July 27, 2014

BH90210 8.1, Aloha Beverly Hills, Part 1: Hilary Swank Thinks Steve Is a Jerk

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , at 2:31 pm by Jenn

One of these people has two Oscars. The other did two "Sharknado" movies

One of these people has two Oscars. The other did two “Sharknado” movies

Summary: Brandon narrates for us the fact that the gang has now graduated from college. Then he gives us an overview of their summer activities. Donna went to confession to admit she lost her virginity, but kept it quiet from Felice. Valerie got a job (which didn’t last) and put blond streaks in her hair (which did). Steve was hired as KEG’s alumni advisor, but the job didn’t pay much. Kelly moved in with Brandon.

And now, the present! Brandon’s desperate for a newspaper job but can’t even get hired to write obituaries. Kelly finds cards from Tracy in one of Brandon’s drawers, and Brandon quickly reminds her that he broke up with Tracy for Kelly, so there’s no reason to be jealous. Kelly points out that he didn’t have to keep mementos. Valerie accidentally adds to the tension by commenting on how pretty Kelly has made the bedroom (which Brandon doesn’t seem to appreciate).

Over at the beach apartment, David and Donna’s honeymoon appears to be over. She wants him to move in, but she wants them to have separate bedrooms. Donna blames it on Felice, saying she doesn’t want to upset her mother. David isn’t willing to be his girlfriend’s roommate – either they live together and share a room, or he lives somewhere else.

At the Walshes’, everyone’s unemployed two months post-graduation, though Val claims to have a new “executive” job. Steve’s still able to pay his rent, though. Valerie perks up when she learns that he has a savings account. Kelly asks Steve to take Erin to her soccer game, like, of all of the people on this show, Steve is the last person I’d think of to be responsible for my little sister.

Donna collects her allowance from her father, who’s mostly recovered from his stroke. He also has a lead on a job as a second assistant stylist. Brandon thinks he and Kelly should go on vacation, but she actually has a job (at some foundation) that starts the next week. Also, they don’t have money, so how would they pay for this vacation? Brandon throws away all his Tracy stuff, then pulls some pictures back out to look at. Kelly catches him.

Steve hangs out at Erin’s soccer game, offering tips to a kid named Zach. His mother, Carly, objects to her child talking to strangers. Steve’s like, “What’s wrong with a kid chatting with a strange man who doesn’t even have a child in this soccer game I’m attending?” He tells Carly that Zach’s father should teach him to stick up for himself. Carly calls Steve a jerk. After she and Zach leave, Erin informs Steve that Zach doesn’t have a father.

Donna is invited to meet with someone about the assistant position. Meanwhile, David works at the After Dark, which is having financial problems. He’s also keeping all his stuff in his office until he figures out where he’s living. Donna suggests that he stay on her parents’ boat if he’s not going to move into the beach apartment. On their way home from the soccer game, Steve encounters Carly having car trouble and offers his help. She’s not interested, though he knows what he’s talking about. Oh, just make out already.

Kelly and Donna go shopping and discuss whether Donna and David should rush into living together. Kelly admits that shacking up with Brandon isn’t as great as she expected. She mentions the Tracy stuff, and Donna laughs at her because she probably has some of Dylan’s stuff lying around. They learn that Valerie’s “executive” job is spritzing perfume at the mall, and Kelly promises not to tell anyone, which means everyone will know in two hours.

Speaking of secrets, David complains to Brandon and Steve about how Donna hasn’t told her parents they had sex. Brandon points out that Donna must already feel guilty for having premarital sex, and she doesn’t want her parents to make her feel any guiltier. David sees Donna stalling as a lack of commitment. Brandon tells him that living with his girlfriend isn’t 100 percent awesome. He thinks he’ll try to smooth things over with Kelly by throwing her a surprise birthday party.

Kelly and Donna pick up Donna’s birth control at a drugstore, and guess who else is there? Felice! Oh, the irony! Kelly quickly covers, saying the pills are hers. Later, Donna goes to her job interview, which is now for a first assistant instead of a second one. She’d be helping out on a swimsuit catalog shoot with a famous photographer…in Honolulu. Donna gets the job easily, but the interviewer feels ill and jets off soon after hiring her.

The guys spend a boring night at the After Dark, thought at least Steve likes the waitresses’ new uniforms (which Donna designed). Valerie shows up and slams David for screwing up an alcohol order, which resulted in a lack of white wine. Steve hits on a waitress who tells him she’s not allowed to date customers. He tells her he’ll talk to David and get him to make an exception.

Valerie apologizes to David, then warns that if he doesn’t ramp things up, the club will go under, and soon. She proposes that she buy back in and they work together the way they used to. David won’t accept if it means hurting his relationship with Donna. Donna arrives and announces that she’s going to Hawaii for a photo shoot. She wants David to come along, and he invites the rest of the gang to come, too. Steve decides to use his “emergency fund” to pay everyone’s way. Val says she’s too busy to go.

But at the house the next day, Valerie ambushes Steve in the shower to ask him to loan her money for the trip. He agrees, as long as they share a room. She insists that they’re not going to hook up again like they did the night of their graduation party (twice), and bargains him down to separate beds in the same room.

Kelly tries to get Brandon to help her pick out wallpaper for their room, getting mad when he tells her he really doesn’t care. He knows she’s really just upset about his Tracy mementos. Valerie pops in to announce that she’s going on the trip, and she super-hopes Kelly can come along. Kelly can’t, so Brandon says he’ll stay home, too. Kelly tells him to go since they clearly need some time apart.

Steve goes out with the waitress, who’s too dumb even for him. Guess who their waitress is? Carly! Steve’s date thinks she’s rude, Carly thinks she’s dumb, and everyone’s right, but Carly’s the only one who gets in trouble. “I think she likes me,” Steve says after Carly dumps a drink in his lap. The day everyone leaves for Hawaii, Brandon still hasn’t 100 percent decided if he’s going. He’s sorry that he’ll have to miss Kelly’s birthday. Kelly encourages him to go, then cries when he leaves.

Thoughts: Yes, friends, we’ve reached the Hilary Swank episodes.

’90s music alert: Foo Fighters’ “Monkey Wrench.”

Poor Erin. Her parents, brother, and sister all ditch her soccer game and send her with her siblings’ friend.

Are the Martins paying the full rent on the three-bedroom beach apartment? Maybe Donna should move into a smaller place?

Steve, trying to guess where Donna’s going: “Borneo?” Brandon: “Burma!” Steve: “Why’d you say that?” Brandon: “I don’t know. I panicked.” Sometimes Brandon makes me laugh (on purpose).

Wish I could just jet off to Hawaii whenever I felt like it. “Oh, you’re going to Hawaii? I think I’ll tag along.” Maybe I just need richer friends.

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