She lost it, probably the last time she used them.) Then Chancellor Arnold shows up wanting to see where his daughter lives. Clare covers David with pillows and clothes so it just looks like she has a messy, unmade bed. Then she and her dad go to dinner, leaving David alone.
At dinner, Donna learns for the first time that Griffin plans to spend the night on Catalina. He promises to be a “perfect gentleman” and keep his hands to himself. She notes that a gentleman wouldn’t put her in this position in the first place. (Point for Donna.) Brandon overhears Valerie breaking plans with Steve and suggests that she just dump him if she wants to be with Dylan. She defends Dylan and all his brooding. David’s still stuck in bed when someone he thinks is Clare finally returns. It’s not Clare, it’s Donna (of course).
A hairstylist at the modeling shoot tells Kelly she should be participating, but Jackie probably didn’t ask her because Kelly would overshadow her. Kelly’s just ticked that Erin’s up so late. Jackie’s upset about her interference. Kelly complains that Jackie didn’t invite her to do the shoot with her, even though Jackie didn’t think she would have wanted to do it. David and Donna commiserate over their failed romantic evenings, and he tells her Ray stopped by. Donna realizes that Ray destroyed the pumpkins, so she leaves to talk to him. David’s left alone in bed again.
Valerie goes to see Dylan, who blasts her for telling Jim about his financial issues. She blasts him back for lying to everyone. Dylan says she could have stood up to Jim instead of letting him bully her into telling the truth (which didn’t happen, but whatever). He notes that Brenda got pretty good at standing up to him. Valerie’s finally sick of Dylan talking about Brenda all the time, but he accuses her of pretending to be Brenda so she can have a family. Valerie doesn’t see what’s wrong with that. Dylan feels bad about making her cry.
Brandon never told Kelly that Cindy and Jim were staying in town, so she shows up at the house for sex. Instead of that, she winds up confiding in Cindy about her issues with Jackie. She blames her childhood modeling and Jackie’s pressure to be skinny for her weight issues. Kelly admits that she’s upset that Jackie didn’t ask her to be in the modeling shoot. Cindy reminisces about that other modeling thing where she first met Jackie. She notes that Jackie’s been through a lot since then and has remained sober. Plus, she’s 40 and still looks good.
Donna goes to the pumpkin patch and tells Ray she wishes she’d gone out with him instead of Griffin. He can’t believe she drove all the way out there to apologize, especially after he smashed her pumpkins. He only did that because he cares, “maybe a little too much.” (Donna! Red flag! This is a red flag situation!) Ray promises that he won’t pressure Donna to do anything she’s not comfortable with. They make out.
More apologies: Kelly wants Jackie to know she thinks she’s a much stronger person and a better mother than she was when Kelly was a kid. She’ll keep her mouth shut from now on unless Jackie asks for her opinion. Jackie admits that the photographer wanted Kelly and Erin to both be in the shoot, but she didn’t ask Kelly because she thought people would see Kelly as Erin’s mother and Jackie as Erin’s grandmother. Kelly confides that she thought Jackie didn’t think she was pretty enough for the shoot. Jackie assures her that’s not the case.
David, having freed himself by breaking Clare’s bed, complains to Steve that he could have died since Clare and her father went to dinner and a movie in Monterey while he was handcuffed. They go to Dylan’s to discuss the After Dark, and David spots Valerie in the yard, realizing she spent the night. When Steve sees her, he decides the plan for the club is a no-go. Then he punches Dylan in the face.
Thoughts: What, exactly, does Ray expect Donna to do with a pumpkin the size of a pony?
I don’t know if it’s the same girl playing her as before, but Erin got even more adorable.
Dear Clare: Shut up. Shut up a lot.
Also, why didn’t Clare just take her dad to Donna or Kelly’s room and say it was hers?
Valerie: “You don’t know how intimidating Jim Walsh can be.” Me: “Is there another Jim Walsh I don’t know about?”
January 6, 2013
BH90210 5.2, Under the Influence: My Boyfriend’s Back and You’re Gonna Be in Trouble
The kids who did go to college registration are just going to end up doing this anyway
Summary: Jesse records the baby shower the gang (minus David and Dylan but plus Valerie) gives Andrea, full of frilly pink stuff. Steve praises Brandon for shaving his beard, and I second it. Donna announces that she won’t be going back to CU. Dylan’s at the bank, angry because his money’s all gone except for a savings bond. Outside the bank, he runs into Donna, who tells him she’s becoming a debutante at Christmas. She invites him to a benefit and he offers to buy a table. He doesn’t know it costs $2,500.
As Cindy loans Valerie her credit card, which can’t be a good idea, Josh bugs Brandon to be his running mate in the student elections. Brandon notes that Josh is the reason the previous administration had to resign; he uncovered the fact that they were taking school funds to furnish their apartment. Kelly calls to tell Brandon that Donna’s gone over the top in becoming a debutante. She’s even flying a guy out from Houston to escort her to the benefit. Oh, and Dylan’s back in town.
Their conversation is interrupted by Felice, who tells Kelly she’ll cover Donna’s rent because Donna will probably be moving out. Donna clarifies that she’ll probably be moving to Houston temporarily. Later, Kelly complains to Brandon about Donna’s life choices, which she thinks are her attempt to avoid David. Brandon thinks she’s just worked up over Dylan being back in town. He’s not too concerned about telling Dylan they’re dating, and even offers to take on the responsibility.
Donna takes her Houston friend, Travis, to the Peach Pit, where they have an awkward encounter with David. Brandon goes by Dylan’s house, where Dylan makes no secret of his alcohol relapse. He’s all sad and mopey, so Brandon decides it’s not a good time to tell him about his relationship with Kelly. Andrea and Jesse visit CU’s daycare, which Andrea is more excited about than Jesse is. Brandon tells Kelly he chickened out on telling Dylan about them. Meanwhile, Valerie prances around in her underwear with the bathroom door open, because she’s the opposite of subtle.
At the benefit, the Martins talk about Donna’s debut, making Kelly uncomfortable. Everyone meets D’Shawn, and he and Travis bug Donna to practice her “Texas dip,” the curtsy she’ll do at her debut. Kelly whispers to Brandon that high society has turned Donna into a “trained seal.” Cindy and Jim eat at the Peach Pit, and Jim complains that Valerie spent $300 on her dress for the benefit. Dylan comes in, and Nat tries to keep him from approaching the Walshes, who Dylan thinks are talking about him. They deny it, but he reminds them that it’s his restaurant and kicks them out.
Nat follows Dylan out, saying that Jim’s been great to him (I guess because of the karaoke?), so he’s allowed there whenever he wants. Dylan snarks that Nat should make Jim his partner. Nat thinks all of Dylan’s money has finally gone to his head. He also thinks Dylan’s mad that Kelly’s with Brandon now. Except Dylan didn’t know that. Oops!
Steve asks Brandon to put in a good word for him with Valerie (just one good word, though). Kelly confronts Donna about trying to avoid David, but Donna says she saw him earlier and it was fine. Kelly then asks if Donna’s doing the whole debutante thing to make Felice happy. D’Shawn notices that Donna’s upset and tries to cheer her up. She confides that she feels like a failure because of her breakup with David. He tells her she has a big fan club and she’s special even when she doesn’t feel her best. Everyone looks on as the two of them dance.
Brandon and Kelly are flirting and kissing when Dylan suddenly shows up to confront them. He taunts that he’s sure this isn’t just a physical relationship because Kelly’s not into that anymore. (Ouch!) The two guys posture and yell at each other until Felice asks Dylan to leave. Valerie’s surprised to finally encounter “Brenda’s Dylan.” Donna corrects that he’s “Kelly’s Dylan.” Dylan takes a swig of wine, blasts his so-called friends, and leaves.
He then heads to the club where Jesse tends bar, but Jesse won’t serve him since he’s underage. Dylan leaves with a woman, giving Jesse some money to give to a “real bartender.” At home, Valerie asks Brandon about Dylan, who she found “dashing,” despite his belligerence. Brandon warns her to stay away since Dylan’s an alcoholic. He does put in Steve’s good word, which Valerie says she’ll think about.
At the Martins’, Felice complains about Kelly’s inability to “control her impulses” (for kissing Brandon, because I guess he’s not responsible for that?), then reminds Donna to always remember who she is and what she represents. In other words, she shouldn’t have danced with D’Shawn. Donna awesomely says that it’s not her problem if someone’s offended by seeing her dance with a black guy. Felice says it’s the family’s problem, too, and Donna can’t be naïve if she wants to be a debutante.
Kelly goes to Dylan’s, but he’s busy with Eberlee, the woman from the club (they’ve been doing body shots). Kelly asks if they’re even yet. She says she came to apologize, but Dylan notes that it’s 2 a.m., so that can’t be the only reason she’s there. She tells him they’re definitely over. The next day, Dylan’s everyone’s topic of conversation, including Cindy and Steve when he comes by to take Valerie to CU for registration. Brandon has no sympathy for Dylan, telling him he can’t treat Kelly the way he did the night before. He apologizes for not saying anything about their relationship. He thinks Dylan also owes someone an apology.
In the world’s most boring subplot, Andrea takes Hannah to daycare but worries she’ll miss something important in Hannah’s life. Dylan and Donna both end up at the beach apartment and commiserate over seeing someone they care about with someone else. Donna feels like she could have done something different. Dylan assures her that David’s affair wasn’t her fault. He agrees to meet her at registration so they can face their exes together. Speaking of registration, Brandon and Kelly run into someone familiar there: Clare is enrolled at CU, and her AP credits gave her a year’s worth of credits, so she’s a sophomore.
Brandon tells Josh he’s decided to take him up on his request to run for student government. Andrea’s changed her mind about daycare, so I guess Hannah will be auditing classes with her. Donna runs into David again, and he asks if her return to CU means she forgives him. (Um…what?) She points out that it’s a big campus and wishes him a good semester. Then she asks Kelly for her old room back. She tells Kelly that Dylan’s supposed to come to registration, but instead, he’s playing pool and drinking beer.
Thoughts: Brandon teases Kelly for making a sandwich after a benefit planning meeting, which is a horrible thing to do to THE GIRL WHO HAD AN EATING DISORDER. Shut up, Brandon.
David’s hair makes him look like Vanilla Ice on crack.
Maybe Andrea should take a semester off before going back to school? I mean, Hannah literally got out of the hospital days ago. Andrea could use a break.
Andrea: Blah blah, this daycare is awesome. Jesse: “Then why is that baby crying?” Me: “Because babies cry.” Andrea: “Because babies cry.” Me: “Oh, crap, I’m on the same wavelength as Andrea.”
Donna’s dress at the benefit looks like a wedding gown. Also, hello, Tori Spelling’s cleavage.
When Dylan goes to the club, there’s an extra standing in the background, not moving, just staring straight ahead. It’s creepy.
Eberlee? What?
January 2, 2013
BH90210 5.1, What I Did on My Summer Vacation and Other Stories: New Girl
She looks cute. He looks skeevy
Summary: Cindy’s straightening up Brenda’s room before she and Jim go to the airport. She calls Brandon, who spent the night at Kelly’s with his ugly beard and doesn’t want to talk to his mother. Apparently only the Walshes and Andrea know about this new relationship. Brandon offers to break up with Kelly so they don’t have to tell anyone else. After some more making out, Brandon meets his parents at the airport, where they run into David, his earrings, and his gross hair. Brandon tells him that Brenda’s staying in London for the school year, but someone will be using her room.
Before we can find out who it is, we pay a visit to Dylan, who’s on a Mexican beach, looking homeless. He’s also drinking a beer, so we know things are bad. On the plus side, his Spanish is very good. Back in Beverly Hills, Kelly and Donna run into each other at a salon, but it’s clear they’re not on speaking terms. From a flashback, we learn that they had a big fight over David’s fling with Ariel. Their hairdressers magically get them to make up simply by putting them in chairs next to each other. P.S. Donna is totally over David.
Kelly gives a little exposition on the new girl, Valerie, whose flight is delayed. Brandon and Jim don’t care since airport TVs show football. More exposition: Brandon hasn’t seen Valerie since they were 14, and she lives in Buffalo. Cindy asks him to keep quiet about “what she’s been through over the past few months.” Brandon decides to meet Steve when his plane comes in from Hawaii. Steve has befriended Howie Long, and some kid (also named Steve) thinks Steve is Troy Aikman. Howie used to fantasize about Samantha as a kid (how old is she, anyway?). Steve went to Hawaii with Celeste, but she dumped him for another guy. He’s fine with it, though, because he wants Kelly back.
Andrea’s daughter is about to go home from the hospital after being there for three months. She was supposed to go home a month earlier, and Andrea’s family and friends had planned a big celebration. Andrea thought something was wrong and refused to leave, which turned out to be a good thing because Hannah stopped breathing. She’s fine now, and Andrea has learned to follow her instincts.
At the beach apartment, David shows Kelly the video he made for a TV production class. It serves as a recap for us of his summer activities, which included almost going to Japan with Babyface, getting dumped by Ariel, and winding up with crabs. But now he has a car and his own dorm room. Nat plays David’s professor and gives him an A+ so David can get off of academic probation. “It is smart to be smart!” David says. He actually got an A-, but he also got an invitation to work at the campus TV station.
Kelly bugs David to go to the barbecue the Walshes are throwing for Valerie, but he doesn’t want to run into Donna. Brandon calls and confirms that Kelly hasn’t told anyone about their relationship. He warns her that Steve is convinced that she’s his true love. Kelly isn’t worried; he always does this and she knows how to handle him. The only person she’s worried about is Dylan. Speaking of Señor Mopey, he owes a lot of money to a guy named Juarez, and Juarez says it’s time to pay up. But Dylan doesn’t have the money – Suzanne and Kevin took it all. Juarez asks for his watch as collateral.
Steve brings Kelly a lei (insert your own lei/lay joke here) and tries to get close to her, but Brandon interrupts. The two guys posture over which one of them gets to take Kelly to the barbecue. Finally Steve figures out what’s going on. Kelly offers to make it up to him by introducing him to all the new Alpha pledges. Brandon thinks he should meet Valerie, but Steve notes that she’s from Buffalo, and the Bills lost three Super Bowls in a row.
At the Walshes’ house, everyone meets Valerie Malone, who just transferred to CU from Bayside High. She’s all sweet and bubbly, and Steve is definitely interested. She plays basketball with the guys as Cindy tells Donna that the Malones were the Walshes’ best friends in Minnesota. She wonders where David is, and Kelly announces that he’s not coming. She accidentally lets slip to Donna that she went to Minnesota with the Walshes, and Donna figures out that she and Brandon are dating.
Kelly continues with a flashback to a dinner at the Walshes’ which was interrupted by a call from Valerie’s mother, Abby. Valerie’s father Victor committed suicide the night before. Donna promises to keep quiet. After dessert, Steve wants to show Valerie around town, and the kids decide to go to the club where Jesse tends bar. Steve dances with Valerie, who seems to have taken an interest in Brandon (or maybe Kelly?). Elsewhere, Dylan drinks and listens to his messages and learns that Brenda’s staying in London, despite having told him she wouldn’t be there forever. Also, Iris is mad that he lost all his money.
Andrea calls Jesse at work, and he passes the phone off to Donna. By the way, Andrea’s breastfeeding during this scene, which, thanks, show. Donna spots David with another girl, freaks out, and splits. Later, Brandon takes Kelly home to the beachfront apartment, but she can’t convince him to spend the night. He wants to be home for Valerie’s first night in the Walshes’ house, for some reason. “I wish you weren’t so sexy,” Kelly says. I barf forever. Steve and Valerie wait for Brandon in the car, flirting (badly) and almost kissing.
At home, Cindy’s reading Anna Karenina as an excuse to wait up for Brandon and Valerie. She’s grateful to Jim for agreeing to let Valerie live with them. When the kids get home, everyone’s all shiny happy family. On the phone with Kelly, Donna (who’s at her parents’ house) asks if David still has feelings for her. Kelly’s distracted and thinks someone’s watching her. That’s because Dylan’s staring at her creepily from some tall structure.
Brandon and Valerie run into each other in their shared bathroom and talk a little about Brenda. Then Valerie heads to her new room and immediately drops her bubbly, happy act. She calls her friend Ginger and complains about Beverly Hills. She thinks Steve is dumb but she could get some use out of his credit cards. She also plans to keep up her happy act for Cindy and Jim. Oh, and she likes pot.
Thoughts: There’s an episode of Saved by the Bell: The College Years where Brian Austin Green does a cameo as himself, and Kelly gushes about how cute he is. Ironic, no?
I don’t get Kelly and Brandon together. I just…don’t.
Wow, Howie Long is tall. And his presence in this episode was so pointless.
Why does Jesse tend bar in a tux?
Donna should have stuck around to see David dance. Then she really would have gotten over him.
