May 13, 2013
BH90210 5.28, Girls on the Side: Everybody Loves Kelly
It’s a picture of a picture. Trippy, right?
Summary: Donna’s trying to tan at the beach apartment, but Kelly ruins her good times by lecturing her about the hazards of the sun. Donna tries to get her to go swimming, thinking she’s had her burns bandaged for too long. Kelly gets a package from Seventeen containing a framed copy of her cover. Ray drives back to Beverly Hills from Reno and reunites with LuAnn, who’s surprised that Valerie went all the way to Reno to get him to come home. Ray invites her to see him perform at the After Dark the next night. He also asks her to keep Valerie’s visit a secret from Donna.
Brandon is about to go to Sacramento for some conference. Pretend to care. Cindy’s excited to bring home a copy of Seventeen with Kelly’s cover. Kelly’s not as excited, since all the agents who want to work with her don’t know about her burn scars. Brandon explains that Kelly’s upset that she’ll never look like she did when she shot the cover. Then he calms her down by making out with her.
Dylan’s also appreciative of Kelly’s cover, which bugs Charlie, since he wants them to get some work done on their screenplay. Valerie joins the writers as Dylan asks why Charlie’s added a threesome to the movie. Charlie claims it’s an homage to the classic movie Jules and Jim, but it’s really just a way for the writers to hit us over the head with the concept of a woman being in love with two men. You know, like Kelly is with Brandon and Dylan.
Clare notices that Ray and David are getting along, which Donna attributes to their time in Portland. They all head to the Peach Pit, where Ray and Valerie pretend that they didn’t just talk in Reno. Kelly continues to turn down offers from agents, then calls Jackie to tell her to stop giving out her number. She has a flashback to being trapped in the bathroom with Alison. She’s so upset that she breaks the framed cover.
Jesse gets a job offer in Idaho, so I guess he and Andrea won’t be around much longer. Try to contain your sadness. Kelly meets with Jackie and Steve, who have teamed up to convince her to meet an agent. Steve will even go with her, and will let her leave if she starts feeling uncomfortable. Kelly’s sure that the agent will dismiss her as soon as he sees her scars. Jackie and Steve wear her down, and Steve immediately takes her to the meeting.
LuAnn has picked out a frightening outfit to go to the After Dark, and Ray tries very hard not to tell her she looks crazy. He questions what she’s drinking, wondering when she fell off the wagon. She says she needed a hobby while he was gone, and tonight she’s just nervous for his performance. Ray puts on his worried face.
Kelly leaves the meeting in a good mood, since the agent told her he can get her work right away. He also doesn’t think her scars are that visible. Kelly spots Dana, Alison’s girlfriend, who she hasn’t spoken to since before that whole cult thing. Dana blows her off, and Kelly thinks it’s because she’s kept her distance from Alison.
Ray’s annoyed to see LuAnn at the bar at the After Dark and asks Donna to get her to leave. She passes the task along to Valerie instead. Valerie has her cut off, and Donna suggests that LuAnn leave so Ray doesn’t get distracted. David and Clare take her away as LuAnn trash-talks Valerie. She tells them that Valerie and Ray slept together. Meanwhile, Nat questions Andrea’s move to Idaho, since there are apparently no medical schools there.
Clare and David get LuAnn home, discussing whether or not she was telling the truth about Ray and Valerie. Clare remembers a number of times she’s seen Val checking Ray out. They decide not to say anything to Donna. Charlie wants to watch Jules and Jim with Dylan and Valerie, since he’s…we’ll say he’s hoping to reenact some scenes. Dylan laughs at him, so Charlie bugs him about Kelly, telling him to just go after her already.
Kelly and Brandon talk on the phone, and she tells him about running into the icy Dana. He encourages her to visit Alison at the burn clinic. Kelly feels bad since she hasn’t seen Alison since she was released from the hospital. Clare and David return to the After Dark, finding it hard to hide their concern over the Donna/Ray/Valerie situation. Now Clare’s more convinced than ever that LuAnn was telling the truth. They still don’t think they can tell Donna, though.
Kelly goes to the clinic but Alison won’t see her. The next day, she goes to see Dana, and learns that she’s dating someone new. The new girlfriend, Kate, tells her that Alison dumped Dana shortly after the fire. Kelly thinks that Alison is avoiding her because she’s mad that Kelly wasn’t as injured as she was. Kate reveals that Alison is actually in love with Kelly.
David pays Ray a visit to reveal that he knows he and Valerie hooked up. Ray admits it, swearing that he regrets it. David promises to keep quiet as long as Ray keeps his pants on around girls who aren’t Donna. (And since he’s dating Donna, he’ll be keeping his pants on around her, too.) As soon as David’s gone, Ray tears into LuAnn for spilling about the affair. Meanwhile, Clare confronts Valerie, who says LuAnn’s lying. Clare warns her to stay away from Ray. Andrea reads up on Idaho, but Jesse tells her that he’s decided it’s not the right place for them since there’s no medical school.
Kelly’s also decided to turn down her job offer, and won’t be signing with the agent she met with. She’s surprised to get a call from Alison, who’s sitting around in the dark like a serial killer or something. She thinks Kelly needs to pursue modeling so she can share her gift of beauty with the world. She asks Kelly to come back for a visit in about a month, after she has a final skin graft. Kelly finally takes off the bandage on her arm, which she definitely didn’t need to keep wearing, since she looks totally fine.
The next day, Kelly goes to the Walshes’, where Brandon has gathered a stack of Seventeens for Kelly to sign for various people. He notices that she’s not wearing the bandage anymore. Everyone’s all happy, and the music lets us know that this is a magical moment. Be happy for Kelly, everyone! Her life is wonderful! Everyone loves her, and she probably smells like cotton candy!
Thoughts: Kelly’s hair is as cute as Donna’s is hideous.
If they want us to think Kelly’s scars are that big a deal, they need to actually be visible.
David and Clare should tell Brandon about Ray and Valerie. He loves making the “right” decision so he can feel good about himself.
Andrea’s not going to be ready for medical school for two more years. Why not move to Idaho, then move somewhere else in two years?
I like that we keep seeing the characters studying. A lot of shows with characters in school don’t show them actually doing school things outside of attending classes. It’s realistic that while Kelly’s moping and fretting, Donna’s trying to study for a test or something.
April 21, 2013
BH90210 5.23, Love Hurts: I’ll Be Watching You
I definitely wouldn’t want to be alone with this guy
Summary: At the campus quad, Donna complains to Steve and Andrea that Clare and David are helping Valerie find a new band for the Peach Pit After Dark. Brandon joins them and shares the supposedly confidential news that Lenny isn’t the real rapist and theft. Andrea’s beeper goes off and she says she has to go to work. No one questions why a college student with a research job would have an emergency beeper. Andrea winds up with Peter at their new no-tell motel room. Valerie and Clare audition bands at the After Dark. One of them is covered in mud.
David collects Lenny from the police station, saying he knew the charges would never stick. Lenny confesses that after he got back from Desert Storm, he went out with some friends, got really drunk, and woke up the next morning in jail, having been arrested for rape. He served two years and is now a registered sex offender. David thinks Lenny has turned his life around, since he’s in college and has made the dean’s list. Lenny notes that any time a sex crime is committed, his name will come up.
Indeed, word has spread, and Janice the angry student politician is one of the many people upset that Lenny was allowed on campus. Brandon would rather focus on the real rapist and the lack of security on campus. The police admit that they don’t have any suspects or leads. Over at his family’s hotel, Charlie tells Dylan about the screenplay he’s working on and invites him to help out. He notes that the hotel is a great place to work because people leave him alone. In fact, most of them are having secret rendezvous there. Hey, like that woman leaving right now, who Dylan knows!
Garrett, an employee from the campus quad, goes to the After Dark looking for a job. He chats with Donna, who’s there to confront Valerie for firing Ray. Val tells her that David thought they should get some new musicians. She further snows Donna by pointing out that Ray will grow more as a musician if he plays different venues. Donna goes to get Garrett, but he’s gone. She sees that someone moved her backpack and overreacts.
On campus, Steve runs into Valerie and gives her a ride in a golf cart (it looks like KEG is giving women rides so they’ll feel safer). She asks for his help finding a special music act to play on Friday night. Steve points out that he’s not supposed to get involved in that sort of thing, so someone finally remembered that. Then he promises to help anyway, so that was a waste of continuity. Lenny’s back on campus, and a mob of students is harassing him.
Dylan’s also back on campus to let Andrea know that he knows about her affair. He promises to keep it quiet. He tells her it’s not what he thinks, which is hilarious, because it’s exactly what Dylan thinks. He says it’s none of his business and won’t talk about it if she doesn’t want to. Andrea says something about how it’s good that she didn’t ignore her feelings, so if that’s how she’s able to sleep at night, good for her.
David learns that Lenny’s moving out of the dorm but thinks he should stay since he didn’t do anything. He should fight, not run away. Lenny doesn’t want to be “the poster child for ex-con rights.” David notes that he’s involved with campus media and is friends with the student-body president. Lenny says there are other things going on but won’t discuss them. David asks if that means he’s guilty. Lenny replies that he needs someone to believe in him even if he’s guilty.
Steve has lined up someone for the After Dark, but Valerie has already booked someone and shoos him away. “I hate her,” Steve grumbles. David goes to the beach apartment to try to get Clare to help him produce a profile on Lenny portraying him as rehabilitated. Clare won’t help; she thinks if Lenny wants to go to college, he should go to an all-male school. David doesn’t even get to broach the subject with Donna, since she thinks he helped Valerie get rid of Ray. He calls her self-involved and wonders why he ever dated her in the first place.
As someone packs a bag with a flashlight and knife, Cindy and Jackie hang out at the Peach Pit, discussing possible men for Jackie to date. Mel brings Erin for a custody exchange, and for some reason Jackie is all a-flutter. The rapist breaks into the beach apartment, and we finally see his face: It’s Garrett.
At the Walshes’ house, Brandon talks to Janice on the phone, telling her he’s not running for another term as president. Cindy tells him that Jackie and Mel are suddenly getting along; apparently Mel’s girlfriend just dumped him for someone younger. David comes by and asks Brandon to talk Lenny out of dropping out of CU. Brandon easily agrees. Jesse’s back from his massive interview tour, and he and Andrea immediately start fighting about random things. There’s yelling, and I hate them both.
Brandon tracks Lenny down on campus, and though Lenny is defensive at first, Brandon breaks the ice by making it clear that he doesn’t think Lenny’s the rapist. Lenny confirms that he was in custody when a girl named Melody was raped, which is why he was released. He asks how much cloud Brandon has with the administration and the police. Brandon wonders if Lenny needs a lawyer. Lenny announces that he knows who raped Melody.
Donna, Clare, and Steve hang out at the After Dark, waiting to find out who Valerie’s mystery performer is. Donna decides to bail early since it’s weird being there without Ray. She leaves just as Valerie brings out the mystery act, the Flaming Lips. David shows up and Clare tells him Donna went home.
Donna arrives to see Garrett in the apartment, and though she tries to overpower him with her self-defense training, she’s no match for him. He tells her she’s even prettier than Clare, then takes her to the bedroom, telling her they’re going to get to know each other. Brandon goes to the After Dark with the police, who think Clare’s the rapist’s target. Valerie recognizes Garrett’s name and tells Brandon and Steve that he may be a friend of Donna’s.
At the apartment, Garrett pulls his knife and Donna begs him not to hurt her. She tells him she’s a virgin, which is a surprise to him. David arrives and Donna tells Garrett he’s her roommate. He makes her tell him to go away. David thinks the lights are off because Donna has a migraine, and that she doesn’t want to talk to him because of Ray. She calls him Dave to try to signal that something’s wrong. It works, because when Donna screams, David runs into the room and attacks Garrett. Donna joins in and they knock him out.
Dylan’s back at the hotel with Charlie, and he sees Peter arrive for a hook-up with Andrea. Andrea announces that she’s leaving Jesse because there’s no point in being miserable with him when she can be happy with Peter. Peter, however, is happy with the current arrangements. He reminds Andrea that they agreed not to have any strings. She doesn’t seem to remember that. Dylan sees Peter leave and goes to comfort Andrea, who laments believing that she and Peter were going to be together.
The cops go to the beach apartment, along with Brandon and Clare. Brandon relays Lenny’s news that he was in military prison with Garrett. He was afraid to say anything when he was arrested because he thought he would be pegged as an accomplice. Garrett had been asking him about girls on campus, which tipped Lenny off that he was interested in Clare. Donna apologizes to David for using a figurine he gave her to knock out Garrett. He’s surprised she kept it, and she says of course she did – it was the last thing he gave her. They hug, and Clare should probably be worried.
Thoughts: Donna: “I don’t know your name.” Funny, because you greeted him by name less than a minute ago. Did a writer fall asleep or something?
Yeah, being alone in a golf cart with a frat guy woud not make me feel safe. They need to tell all the women not to walk alone at night.
Dylan suit status: still active. Also, contagious – David caught the disease.
I think the Flaming Lips are the first musicians to play on the show who are still performing today.
Kudos to the guy playing Garrett – he’s normal at first, kind of creepy later, then just full-on shiver-inducing scary at the apartment. Though I think the story would have worked better if there had been some indication that Clare might be the target earlier on. We would have thought he was going to the apartment for her and been surprised when he went after Donna instead.
Kelly isn’t in this episode, but no one’s worried, so I don’t think she went back to the cult.
March 10, 2013
BH90210 5.14, Injustice for All: Steve Can’t Take the Heat, is Forced to Stay Out of the Kitchen
You can tell he’s angsty because he has stubble
Summary: Donna, Brandon, and David are at the hospital, where Kelly and Alison have been admitted to the burn unit. Meanwhile, Rush is trying to head off the legal trouble Steve will face for throwing a party that ended in injuries. Steve is clearly in shock, and is more worried about Kelly than himself. A lawyer tells Rush that Steve and Griffin can plead no contest and just face community service. Then the lawyer will just need to deal with any personal-injury suit Kelly or Alison might file.
Kelly has some burns to her neck and hand, but Jackie tells Brandon that Alison’s injuries are more severe and she’ll need skin grafts. Brandon thinks Kelly would be okay if he’d been at the party. Kelly doesn’t know that he was with Emily, or that Emily’s still in Beverly Hills. At the KEG house, the caterer asks Steve for his pay for the party. Steve’s concerned about all the equipment that was destroyed and doesn’t care about the caterer. Griffin assures Steve that his father will take care of all the damages.
Kelly is soon discharged from the hospital and decides to visit Alison before going home. Alison is basically mummified with bandages but is in good spirits. She’s just grateful to be alive. Kelly’s just grateful Alison was there to help her through the fire. Alison gives the credit to God. Speaking of God, it’s Hanukkah, and Brandon accompanies Andrea, Jesse, and Hannah to a party on campus. Kelly’s fine with him not being with her at the beach apartment because she’s tired of being babied.
Jackie refuses to let Kelly talk to Steve’s lawyer, but Kelly doesn’t want to press charges against Steve. She wants to settle and move on. Jackie tells her there’s a modeling agency that still wants to represent her when she heals. Kelly says her modeling days are over. She’s having an existential crisis and doesn’t have the same gratitude toward God that Alison does. Back at the party, there’s exposition that Jessie is about to start working for an advocacy program that provides lawyers to people who can’t afford them.
Brandon goes to Emily’s hotel and admits that he’s feeling guilty. But for some reason, he doesn’t want her to leave town for La Jolla yet. Emily doesn’t think Brandon should feel bad for not telling Kelly the whole truth about her while she was in the hospital. Donna and Ray help decorate his family’s pumpkin patch for Christmas, though Ray’s in a bad mood. Jesse has a client whose kids were taken away because they were neglected by a bad babysitter; Jesse and Andrea disagree about something or other that isn’t important at all.
Valerie offers to testify on Steve’s behalf so he can demonstrate that he didn’t purposely cause any harm at the party. Basically, she’ll say whatever he needs her to say. Steve isn’t appreciative. He tells Brandon that he knows the party was his responsibility, so he’ll have to face the consequences of the fire. Ray’s still grumpy at the pumpkin patch because he hates the commercialism of Christmas. He snaps at Donna for telling a woman they had low prices, since it led her to try to bargain. Ray’s uncle tells her she’d understand his attitude if she met Ray’s mother.
Brandon tries to take Kelly to an appointment Jackie set up for her with a plastic surgeon, but she refuses to go. He casually tells her that Emily’s still in town, assuring her that he spent some time with her but there’s nothing to worry about. Kelly gets defensive over him telling her not to worry and asks him to leave. Then she calls Dylan at rehab and he makes her feel better. They’re interrupted when Brandon visits Dylan and asks for advice on helping Kelly. He doesn’t think she trusts him enough to show him all her burns. Brandon then mentions Emily, insisting that there’s nothing going on between them. Dylan questions that.
Ray: still cranky. Donna finally calls him on it and he confides that his mom always starts drinking around Christmas and shows up to make a scene. He poured out all her alcohol, so he knows she’ll be spiraling soon. Ray’s father left on Christmas 20 years ago after pushing LuAnn down the stairs and causing her to miscarry. Donna reveals that she was born the exact same day. Steve and Jesse run into each other at the courthouse; Steve thinks his case will go well because Rush has worked everything out. Kelly was cooperative and is part of the reason Steve will be able to get away with just community service.
Emily’s about to leave for La Jolla, and though Brandon doesn’t want to ask her to stay, he does admit that he still loves her. There’s kissing, and he wishes it were okay for them to “get carried away.” Back at the courthouse, Steve and Griffin plead no contest and receive 100 hours of community service, $1,000 fines, and two years of probation. The kicker comes when the judge informs them that they’re not allowed to host or organize any kind of party for profit for two years.
Steve blames Rush for not being able to negotiate that part away. He’s also mad that Griffin got everything he wanted because his father paid for the lawyer. Rush says that since they stole the key to the party house from Griffin’s father’s real-estate office, they deserve whatever they get. Steve is surprised to hear that they didn’t have permission. The only reason he gave Griffin a cut of the proceeds was because he supplied the location. Rush isn’t at all sympathetic that Steve’s planned career has gone down the tubes.
Steve waits for Griffin in his room at the KEG house and orders him to move out. If Griffin doesn’t, Steve will reveal that he stole the key to the house. He can even get Muntz to testify that Griffin overloaded the fuse box. Griffin isn’t the last bit worried – he even knows a court clerk who can alter their community-service sheets so they don’t have to complete the hours. Steve repeats that Griffin needs to move out, threatening him with physical violence this time. Emily visits Kelly to assure her that Brandon really wants to be with her. He told her before the fire that he loves Kelly. Emily asks Kelly not to tell Brandon she came by.
Andrea and Jesse have a Hanukkah party, which Steve stops by to deliver a gift. Andrea urges him to talk to Jesse about his legal problems. Jesse thinks Griffin’s father would have paid Steve off to accept the terms of the agreement even with the condition that he couldn’t host parties. Then he tells Steve about his other client, who took his kids out of foster care and took them back to Mexico. Steve blames the system, but Jesse notes that it works well for rich, white people. In fact, if Steve weren’t rich and white, he’d probably be in jail.
Brandon brings Kelly flowers, and she tells him things between them are okay again. Steve meets with the caterer at the Peach Pit to give him the money he owes and apologize for being mean the other day. The caterer is pleased to find a bonus with his pay. Nat drives Dylan home from rehab (that was fast), and Valerie and Cindy surprise him with a cake. The bigger surprise is that someone found Erica’s note in the airport bathroom and has sent it to Dylan.
Thoughts: Donna’s knit belly shirt really screams “Christmas spirit.”
This is why Dylan and Kelly should get back together! Brandon makes her cry! Dylan makes her feel better!
Emily, if you’re going to wear a pantsuit, you must tuck in your shirt. Also, why are you wearing a pantsuit?
Steve, your career is not over. You’re still in college, and will be until your probation’s over. You’re lucky Alison isn’t suing your pants off. Chill out.
Jennie Garth got to spend this whole episode in bathrobes. Comfy!
’90s music alert: “You Gotta Be” by Des’ree.
Steve, considering your recent brush with the law, you might not want to hand out envelopes of cash in public. It might be misconstrued.
February 16, 2013
BH90210 5.9, Intervention: Your Behavior Has Affected Me Negatively in the Following Ways
Sexaaaaay
Summary: Dylan is asleep after another bender when Cindy shows up at his house. She asks him to come to the Walshes’ house, getting very insistent when he tries to decline. He goes to get cleaned up, by which he means snort some drugs. When they get to the Walshes’, they’re met not just by Jim, but also by Brandon, Kelly, Andrea, Steve, Donna, David, Nat, and a woman named Ellen who’s there to run an intervention.
Dylan is defensive, unsurprisingly, but agrees to listen. Brandon starts off, saying that Dylan may have given up on himself, but Brandon hasn’t given up on him. He wants to save Dylan since Dylan saved him when they were camping. David brings up the time Dylan helped him avoid a drug arrest. Dylan insists he’s fine, but Brandon outs him for getting high and messing around with a gun, which is not the behavior of someone who’s “fine.”
Valerie and Clare run into each other at the mall; Clare’s ticked that they weren’t invited to the intervention. (Has she ever even met Dylan? Shut up, Clare.) Meanwhile, Ellen tells Dylan that she skipped the usual step of having the interveners from writing letters to the intervenee because Dylan’s hurt himself more than anyone else. Nat objects: Dylan stole money from the Peach Pit. He warns that Dylan will die if he doesn’t get control of his behavior.
Dylan starts to leave, but Ellen says he won’t get another chance if he does. Steve decides this is a good time to bring up the Valerie issue. He doesn’t really give a crap about Dylan. For some reason, Steve threatening to leave makes Dylan want to listen. Elsewhere, Ray bickers with his mother, LuAnn, who encourages his relationship with Donna since she’s rich. He insists that that’s not the reason he wants to be with her.
Donna tells Dylan she’s always thought of him as an older brother. She lost a lot of respect for him when he crashed her mother’s benefit. He reminds her that he apologized the next day. She reminds him that he was supposed to meet her for registration at CU. Dylan says he’s just not a good guy, but Andrea blames the drugs. She’s mad that he’s never come by to see Hannah. Kelly lets Dylan know that his behavior after he learned she was with Brandon humiliated her, as he wanted.
Dylan goes to the bathroom to do more drugs but changes his mind and puts them away. Ellen tells him they’ve gotten him a spot in rehab. Dylan says he’ll go to meetings, but not rehab. Then he does that typical defensive-addict thing where he claims he could get through rehab with no trouble. He thinks everyone else will be ashamed when he gets better because they’ll realize they’re not really better than him. Ultimately, Dylan says he’ll go.
At the beach apartment that night, Clare suggests that she and David make a sex tape. He only cares about the “sex” part of that. Donna complains about David’s lack of manners as a houseguest but assures Kelly that she doesn’t care that he and Clare are dating. Her own new boyfriend is helping with that. Jackie calls to tell Kelly that Seventeen wants her to do a layout based on the shots she did for the mother/daughter shoot. Kelly doesn’t really want to participate but agrees to since Jackie’s so excited about it.
The next morning, his first in rehab, Dylan is his typical sunny self. Felice is getting ready for Griffin to come to dinner, because Donna hasn’t told her yet that they’re not dating anymore. She tells Felice that she’s seeing Ray now, trying to dance around who he is and the fact that he’s not rich. Felice isn’t sold on him but suggests that Donna invite him to dinner with her and Dr. Martin.
Kelly and Jackie meet with someone from Seventeen, though Jackie dominates the conversation and has to be kicked out. Kelly still isn’t sure about doing the shoot. However, the woman is understanding and says she can take some time to decide. Over at rehab, Dylan decides to sign himself out. The director asks him to stay one more day since the alternatives are all bad and his life isn’t going to get any better. Dylan says he’ll take his chances. Valerie arrives just as he’s leaving, so he suddenly has a ride home.
Cindy learns that Dylan left and is less than happy about it. Jim tells her that they did everything they could, but their all will never be enough. David wants to watch the sex tape, but Clare can’t find it. Ray’s late to dinner at the Martins’, where Donna’s planning to show her parents an air check of herself and David. Little does she know that that’s what David and Clare taped over. Ray inadvertently saves everyone the horror by showing up.
Brandon, Kelly, and Jackie meet up for their own dinner together, celebrating Kelly’s acceptance of the Seventeen offer. Now Kelly’s worried about her weight again, since she’s going to be showing off her body in magazines. Jackie thinks what the gang did for Dylan was great – she wishes she’d had friends like them when she had her own drug problems. Valerie takes Dylan home and he immediately starts drinking.
Ray handles the awkward dinner with the Martins perfectly, and if Felice weren’t such a snob, she might find him charming. Valerie calls Dylan on his drinking when she should really call him on leaving half of his shirt unbuttoned. He makes a call, telling Valerie he’s calling Brandon, but she realizes he’s contacting his dealer. She tells him she thought the intervention was unnecessary, but now she’s changed her mind.
Kelly, Brandon, Steve, Andrea, and Jesse meet up at the Peach Pit, where Nat gets a call from Cindy telling him that Dylan checked himself out of rehab. Dylan goes to the pool hall and meets with his dealer, who offers him heroin. The first taste is for free, of course. Donna and Ray take Rocky II for a walk (does the dog live with the Martins now? Did Donna just bring him for dinner?) and talk about his impressions on her parents. He notes that he only needs to impress Donna (and maybe the dog).
When Donna gets back to the beach apartment, she finds David and Clare searching for their tape. She tells them she took it to her parents’ house. Once she knows it’s no longer an air check, she runs back to the house to retrieve it. Her father tells her and Felice that he tried to watch it but it’s all static. Once Felice leaves the room, Dr. Martin gives Donna the tape, saying, “Give David my best.” She owes him one. Felice wants Donna to give Griffin another chance, so Donna tells her about him pressuring her to have sex.
LuAnn presses Ray for details about the evening with the Martins, again urging him to keep up the relationship with Donna. At the Walshes’, Valerie “learns” that Dylan left rehab and pretends she wasn’t just with him. She tells the Walshes and Kelly to stop worrying about him since he doesn’t want their help. Dylan spends the night in his car by the side of a road, waking up to smoke heroin. A cop passes by, so Dylan drives away. He loses control of the car and drives down a cliff.
Thoughts: Ellen is played by Mackenzie Phillips. Makes sense, doesn’t it?
Dylan snorts his drugs off of a key. Dude, have some self-respect. Get a straw or a dollar bill or something. (…Don’t do drugs, kids! Stay in school!)
You will never be in the cool club, Clare.
I’m pretty sure we’ve seen Kelly eating in every episode from this season. Do they want us to think she’s gained weight or something?
“Getting drunk out of your mind is really not that cool.” I don’t think he’s doing it to be cool, Val.
How is Dylan paying for drugs? Remember how he’s poor? Maybe he’s still on his “free tastes.”
It could be worse, Donna – your dad could have seen a tape of YOU have sex.
Cindy may be my favorite mom on the show, but Dr. Martin is definitely my favorite dad.
February 5, 2013
BH90210 5.7, Who’s Zoomin’ Who?: Smashing Pumpkins (and Faces)
Nothing says “I dig you” like a gigantic pumpkin
Summary: The After Dark is jumping, and Steve is happy. He tells David his relationship with Valerie is going well, even though they’re moving slowly. The fire marshal makes an appearance and tells Steve he’s exceeded the Peach Pit’s maximum capacity, so he has to shut things down. Now Steve isn’t happy anymore.
The next day Steve promises Nat he’ll pay the fine, but he wants to keep the club going. David suggests that they charge more and let in fewer people. Clare adds that they could get a bigger place – and the rug store next door is going out of business. Nat can’t afford the lease, so Valerie urges him to talk to Dylan (even though she knows he has no money – jerk).
Ray makes a long, picturesque drive to the beach apartment so we can all hear Jamie Walters sing. He takes Donna the biggest and smallest pumpkins of the season, then suggests that they decorate them together that night. Kelly isn’t as charmed as Donna is. Then there’s a lot of exposition: Kelly’s picking up Erin, then spending the night at Brandon’s since Jim and Cindy are going to Palm Springs, which means Ray can come over and hang out with Donna.
At the Peach Pit, Steve and Nat give Dylan their business proposal to take over the rug store and expand. Clare and David are also present, for some reason. Dylan okays the plan, even though it’ll cost $150,000. Jackie tells Kelly she’s been booked for a modeling job, which Kelly isn’t happy about. Apparently Cindy was serious when she said she wanted another baby, because she and Jim are actually making plans in that regard.
Jim gets a fax regarding Dylan’s trust (Dylan hasn’t signed the papers to sever that relationship) and sees that he’s taken out a mortgage on his house. Valerie spills that he’s broke. Mel and Kelly discuss Jackie’s return to modeling, and he tells her that Jackie and Erin are scheduled to take part in a mother/daughter fashion shoot. You can imagine how unexcited Kelly is by that news.
The Walshes figure out that Suzanne took all of Dylan’s money, using Erica to get close to him. Jim’s relieved that they didn’t invest their own money. He decides that he and Cindy shouldn’t go away for the weekend, so that means no sex for Brandon. Jim asks why Valerie’s been spending time with Dylan when they told her to stay away from him. She sticks to her story about him talking to her and trying to kiss her at the Peach Pit rave.
Griffin surprises Donna at the beach apartment, hoping to take her out. (Clare forgot to tell Donna he’d called.) She tries to back out but he wears her down. Donna quickly calls Ray but can’t reach him, so she asks Clare to give him a rain check. She has no idea that Griffin doesn’t plan to bring her home until the next day.
Kelly confronts Jackie over taking Erin to a night modeling shoot, and Jackie brings up all the things the money will pay for (including a car phone, hee). Jackie invites her to stay if she’s so worried that the experience will be damaging to her sister. Griffin flies Donna to Catalina, since apparently he’s a pilot.
Ray shows up at the beach apartment and Clare annoyingly tells him Donna’s out with another guy. Word of Dylan’s financial situation has made it to Nat, who helps Jim ambush him at the Peach Pit. Dylan thinks Jim is pleased with the turn of events because Dylan’s getting what he deserves. Now Jim doesn’t want to help him anymore.
At the beach apartment, David goes looking for a shirt (he got watermelon all over his – don’t ask) and finds handcuffs in Clare’s drawer. He handcuffs himself to the bed, then learns she doesn’t have the key. (She lost it, probably the last time she used them.) Then Chancellor Arnold shows up wanting to see where his daughter lives. Clare covers David with pillows and clothes so it just looks like she has a messy, unmade bed. Then she and her dad go to dinner, leaving David alone.
At dinner, Donna learns for the first time that Griffin plans to spend the night on Catalina. He promises to be a “perfect gentleman” and keep his hands to himself. She notes that a gentleman wouldn’t put her in this position in the first place. (Point for Donna.) Brandon overhears Valerie breaking plans with Steve and suggests that she just dump him if she wants to be with Dylan. She defends Dylan and all his brooding. David’s still stuck in bed when someone he thinks is Clare finally returns. It’s not Clare, it’s Donna (of course).
A hairstylist at the modeling shoot tells Kelly she should be participating, but Jackie probably didn’t ask her because Kelly would overshadow her. Kelly’s just ticked that Erin’s up so late. Jackie’s upset about her interference. Kelly complains that Jackie didn’t invite her to do the shoot with her, even though Jackie didn’t think she would have wanted to do it. David and Donna commiserate over their failed romantic evenings, and he tells her Ray stopped by. Donna realizes that Ray destroyed the pumpkins, so she leaves to talk to him. David’s left alone in bed again.
Valerie goes to see Dylan, who blasts her for telling Jim about his financial issues. She blasts him back for lying to everyone. Dylan says she could have stood up to Jim instead of letting him bully her into telling the truth (which didn’t happen, but whatever). He notes that Brenda got pretty good at standing up to him. Valerie’s finally sick of Dylan talking about Brenda all the time, but he accuses her of pretending to be Brenda so she can have a family. Valerie doesn’t see what’s wrong with that. Dylan feels bad about making her cry.
Brandon never told Kelly that Cindy and Jim were staying in town, so she shows up at the house for sex. Instead of that, she winds up confiding in Cindy about her issues with Jackie. She blames her childhood modeling and Jackie’s pressure to be skinny for her weight issues. Kelly admits that she’s upset that Jackie didn’t ask her to be in the modeling shoot. Cindy reminisces about that other modeling thing where she first met Jackie. She notes that Jackie’s been through a lot since then and has remained sober. Plus, she’s 40 and still looks good.
Donna goes to the pumpkin patch and tells Ray she wishes she’d gone out with him instead of Griffin. He can’t believe she drove all the way out there to apologize, especially after he smashed her pumpkins. He only did that because he cares, “maybe a little too much.” (Donna! Red flag! This is a red flag situation!) Ray promises that he won’t pressure Donna to do anything she’s not comfortable with. They make out.
More apologies: Kelly wants Jackie to know she thinks she’s a much stronger person and a better mother than she was when Kelly was a kid. She’ll keep her mouth shut from now on unless Jackie asks for her opinion. Jackie admits that the photographer wanted Kelly and Erin to both be in the shoot, but she didn’t ask Kelly because she thought people would see Kelly as Erin’s mother and Jackie as Erin’s grandmother. Kelly confides that she thought Jackie didn’t think she was pretty enough for the shoot. Jackie assures her that’s not the case.
David, having freed himself by breaking Clare’s bed, complains to Steve that he could have died since Clare and her father went to dinner and a movie in Monterey while he was handcuffed. They go to Dylan’s to discuss the After Dark, and David spots Valerie in the yard, realizing she spent the night. When Steve sees her, he decides the plan for the club is a no-go. Then he punches Dylan in the face.
Thoughts: What, exactly, does Ray expect Donna to do with a pumpkin the size of a pony?
I don’t know if it’s the same girl playing her as before, but Erin got even more adorable.
Dear Clare: Shut up. Shut up a lot.
Also, why didn’t Clare just take her dad to Donna or Kelly’s room and say it was hers?
Valerie: “You don’t know how intimidating Jim Walsh can be.” Me: “Is there another Jim Walsh I don’t know about?”
September 16, 2012
BH90210 4.17, Thicker Than Water: I Want a New Drug
Dylan’s well on his way to having a mini-me
Summary: David complains about his crappy life on the radio, as if he didn’t bring it all on himself. Howard’s tired of all the whining, calling David self-indulgent. Also, his playlist is depressing. David asks for more drugs since he feels so horrible. Howard’s suggestion is to stop doing meth. At the beach apartment, Donna asks Kelly to keep an eye on David while she goes on a ski trip. Then she regrets not inviting him along. Kelly tells her she’s doing the right thing since David’s such a jerk.
David comes home and continues being a jerk, but Donna invites him skiing anyway. He tells her he already agreed to watch Erin that weekend. Donna tells him they need to be civil since they’re living together. David snaps that he’d be in a better mood if Donna could have a “mature relationship.” Basically, he wouldn’t be so mean if he could get laid. Donna tells him she’ll be having sex when she’s ready.
Cindy has packed a giant cooler for Brandon, Brenda, Steve to take on the ski trip. Brenda tells them that Andrea isn’t coming; she has the flu. Dylan also isn’t coming since he’s taking care of Erica. Donna calls to try to back out of the trip, telling Brenda that she and David had a fight. Brenda refuses to let her mope when she could be having fun. Once the kids are gone, Jim tries to arrange a meeting with Dylan to share what he’s learned about Suzanne.
Dylan’s surfing with a nervous Erica, whose only previous experience with the ocean is from reading The Old Man and the Sea. Kelly tries to calm Jackie down over letting Mel take Erin for the weekend. David complains again about his issues and Kelly asks him straight out if he’s using drugs. He says no, he just needs sleep. He also needs a hug, which she gives him. Dylan gives Erica a surfing lesson on the sand before she admits that she doesn’t know how to swim.
Kelly and David pick up Erin from Mel’s office so they can take her to the park. David pretends to go to the bathroom but instead sneaks back into an exam room to steal codeine. Up on whatever mountain the kids are skiing, a guy helps Donna with her boots, then asks her to lunch. Andrea goes to a doctor for her suspected flu, asking for an AIDS test just to be on the safe side.
Dylan takes Erica to a pool to teach her to swim, even though she’s afraid of the water. He uses The Old Man and the Sea to make her brave. In the park, some random old woman offers Erin a cookie and Kelly says no, though David almost accepts. I’m sure it’s because of the drugs. See, kids? Drugs make you take sweets from strangers! Erin runs off to the ice cream truck, and Kelly chastises David for offering her some since it would be rewarding bad behavior. Then she ditches them for an appointment, telling David to do whatever he wants.
Donna hits it off with her lunch date, Chad, who’s a ski instructor and offers her and Brenda lessons the next day. Donna’s happy that Brenda made her come since she’s having a great time. Kelly returns to the park and finds David asleep on a bench, with no Erin in sight. They end up at the police station, where they’re joined by Mel. A cop wonders if Jackie might have taken Erin because of the custody dispute. Mel isn’t sure but won’t let David blame himself.
Dylan waits for Erica outside the pool locker room, hearing from a couple of girls that she’s in there crying. He goes in to find out what’s wrong and almost has security called on him by a reasonably concerned woman. Erica tells Dylan she got her first period and doesn’t know what to do. Not that he knows what to do either, other than taking her to the Walshes’ so Cindy can help her out. Erica hopes this doesn’t mean she’ll suddenly be obsessed with boys.
The skiers meet up at the lodge and decide to go to dinner, but Donna wants to skip it in hopes of spending more time with Chad. Brenda warns her not to do anything stupid. (Like what, sleep with him? It’s Donna.) Jim finally meets with Dylan, asking what Suzanne told him about her financial situation. Dylan relays that she was wiped out when her home was flooded. Jim reveals that she actually has a bank account containing $25,000.
Jackie finally gets to the police station and learns that she’s a kidnapping suspect. She’s mad at Mel for leaving Erin with David again, though at least this time it’s not like he went to another country. David keeps apologizing, but no one blames him. Donna and Chad do a little kissing and he tries to invite himself to her place. She tells him that’s not going to happen – not because she doesn’t want to have sex but because she’s still in love with David.
The Taylors and Silvers spend the evening at the police station, but they’re finally reunited with Erin, who had run off to some random house. Suzanne comes home early and Dylan asks when she was going to tell him about the $25,000. She’s upset that he looked into her background. She tells him it’s the insurance money for her trailer, and it was just wired into her account a few days ago. She also admits that she can’t be sure Erica is Jack’s daughter, but Dylan doesn’t care.
At the beach apartment, David admits to Kelly that he’s being using meth, then stole codeine to help him sleep. He asks her to help him, and she promises she will. The next day, Andrea goes back to the doctor to get her AIDS test results. That test is negative, but another is positive: She’s pregnant.
Thoughts: I didn’t realize that Gabrielle Carteris was actually pregnant, so Andrea’s pregnancy didn’t completely come out of nowhere. It also explains some of her fashion choices over the past few episodes.
Oh, no – Kelly caught Calling Your Parents By Their First Names from Brandon. I hope there’s a cure!
Do dentists’ offices have drugs? They have novocaine, obviously, but painkillers in pill form? I thought they just wrote you a prescription and you had to go to a pharmacy to get it filled.
I feel bad for any teen actress who has to do a my-first-period storyline. It must be incredibly embarrassing. And I don’t think any viewer really wants to see that plotline. Oh, and considering this storyline, the episode title is kind of gross.
August 12, 2012
BH90210 4.9, Otherwise Engaged: If You Ain’t No Punk, Holla, “We Want Prenup!”
The perfect encapsulation of this mess: Brandon’s worried, Lucinda’s thrilled, the whole thing’s a disaster
Summary: In what I guess is a reference to Back to the Future, “The Power of Love” plays as Brandon races across campus to get to the gym. It’s 7 but Lucinda isn’t there. Womp womp! She arrives a little while later and they start flirting. Meanwhile, Brenda’s just waking up and admiring her new engagement ring. Stuart calls and basically makes sure she still wants to marry him. They arrange to have lunch together that afternoon.
Jim and Cindy discuss the engagement, wondering if Brenda’s pregnant. Jim even asks her straight out when she comes downstairs. Cindy reminds her that marriage is a big step, especially for two people who barely know each other. She doesn’t think Brenda sees Stuart for who he really is yet. Jim notes that they could still have a great relationship six months from now, so they can wait until then. Brenda makes it clear that she’s not listening to anyone else’s opinion on the matter.
On their way to class, Lucinda invites Brandon over for dinner that night. Then she practically gropes him in the middle of campus. At the Peach Pit, Brenda shows off her ring to the girls. They start talking about Kelly and Sears, who Kelly thinks respects her wishes for a slow start to their relationship.
At the KEG house, Steve learns that Sears hasn’t been all that patient in waiting for Kelly; he’s been hooking up with another girl. Another brother asks Steve to go on a double date with him and two girls. Steve doesn’t want to go behind Celeste’s back, but the brother says she’ll never find out. Sears pressures him not to let down his frat brother.
Dylan and Jim meet to go over paperwork, and Jim admits that he sort of wishes Brenda and Dylan were still together. Dylan reveals that he knows a little about Stuart and that he’s not the great guy he appears to be, but he won’t elaborate. He thinks Brenda’s crazy for getting engaged to him, but he knows his opinion doesn’t matter. Jim asks him to talk to Brenda since he and Cindy aren’t getting through to her.
Kelly and Jackie take Erin to a playground, where Jackie reveals that she’s planning to take Mel to court to get full custody. Kelly argues that it was just one weekend, asking if they can settle things out of court. Jackie wants Erin to have a stable childhood, since Kelly didn’t. She warns that Kelly and David’s relationship could get messy with their parents going to battle. Meanwhile, David gets a subpoena to give a deposition to Jackie’s lawyers.
Brenda goes by a construction site to meet Stuart and finds him fighting with the foreman. David meets with Mel and his lawyer to go over what he’ll say in his deposition. The lawyer’s pretty shady. Brandon heads to D’Shawn’s for a tutoring session, though schoolwork clearly isn’t as important to D’Shawn as cartoons and basketball are. He thinks Brandon’s stressing out too much.
Brandon complains to Professor Randall, who isn’t too helpful, as he’s headed out of town. He offers Brandon tickets to a hockey game, but Brandon already has his date with Lucinda. Randall urges him to score, which, ew. Steve finds a girl named Laura Kingman in a dance studio and introduces himself as her blind date. Dylan goes looking for Brenda, but Kelly tells him to mind his own business since you can’t always choose who you fall for.
Brenda and Stuart have lunch and he apologizes for the fight with the foreman. He feels bad for the guy since he’s poor. Brenda finds this mature and sensitive. For “dessert,” Stuart takes her to a hotel, telling her he’s gotten them a room for a month. Brenda looks for a pen so she can practice writing Brenda Carson, because she’s 11 years old. Instead, she finds a prenup. Stuart says it was his parents’ idea, but she notes that he’s not telling her she doesn’t need to sign it.
Brenda mopes home and tells Brandon about the prenup. She thinks Stuart doesn’t trust her, so they might need to break up. Brandon isn’t too upset about the news. He offers to cancel his date to hang out with his sister, but she’s thinking of going to a poetry reading at school. At the beach apartment, David picks a fight with Kelly about the lawsuit. Donna asks them to make a pact not to let their parents’ problems become their problems.
Lucinda and Brandon cook and flirt at her house, then make out a little. She mentions a husband, so Brandon thinks she’s divorced, but she’s actually still married. She doesn’t see any problem with dating someone else, since they have a don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy. Brandon also doesn’t have any problem with dating a married woman, since she’s pretty.
Brenda attends the poetry reading, which is not, as one would expect, where students read their own poems, but where they read published ones. Dylan’s there, being all Dylany. The double-daters wind up at the KEG house, where Steve learns that Sears has yet another girl over. Steve likes Laura but doesn’t plan to leave Celeste for her. The other brother tells him to keep his options open.
Dylan and Brenda get coffee and discuss Stuart. He thinks she’s having second thoughts about the engagement. He tells her that if she marries Stuart, she can never have another chance with Dylan. (That’s supposed to change her mind?) Brenda’s upset to hear that Dylan’s been talking to Jim about the engagement.
Brandon and Lucinda make out on her couch, and she’s ready for more. He accidentally spills some wine on a picture album, and when he opens it to clean it, he realizes that he knows Lucinda’s husband: It’s Professor Randall. Lucinda doesn’t see a problem with this, not like that’s any surprise. Brandon finally decides that the situation is a hugely bad idea, though it sounds like he’s more concerned about Randall flunking him than about sleeping with a married woman.
At home, Brenda confronts Jim about asking Dylan to throw himself at her. She feels like she can’t trust her parents anymore. She remarks that at least the Carsons are upfront about what they expect. The next morning, the Walshes learn that Stuart and Brenda (who took off the night before) had a fight. Brenda’s now at the hotel, looking for a notary public to witness her signing the prenup.
Sears asks Steve for details on his evening with Laura. Steve confronts him for saying he liked Kelly, then hooking up with other girls. Sears reminds him that he hooked up with Laura (or so it appears) while talking about how much he likes Celeste. David is deposed, and Jackie’s lawyer asks why he didn’t call Mel when he realized Erin was sick. She questions how he didn’t know his sister was sick.
The lawyer asks why Mel and Jackie divorced, then why Mel and David’s mother got divorced. David says he doesn’t remember the circumstances. The lawyer mentions that David’s mother had a nervous breakdown, which seems to have been brought on by Mel’s infidelity. Mel fires back that Jackie had a cocaine addiction, but it has nothing to do with Mel’s parenting. David just agrees with the lawyer that Mel was responsible for his mother’s breakdown.
Brandon tries but fails to avoid Randall at the student union. Randall knows that Lucinda and Brandon met at the gym, and he wants Brandon to come over for dinner sometime. Ruh-roh! Brenda meets Stuart at the construction site and makes it clear that she didn’t fall in love with him because of his money. She also wouldn’t want to depend on him because he’s better off than she is, and she wouldn’t want to take his money if they split up. Brenda thinks the prenup probably is a good idea; she just didn’t like being blindsided. She gives Stuart the signed prenup.
At the beach apartment, David tears into Kelly, telling her that Mel cried and accused David of selling him out. Kelly storms out, announcing that she’ll be staying with Jackie. Donna chastises David for getting mad at Kelly for something that wasn’t her fault. He tells her to leave, too, if she’s going to take Kelly’s side, but she wants to stay with him.
Thoughts: Bringing David into the custody battle is pretty mean.
If any of my professors told me to “score,” I’d run screaming from the room.
No woman Lucinda’s age would find Brandon’s cheesy flirting charming. At least not a woman with any dignity. But I guess that’s in short supply around here, huh?
Also, Mr. Morals is okay with adultery? The same guy who had a whole crisis about cheating on a test?
Why is David getting flack for how he reacted when Erin got sick? Jackie was right there. Why call Mel? Once David handed her off to her mother, his job was done.
August 9, 2012
BH90210 4.8, Twenty Years Ago Today: Is That a Gun In Your Pocket or Are You Just Happy to See Brandon?
He really liked that window
Summary: Let’s look at old pictures of Jim and Cindy! It’s their 20th wedding anniversary and their parents are in town to celebrate with them. Jim gives Cindy an emerald necklace since the 20th is the emerald anniversary. Downstairs, Brenda chats with Jim’s mother, who doesn’t seem to like Cindy that much. Cindy’s parents arrive, followed by Stuart, and the younger crowd quickly splits.
Mel brings Erin to the beach apartment and asks David to look after her so he can go to Mexico with his girlfriend. David reluctantly agrees. Brandon tries to get D’Shawn to submit to a tutoring session, but he has to work on this free throws first. Brandon passes the time in the weight room, where he makes eyes at a pretty lady. She’s a cultural anthropology grad student named Lucinda Nicholson, and though she won’t let him call her, she lets him know she’s there every morning at 7.
Cindy and Jim’s mothers bicker while setting up for the anniversary party. Meanwhile, Dylan hangs out in what’s clearly meant to be the hood, having a clandestine meeting with a guy named Gus who can get him a gun. Sears wants to take Kelly out, but she’s going to the Walshes’ party. He tries to invite himself along. She doesn’t want to make things awkward since Dylan will be there. Sears tells her he’s in love with her (no kidding!), but she still wants to move slowly.
Dylan takes his shiny new toy to the shooting range so he can practice busting a cap in a paper target. On campus, Brandon runs into Andrea, who tells him she’s bringing Dan to the party. She introduces the two of them and Dan asks where Brandon’s halo is. (Ha!) Brandon spots Lucinda and chats with her about the party. She makes a comment about people being “short on commitment.” She learns that Brandon’s only 18 and confesses that she’s 27, so they probably shouldn’t be flirting.
Brandon stashes his present for his parents (their wedding photo turned into a giant jigsaw puzzle) at Dylan’s house, where Dylan barely manages to keep him from seeing his gun. Mel summons David to his house to watch Erin since the babysitter’s late showing up. This will make him and Donna late to the party.
Brenda and Brandon get ready, wondering how their parents have stayed happily married for so long. She thinks Stuart might be the one, though Brandon notes that they’ve only been dating for two weeks. She thinks she’ll be lonely if she doesn’t find her Mr. Right soon. Brandon, however, thinks he’s far from settling down; his longest conversation was with Emily, after all. He remembers that the present’s still at Dylan’s and heads off to get it.
Jim’s mother gives him her present, her and Mr. Walsh’s wedding rings. She suggests that he pass them off to one of the twins when the time comes. Brandon hurries to Dylan’s house, but Dylan’s in the shower and doesn’t hear him knock. Brandon decides to break a window to get in, and that, Dylan hears. He grabs his gun and gets ready to shoot, yelling out a warning as Brandon comes in. Brandon tells him an alarm system might be a better idea. Dylan decides to get rid of the gun.
Stuart shows up early to the party, which is all elegant and stuff. Steve brings Celeste and the two of them meet Dan, who admits that he doesn’t believe in marriage. Dylan and Kelly meet up, and he assures her that he’s done with weaponry. She wonders where they’ll be in 20 years. David and Donna show up with Erin, to Jackie’s surprise. As they watch Brenda and Stuart dance, Dylan tells Brandon that he knows Stuart “from the scene,” hinting that he’s not the great guy he appears to be.
Stuart tells Brenda that his parents are only still together as a “business arrangement,” but he believes in love. He decides to make the first toast of the evening and wins everyone over. Jim’s mom thinks Brenda might settle down sooner rather than later. She’s right, since Stuart takes Brenda out to the front porch and proposes. She notes that it’s really fast, but that doesn’t keep her from saying yes.
Andrea confides in Kelly that she lost her virginity to Dan and was shocked by her own impulsivity. Kelly thinks it was good for her to follow her heart. Andrea’s worried that Dan’s even more cerebral than she is, and not at all romantic. Seeing the Walshes together made her think he’s the wrong guy for her. She hasn’t felt the earth move yet. Kelly tells her to give it some time, but Andrea thinks that a lack of sparks at the beginning of a relationship is a bad sign. Kelly points out that she and Dylan have plenty of sparks but can’t make things work.
Jackie realizes that Erin’s sick and demands to know where Mel is. David admits that he went to Mexico. She tells him to let Mel know he’ll hear from her lawyer. Stuart wants to announce the engagement immediately, and if there’s something else that could ruin Jim and Cindy’s night faster, I don’t know what it is. Jim refuses to let them tell anyone else at the party. Then Jim’s mother learns the news and shares it with the whole party.
Kelly, Donna, Andrea, and Celeste are excited about the engagement, but Brandon and Dylan share Cindy and Jim’s feelings. Stuart spots Dylan for the first time and assures him that he’s turned things around. Dylan makes the obligatory hurt-her-and-I’ll-hurt-you speech. (Guess he might not get rid of the gun after all.)
Andrea chats with a bartender named Jesse, who tells her his parents got engaged at his grandparents’ anniversary party. He thinks romanticism is in his genes because of that. Also, he thinks Andrea’s pretty. Brandon asks Brenda if she knows what she’s doing; she says no, but it feels good. He’s worried that she’ll do something she’ll regret.
After the party, Brenda tries to avoid a conversation with her parents. Brandon takes a piece out of the puzzle and the whole thing falls apart. (I hope that wasn’t a metaphor.) Jim wonders how serious things are between Brenda and Stuart. Cindy notes that the ring is pretty serious. However, if they do get married, she hopes they’re as happy as she and Jim are. They end the evening dancing together.
Thoughts: “You ready too many James Bond novels.” No, Gus. They have these things called movies now.
According to the half-plus-seven rule (AKA the Creep Equation), which states that you’re not supposed to date someone younger than half your age plus seven years, Lucinda can date Brandon. I’m not saying she should, but she can.
Brandon, breaking your friend’s window with a wrench to get a giant puzzle may be the dumbest thing you’ve ever done. And we all know that’s saying a lot.
Also, the best way to get rid of a gun is to throw it off a pier? Are you in the mob?
A 20-something-year-old who wants to marry an 18-year-old after two weeks together? THE GIANTEST RED FLAG. I’m sure someone suspects Brenda’s pregnant, but even if they’d had sex on their first date, it would still be too early for her to know she’s pregnant.
August 5, 2012
BH90210 4.7, Moving Targets: Happiness is a Warm Gun
Hee hee hee
Summary: The girls are having what they’re calling a sorority meeting at the Peach Pit, but Brenda’s late because she was getting ready for a date with Stuart. The others can’t believe she’s dating a guy named Stuart, and that they met through a set-up arranged by her parents. Donna tells the girls how a regular sorority meeting works (apparently it ends with pins and discussing who lost her virginity). Andrea decides not to volunteer any information about that last part.
Kelly moves on to talk about Dylan’s carjacking, and Brenda says that it looks like the car was found. Indeed, Dylan and Brandon are at an impound lot, having gotten a call about the Porsche, though a cop there doesn’t know anything about it. There was a screw-up, which just makes Dylan madder. Brenda and Stuart go to a club again and she teases him about possible nicknames. He tells her about his father’s disapproval of his various career attempts. She’s surprised, since he was perfectly nice when she met him.
Dan wakes up Andrea in the middle of the night (they’re in his bed) since she thinks she’ll miss a class if she stays with him. She complains about not being able to tell her friends about her relationship. She’s looked at the guidelines about RAs and there’s no rule about them dating students. Dan still doesn’t want to go public since that sort of thing is frowned upon. He’d rather not find out the consequences.
Stuart takes Brenda home, asking him to invite her in. Of course, she won’t, since her parents are there. He wants to spend more time with her, but she doesn’t want to do anything to screw up what they’re getting started. Inside, Jim and Cindy are waiting up to tell Brenda that they don’t like how late she’s been staying out with Stuart. She replies that they should feel lucky that she came home at all.
The next day, Brandon bugs Brenda about Stuart; he seems to think she’s attracted to his money. She says that Stuart’s the first guy since Dylan who knows how to “woo.” After a class, Brandon invites Steve over to study, but he has access to old tests thanks to the KEG house, so he’s not worried about his grades. He teases Brandon about sucking up because he wants to talk to their professor. The two discuss Kelly and Dylan, and Steve says that everyone at the KEG house knows Kelly’s with Sears now.
Dylan meets with Jim about getting another new car. Dylan’s beating himself up for not getting away from the carjacker. He’s shaken by the fact that he just had a gun in his face. Jim suggests that he get counseling, but Dylan has another idea: visiting a shooting range. Jackie stops by the beach apartment to do David’s laundry (…seriously?) and order pizza for the kids. Erin has also come over to be adorable.
Brandon meets with his professor, Cory Randall, who likes sports metaphors. He assures Brandon that if he’s read the chapter, he’s fine. Dan and Andrea run into each other, but she’s upset that they can’t be a public couple. Brandon and Steve discuss their test, and it sounds like Steve’s non-studying has actually paid off. Kelly and Sears hang out, but she still doesn’t want to move their relationship past talking. He’s worried that she’s still interested in Dylan.
Speaking of Dylan, he’s nearby, and Kelly tells him she still wants to be part of his life. He doesn’t seem to care much about his life since he came so close to being killed. Brenda has another date with Stuart, which her parents aren’t too thrilled about. She points out that Jim and Cindy set them up, so they have no reason to object now. They just think things are moving too fast. Just then, Stuart’s father, Larry, calls to invite the Walshes to brunch with his family that weekend.
Steve got a B on Randall’s test, and Brandon got an A+ and a “see me.” Dan and Andrea try to plan a date at a movie theater where they won’t be spotted. Now Andrea wants more time to think about where they should make their public debut. They decide to stay in and play Scrabble instead. (That Andrea knows how to have a good time.) Kelly tells Jackie that Dylan has asked her to go to the gun range with him. She’s pretty sure he has PTSD.
Mel shows up to get Erin, but he’s not alone: He’s with a new girlfriend named Nina. Jackie and Kelly are both upset about that. David argues with Kelly that Jackie and Nina were going to have to meet sooner or later. She tells him he’s as bad as his father. He replies that she’s as neurotic as her mother. Neither will listen to Donna as she tries to make peace.
Kelly and Dylan wind up at the shooting range, but she’s not comfortable with firing a gun. He blasts her for not being prepared to fend off a criminal. Then he fires off a bunch of rounds at a target, because that’s healthy. Afterward, they fight and he tells her she needs to make sure she’s protected because the world isn’t safe for anyone.
The Walshes go to the Carsons’ house, which Jim accurately describes as “overwhelming.” Stuart’s swimming laps, and hello, wet David Gail. Jackie feels bad about her behavior with Mel, but Kelly assures her that everything will be okay. Brandon and Steve see Andrea at the Peach Pit and note that they haven’t seen her for a while. She tells them she’s seeing someone but they’re taking things slowly, like getting into a cold pool. They encourage her to cannonball in naked already.
Kelly tells the guys she’s worried about Dylan and thinks he might have bought of gun. Brandon doesn’t think it’s a big deal; lots of people in L.A. have bought guns since the riots. Kelly says it’s worse than that since Dylan’s troubled and thinks he’s a tough guy. She’s never seen him this angry. She asks Brandon and Steve to talk to him since he won’t listen to her. Brandon promises to do so after he meets with Randall.
Brunch goes well, though Stuart wants to leave when Larry tries to talk business with Jim. (He really just wants to go off and make out with Brenda.) Randall wanted to meet with Brandon to discuss a student named D’Shawn Hardell who needs tutoring. He thinks the two of them would get along well since D’Shawn’s a basketball player and Brandon was a sports editor. D’Shawn needs a C in the class to stay afloat. Brandon agrees to help him out.
Brenda and Stuart play pinball, and he tells her she’s made him feel better about being involved in his family business. Brandon meets D’Shawn in the gym, but D’Shawn will only agree to be tutored if Brandon plays two-on-two with him and some friends. Erin’s over at the beach apartment again, and Kelly’s mad that Mel left her there with David again. The former stepsiblings fight some more until Donna reminds them that the war is between their parents, not them. Kelly and David decide to make peace for their sister’s sake.
Andrea summons Dan to the student union for a date. She then cannonballs into the pool naked, in Brandon and Steve’s parlance, by kissing Dan in the middle of the room. The other students applaud. Jim and Cindy learn from the Carsons that Brenda and Stuart have another date planned for that night. The Carsons aren’t concerned about all the time they’re spending together. When Larry goes looking for Brenda, Stuart tells him that she’s showering. Larry asks him to be more discreet, since Brenda’s younger, and suggests that they cancel their date.
Steve and Brandon hang out with Dylan at his house, bringing up his recent shooting-range visits. Dylan thinks Kelly feels guilty because he was carjacked right after she broke up with him. Later, Dylan tries to buy a gun, but the seller won’t make a deal since Dylan isn’t 21. Unless Dylan wouldn’t mind coming back after hours…
Thoughts: D’Shawn is played by Cress Williams. I never understood why Television Without Pity’s ER recaps called him that. Now I do!
Brenda and Brandon keep saying “woo,” which reminds me of How I Met Your Mother. Then five seconds later, Randall talks about the Mendoza line, which ALSO reminds me of How I Met Your Mother. I was half expecting Neil Patrick Harris to show up next.
I just read The Art of Fielding, so all of Randall’s sports talk both annoyed me and felt fitting.
The Carsons have pinball machines. Now I want to date Stuart.
July 4, 2012
BH90210 3.29/30, Commencement: Unnecessary Clip Show
David, please stop being a dork
Summary: Steve has taken his friends up to the Hollywood sign to discuss a once-in-a-lifetime experience that they all think is a little nuts. He wants them to leave some sort of mark on West Beverly. Brenda’s the first to give in, and the others come around. Next the kids head to school for a graduation rehearsal, which Kelly thinks is pointless. Donna’s fine with it since she almost had to miss the ceremony. Dylan and Brandon are there, but soon split.
Meanwhile, Andrea’s nervous about giving her valedictorian speech, and David’s losing it from having to take six finals in three days. Steve’s still serving detention, which Brandon notes he’ll never have to attend again since it’s the last day of school. He’s been summoned to Ms. Teasley’s office and thinks something bad is about to happen. Dylan has lunch with Jim and discusses possibly going to Berkeley. First he has to get his SAT scores back. Jim tells him that Iris is worried about what he’ll do with his trust fund, as it’s now officially his.
School’s over, but David thinks he flunked his last final. He’s also a little on edge about being replaced at the radio. Steve goes to see Ms. Teasley, thinking she’s going to tell him he’s not allowed to graduate. She tells him she originally thought he was irredeemable, but his grades have improved over the second part of the year. Also, she knows he donated his prize from the Lakers game to the day camp. After the meeting, Steve happily tells Brandon that Ms. Teasley is going to write him a letter of recommendation, and now he can go to California University with Brandon.
While Brandon offers to let Andrea practice her speech on him, the others celebrate at the Peach Pit. (Except David, who’s asleep.) They want their senior wills, but Brandon won’t give them advance copies. Nat wishes he had a senior will, saying he’d leave Jim’s karaoke machine to him, Color Me Badd to Donna, and Laverne to Brenda. Cue flashback! Jordan shows up looking for Andrea and tells Brandon that she’s having second thoughts about going to Yale. He seems to think those second thoughts are because of Brandon.
At home, Brenda receives an envelope from the University of Minnesota. Kelly, David, and Jackie pack up the house and discuss future living arrangements; David hasn’t been accepted to college yet, and Kelly doesn’t really want to live in a dorm. Kelly’s proud of how David has become cooler. Flashback to dorky David in the early days of Jackie and Mel’s relationship. The Walshes eat ice cream and discuss the pros and cons of Brenda going back to Minnesota. Brandon emphasizes the cons. Cindy hopes Brenda isn’t running away because of Dylan.
Andrea shows up to practice her speech with Brandon. It’s full of big words and would put any audience to sleep. Brandon encourages her to say what she wants, not what she thinks is expected of her. She wonders how she’ll get through college without him. They discuss the early days of their friendship and how they almost hooked up when he thought he was going back to Minnesota. Andrea realizes that she’s trying to live up to the image of a Yalie when she thinks she should stay in California. Brandon freaks out and she tells him to calm down.
Kelly goes over to Dylan’s, where he’s been reading up on California University. Kelly isn’t thrilled with the idea of four more years of school. Flashback to their romp in the pool (which I can’t find, and don’t care that much about anyway), where he clarified that he wanted her, not Brenda. They’re interrupted when Iris makes a surprise appearance – she’s in town to attend graduation. She’s stunned to learn that Dylan and Kelly are still together. Dylan blasts her for not getting in touch after Jack died. Iris decides to stay in a hotel, which Dylan will use his trust fund to pay for. Iris warns Kelly that money will change Dylan.
The next morning, the seniors have a special breakfast and finally see the senior wills. Andrea’s still working on her speech, but Steve makes her take a break to look at his will, in which he leaves her an egg. (HA!) Brenda leaves Kelly their horrible double date. Donna leaves Brenda their awful dinner from their first night in Paris. Brenda admits to Brandon that she loved being in Paris, but she can’t help wondering how things would have turned out if she hadn’t gone. He realizes that she hasn’t told anyone she might go to Minnesota.
David and Donna do a Wayne’s World skit, then tease Steve about the legacy key. There are flashbacks of the gang’s camping trip, leading Dylan to remember Brandon’s near-death experience. Brenda, Kelly, and their pantsuits are called to the stage so we can remember their skydiving adventure and their vocal performance with Emily. This leads to Brandon’s own personal flashback to meeting Emily.
The girls sing a song that’s basically about how Brandon will date anyone who moves. (If I linked to all of those, I would break the Internet.) Dylan asks who his favorite was, and for some reason Brandon thinks of Tricia. (Sorry, Andrea.) Steve surprises David with footage of his horrible dance moves. The kids recognize the footage as being from the spring dance, which makes Brenda remember what else happened that night.
David’s bummed after the breakfast, telling Donna he feels burned out. He somewhat regrets pushing to graduate early since he doesn’t even know what he wants to do. He’s upset that their group of friends is breaking up. Donna assures him that he still has her. Later, everyone but David and Andrea gathers at the Walshes’ for their special project. Brandon spills that Andrea’s considering not going to Yale since it’s so expensive. Kelly makes a money-related joke that makes things between her and Dylan a little tense.
Cindy tells Jim that Brenda doesn’t want them to say anything about Minnesota in front of her friends. She doesn’t think Brenda has decided what to do yet. They reminisce about their boring weekend away and the twins’ disastrous party. The elder Walshes try to sneak a peek at the kids’ project, but the kids won’t let them see. Jim remembers first meeting Dylan, but the flashback we get is actually of Brenda seeing Dylan in the shower. Iris calls, but she wants to talk to Jim, not Dylan.
The kids start abandoning their project, so Brandon and Steve start playing basketball. Flashback from their night out which resulted in grand theft auto. Steve admits that he thinks Ms. Teasley is only writing him a recommendation because of the money he donated. The donation was supposed to be anonymous, but it was traceable to him. Brandon doesn’t think it was necessarily a scam since the money’s going to a good cause.
At the soon-to-be-ex-Taylor/Silver house, David tells Kelly he might not go to graduation. She urges him to think about everything he’s accomplished in high school. But every time he thinks of his freshman year, he thinks of Scott. Kelly calls Dylan to apologize for her earlier comments, which he seems to be over. Also over: Brenda, who’s told Dylan about wanting to go to Minnesota but being scared to tell everyone. He advises her to flip a coin. They wonder if they would still be together if Kelly hadn’t come into the picture, but Dylan doesn’t know. Cue flashbacks of the whole mess.
Brenda asks why Dylan didn’t tell Kelly that she was there. He says she didn’t ask. He wonders why Brenda came over; she says she guesses it was to say goodbye. Iris shows up and tells Dylan to choose whether he wants her to go to his graduation or back to Hawaii. He does neither, letting her (since graduation doesn’t start for a while anyway). Kelly chats with Jackie, noting that if she hadn’t stayed in Beverly Hills instead of going to Paris, she and Dylan wouldn’t have gotten together. She adds that she and Dylan won’t be living together. Jackie’s upset that Kelly’s father isn’t coming to graduation. Kelly quips that she’ll major in psychology in college.
Brandon and Brenda get ready for graduation and flashback to not being sure about living in Beverly Hills. Then it’s on to graduation, where Dylan gets defensive when Steve asks where he got his boots. (They’re probably from that ranch chick. I don’t wanna link to her.) David’s happy again, since he actually got the second-highest grade in the class on the exam he thought he failed. Dylan’s either drunk or has a brain tumor, since he hallucinates Jack telling him that he doesn’t have to go to college if he doesn’t think it’s right for him.
The ceremony begins, and only Andrea is unhappy – she’s lost her speech. Brandon tells her to calm down. She tries to wing it but winds up reciting her first version, with all the big words. She starts talking about how they don’t know what they’re doing, but their years at West Beverly have given then a foundation to face an unknown future. Also, friendships are awesome. While the students’ names are read, Kelly thinks about how much her father has disappointed her over the years.
Donna is the first of the gang to get her diploma, and for some reason the flashback we get is of her telling David she’s not having sex until she’s married. Next is Dylan, and Brandon remembers hanging out with him early on in their friendship. Kelly keeps looking out at the crowd, and as she gets her diploma and sits down, she starts crying. Steve and David think she’s just being sentimental, but she’s happy because her father came after all. Once Andrea gets her diploma, the ceremony’s over and hats are tossed.
Cindy takes pictures of the gang, and Kelly’s father comes over to congratulate her. Steve is obviously happy for her. Dylan tells Iris that he’s felt all day that Jack was around and even talking to him. Iris doesn’t think that’s out of the realm of possibilities. She takes a picture of him with Cindy and Jim. Kelly’s pleased that her parents are in the same place and the three of them will be having dinner together.
That night, Dylan calls from his “cellular phone” (hee) to tell the Walshes he’s coming over. He wants to talk to Jim about how money can make people act. He vows not to lose touch with who he is or the people in his life. He wants to put the money back in the trust. All he wants is money for living expenses each month. Oh, and some cash so he can spend the summer traveling in Europe. Dylan still hasn’t made up his mind about college, but he thinks Jack would understand. Jim’s happy with his decisions and agrees to make the arrangements.
The kids all head back to the Hollywood sign in the middle of the night. Andrea announces that she’s going to Yale after all; she’s resigned herself to taking out a loan. Dylan tells everyone he’s spending the summer in Europe and will make a decision about college when he gets back. Brenda comes clean about her choice to go to the University of Minnesota. Andrea’s speech made her feel sure – she knows that their friendships will hold up even if they’re not all in the same place. Dylan talks about his travel plans, asking Kelly to come along.
The kids fall asleep, and in the morning they go to Dylan’s house to get a look at their project: They’ve repainted the Hollywood sign so it says W BEV HI ’93. And yay, I made it through the third season!
Thoughts: Frigging clip show. FRIGGING 90-MINUTE CLIP SHOW. I’ve never done so many links my life.
We did something similar to senior wills – Senior Stockings. At Christmas we asked Santa to give our friends certain gifts. Then in the spring, just before graduation, we wrote our favorite memories from high school and our future plans.
How are these people still getting college-acceptance letters? There shouldn’t be any spots left!
Those sound-activated dancing flowers are on the tables at the senior breakfast. Remember those?
Really didn’t need the Emily cameo. Really, really didn’t need it.
There’s totally someone wearing a knit hat and gloves at graduation. Wha–?
Looks like Brandon and Brenda graduated with honors, so good for them.
I thought Dylan was going to offer to pay for Yale for Andrea, but then I remembered that this isn’t Dawson’s Creek.
