May 24, 2015
BH90210 9.12, Trials and Tribulations: Dylan Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things
Summary: Dylan goes out to Marchette’s mansion to confront him (with a gun) for moving Toni’s body. Instead, he ends up holding the people who now live there at gunpoint. They tell him that Marchette committed suicide after Toni died. Matt teases Kelly for not wanting to use his toothbrush even though they just had sex. Janet warns Donna and Noah (who are about to have sex themselves) that Steve’s in a bad mood because all the guys from his seminar are mad at him.
Gina’s waiting for Dylan when he gets home, desperate to keep him from using. She tells David that Dylan has the flu and will spend the night with her at the beach apartment. After he sleeps for a while, Gina confronts him over buying a gun and going after Marchette. She promises to stay with him and help him through withdrawal. Dylan doesn’t think she’ll want to be with him after seeing him like that.
Steve complains to Janet about how Kelly told all of the girls at the After Dark to go slowly (which he thinks made them turn down the seminar attendees), then went and had sex with Matt. Janet points out that they’ve been dating for a while. Plus, Steve shouldn’t consider his attendees having sex with people they just met to be a triumph. To add insult to injury, everyone in the class demands their money back, wanting to take Steve to small-claims court. David admits that he used the dead-grandmother story and scored.
The Martins are off on vacation in Amish country, so Noah suggests that he and Donna housesit for them. Donna isn’t really into having a romantic weekend in her childhood home. But since there are so many people hanging out at the Walsh house nowadays, it’s hard for them to find privacy, so Donna changes her mind. Kelly gives Matt a toothbrush to keep for her at the Walshes’ house. He introduces her to someone as his friend, which bugs her.
Steve tells Matt that he’s being taken to court, but since it’s small-claims, lawyers aren’t allowed. He suggests that they go on the show Judge Mary. Steve likes the idea of getting some publicity while he’s garnering sympathy. Matt’s like, “The judge is a woman. She’ll hate you.” Kelly tells Donna about the toothbrush, kicking herself for being so forward and only being rewarded with the “friend” label. Donna urges her to play it cool. She admits that she’s a little jealous because Kelly’s at the start of a relationship, which is always fun.
Dylan and Gina are all happy at the beach apartment, but when he won’t eat, she thinks he’s wasted. Because cooking spaghetti for someone you thought was going through withdrawal was a good idea? David goes on a date with Gertrude, the woman he picked up using Steve’s story. She encourages him to talk to the kids in her community-center program because, like some of them, he’s an orphan. Wow, this woman is naïve.
Someone called the cops after seeing Dylan’s motorcycle at Marchette’s mansion, and they track Dylan down. To make matters worse, they find drugs on him, so Dylan will be spending the night in lockup. Donna and Noah are excited to have privacy at her parents’ house, but it lasts for about ten seconds. All the carpets in the house are being replaced, so there will be workmen in and out. Womp womp!
Gina visits Dylan in lockup, where he demands that she bring Matt to get him out. She knows he just wants to be released so he can get drugs. Steve goes on Judge Mary, whose eponymous ruler doesn’t seem to like anyone involved. Steve’s anxious because David, his “star witness,” hasn’t arrived. Kelly tries to make plans with Matt, but he’s busy. She’s not exactly taking Donna’s advice, since one of her suggestions for something to do is taking a trip to Santa Monica.
Gina arrives to announce that Dylan was arrested. Kelly tells her that she knew Marchette was dead but didn’t tell Dylan because he doesn’t like to talk about the family. Gina makes her leave before she tells Matt about the drugs. Janet tries to leave the courtroom when they show the video of Steve practicing his dead-grandmother story on her. Judge Mary calls her to testify about the technique. David arrives but doesn’t want to have to admit that the line worked, since he actually likes Gertrude.
Dylan is facing jail time for the drugs and assault, and if he pleads guilty, he won’t get bail. Matt says he has to spend at least 48 more hours in lockup before his arraignment. If he does make bail, Matt will make him go to rehab. Gina comes for another visit, and Dylan asks her to bring him some drugs from his stash. He’s already pretty sick, so he’s desperate. Gina won’t do what he asks.
Judge Mary rules that even though David may have had success with one of Steve’s techniques, and even though the seminar attendees might not have applied the techniques properly, the plaintiffs should get their money back. Noah and Donna try to find a place to have sex, since, as she already pointed out, they’re in childhood home. They settle on the hallway. Sexy.
Kelly and Matt have dinner at the beach apartment, talking about Dylan. Also sexy. She wonders if Matt still thinks there’s something going on between her and Dylan. Matt assures her that everything with them is fine, and Dylan isn’t the reason he didn’t want to go away for the weekend – it’s a money issue. Kelly finally mentions that she’s annoyed that Matt called her a “friend.” Matt goes outside and yells that Kelly’s his girlfriend.
Donna and Noah almost get fined for accidentally setting off the house alarm while trying to have sex. They really got the lame plotline in this episode, didn’t they? Dylan calls Gina to ask again for drugs. He wants to feel well when he goes to rehab after his arraignment the next day. Gina refuses again but is less adamant this time.
Noah and Donna finally get some alone time in the pool, just before everyone comes over for a barbecue. Matt gets Dylan out of jail so he can go to rehab, but Gina hasn’t shown up with his drugs, so he’s anxious. Matt wants Dylan to go to the barbecue with him and let his friends know what’s going on so they can support him. He warns Dylan that he’ll go back to jail if he uses again, no matter how rich he is.
Donna and Janet tease David about his new relationship; he says he doesn’t want his friends to meet Gertrude yet because they’re taking things slowly. Everyone notices that Dylan doesn’t look great. Even though he lost on Judge Mary, Steve’s thrilled to get some publicity (and he gets to be on TV). While the gang watches his episode, Gina arrives with Dylan’s drugs. She realizes once again that he’s using her.
Gertrude shows up, having been secretly invited by Janet, who used to volunteer at the community center. Of course, she sees him on Judge Mary and learns that the story he told her was a lie. So that’s it for David and Gertrude. Janet doesn’t feel bad at all, which is pretty funny. Donna catches Gina and Dylan fighting, and as Dylan starts talking to Donna, he accidentally knocks her into the pool. She hits her head and loses consciousness while Dylan spaces out. Steve and David pull Donna out of the water and Noah tries to revive her with CPR. Dylan’s in la-la land.
Thoughts: Judge Mary is played by Cristine Rose, who I last recapped on “Party of Five.”
Steve offered a money-back guarantee on the seminar, so the attendees didn’t need to take him to court. They just needed to ask for their money back. The plot would have made more sense if they’d asked for the money, Steve had refused, and they’d taken him to court to get it.
“I brought the onion dip. Are you guys naked?” Finally, Kelly said something charming.
I like Janet more and more each week. All hail Janet!