December 31, 2010

SVH #71, Starring Jessica!: Drink Whenever Someone Says “Jellyfish”

Posted in books tagged , , , , at 4:46 pm by Jenn

Happy 1986 to you, too, Jessica

Summary: A talk-show host named Eric Parker wants to broadcast a live interview with an SVH student, so he holds a contest to pick someone who’s a typical American teenager. Jessica and Lila (the latter with a heavily padded application) both want to win. Jessica’s also searching for something new to put on her application, so she writes an article for the Oracle about her worst dates ever. It includes a smackdown of Bruce, announcing he kisses like a dead jellyfish. The word jellyfish is then used about 137 times in the book.

Jessica wins the contest, with Lila as her alternate. The girls are battling each other now, since they can’t handle any kind of competition without wanting to tear out each other’s hair. Lila and Bruce, who’s angry about Jessica’s article, team up to get Jessica out of the picture so Lila can take her place. The day of the interview, Lila takes Jessica shopping about 50 miles from Sweet Valley, then ditches her at the store. Bruce has already called the store to warn them about a serial shoplifter fitting Jessica’s description, so the store owners quickly detain Jessica when she tries to run after Lila while wearing the clothes she was trying on. Bruce and Lila are so pleased with themselves that they actually kiss, though it doesn’t do anything for either of them.

Once Jessica sorts everything out with the police and the store owners, she calls Elizabeth to let her know what’s going on. There isn’t time for her to get back to Sweet Valley before the interview, so Elizabeth takes her place. Jessica gets to be famous (even though she wasn’t the one on TV) and Lila looks like a fool. Not the ending I wanted.

In the B plot, Elizabeth decides that since Jessica’s so good at writing, it must not be that important, or something stupid like that. She decides to become a junior ranger at Secca Lake, but her responsibilities there take up so much of her time that she doesn’t get to write as much as she wants. She finally realizes that she can just say no when she doesn’t want to work, and decides she does want to be a writer after all. Yay.

Thoughts: Elizabeth suddenly deciding writing isn’t her dream career anymore just because Jessica’s also good at it actually makes me mad. Same with her saying, “Anyone can write.” I think I speak for writers everywhere when I say WE DON’T WANT YOU ANYWAY.

Jessica plans to get a “cropped cherry-red top [with] big gold buttons, a white sailor-type collar, and a matching miniskirt.” Every mental image I have of this outfit is hilarious.

Also hilarious: Lila and Bruce’s kiss. It makes me think of Xander and Cordelia.

Jessica eats a sandwich with sprouts on it. Who is she, Dawn?

1 Comment »

  1. Kate said,

    Good thing they picked the blue-eyed blonde as the “typical American teenager.” People would have been so confused if they’d picked Andy or Jade!


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