July 20, 2014

BH90210 7.32, Graduation Day, Part 2: CU Later

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , at 3:56 pm by Jenn

After all that build-up...

After all that build-up…

Summary: It’s graduation time! Brandon’s late, having run off to save Valerie. Clare’s graduating summa cum laude, and is also 45 minutes away from being out of our lives forever. Donna wants to get David on board with not staying out too late that night (since she plans to have sex with him). Clare warns Steve not to do anything that will embarrass her father, and Steve’s like, “Why are you still here?” The Walshes may be missing, but all Taylors and Martins are in attendance.

Brandon goes to the Shangri-La and learns that Valerie has already checked out (possibly in more than one sense of the phrase). Meanwhile, the graduation ceremony starts, and Kelly blames Valerie for Brandon’s absence. Valerie’s still standing on a bluff, so Brandon gets to be her white knight. He talks her out of jumping and promises to deal with the Kelly situation after graduation.

They arrive at the ceremony as Chancellor Arnold is quoting Robert Frost and telling the graduates to take risks. Brandon gets a symbolic diploma for being awesome, though if he’s graduating, why is his diploma symbolic? The graduates turn their tassels, everyone applauds, and Steve sets off the confetti cannons.

Despite being asked by Valerie not to say anything, Brandon tells Kelly what happened when they get home. She thinks Val faked being suicidal to get attention. Brandon can’t be sure, so he’s decided to let Valerie stay in the house. Downstairs, Steve and Valerie discuss Clare, who plans to spend the evening with her father since he’s heading to Paris the next day. Steve admits that he thinks Clare believes the chancellor’s leaving the country because Samantha dumped him.

Over at the beach apartment, Clare tells Donna that she’s having trouble with all the changes in her life. Donna promises that Chancellor Arnold and Steve will love her no matter what happens. David’s tired and wants to skip the party Bill’s throwing, but Donna talks him into going. Clare also wants to stay home, telling Steve that she’s also going to Paris, so her dad doesn’t have to be alone. Steve interprets this as, “I’m going so I don’t have to be with you anymore.”

David is nice to Valerie, telling her he was worried about her earlier. Clare chases after Steve to tell him that her father needs her more than Steve does. Steve reminds her that her father is her past; he’s supposed to be her future. Clare invites him to come to Paris, too, but Steve knows he belongs in Beverly Hills. He also knows he won’t handle a long-distance relationship well, so they’ll need to break up. YES! FINALLY! Ahem. I mean, so sad. I really wish those two had been able to make it work.

Everyone else dresses up in ’20s clothes and goes to Bill’s party. David plans to talk to the Cardigans’ manager after the party, which means Donna has to delay sex. Ryan and Austin try to talk their way into the party, getting an assist from Joy. David and Brandon talk about Valerie, agreeing not to let others in on what happened. Brandon laments that his good deed has gotten him in trouble.

Kelly tries to calm Donna’s sex-related nerves, then acts like a killjoy when Bill tries to get her to be enthusiastic about the party in front of everyone. The Cardigans perform “Love Fool” (of course – no one knows any of their other songs). Steve drowns his sorrows, telling Brandon that if he thought there was any chance he could convince Clare to stay, he’d be off trying to convince her. Later, Valerie joins Steve at the bar.

David wants to leave the party early, saying again that he’s sorry; apparently he’s not meeting with the Cardigans’ manager after all. Donna’s on the verge of losing her nerve about sex, but when David assures her that he loves her, she knows she’s making the right choice. Brandon encourages Kelly to spend some time with Bill while he’s in town, so she goes to talk to him. He tells her he wants to be back in her life. She still doesn’t trust him and won’t be won over with just a party.

Kelly storms out and tells Brandon that some things can’t be fixed. She’s mad that he’s been on Bill’s side so much. Brandon says that if she’s that mad, she shouldn’t move in with him. Well, I guess that solves that problem! While Donna and David head home for sex (though he doesn’t know that’s what she has planned), Austin hits on Joy. Ryan gets him to leave by telling him Steve has another girl picked out for him.

Kelly wants to leave, but passive-aggressively tells Brandon she doesn’t know where to go, since Donna’s reserved the beach apartment for sex. Brandon doesn’t give in, so Kelly apologizes for being a jerk. He tells her to let her father love her. Austin goes looking for Steve, who hasn’t picked out a girl for his brother – he’s picked out Valerie for himself, and they’re secretly having sex in some room.

Donna tries to get David to leave her alone for a little while so she can get herself all prettied up. Back at the party, Joy and Bill say goodbye to each other. Kelly makes up with her father, but they don’t have much time to celebrate: Bill has to leave with some federal marshals. Tomorrow, he’s going to jail for fraud and embezzlement. So…that’s probably not going to be good for their relationship.

Kelly must be in a benevolent mood, because she’s willing to let Valerie stay at the house. She’ll probably change her mind the next day. At the beach apartment, David falls asleep, then has to go hunting for Donna. He’s surprised enough to see her in lingerie, with candles everywhere, that he thinks that’s his only surprise. She tells him there’s much more, and she’s very sure that this is the right time. She’s ready for the next chapter in her life. David waited, so now David gets lucky. (And don’t worry, there’s a condom.)

Thoughts: I love that me reward for finishing season 7 is no more Clare.

I’ve linked to this before, but it needs repeating: Vulture’s oral history of this episode.

Chancellor Arnold is Mr. World Traveller, Mr. International, yet he quotes Robert Frost. Thanks for the clichés!

Also, shortest ceremony ever. They didn’t even read people’s names.

I’m impressed that Steve wore a suit under his gown and not, like, swim trunks and a cowboy shirt.

Brandon: “What are you pointing at?” Muntz (dressed as Babe Ruth): “The bar. I promised I’d drink a bottle of scotch for some sick little kid.” Heh.

Also heh to Brandon, dressed as a ’20s gangster, carrying a glass and Johnnie Walker in a violin case.

Continuity alert! David thinks Donna got a pet, and he says he doesn’t want to have to deal with “a dog or some damn bird.” Speaking of which, whatever happened to the dog and the bird?

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July 13, 2014

BH90210 7.31, Graduation Day, Part 1: Val Shall Not Be Moved

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , at 3:06 pm by Jenn

One big happy...something

One big happy…something

Summary: Valerie has just told Brandon how Derrick took all her money. She swears that she didn’t invest with Bill just to mess with Kelly – not that it matters anyway, since Val’s the one who lost in the end. She’s eager for Jim and Cindy to come for the kids’ graduation so she can talk to some real adults about her problems. Unfortunately, they’re not coming. But Val’s mom is, so that’s…something. Kelly thinks Brandon has spent the past few minutes kicking Valerie out, but she’s wrong. Valerie hears her yelling at Brandon to get rid of her so Kelly can move in.

The college kids aren’t the only ones graduating this weekend – Erin’s graduating from kindergarten. (She’s still super-cute, by the way.) Jackie, Mel, Kelly, David, and Donna are all there for the ceremony. Kelly’s happy that David and Donna are so happy. The college kids were all invited to some big party where the Cardigans are playing; the party host is unknown, but David thinks it’s Rush. Jackie assures Kelly that Bill and Joy will be at her graduation.

Donna picks up her grandmother from the airport, sharing that she and David plan to move in together. Mrs. Martin laughs because Felice is going to flip out. She knows that Donna and David will know when the time is right for them to…you know. Valerie’s mother isn’t coming to graduation after all, and Val decides to tell her off. Brandon’s like, “I guess this isn’t a good time to make you move out, huh?” Val lays it on thick, thanking him for being such a great guy and always supporting her.

At the Peach Pit, Steve invites David to help him plan a major senior prank. He and Muntz want to set off confetti cannons, and they need a hand with the electronics side of things. Inside, Valerie packs up her office, getting no sympathy from David about her money problems or living situation. She asks him to talk to Kelly about letting her stay in the house. David tells her to solve her own problems.

Despite Kelly’s skepticism, Bill does arrive for the weekend, bringing Joy along. Kelly’s pleasant to one of them but not the other. Guess which! Go on, guess! Donna tells Kelly that she’s considering having sex with David; she wants to surprise him on graduation night. Kelly says that if she feels the time is right, then it’s right.

The honors grads, led by Brandon, give Chancellor Arnold a going-away present before he leaves for Paris. Steve crashes the end of the honors-grad luncheon, Chancellor Arnold asks about Samantha, Clare gets mad that Steve’s talking about her, and I roll my eyes so hard they pop out of my head. Steve confides in Brandon that he feels like Clare blames him for her father leaving. That makes no sense, but that’s Clare for you.

Brandon and Steve reminisce about various college experiences, then talk about the senior prank. Brandon is actually sad that Steve hasn’t asked for his help. At the Peach Pit, Valerie whines to Nat about Kelly, but Nat thinks she needs to suck it up and move on. Kelly herself shows up, and Valerie tries to convince her that Brandon said she could stay in the house. She threatens to call Jim and Cindy and fill them in – after all, they invited her to live in the house. Val refuses to move.

Donna goes shopping with Clare to find a going-away present for Chancellor Arnold, but Donna gets distracted at a lingerie store. Kelly and Joy are also at the mall, looking for something to wear to the big graduation party. Joy reveals that Bill is the person behind the party, and it’s all for Kelly. They run into Ryan and Austin (ugh), and Ryan instantly develops a crush on Joy. Joy thinks he’s cute. Kelly, quick, get her out of there.

Nat’s hosting a pre-grad party, and as Valerie and Steve get ready, Val tries to get him on her side about staying in the house. She asks him to appeal to Brandon on her behalf. At the beach apartment, Donna tries to hide all her lingerie and condoms from David. He wants her opinion on whether he’s an idiot for helping Steve and Muntz with the prank. He wanted to make sure he wasn’t completely missing out on something school-related, since he never joined a frat or went to a pep rally or anything like that. Donna seems to think it’s cute.

Just before they leave for the pre-grad party, Brandon finally tells Valerie that she needs to move out. Val whines that no one’s looking out for her. She threatens again to tattle to Jim and Cindy, but Brandon already did, and they told him he could make the final call. Valerie begs to be allowed to stay through the summer, but Brandon won’t budge.

The gang and their families have their get-together at the Peach Pit, though Valerie leaves early to go mope alone. Rush thanks Brandon for being so awesome and letting some of that awesomeness rub off on Steve. He wonders why he hasn’t heard anything about a senior prank yet. Steve and David are all, “Oh, I guess no one cares enough about the school to do anything.” They plan to slip out in a little while to meet up with Muntz.

Kelly’s in a great mood now, since Valerie’s leaving the Walshes’. Meanwhile, Val leaves a note on Brandon’s pillow. That night, Steve, David, and Muntz sneak around campus to set up the confetti cannons. They’re hilariously excited about the whole thing. Kelly, Donna, and Clare spend what might be their last night together at the beach apartment. They definitely won’t all be there the next night – Donna wants the apartment to herself so she and David can do it. Clare and Kelly secretly agree that she won’t go through with it.

Valerie checks into the Shangri-La Hotel, saying she’ll be gone the next day. At the house, Brandon finds her note, which says that she won’t be at graduation. She’ll be having her “own private ceremony,” doing something she should have done when she was with David a year ago. Brandon tries to call David to figure out what Val means, but he has to leave a message. Valerie tries to call her mother as she stands on the bluff where she and David discussed suicide. “I’m going to take care of everything tomorrow,” Valerie promises.

The next morning, David finally calls Brandon back, confirming Brandon’s suspicions that Valerie has talked about killing herself. David remembers that she used to stay at the Shangri-La across the street from the bluffs. The guys lament how hard they’ve been on her recently. Kelly arrives to meet up with Brandon before graduation, but he runs off to find Valerie. And for some reason, the episode ends here.

Thoughts: Jim and Cindy are skipping Brandon’s graduation? I thought they were good parents.

How weird would it be to graduate college while your little sister is just finishing kindergarten?

Do college students do senior pranks? I thought that was just a high school thing.

“We’ll be adults soon enough.” I’ve got news for you, Steve: You’re already an adult. You’ve been an adult for four years. Scary, right?

Part of me feels bad for Valerie, because she has no money so how is she supposed to find a place to live? But the rest of me remembers that she was gullible enough to fall for Derrick’s act, and burned her bridges with everyone she’s ever met, and manipulated David into buying her out, which is why she has no job. And then I remember that she’s fictional, so whatever.

December 16, 2013

BH90210 7.2, Here We Go Again: All the Sanders Boys Are Dolts

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , at 8:49 pm by Jenn

C

This is Steve’s serious face. How can you still be mad when he gets that serious?

Summary: Brandon’s back from Southernville just in time for a reunion at the beach club (though he doesn’t want to attend). Steve, Clare, and Valerie welcome him home; Val is on her way to meet with Kenny again. David and Donna meet up at the beach club, talking about a childhood memory that couldn’t have happened because they didn’t meet until they were in high school. Donna spots a guy named Casey who she used to have a crush on. David turns on jerk mode, still mad that she doesn’t want to work for MZA anymore. Donna decides to try her chances with Casey instead.

Ugh, Ryan and Austin are back. Steve and Kelly reminisce about their days at the beach club when they were younger; he’s especially fond of the memory of them hooking up. She doesn’t seem to think of it as being as special as he does. After she leaves, Steve has a flashback to “Spring Dance,” when he was a jerk to her and then whined that she never said she cared about him. He tells Clare that he and Kelly were just talking about old times, casually mentioning that they slept together. This is news to Clare, and not good news.

Kenny’s sure that Valerie won’t have any trouble getting the money she needs, so instead of talking business, he wants to play tennis. On her way to start her internship at the AIDS hospice, Kelly runs into David and his friend Mark, who’s the program director at CU’s TV station. He wants to work with Brandon on something, because everyone loves Brandon and wants to do stuff with him. Kelly and David are clearly attracted to each other, by the way.

Donna reunites with Casey, and they plan to meet up again at a dance that night. David puts on his jealous face. After their tennis game, Valerie and Kenny make small talk, and he reveals that he’s married but separated from his wife. He wants Val to come to dinner with him, because I guess that’s the only place she can sign papers for her bank loan. Poor dear must not have a desk! Brandon goes by the hospice to say hi to Kelly, which, I’m sorry, is not normal and must mean he’s still in love with her. Sigh.

Brandon then goes to the beach club and meets up with Clare; she’s mad that she was the only person who didn’t know about Kelly and Steve’s history. She notes that their group of friends is pretty “incestuous.” Brandon firmly denies that Steve could still have feelings for Kelly, but Clare isn’t so sure. She pulls Steve away from a poker game, orders him to take her home, and demands details about his relationship with Kelly. He tells her to stop making a big deal out of nothing and goes back to his game.

Kenny goes to the Walshes’ house with Valerie, again mentioning his marriage and how it’ll soon be over. He’s sure that his wife wouldn’t care that he’s hanging out with Val. He notices the end of one of her joints but is totally cool with her doing drugs. Why am I supposed to care about this guy? Ryan, Austin, some girl, bleh. Mark approaches Brandon to be the TV station’s news director; Brandon wanted to work for the Condor again (though I thought he was done with that), but is willing to consider Mark’s pitch. Kelly arrives and dances with Mark.

Ryan and Austin try to spy on a girl while she’s changing but see her mom instead. They deserved that. Donna and Casey dance and flirt while David continues wearing his jealous face. He accuses her of wanting out of their business partnership because she really wants to see other guys. He complains that she’s ignoring him while he’s in a bad mood, but she points out that she’s tried to cheer him up and he’s the one who’s been ignoring her.

Brandon tells Kelly about his time in Southernville, and how he changed Mariah’s life and sent her off to her true purpose and is a hero for our time and deserves a medal. They discuss Clare and Steve’s fight, and it turns out Kelly’s on Clare’s side. Steve asks her to stay out of it, but Kelly doesn’t want Clare to be mad at her. After she leaves, Steve confides in Brandon something that no one else knows, including Kelly. Meanwhile, Ryan and Austin are still pervs. What did I do to deserve this?

Valerie and Kenny go to dinner and bore me some more. Then there’s kissing. Back at the club, David crashes Donna and Casey’s conversation, refusing to leave when they ask him to. Steve has to break up a fight between Ryan and Austin. Clare sees him yelling at them for trying to spy on a girl, telling them to respect women because he learned how important that is the hard way. With that plus a conversation she had with Kelly, Clare’s now okay with Steve. Kenny and Valerie make plans to meet up at the beach club the next day.

Steve finds Kelly and reminds her of their fight at the spring dance in tenth grade. He admits that the night they had sex at the beach club was his first time. Afterward, he was upset that it wasn’t as big a deal for her as it was for him, so he got back at her by spreading rumors that she was a slut. Steve’s responsible for the bad reputation she had in high school. Kelly’s furious with him, since she still has to deal with the repercussions. She won’t accept his apology.

The next morning, Brandon is optimistic that Kelly will get over the fight, which Steve feels really bad about. Valerie’s aware of the whole situation and remarks to Brandon that if Steve hadn’t started calling her a slut, someone else would have. Brandon tells her to leave Kelly alone. Then he practically calls her a slut for starting a relationship with Kenny. Thank you, as always, for your help, Brandon.

At the beach club, Steve tries to smooth things over with Kelly, but she won’t talk to him. He reminds her that he’s a different person now. She says she is, too. Steve regrets telling her the truth. Kelly runs into Valerie and Kenny, who tells Val that Kelly used to babysit for his son. David goes to the beach apartment to make up with Donna, but it’s all awkward. They realize that getting back together isn’t working out, and they’re better off as friends.

Kelly mopes on the beach, flashing back to when Steve apologized to her at the spring dance. She forgave him then, by the way. Steve tracks her down to apologize again, and this time Kelly reminds him that they said they loved each other at the dance. She’s actually glad that he was honest with her. Now everything’s okay, yay! Not for Val, though – she spotted Kenny’s wife’s bathing suit in their cabana, and now she feels uncomfortable. Kenny tries to cheer her up with a $10,000 personal loan to hold her over until her bank loan comes through.

Kelly and Steve participate in an egg toss together, so I guess their friendship really is back on track. She tells Brandon that she appreciates how strongly their group of friends is connected, but she did like being alone over the summer. She wonders if she and Brandon will ever be back on the same page. He tells her that they’ll know if it happens. Yeah, because they’ll hear me screaming.

Thoughts: Casey is played by Eddie Cibrian. He looks a lot like Dean Cain here.

Clare, you must chill. YOU MUST. I can’t take another season of her and Steve fighting and making up in every single episode.

Kelly, you need to chill, too. I get being upset about what Steve did, but he really was sorry.

Valerie smokes pot in her bedroom so Brandon can’t get judgy, but she leaves the end of the joint sitting out in the living room. Huh?

I can’t see Val dating someone with a kid. I also think she’d be smarter about the red flags Kenny’s throwing off.

October 13, 2013

BH90210 6.25, Smashed: Our Idiot Brother

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , at 5:03 pm by Jenn

Yay, just who I wanted to see again

Yay, just who I wanted to see again

Summary: Tara’s about to be released from rehab, and Kelly wants to let her stay at the beach apartment. Donna and Clare are very reluctant, but Kelly says that she doesn’t have anywhere else to go. “She needs me,” she insists, which is really creepy when you think about it, since she and Tara have only known each other for a few weeks. At some other unspecified point in time, Clare’s with Steve at the Walshes’, talking about a party he’s throwing that night.

Valerie meets with Colin’s lawyer, who tells her that he has two options: plead guilty and serve time, or plead not guilty and risk a longer sentence. He thinks he can get Colin a pretty good deal with just a few months in a minimum-security facility and some community service. Val now has to convince Colin to agree to this. Kelly goes to get Tara and runs into Greg, who disapproves of her opening her home to Tara. He asks her on a date, but she’s already going to Steve’s party, so she invites Greg to come with her.

Valerie wants to bring Colin to the party, but Brandon doesn’t think it’s a good idea, since everyone hates him. He can’t stop her, though, since the party’s at the Walshes’ and she lives there, too. The male Sanderses eat at the Peach Pit, where Rush asks Steve to look after Austin and Ryan for the night while he goes out of time. Steve resists, since he’s having his party, but Rush doesn’t listen. At least they come with $200 from Rush.

At the beach apartment, Tara continues her slow journey to turn herself into Kelly. She drinks Clare’s juice, but if that’s what passes for drama there, the roommates should all be happy. Valerie tells Colin that he doesn’t have much of a choice about going to prison, but it won’t be nearly as bad as he thinks. She urges him to take the deal instead of going to trial. Colin reluctantly agrees. Valerie invites him to Steve’s party so they can try to enjoy the rest of their time together, but Colin’s worried that Kelly will make a scene.

Steve puts his brothers to work at the Walshes’ house in anticipation of a huge party. Brandon catches them trying to steal beer and stops them. He tells Steve that Valerie’s bringing Colin, but Steve doesn’t seem to care. Tara’s more worried about the possibility of drugs at the party, which is a nice detail. Kelly says they’ll keep each other out of trouble. Then Tara borrows the dress Kelly had planned to wear.

At CU, David tells Joe that he and Donna are working on a piece about the party for the school’s TV station. Donna and David note that they haven’t worked together for a while. Colin decides he doesn’t want to go to the party after all. Valerie thinks he’s still nervous about seeing Kelly, but it’s more that he doesn’t want to spend the whole night with people who think he’s scum. He wishes Valerie had a better understanding of what he’s facing.

Kelly loans Tara a necklace along with her dress, so now Tara is fully clothed in Kelly’s garb. Greg calls, and Tara’s surprised (and not all that happy) to learn that Kelly invited him to the party. She decides that she doesn’t want to go after all since she’ll be a fifth wheel. Kelly changes her mind. The party is already going, with a lot of dorky dancing and Steve in a vest. Susan sees Brandon and Kelly hugging and tries to keep from looking jealous. She tells Brandon that she likes all his friends, even though she was worried about Kelly when they first started dating.

Donna and David film some of the goings-on, educating the general population on how to play quarters. Ryan and Austin ask Muntz for beer, telling him that Steve said they could drink. Steve says they can do one round of shots, not realizing that the only think more annoying than Ryan and Austin would be Ryan and Austin with alcohol in them. Donna’s too busy to hang out with Joe, and he’s not happy about it.

Austin and Ryan snake some drinks from distracted partygoers while Donna finally realizes that Joe’s having a bad time. She asks Brandon to take over filming so she can dance with her boyfriend. Valerie and Colin arrive, and Brandon is amazingly polite. Ryan and Austin try to get back into Muntz’s drinking game, but even money won’t sway him. They steal booze instead. Colin runs into Kelly, and though she’s not exactly warm toward him, she lets him know that she cares what happens to him. Valerie is displeased, of course.

More drinking. Ryan and Austin are somehow not completely drunk yet. Muntz catches them picking up bottles, so they pretend they’re cleaning up. David and Steve know the kids are drunk, but Steve’s not concerned, since he also got drunk at that age. Greg arrives for some flirting, dancing, and making Tara jealous. Ryan starts feeling the effects of the alcohol and has to run outside to get sick. Austin finds him on the back porch, unconscious. Steve thinks he’s just passed out, but Greg (a med student) recognizes that he has alcohol poisoning and needs to go to the hospital to have his stomach pumped.

Now that the party’s over, Colin and Valerie go back to his place, where she confronts him for…having a pleasant conversation with Kelly, I guess. “I’m beginning to think you fall in love with any female body that keeps you afloat,” she says. He insists that he loves her for who she is, not because she’s taking care of him and paying for his lawyer. Val loves him, too, and has never risked so much for anyone else.

Rush is summoned to the hospital, and of course he yells at Steve for not keeping a better eye on Ryan. Greg takes Kelly and Tara home, and Tara spies while the lovebirds kiss good night. She’s so mad that she breaks the necklace Kelly loaned her. Back at the hospital, Ryan’s okay, so Rush feels free to yell at Steve some more. He wants his kids to look after each other, and Steve failed. (Yeah, but think about how much more failure there would have been if, say, Ryan had had to look after Steve.)

Austin’s still at the Walshes’, where Brandon and Susan are sobering him up with coffee. The only problem is that he’s now too caffeinated to sleep. Back at the hospital, Steve’s all, “I still love you, Ryan, even though you’re a huge idiot.” I guess it’s supposed to be touching because Steve’s calling him his brother now instead of his half brother, but really, the kid is a moron and I couldn’t care less.

Thoughts: Holy crap, Clare’s hair. It has big white streaks. It looks horrible.

So Kelly can date Greg, but he doesn’t think she should live with Tara? I don’t get it.

Why do a piece on the party for the TV station? “Hey, uncool people, here’s what the cool people did this weekend!”

I’m pretty sure Colin wears a velvet shirt to the party. Let me repeat that. COLIN WEARS A VELVET SHIRT.

Austin and Ryan drink everyone else’s drinks. They should probably check Ryan for mono while he’s in the hospital, because EW, GERMS.

Tell me, Rush, what is it about Steve that made you think he could be responsible in the first place?

August 25, 2013

BH90210 6.16, Turn Back the Clock: The Bird Is the Word

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , at 2:56 pm by Jenn

Heh. Still funny

Heh. Still funny

Summary: Brandon and Steve get rid of their Christmas tree (well, really, they just chuck it into the yard) as Clare returns from spending New Year’s away. She notices that Steve has a black eye and asks for the story behind it. Brandon and Steve tell the story: They went to the After Dark on New Year’s Eve, and Brandon saw Susan kissing her ex, Jonathan. Clare needs more details, so the guys back up to the morning of New Year’s Day.

Steve’s teenage brothers, Ryan and Austin, are staying with him and Brandon for the weekend, and pretend not to know anything about the toilet paper all over the yard. Steve gives them an hour to clean it all up. Susan calls to let Brandon know that Jonathan’s in town on a layover (a long layover, considering he’s spending the night). Susan wants to take him to a party at Colin’s, which Brandon wasn’t interested in going to until he hears Jonathan’s going. Valerie’s excited to have a boyfriend on New Year’s Eve for the first time.

In the present, Valerie joins Clare and the storytellers and mentions that Donna called. Steve tells Clare that the parrot escaped and Clare’s being blamed. The story turns to Steve and Clare at the beach apartment before she left for San Diego. Joe’s fixing the bird’s cage door until they can get a new one. Clare asks them to shut the bird up, but they just laugh her off. Joe tells her that the cage latch is broken, so she shouldn’t open it. Clare sarcastically says that it would be a shame if the bird flew away.

David arrives in the present and hijacks the story to tell Clare about Colin’s New Year’s Eve party. At the party, David’s worried that Valerie’s going to do drugs with Colin’s junkie friends. They bicker but make up and plan to meet up at the After Dark later. Susan tries to find a date for Jonathan, who’s joining them for a Corrs concert that night. (Remember the Corrs?) Colin gives Valerie some cocaine to hold onto so Kelly doesn’t find it on him. Kelly sees them talking and is immediately mad. She’s also not very subtle about frisking Colin, supposedly for romantic purposes.

Present-day Clare reminds everyone that she just wants to know how Steve got his black eye. Steve tells her about the Corrs concert so we can kill a couple minutes. Austin and Ryan try to get into the After Dark for the concert, but Steve hasn’t put them on the guest list. When the guy at the door goes to check with Steve, of course the kids just sneak in. Jonathan joins Brandon and Susan and does the smartest thing Brandon’s girlfriend’s ex could ever do: He compliments Brandon’s Condor articles.

Valerie’s proud of the great turnout at the After Dark, but she’s distracted because David hasn’t arrived. That’s because he’s up in a tree, trying to help Donna get her parrot. The bird was out of her cage when Donna got back from Colin’s. Clare wants to jump to the end of the story and find out if they got the bird back. Instead, the story returns to Ryan and Austin at the After Dark. Steve sees them and learns that Nat let them in; the doorman asked if Steve’s brothers could come in, and Nat thought he meant frat brothers. Steve asks Kelly to collect them.

Colin goes to Valerie to get his drugs back, saying he can’t wait until she leaves after midnight. Valerie reluctantly hands them over. Steve and Kelly wrangle Austin and Ryan and eject them. Alone with Brandon, Jonathan announces that he still loves Susan and wants her back. Brandon wonders why he dumped Susan in the first place. Jonathan says she dumped him but won’t tell him why. He considers Brandon “irrelevant” (hey, me, too!) and is sure he’ll get his girlfriend back. Brandon’s so desperate to keep Susan away from Jonathan that he agrees to go dance.

Joe arrives at the beach apartment and takes over the bird rescue so David can go meet up with Valerie. He tries to call her, but she doesn’t pick up. That means Valerie has to spend another midnight on New Year’s Eve without a boyfriend. Jonathan watches sadly as Brandon and Susan make out. Kelly kisses Colin, then goes home to sleep since she has to get up early for the Tournament of Roses Parade. Jonathan decides to leave, too, but when he kisses Susan goodbye, he tries to turn it into a makeout session. Brandon chases him off, but Susan feels bad.

Back in the present, Steve laments missing that drama. He reveals that at midnight, he was in Valerie’s office, having phone sex with Clare. Brandon hasn’t talked to Susan since the party, and he thinks she should be the one to contact him first. Ryan and Austin are still around and let Valerie know that she looked hot at the party. Steve warns them that he’s going to tell Rush everything they did when he gets back. Valerie doesn’t think they deserve punishment, and Clare doesn’t get what they did that was so wrong. That’s because there’s more to the story, of course.

Steve leaves the After Dark party to find shaving cream all over his car. When he tries to go back into the club, he runs into a guy leaving with a mic stand and hits his eye. Valerie finds Colin high and drives him home. Nat makes his concerned face. Steve starts to hose off his car as David finally arrives, having been stopped at a sobriety checkpoint. That’s also where Valerie and Colin get stopped; fortunately, he’s already used all his cocaine, so they don’t get in any trouble. Or at least that’s what he tells Valerie after stashing his drugs in the ashtray.

Valerie tells Clare that she just took Colin home and went right back to the After Dark, but David’s skeptical. Kelly and Donna join the group, and Clare promises that she had nothing to do with the bird escaping. Joe retrieved her, so it’s all good, and Donna’s decided to give her to an aviary, so it’s all even better for Clare. But the bird’s escape leads to a fight between Joe and Donna, since she cares more about getting ready for the parade than she does about a bird he spent so long training. Also, he calls it “our bird,” which is kind of weird. Donna tells him not to come to Pasadena for the parade.

On the morning of New Year’s Day, Kelly goes to Colin’s loft to get him for the parade. She’s upset when she learns that he got high after she left the party, and now he doesn’t feel well enough to go. She refuses to take care of him since she spent so long taking care of Jackie. Colin says he’ll come to Pasadena after all, but Brandon skips the parade to look for Susan. He finds her and Jonathan at the Condor office and thinks they spent the night together. Jonathan apologizes for whatever he might have done the previous night to make Brandon mad, as if he doesn’t know. Susan doesn’t feel like fighting with Brandon right now.

Brandon turns on the TV to watch the parade, which Kelly, Steve, David, and Valerie have front-row seats for. Kelly blames Valerie for Colin’s state, even though she claims she would never touch cocaine. She gives Kelly the rest of Colin’s stash from the night before. Now Kelly can use it to confront Colin and see if he denies that it’s his. The Rose Court float goes by with Donna and the other girls looking like Disney princesses. Joe’s stuck in the back row, having arrived late, but he gets Donna’s attention and holds up a sign that says “Joe loves Donna” and “damn bird.”

In the present, Rush calls to talk to Steve, who plans to tell his father everything Ryan and Austin did all weekend. The boys beg Steve to keep quiet since their father only ever tells them how they’ve screwed up. Of course, Steve can relate, so he tells Rush the guys have been great and Steve wants them to stay longer. Then he makes his brothers rake and mow the yard. The gang laughs because the boys don’t know that the house has a gardener.

Susan shows up and tells Brandon that she made it clear to Jonathan that she wants Brandon. Brandon wonders why Jonathan has such a hold over her. But it doesn’t matter, since he’s decided not to ruin the good thing he has. Clare is all, “Yay, everyone got a happy ending!” Um, except Kelly, whose boyfriend is still a coke addict, but okay, Clare.

Thoughts: Ryan is played by Randy Spelling, as in Tori’s brother.

This episode is like a horrible version of How I Met Your Mother. Except instead of wanting to know who the mother is, Clare wants to know why Steve has a shiner. Not quite as compelling.

Colin has a payphone in his loft. The better to make calls to his dealer, I guess.

Heh, the parrot is still saying, “Damn bird.” I might actually miss it.