February 20, 2016

BH90210 10.27, Ode to Joy: And They All Lived Happily Ever After, or Something

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 1:33 pm by Jenn

I guess this is nice

I guess this is nice

Summary: Last episode ever! Whee! Donna’s at the After Dark, discussing wedding-reception details with Nat and Noah. She says she and David sent an invitation to Ellen but hasn’t heard back. Apparently Donna and David’s friends are throwing them their reception, which is the best advantage of having friends in the restaurant business. Since Dr. Martin is dead, Donna has no one to walk her down the aisle, so she asks Nat to do it instead. Nat says that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever asked him to do.

Steve helps Janet with an article, assuring her that Charles will like her ideas for Nouveau. He’s right – Charles wants Janet to be the new editor. Janet’s too overwhelmed to be happy; this means tons more work and less time with Maddy. She tries to remind herself that she’s gotten what she wanted. At David’s house, he and Donna look through RSVPs (Andrea and Valerie are coming to the wedding; Brandon and Gina aren’t). Donna worries that they’re doing things too quickly, which means not everyone can come. She decides it’s the non-attending guests’ loss.

At the beach apartment, Kelly worries to Steve that their lives are like a Stephen King novel and something awful is lurking around the corner. Steve tells her that their friends are awesome, which means their lives are awesome, etc. Then he reveals that Matt’s leaving for New York the next day, so he won’t be at the wedding. Dylan arrives and asks Kelly if she wants to dance, for some reason. She wants to wait. She’s still a little annoyed that he kept Matt’s secret from her, but not so annoyed that she won’t let him nuzzle her. So I guess they’re back together?

Steve takes Janet to an empty office building, telling her that he thinks they’re both looking for balance in their lives. He wants to rent an office in the building and run a publication together. They’ll have room for Maddy, so they can work and spend time with her at the same time. Janet’s worried about taking another big risk, but she wants to give it a try.

Donna’s bachelorette party is pretty tame, considering Felice, Jackie, and Ms. Teasley are among the guests. Andrea presents the bride with a video message from Brandon, who calls her “baby” and tells her to give his love to Kelly. Kelly says he’s “still disgustingly cute,” so someone needs to get her eyes checked. Andrea serves ice cream and popcorn, which Donna remembers eating at Brenda’s sleepover way back in season 1. No one mentions whether Brenda’s coming to the wedding. Valerie arrives with a giant box of condoms. Thanks, Val.

Over at the Walsh house, the guests for the bachelor party include Mel and Muntz. Brandon has a video message for the groom as well, taunting David for having to wait so long to have sex with Donna. Shut up, Brandon. Valerie has a game for Donna, “Pin the Macho on the Man.” (I think she only said “macho” because Donna’s mom is there.) Donna has to shoot a Nerf dart at a picture of David, and she misses horribly. Surprisingly, Felice wants to play.

Kelly shares with Janet that Steve was her first love (though she was only 15 at the time). She asks if Steve ever growls or barks during foreplay. Valerie recognizes those sounds. Janet asks if anyone in the room hasn’t slept with Steve. Everyone but Kelly raises her hand, though Ms. Teasley doesn’t hear the question. Felice pins the macho right on the man. I’m going to be sick. Ryan shows up at the bachelor party with a stripper named Kiki who turns out to be a guy in drag. Thanks for your contribution, Ryan.

Suddenly it’s the day of the wedding, which takes place in a church but is officiated by both a priest and a rabbi. Erin’s the flower girl. Janet and Kelly are bridesmaids, allowing Steve and Dylan to admire their significant others in dressy clothes. Nat gives away Donna and her cleavage. Dylan reads a passage from Letters to a Young Poet about marriage being a partnership where each partner is “the guardian of his solitude.” Then they learn to see each other as part of a whole. Matt arrives late and stands at the back of the church.

Kelly reads the Elizabeth Barrett Browning “how do I love thee?” poem, so way to be original, guys. Matt gets uncomfortable and leaves. David and Donna exchange original vows, with him talking about how he feels he’s loved her his whole life, and her saying that he’s inspirational and gives her the courage to be herself. They both cry. Then they recite traditional vows and cry more. Rings! Kiss! They’re married!

The reception is held at the Beverly Hilton. Steve is allowed to talk. Donna and David share their first dance to a live performance by Eric Benet and Tamia. Matt makes another appearance, having delayed his departure for New York to talk to Kelly. They were supposed to get married and live happily ever after. He thought that they could get past all of their problems, even the Dylan-related ones. But after hearing Dylan and Kelly’s readings at the wedding, he realized that they have a good connection after all. Matt thinks Kelly made the right choice, and he’s happy for her.

Noah dances with the bride, telling her he was thinking about moving away. Now, though, he thinks he might be able to give Ellen the commitment she wants. He ducks out to go talk to her. Donna asks Andrea about Hannah, who’s playing T-ball. David shares a nice moment with Valerie. The cake is cut, and no one smashes it in anyone’s face, which is nice. Kelly gives a toast, talking about how horrified she was when her and David’s parents first got together. But now she loves him, not least because he’s turned Donna into her sister.

Donna throws her bouquet, which Kelly catches (and it looks like that was the plan). Later, she and David toast to the gang, then dance some more. For the second time in the episode, Dylan asks Kelly to dance. This time, she doesn’t want to wait. Dancing montage! Everyone’s having a good time! David doesn’t embarrass himself, for once! Then the episode ends, and these people are out of our lives!

Thoughts: I have watched every single episode of this godforsaken show. All I know is it went on at least three seasons too long.

Andrea’s hair looks cute for the first time in the entire series. It’s very 2000.

So Valerie’s close enough to Donna and David to come to the wedding? Even though David’s her ex? And no one’s mentioned her for two years? Okay.

The bridesmaids’ dresses are a great shade of purple. Nice choice, Donna.

David’s mother doesn’t appear, and no one mentions her, so I hope she’s okay.

Remember Tamia? No? She had that…song? About…love? Okay, I don’t remember her either. But she’s married to Grant Hill now, so good for her.

October 24, 2015

BH90210 10.10, What’s in a Name: Baby Blues

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , at 1:21 pm by Jenn

This is especially nice because apparently Steve and Janet's parents are still being jerks

This is especially nice because apparently Steve and Janet’s parents are still being jerks

Summary: Everyone’s gathered at the hospital, where Janet has just given birth. Steve’s with his wife, and when she wakes up, he tells her they have a daughter. However, Janet and the baby aren’t in the best shape right now. In the waiting room, Gina catches Donna staring at her. Steve tells the gang that Janet will be fine, but the baby’s having some breathing problems. Matt has a bunch of cigars, and Steve tells him to hold on to them until later.

At the Peach Pit the next day, Kelly and Matt tell Erin about the baby. Kelly’s worried that Jackie and Mel will use Erin as ammo in their approaching custody battle. Matt suggests that he, Kelly, Jackie, and Erin have Thanksgiving together. Dylan arrives, and Nat confirms that he has 14 turkeys for Thanksgiving. Dylan’s decided to host a big dinner at the community center.

The day before Thanksgiving, Noah goes with Donna to her parents’ house so she can talk to her father about Gina being his daughter. Gina’s already there, cooking with Felice. She mentions her “father” and how close they were. At the hospital, Janet’s doctor wants to see if the baby can breathe on her own, though the process could cause complications. On the other hand, too much oxygen could cause other complications, like blindness. Janet demands to see her daughter.

At the boutique, Dylan asks Kelly if she’s interested in helping out with dinner at the community center. Erin hates the idea of doing chores on a holiday. Kelly points out that Dylan can hire people to help him. Jackie complains about Mel and his lawyer, not realizing that Erin’s there. When she does realize it, she’s not apologetic – Erin should know that her father’s a jerk.

Gina leaves for a while, and Felice complains about her lack of cooking ability. Donna calls her out for whining after she fawned over Gina all morning. Dr. Martin comes home, and Donna learns that he had nothing to do with inviting Gina to dinner. She tells her father about her discovery, and he admits that he’s Gina’s dad. Also, Felice has known all along. Donna’s upset that she and Gina were lied to their entire lives.

Donna and Noah go to the Peach Pit, where she tries to wrap her mind around her parents’ lies. David arrives, and Donna has another moment of disbelief, realizing that her ex is dating her secret sister. David asks her to go easy on Gina. Speaking of Gina, Dylan tries to make nice with her with food and a bunch of flowers. She asks if he’s ever had a genuine feeling for anyone.

Kelly and Dylan visit Steve and Janet as they’re preparing to go see their daughter. Kelly laments that she feels useless about both the baby and Erin. Dylan suggests that she come serve dinner with him – it’s at least a direct solution to a problem. Donna returns to her parents’ house, asking for details on how Gina came to be. Apparently Dr. Martin got drunk and hooked up with Bobbi after a fight with Felice. Gina’s stepfather was happy to be considered her father, so the family never said anything. Donna’s mad that they didn’t.

Dylan and Kelly cook together, and he tries to ignore her when she says she needs to call Matt. He pulls her hair back for her, which is totally not an excuse to touch her hair and her neck. Kelly brings up the fact that Gina and David are together, then tries to discuss Dylan’s revelation that he was at her wedding. He decides to give up and let her call Matt.

Gina takes Janet some of the pink roses Dylan gave her. David brings up the fact that Dylan’s still footing her bill at the hotel. He can’t figure out where Gina and Dylan stand. Gina claims that she’s trying to get over her ex. Janet and Steve lament that they’re still unsure of the baby’s prognosis, since they keep hearing different things. Gina appreciates that David wants to know the things she likes, like pink roses. She asks if she can spend the night at his place.

Matt’s waiting at the beach apartment when Dylan brings Kelly home. Jackie calls to accept Kelly’s invitation to help serve dinner at the community center. Matt asks Dylan about the dinner; he doesn’t think volunteering is something Dylan would normally do. He seems to think Dylan’s trying to show Kelly that he’s serious – serious about her, that is.

On Thanksgiving morning, Nat tells Erin that she gets the honor of putting whipped cream on the pies when the time comes. Erin’s more impressed with the hot fudge sundae her father let her have the night before. Jackie complains about her ex’s new living arrangements, so Kelly sends Erin away and tells her mother to stop talking trash about Mel in front of the girl.

Dylan arrives and announces that he can’t help transfer the food from the Peach Pit to the community center. He has to go to the airport and see an aunt Kelly’s never heard him mention before. Kelly blasts him for ditching his volunteers and a project he organized. David takes Gina a pink rosebush, seeing for the first time that she already has plenty of flowers in her room. He’s mad that she claims to be mad at Dylan but kept the flowers. She wishes he would be more patient.

Janet, Steve, Donna, and Noah go see the baby, who’s doing better. Donna and Noah are impressed with how well the new parents are handling the situation. Janet decides that she wants to name the baby Madeline, which means “tower of strength.” Erin’s not helpful at the community center, and Jackie’s still complaining about Mel. Kelly tells her again to stop trashing him in front of their daughter. She’s been in Erin’s position; Jackie clearly has a pattern. Jackie points out that Kelly has one, too – she keeps cleaning up after Dylan.

Donna, Gina, and Noah have dinner with the Martins, who offer to pay for a ticket if Gina wants to go back to Denver to visit her mother. Donna objects, wondering in the next room if her parents are trying to get Gina to leave town. She wants to give Gina the news that they’re sisters. Felice points out that Gina will be mad that Donna had such a great life with lots of money while she and Bobbi struggled. “Happy Thanksgiving. You make me sick,” Donna tells her parents. She asks Noah and Gina to leave with her, but Gina stays, calling Donna spoiled.

Erin’s bratty again at the community center, wanting to do something she claims Mel would let her do. This time Jackie doesn’t make a negative comment about Mel. Yay, she learned! She confirms that she knows the divorce is tough on Erin, but her parents still love her. Then she suggests that Erin call Mel to wish him a happy Thanksgiving.

Later in the evening, the gang takes food to Janet and Steve at the hospital. David and Dylan confirm that they’re able to be in the same room at the same time. Steve says a sweet prayer, thanking God for Madeline and their friends. Matt questions Dylan about his activities that day, mentioning that, since Matt put together Dylan’s will, he knows there’s no aunt. But he’s grateful that Dylan gave him the chance to spend time with Kelly.

Gina arrives to tell David that she threw all of Dylan’s flowers out the window. David apologizes for being a jerk, but Gina’s fine with the way things have turned out. Donna pulls Gina away from the group, asking how dinner was with the Martins. Gina reports that Felice started crying and Dr. Martin left. Donna apologizes for ruining the holiday, which never went well for her after her “father” died. The gang heads to the NICU, where Janet has finally been able to hold the baby. Janet and Steve are all, “It’s a Thanksgiving miracle!”

Thoughts: Now we know why Felice is so awful – her husband slept with her sister! That said, she gets points for being nice to Gina.

This David/Gina thing is a mess and I want it to be over.

Janet looks good for someone who just had an emergency C-section.

Want to feel old? Madeline would now be old enough to drive. Have a nice day!

October 17, 2015

BH90210 10.9, Family Tree: The Unexpected Family Member Hour

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , at 1:39 pm by Jenn

I like to think Erin got that popcorn so she has a snack while she watches her siblings' drama

I like to think Erin got that popcorn so she has a snack while she watches her siblings’ drama

Summary: Steve brings his new wife breakfast in bed the morning after their wedding. She had to spend the night in her wedding dress because she was squeezed into it too tightly to get out. Fortunately, she considers that the only bad part of her wedding day. Jackie meets with Matt about filing for divorce from Mel, then spends some of her soon-to-be-ex-husband’s money at Donna’s boutique. Matt assures Kelly that Gina won’t be in the office whenever Jackie’s around. For her part, Jackie only blames Gina, not Noah. She informs Donna and Kelly that Gina blackmailed Mel.

Gina and David are happy after their night together, which he claims he never thought about before. He’d like to hook up again, though. Of course Gina’s not going to commit to anything because there’s always the possibility that Dylan will want her back. (That’s all subtextual, but I speak Gina.) Dylan meets with the community center’s co-director, Patsy, about Andrew, whose job has been “eliminated.” Dylan knows it’s because Andrew’s sexuality was exposed after his gay-bashing. Patsy’s like, “I have nothing against the gays, but think of the children!” Dylan threatens to pull funding if Andrew doesn’t get his job back.

Kelly and Donna hang out with Erin, and when David arrives, Donna takes Erin away so Kelly can talk to him. She informs David that Gina told Jackie about Mel’s visit to the strip club. David barely blinks, saying the breakup of the marriage has nothing to do with Gina. Steve accidentally sets his and Janet’s honeymoon suite on fire. Dylan tells Andrew that he’s going to get his job back, but Andrew doesn’t want to have to confront Patsy. He’d rather just give up the job and walk away. Dylan objects to letting a bigot win.

Dylan then runs into Gina and tries to make up with her. She blows him off to spend time with David. David brings up Gina’s alleged blackmail, and she pretends she didn’t do anything wrong. In fact, she was trying to help him, since she snuck him out of the back of the club when the police arrived. David decides to drop the subject, especially since there’s a chance he and Gina will end up in bed again. Elsewhere, Janet’s ready to wrap up the honeymoon, since nothing’s turning out too great. (Their new hotel room is next door to a polka band.)

At the beach apartment, Kelly walks in on new roomie Noah in the bathroom. David and Gina have spent another night together, though she’s still unsure whether he believes her lie that she didn’t blackmail Mel. On his way out, David runs into Dylan, who’s mad that Gina’s already moved on to someone else. She tells him it’s his fault for treating her the way he did. At the boutique, Kelly tries to get Erin to open up about Jackie and Mel’s problems, but Erin’s not in the mood to talk. Donna shows Kelly the genealogy software she got Steve and Janet as a wedding present.

David arrives and blasts Kelly for spreading lies about Gina. Kelly tells him to ask Mel what happened if he doesn’t believe her. Erin overhears her saying that Gina’s responsible for breaking up her parents. Andrew does, indeed, go back to work at the community center, so Dylan gets to say “I told you so.” Patsy’s son, Henry, takes him down a notch by announcing that his mom won’t let him play basketball for a gay coach anymore. Patsy tells Dylan he’s free to withdraw his funding; at least they’ll keep their values.

Steve’s determined to make the honeymoon work, even though Janet’s done with it. He even gets the polka band to play them some music to dance to. Gina goes to David’s to tell him that Dylan knows about their relationship, so she and Dylan are officially through. David, however, now believes that Gina blackmailed Mel, and he’s not going to keep seeing someone who hurt his father. At the boutique, Donna test-drives the genealogy software by looking up Steve’s family (they’re Russian and their name was originally Sandowscowicz). Kelly’s annoyed that the beach apartment is crowded now, which makes no sense, because there are only three people there.

Kelly spots Gina on her way to Matt’s office and attacks her for showing her face after destroying a marriage. Gina points out that it’s not her fault if men in Beverly Hills want to go to strip clubs. Dylan learns that a bunch of kids have refused to play basketball if Andrew remains the coach. He urges Andrew to keep his job and teach the kids what’s right and what’s wrong. Andrew, however, misses having a job he actually enjoyed. He tells Patsy that he quits. She seems surprised, somehow. Noah’s happy about the new living arrangements at the apartment, but Donna’s on edge and worries that Kelly will find something to criticize. Noah basically tells her to get over it.

Dylan goes to David’s to confirm that they’re still friends, then warns him about getting too close to Gina. “You two dating must really make Mel proud,” Dylan remarks. Hey, Dylan? Stay out of it. Erin asks David if Mel and Jackie had a fairytale wedding like the one Donna said Steve and Janet had. David asks if she wants to keep reading Snow White, but she says she knows how it ends – they live happily ever after. Janet starts feeling strange, and Steve thinks she’s just hungry, but she thinks she’s in labor (six weeks early). She has to calm down Steve, who’s both panicked and happy.

At the hospital, Janet’s doctor tells her and Steve that even if the baby comes early, he or she should be fine. She’s admitted and told to relax while they monitor the baby. Dylan just can’t stop meddling, so he tells Henry to remember what Andrew taught him about standing up for himself and being a good person and blah blah blah. Andrew sacrificed his job so Henry could be happy, which means a gay guy just taught Andrew how to be a man. Yeah, Dylan, gay doesn’t mean feminine. Go home, please.

Jackie stops by Matt’s office and meets Gina for the first time. Gina’s like, “Hey, how do you like the favor I did for you, ending your marriage to a jerk?” After Jackie leaves, Matt tells Gina she was rude, and he’s axing her. Speaking of leaving jobs, Andrew’s about to say goodbye to the community center when Henry asks him to stay on. He listened to Dylan’s lecture about being true to himself or whatever. Steve and Janet are brainstorming baby names when she’s whisked away for an emergency C-section – the baby’s heart rate is low and needs to be delivered immediately.

Gina goes back to David’s house to tell him that she thinks they could be great together. She promises she won’t hurt him, but he says she’d have to add an “again” to that. He lets her in, though. While Kelly comforts Erin over the end of Mel and Jackie’s marriage, Donna uses the genealogy software on her own family and learns that she’s not her father’s only child. Dr. Martin had an affair with Bobbi, which makes Donna and Gina sisters. At the hospital, Janet delivers a girl, but both mother and daughter need blood transfusions. No one will tell Steve if they’ll be okay.

Thoughts: Remember how Dylan was going to get Steve and Janet the honeymoon suite at the Beverly Royale? I bet they regret turning him down.

Speaking of Dylan, I miss when he wasn’t Brandon 2.0.

David: “Gina. My girlfriend.” David, does she know you’re calling her that?

The destruction of Jackie’s marriage actually becomes her, beacuse she looks nice in this episode.

August 8, 2015

BH90210 9.23, The End of the World as We Know It: Sex, Lies, and Videotapes

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , at 1:07 pm by Jenn

The same thing happened on "Veronica Mars," only on Veronica's car (and because "whore" has too many letters)

The same thing happened on “Veronica Mars,” only on Veronica’s car (and because “whore” has too many letters)

Summary: Steve’s reading up on Y2K at the Peach Pit. David, Dylan, Janet, and Gina discuss the details, familiarizing Steve with the acronym TEOTWAWKI – “the end of the world as we know it.” Dylan jokes that he’s going to get a head start on stockpiling things. Kelly and Matt are babysitting Erin and giving There’s Something About Mary some free ad time. They consider watching it but have sex in the living room instead, not realizing they’re being filmed.

The next day, Kelly catches Donna making some menswear sketches, inspired by a guy sitting out in the courtyard of the boutique. Kelly pushes her to talk to him. Instead, Donna pretends to read a knitting magazine so she can look at him from a closer vantage point. Eventually she introduces herself, and the guy, Wayne, gives her his phone number. Upstairs, Matt asks Dylan to help fund a case against some oil companies. One of them happens to be Hunter Oil, Noah’s late father’s company.

David’s on babysitting duty next, playing cards with Erin, who wants to watch There’s Something About Mary. She tells him she’s going to use Mel and Jackie’s new nanny cam to find out if he was cheating. While David’s on the phone with Katie, Erin switches the tape in the nanny cam with the tape of There’s Something About Mary. Matt and Dylan tell Noah about the lawsuit, causing tension among the friends.

Steve’s been reading up on Y2K, too busy worrying about preparing to agree to ring in the new year with Janet in Hawaii. Noah finds Matt in his room, supposedly looking for CDs Noah borrowed. Noah accuses him of snooping for trial evidence. Steve tries to ease the tension by reminding them that they could all be dead soon. Thanks, Steve! David’s brought There’s Something About Mary home, and Gina and Dylan pop it in the VCR. Instead, they get to see Matt and Kelly’s accidental sex tape. Gina’s ecstatic. Dylan, not so much.

The next day, Gina makes jokes about the couple at the Peach Pit while Dylan broods. Donna has breakfast with Wayne, who reveals that he’s a professional volleyball player. She asks him to be a fitting model for her new menswear line. Basically, this means she gets to use him as a human Ken doll. He’s up for this, and mentions that he’s single. Katie drops by David’s house hours before their scheduled date, ready now for a little action.

Steve gets a delivery of Smeat, the show’s rip-off of Spam, which will sustain Steve after the end of the world. Janet tries to get him to commit to the Hawaii trip, accusing him of being hesitant because of their relationship, not Y2K. He points out that civilization could be kaput in eight months. Janet replies that their relationship could be kaput sooner than that. Noah tells Donna that he found out from his father’s journal that Mr. Hunter didn’t know about René. He wants to move out of the Walshes’ house, and he suggests that he and Donna get a place together.

After sex with Katie, David wants to talk about her addiction. Katie would rather watch David Duchovny on Rosie. (I’m on Katie’s side in this.) David’s worried that she’ll want to jet now that she’s gotten what she wants out of the relationship. Katie promises she won’t, but as soon as David gets in the shower, she’s gone. That night, Dylan takes Gina to the After Dark for a private concert from Monica. Gina thinks he’s trying to overcompensate after seeing the sex tape, since they’re not as romantic as Kelly and Matt. She guesses correctly that Dylan and Kelly hooked up in Mexico. She storms off, and Monica’s like, “Do I still get paid? I’ll just keep singing.”

The next day, Katie comes by the club to apologize for running out on him. He’s realized that their relationship is a bad idea right now. She disagrees, wanting to keep moving forward, though at her pace. That means they can’t have sex again for a year. David’s internal monologue: “This again??” Donna does a fitting with Wayne, finally telling him that she has a boyfriend. Noah stops by, surprised that Donna suddenly has a men’s line. He wants to look at a house, but Donna wants to keep working.

Gina appears to be working for Matt, as he’d hoped, so she’s in his office when Dylan shows up. He warns Gina not to tell Matt about Mexico. He says he doesn’t want to drag them through it, but Gina knows that he just wants to protect Kelly. When Gina goes to tell Matt, Dylan beats her to it. Matt tells Dylan to keep his money. At the boutique, Donna admits to Kelly that she has a crush on Wayne. “I wrote his name in a heart last night,” she confesses. Kelly doesn’t think it’s a big deal.

Matt arrives and demands that Kelly tell him what happened in Mexico. She freezes up, so he tells her to think it over and get back to him. Kelly rushes to Dylan to yell at him for blurting the secret to Matt. Dylan accuses her of making a sex tape with Matt. He assures her that he destroyed it, but that doesn’t make her feel any better. Steve shuts off the power at the Walshes’ house to run a Y2K drill, which is the last straw for Janet. She announces that she’s cancelling the Hawaii trip. He’s getting ready for everything except her.

Donna catches Gina crying at the beach apartment, but Gina doesn’t want to talk. She doesn’t want to talk to Kelly either, instead writing “slut” on the bathroom mirror in lipstick. David tells Katie that they need to end things – sex is an important part of a relationship for him. (Except for all that time he was with Donna. Just forget about that.) Katie’s grateful that he was gentle with her. Kelly reminds Matt that he was with Lauren when she and Dylan went to Mexico, so technically she didn’t cheat. There just wasn’t a good time to tell him what happened. Matt’s willing to forgive her.

Steve calls Janet to the office for a romantic evening and an actual mature conversation. All of his past serious relationships – with Celeste, Clare, and Carly – he committed and then got dumped. He was scared to commit to Janet because he was afraid of getting hurt again. Janet promises that she’s not going anywhere (except maybe Hawaii, with him).

Dylan gives the sex tape to Kelly, saying he didn’t destroy it because there’s nothing on there she should be ashamed of. Kelly and Matt clearly love each other. Dylan’s happy that Kelly found someone who makes her happy; he just wishes it were him. Matt finds Noah burning some of his father’s things, which means he’ll probably get in trouble for tampering with evidence.

Donna meets Wayne for a drink, announcing that they shouldn’t see each other anymore. She’s moving forward in her relationship with Noah. She admits to having feelings for Wayne, but she doesn’t want to make him think she’s available. Wayne challenges this by kissing her. She kisses back. Uh-oh!

Thoughts: Erin’s so much older now! She has dialogue and everything!

Monica again? Did someone at the show owe her manager a favor or something?

Okay, it’s time for Gina to move out of the beach apartment. How does Donna put up with the constant hostility and tension between her and Kelly? And why does Kelly let her stay, anyway?

Steve remembers that Celeste left him because he cheated, right? Just wanted to make it clear that there was a reason that relationship didn’t last.

February 1, 2015

BH90210 8.28, Skin Deep: It’s Not Getting Hot in Here But Take Off All Your Clothes Anyway

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , at 3:07 pm by Jenn

They're grinning because they might get to see boobs

They’re grinning because they might get to see boobs. Stay classy, guys

Summary: Remember Muntz? He’s getting married! Brandon and Steve don’t understand why he would want to make a commitment to a woman he loves. They’re more excited about the idea of throwing him a bachelor party. Kelly confronts Brandon over a copy of Playpen she found, but he’s not apologetic. A sex shop called Guilty Pleasures is opening, and he considers the magazine research. He and Kelly disagree over whether the store should be able to open in Beverly Hills.

Donna and Noah have a catalog shoot for her line, and though most things are going well, there’s an assistant who’s too clumsy for Donna’s tastes. Donna snaps at her, and when she goes to apologize, we see (but Donna doesn’t) the girl, Monica, cutting herself in the bathroom. Steve and Brandon have a ton of ad offers now, but Steve’s been keeping Janet out of the office, running errands, so they don’t have to see each other after their awkward date. When Janet does come in, she suggests that they get bachelor-party decorations at Guilty Pleasures.

Valerie suggests that she and David go away for the weekend. He sees that she’s been reading an article about jumpstarting your love life. Kelly has lunch with Erin and Jackie, the latter of whom announces that she’s going to have a facelift. Kelly doesn’t see the need for it. She’s surprised when little Erin starts talking about how ice cream is fattening and she’s watching her calories. Later, Kelly talks to Brandon about how Jackie and Erin seem to be trying to fulfill a male fantasy. He promises to still find her sexy when they’re old and gray.

Donna helps Monica make a love connection, then notices that her arm is bleeding. Monica says her new cat scratched her. Donna’s still concerned no matter how much Monica downplays the situation. Kelly and Brandon continue talking about fantasy and vanity; she says she just wants to make sure he’s not thinking about someone else when he’s with her. After all, he’s been looking at Playpen. Brandon doesn’t think it’s a big deal.

The next day, Brandon, David, Steve, and Muntz go to Guilty Pleasures, where Brandon pauses to interview a protester before they go inside. The owner doesn’t care about the protests – he’s happy for the additional publicity. He also doesn’t care about the objectification of women because he has the First Amendment on his side. David buys a bunch of stuff in hopes of making Valerie happy. Steve swings a discount with the owner in exchange for ad space in the paper.

At the beach apartment, Donna tells Kelly and Noah about Monica’s cuts, which she doesn’t think are cat scratches. Kelly – who, after all, majored in psychology – thinks Monica cuts herself. Noah says they don’t know for sure, but Donna decides to keep an eye on her. At the Beverly Beat, Brandon asks Janet her opinion on magazines like Playpen. She’s fine with them and with sex shops because they help people express themselves sexually. She reports that her parents were hippies, so she’s always had this kind of attitude about sex. Steve thinks they have that in common. Janet’s still mad at him.

David brings his new purchases to the bedroom, but makes the mistake of saying he’s just trying to help her relieve tension. She thinks that means he thinks she’s tense. At the Walshes’, Kelly objects to Brandon’s article about Guilty Pleasures, saying he’s just using it as a platform to say pornography is awesome. She wants to make it about morals and ethics. Brandon doesn’t think it should be a crime for him to engage in a mindless activity like looking at naked women.

Donna finds a little knife in Monica’s things and confronts her over cutting herself. Monica blasts her for violating her privacy. At David’s house, Valerie’s already done with his new experiments. Monica’s love match falls through, and she confides in Donna how much she wishes she could have a flawless body like the shoot’s model. Donna tells her that one guy rejecting her doesn’t make things hopeless.

Steve tells David that he went back to Guilty Pleasures, and it made him feel sad about not being in a relationship. After all, if he were dating someone, he wouldn’t have time to go to a sex shop. He thinks David’s lucky to have a girlfriend he can have make-up sex with. Donna confronts Monica again about her cutting, and this time Monica admits to it. Donna encourages her to get help since she’s been unable to stop on her own. She shares her own experience with painkiller addiction. Monica notes that she still won’t be model-pretty, but Donna says her emotional state is more important.

While the guys go to Muntz’s bachelor party (which is in the middle of the day so his fiancée doesn’t find out about it), Kelly and Valerie complain about their boyfriends’ recent trip to Guilty Pleasures. Valerie’s fine with David going, but she wishes they’d gone forever. They’re in agreement about how annoying it is that the guys fantasize about other women instead of them. Meanwhile, the guys all complain about how women want things from them they don’t understand. Steve says Janet’s not like that, and Noah reminds him that she dumped him.

The stripper arrives, and suddenly no one can put together a complete sentence. Brandon wants to ask the stripper about her real life so he can’t be accused of objectifying her. Steve’s like, “Treat her like…a human? But why?” That night, he goes to the beach apartment to fight with Kelly some more about how stupid bachelor parties are. He reminds her that she and the other girls went to a strip club for Toni’s bachelorette party. Further, Brandon isn’t to blame for how all men see women. Kelly notes that he’s certainly not helping. She’d like to know where he stands, but isn’t it obvious?

Valerie puts on some sexy lingerie for David, then brings some bondage equipment into the bedroom. This is a little too much for him. On the boat, Donna tells Noah that she’s worried about the message she’ll be sending if she only uses a gorgeous model in the catalog. Women will feel that they’re inferior if they don’t look like her. Women already compare themselves to others, and the thing with Monica has brought it to Donna’s attention. She feels like she has the opportunity to make a statement.

Steve brings Janet breakfast to let her know how much he appreciates her. He feels bad about not giving them a chance, so they should go out again. Janet declines – she gave Steve a lot of chances and none of them worked out. He’s surprised that she’s turning him down after saying she’s in favor of sex without commitment. Janet points out that she’s not going to hook up with the wrong person. Brandon announces that they’re not doing trades for ads anymore, which means Steve has to pay full price at Guilty Pleasures. Also, they won’t be advertising for them anymore.

Donna brings in some new models for the shoot, wanting to have real women model the dresses she created for real women. Also, now Monica will feel better about herself and be cured of her insecurity issues! Yay, Donna! Valerie and David finally discuss their relationship problems, which don’t actually exist, since Valerie never thought they needed to jumpstart their sex life. She was just reading the magazine to get her horoscope. Womp womp. Then they have sex outside.

It’s the end of the episode, which means Brandon has to go tell Kelly that he did something wrong and she has to apologize for overreacting. Specifically, she approves of his article about Guilty Pleasures, which mentions that if people don’t want the sex shop to stay in business, they shouldn’t shop there. Brandon promises that he knows the difference between fantasy and reality. That…wasn’t her point at all, but A for effort, Bran. Kelly presents him with a Kama Sutra kit, because Brandon has earned a reward for admitting he was wrong.

Thoughts: The model in the article about jumpstarting your lovelife looks like a cross between Tori Spelling and Elizabeth Berkley. In other words, super-’90s.

Brandon and Kelly are the new Steve and Clare. Just break up! David and Valerie’s relationship is better than yours! Steve and Janet’s non-existant relationship is better than yours!

You can tell this episode is old because no one’s heard of cutting.

With the guys’ and girls’ stereotypical views on each other, I’m surprised no one brings up that famous ’90s book Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.

August 11, 2013

BH90210 6.13, Courting: Gossip Girl

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , , at 12:56 pm by Jenn

"Dear Diary: Today I was awesome. Just like yesterday. Tomorrow, I plan to be even more awesome. Ha ha, like that's possible!"

“Dear Diary: Today I was awesome. Just like yesterday. Tomorrow, I plan to be even more awesome. Ha ha, like that’s possible!”

Summary: Kelly and Colin take Erin to eat at the Peach Pit before Kelly goes to court to support Donna. David thinks he should skip the trial and look after his sister, but Valerie’s sure she’ll be fine with Colin. Brandon and Susan arrive, and Valerie tells David that Brandon and Kelly hooked up while Susan and Colin were out of town for Thanksgiving. David advises her to keep that to herself. The trial requires Donna and her adorable dress to skip a trip with the other Rose Court finalists, because apparently that’s STILL GOING ON. But hey, at least she has Joe.

Brandon reports on the trial for the Condor, using a tiny, very ’90s laptop. The gang arrives as Joe’s lawyer dodges questions from the press about how the trial will affect Joe’s football career. The prosecutor offers a deal that would give Joe a suspended sentence and community service. Joe won’t take it since he can’t play football if he pleads guilty. Valerie sees Brandon and Kelly chatting and tries to convince David that it means something. David accepts that Kelly spent the night at the Walshes’, but that doesn’t mean she and Brandon had sex.

Ray shows up for the trial with LuAnn, and there are some awkward looks exchanged with Donna. Felice also comes to support her daughter. Kelly calls Colin to check on Erin, who’s having fun painting with him in the park. (Colin has younger brothers, so he’s used to taking care of kids.) Well, at least she’s having fun until she gets sad about missing her family. Donna testifies in court, and like her deposition, her explanation of what happened on Halloween makes Joe sound like the instigator. Suddenly, the defense attorney remembers how to lawyer, and the truth about Ray’s violent behavior comes out.

Brandon tells Steve that Colin got up early that morning to practice, even though he might not be allowed to play football anymore. Steve wants to take bets on the outcome of the trial, but Brandon has to remain impartial. Colin continues doing art with Erin, this time painting her portrait. She’s slowly turning into a handful. Brandon calls Susan to discuss his story, and she tells him the AP wants to pick it up, since he can get to the defendant. However, Joe’s lawyer doesn’t want him talking to the press.

Joe testifies, but has to admit that Ray didn’t injure Donna – in fact, Ray was the only person hurt. LuAnn’s all smug. Valerie is next called to the stand, which Kelly finds funny, since Valerie hardly ever helps other people. Val testifies as a witness to Ray and Donna’s fight in Palm Springs. After court, the gang goes to the Walshes’ house for dinner; Steve wants a celebration, but David doesn’t want to jump the gun. Valerie tells Brandon that she knows they hooked up on Thanksgiving. He basically tells her to stop talking before he ditches her as a friend.

Joe practices again the next morning, and Brandon meets him there to try to discuss the trial. Joe is extremely optimistic, saying that everything happens for a reason. He’s sure that things will work out in his favor. Everyone returns to court, and Donna’s nervous, but Felice thinks that Valerie’s testimony tipped the scales in Joe’s favor. Brandon corners Ray to plead with him to stop making himself out to be the victim, since the real victim is Donna. He needs to tell the truth and get the trial to end.

Donna is surprised to be recalled to the stand and questioned about the incident in Palm Springs. The prosecutor gets her to admit that she lied in her hospital admission form, saying that she fell. Since she lied to protect her former boyfriend, maybe she’s lying now to protect her new boyfriend. Donna feels horrible for possibly hindering Joe’s freedom, but he doesn’t blame her. Colin’s still on Erin duty, and Valerie finds it impressive, considering…

The next time Colin sees Kelly, he accuses her of cheating on him with Brandon. She admits to spending the night at the Walshes’, but nothing else. Colin doesn’t believe her, and the fact that he believes Valerie instead is pretty ridiculous. Through this whole fight, Erin has been in the bathroom, getting ready for a bath, so of course she falls into the tub and almost drowns. Colin gives her CPR and revives her.

Susan is so super-proud of her boyfriend on his first syndicated story. He’s totally going to be the next Edward R. Murrow because he’s smart and talented and can cook a perfect soufflé and his breath always smells like daisies. Also, he’s honest. Brandon decides to beat Valerie to the punch by telling Susan that Kelly spent the night at his house, but nothing happened. He didn’t sleep with Kelly because of his feelings for Susan. She’s not sure he’s telling the complete truth. Now that Colin’s saved Erin, he somehow no longer cares about what may or may not have happened between Kelly and Brandon, so they’re good.

Back to court for the third day of the trial. Kelly blasts Valerie for spreading gossip, warning that her behavior will get her in trouble one day. Ray is cross-examined, and poor Felice and Dr. Martin have to listen to him lie that he never hurt Donna. By which he means not on purpose. He says that if he ever hurt her, it was only because he loved her. Joe’s lawyer gets Ray to admit what really happened on Halloween. Now LuAnn isn’t so smug anymore. The case is quickly dismissed.

The prosecutor offers to put Ray in jail if Donna will testify against him. Instead, Donna tells Ray about the offer and just says he needs to try harder in his next relationship. Um, what? Brandon goes home to finish up his story, and Valerie admits that she told Colin about Thanksgiving. She asks forgiveness, claiming that she doesn’t gossip to hurt people. He basically tells her what Donna told Ray: “Don’t do it again.”

Speaking of Ray, he comes by the house to thank Brandon for setting him straight. Because Brandon is awesome and perfect and a hero, and if he’d been at the beach apartment when Erin almost drowned, he would have saved her in one breath, then flown her to the hospital like Superman. And when she got back, he would have baked a chocolate cake for her and rented out Disneyland so she could ride on all the rides as much as she wanted. Anyway, Ray’s going to leave town.

The day of the Rose Court final announcement, the gang gathers in Pasadena and discusses how Steve’s been taking bets. He may or may not have gotten a girl’s mother to bet against her. Donna’s friend Lisa is crowned Rose Queen, and though the gang is disappointed that Donna didn’t win, Donna’s thrilled just to be there. Joe thinks she would have done better if she hadn’t been distracted by the trial. Donna tells him and her parents that she wouldn’t change anything. Then we end on Brandon finishing his story, because it’s ALWAYS ABOUT BRANDON.

Thoughts: Of course Brandon saves the day. OF COURSE.

I think Erin may have been aged, probably because they needed someone to have conversations with Colin. She’s…not very good, though. Her eyes are open when Colin starts to give her CPR! Also, I think she might have fake eyelashes.

I used to proofread legal transcripts for a living, which gave me the ability to spot believable courtroom scenes, and the ones in this episode are believable (unlike Donna’s deposition in the last episode). There’s one big screw-up, though: At the end of the trial, the judge dismisses the jury…but there was no jury. Oops!

Thanks for being a completely useless Greek chorus, Steve and Clare. Keep up the great work!

February 5, 2013

BH90210 5.7, Who’s Zoomin’ Who?: Smashing Pumpkins (and Faces)

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , , at 9:26 pm by Jenn

Nothing says "I dig you" like a gigantic pumpkin

Nothing says “I dig you” like a gigantic pumpkin

Summary: The After Dark is jumping, and Steve is happy. He tells David his relationship with Valerie is going well, even though they’re moving slowly. The fire marshal makes an appearance and tells Steve he’s exceeded the Peach Pit’s maximum capacity, so he has to shut things down. Now Steve isn’t happy anymore.

The next day Steve promises Nat he’ll pay the fine, but he wants to keep the club going. David suggests that they charge more and let in fewer people. Clare adds that they could get a bigger place – and the rug store next door is going out of business. Nat can’t afford the lease, so Valerie urges him to talk to Dylan (even though she knows he has no money – jerk).

Ray makes a long, picturesque drive to the beach apartment so we can all hear Jamie Walters sing. He takes Donna the biggest and smallest pumpkins of the season, then suggests that they decorate them together that night. Kelly isn’t as charmed as Donna is. Then there’s a lot of exposition: Kelly’s picking up Erin, then spending the night at Brandon’s since Jim and Cindy are going to Palm Springs, which means Ray can come over and hang out with Donna.

At the Peach Pit, Steve and Nat give Dylan their business proposal to take over the rug store and expand. Clare and David are also present, for some reason. Dylan okays the plan, even though it’ll cost $150,000. Jackie tells Kelly she’s been booked for a modeling job, which Kelly isn’t happy about. Apparently Cindy was serious when she said she wanted another baby, because she and Jim are actually making plans in that regard.

Jim gets a fax regarding Dylan’s trust (Dylan hasn’t signed the papers to sever that relationship) and sees that he’s taken out a mortgage on his house. Valerie spills that he’s broke. Mel and Kelly discuss Jackie’s return to modeling, and he tells her that Jackie and Erin are scheduled to take part in a mother/daughter fashion shoot. You can imagine how unexcited Kelly is by that news.

The Walshes figure out that Suzanne took all of Dylan’s money, using Erica to get close to him. Jim’s relieved that they didn’t invest their own money. He decides that he and Cindy shouldn’t go away for the weekend, so that means no sex for Brandon. Jim asks why Valerie’s been spending time with Dylan when they told her to stay away from him. She sticks to her story about him talking to her and trying to kiss her at the Peach Pit rave.

Griffin surprises Donna at the beach apartment, hoping to take her out. (Clare forgot to tell Donna he’d called.) She tries to back out but he wears her down. Donna quickly calls Ray but can’t reach him, so she asks Clare to give him a rain check. She has no idea that Griffin doesn’t plan to bring her home until the next day.

Kelly confronts Jackie over taking Erin to a night modeling shoot, and Jackie brings up all the things the money will pay for (including a car phone, hee). Jackie invites her to stay if she’s so worried that the experience will be damaging to her sister. Griffin flies Donna to Catalina, since apparently he’s a pilot.

Ray shows up at the beach apartment and Clare annoyingly tells him Donna’s out with another guy. Word of Dylan’s financial situation has made it to Nat, who helps Jim ambush him at the Peach Pit. Dylan thinks Jim is pleased with the turn of events because Dylan’s getting what he deserves. Now Jim doesn’t want to help him anymore.

At the beach apartment, David goes looking for a shirt (he got watermelon all over his – don’t ask) and finds handcuffs in Clare’s drawer. He handcuffs himself to the bed, then learns she doesn’t have the key. (She lost it, probably the last time she used them.) Then Chancellor Arnold shows up wanting to see where his daughter lives. Clare covers David with pillows and clothes so it just looks like she has a messy, unmade bed. Then she and her dad go to dinner, leaving David alone.

At dinner, Donna learns for the first time that Griffin plans to spend the night on Catalina. He promises to be a “perfect gentleman” and keep his hands to himself. She notes that a gentleman wouldn’t put her in this position in the first place. (Point for Donna.) Brandon overhears Valerie breaking plans with Steve and suggests that she just dump him if she wants to be with Dylan. She defends Dylan and all his brooding. David’s still stuck in bed when someone he thinks is Clare finally returns. It’s not Clare, it’s Donna (of course).

A hairstylist at the modeling shoot tells Kelly she should be participating, but Jackie probably didn’t ask her because Kelly would overshadow her. Kelly’s just ticked that Erin’s up so late. Jackie’s upset about her interference. Kelly complains that Jackie didn’t invite her to do the shoot with her, even though Jackie didn’t think she would have wanted to do it. David and Donna commiserate over their failed romantic evenings, and he tells her Ray stopped by. Donna realizes that Ray destroyed the pumpkins, so she leaves to talk to him. David’s left alone in bed again.

Valerie goes to see Dylan, who blasts her for telling Jim about his financial issues. She blasts him back for lying to everyone. Dylan says she could have stood up to Jim instead of letting him bully her into telling the truth (which didn’t happen, but whatever). He notes that Brenda got pretty good at standing up to him. Valerie’s finally sick of Dylan talking about Brenda all the time, but he accuses her of pretending to be Brenda so she can have a family. Valerie doesn’t see what’s wrong with that. Dylan feels bad about making her cry.

Brandon never told Kelly that Cindy and Jim were staying in town, so she shows up at the house for sex. Instead of that, she winds up confiding in Cindy about her issues with Jackie. She blames her childhood modeling and Jackie’s pressure to be skinny for her weight issues. Kelly admits that she’s upset that Jackie didn’t ask her to be in the modeling shoot. Cindy reminisces about that other modeling thing where she first met Jackie. She notes that Jackie’s been through a lot since then and has remained sober. Plus, she’s 40 and still looks good.

Donna goes to the pumpkin patch and tells Ray she wishes she’d gone out with him instead of Griffin. He can’t believe she drove all the way out there to apologize, especially after he smashed her pumpkins. He only did that because he cares, “maybe a little too much.” (Donna! Red flag! This is a red flag situation!) Ray promises that he won’t pressure Donna to do anything she’s not comfortable with. They make out.

More apologies: Kelly wants Jackie to know she thinks she’s a much stronger person and a better mother than she was when Kelly was a kid. She’ll keep her mouth shut from now on unless Jackie asks for her opinion. Jackie admits that the photographer wanted Kelly and Erin to both be in the shoot, but she didn’t ask Kelly because she thought people would see Kelly as Erin’s mother and Jackie as Erin’s grandmother. Kelly confides that she thought Jackie didn’t think she was pretty enough for the shoot. Jackie assures her that’s not the case.

David, having freed himself by breaking Clare’s bed, complains to Steve that he could have died since Clare and her father went to dinner and a movie in Monterey while he was handcuffed. They go to Dylan’s to discuss the After Dark, and David spots Valerie in the yard, realizing she spent the night. When Steve sees her, he decides the plan for the club is a no-go. Then he punches Dylan in the face.

Thoughts: What, exactly, does Ray expect Donna to do with a pumpkin the size of a pony?

I don’t know if it’s the same girl playing her as before, but Erin got even more adorable.

Dear Clare: Shut up. Shut up a lot.

Also, why didn’t Clare just take her dad to Donna or Kelly’s room and say it was hers?

Valerie: “You don’t know how intimidating Jim Walsh can be.” Me: “Is there another Jim Walsh I don’t know about?”

September 16, 2012

BH90210 4.17, Thicker Than Water: I Want a New Drug

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , at 4:56 pm by Jenn

Dylan’s well on his way to having a mini-me

Summary: David complains about his crappy life on the radio, as if he didn’t bring it all on himself. Howard’s tired of all the whining, calling David self-indulgent. Also, his playlist is depressing. David asks for more drugs since he feels so horrible. Howard’s suggestion is to stop doing meth. At the beach apartment, Donna asks Kelly to keep an eye on David while she goes on a ski trip. Then she regrets not inviting him along. Kelly tells her she’s doing the right thing since David’s such a jerk.

David comes home and continues being a jerk, but Donna invites him skiing anyway. He tells her he already agreed to watch Erin that weekend. Donna tells him they need to be civil since they’re living together. David snaps that he’d be in a better mood if Donna could have a “mature relationship.” Basically, he wouldn’t be so mean if he could get laid. Donna tells him she’ll be having sex when she’s ready.

Cindy has packed a giant cooler for Brandon, Brenda, Steve to take on the ski trip. Brenda tells them that Andrea isn’t coming; she has the flu. Dylan also isn’t coming since he’s taking care of Erica. Donna calls to try to back out of the trip, telling Brenda that she and David had a fight. Brenda refuses to let her mope when she could be having fun. Once the kids are gone, Jim tries to arrange a meeting with Dylan to share what he’s learned about Suzanne.

Dylan’s surfing with a nervous Erica, whose only previous experience with the ocean is from reading The Old Man and the Sea. Kelly tries to calm Jackie down over letting Mel take Erin for the weekend. David complains again about his issues and Kelly asks him straight out if he’s using drugs. He says no, he just needs sleep. He also needs a hug, which she gives him. Dylan gives Erica a surfing lesson on the sand before she admits that she doesn’t know how to swim.

Kelly and David pick up Erin from Mel’s office so they can take her to the park. David pretends to go to the bathroom but instead sneaks back into an exam room to steal codeine. Up on whatever mountain the kids are skiing, a guy helps Donna with her boots, then asks her to lunch. Andrea goes to a doctor for her suspected flu, asking for an AIDS test just to be on the safe side.

Dylan takes Erica to a pool to teach her to swim, even though she’s afraid of the water. He uses The Old Man and the Sea to make her brave. In the park, some random old woman offers Erin a cookie and Kelly says no, though David almost accepts. I’m sure it’s because of the drugs. See, kids? Drugs make you take sweets from strangers! Erin runs off to the ice cream truck, and Kelly chastises David for offering her some since it would be rewarding bad behavior. Then she ditches them for an appointment, telling David to do whatever he wants.

Donna hits it off with her lunch date, Chad, who’s a ski instructor and offers her and Brenda lessons the next day. Donna’s happy that Brenda made her come since she’s having a great time. Kelly returns to the park and finds David asleep on a bench, with no Erin in sight. They end up at the police station, where they’re joined by Mel. A cop wonders if Jackie might have taken Erin because of the custody dispute. Mel isn’t sure but won’t let David blame himself.

Dylan waits for Erica outside the pool locker room, hearing from a couple of girls that she’s in there crying. He goes in to find out what’s wrong and almost has security called on him by a reasonably concerned woman. Erica tells Dylan she got her first period and doesn’t know what to do. Not that he knows what to do either, other than taking her to the Walshes’ so Cindy can help her out. Erica hopes this doesn’t mean she’ll suddenly be obsessed with boys.

The skiers meet up at the lodge and decide to go to dinner, but Donna wants to skip it in hopes of spending more time with Chad. Brenda warns her not to do anything stupid. (Like what, sleep with him? It’s Donna.) Jim finally meets with Dylan, asking what Suzanne told him about her financial situation. Dylan relays that she was wiped out when her home was flooded. Jim reveals that she actually has a bank account containing $25,000.

Jackie finally gets to the police station and learns that she’s a kidnapping suspect. She’s mad at Mel for leaving Erin with David again, though at least this time it’s not like he went to another country. David keeps apologizing, but no one blames him. Donna and Chad do a little kissing and he tries to invite himself to her place. She tells him that’s not going to happen – not because she doesn’t want to have sex but because she’s still in love with David.

The Taylors and Silvers spend the evening at the police station, but they’re finally reunited with Erin, who had run off to some random house. Suzanne comes home early and Dylan asks when she was going to tell him about the $25,000. She’s upset that he looked into her background. She tells him it’s the insurance money for her trailer, and it was just wired into her account a few days ago. She also admits that she can’t be sure Erica is Jack’s daughter, but Dylan doesn’t care.

At the beach apartment, David admits to Kelly that he’s being using meth, then stole codeine to help him sleep. He asks her to help him, and she promises she will. The next day, Andrea goes back to the doctor to get her AIDS test results. That test is negative, but another is positive: She’s pregnant.

Thoughts: I didn’t realize that Gabrielle Carteris was actually pregnant, so Andrea’s pregnancy didn’t completely come out of nowhere. It also explains some of her fashion choices over the past few episodes.

Oh, no – Kelly caught Calling Your Parents By Their First Names from Brandon. I hope there’s a cure!

Do dentists’ offices have drugs? They have novocaine, obviously, but painkillers in pill form? I thought they just wrote you a prescription and you had to go to a pharmacy to get it filled.

I feel bad for any teen actress who has to do a my-first-period storyline. It must be incredibly embarrassing. And I don’t think any viewer really wants to see that plotline. Oh, and considering this storyline, the episode title is kind of gross.

August 9, 2012

BH90210 4.8, Twenty Years Ago Today: Is That a Gun In Your Pocket or Are You Just Happy to See Brandon?

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 9:20 pm by Jenn

He really liked that window

Summary: Let’s look at old pictures of Jim and Cindy! It’s their 20th wedding anniversary and their parents are in town to celebrate with them. Jim gives Cindy an emerald necklace since the 20th is the emerald anniversary. Downstairs, Brenda chats with Jim’s mother, who doesn’t seem to like Cindy that much. Cindy’s parents arrive, followed by Stuart, and the younger crowd quickly splits.

Mel brings Erin to the beach apartment and asks David to look after her so he can go to Mexico with his girlfriend. David reluctantly agrees. Brandon tries to get D’Shawn to submit to a tutoring session, but he has to work on this free throws first. Brandon passes the time in the weight room, where he makes eyes at a pretty lady. She’s a cultural anthropology grad student named Lucinda Nicholson, and though she won’t let him call her, she lets him know she’s there every morning at 7.

Cindy and Jim’s mothers bicker while setting up for the anniversary party. Meanwhile, Dylan hangs out in what’s clearly meant to be the hood, having a clandestine meeting with a guy named Gus who can get him a gun. Sears wants to take Kelly out, but she’s going to the Walshes’ party. He tries to invite himself along. She doesn’t want to make things awkward since Dylan will be there. Sears tells her he’s in love with her (no kidding!), but she still wants to move slowly.

Dylan takes his shiny new toy to the shooting range so he can practice busting a cap in a paper target. On campus, Brandon runs into Andrea, who tells him she’s bringing Dan to the party. She introduces the two of them and Dan asks where Brandon’s halo is. (Ha!) Brandon spots Lucinda and chats with her about the party. She makes a comment about people being “short on commitment.” She learns that Brandon’s only 18 and confesses that she’s 27, so they probably shouldn’t be flirting.

Brandon stashes his present for his parents (their wedding photo turned into a giant jigsaw puzzle) at Dylan’s house, where Dylan barely manages to keep him from seeing his gun. Mel summons David to his house to watch Erin since the babysitter’s late showing up. This will make him and Donna late to the party.

Brenda and Brandon get ready, wondering how their parents have stayed happily married for so long. She thinks Stuart might be the one, though Brandon notes that they’ve only been dating for two weeks. She thinks she’ll be lonely if she doesn’t find her Mr. Right soon. Brandon, however, thinks he’s far from settling down; his longest conversation was with Emily, after all. He remembers that the present’s still at Dylan’s and heads off to get it.

Jim’s mother gives him her present, her and Mr. Walsh’s wedding rings. She suggests that he pass them off to one of the twins when the time comes. Brandon hurries to Dylan’s house, but Dylan’s in the shower and doesn’t hear him knock. Brandon decides to break a window to get in, and that, Dylan hears. He grabs his gun and gets ready to shoot, yelling out a warning as Brandon comes in. Brandon tells him an alarm system might be a better idea. Dylan decides to get rid of the gun.

Stuart shows up early to the party, which is all elegant and stuff. Steve brings Celeste and the two of them meet Dan, who admits that he doesn’t believe in marriage. Dylan and Kelly meet up, and he assures her that he’s done with weaponry. She wonders where they’ll be in 20 years. David and Donna show up with Erin, to Jackie’s surprise. As they watch Brenda and Stuart dance, Dylan tells Brandon that he knows Stuart “from the scene,” hinting that he’s not the great guy he appears to be.

Stuart tells Brenda that his parents are only still together as a “business arrangement,” but he believes in love. He decides to make the first toast of the evening and wins everyone over. Jim’s mom thinks Brenda might settle down sooner rather than later. She’s right, since Stuart takes Brenda out to the front porch and proposes. She notes that it’s really fast, but that doesn’t keep her from saying yes.

Andrea confides in Kelly that she lost her virginity to Dan and was shocked by her own impulsivity. Kelly thinks it was good for her to follow her heart. Andrea’s worried that Dan’s even more cerebral than she is, and not at all romantic. Seeing the Walshes together made her think he’s the wrong guy for her. She hasn’t felt the earth move yet. Kelly tells her to give it some time, but Andrea thinks that a lack of sparks at the beginning of a relationship is a bad sign. Kelly points out that she and Dylan have plenty of sparks but can’t make things work.

Jackie realizes that Erin’s sick and demands to know where Mel is. David admits that he went to Mexico. She tells him to let Mel know he’ll hear from her lawyer. Stuart wants to announce the engagement immediately, and if there’s something else that could ruin Jim and Cindy’s night faster, I don’t know what it is. Jim refuses to let them tell anyone else at the party. Then Jim’s mother learns the news and shares it with the whole party.

Kelly, Donna, Andrea, and Celeste are excited about the engagement, but Brandon and Dylan share Cindy and Jim’s feelings. Stuart spots Dylan for the first time and assures him that he’s turned things around. Dylan makes the obligatory hurt-her-and-I’ll-hurt-you speech. (Guess he might not get rid of the gun after all.)

Andrea chats with a bartender named Jesse, who tells her his parents got engaged at his grandparents’ anniversary party. He thinks romanticism is in his genes because of that. Also, he thinks Andrea’s pretty. Brandon asks Brenda if she knows what she’s doing; she says no, but it feels good. He’s worried that she’ll do something she’ll regret.

After the party, Brenda tries to avoid a conversation with her parents. Brandon takes a piece out of the puzzle and the whole thing falls apart. (I hope that wasn’t a metaphor.) Jim wonders how serious things are between Brenda and Stuart. Cindy notes that the ring is pretty serious. However, if they do get married, she hopes they’re as happy as she and Jim are. They end the evening dancing together.

Thoughts: “You ready too many James Bond novels.” No, Gus. They have these things called movies now.

According to the half-plus-seven rule (AKA the Creep Equation), which states that you’re not supposed to date someone younger than half your age plus seven years, Lucinda can date Brandon. I’m not saying she should, but she can.

Brandon, breaking your friend’s window with a wrench to get a giant puzzle may be the dumbest thing you’ve ever done. And we all know that’s saying a lot.

Also, the best way to get rid of a gun is to throw it off a pier? Are you in the mob?

A 20-something-year-old who wants to marry an 18-year-old after two weeks together? THE GIANTEST RED FLAG. I’m sure someone suspects Brenda’s pregnant, but even if they’d had sex on their first date, it would still be too early for her to know she’s pregnant.

August 5, 2012

BH90210 4.7, Moving Targets: Happiness is a Warm Gun

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 3:59 pm by Jenn

Hee hee hee

Summary: The girls are having what they’re calling a sorority meeting at the Peach Pit, but Brenda’s late because she was getting ready for a date with Stuart. The others can’t believe she’s dating a guy named Stuart, and that they met through a set-up arranged by her parents. Donna tells the girls how a regular sorority meeting works (apparently it ends with pins and discussing who lost her virginity). Andrea decides not to volunteer any information about that last part.

Kelly moves on to talk about Dylan’s carjacking, and Brenda says that it looks like the car was found. Indeed, Dylan and Brandon are at an impound lot, having gotten a call about the Porsche, though a cop there doesn’t know anything about it. There was a screw-up, which just makes Dylan madder. Brenda and Stuart go to a club again and she teases him about possible nicknames. He tells her about his father’s disapproval of his various career attempts. She’s surprised, since he was perfectly nice when she met him.

Dan wakes up Andrea in the middle of the night (they’re in his bed) since she thinks she’ll miss a class if she stays with him. She complains about not being able to tell her friends about her relationship. She’s looked at the guidelines about RAs and there’s no rule about them dating students. Dan still doesn’t want to go public since that sort of thing is frowned upon. He’d rather not find out the consequences.

Stuart takes Brenda home, asking him to invite her in. Of course, she won’t, since her parents are there. He wants to spend more time with her, but she doesn’t want to do anything to screw up what they’re getting started. Inside, Jim and Cindy are waiting up to tell Brenda that they don’t like how late she’s been staying out with Stuart. She replies that they should feel lucky that she came home at all.

The next day, Brandon bugs Brenda about Stuart; he seems to think she’s attracted to his money. She says that Stuart’s the first guy since Dylan who knows how to “woo.” After a class, Brandon invites Steve over to study, but he has access to old tests thanks to the KEG house, so he’s not worried about his grades. He teases Brandon about sucking up because he wants to talk to their professor. The two discuss Kelly and Dylan, and Steve says that everyone at the KEG house knows Kelly’s with Sears now.

Dylan meets with Jim about getting another new car. Dylan’s beating himself up for not getting away from the carjacker. He’s shaken by the fact that he just had a gun in his face. Jim suggests that he get counseling, but Dylan has another idea: visiting a shooting range. Jackie stops by the beach apartment to do David’s laundry (…seriously?) and order pizza for the kids. Erin has also come over to be adorable.

Brandon meets with his professor, Cory Randall, who likes sports metaphors. He assures Brandon that if he’s read the chapter, he’s fine. Dan and Andrea run into each other, but she’s upset that they can’t be a public couple. Brandon and Steve discuss their test, and it sounds like Steve’s non-studying has actually paid off. Kelly and Sears hang out, but she still doesn’t want to move their relationship past talking. He’s worried that she’s still interested in Dylan.

Speaking of Dylan, he’s nearby, and Kelly tells him she still wants to be part of his life. He doesn’t seem to care much about his life since he came so close to being killed. Brenda has another date with Stuart, which her parents aren’t too thrilled about. She points out that Jim and Cindy set them up, so they have no reason to object now. They just think things are moving too fast. Just then, Stuart’s father, Larry, calls to invite the Walshes to brunch with his family that weekend.

Steve got a B on Randall’s test, and Brandon got an A+ and a “see me.” Dan and Andrea try to plan a date at a movie theater where they won’t be spotted. Now Andrea wants more time to think about where they should make their public debut. They decide to stay in and play Scrabble instead. (That Andrea knows how to have a good time.) Kelly tells Jackie that Dylan has asked her to go to the gun range with him. She’s pretty sure he has PTSD.

Mel shows up to get Erin, but he’s not alone: He’s with a new girlfriend named Nina. Jackie and Kelly are both upset about that. David argues with Kelly that Jackie and Nina were going to have to meet sooner or later. She tells him he’s as bad as his father. He replies that she’s as neurotic as her mother. Neither will listen to Donna as she tries to make peace.

Kelly and Dylan wind up at the shooting range, but she’s not comfortable with firing a gun. He blasts her for not being prepared to fend off a criminal. Then he fires off a bunch of rounds at a target, because that’s healthy. Afterward, they fight and he tells her she needs to make sure she’s protected because the world isn’t safe for anyone.

The Walshes go to the Carsons’ house, which Jim accurately describes as “overwhelming.” Stuart’s swimming laps, and hello, wet David Gail. Jackie feels bad about her behavior with Mel, but Kelly assures her that everything will be okay. Brandon and Steve see Andrea at the Peach Pit and note that they haven’t seen her for a while. She tells them she’s seeing someone but they’re taking things slowly, like getting into a cold pool. They encourage her to cannonball in naked already.

Kelly tells the guys she’s worried about Dylan and thinks he might have bought of gun. Brandon doesn’t think it’s a big deal; lots of people in L.A. have bought guns since the riots. Kelly says it’s worse than that since Dylan’s troubled and thinks he’s a tough guy. She’s never seen him this angry. She asks Brandon and Steve to talk to him since he won’t listen to her. Brandon promises to do so after he meets with Randall.

Brunch goes well, though Stuart wants to leave when Larry tries to talk business with Jim. (He really just wants to go off and make out with Brenda.) Randall wanted to meet with Brandon to discuss a student named D’Shawn Hardell who needs tutoring. He thinks the two of them would get along well since D’Shawn’s a basketball player and Brandon was a sports editor. D’Shawn needs a C in the class to stay afloat. Brandon agrees to help him out.

Brenda and Stuart play pinball, and he tells her she’s made him feel better about being involved in his family business. Brandon meets D’Shawn in the gym, but D’Shawn will only agree to be tutored if Brandon plays two-on-two with him and some friends. Erin’s over at the beach apartment again, and Kelly’s mad that Mel left her there with David again. The former stepsiblings fight some more until Donna reminds them that the war is between their parents, not them. Kelly and David decide to make peace for their sister’s sake.

Andrea summons Dan to the student union for a date. She then cannonballs into the pool naked, in Brandon and Steve’s parlance, by kissing Dan in the middle of the room. The other students applaud. Jim and Cindy learn from the Carsons that Brenda and Stuart have another date planned for that night. The Carsons aren’t concerned about all the time they’re spending together. When Larry goes looking for Brenda, Stuart tells him that she’s showering. Larry asks him to be more discreet, since Brenda’s younger, and suggests that they cancel their date.

Steve and Brandon hang out with Dylan at his house, bringing up his recent shooting-range visits. Dylan thinks Kelly feels guilty because he was carjacked right after she broke up with him. Later, Dylan tries to buy a gun, but the seller won’t make a deal since Dylan isn’t 21. Unless Dylan wouldn’t mind coming back after hours…

Thoughts: D’Shawn is played by Cress Williams. I never understood why Television Without Pity’s ER recaps called him that. Now I do!

Brenda and Brandon keep saying “woo,” which reminds me of How I Met Your Mother. Then five seconds later, Randall talks about the Mendoza line, which ALSO reminds me of How I Met Your Mother. I was half expecting Neil Patrick Harris to show up next.

I just read The Art of Fielding, so all of Randall’s sports talk both annoyed me and felt fitting.

The Carsons have pinball machines. Now I want to date Stuart.