April 20, 2014

BH90210 7.21, Straight Shooter: Dick Gets Regina Morrowed

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 5:14 pm by Jenn

I mean...right??

I mean…right??

Summary: Brandon, Steve, and Dick play basketball, practicing for a three-on-three tournament. Afterward, Brandon and Tracy smell pot. Two seconds later, Dick is high. Brandon worries that he and Steve will be stoned when it’s time to play in the tournament. Over at the beach apartment, Kelly packs for a weekend at a spa with Clare. She, Brandon, and Valerie roll their eyes over the sweet nothings Clare and Steve say to each other on the phone. Val gets a call from Gigi at Lala magazine, who wants to feature her in an article about cool people in Beverly Hills.

Donna meets David at the After Dark for an awkward conversation about their relationship. He still wants to be with Donna, and insists that nothing happened with Chloe, even though she came on to him. Donna assures David that she still cares about him, but she likes being with Cliff. David thinks she thinks less of him now because he wasn’t around during her hostage crisis. (Neither was Cliff, but whatever.) Nothing gets resolved, and Donna still plans to see Cliff, but David kind of wants her to choose between the two of them.

Valerie meets with Gigi, who wants to “hang with” her that night. She claims that the article she’s writing about Val will boost her coolness. At CU, the tournament begins, so cue the basketball montage. Tracy’s the only person we know in the stands, because she’s not allowed to have a plot that doesn’t revolve around Brandon.

Kelly and Clare check into their spa in Palm Springs and immediately attract the attention of two guys named Roger and Dean. The guys need a creative excuse to talk to them, so they ask if they’re parting of a Ukrainian folkdance troupe also staying there. Kelly and Clare play along with horrible Ukrainian/Russian accents. Clare is now Irina, and Kelly is now Katarina.

Donna meets Cliff at a marina (he’s staying on a friend’s boat while he’s in town) and he mentions that he saw her parents there that morning. He wants to take her sailing. Donna tells him she’s going to try to make things work with David. Cliff thinks that the fact that they met means they should be together, or something. Also, her parents invited them to brunch the next day, so they’ll have to see each other again.

Roger and Dean send Kelly and Clare a dinner invitation; Clare wants to accept but Kelly doesn’t. Clare turns the guys down but for some reason thinks they’re not going to give up. Brandon, Steve, and Dick make it to the semifinals of the tournament and celebrate by letting Tracy cook them dinner. Dick apologizes for making Brandon uncomfortable with his drug use, promising that he doesn’t want to put himself in a bad position in case he risks his plans for grad school.

Roger and Dean track down Kelly and Clare, so that ruse is still going. The guys claim to be software developers, having created both screensavers and the website for Mission: Impossible. Yeah, sure. Some of the real Ukrainian dancers pass by but don’t blow the girls’ covers. Kelly and Clare agree to hang out with the guys the next day.

At the After Dark, Donna tells David that she told Cliff they can’t date anymore, but she has to have brunch with him and her parents the next day. David worries that Felice will throw her support behind Cliff. Brandon, Steve, Dick, and Tracy hang out with some girl Dick can’t stop making out with. Dick’s high, but Brandon’s “tired of being the narc” and decides not to say anything FOR ONCE IN HIS LIFE.

Donna mopes at the Peach Pit, starting to tell Nat about her David problems. Then she spots Cliff and agrees to have coffee with him. Dick scores some heroin, which he’s never used before, and invites Steve to partake. Steve declines, not wanting to have to inject anything, but changes his mind when Dick says they can snort it. He plans to meet Dick later to get his own share. Meanwhile, Valerie arrives with Gigi and an entourage covering the club for the magazine.

Steve goes into the bathroom to get Dick, finding him half-conscious on the floor. Dick says he doesn’t want to die. Steve tells him he won’t, frantically trying to keep him awake. David learns of the overdose and quietly informs Valerie, who slips away from the magazine folks. Cliff gives Dick CPR while Brandon looks on judgmentally and Valerie looks on all, “This is really going to make me look bad in that magazine article.”

Eventually paramedics arrive and take Cliff away. Valerie asks if Gigi’s going to use this little incident in her article, as if Gigi would leave out such a juicy story. Steve tells the police that Dick got the heroin from a dealer at the After Dark, so now Valerie has to answer some questions. She swears that she didn’t know there was any drug-dealing going on at the club, and that it’s never been a problem before.

Brandon tries to hide his judginess while Cliff confides to Donna that despite his attempts at CPR, Dick was already dead when Cliff got to him. David and Cliff get into a petty fight, and Cliff has a hard time not looking smug when the police want to talk to David about his possible connection to the heroin.

In Palm Springs the next morning, Kelly greets Dean and Roger while Clare gets a phone call from Donna telling her that Dick is dead. Donna’s surprised that Steve hasn’t called Clare yet. The guys hear Kelly on the phone, not using her accent, and blast her for her lies. In Beverly Hills, Steve ignores Clare’s phone call and tries to self-medicate with pot. Super Brandon swoops in to save the day.

Donna shows up late for brunch and immediately gets into a fight with Felice over whether David and Valerie were connected to the drugs. Cliff reveals that he got a job in Florida but would like to stay in Beverly Hills if he and Donna are going to be together. Of course, that’s what Felice would like. Valerie and David are released from questioning, and their lawyer doesn’t think they’ll be in any trouble. He advises them to beef up security and make it clear that no drugs are allowed at the club.

While Brandon and Steve go to the tournament to formally forfeit, Donna gets a note from David telling her he loves her. She wants to leave brunch to meet him. Felice objects, but Dr. Martin first says Donna should invite David to join them, then tells her it’s okay for her to leave. Felice tells Cliff to do something about the situation, because she’s awful. Donna tells Cliff to take the job in Florida because she’s going to be with David.

That night, Brandon, Steve, and Tracy arrive at the After Dark to see that people have set up a shrine to Dick outside. Someone put a bong there, so stay classy, Beverly Hills stoners. Steve smashes it and lectures everyone about how drugs are stupid, not cool. (Pretty much his exact words.) He says that he could have died since he was going to use heroin, too.

Steve tells everyone that Dick’s last words were, “I don’t want to die.” He wants everyone to remember Dick as a scholar and an athlete whose life was cut short by drugs. They should remember that he wanted to live. Brandon lets Steve put Dick’s basketball jersey on the shrine because Steve has passed Brandon’s Morals and Ethics 101, and this is his prize.

Thoughts: I know next to nothing about drugs, but I’m pretty sure Dick, who’s smoked pot before, wouldn’t be able to get high from one toke. Actually, I’m pretty sure he wasn’t even gone long enough to light the joint.

Brandon has an actual funny line, after Valerie says that the article is about cool people no one’s heard of: “I’ve heard of you.”

Rule number one of assuming a false identity: Don’t pretend you’re from a foreign country if you don’t speak that country’s language.

Yes, Valerie, you look super-cool dancing in front of a giant peach.

Cliff giving Dick CPR is a nice nod to continuity – he’s a firefighter, so he would know it.

Poor guy, though. Who would choose David over him??

April 13, 2014

BH90210 7.20, With This Ring: Isn’t Anyone On This Show Happy?

Posted in movies tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 2:53 pm by Jenn

Apparently the jeweler is Jason Priestley in makeup. Freaky

Apparently the jeweler is Jason Priestley in makeup. Freaky

Summary: Valerie has a dream that’s a mixture of her father and being in bed with Tom. She wakes up when Tom starts bleeding on top of her. Real Tom tells her that they’ll have to “face it all” when Abby returns from her business trip. Kelly writes in her journal on the beach, admitting to feeling alone. She chose herself instead of deciding between Brandon and Dylan; now they’re seeing other people and she’s single.

Brandon runs a production meeting at CUTV, but Tracy’s not paying attention. She’s not happy that he held on to the engagement ring he wanted to give Kelly. Brandon wants the conversation to wait until after the show. Donna talks to Clare about her David/Cliff issues; she wants to date Cliff but doesn’t want to take him places David might show up. She’s tired of people seeing her and David as always together, and would like to live her own life.

Ryan asks Steve for advice about taking a girl out. Steve suggests a double date with him and Clare at a pier carnival. Abby returns from her trip, and Valerie admits that she’s surprised to see her. She still won’t sign the papers for the second mortgage on the house. Abby decides to go back to Buffalo the next day.

That night, there’s a special CUTV program, where Chancellor Arnold presents Brandon with a plaque commemorating the station’s 100th broadcast. It’s followed by a party, which Clare, Steve, Donna, and Cliff ditch to go out. Tom urges Valerie to talk to her mother about her issues, but Val resists. Kelly and Brandon make awkward small talk, which Tracy sees, and she blasts Brandon for talking to his ex when they’d planned to have their big conversation.

The party ditchers go to the carnival, and Donna enjoys her time with Cliff. Steve wonders where David fits into things. Clare points out that David hangs out with Chloe all the time. Ryan’s date is going well, and he asks Steve for a condom. The girl’s parents are going out of town, and he wants to be ready for some alone time the next night.

Tracy and Brandon finally have it out, with her accusing him of cheating with Kelly. He assures her he’s not, but when she asks if he still loves Kelly, he doesn’t know what to say. Tracy’s done with him. Cliff tries to turn things romantic with Donna, but she resists since she’s kind of still with David. She doesn’t think she should be playing around with Cliff. Cliff replies that he’s not playing.

David’s hanging out with Chloe, who thinks Donna’s cheating and tells David to get out before he gets hurt. David’s sure that nothing like that is going on since Donna’s a virgin. He wants to respect her decision to send time with someone else. Valerie has another nightmare, this one about her father coming to tell her a story to help her fall asleep: “Once upon a time, there was a little girl who loved her daddy very much. She made her father do all kinds of terrible things.”

Valerie immediately goes to Abby’s hotel for the talk she’s been putting off having with her. She can’t believe Abby was always able to sleep through everything Mr. Malone did to Valerie: She was molested. Abby doesn’t believe her; she and her husband were married for 20 years, so she would have known if he was a molester. Valerie says that Abby could have stopped him. Abby slaps her and tells her to go to Hell, but Val says she’s been there since she was 11.

Kelly wonders why she and Brandon aren’t together if there were truly meant to be. Donna tells her that she still loves David, but she has feelings for Cliff and thinks thing are easier with him. Kelly brings up what I did about how Brandon was with Emily when Kelly was in the fire, and how David was with Chloe when Donna was being held hostage. Donna urges Kelly to tell Brandon how she feels. Kelly points out that they’ve dated other people since they broke up, so they seem to have moved on. If she has to talk to Brandon, Donna has to talk to David.

Clare wants Steve to talk to Ryan about sex instead of just handing over a condom. Steve doesn’t think Clare is the best source for sex education, considering how she handcuffed herself to Brandon’s bed as a teen. Clare decides to initiate the sex talk herself. Brandon talks to Nat about Kelly, saying that she knows how he feels, since he proposed. If she wants to be with him, she knows where to find him.

Abby goes by the After Dark to talk to Tom, and he reveals that he knew Valerie was being molested. Now Abby gets that the accusations are true. Valerie shows up and explains why she never told anyone about the molestation: She thought she’d get into trouble. Plus, Mr. Malone told her that Abby wanted it to happen. Valerie reveals that she only said something because Tom threatened to go to the police. She confronted her father, and he responded by killing himself. Now she feels responsible for her father’s death.

Tracy goes to the beach apartment to tell Kelly that she and Brandon broke up because she found the ring. Tracy wanted to tell Kelly that she’s backing down, and Kelly and Brandon can be together again, but she wants him back. Kelly admits that she still loves him. Tracy’s upset that Kelly gave up her chance and now wants Brandon again. Steve approaches the sex talk with Ryan, but it turns out he doesn’t really need it. He’s relieved to hear that it’s okay if he wants to wait a little while. Kelly comes by to see Brandon, but Steve tells her he left to return the ring.

Chloe gets invited to New York to meet with Luther Vandross’ manager, and she asks David to come along. David doesn’t want to leave Donna back in Beverly Hills, and he definitely doesn’t want to hook up with Chloe and her top that is definitely just a bra. Donna shows up for a talk, and David sends Chloe out of the room but she doesn’t stay out of sight. She comes in with her jacket undone, looking like she was just getting dressed.

As Abby’s packing to return to Buffalo, Valerie arrives to tell her she’ll sign the papers. Now, though, Abby wants to sell the house, knowing what was going on without her knowledge. She feels horrible that she didn’t know what Valerie was going through. The jeweler Brandon bought the ring from two years ago remembers him (whatever) and asks if he wants cash or an exchange. Brandon considers swapping it for a bracelet, but he wants to make sure he and Kelly are really over first.

Outside the store, Brandon runs into Kelly and tells her about returning the ring. She claims to be happy about that decision. She doesn’t think they should get back together. Brandon pretends to agree. At the After Dark, Valerie tells Tom that she wants to leave the past in the past, but looking at him makes her think of her father. She loves him, but she can’t be with him right now. Brandon gives Tracy the bracelet, having returned the ring after all. He has no idea that Kelly bought it.

Thoughts: Why are we suddenly back to Brandon and Kelly? Where did that come from?

I like Tracy, but she needs to calm down. And not just because Brandon’s nowhere near worth it.

They sure waited a long time for the Valerie reveal. I wonder if the molestation storyline was planned all along?

Girl with Ryan, what’s wrong with you?

Chloe doesn’t see what Donna sees in Cliff. Poor girl – she’s blind.

Clare, I’m 99 percent sure Ryan doesn’t want to have the sex talk with his brother’s girlfriend.

April 6, 2014

BH90210 7.19, My Funny Valentine: Love the One You’re Not With

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , , at 2:54 pm by Jenn

I wonder if Valerie has a reflection...

I wonder if Valerie has a reflection…

Summary: Kelly wants to start her and Tom’s first Valentine’s Day together with a jog. He’s not as peppy as she is. Valerie calls, so now Kelly isn’t very peppy either. Val tells Tom that she needs him to meet her at the After Dark right away – her mother’s coming in today. Kelly warns Tom that he’s being used, but he considers this enough of an emergency that he needs to ditch her for Valerie. Val then asks Brandon and Tracy to pick her mother up at the airport so she doesn’t have to be alone with her.

Tracy reminds Brandon that it’s Valentine’s Day and asks what he’s getting her. Apparently a Luther Vandross concert at the After Dark isn’t enough. Donna’s been skipping classes since her trauma with Evan, so Clare tries to cheer her up with a trip to the salon. David arrives with Valentine’s Day goodies, and Donna tries to act cheerful. Dick offers Steve some pot before they play golf together, which is the weirdest combination I’ve ever heard of.

At the After Dark, Valerie complains about her mother visiting. She thinks Abby blames her for her father’s death. As Brandon drives Abby home from the airport, she says that she knows Valerie believes Abby blames her. At the After Dark, David and Chloe meet Luther Vandross (Chloe’s opening for him), who’s giving the concert because he owes Mel a favor.

At the beat apartment, Clare again tries to convince Donna to go to the concert. Suddenly there’s something to make Donna want to put some clothes on and fix herself up a little: Cliff has returned! He wants to spend Valentine’s Day with her. Donna and Cliff go for a walk, and she tells him she has a boyfriend. He says that as long as they’re not on the road to marriage, he still has a shot to win her back.

Brandon takes Abby to the After Dark, which Valerie isn’t happy about. (But when is she happy about anything?) She thinks her mother has an ulterior motive. “Like mother, like daughter,” Brandon says. She calls her mother tough and manipulative, which is exactly how people see Val. Valerie says that’s because of Abby. At the beach apartment, Kelly complains to Clare about Valerie summoning Tom away. She still insists she’s not using him.

David stops by to see Donna, who’s out with Cliff. Kelly and Clare cover for her, but Donna and Cliff arrive as he’s leaving. David’s mad that after days of trying to cheer Donna up, she’s suddenly all better now that Cliff’s there. Cliff promises that he didn’t know Donna had a boyfriend. After he leaves, Donna tells David that she hasn’t been in touch with Cliff for months. David chooses to leave in a snit instead of be happy that she’s better.

At the Walshes’, Abby asks for a fresh start with Valerie, then immediately asks her to sign so she can take out a second mortgage on the family house (which Val owns half off). Valerie’s mad that she just came to town for money. She tells Abby to sell it, but Abby wants to keep it. Valerie would rather see the house burned to the ground – she hates it and she hates her mother for not stopping whatever happened there.

Everyone gathers at the After Dark for the concert. Steve offers Clare some pot, but she wonders why he would think she would be interested. She gives it back to Dick in front of his date, who was under the impression that he’d quit smoking. Clare doesn’t want to hang out with anyone who’s high. Kelly meets up with Tom, who promises that they’ll spend Valentine’s Day together. David and Donna smooth things over.

Brandon and Tracy take Abby to the concert, assuring her that she and Valerie will work things out. Steve goes outside to chat with Dick while he smokes, and gives in to peer pressure. Chloe gives a boring performance, and Donna complains to Kelly about all the time David’s been spending with her. Kelly teases that they should call Cliff to join them tonight.

Valerie picks another fight with Abby, who doesn’t understand why there’s so much animosity. She’s leaving the next morning for a convention, but when she returns in a week, she wants to sit down with Val and work things out. Valerie refuses, saying Abby won’t win her over. Luther performs and all the couples share a moment, except Clare and Steve, since she can tell he’s been smoking.

In the bathroom, Kelly runs into Valerie and notices that she’s not having a very good night. Val says she hopes Kelly and Tom are happy together, but Kelly needs to know something. Tom is the only person who’s ever really loved Valerie. If Kelly really wants to be with him, fine, but if not, she should let him go so he and Valerie can be together, since she really needs him right now. Kelly can tell that Val is being sincere.

Luther sings more. Clare’s mad at Steve. David tells Donna that he’s glad she’s doing better, but he wonders if she tried to get him to leave that morning because she knew Cliff was coming by. Donna assures him again that she hasn’t spoken to Cliff in months. When Chloe pops up, Donna storms off. This is clearly a healthy relationship.

Kelly tells Tom that she’s changed her mind about spending Valentine’s Day with him. She’s not in love with him, but Valerie is. Kelly says she went out with Tom to make Valerie jealous, and though she did eventually develop feelings for him, things didn’t start out right, so she doesn’t think they should stay together.

Donny, Kelly, and Clare go to the Peach Pit for pie and griping about guys. Cliff’s there and asks Donna to go out with him the next night. Donna accepts, so in your face, David. Tom tells Valerie that he and Kelly broke up, then dances with her. He tells her that over the years, he’s tried to get over her, but it’s never worked. There’s kissing.

Brandon tells Tracy that he has a present for her, then leaves to get a drink of water, telling to grab a shirt since it’s cold. She pulls a shirt out of his dresser and finds a ring. Brandon returns with champagne, and that combined with the ring gives Tracy the understandable thought that he’s proposing. Little does she know that the ring is the one he offered to Kelly. Tracy quickly figures that out, so…that’s awkward.

Thoughts: I guess David’s allowed to hang out with Chloe all he wants but Donna’s not allowed to hang out with Cliff? Shut up, David.

Luther Vandross is way too high-class for this show.

Stoned Steve can’t be much different from regular Steve, right?

I would never advocate drug use, but if there’s anyone who could benefit from the mellowing effect of pot, it’s Clare.

January 19, 2014

BH90210 7.8, The Things We Do for Love: Gone, Non-Baby, Gone

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , at 3:03 pm by Jenn

Flannel! Remember how popular flannel was, you guys?

Flannel! Remember how popular flannel was, you guys?

Summary: Brandon, Tracy, and Mark are discussing politics at Mark’s house. I’m already bored. Mark thinks Brandon and Tracy should do a broadcast together. The three of them invite David to the Peach Pit with them, but he has to head to Palm Springs for the reading of his grandfather’s will. David confides in Brandon that he feels guilty for not visiting his grandfather last week. Mel’s not making it any easier for him. After everyone leaves, David pours himself a drink.

Did you know Clare was a coxswain for CU’s crew team? Me neither. Steve approaches her after a practice so he can bug her again about getting back together. Clare still wants to date Dick, who’s better than Steve if only because he’s committed to crew. Steve claims that he wants to get involved with crew, too. Valerie calls Kenny to demand money; he put a hold on the $100,000 check he gave her. Val refuses to have an abortion until Kenny leaves his wife. Steve overhears her on the phone and learns that she’s “pregnant.”

At the beach apartment, Clare complains to Donna about how Steve is always hanging around. She joined crew to meet new people, but now he’s following her there, too. Donna currently has no boyfriend problems, since Cliff is so awesome. She thinks Clare should get back together with Steve and be just as happy.

Brandon and Tracy look through student interviews about politics, though it’s not clear anyone they interviewed actually knows the role of government. Tracy doesn’t want to talk her personal beliefs with Brandon, only saying that she’s undecided. Of course, Brandon thinks that’s lame. Elsewhere on campus, Mark and Kelly talk sex – he wants to do a piece on students’ feelings on the topic. She only tells him “it’s been a while.” She also thinks this is charming and doesn’t ask him the same question about his own sex life.

Steve comes in, moping over Valerie’s situation, and mentions to Kelly that one of his friends is pregnant. Kelly uses reverse psychology to get him to spill the details. Steve wishes he could tell Brandon, too, since he would know what to do. Kelly offers to talk to Valerie first. In Palm Springs, David receives his grandfather’s convertible and $250,000. He and Mel are both surprised at his inheritance.

Valerie meets Kelly at the Peach Pit so Kelly can try to be supportive. Valerie thinks she’s secretly gleeful that Val is in such a bad place. Kelly admits that when she used to babysit Kenny’s son, Kenny would hit on her, so she knows he’s not much of a catch. She offers her help if Valerie needs it. Val does appreciate having someone to talk to, but starts to regret it when Kelly invites herself along to the abortion appointment.

Cliff and Donna go hiking, and they’re all cute and happy and stuff. Steve gathers some friends so he can form his very own crew team. Dick arrives with his own team (and Clare) and teases them, so Steve challenges them to a race. Dick schedules it for a week in the future. David’s happy about his new car but still feels guilty about skipping the visit. His grandmother assures him that he doesn’t need to feel bad about anything.

Mel advises David to put his inheritance money in a trust, to be controlled by Mel. David doesn’t like being branded as irresponsible, so he takes his car and heads off to a bar. Mel’s like, “Way to prove your maturity.” Valerie calls Kelly just before her appointment and tells her that Kenny’s going to take her. Kelly offers to stop by later instead. Donna learns more about Cliff – he grew up in Hell’s Kitchen and bonded with a guy who taught him survival skills and got him interested in the Navy.

Tracy wants to hang out with Brandon, who’s trying to avoid getting into a serious relationship. Tracy doesn’t get that he’s really doing her a favor here. While out to lunch with a woman she worked with at the AIDS hospice, Kelly spots Kenny, who is definitely not at a clinic where his girlfriend is having an abortion. Later, Kelly goes to the Walshes’, where Valerie’s faking illness, and calls her on her lie. Val lies that Kenny stood her up. Downstairs, Kelly tells Steve about the inconsistencies in Valerie’s story and Kenny’s actions, but Steve thinks they should go easy on her.

Donna learns from Cliff that bald eagles mate for life. I wish these two were more interesting. Donna tells him that she likes spending time with him. Cliff chooses that moment to announce that he’s leaving town tomorrow to work on an oil rig. He’s not sure when he’ll be back. He didn’t tell her earlier because he was afraid she wouldn’t want to get to know him if she knew he wouldn’t be around much longer. They decide to enjoy the little time they have left together.

Tracy tracks Brandon down and tells him she’s quitting the station. She feels too uncomfortable to keep working with him. In Palm Springs, Mel finds David at a bar and tries to get him to leave. David thinks Mel wants to punish him for skipping his visit with his grandfather. He wants respect from his father, but he doesn’t think Mel respects anyone. Mel points out that he just lost his father; he doesn’t want to worry that he’ll lose his son, too.

Blah, Steve and Clare, blah. Move on, Steve. He wants to prove that he’s changed in the, what, ten days since they broke up? Back at the house, Steve interrogates Valerie about her doctor’s orders, trying to catch her in a lie. David finds out that Mel’s trying to get his inheritance placed in a trust despite David’s protests. He wishes Mel would respect him the way his grandfather did. His grandmother tells him about how his grandfather never let Mel drive his beloved car. Also, Mel wants David’s respect. Why is this episode so boring?

Brandon is about to make his TV debut with Tracy. He wants to alleviate Tracy’s embarrassment over his rejection of her, so he does the broadcast without pants. Steve tells Kelly that Valerie said she was drugged up after her abortion, but she was allowed to drive home. The two of them are starting to wonder if she was ever even pregnant. Cliff says goodbye to Donna, asking her to stay in touch while he’s gone.

Brandon and Tracy nail their broadcast, and she decides not to quit. I think she just wants to see if Brandon will keep showing up in his boxers. David and Mel talk about the car, which is now officially a metaphor for something, but I don’t care to interpret it. Mel has called off the proceedings with the trust, telling David that if his grandfather thought he could be trusted with the money, Mel shouldn’t challenge that. David lets him drive the car. Over a cliff, I hope.

Thoughts: Kelly calls Steve “bubbelah.” I guess Jimmy rubbed off on her.

“We have to talk to Brandon! He’ll know what to do!” This is why he has such an overinflated ego.

If I were Kelly, “Kenny stood me up” is where I would have started doubting Valerie’s whole story.

I hate to admit it (mostly because the thought of Brandon in his underwear makes me shudder), but that pantsless move was kind of nice.

January 12, 2014

BH90210 7.7, Fearless: What to Expect When You’re Not Really Expecting

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 12:36 pm by Jenn

I bet the wardrobe person on this show looks back on these episodes and wonders how she kept her job

I bet the wardrobe person on this show looks back on these episodes and wonders how she kept her job

Summary: Donna’s getting an award for saving the baby deer, even though she didn’t really save it…and it almost got her killed…whatever, yay, Donna. Cliff is there, and Donna introduces him to Kelly and Dr. Martin. Then the girls have to run off to help Alpha set up a haunted house for Halloween. Cliff offers to help out. Valerie calls Kenny to invite him to an OB/GYN appointment; she’s been pressuring him to take responsibility now that she’s pregnant. (Allegedly.)

Cliff helps at the haunted house, promising Donna that he’ll be there the next day to see how the kids like it. She’s not going to say no to that. Mark is also present, and he’s brought Kelly two books she should read if she wants to know him better: one is Spoon River Anthology and one is by Charles Bukowski. Kelly mentions that she used to date a guy who liked Bukowski. Mark thinks she means Brandon, and though she doesn’t, she talks about Brandon anyway. Kelly, shhhh. Mark kisses her, possibly so she’ll shut up. (Nice work, Mark.)

Steve and Clare are still fighting over the circumstances of their breakup. He wants to take her to the Halloween party at the After Dark to hear Tony Rich. She tells him she’s already going somewhere with Dick. Steve hates Dick, but his harshest insult is that the guy is a dork. He begs Clare to go to the After Dark, and she says she will – but with Tony. Steve vows to find his own date.

Brandon looks through fan mail the studio’s gotten about Tracy, some of it really weird. Mark mentions that Tracy doesn’t have a date to the concert at the After Dark, and she’s hoping that Brandon will ask her. Brandon thinks he’s playing matchmaker because he feels guilty for going out with Kelly. Despite the fact that he and Tracy have kissed in the past, Brandon insists that he doesn’t want to date someone he works with again.

At the Peach Pit, Steve shares his dateless woes with Valerie and David, saying he wants someone wild and crazy to go out with. Nat suggests an escort, insisting that Steve wouldn’t be hiring a hooker. Mel stops by before he and Erin head to Palm Springs to see David’s grandparents. David doesn’t want to go, even though they’ll be celebrating his grandfather’s birthday. Mel’s annoyed that David’s avoiding his family. David’s just annoyed in general.

Valerie goes to an OB/GYN’s office, chats with some pregnant women, then leaves, saying she never had an appointment. But when she runs into Kenny, she tells him the doctor confirmed that she’s pregnant. She says she loves him and wants to have the baby with him. Kenny resists, but Valerie keeps pressing that they love each other, so maybe this is a sign that it’s time for him to leave his wife.

After her latest CUTV broadcast, Brandon invites Tracy to the After Dark’s Halloween party. She appreciates the offer, but she wanted to go by herself. Elsewhere on campus, the Alpha haunted house is a huge success. Donna tells Kelly that Cliff was in the Navy, but she doesn’t know much else about him. Kelly advises her to ask what book best describes him. Cliff scares a kid and feels bad about it, so he and Donna comfort the boy. Cliff suggests that the kid help behind the scenes instead. Meanwhile, Steve visits Nat’s recommended escort service and picks a date.

Valerie makes dinner for Kenny at their love nest, but he’s only dropping by to admit that he still hasn’t told his wife about his affair. Val threatens to tell Mrs. Bannerman herself. Kenny’s all, “But it’ll hurt my son!” Val notes that she’s having his child, too. He confesses that he’s not 100 sure the baby is his. Either way, Valerie needs to have an abortion. She agrees, but he’ll have to pay for it…and some other things, since she wants $100,000. Kenny says no, threatening to go after the club if Val doesn’t just take the $10,000 and keep quiet.

Donna’s all turned on since Cliff is so good with kids. Mark and Kelly reaffirm their plans to go to the After Dark together. Steve gets ready for his date while Brandon complains that he doesn’t have one. Steve’s enthusiasm over meeting a hot Swedish nuclear scientist quickly disappears when he finds out that he picked the wrong person, and has wound up with a Japanese translator. Eh, he’ll take her.

Kelly, Donna, and Clare talk guys at the beach apartment, Kelly saying that Mark seems to be a mixture of Brandon and Dylan. (Really? I don’t see it.) Donna and Clare worry that she’s moving too fast. Everyone heads to the party at the After Dark, where Tony Rich sings his only hit, “Nobody Knows.” Tracy runs into Brandon and asks him to hang out. He’s understandably confused about why she turned him down when he invited her. Tracy explains that she knew he felt obligated, so she was holding out for someone who actually likes her.

Donna waits for Cliff at the beach apartment, where the lights are flickering. After he arrives, the electricity goes out; Cliff notes (heh) that that means traffic lights are going to go out, too, so they probably shouldn’t go out driving. They talk about childhood fears of the dark, and how Donna’s was cured by her father because she realized he would always be there to look out for her. At the club, Valerie tries to call Kenny but learns that his number has been disconnected. Tracy decides to leave the party early, and Brandon offers to drive her home.

Kelly’s having a great time with Mark, and Clare and Dick seem to be hitting it off. David’s tipsy but agrees to keep an eye on the club while Valerie goes out to take care of something. Clare meets Steve’s date, who says that he’s still in love with her. Clare asks how much Steve paid her to say that. The date misinterprets this and asks how Clare knew that she was an escort. Steve runs into Dick and tells him that Clare’s using him to make Steve jealous. Clare comes up and announces that Steve had to pay to get a date.

Brandon walks Tracy to her dorm room, and there’s some wackiness involving whether he can come in or not. He settles for a kiss good night. Valerie goes to Kenny’s house and gives his wife a bag containing a package of diapers. Kelly spends the night with Mark, but the next day she tells Donna that all they did was talk. The kid Cliff scared comes back to the house to help clean up, introducing Donna to his mother. This is only so the mom can talk about how great Cliff is, and how Donna should go out with him.

Brandon and Steve discuss their love lives, specifically how Steve can’t get Clare to see how great he is. Brandon says that he’s the best Steve he can be, so it’s Clare’s problem if she doesn’t like him. Clare shows up at the house and apologizes for outing Steve for hiring an escort. She’s ready to stop fighting with Steve, but she’s not ready to decide whether they should get back together. She’d rather have an open relationship. Steve doesn’t want to share her, so she calls him immature. Shut up, Clare.

Valerie and Kenny meet up at the love nest, where he blasts her for causing trouble in his marriage. He gives her a check for $100,000 and demands that she have an abortion. She’ll also need to sign some papers stating that he has no responsibilities, and promising to keep things quiet. Valerie’s thrilled that she won the battle. Elsewhere, David’s woken up by a phone call from Mel telling him that his grandfather died.

Thoughts: Valerie, stop using fake tanner.

I’m not going to ask why Nat knows so much about an escort service.

Steve pronounces it “nukular.” Of course he does.

Greg Vaughan in formal wear…holy cow. He never looked this good on General Hospital. Or maybe I just didn’t notice because there were other hot guys, while here, he’s definitely the hottest.

If I were Kenny, I’d ask Val not just for a paternity test, but for a pregnancy test. All he has is her word.

So Valerie’s end game is…what? Is it just revenge at this point? I’m not convinced that she knows what she’s doing.

January 5, 2014

BH90210 7.6, Housewarming: There’s Fire in Them Thar Hills

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , at 4:15 pm by Jenn

The thing is, this isn't even his worst hairstyle ever. "General Hospital" fans know what I'm talking about

The thing is, this isn’t even his worst hairstyle ever. General Hospital fans know what I’m talking about

Summary: It’s almost 2 a.m., and Valerie and Kenny are asleep in their secret love nest. She wakes up and realizes that he needs to go home to his soon-to-be-ex-wife. They admit to feeling guilty, and Val accuses Kenny of wanting to have both a wife and a girlfriend. He uses his son’s feelings as an excuse not to leave his wife. Valerie decides that she can’t be the other woman any longer, so she gives Kenny an ultimatum: tell his wife about their affair or lose her as a mistress.

In the morning Valerie makes her way home and tells Brandon that she was with Kenny. Brandon isn’t at all surprised that he hasn’t left his wife yet, and doesn’t think he will. He informs Val (and reminds us) that he himself was once involved with a married woman. (Yeah, but she did leave her husband.) David’s throwing a party at his and Mark’s place, and Donna insists that she won’t be jealous if their hot, bikini-clad friends show up. Clare’s fine with Steve checking out other women as long as he keeps his hands to himself.

On their way to the party, Donna and Clare come across a couple deer. Apparently they’re a rare sight in the hills. Kelly’s already at the party, and David asks her why she keeps turning Mark down for dates. She says the timing isn’t right yet. Brandon and Tracy arrive, and though she decides to stick with nonalcoholic beverages (probably since she had enough right before her first broadcast), others have already started drinking at 11 a.m.

Steve asks David to introduce him to his hot neighbors while a cute guy makes eyes at Clare. Donna’s surprised that she hasn’t met the guy, Dick Harrison, since they’re both smarties. Dick flirts with Clare, but she shuts him down by telling him she has a boyfriend. Steve, however, is hitting it off with a girl named Theresa, even putting sunscreen on her. Clare catches him, and somehow, they don’t get into a fight.

Kenny calls Valerie and asks her to meet him at their love nest. Val thinks he’s going to tell her that he told his wife about them. David and Donna hang out, as do Mark and Kelly. Steve saves Theresa from a big, scary spider, and she rewards him with a kiss. Even though he’s freaked out about it, Clare can only see their lips pressed together. Brandon teaches Tracy all the former and current relationships among the gang. She notes that the only person she hasn’t met yet is Kelly.

There’s smoke coming up the hill, and Muntz tells Brandon that he passed a bunch of fire trucks on his way to the party. Mark notes that the hills haven’t burned for 40 years, which means there’s a lot of burnable material. Valerie meets Kenny, who tells her that, yes, he and his wife are officially through. The hills are slowly being evacuated, and though Mark and David’s canyon isn’t yet, Mark thinks everyone needs to leave in an orderly fashion. Brandon notes that Kelly is a little freaked out, thanks to her past experience with fire.

David’s sick from all the drinking he’s done at the party, so he’s not present when Mark sends all the party guests home. Donna pretends to be helpful. Steve and Clare fight, and when Dick asks if he can call her sometime, she says yes. As the fire spreads and firefighters get to work, Brandon and Tracy try to help everyone leave the party. Brandon gets distracted by Kelly, who’s having PTSD flashbacks to the first fire. She’s also mad at him for not being there for him that time. (Thanks a lot, Emily!)

Mark finds Kelly in her car and offers to drive her home, but she tells him to stay. Then she decides to stay as well and help the rest of the gang protect the house from the fire. A firefighter reaches them and recommends evacuation; when Mark won’t leave, he asks for Mark’s next of kin. He tells the gang that they’ll try to cover, but they can’t guarantee everyone’s safety. Even Steve thinks it’s a bad idea to stay, and if Steve thinks your idea is bad, it probably is.

David joins the rest of the gang, then goes to get some tequila, since drinking more is obviously the solution to all of his problems. Hey, David, why don’t you give the fire some tequila, too? Donna and Clare spot one of the deer they saw earlier, and Donna worries that since it’s a baby, it needs help. Kenny has to go to work (on a Saturday? Why do you keep believing everything he says, Val?) but plans to meet up with Valerie again that night.

The firefighter returns to Mark and David’s house to let the gang know that the winds have shifted, so the fire probably won’t reach the house. Now, though, Donna’s missing. Everyone heads off to find her as she wanders through the brush in search of the baby deer. She trips and falls down a hill, hurting her knee. But at least the deer wants to be friends. Kenny calls Valerie to tell her that his wife’s lawyer is already making big moves, so he has to play things safe. That means no date tonight, which means a very angry Valerie.

Donna calls for help and tries to comfort the deer. The deer is like, “Do you have any food? No? Then I don’t think I care about you.” David blames himself for not babysitting the grown woman while he was puking up his guts. Donna’s found by a group of firefighters led by a cute one named Cliff Yeager. Donna starts thinking that it was worth it to have to be rescued. They even get to make eyes at each other on the local news.

The gang goes to dinner at the Peach Pit, where Tracy asks Kelly why she and Brandon broke up. Kelly and Clare just tell her that no one’s perfect. Tracy meets Nat. Clare and Steve pick up their fight where they left off, then decide to FINALLY BREAK UP, HALLELUJAH, CUE THE CHOIR OF ANGELS. Kelly tries to apologize to Brandon for being mad, but he doesn’t hold it against her.

Mark tells Brandon that he asked Kelly out, implying that they’re actually going to go out. Then he asks Kelly out yet again. She jokes that she’ll have to ask Brandon’s permission. Nat tells Brandon not to let Kelly get away like he let Joan get away. STAY OUT OF IT, NAT. David takes Donna home, promising to be a better friend. She’s all, “Please leave so I can dream about my hunky firefighter savior.” Valerie surprises Kenny at his office and drops a bombshell in the form of a positive pregnancy test.

Thoughts: Cliff is played by soap actor Greg Vaughan (formerly Diego on The Young and the Restless and the third Lucky on General Hospital; currently Eric on Days of Our Lives). I don’t think he’s aged since this episode aired.

Dick is played by ’90s mainstay Dan Gauthier.

The chancellor teaches an economics course? Is that normal for a chancellor?

Brandon, please don’t ever say “what’s the haps?” again.