May 6, 2013
Summary: Julia hangs out with Griffin (gray shirt) while he works on his motorcycle, then invites him to family dinner. He declines, and she decides to stay with him. Everyone else is at the restaurant, where Joe clearly isn’t feeling well. He insists he’s fine until he collapses. He winds up in the hospital, but just as Charlie’s calling to check on him the next morning, Joe arrives at the house, doing much better. It’s just congestive heart…something. (Joe, the third word is probably “failure.”)
At school, Bailey runs into Sarah (literally), and she tries to laugh off what she told him at the engagement party. He agrees to put the whole embarrassment behind them. Bailey’s dropped out of the election, citing being too busy to serve in student government, especially since he’s back on the football team. Julia tells Nina and her new way-too-old-for-her haircut how hard it is to see Justin at school every day. Nina gives her condoms, noting that her new boyfriend has had sex and will expect it again.
Charlie wants to take Kirsten to a nice lunch, since he just made some money on a painting job, but she wants to go to the family’s restaurant and check on Joe. Charlie thinks she’s being overdramatic about his health problems. She thinks everyone else is being unrealistic. He’ll need someone to help run the restaurant. She means Charlie, but he thinks she’s overreacting and that Joe will be fine by Christmas.
Julia and Griffin (gray shirt) hang out at the coffeehouse, and he teases her about doing a sex quiz in Sassy. She panics about the topic of conversation and runs off. At football practice, Bailey hits a teammate, Andy, so hard that he flips him. Andy hits the ground hard and says he can’t move. Bailey spends the night at the hospital, where he’s joined by Claudia and Charlie in the morning. They learn that Andy has a spinal injury and might not walk again.
Griffin (rust shirt) and Julia meet up and she notices that he got a tattoo. He thinks she should get one, too, though it looks like he just wants an excuse to touch her. Bailey goes to football practice, where the coach says the players get to decide whether they play the next day. Everyone elects to play. The coach tells Bailey he doesn’t have to practice, but Bailey wants to. He spends the whole time taking hits until Will questions his state of mind.
Claudia busts Julia and Griffin making out, announcing she’s going to Ross’. No one else is home, so the lovebirds are alone. Julia quickly suggests that they go out, but Griffin’s tired and wants to stay in. Charlie finds a weak Joe out behind the restaurant and finally gets him to admit that he’s sick. He signed himself out of the hospital early because he doesn’t want to deal with his health problems. He feels young mentally, and now is forced to admit that he feels old physically. Charlie announces that he’ll take over running the restaurant.
Julia practices telling Griffin she’s not ready for sex, but when she goes back to her bedroom, he’s already half naked. (The top half, rendering the Griffin Shirt Watch moot.) But he doesn’t want to have sex – he wants to sleep. Sarah finds Bailey at the football field, and he tells her he’s struggling to get past injuring Andy. She reminds him that it was an accident, but he doesn’t think it matters. He also thinks he deserves worse injuries than he sustained in practice. Sarah kisses one of his bruises, and before long, they’re making out.
Charlie learns in the middle of the night that running a restaurant is a more involved job than he expected. He’s so busy taking calls from Joe that he almost doesn’t notice that Griffin spent the night. He blasts Julia for having sex, but she assures him that they only slept together. No, literally slept. Yeah, in the same bed, but still. Sarah calls for Bailey, but he makes Claudia tell her he’s not there. Charlie announces that Julia’s not having sex in the house, or anywhere else. “Exactly,” she says.
Bailey goes back to the hospital and meets Andy’s mother, who’s outside his room so he doesn’t see her cry. But the tears are happy ones – he’s going to be okay. He’s also in a great mood when Bailey visits, and has no hard feelings about what happened. Andy knew when he started playing football that anyone could get hurt. He tells Bailey that he was lucky, because if the injury had been an eighth of an inch higher, he wouldn’t be in such a good mood.
Joe goes by the Salingers’ house to talk to Charlie about some lunch receipts. Charlie takes offense that Joe’s second-guessing his work. But it turns out it’s a good thing he did, because Charlie did the math wrong. Charlie blasts Joe for climbing a bunch of stairs to talk about $14. Joe says he’s trying to help, but Charlie thinks he’s having trouble letting go of the only thing he has in his life. Bailey’s coach puts him in the game that night, but Bailey freezes and can’t make himself get off the bench.
Griffin (blue shirt, I think – it’s too dark to tell) and Julia sneak into a junkyard so he can get something for his motorcycle. She decides to bring up sex, asking if he wants to sleep with her: “Don’t you want me?” He doesn’t know how to respond. Sarah goes to the Salingers’ to yell at Bailey for ignoring her call and not telling her Andy was okay. She asks why he’s such a jerk. (Well, Sarah, he’s kind of having a bad year.) Sarah says that she’s never gone so far with anyone, and now she feels stupid. All Bailey can think to say is sorry.
Bailey continues that he couldn’t bring himself to play in the game. Sarah asks if he just turns his back on everything. He tells her that he went to the hospital the night Andy was hurt, and when he saw Andy’s mom, he felt like he’d taken something from her. He knew how she felt because someone took something from him, too. Bailey didn’t know how to make it up to her or change what had happened. He knows how close he came to killing Andy, and he’s scared that he’s capable of doing something so terrible.
In the morning, Charlie tries to talk to Bailey about the game, but Bailey thinks he’s in for more criticism. Charlie tells him that he’s taking over the restaurant (Bailey didn’t know), though he’s not completely sure that’s what he wants. He felt like he needed to take the chance. Charlie then goes to the restaurant and apologizes to Joe, who’s packing up his things. Charlie invites him to come by for dinner whenever he wants. Joe gives him a couple of last-minute pieces of information, but they’re on much better terms now.
Griffin (blue shirt) goes to the Salingers’ (but won’t go inside) to tell Julia that if they had sex, it would be a big deal, and he’s “not into big deals,” so they shouldn’t do it. Then he invites her for a ride on his motorcycle. Charlie has to stay late at the restaurant, but Kirsten thinks he knows what he’s doing after watching his father and Joe run things for so long. Charlie says that his dad and Joe would stay late to hang out and tell stories; the restaurant wasn’t their job, it was their life. Kirsten guesses that Charlie’s afraid he’ll come to see the restaurant the same way. He says he’s only scared that he won’t be as good as his father was.
Bailey waits for Sarah at her apartment building, and when she comes home, she tells him she kept wanting to call and apologize for being mad at him. She doesn’t like that she thinks he’s entitled to feel bad but he’s not. She feels pathetic for wanting their kiss to mean more to him. Sarah says she won’t apologize, and she won’t let him say he wants to try to make her feel better. Bailey takes her hand, which distracts her from her rant. She ends up telling him that everything will be okay.
Thoughts: Charlie finally made a good, grown-up decision! Running the restaurant is a much better job for him than his regular odd jobs, considering how many people he has to support.
I’d totally forgotten Bailey played football until this episode.
Hey, Charlie, while you’re making rules about sex, maybe you should make some about motorcycle riding.
Yeah, Sarah, no one blames you for being unable to stay mad at that face for very long.
April 14, 2013
Summary: Claudia and Artie are at a convenience store, debating what kind of junk food to get. A man comes in, pulls a gun on the cashier, and robs him. The kids hide and stay quiet but see the whole thing. At the restaurant, Charlie’s coworker/old college friend Dudley complains to him about his ex/neighbor, who just moved out of her apartment. Charlie wants to move in. Kirsten calls and Dudley flirts with her, because he’s that guy.
A police officer talks to Claudia and Artie at the Salingers’ house, but neither kid can agree on a description of the robber. Artie’s a little too excited about being involved in a police investigation. At school, Jill tells Bailey that she’s helping to run a dance marathon. He thinks it’ll be too much for her to handle so soon after she’s started rehab. Jill notes that her doctor says it would be good for her to get involved in school activities.
Julia tries to convince Justin to do the marathon with her, realizing that they’ve never danced together. She also realizes that it’s because he can’t dance. Bailey and Jill hang out, and he again says that he thinks she’s doing too much by helping with the marathon. He makes the good point that it’s probably not the best idea for her to stay awake for 36 hours. Jill accuses him of being unsupportive. He wants to make things up to her with sex, but Jill’s doctor has advised her to stop using sex to solve her problems.
Justin and Julia practice dancing in the Salingers’ backyard, and he makes a move toward getting her naked. Charlie and Kirsten look at an apartment, though she thinks it’s a bad idea for him to move out. He thinks the kids can take care of themselves, and he’ll look in on them every day. He starts packing at home, making Claudia sad. The police want Claudia to come look at someone in a lineup, but Charlie has Bailey take her, because he can’t be bothered. The lineup doesn’t produce the culprit.
Bailey then heads to the marathon and helps out, since Jill doesn’t have all of the details nailed down. Julia and Justin flirt and goof around before things start, then spend the dancing hours kissing. Charlie and Kirsten go to a party at Dudley’s, boring me. Back at the marathon, Will has a great time with his date, a cheerleader Bailey didn’t think he’d be able to get to go with him. Jill gets in trouble because someone spiked the punchbowl, but Bailey takes the blame. She doesn’t appreciate it.
The dancers get a five-minute break, and Justin gives Julia his wallet so they can get some food. She finds a condom inside. Dudley invites Charlie and Kirsten out on a houseboat trip, which Kirsten is extremely unexcited about. Charlie wants to go, despite the fact that sailing and drinking for three days isn’t his kind of thing. Kirsten wants to leave the party, but Charlie won’t leave with her.
Alone at home, Claudia has a nightmare. When Charlie gets back, she’s in his bed with Kirsten. Kirsten chastise Charlie for staying out so late; he grumps that she should have stayed, but she’s glad she was home to comfort Claudia. Charlie thinks he can have an active social life while still looking after his siblings. His solution to Claudia’s angst is to get a new lock for the front door and bolt the windows.
Artie shows up to announce that the robber was caught. He’s disappointed because there won’t be a trial, so he won’t get to testify. Claudia’s just relieved that the robber is behind bars. Julia congratulates Jill on a successful marathon, then asks how many guys she thinks carry condoms in their wallets. “How many guys do you think are having sex?” Jill replies. (All of them, Julia. All of them.)
Will and his dance partner get disqualified for making out instead of dancing. “My tongue was moving! That counts!” he argues. Bailey remarks to a chaperone that the marathon is starting to remind him of a movie he once saw: Carrie. It’s hour 18, and Jill is starting to fall apart. The chaperone suggests that they end the marathon at 24 hours instead of 36. Julia’s starting to get uncomfortable being with Justin, and she suggests that they quit. He doesn’t get what’s wrong with her.
At hour 23, Bailey tries to convince Jill to end the marathon early. She refuses, accusing Bailey of waiting all night for her to screw things up. No matter how things turn out, she wants to be able to say she ran everything. Charlie and Dudley do shots at the restaurant, toasting a lost weekend they once had together. Charlie remembers it less favorably than Dudley does, since they got so drunk that they missed a gig. Claudia has another nightmare – every room in the house is empty, and she can hear Charlie talking but can’t find him.
Charlie spends the night on a couch in his new apartment, oversleeping and forgetting to open the restaurant early for a produce delivery. Julia drops by, noting that he’s officially moved out of the house. She tells him she’ll miss having him around; things weren’t perfect, but they were getting better. Charlie assures her that she can come to him anytime she needs something. Julia takes the opportunity to ask about sex.
Jill skipped school, so Bailey goes to her house and confronts her for being difficult. She tells him that if she’s going to quit using drugs, she needs to feel like she can accomplish things without his help. In other words, if she has a flat tire, she won’t let him change it for her, but she’d like for him to teach her how to do it. Bailey will take that.
Claudia is sent home from school after falling asleep in class and hitting her head on her desk. She tells Charlie about her nightmares, and he’s surprised to hear that they’re not about the robbery. Justin tracks down Julia at the school pool (um, okay then) and tells her he figured out that she’s upset because she found his condom. She says that she cares about him but isn’t quite ready to have sex. He tells her he only has it so he’s prepared; he doesn’t want to rush anything. Right now, he’s getting enough intimacy from their makeout sessions. Then they go skinny-dipping.
Kirsten meets Charlie at the new apartment, telling him she had a debate with herself over whether to get him a painting. If she did, she would be supporting his decision to move; if she didn’t, she would be saying she wasn’t on his side. Ultimately, she got the painting, but Charlie tells her to put it in his truck. He’s realized that he’s already had the life of a single partier, and he doesn’t like that guy anymore. A year ago, no one needed him, and he felt lucky. Now, he just wants to go home.
Thoughts: How in the world did Charlie plan to explain his new living situation to social services?
That robber is an idiot. Pulling a gun in broad daylight without wearing a mask or looking to make sure there were no witnesses? That’s just asking to get busted.
A 36-hour marathon? Yikes. Even the one on Gilmore Girls was only 24 hours.
Justin, the best place to try to get your girlfriend named is probably not in her backyard while other people are home.
Once again, I don’t get why Julia doesn’t go to Kirsten when she has personal problems or questions. I don’t care if I had a gun to my head – I still wouldn’t ask any of my brothers for sex advice.
Owen’s not in this episode, and given the level of responsibility his siblings have been showing, I’m a little worried about him.
April 7, 2013
Summary: Ray has had another successful set at the After Dark, so he and Donna celebrate by making out at his place. He invites her to spend the night, and they end up in bed, just about to trade in Donna’s V card. She puts the brakes on at the last minute. Brandon tries to contact Kelly at the mansion that’s now serving as Finley’s headquarters, but she doesn’t want to talk to him. Finley uses cult buzzwords to make her take Brandon’s call, where she herself uses cult buzzwords. Kelly’s flaking out on a sorority event she organized, and Brandon’s mad.
The event is a Valentine’s-themed telethon for a pediatric heart fund. Brandon and Donna kick things off with a lot of making out, for some reason. (Donna’s subbing for Kelly.) Meanwhile, Valerie’s moving out of the Walshes’ house and into a luxury hotel called the Bellamy so she can enjoy everything her newfound wealth can bring. Cindy’s upset and wants Jim to talk to her, but Jim thinks it’s pointless. He also thinks she’ll be back in two weeks, having spent everything.
Steve tells David, Clare, and Donna (who are running and airing the telethon) that he booked the band Jade for them. Brandon talks to Nat about Finley, and Nat becomes the first person to call him a cult leader. One of his former waitresses had a sister who died in Jonesboro. Brandon doesn’t think Kelly’s in that much danger, but Nat tells him that’s what his waitress said.
LuAnn’s back from her cruise and very grateful to Donna for financing the trip. Ray confides that he’s having trouble keeping it in his pants while dating a virgin. LuAnn warns him not to screw up the relationship. “Whatever you do, just be discreet,” she advises. Dylan visits Valerie in her new home, having been contacted by a panicking Cindy. He thinks Val will get lonely (and he would know, since he used to live in a hotel). He regrets getting her involved with Jonesy.
Brandon goes to the Finley compound, and Finley tells Kelly to talk to him since right now she’s acting like a tease. She needs to deal with Brandon so she can “start the next phase of [her] life.” Kelly tells Brandon that he won’t understand what she’s doing if he’s not ready to evolve. Finley has helped her realize that she’s a different person than she thought she was. Kelly starts to give a break-up speech, but Brandon doesn’t want her to go through with it. He tries to get her to admit that she still loves him. She says she can’t deny it.
Andrea and Jesse go to the movies, bickering about…whatever. They run into Peter and his wife, Adrienne, and things get super-awkward super-fast, especially when Adrienne suggests that they all sit together. Valerie stops by the telethon, mostly to see Ray. She ducks into his truck and pulls out the cigarette lighter. Brandon’s managed to get Kelly to come in and help answer phones. Valerie sees Dylan watching Kelly and taunts him. Donna asks Brandon how he got Kelly to come; he jokes that he threatened to dance on TV.
David brings out the cute kids to collect donations, and Dylan gives $100. Valerie offers $300, asking for Ray to perform. He sings that song he always sings. After the movie, Andrea, Jesse, Peter, and Adrienne hang out, so there’s more awkwardness. Andrea fantasizes about dancing with Peter a la Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. Ray tries to leave after his set, but his battery’s dead. Valerie follows him outside, offering to give him a “charge,” and not the kind that requires jumper cables.
The next morning, Kelly lies awake in Brandon’s bed, looking…culty. David and Clare are trying to stay awake for the rest of the telethon. Steve wants David to mention Jade again. Donna’s in a good mood, having gotten to sleep the night before, but when she tries to call Ray, LuAnn lies that he just left. He’s really at the Bellamy, having spent the night with Valerie. She doesn’t want him to feel guilty for cheating, and she makes it clear that she doesn’t want a relationship.
Kelly ditches Brandon at the apartment, and Clare is naïve enough to think she just went to get them breakfast. Steve goes to pick up Jade, but learns that the guy he thought he arranged their performance with isn’t their manager, he’s their laundry guy. He ends up chasing their limo, which turns out not to be their limo.
Brandon goes back to the compound and interrupts one of Finley’s “tutorials.” He threatens to call the police if Finley doesn’t tell him where Kelly is. Finley uses him as an example of an “unevolved rough beast.” Kelly arrives and Finley tells her to tell Brandon what she needs. She says Brandon’s holding her back and she can’t let him do so any longer. Brandon leaves while the cult minions applaud Kelly’s evolutionary step.
Ray comes to the telethon to see Donna and accidentally make Andrea jealous that they have a good relationship (supposedly). Peter calls, having seen Andrea on TV, and reveals that he had the same fantasy Andrea did. Steve shows up to break the news to Clare that he didn’t get Jade after all, but the group is already there. Everyone dances dorkily to their performance.
Ray gives Donna a necklace, pretending he was out getting it when she called. She wonders how he went to the jewelry store since his truck was at the After Dark. In fact, how did he get home last night? Valerie walks by and says they look cute together. Brandon tells Nat that he’s probably right about Finley being a cult leader – it seems like Kelly’s being brainwashed. Nat wonders who they can find to get through to her.
Jade hangs out with Steve while Donna spots Valerie and Ray talking. Brandon goes to Dylan’s house to ask him to talk to Kelly. Dylan doesn’t think Finley’s a threat; he says Brandon’s just upset because Kelly dumped him. Brandon thinks Kelly gave Finley her settlement from the fire. He asks Dylan again to talk to her, and this time Dylan agrees, making it clear it’s not for Brandon. Over at the compound, Finley leads his minions in a toast to Kelly for ending her relationship with an outsider. Kelly says it’s nice to be home.
Thoughts: How did Finley afford his compound? Even if each minion gave some money, there’s just no way. Even Val and Dylan couldn’t afford that place.
I guess my knowledge of ’90s music isn’t as extensive as I thought, sinve I’ve never heard of Jade.
Whoever wrote the script for the telethon shouldn’t quit his day job. Unless his day job is writing.
Ray: “This is dedicated to everyone with a heart.” So…everyone?
I’m 99% sure one of the men in the limo Steve chases is Aaron Spelling.
Remember when David had storylines? Me neither.
I’d question why Dylan wears a suit for the whole episode, but I guess I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.
March 9, 2013
Summary: Bailey’s moping over Kate, and Will isn’t very sympathetic. Team Will! A waitress at the coffeehouse where they’re hanging out sees that Bailey’s writing to Kate on an Alcatraz postcard and mentions that her uncle was there. As a cook, not a murderer. She flirts with Bailey, asking for a ride in his Jeep. Julia goes by Stage 18 and learns that it’s been shut down. Morgan’s liquor license has been suspended and he has to pay a fine for employing the underaged. (This wasn’t his first offense.)
Charlie helps Kirsten look for her watch and instead finds a plane ticket to Chicago. Bailey and Will spot the waitress, Jill, on their way home from school, and Bailey kicks Will out so he can give Jill a ride. Julia goes to Morgan’s place to apologize for lying about her age. She gives him some money to pay for the fine; I’m guessing she didn’t tell Charlie why she was taking money out of the family’s emergency fund. Morgan tells her it’s too late and kicks her out.
Charlie and Kirsten talk about her sister, Meg, who’s coming to visit soon. Kirsten figures out that Charlie found her plane ticket. She says Meg wants her to come home to Chicago, but she would only go to visit. Charlie doesn’t know why she would want to spend time with her family since they drive her crazy. He thinks she’s running away because she can’t have kids. Kirsten’s worried about screwing up her and Charlie’s friendship.
Bailey and Jill are still in his Jeep after dark, and she makes a move. He’s ready for sex but doesn’t have any protection, so they stop. The next day, Bailey kicks himself for not being prepared. He admits to Will that he’s not sure he’s ready. He was with Kate, but Jill isn’t Kate. Kirsten and Charlie have lunch with Meg, who thinks they’re just friends. Jill invites Bailey to her house, since no one will be home.
Claudia panics over something at home and Julia isn’t around, so she has to tell Bailey she just got her first period. This actually works out in his favor, because when he takes her to the store to buy pads, he can pick himself up some condoms. Julia goes back to Morgan’s place and pours out his alcohol. She gets herself kicked out again. Morgan’s understandably upset that he was unknowingly dating a 15-year-old, and is even more upset that Julia was playing games with him.
Charlie takes Kirsten back to the restaurant for a surprise romantic dinner, telling her he wants to be more than friends. He blurts out that he wants them to get married. Kirsten has a panic attack but lets him continue explaining himself. His logic is that her life is hectic right now, so they should make one thing certain. Meanwhile, Bailey, Jill, and Jill’s cute plaid bra have the least romantic foreplay ever. Back at the restaurant, Kirsten says yes to Charlie.
Claudia wants to skip school, but Charlie doesn’t think having her period is a valid excuse. Julia thinks it is. She tells their brothers that this is a big deal because Claudia’s becoming a woman. At school, Bailey tells Will that he had sex with Jill. He has mixed feelings about it since they barely know each other. Julia tells that bartender played by Doug Hutchison that she wants to make things better for Morgan, since she caused all his problems. The bartender doesn’t think she should get involved in Morgan’s issues. He’s not drinking because of her.
Back at home, Claudia asks Julia if everything in her life is going to continue to happen quickly. She doesn’t feel like she’s becoming a woman, since she still likes dolls and coloring. Julia admits that she also wishes she could freeze her current age and stay there. She lies that things get easier when you get older.
Over at Kirsten’s, she and Charlie tell Meg about their plans; Meg questions their decisions because of their history. (She knows about the cheating.) She notes that they haven’t had a stable relationship, and now Kirsten’s agreeing to stay with Charlie forever. Charlie blasts Meg for thinking she knows anything about him. Bailey goes to see Jill at work and tries to make small talk. She’d rather have sex in the empty coffeehouse. (That has to be a health-code violation.)
Charlie tries to convince Kirsten not to listen to what Meg said about their engagement. She says that she likes what Charlie has said, but she’s not sure it’ll all turn out that way. She doesn’t think they should get married. Charlie admits that he was surprised that Kirsten accepted his proposal, since it was so impulsive and out of the blue. However, he doesn’t think getting married would have been a mistake.
Jill invites Bailey over again, but this time he’s resistant since he doesn’t want to only have sex with her. He wants to sleep with her, but sex “feels like kinda nothing.” Just what every girl wants to hear. Jill tells him that her ex-boyfriend told her after they broke up that the thing he missed the most about her was the sex. She knows it’s one thing she can do that guys are interested in. Jill also notes that Bailey didn’t exactly mind, and even came back for more sex.
Julia stalks Morgan to a playground and tells him he can either let this turn of events ruin his life or he can move on. She hopes he chooses the option that has him taking care of himself. Bailey goes to the coffeehouse and asks Jill out on a regular date. Julia suggests that she and Claudia have a sleepover in her room, something she previously said she was too old for.
Kirsten comes over and reiterates that she can’t marry Charlie, but she also can’t go back to Chicago and she can’t stay where she is. Charlie suggests that he move into the Salingers’ house. “This isn’t the way things were meant to work out,” Kirsten says. He tells her things never work out the way you think they will, but that doesn’t mean they’re not meant to be. She follows him inside.
Thoughts: I’ve seen Megan Ward (Jill) in other things, and she’s very pretty, but the haircut she has here is doing her zero favors.
Meg is played by Leslie Hope (probably best known for 24).
It’s a Jeep, Jill. Keep your pants on.
Why did Bailey take Claudia to buy pads? Why not just look in Julia’s bathroom and take one of hers?
Jill, if your ex mostly misses having sex with you, I don’t think you should take it as a compliment.
I’m thinking a week in that house will make Kirsten change her mind about wanting kids.
March 3, 2013
Summary: Kirsten goes by the restaurant to see Charlie and ask him to dinner. Then she kisses him, so I guess she’s over him cheating on her. Bailey and Kate are going camping, though she’s lied to her parents about what she’s doing. Artie’s at the Salingers’ but bails on Claudia hours before he’s supposed to leave. At Stage 18, Julia flirts with Morgan, and we’re reminded that he thinks she’s in college. He asks her to drive for their upcoming date, so of course she says she can.
Julia shares her woes with Nina, who encourages to do what she needs to do to keep Morgan. Julia decides to take a cab and pretend her car’s in the shop. Nina advises that “men love mysterious women.” Claudia overhears this and decides to wear a scarf and sunglasses when she stalks Artie at an ice cream shop, since that’s what she considers “mysterious.” “Think of all the hidden depths of my character,” she says. “Do I have to?” he asks.
At Kate’s house, her annoying father criticizes her clothes, then gives her a letter that arrived for her and which he already opened. She was accepted at a boarding school in Connecticut. Bailey’s not happy. Julia and Morgan go out, and she learns that he’s a recovering alcoholic (so running a club is a really good career path for him). There’s kissing, and Morgan asks if they can go back to her place. She lies that she lives with a family she nannies for and can’t have visitors. Also, if he calls and someone other than Julia picks up, he should hang up.
Charlie meets Kirsten at her place, and after some small talk, they decide to skip dinner and go straight to dessert, if you know what I mean. The next morning, Charlie tries to be affectionate, but Kirsten is distant. Bailey goes to see Kate’s mother and asks her to change Mr. Bishop’s mind about boarding school. Mrs. Bishop says Kate’s on board – she’s the one who sent away for the applications.
Julia hasn’t heard from Morgan, so she asks Bill the nanny if he’s gotten any hang-up calls. He says the phone hasn’t rung all day. Nina warns that she’s losing her mysteriousness. She might as well just call Morgan, or even go to his place. He’ll love her for being unpredictable. Again, Claudia overhears and applies this to her life by joining Artie’s karate class.
Bailey and Kate have it out over boarding school, which she says isn’t about him. She applied while they were broken up. She wants to have a stable living arrangement and get away from her father. Plus, if she goes to this boarding school, she might get to go to Paris, which is so much better than hanging out with Bailey. Julia takes a picnic to Morgan’s place, but he resists her spontaneity and won’t let her in. Julia asks if someone’s there, and he says no.
Charlie tracks Kirsten down and confronts her for blowing him off; it’s obviously revenge for his cheating. She tells him it was just a hookup and she’s sorry if he thought they were getting back together. She hints that she wanted to be with him because she was lonely, then tells him she might be sick. Charlie takes Kirsten home as she explains that her gynecologist found a mass. She didn’t say anything the night before because she didn’t want pitying looks from him. He offers to stay with her, but she sends him away.
Julia shares her dating problems with Nina again, sure that Morgan’s seeing someone else. Nina tells her to think of it as a blessing in disguise since Morgan’s older. She notes that Julia didn’t make a big deal out of the relationship until she thought there was another woman – people always find other people attractive when they’re unattainable.
Guess what? Claudia hears this. She enlists Will to accompany her to the ice cream shop and pretend to be her boyfriend to make Artie jealous. Artie tells Claudia she’s not as much fun as she used to be, so he doesn’t want to practice music with her anymore. (That’s not a euphemism. They’re only 12.)
Morgan makes a surprise visit to the Salingers’, so Julia pretends Charlie’s the oldest son of the couple she nannies for. Morgan explains that he didn’t have another woman over, he had a girl over: his two-year-old daughter. He was afraid to tell Julia because he didn’t want her to dump him. Bailey’s all mopey over boarding school, so he tells Kate they can’t go camping after all. He picks a fight and she blasts him for ruining the little time they have left.
Charlie and Kirsten have dinner together, but she’s cranky and doesn’t appreciate his attempts to cheer her up. She also doesn’t appreciate his attempts at a makeout session. She decides he’s not the person she should have turned to for support. Charlie assures her that he can be just a friend instead of pressuring her for sex. Kirsten tells him her sister’s coming out to visit, so he can stop trying to take care of her.
Kate begs Bailey not to call off the camping trip since it’s their last chance to spend time together. He blasts her for always trying to get what she wants instead of thinking about him. (Pssst, Kate: He’s talking about sex.) She tells him they’ll have sex on the camping trip. At home, Bailey tries to ask Charlie for sex advice without either of them actually using the word “sex.” Charlie says he’ll know if the time is right to get things started. The actual sex is the easiest part of the process.
Claudia tries to call Artie, explaining to Julia that she tried all of Nina’s dating tips and nothing works. Julia says Artie’s mad that Claudia’s been messing with him. Claudia points out that Julia’s been messing with Morgan. She meets Artie outside his karate class and admits that she was trying to get his attention. She misses spending time with him now that he’s taking karate. Once Claudia says straight out that she wants to hang out more, Artie easily agrees.
Out in the woods, Bailey and Kate get to the sex, but he realizes she doesn’t really want to go through with it. She insists she does since she doesn’t want him to forget her after she leaves. He knows that’s not a good reason to have sex. If she wants to be a virgin until marriage, she should. Julia takes Morgan a stuffed animal for his daughter, then prepares to tell him her own deep, dark secret. She’s interrupted by an inspector who wants to do an ID check around the bar.
Charlie brings Kirsten a new hair dryer (hers is broken) and some other random things he thought she should have. He announces that he loves her, and he can’t keep himself from taking care of her. “When you love someone and they need something, you have to get it for them,” he explains. Kirsten tells him she doesn’t have cancer, but she can’t have children.
Thoughts: Maybe Julia shouldn’t go out with Morgan to places where someone might know her?
A turtleneck and jumper are two of the least sexy things you could wear the morning after a hookup, Kirsten.
“Why is there an apostrophe? Snackwell’s.” Nina is smarter than I thought.
Kate, please find a new hat. Or try no hat at all. Yeah, let’s try no hat at all.
Maybe Claudia should tell Artie she’s going to boarding school. Then he’ll want her.
You want kids, Kirsten? Take Owen. He’d probably be better off with you.
February 16, 2013
Summary: Dylan is asleep after another bender when Cindy shows up at his house. She asks him to come to the Walshes’ house, getting very insistent when he tries to decline. He goes to get cleaned up, by which he means snort some drugs. When they get to the Walshes’, they’re met not just by Jim, but also by Brandon, Kelly, Andrea, Steve, Donna, David, Nat, and a woman named Ellen who’s there to run an intervention.
Dylan is defensive, unsurprisingly, but agrees to listen. Brandon starts off, saying that Dylan may have given up on himself, but Brandon hasn’t given up on him. He wants to save Dylan since Dylan saved him when they were camping. David brings up the time Dylan helped him avoid a drug arrest. Dylan insists he’s fine, but Brandon outs him for getting high and messing around with a gun, which is not the behavior of someone who’s “fine.”
Valerie and Clare run into each other at the mall; Clare’s ticked that they weren’t invited to the intervention. (Has she ever even met Dylan? Shut up, Clare.) Meanwhile, Ellen tells Dylan that she skipped the usual step of having the interveners from writing letters to the intervenee because Dylan’s hurt himself more than anyone else. Nat objects: Dylan stole money from the Peach Pit. He warns that Dylan will die if he doesn’t get control of his behavior.
Dylan starts to leave, but Ellen says he won’t get another chance if he does. Steve decides this is a good time to bring up the Valerie issue. He doesn’t really give a crap about Dylan. For some reason, Steve threatening to leave makes Dylan want to listen. Elsewhere, Ray bickers with his mother, LuAnn, who encourages his relationship with Donna since she’s rich. He insists that that’s not the reason he wants to be with her.
Donna tells Dylan she’s always thought of him as an older brother. She lost a lot of respect for him when he crashed her mother’s benefit. He reminds her that he apologized the next day. She reminds him that he was supposed to meet her for registration at CU. Dylan says he’s just not a good guy, but Andrea blames the drugs. She’s mad that he’s never come by to see Hannah. Kelly lets Dylan know that his behavior after he learned she was with Brandon humiliated her, as he wanted.
Dylan goes to the bathroom to do more drugs but changes his mind and puts them away. Ellen tells him they’ve gotten him a spot in rehab. Dylan says he’ll go to meetings, but not rehab. Then he does that typical defensive-addict thing where he claims he could get through rehab with no trouble. He thinks everyone else will be ashamed when he gets better because they’ll realize they’re not really better than him. Ultimately, Dylan says he’ll go.
At the beach apartment that night, Clare suggests that she and David make a sex tape. He only cares about the “sex” part of that. Donna complains about David’s lack of manners as a houseguest but assures Kelly that she doesn’t care that he and Clare are dating. Her own new boyfriend is helping with that. Jackie calls to tell Kelly that Seventeen wants her to do a layout based on the shots she did for the mother/daughter shoot. Kelly doesn’t really want to participate but agrees to since Jackie’s so excited about it.
The next morning, his first in rehab, Dylan is his typical sunny self. Felice is getting ready for Griffin to come to dinner, because Donna hasn’t told her yet that they’re not dating anymore. She tells Felice that she’s seeing Ray now, trying to dance around who he is and the fact that he’s not rich. Felice isn’t sold on him but suggests that Donna invite him to dinner with her and Dr. Martin.
Kelly and Jackie meet with someone from Seventeen, though Jackie dominates the conversation and has to be kicked out. Kelly still isn’t sure about doing the shoot. However, the woman is understanding and says she can take some time to decide. Over at rehab, Dylan decides to sign himself out. The director asks him to stay one more day since the alternatives are all bad and his life isn’t going to get any better. Dylan says he’ll take his chances. Valerie arrives just as he’s leaving, so he suddenly has a ride home.
Cindy learns that Dylan left and is less than happy about it. Jim tells her that they did everything they could, but their all will never be enough. David wants to watch the sex tape, but Clare can’t find it. Ray’s late to dinner at the Martins’, where Donna’s planning to show her parents an air check of herself and David. Little does she know that that’s what David and Clare taped over. Ray inadvertently saves everyone the horror by showing up.
Brandon, Kelly, and Jackie meet up for their own dinner together, celebrating Kelly’s acceptance of the Seventeen offer. Now Kelly’s worried about her weight again, since she’s going to be showing off her body in magazines. Jackie thinks what the gang did for Dylan was great – she wishes she’d had friends like them when she had her own drug problems. Valerie takes Dylan home and he immediately starts drinking.
Ray handles the awkward dinner with the Martins perfectly, and if Felice weren’t such a snob, she might find him charming. Valerie calls Dylan on his drinking when she should really call him on leaving half of his shirt unbuttoned. He makes a call, telling Valerie he’s calling Brandon, but she realizes he’s contacting his dealer. She tells him she thought the intervention was unnecessary, but now she’s changed her mind.
Kelly, Brandon, Steve, Andrea, and Jesse meet up at the Peach Pit, where Nat gets a call from Cindy telling him that Dylan checked himself out of rehab. Dylan goes to the pool hall and meets with his dealer, who offers him heroin. The first taste is for free, of course. Donna and Ray take Rocky II for a walk (does the dog live with the Martins now? Did Donna just bring him for dinner?) and talk about his impressions on her parents. He notes that he only needs to impress Donna (and maybe the dog).
When Donna gets back to the beach apartment, she finds David and Clare searching for their tape. She tells them she took it to her parents’ house. Once she knows it’s no longer an air check, she runs back to the house to retrieve it. Her father tells her and Felice that he tried to watch it but it’s all static. Once Felice leaves the room, Dr. Martin gives Donna the tape, saying, “Give David my best.” She owes him one. Felice wants Donna to give Griffin another chance, so Donna tells her about him pressuring her to have sex.
LuAnn presses Ray for details about the evening with the Martins, again urging him to keep up the relationship with Donna. At the Walshes’, Valerie “learns” that Dylan left rehab and pretends she wasn’t just with him. She tells the Walshes and Kelly to stop worrying about him since he doesn’t want their help. Dylan spends the night in his car by the side of a road, waking up to smoke heroin. A cop passes by, so Dylan drives away. He loses control of the car and drives down a cliff.
Thoughts: Ellen is played by Mackenzie Phillips. Makes sense, doesn’t it?
Dylan snorts his drugs off of a key. Dude, have some self-respect. Get a straw or a dollar bill or something. (…Don’t do drugs, kids! Stay in school!)
You will never be in the cool club, Clare.
I’m pretty sure we’ve seen Kelly eating in every episode from this season. Do they want us to think she’s gained weight or something?
“Getting drunk out of your mind is really not that cool.” I don’t think he’s doing it to be cool, Val.
How is Dylan paying for drugs? Remember how he’s poor? Maybe he’s still on his “free tastes.”
It could be worse, Donna – your dad could have seen a tape of YOU have sex.
Cindy may be my favorite mom on the show, but Dr. Martin is definitely my favorite dad.
February 12, 2013
Summary: Bailey and Kate make out on the Salingers’ couch (her mom’s out of town so she’s at the Salingers’ late), but when things proceed to another base, Kate puts on the brakes. Julia and Nina are at Stage 18, and after Nina leaves, Julia starts working with a guitar player, Danny, who wants her to write him some song lyrics. Kirsten has vacated her position as Owen’s nanny, and Charlie’s the only person who thinks her replacement is capable of the job. Claudia discovers that she’s been featured in a newspaper article about gifted musicians.
Charlie’s trying to get a job making a sleigh bed, and he agrees to do it for half his quoted price. Claudia has a lesson with Ross, and challenges some of his instructions. She reminds him that she’s “one of the most promising youths in the Bay Area,” so her opinion should count for something. Charlie learns that Julia skipped a writing class and covers for her with the teacher before blasting her for lying. He’s surprised that she skipped the class since it’s the only one she likes. She begs him to explain things to the teacher so she doesn’t get in trouble, but he thinks trouble is what she deserves.
Bailey and Kate make out again, and he tells her that if she’s not ready for more, he can wait. She tells him she wants to wait until she’s married to have sex. Bailey’s totally reasonable response is to get married, or at least get engaged, and then she can give him “an advance. Like a low-interest loan.” Now Claudia’s skipping school, since she doesn’t think she needs it as much as the other kids. Ross shows up with the news that a chamber ensemble wants Claudia to sub for a soloist. Charlie’s fine with it as long as it means Claudia will go away. Claudia just wants to know if she gets paid.
Bailey doesn’t get why Kate doesn’t want to sleep with him, because of course he’s going to take this personally. She just wants to make sure that when she has sex, it’s meaningful. He promises her it would be if she slept with him. But he’s totally not mad at her. At school, Julia’s writing teacher calls her on skipping class. He forgoes giving her detention, instead making her an appointment with the school counselor. He misses the person she used to be, and he wants to fight to get her back. Charlie has to take care of Owen since the nanny’s late. Oh, and drunk. He fires her on the spot.
Julia meets with the counselor, who she last saw after her parents’ deaths. The counselor’s worried that she’s pulling away from the things she used to love. Julia declines her help. Charlie tries to work on the bed at home, but Owen doesn’t like the sound of his saw. Claudia’s no help since she’s obsessed with the chamber performance. Julia meets Danny at Stage 18 and gives him a poem she wrote about Owen. He loves it and wants to use it for a song.
Kate and Bailey watch From Here to Eternity and start to get handsy. This time he’s the one who puts on the brakes. Julia tries to exert some authority, but Claudia’s being a jerk. Charlie and Bailey are on Julia’s side, but even the three of them can’t make Claudia do her chores. Charlie gets another call from Julia’s school and winds up having to meet with the principal. She suggests family therapy and communication among the siblings about the accident. Charlie insists that he’s handling all the family’s issues and they don’t need help.
Bailey and Kate attend Kate’s mother’s birthday party at the Salingers’ restaurant, where Bailey’s so desperate for sex that he imagines placing an order with the waitress for Kate. Kate’s mom gushes over how wonderful he is. Charlie works on the bed again while Julia tries to be domestic. He admits that he doesn’t know what he’s doing (NO KIDDING). Instead of thinking about what she’s been doing, he should wonder why she’s doing it. He doesn’t know how she’s feeling. “I’m not feeling anything,” she tells him brightly.
Charlie encourages Julia to talk to him, but she’s tired of everyone wondering how she’s feeling. She knows everyone wants her to be the way she was before because it’ll mean she’s all right. But she knows that won’t make her feel okay. She doesn’t get why acting differently is a bad thing. Julia promises not to cut classes anymore and to bring up her grades, but that’s all she can promise. She likes going to Stage 18 because people don’t study her; she feels like a real person there.
Bailey and Kate snipe at each other, and he complains that she made a decision about not having sex without consulting him. She thinks he’s trying to punish her. He’s willing to give her time, but that’s not what she wants – she’s already made up her mind. Kate points out that they weren’t sleeping together a week ago but they were fine. Bailey says that a week ago, they were heading somewhere. He thinks sex is an important part of a relationship. He notes that he’s 16, meaning that’s old enough to have sex. She says she’s 16, too, implying that she’s too young.
Charlie needs help sanding, so he wakes up his sleeping siblings and tries to throw a sanding party. Only Claudia abstains. “You know, you can’t buy love like that,” Charlie quips. The sanding party isn’t so much a party as a sweatshop disguised as a music montage, but it gives the siblings a chance to bond. Bailey asks if Charlie ever had trouble getting a girl to sleep with him. Charlie can’t remember that ever happening. (I think Charlie is Joey from Friends.)
Charlie reminds Julia of a time when he’d moved out and complained that he never got mail except bills, so she wrote him stories. He loved them because they were fitting for who she was. He understands if she doesn’t get terrific grades, but she needs to keep writing. The sanding party turns into a singalong that’s actually pretty cute. Claudia finally decides to join the fun, but her siblings send her back to bed, using the same reasons she gave for not participating in the first place.
Charlie shows his client the finished bed and is rewarded with more money than he’d agreed on, plus an offer for future projects. He then heads to the chamber performance, where Ross tells him about some of Claudia’s diva behavior. She overhears and is unamused. A reporter asks her how it feels to be a child prodigy, but she won’t comment. Charlie makes her feel better by giving her a piggyback ride.
Bailey goes over to Kate’s house and they discuss whether or not they’re done. He hates that he has to feel bad about wanting to be with her. She feels like a disappointment. Their relationship has become all about sex (or the lack thereof). They agree that that’s not going to work. At Stage 18, Danny plays the song he wrote with Julia’s lyrics. Afterward, she goes home and writes about the experience.
Thoughts: If I told my teenaged boyfriend I wasn’t having sex until marriage and his response was to suggest marriage, I would run away.
Claudia, writing her bio for the program: “Does ‘brilliant’ have one L or two?” Here’s a hint If you can’t spell it, you aren’t it.
Hey, you know the best place to bug your girlfriend for sex? Her mother’s birthday party.
I do like the exchange Kate and Bailey have that kind of puts the nail in the coffin: Bailey says, “I’m 16,” and Kate replies, “So am I.” For him, 16 is a perfectly good reason to have sex. For her, it means there’s plenty of time for that later.
February 10, 2013
Summary: Valerie’s packing up her things to go back to Buffalo, since she thinks everyone hates her for the events of the previous episode. Brandon tries to get her to stay, for some reason. Cindy talks to Valerie’s mother, Abby, on the phone, then tells Valerie that Abby’s going to a clinic for a few days. Valerie’s upset that her mother’s having a breakdown now (yeah, how dare she not time that better?), and that it means she’ll have to stay in Beverly Hills.
The KEG guys and Alpha girls are getting ready for a big Halloween party at the KEG house. Steve tries help, despite having injured his hand when he hit Dylan. Griffin tries to make sure things between him and Donna are okay after the Catalina misunderstanding. Kelly tells everyone that Valerie’s staying in town, and only Donna defends her, since she, too, is dating two guys at once. Speaking of which, Ray shows up unexpectedly to deliver some pumpkins. Griffin and Ray hit it off, but Donna won’t acknowledge that she and Ray are more than friends.
Valerie’s still working on getting out of Beverly Hills, thinking that Cindy and Jim don’t want her to stay. They assure her that they’ll work out their problems. Also, they totally blame Dylan for everything that happened. Cindy tells Valerie she has a clean slate. Andrea and Jesse bring Hannah by so she can get Brenda’s old bunny costume for Halloween. Jesse mentions that he wants the baby to celebrate the Day of the Dead with his family the next day. He thinks Andrea should be willing to sit in a cemetery all night since he sat through Yom Kippur. Andrea’s worried what her dead grandfather would think, since the celebration is part Catholic.
At the Peach Pit, Dylan and Nat discuss the After Dark; Dylan wants to keep it going, just not with Steve. Nat notes that the whole thing was Steve’s idea, and he managed everything. Dylan reminds him that he took out a mortgage on his house to pay for everything, so if it fails, he’s the one who’s screwed. Nat tells him to come back at 4 the next afternoon to actually participate in the club. David and Clare attend a lecture on UFOs, which inspires her to suggest a trip to the desert. (She totally wants to have sex with an alien.)
Brandon visits Steve at the KEG house, but Steve’s mad that Brandon’s still friends with Valerie. Brandon tries to garner some sympathy for her, sharing the news that Valerie’s mom is having mental-health problems. If Steve gives her another chance, everyone else will follow suit. Steve is barely swayed by Brandon’s argument of “come on, bro” and tells him to invite her to the KEG party. However, he’ll never forgive Dylan. Speaking of Dylan, he’s drunk. He looks through some papers at home and finds his gun.
Clare and a skeptical David tell Kelly about their road trip to Barstow. Donna joins them and the other girls tease her about having to juggle two guys. Speaking of them, they’re already at the party at the KEG house, wondering where Donna is. When Valerie arrives, Steve and Kelly make themselves be nice to her, though at least Kelly gets the reward of making out with Brandon (if you want to call that a reward). Donna hides out from Ray and Griffin. Ray entertains the kids with that song about the worms.
Steve makes nice with Valerie, inviting her to the frat’s Halloween party (to which I’m guessing the little kids aren’t invited). Griffin teasingly tells Donna that he thinks Ray likes her. Ray gets mad when he sees the two of them together, and isn’t any happier when Donna can’t go out with him that night because she’s going to the frat party. Meanwhile, Dylan plays pool and chats with a guy who turns out to be a drug dealer.
David and Clare go out to Barstow and eat at a diner run by a guy who claims they get aliens in there all the time. Oh, and he’s an alien too. They can buy a video of his spaceship or a map of the galaxy. Clare’s upset that people make money off of something she takes seriously. Trick-or-treaters hassle Dylan at his house as Valerie arrives for a romp before the frat party. There’s no candy, so Valerie gives the kids money. She’s worried when she sees Dylan’s gun and bullets, telling him her father shot himself. He kicks her out.
Clare and David have been in Barstow for ten minutes and she already thinks the trip is a bust. She complains that 90% of people think we’re not alone in the universe, but those people think she’s crazy for believing in UFOs. Andrea, Jesse, and Hannah meet up with Jesse’s family in the cemetery, and Andrea gets uncomfortable when someone gives Hannah a crucifix. In Barstow, David and Clare see weird green lights and think they’re about to meet some aliens. The UFO they think they see is really a satellite dish. (Uh, then where did the lights come from? I hate this plot.)
Valerie’s late for the party, and Steve knows she must be with Dylan, so he’s mad. Griffin’s at the KEG party, but Donna can only think about Ray. She tells Kelly that she and Griffin are at the point in their relationship where other people would start having sex. She still hasn’t told him that she wants to wait until she’s married. Kelly urges her to be honest like Valerie wasn’t.
So Donna tells Griffin she went out with Ray a few times, then tells him to go to Hell when he calls Ray “Mr. Pumpkinhead.” He tells her that when she explains to Felice that Griffin wasn’t good enough for her, she should also mention that she’s been sleeping with a delivery boy. As Ray arrives, Griffin calls Donna “a pathological tease who sluts around.” This gets him a well-deserved slap from Donna. He tells her he can’t believe he put up with her as long as he did. Donna goes off with Ray.
Valerie skips the party and goes back to the Walshes’, where Brandon blasts her for ruining the second chance he begged everyone to give her. Valerie feels bad for Dylan since no one else is on his side. Brandon points out that he just has to ask for help if he wants someone on his side. She tells him Dylan’s been taking drugs and is playing around with his gun, just like her father used to. Brandon decides it’s time to pay Dylan a visit.
Ray and Donna drive up to the hills and start kissing. She tells him they can’t sleep together, and he plays her a song. Dylan’s trick-or-treaters return with friends, looking for more money, but Dylan’s passed out. They egg his house and he responds by pointing his gun at them. Then he shoots a paper skeleton Valerie put on his chair. Andrea and Jesse leave the cemetery early, and she tells him she’s fine with Hannah being connected to Catholicism, but she’s Jewish. Jesse is much less concerned about his daughter’s religious identity.
Blah blah David and Clare blah. They have sex. Something we’re supposed to think is a UFO flies over them. Brandon goes to Dylan’s, tells him to get over the Kevin/Suzanne theft, and asks if his relapse is due to anything else. Dylan tells him to stop analyzing him. Brandon notes that he’s the only friend Dylan has left, so he better be careful which bridges he burns. Dylan threatens to call the police if Brandon takes his gun, but Brandon starts to leave with it anyway. Instead, he decides to spend the night.
Thoughts: Random guest star of the episode: Jon Gries (here going by Jonathan) as Dylan’s dealer. He’s probably best known as Uncle Rico in Napoleon Dynamite, but to me he’ll always be Broots from The Pretender.
Jason Priestley directed this episode. Pretend you care.
Would you let your kids go to a Halloween party at a frat house?
Also, would you take your not-even-six-month-old baby to an all-night outdoor celebration?
The kid Valerie gives money to asks what he’s supposed to do with $5. I don’t know, maybe BUY CANDY? I weep for our future.
Things Andrea and Jesse should have discussed before Hannah was born: religion.
Kelly refers to her mother by her first name, so I guess she caught that annoying disease Brandon has.
It’s a little distracting to watch Donna and Ray have a serious relationship discussion while she’s dressed like a cat.
January 29, 2013
Summary: Kirsten and Charlie’s relationship has progressed to the stage where he’s about to meet her mother. He has friends in town, including his ex-girlfriend, Rebecca, and Bailey teases him about her moving on. Kirsten is a little worried about the two of them going to dinner together. Bailey and Kate camp out for tickets to something, and he somehow doesn’t creep her out by constantly staring at her. Bailey soon becomes a fifth wheel when Kate’s boyfriend Tom joins them.
The next day, Bailey shares with Will some of his ideas for getting Kate away from Tom. Will himself was in a similar situation; he waited it out and eventually the other guy moved away. But then the girl got mono, and by the time she was well enough to see anyone, Will had moved on to another girl. Thanks, Will!
Charlie has dinner with Rebecca and her husband Mike, who got together because of Charlie. Back at the house, Nina encourages Julia to get a job waiting tables at a club called Stage 18. Claudia practices her violin in the bathroom, so Julia tells her to act her age for once. Claudia immediately acts like an 11-year-old by telling Julia to act her age. At the restaurant, Rebecca confides in Charlie that she and Mike are having problems.
Kate and Bailey hang out, but she keeps talking about Tom. He shuts her up by kissing her, then leaving. Kirsten quizzes Charlie on how many dates he and Rebecca went on in high school. He tries to assure her that Rebecca isn’t a threat. Kate shows up at the house and tells Bailey not to come to the concert. Bailey thinks Tom should stay home since Bailey was the one who suggested the concert in the first place. He’s also offended that Tom doesn’t see him as competition.
Claudia tries to get Julia to sign her application for a violin competition, and Julia notes that Claudia wrote her age as 9 instead of 11. She asks if Claudia thinks the judges will go easier on her if they think she’s younger. Claudia decides to talk to Bailey instead, but Julia threatens to tell him she’s trying to cheat. She needs to play the violin because she loves it, not because she wants to win competitions.
Charlie hangs out with Rebecca again, this time alone, though Kirsten thinks he’s with her and Mike. Rebecca says that she always feels like Mike’s waiting for someone better to come along. She doesn’t want to just mark time with him and later regret not pursuing other options. Nina takes Julia to Stage 18 and lies to a bartender that they’re 21. Julia is horrible at keeping up the story.
After the concert, which Bailey went to with Tom, Bailey goes to Kate’s house and throws rocks at her window to get her attention, which I’m sure he thinks is cute and not at all stalkerish. He tells her he no longer cares about doing the right thing. He asks her to marry him, then backtracks and asks for a date. Instead of calling the police or screaming until her parents come chase Bailey away, she says yes.
Charlie takes Rebecca to her parents’ house, and they start making out in the truck. Then their clothes come off. Well, that can’t be comfortable. The next morning, Kirsten has no idea what her boyfriend was doing the night before. Claudia tells Ross that Julia won’t sign her application because the fee is too expensive. Ross offers to pay it and signs the application himself. As Claudia plays in the competition, Nina and Julia make Julia a fake ID using a typewriter (no, really).
Rebecca visits Charlie at the restaurant and tells him she had a dream the night before about pots boiling over on a stove. She’s thinking about telling Mike what happened. Charlie doesn’t seem surprised. Bailey and Kate’s first date will involve a trip to Alcatraz, for some reason. He continues to exhibit behavior that any normal girl should find a little creepy. Rebecca calls the house but Charlie tells Julia to say he’s not there. Julia guesses what happened and calls it “business as usual.”
Ross brings Claudia home and tells Julia how well she did at the competition. Of course, Julia didn’t know she was going. She blasts him for letting Claudia enter the competition and for not noticing how obsessed she was with it. Claudia says that she shouldn’t have to listen to Julia since Julia doesn’t listen to anyone. She also doesn’t think Julia cares about her. Julia notes that she wouldn’t have interfered if she didn’t care. Claudia slams her for never coming to hear her play, then pulls out the old classic: “You’re not my mother.”
Bailey takes Kate a present and finds Tom at her house. Bailey’s confused since he was under the impression that they broke up. The guys start to fight, but Kate tells Bailey to leave. Rebecca goes to the restaurant again and confronts Charlie for avoiding her. He tells her he thinks leaving Mike would be a mistake. Rebecca scoffs because Charlie thinks she’s leaving Mike for him. She just wanted Charlie to comfort her, but now he’s worried about obligation and how he fits into things.
Kate returns Bailey’s present (which Tom broke), asking if she led him on. (Don’t worry, Kate, he would have acted that way no matter what.) She likes both guys and doesn’t want to hurt either of them. Bailey would tell her to choose between them if he were a different guy, so he’s going to walk away and let her stay with Tom. Except then he does tell her to choose between them.
Claudia doesn’t win anything in the competition, but at least Julia’s there. She realizes that Claudia wanted to enter the contest so badly because their mother placed second in it. At home, Bailey tells Will he’s a moron for making Kate choose. Will can’t disagree. Bailey wants to go for a run, but Will points out that he only started running because Kate’s a runner. Bailey says he wanted Kate to choose, but he would have settled for less. Huh?
Julia returns to Stage 18 with her fake birth certificate and ID. Despite having no experience or references, she’s hired. Charlie sits in his truck outside Rebecca’s house, because creepiness is in the Salinger DNA. She comes out to tell him that she needed him to care about her, which he says he thought he was doing. She says he just runs away from whatever scares him. She feels like he had his fingers crossed while they were having sex. In high school, he stopped wanting whatever he wanted as soon as he got it. But she thinks Kirsten means something to Charlie.
Julia tells Claudia she got a job at “a burger place.” Claudia questions her work uniform. She shows her their mother’s prize for placing second in the competition. Claudia wanted to win to make her proud. Julia assures her that their mom is proud of Claudia just for playing the violin. Claudia says Julia looks like their mother, “without all the makeup.” Charlie brings Kirsten flowers and says nothing about having sex with another woman. Kate shows up at the Salingers’ house, so I guess she made her decision.
Thoughts: The bartender who hires Julia is played by Doug Hutchison. Yes, the same Doug Hutchison who married a 16-year-old who can’t keep her clothes on. Also, he was on Lost.
Speaking of which, Bailey suggests having someone kidnap Kate and take her to an island. If he’d said arrest instead of kidnap, that would have been very scary Lost foreshadowing.
Okay, young, impressionable women out there: If a guy ever a) sits outside your house in his car, b) comes to your window at night, and/or c) asks you to choose between him and someone else, RUN AWAY.
Claudia should’ve asked Charlie to sign the application. We know he has no problem with lying.
According to the Dream Moods Dictionary, dreaming about pots “suggests that you are filled with enthusiasm, excitement or ideas. Alternatively, a boiling pot indicates that you have more than you can handle. You are feeling overwhelmed with emotions.” So there you go.
I’m sorry, Rebecca, you cheat on your husband with Charlie and he’s the stupid one?
January 26, 2013
Summary: Claudia has some questions for Julia about breast development. Thank you, Claudia. Julia’s friend Justin stops by to discuss the yearbook, which she’s not sure she wants to work on this year. Claudia has more questions, and Julia tells Justin she watched a film in health class and is very curious. Claudia asks why Justin doesn’t come by to hang out with Julia anymore. He says Julia’s been busy, then asks her to a movie. Julia says she’s, again, busy.
Bailey meets Will after football practice, complaining about his suspension, which I maintain is totally his fault, so whatever. He thinks that if the team keeps losing, eventually the coach will change his mind, thinking Bailey could turn things around. Charlie, Kirsten, and Owen go grocery shopping, but Kirsten’s mad at Charlie, I guess because of the thing in the last episode. Some random woman thinks they’re married and Owen is their child. They don’t correct her.
The football team wins, so ha ha, Bailey. He’s actually mad about it. Nina and Will tell him it was because of Roger, the team’s new quarterback, who just moved up from JV. In other words, Bailey’s replacement won the game. Kirsten accidentally kicks him while he’s down, mentioning a 19-year-old in a class she’s TAing who seems to have a crush on her. “I take care of babies, Bailey. I don’t date them,” she tells him.
Kirsten ends up at the restaurant, where Charlie’s working; her friend Lisa wanted to try the oysters there. Lisa thinks she should give Charlie another chance. Nina tells Julia she’s dating a new guy; he’s totally the one and they’re totally going to go all the way. Julia pretends she knows what Nina’s talking about. Kirsten sticks around the restaurant while Charlie cleans up. She starts talking about passion, so I guess that’s her way of making a move. She asks him to take her home.
Claudia has more questions for Julia, but they’re about how sex feels, so Julia doesn’t have the answers. Once she’s alone in the bathroom, Julia looks at herself naked in the mirror. At Kirsten’s place, she and Charlie make out, and he thinks it’s going to go farther. He ducks into the bathroom, swigs some mouthwash, and checks to make sure he has a condom. But when he returns, the quite-drunk Kirsten has passed out. Womp womp.
Bailey’s having a bad day at school, which means I’m having a good day. Justin tries to talk to Julia but knows she’d rather talk to Nina. Nina tells her she had sex with her new guy; now Julia doesn’t know how to look at him. She also gets uncomfortable watching them make out. After school Bailey goes to the sporting-goods store where he works and asks for more hours, now that he has extra time.
Charlie teases Kirsten for seemingly forgiving him, since she was willing to possibly sleep with him. They make out some more, but she decides the Salinger house is a bad place for that since it could distract her from taking care of Owen. He invites her to the restaurant, promising he’ll try to get off work early. Then he tells her she reminds him of an angel, so Charlie’s totally getting some tonight. I don’t think Bailey will mind, though, because he now only has eyes for a girl who comes to his store.
Julia starts talking to Kirsten about sex, but Kirsten thinks she should talk to Charlie. Julia says Charlie uses lines on women, sleeps with them, and never calls them again. Unfortunately, one of the lines she uses as an example is the angel line Charlie used on Kirsten. Cue Claudia with more sex questions. Hey, maybe she should talk to Charlie about that stuff. Bailey hits it off with Kate, his shoe store angel, and will most likely be making her his new obsession any minute now.
Julia calls Justin under the pretense of asking about a chemistry assignment, then agrees to go to a movie with him after all. Charlie waits for Kirsten at the restaurant, but he’s been stood up. He confronts her the next morning and she calls him on the angel line. She thinks he just wants to add her to his collection of one-night stands. Charlie tells her he just wanted to say something nice and couldn’t think of anything else. So she’s not an angel after all. I’m confused, but Kirsten wants another date.
Claudia walks by, throwing out a sex fact, and Charlie tells Kirsten he hopes her obsession goes away soon. Kirsten tells him that by ignoring her interest, he’s sending the message that sex is bad. (I think he’s just sending the message that Claudia is being annoying.) Charlie says his current strategy is working just fine. Julia and Nina look at condoms, though Julia won’t admit that she has a plan to use any.
Kate returns her shoes since Bailey sold her mismatched ones to get her back to the store. He asks her out. Charlie asks Julia to talk to Claudia about sex, but Julia tells him to do it. Owen’s sick, which means Charlie and Kirsten might have to postpone their date. Bailey and Kate get coffee and talk about her crazy family. He doesn’t get the chance to tell her that his family is far from normal. Then Kate’s boyfriend picks her up, so Bailey gets sad face again. Also, his coffee is gross.
Julia and Justin see Psycho (how romantic), then make out. He’s surprised since he didn’t think she was interested in him like that. They spot Nina’s new boyfriend with a girl, but she’s not Nina. Kirsten spends the night at the Salingers’, I guess to look after Owen because the others are incapable of doing it. She even takes Bailey’s bed, forcing Bailey and Charlie to share one.
The next day, Will tries to counsel Bailey on his Kate crush, but Bailey just wants to complain about her boyfriend. Claudia encourages him to steal Kate. Will says he’s not that kind of guy, which Bailey somehow finds offensive. His plan is to hang around her a lot until she changes her mind about him. (Bailey, honey, that’s called stalking. Girls don’t find that romantic.)
Owen’s better, so Kirsten and Charlie decide to reschedule their date. Only it’s Charlie’s night to watch Owen. Bailey moves the arrow on the chore chart and makes it his night, letting Charlie and Kirsten know that he knows they’re together. (Charlie talks in his sleep.) He’s moved on anyway, this time to a girl who’s actually his age.
Nina hasn’t heard from her boyfriend, so she thinks he just used her for sex and doesn’t want to be with her anymore. For some reason, Julia doesn’t tell her about the other girl. Bailey tries to get time off of work, which is dumb since he just asked for more hours. He quits, because he’s an idiot. Then he goes to Kate’s school, because he is a stalker.
Julia and Justin do some more making out; then she gives him the “you’re a great guy, but…” speech. Poor Justin is confused and accuses her of pretending to like him back when she didn’t. Back at home, Julia offers to answer any questions Claudia has about sex. Claudia asks if it hurts when a man and woman get together. Julia says that sometimes it does. Charlie and Kirsten are back at Kirsten’s place, and this time they’ve gotten to the part where their clothes are off. So I guess only Charlie gets to be happy.
Thoughts: Kate looks 35. So Bailey definitely has a type.
Kirsten, trust me, the last person a girl wants to talk to about sex is her older brother. And the last person a guy wants to hear talk about sex is his younger sister.
I can’t believe Julia and Nina didn’t run into anyone they knew while they were looking at condoms. I mean, this is TV.
Why doesn’t Kirsten talk to Claudia about sex? She can talk to Julia about it but not Claudia?