March 15, 2016
Summary: Neil is our star in this book. Yay, Neil! He and Jessica go out to a club, where girls keep hitting on him. Then a guy named Dave hits on him, but Neil doesn’t want to get involved with anyone; something happened at Stanford to turn him off of dating for a while. Jessica has decided to run for pledge chairwoman at Theta, and Neil is a little jealous that she has an activity she’s so excited about. At Stanford, he was in student government, fencing, and debate, but at SVU, he hasn’t found a club yet.
So Neil goes to the Student Center to sign up for something, only to learn that SVU has no debate team or fencing club. The budget has been cut so much that only the frats and money-making teams like football and basketball have survived. Neil then runs into a guy named Chip who’s running for SVU president. Chip is a frat guy and only really cares about getting more funding for Greek life. A girl Neil complains to suggests that he run for president as well. He latches on to the idea, deciding to ask Jessica to be his campaign manager, since she’ll be great at getting his name and message out to the other students.
Jessica’s happy to be in charge of something, and I have to say, she makes a great campaign manager. Neil starts campaigning right away, telling the students that he wants to make SVU more democratic. They should be able to choose activities to be offered, rather than having to pick from the few available. Who can say no to that idea?
A guy named Chris approaches Neil, happy that a gay student is running for president. Record scratch! Neil is barely out and is shocked that someone has caught him on gaydar. Chris is with the GSG, the Gay Students Group, who wants to offer Neil their support and endorsement. Neil fears that he’ll end up getting outed, and that his sexuality will overshadow his platform. But the damage is done, and soon everyone on campus has heard the rumor that Neil is gay. This brings the bigots and homophobes out of the woodwork.
During a chaotic night at the duplex, Jessica gets a call from Chris letting her know that the GSG wants to endorse Neil. Jess hasn’t yet talked to Neil about this, so she doesn’t know that he’s not happy about being the GSG’s new mascot. When she tells him, he argues that his sexuality and personal life should be kept separate from his campaign. Jess doesn’t see the harm in being known as a “gay candidate” – after all, Neil is gay, so he’s automatically a gay candidate. Of course, Jessica’s straight, so she doesn’t get why Neil might not want to out himself. The two of them fight, and Jess quits the campaign.
Neil turns down the GSG’s endorsement, which Chris isn’t happy about. Neil figures out that Chris wants to take advantage of having a GSG ally in student government; he doesn’t care about Neil’s platform at all. Chris refuses to withdraw the endorsement – the GSG will support Neil without his consent, and everyone at SVU will learn that Neil is gay.
Anti-Neil flyers start circulating, calling him “queer” and urging people not to vote for him. The Thetas are horrified and vow to help bolster Neil’s reputation. Jess talks to her buddy Alejandro, who encourages her to make up with Neil and return to his campaign before it becomes a total disaster. Before she can, someone from the school’s paper tries to ask her about a statement made by the GSG about how Neil is in the closet because he’s ashamed. Jess is smart enough not to give a comment. Neil is also questioned, and he proves to be very media-savvy – he won’t comment on his personal life, and he won’t distract from his platform.
The twins confer with Steven, wondering if they can sue the GSG. Steven teaches them about a little thing called the First Amendment. The twins decide to write an article for the paper about Neil’s campaign, trying to do a little damage control. Meanwhile, the GSG circulates flyers telling people to prove they’re not homophobes by voting for Neil.
Jessica and Neil make up, but she still doesn’t get the big deal about letting himself be outed. After all, there’s nothing wrong with being gay, so why shouldn’t people know? Neil finally tells her what scared him back into the closet: He fell for a closeted professor at Stanford, and they snuck around behind the guy’s wife’s back. Eventually the professor came clean, and his wife made him quit and move away in exchange for keeping his secret. So Neil lost his first love, then came out to his parents, who disowned him. Jess feels horrible and now gets why Neil is so private.
The two friends work on Neil’s campaign at the Red Lion, but Neil’s now pretty well-known, and the bigots are still angry. A guy yells at him, but Lila, in one of her most awesome moves to date, stands up to him and announces that the Thetas are endorsing Neil. Neil then heads to a dinner with the two other candidates, who turn out to be friendly and supportive. They clearly couldn’t care less that Neil is gay, and they think he’s tough for trying to overcome everything that’s being said about him. They’re also happy that he’s inadvertently getting people interested in student government. Neil realizes that even though the other two are just assuming he’s gay without confirmation, he doesn’t actually care.
Dave pops up again, admitting that he told Chris that Neil is gay, which drew the GSG to Neil in the first place. Neil forgives him, since Dave didn’t mean to start the whole Neil/Chris mess. The candidates have their first debate, and Neil does okay, but not better than his cheerleader opponent. Then someone in the audience starts yelling for him to comment on the rumors that he’s gay. Neil ends up announcing that, yes, he’s gay, but that’s not the important part of his campaign. He gets support from the audience, and later, a date with Dave. Awww!
Over in not-so-happy plots, Dana’s lonely now that Todd is working long hours. She cheers up a little when she hangs out at the bar where he works, which makes her think she can make the rest of her life better. No such luck: She embarrasses herself in music class and runs out. That, combined with the reality that it’ll be hard to become a professional musician, and her lack of free time to spend with Todd, make Dana decide to drop out of SVU.
Todd thinks this is a terrible idea. He points out that they won’t have more time to spend together, since he’s still working and going to school. Plus, her parents will probably cut her off for dropping out, so she’ll need to get a job to help with the rent. Dana then talks to Tom, who’s a little more supportive. He suggests that she give cello lessons, which Dana thinks is a brilliant idea. But her first is a disaster, as she’s basically a glorified babysitter, and her charge is a monster. Todd thinks this is funny. Todd spends a lot of this book sleeping on the couch.
Dana tries to cheer herself up by cooking a special dinner for Todd, but she didn’t confirm that he would be home for dinner. He gets called to work, and Dana throws a fit when he won’t stay home with her instead. She gets suspicious when she learns that the guy Todd was supposed to be covering for is at work, too. She calls Tom to complain, and he invites her to a frat party, where they both get really drunk…and end up in his bed. When she confesses to Todd, telling him she was so drunk that she thought she was with him, he kicks her out of their apartment. With no money and nowhere else to go, Dana heads home to her parents.
Chloe is desperate to become popular, and she thinks landing Jessica as a BFF and Sam as her boyfriend are the keys. No one actually knows Sam, who doesn’t even go to SVU, so I’m not sure about the logic here, but that’s really the least of Chloe’s problems. The biggest is that Sam and new duplex resident Nina are warring, and Nina doesn’t appreciate that Chloe’s always at the house. What’s interesting is that Chloe doesn’t completely hate Nina – she admires her for being assertive and confident.
Things with Sam go nowhere, as he’s content to just hang out at the duplex and listen to music with Chloe rather than doing anything romantic. After he tells Nina that Chloe isn’t his girlfriend, Chloe runs off to feel sorry for herself. She hears her dorm-mates talking about joining Theta, and how Chloe will never be allowed in (not that Chloe actually wants in).
Chloe watches a talk show about ways to make a man fall for you. It’s the most ridiculous, feminist-movement-setting-back crap, and I cringe at the thought of girls watching it and thinking it’s the way to go. Chloe’s too dumb to resist, so she does things like agreeing with everything Sam says, pretending she likes everything he likes, etc. It doesn’t go anywhere, since Sam doesn’t realize that Chloe likes him as anything more than a friend.
So Chloe pulls out the big guns, putting on some lingerie and a trenchcoat to give Sam a little peep show. She goes to his room and opens her coat to greet him. Only he doesn’t open the door – Elizabeth does. The idea of Elizabeth getting flashed by another girl makes me giggle, because how would she process that? I don’t think she would have any idea what to do in that situation. Sam doesn’t realize anything has happened, but Chloe is fully embarrassed.
In other news, Elizabeth thinks she keeps seeing Finn around town with another woman, even though he’s supposed to be out of town. This doesn’t go anywhere. Also, Neil tries to stop Nina and Sam’s fighting, cracking down on the twins a little in the process. Seems to me he would make a very good president.
Thoughts: Giving cello lessons shouldn’t be such an out-of-left-field idea for Dana. After all, when she entered the series, she was giving lessons to Tom’s little sister.
“How do you have time to make your bed every morning?” Jessica knows it takes, like, ten seconds, right?
Jess has a lot of compassion and sympathy for Neil, so clearly we’re dealing with an alternate universe here.
“If someone sees the garbage is full, that person has to take it out.” Nice try, Neil. Everyone will just claim they didn’t notice it was full.
December 19, 2015
Summary: David and Donna are hanging out at the Walsh house, cooing over Maddy. Janet wants to set Donna up on a date, promising that she’ll arrange something casual for a group. Noah shows up to play that pinball machine that’s been in the house for years. He’s drunk, so Donna drives him home. At the Beverly Royale, Steve and Dylan watch Rock and Roll Jeopardy, which Steve sucks at. He changes the channel and comes across a news report about an emergency landing at LAX. One of the passengers getting off the plane looks just like Jack McKay.
The next morning, Kelly gets ready for her first day at her new job, dreading her anti-gay-club assignment. Donna let Noah spent the night on the couch at the beach apartment, wanting to pay him back for how he offered her help her after her father died. Dylan and Steve go to the airport for some answers; Steve thinks there was some big stunt and Jack faked his death. He asks if Jack’s name was on the list of passengers on the flight, but the airline won’t disclose the information.
Kelly has to rewrite a speech at work, and she’s clearly the only one who’s not in support of their mission. At the Walsh house, Steve and David talk about Jack, and David worries about how Dylan will be affected. He overhears Donna, Janet, and Camille talking about a fur coat but thinks they’re talking about orgasms. (For example, Camille has only had fake ones, and Donna knows David will never give Camille one.) Donna’s sort-of date, Irv, shows up for dinner, and Donna’s pleased that he’s both nice and attractive. Then Noah crashes the party, guessing that Irv is Donna’s date.
At the Peach Pit the next day, David tells Steve and Matt about his hopes of having sex with Camille that night. Steve’s eager to hear about other people’s sex lives because Janet’s pregnancy and Maddy’s birth have left him a little wanting. David’s worried since he’s under the impression that “Camille can’t be satisfied.” Matt and Steve promise to help him be prepared. I already hate this plotline.
Pia disapproves of Kelly’s speech, since she’s not painting gay students as villains, basically. They’re supposed to do the job they were hired to do, not take sides. Dylan and Steve go to a storage facility so he can look through Jack’s papers and find a way to get in touch with Christine. Steve thinks she’s behind everything. Dylan discovers that the lock on the storage unit has been broken. Inside, it’s clear that someone has already been there, looking for something.
Outside the boutique, Donna tells Janet that she’s brought Camille on as a partner at the store. They complain about how sickeningly romantic Camille and David have become. They’ve only been together two weeks, by the way. Janet assures Donna that she and Irv will be great together, but right now she’s worried about where things stand between Donna and Noah. Donna says that Noah’s going back to AA, and everything will be fine.
Dylan ambushes Christine at her office and asks if Jack is alive. She claims he’s dead, so Dylan gives her a tape of the news broadcast. She also claims that she doesn’t know about anyone breaking into the storage unit. Dylan reminds Christine that she loved Jack. She says that if he were alive, she would still be with him, but he’s not. David and Camille have a date at his house, then start to get it on.
At the Peach Pit the next day, David tells Steve that things seemed to go well with Camille; in fact, she enjoyed herself “several times.” Steve’s confused that a woman who has supposedly never had an orgasm, and presumably faked it with every other guy she was with, went from 0 to 60 with David. Kelly arrives, and Steve asks her about her job assignment. Janet saw the speech on TV, and it changed her mind. Kelly’s not as happy as she should be that her speech changed one person’s vote.
Christine calls Dylan to her office to tell him that Jack’s name wasn’t on the passenger list. Dylan’s not surprised – he’s probably in witness protection, so he wouldn’t be traveling under his real name. Christine continues that the storage unit was broken into a while ago, along with a few others. The police weren’t able to get in touch with Dylan. Dylan notes that he never actually saw Jack get in the car, and he never saw a body, so it’s possible that he’s alive. Christine tells him to give up on the investigation already.
At the boutique, Janet helps Donna pick out a dress for her next date with Irv. David shows up, and Donna and Janet tell him that Camille was very happy with him on their first night together. David brings up the conversation he overheard, and they tell him they were talking about furs. Now he feels dumb. Noah calls, and Janet and David keep Donna from picking up the phone. Janet thinks Noah’s using his trauma to keep Donna in his life. Donna’s mad that no one else is being a good friend to him.
Camille hangs out with David in the After Dark radio booth that night; the theme is dumb assumptions people have made about their significant others. He comes clean about the fur coat/orgasm confusion, and she’s horrified to realize that he talked to Steve about her in the context of sex. David advises his listeners to keep their mouths shut about those assumptions until it’s necessary to talk about them.
Donna and Irv are there for their date, but it’s not going well. She tells him he’s great, and she was looking forward to the date, but she feels like she should be with Noah right now instead. She’s worried that he hasn’t shown up to work tonight. Irv decides that Donna isn’t as single as he thought she was. Dylan returns to the storage unit to sort through Jack’s things, telling Kelly that he hasn’t gotten anywhere with the investigation. She thinks he should use this opportunity to reflect on his life. He tells her he misses his dad.
Donna tells David that she tried to smooth things over with Camille for him, but now she’s going to stop helping him, since he’s been giving people bad advice. Then he gives her some more: She needs to stop dropping everything to help Noah. David’s worried that she’ll keep losing out on great guys because Noah keeps coming first.
Pia’s pleased that Kelly was able to put her feelings aside for her job. Kelly talks about the possibility of having a gay child, and how she would prefer to support him instead of making him feel isolated. She’s not cut out for this kind of job, so she quits. She goes to the hotel, where Dylan’s watching the news report again. He gives her the tape and tells her to get rid of it. Kelly reveals that she was able to get the passenger list through connections at the PR firm.
Camille goes to David’s to give him a second chance, so…whatever. David gets to have sex. Good for him. At the beach apartment, Kelly and Donna wake up in the middle of the night, hearing noises on the deck. They call the police while Matt goes to check things out. Someone crashes through a window and Matt knocks him out with a baseball bat. When Kelly turns on the lights, they all realize the intruder is Noah.
Steve pays Dylan a late-night visit to express his regrets for making him think his father might be alive. Dylan reminisces about singing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” with Jack, and how much they liked watching baseball games together. They especially liked The Natural, which includes a character who disappears, then returns. The character in the book was based on a real person named Eddie Waitkus. Dylan found the same name on the passenger list, and he’s sure it’s a fake used by Jack.
Thoughts: Call me crazy, but maybe if you’re hiding from the mob, you should make sure you don’t show up on TV?
Remember Rock and Roll Jeopardy? That show was awesome. That was before I started yelling at Jeff Probst for being annoying on Survivor.
I don’t remember Noah offering Donna any kind of help in the last episode. In fact, I remember him avoiding her the entire episode.
Irv? No. No twenty-something is named Irv.
December 12, 2015
Summary: Paramedics have been called to the Martins’ house, but there’s nothing they can do – Dr. Martin is dead. The medics think he had a stroke. When Felice comes home, she’s distressed that no one’s helping her husband. Over at the After Dark, Dylan and Noah get the news from Steve as Noah’s damaged car is towed. Noah asks Dylan not to tell Donna what happened to them, so she doesn’t worry.
Everyone gathers at the beach apartment to comfort Donna. Kelly can’t bother to keep her mouth shut, asking if Dr. Martin was supposed to be exercising. In other words, she’s trying to imply that Gina may have accidentally killed him. David follows Gina outside and basically says that it’s reasonable for people to wonder what happened. He points out that no one blamed her right out, as if that makes a difference.
Kelly later asks Matt if you need a license to be a personal trainer. Matt tells her to shut up already (okay, he’s nicer than that, but still). They change the subject to a potential job Pia the PR person has for Kelly. As they approach the street where Matt parked, they discover that it’s missing. A valet tells him that it seems to have been repossessed. Kelly wishes Matt had talked to her about his continuing money problems.
Dylan tries to comfort Gina, who now feels guilty that she couldn’t do more for Dr. Martin. She wishes she hadn’t pushed him to work out. Dylan wants her to think about how much it must have meant to him that she wanted him in her life. Felice and Donna discuss arrangements for Dr. Martin, but Felice gets frustrated because she’s going to have to deal with things that her husband usually took care of. David and Camille show up with flowers, and David pledges his support for his ex. Donna’s not sure how her family can still be a family without her father.
Matt confides in Kelly that after his suspension, he’s struggling to find clients. She offers to help him out with money, but he doesn’t like the idea of his fiancée bailing him out. He’s willing to go back to working for a big firm (which he previously hated) so they can be financially secure. Matt also doesn’t want Kelly to take the job with Pia just so they can have money. Kelly assures him that she’s actually interested in the job. She thinks things will turn out fine.
Gina goes to the Martins’ to check on Felice, who tells her that Dr. Martin used to work at a movie theater. She only found out when she read his obituary. Gina mentions that the obituary only said Dr. Martin had a wife and one daughter. Felice thinks she should shut up about it – outing herself as Dr. Martin’s daughter could ruin his reputation. “Don’t you see how one careless moment could destroy everything?” Felice yells, asking if Gina bothered to check her father’s blood pressure.
At the After Dark, Steve and Janet invite Noah over for dinner, but he doesn’t want anyone to babysit him. He realizes that Shane could have killed him, which would have been a crazy way to go out. Kelly asks Dylan about the kidnapping, wondering if he got a rush out of being in danger. He tells her that he risked his life to save Noah, and no, he didn’t enjoy it. He spits out that when his life flashed before his eyes, he didn’t give her a lot of thought.
David’s back at the Martins’ with Donna, who can’t sleep. She tells him that when she was a kid, she would fall asleep in her parents’ bed while her father read her Charlotte’s Web. She remembers her mother stroking her hair until she fell asleep, like David’s doing to her now. At the Beverly Royale, Dylan catches up with Gina, telling her not to let Felice bother her. They’re both sick of Beverly Hills, and he thinks they should move somewhere else together. Gina likes that idea.
Kelly accepts the job with Pia, who already has an assignment for her. She’ll be consulting on a campaign, and working to pass an initiative regarding gay student rights. Kelly’s excited to work for a cause she believes in. Dylan arrives and Kelly apologizes for calling him reckless when she didn’t know what really happened with Shane. He announces that he’s leaving town after Dr. Martin’s funeral. He doesn’t think there’s anything left for him in Beverly Hills.
David helps Donna out with some funeral-related tasks, and she tells him she really appreciates all his support. Gina comes over to tell them she’s leaving town after the funeral. She thanks Donna for being so great to her since their discovery that they’re sister. David thinks Gina should stick around; Dr. Martin’s death wasn’t her fault. Donna disagrees – she thinks he would still be alive if Gina hadn’t found out he was her father.
Kelly follows Dylan to his office to tell him she doesn’t want him to leave because of their fighting. She’ll miss him if he does go. She’s no longer supportive when she finds out he’s heading off with Gina. “By the way, how is Matt?” Dylan replies. Noah’s drunk at David’s house (does he live there, too? I seriously can’t remember), clearly traumatized by his abduction. He admits to David that he’s been thinking about suicide. David can relate, and he tells Noah that if he wants to kill himself, the responsibility’s all his own.
Dylan goes to see Donna before the funeral, but she’s not exactly in the mood to deal with more upheaval in her life. He tells her that sometimes leaving and coming back helps you see things differently. When he left, Donna was shy and sweet; now she’s confident and capable. He knows she can handle the responsibilities she’ll have to face with her father gone. She’s definitely more prepared than he was when his father died. Donna doesn’t get why he always runs away, or why he takes what he has for granted. More responsibilities mean she’ll need more help.
Kelly tells Matt that she took the PR job, and he admits he’s grateful to have her help. Kelly realizes that her assignment isn’t to support a ballot initiative for gay students’ rights – she’s been hired to prevent students from forming gay-related clubs. At the funeral, Felice tells David to seat Gina with the family. All Gina can focus on is her desire to get out of Beverly Hills.
Donna gives a nice eulogy, saying that her father was always the most important man in her life, and always will be. She reads a letter he wrote her while he was recovering from her stroke. It talks about having a second chance and getting to see what really matters in life – faith, love, and family. Donna gets too emotional to finish, so Gina takes over. Everyone cries. Felice personally asks Gina to sit with her and Donna, even giving her a hug.
After the service, Noah splits, asking Dylan to tell Donna he’ll catch up with her later. Dylan wonders if Gina’s changed her mind about running away – she’s in the front row now. Gina says that she got closure, but she doesn’t think Dylan did. Dylan has decided to stay in Beverly Hills to find the love, faith, and family Dr. Martin cherished.
David takes Camille back to his place, because I guess now that he’s done taking care of Donna, they can make out? Noah interrupts, and David looks through his groceries to make sure he didn’t buy any more alcohol. Noah was smart enough to put a bottle in his jacket pocket. At the Martins’, Gina says a final goodbye to Donna, who thinks she’s brave to head out on her own. They reminisce about playing together as kids, and how Donna always wished Gina could stay with her. She still does.
Everyone else gathers at the beach apartment, where Kelly and Dylan agree that they want to smooth things over. He tells her that’s one of the reasons he’s staying in town. David checks on Donna, promising that he and the rest of the gang are there for her like she was for him when his grandfather died. And then they make out. Okay, not really, but they should.
Thoughts: I wonder if the show decided to get rid of Gina or if Vanessa Marcil realized she was wasting her time and should get out.
Tori Spelling does a good job in this episode. She’s goot at portraying low-key sadness.
David, please never work for a suicide hotline.
April 12, 2015
Summary: Sophie and David are at the Peach Pit, talking about a modeling job Eric told her about. David reminds her that Eric isn’t the best choice of people to tell her about jobs. Valerie rushes in to try to get David to come to Bel Air with her to see something. She gets rid of Sophie by telling her there’s someone in her car. The someone is a repo man, so it looks like Sophie will need to take the modeling job and make some quick money.
Lenny the abusive father goes to court and wins full rights to his daughter, which means Leah can’t avoid him. Kelly snarks at Matt for doing something good for a bad guy. The thing Valerie wants to show David in Bel Air is a mansion; she wants to throw a big party there while she’s supposed to be house-sitting. Leah’s distressed to have to be away from her daughter while Lenny has her. Kelly’s distressed that Lenny’s taking her to a park at a racetrack.
With Brandon gone (woo!), Steve and Janet are left to put together the paper on their own. She pretends to be optimistic that they can handle it. Sophie balks at nudity at her photo shoot, not even changing her mind when the photographer tells her she’ll lose her paycheck. She only agrees to strip when the photographer warns that a bad attitude will lose her jobs. Donna asks Matt to dinner, and he notes that Noah hasn’t been around. She tells him things are complicated and she needs a friend.
Steve thinks becoming a tabloid might be able to save the Beverly Beat. Janet is rightfully skeptical. The After Dark is super-busy, which means Noah gets to keep busy, but he tells someone to keep Donna and Matt out. Kelly and Leah meet with a woman to discuss Leah’s options for keeping her daughter from Lenny. The woman can’t directly help Leah leave, but she can guide her toward the assistance she needs. She warns that Kelly could face legal trouble for helping, since Leah would be violating a custody order.
At the boutique, Donna helps Valerie pick out an outfit for what she’s considering an end-of-the-world party. Val gives herself a five-finger discount. Noah stops by, supposedly looking for Matt, and asks Donna straight out if she and Matt are dating. Instead of answering, she kicks him out. Val can sympathize with Noah, who has two days before he starts court-appointed AA. She thinks they should be reckless, like she’s being with her rave. He invites her to a drag race.
Sophie buys David some CDs to thank him for his advice about the modeling job she claims she didn’t take. He suggests that she wait tables at the Peach Pit until she gets her big break. Steve moves forward with his tabloid idea, though Janet doesn’t like the idea of compromising journalistic integrity to make money. He tries to entice her with the idea of getting to write. Also, she’ll get a raise. Steve suggests that they check out a possibly haunted hotel.
Matt visits the beach apartment to ask Donna to dinner, but she turns him down. She really just wants him to leave so he doesn’t find out Leah’s there while Kelly makes plans to get her out of town. Sophie starts working at the Peach Pit, which she sucks at. A friendly customer leaves her a $100 tip, because he doesn’t yet know that it’s dangerous to enable her. Amazingly, she tries to return it, but the guy tells her to keep it, along with his phone number.
Valerie rides with Noah during the drag race, telling him she’s going to turn herself in for killing her father. She realizes that he’s not the best person to ride with in a dangerous race. Sophie meets the friendly customer, Tom, who invites her to go to Paris with him. Sophie, run away! This guy is super-shady! Donna easily makes up with Matt, then invites him to Valerie’s party. Kelly has trouble helping Leah get a fake ID, but that’s the least of their problems – Lenny knows what they’re up to. As Kelly calls the police, Lenny warns Leah that he’ll never let her go.
Steve and Janet pose as city inspectors to get access to the hotel. Steve pays off a security guy to let them into the kitchen where one of Marilyn Monroe’s alleged lovers may or may not have choked on a chicken bone. Janet accurately pegs the whole thing as a Scooby Doo plot. Sophie tells David that she got a role in a movie, but it shoots in Paris and she’ll have to leave the next day. David’s up for a long-distance relationship.
At Valerie’s big party, Donna tells Matt about the Lenny situation; his solution is for Leah to get a restraining order. Donna asks about fake IDs, so it’s not long before Matt figures out what Kelly’s up to. A neighbor threatens to call the police over the noise at the party, but Valerie isn’t intimidated. She tells Matt she’s turning herself in for her father’s murder. Shaggy and Velma Steve and Janet get themselves locked in a walk-in fridge, because of course they do. They fight a little, then kiss, because of course they do.
Noah gets drunk at the party and asks Donna not to leave him. Matt sees them together and mopes off. The police arrive, and Matt and David urge Valerie to keep her mouth shut. She’d rather go to jail with a clear conscience than keep the secret. But when the opportunity arises, Valerie can’t make the confession. Donna takes Noah to the Walshes’, where I guess he’s living now, and she asks him to take his time in AA seriously.
David thinks Valerie will confess, and he asks Matt if there’s a way they can stop her. Matt says no, so they should find someone who can talk her out of it. Steve and Janet are released from the fridge and deny that anything happened in there. The security guard tells them lots of people get locked in there and have sex. What kind of hotel is this?? Tom takes Sophie on a shopping spree at Donna’s boutique, where David learns what’s really going on. He tells her she’s prostituting herself by going off with a rich guy. He asks her to stay, but she says she can’t.
Valerie goes to the police station, where Abby intercepts her and begs her not to confess. She takes responsibility for Mr. Malone’s death, since she knew what was going on and didn’t stop it. Valerie says that after she shot her father, she watched him die. She hated him, though Abby thinks she loved him, too, and now confuses the two things. She promises that she forgives Val, urging her to forgive herself.
Leah can’t get on a plane without photo ID, so she’s low on options for leaving town. Matt arrives with the news that he knows a forger who can help Leah disappear. Kelly knows Matt could be disbarred for this, but he’s willing to take the risk. Donna has an awkward conversation with Matt, who’s still hurt that she ditched him to help Noah.
Steve and Janet agree that their time in the fridge isn’t worth discussing again. Then they’re stuck in a small place together again when construction makes them think there’s an earthquake. They do some more kissing. Kelly sees Leah and her daughter off, then visits Matt to apologize for the way she saw him before he did something good. Noah goes to an AA meeting, but instead of going inside, he drinks from a flask outside.
Thoughts: ’90s music alert: Natalie Imbruglia’s “Wishing I Was There.” Wait, Natalie Imbruglia had a song other than “Torn”? (Actually, I was familiar with the song; I just didn’t know it was hers.)
No way Brandon wrote every article in every edition of the paper. Or at least there’s no way he did that and still had a social life.
Why is the photographer the only person at Sophie’s shoot? Sketchy!
Seriously, what was the point of having Sophie on the show? I feel like the writers didn’t even know, and had to come up with a fast way to get her out of there before they had to think of an answer. She contributed absolutely nothing.
April 4, 2015
Summary: Charlie and Daphne discuss the details of her move to Texas with Luke, and her desire to take Diana with her. Charlie warns that Daphne doesn’t get how difficult it’ll be to take care of Diana without his help. Plus, she can’t be sure that things will work out with Luke. He thinks they should work everything out in Texas, and then he’ll take Diana to visit. Daphne doesn’t like that Charlie will only be letting her visit.
Claudia and Julia corner Bailey to talk about the restaurant’s money situation, but only to thank him for giving them his own money. He’s confused that they’re not mad at him. Justin and Laura are in town, and they go see American Beauty with Julia and Adam. Justin and Julia clearly still have a deep bond, leaving Laura and Adam feeling like outsiders. Bailey visits Evvie, who invites him to a party, warning that it’ll be wild and there will be lots of beer.
Adam’s uncertain about attending Justin and Laura’s engagement party the next day, admitting to Julia that he thinks they’re a horrible couple. They don’t have much in common, and certainly don’t have the connection that Justin and Julia have. This seems to be the first time Julia’s thought about this. Evvie busts Bailey for drinking at the party, figuring out that he’s been skipping AA meetings because he’s not sober. She thinks she can drink a little, too.
Daphne decides to challenge Charlie’s plans and try to take Diana to Texas with her. She questions whether he’ll even let Diana visit once Daphne moves. She tells Charlie that she feels like he believes he’s Diana’s father and mother, and Daphne’s mother as well. Charlie tells her that she doesn’t get to make all the decisions on her own, and if she tries to take Diana, he’ll stop her. Daphne won’t be backing down without a fight. Meanwhile, Bailey and Evvie have drunken sex.
Charlie and Kirsten meet with a lawyer so they can be ready in case Daphne fights for custody. Kirsten warns that Charlie’s going to be in the same situation he was with Bailey when they fought for Owen. A judge will be deciding what’s best for Diana, instead of Charlie and Daphne doing it themselves. Kirsten doesn’t think a judge will give Charlie custody anyway. Plus, he should have known this could happen, considering the circumstances of Diana’s conception.
At the engagement party, Laura tries to keep Justin away from Julia. Julia complains to Adam that he put the idea in her head that they’re a bad couple. She thinks the marriage was Laura’s idea from the start, and Justin doesn’t really want to get married. Adam encourages her to say something to Justin. Julia refuses, knowing that Laura will accuse her of wanting Justin back, which she totally doesn’t! Really! She doesn’t want him! Adam thinks she should look after her friend.
Luke tells Charlie that Daphne’s decided to stay in San Francisco while he moves to Texas. Charlie feels bad. Julia and Adam decide to leave the party early, and as they’re saying goodbye to Justin, he tells Julia that he feels like things are moving too fast. She says he can stop it, then backtracks. Justin thinks she wants him to call off the engagement. He reveals that Laura thinks Julia’s jealous, and now he’s starting to agree.
Bailey goes to Evvie’s place and finds her unconscious, apparently from alcohol poisoning. He takes her to the hospital, where he runs into Holly. Evvie’s sponsor arrives and yells at Bailey for letting Evvie drink at a party, and for drinking himself after two years of sobriety. Bailey’s more concerned with what Holly thinks of him. Things are now super-awkward and tense between Charlie and Daphne.
Julia tells Griffin about the Justin situation, because if there’s one thing Griffin likes to talk about, it’s Justin and Julia’s relationship. He thinks she’s jealous of Laura, not the other way around. When Griffin and Julia were married, he wasn’t as worried about bills and marital problems as he was that one day Julia would realize she should be with Justin.
Charlie wants to smooth things over with Daphne so they don’t fight for the rest of Diana’s life. Daphne complains that she’s done everything Charlie wanted her to do, and he won’t let her have Diana. She feels like he sees her as putting herself ahead of Diana. Daphne hates that she has to see how happy Charlie is with Kirsten and Diana, but gets shot down when she tries to have the same thing.
Julia shows Adam a story she wrote about a couple reconnecting after being separated for years. She tries to make out with him, but he gets that she’s trying to prove to herself that she doesn’t want to be with Justin. He encourages her to talk to him. Charlie tells Kirsten that he wants to be fair to Daphne, but he’s worried that she won’t let him see Diana again. He wants to do the right thing but doesn’t know what it is.
Bailey gets drunk and goes to see Holly, rambling that he was trying to be a good person. Holly’s annoyed that he hasn’t changed. He snaps at her for looking down on him for not being perfect. She needs to accept that people have problems. Charlie tells Daphne that he does see her as Diana’s mom after all the work she’s done to get there. He supports her decision to take Diana to Texas.
Julia admits to Justin that she’s jealous of Laura. It’s hard for her to see her first love committing himself to someone else. Justin reveals that he said he felt things were moving too fast because he thought he might still have feelings for Julia. He plans to go back to school with Laura, and then “we’ll see.” Sorry, Laura! Your fiancé is a coward who doesn’t want to marry you! Charlie says goodbye to Diana, who of course has no idea what’s going on.
Bailey drinks at the restaurant, then goes home, where he tells his sisters to leave him alone. Julia guesses that he’s been drinking. He rambles that he’s been in charge of the family for years, and just wants a break. Julia tells him not to blame the family situation for his problems with alcohol. Before she and Claudia can stop him, Bailey leaves the house, driving recklessly.
Thoughts: Someone needs to tell Charlie and Daphne about the concept of joint custody.
Julia wants to have Kevin Spacey’s baby. Awww.
If the show hadn’t ended at the end of this season, I hope Lacey Chabert and Jeremy London would have left, because they had nothing to do.
March 29, 2015
Summary: Kelly’s up late, moping because Brandon hasn’t called from New York. Donna’s also up late, thinking about how Noah’s father’s memorial service is the next day. She’s not sure Noah wants her to be there. They decide to watch TV, which leads to a conversation about how Kelly needs to review her options until she finds something she likes. Guys, I don’t think Donna means TV shows.
Sophie tries to sneak out of David’s house in the middle of the night, as has been her custom for a few nights. She claims she’s still on a waiting list to get a dorm room. She tells David she’s only living at the Walshes’ because Steve invited her, not because she wants to be with him. Donna and Kelly both attend Mr. Hunter’s funeral, where Mrs. Hunter talks about how much her husband loved Noah. Noah can’t bring himself to read his prepared eulogy, so he doesn’t say much of substance.
Sophie and Steve want to publish an article she wrote in the Beverly Beat, but Janet’s skeptical. She and Brandon want to launch a website for the paper. Sophie suggests that they put in a live feed so people can see what goes on in the newsroom every day. Janet thinks that’s dumb, but Steve thinks it’s a great idea. Valerie meets Abby and Carl for lunch, but she’s creeped out because Carl called her while he was on his honeymoon.
Kelly tells Donna that the funeral made her realize that she has no problems or regrets over things that have happened in her life. She wants Donna to put off work and do something fun with her. David helps install a webcam at the Beverly Beat, so Janet was overruled and has to put up with a live feed. David’s surprised to hear that Sophie has been given a column. Steve admits that it’s mostly an excuse to spend time with her. Someone access the live feed, but just to watch Sophie.
Kelly spots a cute guy and makes Donna pretend to read magazines with her so they can stare at him. There’s an empty storefront nearby, and Kelly suggests that Donna lease it and start her own boutique. David broadcasts from the After Dark, taking a request from a guy who’s too nervous to ask out a girl he likes. David offers to call the girl for him.
Abby tells Valerie that Carl wants an annulment, and she thinks Val knows what’s going on. Val just says he’s a jerk. Noah’s been drinking all day, so it’s no surprise when he gets pulled over for driving erratically and is busted for DUI. Sophie’s excited to see her first article in print, but David’s annoyed that she’s using Steve to become successful.
Donna’s hesitant to lease the storefront, while Kelly has a good feeling about her starting a boutique. The cute guy from the day before shows up; he’s a lawyer named Matt, and he has an office in the same shopping area. He offers to give Kelly the names of electricians and other workers the boutique might need, as he has a lot of them as clients. Donna learns that Noah’s been arrested, so it’s convenient that there’s a lawyer right there.
Carl tracks down Valerie at the After Dark to tell her he’s sorry he hurt Abby, but he thought he and Valerie had something. Val regrets doing something so stupid just after promising herself that she would start doing decent things. Janet insists that people will start logging onto the website to read articles and not just look at Sophie. She’s annoyed that Steve just wants to ogle her. Sophie suggests writing an article about David’s new radio show.
Donna takes Matt to court, though he doesn’t have time to talk to Noah before his arraignment. Noah pleads not guilty and is told to return the next day. Matt has lots of ideas for a defense argument, warning Noah of the consequences if he’s found guilty. Noah doesn’t like the idea of being sent to mandatory AA meetings.
Valerie summons Abby to the After Dark to confess that she slept with Carl in Vegas. She fully admits that it was revenge on Abby for not stopping Mr. Malone from molesting her. Then she confesses that she killed her father. Matt goes to the boutique and breaks attorney/client privilege by telling Kelly he’s meeting a client whose wife is divorcing him and suing for custody of their daughter. Kelly finds him familiar, but doesn’t remember that he’s Lenny.
Noah’s mad at Valerie for telling Donna about his arrest. Val doesn’t really care, since she has bigger problems. At the boutique, which is somehow now Donna’s, Donna tells Matt what Noah’s been going through. Matt leaves some of his folders behind, and Kelly finally recognizes Lenny. David sees Sophie and Steve together and interrupts them to ask for advice to give a caller. It’s just a way for him to encourage Sophie to be honest with Steve. Noah, drunk again, goes to the beach apartment to see Donna, but she won’t comfort him until he’s sober.
Sophie summons David to the Beverly Beat in the middle of the night, claiming she wants to interview him for her article. She promises that she doesn’t want to hurt Steve, and that she’ll move out of the Walshes’ house very soon. David tells her he’s done sneaking around, but he’s not against having sex one last time. Sophie puts her shirt over the webcam, but it falls off. Steve’s up late, logs onto the site, and sees them going at it.
Kelly tells Matt that he can’t defend Lenny – he’s a wife-beater. Matt reminds her that the Constitution gives everyone the right to a defense attorney. Steve takes Sophie’s things to David’s house and tells him to let her know she’s being kicked out. He tells both of them that he saw them on the live feed, and David can have her. Sophie doesn’t feel that bad, since Steve just had a crush on her. David busts Sophie on her lies, and she insists that she wasn’t using him.
Valerie asks Abby by the house, but Abby doesn’t want to hear anything from her. She warns Valerie to get a lawyer and turn herself in for killing her father. If she doesn’t, Abby will call the police. In court, Matt tries to argue that the breathalyzer test Noah took wasn’t accurate, but the judge isn’t about to let a drunk driver go free on a technicality. Noah’s fined, sentenced to a year’s probation, and forced to attend 12 AA meetings.
Donna asks to read the eulogy Noah wrote but never delivered. Brandon finally calls Kelly, but she puts him on hold to talk to Matt. He’s a little ticked that she won’t give him a second chance even though she’s still mad about him continuing to defend Lenny. Sophie moves into the Beverly Beat office, so now all the horny men of Beverly Hills can watch her sleep. The magic of the Internet! David advises his lovestruck caller to forget about his crush. Donna reads the eulogy, which talks about how Noah and his father always had a closed door between them.
Thoughts: Just one more episode until we get rid of Brandon! And we got a break from him in this one! I’m beyond excited!
Who would watch a live feed of the Beverly Beat (I mean if Sophie weren’t on it)? Only three people work there, and they never do anything.
I love Janet. More Janet! I demand more Janet!
Where did Donna get the money for the lease? Her parents? That’s pretty much the only possibility.
March 28, 2015
Summary: The restaurant’s profits have dropped, so Bailey takes a look at all the finances and learns that some purchases have been entered twice. Joe admits that he’s responsible – he needed money and took it from the restaurant. Bailey tells Joe not to say anything to the family; they already have enough financial problems since they’re paying Griffin’s hospital bills. He also blames himself for letting this happen. At the house, Bailey gives his sisters what he claims is their share of money from the restaurant, but it’s actually from his personal account.
Charlie has a big group ready to put together his furniture, and they’re thrilled to hear that this means their jobs are safe. Bailey goes to a party at his AA friend John’s house, claiming that he’s been going to meetings at a different location. He meets a woman named Evvie who jokes that AA is like a cult. She’s annoying. Charlie, Kirsten, Daphne, and Luke have dinner together and discuss childcare. Thrilling.
Julia complains to Adam that everyone she knows has a stable life and a plan for the future. When she mentions Justin, Adam tries to find out how close they are. He convinces her to crash a bar mitzvah with him to get free food. Joe tries to come up with ways to pay back the money he stole, but Bailey warns him not to do anything stupid. He thinks he can use his own money to keep the restaurant afloat. Joe leaves, then comes back for his keys and catches Bailey drinking beer. Bailey admits that he’s been drinking again but only moderately.
Charlie tells his boss, Gus, that a recent lumber delivery was incorrect. Gus reveals that he changed the type of wood to cut costs. Charlie reminds him that the customers paid for a different kind. They’re trying to appeal to a clientele who wants something better than they provide. Gus takes offense and tells Charlie to keep doing what they’ve always done. Evvie tracks down Bailey at the restaurant and asks him to be her sponsor, since she doesn’t feel like she can talk to hers. Bailey resists, and when she keeps pushing him, he snaps at her to knock it off.
Taking care of Diana means Kirsten can’t do all the work she wanted to. (Get used to it, wannabe mommy.) Adam cooks dinner for Julia and she starts to think that he’s interested in her romantically. He starts to express his feelings, but she tells him they don’t need to talk about it. Joe calls Bailey out on lying to Evvie about going to AA meetings, which he can’t do while he’s drinking. He asks if the other Salingers know. Bailey downplays the situation again, basically saying that he’ll keep quiet about Joe’s theft if Joe keeps his mouth shut about the drinking.
Bailey meets up with Evvie and babbles about having people around who understand what you’re going through. One of Charlie’s co-workers, Warren, has concerns about the materials they’re using on the furniture. Some customers have come by to see their chairs and weren’t impressed. Charlie tells him they need to defer to Gus. Warren points out that Gus hasn’t exactly steered the factory to a good place, but Charlie has made things better for everyone.
Bailey and Evvie go to the Salingers’ to talk about her problems with AA. All she wants is to feel good, which he can understand. Julia ambushes Adam at his apartment, since he’s been avoiding her, and tells him that she likes him…as a friend. She’s afraid to lose his friendship when she really needs it, and when she’s trying to figure out who she is as a single person. Adam pretends he only likes her as a friend, too: “Not every boy wants to marry you.”
Charlie checks with the customers, a bunch of who say they’d pull their orders if the factory switched types of wood. Gus says that he recently answered a question for some employees who then asked to talk to Charlie. He loves the furniture and thinks it would be better for Charlie to take the lead in the business. Charlie resists, but Gus promises that he trusts him.
Bailey comes home to a mini-intervention comprised of Joe, Claudia, and Julia. He’s relieved to learn that Joe only told Claudia and Julia about the restaurant, not his drinking. Bailey insists that everything’s taken care of, so Charlie doesn’t need to know anything. His sisters are annoyed that he’s been saying for months that they just need to be patient and wait for profits to improve. They’ve set up a meeting with Bailey’s accountant. Bailey’s furious and leaves the conversation.
Charlie gives Kirsten the news about his job, admitting that he’s not sure about being the person who makes all the decisions for the company. Kirsten thinks he should focus on the positives, like being able to employ his creativity. Charlie points out that running the company would take up even more of his time, so Kirsten will have to cut back at work to look after Diana. She’s willing to make sacrifices so Charlie can have a job he really wants.
Julia happily gives Adam the news she overheard from a friend in the admissions office that he passed his GED. This means he’ll be able to apply and get into the school. She hugs him, but Adam doesn’t want to have physical contact with someone who says they should just be friends. He’s worried that he’ll kiss her and decide it’s not a bad thing. Julia agrees that they’ll keep things platonic, though now it seems like she’s regretful.
Charlie, Julia, and Claudia gather for the meeting with the accountant, but Bailey is a no-show. He’s too busy stopping by an AA meeting just to say hi to Evvie, who decides to skip it with him. Daphne and Luke return from a trip to Texas with the news that Luke has been transferred there. Daphne’s agreed to go with him, and she wants to take Diana.
Thoughts: Evvie sucks at reading people, because Bailey couldn’t have been less interested in her when they met.
Adam took and passed the GED in the past two weeks? Aren’t there multiple parts? Wouldn’t he need to study?
Bailey, didn’t you learn anything about hooking up with fellow AA-goers from your experience with Annie?
Why doesn’t Charlie get Victor to watch both Owen and Diana?
March 22, 2015
Summary: It’s morning at the beach apartment, and Kelly remarks to Donna that Noah has spent the night three nights in a row. Yeah, maybe he doesn’t want to be alone after his father killed himself. Donna’s assistant Carrie comes by, followed moments later by Brandon. Kelly thanks him for a recent job recommendation. Noah heads off with Brandon to get his father’s things. Donna tells Kelly that she wishes Noah would move in with her.
Noah asks Brandon to write Mr. Hunter’s obituary; any other writer would write about his successes and skip over the realities of who he was. Brandon says he’s too busy. Noah is horrified to see that his father’s gun is in with his belongings. Valerie is being super-nice to Abby and Carl while they’re in town, buying them theater tickets and having brunch with them. David reminds her that she was originally going to confess to killing her father. Abby announces that she and Carl are getting married in Vegas in a couple days, and they want Val to come along.
Sophie has a new car, a ’65 Mustang, and somehow thinks she’s about to make it big in show business. Steve invites her to the party Donna’s throwing for her parents. Sophie heads to “class” without her books. At the After Dark, Donna learns that Carrie’s been meeting with a client behind her back, pretending to be Donna’s partner. On the plus side, her dealings have been very successful. Noah shows up with Mr. Hunter’s gun, showing it off to Donna by firing it in the air. She predicts that he’s going to fall apart pretty soon.
While Steve chases after Sophie to give her her books, Brandon meets with Mrs. Hunter, having decided to write the obituary after all. Mrs. Hunter says that her husband worked for a company he hated and money he didn’t care about. He was miserable because he wasn’t able to spend more time with his family. When the company collapsed, so did he. Mr. Hunter always wanted to be an artist, but gave it up for business.
Sophie meets David at a coffee shop and gives him some suggestions for his new radio gig. Steve sees them together and realizes that they’re more than friends. At the Walshes’, Valerie asks Carl to zip up her dress. He’s uncomfortable since he’s practically her father, but she says she’s used to having an affectionate father. Holy crap, Valerie. Kelly arrives to return Brandon’s phone, and learns about the Vegas trip. She’s annoyed to see that Brandon has thrown her stuff in a box. After answering Brandon’s phone and hearing a woman’s voice, Kelly begs Val to let her tag along to Vegas.
Brandon visits Victor on his boat to basically say that his father was justified in killing himself. Noah plays with the gun, wondering why Mr. Hunter should shoot himself in the head instead of the heart. He thinks his father made a selfish decision. Brandon’s sure Mr. Hunter loved him, though. Steve sees Sophie off to “class,” pretending he has a date with an actress at the same coffee shop where he saw her and David. Sophie lies that she’s never been there, then says she ran into David there.
In Vegas, Kelly picks roulette numbers based on the number of letters in “cheater” and “Susie” (the name of the woman on the phone). Valerie rolls her eyes at how affectionate Abby and Carl are. While Abby heads to bed, a guy named Henry hits on Kelly. Donna helps Noah pack up the boat, but he doesn’t appreciate her assistance. He laments the hours he spends thinking about his father after Mr. Hunter spent so much time ignoring him. He tells Donna he’ll live in his office for now.
Brandon asks Janet to put Mr. Hunter’s obituary on page 3, but she says it doesn’t fit since she cut some things out. She and Steve don’t think that people will care enough about Mr. Hunter’s life for them to put the obit on page 3. Brandon thinks it’s a cautionary tale about doing what you want with your life and not settling for average. Janet and Steve aren’t moved. Carl and Valerie people-watch together, and after a while, she kisses him. He pushes her away just before Abby can catch them.
Noah sticks to the bar at Donna’s party, which is for her parents’ anniversary. Steve confronts David for spending time with Sophie after insisting they’re just friends. Dr. Martin introduces Brandon to Lou Jessup, a reporter from the New York Chronicle who claims to read the Beverly Beat. Brandon calls his bluff. A drunk Noah raises a toast to the Martins (he calls Felice “Felicia”), then says that he and Donna will half a bunch of guests at their own wedding, but everyone at the party will be dead by then. “To the Martians!” he toasts.
The next day, David calls Noah “the toastmaster” and fills in his memory. He tells Sophie they need to stop whatever they have going on to spare Steve’s feelings. Donna goes to see her client and catches Carrie there; she’s already been hired. Donna notes that she was hired for a lower rate but isn’t capable of doing the work. Carrie taunts that the client said she was better than Donna.
Steve continues to refuse to put Mr. Hunter’s obit on page 3, despite Brandon’s protests that now he has no legacy. Steve thinks he’s bitter that he doesn’t have a great job like Jessup. Brandon says everyone wants what they can’t have – after all, Steve wants Sophie. Steve encourages Brandon to get Jessup to see how good he is.
Noah apologizes to Donna for ruining the party, but she doesn’t accept. He says her father has already forgiven him. She’s annoyed that Noah won’t let her help him through his grief. Instead, he comforts her when he learns that Carrie stole her client. David broadcasts a live set from the After Dark, where Brandon, Janet, and Steve celebrate that Brandon got a meeting with Jessup. Sophie tries to convince David that he’s doing a good job. He tries to resist her flirting.
In Vegas, a similar scene is playing out, with Carl trying to resist Valerie’s flirting. Kelly’s hanging out with Henry again, thinking she’s doing a good job forgetting her problems. Just as Henry rolls double sixes, his hoped-for roll, Kelly sees a bride. Carl has failed to resist Val, and has wound up in her bed. Kelly sees him leaving the room, then finds Valerie half-naked inside. Kelly announces that she’s leaving first thing in the morning. Val has the good grace to feel bad about what happened.
In the wedding chapel the next day, things are going fine until Valerie fumbles the rings, having touched Carl’s hand. Valerie actually feels bad that she slept with her new stepfather. Carrie goes to the beach apartment to tell Donna that the client hated all of her ideas. She apologizes, but Donna shoots back, “Why do people think it’s okay to act horribly as long as you feel badly about it afterwards?” She doesn’t think Carrie actually feels bad anyway. The client calls Donna to take her back, but she declines.
Brandon meets with Jessup, surprised to learn that Jessup is trying to impress him. He wants Brandon to know that the Chronicle is considering Brandon for a job at their L.A. branch. Donna finally tells Noah straight out that she wants him to move in with her. Noah tells her that if she wants to help him, she needs to leave him alone. He shows her his father’s suicide note, which apologizes for not spending more time with his family, especially Noah.
Kelly heads back to the Walshes’ house and asks Brandon about the woman on the phone. Brandon tells her it wasn’t his phone. Womp womp. Brandon promises that he’s not dating anyone. Kelly calls him on putting all her stuff in a box, but he says he needed to get rid of the things that reminded him he was alone. Kelly says she tried to forget about him, and it makes her sad that she almost succeeded. Steve drops by David’s house looking for Sophie, who went out late the night before. David says she’s not there, but she is. She wonders if Steve has figured things out.
Thoughts: Why would Kelly voluntarily spend the weekend with someone she hates?
Carrie’s little butterfly hair clips earn her the award for most ’90s style this week.
Valerie to Henry, re: Kelly: “By the way, she doesn’t blow on dice.” Was that…was that a…?”
March 21, 2015
Summary: Bailey comes home after a night out and pretends he got up early to go to the gym. Owen notices that he’s wearing the same clothes he wore the day before. Will and Victor know that Bailey’s been hooking up all week; they approve. Will mentions that he’s in a new relationship with a woman named Deborah, and things are going slowly. They’re about to go even slower since Deborah’s sister is coming to visit. Bailey offers to entertain the sister so Will and Deborah can be alone.
Daphne accidentally interrupts Charlie’s work presentation, then saves it by making a sale. Julia has trouble with a class assignment that doesn’t give her any specifications. One of her classmates gets right to work while Julia faces writer’s block. Victor tries to clarify arrangements for a sleepover Owen’s having with a friend, but the friend’s father changes the plans to keep his kid from going to the Salingers’. Julia’s surprised to see that her classmate wrote something good in a short amount of time. She asks him for tips to overcome writer’s block.
At a concert, Claudia runs a guy named Todd, who she used to compete against in strings competitions. He’s stuck with music and is surprised that she gave it up. He invites her to sit with him. Charlie tells Kirsten that Daphne’s a surprisingly good salesperson. Kirsten falls asleep, but I don’t think it’s personal. Deborah’s sister Megan wants to go to a club after their double date with Will and Bailey; Deborah objects, but Bailey agrees to go. After he leaves, Deborah tells Will that she doesn’t like Bailey.
Claudia hangs out with Todd, who plays violin on hip-hop tracks for a living. He asks her to a party, and she balks until he assures her that he just wants her to meet some of his friends. Julia tracks down her classmate, Adam, who works on a historical ship. She’s thinking about using him as her character in the writing assignment she’s struggling with. She reveals that she’s figured out that he doesn’t really go to her school.
Victor tells Bailey that he thinks Owen’s friend’s father had a problem with his son spending the night under the guardianship of a gay man. Bailey decides that he doesn’t want his brother hanging out with homophobes. Victor advises him to explain things to Owen so he gets what’s going on. Charlie goes to a work party with Kirsten, who encourages him to leave early to help Daphne get some furniture ready for a convention.
Todd praises Claudia after a jam session, telling her she may already have a job offer in the works. He tells her that this job involves really listening to the music and trusting your instincts. He kisses her, but she runs off. Adam tells Julia about his dead father and runaway mother, who left him with no money. She thinks he should apply for financial aid. Adam’s worried that he’ll get busted for auditing classes; he doesn’t want to take the risk.
Bailey’s late to the restaurant, and Will accuses him of hanging out with Megan. Apparently Bailey slept with her the previous night, and she was a virgin before that. Now Megan’s upset that Bailey didn’t call her. Bailey tells Will that Megan basically begged him for sex, and if he hadn’t slept with her, someone else would have. Will still thinks Bailey’s a bad guy for…sleeping with a virgin, I guess. I don’t know.
Kirsten’s late getting to the convention, which Daphne has jazzed up with naked women (might as well put pretty women in a bed to sell the bed, right?). Julia finds Claudia practicing her violin in the shed, apparently trying to hide that she’s playing again. She tells Julia about Todd and how stable and adult he is. She wanted to kiss him back, but after the situation with Derek, she’s not sure she can trust her instincts.
Owen tries to avoid Victor, eventually calling him an extremely offensive word he learned from his friend. Victor calmly asks him not to use it again. Owen doesn’t know what the word means, but he knows it’s bad. His friend said Victor would turn him gay. Victor’s annoyed that Bailey didn’t explain things to Owen. Victor tries to use people’s likes and dislikes to explain that everyone is different, and it doesn’t make anyone good or bad.
Kirsten arrives at the end of the convention, and she and Charlie bicker about how they’ve been unable to be there for each other at work functions. He points out that he was able to make time to go to Kirsten’s work party. One of them will need to make a concession. “Are you volunteering?” Kirsten sasses. Adam blasts Julia for using him for her assignment, because a professor figured things out and he’s been banned from campus.
Victor confronts Bailey for not talking to Owen, who now has that new vocabulary word. Bailey claims that he just got Owen out of the house because he didn’t know how to explain things with him. Victor reminds Bailey that he’s not Owen’s parent. He’s considering leaving so Bailey will have to take care of his brother instead of passing him off to someone else.
Julia tells Adam that she talked to someone on the school’s board (uh-huh, sure), and if he applies, he might get a spot. Adam admits that he never finished high school. His mom left and he had to work to support himself. Julia encourages him to finish and then apply to college. Adam doesn’t want her help. Bailey finally pretends to be a responsible adult, telling Owen that he’ll always be there for him.
Claudia asks Todd to meet her for a talk, which he commandeers by admitting that he’s still the same geek he always was. His sister has been helping him seem cooler, but he realized he couldn’t keep up the charade forever. Claudia asks him to help her get the job he thought she might get offered. Julia bugs Adam again, advising him to let her help him study for the GED. She accuses him of being afraid of having his work judged along with everyone else’s. He accuses her of being afraid to try new things. When she agrees to work on that, he makes her create a character on the spot.
Charlie calls Kirsten at work so they can discuss staying connected while they’re both so busy. Their conversation veers toward phone sex, so…I guess that’s their solution. While cleaning up the kitchen at the house, Bailey casually grabs a beer from the fridge and takes a few sips. Dun dun!
Thoughts: Adam is played by Sean Maher (Firefly). Todd is played by one of my childhood crushes, Thomas Ian Nicholas (Rookie of the Year, the American Pie movies).
As a writer, Julia would know to NEVER read someone’s writing without asking. Adam was right to try to avoid her.
Victor: “You know how some people like D.C. Comics and some like Marvel?” Owen: “Right. I like both.” You heard it here first, folks: Owen is bi.
Ugh, I hated this he’s-not-really-a-student plot on Dawson’s Creek, too. At least that one had Roger Howarth as an entertainment factor.
February 21, 2015
Summary: Bailey has dinner with some really annoying girl, ditching her to talk to Joe, then Tracy. He’s disappointed that he can’t spend more time with his married girlfriend. He tells the annoying girl that they’re dating, but she doesn’t care. Charlie’s 30th birthday is coming up, and though he tells Kirsten he doesn’t want to make a big deal about it, he kind of wants to make a little deal about it. At school, Claudia and her friends plan Homecoming, but she splits when Derek shows up.
Brian tracks down Julia to apologize for kissing her. She’s happy to forget about it and move on. Bailey wants Charlie to move some of his things out of the Salingers’ basement so Will can live down there. Charlie would rather talk about how he’s dating two women at once. Then suddenly there’s a third woman in the picture; she’s at the wrong house, but Bailey wonders if they were meant to meet. He asks her on a date for the next night, bugging her when she keeps saying no.
Back at the house, Bailey invites Daphne and Griffin to Charlie’s birthday party. Somehow, they realize that he’s figured out that they’re…dating? Is that what they’re doing? Julia gets down about some critiques of her book, then gets more annoyed when Evan doesn’t show her any sympathy or give her support. Later, Julia and Brian encounter each other again at Evan’s house, and he tries to make her feel better about the critiques. Hey, do you think the show is trying to tell us that Julia and Brian are a better match than Julia and Evan?
Bailey’s fated woman, Holly, must be crazy because she agrees to go on a date with him. We’re supposed to think they’re cute, but it’s gross. She’s all type A and a control freak like Bailey, but she gave in to a guy who harassed her, so I can’t root for her. Julia has also figured out that Griffin and Daphne are…whatever, and she assures him that she’s fine with it. Griffin says it’s just casual, and he can’t picture them actually dating. Julia wonders if he could picture her with him before they got together. She encourages him to tell Daphne how he feels about her.
In the Salingers’ basement, Charlie finds a model of a house he made back when he was in architecture school. Claudia tells Alexa that she’s quitting the Homecoming committee because of Derek. She doesn’t get how Alexa can hang out with him like nothing happened. Alexa points out that Claudia didn’t tell anyone that he assaulted her; Derek didn’t get punished, so Claudia can’t expect other people to punish him.
Brian says goodbye to Julia before heading back to college, admitting that he doesn’t want to hang around and watch his father date someone he’d like to be with. Evan overhears them talking about the kiss but doesn’t say anything. Bailey wants to go out with Holly again, but she likes the idea of ending on a high note and keeping their good memories of each other. Their date is interrupted by Tracy’s husband, who confronts Bailey in the restaurant and punches him.
Julia pushes Evan to talk about her kiss with Brian and how she kept it from him. She wants to make sure he knows that the kiss didn’t mean anything to her. Evan believes her and isn’t surprised that Brian’s interested in her. Claudia’s an outsider at school again, now that she doesn’t want to spend time with the popular kids. Myra’s snuck in some alcohol, and Claudia decides to join her for a drink.
Bailey tracks down Holly, which is REALLY GROSS, and tries to get her to see that he’s really a good guy. He only hooked up with Tracy to get Sarah out of his system. Holly thinks they’re a mismatch because Bailey’s not mature enough to know that a meaningless affair is a bad idea. Julia’s upset that Evan’s always so nonchalant about everything and never shows emotion. Evan admits that the kiss bothered him, but he doesn’t see the point in complaining about it. Julia would like him to give her more emotion than he would any other random person in his life. Otherwise, why be together?
Myra’s alcohol loosens Claudia up, and when Derek starts to leave to get his own bottle, she announces that girls should be careful around him. She accuses Alexa and Cameron of knowing his true nature and not saying anything. She’s tired of the view she’s gotten from being in the top tier. Griffin goes to see Daphne at her job and asks her to go somewhere to talk. She knows what he wants to talk about, so she asks to go for a ride on his motorcycle instead. He puts his only helmet on her and lets her drive. She’s bad at it, and they crash.
Charlie, Kirsten, Julia, Claudia, and Victor convene at the hospital; Daphne’s mostly okay, but Griffin has a head injury and needs reconstructive surgery on his hand. He may not be able to fully use it. Plus, Griffin doesn’t have insurance, so he’ll have to be sent to a hospital with lesser facilities. Julia authorizes the surgery, declaring that the Salingers will figure out a way to pay for it. Bailey arrives late and runs into Holly, who works there and finally finds it creepy that he’s always around. Victor visits Daphne, who cries and asks, “What have I done?”
Evan shows up, ready to do actual boyfriend stuff for Julia. He knows she’s right about his problems showing emotions; she’s not the first person to mention them. He asks her to bear with him while he works through them. Julia, however, has realized that she has the bad habit of dating men who ask her to bear with them while they deal with their issues. She thought he was the opposite of Ned, who couldn’t control his feelings. She can’t keep dating someone who requires so much work.
Charlie spends the morning of his birthday on the roof of the hospital, telling Kirsten how seeing Griffin made him remember when he was in the hospital. He’s decided to start focusing on what’s important to him. He’s going to quit teaching and will eventually go back to architecture. Whenever anything bad happened to him, Charlie would try to trust fate; if he held on long enough, things would get good again. He’s going to try to remember that.
Holly tries to be nice to Bailey (nicer than he deserves), but he’s snotty to her because she said he wasn’t mature enough for her. He thinks he should get a pass because he made a mistake. Acting like an idiot got him a date with Holly, so she can’t say that being reckless is all bad. Julia tells Griffin that the doctors are hopeful, but no one’s 100 percent sure what kind of recovery he’ll have.
Thoughts: Holly is played by Rhona Mitra. When I looked up what she’s been in to find out what she’s known for the most, I realized that I’ve never actually seen her in anything.
Rejected Homecoming theme: the Heart of the Sea. SO ’90s.
Bailey, bugging Holly: “Sometimes you just can’t take no for an answer.” Well, you’d better learn to. Alert to all men: Bailey’s behavior in this episode is not cute. Asking a woman out multiple times and ignoring her when she declines is not romantic. You are not the star of an adorable Hollywood movie. Shut your mouth and walk away.