October 10, 2017

SVT #108, Cammi’s Crush: The Three Matchketeers

Posted in books tagged at 5:06 pm by Jenn

The phones! Hee hee hee!

Summary: Principal Clark announces that the school district wants to honor a Scholar of the Semester, a student from any school in the area who has the highest GPA for the semester. There are three finalists, and two are from SVMS – Cammi Adams and Randy Mason. (Elizabeth is out of the running thanks to a B she was given after a fight with a home-ec teacher over the proper consistency of brownies.) If Cammi or Randy wins, Mr. Clark will give the entire sixth grade a picnic and an entire day off from anything school-related, including homework.

Jessica is desperate for that day off, and she takes it upon herself to ensure that one of her classmates wins the competition. After Elizabeth talks her out of getting the unknown third student eliminated (and Jessica figures she couldn’t pull that off anyway), Jess approaches Cammi with an offer to sabotage Randy. Cammi notes that the third student could still beat her, so that’s no guarantee. Jess advises her to suck up to her teachers, but Cammi wants to win fair and square. Jessica next approaches Randy about sabotaging Cammi, but he has the same attitude Cammi does, wanting to rely on his intelligence to win, since that’s what’s gotten him this far.

Both Cammi and Randy start getting paranoid that the other has agreed to work with Jessica to sabotage him or her. They decide to worker harder than ever to take their grades from straight A’s to straight A+s. But one morning, Cammi oversleeps, misses a quiz, and has to hand in crumpled homework, earning herself two F’s from a cranky substitute, Ms. Sherman. Later in the day, Randy accidentally rips a project he spent extra time on and earning himself a 0 from another cranky sub, Mr. Jules.

Thanks to one teacher out on paternity leave and another out with a broken ankle, the SVMS students are stuck with Ms. Sherman and Mr. Jules for a while, and no one’s happy about it. They’re tough graders, taking off points for poor penmanship, and they have no sympathy over the amount of work the kids have to do for other classes. Randy and Cammi realize that they won’t be getting a break from these two, so they both turn to Jessica for help getting their grades back up. Because…that’s exactly who anyone would think of for that?

Jessica’s first instinct is to find a way to get rid of Ms. Sherman and Mr. Jules. Her plan involves playing pranks until the teachers get so fed up that they quit. When Cammi and Randy veto this idea, Jessica says they should instead try to make the two teachers happy so they’ll be nicer to everyone. Cammi comes up with a plan that all three agree to: Play matchmaker for the teachers, a la Clueless. Love conquers all!

The Three Matchketeers start by finding out the teachers’ favorite colors, flowers, and food. They leave Ms. Sherman a bouquet of her favorite flowers, pretending they’re from a secret admirer. Then they arrange for Mr. Jules to find out about a new Mexican restaurant in town so he’ll ask Ms. Sherman to go there with him. It works, and Jessica tells the Unicorns that she’s ensured the sixth grade’s day off. What she doesn’t realize is that Cammi and Randy have started to develop feelings for each other as well.

Now that the subs are mellower, Cammi is able to get one of her bad grades changed, since Ms. Sherman realizes she graded her unfairly. Mr. Jules decides not to give Randy’s class a quiz, which means one less potential bad grade for Randy. Everything seems to be going great, but then Janet notes to Jessica that Mr. Jules and Ms. Sherman’s blossoming relationship might not work out. If they break up, they’ll be crankier than ever, and the students will suffer. Jessica realizes that she, Randy, and Cammi need to make sure the two teachers stay happy.

Cammi tries to get closer to Randy by asking him the same questions they asked the teachers. He doesn’t seem interested in her, so Cammi asks Jessica for more matchmaking help. Jessica turns to her go-to plan for helping her female classmates: a makeover. Cammi thinks that Randy doesn’t care about her new look, but the truth is that Randy doesn’t think Cammi has the same feelings for him that he does for her. He thinks she got a makeover because she’s trying to get the attention of another guy. He decides to try to drop his crush on her and focus on his grades.

Cammi tells Jessica that Randy acted kind of weird with her, so Jess encourages her to talk to him about it. Just as Cammi finds him, they hear Ms. Sherman and Mr. Jules fighting – he found Jessica’s notebook with notes about his favorite things, and he thinks Ms. Sherman was coming up with ways to woo him. They break up, and they’re back to being cranky with their students. Randy and Cammi take out their anger on Jessica for not keeping a better eye on her notebook.

Jessica goes back to brainstorming and comes up with a variation on the get-Mr.-Jules-to-ask-Ms.-Sherman-out-on-a-date plan. While looking for a calculator so she can make sure she can pay for their next date, Jessica comes across some of Ned’s client files and discovers that Ms. Sherman and Mr. Jules knew each other before they started subbing at SVMS – they’re currently going through a divorce.

She tells Ned, who breaks attorney-client privilege to tell her that the two teachers probably shouldn’t get a divorce. They fight because they’re competitive with each other, but they don’t have any issues that they couldn’t resolve. The fact that their last straw was a fight over a bowling match makes me think that they’re not mature enough for this kind of committed relationship, but what do I know?

Jessica takes this new information to Cammi and Randy, getting them to agree that they need to use the teachers’ competitive nature to their advantage. If they each think the other is beloved by the students, they’ll try harder to be nicer. This actually makes so much sense that I’m surprised Jessica came up with it. Unfortunately, the Matchketeers don’t get to put their new plan into action. Mr. Jules and Ms. Sherman hear them plotting and call them out.

The good news is that the teachers admit that they’ve been letting their personal problems affect their teaching, and they need to stop. They punish Jessica by making her write a 10- to 12-page paper about why you shouldn’t meddle in people’s lives (which is way over the top), but they allow Cammi and Randy to make up the assignments they got bad grades on.

All of the Matchketeers’ work amounts to nothing, however: The third student, who goes to a school in Big Mesa, wins Scholar of the Semester. Fortunately, Mr. Clark decides to reward Randy and Cammi’s hard work by giving the sixth grade a day off anyway. And at the picnic, the two nerds admit their feelings to each other, wrapping up that barely-there subplot. They give Jessica a Certificate of Excellence to thank her for helping them out. So Jessica will mostly likely take that as a sign that she needs to meddle in people’s lives more often.

Thoughts: No one mentions that if Cammi and Randy’s poor grades would knock them out of the running for Scholar of the Semester, someone else from SVMS would move into the running. The competition isn’t for students with perfect GPAs, just the students with the highest averages. If Elizabeth was taken out by one B, Cammi and Randy’s F’s should bump her up to the top. Eh, whatever.

Randy: “If I don’t get my average back above a C soon, I can forget about being valedictorian of Sweet Valley High.” Jessica: “Randy, that’s like five years from now. At least.” Maybe a few more for you, Jess.

Jessica: “Randy won’t even know what hit him when you show up at school tomorrow, looking gorgeous.” Cammi: “I don’t want to hit him.” Seriously, Cammi?

Not only does Ned break attorney-client privilege, but he also thinks Jessica will keep what he told her secret. In related news, Ned is new here.

“She’d been making notes for over two hours, but so far she hadn’t come up with a good reason not to interfere in other people’s lives.” It’s official: Jessica never learns anything.

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