November 9, 2014

BH90210 8.16, Illegal Tender: Torn in Two

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , at 4:19 pm by Jenn

I, too, like to keep all my money in a briefcase for convenient transportation

I, too, like to keep all my money in a briefcase for convenient transportation

Summary: David’s thrilled to see his first music review published in the Beverly Beat. Not so thrilled is Jamie, the singer whose performance he reviewed, who comes to the Beverly Beat‘s offices to trash David for not knowing anything about music. She reveals that the owner of the club where she was performing fired her after the bad review. Brandon takes Emma’s tape back to her, eager to find out if there are any other copies that might find their way to Kelly. Emma won’t answer him.

Back at the Beverly Beat, Brandon tells Steve that Emma’s out as a writer, which doesn’t make Steve happy. He asks for a reason, and Brandon confesses that he cheated on Kelly with Emma. He’s trying to write a confessional letter, but Steve has a different idea: Make Kelly the new advice columnist, write an anonymous letter about an affair, and see how she responds. For some reason, Brandon doesn’t think taking Steve’s lead is a bad idea.

David asks Valerie to let Jamie perform at the After Dark. The performance he reviewed wasn’t good, but her CD is. Valerie is hesitant to do David any favors, but she agrees to give Jamie a chance. The club has a “ringside” night that evening, where people can watch a boxing match. Duke pops in, to Noah’s dismay. Next door at the Peach Pit, Donna invites Carly and Zach on a shopping trip. Steve’s currently out spending time with Zach, because he’s kind of awesome now.

Noah catches Valerie and Duke settling up and orders them to stop acting like the After Dark is a casino. Duke’s annoyed to learn that Noah didn’t know about their deal, though Valerie told him management was all on board. Noah makes Duke take all the money, then orders Val to give back everything she’s made from her customers’ gambling. As soon as Noah leaves, Valerie tells a customer that she’s still accepting bets.

Steve returns Zach to his mother, warning him not to tell Carly about all the junk food they ate. Carly’s upset that Steve didn’t walk Zach through the parking lot. Steve thinks she’s overreacting, since a six-year-old is mature enough to know not to walk in front of a car. Kelly likes her new role as advice columnist, reading Brandon a letter from “Torn in Two,” the fake girlfriend of the fake adulterer. Brandon thinks Torn in Two should forgive her boyfriend since he’s remorseful and came clean. Kelly won’t tell Brandon her first impression of the situation.

The next morning, Steve pushes Kelly to get her column in early. Kelly reports that she’s going to write about infidelity, and promises to be objective. Jamie’s appreciative of the chance to perform at the After Dark, and thanks David with a kiss on the cheek. A jealous Valerie intimidates her by warning her not to screw anything up. Noah asks Valerie about Duke’s money, which she swears she’s working on giving back. She complains that Donna turned him into someone who’s no fun.

Donna, Carly, and Zach go to the mall, which is also sort of an amusement park. Donna gushes about how great Noah is, and how confident she feels in their relationship. David tells Valerie to back off of Jamie, admitting that she makes him want to get back into music. But he doesn’t want to make another investment in something that won’t work out – like his relationship with Val, if she doesn’t cut out the jealousy.

At the Walshes’, Brandon’s about to tell Kelly he cheated when Emma calls. Kelly picks up the phone just as Steve does, and hears Steve tell Emma that it’s over. Kelly realizes that the letter from Torn in Two is about Emma…but she thinks the one who cheated with her is Steve, not Brandon. Valerie meets with Duke to assure him that their deal is still on. He tells her he’ll be sending an associate to collect his take from now on.

At the mall, Zach spots a balloon escaping from a clown’s handful and chases after it. Carly and Donna quickly panic and start looking around for him. Once Zach has the balloon, he can’t find his mom. At the Beverly Beat, Brandon warns Steve about the misunderstanding just before Kelly arrives to bash Steve for cheating on Carly. Brandon plays along, because he’s a jerk. Kelly agrees not to tell Carly.

Carly beats herself up for losing her son just a day after she got mad at Steve for not holding Zach’s hand. Poor Zach sits by himself, crying, until a guy who’s either a friendly businessman or a child molester offers to help him find Carly. Kelly goes to Emma’s place and greets her with a slap. Emma’s happy to clear up her misconceptions and informs her that she slept with Brandon, not Steve. She plays Kelly the tape to prove it.

Valerie apologizes to David for getting jealous, then gives him a really nice keyboard. At the mall, Carly and Donna learn that Zach was seen with a man and think he was kidnapped. Brandon assures Steve that they’re now even for everything Steve has ever done. Kelly sends in her response to Torn in Two, which advises the writer to dump her cheating boyfriend because she can never trust him again.

Carly and Donna go to mall security, where Zach is waiting for them. So it looks like the guy who found him was just a nice guy who was dumb enough to offer candy to a kid. Jamie hears David playing the keyboard at the After Dark and realizes that he’s a musician after all. He realizes that she gave a poor performance the other night because of stage fright. He advises Jamie to focus on one person in the audience. She asks if she can focus on him.

Carly thanks Donna for helping her stay calm when Zach was missing. Steve apologizes for not being more careful with Zach earlier, but Carly now understands that you can’t always be a perfect parent. Jamie’s performance at the After Dark goes well, and Valerie isn’t even jealous that Jamie’s focusing on David. Jamie gets David to play keyboard on a song. Duke’s guy arrives to get his money, and while Valerie’s away with him, David focuses on Donna in the crowd.

Valerie hands over Duke’s money, but quickly learns that the person who came to get it isn’t Duke’s guy – he’s an undercover cop. Val and Noah are both arrested for illegal gambling. David promises Donna that he didn’t know anything about Valerie’s crimes. As soon as Brandon gets home, Kelly plays him Emma’s tape. He assures her that Emma meant nothing and he only loves Kelly. Kelly doesn’t care. She’s moving back to the beach apartment, and she wants nothing more to do with Brandon.

Thoughts: Jamie is played by actual singer Jamie Blake, who was apparently sort of famous in the ’90s, though I’ve never heard of her. I thought she looked familiar, but then I realized that she just looks like everyone did in the ’90s.

David, you can’t be a critic. You need tougher skin. (Well, so does Jamie.)

It’s bad that I can’t tell the difference between David and Valerie when they’re dating and when they’re not dating.

Donna, just say no to velvet belly shirts.

November 2, 2014

BH90210 8.15, Ready or Not: People Not to Get in Bed With

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 3:02 pm by Jenn

I don't think staring at her uncomfortably will make her become a better person

I don’t think staring at her uncomfortably will make her become a better person

Summary: It’s a rocking night at the After Dark, and everyone’s happy except Valerie – she’s not getting a big enough cut of the profits. Noah reminds her that she only asked for 10 percent. Emma drops by to give Brandon her latest column, telling Kelly that there’s been a development with her “friend.” She slept with the guy who’s in a relationship, and the guy immediately regretted it. Emma recognizes Kelly’s watch as the one she gave Brandon.

In the bathroom, David watches Noah buy condoms. Noah tries to make peace with him once again, but David isn’t about to become friends with the guy who’s dating his ex. He and Valerie watch Noah and Donna leave together, and pretend it doesn’t bother them that their exes are about to get it on. At the Peach Pit the next day, Carly’s having a rough morning and asks Steve to take Zach to school. Her house is being earthquake-retrofitted, which means it’s noisy. Donna offers to let her and Zach stay with her.

Kelly’s still working with Dr. Monahan, and he’s still a jerk. He taunts that he’s more important to the clinic than she is, considering that he’s a doctor, so she needs to keep her mouth shut. Kelly shoots back that he should watch himself around female co-workers. Dr. Monahan tries to guilt her into backing down, telling her that if he’s fired, a less-competent doctor will take his place and patients will suffer. Basically, if Kelly complains about his harassment again, someone will die. Okay, Doc.

Noah and Donna take Noah’s car to the carwash, not realizing it’s the one where David works. He slams Donna for being so willing to sleep with Noah after making David wait for seven years. Donna points out that he’s moved on pretty quickly with Val. David admits that they’re just faking their relationship.

Brandon and Steve interview Janet Sosna for Terri’s production-manager job at the Beverly Beat (Terri eloped). They’re very impressed and immediately hire her. Emma shows up to yell at Brandon for giving Kelly the watch she gave him. He tells her he’s not leaving Kelly, so Emma should consider quitting. Kelly then shows complaining about Monahan, and Emma tells her that any boss who makes sexual advances, either wanted or not, is a jerk. She should stand her ground and not quit her job, just like Emma won’t be.

Noah tries to make things romantic with Donna, who isn’t ready for that. She admits that she’s only had sex with David, and she waited until she felt they were really committed. That didn’t work out, so now she’s hesitant. Noah thinks she’s still trying to get over David. Over at the Walshes’, David and Valerie are also discussing Donna and Noah’s sex life, and how David isn’t interested in anything with Val. He decides he’s done taking Valerie’s charity and will find someplace else to live.

The next day, Brandon and Steve rescue David from the carwash by offering him a music column at the Beverly Beat. After a little hesitation, David accepts. Kelly goes to the clinic but learns that she’s been replaced – supposedly, she resigned. Kelly announces that she’s going to file a formal complaint against Monahan. He protests that he made the clinic great, so the foundation will back him up. Then he fires her.

Duke the bookie shows up at the Peach Pit and notices that the After Dark is putting on a sports night. Nat warns him to stay away from Valerie. While Donna helps Carly pack some of her things, she asks for some sex advice – namely, when to know the time is right to sleep together. Carly tells her that if she’s not sure about commitment or a relationship, Donna’s not ready. She doesn’t need to rush sex to find out if Noah’s the right one for her.

Thanks to an advance from Brandon and Steve, David has enough money to find his own place to live. Valerie thinks he’s making changes because of Donna, but David admits that it’s because of Val. He doesn’t want them to revisit their history. Valerie’s proud of him for getting through all the bad things that have happened to him recently. Then they kiss, so I guess David isn’t that scared of revisiting their history.

Emma encourages Kelly to sue Monahan, then talks more about Kelly’s new watch. When Brandon gets home and Kelly leaves the kitchen to greet him, Emma cooks up a delicacy, boiled watch. She promises to replace it if Brandon tells her where he got it. He claims he doesn’t remember the name of the store. Carly thanks Donna for letting her and Zach stay with her, but Donna’s equally appreciative, since Carly gave her such great advice.

Poor, clueless Kelly reads over Emma’s next column, which mentions that Emma’s “friend” gave her guy a present that he passed on to his girlfriend. Kelly thinks the foundation will take Monahan’s side if the future of the clinic is at stake. Emma warns that nice guys are hard to take down – they don’t think they’ve done anything wrong. She encourages Kelly to let other people find out how Monahan talks to her. When Kelly’s out of the room, Emma comments to Brandon that she keeps attracting creeps. Brandon kicks her out of the house.

David and Valerie manage to pull themselves away from her bed long enough to visit sports night at the After Dark. Noah’s mad that Val isn’t pulling her weight at the club. Valerie spots Duke taking bets and shuts him down, having been warned by Nat that he’s not the kind of guy she wants to deal with. He promises her a cut if she lets him stick around. She negotiates a better deal and accepts.

Donna feels better because David and Valerie aren’t sleeping together, and tells David that she and Noah haven’t done anything yet. David confesses that he and Val are no longer just friends. Donna makes a beeline for Noah and asks him to take her home. But Noah’s smart enough to know that Donna only wants to take him to bed because David’s already in Valerie’s bed.

Steve falls asleep while babysitting Zach, so Zach entertains himself by coloring in a sketch Donna was going to show at a job interview. Emma calls Brandon to bug him about their non-relationship, and how he’s still with Kelly. She’s finally decided to quit working at the Beverly Beat. Brandon doesn’t realize that she’s recorded their conversation on her answering machine, and now has a tape of him saying that they slept together.

Apparently Steve found out that Zach colored in Donna’s sketches, but didn’t say anything to Donna before she left for her interview. I don’t understand how this all worked. Anyway, Donna goes to her interview and has to explain why there are colorful splotches all over her designs. Fortunately, the interviewer thinks they’re brilliant and gives her a six-month contract. She decides to call the line Child’s Play. (No word if Zach will get a cut.)

Kelly goes to the clinic to pack her things, turning on Monahan’s intercom when she goes to say goodbye. Brandon and foundation employee Audrey are in the building to hear Monahan tell Kelly to be more appreciative when male co-workers give her compliments. She’s beautiful and has a great body, so she should use what she has. Kelly notes that she has a college degree and experience in her field. Monahan says that she wasn’t able to handle him, which was her main priority.

Kelly continues that she backed down from filing a complaint because she knew she’d need a recommendation for a future job. Monahan closes his office door and offers a more thorough review. She tells him she was discussing her career and that he’s making her uncomfortable. As Monahan grabs her and tries to make out with her, Brandon storms in, followed by Audrey. Monahan is immediately fired, and Kelly already has a doctor lined up to take his place – Dr. Martin.

Duke delivers Valerie’s cut from the previous night, asking her to work with him again. Men would be more likely to place bets with a woman, and she’d make double what she made last night. Valerie’s in. As promised, Emma leaves the Beverly Beat, commenting that Monahan hung himself on the rope Kelly gave him. When Brandon leaves, he finds Emma’s tape on his car. Noah takes Donna to a celebratory dinner at the Bel Age Hotel, complete with a serenade by Brian McKnight. They declare their love for each other and make use of a room upstairs.

Thoughts: I’ve seen a handful of later episodes, and I’ll say now that I love Janet. Also, if you haven’t seen Lindsay Price’s episode of How I Met Your Mother, “Spoiler Alert,” you must.

Calm down, Noah. You had sex, like, three weeks ago. You’re not going to die if Donna makes you wait a little longer.

David, it’s none of Donna’s business who you are or aren’t sleeping with. You don’t have to tell her anything.

’90s music alert: Brian McKnight sings “Anytime,” which isn’t exactly romantic. (“Do I ever cross your mind anytime? I miss you….”) But it’s still a nice thought, Noah.

May 13, 2012

BH90210 3.23, Duke’s Bad Boy: You Bet Your Life

Posted in TV tagged , , , at 3:39 pm by Jenn

What do you mean, that’s not what David’s song is about?

Summary: David’s late for school, so Donna complains about him on the radio. He’s been spending a lot of time out at Icon Records functions now that he’s signed with them. David doesn’t want Donna to hype him too much since he’s not sure Icon likes him that much yet. She just wants to show how proud she is. Donna asks to tag along to a recording session, promising to stay out of the way, like Yoko Ono.

Some guy named Jeff congratulates Brandon on his recent successes with sports betting, offering to help him with any action he wants. Brandon thinks Steve said something to the guy, but he didn’t. Brandon claims that once basketball season ends, he’ll be done gambling. Steve thinks he’ll continue into baseball season, then football season, “then turtle-racing.”

Brenda invites Kelly and Dylan over for dinner, and everything between the three of them is civil but super-awkward. Gil tries to help Andrea pick Blaze issues for some contest where she and Brandon could win a trip to D.C. Andrea doesn’t think they’ve published anything great this year, so the rest of their issues need to be great.

David works with Serge on a song David doesn’t particularly like. Serge asks Donna’s opinion, and she tries to push him to say he likes it. After Serge leaves the room, Donna questions why David’s going for something commercial over something he actually wants to do. Duke goes to the Peach Pit to remind Brandon that he owes some money. Brandon asks for a few days to get it, and Duke grants them while making sure that Brandon knows he’ll be in trouble if he doesn’t come through.

Brenda and Cindy tell Dylan he’s welcome at the Walshes’ whenever he wants to come over. Kelly mentions that she’s on a diet since she’s been eating a lot of junk food recently. Brandon comes home, ignores his friends, and is short with his mother. Kelly says she needs to get home early, but she really just wants to spend time alone with Dylan. Dylan, however, isn’t in the mood.

When Jim gets home, Cindy tells him that Brandon seems distracted. Jim checks on him and finds him looking through baseball cards to sell. He doesn’t get why Brandon is suddenly looking to make money when he’s been able to afford nice things lately. Jim knows Brandon has been gambling and warns that it isn’t worth it since the house always wins. Brandon says it’s no big deal, and of course he’s not in any trouble and doesn’t have a problem.

At school the next morning, Donna asks Steve to help David with his problems with Serge. She says David didn’t want to cut Steve out, but Icon made him. He also isn’t actually cutting Steve out from anything since he hasn’t made any money. Donna convinces him to come to the studio and see what’s going on. Jeff takes some bets from athletes, then tells Brandon how his operation works. Brandon wants to bet on the Celtics for what’s apparently a large amount of money.

Brenda runs into Kelly in the bathroom and tries to make nice small talk, but Kelly jumps on her for being so welcoming to Dylan. Brenda points out that Dylan’s going through a tough time and can use as many friends as he can get. After Brenda leaves, Andrea comes out of a stall and points out to Kelly that there’s no competition anymore. Kelly admits that she feels like she can’t talk to him anymore. Andrea advises her to back off a little. Dylan winds up leaving for the day early.

Andrea wants to do a profile of Dylan for the Blaze, thinking that he’ll feel better if he talks about Jack’s death. Brandon accuses him of trying to use her friend’s pain to her advantage. Gil’s on Andrea’s side, but Brandon thinks she’s crazy. He notes that Dylan can’t even get through a school day right now. Andrea ignores Brandon and calls Dylan to offer to keep him company. He agrees to let her come over after school.

Donna and Steve hang out in the recording studio while David records Serge’s stupid, stupid song, “Precious.” Steve wonders what happened to the hip-hop David was supposed to be doing. He asks Serge why they’re doing a song that isn’t one of David’s best. The two men bicker and Serge kicks Steve out, which disappoints David. Brandon listens to the Celtics game on the radio at the Peach Pit, promising Nat that if he loses the bet, he’s done. Nat’s concerned about what will happen if he doesn’t lose.

At Dylan’s, he and Andrea get to talking about Jack. Dylan thought Jack was a hypocrite for wanting his son to be the man he never was. Dylan ultimately realized that that’s just how Jack was, but by the time he accepted that, Jack was dead. Andrea notes that he doesn’t have to change the terms now. She then asks if Dylan is willing to be the subject of a profile she wants to write. Dylan says no, preferring to keep their friendship just that.

The Celtics win, so now Brandon’s happy, but he still claims he’s done betting. He reveals to Steve that the bet he placed with Jeff was for $1,500. Steve notes that Jeff is going to have to come up with that money despite only taking double-digit bets from high schoolers. Brandon might not get his money after all.

The next day, Jeff promises to bring Brandon the money at the Peach Pit that afternoon. Andrea apologizes to Dylan for making things awkward, but now he thinks that telling his story will help. He just wants to write it himself. He may not wind up wanting it published, but he’d like Andrea to help him with it. Kelly complains to Donna about gaining two pounds, then takes a diet pill.

At Dylan’s, he and Andrea talk about writing and literature. She thinks he should stop fighting the way Jack always wanted him to be and do what he wants. This apparently includes taking AP English, despite the fact that there are only three months left in the year. Brandon takes Jeff out behind the Peach Pit to get his money, but Jeff doesn’t have it. He needs until the weekend. Brandon gets aggressive and demands the money within 24 hours. Steve has to pull him off of Jeff.

David’s song is still stupid (“you’re so precious to me. Am I precious to you?”). Serge is sure that Bray will love it, though isn’t sure. Steve learns of all of Brandon’s debts and advises him to go to Jim for help. Brandon acknowledges that he’s out of control and could have really hurt Jeff if Steve hadn’t shown up. He asks Steve to ask Samantha for money, which Steve refuses to do. The guys aren’t sure if Duke will really hurt Brandon over just $1,500.

At school, Jeff gives Brandon $200 and tells him to keep his distance. Andrea asks Gil to let Dylan into AP English so he can turn his life around. Gil agrees to talk to Ms. Teasley about it, but Dylan has to actually come to class, do the work, and think. Nat calls Brandon at home to warn him that Duke’s waiting for him at the Peach Pit. Brandon asks him not to tell Duke where he lives. Nat says Duke already knows.

David and Serge play the stupid, stupid song for Bray. David lies that it’s the best work he’s ever done and he loves how the song turned out. Bray says he’s always been able to spot talent, but sometimes he makes a bad pick. Like this time. He doesn’t like the song, and Serge now says that he doesn’t either. He blames David for bringing him bad material. David says he wanted to do hip-hop, but Serge says David never said anything. Bray tells him he won’t be signing with Icon.

Kelly bugs Dylan while he’s trying to write, getting annoyed when he won’t let her read what he’s already written. She decides to ditch him. Brandon meets Duke at the Peach Pit and gives him a third of the money he owes. Duke makes it clear that he’s only going to keep going easy on Brandon because he’s friends with Nat. Fortunately, Nat has paid the rest of Brandon’s debt, so he’s at least not going to get his legs broken. Nat threatens to call Jim if Brandon ever places another bet.

David meets Steve, Kelly, and Donna at the Peach Pit and breaks the news that he’s done with Icon. Steve thinks that’s better than David having to put his name on something he hates. He’s also willing to work with David again. Steve orders food for everyone, but Kelly just wants coffee. Donna’s concerned that she’s overdoing things with her diet. Kelly ignores her and goes to the bathroom to take more diet pills because she has A Problem.

Thoughts: Ug, Gil again? Go away, Gil.

So Dylan and Andrea are friends all of a sudden? I guess that’s like how Dylan and David are friends.

David’s song makes me want to stick forks in my ears. No one in the history of music would ever think making that song is a good idea.

Brandon is the living embodiment of the parable of the unmerciful servant.

Hey, do you guys think Kelly might have an eating disorder? It’s hard to tell. And also, I’ve never watched TV before, and I’ve never read a book, or lived in the world, or been alive for more than five minutes.

April 30, 2012

BH90210 3.21, Dead End: This Place About to Blow

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , at 9:38 pm by Jenn

Here's a yacht. Let's pretend it's Jack's

Summary: Jack has bought a boat and is excited to show it to Dylan and Christine. They’re surprised to see that he’s gotten a huge yacht. He thinks he’s getting his reward after taking the fall for other people. It turns out that Wilson, the supposed captain, is actually the person Jack made a deal with for the trust money, and they’re being monitored by guys in an unmarked van. Jack asks Dylan to call Jim and find out what’s going on with the trust.

Jim chastises Brandon for reading the sports section instead of the more important parts of the newspaper. Brenda and Cindy are upset about a recent mugging, so Cindy suggests that they go to a self-defense class that weekend. Thanks to Jackie and Mel’s divorce, money is tight, and Jackie tells Kelly and David that she’s going to have to sell their house. Kelly’s sad because the house has been her one constant in life. Serge, David’s new producer, calls to tell him they’ll be going to the studio the following week. Kelly tells him to get rich fast so he can buy the house.

Brandon’s still reading the sports section at school, and Steve warns him not to follow in the footsteps of Pete Rose. David tries to apologize for firing Steve, who doesn’t want to talk to him. Brenda invites Donna to the self-defense class, telling her she needs to learn to be more aggressive. Donna wonders if Brenda’s only going because she doesn’t have anything else to do. Andrea jumps on the pro-self-defense bandwagon, so Donna tells her to go instead. Andrea, however, has a date.

Dylan surprises Jim at his office, asking if he’s heard anything about the trust. Jim admits that he doesn’t want to dissolve it. Dylan angrily says that he’ll decide what’s in his best interest. Jack deserves a second chance, so Dylan’s giving him one. Jim notes that Jack isn’t very impartial where the trust is concerned. Dylan doesn’t think Jack is either. Kelly laments to Jackie that everything’s changing, including her friendships. Jackie encourages her to give Brenda time to come to terms with the Dylan situation in her own way.

Brenda, Cindy, and Donna go to self-defense, where Brenda shares a little about her traumatic experience at the Peach Pit the previous year. The instructor tells her to use that anger as fuel. Dylan visits Jack on the yacht and they discuss Jim as the guys in the van listen in and Wilson gives Jack weird looks. At the Peach Pit, Steve’s surprised to see Andrea and Jordan together. Brandon admits that he can’t quite see them together (but not because Jordan’s black). Steve notes that Brandon got weird about Jay, too. Brandon accidentally lets slip that he and Andrea kissed.

Cindy raves about the class to Jim; she thinks Brenda can turn the experience into something really positive. She spots a pro/con list he’s made while considering whether or not to dissolve the trust. The cons all have to do with Jack, and the only pro is that Dylan deserves a father. Cindy thinks it’s time for her and Jim to let go of Dylan, especially since he and Brenda aren’t together anymore. The next morning, a bunch of potential buyers visit the Taylor/Silver house, putting everyone on edge.

Jack and Dylan confront Jim about dragging his feet on dissolving the trust. Jim announces that he’s made his decision: The money is theirs. He apologizes to Jack for being judgmental of what a father should be, and Dylan for getting in the way of his relationship with Jack. That night, the McKays, Kelly (still not eating), and Christine celebrate on the yacht and toast to “future greatness.” Jack proposes to Christine and everyone’s happy (at least the people on the yacht are; no word about the guys in the van).

Jackie gets an offer on the house the next day, but she’s not happy with it. Her agent tells her to take it anyway. Dylan rents a boat to take Kelly for a sail even though it’s raining. She spots a guy watching them through binoculars and points him out to Dylan. Dylan doesn’t see the binoculars and thinks the guy was just checking her out. Brandon’s lost some money (okay, more than some: $500) but thinks it’s just a “temporary setback.” Steve offers him some money but Brandon won’t take it.

Brenda and Cindy practice their self-defense moves on each other, impressing Jim. At least until he makes Karate Kid jokes. Jim gets word that the paperwork to dissolve the trust is ready. Cindy praises him for doing the right thing even though he didn’t really want to. Brenda overhears and tells Brandon, expressing her concerns over Dylan suddenly coming into $10 million. She thinks the money has already changed him. Dylan and Kelly make out on the boat and he invites her to spend the night, but she doesn’t want to make Jackie worry.

Cindy, Brenda, and Donna’s next self-defense class is full of PSAs. Dylan heads back to the yacht, and Jack asks if he’s okay with his relationship with Christine. (Isn’t it a little late to ask about that?) Jack wants to talk about a bunch of things, but says it’s not the right time. All he says is that sometimes you have to play dirty. Dylan asks if that means Jack knows some “bad guys.” Jack confirms this. Wilson interrupts to remind Jack that he needs to keep quiet. Jack wants to tell Dylan what’s really going on. Wilson warns that if he doesn’t shut up, both of them will die.

Steve tries to ignore David at the Peach Pit, but David wants him to understand that he needs to do what Icon wants until he’s a big enough star to call the shots. He learned that from Steve. Steve just wants tickets when David makes it big. Duke comes in to collect some money from Brandon, who, of course, doesn’t have it. He asks for a couple extra days, which Duke gives him, along with a warning that his kindness won’t be a regular thing.

Jackie tells Kelly and David that she turned down the offer on the house. She’s worried another one won’t come. However, she’s pleased with the family they’ve made. Jack says good night to Dylan, saying he might be gone early the next morning since he needs to visit some “contacts.” He assures Dylan that he won’t be associating with anyone nefarious. Then he sings “Take Me Out to the Ballgame,” which he used to do when Dylan was a kid. Dylan thinks it’s all in fun until Jack gives him a long hug. Meanwhile, someone places a bomb under a car.

The next morning, another boater tells Dylan to let Jack know he needs to move his car before he gets a ticket. Dylan says he’ll do it himself. Kelly calls the yacht looking for him, so Jack goes out to find him. He stops Dylan before he can open the car door and takes him the phone. While Kelly and Dylan chat, Jack heads to the car. Moments later, it explodes.

Thoughts: If I hadn’t known what was going to happen, the ending would have really surprised me. (Actually, I thought the yacht was going to blow up, so I was a little surprised.)

I’m sorry, Jackie – it’s not fair for you to ask Mel for money? HE CHEATED ON YOU. Who cares what’s fair to him? And really, if he’s paying child support for Erin, he should be paying it for David, too, since you’re taking care of him.

By the way, how was Jackie paying the mortgage before she married Mel?

I think some of the women in the self-defense class were wearing pajamas. I don’t really know what to say about that, so I’ll let you draw your own conclusions.

April 16, 2012

BH90210 3.18, Midlife…Now What?: Sometimes a Fantasy

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , at 9:35 pm by Jenn

I mean...right?

Summary: Steve finds Brandon betting on a basketball game at school and tells him it’s for suckers. Donna’s hesitant to go on a mother/daughter trip with Brenda, Cindy, Kelly, and Jackie when her own mother isn’t going. The girls invite Andrea along, though she’s not really a spa person. She decides to write a story about it for the school paper.

At the Walshes’, Cindy and Jackie are happy that their daughters are friends again, though Jackie knows that’s only until Dylan makes up his mind. Jim plans to spend the weekend working; his client is a pop psychologist who wrote a book called Midlife…Now What? Jackie has read it and thinks it was great. Cindy knows Jim will be working with Dottie all weekend, and she’s not thrilled about it. He assures her that he’s not planning to have a midlife crisis.

Brandon asks Nat to call Duke so he can place a bet. Steve tries to get Dylan to go to a party in the Palisades, but Dylan doesn’t want to meet more girls he has to decide on. David also won’t go, since he’s studying, and Brandon would rather bet on the Knicks game. The girls, Cindy, and Jackie are all at the spa, and everyone’s relaxed except Andrea. Jackie runs into Babette, an old friend who now works at the spa, and Kelly reveals to Brenda that Babette was Jackie’s coke connection.

Brandon congratulates Jim on spending most of his weekend with Dottie. Cindy calls home and is disappointed to hear that Jim is out. She decides to buy Midlife…Now What? and complains to Jackie about Jim hanging out with a hot younger woman. Jackie reminds her that they have a solid marriage. At the office, Dottie totally flirts with Jim.

At the spa, the girls keep trying to get Andrea to relax instead of schedule every minute of her day. They wind up in a mud bath, but Donna’s the only one who thinks it’s actually beneficial. Duke visits the Peach Pit to collect some money from Nat and inform Brandon that he won a bet. Brandon tells him to put the money toward another bet. Dylan complains to Brandon that he still can’t decide between Kelly and Brenda.

The girls get massages, and a masseuse promises Kelly that they’ll “do a lot of work on [her] problem areas.” She blathers about high school and two friends she knows fighting over one guy. Later, Kelly asks Brenda if she thinks she has “problem areas.” Brenda tells her she’s crazy, but Kelly clearly doesn’t believe her.

Dylan tells Nat about his girl issues, and Nat points out that he doesn’t have to marry whichever girl he chooses. Dylan daydreams about being middle-aged and coming home to Brenda and their five kids (with a sixth on the way). It’s not a happy daydream. Meanwhile, Kelly nags Donna about the amount of calories she’s eating, asking if she’s bulimic since she eats a lot but stays thin. Andrea has finally relaxed, though a relaxed Andrea seems like a drunk Andrea.

Cindy’s way too into her book, telling Jackie that fantasies are supposedly normal. She calls Jim’s office and tells Dottie she’s sure Jim’s being well taken care of. Jim’s client, the author, comments that he’s not sure how Jim can concentrate with such a hot secretary. Jim admits that he finds it difficult, even though he’s happily married. Sometimes he thinks Dottie’s hitting on him, and thinking about her makes him feel guilty. The client gives him a copy of his book.

Babette and Jackie reminisce about past drug parties, and Babette admits that she still uses coke sometimes. Jackie’s proud to be in recovery and have a new family. After Babette leaves, Jackie tells Cindy she’s embarrassed that she was doing lines when they first met. Cindy admires the way Jackie has turned things around.

Kelly tells Brenda that she thinks Babette wants to get Jackie to use drugs again. Brenda encourages her to talk to Jackie. Later, while getting a facial, Brenda hears the talkative masseuse gossiping with another visitor about a friend who had an affair with a Beverly Hills oral surgeon who had just had a new baby. Yep, she means Mel.

At the Peach Pit, David chats with Brandon (who randomly uses an Irish accent), then tells Dylan that he had to take care of Erin the night before because Mel was off playing poker. He thinks his father has earned a night out; he works a lot so he can spoil the women in his life. Dylan daydreams about being married to Kelly, who spends all their money. She’s also mad when he buys her an emerald, Brenda’s birthstone.

Kelly meets up with Brenda, who tells her what she overheard. Kelly calls home to talk to Mel, but David tells her he hasn’t been around the house much and hasn’t slept at home for two nights. At the Walshes’, Brandon and Steve try very hard not to tease Jim about his book. Jackie and Cindy have drinks with Babette but are interrupted when Kelly pulls her mother aside to tell her about Mel. First she makes sure Jackie won’t go back to doing coke once she hears the news.

Kelly leaves Jackie alone to think, and Babette finds her. Jackie tells her what’s going on and wonders what she’s going to do now. Babette tells her not to make any major decisions while she’s upset. Then she offers to take Jackie to get some drugs. When Jackie gets back to her room a little later, she tells Kelly that Babette took her to her room for coke, but Jackie didn’t have any. She and Kelly are both proud of her decisions.

Jackie’s realized that no matter what happens, she’s glad she met Mel because of the good things she wound up with. Kelly wonders what will happen next. Jackie isn’t sure if she and Mel can work things out. Kelly doesn’t get why men cheat – “why isn’t one woman ever enough?” Jackie thinks it might be genetic.

The next morning, Dottie comes to the office early and tells Jim that he’s compassionate, brilliant, and sexy. She kisses him, but he insists that he loves Cindy. However, he has to admit that it’s a fantasy come true. That’s because it’s actually a fantasy. When Dottie does come to the office, she tells Jim that she’s quitting – her boyfriend proposed and they’re moving back to Florida.

The women prepare to leave the spa (with a suitcase full of free samples Andrea has nabbed). Jackie tries to steel herself for what she faces back at home. Cindy feels foolish for spending the weekend suspicious of Jim when Jackie was really the woman being cheated on. Brandon, Dylan, and Steve watch a game Brandon bet on, but change the channel when Dylan get a call about a news broadcast. His father’s getting out of prison.

Thoughts: I don’t think a recovering drug addict would be quite so happy to see her former drug connection.

There’s a funny throwaway scene where the gossipy masseuse starts talking and another masseuse rolls her eyes and puts on headphones.

Every time Dylan whines about Brenda and Kelly, I want to quote Chandler when Ross had to choose between Rachel and Julie: “Oh, no! Two women love me! They’re both gorgeous and sexy! My wallet’s too small for my 50s, and my diamond shoes are too tight!”

It looks like Dylan isn’t going to grow up all that hot.

Jim, busted by Brandon and Steve with his book: “It’s called Midlife…Now What? If you make one crack, I’m giving the Mustang to Brenda.” The delivery cracks me up.

What a random ending. Jack wasn’t even mentioned in the episode. And wouldn’t he have called Dylan to tell him he was being released, instead of letting him hear about it on the news?

Oh, no! Two women love me! They’re both gorgeous and sexy! My wallet’s too small for my 50s, and my diamond shoes are too tight!

December 11, 2011

BH90210 2.22, Baby Makes Five: Straight from the Horse’s Mouth

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , at 4:29 pm by Jenn

This is what a stroke looks like, yes?

Summary: Jackie’s looking through Kelly’s baby pictures in preparation for a doctor’s appointment to confirm her pregnancy. She admits to Kelly that she hasn’t told Mel, who doesn’t want more children. Kelly notes that Jackie doesn’t either and suggests that she tell Mel, then say she’s “taking care of it.” At school, Dylan, Brenda, and Donna discuss Valentine’s Day, but Dylan won’t tell Brenda what he has planned, only saying they’ll be lying down. Kelly’s there but distracted.

David asks Kelly if he can bring Donna to the dinner their families are having together. Kelly says, no, telling him that she’s not sure dinner’s still on. Donna blasts Kelly for being mean to David all the time. She and Brenda urge Kelly to tell them what’s going on, and eventually she does. Later, David tells Donna that Mel’s going to propose to Jackie on Valentine’s Day. Donna thinks this means Mel already knows about the baby. David’s surprised to hear the news and is sure Mel doesn’t know.

At the Peach Pit, Steve debates whether or not to give Kelly a valentine. If he does, she’ll think he’s “pining away”; if he doesn’t, she’ll think he doesn’t care. Andrea looks at Nat’s racing form, randomly picking one for him to bet on. Nat mentions a former girlfriend who would also randomly pick horses, and they always won. He decides to go with Andrea’s intuition as well. Oh, and its name is Lovesick.

David visits Mel at work, and Mel shows him the ring he’s going to give Jackie. David confirms that Mel is happy with how his life is. Kelly finds out that Donna told David about the baby and yells at her. Donna spills that Mel is going to propose to Jackie. She’s sure everything will be fine and no one will find out about anyone keeping secrets. At the Walshes’, Brenda tells her parents and Brandon about the baby, swearing them to secrecy. She also presses Brandon to tell her what Dylan has planned for Valentine’s Day.

Kelly confesses to Jackie that the news of the baby has spread, but Mel might not know. She adds that Mel’s going to propose the next night. Jackie thinks he only wants to marry her because he thinks he has to. Kelly blames herself for the whole mess, but Jackie takes responsibility. The next day, Nat shares the good news with Andrea, Brandon, and Steve that Lovesick came in and he made a good amount of money. Now he wants Andrea to make another pick. Brandon and Steve make fun of her “instincts” as she picks a horse named Unrequited.

Jackie barges into Mel’s office while he’s with a patient and announces that she knows he knows. She’s calling off dinner and won’t let him marry her out of obligation. Poor Mel is clueless until Jackie tells him she’s keeping the baby. Also, she’s breaking up with him. Brenda and Dylan study at the Walshes’, and he’s amused by her frustration over not knowing what they’re doing for Valentine’s Day. All he’ll tell her is that her present is warm, red, and close to her heart.

Nat gets another big payoff, so Steve suggests that they all go to the racetrack to try out Andrea’s intuition. Nat’s worried about getting arrested for making bets for minors. Even Brandon’s on board, though, and the kids agree to throw in $25 each. Jackie tells Kelly that Mel didn’t have much of a reaction when she told him about the baby and dumped him. Kelly thinks Jackie’s better off doing this on her own.

Kelly wonders why Jackie’s going to keep the baby when she doesn’t have to, and why she’s willing to give up Mel. Jackie’s already attached to the child and can’t have an abortion. She admits to having an abortion when Kelly was about ten; she knows she can’t go through with it again. Kelly says she always wanted a younger sibling when she was a kid, and Jackie notes that she got her wish.

Nat, Brandon, Steve, and Andrea go to the racetrack (it’s hat day, so everyone looks dumb), where they meet a friend of Nat’s named Duke. Andrea favors a horse named Grande Amour (Big Love). David heads back to Mel’s office, where he learns that Jackie broke up with his father. He mentions the baby and David admits that he already knew. He also confesses to telling Donna about the proposal, which may have led to the breakup. Mel has decided that, if necessary, he’ll beg.

Grande Amour wins, so Brandon and Steve press Andrea to make another bet. Mel goes to the Taylors’, where Jackie tells him again that she’s having the baby no matter what he wants. She won’t talk to Mel, so he tells Kelly to let her know he doesn’t want to lose her. Kelly’s upset that her life is falling apart because Jackie and Mel can’t keep their clothes on. Mel says he loves Jackie, and Kelly tells him to send her a valentine.

Donna apologizes to David for ruining everything, but David doesn’t blame her. She doesn’t get why people aren’t happy, since babies are awesome. She suggests that he try talking to Jackie. At the Taylors’, David tells Jackie how happy Mel is with her, but Jackie doesn’t want to force him to raise a child he doesn’t want. David thinks Mel wanted to marry her before the pregnancy and wants to be with her and the baby. He gets her to realize that she was the one who mentioned the baby to Mel first.

Brenda bugs Dylan about Valentine’s Day again, and he tells her it’s only for people 17 and over. He also assures Jim that they’ll be in public and taken care of. Before he leaves to get ready, Dylan tells Brenda to wear short sleeves. For the last race of the day, Andrea goes for Cupid’s Wing, which the guys think is a perfect choice for Valentine’s Day. Nat is skeptical since the odds are 80 to 1. Andrea shares her pick with Duke, who tells her it’s a sucker bet. The horse is only in the race so the owner can sell her. There’s no way she can win.

Andrea rushes to Nat and tells him to put his money on Follow Me Home instead of Cupid’s Wing. Nat’s frustrated by the change and places the bet without Andrea knowing which horse they’re wagering on. Brandon and Steve root for Cupid’s Wing, not knowing about the info Duke gave Andrea. The horse loses but Follow Me Home wins. Fortunately, Nat put their money on that horse instead. Steve and Brandon are confused. Andrea decides the betting is over.

Jackie goes to see Mel at his office and they make up, then get engaged. That night, Dylan tells Brenda they’re going to see a play called Love Letters. But first they’re going somewhere that fits the clues he gave. At the Taylors’/Silvers’ dinner (which Donna attends), Kelly tells Donna that she and Steve gave each other valentines. Everyone’s happy now, at least until Kelly realizes that she and David are about to become siblings.

Dylan takes Brenda to donate blood, telling her that when he was a kid, he was in a car accident (which is where he got his eyebrow scar) and needed transfusions. He always wanted to donate when he got older. Brenda doesn’t get the connection to Valentine’s Day, but that’s the day of the accident. For some reason, Brenda thinks this is really romantic.

Thoughts: This is the first time I’ve realized how much Ann Gillespie and Jennie Garth really look alike. Very nice casting.

I wonder if Brandon, Steve, and Andrea’s parents ever found out how much time they were spending with a semi-random adult they’ve probably never met.

If you’re delivering messages through your teenagers, you have a problem.

Proposing in a dentist’s office? Not so romantic.

Donating blood as a Valentine’s Day present? Also not so romantic. Unless you’re donating to your significant other.