March 30, 2013

BH90210 5.18, Hazardous to Your Health: Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , at 2:31 pm by Jenn

My new desktop wallpaper

My new desktop wallpaper

Summary: Dylan packs for his Erica-rescue mission but gets slowed down when Valerie shows up to hang out. She asks to come with him, but he won’t even tell her where he’s going. He remarks that he’s probably not the only guy she plans to visit this morning. When Dylan arrives in Mexico, he tries to call Jonesy, who’s sick in bed and doesn’t answer. He takes a cab to Jonesy’s hotel and learns that Jonesy isn’t so much sick as hungover and heartbroken.

Despite having a sick newborn through finals, Andrea made the dean’s list. She mentions Hannah’s doctor, and Brandon and Steve tease her for having feelings for someone who’s not her husband. David and Clare bicker over his desire to turn the Peach Pit After Dark into a hip-hop club. He thinks her affection for alt rock is awful.

At the beach apartment, Donna and Ray watch a video of Ray’s performance at the After Dark. Brandon finds Kelly meditating while listening to tapes of Professor Finley saying new-agey things. She tells Brandon he was denied tenure despite being popular with his students. He won’t give any more tutorials until he’s granted an appeal, which Brandon is willing to lobby for.

In Mexico, Dylan and Jonesy ride horses down a beach (of course) until they can get a look at the beachfront property Kevin and Suzanne have purchased. They’re now calling themselves Carl and Kitty Cavendish, and are possibly smuggling drugs. Jonesy plans to track down and flush down their secret bank account. His tap on their phone has let him know that Carl likes pirate collectibles and Kitty isn’t sleeping with him.

Jonesy has a plan, but it will only work if he has a female accomplice, and his just ditched him. Dylan gets distracted when he finally catches a glimpse of Erica. Jonesy needs another accomplice who can lie and be seductive. Dylan knows just the person. He calls Valerie, but she’s mad because he blew her off earlier and still won’t tell her what he’s up to. He manages to talk her into going to Mexico, and she gives the Walshes a cover story they don’t believe.

The next day, Dylan and Jonesy go to the airport, where Jonesy has Dylan pose as a valet and pick up Valerie. Dylan still questions Jonesy, who promises that he’s done this sort of thing before. In turn, Dylan promises that Valerie can do whatever they need her do. Jonesy pretends to be Valerie’s boyfriend, and she immediately plays along.

Brandon asks the dean about Finley’s appeal, wondering why he isn’t getting tenure. The dean tells him Finley was supposed to write a book, but he’s doing tutorials instead. The other professors think he’s trying to win “converts.” Parents have also complained about Finley’s conduct during a weekend retreat. The dean is willing to work with Brandon, though.

Dylan, Valerie, and Jonesy go to a retreat near where Suzanne and Kevin are staying. Val and Jonesy will be posing as a super-rich couple on vacation, and Dylan will be their “manservant.” Jonesy has even arranged a double date with Kevin and Suzanne. He tells Valerie to flirt with Kevin, then spills a drink on Suzanne so he can get her out of the picture. They talk pirate stuff, and Jonesy tells Kevin he has Blackbeard’s log. He invites Kevin to join them on their yacht.

Meanwhile, Dylan follows Erica and her nanny (I guess) around town, which would be totally creepy if we didn’t know what was going on. He catches up to her at a market stall and tells her not to look at him while they’re talking. She begs him to take her away from Mexico and gives him her favorite piece from her sea glass collection. A guard from the villa sees him, but Dylan acts casual.

Jonesy finds out about Dylan’s encounter with Erica and blasts him for letting the guard see him. Dylan doesn’t care what he thinks since he hasn’t come through on his promises yet. Valerie assures Dylan that she’ll do whatever he needs to get Erica back.

In Beverly Hills, Brandon meets with Finley, who asks him to lead the charge for his tenure. Brandon thinks he needs to address his critics head-on. Finley thinks the dean has already turned Brandon against him, and Brandon’s only there to find out if Finley’s as bad as everyone thinks. He promises a showdown if it comes to that, and he plans to win.

Jonesy, Valerie, Kevin, and Suzanne spend the day on a yacht, bringing a big marlin back with them. Dylan listens in on a surveillance device as Valerie and Suzanne talk about Erica. Meanwhile, Jonesy tells Kevin that he’s a smuggler (he stuffs his wares inside fish – heh) and wants a partner.

Suzanne and Jonesy head to villa while Valerie goes to the “Cavendishes'” house with Kevin. Kevin uses the Interwebs to access his bank account in the Caymans, and Jonesy hacks into the account to get all the information he needs. He immediately transfers what’s left of Dylan’s $8 million into an FBI account. Jonesy’s ready to go back to the States, but Dylan wants to get Erica. Jonesy has no experience taking kids, so he won’t be helping.

When Valerie finds out that Jonesy’s gone, she blasts Dylan for letting him go; Kevin and Suzanne will soon be coming over to have dinner with the couple. Dylan says that’s perfect, since that means Erica will be alone in the house. Kelly gets herself hired as Finley’s research assistant and chastises Brandon for stabbing Finley in the back. She calls him an extern, which is Finley’s word for a non-believer.

Valerie goes to Kevin and Suzanne’s house, pretending she was on the beach and was going to be late for dinner. She gives Erica back the piece of sea glass she gave Dylan. As soon as the others leave, Dylan sneaks into the house to get Erica. Suzanne calls and hears Erica shout a warning to Dylan as he’s spotted by a member of the house staff. Suzanne quickly figures out that Valerie and Dylan are working together and pulls a gun on her.

Kevin and Suzanne take Valerie back to their house, having easily gotten the truth out of her. Suzanne asks Dylan where Jonesy is. Just then Dylan looks outside to see his supposedly former partner. Gunfighting ensues, and Dylan knocks Kevin out while Valerie takes Suzanne’s gun. Suzanne offers her money, but Valerie tells her it’s already theirs.

Once the bad guys have been taken away, Jonesy tells Dylan and Valerie that he got some help from the FBI after he told them Kevin and Suzanne were plotting to kidnap Erik Estrada. Dylan lets Erica know that he’s okay, and she says she knew he’d find her.

Thoughts: My recap title comes from Veggie Tales, and it’s way better than the actual title of the episode, which has nothing to do with anything.

When Dylan is done playing Jonesy and Valerie’s manservant, can he come be mine? Oh, I’ve said too much.

I was thinking that brenda would have been a better choice for Valerie’s part of Jonesy’s plan, but I think she’s met Suzanne, so that wouldn’t work.

Hotter: Dylan with his shirt open or Dylan in a nice, crisp white shirt? Don’t make me choose!

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