May 21, 2012
BH90210 3.24, Perfectly Perfect: If Kelly Isn’t Going to Eat Her Birthday Cake, Can I Have It?
“If you’d died, I would have waited at least a week before I tried to get Dylan back. Okay, five days”
Summary: Kelly’s working out at home, because the show really wants us to get that she thinks she needs to lose weight. She’s also mad that David ate the banana she wanted for breakfast. Jackie thinks she’s just being immature for the last time before she turns 18. She suggests a small birthday dinner with the three of them, Donna, and Dylan, though there’s actually a big surprise party planned for that night. Donna can’t have it at her house, so Jackie tells David to find a location.
Andrea asks Dylan how his article about Jack is going. He’s having an easier time than he thought he would. Donna tells them the surprise party has no location, which Dylan is fine with, since he hates surprise parties. They decide it’s probably not a good idea to have it at the Walshes’. Speaking of the Walshes, Steve wants Brandon to go on a dating game show called Love at First Sight. Brenda notes that it could be Brandon’s last chance this year to get a date. He asks her the last time she had a date, which is pretty mean considering she got dumped not that long ago.
Donna asks Brenda if they can have the party at her house. Brenda will be attending, but she doesn’t want to provide the venue. That leave the Peach Pit, which, let’s be honest, we all knew they would end up anyway. Kelly asks Dylan if he’s noticed anyone acting strangely lately. He pretends he doesn’t know what she’s talking about. He sees that she’s still taking diet pills and encourages her to eat something instead. Kelly says he’s turning into Jackie.
Steve bugs Brandon about the show again, getting support from Andrea that Brandon should give it a try. Steve promises that the taping will be over before Kelly’s party. Brandon doesn’t think they should do the show together. Steve thinks it’s because Brandon thinks he’ll lose girls to Steve. He notes that it’s a game show, so they’re supposed to compete. Brandon doesn’t want to fight with Steve over another girl, after their classes over the twins, Brooke, and Nikki. Steve promises he’ll have a good time and even fall in love.
Kelly complains to Steve that David, Donna, and Andrea are hanging out and talking about her. She knows Steve knows what’s going on and gets him to tell her about the surprise party. She’s upset since she said she didn’t want anyone to make a big deal over her birthday. Steve doesn’t get why she’s acting so unlike herself. Kelly confirms that he’ll be at her party, saying he’s the only person she can trust right now. At home, Kelly binge eats and acts like a brat to the real estate agent and some potential buyers.
Brandon and Steve head to a TV studio for the game-show taping. During a practice round, Steve is asked how far he likes to go on the first date. He laughs and asks if he can say the answer on TV. Basically, Steve is perfect for the lame show, but Brandon thinks it’s dumb. He heads off to find a bathroom and runs into another contestant, Celeste Lundy. They hit it off, but when Steve meets her, he thinks he’s already in love.
Jackie confronts Kelly over her behavior and attitude. Kelly says her life is a mess and no one understands. Jackie knows she’s upset about the divorce and the move, but she’s turning 18, so she needs to learn to cope. She promises that things will get better. Kelly just takes another diet pill. Steve, Brandon, and Celeste are all chosen for the first show, which anyone could see coming from a mile away.
Brenda talks to Cindy about Kelly’s party and how Donna wanted to have it at their house. She mentions a friend from Minnesota, Darla, and how their friendship has fallen off now that they’re in California. She’s realized how much she misses her old friends. Dylan shows up to get Kelly for the party, but she’s having a minor freak-out and says she’s not going. Meanwhile, Brenda goes to the Peach Pit early to help David and Donna decorate.
On the game show, Steve flirts with Celeste, while Brandon makes it clear that he thinks she’s the prettiest of the three female contestants. During a break, Steve blasts Brandon for hitting on Celeste. Jackie calms Kelly down enough to convince her to go to the party, though she’s not happy. The game-show contestants write down the person they want to go out with, and matches get to go on a date. Steve and Brandon both choose Celeste, who picks Steve. The host encourages them to kiss, which Brandon just loves.
Steve and Celeste are supposed to go on their date immediately, despite Steve’s protests. Since they signed releases and the contestant coordinator needs them to go out so he can keep his job, Steve has to skip Kelly’s party. In the car on the way to the Peach Pit, Kelly tells Dylan she isn’t feeling well, which he attributes to her diet pills. She also lets it slip that she knows they’re going to her surprise party.
Brandon gets to the party just before the surprise part, which goes as planned (and no one seems to guess that Kelly knew what was happening). Brandon tells Kelly that Steve can’t come since he’s on his date. Steve isn’t happy, though, until Celeste tells him they can go to the party after their date. At the Peach Pit, Tony Miller tells Brenda he’s been wanting to ask her to dance for two years. Speaking of love matches, Jordan’s there with Andrea.
In the bathroom, Kelly’s clearly feeling worse but tells some random friend that she’s okay. Her vision gets blurry and she starts breathing harder. Brenda goes in to get her for the cake and finds her unconscious. Later, Steve and Celeste arrive, though she doesn’t want to intrude on his time with his friends. They obviously had a good time on their date and will be having another one soon. Steve goes inside, but the restaurant is empty.
Everyone’s at the hospital, discussing the possibility that Kelly has an eating disorder. David reports that Kelly will be fine, and everyone but Dylan and Brenda leaves to get coffee. Brenda wonders if she should stay at all, since she and Kelly aren’t really friends anymore, but Dylan thinks Kelly will want to see her. Kelly’s doctor tells Jackie that the diet pills are safe when taken correctly, but she’s been taking too many and not eating enough. He wants Kelly to eat right and join a support group, since she’s on her way to trouble. Kelly claims she doesn’t have a problem.
Steve arrives at the hospital as the rest of the group goes in to see Kelly. Brenda asks for some time alone with Kelly so she can ask if Kelly was trying to punish herself. Kelly says she just took diet pills; she wasn’t trying to kill herself. Brenda makes it clear that she loves her even if she doesn’t always show it. Dylan thanks Brenda, then goes in to see Kelly, who thanks him for staying.
Thoughts: Celeste is played by Jennifer Grant, daughter of Cary Grant and Dyan Cannon.
If David and the Taylors are supposedly moving so soon, shouldn’t they have started packing?
I think the announcer on the game show is Don Pardo. Did he lose a bet or something?
Way to make Kelly’s problems all about you, Brenda. What makes you think it has anything to do with you? Why would it?
April 14, 2012
BSC Super Special #13, Aloha, Baby-sitters!: The BSC, Hawaiian Style
I want to wear a grass skirt and hula on a beach in Hawaii like a dork, too!
Summary: The BSC girls (minus Kristy, Mallory, and Shannon; plus Logan and Robert) have raised all the money they need to go to Hawaii, so off they go. Jessi makes them all keep a journal of the trip for poor, unloved Mallory, which is why everyone gets a chapter:
- Jessi spends the whole trip taking way too many pictures and writing down every little detail of the trip for Mallory. If I’d been with her, I would have hidden her camera and notebook.
- Stacey and Robert aren’t getting along since he had the nerve to talk to another girl on the trip and Stacey’s uncharacteristically jealous. They go with a small group on a side trip that involves helicopter tours over a crater, and Stacey’s helicopter crashes. She and her group have to walk back to civilization, but the lack of food takes a toll on Stacey and she ends up passing out from low blood sugar. However, when she’s back with Robert, she sees how worried he was and they make up.
- Mary Anne and Logan have decided to spend the trip TBI, together but independent, since their friends have been teasing that they spend too much time together. They avoid each other a lot but admit at the end of the trip that they wish they hadn’t, and they won’t try that again. Mary Anne also accepts a job sitting for a real Hawaiian family, who – shocking! – turn out to be like any other American family. Mary Ann is asked to sit again the next day, but instead she sends…
- Claudia, who has been depressed for a lot of the trip. She’s just learned about the attack on Pearl Harbor and is uncomfortable with her Japanese heritage. She also wonders how Mimi, who was living in Japan during World War II, viewed the whole situation. When she sits for the Hawaiian family, she meets their grandfather, who’s Caucasian and served in the war. He tells her that he doesn’t have any animosity toward the Japanese, and in fact has Japanese-American friends. He also points out that the U.S. hurt Japan worse with the atomic bombs. After that, Claudia feels a lot better.
- Dawn finds a little beach and enlists some local kids to clean it up.
- Abby talks her way into a commercial for sunscreen by saying she’s on her school’s volleyball team (not true) and is 18 (SO not true). Karma gives her a sunburn.
- Mallory and Kristy run a farm daycamp back in Stoneybrook, but Kristy’s barely in the book, other than to make everyone wear shirts advertising the club (yes, even in Hawaii). While at the park with a tantrum-throwing Jenny Prezzioso, Mallory encounters a woman who thinks she’s a horrible sitter and neglects her charges. The woman, Mrs. Wellfleet, even calls Kristy during a meeting to bash Mallory. Later on, Mallory takes her sisters to the park and catches Mrs. Wellfleet’s own son throwing a much bigger tantrum. Mal manages to be the bigger person and not rub it in the woman’s face.
Thoughts: Logan’s disappointed that they don’t get leis at the airport. I would be, too.
I think I’ve figured out why Abby’s so weird: She’s high from all of her allergy meds.
Trivia: Mary Anne is part Norwegian.
Before seeing sugarcane, Robert thought sugar was dug out of mines. What?
In the scene where Mrs. Wellfleet’s son is a terror, Margo Pike proves to be a wonderful kid. The boy steals the shovel she’s using, and at first she tries to be polite and tell him to return it. When he doesn’t, she finds something else to do. Then when he moves on to something else, Margo takes the shovel back. The kid gets mad, so she invites him to play with her. So out of eight kids, at least a couple Pikes are turning out all right.
I actually liked Claudia’s plotline. We don’t hear about her heritage a lot.
January 28, 2012
Dawson’s Creek 4.13, Hopeless: Date Night
"Let's see, you've spelled 'cancer,' 'death,' 'mortality,' and 'morphine.' This is the worst game ever!"
Summary: Leerys’ Fresh Fish is hopping, but Gail’s not happy with Gretchen’s work habits. She hopes it’s because of her pregnancy, not because she doesn’t like Gretchen and Dawson’s relationship. Dawson assures her that it’s her hormones. Gretchen wants the two of them to go out with a couple of her friends from college the next night. Dawson’s concerned that it’s too soon, but Gretchen’s sure that he’ll make a good impression.
Drue is now working at the yacht club, and he’s not happy about it. Mrs. Valentine guesses that Joey wants a couple days off to attend Capeside High’s senior trip; she’s willing to offer a trade. Drue is having dinner with Anna, the daughter of the president of the yacht club’s board, and Mrs. Valentine wants Joey and Pacey to double date with them. Joey gets the weekend off for the trip if Anna has a good time on the date.
Mr. Brooks and Dawson work on their movie, though Mr. Brooks is now in a wheelchair and Grams is taking care of him. While Grams is out of the room, Mr. Brooks asks Dawson to sign some papers that supposedly allow him to get Mr. Brooks’ medication. After he leaves, Mr. Brooks pretends to take his pills and lies to Grams about paying the nursing agency he was using. Pacey disapproves of Gretchen’s choice of clothing for her night out with Dawson and her friends. She thinks something’s bugging him but he won’t talk about it.
Tobey runs into Jack and asks him to help out with a tutoring program he’s working with. Jack’s worried that, like with the soccer team, the parents will disapprove of his sexuality. Tobey assures him that everyone involved with the program knows he’s gay and is fine with it. Pacey and Joey meet up with Drue and Anna, who already hate each other. Anna’s also not the brightest, as she thinks Pacey is Joey and can’t figure out who Potter is.
Mr. Brooks thinks the movie is complete, though Dawson has a few tweaks he’d like to make. Mr. Brooks tells him to “let it go.” Then he asks Dawson to tell him more about Gretchen. Before he leaves for his date, Dawson helps Mr. Brooks to a chair and is surprised when the man hugs him. Gretchen and her friends Kira and Jessica meet Dawson at his house before heading out to a club. Gail imposes a 1 o’clock curfew, unconcerned about embarrassing him in front of Gretchen. She warns that Dawson and Gretchen are in two very different places.
Pacey, Joey, Drue, and Anna play mini-golf, and Joey takes Drue’s cell phone so he can’t call the girl he’s supposed to see later. She orders him to be nicer, maybe even taking a page from Pacey’s book, since he’s being ultra-nice to Anna. Jack shows up to tutor with Tobey as Gretchen, Jessica, and Kira talk sex and college. Dawson’s clearly out of his element.
Joey continues trying to get Drue to be nice to Anna, who is even dumber than first believed. Drue gets nastier and nastier, so Pacey decides the date’s over. Drue asks him why dumb girls will only have sex if you tell them they’re pretty, but pretty girls will only have sex if you tell them they’re beautiful. Anna blames herself for the disaster date, and she can’t believe she’s already slept with Drue.
Dawson, Gretchen, and the others head to the club, and he admits that he’s never felt more his age than he has tonight. It gets worse, since he gets stamped with an “under 21″ stamp. Pacey tries to cheer up Anna, telling him he’s not book smart either, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t other things they’re good at. Anna says she’s good at men, but this time she fell into bed too easily. Pacey tells her Drue’s the dumb one for not liking her.
Dawson learns that Gretchen and her friends keep “loser lists” of the horrible guys they’ve slept with. Jessica and Kira assure Dawson that he’ll never end up on Gretchen’s list. He becomes less and less comfortable with the situation. Jack works with one of the kids being tutored, deciding that since he can’t find a story he wants to read, they should write their own, using only words that the kid can spell.
Joey catches Drue hitting on another girl, so she tells him it’s time to talk about their baby. Then she blasts him for sleeping with Anna and then treating her so horribly. She knows he acts the way he does because he doesn’t want people to get too close. Joey warns that if he keeps it up, he’ll get exactly what he wants and be alone forever. Drue admits that he’s horrible with girls because he’s only ever gone to all-boy schools. She compliments him for being honest and real with her. Drue ruins it by noting that Pacey and Anna look cute together.
Tobey praises Jack for being so good with his kid. He invites him to meet up with some people for coffee, and Jack hesitates but accepts. Done at the club, Gretchen and her friends want to go somewhere else, but Dawson’s sure he can’t get in, what with still having “under 21″ stamped on his hand. He encourages the others to go without him while he takes a cab home. Gretchen tells him to take her car instead, since they’ve been drinking.
The Joey/Pacey/Anna/Drue date is also over, and Drue has stopped being a jerk for once. He even tells Anna he’d be willing to go out with her again. Grams and Mr. Brooks spend the evening playing Scrabble, and he admits that he’s glad Dawson took his boat because it led to him and Grams getting together. She reminds him that they met years ago. Grams finds a tin full of the medication Mr. Brooks hasn’t been taking, and he tells her he just wants to die with dignity and make his own decisions about his life.
Jack goes with Tobey to meet his friends, confronting Tobey over inviting him to meet another couple. He thinks he’s being set up on a double date. He also suspects that Tobey started the tutoring program to spend time with Jack. Jack makes it clear that he’s willing to be friends, but nothing more. He and Tobey don’t click, and nothing Tobey can do will change that. He decides he can’t help tutor anymore, but Tobey would rather Jack continue while he stops. Jack realizes that it’s ridiculous for either of them to quit.
At the Leerys’, Gail has fallen asleep waiting up for Dawson, who admits that he didn’t have a good time. He’s realized that Gail was right about him and Gretchen being in different places. Gail tells him she was actually wrong and has spent the evening regretting what she said. She’s trying to figure out how to let him go. Dawson says that Gretchen has had a lot more experiences than he has, but Gail notes that they make her who she is. He needs to stick with it and see what happens.
Gretchen shows up, having ditched her friends. She assures Dawson that she doesn’t care about his age, but it bothers him that there are some things they can’t do together. Gretchen tells him she’s doing what she wants to do by being with him. Dawson warns that he won’t stand for being the nice guy she turns to after a bad relationship. She lets him know that’s not all he is.
Joey tells Pacey what she learned from Drue, and Pacey wonders why Anna would give him another chance. Joey doesn’t agree that Anna’s reasonable since she slept with a guy she’d just met. Pacey notes that if two people do something they both want to do, it’s fine. Joey knows he’s frustrated because they haven’t had sex. She worries that if they don’t do it soon, Pacey will dump her.
Joey reminds Pacey that he said he was fine with waiting. He assures her that he doesn’t want to do anything to jeopardize their relationship, but if they’re not progressing, it’s not because of him. Joey promises Pacey that she wants to jump his bones, but she’s holding herself back because she’s scared. Pacey admits that he is, too, which makes her feel better. The next day, Dawson goes to see Mr. Brooks, who’s on the floor, unconscious.
Thoughts: Kira is played by Rachel True, who people would probably best know as Rochelle from The Craft.
Really, Dawson? You think you have to sign legal paperwork to be authorized to pick up someone’s medication? You should meet Anna. You two are about on the same wavelength smarts-wise.
Aww, Jack should be a teacher.
Who did Michelle Williams tick off to get cut out of yet another episode?
Is Tobey supposed to be sweet? Because he’s kind of a creeper.
January 16, 2012
BSC #94, Stacey McGill, Super Sitter: Show Me the Money
Stacey's sweater is cute, but those shoes...ick
Summary: Stacey wants to take Robert to a Broadway play for his birthday, which means she needs to babysit as much as possible so she can buy tickets. A job comes up for a family named the Cheplins; they need a sitter every afternoon right after school until 5:30. Even though it leaves her little time for homework, her friends, her mom, Robert, and other sitting jobs, Stacey takes it.
Mrs. Cheplin is hesitant at first since Stacey’s only 13. But Stacey wins her over with the fact that she has diabetes, which Dana Cheplin has just been diagnosed with. Mrs. Cheplin gives Stacey a bunch of household work to do along with watching the kids and helping them with their homework. Though she claims she still isn’t comfortable with the arrangement, only extending the deal two weeks at a time, Mrs. Cheplin keeps giving Stacey more and more responsibilities and paying her more for them.
Stacey’s happy with the money, but soon realizes how much time and energy the job is taking. She has to miss out on plans she’s made with Robert, her friends, and her mom so she can complete homework and do other things she isn’t able to do during the week. Dana has a diabetes-related emergency one day, and though Stacey handles it very responsibly and maturely, Mrs. Cheplin is still clearly not impressed with her.
On Valentine’s Day, things really start to come apart. Stacey forgot to buy Robert anything and finally tells him why she’s been working so hard. Then, after she has a particularly hectic day at the Cheplins’ but still only gets a two-week extension of the job, Stacey tells the BSC girls about all the chaos. They note that the money she’s been making isn’t as important as everything else in her life. Stacey realizes that she’s turning into her workaholic father and tells Mrs. Cheplin she can’t keep working for her every day. Robert may not get to go to Broadway, but Stacey’s still happy.
In the B-plot, Logan wants to buy Mary Anne a ring for Valentine’s Day. He asks Stacey for help picking it out, but she’s busy (of course), so she suggests that he ask Kristy instead. Charlotte and Becca spot Logan and Kristy ring-shopping together, and when they see him put the ring on her finger, they think Logan’s a two-timer and Kristy’s a home-wrecker. They spread the news to a bunch of other kids, and suddenly Kristy starts getting hate mail from eight-year-olds. She has no idea why kids are mad at her; her only idea is that some of the Bashers are mad at the Krushers.
When the news comes out and Logan tells the kids what was really going on, his sister Kerry admits that she canceled his and Mary Anne’s Valentine’s Day reservations (thinking he was going to take Kristy out instead). To make things up to them, the kids make them dinner, which is actually really sweet.
Thoughts: Kristy actually wants Stacey to turn down the job at the Cheplins’ because she won’t be free for other jobs. So she wants Stacey to say she can’t sit so she can…sit. Kristy, you’re a horrible businesswoman. I get her not wanting Stacey to sit every day, but can’t the girls split up the job? Turning it down completely would be a huge loss.
…Although Mrs. Cheplin is a huge bitca. I would never be able to handle working for her. She leaves Stacey two- and three-page-long lists of chores, such as doing laundry and starting dinner, which she’s expected to do in just over two hours, while helping the kids with their homework. She questions Stacey every time she can’t complete some task, like she’s testing Stacey to make sure she can handle everything. But they’re the sorts of things that a stay-at-home mom or housewife would complete over the course of a whole day, not in just a couple of hours. Then when Stacey finally tells her she has to quit, Mrs. Cheplin says it’s because she’s not mature enough for the job. Girl, please! She was more mature than any 13-year-old should be expected to be!
Mary Anne and Logan bring their own pencils to the bowling alley to keep score. Cough nerds cough.
December 17, 2011
SVH #108, Left at the Altar!: Lovesick
Ugly bridesmaid dresses? Check
Summary: Jessica and Jeremy are still making out at Jeremy and Sue’s engagement party. Elizabeth catches them and morphs into super-moral Liz, lecturing Jessica about the whole thing. Her self-help books tell her that Jessica is addicted to love, and it’s an illness that can be treated. Speaking of illnesses, Sue finds out that she has a rare, incurable blood disorder (find me a book or movie where someone has a common, curable blood disorder, please), and she only has a couple of years to live. Jeremy decides he’s going to stick it out and marry her so he doesn’t break her heart before she kicks. Jessica’s devastated.
But a down Jessica is not an out Jessica. She continues trying to get Jeremy alone so they can make out and such. Jeremy keeps protesting, but he’s not exactly doing anything to stop her. Jessica continually invites herself along on Sue and Jeremy’s dates or shows up unexpectedly, and Elizabeth, her self-appointed guardian, keeps going with her. Sue doesn’t seem to think anything’s up. The twins, Lila, and Enid crash Jeremy’s bachelor party and Jess takes the opportunity to make out with him there, and finally Liz decides she’s done babysitting.
Finally, Jeremy and Sue’s wedding day comes. Instead of spending the hours before the ceremony getting ready, Sue goes shopping – and spends a ton of money. Jessica’s suspicious about how she can afford everything, considering she and Jeremy are still young and don’t exactly have high-paying jobs. But it’s the least of her worries, as, you know, the guy she’s in luuuuuuuuuv with is about to marry someone else.
At the ceremony, Jessica does that typical book/movie/TV thing where she actually responds when the minister asks if anyone has any objections. She announces that Jeremy can’t marry Sue because he’s in love with her. The minister calls off the wedding and Sue actually passes out. So now Jessica’s free to be with Jeremy, I guess, but everyone hates her for destroying a dying woman’s wedding.
The B-plots are dumb. Todd comes back from his summer vacation at his grandmother’s house and confesses to Elizabeth that he sorta, kinda hooked up with another girl. (Of course, it’s Todd, so they probably held hands and he kissed her on the cheek a couple times.) Elizabeth was considering telling him about Luke, who, remember, she basically did hook up with, but for some reason she gets all offended and basically breaks up with Todd. She spends the rest of the book trying to avoid him, but Steven tells her that Todd is really, really sorry, so suddenly everything’s okay.
Lila’s back with Jeremy’s friend Robby, who you’ll recall is poor. She wonders if he only likes her for her money, so she spins this incredible yarn about being an orphan whose parents worked for the Fowlers, who took her in after they died. The story involves a girl named Venice. Just saying. Lila plays poor little rich girl (badly) until she realizes Robby may actually like poor Lila more than rich Lila. She comes clean and he tells her he doesn’t care about her wealth, or lack thereof. I’m thinking he might change his mind when he realizes exactly how rich the Fowlers are.
Thoughts: I can’t get over how awful Jeremy looks on the cover. And this is supposed to be a guy two girls are madly in love with. He looks like a 16-year-old wannabe thug who hangs out in front of the 7-Eleven, smoking pot and bullying nerds. He looks like the guy who mops the floor at your local pizza place. He looks like the guy you don’t want to go upstairs with at a high school party. Jeremy is so skeezy that the girls who wind up on 16 and Pregnant are like, “Whoa, dude, put on a condom.” Even Chelsea, you guys. Even Chelsea.
Also, THAT HAIR.
Olivia calls Jeremy “the stud of all studs.” I just threw up in my mouth a little.
Bruce would never participate in a singalong, let alone help lead one. Get it together, ghostwriter.
That no one has beaten Elizabeth with one of her self-help books is a miracle.
November 28, 2011
BSC #90, Welcome to the BSC, Abby: Thanks for Depressing Us All
If Abby's Jewish, why is she dressed like Santa?
Summary: Abby, who joined the club in the last book, jumps right into club activities, going on sitting jobs and helping out with the cause of the month, a carnival to raise money so school arts and music programs don’t have to be cut. While sitting for the Papadakises, Abby has an asthma attack that gets worse when Hannie runs into the street and almost gets hit by a car. She winds up going to the ER, but she’s fine after that. Kristy, however, thinks she’s a liability as a sitter.
Abby has bigger problems to deal with, as she feels like her family is disjointed. Her mom is working a lot, Anna doesn’t really have any friends in Stoneybrook yet, and they don’t spend a lot of time together. It all stems from Abby’s father’s death three years ago. Abby and Anna find a box of their father’s things while they’re unpacking, and they think their mother put it aside and forgot about it, which makes them mad.
During the carnival, which the Stevensons planned to work at together (selling cake and cupcakes with arts and music themes), Abby hears about a train that derailed in New York. She’s pretty sure her mom was on it, and when she and Anna don’t hear from her for hours, they think something horrible has happened to her. Fortunately, their mom was on a different train, but the experience gets them all to talk about their sadness over losing their father/husband and how they don’t want to forget him. But it’s all bittersweet because, you know…he’s still dead.
By the end of the book, Abby feels more at home in the club, Kristy has calmed down about her asthma, the Stevensons are making more of an effort to spend time together, and Anna has become friends with Shannon. So at least things are looking up there. And I guess they saved the arts and music programs because no one mentions that again.
Thoughts: Abby really is a bit of a tragic character. Her father’s dead, her mother’s not around much, and she feels like a seventh wheel, I guess you’d say, in the club because the other six girls are three pairs of best friends. Her humor is obviously a defense mechanism because she’s rarely serious. …Okay, I’ll stop psychoanalyzing.
What is with the series’ obsession with Elvira the goat?
Carnivals are fun. Reading about people getting ready to put on a carnival? Not so much. But now I really want a cupcake.
Mrs. Stevenson has a cell phone in 1995. I hope it’s Zack Morris-sized.
October 22, 2011
SVH #103, Operation Love Match: Written in the Stars
Is Bruce auditioning for a role in "Grease"?
Summary: Mercury’s in retrograde, which means Jessica’s life is a big mess. (No one else’s life is a big mess, though, which makes no sense. Whatever, none of this makes sense.) She’s klutzy, she’s having bad luck all over the place, and all of her attempts to get Bruce’s parents back together are falling apart. Oh, yeah, Jessica and Elizabeth have taken it upon themselves to get the Patmans back together. Jessica is exactly the person I would entrust to fix my parents’ marriage.
Jessica’s currently obsessed with astrology, so she uses a book about it to make her plans. (Just pretend those two things are connected.) She writes a letter from Hank to Marie, but forgets to put a stamp on it, so she tries to fish it out of the mailbox. Instead, she gets stuck, then busted by the police for mail tampering. Cute new senior Michael Hampton sees all of this, so Jessica tells him she’s Elizabeth. She continues to do this every time she does something dorky or clumsy in front of him, like getting stuck in her locker.
The next wacky plan the twins and Bruce come up with is putting super glue in the Patmans’ lawyers’ car ignitions so they can’t go to a meeting to discuss the divorce. Then they plan to go to the lawyers’ office and put the Patmans’ wedding album out for them to see, hoping they’ll reminisce together and remember how much they love each other. But Jessica gets stuck in an elevator and can’t get the album upstairs. The Patmans arrive and start reminiscing anyway, and are very close to getting back together when Marie sees one of Alice’s scarves in Hank’s coat pocket. (He took Bruce’s coat accidentally, and the scarf was one Jessica borrowed.)
During this craziness, Jessica flirts with Michael and tries to talk herself up to him. He’s actually attracted to Elizabeth, or Jessica-pretending-to-be-Elizabeth, since he finds her clumsiness endearing. He sends Liz flowers, she figures out what’s going on, and she agrees to meet him for a date. But she wants to get Michael’s attention on Jessica, so she acts completely calm and put-together to make Michael realize he’s fallen for the wrong twin. It works, and Michael figures out that Jessica was pretending to be Elizabeth.
Back to the love games. Jessica and Bruce buy a bunch of goldenrods for Marie, but it turns out she’s allergic and she winds up in the hospital. Out of ideas, Jessica decides to have Elizabeth tape a conversation with Alice in which Alice states straight out that she and Hank are done, so Marie will stop thinking they’re having an affair. Except the wrong tape gets delivered. Finally, the meddling teens decide to go all out and have an intervention: They’ll display mementos from the Patmans’ marriage and show then footage from their honeymoon to hit them over the head with what they’re throwing away.
The day the plan is supposed to go into action, the twins get locked in their bathroom (don’t ask) and Bruce has car trouble that keeps him from getting to the house on time. The Patmans work things out on their own, so the plan basically worked, just in a different way than Bruce and the twins planned. In the end, almost everyone is happy: The Patmans are back together, as are Bruce and Pamela. Jessica and Michael, however, don’t work out, since he’s too awkward for her. Eh, two out of three ain’t bad.
Thoughts: Lila wants to throw a masquerade ball? She just had a big party! Where people almost died! What is up with this girl?
Ned: “As a family, we’ve never believed in meddling in other people’s private affairs.” HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA. Ned, you so crazy.
Elizabeth got a laptop! That’s pretty impressive for 1994.
Elizabeth’s bedroom is beige and cream. Well, that’s certainly conducive to sleep; it has me yawning just reading about it.
I’m 99 percent sure you can’t hire lawyers from the same firm to represent opposing sides in a case. Why would a husband and wife be willing to go against in each other in court anyway?
Bruce would never create, let alone participate in, a secret handshake with the twins.
Michael’s poem to Elizabeth is ridiculous:
I never dreamed or hoped I’d see,
A girl like you who trips like me.
You’re beautiful and clumsy, too,
You’re just my secret dream come true.
I’ll see your face where e’er I roam,
Won’t you please let me drive you home?
Todd actually nibbles on Elizabeth’s ear. Todd, you disgust me.
August 6, 2011
BH90210 1.18, It’s Only a Test: The One Where Everyone Gropes Shannen Doherty
The doctor's the only person in clothes that don't make me want to scream
Summary: Steve wants Brandon to visit a tutor who will help him study for the SAT, which Brandon denies can be studied for. “You can’t make up for 16 years of ignorance in one week,” he notes. Brandon uses an SAT word with Andrea, who blasts him for having a tutor and getting an unfair advantage over people who can’t afford them. Brandon defends himself, saying you can’t study for a test that evaluates what you know. She’s just really, really stressed.
Brenda, Kelly, and Donna study their vocabulary, but Kelly gets distracted by information about self-testing for breast cancer. Brenda mentions that her favorite aunt, Cindy’s younger sister, died of breast cancer two years ago. The girls decide to give themselves self-examinations, Kelly suggesting that Brenda get some help from Dylan. Brenda thinks she feels something in one of her breasts but doesn’t mention it to her friends.
Brandon complains to his parents about how long he’ll have to wait for his SAT scores after the test. Brenda’s sick of talking about the test, especially since there are more important things in life to worry about. Later that evening, Brenda tells Cindy about the self-exam. Cindy feels something as well. Brenda asks her not to say anything to Jim. Cindy tells her they’ll see a doctor, trying to assure Brenda that there’s probably nothing wrong.
In the morning, Cindy starts freaking out about not having a family doctor. She’s also upset that her sister, Sheila, never had a good doctor; her illness wasn’t caught in enough time to save her. Brenda realizes that Cindy mentioned the situation to Jim, and is concerned that Jim will start worrying over nothing. She also scoffs at his idea that she just has an ingrown hair.
Cindy pulls Brenda out of class to see a doctor she managed to get an appointment with. Dr. Donner tells Brenda that since she’s so young, there probably isn’t anything to worry about. Brenda mentions that she got bruised playing volleyball a few months ago, so she can’t be sure when the lump first formed. Dr. Donner has Cindy leave the room so Brenda will feel more comfortable opening up to her. The doctor does an exam and recommends a needle biopsy.
Andrea asks Steve for pointers he’s picked up from his SAT tutor, then asks to come over and study that night. He reluctantly agrees. Cindy holds Brenda’s hand as she undergoes the needle biopsy, which doesn’t give the doctor enough information to rule out a tumor. Brenda will have to undergo a surgical biopsy.
Cindy wants to talk to Dr. Donner alone, but she’s not allowed to talk about Brenda without her permission. The doctor repeats that the chances of Brenda having cancer are slight, but because of her family history, she doesn’t want to be too careful. She schedules Brenda for the biopsy on Saturday, which means she’ll have to postpone taking the SAT.
Cindy tells Jim her concerns that Brenda’s possible illness is starting out the same way Sheila’s did. Brenda asks them to stop talking about her behind her back. She’s trying to stay positive and not make more out of the situation than they should. When Brandon comes home, Brenda tells him what’s going on. The Walshes all try to assure him that she probably isn’t sick.
Steve gives Andrea some SAT pointers, telling her not to outsmart herself. He gets a little flirty and they start making out. Then she freaks out and leaves. Brenda and Brandon look through old pictures of Cindy and Sheila, talking about their late aunt. Brandon says he’ll protect Brenda, who notes that he can’t. She remembers how lonely Sheila was while she was sick, then how lonely Cindy was after her sister died. Brenda thinks Cindy moved to L.A. partly to get away from bad memories.
At school on Friday, Andrea finds Brandon sitting alone at lunch and starts to tell him about Steve. Brandon also has something important to discuss, telling her about Brenda’s situation. He admits that he doesn’t feel like he can get emotional at home because Brenda will see, but he can’t stop himself from freaking out. Andrea tries to comfort him, noting that after tomorrow, they’ll have answers. She assures Brandon that she’s always there if he wants to talk.
Brenda fills Kelly and Donna in on her biopsy, and Kelly says she blames herself since she brought up the self-exams. Brenda’s happy that she found out. Next she tells Dylan what’s going on and he promises to go to the hospital with her. He promises that knowing she might be sick hasn’t changed his feelings for her, but she isn’t so sure. Dylan says he loves her, but she storms off.
Brenda admits to Cindy that she’s mostly scared about losing a breast. People keep telling her that she’ll be okay, but she’s terrified that she won’t be. Brenda leaves Dylan a message telling him she loves him, too. That night she dreams that her friends are taking the SAT at her funeral. Dylan has to answer a question about why he told Brenda he loves her, Brandon says he’ll forget about her by lunchtime, and Kelly asks Brenda to leave her Dylan in her will.
In the morning, Brandon heads off to take the SAT while Cindy and Jim take Brenda for her biopsy. Andrea and Steve both arrive for the SAT at the last minute and try to convince themselves that their kiss was “just one of those things.” Brenda is sedated for the biopsy but allowed to stay awake. Instead of just taking a biopsy, Dr. Donner winds up removing the whole lump. Jim tells Cindy she needs to stop thinking the worst about Brenda.
Unable to concentrate on the SAT, Brandon leaves to wait for Brenda in the hospital. Dylan arrives as well just as Brenda’s being sent home. Later that day, Dylan and the Walshes sit around anxiously, waiting for Dr. Donner to call with the biopsy results. Kelly and Donna come over with a plant and a gift basket. The results are in, and the lump is benign, so now everyone’s happy. That night, Brandon wakes Brenda up to tell her how scared he was for her. He assures her that if she died, everyone would really miss her.
Thoughts: I just love hour-long PSAs.
Steve and Andrea? AS IF!
A giant magenta pantsuit over an orange camisole is the perfect attire for sitting around a hospital waiting room, don’t you think?
July 4, 2011
BSC #81, Kristy and Mr. Mom: Serious as a Heart Attack
It was then that David Michael realized no one had noticed he was turning into a rooster
Summary: Watson has a heart attack and is told to stop working so hard. He decides to become a stay-at-home dad and let his vice presidents take care of his company. This works out well – too well, in fact, because Nannie decides that Watson’s doing such a good job at her job that the family doesn’t need her anymore. She announces that she’s moving into her own place.
Everything continues to go all right until Karen and Andrew show up for a month. (Of course it’s Karen’s fault everything falls apart.) Then suddenly no one in a position of responsibility can keep it together anymore. Kristy tells Nannie how things are going and asks for help hiring a housekeeper. Nannie tells her that the family doesn’t need a housekeeper, they need her back. In the end, Watson decides to work a few hours from home each day and split the household responsibilities with Nannie. Yay, happy ending!
While this is going on, Mrs. Marshall (mother of Nina and Eleanor) keeps hiring sitters and not telling them there will be three extra kids in the house while they’re sitting. Mallory even has to call Jessi to come over and help when one of the kids gets hurt. The next time Mrs. Marshall calls, two sitters go over, and when she refuses to pay both of them, they leave. Then they realize that no one ever told their clients that there’s a club rule about sending two sitters for more than four kids. So the BSC girls realize that they made a mistake, and Mrs. Marshall realizes that she shouldn’t have sprung the three extra kids on them, but I still think she’s kind of a jerk.
Thoughts: I hate the phrase “Mr. Mom.” It implies that there are different jobs for mothers and fathers. There’s no such thing as a Mr. Mom. A Mr. Mom is a dad.
I’m not sure we’ve ever heard before what Watson does, but he’s the CEO of an insurance company.
I’m impressed with how well Watson’s ex and her husband get along with the Thomases. They even hire sitters from the BSC.
Five adults and teenagers can’t handle four kids without Nannie? Watson and the Thomases (which sounds like a Thomas Edison tribute band) are truly incompetent. Remember, just a couple years ago, Mrs. Thomas was caring for four kids on her own.
June 26, 2011
BH90210 1.10, Isn’t It Romantic?: I Want Your Sex
Yeah, Buffy and Angel were in this same position...right before she killed him
Summary: Brenda and Dylan flirt with each other while he’s over helping Brandon work on his car. Jim questions how Dylan got the money for his own car, a Porsche. Dylan goes in to take a shower, for some reason leaving the bathroom door open, so of course Brenda walks in on him. They start talking about movies, and he asks her to see one with him and Brandon that night. Afterward they go to Dylan’s house, where he’s been living since his dad closed the hotel suite.
At school Brenda tries to convince Kelly that she and Dylan didn’t go on a date. (I don’t think it’s considered a date when your brother’s there.) She argues that she isn’t even Dylan’s type. The two girls complain about health class; the sex-ed portion of the curriculum is coming up in a couple weeks. Brenda and Dylan end up going out alone since Brandon has a cold. Jim isn’t happy about this since Dylan’s father is known as unethical and he doesn’t think Dylan’s much different.
Brenda and Dylan plan to see another movie but go back to his place instead. They’re surprised to find Dylan’s father Jack there doing something business-related. He and Dylan have a big fight and Dylan storms out with Brenda. He’s so angry that she doesn’t want him to drive her home, but he refuses to let her take a cab. He smashes a flowerpot and Brenda runs off, but Dylan chases her and won’t let her leave. He starts crying and she comforts him. Then they make out.
After Dylan calms down, he drives Brenda home, asking her not to tell Brandon about his freak-out. Then they make out some more. Now Kelly has more evidence to support her theory that Brenda and Dylan are dating. In health class Scott tells David that his mom will never sign the consent form to let him take sex ed; she’ll think he’s getting the wrong message at school. David points out that she has six kids, so she might not be the best judge.
Brandon hears for the first time that Dylan and Brenda didn’t go to a movie, but they decline to tell him what they did instead. At home, Brenda and Brandon encourage their parents to go away for the weekend. Jim learns that Brenda has plans with Dylan and says he doesn’t want her getting involved with him. Brenda asks Brandon for some help, but he keeps quiet. She’s upset but says she’ll cancel her plans with Dylan. Cindy’s upset with Jim’s behavior since she likes Dylan. Jim tells Brandon to warn Dylan to “watch his step.”
Brenda gets Cindy to sign her consent form for sex ed, remarking that the textbook doesn’t cover how you feel when you’re ready to have sex. She thinks Cindy’s on Jim’s side about Dylan not being right for her. Cindy talks to her about commitment and respect being important in a relationship. Kelly tells Brenda to keep her date with Dylan and gives her some condoms. At school, Brandon uncomfortably watches Brenda and Dylan wrestle with each other. Scott is still consent-less.
Brandon asks Dylan to help him with his car again that weekend. Dylan says he can’t since Jack is back in town. Brandon warns him to treat Brenda right, especially since she’s a virgin. Kelly and Donna help Brenda get ready for her date with Dylan, then take her to the movie theater to meet him…only he doesn’t show up. The next day Brenda tells Brandon that she called Dylan’s house and someone told her he didn’t want to talk to her. She admits that she was ready to have sex with him. She’s determined to find out what happened.
Brandon confronts Dylan at school, saying that he knows Dylan moved and didn’t leave a forwarding address. Dylan tells him he was just obeying Brandon’s orders not to hurt Brenda. He says something came up but won’t tell Brandon what it was, only that it had nothing to do with Brenda. The health teacher, who was supposed to pick up the guest speaker for sex ed, has car trouble, so Steve offers to pick up the speaker, Stacy, for him. He pretends to be the teacher, Mr. Kravitz, and asks Stacy out. She declines.
Dylan stops by the Walshes’, where Brenda blasts him for standing her up. He tells her he had to help Jack pack because he had to “disappear.” He’s about to be indicted for securities fraud, and he decided to skip the country and go into hiding. Dylan assures Brenda that he still cares about her. He also reveals that he never heard that she called his house looking for him. Brenda asks what Dylan wants her to feel for him. He doesn’t answer, but he does make out with her on the couch.
When Jim comes home, Brenda rushes Dylan out, but Jim is sure they were up to something. He chastises Jack for skipping town and being a bad role model. Brenda complains that every guy out there just wants sex, so the nice guys Jim wants her to date aren’t that nice. She’s also upset that Jim only talked to Brandon about birth control, but with Brenda, he’s worried about her values. Brenda just wants to get to know Dylan. Jim admits that he’s not sure Brenda’s ready for sex, or if he’s ready for her to be ready. She asks him to trust her to know when the time is right.
David tries to convince Scott to skip study hall and sneak into the sex-ed assembly even though he didn’t get his consent form signed. Dylan apologizes to Brandon for everything that’s happened, and Brandon apologizes for interfering. Steve immediately gets busted for not being Mr. Kravitz, but he doesn’t seem to care. He tells Dylan and Brandon that he went to Stacy’s hotel room.
Stacy tells the students at the assembly that she turned down a cute guy recently because she has AIDS. Scotty, showing up late: “What’d I miss?” Stacy talks to the now-subdued students about the dangers of unprotected sex. She also reveals that the man who gave her AIDS died last year. She used to worry about petty things, but now her health is her main focus. Afterward Steve approaches her and says he’s sorry. Stacy just wants to make sure he heard what she had to say.
Dylan comes to pick Brenda up for a date and Jim is actually nice to him. Dylan says he’s never liked being Jack’s son, especially since they’ve never known each other very well. He thinks Brandon and Brenda are lucky to have such good parents. Dylan takes Brenda to an overlook with a nice view, but she’s unable to enjoy it because she’s worried that Dylan’s had unprotected sex. He admits that he has, but not lately. He agrees to get tested, not just for her but also for himself. Brenda tells him that she needs them to slow down because she’s scared. Dylan’s okay with that.
Thoughts: Aaaaaand Jim’s annoying again. That was quick.
Kelly is amazingly smart and mature about sex, telling Brenda, “Never rely on the guy,” and warning that when she’s in the moment, she won’t be using her brain very much. She’s not the airhead she was in the first couple of episodes.
Not to be gross, but how does Brandon know Brenda’s a virgin?
BRENDA. YOUR BROTHER DOES NOT WANT TO HEAR THAT YOU WERE GOING TO HAVE SEX.
Steve is a moron for, among other things, not realizing that Stacy would bust him for lying as soon as she met the real Mr. Kravitz. And also for trying to get her to commit statutory rape.
