July 20, 2014
BH90210 7.32, Graduation Day, Part 2: CU Later
After all that build-up…
Summary: It’s graduation time! Brandon’s late, having run off to save Valerie. Clare’s graduating summa cum laude, and is also 45 minutes away from being out of our lives forever. Donna wants to get David on board with not staying out too late that night (since she plans to have sex with him). Clare warns Steve not to do anything that will embarrass her father, and Steve’s like, “Why are you still here?” The Walshes may be missing, but all Taylors and Martins are in attendance.
Brandon goes to the Shangri-La and learns that Valerie has already checked out (possibly in more than one sense of the phrase). Meanwhile, the graduation ceremony starts, and Kelly blames Valerie for Brandon’s absence. Valerie’s still standing on a bluff, so Brandon gets to be her white knight. He talks her out of jumping and promises to deal with the Kelly situation after graduation.
They arrive at the ceremony as Chancellor Arnold is quoting Robert Frost and telling the graduates to take risks. Brandon gets a symbolic diploma for being awesome, though if he’s graduating, why is his diploma symbolic? The graduates turn their tassels, everyone applauds, and Steve sets off the confetti cannons.
Despite being asked by Valerie not to say anything, Brandon tells Kelly what happened when they get home. She thinks Val faked being suicidal to get attention. Brandon can’t be sure, so he’s decided to let Valerie stay in the house. Downstairs, Steve and Valerie discuss Clare, who plans to spend the evening with her father since he’s heading to Paris the next day. Steve admits that he thinks Clare believes the chancellor’s leaving the country because Samantha dumped him.
Over at the beach apartment, Clare tells Donna that she’s having trouble with all the changes in her life. Donna promises that Chancellor Arnold and Steve will love her no matter what happens. David’s tired and wants to skip the party Bill’s throwing, but Donna talks him into going. Clare also wants to stay home, telling Steve that she’s also going to Paris, so her dad doesn’t have to be alone. Steve interprets this as, “I’m going so I don’t have to be with you anymore.”
David is nice to Valerie, telling her he was worried about her earlier. Clare chases after Steve to tell him that her father needs her more than Steve does. Steve reminds her that her father is her past; he’s supposed to be her future. Clare invites him to come to Paris, too, but Steve knows he belongs in Beverly Hills. He also knows he won’t handle a long-distance relationship well, so they’ll need to break up. YES! FINALLY! Ahem. I mean, so sad. I really wish those two had been able to make it work.
Everyone else dresses up in ’20s clothes and goes to Bill’s party. David plans to talk to the Cardigans’ manager after the party, which means Donna has to delay sex. Ryan and Austin try to talk their way into the party, getting an assist from Joy. David and Brandon talk about Valerie, agreeing not to let others in on what happened. Brandon laments that his good deed has gotten him in trouble.
Kelly tries to calm Donna’s sex-related nerves, then acts like a killjoy when Bill tries to get her to be enthusiastic about the party in front of everyone. The Cardigans perform “Love Fool” (of course – no one knows any of their other songs). Steve drowns his sorrows, telling Brandon that if he thought there was any chance he could convince Clare to stay, he’d be off trying to convince her. Later, Valerie joins Steve at the bar.
David wants to leave the party early, saying again that he’s sorry; apparently he’s not meeting with the Cardigans’ manager after all. Donna’s on the verge of losing her nerve about sex, but when David assures her that he loves her, she knows she’s making the right choice. Brandon encourages Kelly to spend some time with Bill while he’s in town, so she goes to talk to him. He tells her he wants to be back in her life. She still doesn’t trust him and won’t be won over with just a party.
Kelly storms out and tells Brandon that some things can’t be fixed. She’s mad that he’s been on Bill’s side so much. Brandon says that if she’s that mad, she shouldn’t move in with him. Well, I guess that solves that problem! While Donna and David head home for sex (though he doesn’t know that’s what she has planned), Austin hits on Joy. Ryan gets him to leave by telling him Steve has another girl picked out for him.
Kelly wants to leave, but passive-aggressively tells Brandon she doesn’t know where to go, since Donna’s reserved the beach apartment for sex. Brandon doesn’t give in, so Kelly apologizes for being a jerk. He tells her to let her father love her. Austin goes looking for Steve, who hasn’t picked out a girl for his brother – he’s picked out Valerie for himself, and they’re secretly having sex in some room.
Donna tries to get David to leave her alone for a little while so she can get herself all prettied up. Back at the party, Joy and Bill say goodbye to each other. Kelly makes up with her father, but they don’t have much time to celebrate: Bill has to leave with some federal marshals. Tomorrow, he’s going to jail for fraud and embezzlement. So…that’s probably not going to be good for their relationship.
Kelly must be in a benevolent mood, because she’s willing to let Valerie stay at the house. She’ll probably change her mind the next day. At the beach apartment, David falls asleep, then has to go hunting for Donna. He’s surprised enough to see her in lingerie, with candles everywhere, that he thinks that’s his only surprise. She tells him there’s much more, and she’s very sure that this is the right time. She’s ready for the next chapter in her life. David waited, so now David gets lucky. (And don’t worry, there’s a condom.)
Thoughts: I love that me reward for finishing season 7 is no more Clare.
I’ve linked to this before, but it needs repeating: Vulture’s oral history of this episode.
Chancellor Arnold is Mr. World Traveller, Mr. International, yet he quotes Robert Frost. Thanks for the clichés!
Also, shortest ceremony ever. They didn’t even read people’s names.
I’m impressed that Steve wore a suit under his gown and not, like, swim trunks and a cowboy shirt.
Brandon: “What are you pointing at?” Muntz (dressed as Babe Ruth): “The bar. I promised I’d drink a bottle of scotch for some sick little kid.” Heh.
Also heh to Brandon, dressed as a ’20s gangster, carrying a glass and Johnnie Walker in a violin case.
Continuity alert! David thinks Donna got a pet, and he says he doesn’t want to have to deal with “a dog or some damn bird.” Speaking of which, whatever happened to the dog and the bird?
July 13, 2014
BH90210 7.31, Graduation Day, Part 1: Val Shall Not Be Moved
One big happy…something
Summary: Valerie has just told Brandon how Derrick took all her money. She swears that she didn’t invest with Bill just to mess with Kelly – not that it matters anyway, since Val’s the one who lost in the end. She’s eager for Jim and Cindy to come for the kids’ graduation so she can talk to some real adults about her problems. Unfortunately, they’re not coming. But Val’s mom is, so that’s…something. Kelly thinks Brandon has spent the past few minutes kicking Valerie out, but she’s wrong. Valerie hears her yelling at Brandon to get rid of her so Kelly can move in.
The college kids aren’t the only ones graduating this weekend – Erin’s graduating from kindergarten. (She’s still super-cute, by the way.) Jackie, Mel, Kelly, David, and Donna are all there for the ceremony. Kelly’s happy that David and Donna are so happy. The college kids were all invited to some big party where the Cardigans are playing; the party host is unknown, but David thinks it’s Rush. Jackie assures Kelly that Bill and Joy will be at her graduation.
Donna picks up her grandmother from the airport, sharing that she and David plan to move in together. Mrs. Martin laughs because Felice is going to flip out. She knows that Donna and David will know when the time is right for them to…you know. Valerie’s mother isn’t coming to graduation after all, and Val decides to tell her off. Brandon’s like, “I guess this isn’t a good time to make you move out, huh?” Val lays it on thick, thanking him for being such a great guy and always supporting her.
At the Peach Pit, Steve invites David to help him plan a major senior prank. He and Muntz want to set off confetti cannons, and they need a hand with the electronics side of things. Inside, Valerie packs up her office, getting no sympathy from David about her money problems or living situation. She asks him to talk to Kelly about letting her stay in the house. David tells her to solve her own problems.
Despite Kelly’s skepticism, Bill does arrive for the weekend, bringing Joy along. Kelly’s pleasant to one of them but not the other. Guess which! Go on, guess! Donna tells Kelly that she’s considering having sex with David; she wants to surprise him on graduation night. Kelly says that if she feels the time is right, then it’s right.
The honors grads, led by Brandon, give Chancellor Arnold a going-away present before he leaves for Paris. Steve crashes the end of the honors-grad luncheon, Chancellor Arnold asks about Samantha, Clare gets mad that Steve’s talking about her, and I roll my eyes so hard they pop out of my head. Steve confides in Brandon that he feels like Clare blames him for her father leaving. That makes no sense, but that’s Clare for you.
Brandon and Steve reminisce about various college experiences, then talk about the senior prank. Brandon is actually sad that Steve hasn’t asked for his help. At the Peach Pit, Valerie whines to Nat about Kelly, but Nat thinks she needs to suck it up and move on. Kelly herself shows up, and Valerie tries to convince her that Brandon said she could stay in the house. She threatens to call Jim and Cindy and fill them in – after all, they invited her to live in the house. Val refuses to move.
Donna goes shopping with Clare to find a going-away present for Chancellor Arnold, but Donna gets distracted at a lingerie store. Kelly and Joy are also at the mall, looking for something to wear to the big graduation party. Joy reveals that Bill is the person behind the party, and it’s all for Kelly. They run into Ryan and Austin (ugh), and Ryan instantly develops a crush on Joy. Joy thinks he’s cute. Kelly, quick, get her out of there.
Nat’s hosting a pre-grad party, and as Valerie and Steve get ready, Val tries to get him on her side about staying in the house. She asks him to appeal to Brandon on her behalf. At the beach apartment, Donna tries to hide all her lingerie and condoms from David. He wants her opinion on whether he’s an idiot for helping Steve and Muntz with the prank. He wanted to make sure he wasn’t completely missing out on something school-related, since he never joined a frat or went to a pep rally or anything like that. Donna seems to think it’s cute.
Just before they leave for the pre-grad party, Brandon finally tells Valerie that she needs to move out. Val whines that no one’s looking out for her. She threatens again to tattle to Jim and Cindy, but Brandon already did, and they told him he could make the final call. Valerie begs to be allowed to stay through the summer, but Brandon won’t budge.
The gang and their families have their get-together at the Peach Pit, though Valerie leaves early to go mope alone. Rush thanks Brandon for being so awesome and letting some of that awesomeness rub off on Steve. He wonders why he hasn’t heard anything about a senior prank yet. Steve and David are all, “Oh, I guess no one cares enough about the school to do anything.” They plan to slip out in a little while to meet up with Muntz.
Kelly’s in a great mood now, since Valerie’s leaving the Walshes’. Meanwhile, Val leaves a note on Brandon’s pillow. That night, Steve, David, and Muntz sneak around campus to set up the confetti cannons. They’re hilariously excited about the whole thing. Kelly, Donna, and Clare spend what might be their last night together at the beach apartment. They definitely won’t all be there the next night – Donna wants the apartment to herself so she and David can do it. Clare and Kelly secretly agree that she won’t go through with it.
Valerie checks into the Shangri-La Hotel, saying she’ll be gone the next day. At the house, Brandon finds her note, which says that she won’t be at graduation. She’ll be having her “own private ceremony,” doing something she should have done when she was with David a year ago. Brandon tries to call David to figure out what Val means, but he has to leave a message. Valerie tries to call her mother as she stands on the bluff where she and David discussed suicide. “I’m going to take care of everything tomorrow,” Valerie promises.
The next morning, David finally calls Brandon back, confirming Brandon’s suspicions that Valerie has talked about killing herself. David remembers that she used to stay at the Shangri-La across the street from the bluffs. The guys lament how hard they’ve been on her recently. Kelly arrives to meet up with Brandon before graduation, but he runs off to find Valerie. And for some reason, the episode ends here.
Thoughts: Jim and Cindy are skipping Brandon’s graduation? I thought they were good parents.
How weird would it be to graduate college while your little sister is just finishing kindergarten?
Do college students do senior pranks? I thought that was just a high school thing.
“We’ll be adults soon enough.” I’ve got news for you, Steve: You’re already an adult. You’ve been an adult for four years. Scary, right?
Part of me feels bad for Valerie, because she has no money so how is she supposed to find a place to live? But the rest of me remembers that she was gullible enough to fall for Derrick’s act, and burned her bridges with everyone she’s ever met, and manipulated David into buying her out, which is why she has no job. And then I remember that she’s fictional, so whatever.
July 6, 2014
BH90210 7.30, Senior Week: The Uncertainty Principle
If you can’t trust this face with your life savings, who can you trust?
Summary: Valerie learns from Clare that Bill is in town, and that he and Kelly are apparently getting along better than usual. At the beach apartment, Kelly gives Brandon the news that she’s not pregnant after all; her period was just late. He’s a little sad that she’s so happy. (Well, she was going to have an abortion anyway, and that probably would have made her sad, so isn’t it better that she’s happy but has the same outcome?)
Brandon’s getting an Outstanding Student Award (of course he is), and the award ceremony includes a roast. First, though, Steve has to meet with Rush about his plans for the future. He thinks his father’s going to make him a junior partner. Clare learns from her father’s secretary that Chancellor Arnold is going to leave CU for the Sorbonne in Paris. Nice of him to tell her, huh?
David’s pleased that his relationship and professional lives are both going so well, and he’d like to add something else positive to his life by living with Donna. Donna’s annoyed that he’s trying to have this discussion just before she takes her exam in Professor Langely’s class. Valerie goes to see Derrick, who tries to cover his surprise at the news that Bill’s in town. He’s also impatient that Valerie and David’s After Dark deal hasn’t been complete yet, so she can’t give him money until that night.
Steve meets with Rush at the Peach Pit and is disheartened to find out that they’re not there to discuss business – Rush just wants him to ask Chancellor Arnold about some alumni award. He then gives Steve books about Bill Gates and Lee Iacocca so Steve can learn how to become a self-made man. In other words, he’s not getting a job at his father’s company. Donna tries to take her dreaded final, but the pressure makes her have some sort of psychotic episode, and she walks out.
Kelly goes to the doctor and learns that she was, in fact, pregnant – she had a miscarriage. Also, she might have problems with getting pregnant or carrying a baby. Steve and Clare share their father-related news with each other, though Clare’s now has a new wrinkle: Chancellor Arnold wants her to move to Paris with him. Steve figures she’ll go, since she always chooses her father over him.
Donna arrives and tells David that she didn’t take the final. He wonders if she sabotaged herself so she can’t graduate and doesn’t have to make any major life decisions right now, like whether or not to live with him. Yes, David, this is all about you. Valerie and Derrick meet for dinner, sans Bill, who was supposed to join them. Val says she’s not investing in Bill’s company without talking to him. Derrick thinks that’s ridiculous, since Bill’s so busy and important and stuff. Valerie admits she only wants to invest with Bill to make Kelly mad. Then she gives Derrick a check.
Steve starts the roast, teasing that Brandon is only awesome because everyone else around him is a screw-up (like Steve). Brandon turns the roast around on him, but his so-called jokes strike a nerve with Steve. When Steve complains, Brandon tells him to stop feeling sorry for himself. What a nice friend! I wish I had a friend like Brandon! Then Steve falls in a fountain. Womp womp.
Kelly arrives late and tells Brandon that she miscarried. He reminds her that she didn’t want a baby right now anyway. Now he can look forward to the family they’ll have in the future. She tells him that won’t happen: She probably can’t have children. Clare tries to cheer Steve up, but he’s mad at her for possibly going to Paris. She points out that they’re all under the pressure of having to move on with their lives while wanting to stay where they are.
Donna goes to Professor Langely’s office to beg for another chance on the final. Langely isn’t sympathetic. Bill calls Valerie, who pretends she and Kelly are close friends; in fact, Kelly encouraged Val to invest in Bill’s company in the first place. Bill agrees to meet with Valerie before he has dinner with Kelly, and the three of them can eat together.
At the beach apartment, Kelly is cold to Brandon, not wanting to discuss her medical news. She reveals that she has endometriosis, which will make it harder for her to get pregnant, and which might have caused her miscarriage. Brandon wants to be optimistic about her odds of having children. Kelly, however, is focused on the lost baby and how her condition could change things for them. She doesn’t know how Brandon could be happy with someone who can’t give him children.
Donna tells David that he was right about her being scared to move on. She’s especially afraid that their relationship won’t hold. David promises that it will. Donna managed to convince Langely to give her another shot at the final, so David offers to help her study. Valerie meets with Bill, telling him how awesome Derrick has said he is. Bill’s surprised that she knows Derrick, but Kelly arrives before he can ask more questions. Kelly storms off, and Val gets to be smug.
Rush goes by the Walshes’ to brag to Steve that he got the alumni award he wanted. Steve blasts his father for cutting him off and not giving him a job. Rush is like, “I paid your tuition. How is that not good enough?” He is who he is because he went to CU, and he knows Steve will be fine, too. Steve then goes downstairs to yell at Brandon for having an awesome life, as if Brandon didn’t have to work to get what he has. His only safety net is his friends; if he fails, no one can catch him.
Donna gets to take an oral final, which means Langely gets to ask her a trick question, saying she wanted to see how Donna would handle uncertainty. Donna asks why Langely is so mean to her. Langely says she’s tough on people who will have to survive in a tough profession – and she’s toughest on Donna because she has so much potential. She just needs confidence.
Steve asks Clare straight out if she’s going to Paris, and she says she’s not. She admits that she might have gone if Steve hadn’t been so crazy about the situation. Steve has decided to try planning ahead for once, now that he can’t live in the moment anymore. Donna does well on her final, and Langely encourages her to start believing in herself.
Brandon goes to the beach apartment, where Kelly tells him that Valerie and Bill had dinner. She claims not to care why they were together; she just hates them both equally. She’s grateful that Brandon has always been with her through difficult times. Valerie meets with Bill again, learning that Bill fired him three months ago for taking clients’ money and running off. Guess what? Valerie gave him $100,000 and is now flat broke. Oops!
Thoughts: I hate, hate, HATE when TV shows write plotlines where women can’t have children. It’s such a soap thing, and it’s so overdone. Not to mention that soaps almost always end up finding some out-there medical solution that cures the woman’s infertility and renders the whole storyline moot.
A final worth 75 percent of the grade? Langely IS evil.
That wasn’t a roast! A roast is an hour of people trashing Brandon! What do I have to do to get that?
So…David’s the only one with a post-college job? That’s crazy. I can’t believe Brandon hasn’t had 17 offers.
I’m also surprised Valerie didn’t try to seduce Bill. But then she wouldn’t have lost all her money.
June 29, 2014
BH90210 7.29, Mother’s Day: Ew, Now We Have to Think About Brandon’s Sex Life
Look how little interest he has in her. It’s hilarious
Summary: Donna studies at the beach apartment while Kelly worries over her late period. Donna thinks she should relax – after all, she and Brandon always use condoms, right? No, amazingly, St. Brandon doesn’t always have protected sex. At the Walshes’, Steve puts together a present for his mom for Mother’s Day, knowing that she’s never liked anything he’s given her. Brandon says Cindy’s always liked his. Shut up, Brandon. Steve complains that his mother, like Clare, thinks he always does the wrong thing. Brandon thinks maybe Steve and Clare should break up. Okay, you can keep talking.
Valerie meets with Derrick at the Peach Pit to discuss her finances. She needs to have more money in order to invest with Bill, which might mean selling the After Dark. Derrick suggests that she have David buy her out. David, meanwhile, urges Donna to take a study break, but she’s too focused on passing her final in evil Professor Langely’s class. He thinks she and Kelly should come see Monica perform at the After Dark. First, though, Kelly needs to take a pregnancy test.
Clare comes to the Walshes’ house to see Steve, and she’s not in a good mood. Steve and I both know that’s not going to be fun. Kelly calls Brandon and asks him to come over. She wants him there while she takes the test. Kelly tells Donna she’s lucky that she’ll never have to worry about a pregnancy scare, since she’ll be married by the time she has sex, and a baby will be planned. Donna admits that she feels awkward being a virgin, like she’s just following rules.
Clare’s blue because Mother’s Day is the next day, and she misses her mom. Steve suggests that they go for a drive to distract her, but she thinks he’s being stupid and selfish. DUMP HER, STEVE. He tries to get her to talk about the problems in their relationship, which maybe isn’t the best topic of conversation right now. Clare tries to storm out dramatically, but Steve makes her stay, telling her to let him help her for once. At the After Dark, Valerie butters David up to make him think he’d be able to run the place on his own.
Brandon finally makes it to the beach apartment, where Kelly has just taken the pregnancy test. It’s positive. He’s just relieved that she’s not sick or hurt. He’s surprisingly calm about the whole thing, telling her they’ll see a doctor on Monday to confirm the pregnancy. Kelly wants to talk about it, but Brandon thinks they should just wait until Monday and worry about it then.
Donna’s so grateful she’s not the one worrying about a pregnancy that she heads off to thank David for being so patient about waiting to have sex. He tells her he gets why she wants to wait. Professor Langely finds them and criticizes Donna for spending time with her boyfriend instead of studying. Except…she still has a week to study, so back off, evil woman. Donna doesn’t listen to me, so David’s blocked again.
Kelly and Brandon go for a walk on the beach, talking awkwardly about their options. Kelly points out that they’re supposed to be having fun and enjoying being young. Brandon, however, is willing to settle down and start a family. Kelly admits that she’s considering having an abortion. Would he still want to be with her?
Back at the After Dark, Valerie suddenly wants to know why she and David didn’t work out. She makes a move on him, but David’s loyal to Donna and doesn’t appreciate Valerie taunting him about not having sex. After he leaves, Valerie calls Derrick to celebrate her plan: Now that David’s mad, he’ll want to buy her out. Oooh, pretty sneaky, Val.
Steve and Clare go on their distract-Clare-from-Mother’s-Day drive, and he suggests that she spend the day with her father, since he understands how she feels. Clare says her dad put all of her mom’s pictures away and doesn’t want to talk about her. Steve thinks he needs to move on from her; part of that idea comes from Samantha. Clare insults Samantha, and Steve announces that he’s done fighting with her. If they’re going to stay together, they need to figure something out.
Everyone, including Jackie, heads to the After Dark for Monica’s concert. There’s singing, so I get to hit fast-forward. Derrick comes by to see Valerie, but she won’t let him in, in case Kelly sees him. Kelly tells Jackie she’s pregnant, asking if she thinks about how things could be different if one of her previous pregnancies hadn’t ended in abortion. Jackie can’t believe Kelly let herself get knocked up. Kelly’s like, “You got knocked up twice when you weren’t married, so whatever.” Jackie promises to be supportive no matter what.
Clare decides to go mope somewhere else, which Steve should be happy about. Valerie finally talks to Derrick, lying that Kelly isn’t there. As they pass Kelly, Valerie calls her “Shelly.” Kelly thinks it’s weird, but it’s not the weirdest thing Val’s ever done, so she lets it go. Brandon asks her what Jackie thinks they should do, but Kelly says it’s up to the two of them. Brandon corrects that it’s actually up to her.
David tells Donna about his earlier encounter with Valerie; he wants advice on what to do, but Donna’s mad. She tells him she can’t stop him from sleeping with someone else. However, she knows they can’t work together anymore. Donna announces that this could really ruin their relationship. David goes straight to the Walshes’ house to yell at Valerie for being a jerk, then tells her they need to sell the club. She suggests that she sell her portion to him.
The next morning (Mother’s Day), Steve goes to the beach apartment and tells Clare that he saw her father earlier. He showed Steve some of Clare’s childhood pictures and admitted that he looks at her mother’s picture every night. Steve has realized that Chancellor Arnold is over his wife – it’s Clare who needs to move on. She should let her mother back into her life so she can heal.
The Taylor and Martin women plan to meet for brunch, but David also shows up, wanting to tell Donna that Valerie’s selling her portion of the club to him. He plans to get some money from Mel, and maybe ask Felice for some. (He’s joking, right? He has to be joking.) Felice does seem a little more okay with their relationship, though. Meanwhile, Valerie and Derrick make plans for her money from the club sale.
Kelly and Brandon spend the night together before her doctor’s appointment, and he repeats that he’ll support whatever decision she makes. She tells him she doesn’t want to make the decision alone – it’s her body, but it’s their baby. Brandon finally admits that he’s not sure he’s ready for fatherhood at 22, but he doesn’t want to look back in 20 years and regret not having a baby with Kelly. Kelly reminds him that they can have more kids when they’re older. Brandon realizes that she’s going to have an abortion.
Thoughts: I hit the baby trifecta with this episode, Daphne’s pregnancy, and Billie’s pregnancy all in a row.
Kelly’s not on the pill? I find that hard to believe.
CU sells pregnancy tests on campus. Is that normal? I went to a Christian school, so I would have no idea.
Nothing against Monica, but man, she’s a boring performer.
I appreciate Brandon being so supportive of Kelly, but…have an emotion, dude! It’s your baby!
Donna says that she’s been worried about Valerie pursuing David again, but why? She’s shown no interest since they broke up.
June 22, 2014
BH90210 7.28, All That Jazz: Let the Good Times Roll…Then Fizzle Out and Die
Five seconds later: “Never mind!”
Summary: Donna’s just finished her final project for her hated fashion class, and David wants to take her to a club to celebrate. The club just happens to be in New Orleans. Donna has to be back the next day to present her project, and David promises that she will be. He’s going to New Orleans to chat with singer Monica’s people before she comes to perform at the After Dark, and he wants to share the trip with Donna. After she says yes, David packs some condoms.
Kelly’s in Brandon’s bed, but there’s nothing sexy going on over there – she’s sick. Brandon thinks she has the Hawaiian flu. She wants to go home, but he wants her to stay so he can tend to her. Steve reminds Brandon that his mom is coming to town for some TV institute’s tribute to her former sitcom. He considers staying at the KEG house so he doesn’t catch what Kelly has. Valerie happens to have the same illness, and she blames Kelly for giving it to her.
Donna’s hated professor isn’t happy with the quality of projects her students have presented so far, and she warns Donna not to slack. This makes Donna worry that she hasn’t put in enough work, since Professor Langley is especially tough on her. David’s like, “Yeah, yeah, that’s rough – let’s get on the plane already.” Steve and Clare prepare to spend time with their parents again; Clare says her father’s very excited to see Samantha. Steve realizes that Samantha hasn’t talked about Chancellor Arnold in a while.
Brandon tends to his patients, who aren’t very sympathetic. The girls are all, “I hope you don’t die. No, seriously.” Steve and Clare find themselves alone at the beach apartment, since one roommate is in New Orleans and the other is at the Walshes’. Clare thinks David and Donna’s trip is romantic and asks Steve why they never do anything like that. He replies that they don’t need to since they have sex.
Chancellor Arnold arrives and reports that Samantha left for the tribute before he could pick her up. He admits to Clare that he read about a hot new star in a soap opera magazine and thinks Samantha might be interested in him. Clare’s more curious about his sudden interest in soap opera magazines. Chancellor Arnold continues that Samantha always seems distance when they talk on the phone. Clare tells Steve that she doesn’t like how his mom is treating her father.
In New Orleans, David reveals that he and Donna will be sharing a bed. She’s totally fine with it. Kelly and Valerie fight as Brandon leaves for the tribute. While Donna and David do typical New Orleans stuff, Samantha speaks at the tribute. Steve tells Brandon that Clare’s giving him a hard time about Samantha’s treatment of Chancellor Arnold, which Brandon points out isn’t Steve’s problem. Steve notes that it could be the chancellor’s fault.
Samantha ditches Chancellor Arnold in favor of networking, and when Clare complains, Steve tells her to grow up. After all, it’s an industry function. Clare can’t believe that he of all people is telling her to grow up. Valerie picks a fight with Kelly, saying she hates her because Kelly kept her from hooking up with Brandon. Flashback! According to Val, Kelly came over to get back together with Brandon, who told her that he was in love with Valerie. Brandon only stopped things with Valerie because Kelly threatened to hurt herself.
Kelly tells Valerie what really happened: She told Brandon she loved him, but that she was willing to let him go so he could be happy, even if it was with Valerie. Val doesn’t believe this version of events, so Kelly tells her to ask Brandon. Chancellor Arnold mopes alone at the tribute while Samantha hangs out with other industry people. Brandon wants to stay there since it keeps him from having to play referee for Kelly and Valerie. But when Clare and Steve start bickering, Brandon changes his mind.
Samantha wants to go to another party, but Chancellor Arnold has finally realized that she doesn’t want to hang out with him, so he tells her to go without him. They bicker about how they live in different worlds and Samantha is kind of horrible and Chancellor Arnold is supposedly embarrassing her. Clare tells Steve to do something, like, shut up already, Clare.
Kelly asks Valerie what happened between her and Brandon after she left the house on the night they were talking about. He said he would call Kelly, but he never did. She imagines that Valerie convinced Brandon that Kelly was going to see Dylan, and he said he was fine with it, since it left him free to hook up with Val. Valerie confirms that Kelly’s imagination is spot-on. Kelly notes that Val said Kelly ruined her big chance with Brandon, so her story can’t be accurate.
Valerie admits that nothing happened, but she’s mad that Kelly keeps rubbing it in. After Kelly left, Val tried desperately to get Brandon into bed, but he resisted. She knows it’s because he sees her as a sister, and because he still loved Kelly. She insists that Brandon’s the love of her life. Kelly points out that she’s said that about a bunch of guys. Valerie accuses Kelly of trying to take away the only family she has left. Kelly thinks it’s weird that Valerie thinks of Brandon as family but also wants to sleep with him – “those two things don’t go together.” This strikes a nerve with Valerie.
In New Orleans, Donna babbles something about the homeowners keeping the outside of their houses looking plain while making everything inside beautiful. Whatever, she’s drunk. In Beverly Hills, Kelly’s either feeling better or just wants to have sex with Brandon because she can. Steve tries to make up with Clare, who’s still mad. He points out that he didn’t do anything. That doesn’t help. How many more episodes until Clare gets out of my life forever?
David starts things up with Donna in their hotel room, but they get no farther than usual. Donna still doesn’t think she’s ready for sex yet. She admits that she’s scared. David is as understanding as usual, though he feels like he needs to prove something to Donna to convince her to go through with it.
The next morning, the two accidentally oversleep, which means Donna might miss her class presentation. Steve tries again to make up with Clare, who still NEEDS TO SHUT UP SO BADLY I CAN’T HANDLE IT ANYMORE. He finally sort of gets her to realize that as much as she feels defensive of her father, he also feels defensive of his mother. Clare whines about not having any other family, which makes Steve wonder who he is to her.
Valerie assures Brandon that she told Kelly that the two of them never hooked up. Then she announces that Kelly applied to grad school at Columbia, so she’ll be going to New York next year. This is news to Brandon. Donna makes it to class, but she’s too late to present. Her professor has no compassion.
At the After Dark, Valerie meets Derrick Driscoll, who wants to follow up on her interest in Kelly’s father’s company. He suggests that she invest in some foreign business ventures that totally don’t sound shady at all. Brandon confronts Kelly about not mentioning Columbia, but she isn’t planning on actually going. She guesses that Valerie read about this in her journal. She can’t live under the same roof as Val, and she wants Brandon to kick her out.
Thoughts: Apparently this was originally going to be the episode where Donna and David had sex, but Aaron Spelling vetoed it on the last rewrite.
People talking about Hurricanes (the drink) in New York makes me feel itchy.
David, sweetie, it’s not about you. Donna’s celibate for Donna, not because you’re inadequate.
Valerie, you’re about to graduate from college and you’re still acting like a 12-year-old. Work on that.
Nothing against Corin Nemec (Derrick), but they probably should have cast someone who doesn’t look like a 15-year-old dressing up in his father’s suit.
June 15, 2014
BH90210 7.27, I Only Have Eyes for You: Grand Theft Auto Beverly Hills
One trip to Michael’s and Brandon could have made that himself
Summary: Brandon and Kelly wake up together in his bed, so they’re definitely back together. Down the hall, Valerie is annoyed to hear them talking. Steve, however, is happy for his friend. On campus, Donna and Clare remind Kelly that they had plans to watch a gymnastics championship together that night, but Kelly already has plans with Brandon. Donna and Clare aren’t sure they like her cancelling to be with a guy. Elsewhere, Brandon and Steve confirm their plans to go to an auto show with David the next day.
Donna complains to her friends about a hard class she’s taking. Then Clare complains again about Kelly ditching them for Brandon. Valerie reveals that she was on her high school gymnastics team and wants to see the championship Clare and Donna are watching, so Donna invites her over. Alone at the Walshes’, Kelly goes into Valerie’s room to close a window, having to stop herself from reading Val’s diary. She wonders why there are no Malone family pictures on the walls.
At the beach apartment, the girls enjoy each other’s company and show off some gymnastics moves. (Tori Spelling can do the splits!) They plan to score the routines themselves. Valerie goes into Kelly’s room to get a marker and also does some diary-snooping, only stopping when the others call her back into the room. She also pours her champagne in Kelly’s flowers.
At the Walshes’, Kelly tells Brandon she doesn’t even like gymnastics, but she does feel bad for ditching her friends. They come across a puppet show on TV and Kelly reminisces about watching The Magic Morton Hour when she was a kid. Magic Morton hosted puppet skits, introducing each by waving his magic wand. Kelly thought he could make anything happen. She asked her father to send away for a wand so she could make her parents love each other, but she never got one. Brandon promises to get one for her.
Later in the evening, now a little tipsy, the girls goof off, then invite Valerie to spend the night so she doesn’t have to find a way home. Clare and Donna realize too late that Kelly probably won’t be happy about Val sleeping in her room. Valerie finds some of Bill’s business cards, then settles in to read Kelly’s journal. In the morning, she puts the diary back where it was, pocketing one of the cards. Kelly’s like, “It’s totally better that you spent the night in my room instead of driving home drunk and dying in a bloody, fiery wreck.” She also invites everyone to dinner that night.
Apparently Joan’s cousin used to be a TV grip, so Nat calls Magic Morton on Brandon’s behalf. Brandon pretends to be a big fan of the show so he can get a meeting with Magic Morton that afternoon. Before that, he, Steve, and David head to the auto show. I take a nap. When I wake up, Steve is asking David how things are going with Donna – in other words, have they hooked up yet? No, they have not. There’s a contest going on giving the winner a chance to test-drive an electric car. Steve bribes a guy to let them take a drive without entering.
Donna, Clare, and Valerie go to an aerobics class so we can see how much the three of them have together. Meanwhile, Kelly starts work on dinner; she’s cooking everyone’s favorite dishes. The guys get a code to punch in to make the electric car start, and don’t get suspicious that the auto-show guy doesn’t want anything in return and seemingly trusts them enough to let them go out alone. Only two will fit in the car, so David stays behind while Brandon and Steve go to Magic Morton’s. Just after they leave, the auto-show guy gets fired.
The girls hang out in a sauna. I’m so bored. Donna’s like, “Why don’t you hang out with us more often, Val? Oh, right, because you and Kelly would kill each other.” Valerie says it’s fine if Kelly talks badly about her, since she also talks badly about Clare and Donna. For instance, she hates Clare’s hair and thinks Donna’s only in college to get her Mrs. degree. Clare and Donna don’t believe her, but Valerie tells them it’s all in Kelly’s diary.
Brandon and Steve get pulled over in the electric car, which was reported stolen. They get arrested for grand theft auto. David meets them at the police department and announces that the guy who “loaned” them the car has disappeared. Clare starts getting self-conscious about her hair, and Donna tells her that Valerie could have lied. Besides, roommates always do things that bug each other. Clare starts to wonder how much Kelly complains about her to other people. Realizing that Val was telling the truth, Clare goes looking for Kelly’s diary, but Kelly took it with her. The girls decide they don’t want to go to Kelly’s dinner party.
Brandon finally makes it to Magic Morton’s, but Morton’s annoyed that Brandon didn’t respect him enough to be on time. Brandon guilts him by talking about breaking promises to children, and Kelly and Bill’s relationship. It works. The dinner party’s a bust, since Valerie’s the only person to show up, and she’s late. Kelly’s immediately suspicious of what she knows about Donna and Clare’s current feelings toward her. Valerie taunts that she read Kelly’s journal and told her friends what she wrote.
The next morning, Donna and Clare feel bad about getting mad at Kelly for expressing her feelings in a journal. Kelly tells them that she writes about them because they’re so close; who else would she write about? But she’s grateful to have them in her life, even when they bug her. Donna and Clare come up with a plan to make things up to Kelly; it involves Steve, David, and food. David tells Donna that couples tend to spend a lot of time together when they first pair up. Donna admits that she feels jealous of Kelly and Brandon’s intimacy, but promises that she won’t remain a virgin forever.
Kelly goes to see Brandon, who presents her with a wand. He’s also collected the letter Bill sent Magic Morton, which Morton kept all these years, sorry the wand was never sent. Kelly reads the letter and is touched by the lengths her father went to for her. The others make an apology meal for Kelly/celebratory meal for Kelly and Brandon’s reunion. Clare is cold to Valerie for causing a rift between the girls. Val goes up to her room to mope, looks at Bill’s business card, and comes up with a revenge plan: investing with Kelly’s father.
Thoughts: Magic Morton is played by Dom DeLuise.
Brandon asks why Kelly wanted a wand: “Nudge nudge, wink wink, say no more, say no more.” Between this and the note on Tracy’s door, I’m starting to see a theme.
Clare, if your hair is the biggest complaint Kelly has about you, you should be grateful. After all, I’ve said much worse things about you.
I caught a few minutes of the new TNT show Murder in the First, and Kathleen Robertson (Clare) hasn’t aged in 17 years. Don’t worry about your hair, girl. You are fabulous.
May 25, 2014
BH90210 7.26, The Long Goodbye: Devoted to Who?
See? Pretty!
Summary: Brandon and Tracy have just gone on a date, and despite the fact that he can barely look at her, she thinks their relationship is “back on track.” Brandon decides this is the right time to break the news to her that he doesn’t want to date her anymore. He tries to blame it on the inappropriateness of dating a co-worker, like, you dated YOUR BOSS last year, Brandon; no one buys that. Amazingly, Kelly’s name doesn’t come up.
There’s a CU talent show approaching; Steve and Donna are doing a skit involving a saloon girl, a Mountie, and lip-synching. Steve thinks Clare should do something risky and make herself vulnerable. Donna tells David she’s heading to her parents’ house since her mother needs a break from taking care of Dr. Martin all the time. She wants Felice to come to the talent show and see some of her college friends.
Tracy mopes to Valerie that Brandon dumped her but she doesn’t know why – she doesn’t think Kelly is connected. Val disagrees, saying that Kelly was probably waiting to make a move. She promises to try to talk some sense into Brandon. Elsewhere, Brandon shares the news with Kelly, telling her he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about her since they kissed. Kelly admits the same. They decide to spend some time together and see where things go.
After they set up a date for the next night, Valerie approaches Brandon to blast him for dumping Tracy. Brandon points out that he’s not in love with Tracy, so he broke things off. Valerie insists that Tracy’s better for him than Kelly. He can’t know for sure that Kelly really loves him; she’ll probably end up hurting him. Brandon sees right through her, accusing her of still holding a grudge against Kelly.
Donna tries to get Felice interested in the talent show, which is only part of a Spring Fest that also includes a picnic, volleyball tournament, and dance. Felice is worried about what Dr. Martin will do now that he can’t be a surgeon. She reluctantly looks at the guest list for the Spring Fest and spots a familiar name, Warren Graham.
Clare tells Steve that she’s going to sing in the talent show, which surprises him since he didn’t know she sang. She picks out Linda Ronstadt’s “Devoted to You,” which her mom used to sing all the time. But when Clare gives it a shot, she proves to be tone-deaf. At the beach apartment, David helps Donna perfect her Mountie walk (I guess Steve’s the saloon girl, then), but she’s not very good at it. Kelly receives a telegram from Dylan asking to see her the next night while he’s in L.A. on a layover. She’s not allowed to tell anyone.
The next morning, Steve tells Brandon that Clare’s going to make a fool of herself in the show, and it’ll be his fault. Valerie bugs Brandon about Kelly, telling him that she’ll probably be late for their date since she’ll be traveling from the airport. She knows about the telegram…because it’s from her, not Dylan. She wanted to prove to Brandon that Kelly would rather be with Dylan. Brandon notes that Kelly meeting Dylan doesn’t mean anything. He’s not going to follow and spy on her.
It’s almost show time, and Kelly has skipped helping out to go to the airport. Donna spots Felice with a guy she finds familiar – clearly Warren Graham. Valerie goes to Tracy’s room and tells her that Brandon may be coming around on her. Steve tells Clare that she doesn’t have to go through with her performance just to prove something to him. She reminds him that he encouraged her to loosen up. She doesn’t think she’s in danger of making a fool of herself.
Donna sees Felice sitting with Warren and finally places him – he’s the guy her mother had an affair with way back in “Things to Do On a Rainy Day.” As the talent show starts, Kelly waits for Dylan at the airport. Of course, he doesn’t show. Brandon watches her, despite having told Valerie that he wouldn’t follow her. Back at the show, Donna thinks Felice came to see Warren and plans to cheat on Dr. Martin again.
Donna and Steve do their skit, and Steve makes a very pretty woman. Brandon goes to the Peach Pit to mope to Nat about Kelly going to see Dylan. Nat points out that Brandon would go see an old girlfriend if she sent a telegram (cough Emily cough). Brandon worries that what Dylan once told him about him and Kelly having a special connection is true. Nat wonders if he would have broken up with Tracy if Kelly weren’t in the picture.
Kelly heads to the show, ending up sitting right behind Valerie. Val tells her that Brandon isn’t there, hinting that he might know where Kelly went. Steve talks to Clare again about not performing, finally admitting that she can’t sing. She wants to go on anyway. Steve tells her to let the song come from her heart; she can sell the performance without having the talent. Clare starts off badly, and the audience isn’t very supportive. She stops for a moment, then starts over, this time performing beautifully.
Brandon leaves a message for Kelly, cancelling their date. Tracy shows up at his office and tries to seduce him. She thinks they should give the relationship a second chance. Brandon disagrees. Tracy accuses him of using her to distract himself while Kelly was dating Mark. He replies that Kelly’s probably in love with Dylan, which makes Tracy feel a little better.
After the show, Kelly heads off to meet Brandon as Donna sees that Felice and Warren are still talking. Steve praises Clare for taking the risk of singing instead of backing down. She tells him that she was supposed to sing the song in a grade-school talent show, but her mother didn’t show up, so Clare wouldn’t perform. This was the first time she got to sing the song for her mom.
David tries to convince Donna that her mother isn’t up to anything, but Donna sees Felice and Warren together again and confronts them. David notes that they don’t seem to be doing anything romantic. Felice explains that Warren is a doctor, and they’ve been talking about Dr. Martin. Now that Dr. Martin can’t practice medicine, Felice thinks he should lecture at Warren’s hospital. Then she tells Donna to listen to David more often, so I think Felice needs to be checked over by a neurologist.
At the Walshes’, Valerie confirms that Kelly fell for the telegram and Brandon saw her going to meet Dylan. Valerie’s pleased that Brandon now knows Kelly’s true feelings for her ex. But then Kelly shows up, upset that Brandon skipped a date he said he’d been waiting for. He confronts her about meeting Dylan, which sparks an argument about lying and trust and Kelly’s feelings for Dylan. She insists that she was going to meet him as a friend, then go meet Brandon for their date.
Kelly shows Brandon that she’s wearing her engagement ring on a chain, telling him that she was going to let Dylan know that she’s finally chosen. No matter what happens, she sees the ring as hers and Brandon’s. They exchange “I love you”s and kiss. Not shown: Valerie in the background with smoke coming out of her ears.
Thoughts: ‘Bye, Tracy! I won’t miss you. I liked you in the beginning, but then you got really annoying.
Valerie: “I’ll take care of it.” Me: (shudder)
Donna, goofing off while practicing for the show: “This is my Mountie walk.” Tori Spelling’s delivery cracked me up.
A telegram? In 1997? Okay….
Steve (re: the show): “I have a lot of problems there.” Brandon: “Like what size bra to stuff?” Steve: “No. I’ve always been a D cup.” Never change, Steve.
Val, you moron, why did you tell Brandon the telegram was from you?
Clare and David (her accompanist) don’t practice before the show. Whaaaa?
May 18, 2014
BH90210 7.25, Heaven Sent: Angels and Demons
Here comes trouble…
Summary: Mariah is in Beverly Hills for a visit and staying at the Walshes’ house. Thanks to Brandon’s awesomeness, she was inspired to go to New York and write a book. She’s in town for a New Age festival and will be speaking about guardian angels. Mariah meets Steve, Clare, Kelly, and Tracy, and for some reason, Tracy doesn’t like…something. That Kelly’s so nice to Mariah? That Mariah knows who Kelly is? Whatever – chill, Tracy.
It’s the day of Rob’s movie premiere, and Valerie, who’s officially his new manager, assures him that it’ll do well since the buzz is so good. Tracy makes breakfast for the gang, but Kelly and Mariah have already gone to the beach. Tracy tells Brandon that she feels like their trip to Hong Kong brought their relationship to a new level. She’d like him to talk to her the way he talked to Mariah in Texas.
At the beach apartment, David asks Clare for help thinking of something special to do for Donna on their date the next night. Clare tells him that Donna mentioned that David doesn’t cook. David decides to change that, and serve dinner in a lifeguard tower. Kelly and Mariah talk about New York, and Kelly admits that she’s been thinking of moving back there after graduation. Mariah thinks she partly wants to move to put distance between her and Brandon.
Rob’s doing some woodworking at his house, because he’s NORMAL. DON’T FORGET THAT. He and Valerie hear someone on the radio talking about how hot he is…and how bad his movie, Adam’s Children, is. Valerie tells Rob to toughen up. He’s all, “I’m tough because I build stuff. BECAUSE I’M NORMAL AND DON’T LIKE SHOW BUSINESS. DON’T YOU REMEMBER THAT?” Is this storyline over yet?
Mariah speaks at CU, telling a story about getting mugged right when she arrived in New York, but having everything returned to her by a guy she thinks was her guardian angel. Afterward, Mariah offers Brandon, Kelly, and Tracy tickets to a concert the next night. Brandon accepts even though it means cancelling plans he and Tracy had made.
Steve bugs David about cooking for Donna, who isn’t sure she can go on their date since she’s struggling to keep up in a fashion course. She doesn’t get why their date is so important since she and David are together so much anyway. He convinces her to skip Rob’s premiere to study so she’ll be free the next night for the date.
At Rob’s premiere, Tracy tells Valerie that Kelly’s skipping the party to get her aura read with Mariah. Val’s like, “Well, she seems to be hitting it off with Brandon’s friend – you shouldn’t read too much into that, huh?” Clare also skips to work on a paper, though Steve talks to her from the premiere and pressures her to take a break. As she’s considering it, she spills coffee on her computer and loses her paper. Oh, 1990s technology. You were so hopeless.
Rob mopes at the premiere, because he is NORMAL and struggles with FAME and the BUSINESS. He’s upset that some of the attendees seem to think the movie’s dumb. The general consensus is that Rob is great but the movie itself is bad. In fact, it’s so bad that it might not get as big a release as previously planned. Valerie tries to convince Rob that what’s important is his reception.
Clare tries to salvage her computer, blaming Steve for the disaster, because he distracted her, and also because she blames Steve for everything. Why are they still together? The premiere attendees move on to a party at the After Dark, where Valerie tells Rob he doesn’t have to defend the movie to anyone. He can just tell people how great the experience was and how he can’t wait to do another film. He ignores her, telling interviewers that his co-stars should be recognized for all their work. Then he storms off because he has no idea how to handle this business and his manager sucks.
David cooks at the Peach Pit, trying to refuse Nat’s help. Donna calls to cancel their date since she spent a lot of her studying time helping Clare with her computer. She doesn’t get why he’s so upset about the cancellation. At the Walshes’, Mariah tells Brandon that he and Kelly are a lot alike – they’re grounded in reality but want something different than what they have. By which she means, each other. Brandon tells her that they’re just friends and have accepted that. Mariah seems to disagree.
Rob tells Valerie that he doesn’t like the person Hollywood is turning him into, so he’s leaving show business. Valerie reminds him that he found success where millions of people fail. But Rob isn’t happy, and he doesn’t care how much work Val has put into helping him – she’s just like everyone else in L.A. who wants a piece of him. Valerie refuses to let him out of their contract. Rob fires her and repeats that he’s leaving. Good! Go now!
Donna tells Clare that she’s worried about David because of the way he reacted to their change in plans. Clare says she’d prefer that to her dud of a boyfriend. Just then, Steve shows up with a removable hard drive and data-recovery files; he spent the morning with computer geeks, learning how to recover her paper. As soon as the paper’s restored, he leaves so Clare can’t yell at him anymore for something that’s not even his fault.
At CUTV, Brandon reviews Tracy’s footage about the New Age festival, which Tracy clearly thinks is dumb. Brandon accuses her of being jealous because Mariah and Kelly have become so close. Tracy admits that she feels like the two of them are ganging up against her. She adds that Kelly recently told her that she’s still in love with Brandon – why shouldn’t she be paranoid? At the beach apartment, Donna urges Clare to apologize to Steve. David calls her, frantically summoning her to the After Dark, and Donna worries that he’s mentally unstable again. Clare assures her he’s not.
Valerie complains to Brandon about her issues with Rob, who she says is too nice. Brandon invites her to the concert with Mariah and Kelly, since Tracy’s skipping it, but she wants to mope by herself. When Donna gets to the After Dark, she finds that David’s set up their dinner there instead of at the beach. He finally explains why the date is so important to him: Five years ago today, he first told her he loves her. He wants them to remember where they started before they look to the future.
Brandon, Kelly, and Steve go to the harp concert; Kelly’s the only one who’s in a good mood. Steve gets a surprise delivery of flowers and an apology note from Clare, who’s shown up in a completely inappropriate outfit for this kind of event. Rob goes to the Walshes’ to say goodbye to Valerie, who says she’s fine not managing him but she wants him to stay. Nope, he’s going back to Indiana, probably to be a NORMAL woodworker and enjoy life out of the spotlight. He doesn’t think she’d want to be with him if he were just a carpenter anyway.
After the concert, Steve and Clare head off together, leaving Brandon and Kelly alone. She’s cold, so he gives her his jacket, and she finds this romantic, I guess, because then they kiss. He apologizes, which isn’t what you want to hear after a kiss. They quickly separate but can’t walk away without looking back at each other.
Thoughts: Jealousy is not a good color on you, Tracy.
These guys are graduating in, like, six episodes. They should be doing a lot less partying and a lot more studying and freaking out. No one’s even had a panic attack yet!
Clare’s paper was 75 pages? 75?? No way.
Brandon to Mariah re: Tracy: “She’s a good kid.” Wow. Romantic.
Why would a college course be called AP Physics?
I’m okay with Kelly and Brandon getting back together if only so everyone will stop talking about it.
Okay, now I get why Donna chose David over Cliff.
May 11, 2014
BH90210 7.24, Spring Breakdown: Two Princesses
“How do we make the set look more Asian-y?” “Tea?” “Yes! Tea!”
Summary: Brandon and Tracy are off to Hong Kong to see Jim and Cindy. Everyone else will be going to a premiere party Valerie’s throwing for Rob at the After Dark. Well, everyone except Kelly, who wants to mope over Brandon taking Tracy to Hong Kong. Clare thinks she needs to move on because “some things aren’t worth saving.” Amen, Clare. Kelly still has her non-engagement ring, by the way, and is wearing it on a chain around her neck.
In Hong Kong, Jim (hey, Jim!) welcomes Brandon and Tracy to “Casa Walsh East.” Cindy’s in London with Brenda, who has mono. Tracy notes that it’s been a long time since the four Walshes were all together. Jim wonders why Brandon never mentioned that he was dating Tracy. Dr. Martin’s about to be released from the hospital; his recovery has been quick, though he hasn’t completely regained the use of his right arm and leg, and still has some short-term memory problems. Felice hasn’t told Donna that her father’s going to a rehab center, not home. Donna’s upset about that.
Over at Rob’s house, he and Valerie are still sleeping in a mattress on the floor of the living room. Seriously, what’s up with that? Alan calls to confirm that Valerie’s bringing Rob to the party. He doesn’t want to go, since Hollywood is full of fake people and blah blah blah, do we really have to put up with this again? Jim asks after Kelly, but Brandon pretends he doesn’t know or care what’s up with her.
Apparently Kelly’s been trying to distract herself by fixing up an old rocking chair. Steve breaks it. This is the wackiness we’ve been given, folks. Clare talks Kelly into going to the party after all. Alan meets Rob and Valerie at the house before the party so Alan can introduce Rob to an aspiring actress named Heather. He wants to pair them up for the party. Rob says he’s going with Valerie, but Alan does his smarmy thing to get Val to back down.
At the Peach Pit, Donna and David look over info about rehab facilities; Donna’s still against them, but David thinks Dr. Martin might benefit from one. He decides to drop the disagreement and look into support groups instead. The Barenaked Ladies play at the premiere party, because it’s the ’90s. Kelly doesn’t have a very good time, but at least she gets to practice rejecting guys. She starts to enjoy herself more when Rob shows up without Valerie.
In Hong Kong, Brandon, Tracy, and Jim go to a market, where Tracy admires a book. The salesman tells them it’s about a prince in love with two princesses on two different shores. He goes back and forth, visiting both, and eventually “drowns in his own indecision.” Valerie gets rid of Heather by sending her off to a fake meeting with Cameron Crowe. Brandon, Tracy, and Jim have lunch and talk about love, blah blah, we know Tracy’s gone after this season, so whatever.
David gets Dr. Martin a bunch of stuff that will help him get around his house better. Donna thinks this will convince Felice not to send him to rehab. David, however, knows that Dr. Martin has big problems to overcome and will need more help. Donna wants to do what she thinks is best for her father rather than worry about making Felice mad. Alcohol has made Kelly’s night a lot better, and she makes up with a guy she rejected earlier.
Valerie and Alan bicker about who has more power in their arrangement. (I’d say Val, since she gets money AND a movie star.) At the hospital, Dr. Martin tells Donna that he’s going to rehab. She thinks he’s just giving in to Felice, but he assures her that’s making the decision for himself. Plus, he doesn’t want Donna to have to take care of him while he’s recovering. Clare notices how much Kelly’s had to drink and tries to get her to go home, but Kelly points out that Clare wanted her to come to the party in the first place.
Rob makes Alan apologize to Valerie for the move with Heather. Alan says that he may be a snake, but at least he’s obvious about it, unlike Val. He outs Valerie for taking money from him to get Rob to do the movie. Valerie says she only did it to make Rob see how sleazy Alan is. Rob sides with her and fires Alan, though he’s not that happy with Val either.
Jim and Brandon talk about various fears (Jim: Hong Kong going Communist; Brandon: graduation), then move on to discussing Tracy. Brandon admits that he doesn’t care about Tracy as much as she cares about him. Jim says it’s obvious that he’s still in love with Kelly. Brandon tells him about how he kept the ring and only returned it a couple weeks ago. So he must be totally over Kelly and not thinking about her at all!
Clare complains to Steve that Kelly’s throwing herself at Pete, the guy she’s been chatting with. She realizes she lost her ring and starts frantically looking for it. For some reason, this turns Pete off. At the hospital, Felice blasts Donna for giving Dr. Martin the option of going home instead of to rehab. After all, Felice, not Donna, is the one who would have to take care of him. Donna assures her mother that she can be strong for Dr. Martin. Felice admits that she’s only as confident as she is because Dr. Martin is always there for her. She’s glad that Donna has her father’s confidence.
The next day, Valerie goes to Rob’s to apologize for the whole mess with Alan. Apparently he’s not that mad at her since he wants her to be his new manager. She isn’t sure, but then she realizes that she gets to boss him around and get 10% of his money, so how can she say no? Tracy buys the book about the two princesses and asks Brandon to assure her that she’s not a placeholder until he finds someone better. He tells her she’s not. Poor, naïve Tracy.
Dr. Martin has decided to go home after all, so Donna and David get the house ready for him. Felice is actually civil toward David when she sees it. At the beach apartment, Steve gently tells Kelly that she needs to let go of Brandon and the ring (which he’s confused about her having in the first place). He advises her to put it away someplace so she won’t see it all the time. She just asks him not to tell Brandon that she has the ring. After Steve leaves, Kelly puts the ring in a keepsake box in her closet, which I don’t think is what Steve meant.
Thoughts: Donna, you’re 22. It’s time to start picking your battles with your mother.
Besides the Barenaked Ladies, the part of this episode that sticks it the most firmly in its time period is the conversation about Hong Kong going to China.
Clare, chill. Kelly’s not “throwing herself” at anyone. She doesn’t need a babysitter.
Rob, you are RICH! Get some FURNITURE!
How does Brandon not have a post-graduation plan set in stone? Shouldn’t he be courting job offers from five different people?
May 4, 2014
BH90210 7.23, Storm Warning: Men of Constant Sorrow
Clare sure gets how dudes dress
Summary: It’s been a few days since Joey hung out with Kelly, and she’s still worried about him. Clare complains about Steve, like, you’re the one who keeps going out with him, so deal with it. Apparently he recently demanded sex. Clare’s considering coming up with a way to “sink to his level.” As she leaves for school, Joey pops up and begs Kelly not to send him back to the shelter he ran away from.
At the Walshes’, Brandon tells Valerie that he’s been emailing Jim and Cindy (those Walshes, so modern!), who want him to visit them in Hong Kong over spring break. Val wants to go, too (they’re sending two tickets), but when Brandon teases her about leaving Rob behind, she changes her mind and tells him to take Tracy instead.
At the beach apartment, Kelly finally gets Joey to tell her some truths: He’s from New Mexico and ran away because he and his stepfather don’t get along. His mom’s pregnant and Joey thinks she doesn’t need him now that she’s going to have a new family. Kelly’s able to relate to having a new stepfather and watching her mom form a new life. Joey thinks his family’s glad he left, which is why no one’s looked for him.
David’s been thinking a lot about the stories Mrs. Martin told him and Donna, and he’s been inspired to try again to connect with Felice. Donna tells him he doesn’t have to, since she wants to be with him no matter how her parents feel about him. She thinks he should just let things be. Steve tells Brandon that Rush is worried about an upcoming storm and wants Steve to look after a house he just bought in Malibu. He wants the rest of the gang to come along and help with sandbags.
With the boringness out of the way, Brandon tells Steve about his invitation to Hong Kong. Steve begs to tag along so he can get away from Clare. (Seriously, do these two even like each other anymore?) The guys complain about how women only want to talk about feelings. Tracy shows up and invites Brandon to come home with her over the break. He tells her he’s going to Hong Kong but doesn’t offer her the second ticket.
Valerie goes by Rob’s house, where he’s doing some woodworking, because he is a Normal Guy and has a Normal Hobby. Val thinks he’s nuts for not enjoying his fame. He asks her to read a script he received and tell him whether he should do the movie. At the Peach Pit, Nat asks Steve if Clare’s okay, since she’s eating stuff she doesn’t usually eat. She’s also wearing grubby clothes and reading the sports section. She tells Steve she’s taking part in a science experiment and receiving testosterone.
David goes by Dr. Martin’s office to ask for advice (seeing a cardiologist about “matters of the heart” – get it?). He’s worried that Felice is trying to end his relationship with Donna. Dr. Martin, who doesn’t seem to be feeling well, tells David to just be himself and wait Felice out, because things will get better. While David’s thanking him, Dr. Martin collapses. Soon, Donna gets a phone call telling her that her father’s at the hospital in critical condition.
Donna rushes to the hospital and learns that her father had a stroke. His doctor thinks that because he received treatment quickly, his chances are better than they could be. David tells Donna he was with Dr. Martin when he collapsed. At the beach apartment, Kelly tries to get in touch with Joey’s mother. Valerie asks Tracy about the Hong Kong trip; this is the first time Tracy hears that there are two tickets. She confronts Brandon, accusing him of not telling his parents they’re dating.
Kelly tells Joey a little about her family, and they talk about missing their fathers. She invites him to Malibu with the rest of the gang. At the Peach Pit, Valerie meets Rob’s manager, Alan, who doesn’t like that Rob’s asking her opinion about potential projects. Rob himself liked the script, but Val doesn’t. She and Alan squabble and she storms out. Alan calls her high-maintenance and asks if he needs to manage Rob’s love life as well.
At the hospital, Donna asks David why he went to her father’s office after she asked him to leave things along. She blames him for stressing Dr. Martin out and causing the stroke. She gets to see her father, who’s not in good shape (also his eyes are open and it’s kind of freaky). Everyone else heads to Malibu, where Kelly acts maternal toward Joey, who objects. She tells him she knows he’s independent but she wants to look out for him anyway.
Steve isn’t happy with Clare’s sudden behavioral changes, since she’s more like a guy now. Brandon says something about men bringing about the Four Horsemen and the destruction of the world, or something. I don’t know. Tracy complains some more about Brandon not telling Jim and Cindy about her. He gives in and offers her the second ticket, like, yay, a pity invite! You should be so grateful, Tracy! Hmm, I wonder why she isn’t?
Rob calls Valerie to tell her he’s not doing the movie. David stays with Donna at the hospital even though she’s being a jerk to him. He tells her that he just wanted to talk to Dr. Martin about his feelings for Donna; his work stress isn’t David’s fault. Donna realizes she was an idiot and apologizes. David tries to comfort her, but she’s having a hard time being positive about her father’s condition.
In Malibu, Tracy sees Brandon talking to Kelly, which is AGAINST THE RULES, WHY DOESN’T HE KNOW THAT? He thinks Tracy’s overreacting, but Kelly basically tells him he’s dumb about women. Thanks to road closures, the gang is stuck at the house for the night. Kelly finally hears from Joey’s mother, who has clearly been very worried about him. They make arrangements to get everything sorted out. Valerie goes to Rob’s house, where he gives her a mirror he made her. She invites herself to spend the night.
In the morning, Donna tells her still-unconscious father that it’s time to wake up. The storm passes by Malibu, so things are calm at the house, except in Steve’s room, where Clare demands sex to let him know how annoying it is. He tells her he’d like some romance. She’s all, “THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS, MORON.” Tracy has left Malibu early, making Brandon admit that Kelly was right about him not knowing a ton about women. He thinks they should remove all the sandbags now that they’re not needed, but Steve wants to leave them to show Rush how much work they did.
Kelly tells Joey that when Jackie married Mel, she was cold toward him, but David convinced her to give him a second chance. Joey needs to give his stepfather a chance, too. He was brave enough to run away – is he brave enough to go back? His mother and stepfather arrive, very happy to see him. Joey worries that they’re mad, but they’re just glad he’s okay.
Alan visits Valerie at the After Dark and asks her to change Rob’s mind about the movie since the script is going to be rewritten. In exchange, she gets $20,000. Alan thinks that together, the two of them can help Rob become great. The rest of the gang returns to Beverly Hills, and Kelly tells Nat that Joey’s back with his family and things seem to be better. He tells her she can babysit Frankie the next time she gets maternal urges.
Tracy tracks Brandon down and they apologize to each other. She thinks they should keep their plan of taking separate spring breaks. However, he wants to prove his love for her by taking her to Hong Kong to meet his parents. Kelly isn’t happy to watch them kiss. At the hospital, Dr. Martin regains consciousness, and now Donna’s optimistic about his recovery.
Thoughts: Alan is played by soap actor Rick Hearst (Alan-Michael on Guiding Light, Whip on The Bold and the Beautiful, Ric on General Hospital). Those familiar with Ric: Alan is pretty much the same guy.
’90s music alert: Republica’s “Ready to Go,” which I think is still used in commercials now, almost 20 years later.
Donna should be glad David was with Dr. Martin. The doctor said he has a better chance at recovery because he received treatment early. If David hadn’t been with him, it could have taken a while for someone to find him and call an ambulance.
At this point, Valerie’s basically on her own show. She barely interacts with any of the other main characters.
I would like to know why Rob has a mattress in his living room.
'90s Flashback 