July 8, 2013

BH90210 6.6, Speechless: Get Thee to a Nunnery

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , at 9:00 pm by Jenn

It's fitting that this episode is called "Speechless," because I have no words for this

It’s fitting that this episode is called “Speechless,” because I have no words for this

Summary: Ray plays his last set at the After Dark before going off to record his album. Kelly, Donna, and Clare plan to spend the weekend at a spa, but Clare and Donna have a surprise for Kelly. Steve has found a director who wants to make a movie at the Walshes’ house. Valerie’s invited on the girls’ road trip, even though I don’t think any of them actually like her. Clare makes a good point that if they left her behind, she’d have a chance to be alone with Colin.

David visits Valerie while she’s packing, and he’s as surprised as I am that she was invited on the trip. She admits that she invited herself in an attempt to patch things up with Kelly. David thanks her for helping him out when he was depressed, and they end up kissing. Toni’s been avoiding Dylan for a few days, so he takes her a teddy bear as a peace offering. She confronts him for snooping in Marchette’s study during the dinner party. She wants him to respect her father and their home.

The road trippers head off toward the spa, taking a shortcut Clare knows about. They have slumber party-like conversations, and Kelly admits that her favorite sex romp was with Dylan. She asks Valerie about her favorite kiss, and Val says it was with David, just that morning. Donna doesn’t want details. Steve, David, and Ray get the Walshes’ house ready for the movie, which Steve confides is a porno. Unsurprisingly, he hasn’t told Brandon this yet.

Brandon wants to hang out with Susan, who doesn’t get why he’s so insistent that she come over to his house. She reveals that she has to go play bridge with a great-aunt and didn’t want to admit it because it’s so uncool. Speaking of cool, Kelly thinks Barry White is. Donna’s uncomfortable with all the sex talk.

Kelly and Clare rib Valerie about her multiple partners, and Val takes offense. She also calls Donna about sulking over her kiss with David when Clare dated him for months. Donna asks Val to come clean about her activities with Ray. Valerie admits that they slept together, and that Clare knew. Clare makes excuses, saying she thought David would tell Donna. Now Donna’s really upset. The girls decide to stop talking to Valerie for rest of the trip.

Something’s wrong with the car (of course – it’s a road trip), so the girls are stranded, but only briefly. A nun drives up and offers to help them. The movie crew arrives at the Walshes’ house, and there may be a role for Steve. David and Ray urge him to tell Brandon what’s going on. They laugh over the name of the movie, Topless Pizza Party 3. Toni wants Dylan to have dinner with her and Marchette that night. She’s amazed that Marchette said he knew Dylan’s father.

The nun drives the girls to her convent so they can spend the night in the guest quarters and a nun can fix their car. Kelly’s mad because Clare took a shortcut that led them the wrong way, and now they’re not near the spa. Valerie brings up Ray, asking how long the other girls are going to harp on the affair. She reminds Kelly that she had an affair with Dylan when he was dating Brenda. The nun informs the girls that they’re not allowed to talk from sunset to sunrise.

Steve is having the time of his life on the porn set. Brandon comes home just in time for the director to ask Steve to pick one of his friends to play a pizza delivery guy. Brandon wants the part, then quickly sees exactly what kind of movie is being filmed. He wants to call off the shoot, but Steve reminds him that he signed a contract.

Quiet time has begun at the convent, which makes things difficult when Colin calls Kelly. He’s about to go to dinner with his art dealer, Claudia, who is waaaaaaay too into handling her client, if you know what I mean. The nuns and their guests have a very quiet meal, and we get to hear their thoughts about how much they hate each other (the guests, not the nuns). “I wonder if any of them are virgins,” the rescuing nun thinks. Donna kind of wishes she lived there.

Steve and his ridiculous fake mustache get ready for their screen debut as the pizza delivery guy. He hams it up, then accidentally spills hot pizza on himself. The director loves him. Susan shows up after all, and Brandon tries to rush her back out the door, but it’s too late. Then she’s only too happy to show herself out the door. The director offers to give her a role as a nurse. Brandon tears up the contract and kicks out the crew.

Dylan, Toni, and Toni’s gigantic hair pass the time waiting for Marchette at dinner by discussing the fact that Dylan’s father was murdered. She’s surprised that her dad is late. Brandon chases after Susan to tell her that he had no idea the movie was going to be a porno. Susan doesn’t think that makes things better; after all, he’s living with a pervert who also cheated on a math placement test. Right now Brandon would rather hang out with that pervert than Susan, but they soon make up.

The girls try to sleep at the convent, but their thoughts keep them awake. Kelly realizes that she’s no better than Valerie – she’s slept with her best friend’s boyfriend and her boyfriend’s best friend. Valerie prays for friends, as well as for Donna to get a clue about Ray being a jerk. Donna asks for blessings for her loved ones, “even Valerie, the witch.” Clare just wants out.

As Brandon and Susan prepare to make their own porno, Toni and Dylan finish dinner, which Marchette never showed up to. When Toni leaves to take a phone call she thinks is from her father, he arrives and tells Dylan he never planned to have dinner with Jack McKay’s son. He thought the incident in the tram would have made Dylan stay away.

Dylan announces that he has information on Jack’s murder in a safe-deposit box, and he’s not afraid to use it. Marchette threatens to have him killed if he keeps hanging around Toni. One of his henchmen pulls a gun, but Dylan is ready with his own weapon. He tells Marchette that he was planning on telling Toni that her father killed his father. He vows to keep doing what he’s doing until Marchette pays for killing Jack.

The quiet period is over, and Donna tells the rescuing nun that she had a dream about joining the convent. She’s frustrated that another guy has let her down. The nun doesn’t think she’s been called to become a nun, but she doesn’t have to have a calling to maintain her faith. She needs to work on forgiveness.

Brandon wakes up alone (Susan went for a run) and unknowingly passes her test by making the bed. The girls’ car is fixed, and everyone’s on speaking terms again. Valerie advises Donna to make sure Ray’s worth it before she makes up with him. She can’t forget seeing him push her in Palm Springs, and she doesn’t want Donna to forget either.

Toni goes to Dylan’s house, having been told by Marchette that he’s been using her as part of a vendetta. Dylan admits that things started out that way, but now he’s really in love. He tells her that he’s sure Marchette killed Jack. Toni says that Marchette warned that Dylan would try to turn her against her father. She knows her father would never murder someone.

Claudia’s annoyed that Colin’s working on the mural at the After Dark when he’s supposed to be mounting a show soon. Kelly meets Claudia and is blissfully unaware of how close she and Colin are. Donna confronts Ray about his affair with Valerie, telling him that they’re friends now. She breaks up with Ray, making it clear that she’s not afraid of him hurting her. She’s willing to forgive Valerie, but not Ray. He tells her she’ll regret this, but Donna says her only regret is waiting this long to get rid of him.

Thoughts: A five-hour road trip to a spa? There aren’t any spas in Beverly Hills?

I had to laugh at Ray and David watching the movie crew and giggling to themselves.

The idea of a nun fixing the car made me think of The Sound of Music, though the nuns in that movie were…definitely not fixing that car.

Somehow I’m surprised that this is the first porno Steve’s appeared in.

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