BH90210 7.1, Remember the Alamo: To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Love, Brandon Walsh

December 8, 2013

BH90210 7.1, Remember the Alamo: To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Love, Brandon Walsh

This is basically the whole show in a nutshell: Brandon stands up for the little guy, even though he’s not much bigger than the little guy

Summary: David and Donna are wrapping up a video shoot on the beach. The band wants to leave already, and David and Donna argue over what to do about them. David thinks they need to treat lightly; the band is MZA’s biggest act, and if they screw things up, their careers as producers could be over before they really start. At the beach apartment, Kelly welcomes Clare home from her summer vacation overseas. Kelly’s spent the summer in school, and Brandon and Steve have gone on the road trip Brandon and Susan were supposed to take.

Thanks to car troubles, Brandon and Steve are now stuck somewhere very southern and will be delayed in getting to the Alamo. Some rednecks hassle them. Steve’s annoyed that their journey home will also be delayed, which means an additional day without Clare. Brandon sends him home, and Steve asks him to keep quiet so he can surprise Clare. Brandon calls Valerie to tell her about the car problems (and also make sure she’s been paying the bills so he has a house to come home to). The After Dark isn’t doing well, so Valerie has set up a meeting with a CPA from Jim’s office. What Brandon doesn’t know is that Val has started smoking pot again.

Brandon goes to a library and chats with a girl about getting information on the Alamo. She calls him “sir” because it’s the south. Kelly and Clare catch up at a salon, expositioning that Clare went to Switzerland, and that Kelly has to intern at a care facility for one of her classes. Valerie shows up, and it’s clear that she and Kelly didn’t spend the summer strengthening their relationship. Speaking of relationships gone south, Ballen was reassigned, so he and Valerie aren’t together. Clare reveals that she’s heading to San Antonio that night to surprise Steve.

Brandon chats more with the girl at the library, suddenly realizing that she’s pretty. She’s also African-American, and another librarian disapproves of her talking to a white guy. Because apparently this is 1956, not 1996. Awesomely, the girl (Mariah) won’t stand for the librarian’s unjustified anger toward her, and she decides to quit. Brandon offers to buy Mariah lunch so he won’t feel so badly about contributing to her unemployment. The rednecks from earlier see them together and aren’t happy.

Valerie meets with Kenny Bannerman, the CPA, to discuss getting money so she can revitalize the After Dark. Donna’s assigned to keep an eye on a band member, Taz, at the beach apartment while the rest of the crew films. The guy is a Billy Idol reject who recognizes Kelly from her brief modeling days. Donna enlists Kelly to come back to the shoot with them so Taz will cooperate. Back in Southernville, Brandon and Mariah talk about traveling and relationships and Mariah’s desire to write a book about angels. They’re both boring.

The video shoot continues; it involves large alphabet blocks and people in weird, furry masks. Taz is distracted by Kelly, and David blasts Donna for bringing her along. Donna’s equally mad over him blaming her for Taz’s laziness, and she screams at Taz to get back to work. (It’s possibly the most awesome Donna has ever been and ever will be.) At the Walshes’, Valerie has a happy reunion with Steve, then realizes that Clare’s already on her way to surprise him in Texas. He’s afraid that Clare will get mad at him for not being there, so he decides to go back and meet her in Texas.

The redneck mechanics won’t work on Brandon’s car, and when Brandon confronts them, the racial slurs come out. Brandon tries to stand up for Mariah, but he’s way shorter than the rednecks, so that’s not going to go anywhere. Mariah pulls him away before things can get physical, then decides to leave so Brandon doesn’t have to deal with more bigotry. But we all know he doesn’t roll like that.

Back in Beverly Hills, there’s a wrap party for the video, and Nat and Joan attend, for some reason. Taz is still way too interested in Kelly. Valerie invites the band to play at the After Dark, but Taz ignores her. He loses interest in Kelly when she tells him she’ll be interning at an AIDS hospice. The discussion turns to Steve and Clare, and Kelly reports that Clare is on her way back to Beverly Hills. Steve can’t get back to Texas anyway because of heavy winds, so he and Clare are unknowingly stuck in the same airport.

David and Donna make up at the wrap party, though he’s worried that no one from MZA is there. Eric’s secretary arrives and tells them that Eric has been let go. David and Donna’s contracts are up for review in two weeks, and now that their boss is gone, this could be it for them at MZA. Mariah takes Brandon to her place for dinner and they continue to be boring. He admits that he doesn’t want to work on the Condor anymore because of Susan. Mariah decides to cheer him up with a trip to a bar to hear blues music.

At the bar, Brandon meets Mariah’s ex-boyfriend Daniel, who doesn’t like her hanging out with a white boy. Though Mariah decides that they should leave, she does tell Daniel that since they’re not together anymore, she can hang out with anyone she wants. Daniel still won’t let it go, so Mariah tells him he’s just as bad as the white rednecks in town. Steve and Clare spend the night at the airport, not seeing each other until the morning. Cue cheesy-rom-com-running-toward-each-other montage.

In Southernville, Brandon’s car is almost ready, so Mariah tries to rush him along. But it’s not because of all the conflict the two of them have been getting into: It’s because she wants to take a bus to New York and start her life as a writer. Kenny calls Valerie to discuss business, though he clearly would like to turn things personal. I guess we’re supposed to think that she likes him, but I have no idea why she would.

David bugs Donna to go with him to MZA and find out what’s going on with their jobs. Donna wants to relax since they’ve been working so hard. They don’t know what’s going to happen anyway, so why get stressed out? Donna’s fine with just being thankful for the experience and going back to school. David, however, wants to keep working, and isn’t pleased when she tells him she’s done with their partnership.

Brandon and Mariah say their goodbyes, and she basically says he’s an angel because he somehow convinced her to go to New York. Except he didn’t, really, and she basically could have left at any time. But it wouldn’t be this show without Brandon getting the credit for being someone’s hero. The rednecks are watching, so Brandon kisses Mariah before heading back to his boring life in Beverly Hills, where he’ll hopefully find another downtrodden soul to champion.

Thoughts: For those not familiar with To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Love, Julie Newmar, the inspiration for my post title, it’s pretty much just like this episode. Just substitute Brandon for Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes, and John Leguizamo; racism for homophobia; and Mariah’s dream of being a writer for…I don’t know, lots of stuff.

One of the rednecks asks if Steve and Brandon are gay, and Brandon replies, “Sorry, I couldn’t hear you – he had his tongue in my ear.” One point to Brandon.

Taz’s band is called Bad Cow. That’s kind of awesome.

Steve and Clare, you were only apart for three weeks. Calm down.

Kenny is totally creepy. Like, I can imagine Valerie opening her curtains and seeing him staring into her room.

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