February 7, 2015

Party of Five 6.6, Too Close: Maybe Having Children Isn’t Worth It

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , at 1:39 pm by Jenn

Still a better relationship than Evan and Julia's

Still a better relationship than Evan and Julia’s

Summary: Julia’s anxious for all of Evan’s co-workers to go home so the two of them can get it on. This is a completely normal, professional relationship, guys. She thinks it would be okay to tell everyone. Evan knows tells her how dumb that is, especially for her career. Bailey’s depressed over his breakup with Sarah, so Will tries to put a positive spin on things: He took control and got out of a bad situation.

Kirsten and Charlie have a doctor’s appointment and learn that things are progressing well in their attempts to conceive. Charlie gets an emergency call from a pharmacist – Myra was caught shoplifting condoms and gave his number to the police since her mother wouldn’t answer the phone. Charlie gets her out of jail and makes it clear that her mother will hear about this. Claudia and Alexa work in the school’s darkroom, and Alexa tells Claudia that a guy named Derek likes her. She thinks they should double-date with Alexa and Cameron, who are back together.

Julia tries to get out of Evan’s place before her family starts getting suspicious about all her late hours at the library. She suggests again that they start telling people about their relationship. This time he’s okay with that, and even agrees to have dinner with the Salingers. Charlie goes to see Myra’s mother, showing sympathy for how hard it is to be a working single parent. Myra’s mother thinks things are fine; Myra’s always been able to take care of herself. Charlie disagrees.

At an AA meeting, Bailey talks to his friend John about how annoying his family and friends have been about trying to make him see the good side of his breakup. John’s on their side, though – he thinks Bailey was too dependent on Sarah for his sobriety. Bailey admits that she was a big reason he stayed sober. Now that he’s “free,” he wants to drink again. Claudia takes pictures of Derek at football project, and he invites her to a party he’s having.

Charlie gets Kirsten home from an egg extraction in time to get a call from Myra, who’s desperate to see him. He gently tells her that it’s not a good time. Bailey, Julia, Claudia, Owen, Joe, and Victor gather for dinner at the restaurant and discuss the age difference between Julia and Evan. Claudia thinks it’s weird; Joe doesn’t, which makes sense, since his wife was a lot younger than him. Claudia’s surprised to hear that Joe is now managing the restaurant. Evan never shows, and everyone has to leave.

Bailey goes to a bar and, after almost backing down, asks for a drink. A police officer brings a drunk Myra to Charlie and Kirsten’s place; she told the cop that Charlie was her father. Charlie and Kirsten deny it, but when the cop says he’ll take Myra back to the station, they let her spend the night. Bailey stares at his scotch but doesn’t drink it, instead letting someone else take it. In the morning, Kirsten is maternal toward a hungover Myra while Charlie tells her mother what happened. Kirsten hates that they’re trying so hard to have a baby while Myra’s mother neglects her own child.

Julia passive-aggressively talks to Evan about how he missed dinner the night before because of a meeting that went long. She asks him to pick out a night to reschedule. Evan’s like, “Oh, I’m soooooo busy…” Julia threatens to bring everyone to the office so he can’t get out of it. Evan claims that he just wants to make Julia happy and isn’t trying to get out of anything. Will and Griffin take Bailey to a strip club, and Griffin goes in alone while Bailey works up his courage. Griffin discovers that Daphne has gone back to stripping but promises to keep it quiet.

Outside, Will blasts Bailey for being so mopey when other people have problems. His parents have threatened to kick him out if he doesn’t quit his wrestling internship. He wanted to go to the strip club to get his mind off of his problems. Claudia goes to Derek’s party and gets a lot of attention from him, which bugs Cameron. Claudia notices and asks Derek to go somewhere private. Back at the strip club, Bailey tries to talk to Will about his issues, but Will’s too busy looking at boobs.

Kirsten’s egg extraction was fruitful, and she’ll be able to have some implanted the next day. She and Charlie try to celebrate, but they don’t have time before Myra shows up, upset that Charlie told the principal that she spent the night. He tells her that he was required to, and now he has to take a step back from helping her. Myra blasts him for acting like a friend, then abandoning her. Charlie tells her they can’t be friends outside of school, and she can’t keep coming over unannounced.

Julia addresses her and Evan’s problems again, telling him that she doesn’t care what other people think about their relationship. However, she doesn’t think he’s okay with their differences. She’s worried that he’s ashamed to be with her. Bailey calls up his bar buddy, Tracy, who he had a long conversation with the night before. It seems like he just wants to talk some more, but that quickly goes out the window and they start making out.

Claudia and Derek head to his sister’s bedroom and also start making out. But things move way too quickly for Claudia, and when Derek pulls out a condom, she decides she’s done. Despite her loud repetition of “I’m saying no,” Derek keeps going. Eventually Claudia fights him off and runs away. Also running away: Tracy, who doesn’t want to spend more time with Bailey after they’ve hooked up in a hotel room.

At school, Charlie is called into the principal’s office just as Myra and her mother are leaving. The principal, Mary Anne, asks if Myra ever showed him her diary or discussed her feelings for him. Charlie’s confused. Mary Anne then asks where Myra slept when she spent the night at his place. Did they discuss birth control? Did they talk about whether Charlie found Myra attractive? Mary Anne reveals that Myra’s mother has accused Charlie of having a sexual relationship with Myra, and Myra isn’t denying it. Charlie is understandably offended.

Claudia pleads illness to stay home from school, not even telling Julia what happened with Derek. Daphne goes to see Griffin to make excuses for why stripping is the only job she can keep right now. Griffin points out that he can’t judge since he was there for a show in the first place. Plus, she looked good, so why not strip? Bailey invites Will to move into the Salingers’ house but is disappointed that Will has to travel for work.

Evan finally mans up and makes a dinner date with Julia, in the process letting his office know that they’re dating. Elsewhere, Charlie misses Kirsten’s implantation. Bailey and Tracy meet at the bar again, and he’s shocked to learn that she’s married. She thinks he should have figured it out when they hooked up in a hotel room and she gave him her pager number instead of a home phone number. She invites him to tell her about his day.

Thoughts: Myra’s mother is played by Jenny O’Hara, who was also Scott Scanlon’s mom. So…her TV parenting history is pretty sketchy.

Dear people everywhere: If the person you’re dating doesn’t want people to know you’re dating, you are not in a good relationship.

On the other hand, Julia should have been more concerned with the publishing world finding out about her relationship with Evan. She’s definitely going to be accused of sleeping with him to get her book contract.

Who takes a girl to his sister’s room to have sex? Is the creepy doll collection a turn-on for Derek? I guess that’s the least of his problems, though.

October 28, 2014

SVU #26, The Trial of Jessica Wakefield: “The Grand Jury Hearing of Jessica Wakefield” Doesn’t Have the Same Ring to It

Posted in books tagged , , , , , , , , , at 6:25 pm by Jenn

I have no idea who these people are supposed to be

I have no idea who these people are supposed to be

Summary: Jessica has been arrested, and things aren’t looking good. Because of the amount of cocaine she was found with, the police – including Nick – think she’s a drug dealer. Meanwhile, a suspicious Jordan delivers Celine what she thinks is her money, but what’s actually Lila’s hat. Jordan realizes what was really going on, and Celine warns him not to tell the police, since he’d be arrested, too. The guys she got the drugs from give her five days to get them their money.

Ned and Alice are out of the country, which leaves Steven as the default “grown-up” in the family. He’s barely in the book, though, and does nothing useful, like hire her a lawyer. Jessica struggles in jail, as you can imagine, and I would laugh at her but I know that if it were me, I’d cry the whole time. I actually feel sorry for Jess. Anyway, She tries to convince Nick that she didn’t do anything wrong and didn’t even know drugs would be involved. She just wanted to find out what he was keeping from her. The problem is that no one saw Jordan at the exchange, so it looks like Jessica was just hanging around with a bunch of coke.

Jessica and her public defender end up in front of a judge who’s determined to rid the world of drug crimes. He schedules a grand jury hearing to determine whether there’s enough evidence against Jessica to send her to trial. (This is how the book can get away with the legal proceedings moving so quickly. Otherwise, Jessica would be in jail for months.) No one can afford Jessica’s bail, so she goes back to lockup.

Nick has started to doubt that Jessica’s a drug dealer, and decides that he can’t testify against her. He’s suspended from his job, which just gives him more time to investigate the case on his own. This involves some deducing and other detective stuff that’s not really interesting to read about. Elizabeth is actually the better detective, as she gets Jessica to remember that Jordan was wearing an engineering sweatshirt, which could help them narrow down who he is.

Speaking of Jordan, his guilty conscience makes him call the drug hotline, where Alex happens to take his call. He confesses that his girlfriend got him mixed up in a drug deal, but he got a hatbox instead of money, and now mobsters might be after him. (Ahh, college was crazy for all of us, wasn’t it?) He tells her he’s going to hide out in his hometown.

There’s a Theta gathering, and Celine stupidly wears the hat Jordan gave her. Lila recognizes it and says that Jessica was supposed to pick it up for her. Alex figures out that Celine and Jordan were involved in Jessica’s “drug deal,” and she and Noah head off to try to find Nick. They first encounter Elizabeth, who tells them about Jordan’s engineering shirt. Alex finds Nick at the Theta house, looking for evidence that could clear Jessica, and tells him about the shirt and the call from Jordan.

Celine is next to sneak into the Theta house, looking for things she can steal for money. She comes across Lila’s bank card, which Lila lost a while ago and Isabella returned (but didn’t give back to her in person – good job, Isabella). Celine uses the card to pay off her debts and go on a shopping spree. Then she goes to withdraw money and gets busted by Lila’s own father, causing her to flee (still wearing that stupid hat).

Meanwhile, Nick does some more detectiving, which mainly involves driving all over California to find Jordan. He eventually does, and convinces Jordan to come to Jessica’s hearing. He arrives just in time to get everything sorted out and reveal that Celine was behind the deal. The judge is all, “Sorry, Ms. Wakefield. Your boyfriend is a good cop, though.” Jess is off the hook and back with Nick. Celine and Jordan are allowed to make deals in exchange for ratting out the actual drug dealers, so once again, Celine gets away with a crime. Sigh. At least Lila gets her hat.

The only substantial B-plot: Elizabeth and Tom are through, as he believes his father’s side of the story that he never hit on Elizabeth. Tom is a jerk through the whole book, which is really all you need to know. Liz tries to take her mind off of him and Jessica’s trial by going to a party. She accidentally gets drunk on spiked punch, and a guy who’s been bugging her comes close to raping her. Todd swoops in to save the day. The next morning, Elizabeth wakes up in Todd’s bed and freaks out, thinking they slept together. They didn’t, so Liz is still a lily-white virgin, but now her interest in Todd has been rekindled. So sorry, spending-the-semester-abroad Gin-Yung.

Thoughts: Yeah, like Jessica was really going to go to prison for a drug crime. I mean…middle-class white girl. Come on.

Celine buys turquoise velvet couches. Ick.

Danny declines an invitation to a Rams game so he can go to Jessica’s trial, and Tom thinks, “I finally get a chance to see the Rams play and something Wakefield related ruins it.” So now I definitely hate Tom.

Celine calls fake jewelry “paste.” I learned that term from an SVT book. The circle is complete!

Nick goes to the engineering department and gets hassled by a bunch of nerds. “‘I say he needs a reboot,’ the wiry guy cackled. Nick tensed. A reboot? That sounded threatening. He jumped back from the group and then swung around to face them. No one was going to give him a boot.” Nick, sweetie, you’re embarrassing yourself.

December 30, 2013

SVU #10, No Means No: Elizabeth is More Awesome Than We Were Led to Believe

Posted in books tagged , , , , , , , , , at 3:27 pm by Jenn

Jessica has hot dog legs

Jessica has hot dog legs

Summary: Jessica is nothing if not persistent, as she’s still determined to pledge Theta, even though Alison almost got her arrested. She’s also still trying to get with James the football player, who is slowly becoming creepier and creepier. Now that the charges against her have been dropped and she’s dating someone respectable, Jess thinks she can get in good with Alison. She’s wrong, because Alison is a mean girl. She goes to the Theta house for a party, and when Alison announces that she’s not allowed to repledge, since she didn’t technically complete the challenge to steal the book, Jess outs her for calling the police on her. The Thetas agree to vote on whether Jess can repledge.

Alex overhears Alison and Peter congratulating themselves for calling security on Jessica, which is all the proof anyone needs that Jessica was set up. When the vote is held, half the Theta sisters want Jessica out. Alex to the rescue! She arrives just in time to reveal that Alison set Jessica up. Even though Jessica’s never done anything to help her, and even though she herself is barely still a Theta, Alex leads the charge to allow Jessica to repledge.

Since the Thetas don’t want two sisters who can’t get along, Magda (the president) announces that Jessica gets to decide whether or not Alison can stay in the sorority. Jessica is thrilled to have this kind of power, and I kind of can’t blame her. Of course she wants Alison out, but Isabella and Denise point out that it’s punishment enough just making her wait for the verdict. Eventually Jessica decides that Alison can stay in the sorority, but she has to wait tables in Jessica’s place one night. Not nearly a fair punishment, in my opinion, but whatever.

Back to James. Someone warns Jessica that he turns into a different person when he’s been drinking, but our Jess was never one for noticing red flags. James asks her to dinner at the Mountain Lodge Inn, which is a few miles from SVU, up a winding mountain road. At dinner, he drinks a lot, and Jessica gets more and more turned off.

Through the book, Elizabeth has been working on a class project with a girl named Maia, but they’re not working well together. Elizabeth thinks they should write about how SVU needs a policy on consensual sex. (I’m not sure how such a policy would work – don’t you just tell everyone, “Don’t rape people”? Or would they have to sign a pledge not to rape people?) For a writer, Elizabeth isn’t very observant, as Maia keeps making comments about how she hates athletes and is clearly uncomfortable with the topic of rape, but Liz doesn’t catch on. Not even when Maia sees James, gets spooked, and runs off.

Eventually Maia confides in Elizabeth that she was raped. Elizabeth urges her to talk to someone, but Maia’s worried that she’ll be blamed. Maia even holds off for a while on telling Elizabeth who the rapist is, but when she does, it’s at the worst possible time: It was James, and he’s out with Jessica. They’re even at the same restaurant where he ate with Maia before he raped her. He pulled off at a lookout on their way home and assaulted her.

While Elizabeth tries to get in touch with Tom to drive her to the Mountain Lodge Inn (he knows the roads better than she does, and she thinks it would be safer), Jessica keeps refusing drinks from James. By the way, William is still doing that thing where he sneaks out of the institution, stalks Elizabeth, and – remember, she’s completely unobservant – doesn’t get caught. So he knows she’s looking for Tom, but he doesn’t know why. She takes off, and someone comes to the library to ask if anyone left him a message. He gets the news that Elizabeth wants to meet him at the Mountain Lodge Inn. He says he’s Tom, but William knows he’s not.

After dinner, James and Jessica head back down the mountain. This is after Jessica realizes that he’s not doing too well, and tries to call Elizabeth to pick her up. They pull off at a lookout as Elizabeth heads up the mountain, unknowingly followed by William. At the lookout, James tries to rape Jessica, who manages to fight him off. Then things get awesome: Elizabeth spots their car, grabs a wrench from her glove compartment, and smashes James’ window. Then she grabs him by his tie and uses it to pin him to the side of the car while Jessica gets in the twins’ Jeep.

When the twins get back to campus, Elizabeth tries to convince Jessica that the assault wasn’t her fault. However, she decides not to tell her that she knows James has already raped at least one person. She sensed someone else on the mountain with them (mystery library message retriever, not William), but doesn’t know who he was. Then someone leaves Jessica’s purse (which she’d left at the restaurant) outside their door; inside it is a card for a taxi service.

Lila and Bruce? Still stranded in the mountains, with wolves gathering. Also, no food or water. And it’s cold. Basically, the opposite of the ideal situation. Lila shows some awesomeness by fighting off a wolf with a flare gun, and she and Bruce are getting closer to their inevitable future romp in the sack, so there’s that. Also, he’s turned on by looking at her legs. Who knew Bruce was a leg man? Lila claims to know survival skills because she tagged along on a trip with her father and some executives to the Bolivian jungle. (Which I call bull on – I’ve been there, and no way could she last 30 minutes.)

The survivalists hear a helicopter, but when Lila tries to signal it with the flare gun, she discovers that Bruce didn’t reload it, despite having claimed to. They fight. Aww, it’s like they’re married already. Lila refuses to use her Bolivian jungle skills to snare food, claiming that she doesn’t want to kill anyone, so Bruce says he’ll use his mad fishing skills from the times he went fishing in Nova Scotia. Both of them are lying about their abilities, but Bruce’s lies almost get him killed – he tries to fish in some rapids, trips, falls in the water, and almost drowns. Lila has to save him.

Bruce and Lila would probably kill each other for food if he didn’t have a fever. Lila realizes that without medical attention, food, or water, he’s pretty much toast, so she sets aside their rivalry to take care of him. She later decides to try to go for help, but she’s not in great shape herself, and she ends up having a weird daydream about her dead husband and Bruce. Then Bruce shows up, desperate for her to stay with him, so she calls off her trip to find help.

But then things start looking up. Lila finds some stuff on the plane that she can use for a fire and to hold water. She also finds a stream with fish in it, so that takes care of their lack of food and water. The Lila/Bruce part of this book ends with Lila fishing naked, then lying down with Bruce to keep him warm with her body heat. Someday they’ll tell their children this story. No, wait – someday they’ll tell their servants to tell the children this story.

In other news, Elizabeth is still a virgin. She and Tom keep approaching the edge of having sex, but she’s spooked by the thought of getting pregnant or catching an STD, so she keeps putting the brakes on. Tom is annoyed because he claims she sends him mixed signals. They discuss this a couple different times, but Liz pretty much wins the debate with the point that the victim sometimes gets blamed, which isn’t fair.

Alex has turned into a party girl, drinking to the point of passing out all the time and sometimes waking up in bed with someone else (often Todd). She decides to try to get clean. There’s this guy she likes, Noah, and she makes a clumsy fool of herself in front of him, which embarrasses her enough to make her want to drink again.

Alex has no friends, so she calls a campus hotline to talk to a peer counselor. The guy she talks to calls himself T Squared, since he’s on line 22 (22 = twenty-two = two Ts = T Squared). She tells him her name is Enid, since she feels more like that version of herself than like super-hot, sophisticated Alex. T Squared is super-nice and helpful, and they really hit it off. Anyone who doesn’t get right away that T Squared is Noah, you are too young for this book and should stick to Dr. Seuss. Also, Alex decides to ditch Todd, since he’s still a partying mess.

After embarrassing herself in front of Noah again, Alex starts feeling really sorry for herself. She feels like she did in high school when she got rid of her pot and pills and went into withdrawal. Then she realizes that that’s exactly what’s happening now – she’s clumsy and awkward because she’s quitting alcohol cold turkey. Alex calls T Squared to share her revelation and confide that she has a crush on a guy who thinks she’s a dork. He tells her to tell the guy how she feels. But since he clearly has to be Noah, we know she’s technically already told him how she feels.

Thoughts: “I’m the last one to give out fashion advice, but you’ve been wearing a lot of this big and baggy stuff lately. Have you gained ten pounds that nobody knows about?” Wow. Screw you, Elizabeth. Especially since you recently gained at least the freshman 15.

“Sometimes you say no when you mean yes.” Screw you, too, Tom.

There’s a typo calling T Squared “T Square,” which cracks me up.

“It was one thing to get a little tipsy at a fraternity party – but getting drunk in a restaurant seemed utterly gross.” That’s like Cher saying it’s only okay to smoke pot at parties.

Maia thinks she led James on by wearing a backless dress. I don’t…I…just…no words.

Jessica gets in James’ car after he’s been drinking because she’s afraid her reputation would take a hit if she asked someone at the restaurant to arrange a ride for her. Yes, that would definitely be more horrible than you dying in a fiery car crash.

September 28, 2013

Party of Five 3.10, Close to You: Damsels in Distress

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , at 12:05 pm by Jenn

They're cute, but I don't see any chemistry there

They’re cute, but I don’t see any chemistry there

Summary: Bailey comes home and is immediately annoyed to realize that Callie has a guy over and isn’t going to give him the peace and quiet he needs to write a paper. Callie and the guy are making out, but when he wants to have sex, she says no. Things get bad, and when Callie starts screaming, Bailey races in and pulls the guy off of her. She’s really shaken and wants to be alone. The next day, she insists that everything’s fine and there’s nothing to talk about, since nothing happened.

A classmate of Claudia’s named Stuart wants her to write a relationship advice column for the school newspaper. She notes that she’s not the best person to give romantic advice since her only boyfriend left her because he liked Julia more. Stuart insists that she can do a good job. At the Salingers’, Julia finds little things for Sam to work on so he’ll stick around the house. Similarly, Grace has found various reasons to see Charlie every day, so they’re getting along much better. She has a flat tire, so he offers to drive her around to make her food deliveries.

Apparently Sam isn’t the best roofer in the world, since he forgets to put a tarp on it, so when it rains, Claudia’s room gets soaked. She defends Sam, and Claudia thinks it’s because she has a crush on him. Charlie drives Grace home to her very bad neighborhood, and just as she’s asking him to go to an event with him, she spots some gang members approaching and tells him to duck down in his seat.

Callie is definitely not as okay as she claimed; when Bailey goes out to a concert with Sarah, she breaks down in tears over the thought of being in the apartment alone. She talks him into staying home with her. Grace is nonchalant about the encounter with the gang members, but Charlie’s nervous and advises her to take some security precautions in her apartment. She resists his attempts to make her a “damsel in distress.”

Bailey didn’t tell Sarah that he wasn’t going to the concert with her, so she’s ticked that she was stood up. He tells her what happened to Callie, so now Sarah can’t really be mad. Bailey says they’ll spend the next day together, but Sarah thinks he should stay with Callie. Charlie confronts Sam over leaving the tarp off the roof; Sam offers to make the necessary repairs and only charge for materials. Charlie balks, but Sam points out that Julia distracted him with her odd jobs, and by the time he was done, it was too dark to go up to the roof. Charlie fires him and Julia freaks out.

Sarah and Bailey hang out with Callie, who tells Sarah she doesn’t have any female friends she can talk to about her near-rape. Sarah offers to be her friend, but Callie resists. Sarah then offers up Bailey instead. She’s all, “Bailey’s awesome! He’s a great guy! You can totally trust him!” Get the irony? Julia talks Sam into making the repairs in the house for free, then takes a page from Sarah’s book and tells Charlie how awesome he is. Next she goes to Sam and tells him that Charlie changed his mind, giving him the money he wanted.

Charlie meets up with Grace at her event, and everyone mistakes him for her boyfriend. They both pretend to be embarrassed, but they clearly find it cute. Julia admits her scheming and crush on Sam to Sarah, frustrated with herself for being so girly about it. Claudia thinks Charlie and Grace are getting involved, especially since he gets a silly smile on his face when she says Grace’s name. He assures her that they’re just friends, since he’s supposedly still with Kirsten.

Bailey goes with Callie to the police station so she can report her attack. The police officer who takes her statement wonders how Callie knew the guy was going to rape her. Bailey backs her up, but Callie thinks the officer doubts her story. Sam goes back to work on the Salingers’ roof and quickly realizes that Julia lied about Charlie wanting him to return. She says it was her fault, and it doesn’t matter whose money he’s taking as long as he gets paid. “You people are a little strange,” Sam notes.

Grace calls Charlie back to her place to help her install a new lock, and to listen to her babble about how something good has suddenly come into her life. She almost kisses him, but he backs off. Callie’s attacker is questioned but says that they were about to have consensual sex when Bailey interrupted. He claims that Bailey and Callie have something going on, and that Callie panicked and cried rape so Bailey wouldn’t think she was cheating. Sarah tells them to go back to the police, but Callie doesn’t want to talk about the incident anymore.

Bailey goes to a bookstore to find something to help Callie feel better. He runs into Julia, who’s looking for help with writing her advice column. She thinks she has a natural intuition for when something’s going on. In Bailey’s case, he’s acting weird, like he did when he was first falling for Sarah. Apparently his dimples pulse when that happens. Later, Sarah tells Bailey that she thinks Callie’s relying on him too much. They decide that she needs to go to a support group.

Stuart loves Claudia’s advice column, especially the part that encourages a girl to go after her crush. You see, Claudia may think she’s insightful, but she’s missing out on the obviousness that is Stuart’s crush on her. At the house, Sam gives Julia back half of her $300, saying that’s the deal he and Charlie should have made in the first place. He apologizes for calling her strange (though he really called the Salingers as a whole strange, and he wasn’t wrong) because she’s a sweet person. She replies with a kiss.

Grace didn’t make her usual visit to Charlie today, so he goes to see her at her apartment. She thinks he’s there to tell her they’re not going to progress past friendship. He does, basically, but says she’s the first person he’s actually wanted to hang out with for a while. However, he’s waiting for Kirsten. Callie decides to go talk to the police again, and also examine why she always goes after the wrong kind of guy. Why can’t she find someone like Bailey? She cuddles up to him and Bailey starts to realize that this isn’t going to end well.

Thoughts: Stuart is played by Ben Savage, making him the second character played by a Boy Meets World star to fall for Claudia.

The concert Bailey and Sarah were supposed to go to was Barenaked Ladies. Oh, ’90s!

At one point I typed Callie’s name and thought of Callie from Grey’s Anatomy. Then I realized there’s a Bailey there, too. (Two, actually.) Then I realized there’s also an Owen there. Weird.

“How do you know he was going to rape you?” Um, excuse me? I don’t think he was trying to bake her a cake.

Owen status: unknown. That’s a little scary, since there are so many tools and construction materials lying around.

April 21, 2013

BH90210 5.23, Love Hurts: I’ll Be Watching You

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 3:38 pm by Jenn

I definitely wouldn't want to be alone with this guy

I definitely wouldn’t want to be alone with this guy

Summary: At the campus quad, Donna complains to Steve and Andrea that Clare and David are helping Valerie find a new band for the Peach Pit After Dark. Brandon joins them and shares the supposedly confidential news that Lenny isn’t the real rapist and theft. Andrea’s beeper goes off and she says she has to go to work. No one questions why a college student with a research job would have an emergency beeper. Andrea winds up with Peter at their new no-tell motel room. Valerie and Clare audition bands at the After Dark. One of them is covered in mud.

David collects Lenny from the police station, saying he knew the charges would never stick. Lenny confesses that after he got back from Desert Storm, he went out with some friends, got really drunk, and woke up the next morning in jail, having been arrested for rape. He served two years and is now a registered sex offender. David thinks Lenny has turned his life around, since he’s in college and has made the dean’s list. Lenny notes that any time a sex crime is committed, his name will come up.

Indeed, word has spread, and Janice the angry student politician is one of the many people upset that Lenny was allowed on campus. Brandon would rather focus on the real rapist and the lack of security on campus. The police admit that they don’t have any suspects or leads. Over at his family’s hotel, Charlie tells Dylan about the screenplay he’s working on and invites him to help out. He notes that the hotel is a great place to work because people leave him alone. In fact, most of them are having secret rendezvous there. Hey, like that woman leaving right now, who Dylan knows!

Garrett, an employee from the campus quad, goes to the After Dark looking for a job. He chats with Donna, who’s there to confront Valerie for firing Ray. Val tells her that David thought they should get some new musicians. She further snows Donna by pointing out that Ray will grow more as a musician if he plays different venues. Donna goes to get Garrett, but he’s gone. She sees that someone moved her backpack and overreacts.

On campus, Steve runs into Valerie and gives her a ride in a golf cart (it looks like KEG is giving women rides so they’ll feel safer). She asks for his help finding a special music act to play on Friday night. Steve points out that he’s not supposed to get involved in that sort of thing, so someone finally remembered that. Then he promises to help anyway, so that was a waste of continuity. Lenny’s back on campus, and a mob of students is harassing him.

Dylan’s also back on campus to let Andrea know that he knows about her affair. He promises to keep it quiet. He tells her it’s not what he thinks, which is hilarious, because it’s exactly what Dylan thinks. He says it’s none of his business and won’t talk about it if she doesn’t want to. Andrea says something about how it’s good that she didn’t ignore her feelings, so if that’s how she’s able to sleep at night, good for her.

David learns that Lenny’s moving out of the dorm but thinks he should stay since he didn’t do anything. He should fight, not run away. Lenny doesn’t want to be “the poster child for ex-con rights.” David notes that he’s involved with campus media and is friends with the student-body president. Lenny says there are other things going on but won’t discuss them. David asks if that means he’s guilty. Lenny replies that he needs someone to believe in him even if he’s guilty.

Steve has lined up someone for the After Dark, but Valerie has already booked someone and shoos him away. “I hate her,” Steve grumbles. David goes to the beach apartment to try to get Clare to help him produce a profile on Lenny portraying him as rehabilitated. Clare won’t help; she thinks if Lenny wants to go to college, he should go to an all-male school. David doesn’t even get to broach the subject with Donna, since she thinks he helped Valerie get rid of Ray. He calls her self-involved and wonders why he ever dated her in the first place.

As someone packs a bag with a flashlight and knife, Cindy and Jackie hang out at the Peach Pit, discussing possible men for Jackie to date. Mel brings Erin for a custody exchange, and for some reason Jackie is all a-flutter. The rapist breaks into the beach apartment, and we finally see his face: It’s Garrett.

At the Walshes’ house, Brandon talks to Janice on the phone, telling her he’s not running for another term as president. Cindy tells him that Jackie and Mel are suddenly getting along; apparently Mel’s girlfriend just dumped him for someone younger. David comes by and asks Brandon to talk Lenny out of dropping out of CU. Brandon easily agrees. Jesse’s back from his massive interview tour, and he and Andrea immediately start fighting about random things. There’s yelling, and I hate them both.

Brandon tracks Lenny down on campus, and though Lenny is defensive at first, Brandon breaks the ice by making it clear that he doesn’t think Lenny’s the rapist. Lenny confirms that he was in custody when a girl named Melody was raped, which is why he was released. He asks how much cloud Brandon has with the administration and the police. Brandon wonders if Lenny needs a lawyer. Lenny announces that he knows who raped Melody.

Donna, Clare, and Steve hang out at the After Dark, waiting to find out who Valerie’s mystery performer is. Donna decides to bail early since it’s weird being there without Ray. She leaves just as Valerie brings out the mystery act, the Flaming Lips. David shows up and Clare tells him Donna went home.

Donna arrives to see Garrett in the apartment, and though she tries to overpower him with her self-defense training, she’s no match for him. He tells her she’s even prettier than Clare, then takes her to the bedroom, telling her they’re going to get to know each other. Brandon goes to the After Dark with the police, who think Clare’s the rapist’s target. Valerie recognizes Garrett’s name and tells Brandon and Steve that he may be a friend of Donna’s.

At the apartment, Garrett pulls his knife and Donna begs him not to hurt her. She tells him she’s a virgin, which is a surprise to him. David arrives and Donna tells Garrett he’s her roommate. He makes her tell him to go away. David thinks the lights are off because Donna has a migraine, and that she doesn’t want to talk to him because of Ray. She calls him Dave to try to signal that something’s wrong. It works, because when Donna screams, David runs into the room and attacks Garrett. Donna joins in and they knock him out.

Dylan’s back at the hotel with Charlie, and he sees Peter arrive for a hook-up with Andrea. Andrea announces that she’s leaving Jesse because there’s no point in being miserable with him when she can be happy with Peter. Peter, however, is happy with the current arrangements. He reminds Andrea that they agreed not to have any strings. She doesn’t seem to remember that. Dylan sees Peter leave and goes to comfort Andrea, who laments believing that she and Peter were going to be together.

The cops go to the beach apartment, along with Brandon and Clare. Brandon relays Lenny’s news that he was in military prison with Garrett. He was afraid to say anything when he was arrested because he thought he would be pegged as an accomplice. Garrett had been asking him about girls on campus, which tipped Lenny off that he was interested in Clare. Donna apologizes to David for using a figurine he gave her to knock out Garrett. He’s surprised she kept it, and she says of course she did – it was the last thing he gave her. They hug, and Clare should probably be worried.

Thoughts: Donna: “I don’t know your name.” Funny, because you greeted him by name less than a minute ago. Did a writer fall asleep or something?

Yeah, being alone in a golf cart with a frat guy woud not make me feel safe. They need to tell all the women not to walk alone at night.

Dylan suit status: still active. Also, contagious – David caught the disease.

I think the Flaming Lips are the first musicians to play on the show who are still performing today.

Kudos to the guy playing Garrett – he’s normal at first, kind of creepy later, then just full-on shiver-inducing scary at the apartment. Though I think the story would have worked better if there had been some indication that Clare might be the target earlier on. We would have thought he was going to the apartment for her and been surprised when he went after Donna instead.

Kelly isn’t in this episode, but no one’s worried, so I don’t think she went back to the cult.

October 29, 2011

BH90210 2.13, Halloween: Tricks, No Treats

Posted in TV tagged , , , at 2:43 pm by Jenn

You wish your Halloween costumes were this great

Summary: Andrea is decorating little pumpkins for a kids’ party at the local youth center. David’s been hired by some teenagers to make Halloween tapes for a party at a mansion. Scott plans to participate in an egg fight, telling David he loves danger. David reminds him that the cops will be patrolling. He plans to go to the mansion party because half the girls in town will be there. Emily learns that Brandon isn’t a Halloween fan and isn’t going to the big party. She’s not going either, since she hasn’t been invited. Brandon implies that he’ll go if she does, but neither gives in.

Brenda and Donna discuss their Halloween plans; Brenda reveals that every year, Brandon dresses as Dracula and tries to scare the trick-or-treaters. Apparently it doesn’t work. Kelly tells Donna that their Halloween dates ditched them, so now they’re stuck dressing as Lucy and Ethel without their Ricky and Fred. Brenda can’t get Dylan to agree on a costume, but Kelly doesn’t think it’s a big deal since they have such a good relationship. The girls decide to go to a costume shop with Steve and Dylan to find something new.

Steve decides on a Zorro costume, which Brenda teases him about. She tries to convince Dylan to go as Robin Hood. Kelly wants a burlesque-type costume; she figures since she doesn’t have a date, she should go all-out. Donna finds something perfect but wants to keep it a surprise. Dylan decides on Bonnie and Clyde, and Brenda seems to be on board. That night, we learn that Cindy is That Mom, the one who hands out raisins. Bonnie and Clyde get together, looking pretty awesome.

At the mansion party, Donna realizes that her mermaid costume wasn’t the best choice, since she can’t walk in it. Kelly shows up looking incredibly sexy, and not unlike Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge. She tells Brenda she’s a good witch. Brenda notes that guys will stare at her all night, but Kelly says she wants to make a good impression. She makes it clear that she doesn’t care what Brenda thinks, and she just wants to have fun. Steve also comments on Kelly’s costume, but she cares even less what he thinks.

David arrives (not in costume) and asks Kelly to dance, but she turns him down. He also gets turned down by a girl dressed like Cleopatra. He and Steve commiserate over feeling like they’re too old for Halloween, and missing the egg fights everyone had in junior high. David leaves the party and runs into Scott, who’s waiting for his egg-fight combatants. David tells him the guys were at the party. A police car drives by and the guys jump into the bushes.

Brandon gives scaring trick-or-treaters another shot, embarrassing himself in front of Emily, who’s taking her twin niece and nephew around. Emily meets the Walshes, who lets one of the kids use the bathroom. Brandon tries to convince Emily that twins are awesome. Back at the party, Kelly tells off a guy who wants to take her for a drive, which makes Brenda feel better about her. They scope out potential hook-ups for Kelly, who spots a handsome cowboy and decides to get to know him.

Emily invites Brandon to go trick-or-treating with her and the kids. Kelly chats with the cowboy as Brandon tells Emily that kids come from all over to trick-or-treat in Beverly Hills because the people there do it up right. Brandon misses seeing leaves on the ground on Halloween. Emily, who’s from New England, feels the same way. They’re so caught up in their conversation that they lose the kids. The police arrive and tell Brandon and Emily to search the area while they…I don’t know, go get coffee?

Kelly dances with the cowboy as Steve asks Donna why she keeps dressing weird, like she did at the prom. He tells her she can be herself every once in a while. She doesn’t think anyone would want to see that, but Steve assures her that he and most other guys would. David decides to stay in the bushes with Scott, who still thinks the egg fight is on. Brandon and Emily go to the Walshes’, where the kids have turned up. Apparently the teens told them that if they got lost, they should go back to the last place they remembered.

By 11, the egg fight still hasn’t happened. David tells Scott that times have changed and kids don’t have fun the way they used to. They decide to egg a car, “for old time’s sake.” Scott almost eggs Brandon’s car, but David stops him. Emily complains that no one in Beverly Hills has any fun; there hasn’t even been an egg fight. As they drive off, Scott and David throw eggs at the car. Donna realizes another problem with her mermaid costume: She can’t use the bathroom. She has to get Brenda to help her out of it.

The cowboy puts up a red flag by being controlling, then takes Kelly up to a bedroom. He asks if she’s looking for a boyfriend, and she says she’s just having fun for Halloween. The cowboy asks if she likes to play make-believe, then locks them in the room. Kelly tells him she’s not going to sleep with him, though he notes she seems dressed for it. He apologizes, saying he even scared himself. Kelly agrees to forget that anything happened. The cowboy says he respects her, then asks for a make-up kiss. She says no, so he throws her on the bed and tries to rape her.

Brenda and Donna wander in and accidentally interrupt. Kelly tells them what the cowboy did, as he tries to convince them that she misunderstood the situation. Brenda yells for Dylan as the cowboy says that Kelly wanted it. Steve arrives with Dylan and gets furious with the cowboy, saying he loves Kelly. Dylan and Steve throw the cowboy out as he tries to get them on his side, saying they know how girls are.

Kelly chastises herself for dressing sexily, and though Brenda says that she tried to warn her about her costume, she said no, so the cowboy was at fault. Kelly says she said no too late, and it might as well have been yes. She was leading him on. Donna replies that the cowboy should have taken a cold shower if that was the case. Dylan says that no matter how sexy a girl is, the guy always has a choice to not make a girl do something she doesn’t want to do. Kelly says she didn’t make the choice very easy. Dylan reminds her that she did, since she said no. Donna wonders what might have happened if she and Brenda hadn’t arrived when they did.

After dropping off the kids, Brandon takes Emily to the Peach Pit and she thanks him for helping her with the kids. He notes that she wouldn’t have lost the kids if he hadn’t been there. Emily admits that she took the kids to his house on purpose. She asks if he wants to go to the party, saying they can go as other people going as them. Then they make out. Kelly thanks Steve for helping her out, and he tells her he meant what he said. Brandon and Emily show up, but the rest of the gang is ready to go to the Peach Pit. Dylan jokes that he wants to go by the bank first.

Thoughts: I love that this episode came up in the rotation right before Halloween. It was a complete coincidence.

Donna’s baseball shirt is really cute and I want it.

Brenda and Donna should have gone back to their flapper outfits from “Anaconda.” Those were awesome.

I’m not proud of this, but Dylan as Clyde is totally hot.

I love how on TV, everyone has expensive-looking Halloween costumes, including the teenagers.

Niece or nephew, about their ghost costumes, made by Emily: “She cut holes in a sheet!” Brandon: “Wow. Wasn’t that creative of her?” Hee hee hee.

If this had been the Buffy Halloween episode where everyone turned into their costumes, the guy dressed as Edward Scissorhands would have a huge advantage.

August 30, 2011

Dawson’s Creek 3.6, Secrets and Lies: Lonely Hearts Club

Posted in TV tagged , , , at 9:21 pm by Jenn

Yeah, this might turn into the Joey and Pacey Devotion Blog. Deal with it

Summary: Jen laments to Dawson that she’s turning into her mother. First she was head cheerleader, then homecoming queen. Dawson thinks people voted for her because she’s different from everyone else. “They voted for me ’cause I’m blonde and I fill out my sweater,” Jen says. She’s introduced to a bunch of former Capeside High homecoming queens and learns their secret handshake. (No, seriously. This is not a dream.)

Thanks to help from the Police Auxiliary, Bessie and Joey have turned the Icehouse into a bed and breakfast. Joey’s happy to have a place to work that doesn’t involve her creepy ex-boss Rob. Pacey guesses that he fired her over a girl, and when Joey won’t tell him who it is, he realizes it was Andie. Dawson comes home from school and is surprised to Gail in the house. She’s in Capeside for the homecoming queen gala, which Jen has to plan. Gail wants Dawson to be her escort, which totally does not in any way hurt Mitch’s feelings.

Pacey avoids Andie at school, and she figures out that Joey told him about her and Rob. Andie tells Joey she can’t help liking Rob. Joey says sooner or later, she’ll get to tell Andie, “I told you so.” Jen meets with Ms. Franklin, the oldest living Capeside homecoming queen, and tries to get out of planning the gala with her. Ms. Franklin notes that most of the girls who win the honor are excited about it. She clearly doesn’t approve of who Jen is. Oh her way out, Jen encounters Ms. Franklin’s “handyboy,” Hank (AKA Henry), who has upset some bees and tells her to run.

Andie calls Joey while she’s working with Pacey at the B&B, tearfully begging her for help. Joey and Pacey rush over to Rob’s house, where he’s throwing a party, and Andie tells them that he tried to assault her. Pacey finds Rob, punches him in the face, and threatens to kill him if he hurts Andie again. Rob claims that nothing happened.

Jen and Henry hide from the bees in a greenhouse and he regales her with his knowledge of all the plants’ Latin names. He tells her that Ms. Franklin is lonely and he talked Jen up to her, so she was looking forward to meeting Jen. Joey encourages Andie to go to the police about Rob, but Andie doesn’t want to. Pacey assures Joey that he’ll handle things. Henry helps Jen and Ms. Franklin smooth things over, which allows them to start planning the gala. Jen announces that Henry will be her date.

Pacey takes Andie to his boat, since she said she wanted to go somewhere quiet. He wants to show her that he’s getting by without her, and has a new hobby. Andie admits that she’s not over him. If it took what happened with Rob to get them back together, then she’s fine with it. She tries to kiss him, but he doesn’t want anything to happen between them. He’s worried that tomorrow, she’ll regret it if they do something. Andie manages to talk Pacey into some making out, and the next morning, she tells him that she’s fine with whatever happens next.

Rob drops by Joey’s house and swears that he didn’t do anything to Andie. He claims that she pulled him upstairs, then started freaking out when they kissed. Joey notes that sexual assault and inappropriate behavior at work are both illegal. Rob points out that everyone knows about Andie’s mental-health history. He can’t figure out why she would accuse him of assault.

At the gala, Dawson learns the real reason Gail’s back in Capeside: She was fired from her station in Philadelphia because they thought she was too old. Jen and Henry show up in attire that’s not exactly right for a gala. The drag queens they’ve brought with them as the evening’s entertainment are much better dressed, though.

Joey asks Andie again about going to the police, and Andie says she may have overreacted to what happened. Joey tells her that Rob came by and begged her to believe that he’s innocent. She wishes she’d reported his behavior at work and prevented all of this from happening. Andie tells her that it may have happened for a reason, since she and Pacey are now back together. Joey is totally not at all in any way jealous.

Henry’s a little worried that Ms. Franklin will be mad at him for bringing the drag queens to the gala, but Jen thinks Ms. Franklin gets what she’s trying to say: Homecoming queens and drag queens are all just people dressing up and pretending to be people they’re not. In spite of herself, Ms. Franklin seems to be enjoying the evening’s entertainment.

Andie brings Pacey a skipper’s cap and topsiders, and he admits that he’s not sure if he’ll ever finish rebuilding the boat. He knows that it can never be the way it was before. (In case you were just born yesterday, this is all a metaphor for his relationship with Andie.) Pacey says that last night he went against what he knew was right. Andie says that this is the first day she’s really been happy since she got out of the hospital. He notes that they reacted to the same event in opposite ways.

Andie begs Pacey not to break up with her again, accusing him of punishing her. He says that punishment implies that she did something wrong. Andie points out that she did – she slept with another guy. “Maybe that was just your heart’s way of telling you that I’m not the one,” Pacey replies. “Because that’s what my heart’s telling me right now. It’s telling me that you’re not the one.”

As the now-much-livelier gala continues, Jen apologizes to Ms. Franklin for trying to shock her. Now she’s able to “look past the cliché” and has actually enjoyed being homecoming queen. Ms. Franklin tells her that Henry’s completely in love with her and talks about her all the time. She’s just worried that Jen doesn’t feel the same way about him. Jen admits that that’s true. Ms. Franklin tells her about her own experience with young love, which ended badly. She’s worried that Jen will hurt Henry so badly that he never recovers.

Henry takes Jen back to the greenhouse and tries to kiss her, but Jen stops him and tells him they’re just friends. He tells her he’s in love with her. She points out that he barely knows her, so that’s impossible. He’s two years younger and is going to fall in love a million times in the next couple of years. Henry asks for a chance, and Jen tells him he needs someone who both understands what he’s going through and can go through it with him. She’s not ready to be with anyone, let alone someone like Henry.

Dawson asks Gail why she didn’t tell him she got fired. She didn’t want to tell him that she followed her dream and failed. He tells her she didn’t, adding that she doesn’t look old. Gail doesn’t want to come back to Capeside for good, but Dawson thinks she and Mitch could help each other out right now. She tells him she doesn’t want to go back to being friends with Mitch.

Andie goes back to Joey’s and accuses her of sabotaging her relationship with Pacey. Joey says she hasn’t talked to Pacey since the previous night. She also knows that Andie wouldn’t lie about something like an assault. Andie replies that Joey doesn’t know what she’s capable of. She has blinders on and can only see what she’s after: Pacey. She’s desperate to get him back.

Jen returns to the gala to find Ms. Franklin having a great conversation with the drag queens. At the Leerys’ house, Gail and Mitch also have a conversation, though theirs seems to be more awkward. Meanwhile, Henry walks home alone, Pacey works on his boat, and Joey tries to comfort Andie.

Thoughts: Way to not even try to come up with a creative title for this episode, writers.

Ms. Franklin is played by K Callan, who has now officially been in every TV show ever.

Season 2 Andie was fun. Season 3 Andie is really annoying.

The drag queens’ names are awesome: Amanda Reckonwith, Summer Clearance, Megan Whoopee, and Christi Anity.

Aww, Jen. I’ve been there. But she let down the guy in love with her much more gently than I did.

May 24, 2011

SVH #90, Don’t Go Home with John: No Means No

Posted in books tagged , , , , at 6:17 pm by Jenn

Apparently the cover artist can't draw a car

Summary: Lila has a crush on the recently single John Pfeifer, so she’s very excited when he asks her out. After they have dinner, they go up to Miller’s Point and make out a little. John wants to take things further, but Lila’s not ready. He pulls out all the clichés about her asking for it, etc., and keeps trying to take her clothes off. Lila awesomely grabs John’s keys, swipes his neck with them, throws the keys in the bushes, and walks to a gas station to call a cab.

Lila’s really shaken by the incident, wearing no makeup and not caring about her clothes. She doesn’t want to tell anyone what happened because she’s afraid they’ll say what John did – that she asked for it and should’ve known what she was getting into when she asked to go to Miller’s Point with him. Lila’s friends keep asking about her date, noticing that she’s acting weird. John also won’t talk about the date. Jessica is especially worried; this is one of the few times she cares more about a friend than herself.

The other big topic of discussion at SVH is the costume party Lila’s throwing. She considers canceling it, since she’s so depressed, but instead decides to just tell John not to come. He shows up anyway, bringing a date, and refuses to leave, asking Lila for a reason when she tries to throw him out. John’s date wants to leave, but Lila gets scared that John will try to rape her, too, so she announces what he did to her at Miller’s Point. Jessica finally gets Lila to talk to her about it the next day, making it clear that she doesn’t think what happened was at all Lila’s fault.

While some people believe Lila’s version of the events, some people think she’s lying, especially since she’s a flirt and can’t be trusted. Everyone stares at her at school, and she almost has a run-in with John (which Elizabeth and Enid awesomely save her from). Jessica asks John’s ex, Jennifer, if she can offer any insight, but Jennifer just says John was controlling when they dated. A girl named Susan shows up at Lila’s house and tells her she recently went out with John and had the same experience as Lila. The girls confront John at the Dairi Burger, where a bunch of people who believe Susan back them up. Anticlimactically, they tell John to get therapy and then…that’s it. Lila should have at least hit him with her car or something.

In the B plot, Jessica and Sam are trying really hard not to go at it like bunnies. (Yes, boys and girls, Jessica is a virgin.) They get so stressed about not being able to keep their hands off each other that they decide they’re better off as friends. But when Jessica finds out what happened to Lila, she’s so grateful that Sam is the opposite of John that they get back together. There’s also some crap about a prince writing letters to Elizabeth, but that’s more for the next book.

Thoughts: I actually thought this book handled a serious subject very well. I know, amazing. It’s nice to see Lila going through something that doesn’t have to do with money or class or her daddy issues. She also gets to prove her awesomeness again.

Steven “only occasionally” visits? Okay, ghostwriter. Also, who sends a postcard home from college?

Even a depressed Lila would never dress up as Peter Pan.

November 19, 2009

SVH #11, Too Good to Be True: The Tell-Tale Lavaliere

Posted in books tagged , , , at 11:11 pm by Jenn

Jessica's face transplant was a success, but her new personality didn't take

Summary: Jessica goes to New York while Ned’s friend’s daughter Suzanne comes to Sweet Valley for two weeks. Suzanne snows everyone into thinking she’s the sweetest, most wonderful person in the world, so of course, she’s not. She even steals Elizabeth’s gold lavaliere! The horror! For some reason Suzanne sets her sights on Mr. Collins, everyone’s favorite teacher/unnecessary party chaperon, and when he rejects her, she tells Elizabeth that he tried to rape her. (That pretty much says all you need to know about Suzanne.)

Since you’re guilty until proven innocent in Sweet Valley, everyone turns on Mr. Collins. But then Elizabeth finds her missing lavaliere in Suzanne’s belongings and realized Suzanne stole it, which of course means that she also lied about Mr. Collins. Then Winston spills punch on Suzanne and the truth comes out. I swear it happened in that order.

In the B plot, Jessica tries to steal Suzanne’s boyfriend in New York. Ironically, he does try to rape her. And…that’s about it. Oh, and Steven’s girlfriend Tricia keeps breaking dates, so Jessica thinks she’s cheating on him.

Thoughts: Suzanne’s scheming and lying make Jessica look like an amateur. Even after she finds out that Elizabeth’s on to her, she tries to make everyone think Elizabeth’s crazy because she hit her head – that she’s acting like someone else the same way she did in Dear Sister. Nice thinking, crazy girl.

Though Jessica gets in some scheming of her own. Elizabeth actually wins the coin toss to decide which twin will go to New York, but Jessica convinces her to let her go instead by telling her that if Elizabeth leaves town, Lila will steal Todd. What a wonderful sister. Also, Jessica continues to prove that by buying herself a necklace and giving Elizabeth a bunch of free perfume samples.

The essence of Jessica can be summed up nicely in this quote: “Enthroned before her was the dream boy of a lifetime. Jessica didn’t care if he was Suzanne’s boyfriend or not. Why should she be loyal to a girl she’d never even met?” It’s a good thing Jessica and Suzanne never actually meet, because the two of them combined would be a super-powerful team of evil.

Just to show how dated this book is, Jessica fantasizes about meeting Mick Jagger at an “impossibly chic Manhattan disco.”

October 31, 2009

SVH #7, Dear Sister: We Always Have One Good Kid and One Lousy Kid

Posted in books tagged , , , , , , , at 5:49 pm by Jenn


I guess Jessica carries that picture around so she doesn't forget what Elizabeth looks like

Summary: Picking up where Dangerous Love left off, Elizabeth is in a coma. And then she wakes up, and the book ends. No, just kidding. Elizabeth does wake up, but everyone quickly realizes that there’s something different about her – basically, she’s turned into Jessica. She starts caring about her appearance, cheating on schoolwork, flirting with every guy in school, and shirking responsibilities, to the point where Jessica has to pick up her slack. Basically, Elizabeth is now Jessica and Jessica is now Elizabeth.

Eventually Elizabeth (who’s dumped Todd) makes dates with both Bruce Patman and Bill Chase for the same night. She keeps the date with Bruce, and when Bill comes by the house for Elizabeth, Jessica takes the opportunity to get back at him for rejecting her by pretending to be Elizabeth so she can go out with him. Only in Jessica’s world does going out with a guy equate revenge. Elizabeth gets drunk and goes to Bruce’s father’s boathouse, and just before they’re about to have sex, she hits her head and suddenly reverts to her normal self. Of course! And then Bruce tries to rape her, because he’s so classy. She gets away and threatens to tell everyone what a coward he is, because it’s always a good idea to threaten someone who’s trying to rape you. Anyway, Elizabeth is back to Elizabeth, and Jessica is back to Jessica – she’s made Bill fall in love with her.

The B plot is hardly worth mentioning, but it involves a pair of 12-year-old twins staying with the Wakefields for a few weeks.

Thoughts: It’s a good thing Jessica turns into Elizabeth while her twin is turning into her, because I wouldn’t be able to handle two Jessicas. I don’t think anyone could. This does show that Jessica has some ability to be responsible, she just finds it boring.

Lila throws a “pick-up party,” a concept I’ve never heard of. (Of course, I was a nerdy, prudish high-schooler who usually went to parties where we watched horror movies and played extremely chaste games of Spin the Bottle, which is how Spin the Bottle usually is when there are 12 girls and only four guys. Though some of my friends did get busted for playing strip poker on a school trip.) All the guests come without dates, and everyone is free to pick up a new boy- or girlfriend. It’s also a chance for unhappy people to dump current boy-/girlfriends. Maybe this was the ’80s teenage version of a key party?

I’d like to state for the record that SVH’s basketball team is the Gladiators. I guess it’s hard to match anything really strong and intimidating with “Sweet Valley.”

Also for the record, Elizabeth’s neurosurgeon is named John Edwards, and he keeps touching Jessica. Was the ghostwriter psychic?

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