January 29, 2022

Buffy 2.12, Bad Eggs: Suddenly a Vegan Diet Doesn’t Seem Like Such a Bad Idea

Posted in TV tagged , , at 1:06 pm by Jenn

A watched egg never emotes

Summary: Buffy and Joyce are at the mall, arguing over an outfit Buffy wants to buy that Joyce thinks makes her look like a streetwalker. Buffy complains that Joyce will say she’s too young to wear it until she’s too old to wear it. Joyce says that’s the idea. They split up to do some errands, and Buffy spots a guy in a cowboy hat flirting with a woman. Totally normal (except for maybe the cowboy hat), right? Wrong – the guy doesn’t have a reflection.

Buffy follows the couple to an empty arcade (I want a mall with an arcade!), where the guy is about to bite the woman. Buffy pretends she’s the guy’s girlfriend, which is enough to get the woman to scram. She sees the guy’s face, which is now vamped out, and runs off. With a “giddyup,” the guy (Lyle) welcomes a fight with the Slayer. They only spar for a little while before he takes off, promising they’ll meet again.

Joyce is waiting for Buffy in the food court, and she’s not happy that Buffy forgot to do her errand. She guesses that Buffy got distracted by a boy. “Technically,” Buffy replies. Joyce wishes her daughter could be a little more responsible. Does she think about anything other than boys and clothes? “Saving the world from vampires,” Buffy replies. Of course, Joyce thinks she’s joking.

The next day, Xander and Cordelia make out in a utility closet at school, so that’s still going on. She’s worried they’ll miss class. Xander would prefer it if she didn’t talk. Cordelia would prefer it if they kept the light off. He thinks that means she can’t look at him while they’re kissing. She clarifies that it’s more like she doesn’t want to. They bicker about how messed up this whole thing is, then go back to kissing.

Fittingly, the class they have next is about sex. The health teacher, Mr. Whitmore, asks how many of them have lost hours to thoughts of sex. Xander raises his hand, and Mr. Whitmore tells him he was asking rhetorically, not taking a poll. Teens are especially horny, so they often forget about the negative consequences of having sex. Cordelia asks if Mr. Whitmore means sex in a car or elsewhere. A friend was having sex in a Miata and accidentally kicked the gearshift. Cordelia and Xander make semi-veiled complains about each other, pretending they’re speaking generally and hypothetically.

Willow brings the discussion back on track by naming unwanted pregnancy as a negative consequence of sex. This is what Mr. Whitmore was trying to get at. He’s already told the kids that they’re going to be parenting eggs, and it’s time to pick partners and get their “children.” Willow automatically tries to pair up with Xander, but he wants to work with Cordelia. She quickly picks someone else, so Xander goes for another girl.

Buffy skipped class, so Willow brings her an egg in the library. Xander reminds her of the assignment – they have to protect their eggs and teach them Christian values. Willow’s egg is Jewish, so Xander suggests that she teach it “that dreidel song.” Buffy frets about having to take care of something, which isn’t her forte. She killed her Giga Pet. Willow thinks she’ll do fine.

Xander’s only concern is when they tell the “children” they’re adopted. Buffy says she’ll let her partner handle that. She asks who she was paired with, and Willow breaks the news that there were an uneven number of students, so Buffy’s a single mother. Buffy worries that she’s doomed to end up like her mother. Xander tells her the whole thing is pointless, so she shouldn’t worry about it.

Giles has been researching through this whole conversation, and he almost puts his book down on top of Buffy’s egg. He’s found info on Lyle Gorch and his brother, Tector. They’re from Texas and became famous after they killed a bunch of people before they even became vampires. Giles doesn’t think they’re in Sunnydale for anything major; they probably were just drawn by the Hellmouth. He suddenly notices that the three kids are holding eggs. Willow suggests that Buffy enlist Angel to help her hunt the Gorch brothers. Xander doesn’t think they’ll be able to pay attention to the job at hand.

He’s right, and Buffy and Angel spend their patrolling time making out. The Gorch brothers watch from a distance, annoyed that the infamous Angelus is kissing the Slayer. Lyle says they should wait until she’s alone to go after her. It’s not because he’s afraid of Angel. He just has a plan. Apparently he’s the smart one. But Tector’s at least smart enough to ask why they shouldn’t kill both Angel and Buffy right now.

Back at home, Buffy gets her egg ready for bed (sort of), which means she’s taking the assignment more seriously than expected. She’s also named her child Eggbert, which is awesome. A little after 2:00 in the morning, the egg cracks open and a long, thin arm with long, thin fingers comes out. It attaches itself to Buffy’s face.

The Gorches are hanging out in a sewer tunnel, trying to stay hidden until they get rid of Buffy. Tector’s still annoyed that Angel is seeing Buffy. Lyle thinks his brother should be more grateful, since Lyle has practically raised him on his own. They need to play it safe and just follow Buffy around for a while. Tector thinks Lyle is afraid of Buffy. Lyle threatens to beat him “like a redheaded stepchild” and throw him out in the sun. The brothers start punching each other. I get the feeling they do this a lot.

The egg arm is gone by the time Buffy wakes up, and Eggbert looks normal. Joyce questions whether he’s secure in the basket Buffy’s set him up in. She rejects Joyce’s “backseat momming” and says she didn’t sleep well. Joyce teases that her egg must have kept her up all night. Buffy acknowledges that parenting is a hard job.

Health class was canceled for the day, since Mr. Whitmore’s out and no one bothered to call a substitute, so the Scoobies go to the library to hang out. Willow’s as low on energy as Buffy is, but Xander seems like his normal self. Giles asks Buffy how patrolling went the night before. “No go,” she replies, then has to clarify that she and Angel didn’t see anything. Xander teases her for using so few words: “You. Angel. Big. Smoochies?” Buffy replies, “Shut. Up.”

Giles asks the girls if they’re okay, and Willow says they might have eaten something weird. Xander thinks they’re struggling with the burden of parenting. He’s gone for a “more balanced approach.” He starts tossing his egg in the air, making Willow anxious. He tells her she can’t stress about everything; her child will pick up on that energy. Xander fumbles the egg, but it doesn’t break. He admits that he hard-boiled it.

Giles, who’s putting away books, doesn’t notice in egg on one of the bookshelves. Xander tries to argue that he didn’t cheat – he just took a shortcut. “I suppose there is a sort of Machiavellian ingenuity to your transgression,” Giles admits. “I resent that!” Xander exclaims. “Or possibly thank you.”

Cordelia arrives and announces that Mr. Whitmore is missing and presumed dead. Well, presumed by her. She suggests that Xander come with her to look for him. They can check some closets, hint hint. Willow thinks they’re getting weirder. Buffy asks if she should feel guilty for not looking for Mr. Whitmore. Giles advises her to save her energy for the Gorches. Buffy thinks she’ll feel better that night, and she can go patrolling again. Willow notes that Angel will be there, and Buffy says he does what he can.

Cut to Buffy and Angel making out again. He tells her she can head out, and he’ll keep an eye out for the Gorches. She tells him about the egg assignment, which she thinks is dumb because she doesn’t plan on having kids anytime soon. She might someday, but definitely not now, with all she already has going on. Angel admits that he’s not able to have kids.

Buffy takes it well, and he asks if that means she doesn’t think about the future. She says she doesn’t. Angel is surprised that she doesn’t wonder about what things could be like in five or ten years. She tells him that when she looks into the future, she only sees him. She only wants him. Angel feels the same. They make out some more up against a headstone that says, “In loving memory.”

A security guard at Sunnydale High hears some noises in the basement and goes to see what’s going on. He finds the opening to a tunnel, but before he can check it out, Mr. Whitmore comes up behind him with a pickaxe and shoves him inside. Meanwhile, Buffy gets home from patrolling and sees Eggbert cracking open like the night before. A big bug-like creature bursts out and skitters under the bed.

Buffy picks up an iron as a weapon, but she loses track of the creature. It drops onto her from the ceiling, then skitters away again. She grabs a pair of scissors and is able to stab it when it crawls up the wall. She immediately calls Willow to make sure her egg hasn’t attacked her, too. She tells Willow to smash it immediately. Willow tells her that her egg is fine, and maybe the Gorches planted something in Eggbert to mess with Buffy. When Willow hangs up, we see that her egg has also hatched.

Joyce has heard Buffy on the phone, and she comes to see what’s going on. She’s not happy to see that Buffy’s fully dressed at 2:45 a.m. Buffy lies that she was just checking on Willow, who was sick earlier. Then she says she had a bad dream. Joyce tells her she’s about to have one. She doles out punishment the next day, telling Buffy she’s grounded until further notice. She’s to study in the library after school until Joyce picks her up.

On her way into school, Buffy runs into Cordelia, who’s wearing a backpack shaped like a stuffed bear. Cordelia thinks she started a nationwide trend by wearing it. Buffy just wants to know if her egg is acting weird. “It’s an egg, Buffy, it doesn’t emote,” Cordelia replies. So that’s a no. Elsewhere on campus, Xander’s hungry – hungry enough to sacrifice his grade in health class by eating his child.

Willow asks Buffy about the weird egg stuff, and Buffy says she’s probably right about the Gorches, since no one else has reported their eggs hatching. She’s brought the dead creature to school so Giles can see it. Willow’s creature is currently attached to her lower back, and Xander’s about to eat his. Fortunately, he notices that his egg isn’t really an egg before he takes a bite.

The Scoobies take the egg to a science lab so they can autopsy it. (Since it’s not a human, I guess it’s a necropsy, but is that just for animals, or does it include unidentified creatures that hatch from eggs? Giles, help me out here.) Willow reports that Giles can’t make it yet, so they should start without him. Xander thinks Buffy should do the dissection, since she’s the Slayer. Buffy notes that she already did her job, which was the slaying, so this is someone else’s responsibility.

As Willow gets started, Cordelia’s egg hatches inside her bear. The long arms shoot out of the bear’s eyes. The Scoobies guess that Mr. Whitmore went missing because he was the victim of an egg. Willow says he might be okay – “maybe the offspring used him to return to the mother bezoar.” As Buffy and Xander are asking what that means, Cordelia and Willow grab a couple of heavy things and knock them out.

Some students stash Buffy and Xander in a closet, then robotically grab pickaxes and head to the basement. They go through the tunnel the security guard found. Joyce goes to the library to get Buffy, whom Giles says he hasn’t seen. Joyce is upset about how irresponsible and disobedient her daughter is. She complains that children are such a…she doesn’t want to say “burden,” but really, she does want to say “burden.”

She spots a couple of books about demons, and Giles tells her they’re a hobby of his, and definitely have nothing to do with Buffy. He tries to assure her that there’s nothing to worry about, even though Buffy’s technically missing. When he hears a sound outside and Joyce turns to see what’s going on, he pulls an egg creature out of his drawer and puts it on Joyce’s back.

The two of them robotically join the others as Buffy and Xander wake up in the closet. He comments that his last visit to the closet was a lot nicer. Then he pretends he’s talking crazy because of a head injury. They guess that Willow and Cordelia are acting weird because of the hatched eggs. Xander wonders why they put the two of them in the closet instead of killing them.

They notice two eggs on the floor that are starting to hatch. Buffy smashes them and they leave the closet and head to the library. Of course, Giles has already left, so Buffy and Xander will have to piece things together on their own. That means researching the bezoar Willow mentioned. Fortunately, Giles did the work before he got egged, so they just have to read about what they’re dealing with.

Giles and Joyce are part of the next group in the tunnel. They’re given tools, and they join a bunch of other robots who are breaking the concrete floor open to pull out eggs. There’s something huge and gross down there, too. Buffy reads about it in the book: It’s a parasite that lays eggs that attach themselves to hosts and control them through neural clamping. Basically, the bezoar has built an army to harvest eggs for some big plan.

Buffy and Xander hear Jonathan yelling for help in the hallway. He’s the latest victim of a baby bezoar. By the time they get to him, he’s gone full robot and says he’s fine. They decide to follow him to the bezoar. Once they get a look at what they’re dealing with, Buffy tells Xander to stick around while she goes to find a big weapon to use against the bezoar.

Xander plays bezoar minion while Buffy leaves the tunnel…and runs into the Gorches. She tells them this isn’t a good time for a fight, but, uh, they don’t care. She winds up tackling Lyle into the tunnel, where she realizes Joyce is one of the bezoar’s slaves. Lyle, however, is completely clueless about what’s going on. Willow tells some others to kill the intruders, so now Buffy has to fight a vampire AND a bunch of minions. Lyle helps her take care of a few minions, then remembers he’s there to fight the Slayer.

Xander finds Cordelia, and when she immediately tries to take a swing at him, he tells her he doesn’t want to hurt her, at least sometimes. She hits him and he complains that she struck the bump on his head. Then he knocks her out. Tector comes into the tunnel and gets a look at the bezoar. He gets too close, though, and she drags him down into her pit. Well, that’s one less Gorch brother Buffy has to deal with.

Lyle shoves Buffy to the ground, where Joyce almost hits her with a pickaxe. The bezoar grabs Buffy and drags her into its pit. There are some fighting sounds, and then the baby bezoars drop off their hosts and the humans all pass out. Lyle is the only one left standing, at least until Buffy climbs out of the pit, having killed the bezoar with a pickaxe. Lyle realizes it would be a mistake to stick around right now, so he runs off.

Once the humans have recovered, Giles uses the old gas leak excuse to explain why everyone passed out. Xander promises to tell him the truth tomorrow. Willow feels bad for hitting Xander, while Cordelia feels…maybe not that bad. Xander tells Buffy that Joyce is fine, just confused. Buffy tells her mother she was in the gym, so she wasn’t affected by the gas leak. She insists that she was on her way to the library. Joyce doesn’t care, and Buffy is double-grounded. She can’t even leave her room unless she’s going to school. Good thing Angel can still come by and they can make out at her window.

Thoughts: Interestingly, the discussion about sex kind of foreshadows the next episode.

I like how Lyle and Tector are red herrings who have nothing to do with the main plot. It’s funny when the villains have no idea what’s going on.

I can see backpacks shaped like stuffed bears being popular, but not with high schoolers and definitely not with Cordelia. I feel like her dad bought it because he didn’t know what to get her, and he lied that they’re popular in Europe, so she feels like she’s an American trendsetter when she isn’t.

1 Comment »

  1. Myriam said,

    I can’t remember where I read this, but another blog or podcast pointed out that when Buffy and Angel make out in the cemetery, the camera fades out to a grave where “rest in piece” is written. A good foreshadowing of the next episodes.

    Agreed re: Cordelia and the teddy bears back. Those were popular with middle schoolers, not high schoolers.

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