August 6, 2013
What I Learned from Sweet Valley High
Some of the old covers really don’t hold up over time
Reader Catherine suggested that I write a post about everything I learned from reading SVH. I thought it was a good idea, and a nice way to wrap up the series. So here’s what I learned about an ’80s/’90s YA series about identical twins, one good and one evil (or sometimes both evil). Feel free to add your own in the comments:
- Identical twins may look the same, but they actually have differences! Sometimes a lot of differences!
- It’s okay to date your sister’s ex-boyfriend…or your sister’s current boyfriend.
- Some things are forgivable, like attempted rape. Some things are not, like forgetting to give someone a phone message or a letter.
- There’s noting worse than a “fast girl” or a high school dropout.
- There’s always a chance your separated or divorced parents will get back together.
- You could have upwards of three doppelgangers out in the world. Most of them are evil.
- No matter how many times you cheat on your boyfriend, he will always want you back.
- Don’t do drugs. Ever.
- If you date Jessica, there’s roughly a 70 percent chance you’ll end up dead.
- Teenagers love discos and old movies.
- Very few men have a problem with dating a 16-year-old girl.
- Deafness, blindness, and paralysis can be cured.
- Identical twins run in families. Never mind what science says.
- Always be yourself. Unless it’ll keep you from being popular.
- Police are horrible. Solve all crimes and go into all dangerous situations by yourself.
- And finally, the Wakefield twins are prettier, smarter, more talented, more charming, and just plain better than you in every way. Kneel before them in awe.
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Rocky said,
March 19, 2014 at 3:46 pm
I am slowly catching up, reading all your archives, and had to comment here. Your list is perfect. May I also suggest:
– Boys will never, ever date a fat girl. If she loses weight, though, she can probably get a boyfriend.
– Boys will also never, ever date a girl with glasses. If she starts wearing contacts, though, she will instantly be beautiful and guys will all of a sudden realize it and flock to her side.
– It’s normal to invite your teachers to parties, and it’s normal for them to attend.
– If you suspect a crime, even a violent one, investigate it yourself for a while. Don’t involve the authorities.
– It’s possible to fall in love within a few hours of meeting someone.
– It’s normal for a high school to have a dance every weekend, and to have at least two proms in a year.