November 16, 2014
BH90210 8.17, The Elephant’s Father: Finally, Someone Else Wants Brandon to Go Away, Too
Carly’s trading Steve in for an Oscar
Summary: Brandon and Steve are discussing the events of “Illegal Tender” and how much of an idiot Brandon is. Valerie comes home from her arrest, complaining that the betting she was allowing at the club is no different from gambling. She learns about Brandon and Kelly’s breakup, and Brandon snaps at her not to gloat, even though she was actually trying to be supportive for once. Kelly goes to the beach apartment and tells Donna and Carly everything that happened. She makes it clear that she and Brandon are over.
The next day, Brandon calls looking for Kelly, but Donna tells him to leave her alone. Brandon claims that he has a right to talk to Kelly, like, she had a right not to be cheated on, jerk. Valerie and Noah go to court and receive different punishments: He gets his liquor license suspended and she has to do community service. Noah adds to Valerie’s consequences by telling her she’s fired. At the clinic, Kelly meets a new intern, Jeff, and the two of them tend to a woman with a bloody lip. She claims that she was in a car accident, then amends that to say she hit a parked car.
David wants to write a piece for the Beverly Beat on a local band called Jasper’s Law. Brandon’s in a bad mood and announces to David and Janet that he slept with Emma and was dumped by Kelly. He starts yelling at David for pretty much no reason. Noah tells Donna what happened in court, assuring her that Valerie’s out of the picture at the After Dark. Then they stop talking about Brandon and Kelly, taking opposite sides. Noah thinks Kelly should move past the affair because it’s over and Brandon apologized. Donna thinks Brandon’s a jerk and shouldn’t be forgiven so easily.
At the Peach Pit, Carly tells Steve that her father had a heart attack and has to have bypass surgery. At the clinic, Jeff tells Kelly that he thinks the “accident” patient was beaten. He can call the police, but they won’t be able to do anything as long as the patient denies it. Valerie shows up, having been assigned to do her community service at the clinic. She and Kelly are equally unhappy about this arrangement, though Kelly changes her mind when she realizes she can boss Val around.
Carly’s father makes it through surgery but is facing a long recovery. She hasn’t been able to find a nurse who can take care of him once he’s out of the hospital. Steve suggests that they move him to L.A., but Carly thinks it’s better if she goes to be with him. Kelly gives Valerie housekeeping and filing duties, which look good on her. The “accident” patient, Leah, is still at the clinic, and tells Kelly she just wanted a place to rest for a while. Kelly tells her she doesn’t deserve to be treated badly, but Leah denies being abused.
Carly tells Zach that they need to go to Montana to help her father. Neither wants to leave California, but Zach’s still young enough to throw a tantrum about it. Carly tells Steve that she doesn’t want to make Zach keep moving around, so once they go to Montana, they’ll be staying there. That night, Steve, Brandon, and Noah hang out together to drink and complain about their relationship issues. Brandon thinks that humans aren’t made to be monogamous. They should be more like male elephants, who live alone.
Leah hangs around the clinic until it closes, telling Kelly she’s waiting for her husband, Lenny. Kelly makes sure Leah knows that she can come back or call if she needs help. Lenny comes across as a nice guy, but blasts Leah for coming to the clinic when they’re leaving. Jeff tells Kelly that, unfortunately, they can’t operate outside the system. He invites her out for a drink, but Kelly declines, possibly not realizing that he was looking for a date. After they leave, Val looks through all the messages Brandon left for Kelly, then tears them up.
David hangs out with Jasper’s Law; the guys in the band are nice except for Mark, who drinks in the studio and offers Brandon drugs. Speaking of drinking, Brandon’s done a lot of that, and goes to the beach apartment drunk, refusing to leave until Kelly talks to him. She threatens to call the police if he doesn’t leave. The next morning, Brandon complains to Valerie, mentioning that he left Kelly a bunch of messages at the clinic. Val says that she put them all on Kelly’s desk, but Kelly was busy spending time with Jeff all day. Oh, and he asked her out.
Mark offers Brandon more drugs to keep him awake so he can write his article. David impresses the rest of the band members by playing one of his typical David songs. He explains that he wrote it for Donna a couple years ago. Steve tries to talk Carly into staying in town, but she’s already made her decision. Kelly finds Leah at her job to check up on her, telling her about how Donna was also in an abusive relationship. Leah says that she’s been with Lenny since high school; he’s her family. She says that he’s just having a tough time at work. Kelly gives her information on how to get help or leave.
At the clinic, Valerie talks up Kelly to Jeff, assuring him that she’s single. She lies that Kelly told her that she thinks Jeff is cute. Brandon sends Kelly flowers, and Valerie replaces the card so Kelly will think they’re from a secret admirer. When he doesn’t hear from Kelly, Brandon heads to the clinic, dragging Noah along for a road-rage-filled ride. When he gets cut off, he stops and yells at the driver, a mom with kids in her minivan. Noah has to pull him away and make him calm down.
Kelly gets her flowers, and Valerie tells her the “secret admirer” is Jeff. Leanne returns, having been hit again. Jeff and Kelly tend to her, urging her to move out. She begs them not to call the police, scared of what Lenny will do if she leaves. Kelly’s more worried about what he’ll do if she stays. The gang has a goodbye party for Carly and Zach at the Peach Pit, and the guys try to cheer Zach up about living in rodeo country.
Jeff gets Leah into a safe place to live, and Kelly admits that she knows what it’s like to be in a bad living situation. Jeff asks her out for a drink again, and this time she accepts. As they leave, Kelly gleefully gives Valerie more orders. Moments later, Brandon calls and Valerie tells him that Kelly and Jeff are going to dinner together. Noah tells Donna that he feels bad for Brandon because his mistake is costing him so much. He promises that he’ll never hurt Donna the way Brandon hurt Kelly.
Steve takes Carly and Zach to the airport so they can keep dragging out this goodbye. Zach gives Steve a picture he drew of the two of them. Off go the Reynoldses, to be never seen and barely mentioned again. At the house, Valerie apologizes to David for not telling him about the gambling at the After Dark. He doesn’t seem to care, partly because he’s so happy about selling his song to Jasper’s Law. Brandon’s waiting for Kelly when she gets home so he can continue asking for another chance. Kelly turns him down, and he asks if her decision has anything to do with Jeff. She refuses to talk to him, saying that she might never be ready to give him another chance.
Thoughts: I was curious as to why Hilary Swank left the show, so I looked it up. They signed her for two seasons, but halfway through her first, they decided things weren’t working and fired her. Joke’s on them, though: A few months later, she was cast in Boys Don’t Cry, which led to her first Oscar.
Jasper’s Law is a stupid name for a band. I bet Mark picked it.
Suggestion: Send Brandon after Lenny. Lenny gets punished, and Brandon takes out his anger on someone who actually deserves it.
November 9, 2014
BH90210 8.16, Illegal Tender: Torn in Two
I, too, like to keep all my money in a briefcase for convenient transportation
Summary: David’s thrilled to see his first music review published in the Beverly Beat. Not so thrilled is Jamie, the singer whose performance he reviewed, who comes to the Beverly Beat‘s offices to trash David for not knowing anything about music. She reveals that the owner of the club where she was performing fired her after the bad review. Brandon takes Emma’s tape back to her, eager to find out if there are any other copies that might find their way to Kelly. Emma won’t answer him.
Back at the Beverly Beat, Brandon tells Steve that Emma’s out as a writer, which doesn’t make Steve happy. He asks for a reason, and Brandon confesses that he cheated on Kelly with Emma. He’s trying to write a confessional letter, but Steve has a different idea: Make Kelly the new advice columnist, write an anonymous letter about an affair, and see how she responds. For some reason, Brandon doesn’t think taking Steve’s lead is a bad idea.
David asks Valerie to let Jamie perform at the After Dark. The performance he reviewed wasn’t good, but her CD is. Valerie is hesitant to do David any favors, but she agrees to give Jamie a chance. The club has a “ringside” night that evening, where people can watch a boxing match. Duke pops in, to Noah’s dismay. Next door at the Peach Pit, Donna invites Carly and Zach on a shopping trip. Steve’s currently out spending time with Zach, because he’s kind of awesome now.
Noah catches Valerie and Duke settling up and orders them to stop acting like the After Dark is a casino. Duke’s annoyed to learn that Noah didn’t know about their deal, though Valerie told him management was all on board. Noah makes Duke take all the money, then orders Val to give back everything she’s made from her customers’ gambling. As soon as Noah leaves, Valerie tells a customer that she’s still accepting bets.
Steve returns Zach to his mother, warning him not to tell Carly about all the junk food they ate. Carly’s upset that Steve didn’t walk Zach through the parking lot. Steve thinks she’s overreacting, since a six-year-old is mature enough to know not to walk in front of a car. Kelly likes her new role as advice columnist, reading Brandon a letter from “Torn in Two,” the fake girlfriend of the fake adulterer. Brandon thinks Torn in Two should forgive her boyfriend since he’s remorseful and came clean. Kelly won’t tell Brandon her first impression of the situation.
The next morning, Steve pushes Kelly to get her column in early. Kelly reports that she’s going to write about infidelity, and promises to be objective. Jamie’s appreciative of the chance to perform at the After Dark, and thanks David with a kiss on the cheek. A jealous Valerie intimidates her by warning her not to screw anything up. Noah asks Valerie about Duke’s money, which she swears she’s working on giving back. She complains that Donna turned him into someone who’s no fun.
Donna, Carly, and Zach go to the mall, which is also sort of an amusement park. Donna gushes about how great Noah is, and how confident she feels in their relationship. David tells Valerie to back off of Jamie, admitting that she makes him want to get back into music. But he doesn’t want to make another investment in something that won’t work out – like his relationship with Val, if she doesn’t cut out the jealousy.
At the Walshes’, Brandon’s about to tell Kelly he cheated when Emma calls. Kelly picks up the phone just as Steve does, and hears Steve tell Emma that it’s over. Kelly realizes that the letter from Torn in Two is about Emma…but she thinks the one who cheated with her is Steve, not Brandon. Valerie meets with Duke to assure him that their deal is still on. He tells her he’ll be sending an associate to collect his take from now on.
At the mall, Zach spots a balloon escaping from a clown’s handful and chases after it. Carly and Donna quickly panic and start looking around for him. Once Zach has the balloon, he can’t find his mom. At the Beverly Beat, Brandon warns Steve about the misunderstanding just before Kelly arrives to bash Steve for cheating on Carly. Brandon plays along, because he’s a jerk. Kelly agrees not to tell Carly.
Carly beats herself up for losing her son just a day after she got mad at Steve for not holding Zach’s hand. Poor Zach sits by himself, crying, until a guy who’s either a friendly businessman or a child molester offers to help him find Carly. Kelly goes to Emma’s place and greets her with a slap. Emma’s happy to clear up her misconceptions and informs her that she slept with Brandon, not Steve. She plays Kelly the tape to prove it.
Valerie apologizes to David for getting jealous, then gives him a really nice keyboard. At the mall, Carly and Donna learn that Zach was seen with a man and think he was kidnapped. Brandon assures Steve that they’re now even for everything Steve has ever done. Kelly sends in her response to Torn in Two, which advises the writer to dump her cheating boyfriend because she can never trust him again.
Carly and Donna go to mall security, where Zach is waiting for them. So it looks like the guy who found him was just a nice guy who was dumb enough to offer candy to a kid. Jamie hears David playing the keyboard at the After Dark and realizes that he’s a musician after all. He realizes that she gave a poor performance the other night because of stage fright. He advises Jamie to focus on one person in the audience. She asks if she can focus on him.
Carly thanks Donna for helping her stay calm when Zach was missing. Steve apologizes for not being more careful with Zach earlier, but Carly now understands that you can’t always be a perfect parent. Jamie’s performance at the After Dark goes well, and Valerie isn’t even jealous that Jamie’s focusing on David. Jamie gets David to play keyboard on a song. Duke’s guy arrives to get his money, and while Valerie’s away with him, David focuses on Donna in the crowd.
Valerie hands over Duke’s money, but quickly learns that the person who came to get it isn’t Duke’s guy – he’s an undercover cop. Val and Noah are both arrested for illegal gambling. David promises Donna that he didn’t know anything about Valerie’s crimes. As soon as Brandon gets home, Kelly plays him Emma’s tape. He assures her that Emma meant nothing and he only loves Kelly. Kelly doesn’t care. She’s moving back to the beach apartment, and she wants nothing more to do with Brandon.
Thoughts: Jamie is played by actual singer Jamie Blake, who was apparently sort of famous in the ’90s, though I’ve never heard of her. I thought she looked familiar, but then I realized that she just looks like everyone did in the ’90s.
David, you can’t be a critic. You need tougher skin. (Well, so does Jamie.)
It’s bad that I can’t tell the difference between David and Valerie when they’re dating and when they’re not dating.
Donna, just say no to velvet belly shirts.
November 2, 2014
BH90210 8.15, Ready or Not: People Not to Get in Bed With
I don’t think staring at her uncomfortably will make her become a better person
Summary: It’s a rocking night at the After Dark, and everyone’s happy except Valerie – she’s not getting a big enough cut of the profits. Noah reminds her that she only asked for 10 percent. Emma drops by to give Brandon her latest column, telling Kelly that there’s been a development with her “friend.” She slept with the guy who’s in a relationship, and the guy immediately regretted it. Emma recognizes Kelly’s watch as the one she gave Brandon.
In the bathroom, David watches Noah buy condoms. Noah tries to make peace with him once again, but David isn’t about to become friends with the guy who’s dating his ex. He and Valerie watch Noah and Donna leave together, and pretend it doesn’t bother them that their exes are about to get it on. At the Peach Pit the next day, Carly’s having a rough morning and asks Steve to take Zach to school. Her house is being earthquake-retrofitted, which means it’s noisy. Donna offers to let her and Zach stay with her.
Kelly’s still working with Dr. Monahan, and he’s still a jerk. He taunts that he’s more important to the clinic than she is, considering that he’s a doctor, so she needs to keep her mouth shut. Kelly shoots back that he should watch himself around female co-workers. Dr. Monahan tries to guilt her into backing down, telling her that if he’s fired, a less-competent doctor will take his place and patients will suffer. Basically, if Kelly complains about his harassment again, someone will die. Okay, Doc.
Noah and Donna take Noah’s car to the carwash, not realizing it’s the one where David works. He slams Donna for being so willing to sleep with Noah after making David wait for seven years. Donna points out that he’s moved on pretty quickly with Val. David admits that they’re just faking their relationship.
Brandon and Steve interview Janet Sosna for Terri’s production-manager job at the Beverly Beat (Terri eloped). They’re very impressed and immediately hire her. Emma shows up to yell at Brandon for giving Kelly the watch she gave him. He tells her he’s not leaving Kelly, so Emma should consider quitting. Kelly then shows complaining about Monahan, and Emma tells her that any boss who makes sexual advances, either wanted or not, is a jerk. She should stand her ground and not quit her job, just like Emma won’t be.
Noah tries to make things romantic with Donna, who isn’t ready for that. She admits that she’s only had sex with David, and she waited until she felt they were really committed. That didn’t work out, so now she’s hesitant. Noah thinks she’s still trying to get over David. Over at the Walshes’, David and Valerie are also discussing Donna and Noah’s sex life, and how David isn’t interested in anything with Val. He decides he’s done taking Valerie’s charity and will find someplace else to live.
The next day, Brandon and Steve rescue David from the carwash by offering him a music column at the Beverly Beat. After a little hesitation, David accepts. Kelly goes to the clinic but learns that she’s been replaced – supposedly, she resigned. Kelly announces that she’s going to file a formal complaint against Monahan. He protests that he made the clinic great, so the foundation will back him up. Then he fires her.
Duke the bookie shows up at the Peach Pit and notices that the After Dark is putting on a sports night. Nat warns him to stay away from Valerie. While Donna helps Carly pack some of her things, she asks for some sex advice – namely, when to know the time is right to sleep together. Carly tells her that if she’s not sure about commitment or a relationship, Donna’s not ready. She doesn’t need to rush sex to find out if Noah’s the right one for her.
Thanks to an advance from Brandon and Steve, David has enough money to find his own place to live. Valerie thinks he’s making changes because of Donna, but David admits that it’s because of Val. He doesn’t want them to revisit their history. Valerie’s proud of him for getting through all the bad things that have happened to him recently. Then they kiss, so I guess David isn’t that scared of revisiting their history.
Emma encourages Kelly to sue Monahan, then talks more about Kelly’s new watch. When Brandon gets home and Kelly leaves the kitchen to greet him, Emma cooks up a delicacy, boiled watch. She promises to replace it if Brandon tells her where he got it. He claims he doesn’t remember the name of the store. Carly thanks Donna for letting her and Zach stay with her, but Donna’s equally appreciative, since Carly gave her such great advice.
Poor, clueless Kelly reads over Emma’s next column, which mentions that Emma’s “friend” gave her guy a present that he passed on to his girlfriend. Kelly thinks the foundation will take Monahan’s side if the future of the clinic is at stake. Emma warns that nice guys are hard to take down – they don’t think they’ve done anything wrong. She encourages Kelly to let other people find out how Monahan talks to her. When Kelly’s out of the room, Emma comments to Brandon that she keeps attracting creeps. Brandon kicks her out of the house.
David and Valerie manage to pull themselves away from her bed long enough to visit sports night at the After Dark. Noah’s mad that Val isn’t pulling her weight at the club. Valerie spots Duke taking bets and shuts him down, having been warned by Nat that he’s not the kind of guy she wants to deal with. He promises her a cut if she lets him stick around. She negotiates a better deal and accepts.
Donna feels better because David and Valerie aren’t sleeping together, and tells David that she and Noah haven’t done anything yet. David confesses that he and Val are no longer just friends. Donna makes a beeline for Noah and asks him to take her home. But Noah’s smart enough to know that Donna only wants to take him to bed because David’s already in Valerie’s bed.
Steve falls asleep while babysitting Zach, so Zach entertains himself by coloring in a sketch Donna was going to show at a job interview. Emma calls Brandon to bug him about their non-relationship, and how he’s still with Kelly. She’s finally decided to quit working at the Beverly Beat. Brandon doesn’t realize that she’s recorded their conversation on her answering machine, and now has a tape of him saying that they slept together.
Apparently Steve found out that Zach colored in Donna’s sketches, but didn’t say anything to Donna before she left for her interview. I don’t understand how this all worked. Anyway, Donna goes to her interview and has to explain why there are colorful splotches all over her designs. Fortunately, the interviewer thinks they’re brilliant and gives her a six-month contract. She decides to call the line Child’s Play. (No word if Zach will get a cut.)
Kelly goes to the clinic to pack her things, turning on Monahan’s intercom when she goes to say goodbye. Brandon and foundation employee Audrey are in the building to hear Monahan tell Kelly to be more appreciative when male co-workers give her compliments. She’s beautiful and has a great body, so she should use what she has. Kelly notes that she has a college degree and experience in her field. Monahan says that she wasn’t able to handle him, which was her main priority.
Kelly continues that she backed down from filing a complaint because she knew she’d need a recommendation for a future job. Monahan closes his office door and offers a more thorough review. She tells him she was discussing her career and that he’s making her uncomfortable. As Monahan grabs her and tries to make out with her, Brandon storms in, followed by Audrey. Monahan is immediately fired, and Kelly already has a doctor lined up to take his place – Dr. Martin.
Duke delivers Valerie’s cut from the previous night, asking her to work with him again. Men would be more likely to place bets with a woman, and she’d make double what she made last night. Valerie’s in. As promised, Emma leaves the Beverly Beat, commenting that Monahan hung himself on the rope Kelly gave him. When Brandon leaves, he finds Emma’s tape on his car. Noah takes Donna to a celebratory dinner at the Bel Age Hotel, complete with a serenade by Brian McKnight. They declare their love for each other and make use of a room upstairs.
Thoughts: I’ve seen a handful of later episodes, and I’ll say now that I love Janet. Also, if you haven’t seen Lindsay Price’s episode of How I Met Your Mother, “Spoiler Alert,” you must.
Calm down, Noah. You had sex, like, three weeks ago. You’re not going to die if Donna makes you wait a little longer.
David, it’s none of Donna’s business who you are or aren’t sleeping with. You don’t have to tell her anything.
’90s music alert: Brian McKnight sings “Anytime,” which isn’t exactly romantic. (“Do I ever cross your mind anytime? I miss you….”) But it’s still a nice thought, Noah.
October 19, 2014
BH90210 8.13, Comic Relief: The Real World Is Awful
This seems like a totally normal thing to do
Summary: Kelly likes Emma’s column for the Beverly Beat, still unaware that Emma’s been hitting on Brandon. Steve gives Carly a pep talk about getting by while her mom’s gone, though she worries that her responsibilities are too much for him. Everyone in the Walsh house hears Valerie moaning and rattling her bedsprings, and they wonder who she’s been sleeping with. David’s in her room, but he’s not the reason the bed’s shaking – Valerie’s just putting on a show for her housemates. Kelly tells Brandon she wants to meet Emma, which he definitely doesn’t want.
When David emerges from Valerie’s love den, Brandon and Steve tease him about getting some. They tease him more when he reminds them that he’s starting his new job at a carwash. Donna comes by to ask Kelly to fill in for a model at a photo shoot that afternoon. Oh, right, Kelly used to be a model. She’s not thrilled about the job but agrees to help. Donna runs into David, noting that he didn’t come home the night before. Val’s like, “That’s because he was here, having the sex with me. Ha ha!”
At the clinic, Kelly overhears a heated phone conversation between Monahan and his wife. He confides that their marriage is pretty bad but Mrs. Monahan doesn’t agree that they should separate. He hopes Kelly never has to experience the kind of distance he and his wife do. She won’t if he keeps invading her personal space. David heads to his new job, where one guy is unfriendly and one guy, Ben, is kind of unfriendly but warms up to him.
Noah auditions stand-up comedians for a comedy night at the After Dark. They shouldn’t quit their day jobs. Steve drops by to supposedly check on Valerie, telling Noah who she spent the night with. Noah brushes it off and encourages Steve to audition for Comedy Night. Brandon asks Emma to write more articles for the Beverly Beat, and she asks to have lunch with him so they can discuss the assignments. Kelly stops by and meets her new favorite writer, who’s suddenly on her best behavior. Brandon turns down lunch with his girlfriend, not telling her his real plans.
Kelly then heads to her photo shoot, where Donna complains about David and Valerie but tries to brush it off. Kelly calls the Beverly Beat to talk to Brandon, who’s still out with Emma. Kelly’s surprised that he left the office after telling her he’d be having lunch at his desk. Out at a restaurant, Emma flirts and Brandon doesn’t shut her down. She wants to spend the rest of the day with him.
At the carwash, some of the guys harass Ben, and David stands up for him. The guys ask David if he’s gay like Ben is. At the Peach Pit, Steve bugs Carly to come next door for his audition. She thinks he’s definitely funny if he thinks she’ll be able to leave during the lunch rush. Valerie joins Noah for the auditions, and he brings up her night of passion with David. Steve does a set, making not just Noah and Valerie laugh, but also some delivery guys and other employees.
Kelly’s worried that Brandon’s up to something, since he was distant earlier and has now left his office. Donna wonders if she thinks he’s seeing someone else. She should be worried – he spent the day with Emma, and now they’re making out. At least he draws the line at going to her place. In the morning, Brandon makes breakfast for Kelly, like that’ll make up for his behavior. He tells her he spent the previous day trying to chase a lead. Now Kelly feels guilty for worrying about him.
Ben and David hang out, and Ben thanks his new co-worker for sticking up for him but says he should let it go. Besides, his parents are the real problem, having kicked him out for being gay. At the clinic, Monahan sees some of Kelly’s pictures from the photo shoot and looks through them as she protests. He remarks that it’s too bad she’s wasting her beauty on a “younger, less experienced man.” Yeah, and he’s a cheater, too.
That night, everyone gathers at the After Dark, and Donna tells Kelly that the photographer they worked with wants to use Kelly for a campaign. She gets distracted by thoughts of Noah, who Kelly reminds her really likes her, since he bought a boat to stay close to her. Donna and Noah join up to glare at Valerie and David together. Kelly tells Brandon that Monahan’s comments have gotten more inappropriate. He encourages her to call him out, then file a grievance if it doesn’t stop.
Donna and David trade barbs, and she tells him he should move into Valerie’s bedroom permanently. Nat looks after Zach at the Peach Pit while Carly goes next door to see Steve’s set. Emma shows up as well, and Brandon’s blood pressure goes up 50 points. She’s mad that he’s there with Kelly. Steve does his set, but this time his audience doesn’t find it funny. (They’re smart – it’s not.) He goes in a different direction and gets a much better reaction.
The next day, David pulls a Brandon, going to Ben’s house to talk to his parents about him. Ben’s mother is sympathetic, but his father couldn’t care less about his homeless kid. Brandon wants to print a good review of Steve’s comedy set in the Beverly Beat, but Steve refuses to let him. That leaves them with a blank space to fill, but Emma’s here to save the day with a column. It’s about how two-timing men are scum. Kelly very professionally tells Monahan that she won’t tolerate his sexual harassment anymore. Monahan mocks her for not knowing how the real world works.
At Carly’s house, Steve admits that he didn’t come up with his comedy act on his own – he stole it from Richard Belzer (yes, the Richard Belzer from Law and Order). Carly’s surprised, because she’s new here. Steve cracks her up by making fun of how dumb he is. Valerie tells Noah that David’s moving in with her, which means Donna’s now living alone. When Donna comes by, Noah insists that he doesn’t care about David living with Valerie. Donna says she might care, but she still wants to move on.
Kelly turns down the modeling job, telling Brandon that the situation with Monahan has made her decide she doesn’t want to “trade on [her] looks.” She talks to Brandon about Emma’s newest article, where she says she still wants the two-timing guy. Kelly thinks that maybe the guy and his girlfriend aren’t right for each other, and Emma and the guy are. Emma calls to tell Brandon she misses him, and he pretends there’s no one on the other end of the line.
Thoughts: ’90s music alert: Third Eye Blind’s “Semi-Charmed Life.” They even left in the line “doing crystal meth will lift you up until you break”!
Can’t David get a job at a radio station? Are we done with that part of his life?
Steve: “I was the funniest guy in my fraternity.” Noah: “I’m curious: How does one decide that?” Steve: “Over a lot of beer.” I believe that.
Y’all know I’m no Brandon fan, but I never expected him to cheat on Kelly. Also, his brown suit with mustard-yellow vest is a tragedy.
October 12, 2014
BH90210 8.12, Friends in Deed: Bad Touches and Other Inappropriate Behavior
“You’re not poor? But…my Poor Radar went off! It’s never wrong!”
Summary: Kelly reads a magazine article by a woman named Emma Bennett and suggests that Brandon have her write something for the Beverly Beat. She will regret this later. Donna cooks Noah breakfast, but their alone time is interrupted by Felice. Donna confronts her mother for not mentioning that they’re auctioning off the family’s boat. This will leave Noah homeless. Felice is stunned to hear that Donna and David have broken up and that Donna’s spending time with Noah the “wharf rat.” Donna’s shocked that Felice is being superficial, because Donna’s never met her mother.
Kelly’s working at the Wyatt Clinic now with Dr. Monahan, hero to the downtrodden. Valerie visits Noah on the boat to ask him what he plans to do with the After Dark. She’d like to run it again. Noah taunts that he might take that job, but Val doesn’t think he’d like working inside. He won’t budge. David goes to the Beverly Beat to look at the classifieds, and Steve advises him to make nice with Noah so he can get his job back. David would rather never think about Noah again. Brandon doesn’t know that Noah’s dating Donna, and David’s mad that Brandon wants to take Noah’s side.
Carly and Steve are supposed to go on a date, but Zach’s sick. Noah finds David moping at the Peach Pit and asks him to run the After Dark. David thinks Donna’s behind the offer and turns it down. Kelly’s been talking up Monahan, which makes Brandon a little jealous, but she tells him Monahan is married. Brandon has taken her suggestion to meet with Emma about writing for the Beverly Beat. David starts a job at a store called Khaki Nation, and why would anyone shop in a place with that name?
Steve takes Carly to the Walshes’ house for a little alone time. Valerie and an exterminator interrupt. Steve’s having a bad week. Brandon offers Emma a job, but she’d rather stick to freelancing. She agrees to write an article to see how things go. Also, she couldn’t be coming on to Brandon more if she actually said, “I want to make out with you right now.” The After Dark is doing well under new management, so Val can’t bug him about that. Instead, she warns him that karma will get him for what he’s done to David.
Kelly has a stiff shoulder, so Monahan offers to examine it. And by “examine it,” he means massage it while sliding off her sweater and camisole strap. Kelly’s creeped out, as she should be. At the beach apartment, Donna crabs at David, telling him he’s the one responsible for losing the club and not letting Noah make things up to him. Noah tells Valerie that she was right about him not being able to run the club, and he’d like her to come back to work. She negotiates a deal and accepts.
Kelly tells Brandon about Monahan’s unprofessional behavior, though Brandon doesn’t see it that way. He thinks she’d be more sure if Monahan really crossed a line. She was probably just uncomfortable because she was being examined by someone she knows. After all, she’s talked him up so much that there’s no way he can be a bad guy. Kelly accuses Brandon of accusing her of making things up. Brandon says that if she were really uncomfortable, she would have said something.
David’s horrible at his job and gets blasted for being unprofessional. He’s already past his limit and quits. Monahan asks Kelly to sit in on an exam so he can’t be accused of sexual harassment or impropriety. Hi, irony! How are you? Speaking of unprofessional behavior, here’s Emma. Brandon’s clearer on her behavior being inappropriate than he was about Monahan’s. Steve and Carly try again for an afternoon delight, but her mom has already beaten them to it with a date of her own. Also, she’ll be going to Arizona for a few months, so there goes Carly’s babysitter.
David isn’t concerned about being unemployed and beats Donna to the punch in telling him it’s his own fault. He snarks at her for being down because her life is going so well right now. She tells him that she’s starting to think she made a mistake by having sex with him. Wow, way to kick him when he’s down. David reminds Donna that he was fine waiting, so, as she would say, she has no one to blame but herself. Donna wants them to be friends, but David isn’t there yet. (He’ll still live with her, though.)
Noah’s interested in the Valerie who puts a lot into her work, since so far he’s only seen the shrew version of Val. Later, Val runs into Donna at the Peach Pit and reveals that she’s working with Noah. Donna goes straight next door to yell at her boyfriend for his bad decisions. He promises that there’s nothing personal going on, and besides, Donna has no right to say anything since she still lives with her ex-boyfriend. Donna doesn’t want to have to deal with Val hovering around her and Noah, though Noah thinks she’s backing away because Felice disapproves of him.
Brandon declines to tell Kelly that Emma hit on him. Kelly says she thinks she overreacted to Monahan, who’s always so careful with his female patients. Steve assures Carly that he’ll help her find another babysitter for Zach, and possibly not just because if they don’t find one, that’s it for Steve’s love life. Carly realizes that they’re finally alone in the house without even trying. Emma gives Brandon her article and hits on him some more.
David and Valerie hang out, talking about his new job at a carwash, and run into Donna. Her anger at seeing them together makes Valerie want to spend more time with David to make Donna and Noah jealous. David isn’t sure the plan will work, but he’s willing to go along with it. At the clinic, Monahan tells Kelly that she looks beautiful today, which doesn’t fill her with joy the way he probably hoped it would.
Donna meets Felice for the boat auction, and Felice apologizes for butting into Donna’s life. She should really apologize for the horrible things she said about Noah, but this is probably the best we can hope for. Just before the bidding ends, Noah arrives and offers $325,000 for the boat. Felice thinks he’s goofing off, since he’s a pathetic little street urchin. He gets the boat, and when Felice sees his check, she realizes who his family is. Donna’s proud of herself for keeping quiet, knowing Felice would treat Noah differently if she knew he had money.
Noah and Donna make up, and now they have their own boat to make out on whenever they want. Brandon notices that Kelly’s a little down, but she insists that everything’s fine. Emma calls, because it’s been five minutes since she flirted with Brandon, and she’s about to stop breathing. He turns down her offer to come over and check out her lingerie, but she’s sure he’ll eventually change his mind. When Kelly asks who called, Brandon tells her it was a wrong number.
Thoughts: “Wharf rat”? Go away, Felice.
Ugh, Brandon. Way to listen to your girlfriend, you jerk. Your attitude is one of the reasons women don’t report harassment or assaults.
I don’t think I could hate Emma more if I tried. Part of me does want to try, though.
Donna should be happy that Valerie’s spending time with David. It means she’s not spending time with Noah.
October 5, 2014
BH90210 8.11, Deadline: Tell Me Sweet Little Lies
The guy on the right looks like my neighbor. Eh, you guys don’t care
Summary: David goes to the beach apartment, where Donna and her cleavage don’t want to talk about the time she spent/kisses she shared with Noah. David doesn’t either – he wants to thank her for paying his debt to Sands. She doesn’t know what he’s talking about, and is upset that he didn’t tell her about the loan shark in the first place. At the Walshes’ house, Brandon and Kelly surprise Erica with the news that Iris has transferred custody of her to Dylan. Then the day gets ruined when Brandon gets arrested.
Carly goes by the Beverly Beat to see Steve, who’s angsting over the whole Jody situation. He’s mad that he doesn’t get any say in Jody’s decision. His day gets worse when he learns about Brandon’s arrest. Kelly’s allowed to see her jailbird boyfriend while they wait for Rush to work with a lawyer to pay Brandon’s bail. Kelly urges him to reveal Erica’s name; otherwise he could go to jail for five years. Brandon insists that he’s doing the right thing, and thinks a judge and jury would agree.
David and Valerie try to brainstorm who might have paid off Sands for him. Val suggests that he just ask Sands. David thinks that’s a ridiculous idea, so Val volunteers to ask him. Donna goes to the boat to take pictures in advance of a photo shoot, which is totally not just an excuse to see Noah. She informs him that she and David broke up because she felt that they were moving too fast. Noah tells her that they shouldn’t feel guilty about their kiss. Now they can figure out what to do next.
At the police station, Kelly and Steve talk about how other people are making decisions that also affect them. Rush gives them the good news that Brandon was released on bail. Brandon and Steve immediately want to head back to the Beverly Beat and work on a new article, this one about how Brandon’s a martyr for First Amendment rights. Kelly has to point out that Brandon’s not completely off the hook.
The After Dark is doing well, though David isn’t confident that things are going to keep improving. As he serves Goldfish crackers (…really, David?), a fire starts in his office. Everyone leaves and David puts out the fire with minimal damage. But since he was living in his office, he’s now homeless. Valerie pays Sands a visit and learns that Noah paid David’s debts. She’s confused since she didn’t know Noah was rich.
Brandon and his lawyer meet with the ADA, though it’s a waste of her time since he still won’t give her Erica’s name. The ADA wonders how many teens will have to suffer before Brandon will change his mind. Brandon tells her that Riggs already beats his prostitutes – what does she think he’ll do if one of them testifies against him? David confides his money problems to Carly, then tells Noah that he and Donna are still together.
Kelly takes Erica to a clinic her foundation runs; there’s only one doctor serving a large number of underprivileged families. Steve summons Jody to the Beverly Beat to offer her $1,000 a month in child support if he’s the baby’s father. She says thanks but no thanks, pointing out that he’ll have legal responsibilities if the baby’s his. She wishes he would stop seeing the child as a burden. When Rush comes to visit, Steve asks how he handled it when he got Steve’s birth mother pregnant. Rush handled it about as well as Steve’s handling it.
Donna checks on David at the After Dark, offering him anything he might need in the wake of the fire. He guesses that she heard about the fire from Noah. She invites him to stay at the beach apartment until he can find a new place. David isn’t appreciative of the offer, telling her that she doesn’t need to concern herself with his living arrangements anymore. Valerie confronts Noah for not telling her he has money, threatening to tell David that Noah paid his debts. Noah doesn’t want the truth to get out; he wants to be liked for himself.
Kelly goes back to the clinic alone and meets Dr. Monahan. She thinks he could use some administrative help. He tells her he really needs someone who can help comfort the patients. Back at the Beverly Beat, Rush has figured out that Steve may have gotten someone pregnant. He doesn’t think there’s any question about what Steve should do. Steve complains that his life is over, but Rush disagrees – after all, he got a woman pregnant but wound up with Steve.
Noah goes to the beach apartment to ask Donna to dinner. But first, he wants to come clean about his family and how rich he is. She’s upset that he lied but seems to understand that he wanted to distance himself from his family’s name. David’s landlord checks out the damage in David’s office, yelling at him and Nat for being horrible tenants. At the Walshes’, Valerie confronts Brandon for not telling her that Noah was rich. Kelly bugs Brandon again about giving up Erica’s name. Erica overhears and offers to let them use her to catch Riggs in the act of doing something else.
Steve tells Carly that if the baby’s his, he’s going to take responsibility and be a father. She assures him that she still wants to date him. Noah takes Donna home after their successful first date, and this time no one feels guilty when they kiss. David, however, doesn’t feel great about seeing it – he’s there for the night, having decided to take her up on her offer to stay there temporarily.
Erica goes to see Riggs while Brandon and Kelly wait with cops to catch him in a sting operation. Erica sends Riggs to sell drugs to a “friend” who’s actually an undercover cop. The police easily arrest him for possession and dealing, also pretending to arrest Erica as an accessory. So now Riggs goes to jail and won’t realize that Erica was working against him. Meanwhile, Carly’s with Steve when he learns that, despite Jody’s certainty, he’s not the baby’s father.
Valerie informs David that not only is Noah making out with Donna, but he’s super-rich and paid David’s debts. Steve meets with Jody to blast her for lying to him about being the baby’s father. She wanted it to be Steve so her baby could have a good dad. As Brandon and Kelly send Erica off to Dylan, Kelly wonders if Brandon really would have gone to jail for the teen. He doesn’t really answer. David wants to talk to Noah about the debt, but Noah has bigger news: He got David an extension on his lease. David hands over his keys and tells Noah to run the club for him.
Thoughts: I’m surprised Aaron Spelling let Tori go on TV showing that much cleavage. It’s more than Tiffani Thiessen’s!
Who serves Goldfish at a bar?
Oh, Valerie, you’re not mad that Noah didn’t tell you he’s rich. You’re mad that he hasn’t bought you anything.
I love that Steve says Rush bolted when he found out Steve’s mother was pregnant, like, who does Steve think raised him?
September 28, 2014
BH90210 8.10, Child of the Night: Noah Saves the Day for the Hundredth Time
Who wants to tell Noah he’s not at a modeling job?
Summary: Steve goes to the Peach Pit to try to talk to Carly, who’s been giving him some space while he deals with Jody’s revelation. She urges him to get a paternity test to make sure Jody’s telling the truth. She also points out that she can’t trust him to use birth control properly if he had unprotected sex with another woman. Kelly and Brandon try to find Erica, whose disappearance Kelly blames on Valerie. Of course, Kelly blames everything on Val, so that doesn’t mean much.
While Kelly and Donna drive around downtown playing Spot the Prostitute, David meets with Mel to discuss all his financial problems. He’s more upset about the $2,500 he took from Donna than he is about his creditors. Mel quickly devises a plan: David will file for bankruptcy, and Mel will give him the money he needs to pay Donna back. He’s very unhappy with his son.
Steve meets Jody at the Beverly Beat to ask if she’s really sure he’s the baby’s father. Even though they used protection, she’s sure Steve’s the father, since he’s the only guy she’s slept with since she broke up with her boyfriend months earlier. Steve tries to talk her out of having and/or raising the baby on her own, telling her that he’s grateful for the choice his birth mother made to place him for adoption. Jody won’t budge, determined to have and keep the baby.
Valerie lets herself onto Noah’s boat to make him a romantic dinner. She’s all, “We belong together! I’m not a crazy stalker!” He makes her leave, because she is a crazy stalker. The police pick up Erica, and Kelly argues to get her released into her foundation’s custody. Erica still has some stolen items with her, but Kelly gives her the Jean Valjean treatment, lying that she gave them to her.
David gives Donna back her $2,500 and apologizes for all his mistakes. Donna accepts the money but not the apology. He wants another chance, but she can’t trust him anymore. He’ll need to find another place to live. Brandon and Kelly let Erica spend the night at the Walshes’, and in the morning they force her to call Iris before she goes to gynecology and therapy appointments. Kelly also wants back everything she stole.
Erica takes Kelly and Brandon to her apartment to get the stuff she hasn’t already pawned, and they realize that her roommate, Julie, is stoned. Erica claims she hasn’t seen the silver pocket watch Dylan gave Brandon. Kelly wants to help Julie, who just turned 18 (which means they can’t do much about her care). Erica slips Julie the pocket watch as they leave.
Steve asks Carly to talk to Jody about how difficult single parenthood is. Carly refuses, not wanting to try to talk a stranger into what to do with her own body. Steve points out that he’ll be affected, too. Carly tells him that he doesn’t have to be a fulltime dad. Steve asks about Zach’s father, who ditched him and Carly because he didn’t want a child. Somehow, this convinces Carly to try talk to Jody.
Brandon takes Erica to the Beverly Beat, wanting to write a story about her life. Erica doesn’t think her story will help anyone in her position because teen prostitutes don’t really read the newspaper. Brandon talks her into it, promising not to use her real name. Donna hangs out with Noah on the boat while David moves out of the beach apartment. They bond a little over their recent relationship issues.
Steve helps David move, saying he agrees with Mel’s plan for him to file for bankruptcy. David mentions that he kind of sort of borrowed money from a loan shark. Meanwhile, Carly meets with Jody to tell her she’s making very bad decisions. Speaking of possibly bad decisions, Valerie sneaks onto the boat just in time to see Noah and Donna kissing.
Brandon publishes his story on Erica, using an alias for her but printing Riggs’ real name. It earns him a visit from the ADA, who wants to bring a case against Riggs and just needs the name of Brandon’s source. Brandon refuses to give it, since Erica shouldn’t have to face Riggs. The ADA is determined to get what she wants despite Brandon’s stubbornness. David and Donna run into each other at the beach apartment, and it’s awkward and she cries.
Kelly thinks Brandon should give Erica’s name to the ADA so they can be sure Riggs gets put away. Brandon wants to keep his promise to Erica that he won’t let her name become public. Carly admits to Steve that she agrees with Jody’s decision to be a single parent. She wants him to be a part of the child’s life if he’s the father. Steve is still unconvinced that he’s the father, and thinks having a baby would ruin his life.
Kelly and Donna have a girls’ night at the beach apartment so Donna won’t have to be alone right after the breakup. She’s not doing too badly, though, since she spent the day with a hot guy. Valerie goes by the After Dark to let David know that Donna spent the day with Noah. David doesn’t think it’s a big deal until Val mentions the kiss. P.S. Noah’s at the After Dark tonight, if David would like to speak to him.
Yes, David would like to speak to Noah, but first he’ll have to deal with Everett Sands, who wants his money back. David says he’s going to his office to get it, then runs off. Noah buys a bottle of something (with a $100, letting the bartender keep the change), then uses it as a weapon to keep Sands and his goons from injuring David too badly.
Kelly tries to convince Erica to reveal her name to the DA, but Brandon and Erica are still a united front on the topic. Kelly threatens to call the DA herself. As Brandon’s calling her bluff, Erica steals Kelly’s car. David confronts Donna at work about her kiss with Noah, asking why she lied about her whereabouts the previous day. She says her activities are none of his business. David asks if they slept together, which is REALLY none of his business.
Brandon and Kelly track Erica to her apartment, where she’s helping Julie after a beating – Riggs sent someone after her. She gives Erica back the pocket watch, which Brandon says she can keep. Riggs arrives and tries to get Julie to leave with him. Erica stands up to him, but Riggs is sure she’ll come crawling back to him.
Carly brings Steve Zach’s lucky marble, because you never know what might tip a paternity test the way you want it to go. Sands and his goons go back to the After Dark, where David prepares to meet whatever his fate is, since he doesn’t have their money. Fortunately, someone has already taken care of the debt. David doesn’t know it, but it’s Noah and his Tony Soprano shirt.
Brandon, Kelly, and Erica go home so Erica can call Iris. The ADA comes over to press Brandon again about revealing his source – Riggs has a child-prostitution ring and she really wants to bring it down. Brandon refuses once again, pointing out that there’s a law protecting him. The DA replies that the law only protects him from a misdemeanor. She plans to charge him with a felony, which could send him to prison for a long time. Dun dun dun!
Thoughts: Remember when guys used to wear collared shirts with the sleeves ripped off? Noah remembers. He probably wishes he could forget.
There’s no way the baby’s kicking. Jody’s, like, five minutes pregnant.
I’m surprised Valerie didn’t immediately try to seduce David after she saw Donna and Noah together.
Hey, Brandon, you know who you shouldn’t tick off? A pimp.
What is this, like, the fourth fight Noah’s jumped into? He’s only been in ten episodes! Is there a way to make a career out of that?
September 21, 2014
BH90210 8.9, Friends, Lovers and Children: Not a Father’s Day
Yes, I totally believe this girl is 16
Summary: Steve and Carly try to make out at her house, but they’re interrupted by Zach. Fortunately, he doesn’t seem to see what they’re doing, and Carly finds it funny. On their way home from a play, Brandon and Kelly wind up in a rough neighborhood with a familiar hooker: Dylan’s sister Erica. She runs away from them, which I can’t really blame her for.
The next day, Kelly and Brandon meet with a social worker named Pam who warns that teen prostitutes are harder to deal with than the kids Kelly usually works with. Brandon gives the exposition that Erica was living in Hawaii with Iris, but moved to California with her stoner boyfriend. Pam agrees to go retrieve her, telling Kelly not to search for Erica on her own.
Valerie goes to see Noah, who’s still mad that she was dating both him and Cooper. She promises that Cooper meant nothing to her. They almost kiss, but Noah doesn’t want to give in. David has to lay off some employees because of his money problems, so one of them suggests that he go to a loan shark. Donna still has no idea about his actions, by the way. She has a stylist job coming up and wants to use the After Dark as the location for a photo shoot.
Steve shows up to one of Zach’s soccer games, unaware that it’s a father/son day. Steve’s a little uneasy about it, but he can’t say no to Zach. At the Peach Pit, Carly waits on a nervous customer, basically telling the woman her life story. The customer confides that she’s dealing with some issues of her own.
Maybe Kelly and Brandon can help her after they go with Pam to track down Erica. They talk to a guy (who totally hits on Brandon), then meet a guy Pam recognizes as Riggs. Kelly figures out quickly that Riggs is Erica’s pimp. Riggs doesn’t like the look of Brandon and pulls a knife on him. Fortunately, Pam has called for reinforcements, and the confrontation is broken up by the police.
Carly apologizes to Steve for the position Zach put him in by not telling him the game was for fathers and sons. Steve likes Zach, but he feels a little uncomfortable playing father. Valerie takes lunch to the Beverly Beat, getting annoying when Brandon asks about ulterior motives. She whines that Noah won’t talk to her. Brandon doesn’t seem to have much sympathy for her.
Kelly fills Donna in on Erica as Donna makes a good impression at the photo shoot. She has a romantic night planned for her and David, which he’ll have to cancel so he can meet with the loan shark, Everett Sands. Kelly and Pam PSA about teen prostitution while making no progress on finding Erica. Pam again warns Kelly not to go looking on her own. Kelly thinks Brandon might not take her advice.
The male prostitute Brandon talked to recently goes to the Beverly Beat offices to lead Brandon to Erica. After some more PSAing, Brandon and Kelly go off with him, despite Pam’s warnings. They find Erica in an apartment, but she refuses to go back to Hawaii or live in a shelter. She’s afraid that Riggs will find her there and kill her. Brandon announces that she can stay at the Walshes’ house, though he doesn’t answer when Erica asks him not to tell Dylan what’s going on.
Back at the Beverly Beat, Steve tells Brandon how uncomfortable he was at the father/son game. He was looking forward to playing the field, not dating a woman with a child and having to be responsible and stuff. Brandon’s surprised that they haven’t had sex yet. David calls Donna to tell her he might be late for their date because he’s meeting with an “investor.” She tries to buy lingerie, but the check she uses won’t clear.
Steve apologizes to Carly for not being more mature about their relationship. He doesn’t know what the future holds, but he’d like it to hold her and Zach. Carly gives him an out, but he doesn’t take it. David blasts Sands for showing up late to their meeting, which isn’t the right way to start things off with a loan shark. Sands agrees to loan him what he needs ($10,000), but David has to pay 50% interest. Run away, David! Run away!
Donna looks through her checks and discovers that David stole one and forged her signature. Carly decides she’s ready to have sex with Steve, so at least someone’s having a good night. Noah gets drunk at a bar, then starts a fight with another patron after he’s rude to a waitress. Kelly thinks she and Brandon are going about the Erica situation wrong, since they don’t know anything about the life she’s living. Erica overhears Kelly suggesting that they might need to take her to a shelter.
Noah gets arrested for the bar fight, and for some reason he makes his one phone call to Brandon. Brandon takes him home to his boat, where Noah confides that it’s the first anniversary of the day he killed his fiancée, Beth. He thinks he was so eager to help Kelly after her shooting because he wasn’t able to help Beth. Noah admits that he’s super-rich, thanks to his family’s Fortune 500 oil company, but he doesn’t want anyone to know.
The customer from the Peach Pit shows up at the Walshes’ house, but not to see Carly – she wants to see Steve. This is Jody, and she and Steve went out a few times before he started dating Carly. She’s there to announce that she’s pregnant with Steve’s baby. Stunned looks all around, which is surprising, since no one on this show ever uses protection.
Erica remembers meeting Valerie in Mexico, and laments the way her life has turned out. Val’s like, “I’ve made bad decisions, too, but my life is okay.” Yeah, Erica, stop listening to her. Valerie was supposed to hang out with Erica all day, but she has somewhere to be, so she leaves Erica at the house. As soon as she’s alone, Erica calls her male-prostitute friend to invite him over.
Donna goes home to the beach apartment after spending the night at her parents’, and she confronts David for missing their date. She doesn’t know how they’ve ended up where they are. David rants about thinking his life would be one way, but everything fell apart. Donna reveals that she knows he stole from her. David says something about her not having faith in him, but she can’t trust him anymore. She tells him to move out.
Brandon and Kelly come home to find the house trashed, and the computer, TV, and stereo are gone. Kelly doesn’t get why Erica would steal from them when she was safe there. Pam’s more worried about what Riggs will do to Erica. Brandon’s like, “But I did everything wrong! I’m the hero! I couldn’t have made a mistake! Does not compute!”
Thoughts: Riggs and Jody are both played by actors from The Young and the Restless – Vincent Irizarry (who was also on All My Children and Santa Barbara) and Jessica Collins.
I love the irony of Kelly and Brandon finding Erica familiar since she’s played by a different actress now and looks nothing like she used to.
’90s music alert: “Wrong Way” by Sublime (fitting, since it’s about a child prostitute).
Someone needs to take away Kelly and Donna’s tiny clips and barrettes.
Do you know how nice it is that Steve’s dating someone he doesn’t fight with every two minutes? SO NICE! Like, they actually like each other! Carly’s an actual nice person! It’s awesome!
September 14, 2014
BH90210 8.8, Toil and Trouble: I Don’t Know About You, But I’m Feeling 22
This is so many kinds of wrong
Summary: It’s morning at the Walsh house, and Kelly thinks Brandon is too regimented, since he always gets out of the shower at exactly the same time. She’s worried that they get along so well because they both have the same boring outlook on life. Brandon doesn’t get why she wants them to act their age, since 22-year-olds tend to make stupid decisions. There’s nothing wrong with vanilla if you like vanilla.
Donna’s nervous about an upcoming meeting with the widow of a famous designer. She’s willing to do any job, no matter how menial, if it gets her in the door of a major company. David stops by a phone center, trying very hard to keep Donna outside while he gets his service reconnected. That costs $89, and he has to try multiple credit cards before he can find one that covers it.
Nat and Carly work a busy breakfast shift at the Peach pit, though only one of them flirts with Steve. He asks her to come with him to a Harvest Ball that Kelly’s foundation is throwing. Donna meets with the Widow Garibaldi, who loves Donna’s designs and needs help finding an outfit for a séance she’s hosting that Friday. (She needs a psychic to contact her husband so he can tell her where her lost bracelet is.)
Valerie and Cooper go out to eat, talking about pheasant, in case we’ve forgotten that he’s rich. He admits that he feels guilty about being rich because he didn’t earn it himself. He invites her to the Harvest Ball, but Val’s uneasy about him meeting all her friends. Cooper won’t let her give any excuses, and once he gives her a necklace, she can’t really say no.
At the After Dark, David gets a visit from one of the club’s landlords. David doesn’t have that month’s rent, and the landlord won’t give him any kind of break – he pays by the next morning or he’s evicted. When Donna arrives, David pretends that everything’s fine. Meanwhile, Noah meets with a financial planner, telling the guy he doesn’t care what happens to his portfolio. Then he eats macaroni and cheese out of a pan and makes out with Valerie. (Noah, not the financial planner.)
Brandon cooks dinner for Kelly, which is his idea of injecting some excitement into their relationship. But somehow, it turns Kelly on, and they end up making out on the dinner table. (All that perfectly good food going to waste. Tsk tsk.) Donna tries to find Mrs. Garibaldi a psychic while David pretends that his only problem is finding a new headlining act for the After Dark.
Kelly and Brandon never cleaned up after the previous night’s interrupted dinner, and they don’t bother to lie to Steve about having sex on the dining room table. While Valerie takes a phone call from Cooper, Kelly invites Noah to the Harvest Ball; this is the first he’s hearing about it. Val says she didn’t bother mentioning it because she knew Noah wouldn’t want to go, and she’s only attending because a client gave her a ticket as a tip.
David tries to get a loan, but the bank rejects him because he doesn’t have financial stability or enough assets to qualify. He asks about using his car as collateral, but even that won’t sway the loan officer. Steve gets a visit from a woman who wants to advertise her witchy abilities in the Beverly Beat. She comes on to him, but Steve turns her down, because he’s maturing, finally. Brandon teases that Carly has gotten into Steve’s head.
Carly goes to the beach apartment to borrow clothes from Donna for the Harvest Ball. We learn that Carly spent a year at the University Montana, but found it too hard to continue because Zach was only one. Someday she’d like to have a stable office job, but she’s not sure what it’ll be. Kelly calls Brandon at work so they can flirt with each other, then comes over for in-person flirting while Donna uses the paper’s Internet connection to look for a psychic. Steve puts her in contact with the witch.
The witch isn’t exactly psychic, and instead keeps pretending to be the late Mr. Garibaldi to send Donna on multiple wild-goose chases. Donna uses good, old-fashioned deduction to get Mrs. Garibaldi to remember where the bracelet is. Then she realizes that Mr. Garibaldi wasn’t the famous fashion designer, but a completely different Garibaldi. She’s been trying to work for the wife of a dry-cleaner.
Before they head to the ball, Carly and Steve take Zach to Carly’s mom’s house, in case Steve and Carly, um, “stay out late.” Valerie gets ready for the ball on Noah’s boat, trying to get him to promise that he’s in the relationship for the long term. Donna spends her payment from Mrs. Garibaldi on cuff links for David, which he thinks was a stupid move. He tells her he has something to take care of and will meet her at the ball.
Kelly and Brandon can’t keep their hands to themselves in the elevator on their way to the ball. In fact, they like the setting so much that they decide to take another ride before going to the party. Back at the beach apartment, David stops cringing at his eviction notice long enough to help himself to a check from Donna’s checkbook. He tells the landlord that he and Donna have a joint account, and she believes him but warns him not to be late with his rent again.
At the ball, Brandon, Kelly, Steve, and Carly are surprised to see Valerie with Cooper. Noah shows up, having gotten a ticket from his financial planner, and tells Donna he’s going to surprise Val. Carly calls her mom, learns that Zach’s sick, and decides to leave. Steve invites himself along, not caring how much money he spent on the tickets.
Valerie’s shocked to see Noah, and is unable to keep him and Cooper away from each other. Noah immediately figures out that Valerie’s been dating someone else. It doesn’t take Cooper long to realize the same thing, and since he’s not willing to take second place to someone else, he tells Valerie they’re through. So Val started the day with two boyfriends and is ending it with none.
Steve goes home with Carly, assuring her that he doesn’t mind skipping the ball if it means they get to spend time together. He understands that she has priorities, and he loves her for loving Zach. After the ball, Brandon and Kelly head home for more of the same thing they’ve been doing the whole episode.
Donna finds David at the beach apartment and blasts him for skipping the ball. She’s frustrated that their schedules are so different and they never get to spend time together. She wishes he would make her more of a priority – assuming he still considers her one. David will get back to her once he’s done brooding and drinking.
Thoughts: Someday I hope to be rich enough to hire psychics to contact dead people to find things for me so I don’t have to waste time looking for them myself.
We get it! Noah is the new Dylan! Can we please move on?
How is Steve not disturbed about Kelly and Brandon having sex on furniture everyone in the house uses? And why would they tell him that’s what happened? Always lie about where you’ve had sex! Always!
September 7, 2014
BH90210 8.7, Pride and Prejudice: Valerie’s the One Who Should Be Censored
That guy photobombing in the back is as excited for this slap as I am
Summary: David and Steve are driving to the After Dark, discussing Devin’s band, Cain Was Able. Steve hopes the ad he put in the Beverly Beat for the band’s upcoming concert will bring in a lot of people. The band’s demo has impressed a guy named Ari at a record label, and he calls David to set up a meeting. Brandon doesn’t like that Kelly’s job will be taking her to South Central L.A. today, especially since the shooter is still at large. Kelly tells him they both need to get on with their lives.
There are a bunch of people at the After Dark, waiting to get tickets for Cain Was Able’s concert, but they won’t be very happy if David can’t work out his financial problems and complete transactions with his vendors. Donna winds up paying for one of his deliveries since he can’t find his checkbook. She then goes to the Peach Pit to meet with a client who doesn’t show up. She tells Carly that she thought things were going well in her partnership with Valerie, but now they have no more clients.
David’s also at the Peach Pit, meeting with Ari, who wants to sign Cain Was Able. David wants to delay making a decision since some other labels are interested. Ari tears up the contract, then says that he just wanted to see if David was a player or not. He is, so Ari will draw up another contract and come back for the concert. David’s thrilled because now he’ll have labels fighting each other for Cain Was Able.
Cooper flirts with Valerie while she’s supposed to be picking out clothes for him. He asks her to host a dinner that weekend for potential investors. Val denies that he can hire her for every job he has, but he figures that he’s already charmed her enough to get her to do whatever he wants. Also, he got her a couture gown, and she can’t say no to that.
Steve goes by Carly’s house with a present for Zach; he’s still trying to make up for the missed trip to Magic Mountain. Carly slams him for trying to use Zach to get to her. She doesn’t want Zach to get hurt when Steve inevitably decides he’d rather date someone else. Kelly and Brandon start getting it on in their bedroom, but he gets distracted by thoughts of the shooting. Kelly would really like to stop talking about that already.
Valerie invites Steve and Carly to Cooper’s party, though he thinks that’s too big a deal for them when they’ve never actually had a date. Val changes his mind by pointing out that a single mom would probably love a night out. Brandon and Kelly try to plan their own date, since they definitely weren’t in the mood for anything the night before. A detective calls to talk to Brandon, and Kelly pushes him to get off the phone.
Donna breaks the news to Valerie that they’ve lost all their clients. Val’s like, “That is brand-new information! I have no idea what happened to all of them!” She asks Donna to help out at Cooper’s party, as Cooper’s their only remaining client. David tells Cain Was Able that they were offered a contract but he turned it down in hopes of sparking a bidding war. “You people know how to squeeze a wallet,” Devin remarks. David finally realizes that, hey, maybe Donna was right about the band being anti-Semitic.
Carly comes home to find her house clean and a rose on her pillow. Her mother tells her that Steve cleaned the whole place, then spent some time with Zach. He also left her a note asking to get to know her better. At the movies, Brandon and Kelly spot Valerie and Noah, and while Kelly’s distracted, a guy bumps into her and knocks her down. Brandon has a flashback to the shooting, when Kelly was knocked into his arms, and goes off on the guy. Someone needs therapy!
Noah checks on Kelly the next morning (after spending the night with Valerie), then tells Donna about Valerie’s plans for the day, not realizing that he’s outing her for stealing Donna’s clients. Donna asks Noah to fill in for her at Cooper’s party. At a salon, Valerie confides in her hairstylist that she’s dating two guys and can’t decide between them. Carly’s also there and overhears her.
Noah visits Brandon at the Beverly Beat to express his concern over Brandon’s behavior. Brandon tells him to take off his cape and stop trying to be a hero. (Pot, meet kettle.) Noah cautions that Kelly’s more afraid of Brandon than anyone else. The detective calls to tell Brandon that they got the shooter, who’s at a hospital.
David goes over Cain Was Able’s set list with Ari, who wants them to play some new songs. Donna notes that their lyrics are extremely racist (in fact, they wouldn’t be out of place at a KKK rally). Ari doesn’t care – they’ll sell CDs. He doesn’t like the idea of censoring artists. Donna’s like, “Have fun spending the money you make from white-supremacist hate-mongers, then.”
That night brings two special occasions: Cooper’s party and the Cain Was Able concert. Val’s shocked to see Noah at the party and tries to keep him away from Cooper. But one of Cooper’s guests mentions that Valerie’s there as Cooper’s date, which Steve and Carly overhear. Noah accidentally spills food on one of Cooper’s relatives, so Valerie takes advantage of the mess-up to encourage him to go to the concert instead.
Brandon arrives at the hospital to find the shooter already dead (having, ironically, also been shot). He’s also not the guy Brandon thought was the shooter – he ID’d the driver. Brandon tells the shooter’s body that he got what he deserved. Over at the After Dark, things are looking good, though Donna’s upset that David’s going to let the band perform. David points out that the guys hate everyone, not just Jews and minorities. Donna urges him to take a stand. After all, his grandfather was a Holocaust survivor.
Valerie and Noah arrive, and Val slams Donna for skipping out on the party. Donna confronts her for stealing all her clients. She asks Val how she lives with herself. Valerie wonders how Donna lives with herself since she doesn’t have anyone to share her bed. She mocks that she’s slept with David, too, and Donna slaps her.
The crowd chants for Cain Was Able, but David’s torn about letting them perform. Ari tells him that he’s not in college; there’s no lesson plan to follow. If he screws this up, he might not get another chance. David tells Devin that the band isn’t going to be performing tonight. He gets onstage to tell the audience the same thing, but Devin riles up the crowd and takes over, complaining about being censored. David manages to regain control, with help from Noah and some punching.
Steve takes Carly home, and she lets him kiss her but won’t invite him in, since Zach is there. She does let him know she wants them to get to know each other better. As Steve leaves, he sees that Zach stayed up to see him come home, and he looks very happy. Brandon tell Kelly that he saw the shooter, and he’s sorry for…something. Eh, who cares?
At the After Dark, David tells Donna about how an SS officer took a book from his grandfather and destroyed it in front of him. David knows he can’t censor people’s thoughts, but Donna was right about how he should take a stand. He got mad that, before the Holocaust, his grandfather’s parents kept saying that things would blow over. David feels like he owes his family something after they lost their lives to anti-Semitism. Donna assures him that he’ll still have a career.
Thoughts: Nothing’s sexier than, “Hey, remember that time you got shot?” Way to go, Brandon.
Who’s paying Carly’s rent? Her place is huge, and she’s a waitress.
When did STEVE SANDERS become the most romantic guy on this show?
Rock on, Donna Martin. That was the perfect way to get back at Valerie.
'90s Flashback 