April 14, 2013
Summary: Claudia and Artie are at a convenience store, debating what kind of junk food to get. A man comes in, pulls a gun on the cashier, and robs him. The kids hide and stay quiet but see the whole thing. At the restaurant, Charlie’s coworker/old college friend Dudley complains to him about his ex/neighbor, who just moved out of her apartment. Charlie wants to move in. Kirsten calls and Dudley flirts with her, because he’s that guy.
A police officer talks to Claudia and Artie at the Salingers’ house, but neither kid can agree on a description of the robber. Artie’s a little too excited about being involved in a police investigation. At school, Jill tells Bailey that she’s helping to run a dance marathon. He thinks it’ll be too much for her to handle so soon after she’s started rehab. Jill notes that her doctor says it would be good for her to get involved in school activities.
Julia tries to convince Justin to do the marathon with her, realizing that they’ve never danced together. She also realizes that it’s because he can’t dance. Bailey and Jill hang out, and he again says that he thinks she’s doing too much by helping with the marathon. He makes the good point that it’s probably not the best idea for her to stay awake for 36 hours. Jill accuses him of being unsupportive. He wants to make things up to her with sex, but Jill’s doctor has advised her to stop using sex to solve her problems.
Justin and Julia practice dancing in the Salingers’ backyard, and he makes a move toward getting her naked. Charlie and Kirsten look at an apartment, though she thinks it’s a bad idea for him to move out. He thinks the kids can take care of themselves, and he’ll look in on them every day. He starts packing at home, making Claudia sad. The police want Claudia to come look at someone in a lineup, but Charlie has Bailey take her, because he can’t be bothered. The lineup doesn’t produce the culprit.
Bailey then heads to the marathon and helps out, since Jill doesn’t have all of the details nailed down. Julia and Justin flirt and goof around before things start, then spend the dancing hours kissing. Charlie and Kirsten go to a party at Dudley’s, boring me. Back at the marathon, Will has a great time with his date, a cheerleader Bailey didn’t think he’d be able to get to go with him. Jill gets in trouble because someone spiked the punchbowl, but Bailey takes the blame. She doesn’t appreciate it.
The dancers get a five-minute break, and Justin gives Julia his wallet so they can get some food. She finds a condom inside. Dudley invites Charlie and Kirsten out on a houseboat trip, which Kirsten is extremely unexcited about. Charlie wants to go, despite the fact that sailing and drinking for three days isn’t his kind of thing. Kirsten wants to leave the party, but Charlie won’t leave with her.
Alone at home, Claudia has a nightmare. When Charlie gets back, she’s in his bed with Kirsten. Kirsten chastise Charlie for staying out so late; he grumps that she should have stayed, but she’s glad she was home to comfort Claudia. Charlie thinks he can have an active social life while still looking after his siblings. His solution to Claudia’s angst is to get a new lock for the front door and bolt the windows.
Artie shows up to announce that the robber was caught. He’s disappointed because there won’t be a trial, so he won’t get to testify. Claudia’s just relieved that the robber is behind bars. Julia congratulates Jill on a successful marathon, then asks how many guys she thinks carry condoms in their wallets. “How many guys do you think are having sex?” Jill replies. (All of them, Julia. All of them.)
Will and his dance partner get disqualified for making out instead of dancing. “My tongue was moving! That counts!” he argues. Bailey remarks to a chaperone that the marathon is starting to remind him of a movie he once saw: Carrie. It’s hour 18, and Jill is starting to fall apart. The chaperone suggests that they end the marathon at 24 hours instead of 36. Julia’s starting to get uncomfortable being with Justin, and she suggests that they quit. He doesn’t get what’s wrong with her.
At hour 23, Bailey tries to convince Jill to end the marathon early. She refuses, accusing Bailey of waiting all night for her to screw things up. No matter how things turn out, she wants to be able to say she ran everything. Charlie and Dudley do shots at the restaurant, toasting a lost weekend they once had together. Charlie remembers it less favorably than Dudley does, since they got so drunk that they missed a gig. Claudia has another nightmare – every room in the house is empty, and she can hear Charlie talking but can’t find him.
Charlie spends the night on a couch in his new apartment, oversleeping and forgetting to open the restaurant early for a produce delivery. Julia drops by, noting that he’s officially moved out of the house. She tells him she’ll miss having him around; things weren’t perfect, but they were getting better. Charlie assures her that she can come to him anytime she needs something. Julia takes the opportunity to ask about sex.
Jill skipped school, so Bailey goes to her house and confronts her for being difficult. She tells him that if she’s going to quit using drugs, she needs to feel like she can accomplish things without his help. In other words, if she has a flat tire, she won’t let him change it for her, but she’d like for him to teach her how to do it. Bailey will take that.
Claudia is sent home from school after falling asleep in class and hitting her head on her desk. She tells Charlie about her nightmares, and he’s surprised to hear that they’re not about the robbery. Justin tracks down Julia at the school pool (um, okay then) and tells her he figured out that she’s upset because she found his condom. She says that she cares about him but isn’t quite ready to have sex. He tells her he only has it so he’s prepared; he doesn’t want to rush anything. Right now, he’s getting enough intimacy from their makeout sessions. Then they go skinny-dipping.
Kirsten meets Charlie at the new apartment, telling him she had a debate with herself over whether to get him a painting. If she did, she would be supporting his decision to move; if she didn’t, she would be saying she wasn’t on his side. Ultimately, she got the painting, but Charlie tells her to put it in his truck. He’s realized that he’s already had the life of a single partier, and he doesn’t like that guy anymore. A year ago, no one needed him, and he felt lucky. Now, he just wants to go home.
Thoughts: How in the world did Charlie plan to explain his new living situation to social services?
That robber is an idiot. Pulling a gun in broad daylight without wearing a mask or looking to make sure there were no witnesses? That’s just asking to get busted.
A 36-hour marathon? Yikes. Even the one on Gilmore Girls was only 24 hours.
Justin, the best place to try to get your girlfriend named is probably not in her backyard while other people are home.
Once again, I don’t get why Julia doesn’t go to Kirsten when she has personal problems or questions. I don’t care if I had a gun to my head – I still wouldn’t ask any of my brothers for sex advice.
Owen’s not in this episode, and given the level of responsibility his siblings have been showing, I’m a little worried about him.
March 27, 2013
Summary: This book is stupid and boring and painfully long, and I don’t want to have to think about it again after I publish this post.
So anyway, back in 1998, there was this thing called the “Internet.” And on the Internet (a series of tubes, many of which contained cats), you could log into these things called “chat rooms” and have conversations with people who lived all over the world. All you needed was a computer! And guess what? Olivia Davidson has a computer! So she logs into these chat rooms and talks to people about art and poetry and all that hippie stuff she’s into.
Guess who else has a computer? Ken Matthews! One day he decides to use it to find out a score from an El Carro High School football game. He logs into a chat room and asks if anyone there is from El Carro. Someone responds, and Ken thinks that person is from El Carro. But she’s not! It’s Olivia! And she thinks Ken goes to El Carro! But he doesn’t! They both go to Sweet Valley High! HOW AMAZING!
So Ken and Olivia start talking a lot in the chat room, and sometimes in private chat rooms, which is like instant messaging but not. Ken decides not to reveal that he’s a jock, and he lets Olivia teach him about poetry. At one point they basically have cybersex and it’s really uncomfortable. (For me. I don’t know if it was uncomfortable for them. I hope they used cyberprotection.) Then they decide to meet, but they’re each too dumb to realize who the other is, so they both think the other didn’t show up.
When they reconnect in a chat room, Olivia and Ken realize that they know each other, and that each has fallen in luuuuuuuuv with someone he/she never thought he/she would be interested in. Because, see, jocks and artists can’t comingle. And that’s where we get the other plot.
There’s a dance at SVH, and a fight about music leads to a brawl between the popular kids/jocks and the artsy kids/”burnouts”/nerds. It ends when a football player named Blubber sends druggie Justin Belson to the hospital. The lines are clearly drawn between the cliques, with only a few people (Elizabeth and Winston, really) floating among groups. The ghostwriter brings back a couple other previous characters – Keith the hippie and Nicky the rebel – to round out the outcasts.
The burnouts/nerds/hippies get revenge on Blubber by stealing a test he got a D on and posting it on a bulletin board. (A real bulletin board, not one of those bulletin boards you find on the Interwebs.) Because Blubber has a temper and is an easy target, the outcasts keep targeting him, picking on him at a football game until he beats up Nicky. Elizabeth thinks Blubber crossed the line, but Jessica and Todd side with the other jocks/popular kids. This leads to another almost-breakup between Todd and Liz, because we have to have one of those every other book.
Blubber ends up getting suspended from the football team because of his grades, and he is NOT happy about it. One night Jessica goes out with two football players, Danny and Bryce – and yes, she goes out with both of them at the same time, which, let’s not even get into that – and they decide to go by Blubber’s house to see how he is. He’s not great: They arrive just as an ambulance is taking him to the hospital, because Blubber tried to commit suicide.
It turns out Blubber was having a rough time because his parents are splitting up, but the school finally steps in and tries to stop all the madness with the cliques. Everyone calms down, and Olivia even comes up with an idea to fix things: a dance! I mean, of course. Everyone has to dress up in someone else’s clothes, because they’re taking the “walk a mile in someone else’s shoes” thing way too literally. But it breaks the ice, and people start mingling, and everything’s good. Also, Olivia and Ken get together, in case you cared. I didn’t.
Thoughts: The book starts in SVH’s gym, so either they rebuilt it really quickly or we’re pretending Fight Fire With Fire ever happened.
In case you’ve been keeping track, Bruce and Pamela are back together.
“I still hate it when guys try to settle things by punching each other out.” Whatever, Jessica, you’re totally the type of girl who would find that hot.
Olivia’s outfit when she goes to meet Ken: “batik-print sarong pants in royal purple with a matching loose vest over a simple white tank top.” Sarong pants?
February 17, 2013
Summary: There’s a dance coming up, and even though Nina thinks it sounds lame, she still wants to go. They’re in the guys’ bathroom, for some reason, and Julia finds a list of girls the guys most want to sleep with. Nina’s number 2 and Julia isn’t on the list. But she’s on the list of girls the guys want to cheat off of. At home, the Salingers clean up in preparation for a visit from Greer, one of their mom’s friends. She sounds wacky.
Charlie interviews a potential nanny but nixes her because she’s a temptress. (Hey, he’s learning!) Ross meets Claudia at the restaurant, where she tries to set him up with a waitress. At the house, Greer tries to cook for everyone; she’s working on a cookbook called Something Out of Nothing. She asks about everyone’s love lives, which are all depressing. Later, Greer digs more into Bailey’s issues, so we have to hear him complain some more about not having sex. He doesn’t want to go to the dance because he doesn’t want to meet someone else to date. Greer offers to fix him up with someone.
She then moves on to helping Julia, who admits that she’s always wanted Greer’s confident. She admits that her grades aren’t great anymore, and she’s spending a lot of time becoming someone different. She doesn’t think she’s special. Greer objects, forcing Julia to appreciate her own beauty. Ross comes by and Claudia tries to encourage him to go on another date with the waitress. He has to spell out for her that he’s gay. She pretends it’s not a big deal.
The next morning, Julia waxes her legs and tells Claudia that Greer thinks she should do a photo shoot and look into becoming a model. Claudia thinks that’s dumb. Greer suggests a possible date for Bailey as Charlie tries to get a “more mature” (e.g., not hot) nanny for Owen. Bailey goes out with the girl, Lucinda, who’s a pretentious theater type and smokes the whole time. (Also, she’s playing Kate in a production of Taming of the Shrew – heh.)
Julia meets with Greer’s photographer friend, who’s surprised that she’s never modeled before. This is the first time she hears that the photo session will cost her $800. Claudia has a lesson with Ross, but there’s a big old elephant in the room called Ross’s sexuality. Greer tells Bailey that he reminds her of a guy she used to know who never realized how awesome he was.
Charlie confronts Julia for writing a check to the photographer, though he’s more upset with Greer for getting her involved in modeling. He notes that Greer isn’t the best with finances; he had to pay for a wreath she sent after their parents’ funeral. Julia and Nina argue that models can make a lot of money. Charlie doesn’t think the photographer really thinks Julia can be successful – “for 800 bucks, I’d tell you you were beautiful, too.” He can’t believe how dumb Julia was.
Bailey accidentally walks in on Greer as she’s coming out of the shower, so that’s not going to help his interest in older women. They’re both awake in the middle of the night, and she tells him she’s going to stay in a hotel for the rest of her time in San Francisco. She’s embarrassed about the “mistake” she made.
Charlie interviews another nanny, pleased that she’s married. Then she tells him she and her husband are considering an open marriage. Julia goes to her photo session, where the photographer makes her laugh and tells her again that she’s beautiful. Bailey tells Will about what happened with Greer; he thinks Greer’s interested in him. Will thinks he should make a move (and also find out if she has a friend for him).
Charlie finds a marked-up phone book at the house – that’s how Greer found the photographer, so he wasn’t a friend of hers. Claudia skips a lesson, so Ross asks if she has a problem with his sexuality. If she does, she should have come to him, since they treat each other like friends. Ross says that his sexuality has nothing to do with Claudia or her music, but if she thinks it does, maybe he shouldn’t teach her anymore.
When Julia gets home from her shoot, Charlie tells her that the photographer wasn’t a friend of Greer’s. That means Julia just gave $800 to a stranger. She’s more upset that Greer went to a hotel without saying goodbye. Bailey tracks Greer down at her hotel, and it is oh so awkward. They kiss but agree not to take things any farther.
Bailey brings Greer back to the house, and Charlie blasts her for lying about the photographer. Julia’s upset that she paid a guy $800 to tell her she’s beautiful. She wishes Greer hadn’t tried to befriend her in the first place. Charlie has also uncovered that there is no cookbook. Greer just wanted everyone to see the good in their lives, since they were all down. Charlie notes that pretending everything is great doesn’t change the situation. He asks her to leave.
Claudia confides in Charlie that Ross coming out to her made her uncomfortable. (Charlie, for the record, has some gay friends, and though he doesn’t always understand it, he doesn’t think it’s a big deal.) Claudia wonders if Ross can stop being gay. He says no, and she says that’s too bad. Charlie says it isn’t if Ross is happy.
Julia asks the photographer for her money back, but he still thinks she could make it as a model. He’s even shown her pictures to a friend who wants her to pose for those photos you get in picture frames. Claudia meets Ross at the restaurant again, this time to apologize for the way she treated him and ask him to be her teacher again. He says he’ll be her friend if she’ll treat him like a friend. Claudia admits to being sad and disappointed – not because Ross is gay, but because she has a crush on him and thought they would get married someday. Then she tries to fix him up with a waiter.
Bailey goes back to Greer’s hotel to ask if she was just being nice when she kissed him the night before. She assures him she wasn’t playing any games, and she did want to be with him. Julia goes to the dance after all, picking out a guy to dance with. Bailey and Will are there, too, and Bailey keeps an eye out for a potential dance partner. At home afterward, Julia and Bailey toast Greer. Charlie tells them he’s found a new nanny, and there’s no way Charlie will screw things up. His name is Bill.
Thoughts: So Greer wants to get it on with her friend’s 16-year-old son? This show is gross.
Why do the Salingers have capers in their fridge? All they eat is pizza.
Greer: “I say we eat al fresco.” Claudia: “Who’s he?” Snort.
I’m just now realizing how much Mitchell Anderson (Ross) looks like Bradley Whitford.
Julia has horrible instincts, because the photographer skeeved me out the whole episode. She should have at least taken Charlie or Bailey with her when she went to get her money back.
February 6, 2013
Summary: The ghostwriters realized they haven’t used Shannon in a while, so she gets to be a part of this book. Kristy starts sitting for her sisters Maria and Tiffany a lot, and the girls complain that Shannon has too many after-school activities and is never around. Really, the problem is that the Kilbournes never spend time together, so the whole family is kind of a mess.
Kristy tries to get Tiffany and Maria to do helpful things for Shannon, but they all backfire. Like they try to bake cookies but the batches are horrible. When Shannon gets mad, her sisters start playing pranks on her. It starts out pretty innocently, with messing with her homework and changing her schedule, then gets out of hand, to the point where their parents should really step in. (Hair dye in her shampoo bottle? Come on, Kilbournes. Pay attention to your children.)
Because she’s been spending so much time with the Kilbournes, Kristy sees what’s really going on, and hears from the girls how unhappy they are with not getting to spend more time together as a family. She encourages them to write a letter to Shannon and a letter to their parents to express their feelings. The girls do, and Shannon agrees that she’s doing too many things and needs to cut back. Their parents also make an effort to have family dinners together and enjoy each other’s company more. And Kristy shows that she might actually make a good therapist or counselor someday.
B-plots: The BSC girls help organize a Stoneybrook all-school dance between three middle schools. Claudia tries to fix Kristy up with a friend of her boyfriend’s, but it’s not a love match. Kristy comes up with the idea to help the kids of Stoneybrook organize their own dance, because of course she does. The kids get worked up who to take to the dance, so the BSC girls tell them they’re not allowed to bring dates.
Thoughts: Tiffany’s 11 – why does she need a sitter? Not to mention that previous books – specifically Kristy and the Snobs – have mentioned that SHE’S a sitter.
With a friend like Claudia, how is it possible that Kristy doesn’t know what snickerdoodles are?
Jordan: “This is bor-ing.” Tiffany: “Did I just hear you volunteer for the decorations committee, Jordan?” Rock on, Tiffany.
Jordan, re: Maria: “She’s the only one who knows the recipe for Rice Krispie Treats.” The recipe’s on the box, moron.
Claudia wears a lime green sweater with a pink skirt. Kristy says she looks great, so I guess Kristy’s secretly blind and we didn’t know it.
I can buy some of the kids wanting dates, but most of them are right at that age where they find kids of the opposite sex icky. Speaking of icky, I find Maria and Tiffany competing over Jordan weird. Maria’s eight. It turns out neither actually likes him; they actually like two of the other triplets. Still. Eight.
Cokie’s dance outfit: a zebra top, a leopard-skin miniskirt, and Dalmatian go-go boots. I bet it would all look fabulous on Claudia.
September 4, 2012
Summary: Claudia’s adjusting to being in the seventh grade, doing better in her classes and making friends. When she’s nominated as queen of the seventh grade, she realizes how popular she is. Then she wins and has to plan the seventh-grade prom with Mark, the most popular guy in the grade. He’s your typical cocky teenager, and all the girls love him. He’s like Cary Retlin crossed with Alan Gray, but desirable. And of course, he has a softer side, like when he admits to Claudia that he was held back in the third grade.
Despite her newfound popularity, Claudia finds that being the queen isn’t that fun. Planning the dance is a lot of work, and Mark isn’t very helpful. Plus, the BSC girls aren’t really supportive and don’t care about her seventh-grade social life. Claudia and Mark kiss, and the girls flip out because he’s so immature and Claudia hates him and he’s, you know, not in the eighth grade. Claudia finally tells them all to shut up because she’s no longer in the eighth grade either.
The dance goes fine, but Claudia and Mark never talk about their kiss. She talks to her seventh-grade friends about it, including Josh, who clearly has a crush on her that she’s clearly oblivious to. And then she totally friendzones him! Anyway, Claudia and Mark have to dance to the official seventh-grade song, and they kiss again, so apparently that means they’re dating, even though they never talked about their feelings for each other or anything. Yay, middle school!
The B-plot is familiar: Sean Addison is ten and thinks he’s too old for a sitter (shades of Jeff Schafer and the Pike triplets). But he’s clearly not mature enough to watch his sister while their parents are out. The BSC girls try to give him freedom while they’re sitting, but he doesn’t quite follow the rules. One day he tells his parents there are no sitters available to watch him, so he’ll have to stay by himself. He tries to wash the dishes but uses the wrong kind of soap. Stacey comes to his rescue and tells him he’s not doing a great job of proving that he’s responsible. This is obviously a problem between Sean and his parents, but that family’s all kinds of messed up, so I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s never any conclusion there.
Thoughts: Everyone in this book is annoying. Shut up, everyone. I mean, seriously:
- Kristy acts like Claudia’s still an eighth-grader who just happens to be taking different classes. She thinks Claudia being the queen doesn’t mean anything even though Claudia thinks it’s an honor. She also chastises Claudia for letting her seventh-grade friends leave messages on her answering machine, since it’s the club’s line. (Watch yourself, Kristy. Claudia only lets you all use her phone out of the kindness of her heart.)
- Stacey keeps calling Claudia’s seventh-grade friends immature.
- Abby refers to Josh as “the little one.” I mean, I don’t like him either, but come on.
- Mark is, like I said, a typical seventh-grade boy, and what’s more annoying than that?
- Josh is the tagalong kid brother you just can’t shake. In some ways, he’s more annoying than Mark.
- Sean is a total brat to his sister, which is definitely not the way to get your parents to back off.
It just made me hate the whole book.
There’s a girl in the seventh-grade named Duryan. What kind of name is Duryan?
The prom is publicized all over town, which is stupid since it’s only open to SMS seventh-graders.
Claudia thinking one kiss is nothing but two means a relationship might be the most 13-year-old thing about her.
June 19, 2012
Summary: Donna and Brenda are putting up ads for West Beverly’s senior prom, which Donna finds bittersweet. Brenda isn’t sure she’s going to go, but Donna tells her she can’t miss it. Cathy Dennis is going to be there! (I have no idea who that is.) Brandon also isn’t that interested in going. Steve tells him all their friends should be there together, but even that doesn’t change Brandon’s mind. Steve tells him to just ask Andrea already.
Andrea tries to make peace between two Blaze writers, Howard and Toby (a girl), who Gil says remind him of her and Brandon. Brandon takes one last assignment reporting on a school board meeting. David invites Brenda to a pre-prom party at his dad’s, but she doesn’t want to go to it any more than she wants to go to the actual prom. David and Donna don’t get why she hasn’t been asked. He tells Donna he’s reserving them a room at the Bel Age so they can get it on, but she’s not as excited about it as he is.
Kelly and Dylan hang out at his place, not worrying too much about being on time for school. She suggests getting a room at the hotel after prom, but he wants to be more original. He suggests a weekend in San Francisco instead. Cindy looks through one of her high school yearbooks and Jim and Brandon tease her about the prom stories she’s told them through the years. Jim reveals that a guy he hung out with at his prom got high on pot and hallucinated all night. Cindy thinks Brandon should go to the prom on his own. He tells her he’s decided to ask Andrea after all.
Andrea winds up at the school board meeting with Brandon, noting that this is the last time they’ll be covering a story together. She’s upset that there’s an item discussed that wasn’t put on the agenda so there wouldn’t be any dissent. Someone wants a dress code, and unsurprisingly, Felice is on board. Andrea can’t keep her mouth shut and asks why the topic wasn’t on the agenda. No one cares what she thinks.
The next topic on the agenda is about the prom: Anyone found with liquor or drugs, or who is found intoxicated, will be suspended and not allowed to graduate. This is the one Brandon objects to. He shares the news with his friends at the Peach Pit, and Steve says that anyone who’s dumb enough to get caught drunk deserves whatever happens. David worries that sex will be outlawed next. Donna reveals that Felice wants to run for mayor. Brandon asks Andrea to the prom, but she’s already going with Jordan.
At home, Donna brings up Felice’s comments at the meeting and says she’s being too extreme. Felice decides not to get into it, instead just saying how proud she is of Donna. Donna says she’ll be spending the night at Kelly’s after prom, which Felice thinks is just an attempt to get out of missing curfew. She has no idea what Donna really has planned.
Brandon tries to get in on a prom-night poker game, but it’s off since Tony Miller wants to go to the dance after all. In fact, he wants to go with Brenda. Brenda is skeptical about the idea but accepts. Donna tells David she’s on board for his post-prom plans. Gil, who has convinced Dylan to visit Berkeley, tells his students about the alcohol/drug policy set out for prom. Andrea wonders who will be enforcing the policy.
Brenda buys her dress the day of the prom, but her parents are just glad she’s going. Jackie’s approved of Kelly’s weekend away with Dylan, noting that Kelly’s 18 so she can kind of do what she wants. Felice loans Donna (who hasn’t eaten all day) a cross necklace to wear to the dance. Mel brings out some champagne for a pre-prom toast as Brandon finds himself bored at the Peach Pit. Nat tells him he skipped his own prom since his date got sick. Brandon replies that at least Nat had a date. Just then Andrea calls – Jordan’s sick and she wants to go to the prom with Brandon.
Steve shows up at Mel’s with Celeste, who tells Kelly that Steve talks about her a lot. Everyone else arrives with their dates and badly curled hair, and champagne is drunk (except by Andrea and Dylan). Donna’s had a little too much, but no one notices. After Mel takes a picture, Steve grabs another bottle for the road. David and Donna are worried about the prom policy, but it doesn’t stop them from having some more.
The kids go to the Bel Age, where party favors include quarters (to call cabs in case of drunkenness) and condoms (for…you know). Cathy Dennis, whoever she is, sings. Brenda’s a little upset watching Dylan and Kelly together, but Tony wants to make sure she has a good time. As the night progresses, Donna is unable to hide her tipsiness, Kelly and Dylan can’t keep their hands off each other, and Tony shows that he shouldn’t dance in public.
Donna’s ready to make use of her and David’s room, but he’s noticed that she’s had too much to drink. She heads off to find a bathroom. Celeste tells Steve to dance with Kelly so they can make a nice memory together. Steve admits to Kelly that he always pictured the two of them together at their senior prom, but if she’s happy with Dylan, he’s happy for her. Kelly also approves of Celeste and thinks Steve deserves her. Steve asks her to name her first son after him.
Brenda winds up dancing with Dylan and tells him that she hopes the horrible year he’s had is “the worst [he'll] ever know.” They announce that they’re almost over each other. Kelly finds Donna in the bathroom and tells Brenda that she’s really drunk. Brandon decides to break his no-dancing rule with Andrea, though he only does it for about 20 seconds. Brenda and Kelly try to figure out how to get Donna out of the Bel Age without any chaperones realizing she’s been drinking.
Brandon shows Andrea a key Tony gave him and asks if she wants to see the room it goes to. Kelly asks David to collect Donna’s purse and Dylan so they can get Donna out of the hotel. Andrea notes the irony of her and Brandon winding up in a hotel room even though they’re the two people least likely to use it. She suggests that they take advantage of the surroundings, but the idea just makes them both laugh. Everyone else is in or around the bathroom, including Gil. The kids start to lead Donna out, but she collapses in front of Ms. Teasley, who can immediately tell that she’s drunk.
Thoughts: Howard is played by Shawn Levy, who’s better known as a director. He did the two Night at the Museum movies, Date Night, the upcoming The Watch, and, awesomely, a few episodes of The Secret World of Alex Mack.
Silly kids. You don’t drink before the prom, you drink afterwards. (Said by someone who didn’t do either.)
Felice giving Donna a cross as a prom accessory is awesome. I’m definitely doing that if I ever have a daughter.
Drunk Donna makes me happy.
Why, why, why would you give a hotel key to the brother of the girl you were obviously hoping to score with? Why not just wear a shirt that says, “Please beat me up”?
When Andrea and Brandon get to the hotel room, she opens what I guess is a piece of candy, but I swear I thought it was a condom.
This site has more pictures of the awesome prom fashions.
June 10, 2012
Summary: We already knew Claudia isn’t that bright, but now there’s proof: She’s doing horribly in eighth grade. (You’d think she’d be better at it since she’s done it five times, but whatever.) She agrees to get a tutor and try harder, but nothing helps, and no one thinks she’ll be able to catch up. Ultimately, Claudia’s sent back to the seventh grade. And she’s ticked.
At first, things actually go well. Claudia remembers a what of what she learned in seventh grade the first time, and she has an easier time learning new material. The other girls in the grade think she’s cool and try to copy her clothes. But the social aspects of the change get to her – she can’t go to the eighth-grade Halloween dance, and she doesn’t have anyone to sit with at lunch, since she doesn’t know anyone else in the seventh grade.
Claudia gradually gets more and more annoying about not liking being in the seventh grade. She accidentally insults Mallory and Jessi, since she believes anyone younger than an eighth-grader is immature, but doesn’t even realize it. Fortunately, she’s been taking an art class with a famous teacher who sees a ton of potential in her and awards her the grand prize in a class competition. The teacher confides that she was held back twice but has still accomplished a lot in her life. Claudia learns her lesson and starts adjusting to her new life.
The B-plot is all touchy-feely: Jackie Rodowsky is just getting out of the hospital, and he tells the BSC girls and their charges how much the kids still in the hospital would like some company. This leads the girls to start a Hospital Buddies program, pairing healthy kids with hospitalized kids for letter writing and visits. The healthy kids also voluntarily split their Halloween candy with the sick kids.
Thoughts: Claudia says she’s been tested and doesn’t have a learning disorder, but that can’t be true. At the very least, she has to have ADD.
Oh, ghostwriter. There can’t be two Halloweens.
“There wasn’t one person in that whole grade who even approached the level of coolness I’ve attained – and they all knew it.” Huh. Claudia’s kind of a bitca.
I wish they’d addressed Claudia’s snobbery more. If I were Mal or Jessi, I would have said something about her attitude toward sixth- and seventh-graders. And she’s never had a problem with hanging out with 11-year-olds before, so it’s especially surprising here.
May 24, 2012
Summary: Jessica learns about a surfing competition with a trip to Hawaii for a prize, and she decides she wants to enter, even though she sucks at surfing. She starts working at it, even getting up really early to go to the beach, and meets a guy named Christian Gorman who gives her some pointers. They fall in luuuuuuv, even though Jessica’s dating Ken.
Remember when SVH had that big rivalry with Big Mesa? Well, now they have a rivalry with Palisades High. The Palisades athletes are really mean to the SVH athletes during games, and then pound on Ken a little after a game, so a bunch of the guys from SVH (including Ken, Todd, and Bruce) decide to get revenge. This revenge involves painting something lame on Palisades’ football field. Then the Palisades guys get revenge by TPing and egging the SVH guys’ cars and houses. There’s all this talk about the Palisades guys having a gang, but if they do, it’s the worst, weakest gang ever. And there isn’t even any dancing or singing.
Elizabeth and Enid have befriended a couple of girls from Palisades, and they’ve decided to try to bring peace to the two schools. They start by writing newspaper articles about each other, which is both lame and pretty much ripped straight from “Home and Away.” The articles don’t work. Then a tennis player from Palisades hits Tom McKay with a ball during a game, and freaking John Pfeifer writes about it for the Oracle, and the SVH guys who have been leading the anti-Palisades crusade turn the article into propaganda. Oh, and those guys have been having guys’ nights out to solidify their anti-Palisades hate, which means Tom is not the gayest thing in this paragraph.
All of the plots come together with a school dance. Elizabeth, Enid, and the two Palisades girls organize an SVH/Palisades masquerade at a warehouse, hoping that having the students socialize together will fix everything. (Again, stolen straight from “Home and Away.”) Jessica thinks this will be a good opportunity for her to refocus on Ken, despite having declared her love for Christian just the previous day. Ken and his buddies, however, think the dance is a good opportunity to bust some Palisades skulls. (If you think that sounds like the end of “A Night to Remember,” you’re not the only one.)
Outside the warehouse, Ken, Bruce, Todd, Winston, Aaron, Ronnie, and some other guys take on the Palisades jerks. Elizabeth realizes all the guys are missing and probably planning something bad, so she calls the police. Jessica comes across the scene just as Ken is being pounded to a pulp…by Christian. Ruh-roh!
Thoughts: You know what would have made the “twist” at the end an actual twist? If the back of the book hadn’t said that Christian was the leader of the Palisades gang. And if the book hadn’t been called In Love With the Enemy.
Elizabeth brings salmon and brie on a picnic. Girl, be a teenager, would you?
Ken’s house and car get TPed and he’s upset about the waste of paper. I think he’s dating the wrong twin.
Dear teenage boys of Sweet Valley: Hanging out at Bruce’s house without girls is not a “guys’ night out.” It’s just a night at Bruce’s house without girls. For it to be a guys’ night out, you would have to actually go out.
Also, when planning revenge, wearing jean jackets doesn’t make you look intimidating. It makes you look exactly the opposite of intimidating.
Palisades High’s newspaper is called the Pentagon. Stupid.
March 11, 2012
Summary: Bessie’s altering Joey’s prom dress, though Joey thinks prom is a bad idea, considering what happened last year. Pacey asks her to pick up their tickets since he isn’t allowed to buy them due to his poor grades. He wants to make prom night perfect for Joey, who tells him he doesn’t have to go overboard. Then he accidentally rips her zipper.
Over at Jen’s, Tobey tells her and Jack about a past prom experience where he came out to his date and she tried to turn him (quite aggressively). After he leaves, Jen urges Jack to ask him to the prom since they’re getting along so well. She’s sure Tobey wants him to ask. Jack was burned too badly by last year’s drama and doesn’t want to lead Tobey on.
Jen and Gretchen try on dresses while Dawson and Jack try on tuxes. Gretchen is excited to revisit her high school years with Dawson before heading to Boston. Joey thinks Jen has been sad since they got back from New York, though Jen claims she feels good about her life. Jack warns Dawson to “be careful” if he and Gretchen decide to have sex on prom night. Joey confides in Jen about her pregnancy scare, adding that she feels like Pacey’s being hands-off.
Dawson and Gretchen run into each other and she tells him she didn’t get the job in Boston partly because she doesn’t have a college degree. Now she’s not sure what she’s going to do. Dawson tells her she can skip prom, but she wants him to have a good experience. Jen tells Tobey that Jack wants to ask him to the prom but is afraid of being rejected. Tobey doesn’t think Jack’s interested, so Jen says that Jack begged her to come talk to Tobey.
Joey and Pacey wind up alone at the B&B, but Pacey’s uninterested in taking advantage of the circumstances. Jack calls Jen, who scrambles to excuse her actions, noting that Jack set her and Henry up. Jack assures her that he’s not upset, though he was a little ticked when Tobey called and said his answer (to an unasked question) was yes. Jack has decided to enact revenge, in the form of telling Drue that Jen wants to go to the prom with him.
On prom night, Mitch and Gail take pictures of Dawson as he tells Lily that their parents may seem weird but they’re actually cool. Joey arrives and Dawson’s parents take pictures of the two of them together. Dawson tells her that he’s glad they’ve wound up where they are after the past year. Gretchen and Pacey meet their significant others, but Pacey feels bad because he didn’t refrigerate the corsages. Dawson takes flowers from Gail’s garden instead.
As Drue joins the others at the Leerys’ house, Jack nervously picks up Tobey. When they get to the Leerys’, Jen complains to Jack about Drue, but he tells her she should have thought about the consequences of her actions ahead of time. Both of them announce that they’re going to have fun tonight no matter what. Jen gives herself a little liquid courage to help with that. Pacey also promises Joey a good night. Then the kids’ limo (arranged by Pacey) arrives, but it’s a piece of junk.
The kids stop at a convenience store, where Drue tries to get Gretchen to buy some alcohol. Jack and Tobey realize they both love Sno-Balls. Jen offers Pacey some booze, but Pacey tells her his dad and brother will make him take a breathalyzer later. He thinks she’s drinking because of Drue; she says she has other things to worry about. Pacey doesn’t get how their friends can be so care-free when their future plans aren’t going to work out. Inside, Joey catches Dawson buying condoms.
Everyone heads to the boat where prom is being held, and Dawson jokes that if anyone questions why Gretchen’s there, she can say she’s a chaperone. Jen snaps at Drue for following her, and he tells her Jack gave him $50 to stalk her all night. Jack and Tobey talk about their exes, and Jack is clearly loosening up.
Speaking of loosening up, that’s what Joey tries to get Pacey to do, since she thinks something’s wrong. He denies this, though she’s noticed that he’s been pretending everything’s perfect since he got back from his “camping trip.” Pacey says he’s trying to be who Joey wants him to be so she can have the perfect prom experience. She reminds him that she hasn’t said anything about wanting things to be perfect. Pacey blasts her for getting mad whether he’s acting happy or unhappy.
Drue finds a drunk Jen on the deck and tries to take her booze. She sits on the railing and tells him she won’t confide in him because he doesn’t care. Drue encourages her to talk, so she tells him about her visit to New York. He’s worried about her sitting on the railing but can’t convince her to come down.
Gretchen goes outside so Dawson can talk to Joey, who’s upset about her argument with Pacey. Joey insists she’s fine and doesn’t want to talk, especially about the condoms. Dawson admits that he and Gretchen haven’t had sex but might tonight. Joey asks if he’s in love with her. Dawson only knows that it “feels right.” Joey’s glad that his first time is going to be with Gretchen. Dawson says he waited so long because he wanted to find someone he loved as much as Joey, then realized that wouldn’t happen. Joey says she’ll probably never love anyone the way she loved him either.
Pacey finds Gretchen trying to drown her sorrows; she’s upset because she graduated high school four years ago and is still at the prom. For the first time since she and Dawson got together, she feels too old to be doing what she’s doing. Pacey says that since he’s technically still a junior, he shouldn’t be there. He admits that he’s been angry with Joey, though he’s not sure why. Gretchen urges him to talk to her, noting that they’re trapped on a boat together, so he might as well try.
Tobey wants to dance with Jack, but Jack’s insistent that everything remain platonic. Tobey thinks he’s trying to fight his feelings, telling Jack to figure things out or risk losing something great. Pacey and Gretchen see Joey and Dawson dancing together comfortably, so of course there’s going to be drama about that.
When the song’s over, Pacey tells Joey that when she was with Dawson, she looked happier than she has in weeks. The problem is that Pacey didn’t feel angry or jealous – in fact, he didn’t feel anything. He just has one question: “Why are you with me?” Pacey feels like a charity project. Joey tries to tell him that it’s not about him, but he yells that it obviously is. He feels inferior when he’s with her, but he’s realizing that that’s not his fault.
Pacey rants that the whole evening almost collapsed because he screwed up. Joey says again that she didn’t ask for anything and doesn’t care about the problems. He yells that he wants her to care. He doesn’t feel like he’s trapped on the boat, but that he’s trapped in their relationship, and he can’t take it anymore. “When I’m with you, I feel like I’m nothing!” he says. Pacey has stopped touching her because it reminds him that he’s not good enough. Joey tells him to go to hell.
Drue keeps trying to get Jen down from the railing, but she still refuses. She almost pulls an Abby, but he catches her and pulls her back onto the deck. Joey cries to Dawson that she doesn’t know why Pacey said what he did since that’s not her. Drue thinks Jen should go back to New York since she’s become a lightweight. She doesn’t want to go back, and she feels like she’s changed but doesn’t want to admit it. Drue tells her not to go backwards when she can go forward. He suggests Boston for college since he’s going to be there.
Jack apologizes to Tobey, admitting that his feelings took him by surprise. When they first met, Tobey was so out that it was all Jack could see about him. Now he’s seen more, and the one thing that turned him off before is just another thing Jack likes about him. They kiss, then go dance.
Dawson finally gets back to Gretchen, who has figured out what she needs to do with her life: go back to college and figure out who she is. Capeside isn’t her place, and Dawson isn’t for her. He’s still chasing after Joey. They need to tie up their loose ends. Dawson isn’t ready for them to be over, but Gretchen says they have an “impossible situation.” He may be good at them, but she’s not.
Pacey tracks down Joey and tells her that he used to think he could give her what other people couldn’t: a wall, a summer on his boat, the night on the ski trip. Now he hates himself, and being with her makes it worse. The more Joey loves him, the angrier he gets. Pacey’s failures don’t have anything to do with her, but if they stay together, he’ll keep taking them out on her. Joey notes that the way he treats her is in his power.
Pacey continues that their senior year is basically over, and they’re different people on different paths. They won’t have a boat trip this summer. Soon one of them will be in Boston while the other stays in Capeside. Joey’s spent her whole life trying to get out of Capeside, but that’s who Pacey is, and she deserves better. She doesn’t like this reasoning and tells him to leave her alone.
As the limo takes the kids home, Jack offers Drue his agreed-upon dating fee, but Drue declines it. No one’s talking to anyone else. The driver asks if they want to go to an after-party, but no one responds.
Thoughts: Yeah, I bet Gail lost the baby weight that fast.
I like Joey’s prom dress. It’s kind of simple, but it makes sense that she wouldn’t want anything too flashy. And I love that shade of purple.
Drue: “Oh, cool, a baby. Can I hold it?” Dawson, Joey, Mitch, Gail, Gretchen: “No.” An easy joke, but I laughed.
I can’t believe none of the girls got her hair done. Maybe there wasn’t enough money in the budget for a hairstylist?
This episode aired in May, but you can see everyone’s breath. Couldn’t they have edited that out in post-production? Maybe they still didn’t have enough money even after not paying hairstylists.
No way would Jen not have been searched for alcohol before getting on the boat, after what she pulled on the ski trip.
March 10, 2012
Summary: After some random football-game footage, Brandon attempts to write an editorial for the Blaze while he flashes back to a post-game party at the Peach Pit. (He narrates the episode, which is really annoying.) There’s some exposition that Brenda has agreed to head up a committee to organize a school dance (the Pigskin Prom) that will give proceeds to kids. Donna thinks Sue is coming on to David, but Kelly thinks he sees her as a little sister.
Brandon’s hanging out with some football players, including Tony and Kyle, talking about their future game against a tough school called Shaw. There was some violent incident at Shaw after the game, but Brandon doesn’t really think about it. The next morning, Jim tells Brandon that two spectators were shot and killed at Shaw the night before. He thinks the Shaw/West Beverly game will be canceled.
At school, Brandon, Tony, and Kyle discuss the incident with another player, who disagrees with Tony that the violence was related to race. Football practice is canceled so the coach can go to an emergency school board meeting. Brenda auditions bands for the dance, but she has no control over the situation. Donna tells her to just hire David to DJ. Kelly’s excited because her father called the night before and has promised to come to town that weekend. That means she has to leave the dance committee since she won’t be attending the dance.
Brandon follows Coach Chapman and Ms. Teasley to the school board meeting, but only learns that a decision to cancel the game won’t be made until Monday. Brandon meets a Shaw student named Jordan Bonner who thinks the game dramatics are ridiculous; the violence had nothing to do with West Beverly. He assures Brandon that the West Beverly students have nothing to worry about. He also calls Brandon out for pretending he knows anything about gang violence. Jordan predicts that the game will be canceled, and he’s right.
Andrea and Gil interrupt Brandon’s narration/writing to see how his editorial is coming. He asks for 45 more minutes, since that’s how much time is left in the episode. But after Gil leaves, Brandon admits to Andrea that he needs more time. Apparently 15 extra minutes are enough. David books the Pigskin Prom, but Sue’s tagging along, and Donna isn’t happy about it. She lets it slip that she influenced Brenda’s decision to allow him to DJ. David assures her that Sue isn’t a problem.
Andrea checks on Brandon again, and he tells her he’ll take his time and lay the paper out himself. She warns him not to sneak in any swear words. Brandon goes back to narrating as he calls Jordan to talk about some super-secret plan. Kelly’s still on a high from the news that her father’s coming to town. Brandon thinks Brenda should cancel the dance since the game was also canceled. Donna suggests that they move the game to West Beverly, but Brandon thinks that will bring the violence there. Nikki decides to stay in the neutral zone, which is the smartest decision she’s ever made.
The phrase “neutral zone” gives Brandon an idea, and he drives to another part of town while thinking of Henry, whose store was trashed during the L.A. riots. Brandon visits Shaw, where students have to walk through metal detectors, and meets up with Jordan. He wants to ask the school board to move the game to a neutral location. Jordan sarcastically suggests Switzerland. He says if the game is played anywhere but Shaw, the gangs will win. They need to take a stand and let everyone know that Shaw students aren’t afraid.
Jordan is also a writer and has written an editorial about the past few days’ events. This gives Brandon another idea. He goes with Jordan to the locker that belonged to one of the dead students, who was a friend of Jordan’s. Brandon asks if the student was in a gang, but Jordan says it doesn’t matter. He’s mad that Brandon is only focusing on the game when two people are dead. He thinks Brandon should write a eulogy for the game. Jordan has already written one for his friends, and he and Brandon will publish both articles in both schools’ papers.
Brandon heads back to West Beverly with Jordan’s editorial, which Gil and Andrea balk at. They think it’s racist and inflammatory, not least because Jordan basically calls Coach Chapman a Nazi. Brandon thinks this is the best article they’ll get on the two dead students. Andrea says it’s too long, as if that’s the only problem. Gil says Brandon can write his own editorial, but they can’t publish Jordan’s in the Blaze.
Brandon goes back to his article, slamming everyone for focusing on the game and dance rather than the dead students. He wants everyone to “join together to form one circle.” His editorial is a call to arms. Jordan stops by with his editorial, which Brandon has already planned to print behind Andrea and Gil’s backs. Jordan calls him naïve, saying the first editorial was just his way of getting through his anger: “This is me getting through.” The new version is only two paragraphs, but they’re well-written. Brandon gives his editorial to Jordan, who’s skeptical about the call to arms.
The next day, Brenda blasts Brandon for inviting the Shaw students to the Pigskin Prom. She thinks the dance is going to be canceled. Everyone else is also mad at Brandon, including Gil and Ms. Teasley. Andrea feels betrayed, but Brandon doesn’t care. Gil has covered for Brandon, having told Ms. Teasley that some copy “fell through the cracks.” Andrea’s mad since her name has been on the masthead longer than theirs.
Gil tells Brandon he knows how much of a concession he made to change Jordan’s editorial. Brandon says he didn’t change anything. He wants to break the West Beverly students out of their sheltered existence and make them care. Gil also has to meet with Ms. Teasley about the dance, as he’s the faculty advisor. Dylan’s on Brandon’s side, telling Brenda that he likes what Jordan wrote. Brenda thinks they should go to dinner with Kelly and her father if the dance is canceled, but Dylan doesn’t think Mr. Taylor is going to show.
Steve and Donna confront Brandon over the possibility of the dance being canceled and David not getting to show his stuff to some record-label guys. Brandon meets with Ms. Teasley, who thinks that the school has no choice but to cancel the dance. Brandon argues that the Shaw students aren’t that different from the West Beverly students. She says it’s about violence, not race. Brandon asks if Shaw students would have been allowed at West Beverly before the shootings (which is a pretty gutsy thing to imply toward a black woman).
Brenda, Kelly, and Donna go shopping as Brenda relays the information that the Shaw students have been okayed to come to the dance. Donna’s still upset about Sue hanging around David. Brenda asks Kelly if she’s sure her father’s going to show, but Kelly thinks she’s being judgmental. “If you don’t know anything about something, maybe you should just shut up,” she says. David and Kelly both get ready for their respective events that night, though Mr. Taylor is running late. They wish each other luck.
Jim and Cindy aren’t happy with Brandon’s recent behavior, especially visiting Shaw on his own. He notes that they can’t keep him locked up in the house. Brenda’s going to the dance alone, since Dylan won’t be attending. Jordan calls to tell Brandon that a bunch of Shaw students are heading to the dance, but they’ve been drinking. David does the world’s dorkiest mic check with his new band and gets a lot of screaming praise from Sue, who Steve calls “user-friendly.”
Brandon, Brenda, and Nikki run in to warn Gil about the drunk students. “Guess who’s coming to dinner,” Nikki tells Steve and Donna. Security is a little too observant and almost won’t let Jordan in. Jordan thinks they should get some metal detectors. David’s equally worried about the Shaw students crashing and about Sue, asking Steve to get rid of her. He should be more worried about Sue than Shaw, as she totally wants to do him. David finally tells her that hooking up would be “incestuous.” She tells him he doesn’t know what he’s missing.
Tony and Kyle are ready to take on any crashers, though Brandon notes that security will handle them. Gil finally shows up and gets the scoop from Brandon. Meanwhile, Dylan decides to spend the evening alone at the Peach Pit, but Kelly’s there, having been ditched by her father. She admits that the last time this happened, she and some guy got high together, and her mother was so high herself that she didn’t know Kelly was gone. Dylan tells her that some people do change, then encourages her to go to the dance. She doesn’t know where to laugh or cry; he says no one does.
Security tries to keep the Shaw students out, even the ones who are there because of Brandon’s article, not to crash. However, those students warn Jordan that the West Beverly kids aren’t his friends. Everyone stays separated like it’s West Side Story, and Brandon tries to keep things calm. Then a fight breaks out, but it’s between Tony and one of the West Beverly players, who’s mistaken for a Shaw student since he’s black. They say they were just messing around as they always do.
Nikki and Donna try to break the tension by asking Shaw students to dance. Soon students from both schools are dancing together. And then David raps. A Shaw student joins him, though really the only appropriate response in this situation is to laugh and throw things at the white kid. There’s some Electric Sliding and general merriment, then slow dancing. David assures Donna that Sue isn’t going to be an issue.
Jordan tells Brandon that his friends who were killed would have liked being at the dance, though Brandon would have ticked them off. They watch the football players from their respective teams hang out, and Brandon suggests a friendly game in a park the next day. Jordan says no one could have predicted this outcome, but Brandon thinks anyone could have.
Thoughts: Jordan is Brandon if Brandon were successful. I think I love him.
Funny how Brandon thinks he and Jordan solved racism or whatever in this episode, when it’s really Nikki.
Andrea, I don’t think Brandon even knows any swear words.
Also, Nice Laura Ashley jumpsuit, Andrea. You’ve completely given up trying, haven’t you?
Steve: “I hooked him up with a band, didn’t I?” Donna: “I thought David found him.” Steve: “I was in the room when he called.” Don’t tell anyone, but Steve is secretly my favorite.
Donna: “I really wish someone would dance.” David: (dorky dances moves). Thanks a lot, Donna.
When David raps, I, like Kelly, don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
You know the recent revelation that Brian Austin Green won’t let Megan Fox watch this show? I think he had this episode in mind when he made that rule.