November 9, 2014
BH90210 8.16, Illegal Tender: Torn in Two
Summary: David’s thrilled to see his first music review published in the Beverly Beat. Not so thrilled is Jamie, the singer whose performance he reviewed, who comes to the Beverly Beat‘s offices to trash David for not knowing anything about music. She reveals that the owner of the club where she was performing fired her after the bad review. Brandon takes Emma’s tape back to her, eager to find out if there are any other copies that might find their way to Kelly. Emma won’t answer him.
Back at the Beverly Beat, Brandon tells Steve that Emma’s out as a writer, which doesn’t make Steve happy. He asks for a reason, and Brandon confesses that he cheated on Kelly with Emma. He’s trying to write a confessional letter, but Steve has a different idea: Make Kelly the new advice columnist, write an anonymous letter about an affair, and see how she responds. For some reason, Brandon doesn’t think taking Steve’s lead is a bad idea.
David asks Valerie to let Jamie perform at the After Dark. The performance he reviewed wasn’t good, but her CD is. Valerie is hesitant to do David any favors, but she agrees to give Jamie a chance. The club has a “ringside” night that evening, where people can watch a boxing match. Duke pops in, to Noah’s dismay. Next door at the Peach Pit, Donna invites Carly and Zach on a shopping trip. Steve’s currently out spending time with Zach, because he’s kind of awesome now.
Noah catches Valerie and Duke settling up and orders them to stop acting like the After Dark is a casino. Duke’s annoyed to learn that Noah didn’t know about their deal, though Valerie told him management was all on board. Noah makes Duke take all the money, then orders Val to give back everything she’s made from her customers’ gambling. As soon as Noah leaves, Valerie tells a customer that she’s still accepting bets.
Steve returns Zach to his mother, warning him not to tell Carly about all the junk food they ate. Carly’s upset that Steve didn’t walk Zach through the parking lot. Steve thinks she’s overreacting, since a six-year-old is mature enough to know not to walk in front of a car. Kelly likes her new role as advice columnist, reading Brandon a letter from “Torn in Two,” the fake girlfriend of the fake adulterer. Brandon thinks Torn in Two should forgive her boyfriend since he’s remorseful and came clean. Kelly won’t tell Brandon her first impression of the situation.
The next morning, Steve pushes Kelly to get her column in early. Kelly reports that she’s going to write about infidelity, and promises to be objective. Jamie’s appreciative of the chance to perform at the After Dark, and thanks David with a kiss on the cheek. A jealous Valerie intimidates her by warning her not to screw anything up. Noah asks Valerie about Duke’s money, which she swears she’s working on giving back. She complains that Donna turned him into someone who’s no fun.
Donna, Carly, and Zach go to the mall, which is also sort of an amusement park. Donna gushes about how great Noah is, and how confident she feels in their relationship. David tells Valerie to back off of Jamie, admitting that she makes him want to get back into music. But he doesn’t want to make another investment in something that won’t work out – like his relationship with Val, if she doesn’t cut out the jealousy.
At the Walshes’, Brandon’s about to tell Kelly he cheated when Emma calls. Kelly picks up the phone just as Steve does, and hears Steve tell Emma that it’s over. Kelly realizes that the letter from Torn in Two is about Emma…but she thinks the one who cheated with her is Steve, not Brandon. Valerie meets with Duke to assure him that their deal is still on. He tells her he’ll be sending an associate to collect his take from now on.
At the mall, Zach spots a balloon escaping from a clown’s handful and chases after it. Carly and Donna quickly panic and start looking around for him. Once Zach has the balloon, he can’t find his mom. At the Beverly Beat, Brandon warns Steve about the misunderstanding just before Kelly arrives to bash Steve for cheating on Carly. Brandon plays along, because he’s a jerk. Kelly agrees not to tell Carly.
Carly beats herself up for losing her son just a day after she got mad at Steve for not holding Zach’s hand. Poor Zach sits by himself, crying, until a guy who’s either a friendly businessman or a child molester offers to help him find Carly. Kelly goes to Emma’s place and greets her with a slap. Emma’s happy to clear up her misconceptions and informs her that she slept with Brandon, not Steve. She plays Kelly the tape to prove it.
Valerie apologizes to David for getting jealous, then gives him a really nice keyboard. At the mall, Carly and Donna learn that Zach was seen with a man and think he was kidnapped. Brandon assures Steve that they’re now even for everything Steve has ever done. Kelly sends in her response to Torn in Two, which advises the writer to dump her cheating boyfriend because she can never trust him again.
Carly and Donna go to mall security, where Zach is waiting for them. So it looks like the guy who found him was just a nice guy who was dumb enough to offer candy to a kid. Jamie hears David playing the keyboard at the After Dark and realizes that he’s a musician after all. He realizes that she gave a poor performance the other night because of stage fright. He advises Jamie to focus on one person in the audience. She asks if she can focus on him.
Carly thanks Donna for helping her stay calm when Zach was missing. Steve apologizes for not being more careful with Zach earlier, but Carly now understands that you can’t always be a perfect parent. Jamie’s performance at the After Dark goes well, and Valerie isn’t even jealous that Jamie’s focusing on David. Jamie gets David to play keyboard on a song. Duke’s guy arrives to get his money, and while Valerie’s away with him, David focuses on Donna in the crowd.
Valerie hands over Duke’s money, but quickly learns that the person who came to get it isn’t Duke’s guy – he’s an undercover cop. Val and Noah are both arrested for illegal gambling. David promises Donna that he didn’t know anything about Valerie’s crimes. As soon as Brandon gets home, Kelly plays him Emma’s tape. He assures her that Emma meant nothing and he only loves Kelly. Kelly doesn’t care. She’s moving back to the beach apartment, and she wants nothing more to do with Brandon.
Thoughts: Jamie is played by actual singer Jamie Blake, who was apparently sort of famous in the ’90s, though I’ve never heard of her. I thought she looked familiar, but then I realized that she just looks like everyone did in the ’90s.
David, you can’t be a critic. You need tougher skin. (Well, so does Jamie.)
It’s bad that I can’t tell the difference between David and Valerie when they’re dating and when they’re not dating.
Donna, just say no to velvet belly shirts.