February 4, 2012
SVH #114, “V” for Victory: Cheer Up
Summary: The good news is that the SVH cheerleading squad has just won the state championship. The bad news is that Heather is still Heather, and she and Jessica still hate each other. Also, Liz and Jessica aren’t speaking because of the whole Ken thing. Elizabeth apologizes and tries to explain things to both Jessica and Todd, but they’re too mad to listen.
Suddenly it’s time for nationals, so the cheerleaders head to Yosemite for a long weekend. Todd and Ken get into a fistfight, then quickly make up and decide to follow the girls to Yosemite. They pick up Winston on the way and make it a road trip. In Yosemite, Heather runs into the squad from her school in Nevada, and the captain, Marissa, tries to shake her up by leaving her a clipping of a news story about a cheating scandal on the squad.
Heather screws up one of SVH’s routines, leading Jessica to call for her ouster. She can’t get a unanimous vote, so she has to suck it up and deal with it. Meanwhile, the guys learn that boys aren’t allowed at the competition, so they get some uniforms and dress up as girls. Yes, this really happens. Yes, it is as dumb as it sounds. Heather screws up another routine, and this time almost everyone is on Jessica’s side about kicking her off the squad. Elizabeth is the only hold-out, so Jessica sends her away to get something and holds another vote, in which Heather is removed.
Heather decides to lay all her cards on the table, because now she has nothing to lose. She tells Jessica that she was going to be removed from her squad in Nevada if she didn’t pass math, so she cheated on a test. She got caught and was kicked off the squad. Marissa threatened to tell the SVH girls about the cheating if Heather didn’t ensure they didn’t place in the competition. Jessica encourages Heather to tell the whole squad, and now the SVH girls want Heather back. They also want to get revenge on Marissa and her squad.
Marissa, however, is still being a mean girl: She and her girls lock the SVH cheerleaders in their cabin just before a competition round. The girls attempt to build a human pyramid to get through a really high window, but they don’t have enough time to get it right. Fortunately, there are boys around to rescue the helpless females, and Todd, Ken, and Winston (now masquerading as Tilda, Kendall, and Winnie) show up in time to save them. Marissa’s squad also removes the elastic from the SVH squad’s skirts before another round, but the girls just wear unitards, so that was stupid.
The girls perform better and better in the competition, and if they can ace every round before the grand finale, which is worth a third of the points, they can place. Things get even better when Elizabeth and Jessica, amused by the sight of the three guys in drag, let down their guards with each other and make up. For some reason, they want to punish the guys, so they make them perform in front of everyone at the competition, but this actually works to the girls’ advantage: Marissa’s squad put baby oil on the stage, and the SVH squad is able to find out about it before they compete.
Marissa’s squad wins the competition and SVH places second. But Marissa’s squad is DQ’d for the baby oil, so the SVH girls win. Then the twins make up with the guys and everyone goes home happy. Except Marissa’s squad, which is banned from the conference. Ha ha!
Thoughts: Apparently John Pfeifer is still at SVH, not in jail, being ironically violated every night by a guy named Rocco.
If Jessica blackmailed Elizabeth onto the squad by threatening to tell Todd about Ken, and Todd now knows everything, why is Liz still on the squad? She won’t stop complaining about cheerleading, and there are plenty of other girls who are just as good at cheering, so why keep giving Jess what she wants?
When Todd and Ken are fighting, Bruce calls out, “The Wakefield girls aren’t worth all this trouble!” Right?! Who wants that kind of drama?
The ghostwriter doesn’t realize that cheerleading isn’t an all-girl sport. Of course, if we made a list of everything the ghostwriter doesn’t know, it would be endless.
When Todd, Ken, and Winston (sorry: Tilda, Kendall, and Winnie) are asked where they’re from, Todd says Saskatchewan. Too bad it’s a national competition and Saskatchewan is in a different country.
If each squad does three routines a day and there are 50 squads, the judges have to watch and score 150 routines a day. That can’t be possible.
Jessica looks at cheerleading uniforms that she describes as “like a jumpsuit, with suspenders.” What the–?”