April 20, 2014
BH90210 7.21, Straight Shooter: Dick Gets Regina Morrowed
Summary: Brandon, Steve, and Dick play basketball, practicing for a three-on-three tournament. Afterward, Brandon and Tracy smell pot. Two seconds later, Dick is high. Brandon worries that he and Steve will be stoned when it’s time to play in the tournament. Over at the beach apartment, Kelly packs for a weekend at a spa with Clare. She, Brandon, and Valerie roll their eyes over the sweet nothings Clare and Steve say to each other on the phone. Val gets a call from Gigi at Lala magazine, who wants to feature her in an article about cool people in Beverly Hills.
Donna meets David at the After Dark for an awkward conversation about their relationship. He still wants to be with Donna, and insists that nothing happened with Chloe, even though she came on to him. Donna assures David that she still cares about him, but she likes being with Cliff. David thinks she thinks less of him now because he wasn’t around during her hostage crisis. (Neither was Cliff, but whatever.) Nothing gets resolved, and Donna still plans to see Cliff, but David kind of wants her to choose between the two of them.
Valerie meets with Gigi, who wants to “hang with” her that night. She claims that the article she’s writing about Val will boost her coolness. At CU, the tournament begins, so cue the basketball montage. Tracy’s the only person we know in the stands, because she’s not allowed to have a plot that doesn’t revolve around Brandon.
Kelly and Clare check into their spa in Palm Springs and immediately attract the attention of two guys named Roger and Dean. The guys need a creative excuse to talk to them, so they ask if they’re parting of a Ukrainian folkdance troupe also staying there. Kelly and Clare play along with horrible Ukrainian/Russian accents. Clare is now Irina, and Kelly is now Katarina.
Donna meets Cliff at a marina (he’s staying on a friend’s boat while he’s in town) and he mentions that he saw her parents there that morning. He wants to take her sailing. Donna tells him she’s going to try to make things work with David. Cliff thinks that the fact that they met means they should be together, or something. Also, her parents invited them to brunch the next day, so they’ll have to see each other again.
Roger and Dean send Kelly and Clare a dinner invitation; Clare wants to accept but Kelly doesn’t. Clare turns the guys down but for some reason thinks they’re not going to give up. Brandon, Steve, and Dick make it to the semifinals of the tournament and celebrate by letting Tracy cook them dinner. Dick apologizes for making Brandon uncomfortable with his drug use, promising that he doesn’t want to put himself in a bad position in case he risks his plans for grad school.
Roger and Dean track down Kelly and Clare, so that ruse is still going. The guys claim to be software developers, having created both screensavers and the website for Mission: Impossible. Yeah, sure. Some of the real Ukrainian dancers pass by but don’t blow the girls’ covers. Kelly and Clare agree to hang out with the guys the next day.
At the After Dark, Donna tells David that she told Cliff they can’t date anymore, but she has to have brunch with him and her parents the next day. David worries that Felice will throw her support behind Cliff. Brandon, Steve, Dick, and Tracy hang out with some girl Dick can’t stop making out with. Dick’s high, but Brandon’s “tired of being the narc” and decides not to say anything FOR ONCE IN HIS LIFE.
Donna mopes at the Peach Pit, starting to tell Nat about her David problems. Then she spots Cliff and agrees to have coffee with him. Dick scores some heroin, which he’s never used before, and invites Steve to partake. Steve declines, not wanting to have to inject anything, but changes his mind when Dick says they can snort it. He plans to meet Dick later to get his own share. Meanwhile, Valerie arrives with Gigi and an entourage covering the club for the magazine.
Steve goes into the bathroom to get Dick, finding him half-conscious on the floor. Dick says he doesn’t want to die. Steve tells him he won’t, frantically trying to keep him awake. David learns of the overdose and quietly informs Valerie, who slips away from the magazine folks. Cliff gives Dick CPR while Brandon looks on judgmentally and Valerie looks on all, “This is really going to make me look bad in that magazine article.”
Eventually paramedics arrive and take Cliff away. Valerie asks if Gigi’s going to use this little incident in her article, as if Gigi would leave out such a juicy story. Steve tells the police that Dick got the heroin from a dealer at the After Dark, so now Valerie has to answer some questions. She swears that she didn’t know there was any drug-dealing going on at the club, and that it’s never been a problem before.
Brandon tries to hide his judginess while Cliff confides to Donna that despite his attempts at CPR, Dick was already dead when Cliff got to him. David and Cliff get into a petty fight, and Cliff has a hard time not looking smug when the police want to talk to David about his possible connection to the heroin.
In Palm Springs the next morning, Kelly greets Dean and Roger while Clare gets a phone call from Donna telling her that Dick is dead. Donna’s surprised that Steve hasn’t called Clare yet. The guys hear Kelly on the phone, not using her accent, and blast her for her lies. In Beverly Hills, Steve ignores Clare’s phone call and tries to self-medicate with pot. Super Brandon swoops in to save the day.
Donna shows up late for brunch and immediately gets into a fight with Felice over whether David and Valerie were connected to the drugs. Cliff reveals that he got a job in Florida but would like to stay in Beverly Hills if he and Donna are going to be together. Of course, that’s what Felice would like. Valerie and David are released from questioning, and their lawyer doesn’t think they’ll be in any trouble. He advises them to beef up security and make it clear that no drugs are allowed at the club.
While Brandon and Steve go to the tournament to formally forfeit, Donna gets a note from David telling her he loves her. She wants to leave brunch to meet him. Felice objects, but Dr. Martin first says Donna should invite David to join them, then tells her it’s okay for her to leave. Felice tells Cliff to do something about the situation, because she’s awful. Donna tells Cliff to take the job in Florida because she’s going to be with David.
That night, Brandon, Steve, and Tracy arrive at the After Dark to see that people have set up a shrine to Dick outside. Someone put a bong there, so stay classy, Beverly Hills stoners. Steve smashes it and lectures everyone about how drugs are stupid, not cool. (Pretty much his exact words.) He says that he could have died since he was going to use heroin, too.
Steve tells everyone that Dick’s last words were, “I don’t want to die.” He wants everyone to remember Dick as a scholar and an athlete whose life was cut short by drugs. They should remember that he wanted to live. Brandon lets Steve put Dick’s basketball jersey on the shrine because Steve has passed Brandon’s Morals and Ethics 101, and this is his prize.
Thoughts: I know next to nothing about drugs, but I’m pretty sure Dick, who’s smoked pot before, wouldn’t be able to get high from one toke. Actually, I’m pretty sure he wasn’t even gone long enough to light the joint.
Brandon has an actual funny line, after Valerie says that the article is about cool people no one’s heard of: “I’ve heard of you.”
Rule number one of assuming a false identity: Don’t pretend you’re from a foreign country if you don’t speak that country’s language.
Yes, Valerie, you look super-cool dancing in front of a giant peach.
Cliff giving Dick CPR is a nice nod to continuity – he’s a firefighter, so he would know it.
Poor guy, though. Who would choose David over him??