December 5, 2015
BH90210 10.16, The Final Proof: Is Noah Really Worth a Million Dollars?
That looks uncomfortable
Summary: Dylan and Steve are hanging out at the Beverly Royale, planning to watch a basketball game together. Josie shows up to tell Dylan that she thinks Shane may have kidnapped Noah to try to force Dylan to bail him out with his drug dealer. He knows a lot about Dylan, including the fact that he has a goddaughter. Steve and Dylan head off to look for Noah, checking to make sure Maddy’s okay.
Over at the beach apartment, Matt tries to talk Kelly into appearing on a show called Lover’s Lane with him. It sounds like a Newlywed Game-type show, where couples answer questions about each other. Dylan and Steve call around, looking for Noah, but Kelly and David haven’t seen him. Steve and Dylan don’t mention that he might be in danger. They head to the After Dark and find Noah’s car with the keys still in it and the windshield busted.
Shane and his future codefendant have taken Noah to a warehouse/apartment to make a ransom video. If Shane doesn’t get his money from Dylan, Noah dies. Donna asks David to run the boutique the next day – Valentine’s Day – with Camille. He agrees, then asks for Donna’s advice on whether or not to get Camille a cashmere sweater. Donna thinks he should stick to a handmade card, like one he once gave her. Donna’s not looking forward to spending the holiday as Matt and Kelly’s fifth wheel.
Dylan meets up with Josie and warns that she’ll go to jail with her brother if she doesn’t provide some information. Dylan uses Josie’s phone to leave Shane a message to get in touch with him. Gina tells Donna that their father called her for the first time since Christmas and invited her to dinner. Donna thinks he waited until Felice was out of town to reach out. Gina’s annoyed that she’s being fit into his life. Donna reminds her that Dr. Martin is a great guy.
Kelly, Matt, and Janet watch Lover’s Lane, discussing the show’s trainwreck guests. Janet and Donna are excited to get Matt and Kelly ready for their appearance. Kelly gets on board when she learns how much money they could win. Gina has dinner with Dr. Martin, addressing her mother’s claim that it was his idea to keep her paternity quiet. Dr. Martin says it was Bobbi’s idea. Gina notes that he went along with it. She wishes she’d had a father to cheer her on at skating competitions. They discuss what she should call him, and he suggests John.
Shane finally calls Dylan and demands a million dollars for Noah’s return. He emails the ransom video (it’s in Quicktime, hee), in which Shane plays Russian roulette with his hostage. Later, Steve watches the video and urges Dylan to work with the cops. Dylan says he’s going to hand over the money without getting the authorities involved. Steve’s concerned that Dylan’s “superhero complex” will put someone in danger.
Kelly, Matt, Donna, and Janet head to Lover’s Lane, where the couple will be competing with an annoying couple who dressed alike. Kelly doesn’t feel well, and it seems like something other than nerves. Donna decides to take Kelly’s place, so there’s your Donna wackiness for the week. Shane leaves Noah alone with his coconspirator, who’s not as smart as Shane. The coconspirator agrees to turn up the TV, which allows Noah to try to free himself from the pipe he’s chained to.
Gina brings Dr. Martin some groceries, but she quickly realizes that she went shopping for someone whose tastes she’s not familiar with. Dr. Martin wants to work on their relationship, not realizing that his failure to reach out to her more has made her so upset. On Lover’s Lane, “Kelly” correctly answers a question about Matt and the real Kelly’s favorite place to have sex, other than the bedroom. Janet finds it very interesting that Donna knows the answer to a question like that, as well as details of a game Matt and Kelly play called Attorney-Client Privilege.
David and Camille hold down the fort at the boutique, where she gets a visit from a guy named Rick. While Camille chats with Rick, David rings up a customer who’s spending a lot of money on his girlfriend. The guy points out that he can’t just get her a card. David sees Rick give Camille a watch, then take her off somewhere. Matt’s final question is who Kelly’s best friend is. He names himself, which is definitely the wrong answer (it’s Donna, of course). They lose.
Dylan gets a million dollars together, then meets up with Josie, declining Steve’s offer to come along. Steve reminds him not to do anything stupid. As Josie takes Dylan to her car, she pulls a gun on him. Shane appears with his own gun, and the siblings force Dylan into a van. The ride home from Lover’s Lane is tense, and Kelly and Matt’s new breadmaker is no consolation. Matt would like to know if there’s anything Kelly hasn’t told people about their love life.
Shane and Josie ignore Dylan as he warns that Steve will call the police when he doesn’t get in touch, and they’ll get busted. Gina goes to the boutique looking for Donna but instead finds David trying to figure out the Camille/Rick situation. (They’ve now been gone for almost three hours.) Gina’s like, “Yeah, they’re probably hooking up somewhere.” She tells David to give Donna the message that she tried but failed, as she always does.
At the beach apartment, Kelly rants to Donna about how annoying Valentine’s Day is. Donna admits that Matt should be Kelly’s best friend, so he’s justified in being mad. Kelly calls Donna her “safety net.” Donna says she can confide in Kelly, but Kelly has a pretty great guy she can talk to now. Dr. Martin goes to see Gina and ask for a second chance. She tells him she hates calling him John, so he invites her to call him “Dad.” She tries it out and decides she likes it.
Josie and Shane take Dylan to the warehouse and chain him up with Noah. Shane has decided that he might as well go ahead and kill the guys, since he’s facing a lengthy prison sentence anyway. Camille returns to the boutique and explains that Rick is her ex, and he always tries to win her back with nice things on Valentine’s Day. She’d prefer simple, personal things, like the handmade card David decides to give her after all. He pretends he bought Camille’s present for Erin.
Donna calls Dr. Martin and learns that Gina’s been putting him through a workout. He suggests that both daughters have dinner with him for Valentine’s Day. Dylan and Noah manage to free themselves and overpower Shane’s coconspirator. Josie tries to talk Shane out of killing the guys, but he says they don’t have a choice.
As Shane’s gassing up the van, Josie notices Dylan rushing him and tries to warn him. Fighting ensues as the gas tank overflows. Josie gets everyone to stop by firing her gun into the air. But the gas is approaching her discarded cigarette, leading to a fire. Dylan subdues the kidnappers while Noah grabs the ransom money from the van just before it explodes.
Kelly apologizes to Matt for oversharing with Donna and not confiding in him more. She gives him one of her journals so he can know more about her. Matt returns it, wanting her to be able to keep some things to herself. Besides he’s not going to let her read his. Now it’s time for a game of Attorney-Client Privilege. As Dylan and Noah let Steve know they’re okay, Donna arrives at her parents’ house. Gina finds Dr. Martin unconscious on the floor, and the sisters rush to get their father medical attention.
Thoughts: Brian Austin Green directed this episode. Some of his shots aren’t that great.
Lover’s Lane is hosted by one Mr. Ryan “I Paid Good Money for These Frosted Tips” Seacrest.
No, show, don’t kill off the only really good character!
See, kids? Smoking really is dangerous.
November 7, 2015
BH90210 10.12, Nine Yolks Whipped Lightly: Five Gold Rings (or Maybe Just One)
What do you mean, maps aren’t a good gift?
Summary: Donna takes Gina to the Martins’ house so Dr. Martin can see both of his daughters at the same time. The Martins want to spend Christmas with both of them, but they’re hesitant to let Gina come to their Christmas party. They haven’t figured out how to explain her to their friends. Gina decides to leave, telling Donna to pick a side. Donna says she can’t go against her father, so Gina tells her she’s an only child again.
Dylan and David help Steve and Janet pick out a Christmas tree, an activity Steve’s filming for some reason. David and Dylan hug for the camera to show that they’re friends again. Janet runs into her parents, who are surprised to see that the baby has already been born. They make some civil conversation before the Sosnas leave.
Dylan takes a tree to the community center as Kelly brings over some presents. The two have some awkward talk about when she basically proposed (he finds it funny). A guy comes by to complain to Dylan about the mess some people make whenever they come to the community center for drug-recovery meetings. That just means Dylan has another problem to solve.
Noah wants to take Donna to Paris for Christmas/her birthday, but she’s not over his lies about going to Harvard. She’s also upset that he let his parents make his problems go away with money. At the Beverly Royale, Gina shares her problems with David, who apparently still wants to be friends after that whole…disaster. Felice shows up and offers Gina any amount of money she wants; after all, Dr. Martin has an obligation to her. Gina says no amount of money will make a difference.
Janet tries to make eggnog but can’t get it the way her mother makes it. Steve urges her to reach out to her parents and let them see Maddy. She calls her parents and invites them to dinner the next night. The annoyed neighbor returns to the community center, complaining to Dylan about declining property values. He pours out a bag of trash left in the neighborhood by junkies. The kids should be used to it, since they come from trash. Dylan punches the guy, who threatens to sue. Dylan tells the kids not to use their fists like he just did.
Gina goes to the Martins’ to tell her father she doesn’t want his money or pity. Dr. Martin wants to know what Gina expects from them. They talk about her stepfather, who Gina barely remembers, since she was so young when he died. She tells Dr. Martin that she doesn’t expect anything from him. Matt meets with a client who wants to sue over loss of intellectual property. He pays a $15,000 retainer. Merry Christmas, Matt!
Dylan and Andrew discuss the neighbor at the Peach Pit, as well as Andrew’s decision to cancel the recovery meetings being held there. Kelly shows up in time to pass judgment on Dylan for punching someone in front of the kids. Dylan denies that he’s a role model; he just finances things and hangs out. Kelly says that’s not enough.
The Sosnas come over for dinner, and things go really well. That is, until Steve mentions the wedding and Mr. Sosna decides it’s time to leave. As Dylan tries to find a new location for the recovery meetings, one of the community-center kids, R.J., hits another boy. Dylan realizes that the kids notice him more than he thought. At the beach apartment, Donna wonders if Noah was drunk the night of the accident that killed his girlfriend. Noah’s mad at her for meddling.
The next morning, Donna has breakfast with her parents, telling them that Noah lied to her. Now she wonders if she really knows him, just like she and Gina wonder if they really know her parents. Felice warns her not to develop Gina’s mindset. R.J. wants to play foosball with Dylan, but Dylan would rather talk to him about how hitting is wrong. He urges R.J. to apologize to the kid he hit. Amazingly, R.J. doesn’t tell Dylan to apologize to the guy he hit.
Donna finds Noah at the After Dark and tells him that she knows her parents were under pressure to make a decision, and didn’t necessarily make a good one. Noah and his family did the same thing after Beth died. Donna hopes they can get past this. Steve goes to the Sosnas’ house to confront them for only showing Janet conditional love. He won’t let them treat Maddy the same way. He invites them to stop by the next day, Christmas, but they only get this one last chance.
Kelly and Matt decorate a tree at the beach apartment, disagreeing on whether or not they should use tinsel. They exchange gifts, a book of maps of L.A. and Orange County for him, and a ring for her. After a slight hesitation, Kelly accepts Matt’s marriage proposal. On Christmas morning, Noah serves Donna a birthday breakfast in bed (well, just a croissant with a candle in it), and Kelly shows off her ring. Donna laments that things are changing quickly. She wishes Noah hadn’t been forced to grow up so fast.
Everyone gathers at the Walshes’ house, forgoing a gift exchange between each other and only bringing presents for Maddy. Donna tells Gina that she didn’t go to her parents’ party since she knew Gina wouldn’t be there. Dylan tells Kelly that she was right about his inability to think about consequences before he acts. He thinks they should try their relationship again. Apparently he doesn’t notice the giant diamond on her finger. Matt and Kelly announce their engagement, so Merry Christmas, Dylan.
Donna pulls Kelly out of the room to ask where her engagement leaves Dylan. Kelly admits that she sometimes thinks he could be the one, but it’s too easy for him to walk away. She loves Matt for who he is, not for who he’s trying to be. Gina and David watch Dylan look at his ex longingly. Janet’s parents arrive, and Janet’s touched to learn that Steve drove all the way across town the night before to talk to them. “We’re glad you both found each other,” Mrs. Sosna says.
Noah tells Donna that the accident with Beth was just an accident, but he’s worried that Donna will keep wondering if he was responsible. He thinks she’ll always find something not to trust him over. He’s gotten past the accident, and he doesn’t want to relive it while she deals with it. They’re done. In happier relationship news, Matt’s looking forward to growing old with Kelly.
Dylan watches It’s a Wonderful Life alone at the After Dark, like, at least go to the community center. Noah shows up and almost joins him for a drink, but changes his mind. Gina goes to see Donna, and they discuss how Gina’s world has been shaken, but that doesn’t mean she has to have a sad ending. The sisters seem to be on good terms now – a Christmas miracle!
Thoughts: What made Felice think Gina would respond to her blank-check offer any different than Ray did?
So Dylan just hangs around the community center and doesn’t play with the kids? What’s the point?
Matt’s defense of tinsel: “It’s shiny!” This is why you’re a good law-talkin’ guy, Matt.
What’s with Donna getting dumped on her birthday?
October 24, 2015
BH90210 10.10, What’s in a Name: Baby Blues
This is especially nice because apparently Steve and Janet’s parents are still being jerks
Summary: Everyone’s gathered at the hospital, where Janet has just given birth. Steve’s with his wife, and when she wakes up, he tells her they have a daughter. However, Janet and the baby aren’t in the best shape right now. In the waiting room, Gina catches Donna staring at her. Steve tells the gang that Janet will be fine, but the baby’s having some breathing problems. Matt has a bunch of cigars, and Steve tells him to hold on to them until later.
At the Peach Pit the next day, Kelly and Matt tell Erin about the baby. Kelly’s worried that Jackie and Mel will use Erin as ammo in their approaching custody battle. Matt suggests that he, Kelly, Jackie, and Erin have Thanksgiving together. Dylan arrives, and Nat confirms that he has 14 turkeys for Thanksgiving. Dylan’s decided to host a big dinner at the community center.
The day before Thanksgiving, Noah goes with Donna to her parents’ house so she can talk to her father about Gina being his daughter. Gina’s already there, cooking with Felice. She mentions her “father” and how close they were. At the hospital, Janet’s doctor wants to see if the baby can breathe on her own, though the process could cause complications. On the other hand, too much oxygen could cause other complications, like blindness. Janet demands to see her daughter.
At the boutique, Dylan asks Kelly if she’s interested in helping out with dinner at the community center. Erin hates the idea of doing chores on a holiday. Kelly points out that Dylan can hire people to help him. Jackie complains about Mel and his lawyer, not realizing that Erin’s there. When she does realize it, she’s not apologetic – Erin should know that her father’s a jerk.
Gina leaves for a while, and Felice complains about her lack of cooking ability. Donna calls her out for whining after she fawned over Gina all morning. Dr. Martin comes home, and Donna learns that he had nothing to do with inviting Gina to dinner. She tells her father about her discovery, and he admits that he’s Gina’s dad. Also, Felice has known all along. Donna’s upset that she and Gina were lied to their entire lives.
Donna and Noah go to the Peach Pit, where she tries to wrap her mind around her parents’ lies. David arrives, and Donna has another moment of disbelief, realizing that her ex is dating her secret sister. David asks her to go easy on Gina. Speaking of Gina, Dylan tries to make nice with her with food and a bunch of flowers. She asks if he’s ever had a genuine feeling for anyone.
Kelly and Dylan visit Steve and Janet as they’re preparing to go see their daughter. Kelly laments that she feels useless about both the baby and Erin. Dylan suggests that she come serve dinner with him – it’s at least a direct solution to a problem. Donna returns to her parents’ house, asking for details on how Gina came to be. Apparently Dr. Martin got drunk and hooked up with Bobbi after a fight with Felice. Gina’s stepfather was happy to be considered her father, so the family never said anything. Donna’s mad that they didn’t.
Dylan and Kelly cook together, and he tries to ignore her when she says she needs to call Matt. He pulls her hair back for her, which is totally not an excuse to touch her hair and her neck. Kelly brings up the fact that Gina and David are together, then tries to discuss Dylan’s revelation that he was at her wedding. He decides to give up and let her call Matt.
Gina takes Janet some of the pink roses Dylan gave her. David brings up the fact that Dylan’s still footing her bill at the hotel. He can’t figure out where Gina and Dylan stand. Gina claims that she’s trying to get over her ex. Janet and Steve lament that they’re still unsure of the baby’s prognosis, since they keep hearing different things. Gina appreciates that David wants to know the things she likes, like pink roses. She asks if she can spend the night at his place.
Matt’s waiting at the beach apartment when Dylan brings Kelly home. Jackie calls to accept Kelly’s invitation to help serve dinner at the community center. Matt asks Dylan about the dinner; he doesn’t think volunteering is something Dylan would normally do. He seems to think Dylan’s trying to show Kelly that he’s serious – serious about her, that is.
On Thanksgiving morning, Nat tells Erin that she gets the honor of putting whipped cream on the pies when the time comes. Erin’s more impressed with the hot fudge sundae her father let her have the night before. Jackie complains about her ex’s new living arrangements, so Kelly sends Erin away and tells her mother to stop talking trash about Mel in front of the girl.
Dylan arrives and announces that he can’t help transfer the food from the Peach Pit to the community center. He has to go to the airport and see an aunt Kelly’s never heard him mention before. Kelly blasts him for ditching his volunteers and a project he organized. David takes Gina a pink rosebush, seeing for the first time that she already has plenty of flowers in her room. He’s mad that she claims to be mad at Dylan but kept the flowers. She wishes he would be more patient.
Janet, Steve, Donna, and Noah go see the baby, who’s doing better. Donna and Noah are impressed with how well the new parents are handling the situation. Janet decides that she wants to name the baby Madeline, which means “tower of strength.” Erin’s not helpful at the community center, and Jackie’s still complaining about Mel. Kelly tells her again to stop trashing him in front of their daughter. She’s been in Erin’s position; Jackie clearly has a pattern. Jackie points out that Kelly has one, too – she keeps cleaning up after Dylan.
Donna, Gina, and Noah have dinner with the Martins, who offer to pay for a ticket if Gina wants to go back to Denver to visit her mother. Donna objects, wondering in the next room if her parents are trying to get Gina to leave town. She wants to give Gina the news that they’re sisters. Felice points out that Gina will be mad that Donna had such a great life with lots of money while she and Bobbi struggled. “Happy Thanksgiving. You make me sick,” Donna tells her parents. She asks Noah and Gina to leave with her, but Gina stays, calling Donna spoiled.
Erin’s bratty again at the community center, wanting to do something she claims Mel would let her do. This time Jackie doesn’t make a negative comment about Mel. Yay, she learned! She confirms that she knows the divorce is tough on Erin, but her parents still love her. Then she suggests that Erin call Mel to wish him a happy Thanksgiving.
Later in the evening, the gang takes food to Janet and Steve at the hospital. David and Dylan confirm that they’re able to be in the same room at the same time. Steve says a sweet prayer, thanking God for Madeline and their friends. Matt questions Dylan about his activities that day, mentioning that, since Matt put together Dylan’s will, he knows there’s no aunt. But he’s grateful that Dylan gave him the chance to spend time with Kelly.
Gina arrives to tell David that she threw all of Dylan’s flowers out the window. David apologizes for being a jerk, but Gina’s fine with the way things have turned out. Donna pulls Gina away from the group, asking how dinner was with the Martins. Gina reports that Felice started crying and Dr. Martin left. Donna apologizes for ruining the holiday, which never went well for her after her “father” died. The gang heads to the NICU, where Janet has finally been able to hold the baby. Janet and Steve are all, “It’s a Thanksgiving miracle!”
Thoughts: Now we know why Felice is so awful – her husband slept with her sister! That said, she gets points for being nice to Gina.
This David/Gina thing is a mess and I want it to be over.
Janet looks good for someone who just had an emergency C-section.
Want to feel old? Madeline would now be old enough to drive. Have a nice day!
July 25, 2015
BH90210 9.21, I Wanna Reach Right Out and Grab Ya: Run, Dr. Martin! Run for Your Freedom!
This seems kind of out of character, but it’s still funny
Summary: Dylan, Gina, Kelly, David, and Matt are at the Peach Pit, talking about how Dylan and Matt hustled an ex-client of Matt’s at a pool hall the previous night. Kelly suggests scamming some kids out of their lunch money next. Gina mentions that she’s going to hang out with Oksana Baiul, who she used to train with. Dylan thinks he and Matt should take their girlfriends to the pool hall that night, I guess so they can show off their coolness.
David recognizes another Peach Pit patron as Sonny Sharp, one of his favorite radio DJs. Sonny’s surprised to hear so much praise. David invites Sonny to go on the air with him, and though Sonny says he’ll come, he’s clearly not interested. Kelly feels strange about Dylan and Matt hanging out, as do I, since Matt has no idea that Dylan and Kelly slept together in Mexico.
Donna has dinner with her bickering parents, who are impressed with how mature and successful she’s become. Then they ruin the moment by announcing that they’re separating. Donna turns her anxiety over the revelation into a cleaning spree, telling Noah she’s trying to keep herself busy. She’s sure her mother’s to blame for the split. She adds that Felice had an affair. Noah urges Donna to talk to her parents about her feelings.
Steve and Janet chat with an 11-year-old genius named Peter who they’re writing an article about. He’s so smart that he’s on his way to college.) Steve wonders if the kid knows anything outside of academia, like who the Lakers are. “I’m sorry you have to work with such a dullard,” Peter tells Janet. Steve thinks it’s horrible that Peter isn’t allowed to do kid things. Janet thinks Steve’s jealous.
Gina meets with Oksana’s assistant, who reveals that Oksana isn’t in town after all. Also, she and Gina never made plans to hang out – Gina’s going to be house-sitting for the Olympian. Sonny does David’s show while Gina meets up with Dylan, Kelly, and Matt at the pool hall. Their hustle targets from the previous night show up, wanting revenge. Dylan and Matt get in a fistfight with them while Kelly and Gina hide under a pool table.
David’s station manager, Rick, slams him for bringing Sonny on the show and boring everyone. Sonny takes that as his cue to leave. Next door, Donna tells Felice not to be selfish and fight Dr. Martin over their belongings. She brings up Felice’s affair, accusing her of being to blame for the separation. Felice says that Dr. Martin has been shutting her out for the past two months. He’s the one who wanted to separate.
Peter’s mother thanks Steve and Janet for their article, since it got her son a lot of publicity. She asks about a magic show coming up at the After Dark, mentioning that Peter’s very interested in magic because he sees it as a brainteaser. Janet offers to take him to the show. As Dr. Martin moves his things out of the house, with help from a midlife-crisis-mobile, Donna and Noah arrive. Donna wonders if her father is leaving to be with another woman. Dr. Martin says there’s no real reason for his request for the separation.
Gina takes Kelly, Matt, and Dylan out in Oksana’s car, talking about how close she and Oksana are. Matt’s skeptical that they’re really friends, so Gina invites them over to the house. But Oksana’s assistant tracks her down to yell at her for not taking care of the skater’s fish. She reveals that Oksana doesn’t even like Gina; she just feels sorry for her. “Are you mediocre at everything you do, or is the list complete at house-sitting and skating?” the assistant asks.
Donna and Felice meet with the Martins’ priest at the beach apartment so Donna can ask him to counsel her parents. Felice is willing to try, but she doesn’t think Dr. Martin will submit. Dr. Martin comes over but immediately leaves when he realizes what’s going on. He slams Donna for not respecting his privacy.
Steve and Janet get Peter a backstage visit with the star of the magic show, Dr. Van Fertle. He’s also a hypnotist, and he tries to hypnotize Peter to get him to believe it can be done. As Peter’s leaving, Van Fertle tells him, “You’re nothing but a dumb kid.” David and Sonny are at the show, and David mentions that he learned that Sonny isn’t working at a radio station as a DJ – he works in a music library. Sonny says his best years are behind him, as everyone keeps telling him.
The magic show begins, and either Van Fertle is horrible or he pretends to be as part of his character. He brings Kelly on stage and hypnotizes her as Matt tries to cheer up Gina. He urges her to stop trying to compete with everyone. Van Fertle tells Kelly he’s going to ask her questions she must give truthful answers to. He asks which of her suitors she’d like to be stuck with on a deserted island. Kelly answers Dylan. Afterward, she has no memory of the trick, but Dylan, Gina, and Matt certainly do.
Once Kelly figures out what happened, she tells Matt that she probably said Dylan’s name because he was the last person she saw before she went on stage. Matt’s still not happy. Gina’s even less thrilled, slapping Kelly when she tries to explain things. Steve and Janet take Peter to the Peach Pit, where he acts like a typical annoying kid and can no longer calculate square roots. Janet figures out that Van Fertle’s hypnotism “broke him.” Steve’s like, “Yay, I have someone to play with!”
Gina tries to leave, but Oksana’s car has a flat tire. A guy offers to help her out, and when Gina resists, he pulls out a knife and tries to kidnap her. Dylan and Kelly come out but don’t see anyone. Kelly thinks Gina made up the attack to get attention. Noah takes David and Sonny backstage, betting David $20 that he can’t use one of Van Fertle’s contraptions to make himself disappear. David gets locked inside and sends Sonny back to the booth to continue his show so he doesn’t get in trouble. Turns out it was a trick to get him back on the air.
While Donna wonders if Kelly really does want to be with Dylan, Noah meets up with Dr. Martin on a golf course, wanting to know why Dr. Martin is throwing away his whole life. Dr. Martin recently lost a friend, and that combined with his stroke made him want to do more interesting things. Felice wasn’t game, so Dr. Martin decided they were too different. Noah points out that she might change her mind if she knew what Dr. Martin was going through. Dylan learns that someone has been attacking women around the city, so Gina’s story is true after all.
Steve and Peter play at an arcade while Janet sets up a meeting with Van Fertle to undo his hypnosis. Steve thinks they should leave Peter alone – he can do awesome genius things when he’s older. Janet reveals that she was similar to Peter when she was a child, but she didn’t pursue anything big. She hopes Peter doesn’t end up with regrets like she did. Steve thinks they should encourage him to be happy. Peter says something physics-y to another kid at the arcade, making Janet realize that the hypnosis didn’t take after all.
Kelly and Matt make up, and I’m pretty sure I type that for every episode. Felice breaks down in front of Donna and Noah, wondering what she might have done to drive Dr. Martin away. He arrives and promises that there’s nothing she did wrong. He wishes he’d communicated with her more. Now he’s willing to go to counseling and try to work things out with Felice.
Kelly apologizes to Gina for not believing her about the attack, and for what happened when she was hypnotized. Gina laments that she doesn’t have Oksana’s life. Kelly urges her to let go of not fulfilling her dreams; if she doesn’t, she’ll never be happy. Gina asks her to promise to let Dylan go. Peter admits that he faked his hypnosis, then tells his mother he doesn’t want to go to college yet. She’s very understanding, easily respecting his wishes.
Sonny’s turn on David’s show turned out to be good for the station, and Rick wants to give him his own show. Sonny’s grateful to David for pushing him to go back to what he loves. While Gina and Dylan make up (I think that happens in every episode, too), Kelly can’t stop herself from spying on the couple. Dylan sees her and suddenly isn’t so content with his current girlfriend.
Thoughts: Sonny Sharp is played by famous DJ Shadoe Stevens. Did you know he’s actress Amber Stevens‘ father?
Jennie Garth directed this episode. It’s not that great, but good for her.
We’ve now seen Felice eating at the Peach Pit at least twice. It still makes no sense to me. What does she even eat there?
Van Fertle calls for an intermission after one trick. I would ask for my money back.
Kelly only had her exes and Matt to choose from for the island question, so I can’t blame her for picking Dylan. Who else would she want to be stuck on an island with? Brandon?
I can’t decide which triangle is most annoying: Kelly/Matt/Dylan, Kelly/Dylan/Brandon, or Kelly/Brenda/Dylan.
December 28, 2014
BH90210 8.23, Making Amends: Kelly Taylor Is Judging All of Your Decisions
The guest star is now arguably more famous than anyone else in the episode
Summary: Brandon and Kelly are making out at the Walshes’ when Noah calls to report that Donna’s being taken to the hospital after overdosing. She’s awake by the time her father and the gang get to the hospital, and Noah lets them know that she was taking both uppers and downers. David blames Noah for everything, since he cheated on Donna.
Donna has her stomach pumped and is admitted for a few hours, told that she’ll have to go through withdrawal for a few days. She resists any further treatment, swearing she’s not an addict. Dr. Martin asks her to come home for a few days so he can look after her. Donna admits that she didn’t go to him for help because she didn’t want him to see her in that condition. She also admits to stealing drugs from the clinic.
Valerie arrives at the hospital as Dr. Martin assures Noah and Kelly that Donna will be okay. Val and Noah briefly discuss how Josh is on his way to see the DA. They want to try to move on from all the trouble he caused. Kelly tells Donna that Noah found her unconscious and got her to the hospital. She wishes she’s seen that something was going on. Donna says that she wasn’t asking for help then, but she is now. Kelly urges her to examine her relationship with Noah in case it led to her drug use.
David’s looking for a new house, since he can afford something nice now. Apparently his song has gone double platinum. He’s distracted by Donna’s situation, but the label exec tells him to focus on how he’s going to be a huge music star. David thanks the exec for helping him make such a good decision. At the Beverly Beat, Steve gets unforwarded mail for a guy named Ted who used to work in the building. They’re from a woman named Jill, and Steve has a crush on her now.
Brandon goes to talk to Jasper about how his life has turned out after quitting his own band. Jasper has already joined another group and is working on a record deal. Brandon can’t believe how quickly David became a success. Jasper thinks money has exchanged hands to get David’s song more airplay. At the clinic, Kelly’s charity case of the week is a teenager named Leanne who’s in early labor. When Kelly goes to get Dr. Martin, Leanne takes off.
David wants to have sex with Valerie, but she’s clearly still shaken up by imagined scenes of her non-rape. She knows nothing happened, but she doesn’t feel ready for that kind of intimacy. As she’s leaving work for the night, Kelly finds what is most likely Leanne’s baby in a box outside the clinic. She takes him home with her for the night, which…whatever. Brandon urges her to call Social Services, but Kelly thinks that if she takes the baby to Leanne, Leanne will decide she wants him.
Noah goes by the Walshes’ to tell Valerie that Josh was charged with misdemeanor drug possession and got a very light sentence. He wants Val to come back to work at the After Dark. Valerie can’t believe that he thinks they can just walk away from what happened like nothing’s changed. Brandon wants to write an article about Jasper’s allegations, but Steve thinks Jasper’s just mad that David got successful without him.
Janet (hi, Janet! See you next week!) delivers more letters from Jill, and Steve realizes that he needs to get them back to her and tell her that Ted doesn’t work there anymore. Why doesn’t he just tell the post office to stop delivering them? Whatever. Donna goes to talk to her boss about how she stole Danielle’s designs and was using drugs at work. Danielle has already quit, so she’s not there to hear Donna’s apology, or to see Donna get fired.
Brandon meets with someone from a radio station to find out if anyone paid to have David’s song played a lot. The guy says that the station was “encouraged” to play the song. He doesn’t see the big deal, since it worked out well for David. Kelly talks to Dr. Martin about how Donna panicked when she felt overwhelmed. She’s actually talking about Leanne, of course. Dr. Martin wants to call Social Services, but Kelly still wants to work on changing Leanne’s mind about being a mother.
Kelly takes the baby to Leanne’s house, where she learns that Leanne’s mother had no idea she was going to be a grandmother. Leanne knows she’s too young to be a mother, and she doesn’t want to get her own mom involved. Kelly won’t drop the issue, like, Kelly, get the hint. Go call an adoption agency. Brandon tells David that he has confirmation that radio stations were paid to play his song. He wants David to know who he’s getting into business with. David tells Brandon to let it go.
Kelly finally calls Social Services, but she tells Dr. Martin that she wants Leanne to face consequences for abandoning her baby. Dr. Martin reminds her that people are flawed and need help. A social worker arrives and tells them that the baby will wind up in foster care. Kelly thinks the baby deserves more consideration than Leanne does, even though there’s this pesky legal thing called rights, like the right not to be forced to raise a child you don’t want.
David tells Valerie that Brandon’s accusations of a pay scandal have shaken him up. She’s still having trouble with physical closeness and wants to know exactly what happened the night she thought she was raped. Brandon and Steve discuss their options: run the article and tank David’s career, or let it go and leave a dark cloud hanging over David’s career. Steve thinks Brandon’s jealous of David’s success.
Another letter from Jill arrives, asking Ted to meet her the next day. Steve has gotten to know Jill so well from her letters that he’s realized she’s exactly the woman he wants to be with. He plans to meet Jill and present himself as a Ted alternative. David gives a performance that ends abruptly when a girl falls in the crowd and hurts her arm.
At the beach apartment, Donna struggles with withdrawal and considers taking some pills she’d stashed away. Noah shows up, and she admits that she stole designs at work and got fired. Noah’s fine with her making him the bad guy, but she’ll have to do it after he gets rid of the pills. The girl at the performance broke her arm, but the exec is looking forward to the publicity this will bring David. David now thinks Brandon was right about the pay scandal, and he wants out of his deal.
Donna’s completed her withdrawal and tells her father that she’ll come home now. He tells her the beach apartment is her home. David goes to the Beverly Beat to talk to Brandon about the pay scandal, but Brandon doesn’t think he had the right priorities about the story. David reveals that he’s out of the music business. He thinks Brandon should publish the story as a cautionary tale about overnight success.
Valerie goes to Noah’s boat to ask what really happened the night they slept together. She needs to confirm that they had consensual sex and that she didn’t invite anything she didn’t want. Noah tells her the details, saying that he thought Valerie pulled him down to the couch for sex, but now he thinks she stumbled and grabbed him for balance. He doesn’t consider her the aggressor, and Val says she doesn’t blame Noah for anything.
Steve finally meets Jill, who thinks he’s Ted, because she’s never actually met him. Steve’s like, “Yes. Ted. Ted is who I am. Hello, I’m Ted.” Donna’s ready to work things out with Noah, knowing that no matter how hard it is, it won’t be as bad as withdrawal. Valerie tells David that she’s starting to accept that neither she nor Noah was to blame for what happened; it was all Josh and the Rohypnol. She swears that she wouldn’t have slept with Noah if she wasn’t drugged. I don’t know…
The baby is taken to the proper people, and Kelly laments the fact that her and Brandon’s baby was never born. Brandon assures her that they’ll have a family when they’re ready. Kelly’s already there – she’s going to apply to be a foster parent to Leanne’s son. Brandon’s worried that she doesn’t get how hard it would be to foster a child and then have the child leave. Kelly doesn’t care.
Thoughts: In case you couldn’t tell from the picture above, Leanne is played by Jessica Alba.
I’m pretty sure Dr. Martin would have to immediately report an abandoned baby to the police, and that Kelly would never be allowed to just take him home with her. This is all so ridiculous.
I hate Kelly’s “the birth mother must raise the child” mentality. She knows about adoption, right? She knows that some women don’t want to be mothers, and that it’s perfectly reasonable for them to have another family raise the child? Kelly lives in the real world, yes?
December 21, 2014
BH90210 8.22, Law and Disorder: The Whole Truth
When you start thinking you’re a unicorn, it’s time to throw out the drugs
Summary: Valerie’s suit against Noah has gone to trial, and she’s on the stand, giving her testimony. The whole gang is in attendance, along with Josh. Things seem to be going fine for Valerie until Noah’s attorney drags out her past sins and crimes. She also gets Valerie to admit that she and Noah dated for a while, and that she slapped him for lying to her about not having money. The defense attorney paints Valerie as a vindictive golddigger who brought the suit against Noah for revenge and money.
Steve is convinced that Val is lying, and he tells Brandon and Kelly that she should have settled. Brandon, however, thinks they should remember that Noah’s the one on trial. Kelly thinks it’s telling that the DA didn’t file criminal charges. David wants to know whose side Brandon is on, but Brandon isn’t sure. Val gets mad at him, and Steve reminds her that Brandon is always the first person to jump to her defense. Valerie’s mad that the others never do.
Josh is sure that Noah’s going to win. Noah spots Donna taking painkillers and expresses concern. She and Josh tell him that they’re just uppers. That doesn’t make Noah feel any better. Donna is apparently upset that Valerie’s being made to look like a tramp, like, isn’t that how Donna sees her? She’s just mad that Noah slept with her.
While the trial is in recess, David heads to the studio with Jasper’s Law. Their label has just undergone a reorganization, and the person they were working with has been replaced. The new exec tells David that everything sounds great, if by “everything” you mean “just David and not the rest of the band.” The label is interested in him, not the others.
Donna learns that she needs to throw together a new line very quickly. She’s worried that she’ll be pushed aside for a co-worker named Danielle. Time to up the uppers! She calls Josh to ask for painkillers, but he brushes her off. He thinks she needs to be more focused on Noah’s trial. David resists separating himself from Jasper’s Law but agrees to play one song on his own for the exec. The exec secretly records it.
Donna tries to get her original prescription from her father refilled, but the pharmacist can’t do anything. She’s taken two weeks’ worth of painkillers in less than a week. Yeah, you have a problem, Donna. David tells Valerie that the defense is calling him as a character witness, which he notes is a smart move. If he says anything negative about Noah, the lawyer will point out that David is dating Noah’s ex.
Instead of going back to court for the afternoon, Donna goes to the clinic to get more pills from her father. Or, you know, steal them – whichever works. Dr. Martin tells her she needs to rest and work less. Donna tells him that she needs to finish a line quickly, so she can’t take a break. Also, she accidentally knocked a bunch of her painkillers down the kitchen sink. Dr. Martin buys her story and gives her pills.
David gets on the stand, and the defense attorney talks about all the nice things Noah has done for him. She also puts Kelly on the stand to talk about how Noah donated blood that saved her life. Next Brandon testifies that Noah helped him save David’s life in Hawaii. Okay, great, but that doesn’t mean he’s not a rapist, you know?
Donna admires Danielle’s work while struggling to do her own. Meanwhile, David learns that Jasper quit the band, which means the rest of the group will probably follow. The label exec doesn’t care – David’s going to be a star. David feels bad that he’s getting ahead at the group’s expense. The exec warns him that the music business isn’t about being nice and making friends. Valerie’s lawyer thinks there’s still a chance that she’ll win the trial. The fact that Noah admitted that he had sex with Valerie works against him.
Donna stays at work late, still unable to make any sketches. When everyone else is gone, she steals Danielle’s. Brandon and Kelly discuss the trial, and how the loser will probably leave town. Kelly’s like, “So if Noah wins, Valerie’s gone? Score!” Brandon would like to keep their conversation civil, since Valerie’s still his friend. He realizes that their relationship is still on shaky ground, both from the trial and from his cheating.
David imagines himself as a big music star, accepting a Grammy (really a bottle of mouthwash) and meeting famous musicians. Valerie catches him and thinks it’s cute. Jasper comes by to confront David for recording the band’s material on his own, then getting ahead without them. David promises that he didn’t know the exec was recording him. Jasper plays the “you wouldn’t be anyone without me” card, warning that the exec is snowing him. David’s case isn’t helped when the label delivers a Porsche for him to drive for a week.
Janet makes her weekly ten-second appearance to do some quick business with Brandon and Steve at the courthouse. They’re working on a story about West Beverly’s upcoming reunion. She gives the guys a box of childhood pictures for basically no reason, but thanks anyway, Janet. Steve and Brandon try to make nice with Valerie, pointing out that they didn’t have any choice about answering the defense’s questions. She thinks they went overboard and betrayed their friendships: “Now who’s betraying whom?”
Josh testifies, which is hilarious, because this whole mess is his fault. He states that he wasn’t paying complete attention, so Valerie’s attorney points out that there was a time when Noah could have drugged Valerie’s drink. For those who have forgotten what really happened, we get flashbacks of Josh drugging Valerie. Valerie’s lawyer is like, “We know Valerie was drugged; who other than Noah could have done it?” Josh is like, “Um…I don’t know?”
Donna successfully passes off Danielle’s sketches as her own. Danielle doesn’t say anything to their boss, but she confronts Donna, saying she thought Donna was better than this. While they’re waiting for the verdict, Kelly tells Valerie that, thanks to Josh’s testimony, she now thinks Val might be telling the truth. Valerie isn’t sure the trial is worth it, considering what she’ll have lost while getting justice.
Josh apologizes to Noah for his harmful testimony, but Noah’s just happy to have his brother’s support. Oh, Noah. Poor, dumb Noah. The jury declares Noah guilty, and though Valerie’s happy to have won the trial, she knows how much damage has been done to Noah. She and David go for a ride in his Porsche, which makes him feel the same as Valerie’s win. He’s finally finding success in music, but doesn’t like that it was at Jasper’s expense. Valerie urges him to believe in himself the way he believed in her.
Donna goes to the boat and searches through Josh’s things for painkillers. Josh catches her and tells Noah about her drug problem. Donna responds by showing Noah a box of Rohypnol with Josh’s name on it. (Apparently you can get prescription Rohypnol for insomnia. Who knew?) Noah quickly puts everything together and attacks his brother. Josh says they can just pay Valerie the money she won and move on. Noah, of course, isn’t going to do that.
At the Walshes’, Brandon, Valerie, Steve, and Kelly open the box of pictures and look at a childhood picture of Valerie. Everything’s all puppies and rainbows for the group now. Noah arrives to reveal that Josh was the one who drugged Val. He promises to support her if she files charges against Josh. Noah then goes to the beach apartment, where he finds Donna unconscious from a drug overdose.
Thoughts: Valerie should have gotten a better lawyer. I think he could have objected to all of Noah’s lawyer’s cross-examination.
I love how Donna takes three painkillers at once. They’re huge! Even one would be hard to swallow. The prop department couldn’t have found something smaller?
Don’t worry, David. We’ve all pretended to make an award-acceptance speech. (Uh…we all have, right?)
November 29, 2014
BH90210 8.19, Crimes and Misdemeanors: You Belong With Me
Sucks to be Noah and Valerie
Summary: Brandon corners Kelly at work, STILL not getting that she doesn’t want to talk to him. A patient sticks up for her, and his posturing plus the arrival of Jeff make Brandon leave. The patient is Andrew, someone Jeff knows, and he was recently released from a maximum-security prison. He was convicted of murder when he was 17. Noah gets a hold of one of Donna’s photo albums and goofs around with her just as Dr. Martin pays a visit. He has the bad news that his mother has an aneurysm and will be coming to California for a consult. Dr. Martin isn’t sure if she’ll be okay.
David’s sick of crashing in Valerie’s room, so Steve suggests that he move into Carly’s place; she still has four months on her lease. Val’s upset that her boyfriend doesn’t want to live with her anymore. Steve then goes to the Peach Pit and chats with a woman named Madeline, whose girlfriend he double-parked behind the day before. He mentions taking coffee to his “partner,” Brandon, who he both works with and lives with. Steve offers to take Madeline and her girlfriend, Libby, to lunch the next day. She asks him to bring Brandon, too.
Kelly goes to the Beverly Beat to ask Brandon to talk to Andrew. After 20 years in prison, he was released with a small amount of money and sent into an unappealing living situation. She thinks he deserves a job and a second chance. Noah needs someone to look after the After Dark while he spends time with Donna, and Valerie immediately volunteers. He gives her a probationary shot. Valerie has already arranged for a record-label rep to come see Jasper’s Law perform, now with new keyboard player David.
Kelly tells Jeff that she asked Brandon to write a story about Andrew. She admits that she’s taken an interest because her own father is in jail. She hasn’t gone to visit him, and still hasn’t forgiven him for being out of her life so much when she was younger. Donna takes Noah to meet her grandmother, who’s a little out of it and thinks Donna and David are still together. She declares that David and Donna are meant for each other.
Valerie apologizes to David, telling him that she’s used to fighting for what she wants. She tells him that a rep will be at Jasper’s Law’s performance that night. She also thinks that the song he wrote was about her, not Donna. David thanks her, then rushes off to check on Donna at the hospital. When he arrives, he’s very comfortable with the Martins, which Noah notices. Mrs. Martin asks David to take care of Donna, still not accepting that she’s with Noah now.
Brandon meets with Andrew, but he’s more interested in the murder case than in his story about getting out of jail. Andrew shot his mother’s abusive boyfriend and was sent to prison on his 17th birthday, partly thanks to the testimony of his mother. Brandon wonders if Andrew feels remorse for what he did. (Considering the guy was hurting his mother, probably not.) Andrew thinks Brandon believes he’s just a murderer and can’t accomplish anything. He doesn’t feel bad about killing a monster, but considering what he’s left with, he wouldn’t do it again.
Valerie asks Noah about David’s visit to the hospital, and Noah tells her that Mrs. Martin wants David and Donna to be together. Donna comes over to the After Dark to see David’s set, even though her grandmother is having surgery the next morning. David resists opening the set with the song he wrote for Donna, since she and Valerie are both there. Jasper thinks that makes things even better – Valerie doesn’t know the song is about Donna, but even if she finds out, a catfight will make the night memorable.
They start with the song, and Noah quickly realizes that David wrote it about Donna. She laughs off his worries about David trying to win her back. Noah says he doesn’t have to – according to Mrs. Martin, they’re fated to be together. Brandon and Steve go out with Madeline and Libby, who think they’re a couple. Steve somehow thinks that they’re on a straight double date, not two couples having a meal together. Brandon leaves, and Steve agrees to dinner at the women’s house.
Kelly checks on Donna at the hospital, and they talk about how tough things are with their ex-boyfriends always around. Donna encourages Kelly to consider getting back together with Brandon if it’s what she really wants. Mrs. Martin suffers complications during the operation, and Dr. Martin tells Donna to go see her because she probably won’t survive. Donna tells her unconscious grandmother that she remembers everything Mrs. Martin has told her.
Andrew’s upset over Brandon’s story since Brandon also interviewed the murder victim’s son. He doesn’t think the son deserved to have his past dragged out. Brandon just wanted to tell both sides. Andrew’s mad that he’ll always be seen as just a murderer – he did one thing wrong and it’ll follow him the rest of his life. Brandon seems to think he can relate, because cheating on your girlfriend and not being forgiven for it is totally the same as spending 20 years in prison for murder.
Mrs. Martin dies, and Noah comforts Donna. Meanwhile, Valerie helps David move into Carly’s place. She’s in a good mood because she still thinks he wrote the song for her. David comes clean, and there goes Valerie’s good mood. She thinks David wants Donna back. At the clinic, Andrew tells Kelly that he hopes Brandon’s article will serve as a cautionary tale. He’s grateful that she reached out to him, since most people want nothing to do with an ex-con. Kelly agrees to go to Mrs. Martin’s funeral with Jeff, even though Brandon will see them together.
Brandon and Steve go to Madeline and Libby’s for dinner, and Steve and Brandon somehow still don’t get that they’re a couple and this will not lead to the guys having sex with them. Brandon catches on when Libby tells him that she and Madeline share a bedroom. The women are equally surprised to learn that the guys aren’t a couple. They thought the guys were just acting a little distant because they’d had a “lover’s tiff.”
David’s spending one last night at the Walshes’, so Donna goes there to tell him that Mrs. Martin died. Valerie’s not thrilled to see them hugging. Donna quickly gets uncomfortable and leaves. Valerie tells David that she’s not going to the funeral, and he shouldn’t either – Donna has Noah to comfort her. David says that they can still be part of each other’s lives, but Valerie thinks he needs to choose between them. He won’t take the bait – he and Donna have known each other longer, and he’s going to the funeral to be there for her.
After the funeral, the gang heads to the beach apartment, where Brandon calls his mom. Awwwww! Kelly overhears him telling Cindy that he misses Kelly. She warns him that Jeff is there. Brandon thanks her for encouraging him to write about Andrew, because talking to him helped him figure out that he needs to serve a sentence for his crime. He needed help to see that his actions hurt Kelly, and he can never make things right, no matter how much he apologizes. Kelly says that she does want Brandon back, but she can’t trust that he won’t hurt her again.
Later, Steve and Brandon head to work, arriving just before Andrew. Janet relays a message that the auto-body shop where he worked as a teenager is willing to rehire him. Brandon and Andrew each hope the other can put bad things behind them. As David’s about to leave the beach apartment, Noah suggests that he stay so he and Donna can share good memories. Donna thinks Noah just feels left out because he didn’t know Mrs. Martin.
David reveals that Mrs. Martin gave him her locket with the picture of her and her husband inside. He and Donna kiss, but she stops them before things can get more serious. David says that Mrs. Martin asked him to take care of her. Donna agrees to let him, but only as a friend. In her bedroom, Kelly writes a letter to her father, reaching out to work on their relationship even though he’s hurt her.
David goes home to his new place, where Valerie tells him that Jasper’s Law got their record contract. She gives him a cactus as a housewarming gift, because it’s a metaphor for her and blah blah, I don’t care. Donna goes to Noah’s boat and thanks him for giving her time alone with David. He invites her to tell him all about her grandmother.
Thoughts: Madeline is played by Josie Davis, who later returns as a different character.
How awkward that David gets along better with Felice after his breakup with Donna than when they were together.
But Brandon and Steve basically are a couple, right?
I can buy Steve not getting that Madeline and Libby were a couple. Madeline was a little flirtatious with him, and he was blinded by lust. But I figured Brandon would have caught on. For a journalist, he’s not very observant.
July 27, 2014
BH90210 8.1, Aloha Beverly Hills, Part 1: Hilary Swank Thinks Steve Is a Jerk
One of these people has two Oscars. The other did two “Sharknado” movies
Summary: Brandon narrates for us the fact that the gang has now graduated from college. Then he gives us an overview of their summer activities. Donna went to confession to admit she lost her virginity, but kept it quiet from Felice. Valerie got a job (which didn’t last) and put blond streaks in her hair (which did). Steve was hired as KEG’s alumni advisor, but the job didn’t pay much. Kelly moved in with Brandon.
And now, the present! Brandon’s desperate for a newspaper job but can’t even get hired to write obituaries. Kelly finds cards from Tracy in one of Brandon’s drawers, and Brandon quickly reminds her that he broke up with Tracy for Kelly, so there’s no reason to be jealous. Kelly points out that he didn’t have to keep mementos. Valerie accidentally adds to the tension by commenting on how pretty Kelly has made the bedroom (which Brandon doesn’t seem to appreciate).
Over at the beach apartment, David and Donna’s honeymoon appears to be over. She wants him to move in, but she wants them to have separate bedrooms. Donna blames it on Felice, saying she doesn’t want to upset her mother. David isn’t willing to be his girlfriend’s roommate – either they live together and share a room, or he lives somewhere else.
At the Walshes’, everyone’s unemployed two months post-graduation, though Val claims to have a new “executive” job. Steve’s still able to pay his rent, though. Valerie perks up when she learns that he has a savings account. Kelly asks Steve to take Erin to her soccer game, like, of all of the people on this show, Steve is the last person I’d think of to be responsible for my little sister.
Donna collects her allowance from her father, who’s mostly recovered from his stroke. He also has a lead on a job as a second assistant stylist. Brandon thinks he and Kelly should go on vacation, but she actually has a job (at some foundation) that starts the next week. Also, they don’t have money, so how would they pay for this vacation? Brandon throws away all his Tracy stuff, then pulls some pictures back out to look at. Kelly catches him.
Steve hangs out at Erin’s soccer game, offering tips to a kid named Zach. His mother, Carly, objects to her child talking to strangers. Steve’s like, “What’s wrong with a kid chatting with a strange man who doesn’t even have a child in this soccer game I’m attending?” He tells Carly that Zach’s father should teach him to stick up for himself. Carly calls Steve a jerk. After she and Zach leave, Erin informs Steve that Zach doesn’t have a father.
Donna is invited to meet with someone about the assistant position. Meanwhile, David works at the After Dark, which is having financial problems. He’s also keeping all his stuff in his office until he figures out where he’s living. Donna suggests that he stay on her parents’ boat if he’s not going to move into the beach apartment. On their way home from the soccer game, Steve encounters Carly having car trouble and offers his help. She’s not interested, though he knows what he’s talking about. Oh, just make out already.
Kelly and Donna go shopping and discuss whether Donna and David should rush into living together. Kelly admits that shacking up with Brandon isn’t as great as she expected. She mentions the Tracy stuff, and Donna laughs at her because she probably has some of Dylan’s stuff lying around. They learn that Valerie’s “executive” job is spritzing perfume at the mall, and Kelly promises not to tell anyone, which means everyone will know in two hours.
Speaking of secrets, David complains to Brandon and Steve about how Donna hasn’t told her parents they had sex. Brandon points out that Donna must already feel guilty for having premarital sex, and she doesn’t want her parents to make her feel any guiltier. David sees Donna stalling as a lack of commitment. Brandon tells him that living with his girlfriend isn’t 100 percent awesome. He thinks he’ll try to smooth things over with Kelly by throwing her a surprise birthday party.
Kelly and Donna pick up Donna’s birth control at a drugstore, and guess who else is there? Felice! Oh, the irony! Kelly quickly covers, saying the pills are hers. Later, Donna goes to her job interview, which is now for a first assistant instead of a second one. She’d be helping out on a swimsuit catalog shoot with a famous photographer…in Honolulu. Donna gets the job easily, but the interviewer feels ill and jets off soon after hiring her.
The guys spend a boring night at the After Dark, thought at least Steve likes the waitresses’ new uniforms (which Donna designed). Valerie shows up and slams David for screwing up an alcohol order, which resulted in a lack of white wine. Steve hits on a waitress who tells him she’s not allowed to date customers. He tells her he’ll talk to David and get him to make an exception.
Valerie apologizes to David, then warns that if he doesn’t ramp things up, the club will go under, and soon. She proposes that she buy back in and they work together the way they used to. David won’t accept if it means hurting his relationship with Donna. Donna arrives and announces that she’s going to Hawaii for a photo shoot. She wants David to come along, and he invites the rest of the gang to come, too. Steve decides to use his “emergency fund” to pay everyone’s way. Val says she’s too busy to go.
But at the house the next day, Valerie ambushes Steve in the shower to ask him to loan her money for the trip. He agrees, as long as they share a room. She insists that they’re not going to hook up again like they did the night of their graduation party (twice), and bargains him down to separate beds in the same room.
Kelly tries to get Brandon to help her pick out wallpaper for their room, getting mad when he tells her he really doesn’t care. He knows she’s really just upset about his Tracy mementos. Valerie pops in to announce that she’s going on the trip, and she super-hopes Kelly can come along. Kelly can’t, so Brandon says he’ll stay home, too. Kelly tells him to go since they clearly need some time apart.
Steve goes out with the waitress, who’s too dumb even for him. Guess who their waitress is? Carly! Steve’s date thinks she’s rude, Carly thinks she’s dumb, and everyone’s right, but Carly’s the only one who gets in trouble. “I think she likes me,” Steve says after Carly dumps a drink in his lap. The day everyone leaves for Hawaii, Brandon still hasn’t 100 percent decided if he’s going. He’s sorry that he’ll have to miss Kelly’s birthday. Kelly encourages him to go, then cries when he leaves.
Thoughts: Yes, friends, we’ve reached the Hilary Swank episodes.
’90s music alert: Foo Fighters’ “Monkey Wrench.”
Poor Erin. Her parents, brother, and sister all ditch her soccer game and send her with her siblings’ friend.
Are the Martins paying the full rent on the three-bedroom beach apartment? Maybe Donna should move into a smaller place?
Steve, trying to guess where Donna’s going: “Borneo?” Brandon: “Burma!” Steve: “Why’d you say that?” Brandon: “I don’t know. I panicked.” Sometimes Brandon makes me laugh (on purpose).
Wish I could just jet off to Hawaii whenever I felt like it. “Oh, you’re going to Hawaii? I think I’ll tag along.” Maybe I just need richer friends.
May 11, 2014
BH90210 7.24, Spring Breakdown: Two Princesses
“How do we make the set look more Asian-y?” “Tea?” “Yes! Tea!”
Summary: Brandon and Tracy are off to Hong Kong to see Jim and Cindy. Everyone else will be going to a premiere party Valerie’s throwing for Rob at the After Dark. Well, everyone except Kelly, who wants to mope over Brandon taking Tracy to Hong Kong. Clare thinks she needs to move on because “some things aren’t worth saving.” Amen, Clare. Kelly still has her non-engagement ring, by the way, and is wearing it on a chain around her neck.
In Hong Kong, Jim (hey, Jim!) welcomes Brandon and Tracy to “Casa Walsh East.” Cindy’s in London with Brenda, who has mono. Tracy notes that it’s been a long time since the four Walshes were all together. Jim wonders why Brandon never mentioned that he was dating Tracy. Dr. Martin’s about to be released from the hospital; his recovery has been quick, though he hasn’t completely regained the use of his right arm and leg, and still has some short-term memory problems. Felice hasn’t told Donna that her father’s going to a rehab center, not home. Donna’s upset about that.
Over at Rob’s house, he and Valerie are still sleeping in a mattress on the floor of the living room. Seriously, what’s up with that? Alan calls to confirm that Valerie’s bringing Rob to the party. He doesn’t want to go, since Hollywood is full of fake people and blah blah blah, do we really have to put up with this again? Jim asks after Kelly, but Brandon pretends he doesn’t know or care what’s up with her.
Apparently Kelly’s been trying to distract herself by fixing up an old rocking chair. Steve breaks it. This is the wackiness we’ve been given, folks. Clare talks Kelly into going to the party after all. Alan meets Rob and Valerie at the house before the party so Alan can introduce Rob to an aspiring actress named Heather. He wants to pair them up for the party. Rob says he’s going with Valerie, but Alan does his smarmy thing to get Val to back down.
At the Peach Pit, Donna and David look over info about rehab facilities; Donna’s still against them, but David thinks Dr. Martin might benefit from one. He decides to drop the disagreement and look into support groups instead. The Barenaked Ladies play at the premiere party, because it’s the ’90s. Kelly doesn’t have a very good time, but at least she gets to practice rejecting guys. She starts to enjoy herself more when Rob shows up without Valerie.
In Hong Kong, Brandon, Tracy, and Jim go to a market, where Tracy admires a book. The salesman tells them it’s about a prince in love with two princesses on two different shores. He goes back and forth, visiting both, and eventually “drowns in his own indecision.” Valerie gets rid of Heather by sending her off to a fake meeting with Cameron Crowe. Brandon, Tracy, and Jim have lunch and talk about love, blah blah, we know Tracy’s gone after this season, so whatever.
David gets Dr. Martin a bunch of stuff that will help him get around his house better. Donna thinks this will convince Felice not to send him to rehab. David, however, knows that Dr. Martin has big problems to overcome and will need more help. Donna wants to do what she thinks is best for her father rather than worry about making Felice mad. Alcohol has made Kelly’s night a lot better, and she makes up with a guy she rejected earlier.
Valerie and Alan bicker about who has more power in their arrangement. (I’d say Val, since she gets money AND a movie star.) At the hospital, Dr. Martin tells Donna that he’s going to rehab. She thinks he’s just giving in to Felice, but he assures her that’s making the decision for himself. Plus, he doesn’t want Donna to have to take care of him while he’s recovering. Clare notices how much Kelly’s had to drink and tries to get her to go home, but Kelly points out that Clare wanted her to come to the party in the first place.
Rob makes Alan apologize to Valerie for the move with Heather. Alan says that he may be a snake, but at least he’s obvious about it, unlike Val. He outs Valerie for taking money from him to get Rob to do the movie. Valerie says she only did it to make Rob see how sleazy Alan is. Rob sides with her and fires Alan, though he’s not that happy with Val either.
Jim and Brandon talk about various fears (Jim: Hong Kong going Communist; Brandon: graduation), then move on to discussing Tracy. Brandon admits that he doesn’t care about Tracy as much as she cares about him. Jim says it’s obvious that he’s still in love with Kelly. Brandon tells him about how he kept the ring and only returned it a couple weeks ago. So he must be totally over Kelly and not thinking about her at all!
Clare complains to Steve that Kelly’s throwing herself at Pete, the guy she’s been chatting with. She realizes she lost her ring and starts frantically looking for it. For some reason, this turns Pete off. At the hospital, Felice blasts Donna for giving Dr. Martin the option of going home instead of to rehab. After all, Felice, not Donna, is the one who would have to take care of him. Donna assures her mother that she can be strong for Dr. Martin. Felice admits that she’s only as confident as she is because Dr. Martin is always there for her. She’s glad that Donna has her father’s confidence.
The next day, Valerie goes to Rob’s to apologize for the whole mess with Alan. Apparently he’s not that mad at her since he wants her to be his new manager. She isn’t sure, but then she realizes that she gets to boss him around and get 10% of his money, so how can she say no? Tracy buys the book about the two princesses and asks Brandon to assure her that she’s not a placeholder until he finds someone better. He tells her she’s not. Poor, naïve Tracy.
Dr. Martin has decided to go home after all, so Donna and David get the house ready for him. Felice is actually civil toward David when she sees it. At the beach apartment, Steve gently tells Kelly that she needs to let go of Brandon and the ring (which he’s confused about her having in the first place). He advises her to put it away someplace so she won’t see it all the time. She just asks him not to tell Brandon that she has the ring. After Steve leaves, Kelly puts the ring in a keepsake box in her closet, which I don’t think is what Steve meant.
Thoughts: Donna, you’re 22. It’s time to start picking your battles with your mother.
Besides the Barenaked Ladies, the part of this episode that sticks it the most firmly in its time period is the conversation about Hong Kong going to China.
Clare, chill. Kelly’s not “throwing herself” at anyone. She doesn’t need a babysitter.
Rob, you are RICH! Get some FURNITURE!
How does Brandon not have a post-graduation plan set in stone? Shouldn’t he be courting job offers from five different people?
May 4, 2014
BH90210 7.23, Storm Warning: Men of Constant Sorrow
Clare sure gets how dudes dress
Summary: It’s been a few days since Joey hung out with Kelly, and she’s still worried about him. Clare complains about Steve, like, you’re the one who keeps going out with him, so deal with it. Apparently he recently demanded sex. Clare’s considering coming up with a way to “sink to his level.” As she leaves for school, Joey pops up and begs Kelly not to send him back to the shelter he ran away from.
At the Walshes’, Brandon tells Valerie that he’s been emailing Jim and Cindy (those Walshes, so modern!), who want him to visit them in Hong Kong over spring break. Val wants to go, too (they’re sending two tickets), but when Brandon teases her about leaving Rob behind, she changes her mind and tells him to take Tracy instead.
At the beach apartment, Kelly finally gets Joey to tell her some truths: He’s from New Mexico and ran away because he and his stepfather don’t get along. His mom’s pregnant and Joey thinks she doesn’t need him now that she’s going to have a new family. Kelly’s able to relate to having a new stepfather and watching her mom form a new life. Joey thinks his family’s glad he left, which is why no one’s looked for him.
David’s been thinking a lot about the stories Mrs. Martin told him and Donna, and he’s been inspired to try again to connect with Felice. Donna tells him he doesn’t have to, since she wants to be with him no matter how her parents feel about him. She thinks he should just let things be. Steve tells Brandon that Rush is worried about an upcoming storm and wants Steve to look after a house he just bought in Malibu. He wants the rest of the gang to come along and help with sandbags.
With the boringness out of the way, Brandon tells Steve about his invitation to Hong Kong. Steve begs to tag along so he can get away from Clare. (Seriously, do these two even like each other anymore?) The guys complain about how women only want to talk about feelings. Tracy shows up and invites Brandon to come home with her over the break. He tells her he’s going to Hong Kong but doesn’t offer her the second ticket.
Valerie goes by Rob’s house, where he’s doing some woodworking, because he is a Normal Guy and has a Normal Hobby. Val thinks he’s nuts for not enjoying his fame. He asks her to read a script he received and tell him whether he should do the movie. At the Peach Pit, Nat asks Steve if Clare’s okay, since she’s eating stuff she doesn’t usually eat. She’s also wearing grubby clothes and reading the sports section. She tells Steve she’s taking part in a science experiment and receiving testosterone.
David goes by Dr. Martin’s office to ask for advice (seeing a cardiologist about “matters of the heart” – get it?). He’s worried that Felice is trying to end his relationship with Donna. Dr. Martin, who doesn’t seem to be feeling well, tells David to just be himself and wait Felice out, because things will get better. While David’s thanking him, Dr. Martin collapses. Soon, Donna gets a phone call telling her that her father’s at the hospital in critical condition.
Donna rushes to the hospital and learns that her father had a stroke. His doctor thinks that because he received treatment quickly, his chances are better than they could be. David tells Donna he was with Dr. Martin when he collapsed. At the beach apartment, Kelly tries to get in touch with Joey’s mother. Valerie asks Tracy about the Hong Kong trip; this is the first time Tracy hears that there are two tickets. She confronts Brandon, accusing him of not telling his parents they’re dating.
Kelly tells Joey a little about her family, and they talk about missing their fathers. She invites him to Malibu with the rest of the gang. At the Peach Pit, Valerie meets Rob’s manager, Alan, who doesn’t like that Rob’s asking her opinion about potential projects. Rob himself liked the script, but Val doesn’t. She and Alan squabble and she storms out. Alan calls her high-maintenance and asks if he needs to manage Rob’s love life as well.
At the hospital, Donna asks David why he went to her father’s office after she asked him to leave things along. She blames him for stressing Dr. Martin out and causing the stroke. She gets to see her father, who’s not in good shape (also his eyes are open and it’s kind of freaky). Everyone else heads to Malibu, where Kelly acts maternal toward Joey, who objects. She tells him she knows he’s independent but she wants to look out for him anyway.
Steve isn’t happy with Clare’s sudden behavioral changes, since she’s more like a guy now. Brandon says something about men bringing about the Four Horsemen and the destruction of the world, or something. I don’t know. Tracy complains some more about Brandon not telling Jim and Cindy about her. He gives in and offers her the second ticket, like, yay, a pity invite! You should be so grateful, Tracy! Hmm, I wonder why she isn’t?
Rob calls Valerie to tell her he’s not doing the movie. David stays with Donna at the hospital even though she’s being a jerk to him. He tells her that he just wanted to talk to Dr. Martin about his feelings for Donna; his work stress isn’t David’s fault. Donna realizes she was an idiot and apologizes. David tries to comfort her, but she’s having a hard time being positive about her father’s condition.
In Malibu, Tracy sees Brandon talking to Kelly, which is AGAINST THE RULES, WHY DOESN’T HE KNOW THAT? He thinks Tracy’s overreacting, but Kelly basically tells him he’s dumb about women. Thanks to road closures, the gang is stuck at the house for the night. Kelly finally hears from Joey’s mother, who has clearly been very worried about him. They make arrangements to get everything sorted out. Valerie goes to Rob’s house, where he gives her a mirror he made her. She invites herself to spend the night.
In the morning, Donna tells her still-unconscious father that it’s time to wake up. The storm passes by Malibu, so things are calm at the house, except in Steve’s room, where Clare demands sex to let him know how annoying it is. He tells her he’d like some romance. She’s all, “THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS, MORON.” Tracy has left Malibu early, making Brandon admit that Kelly was right about him not knowing a ton about women. He thinks they should remove all the sandbags now that they’re not needed, but Steve wants to leave them to show Rush how much work they did.
Kelly tells Joey that when Jackie married Mel, she was cold toward him, but David convinced her to give him a second chance. Joey needs to give his stepfather a chance, too. He was brave enough to run away – is he brave enough to go back? His mother and stepfather arrive, very happy to see him. Joey worries that they’re mad, but they’re just glad he’s okay.
Alan visits Valerie at the After Dark and asks her to change Rob’s mind about the movie since the script is going to be rewritten. In exchange, she gets $20,000. Alan thinks that together, the two of them can help Rob become great. The rest of the gang returns to Beverly Hills, and Kelly tells Nat that Joey’s back with his family and things seem to be better. He tells her she can babysit Frankie the next time she gets maternal urges.
Tracy tracks Brandon down and they apologize to each other. She thinks they should keep their plan of taking separate spring breaks. However, he wants to prove his love for her by taking her to Hong Kong to meet his parents. Kelly isn’t happy to watch them kiss. At the hospital, Dr. Martin regains consciousness, and now Donna’s optimistic about his recovery.
Thoughts: Alan is played by soap actor Rick Hearst (Alan-Michael on Guiding Light, Whip on The Bold and the Beautiful, Ric on General Hospital). Those familiar with Ric: Alan is pretty much the same guy.
’90s music alert: Republica’s “Ready to Go,” which I think is still used in commercials now, almost 20 years later.
Donna should be glad David was with Dr. Martin. The doctor said he has a better chance at recovery because he received treatment early. If David hadn’t been with him, it could have taken a while for someone to find him and call an ambulance.
At this point, Valerie’s basically on her own show. She barely interacts with any of the other main characters.
I would like to know why Rob has a mattress in his living room.
'90s Flashback 