September 11, 2013
SVU #3, What Your Parents Don’t Know…: Jessica, Get Out Now!
Summary: Jessica’s about to move in with Mike, but he’s hours late to pick her up the night of the move. She’s rightfully ticked, but she forgets all about that when he gives her a car he restored. Jess also figures that the woman she kept seeing him with was helping him with the car. Now she’s happy again, and doesn’t even mind that much when Steven yells at her some more about being with Mike. She tells him they’re going to be living together and she doesn’t care what he thinks.
Jess still wants to be a Theta, but Mike doesn’t like that she spends so much time with them. This is a MAJOR RED FLAG for a relationship, but of course, Jessica doesn’t see it. She skips Theta meetings and events to be with Mike, and doesn’t tell the Thetas that they’re dating, let alone living together. Poor Isabella keeps lying to the VP, Alison, that Jess is still living with her.
Jessica has been spending a lot of money, and she’s down to less than a dollar in her bank account. She wants to cook dinner for Mike, so she pretends to be Elizabeth in order to withdraw $100 from her account. In a perfect world, this book would end with Jessica going to jail, but alas, this isn’t a perfect world. Elizabeth busts her and tells her to get a job. And Jess actually does! As a waitress! Which is one of the last things I would expect her to do!
The Thetas come to her restaurant one night and find out she’s working, and Alison is a total bitca about it, because Thetas don’t have to work for money – they’re either born with it or they marry someone who has it. Jessica finally tells them she’s done with them. Yay, now she has more time to spend with Mike! Who doesn’t like it when he comes home and she’s not there! This is totally another red flag that Jessica really needs to notice! Jess, wake up!
Tom and Elizabeth’s sports-scandal story is out, and they’re happy about their finished product and about their time working together. They quickly move on to their next project: frat hazing, specifically Sigma’s fishy practices. Winston is currently going through those fishy practices – and “fishy” is exactly the right word here, because one of the pledges’ tasks involves eating goldfish. He’s not allowed to talk to anyone outside the frat, so when Elizabeth approaches him to talk about the Sigmas, he runs away.
Liz and Tom decide to pursue the hazing story, and Elizabeth finds out that every seven years, a Sigma pledge dies during the hazing period. Tom has heard rumors of a secret society on campus, and they think it’s connected to the Sigmas. Denise (Winston’s almost-girlfriend) is also concerned with all the hazing and approaches Elizabeth about it.
Then Celine accidentally alerts Liz to what’s going on: Every seven years, the Sigmas single out a pledge who they think is weak, and they treat him worse than the others until he cracks (and, well, dies). This year, Winston is that pledge. Elizabeth and Tom rush over to the Sigma house, where a drunk Winston is on the roof, having been told to walk across it. They get him down and take him to the hospital.
In Elizabeth’s-love-life news: Liz suspects that Tom wrote the unsigned poem she received in the last book, but she’s still not completely sure. Nina thinks William wrote it. Celine decides to mess with Elizabeth, so she tells William about the poem, telling him Tom wrote it. Then she tells Tom that Elizabeth liked the poem. I’m…not really sure what Celine wants to accomplish here. She wants William for herself, but she’s actually doing Elizabeth a favor by letting Tom know that Liz is interested in him.
Anyway, William sends Elizabeth a bunch of white roses and asks her out. They have an okay time. When Tom finally gets up the courage to ask Liz out, she has to decline because she already has a second date lined up with William. Oh, the madness! After they save Winston, Tom comforts Elizabeth, who’s really shaken up over the situation, and they kiss. William interrupts. Ruh-roh!
Nina has her own love interest now: Bryan Nelson, a member of the Black Students Union who wants her to get more involved in the organization. They admit that their parents wouldn’t like them dating; Bryan’s father would find Nina too uninterested in her culture, and Nina’s mother would find Bryan too unsophisticated. (It’s implied that Nina’s mother basically wants her to act white.) Nina starts going to BSU events and gets more interested in Bryan. But the same night that Elizabeth and Tom save Winston from the roof, Nina and Bryan are jumped by a group of students in masks.
Steven is bugging Billie again with all his talk about how he doesn’t want Jessica to live with Mike. She finally tells him that if it’s that big a deal, he should tell their parents and let them deal with it. But Steven invokes the unspoken sibling code of having each other’s backs and doesn’t listen. Interesting, since I’m surprised Jessica didn’t expect him to tell their parents. Billie calls Steven a hypocrite, since they’re living together, too, but of course, it’s different for your little sister. He’s all, “No! I will break them up!” Billie’s all, “You’re sleeping on the couch tonight. And forever.”
In other, unimportant news: Isabella still likes Tom but thinks he and Liz are together, or at least going down that path. Alex is mad that Elizabeth broke the scandal story, since it affects Alex’s boyfriend. She thinks Liz is selfish, and that she wrote the story to get back at Todd for their breakup. Alex apparently shed all of her common sense when she shed the name Enid.
Thoughts: Whoever typeset this book was drunk, and whoever proofread it was even drunker.
The ghostwriter has a scary obsession with Karmann Ghias (misspelled through the entire book). Which are ugly, by the way.
Ned and Alice are going to be ticked when they find out they’re paying room and board for a dorm room Jessica’s not living in.
Jessica drives her new car for the first time and immediately hits something. She’s the Amanda Bynes of Sweet Valley.
No way Peter drives a Jeep. That’s like Bruce Patman driving a Jeep.
Elizabeth drinks wine at dinner with William! That’s crazy!
For not giving Jessica money after she spent all of hers on stupid stuff, Isabella gains major points in my book. Now she just needs an actual plot. So does Danny.