September 17, 2013

BH90210 6.21, Bleeding Hearts: No Sex and the City

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , , at 9:27 pm by Jenn

How shocking that Brandon is the hero here

How shocking that Brandon is the hero here

Summary: Kelly’s supposed to meet Jackie at the Peach Pit, but Colin is about to meet with a dealer to get some cocaine. He reluctantly takes her to the diner, where Brandon and David are telling Jackie about Kelly’s addiction. Valerie and Susan discuss Jonathan and Brandon, so apparently Jonathan is freaking still in town. So is Ginger, and Valerie suggests that they get her to distract Jonathan from Susan. Jackie plans to confront Kelly, but Kelly bails on their lunch date to stick with Colin and meet his dealer, the inexplicably named Danny Five.

Alpha house is having a Valentine’s Day pajama party/sex-out, where people stay abstinent for 24 hours. Steve is on board, which Clare finds hilarious. She tells him she’s not signing the abstinence pledge. Meanwhile, Valerie takes Ginger to meet Jonathan. Clare has a bet going that Steve won’t stick to his pledge, and she plans to make it really difficult for him. (Maybe that’s why she’s slicing a cucumber?) Brandon finds it funny until Susan tells him she’s signing the pledge.

Colin and Kelly are partying with some other people at the loft when Donna brings over Kelly’s mail. She asks Kelly to come home and attend the Alpha party; she should be with her friends. Kelly insists that she’s already with her friends. David kicks off Valentine’s Day by bringing Valerie breakfast in bed (though he still lives in a dorm, so it’s not that great). He wrote her a poem and she got him a friendship bracelet because he’s the first person she’s dated who’s also been a friend.

While Joe and Donna and cutesy, Susan gets roses from Brandon and gives him signed letters from Woodward and Bernstein. Then she gets an even nicer bouquet of roses, and you get one guess as to who sent them. At the loft, everything’s slanted and all the drugs are gone. Colin calls Kelly for being selfish and using all the drugs, though she points out that she’s the one who paid for them. (Well, Bill did, but still.) He tells her that if she wants more, she’ll have to get them herself.

CU’s football coach tells Joe that he’s going to be replaced on the team – they can’t count on him because of his recent medical issues. Kelly goes back to Danny Five and does coke with him while the rest of the gang goes to the pajama party at the After Dark (it’s really just a regular night at the club, just with everyone in PJs). Clare continues to stoke Steve’s fire, and he finally puts on a blindfold so he can’t see how sexy she looks. Jonathan and Ginger show up together, and Valerie immediately thinks Ginger has something up her sleeve.

Kelly and Danny Five do coke and make out until he leaves to deal with another girl doing drugs in the house. Kelly quickly starts to leave, but a guy stops her to demand money for the drugs. She calls for Danny, but the other guy grabs her and forces her onto the couch. Kelly suggests that they drink some wine and calm down. When the bottle’s empty, she smashes it over his head and makes her escape.

The gang is interested in Ginger and Jonathan’s sudden friendship, which is apparently just for show to make the others wonder what they’re up to. Clare’s still messing with Steve’s mind, but he’s practically welcoming it now. Brandon thinks Jonathan’s using Ginger to make Susan jealous, but Susan thinks he’s only there to bug Brandon. It’s not working, since Brandon’s happy that Jonathan has someone else to annoy. Donna’s dateless since Joe’s moping in his dorm room, and she decides to go find him.

During a dance contest, Ginger pretends to hurt her ankle so Jonathan has to find a new partner. Of course, he picks Susan, because when I think of people who enjoy dancing, the first person I think of is Susan. She keeps saying no and he keeps bugging her, so she punches him. Now Brandon’s having a really good night. Ginger’s annoyed at Valerie for fixing her up with a guy who’s in love with someone else, and she threatens to try to poach David.

Nat tells Brandon that Kelly’s in trouble, so he and Susan take off. Valerie takes David to her office and tells him all about her and Ginger’s previous scam and Ginger’s blackmail. David thinks she should give Ginger the $50,000 she wants, but Valerie would rather send him over to sleep with Ginger. Meanwhile, Brandon and Susan find Kelly, who’s really shaken up.

Joe packs his things, telling Donna that he’s leaving school since he can’t play football anymore. She points out that they don’t even know how serious his condition is. She understands why the coach took Joe off the team, but they need to find out if Joe’s actually sick. He’s upset because all he’s ever wanted is to play football. Valerie goes home alone to her little poem.

Steve barely holds it together until the end of the sex-out, then pounces on Clare. She thinks she won the bet since she set the clock back 30 seconds. She’s actually lost, since he’d already set it forward a minute. They get to have sex with each other, so I’m not sure who the real winner and loser are.

Ginger’s preparing to leave town, since she got what she wanted. Val thinks that means she slept with David, but it turns out he told her he wouldn’t have sex with her because he loves Valerie. Ginger didn’t really want to sleep with him; she just wanted to make Val miserable. David can’t put up with Valerie’s shenanigans anymore, so they’re done. He does promise not to tell the rest of the gang about her scam with Ginger, though. He gives back the friendship bracelet.

Kelly spent the night in the hospital with Brandon and Jackie by her side. She wonders how she got to where she is, saying she had everything and has lost it. She tells Brandon she still loves him. He doesn’t respond, but he agrees to stay with her.

Thoughts: This is really weird, but the guy playing Danny Five also played Bobby in “Leading from the Heart.”

I love the idea of Donna hosting a sex-out. “No sex for 24 hours? Well, it’ll be tough, but I think I can pull it off.”

David and Valerie were kind of cute, but there was no chemistry there, so I’m not too broken up about them…well, breaking up.

I’m impressed that Kelly can think on her feet so well when she’s high.

“Happy Valentine’s Day! Can I pimp you out?” Really, Val?

September 14, 2013

BH90210 6.20, Flying: Danger Zone

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , at 12:51 pm by Jenn

Unless that hand has drugs in it, she's not touching it

Unless that hand has drugs in it, she’s not touching it

Summary: The beach apartment residents are planning a garage sale, except they don’t have a garage. (Why don’t they have it at the Walshes’?) Kelly doesn’t feel well, and Valerie thinks it’s because she and Colin are having problems getting drugs. She’s actually wrong: Colin’s still using, but Kelly’s trying to quit. She’s not trying very hard, though, since she goes straight to Colin to ask for something to get her through the week.

Jonathan is still hanging around the Condor offices while on assignment in Beverly Hills, though he insists that he and Brandon have nothing to fight over. He even invites Brandon and any interested friends to come with him the next day for a biplane flight. Brandon declines, since the last thing he wants to do is sit in a confined space with Jonathan.

While looking for safety pins in Kelly’s room, Clare comes across the cocaine Kelly just got from Colin. She knows the amount could get Kelly in trouble with the police. Plus, since Donna and Clare live there, they could also get in trouble – and cocaine possession carries mandatory sentencing. Clare insists that Donna talk to Kelly about it.

Valerie goes through her clothes to find items for the non-garage sale, while David pretends to be helpful. Ginger LaMonica calls and announces that she’s coming to town tomorrow. Valerie refuses to have any contact with her and won’t even tell David who was on the phone. Steve thinks the guys should all go on the biplane with Jonathan, so now it looks like Brandon’s reconsidering.

Donna and Clare summon Kelly to the beach apartment, but she shows up with Colin and is definitely high. She thinks she’s in trouble because she’s not helping with the sale. Her roommates confront her over the coke, but of course Kelly denies that she’s using anything. Clare doesn’t believe her, so Kelly decides to take her ball and go home. And by “home,” I mean Colin’s place. And by “ball,” I mean drugs.

Joe’s been invited on the biplane flight with the other guys, though Donna’s nervous about his safety. She’s also upset that things with Kelly have gotten to where they are. At Colin’s, Kelly moves her stuff in and is told to help herself to coke whenever she wants. (Aww, Colin, you’re such a nice host.) The girls run the non-garage sale and talk about Kelly, though Valerie thinks they should be more discreet. And when Val thinks you should be discreet…

David shows up the sale, the only guy to skip the biplane flight. His decision to sit it out doesn’t help Donna feel better about Joe’s safety. Jonathan takes Brandon, Steve, and Joe to the airfield for a day of excitement and barrel roles and most likely some posturing between Jonathan and Brandon. Jonathan will be one of the pilots, and Brandon winds up in his plane while another pilot takes Joe up. Then the show fills a few minutes with stunt flying, because why else have this plot?

Donna and David talk about Kelly’s denial and the possibility of telling Jackie about her addiction. David isn’t sure, since when Mel found out about his drug use, it made him want to use more. If Kelly doesn’t want to get clean, what her friends say won’t matter. Back at the airfield, Brandon and Jonathan have bonded over doing guy stuff together. Joe gets out of his plane and promptly passes out. The guys decide to cut the day short. Joe asks Brandon not to tell anyone he fainted, especially Donna.

At the non-garage sale, we learn that Clare still has her blow-up boyfriend. Susan tells Valerie that she’s totally done with Jonathan, but she doesn’t mind having him around. Valerie tries to get her nervous about the fact that Brandon and Kelly are exes and still hang out. Ginger calls again, having found out from Nat that Valerie was at the beach apartment. She’s currently at the Walshes’ house and wants a place to stay in exchange for her silence about their previous scam.

Valerie tells David what Ginger’s up to and asks him to check her into a nice hotel. Ginger repays the favor by flirting with David and spending lots of Valerie’s money. Val swears David to secrecy about Ginger’s presence in Beverly Hills while she figures out how to get rid of her. At the Walshes’, Brandon downplays Joe’s condition, though Steve mentions his passing out to Clare. Clare tells Brandon to talk to Kelly, since she’s still using.

Instead of going out with Susan, Brandon heads to Colin’s, where Kelly’s scouring the place for drugs. (Turning on some lights might help. Or maybe they spent the money for their electricity bill on coke.) She tries to get him to leave, but he refuses, because it’s Brandon’s job to fix everyone and everything. He takes her for a drive while she insists she’s handling things. Also, they’re quitting. Kelly wants to go home to Colin, and when Brandon says he’s the problem, Kelly accuses him of not being able to deal with her being in a relationship with someone else.

Ginger goes on a shopping spree, charging her new clothes to the room Valerie got her. Valerie reminds her that she’s already given her money, as part of their agreement that Ginger stay out of Beverly Hills. Ginger starts talking about staying in town, moving in with Valerie, and stealing David. Old Valerie would have scratched her eyes out, but new Valerie just asks her to leave. Ginger agrees, if Val pays her $50,000.

Of course, Valerie balks, but Ginger threatens to play the gang a recording of her and Valerie talking about their scam. Val’s just tired of this whole thing and barely puts up a fight. Ginger tells her she wants what Val has – a nice life with nice friends. Valerie only tells her to rethink her plans and be out of the room by noon the next day.

Brandon stops at a payphone to tell Susan he’ll be late for their date. While his back’s turned, Kelly drives off in his car. Susan has Jonathan on her other line, and he tells her that he overheard Brandon talking about going to see Kelly. Susan decides to go to dinner with Jonathan instead. Ginger calls Valerie to announce her new terms: She’ll leave Beverly Hills as soon as she’s gotten a night with David.

Donna’s learned that Joe passed out after the flight and asks him to go see her father again. He agrees to, though he’s still insisting that he’s fine. She gets him to admit that he’s scared. Kelly goes to the beach apartment to get more of her things, telling Donna to tell Brandon that if he kidnaps her again, she’ll call the police. Donna wants Kelly to stay, but Kelly’s sick of having to answer to her friends for her behavior. She says she’s outgrown the apartment. Donna wonders if that means Kelly’s outgrown her, too.

Thoughts: Jonathan, re: a biplane flight: “It’s more fun with a bunch of guys.” Um…

Clare and Valerie both changed their hair. Thumbs down on both. Well, Clare’s cut looks okay, but she has streaks that just make me cringe.

Clare and Donna put tape over their bookcases and label them “not for sale,” and put signs on their doors that say “do not enter.” Smart, but I still don’t get why they don’t have the sale at the Walshes’. Why would you want a bunch of strangers in your apartment all day?

September 8, 2013

BH90210 6.19, Nancy’s Choice: Abortions for Some, Miniature American Flags for Others

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , at 2:24 pm by Jenn

I don't like that this makes Steve uncomfortable, but I do like that he's uncomfortable

I don’t like that this makes Steve uncomfortable, but I do like that he’s uncomfortable

Summary: A piece Susan wrote about a woman who has an abortion has been nominated for some award, and Brandon thinks she’s going to win. Jonathan is back in town for the award dinner, having been invited by the award committee as opposed to Susan, not that that makes Brandon any happier. (Whatever, Brandon – you hang out with your ex all the time.) Thanks to her new drug addiction, Kelly’s missed a bunch of classes, so her grades are in trouble. Clare wants to find a woman for her father and encourages him to find a date for the award dinner.

Susan asks Jonathan why he came back to Beverly Hills, as if she doesn’t know that it’s because he’s still in love with her. Brandon sees them together, so of course he’s ticked. Susan explains that Jonathan is pro-life and didn’t want her to write her abortion piece, “Nancy’s Choice.” He also thinks the story was an invasion of Nancy’s privacy. She admits that when Jonathan was the Condor editor, she had trouble trying to live up to his approval. Brandon thinks she still does.

Clare makes Steve go shopping with her, so he spends his time checking out other women. One of them happens to be Elle. Clare meets her, but Steve doesn’t tell her the details of their last encounter. Donna and Joe are planning a weekend trip to Santa Barbara, so I guess he didn’t die after running the steps in the last episode. Kelly apologizes to Donna for her recent behavior, complaining that everyone’s on her case. Donna doesn’t think she should be so annoyed at having people care about her.

At the Walshes’, Clare tells Brandon that she and Steve ran into Elle, admitting that she’s worried that Steve will ditch her for the other woman. Brandon laughs that she has nothing to worry about. He teases Steve, then tells Clare that there was a “misunderstanding.” Steve finally tells Clare the truth, but she thinks he’s lying. He decides not to tell her the truth ever again. Valerie goes to Colin’s to talk about a collector who wants his artwork, and also to lecture him about his drug use. Kelly tells Valerie to stop trying to take care of her boyfriend.

Kelly spends the night studying for a test, and in the morning, when Colin offers her some cocaine to help her wake up, she tells him she’s decided to stop using. Colin’s all, “Fine, more for me.” She asks him to stop as well. At the Condor, Brandon confronts Susan over bumping one of his articles. Of course, he takes it personally and retaliates by telling her he’s not going to the award dinner. Colin shows his work to the collector, telling Valerie that he’s done with the coke. She thinks he should keep developing his artistic talent because he could have a great career.

Chancellor Arnold arrives at the award dinner without a date, but there’s someone there who catches his interest: Elle. Steve reluctantly introduces them, and the chancellor invites Elle to join them for dinner. Clare thinks they’re cute together. Brandon mopes at the Peach Pit, wearing a suit even though he’s supposedly not going to the dinner. He doesn’t get why Jonathan’s in town for the dinner when the article Susan’s nominated for led to their breakup. Nat tells him to stop being a whiny baby and go to the dinner. Okay, maybe not that whiny baby part, but he was probably thinking it.

Clare thinks Steve’s jealous of Arnold because he gets to spend the evening with Elle. Brandon arrives and immediately realizes that he made the right decision to come, since he gets to see what happens with this pair. David and his completely lack of plot run into Kelly at the Peach Pit; she assures him that she’s done with drugs, so he doesn’t have to worry anymore. She swears that she only used as a response to her issues with her father. David notes that crying is a reasonable reaction to her situation, not using illegal substances. He doesn’t think her willpower will keep her sober for very long.

Colin’s art has sold for $10,000, which surprises him, since he only sold two pieces and they weren’t worth that much. He plans to use the money for more drugs. Good work, Val! At the award dinner, the women at the table get to discussing pregnancy, which Susan thinks sounds horrible but Elle thinks sounds nice. Arnold asks if Elle has ever been pregnant, and Steve and Brandon lean in for the answer, then smirk when she says she can’t have children. Brandon asks for Jonathan’s side of the story about his and Susan’s breakup, but before Jonathan can answer, Susan wins her category.

In her acceptance speech, she talks about how women who have abortions live with their decisions for the rest of their lives. She thinks her award honors both choice and courage. Colin makes dinner for Kelly to celebrate his sale; she’s mostly pleased that he’s not celebrating with cocaine. Steve sneaks into the women’s bathroom to tell Elle to leave before Arnold finds out that she’s transsexual. Clare eavesdrops as Steve tells Elle that he’s in love with Clare. Now he’s a great guy again, I guess.

After the dinner, Brandon encourages Susan to call Nancy and let her know about the award. Susan confesses that she’s Nancy. Brandon gets now that she and Jonathan really broke up because she had an abortion, not because of the story. Susan asks if knowing she had an abortion makes Brandon feel differently about her, but he assures her that it doesn’t. Jonathan breaks up the conversation, I guess wanting to lecture Susan again about having an abortion. She blasts him for being pro-choice until he was in a situation where he didn’t get to make a choice. He forgives her, kind of apologizes, and congratulates her on her award.

Arnold asks Elle out for a drink, and though she wants to accept, she remembers Steve’s pleas and begs off. Arnold isn’t that disappointed, since at least he got to spend the evening with a woman who was interested in him. Valerie worries about what Colin will end up doing with his money, and David tells her that Kelly might be able to get him to stop doing drugs. Susan tells Brandon that Jonathan forgave her, and then I fall asleep because they’re boring. At Colin’s, Kelly’s first day of sobriety ends with coke, so I guess her willpower is just as wimpy as David thought.

Thoughts: It’s funny to see Nicholas Pryor so sweet here when he was a jerk in the Party of Five episode I just watched yesterday.

If this episode aired today, LGBT groups would rip the show apart.

For once in his life, Brandon doesn’t have a judgmental lecture for someone. I’ll try to enjoy the one-episode break, because I’m sure it’ll last as long as Kelly’s sobriety.

September 2, 2013

BH90210 6.18, Snowbound: Sometimes Valerie is Right

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , at 1:04 pm by Jenn

This is Kelly's "our drugs are really just sugar" face

This is Kelly’s “our drugs are really just sugar” face

Summary: Kelly’s been MIA at the beach apartment for a couple of weeks, and Clare thinks she’s been doing cocaine with Colin. Donna laughs off the idea. Of course, Clare’s right, and it’s all because of Bill. Brandon and Susan start the morning in a much healthier way, going for a jog together. They come across a car accident, and Susan’s shaken by the sight of one of the victims. She has a flashback to a jog with her older sister, who was killed in a hit-and-run accident. She tells Brandon about it, as well as her drive to be as good as her sister at everything.

Clare drives her new car to the Peach Pit, where Steve makes fun of it. They decide to race their cars, but they’re dumb enough to do it in broad daylight, and they get pulled over. Steve tries to lie that he’s going to get a kidney transplant. Clare just wants to know who was winning. (She was.) At Colin’s, the druggies decide to use Bill’s money to buy fun things. Valerie comes by with news that a famous artist wants to meet Colin to talk about his mural. She spots a roll of money on the table, so now she’s as suspicious as Clare is.

Donna asks her father how he could come to one conclusion about Joe’s health when the other doctor saw nothing. Dr. Martin says it’s possible, since Joe’s EKG only had subtle indicators, but he should seek a third opinion anyway. He has to leave but wants to talk to her more later. Donna confides in Brandon, because why not? Steve asks David to talk to a guy he knows about fixing his traffic ticket, but the guy’s been busted. Clare and Steve’s only other option is to go to traffic school. Fortunately, they get to pick the theme of their class. (Who knew?)

Kelly and Colin rent a limo, which reminds him of his first limo ride to prom. When he got home, he encountered a van from the VA hospital for his father. Mr. Robbins is blind, but a better artist than Colin. Kelly’s been in limos a lot, but she’s never had sex in one, so the two of them decide to change that. Later, they take presents to the Walshes’ house. Valerie finds their behavior suspicious, and it’s hard to believe no one else does, because Kelly was obviously high. Now Clare doesn’t think Kelly’s using, which is weird.

Colin and Kelly go to a fancy restaurant and order expensive dishes, even though they’re not hungry. Kelly reveals that they’re out of cocaine, and Colin tells her they can’t get more because his dealer is out. Brandon visits Joe in his dorm room to address a Condor press release about Joe being cleared to play football. He also wants to talk about Joe’s meeting with Dr. Martin and his belief that nothing’s wrong with him. Joe tells him about a rock-climbing accident he had as a teenager that left him in a wheelchair. His doctors said he’d never walk again, but that was obviously wrong, so Joe has no reason to believe Dr. Martin’s diagnosis now.

Colin meets with a dealer about a “blizzard,” then scores $60 worth of cocaine. Kelly wants to start using it immediately, but Colin’s uncomfortable in the neighborhood and wants to wait until they get back home. At the Walshes’, Valerie’s still thinking about the druggies and how no one believes her suspicions. She accuses David of being in denial, noting that, as an addict, he should be able to recognize the signs of drug use. At the loft, the druggies realize that they were ripped off for inferior drugs. Colin calls his dealer and offers double for the good stuff.

Brandon tells Susan that the press release about Joe is a “snow job” (not snow like cocaine, though) and he might have a heart problem. Susan can’t believe that Brandon’s leaving their off-the-record conversation off the record. Brandon doesn’t want to drag it out in public and put Joe’s career in jeopardy. Clare and Steve attend comedy traffic school and spend the session sniping at each other. Valerie gives Brandon the “guilt gift” Kelly and Colin brought by for her – a $600 pen – and tells him about their drug use. Brandon’s as skeptical as the rest of the gang but calls to check up on the druggies, who are using downers to keep from crashing too hard.

The traffic class turns very unfunny with a video about the dangers of reckless driving. Another guy in the class produces a talk show and wants Clare and Steve for a segment about fighting couples. Susan approaches Donna about Joe’s possible illness, trying to get more information out of her. She admits that she hasn’t decided if she’s going to write a story about him. Joe knows they’re on the story and talks to Donna about it, but she’s on their side, hoping they can get Joe to take his health seriously.

David goes to Colin to confront him over using drugs with Kelly. Colin denies it, but David warns that if he doesn’t stop using with Kelly, he’s in for a big punch in the nose. Susan pursues the story on Joe, but Brandon puts on the brakes. She thinks he’s making a mistake by favoring his friendship over revealing the truth about the athletic department’s practices. Brandon orders her to drop the story, which I’m sure will work. Colin accuses Valerie of sending David over to threaten him, but Valerie had no idea what David was doing. She tells him that everyone’s just concerned about Kelly – but not Colin, because he’s not their friend.

Steve and Clare go on the talk show; she’s been reluctant the whole time, but he’s excited, at least until he finds out that it’s only a local show. The two talk about their traffic incident, which Clare has been blaming Steve for the whole time. Steve admits that he’s glad they got pulled over because being at odds all the time could have turned out a lot worse. He doesn’t want anything to happen to Clare’s “cute little brain.” Clare’s forgiving until she realizes that “cute” and “little” aren’t really complimentary.

Kelly goes to the beach apartment to get some sleep, and Donna finally sees that she’s not acting normally. Susan finds Brandon at the CU stadium, where Joe’s running the steps, and tells him that she wrote the story but isn’t going to publish it. Somehow this has to do with her sister, but I’m not really sure how. She does admit that she would run the story if Joe weren’t a friend. Susan’s still worried about his health, but Brandon thinks he’s fine. Donna arrives to apologize to Joe for being overly concerned. But after she leaves, Joe’s forced to stop running because of pain in his chest.

Thoughts: Somehow I don’t think Colin and Kelly would want to go on a shopping spree. Wouldn’t they spend the money on drugs?

How mad do you think Brian Austin Green was at this point that he didn’t have a storyline?

Cool, now I know how to ask for cocaine! Who says TV isn’t educational?

Where’s Jackie? I need her to come smack some sense into her daughter.

“Now you’re comparing horseshoes and hand grenades.” That’s…not how that goes, Brandon.

August 31, 2013

BH90210 6.17, Fade In, Fade Out: In Case You Haven’t Noticed, Kelly Has Issues With Men

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 3:08 pm by Jenn

I think Nat was playing a squirrelly boxing coach

I think Nat was playing a squirrelly boxing coach

Summary: Steve is hosting a Roger Corman film festival for a class, but Nat keeps taking down the posters he puts up in the Peach Pit. He won’t explain why. Kelly tells Jackie that her father is coming to Beverly Hills, supposedly to stay. Jackie’s rightfully skeptical, reminding her daughter that Bill rarely follows through on his promises. Kelly points out that he came to her graduation. She also notes that Jackie hasn’t been the best parent either. When Bill gets to town, Kelly meets him at the airport, having not listened to any of Jackie’s warnings.

Joe’s having problems with his ankle, which sometimes swells up, and promises Donna that if it’s not better by the next day, he’ll see the team doctor. Steve invites Brandon, Clare, and Susan to a film screening that night; Corman’s studio has sent over another movie for the festival. Kelly and Clare run into each other in a CU bathroom, and Kelly finds the cocaine Valerie gave her and that she forgot she was carrying around. Clare encourages her to get rid of it.

Speaking of Colin, Valerie’s taking one of his art classes. He tells her he has everything under control, though he doesn’t say he’s not using drugs. Now he just wants to get Kelly back. Joe and Donna study at the beach apartment, and he decides that his ankle’s bad enough to require a doctor’s visit. At the Walshes’, Steve shows Unholy Rollers, and Brandon recognizes the name of one of the actors, Nat Benson. It was Nat’s stage name when he acted in the late ’70s. Indeed, Nat’s in the movie, and Steve celebrates because he can bring another celebrity to the film festival.

Kelly tries to get Bill to talk about his failed relationship with Jackie, telling him how hard it was for her to grow up with a mother who was addicted to drugs. She always wanted him to come rescue her. He wants to have dinner with his ex-wife, which I’m sure will be a lovely, not-at-all-awkward affair. David questions Valerie on Colin’s drug habit, and she tells him that he’s supposedly clean. They talk about Kelly’s taste in boyfriends and Bill’s visit. Valerie notes that Kelly’s always drawn to unreliable guys.

Kelly takes Bill to the beach apartment, where Donna tells her that Colin’s called for her a bunch of times. Bill asks who he is, and Kelly says he’s a guy who broke one too many promises. Bill encourages her to give Colin another chance – after all, she’s giving him one. Jonathan calls the Condor looking for Susan but gets Brandon instead. He leaves the message that he’s coming back to town soon and wants to see Susan again. Of course, Brandon doesn’t pass the information on to Susan.

Steve and Clare try to convince Nat to make an appearance at the film festival, noting that he could even revive his old acting career. Nat refuses. At CU, David warns Kelly about believing Bill’s promises. Kelly thinks Bill’s really moving to town since they’re going to find him a house. Joe sees the team doctor, who notices an irregularity in his heartbeat and advises him to see a cardiologist. But he totally shouldn’t worry, because a problem with his heart is probably nothing important. The heart is just one of those organs you can live without, you know?

Kelly and Bill go house-hunting and find a place Bill likes. Brandon confesses his message-delivery sins to Valerie, who tells him to write a note to Susan and pretend he left it after Jonathan called. Bill wants Kelly to stop by Colin’s for a visit, so they got to the loft, where Colin is definitely not sober. Kelly immediately notices and hurries her dad out. Jonathan calls Susan again, this time giving her his travel plans himself, and letting her know that Brandon took a message from him. He uses Valerie’s trick to get himself out of trouble.

Joe withholds his possible heart trouble from Donna, then asks if a friend of his can get an appointment with her father, the cardiologist. Steve tries again to get Nat to come to the film festival, but Nat continues to turn him down. Steve figures out that something happened with a woman. That night, Steve hosts the festival at the After Dark, complete with an appearance from Corman himself. Unholy Rollers is the first movie screened, and Brandon points out Nat to the gang.

A woman approaches Steve to ask if Nat’s going to come to the festival. She tells him the last time she saw Nat was while he was making Unholy Rollers. Steve’s shocked to hear that the woman, Joan Diamond, was once engaged to Nat. He takes her next door to reunite the former lovebirds, who immediately start catching up. Nat’s sadder about giving up his acting career than he let on earlier (he had to leave to take over the diner for his father), but he’s happy to be back in touch with Joan.

Kelly has dinner with her parents, who get along better than expected. Meanwhile, Colin shows up at the After Dark and demands the cocaine Valerie took from him. She tells him she gave it to Kelly. At the beach apartment, Kelly tells Donna that she thinks her father has finally become a grown-up. Joe secretly goes to his appointment with Dr. Martin while Valerie calls Colin to remind him that he’s supposed to be teaching right now. He tells her he was up all night painting. (Silly Colin. You can’t paint with cocaine.)

In case we haven’t gotten the parallel between Bill and Colin, Bill fails to show up for his meeting with Kelly and his real estate agent. Joe admits to Donna that he went to see her father, who confirmed that he has a congenital heart defect. He may not be able to keep playing football. The team doctor and coach want him to get a second opinion, and Donna offers to go with him to the next appointment. Kelly tries to call her father, but he’s checked out of his hotel. Nat’s very happy after his reunion with Joan, so I guess Steve and Clare get free meals or something.

Brandon tries to get Susan to take a trip with him the weekend Jonathan’s supposed to visit, but she knows what he’s up to. Joe’s second opinion is that he’s fine, and there’s no reason for him not to play football. He tells Donna that her father was wrong, but she’s not convinced that he was the one who made a mistake. Kelly goes to the airport but is too late – Bill’s already left town. Back at home, she gets a note telling her he had to go jump on a business deal. He leaves her a check, which she rolls up and uses to snort Colin’s cocaine, because that’s totally in character for her.

Thoughts: This is a different Bill from the one who came to graduation. This one is played by soap actor John Reilly, which means that when he’s gone, I can pretend he’s off on spy missions.

Joe E. Tata was, indeed, in Unholy Rollers. I’m sure he appreciated the show digging up old film footage of him.

Among other addictions, Colin has picked up Brandon’s gum-chomping habit from a few seasons ago.

In case you’re keeping track, Jackie and Mel are living together again.

August 25, 2013

BH90210 6.16, Turn Back the Clock: The Bird Is the Word

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , at 2:56 pm by Jenn

Heh. Still funny

Heh. Still funny

Summary: Brandon and Steve get rid of their Christmas tree (well, really, they just chuck it into the yard) as Clare returns from spending New Year’s away. She notices that Steve has a black eye and asks for the story behind it. Brandon and Steve tell the story: They went to the After Dark on New Year’s Eve, and Brandon saw Susan kissing her ex, Jonathan. Clare needs more details, so the guys back up to the morning of New Year’s Day.

Steve’s teenage brothers, Ryan and Austin, are staying with him and Brandon for the weekend, and pretend not to know anything about the toilet paper all over the yard. Steve gives them an hour to clean it all up. Susan calls to let Brandon know that Jonathan’s in town on a layover (a long layover, considering he’s spending the night). Susan wants to take him to a party at Colin’s, which Brandon wasn’t interested in going to until he hears Jonathan’s going. Valerie’s excited to have a boyfriend on New Year’s Eve for the first time.

In the present, Valerie joins Clare and the storytellers and mentions that Donna called. Steve tells Clare that the parrot escaped and Clare’s being blamed. The story turns to Steve and Clare at the beach apartment before she left for San Diego. Joe’s fixing the bird’s cage door until they can get a new one. Clare asks them to shut the bird up, but they just laugh her off. Joe tells her that the cage latch is broken, so she shouldn’t open it. Clare sarcastically says that it would be a shame if the bird flew away.

David arrives in the present and hijacks the story to tell Clare about Colin’s New Year’s Eve party. At the party, David’s worried that Valerie’s going to do drugs with Colin’s junkie friends. They bicker but make up and plan to meet up at the After Dark later. Susan tries to find a date for Jonathan, who’s joining them for a Corrs concert that night. (Remember the Corrs?) Colin gives Valerie some cocaine to hold onto so Kelly doesn’t find it on him. Kelly sees them talking and is immediately mad. She’s also not very subtle about frisking Colin, supposedly for romantic purposes.

Present-day Clare reminds everyone that she just wants to know how Steve got his black eye. Steve tells her about the Corrs concert so we can kill a couple minutes. Austin and Ryan try to get into the After Dark for the concert, but Steve hasn’t put them on the guest list. When the guy at the door goes to check with Steve, of course the kids just sneak in. Jonathan joins Brandon and Susan and does the smartest thing Brandon’s girlfriend’s ex could ever do: He compliments Brandon’s Condor articles.

Valerie’s proud of the great turnout at the After Dark, but she’s distracted because David hasn’t arrived. That’s because he’s up in a tree, trying to help Donna get her parrot. The bird was out of her cage when Donna got back from Colin’s. Clare wants to jump to the end of the story and find out if they got the bird back. Instead, the story returns to Ryan and Austin at the After Dark. Steve sees them and learns that Nat let them in; the doorman asked if Steve’s brothers could come in, and Nat thought he meant frat brothers. Steve asks Kelly to collect them.

Colin goes to Valerie to get his drugs back, saying he can’t wait until she leaves after midnight. Valerie reluctantly hands them over. Steve and Kelly wrangle Austin and Ryan and eject them. Alone with Brandon, Jonathan announces that he still loves Susan and wants her back. Brandon wonders why he dumped Susan in the first place. Jonathan says she dumped him but won’t tell him why. He considers Brandon “irrelevant” (hey, me, too!) and is sure he’ll get his girlfriend back. Brandon’s so desperate to keep Susan away from Jonathan that he agrees to go dance.

Joe arrives at the beach apartment and takes over the bird rescue so David can go meet up with Valerie. He tries to call her, but she doesn’t pick up. That means Valerie has to spend another midnight on New Year’s Eve without a boyfriend. Jonathan watches sadly as Brandon and Susan make out. Kelly kisses Colin, then goes home to sleep since she has to get up early for the Tournament of Roses Parade. Jonathan decides to leave, too, but when he kisses Susan goodbye, he tries to turn it into a makeout session. Brandon chases him off, but Susan feels bad.

Back in the present, Steve laments missing that drama. He reveals that at midnight, he was in Valerie’s office, having phone sex with Clare. Brandon hasn’t talked to Susan since the party, and he thinks she should be the one to contact him first. Ryan and Austin are still around and let Valerie know that she looked hot at the party. Steve warns them that he’s going to tell Rush everything they did when he gets back. Valerie doesn’t think they deserve punishment, and Clare doesn’t get what they did that was so wrong. That’s because there’s more to the story, of course.

Steve leaves the After Dark party to find shaving cream all over his car. When he tries to go back into the club, he runs into a guy leaving with a mic stand and hits his eye. Valerie finds Colin high and drives him home. Nat makes his concerned face. Steve starts to hose off his car as David finally arrives, having been stopped at a sobriety checkpoint. That’s also where Valerie and Colin get stopped; fortunately, he’s already used all his cocaine, so they don’t get in any trouble. Or at least that’s what he tells Valerie after stashing his drugs in the ashtray.

Valerie tells Clare that she just took Colin home and went right back to the After Dark, but David’s skeptical. Kelly and Donna join the group, and Clare promises that she had nothing to do with the bird escaping. Joe retrieved her, so it’s all good, and Donna’s decided to give her to an aviary, so it’s all even better for Clare. But the bird’s escape leads to a fight between Joe and Donna, since she cares more about getting ready for the parade than she does about a bird he spent so long training. Also, he calls it “our bird,” which is kind of weird. Donna tells him not to come to Pasadena for the parade.

On the morning of New Year’s Day, Kelly goes to Colin’s loft to get him for the parade. She’s upset when she learns that he got high after she left the party, and now he doesn’t feel well enough to go. She refuses to take care of him since she spent so long taking care of Jackie. Colin says he’ll come to Pasadena after all, but Brandon skips the parade to look for Susan. He finds her and Jonathan at the Condor office and thinks they spent the night together. Jonathan apologizes for whatever he might have done the previous night to make Brandon mad, as if he doesn’t know. Susan doesn’t feel like fighting with Brandon right now.

Brandon turns on the TV to watch the parade, which Kelly, Steve, David, and Valerie have front-row seats for. Kelly blames Valerie for Colin’s state, even though she claims she would never touch cocaine. She gives Kelly the rest of Colin’s stash from the night before. Now Kelly can use it to confront Colin and see if he denies that it’s his. The Rose Court float goes by with Donna and the other girls looking like Disney princesses. Joe’s stuck in the back row, having arrived late, but he gets Donna’s attention and holds up a sign that says “Joe loves Donna” and “damn bird.”

In the present, Rush calls to talk to Steve, who plans to tell his father everything Ryan and Austin did all weekend. The boys beg Steve to keep quiet since their father only ever tells them how they’ve screwed up. Of course, Steve can relate, so he tells Rush the guys have been great and Steve wants them to stay longer. Then he makes his brothers rake and mow the yard. The gang laughs because the boys don’t know that the house has a gardener.

Susan shows up and tells Brandon that she made it clear to Jonathan that she wants Brandon. Brandon wonders why Jonathan has such a hold over her. But it doesn’t matter, since he’s decided not to ruin the good thing he has. Clare is all, “Yay, everyone got a happy ending!” Um, except Kelly, whose boyfriend is still a coke addict, but okay, Clare.

Thoughts: Ryan is played by Randy Spelling, as in Tori’s brother.

This episode is like a horrible version of How I Met Your Mother. Except instead of wanting to know who the mother is, Clare wants to know why Steve has a shiner. Not quite as compelling.

Colin has a payphone in his loft. The better to make calls to his dealer, I guess.

Heh, the parrot is still saying, “Damn bird.” I might actually miss it.

August 19, 2013

BH90210 6.15, Angels We Have Heard on High: Get It? High? Heh

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 8:32 pm by Jenn

Cindy, take me to Hong Kong with you! I need to get away from all these crazy people!

Cindy, take me to Hong Kong with you! I need to get away from all these crazy people!

Summary: Good morning, Susan! She wakes up in Brandon’s bed and does what any reasonable person would do in that situation: She tries to leave. Brandon tells her she doesn’t have to keep doing that, but Susan seems embarrassed to get caught in her boyfriend’s house. (Everyone else who lives there is sleeping with someone, so what’s her problem?) Today she may have a good reason to be embarrassed: Cindy has arrived for a surprise visit. (Yay! Cindy!) But she’s hiding something because she doesn’t know where Jim is. Ooh, scandalous!

It’s almost Christmas, and there are lots of cheesy decorations all over Beverly Hills. Not at the Walshes’ house, though, because Brandon’s too classy for cheese. Cindy tells him that Jim’s job in Hong Kong makes him happy, but she’s bored there. They were supposed to go on a cruise with his boss, and when Cindy said she wouldn’t go, Jim left without her. She’s not sure she’s going to go back to Hong Kong.

Rush volunteers Steve to buy last-minute Christmas presents for his boss at the talent agency (not Tammy, the guy who fired her). Rush tells Steve not to “screw up as usual,” which makes me wonder why he volunteered him if he doesn’t think Steve can do it. Valerie goes to Colin’s to pick up the portrait she’s giving David, and while she’s there, a guy drops by to sell Colin some cocaine. Colin first says it’s for a friend (sure, Colin), then says he needs something to keep him occupied while the gang drinks. Because alcohol is bad, but cocaine is okay.

Steve and Clare deliver Steve’s boss’ Christmas presents, one of which is, strangely, a child’s oven for a woman who’s definitely not a child. At the Peach Pit, David commiserates with Brandon over having parents with a broken marriage. Nat thinks they just need some time apart. Brandon believes there’s something Cindy isn’t telling him. Nat offers to talk to her and try to get more information.

At the beach apartment, Donna tries to sneak a look at the present Joe got her. Awesomely, he anticipated this and filled the box with plastic snakes. Clare advises Steve to stop letting Rush get to him since Steve’s an adult now. Steve says he just has to remind himself that Rush isn’t his real father. Clare doesn’t believe he’s adopted, which is a weird thing not to believe about someone. Steve delivers a present to his boss’ niece, who, strangely, is the right age for that toy oven…

Brandon mopes around the house, blaming Jim for his and Cindy’s problems. Cindy takes responsibility since she’s the one who can’t fit into Jim’s new life. She’s not sure it’s worth fighting to find anything they have in common anymore. She asks him to put the family’s problems aside for the holidays. Later, the gang and a bunch of other people come over to decorate the house. Donna begs Joe to tell her what her present is, but he keeps quiet to punish her for peeking at her fake present. Susan and Brandon are boring.

As the get-together goes on, Colin tells a story about seeing a woman deliver a baby on a park bench in New York. As he goes off to the “little elves’ room,” David tells Valerie that he thinks Colin is high. Clare and Steve are boring. Nat and Cindy decide to go to Mass together and are heading off just as Rush arrives. He informs Steve that he’s been fired because he delivered the presents to the wrong people, and his boss’ niece got a bustier. (Oops!) Steve laughs off the error, since the presents were mislabeled, but Rush holds him responsible anyway. He’s always screwing things up, like with the fire. Rush is ashamed to be Steve’s father. Steve fires back that Rush isn’t his real father anyway.

As Kelly collects Colin, who’s using the little elves’ room to ingest some Christmas snow, Clare encourages Steve to apologize to Rush the next day so his Christmas isn’t ruined. It’s okay, guys – Colin just sniffling because he has allergies. Joe calls Donna at 3:27 a.m. (the time of her birth) to wish her a Merry Christmas and a happy birthday. She asks for hints about her present, so he tells her it’s “mostly grayish” and “interactive.” After he hangs up, we see that the present is a parrot that Joe has taught to say, “Joe loves Donna.”

On Christmas morning, little Brandon goes to see what Santa put in his stocking. Apparently Santa stopped in Hong Kong to get his new watch. Cindy tells him that she’s realized she can make it on her own if it comes down to leaving Jim. Brandon reminds her that they’ve been married for 22 years, so they owe it to each other to work on their marriage. He thinks that their love for each other can get them through all of their problems. Cindy isn’t sure Jim still cares about her. Just then she gets Jim’s present, a little angel, and a note proving that he still loves her.

Steve mopes on down to the Peach Pit to meet Rush and apologize for their fight. Rush admits that he was out of line, and they agree that they want to change the way they act with each other. Then he gives Steve a copy of his adoption papers, which show that Rush isn’t just his adoptive father – he’s also his birth father. Rush and Samantha were trying to adopt, since Samantha couldn’t have children, so Rush wound up buying his own child.

Steve is furious over being led to believe that he was abandoned. Rush notes that he gave his son all sorts of material things, so he had a great life. Steve would have preferred the truth. Rush admits that Samantha doesn’t know that he’s Steve’s biological father, which is why Steve was kept in the dark. (Holy cow, this man is crazy, you guys.) Rush claims he’s proud to have Steve as a son. He should probably also order him not to tell Samantha anything, but whatever.

The gang brings in fake snow for some kids, then takes them sledding. Steve is suddenly in a great mood, which confuses everyone. Donna wants her present, but Joe didn’t want to bring it around the snow. Donna jokingly asks if it’s something that could freeze, then gets mad when he kind of confirms it. Colin sneaks away to snort some more cocaine. Steve throws a snowball at him, which leads to a snowball fight. Valerie tries to plant the idea in Kelly’s head that Colin’s on drugs. Kelly asks if Valerie’s responsible.

Everyone goes to the Peach Pit, where Steve tells them that Rush is his biological father. Kelly ambushes Colin as he’s coming out of the bathroom and accuses him of doing drugs. He denies it, but she sees the powder on his face. Joe goes home to get the parrot, but now it doesn’t want to say its line. Everyone else gathers at the Walshes’, where Rush toasts to fathers and sons. Suddenly Steve is happy about their relationship, and did I miss a scene or something?

Joe brings over the parrot, which I’m sure Kelly and Clare will appreciate having to live with. Now the bird only says the last thing Joe said to it: “Damn bird.” (It also says, “Damn bird loves Donna,” which is pretty great.) Colin confronts Kelly for being cold to him, and we learn that he was using over the summer and promised to quit. He promises that he was only using over the holidays, and now he’s done. Cindy says goodbye to the gang, then heads to the airport to go back to Hong Kong. She misses the house, but her home is now where Jim is.

Thoughts: In “A Walsh Family Christmas” (and by the way, what’s up with Steve’s family issues and Christmas?), Steve’s grandfather said Steve’s mother was in high school when she got pregnant with him. So…Rush is gross.

Hey, where’s Brenda spending Christmas? Does anyone care? …Anyone?

Jim’s present to Cindy is addressed to “Mrs. James Walsh.” Shut up, Jim.

On the adoption papers, Samantha is listed as Iris. Shut up, continuity people.

High Colin doesn’t really seem any different from regular Colin, so I’m not sure how everyone’s figured out he’s using drugs. Maybe they’re looking at his eyes really carefully?

August 17, 2013

BH90210 6.14, Fortunate Son: Boyz (and Girlz) in the Hood

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , at 1:06 pm by Jenn

I love how this kid is supposed to be 11 and he's almost as tall as Tori Spelling

I love how this kid is supposed to be 11 and he’s almost as tall as Tori Spelling

Summary: Donna has agreed to fill in for Rose Queen Lisa at her job for a day, since Lisa has Rose Queen duties. Joe’s concerned about her safety, but Donna thinks she’ll be fine. The After Dark is hosting a casino charity event the Alphas are running for kids. Kelly isn’t thrilled to have to work with Valerie. Brandon runs a Blackjack table and chats with Steve and Clare about an internship Rush got for Steve at a talent agency. Susan’s excited about the casino event because she’s never been to a real one.

Nat’s worried about Brandon getting involved in gambling again, which leads to a Brandon/Duke flashback. Nat’s all, “Well, that was a few years ago, so I guess you’re more mature now and can totally handle it.” Kelly thanks Colin for offering a portrait sitting to the event (which will help fund daycares). Valerie sees them kissing and makes her uncomfortable face. Steve’s boss, Tammy, is annoying and somehow knows less about the industry than he does. She doesn’t like him until she finds out about his connections through his father. Now she wants him around permanently.

Donna works Lisa’s convenience-store job, and considering the barbed wire around the parking lot, Joe was right to be concerned. A kid tries to buy a teddy bear for his brother but balks at the price. He pretends to put it back, then tries to walk out of the store with it. Another employee catches him, and Donna lies that he paid for it. The kid says he was putting it under his shirt so the gangsters down the street won’t steal it from him. (More like so the gangsters down the street won’t tease him for having a teddy bear.) Donna secretly pays for the bear herself.

Joe goes to pick Donna up at the store, and as they’re leaving, they run into the kid, Isaiah. He tries to give Donna a few dollars for the bear, but she won’t accept them. He’s all, “Awesome, I got away with it!” At the talent agency, Steve opens one of Tammy’s personal letters and learns that she’s been fired. He uses a typewriter (for real) to make a new envelope so she won’t know he opened the letter. She cries after she reads it, because she really does have a heart, I guess. Joe’s uncomfortable driving Donna through Lisa’s city’s rough neighborhoods, and things get worse when they get lost and run out of gas.

Brandon practices counting cards at the Walshes’ house (Clare taught him, which goes along with her characterization as a math genius) and tells Valerie that his parents aren’t coming back to the States for Christmas. Valerie thinks he’s taking the charity event too seriously – unlike in a real casino, the house is supposed to lose. Donna and Joe walk to find help, and he’s still jumpy about where they are while Donna’s calm. They wind up running into Isaiah, who pretends they were invited to dinner so some supposedly helpful people on the street will leave them alone.

Isaiah lets Joe use his phone as Donna takes in the scene and sees that Isaiah has to take care of his younger siblings. Donna doesn’t think she and Joe should leave the kids alone, so she tries to get them invited over for dinner for real. Isaiah tells her they don’t have enough food, and he has to clean the house. He’s worried that Child Welfare will find out that the kids are there alone while their mom is out. Donna announces that she’s buying pizza for them.

At the casino night, Brandon runs out of chips, which is probably a bad sign. Lisa’s there, wondering why Donna hasn’t arrived yet. Isaiah tells Donna that his mom works while the kids are in school, then goes to school herself to become a nurse. Joe wants to leave, since they’re butting into the family’s life, but Donna wants to keep helping. The mother arrives, alarmed to find strangers in her house, and gets defensive about leaving her 11-year-old in charge of her other kids. She begs Donna and Joe to leave them alone.

Brandon buys another hundred dollars’ worth of chips, even though Nat steps in to object. Colin and David don’t notice that he’s spending a lot, but they know he’s doing well, so they keep following his lead. Finally Susan decides Brandon’s going too far and asks Nat to say something. Instead, Nat goes all in against Brandon. Nat wins, and I guess Brandon learns some kind of lesson. Tammy shows up at the event and pulls Steve aside to beg him to use his connections to get her job back. Oh, and he needs to do it right now. Clare isn’t happy that he has to leave the event.

Brandon asks Susan for a loan, but she doesn’t want him to gamble anymore. He tells her to back off. The auction portion of the event begins, with Nat as auctioneer. The first item up for bid is a day with the chancellor, and even Clare thinks that’s a dumb idea. While the auction’s going on, the gambling is shut down, so of course Brandon objects. Susan tells him he’s embarrassing her and himself. Brandon ignores her, asking to talk to Steve, who’s helping to run the event. Susan walks away.

Colin’s portrait sitting goes up for bid, and Kelly tries to win it, but Valerie gets into a war with her over it. She goes too high for Kelly, so Valerie pays $600 to sit in a chair while Colin stares at her. That means she also pays $600 for Kelly to sneer at her, and she would have done that for free! Steve goes back to the office to talk to his dad’s friend Scott about Tammy. Scott tells him that Tammy’s horrible at her job and needs to not taking her firing personally. Steve isn’t sure what to tell her, but Scott thinks he’ll figure it out.

Donna and Joe finally arrive at the After Dark, and Donna notices how many expensive cars are parked there. Joe tells her she can’t feel guilty for being financially blessed since she deserves it. Donna doesn’t think Isaiah deserves to have so little. She tells Lisa about the family and how badly she wants to help them. “In case you didn’t know, this is not Adopt a Black Family Month,” Lisa says. She thinks Donna needs to mind her own business. Donna says that if she can’t help anyone, she doesn’t belong on the Rose Court. After all, the theme this year was children’s dreams.

David accuses Valerie of bidding on the portrait sitting to spend time with Colin. Valerie’s shocked by this idea, which is ridiculous of her. Steve tells Tammy that she was fired because her potential was being wasted at the agency. She doesn’t believe him, but it was a good effort. He gives her the advice his father once gave him: Be nice to people on your way up because you’ll be seeing them again. Brandon apologizes to Nat for his behavior, and Nat advises him to get help for his problem before he loses something important to him. Brandon thinks that’s already happened.

Clare has won a bunch at the casino, but she doesn’t want any prizes; she tells Steve she just did it to see if she could. Valerie goes to the beach apartment to tell Kelly that the event made $11,000. She also wants to apologize for giving Kelly the wrong idea about the portrait sitting. She planned to have Colin paint her so she could give David the portrait for Christmas. Now Kelly feels dumb. Donna’s only a little happy about the money the event made, since she still hasn’t found a way to help Isaiah’s family.

In the morning, Brandon goes to Susan’s dorm room to confess his past gambling problems and how Nat bailed him out. He thought he was past it, but obviously not. She offers to help him. Donna meets with Isaiah’s mother and offers to help get the kids into a daycare. Isaiah’s mother doesn’t want to accept charity, but Donna convinces her that that’s not what it is. Isaiah’s as grateful to Donna as his mother is. She tells him that the best way to pay her back is to do something like this for someone when he grows up. I let out a genuine, “Awwww,” because I like it when people help other people, so stop judging me, you heartless monsters!

Thoughts: Was this the first time Donna’s ever worked? She’s good with people, especially children.

I like the chancellor and all, but I’m with Clare – who’s going to pay to spend a day with him?

So who’s the fortunate son in the title? Isaiah? Brandon? Donna, who’s not a son? Confusing.

Susan’s dorm is going to have a potluck. I bet everyone brings chips and beer.

August 11, 2013

BH90210 6.13, Courting: Gossip Girl

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , , at 12:56 pm by Jenn

"Dear Diary: Today I was awesome. Just like yesterday. Tomorrow, I plan to be even more awesome. Ha ha, like that's possible!"

“Dear Diary: Today I was awesome. Just like yesterday. Tomorrow, I plan to be even more awesome. Ha ha, like that’s possible!”

Summary: Kelly and Colin take Erin to eat at the Peach Pit before Kelly goes to court to support Donna. David thinks he should skip the trial and look after his sister, but Valerie’s sure she’ll be fine with Colin. Brandon and Susan arrive, and Valerie tells David that Brandon and Kelly hooked up while Susan and Colin were out of town for Thanksgiving. David advises her to keep that to herself. The trial requires Donna and her adorable dress to skip a trip with the other Rose Court finalists, because apparently that’s STILL GOING ON. But hey, at least she has Joe.

Brandon reports on the trial for the Condor, using a tiny, very ’90s laptop. The gang arrives as Joe’s lawyer dodges questions from the press about how the trial will affect Joe’s football career. The prosecutor offers a deal that would give Joe a suspended sentence and community service. Joe won’t take it since he can’t play football if he pleads guilty. Valerie sees Brandon and Kelly chatting and tries to convince David that it means something. David accepts that Kelly spent the night at the Walshes’, but that doesn’t mean she and Brandon had sex.

Ray shows up for the trial with LuAnn, and there are some awkward looks exchanged with Donna. Felice also comes to support her daughter. Kelly calls Colin to check on Erin, who’s having fun painting with him in the park. (Colin has younger brothers, so he’s used to taking care of kids.) Well, at least she’s having fun until she gets sad about missing her family. Donna testifies in court, and like her deposition, her explanation of what happened on Halloween makes Joe sound like the instigator. Suddenly, the defense attorney remembers how to lawyer, and the truth about Ray’s violent behavior comes out.

Brandon tells Steve that Colin got up early that morning to practice, even though he might not be allowed to play football anymore. Steve wants to take bets on the outcome of the trial, but Brandon has to remain impartial. Colin continues doing art with Erin, this time painting her portrait. She’s slowly turning into a handful. Brandon calls Susan to discuss his story, and she tells him the AP wants to pick it up, since he can get to the defendant. However, Joe’s lawyer doesn’t want him talking to the press.

Joe testifies, but has to admit that Ray didn’t injure Donna – in fact, Ray was the only person hurt. LuAnn’s all smug. Valerie is next called to the stand, which Kelly finds funny, since Valerie hardly ever helps other people. Val testifies as a witness to Ray and Donna’s fight in Palm Springs. After court, the gang goes to the Walshes’ house for dinner; Steve wants a celebration, but David doesn’t want to jump the gun. Valerie tells Brandon that she knows they hooked up on Thanksgiving. He basically tells her to stop talking before he ditches her as a friend.

Joe practices again the next morning, and Brandon meets him there to try to discuss the trial. Joe is extremely optimistic, saying that everything happens for a reason. He’s sure that things will work out in his favor. Everyone returns to court, and Donna’s nervous, but Felice thinks that Valerie’s testimony tipped the scales in Joe’s favor. Brandon corners Ray to plead with him to stop making himself out to be the victim, since the real victim is Donna. He needs to tell the truth and get the trial to end.

Donna is surprised to be recalled to the stand and questioned about the incident in Palm Springs. The prosecutor gets her to admit that she lied in her hospital admission form, saying that she fell. Since she lied to protect her former boyfriend, maybe she’s lying now to protect her new boyfriend. Donna feels horrible for possibly hindering Joe’s freedom, but he doesn’t blame her. Colin’s still on Erin duty, and Valerie finds it impressive, considering…

The next time Colin sees Kelly, he accuses her of cheating on him with Brandon. She admits to spending the night at the Walshes’, but nothing else. Colin doesn’t believe her, and the fact that he believes Valerie instead is pretty ridiculous. Through this whole fight, Erin has been in the bathroom, getting ready for a bath, so of course she falls into the tub and almost drowns. Colin gives her CPR and revives her.

Susan is so super-proud of her boyfriend on his first syndicated story. He’s totally going to be the next Edward R. Murrow because he’s smart and talented and can cook a perfect soufflé and his breath always smells like daisies. Also, he’s honest. Brandon decides to beat Valerie to the punch by telling Susan that Kelly spent the night at his house, but nothing happened. He didn’t sleep with Kelly because of his feelings for Susan. She’s not sure he’s telling the complete truth. Now that Colin’s saved Erin, he somehow no longer cares about what may or may not have happened between Kelly and Brandon, so they’re good.

Back to court for the third day of the trial. Kelly blasts Valerie for spreading gossip, warning that her behavior will get her in trouble one day. Ray is cross-examined, and poor Felice and Dr. Martin have to listen to him lie that he never hurt Donna. By which he means not on purpose. He says that if he ever hurt her, it was only because he loved her. Joe’s lawyer gets Ray to admit what really happened on Halloween. Now LuAnn isn’t so smug anymore. The case is quickly dismissed.

The prosecutor offers to put Ray in jail if Donna will testify against him. Instead, Donna tells Ray about the offer and just says he needs to try harder in his next relationship. Um, what? Brandon goes home to finish up his story, and Valerie admits that she told Colin about Thanksgiving. She asks forgiveness, claiming that she doesn’t gossip to hurt people. He basically tells her what Donna told Ray: “Don’t do it again.”

Speaking of Ray, he comes by the house to thank Brandon for setting him straight. Because Brandon is awesome and perfect and a hero, and if he’d been at the beach apartment when Erin almost drowned, he would have saved her in one breath, then flown her to the hospital like Superman. And when she got back, he would have baked a chocolate cake for her and rented out Disneyland so she could ride on all the rides as much as she wanted. Anyway, Ray’s going to leave town.

The day of the Rose Court final announcement, the gang gathers in Pasadena and discusses how Steve’s been taking bets. He may or may not have gotten a girl’s mother to bet against her. Donna’s friend Lisa is crowned Rose Queen, and though the gang is disappointed that Donna didn’t win, Donna’s thrilled just to be there. Joe thinks she would have done better if she hadn’t been distracted by the trial. Donna tells him and her parents that she wouldn’t change anything. Then we end on Brandon finishing his story, because it’s ALWAYS ABOUT BRANDON.

Thoughts: Of course Brandon saves the day. OF COURSE.

I think Erin may have been aged, probably because they needed someone to have conversations with Colin. She’s…not very good, though. Her eyes are open when Colin starts to give her CPR! Also, I think she might have fake eyelashes.

I used to proofread legal transcripts for a living, which gave me the ability to spot believable courtroom scenes, and the ones in this episode are believable (unlike Donna’s deposition in the last episode). There’s one big screw-up, though: At the end of the trial, the judge dismisses the jury…but there was no jury. Oops!

Thanks for being a completely useless Greek chorus, Steve and Clare. Keep up the great work!

August 5, 2013

BH90210 6.12, Breast Side Up: Happy Sexgiving

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , at 8:35 pm by Jenn

Why is Brandon kissing "You've Got Mail"-era Meg Ryan?

Why is Brandon kissing “You’ve Got Mail”-era Meg Ryan?

Summary: Colin and Susan are both getting ready to go see their families for Thanksgiving. Colin is a little concerned that Kelly will be spending the holiday with Brandon. She tells him to let it go. Susan is also concerned, saying straight out that she wishes Kelly and Brandon weren’t going to be seeing each other. The rest of the gang (plus Joe and Sheila) goes to the grocery store to shop for their big communal dinner. Valerie’s getting along really well with her boyfriend’s mother.

Shopping montage! Clare buys some booze for the cocktail party her father is hosting, but isn’t she under 21? Kelly gets flowers for a centerpiece, and Brandon compliments her on her ability to make things pretty. She can tell he misses his family and isn’t as happy as he lets on about having his first Thanksgiving on his own. After the shopping trip, Donna and Joe have to go to a deposition, but Donna hopes not to discuss the case any more for the rest of the week. Kelly’s upset that Donna’s relationship with Ray has to come out in court.

Valerie appears to be in charge of the meal, and she’s determined to have dinner at the dining room table, not in front of the TV. Brandon and Kelly go to the Peach Pit to pick up pies, leading Steve to comment to Valerie that they’re pretty chummy again. Kelly and Brandon tell each other that they told their significant others that nothing was going to happen between them. Sheila helps Valerie in the kitchen with tips about cooking the turkey (you’re supposed to cook it breast side down). Val pulls David aside to whine that she wants to cook by herself, so he needs to get Sheila away from her.

Kelly and Brandon return with pies and Nat’s tip to cook the turkey breast side up. Valerie complains to them about Sheila trying to take over. They don’t care. Colin calls, and while Kelly’s out of the room, Val asks Brandon if he’s going to take advantage of Susan and Colin being away. Donna and Joe go to her deposition, after which she has to run a secret errand for his birthday. Donna goes through the world’s shortest deposition, and her testimony makes it sound like Joe attacked Ray without being provoked. Joe’s lawyer sucks and doesn’t clarify anything.

Steve and Clare go to Chancellor Arnold’s cocktail party, where Steve is nervous to run his advisor, the guy who found out he’d cheated on his math placement test. He’s also annoyed when his advisor remarks that opposites attract when he learns that Steve and Clare are dating. Clare doesn’t get why he cares what all the party guests think about him. I don’t get why the writers think this is interesting in any way.

Donna tries to meet up with NFL player Steve Young, whose agent’s father was a patient of her father’s. She wants Steve to come by the Walshes’ the next day to wish Joe a happy birthday. Steve drinks and mopes in the corner at the party until Clare makes him meet faculty members. He bonds with them after they learn who his mother is. I punch myself in the face to try to stay awake. Donna returns home without securing a visit from Steve Young, but she tells Kelly she has a plan B for a present: her V-card.

On Thanksgiving morning, Valerie wakes up late and freaks out because she’s lost valuable cooking time. Luckily, Sheila’s already on it. And she’s cooking it breast side down, because apparently this is an episode-long theme we’re supposed to care about. Val thanks her for her help, and Sheila lets her know she likes her with David. At the beach apartment, Kelly tries to talk Donna out of sleeping with Joe this early in their relationship. Clare tells them that the way Steve acted at the party the night before made her like him even more.

The turkey is served, and Valerie relaxes her rule about not letting anyone eat in front of the TV. Joe says grace and everyone wishes him a happy birthday. Sheila learns that the gang plans to go to the Peach Pit later to serve dinner to the homeless. She gets nervous about it but tells David she’ll go – if it weren’t for him, she’d still be homeless herself. Donna’s also nervous since Steve Young is late. Susan calls, and Valerie pretends to be sympathetic toward Kelly.

Joe has to leave to have dinner with the football team, and he doesn’t plan on coming back later, so he won’t be getting either present Donna planned to give him. Just as he’s about to go, Steve Young arrives with a signed football and plays a pickup game with the gang. Later, he encourages Joe to figure out what he wants to do in life, since he won’t be able to play football forever. That evening, the gang helps Nat at the Peach Pit, and Donna tells Kelly that she’s 100 percent sure she wants to have sex with Joe that night. Kelly supports her now.

Brandon invites Kelly back to the house to watch horror movies. David has seen them eyeing each other, and he tells Valerie that he doesn’t think Brandon’s going to be alone in the house. The exes briefly discuss their breakup, Dylan, and their new relationships, agreeing that they’re too honorable to cheat. (Though they weren’t too honorable to sleep with their best friend’s boyfriend or a married professor.) Elsewhere, Steve and Clare are boring.

At the beach apartment, Donna tells Joe she’s ready to sleep with him. But there’s a twist – he doesn’t want to sleep with her! He’s also a virgin, and he doesn’t want to have sex before he’s married. She tells him she feels the same way. The next morning, Kelly and Brandon are all proud of themselves for not having sex, though they do share a kiss. Valerie sees them hugging and thinks they did exactly what they’re celebrating not doing.

Thoughts: The grocery store is pretty empty considering it’s the day before a major holiday.

Trivia: Donna’s middle name is Marie.

Joe, fire your lawyer. Unless you want to lose, in which case, keep doing what you’re doing.

So Donna’s birthday is Christmas and Joe’s falls on Thanksgiving this year. Weird.

Valerie’s hair looks better just after she’s woken up than mine does after ten minutes of styling.

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