June 7, 2015
BH90210 9.14, I’m Married: And That’s Why You Don’t Get Revenge
Summary: The gang is playing strip poker at the Walshes’ house, and it looks like Noah’s winning. Matt’s in New York with Lauren, who we learn spent the past few years in an institution, being treated for schizophrenia. She’s in some sort of recovery phase now, and wants to go to L.A. with Matt so they can have a life together. He pretends there won’t be any problem with that. Steve is the official loser of strip closer, as he’s left with no clothes. Kelly screams when he drops his boxers, but Janet takes a nice, long look.
Dylan reports for community service at a construction site, working for a boss who seems to be practicing his audition for Cool Hand Luke. They’re supposed to be building a fence to prevent a rock slide, but one of the other workers, Ramon, thinks digging will actually cause the rock slide. The supervisor makes a bunch of racist remarks and ignores his concerns. Dylan and Roman dig anyway, so I guess if they get killed by falling rocks, their families can sue the supervisor?
Steve’s still a little ticked about the poker game, and after Noah leaves, he tells Donna that he’s plotting revenge. He checked out the glasses Noah wore during the game, having claimed his contacts were bothering him. The cards were marked, and the glasses allowed him to cheat. Donna agrees to help Steve get revenge. At the Peach Pit, Nat mentions to David that a health inspector is coming tomorrow for both the diner and the After Dark. We should probably remember that in case it’s important later.
David encounters a studio executive who’s reading a book she really likes. She tells him it’s about a couple who can’t quite get together because the guy disappears. Donna and Steve pull David away to help them get revenge on Noah, which means David and the woman can’t get together because he’s disappearing. Hey, just like the couple in the book! Matt and Kelly chat at the boutique about going away for the weekend, and he doesn’t mention Lauren.
David lets Steve mess with a tank of CO2 at the After Dark so it’ll malfunction when Noah uses it. I’m sure that won’t happen when the health inspector is around. Lauren drops by Matt’s office, impressed that he’s a lawyer and doing what he wants. He admits that he’s dating someone, but he’s happy that Lauren’s there. As Steve, David, and Donna wait impatiently for Noah to pull out the new CO2 tank, Dylan tells Gina that his day at community service was boring. Gina meets Dylan’s NA sponsor, Linda, and quickly flees because she’s pretty.
Noah finally changes CO2 tanks and soaks himself. Steve literally tells him to take off his clothes, making his motives for this revenge scheme seem a little different from what he claimed they were. Kelly tries to call Matt, who’s been out with Lauren. Lauren wants to have sex, but Matt wants to move slowly. She confronts him for appearing to hide him, though he says he’s only checked her into a hotel because the house is so crazy. Unable to reach her boyfriend, Kelly cancels their weekend plans.
Noah gets revenge for Steve’s revenge by making him dye his hair green. In Mature Adult Land, Kelly confronts Matt for being so distant. He approves of her decision to cancel their weekend plans. Kelly asks him to meet at the After Dark that night so they can talk about their relationship. David ditches Nat, who’s nervous about the approaching health inspection, so he can reconnect with Carole, the exec from the day before. They bond over their love of the movie Cinema Paradiso. It happens to be playing that night, so they make a date to see it together.
Steve comes to the club with a cage containing something that squeals. Guess who else is there? The health inspector! Steve releases a rat just as the inspector finds a mousetrap. Donna finds the whole thing amusing, but Noah’s justifiably upset. Steve reveals that the health inspector isn’t really a health inspector, just a guy named Hal. Suddenly Hal starts gasping and collapses. Noah can’t find a pulse, so he tells Donna to call 911. Steve admits that he didn’t tell Hal about the rat. Donna gets all frantic as Noah flings Hal’s body around. The health inspector arrives while Noah stashes Hal in an empty fridge.
At community service, Ramon tells Dylan he’s there because he fell asleep driving home from his night shift. He hit a parked car and was charged with reckless driving. Their supervisor mocks him for reading up on getting his contractor’s license. Dylan stands up to him, so now he’s on the supervisor’s bad side, though I’m not sure the supervisor has a good side. I hope Ramon saves his life after a rock slide or something.
The After Dark passes the inspection, which apparently went very quickly, as the paramedics haven’t even arrived yet. But when Noah, Donna, and Steve go to get Hal’s body, the fridge is gone. Before they can react to Nat’s announcement that the fridge was taken to a salvage yard, the paramedics arrive. Noah pretends someone made a prank call. The paramedics buy the story, just telling Steve, “Nice hair.”
Somewhere downtown, David tries to get Gina to calm down about Dylan having a hot sponsor. He tells her to follow Dylan’s lead and let him steer his recovery. The two of them spot Matt and Lauren together, acting very close. Donna, Steve, and Noah head to the salvage yard, but the fridge has been crushed and compressed already. Poor dead Hal. A guy at the yard comments on Steve’s hair, which I guess is supposed to pass for a running joke in this episode.
Lauren wonders if she and Matt and their random balloon hats are crazy for spending time together again. She tells him to stay with Kelly if she makes him happy. At the boutique, Gina tells Kelly that Dylan’s hanging out with someone she doesn’t know; how would Kelly feel if Matt hung out with someone she doesn’t know? Kelly finally gets her to spill that Matt might be seeing someone else. Dylan talks to Ramon about his recovery, and how he’s not sure what will happen next. Right now, he can only focus on building the fence. Ramon encourages him to think about his future; otherwise, he’ll always be working one fence at a time.
Suddenly, rocks fall and Dylan pushes Ramon out of their path. The supervisor yells at them for not securing the rocks. Dylan yells back at him to take it easy since Ramon could have been hurt. The supervisor, of course, doesn’t care. Knowing he’s going to get in trouble anyway, Dylan starts a fight, getting off a good punch in the supervisor’s face. Ramon’s upset that his sentence could be extended. Dylan thinks he was right for fighting injustice, but Ramon doesn’t want Dylan’s behavior affecting his life.
Noah, Steve, and Donna return to the After Dark, wondering how to tell Hal’s wife what happened to her husband. Noah thinks it’s Steve’s responsibility. David goes to the movie theater to meet Carole, but she doesn’t show, and the phone number she gave him is wrong. Gina tries for romance as well, wanting to get Dylan’s mind off of everything (but mostly Linda, I would imagine). While David leaves the theater, having been stood up, a call from Linda interrupts Dylan and Gina’s evening together.
Matt’s also been stood up, so he goes to the beach apartment to see Kelly. She confronts him over Gina’s accusations, refusing to believe him when he says Lauren isn’t his girlfriend. Dylan takes responsibility for what happened the day before, asking the supervisor not to extend Ramon’s sentence. He already has two jobs and attends night school while trying to support his family. The supervisor doesn’t care.
Donna thinks Kelly should fight for Matt, reminding her that Dylan fought for her when he came back. Steve arrives to collect Donna, and Kelly, of course, comments on his hair. Ramon’s sentence hasn’t been extended after all, thanks to Dylan’s willingness to take the blame for something that wasn’t his fault. He thinks Dylan is worth saving. Steve and Donna tell Hal’s wife about his death, which leads to her own collapse. Oh, maybe this is the running joke of the episode.
Dylan goes to see Gina at the apartment, but she slaps him. Freaking A, Gina. Calm down. He tells her that he used to be motivated by revenge and drugs, the two things that got him up in the morning. Now they’re gone, and he doesn’t know what to do. Gina’s happy with him again. I do not understand this woman. Carole comes to the After Dark to explain why she missed the movie (her mom was in an accident) and reveal that David wrote her number down wrong. She’s heading to Chicago to be with her mother, so it looks like David’s staying single for now.
Hal’s wife shows up at the club, followed by Hal himself. Noah was in on the whole thing. Donna and Steve hired Hal to trick Noah, but when Hal called to work out the details, Noah picked up the phone and took over the prank. Donna’s able to laugh off the whole thing, and though Steve’s not amused, he’s able to get over it when Noah soaks himself again. Kelly goes to Matt to try to work things out, finally meeting Lauren and learning who she is. She’s not Matt’s girlfriend, she’s his wife.
Thoughts: I’m pretty sure NA sponsors are supposed to be the same gender as their sponsees (is that a word? It is now), but that leaves us without a jealousy-based story, and we couldn’t have that, could we?
Donna is a horrible actress. Less flailing next time, Martin.
It would have been funnier if Nat had been behind the whole prank with Hal.
Speaking of the prank, that escalated quickly, huh? It went from Noah soaking himself to Noah making Steve and Donna think they’d killed someone.
The last scene would have had more of an impact if the title of the episode hadn’t been “I’m Married.”