August 25, 2013

BH90210 6.16, Turn Back the Clock: The Bird Is the Word

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , at 2:56 pm by Jenn

Heh. Still funny

Heh. Still funny

Summary: Brandon and Steve get rid of their Christmas tree (well, really, they just chuck it into the yard) as Clare returns from spending New Year’s away. She notices that Steve has a black eye and asks for the story behind it. Brandon and Steve tell the story: They went to the After Dark on New Year’s Eve, and Brandon saw Susan kissing her ex, Jonathan. Clare needs more details, so the guys back up to the morning of New Year’s Day.

Steve’s teenage brothers, Ryan and Austin, are staying with him and Brandon for the weekend, and pretend not to know anything about the toilet paper all over the yard. Steve gives them an hour to clean it all up. Susan calls to let Brandon know that Jonathan’s in town on a layover (a long layover, considering he’s spending the night). Susan wants to take him to a party at Colin’s, which Brandon wasn’t interested in going to until he hears Jonathan’s going. Valerie’s excited to have a boyfriend on New Year’s Eve for the first time.

In the present, Valerie joins Clare and the storytellers and mentions that Donna called. Steve tells Clare that the parrot escaped and Clare’s being blamed. The story turns to Steve and Clare at the beach apartment before she left for San Diego. Joe’s fixing the bird’s cage door until they can get a new one. Clare asks them to shut the bird up, but they just laugh her off. Joe tells her that the cage latch is broken, so she shouldn’t open it. Clare sarcastically says that it would be a shame if the bird flew away.

David arrives in the present and hijacks the story to tell Clare about Colin’s New Year’s Eve party. At the party, David’s worried that Valerie’s going to do drugs with Colin’s junkie friends. They bicker but make up and plan to meet up at the After Dark later. Susan tries to find a date for Jonathan, who’s joining them for a Corrs concert that night. (Remember the Corrs?) Colin gives Valerie some cocaine to hold onto so Kelly doesn’t find it on him. Kelly sees them talking and is immediately mad. She’s also not very subtle about frisking Colin, supposedly for romantic purposes.

Present-day Clare reminds everyone that she just wants to know how Steve got his black eye. Steve tells her about the Corrs concert so we can kill a couple minutes. Austin and Ryan try to get into the After Dark for the concert, but Steve hasn’t put them on the guest list. When the guy at the door goes to check with Steve, of course the kids just sneak in. Jonathan joins Brandon and Susan and does the smartest thing Brandon’s girlfriend’s ex could ever do: He compliments Brandon’s Condor articles.

Valerie’s proud of the great turnout at the After Dark, but she’s distracted because David hasn’t arrived. That’s because he’s up in a tree, trying to help Donna get her parrot. The bird was out of her cage when Donna got back from Colin’s. Clare wants to jump to the end of the story and find out if they got the bird back. Instead, the story returns to Ryan and Austin at the After Dark. Steve sees them and learns that Nat let them in; the doorman asked if Steve’s brothers could come in, and Nat thought he meant frat brothers. Steve asks Kelly to collect them.

Colin goes to Valerie to get his drugs back, saying he can’t wait until she leaves after midnight. Valerie reluctantly hands them over. Steve and Kelly wrangle Austin and Ryan and eject them. Alone with Brandon, Jonathan announces that he still loves Susan and wants her back. Brandon wonders why he dumped Susan in the first place. Jonathan says she dumped him but won’t tell him why. He considers Brandon “irrelevant” (hey, me, too!) and is sure he’ll get his girlfriend back. Brandon’s so desperate to keep Susan away from Jonathan that he agrees to go dance.

Joe arrives at the beach apartment and takes over the bird rescue so David can go meet up with Valerie. He tries to call her, but she doesn’t pick up. That means Valerie has to spend another midnight on New Year’s Eve without a boyfriend. Jonathan watches sadly as Brandon and Susan make out. Kelly kisses Colin, then goes home to sleep since she has to get up early for the Tournament of Roses Parade. Jonathan decides to leave, too, but when he kisses Susan goodbye, he tries to turn it into a makeout session. Brandon chases him off, but Susan feels bad.

Back in the present, Steve laments missing that drama. He reveals that at midnight, he was in Valerie’s office, having phone sex with Clare. Brandon hasn’t talked to Susan since the party, and he thinks she should be the one to contact him first. Ryan and Austin are still around and let Valerie know that she looked hot at the party. Steve warns them that he’s going to tell Rush everything they did when he gets back. Valerie doesn’t think they deserve punishment, and Clare doesn’t get what they did that was so wrong. That’s because there’s more to the story, of course.

Steve leaves the After Dark party to find shaving cream all over his car. When he tries to go back into the club, he runs into a guy leaving with a mic stand and hits his eye. Valerie finds Colin high and drives him home. Nat makes his concerned face. Steve starts to hose off his car as David finally arrives, having been stopped at a sobriety checkpoint. That’s also where Valerie and Colin get stopped; fortunately, he’s already used all his cocaine, so they don’t get in any trouble. Or at least that’s what he tells Valerie after stashing his drugs in the ashtray.

Valerie tells Clare that she just took Colin home and went right back to the After Dark, but David’s skeptical. Kelly and Donna join the group, and Clare promises that she had nothing to do with the bird escaping. Joe retrieved her, so it’s all good, and Donna’s decided to give her to an aviary, so it’s all even better for Clare. But the bird’s escape leads to a fight between Joe and Donna, since she cares more about getting ready for the parade than she does about a bird he spent so long training. Also, he calls it “our bird,” which is kind of weird. Donna tells him not to come to Pasadena for the parade.

On the morning of New Year’s Day, Kelly goes to Colin’s loft to get him for the parade. She’s upset when she learns that he got high after she left the party, and now he doesn’t feel well enough to go. She refuses to take care of him since she spent so long taking care of Jackie. Colin says he’ll come to Pasadena after all, but Brandon skips the parade to look for Susan. He finds her and Jonathan at the Condor office and thinks they spent the night together. Jonathan apologizes for whatever he might have done the previous night to make Brandon mad, as if he doesn’t know. Susan doesn’t feel like fighting with Brandon right now.

Brandon turns on the TV to watch the parade, which Kelly, Steve, David, and Valerie have front-row seats for. Kelly blames Valerie for Colin’s state, even though she claims she would never touch cocaine. She gives Kelly the rest of Colin’s stash from the night before. Now Kelly can use it to confront Colin and see if he denies that it’s his. The Rose Court float goes by with Donna and the other girls looking like Disney princesses. Joe’s stuck in the back row, having arrived late, but he gets Donna’s attention and holds up a sign that says “Joe loves Donna” and “damn bird.”

In the present, Rush calls to talk to Steve, who plans to tell his father everything Ryan and Austin did all weekend. The boys beg Steve to keep quiet since their father only ever tells them how they’ve screwed up. Of course, Steve can relate, so he tells Rush the guys have been great and Steve wants them to stay longer. Then he makes his brothers rake and mow the yard. The gang laughs because the boys don’t know that the house has a gardener.

Susan shows up and tells Brandon that she made it clear to Jonathan that she wants Brandon. Brandon wonders why Jonathan has such a hold over her. But it doesn’t matter, since he’s decided not to ruin the good thing he has. Clare is all, “Yay, everyone got a happy ending!” Um, except Kelly, whose boyfriend is still a coke addict, but okay, Clare.

Thoughts: Ryan is played by Randy Spelling, as in Tori’s brother.

This episode is like a horrible version of How I Met Your Mother. Except instead of wanting to know who the mother is, Clare wants to know why Steve has a shiner. Not quite as compelling.

Colin has a payphone in his loft. The better to make calls to his dealer, I guess.

Heh, the parrot is still saying, “Damn bird.” I might actually miss it.

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