February 21, 2015

Party of Five 6.8, Fate, Hope and Charity: Fate Is a Poor Excuse for Becoming a Stalker

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 1:32 am by Jenn

I want to like you, Holly, but...

I want to like you, Holly, but…

Summary: Bailey has dinner with some really annoying girl, ditching her to talk to Joe, then Tracy. He’s disappointed that he can’t spend more time with his married girlfriend. He tells the annoying girl that they’re dating, but she doesn’t care. Charlie’s 30th birthday is coming up, and though he tells Kirsten he doesn’t want to make a big deal about it, he kind of wants to make a little deal about it. At school, Claudia and her friends plan Homecoming, but she splits when Derek shows up.

Brian tracks down Julia to apologize for kissing her. She’s happy to forget about it and move on. Bailey wants Charlie to move some of his things out of the Salingers’ basement so Will can live down there. Charlie would rather talk about how he’s dating two women at once. Then suddenly there’s a third woman in the picture; she’s at the wrong house, but Bailey wonders if they were meant to meet. He asks her on a date for the next night, bugging her when she keeps saying no.

Back at the house, Bailey invites Daphne and Griffin to Charlie’s birthday party. Somehow, they realize that he’s figured out that they’re…dating? Is that what they’re doing? Julia gets down about some critiques of her book, then gets more annoyed when Evan doesn’t show her any sympathy or give her support. Later, Julia and Brian encounter each other again at Evan’s house, and he tries to make her feel better about the critiques. Hey, do you think the show is trying to tell us that Julia and Brian are a better match than Julia and Evan?

Bailey’s fated woman, Holly, must be crazy because she agrees to go on a date with him. We’re supposed to think they’re cute, but it’s gross. She’s all type A and a control freak like Bailey, but she gave in to a guy who harassed her, so I can’t root for her. Julia has also figured out that Griffin and Daphne are…whatever, and she assures him that she’s fine with it. Griffin says it’s just casual, and he can’t picture them actually dating. Julia wonders if he could picture her with him before they got together. She encourages him to tell Daphne how he feels about her.

In the Salingers’ basement, Charlie finds a model of a house he made back when he was in architecture school. Claudia tells Alexa that she’s quitting the Homecoming committee because of Derek. She doesn’t get how Alexa can hang out with him like nothing happened. Alexa points out that Claudia didn’t tell anyone that he assaulted her; Derek didn’t get punished, so Claudia can’t expect other people to punish him.

Brian says goodbye to Julia before heading back to college, admitting that he doesn’t want to hang around and watch his father date someone he’d like to be with. Evan overhears them talking about the kiss but doesn’t say anything. Bailey wants to go out with Holly again, but she likes the idea of ending on a high note and keeping their good memories of each other. Their date is interrupted by Tracy’s husband, who confronts Bailey in the restaurant and punches him.

Julia pushes Evan to talk about her kiss with Brian and how she kept it from him. She wants to make sure he knows that the kiss didn’t mean anything to her. Evan believes her and isn’t surprised that Brian’s interested in her. Claudia’s an outsider at school again, now that she doesn’t want to spend time with the popular kids. Myra’s snuck in some alcohol, and Claudia decides to join her for a drink.

Bailey tracks down Holly, which is REALLY GROSS, and tries to get her to see that he’s really a good guy. He only hooked up with Tracy to get Sarah out of his system. Holly thinks they’re a mismatch because Bailey’s not mature enough to know that a meaningless affair is a bad idea. Julia’s upset that Evan’s always so nonchalant about everything and never shows emotion. Evan admits that the kiss bothered him, but he doesn’t see the point in complaining about it. Julia would like him to give her more emotion than he would any other random person in his life. Otherwise, why be together?

Myra’s alcohol loosens Claudia up, and when Derek starts to leave to get his own bottle, she announces that girls should be careful around him. She accuses Alexa and Cameron of knowing his true nature and not saying anything. She’s tired of the view she’s gotten from being in the top tier. Griffin goes to see Daphne at her job and asks her to go somewhere to talk. She knows what he wants to talk about, so she asks to go for a ride on his motorcycle instead. He puts his only helmet on her and lets her drive. She’s bad at it, and they crash.

Charlie, Kirsten, Julia, Claudia, and Victor convene at the hospital; Daphne’s mostly okay, but Griffin has a head injury and needs reconstructive surgery on his hand. He may not be able to fully use it. Plus, Griffin doesn’t have insurance, so he’ll have to be sent to a hospital with lesser facilities. Julia authorizes the surgery, declaring that the Salingers will figure out a way to pay for it. Bailey arrives late and runs into Holly, who works there and finally finds it creepy that he’s always around. Victor visits Daphne, who cries and asks, “What have I done?”

Evan shows up, ready to do actual boyfriend stuff for Julia. He knows she’s right about his problems showing emotions; she’s not the first person to mention them. He asks her to bear with him while he works through them. Julia, however, has realized that she has the bad habit of dating men who ask her to bear with them while they deal with their issues. She thought he was the opposite of Ned, who couldn’t control his feelings. She can’t keep dating someone who requires so much work.

Charlie spends the morning of his birthday on the roof of the hospital, telling Kirsten how seeing Griffin made him remember when he was in the hospital. He’s decided to start focusing on what’s important to him. He’s going to quit teaching and will eventually go back to architecture. Whenever anything bad happened to him, Charlie would try to trust fate; if he held on long enough, things would get good again. He’s going to try to remember that.

Holly tries to be nice to Bailey (nicer than he deserves), but he’s snotty to her because she said he wasn’t mature enough for her. He thinks he should get a pass because he made a mistake. Acting like an idiot got him a date with Holly, so she can’t say that being reckless is all bad. Julia tells Griffin that the doctors are hopeful, but no one’s 100 percent sure what kind of recovery he’ll have.

Thoughts: Holly is played by Rhona Mitra. When I looked up what she’s been in to find out what she’s known for the most, I realized that I’ve never actually seen her in anything.

Rejected Homecoming theme: the Heart of the Sea. SO ’90s.

Bailey, bugging Holly: “Sometimes you just can’t take no for an answer.” Well, you’d better learn to. Alert to all men: Bailey’s behavior in this episode is not cute. Asking a woman out multiple times and ignoring her when she declines is not romantic. You are not the star of an adorable Hollywood movie. Shut your mouth and walk away.

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February 14, 2015

Party of Five 6.7, We Gather Together: Regrets Only

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , at 1:27 pm by Jenn

A lot of people on this show could use some time with this crew

A lot of people on this show could use some time with this crew

Summary: Charlie’s back in the principal’s office, eager to do something about Myra and her mother’s accusations. The principal, Mary Anne, tells him that they won’t file charges if Charlie resigns. Charlie refuses – quitting would be like saying he’s guilty. Mary Anne disagrees, arguing that it would be like saying it never happened. If charges are filed, all the other parents will immediately see Charlie as guilty, whether he is or not.

Julia spends the night at Evan’s, then wakes up to find his son, Brian, in the house. Brian is also a college student, and he’s not thrilled that his father’s dating someone so young. He’s been reading Julia’s manuscript and wonders how she could have so many life experiences in so few years. Evan is disappointed to learn that Brian dropped out of college, but Brian thinks it’s just because Evan can’t get his tuition back. Evan accuses him of ruining his college career out of spite. Brian shoots back that Evan cares more about other people’s children than his own.

Joe has no Thanksgiving plans, so he wants to have a meal at the restaurant. Bailey invites him to have dinner with the rest of the Salingers. Tracy stops by the restaurant to confront Bailey for avoiding her calls. He tells her he doesn’t want to get involved with someone who’s already married. Tracy thinks her husband’s already cheating, so why shouldn’t she have some fun, too? Bailey still resists, but he doesn’t look happy about it.

Claudia returns to school after playing sick for a while to avoid Derek. He admits that he had too much to drink and got “out of control,” but it was all in fun. Claudia clearly doesn’t agree. Victor tries to help Daphne look for a job, but she’s distracted at the sight of Griffin, who she suddenly has the hots for. Victor thinks she should go for it. Daphne resists, so Victor gets Griffin to give her a ride somewhere. It’s all very high school.

Julia questions Evan and Brian’s relationship, which has been bad for years. (Evan gives the exposition that he was 18 when Brian was born, so don’t go thinking he’s old or anything.) He wonders if the badness is his fault. Joe invites Victor to the Salingers’ Thanksgiving, which already various non-Salingers anyway.

Kirsten agrees with Charlie’s first instinct not to quit, but Charlie’s reconsidering – they could use the money he would get as severance. He also wants Kirsten to avoid stress; she’s already undergone IVF treatments and could be pregnant. Claudia confides in Julia that Derek tried to rape her. Julia comforts her, then urges her to report him. She thinks Derek has probably assaulted other girls, and if Claudia doesn’t say something, he could attack another girl. Claudia’s not ready to speak up.

Charlie and Mary Anne meet with Myra’s mother and a lawyer so Charlie can resign, but Myra’s mother also wants him to apologize. He wonders why she’s offering a deal if she thinks he’s guilty. Myra’s mother says it’s so Myra doesn’t have to face Charlie in a courtroom. Charlie blasts her for being a horrible mother. Mary Anne tries to negotiate wording that Charlie can agree with so he’ll just be saying he regrets how he handled things with Myra.

Claudia tells Alexa about Derek’s assault, now also thinking that she should report him. Alexa thinks Derek should get a pass – he was drunk, he regrets what happened, and an accusation like this could ruin his life. If there was no actual rape, then no one got hurt. Alexa adds that she believes Claudia, but other people won’t.

At Evan’s, Brian accuses Julia of playing house to make her family think everything’s great. Julia tells him to come out and tell her whatever his problem is with her. Brian doesn’t like that his father is dating someone so young, and that Julia’s acting like his mother when they barely know each other. Evan walks out during the argument, which is always mature. Kirsten tells Charlie that she got a false positive on a pregnancy test.

The next day, Charlie and Claudia go grocery shopping and discuss the Myra situation. He’s decided to fight back. Claudia warns that the whole school will find out about Myra’s accusations, and everyone will be talking about him. Charlie knows it’ll be tough for both him and Claudia, but he wants the truth to come out. When they get home, they’re impressed with how nicely Victor has decorated the house. Evan and Brian are both there, so this is going to be awkward.

Will wants Bailey to go on a double date with him; he’s caught the attention of two ring girls. He reminds Bailey that he wanted to be more spontaneous. Daphne and Griffin start drinking, which can’t end well. Brian blows up at Evan, then runs off. Evan doesn’t see the point in chasing after him since they always have the same conversation. Julia points out that Brian doesn’t have anyone else to chase after him. A drunk Daphne and Griffin head to the basement to look for more alcohol but only find balsamic vinegar. They console themselves by making out.

Myra shows up and promises Charlie that she never made any accusations; her mother made inferences and took things too far. Not that Myra denied them, of course. She’s upset that taking the case to court could lead to Charlie accusing Myra’s mother of being a bad parent, which might get Myra taken away from her. After Myra leaves, everyone else sits down to dinner, which kicks off with Victor singing grace.

After dinner, Bailey goes to Tracy’s to tell her he used to be fun. She kisses him and invites him inside. Charlie goes to Myra’s to tell her mother that Myra’s going to testify that the accusations are false. Both of them want to protect the people they love, so he would like Myra’s mother to do the right thing for her daughter.

Daphne and Griffin have an awkward conversation, avoiding discussing their hookup while agreeing to still be friends. Maybe friends who make out. Claudia tells Julia that she’s decided to keep her assault quiet so people won’t start talking about her. Julia thinks that’s a bad idea, not least because she’s going to have to keep going to school with Derek. Claudia just wants to pretend it never happened.

Will surprises Bailey at work, ready for their double date with the ring girls, and Bailey is suddenly so spontaneous that he cancels plans with Tracy to go out with them. Charlie’s ready to move on from the whole Myra mess, and he tells Kirsten that he’s optimistic that she’ll get pregnant. She thinks they should wait before trying again, but he notes that they fought through their struggles and things turned out all right.

Julia’s meddling worked, and Evan and Brian have patched things up. Plus, Brian has decided to go back to school (partly so he doesn’t have to pay his father back for his tuition). He knows Julia talked Evan into doing some actual parenting for once. Brian still thinks Julia’s too young for Evan, but he doesn’t mind her so much anymore. In fact, he minds her so little that he tries to kiss her. Now that’s awkward.

Thoughts: Brian is played by Eric Mabius from Ugly Betty. He looks so scrawny here.

I can’t remember ever seeing an assault plot on TV where the person who was attacked wants to keep it quiet. Usually the show wants to send the message that you shouldn’t let the attacker get away with it.

They really overloaded the cast this season. There are way too many people on the show. I wonder at what point they knew this would be the last season, and they decided to just do whatever they wanted.

“If you report this, you could, like, ruin his life.” Go away, Alexa. Juliet would have already beaten the crap out of this guy.

February 7, 2015

Party of Five 6.6, Too Close: Maybe Having Children Isn’t Worth It

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , at 1:39 pm by Jenn

Still a better relationship than Evan and Julia's

Still a better relationship than Evan and Julia’s

Summary: Julia’s anxious for all of Evan’s co-workers to go home so the two of them can get it on. This is a completely normal, professional relationship, guys. She thinks it would be okay to tell everyone. Evan knows tells her how dumb that is, especially for her career. Bailey’s depressed over his breakup with Sarah, so Will tries to put a positive spin on things: He took control and got out of a bad situation.

Kirsten and Charlie have a doctor’s appointment and learn that things are progressing well in their attempts to conceive. Charlie gets an emergency call from a pharmacist – Myra was caught shoplifting condoms and gave his number to the police since her mother wouldn’t answer the phone. Charlie gets her out of jail and makes it clear that her mother will hear about this. Claudia and Alexa work in the school’s darkroom, and Alexa tells Claudia that a guy named Derek likes her. She thinks they should double-date with Alexa and Cameron, who are back together.

Julia tries to get out of Evan’s place before her family starts getting suspicious about all her late hours at the library. She suggests again that they start telling people about their relationship. This time he’s okay with that, and even agrees to have dinner with the Salingers. Charlie goes to see Myra’s mother, showing sympathy for how hard it is to be a working single parent. Myra’s mother thinks things are fine; Myra’s always been able to take care of herself. Charlie disagrees.

At an AA meeting, Bailey talks to his friend John about how annoying his family and friends have been about trying to make him see the good side of his breakup. John’s on their side, though – he thinks Bailey was too dependent on Sarah for his sobriety. Bailey admits that she was a big reason he stayed sober. Now that he’s “free,” he wants to drink again. Claudia takes pictures of Derek at football project, and he invites her to a party he’s having.

Charlie gets Kirsten home from an egg extraction in time to get a call from Myra, who’s desperate to see him. He gently tells her that it’s not a good time. Bailey, Julia, Claudia, Owen, Joe, and Victor gather for dinner at the restaurant and discuss the age difference between Julia and Evan. Claudia thinks it’s weird; Joe doesn’t, which makes sense, since his wife was a lot younger than him. Claudia’s surprised to hear that Joe is now managing the restaurant. Evan never shows, and everyone has to leave.

Bailey goes to a bar and, after almost backing down, asks for a drink. A police officer brings a drunk Myra to Charlie and Kirsten’s place; she told the cop that Charlie was her father. Charlie and Kirsten deny it, but when the cop says he’ll take Myra back to the station, they let her spend the night. Bailey stares at his scotch but doesn’t drink it, instead letting someone else take it. In the morning, Kirsten is maternal toward a hungover Myra while Charlie tells her mother what happened. Kirsten hates that they’re trying so hard to have a baby while Myra’s mother neglects her own child.

Julia passive-aggressively talks to Evan about how he missed dinner the night before because of a meeting that went long. She asks him to pick out a night to reschedule. Evan’s like, “Oh, I’m soooooo busy…” Julia threatens to bring everyone to the office so he can’t get out of it. Evan claims that he just wants to make Julia happy and isn’t trying to get out of anything. Will and Griffin take Bailey to a strip club, and Griffin goes in alone while Bailey works up his courage. Griffin discovers that Daphne has gone back to stripping but promises to keep it quiet.

Outside, Will blasts Bailey for being so mopey when other people have problems. His parents have threatened to kick him out if he doesn’t quit his wrestling internship. He wanted to go to the strip club to get his mind off of his problems. Claudia goes to Derek’s party and gets a lot of attention from him, which bugs Cameron. Claudia notices and asks Derek to go somewhere private. Back at the strip club, Bailey tries to talk to Will about his issues, but Will’s too busy looking at boobs.

Kirsten’s egg extraction was fruitful, and she’ll be able to have some implanted the next day. She and Charlie try to celebrate, but they don’t have time before Myra shows up, upset that Charlie told the principal that she spent the night. He tells her that he was required to, and now he has to take a step back from helping her. Myra blasts him for acting like a friend, then abandoning her. Charlie tells her they can’t be friends outside of school, and she can’t keep coming over unannounced.

Julia addresses her and Evan’s problems again, telling him that she doesn’t care what other people think about their relationship. However, she doesn’t think he’s okay with their differences. She’s worried that he’s ashamed to be with her. Bailey calls up his bar buddy, Tracy, who he had a long conversation with the night before. It seems like he just wants to talk some more, but that quickly goes out the window and they start making out.

Claudia and Derek head to his sister’s bedroom and also start making out. But things move way too quickly for Claudia, and when Derek pulls out a condom, she decides she’s done. Despite her loud repetition of “I’m saying no,” Derek keeps going. Eventually Claudia fights him off and runs away. Also running away: Tracy, who doesn’t want to spend more time with Bailey after they’ve hooked up in a hotel room.

At school, Charlie is called into the principal’s office just as Myra and her mother are leaving. The principal, Mary Anne, asks if Myra ever showed him her diary or discussed her feelings for him. Charlie’s confused. Mary Anne then asks where Myra slept when she spent the night at his place. Did they discuss birth control? Did they talk about whether Charlie found Myra attractive? Mary Anne reveals that Myra’s mother has accused Charlie of having a sexual relationship with Myra, and Myra isn’t denying it. Charlie is understandably offended.

Claudia pleads illness to stay home from school, not even telling Julia what happened with Derek. Daphne goes to see Griffin to make excuses for why stripping is the only job she can keep right now. Griffin points out that he can’t judge since he was there for a show in the first place. Plus, she looked good, so why not strip? Bailey invites Will to move into the Salingers’ house but is disappointed that Will has to travel for work.

Evan finally mans up and makes a dinner date with Julia, in the process letting his office know that they’re dating. Elsewhere, Charlie misses Kirsten’s implantation. Bailey and Tracy meet at the bar again, and he’s shocked to learn that she’s married. She thinks he should have figured it out when they hooked up in a hotel room and she gave him her pager number instead of a home phone number. She invites him to tell her about his day.

Thoughts: Myra’s mother is played by Jenny O’Hara, who was also Scott Scanlon’s mom. So…her TV parenting history is pretty sketchy.

Dear people everywhere: If the person you’re dating doesn’t want people to know you’re dating, you are not in a good relationship.

On the other hand, Julia should have been more concerned with the publishing world finding out about her relationship with Evan. She’s definitely going to be accused of sleeping with him to get her book contract.

Who takes a girl to his sister’s room to have sex? Is the creepy doll collection a turn-on for Derek? I guess that’s the least of his problems, though.

January 31, 2015

Party of Five 6.5, The Shortest Distance: The Road to Ruin

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , at 1:30 pm by Jenn

This is the only road trip I want to be a part of

This is the only road trip I want to be a part of

Summary: Griffin and Will are in the Salingers’ house while Julia and Claudia are discussing the fact that Sarah isn’t coming back from New York. They’re super-nice to Bailey, who says they’re not breaking up and will visit each other. No one has the heart to tell him that that won’t last. Over at Charlie and Kirsten’s, Kirsten, who’s started fertility treatments, tries to boost Charlie’s fertility with bacon and frozen boxer shorts. She expositions that Charlie took a second job to pay for the treatments. Charlie objects to some of her treatment ideas, but can’t say no to having sex twice a day.

It looks like Claudia and Cameron are secretly seeing each other, making out in a storage room at school. She feels bad about dating her friend’s ex. Cameron notes that the only alternatives are telling Alexa about them or breaking up, so if they want to stay together, they need to keep it quiet. He’s sure that Alexa will find another boyfriend quickly. Julia goes to Evan’s office to give him a chapter, but really to make sure they’re okay after their kiss. He’s practically forgotten about it. She seems to want more, but he knows it’s a horrible idea, since he’s her publisher.

Myra thanks Charlie for helping her study, which he won’t have time to do anymore, now that he has a second job. He suggests that she work with Claudia, but Myra’s hesitant since they’re so different. Later, Charlie goes to his second job (something with furniture) and manages to get some extra hours. Bailey visits Will at his office to invite him on a road trip – he and Griffin are driving Sarah’s things to her in New York. He reminds Will that he encouraged Bailey to be more spontaneous and crazy.

Evan has problems with Julia’s latest chapter, giving the critique that they can’t let readers know that she and Ned made up after a fight by having sex. Julia thinks he’s uncomfortable thinking about her having sex with another man. Bailey, Will, and Griffin’s road trip is really boring because Bailey’s a control freak. He’s trying to get to New York in two days, in time for his and Sarah’s anniversary. Will and Griffin aren’t as concerned with making good time, especially if it means fewer bathroom breaks.

Claudia tutors Myra, who makes fun of Alexa for being dumped by a stupid guy. (To be fair, Alexa is acting super-pathetic.) Evan spots Julia at a gym during a workout and can barely keep his clothes on. Claudia goes to Cameron’s house to talk to him, but the conversation is interrupted when she learns that his mom has a guy come over whenever Cameron’s dad works late. Claudia feels bad for her poor widdle boyfriend and doesn’t tell him how badly Alexa’s doing.

Charlie and Kirsten are scheduled to have sex (how romantic), but the fertility drugs’ side effects combined with her meds turn her off. The guys’ moving van breaks down, stranding them at least overnight. Bailey’s determined to get to New York by his anniversary no matter what they have to do. He admits that Sarah doesn’t know he’s coming to visit. Griffin points out that she might not even be there when they arrive. Bailey says he’s making a big gesture so Sarah can’t turn him down – he thinks he’s going to get her to come home.

Daphne finds Kirsten’s medical stuff and asks Charlie if they’re trying to conceive. Hey, guess whose business that isn’t? Right, yours! Go away, Daphne. She’s supportive, or at least pretends she is, and says she got a job. The guys can’t get the van back on the road for a couple days, and Bailey doesn’t take the news well. He knows his chances of getting Sarah back are slim, but he doesn’t know what else to do. Evan and Julia go to a publishing panel; she makes it weird by correcting his presentation of her. Yeah, they should definitely be in a relationship.

Claudia sits with Myra at lunch, though Myra doesn’t really want to socialize with her. She reveals that she found little notes from Cameron in Claudia’s math book, and she’s figured out that they’re seeing each other behind Alexa’s back. Evan chastises Julia for hijacking the panel, since he needed to present her in a specific way to make sure she gets the right publicity. Julia, however, feels like she’s been enlightened by the experience, or something. Charlie gets home late from his second job too tired for scheduled sex. He admits that he almost stayed at work instead of coming home to do something that’s supposed to be fun.

Griffin and Will tell Bailey that they may take a bus home and let Bailey continue the trip on his own. Bailey notes that Will told him to take risks and now doesn’t want to support those risks. Will says Bailey’s still being controlling and isn’t able to handle change. Bailey doesn’t think Griffin and Will have any right to give relationship advice, since they ditched their significant others once they either went back to school or got pregnant. He’s just trying to keep Sarah from walking away. Will tries to get him to see that Sarah’s already gone.

Later, Will and Griffin change their minds and decide to stick to the plan. Bailey, however, has been looking over the route and has realized that there’s a lot of distance still between him and Sarah. And guys, I don’t think he just means physical distance. I think it’s a metaphor. Back in San Francisco, Daphne asks Victor to watch Diana so she can go look for the job she told Charlie she already had. Then she suggests that she sublet Victor’s apartment, since he’s always at the Salingers’ anyway.

Claudia finally tells Cameron that they can’t see each other if it means Alexa suffers. She sees it as choosing herself instead of choosing Alexa over Cameron. She’s never been the kind of person she is right now. Even if it means she’s alone forever, she can’t be with someone if it makes her feel bad about herself.

While Charlie’s at the fertility clinic to give a sperm sample, Kirsten shows up to make things romantic so they don’t feel like they’re just completely a task. Either Julia and Evan spent the night together or he’s in her room before she’s out of bed. He admits that he was worried that they made a mistake, but he feels too good for that. Instead of continuing the trip, Bailey ships Sarah’s things to her and heads home with Will and Griffin.

Thoughts: How much of this episode’s budget was spent on chokers?

Why are Charlie and Kirsten scheduling sex anyway? They’re newlyweds. This is a bad sign.

Yeah, Claudia. You’re going to be alone forever. Girl, you’re 17 and you were with the guy for, like, two weeks. Chill.

’90s music alert: Dave Matthews’ Band’s “Crush.” Good news, guys – I can still recognize it within three seconds of hearing it.

January 24, 2015

Party of Five 6.4, Wrestling Demons: Risks! Consequences! Other Things About Taking Chances and Changing!

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , at 1:27 pm by Jenn

If I were Bailey and Will, I would do whatever this man said

If I were Bailey and Will, I would do whatever this man said

Summary: Victor has switched from being Diana’s nanny to being Owen’s, and is trying to talk to Bailey about his parenting philosophy. Since Halloween is approaching, he thinks he and Owen should decorate the house as a haunted house. Bailey resists. Owen doesn’t think Victor will last that long anyway, since his nannies never do. (Maybe not, Owen, but sometimes they marry your brother.)

Evan does some editing to Julia’s writing, trying to work while she yaps in his ear. She’d like to have a more personal relationship with the person who’s going to be tearing apart all her hard work. She asks for a joke, but Evan doesn’t seem to have a sense of humor. Bailey tries to get in touch with Sarah, but she’s busy getting her doomed spinoff off the ground.

Bailey runs into Will, who reveals that he’s been in town for a month. He decided to take a year off of school, and has gotten an internship with a pro wrestling organization. Bailey doesn’t get why Will didn’t inform him of these major life changes. He invites himself along while Will picks up someone at the airport.

Kirsten visits Charlie at work and they compare notes on research they’ve done about adoption (him) and fertility treatments (her). Charlie’s a bit overwhelmed by all the work that would go into having their own child. Cameron is still writing trash about his friends on the Internet, and Claudia’s still the only one who knows he’s the wannabe Gossip Girl. Alexa doesn’t like the idea of changing her habits to make the writer stop bugging her.

Victor meets Griffin, who’s still renting the “guest cottage” for his business. Owen gets his sisters to override Bailey’s veto of the haunted house, so Victor tells him they can do it as long as they’re willing to face the consequences. Julia’s friend Isabel tells her that people are spreading rumors that she got her book deal by sleeping with Evan. Julia finds the idea ridiculous; she and Evan have no interest in each other. Isabel isn’t so sure that Julia doesn’t have a little crush.

Bailey and Will go to the airport to pick up a wrestler named Mr. Mayhem. The guy is unfriendly and wants to be taken to Walnut Creek rather than San Francisco, so he can see his wife. Bailey panics because he’s supposed to go to work. He suggests that Mr. Mayhem call his wife and have her meet them in San Francisco. Mr. Mayhem says no, since he wants to surprise his wife, then tosses Bailey’s phone out the window.

In Walnut Creek, Mr. Mayhem lurks around the back of a house while Will explains to Bailey that he and his wife are having issues. She’s also a wrestler, and it seems Mr. Mayhem cheated on her with a third wrestler.) Bailey continues panicking about getting off of his schedule. Will tells him to stop being so uptight. Mr. Mayhem announces that he’s going to hoist Bailey up to a balcony to let him in the house, since his wife changed the locks.

Julia goes to see Evan, who has learned to tell jokes. She notices his body language and how he puts a hand on her arm. Evan offers her tickets to a fundraiser ball, which makes Julia uncomfortable until he explains that he’s not going. Cameron tries to talk to Claudia about his website, complaining that Alexa is obsessed with how she looks. Claudia says that she deserves better than being trashed by Gossip Guy. He needs to be himself and be honest with his girlfriend.

Victor uses connections in the theater community to get creepy decorations for the house. Griffin helps out, surprised to hear that Bailey okayed the haunted house. Victor pointedly tells him that Owen said it was okay. While waiting to see a fertility specialist, Kirsten and Charlie overhear two women talk about how the treatments have affected their relationships and finances. Kirsten tries not to freak out.

Mr. Mayhem nervously waits for his wife, Isis, who erupts when she finds him in her house. She reminds him that she mentioned wanting space when they went to their last counseling session. She thinks he recruiting Bailey and Will from the support group she sent him to. Isis kicks Mr. Mayhem out of the house, then tells Bailey and Will that they’re not allowed to leave until Mr. Mayhem goes away. Bailey stands up to her, they wrestle, and Bailey wins.

Julia (dressed as Tippi Hedren from The Birds) goes to the fundraiser with Isabel, surprised to see that Evan’s there after all. He tells her his date backed out of their dinner – also, it wasn’t really a date, it was his cousin. He’s decided to try having fun for once, and he’ll start by dancing with Isabel. But Julia’s not jealous! No, definitely not jealous!

Charlie blasts Kirsten for pushing him to go to the meeting with the doctor without telling him all the possible consequences of fertility treatments. He notes that she’ll probably have to go off her antidepressants and take hormones that will affect her mood. That’s not the small risk she said the treatments would require. Kirsten promises that she’s okay with the risks. Charlie asks why she wasn’t honest with him from the beginning.

Finally out of the house, Bailey tells Will that he’d rather be boring than get involved in marital disputes between crazy people. At the fundraiser, Julia watches Evan and Isabel dance, totally! Not! Jealous! She asks Isabel to keep some distance, since it’s weird for her to see a friend dance with someone she works with. Isabel says she’d love to date a guy like Evan…unless, of course, Julia has dibs? She urges Julia to stop another woman from getting too close to Evan.

Bailey comes home to the haunted house/loud party he wasn’t aware was going on. Instead of saying anything, he checks his messages – and no, Sarah hasn’t called. Victor takes the blame for the party, lying that Owen said that Bailey might object. Owen keeps quiet, and Bailey doesn’t lecture him about consequences, so Victor’s plan backfired. He tells Bailey that Sarah did leave him a message.

Alexa shows up at the party to tell Claudia that Cameron broke up with her, saying he wants to be himself for once. She was surprised by how different he seemed. Charlie and Kirsten, who are also at the party, talk about having their own child, as opposed to adopting. She’s being trying to ignore the reality that she has an illness that may prevent her from doing things others can do. She recognizes that in some ways, her depression was harder on Charlie than on her.

Julia runs into Evan and hurts her hand, so Evan rushes her to the hospital. Bailey listens to Sarah’s message, which says that she’s sorry they keep missing each other. Julia calls the house to tell Charlie she’s at the hospital and needs her insurance info. Bailey stares at his ties, then tells Victor to keep the party going so there can be a little less control in the house for once. He’d attend, but all he has for a costume is one of his dozens of ties he can’t believe he has at the age of 21.

Cameron arrives at the party and gets an earful from Claudia for breaking up with Alexa instead of being honest with her. Instead of explaining himself, he kisses her. Charlie checks on Julia at the hospital (she has a couple of sprained fingers), then leaves her with Evan, who admits that he was worried about her. Julia pulls a Cameron and kisses him. Evan’s not completely comfortable with this but assures her that he’ll chalk it up to Halloween, when no one’s sure what’s real.

Victor has managed to get Bailey to dress up like a woman. Thank you, Victor. Will stops by the house, and Bailey tells him that his biggest talent is fighting off chaos. Meanwhile, everyone around him has fun. He’s realized that he’s devoted his life to the wrong thing. Now he’s scared because he feels like he’s losing people. Will assures him that their friendship will stay strong.

At home, Charlie tells Kirsten that seeing Julia tonight made him remember how much he likes having siblings. He’d like Diana to have some, too, so if Kirsten’s willing to take the risks, he’s on board for fertility treatments.

Thoughts: They had clearly run out of things for Griffin to do by season 6. He serves zero purpose in this episode.

Tyler Mane (Mr. Mayhem) is 6’8″. If I’d been drinking something when I read that, I would have done a spit-take.

How is childless Victor the best parent on this show? And can we fix him up with Ross, wherever he is?

Whoever put together the recording of this episode left in some very ’90s ads:

  • Josie Bissett selling beauty products
  • Payless Shoes, not only with the shoes in ’90s styles but with the models in ’90s clothes
  • The Bachelor (the movie with Renee Zellweger and Chris O’Donnell, not the reality show), scored with the Goo Goo Dolls’ “Black Balloon”
  • A local news story about something related to The Blair Witch Project
  • Jennifer Love Hewitt’s spinoff, Time of Your Life, featuring Jennifer Garner before she was Sydney Bristow

January 17, 2015

Party of Five 6.3, Bye, Bye, Love: No One Ever Is to Blame

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , at 3:06 pm by Jenn

"I'm reading about 'Time of Your Life' in 'TV Guide.' What do they mean by 'jeers'?"

“I’m reading about ‘Time of Your Life’ in ‘TV Guide.’ What do they mean by ‘jeers’?”

Summary: Charlie and Kirsten come home from work to find Diana with a guy they’ve never met. He’s Victor, and he’s secretly been nannying, though I’m not sure how Daphne pays him since she was fired and hasn’t found another job. Oh, and she didn’t tell Charlie and Kirsten she was fired until now. At the house, Sarah gets a phone call from Mindy, a high school friend of her biological mother, Robin. Sarah wants to meet her and find out more about her birth family. Bailey is very supportive.

Julia meets with Evan, who wants more details in her writing about her family’s reactions when her father lost his temper. He thinks Mrs. Salinger enabled Mr. Salinger, and that Julia has inherited that. Kirsten objects to Charlie giving Daphne money, since it gives her an excuse not to find a new job. He suggests that she try to get Daphne a job as the assistant to Kirsten’s boss. At school, Claudia, Alexa, and other popular kids talk about how someone’s writing trash about them on the Internet. Alexa’s boyfriend, Cameron, isn’t fazed.

Charlie tries to reach out to Myra, a girl in his woodshop class who’s doing poorly in school. He offers to give her extra time on a project; if she doesn’t do well on it, she’ll fail. Myra doesn’t care. At home, Julia brings up a childhood memory of her mother telling her and Claudia to hug their father so he wouldn’t get mad about a broken bowl. She doesn’t remember Mrs. Salinger ever telling Mr. Salinger to stop being angry. Bailey tells Julia to stop talking about their parents like that, especially with Owen in the room.

Sarah meets Mindy and hears some stories about Robin. She looks through a playbill from a performance Robin did of Cyrano; she wrote a note on it to Mindy that she felt like her life was about to change. Mindy wonders if she was talking about having Sarah. Daphne gets the job Kirsten helped her with, admitting to Kirsten that she lied about her professional skills: “All I know how to do is make long-distance phone calls and steal office supplies.” Claudia thinks Cameron is behind the Internet trash-talking, but isn’t sure why he’s doing it.

One of Julia’s classmates, Isabel, apologizes for being so mean to her because of how Julia has a book contract already. Julia confides that her editor wants her to blame her parents for things she’s not mad at them about. Charlie gives Myra a new assignment for her big class project: build a guillotine. She thinks he’s taking pity on her, but he says it’s because he’s sick of everyone else’s uncreative projects. He adds that he’s hard on students so they’ll work hard to leave, because the alternative is coming back there to teach, like he did.

Kirsten helps Daphne with her job, though Daphne’s clearly more interested in playing with Diana. Kirsten finishes things up for Daphne, criticizing her for telling Diana how to do things instead of learning to do them herself. Victor’s like, “Hey, what great advice!” Sarah reads Cyrano, gushing over how romantic it is, and how Robin must have felt speaking the lines to her co-star, William. She’s done the math and thinks William could be her father. He has a studio in New York, and she’s made plans to go see him.

The next day, Bailey reads some of Julia’s notes and discovers that she’s painting their father as controlling. She denies that she’s making him out to be a villain – no one is a bad guy, even Ned. Bailey doesn’t like that she’s putting blame on their parents and looking in the past for answers. Myra starts working on her guillotine, and chats with Charlie a little, mentioning that she’s alone at home a lot. Some secrets of Alexa’s have made it online, and she and another friend, Rhiannon, think Claudia is responsible. After all, the trash-talk didn’t start until she joined their group.

Daphne goes to Kirsten at work to announce that she quit. She’s not comfortable working a job that requires her to do the same thing every day. Kirsten’s like, “Welcome to the world of being an adult.” She warns that Daphne’s leaving a good job when she doesn’t know what she wants, and she might have trouble getting another good job. Julia tells Isabel how much Evan annoys her by acting like her writing is just words, rather than experiences that actually happened to her. Isabel thinks he’s cold because his wife committed suicide. That’s news to Julia.

Sarah promises Bailey that she’ll be back after spending a few days in New York, but he wants to know what happens next. Does she expect to get answers to all of her questions? Bailey assures Sarah that he’s supportive of her wanting to meet her father, but he’s worried that she’ll end up disappointed. He’s connecting her search with their own relationship problems. Sarah can’t tell him honestly that there’s no connection.

Julia meets with Evan, telling him that she decided not to look more into her mother because her book is about her own experiences. Evan wants Julia to be honest in her writing. She accuses him of seeing the story personally – like something happened to him and he’s looking for someone to blame. Evan knows she’s talking about his wife. She tells him that since she can’t tell him how to feel about his wife, he can’t tell her how to feel about her mother.

Alexa apologizes to Claudia for her false accusations, since Claudia has now been trashed on the website. Cameron has also trashed himself, criticizing his inability to be grateful for the things he’s been handed in life. Sarah tells Bailey that she wants to look for her father so she can feel young and spontaneous. So her search does go back to their relationship, and how she feels stuck in an adult life when she’s only 20. Sarah feels like she left her ID and passport in New York, and she has to go retrieve them so she and Bailey can travel somewhere else together.

Evan tracks down Julia on campus, and she quickly apologizes for their fight. He admits that he’s always trying to make sense of why his wife killed herself, which involves blaming people. He just wants Julia to be honest about the way her parents might have let her down. She’s not blaming them, just trying to understand them. Julia can be disappointed in them and still love them, like she did when they were alive.

Charlie runs into Myra as he’s leaving for the night, and she asks for help with her homework. Julia packs up to move out of the Salingers’ house; Isabel offered to let her move in while she looks for her own place. Sarah urges her to talk to Bailey about their recent arguments. She knows that Bailey doesn’t like change because he wants stability around him. She thinks Julia should stay in the house. At their place, Kirsten tells Charlie that she thought she’d accepted not having a child of her own, but she still wants one.

Bailey’s happy to hear that Julia’s going to stay at the house after all. She assures him that asking questions about their parents is just as hard for her as it is for him to hear them. She feels closer to them now; it’s like she’s letting them be themselves instead of making them out to be something else. Bailey takes Sarah to the airport, promising that he’ll never stand in her way when she wants something. She invites him to come along, but he thinks she needs to do this on her own. He promises that he’ll be there waiting for her when she comes home from finding what she’s looking for. (Spoiler: She won’t come home. This is her last episode.)

Thoughts: ‘Bye, Sarah! Enjoy your failed spin-off!

Lots of recognizable guest stars in this one: Myra is played by Lauren Ambrose (Six Feet Under). Victor is played by Wilson Cruz (My So-Called Life). Rhiannon is played by Jodie Sweetin (Full House).

So is Charlie ever going to talk to Daphne about how she kept quiet about losing her job? Their relationship is so weird.

Would a student actually be allowed to build a guillotine? That sounds unsafe.

’90s music alert: “Never Saw Blue Like That” by Shawn Colvin.

January 10, 2015

Party of Five 6.2, Naked: Don’t Speak

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , at 1:31 pm by Jenn

What's it like, having not aged in 15 years?

What’s it like, having not aged in 15 years?

Summary: Charlie and Kirsten are in Mexico on their honeymoon, but they’re not having a good time. He has a bad sunburn, she has food poisoning, and the people in the hotel room next to theirs are very loud when they have sex. Kirsten says she’s glad to be there anyway, even though she and Charlie have just been playing cards the whole trip. Back in San Francisco, Bailey and Sarah have been having lots of sex and are much happier than they were in the last episode.

Julia gets her book deal, which means now she’ll have to actually write the thing. She asks Claudia and Sarah to help her get all the details right. They’re more excited by the thought of her getting an advance and having her book turned into a movie. In Mexico, Charlie and Kirsten try to figure out who their neighbors are. They order the exact same food as a couple there for their 30th anniversary. The couple has also spend the whole trip playing cards, like Charlie and Kirsten have. The newlyweds rush to their room to have sex so they won’t seem old.

At school, Cody tries to get Claudia to go to a concert with him. She reminds him that they broke up, and she doesn’t want to be friends right now. Daphne takes Diana to daycare for the first time; she’s nervous but Diana’s completely fine with it. Sarah goes to pick up Bailey after an AA meeting, meeting one of his friends, John. She notes how strange it is that Bailey talks to strangers about her.

Julia goes to a writing class at her new college, but one of her classmates thinks it’s dumb that they’re focusing on a piece with a contract and deadline. Another classmate thinks she’s just getting published because she’ll look good on the book jacket. The professor points out that all writers face criticism, so they shouldn’t put it on each other. He tells the students to be on Julia’s side, rather than against her.

Cody hijacks the school’s PA system to play Claudia a song. Her classmates are impressed, though surprised that she merits this kind of behavior. Claudia’s hugely embarrassed. Sarah wonders how Bailey talks about their relationship at AA meetings – does he tell people that things are good? After all, they never talked about their recent problems; they just solved everything in bed. Bailey’s like, “Yes, but that’s working, so…?”

Unlike those two lovebirds, Charlie and Kirsten aren’t having much fun in bed. She’s not that concerned – they’re married now, so they don’t have to have a magical time every night. She doesn’t expect surprises anymore. She assures Charlie that there’s no pressure now. He’s not as happy to hear that as she expected. At school, a popular girl named Alexa tries to get Claudia to talk about Cody’s song, but Claudia won’t discuss it. She guesses that they broke up because of cheating.

Julia tries to talk to Evan about her book, but he’s more interested in the publishing angle than the writing part of the process. He also doesn’t think he’s the best person to ask, since he’s an editor more than he is a writer (despite having written a book). Bailey asks Joe to run the restaurant that night so he can spend time with Sarah. Joe offers to run it for a week to give them more time together. He admits that he doesn’t want to go back to L.A. because he and Franny have separated. He didn’t want to bring it up because the Salingers are all so happy.

Daphne continues to be on the show for no reason. Motherhood is hard, you guys. Alexa wants to talk to Claudia about boyfriends who cheat, and how sometimes they’re better boyfriends after that. Claudia realizes that Alexa’s boyfriend Cameron cheated on her. Alexa wants to know if Claudia gave Cody another chance. Claudia wants to know why Alexa cares so much about how Claudia handled her relationship problems.

Charlie and Kirsten discuss how their noisy neighbors are able to keep up their passion. There’s a discussion of tying someone to a bedpost, and Charlie teases that Kirsten would be into that. She admits that she tried that with a guy and enjoyed it. Bailey and Sarah try out that relationship thing where you talk instead of just having sex. Sarah’s realized that all of her life plans have involved Bailey, and she’s not sure how to make decisions about her life on her own. He doesn’t like to hear that she feels lost. He reminds her that he can help her feel found.

Cody goes to the Salingers’, where, fortunately, Bailey tries to get him to back off. Cody says that when things got rough, they didn’t discuss them, so they just got worse. Now that he wants to fix them, Claudia won’t talk to him. Bailey totally gets it. In Mexico, Charlie’s stuck on Kirsten’s bed-tying affection; she once asked him about it and said she’d never done it. Charlie’s insecure because Kirsten has had better sex than him. She insists that she’s happy, but he notes that things could be better in bed if she wants them to do something different.

Cody bugs Claudia once again about working things out, but this time Alexa comes to the rescue, telling Cody to respect Claudia’s wishes not to talk to him. Alexa also tells Cameron to shut up, so rock on, Alexa. Claudia feeds off of her confidence, telling Cody to leave. Daphne takes a break at work to go visit Diana (apparently the daycare center is in her building). Her boss disapproves and fires her. By the way, I don’t think that’s legal, but whatever.

Julia’s up late, crying while trying to write. Claudia doesn’t get why she’s stuck, since she’s just writing what happened to her. Julia corrects that she also has to write what it all means to her. She doesn’t think she should need help – a real writer should know what to say. She feels like she’s not a real writer after all. Claudia can’t believe that that’s the only thing she can think of that she learned from her whole experience with Ned.

Joe’s surprised to see Bailey at the restaurant rather than with Sarah. Bailey admits that their relationship isn’t as super as it seems. Joe points out that talking to him isn’t going to help if it means he’s not talking to Sarah. Bailey doesn’t want to be mad at Sarah for not knowing what she wants from them. However, he doesn’t want to tell Sarah how he feels because it’ll upset her. Joe tells him that this attitude isn’t going to fix anything.

As Charlie’s packing up to head home, Kirsten lets him know that she bought some scarves. If he’d like to use them to tie anything to anything else, she wouldn’t say no. Or they could just keep playing cards. At school, Alexa introduces Claudia to her popular friends. Daphne continues to exist. Why is she still on this show?

Julia goes to Evan’s office again, basically demanding that he help her. He wanted a book that would help him understand why she stayed in an abusive relationship. She doesn’t have an answer yet, but she thinks Evan can help her figure it out. Charlie and Kirsten are super-okay now. She offers to tell him more about things she experienced before they got together, but he’d rather wait and be surprised. Bailey and Sarah continue to have sex without talking about their issues.

Thoughts: Alexa is played by Maggie Lawson, Juliet from Psych. John (who only had one scene in this episode but is supposed to pop up again) is played by Jen Lindley’s father.

Claudia, wondering who should play Julia in the movie version of her life: “How about Sarah Michelle?” Sarah: “She’s way over-exposed.” I know that was supposed to be a joke, since Neve Campbell and Jennifer Love Hewitt both did movies with her, but it just sounds mean. Also, of the three of them, Sarah Michelle Gellar is still the most famous 15 years later, so nyah.

Diana’s walking! I can’t believe she’s already that old.

January 3, 2015

Party of Five 6.1, Don’t Let Go: Decisions, Decisions

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , at 1:21 pm by Jenn

Aren't they cute?

Look at these cuties

Summary: Though Charlie asked Bailey to be his best man, Bailey has basically made himself the wedding planner, and has gone a little overboard. (There are doves.) The wedding is four days away, but the theater it was supposed to be held in is suddenly closed, declared unsafe for people to go inside. The Salingers and Kirsten are fine with just getting married in the backyard, but Bailey wants them to have something special. (Also, the backyard is bad luck.)

Charlie and Kirsten go to the airport to pick up Ellie and Gene. Ellie is polite to Charlie, but Gene has major problems with him after his and Kirsten’s previous relationship issues. Joe is also back in town for the wedding. Bailey assigns Claudia to find music for the wedding, so she immediately picks Cody’s band. Sarah wants to help out, but Bailey’s keeping her at a distance.

Julia gets a letter from Stillman Press inviting her to meet with Stillman himself, Evan. He wants to discuss a story she submitted about domestic abuse – it’s not original enough. He gets tons of submissions from abused women, but none of them reveal why the women don’t leave. Evan has an imprint for nonfiction paperback books and thinks Julia should submit a proposal.

Claudia gets Cody and his horrible haircut to agree to play Charlie and Kirsten’s wedding. Claudia’s been spending some time away from Cody because she’s not quite ready to take the next step with him. Also, because his haircut is awful. Kirsten’s parents meet Daphne and Diana; Daphne’s getting ready to take care of the baby on her own while Charlie and Kirsten are on their honeymoon. Gene hates that Kirsten voluntarily spends time with these people.

Bailey manages to book a church for the wedding, though it’ll have to take place at 8 a.m. The priest there thinks he and Sarah are getting married. Sarah says they might someday. (Spoiler: They won’t.) Bailey’s mad that she isn’t sure when he is. Back at the house, Owen wonders if he should be mad, too. Sarah thinks it’s reasonable – if Bailey loved her enough to propose, he’s allowed to be upset that she said no.

Claudia goes to see Cody and catches him kissing another girl. Meanwhile, Kirsten learns that she’ll be getting married at 8 a.m. Charlie still thinks that the backyard is a better option. He and Kirsten try to tactfully tell Bailey that they appreciate all his planning but would prefer things that fit them better. Bailey’s like, “Then plan your own wedding yourselves,” like that’s a novel concept.

Julia goes back to Evan to tell him she doesn’t think she can balance schoolwork with writing. He suggests that she transfer to a college more focused on writing. He’s on the board of the College of Fine Arts and might be able to pull strings to get her a transfer, even though it’s October. Julia isn’t sure about the singular focus. Evan points out that he hasn’t even accepted her book proposal yet. She needs to figure out what makes sense to her.

Bailey whines to Sarah about Kirsten and Charlie disagreeing with his decisions, but she’s not that sympathetic. She thinks he was trying to turn it into his own event. She continues that she had the right to respond the way she did to his proposal, and she still has the right to not be sure about what she wants in the future. Sarah’s sick of Bailey being mad at her and treating her like an enemy.

Charlie asks Daphne if he and Kirsten can borrow a garter for the wedding. (Heh – of course she has more than one.) Gene’s like, “Yeah, no one’s surprised.” Ellie tells him to shut it, but Kirsten wants her father’s opinion. She calls him on acting like he’s superior to Daphne, who Kirsten thinks is awesome now. Ellie tries again to quiet Gene, blurting that Kirsten can’t handle his criticism.

Kirsten’s upset that her parents are questioning her decisions because of her past battle with depression. Ellie tells her that it doesn’t matter what they think. Kirsten disagrees – she wants her life choices to mean something to her parents. If they can’t support her, then after the wedding, they can phase themselves out of her life.

Cody, whose hair looks marginally better, tries to talk to Claudia, but she doesn’t want to hear about his girl on the side. She thinks he’s cheating because Claudia won’t sleep with him. Cody promises to cut the girl out of his life but doesn’t apologize for wanting to have sex. He understands why Claudia wants to wait, and he’d like her to understand why he doesn’t.

Julia talks to Griffin about her possible life changes, and the risks of making a commitment to writing. She compares it to Charlie and Kirsten getting married. Griffin points out that there are ways out of marriage, as they both know. He also doesn’t think he should be the one she asks for advice, since they’re not usually on the same wavelength. He’s taking a less chancy approach to life, knowing that he has plenty of time to take bigger steps.

Charlie assures Bailey that he’s still the best man, then reports that the wedding will take place at the house. Bailey’s opinion matters, so Charlie wants to make sure he’s not too upset about things. Bailey shares what Sarah said about him wanting the wedding to be his. He admits that he’s disappointed because Charlie’s leaving to start his own family. Bailey’s happy for him, but wants him to be less casual about everything. It’s a big deal for everyone, and their way of letting Charlie go.

The wedding day arrives, and Claudia and Julia help Kirsten get ready. The ceremony has been moved, but Kirsten isn’t sure where it will be. Charlie’s at the house, though he’s not supposed to be, and sees Kirsten in her dress. He doesn’t think they need to worry about bad luck. All their past luck has brought them here, where they belong.

Sarah and Bailey are awkward with each other, having realized how long it’s been since they had sex. They start making out. Julia, Claudia, and Kirsten follow directions to a little beach, which Charlie secured through an acquaintance of his father’s. Bailey barely makes it on time, and Kirsten’s parents don’t appear to be there at all, but everything else goes well. Bailey’s happy that the doves make it.

Kirsten spots Ellie at the reception and gets an earful from her mother about how difficult it was for her when Kirsten was sick. Kirsten assures Ellie that she’s happy. Julia tells Griffin that she’s going to transfer schools, and will move back into the Salingers’ while she looks for her own place. After Evan and Griffin gave her two different pieces of advice, she realized that she really did need to make her own decision. Griffin likes the part of Julia that’s confident about her choices.

Claudia tells Cody that they’re in different places in their lives, and she can’t be with him anymore. Bailey and Sarah are back on good terms, and can hardly keep it in their pants. When toast time comes, Charlie talks about making the right decisions, and holding on to things that are important to you. By the way, Gene’s there now. Charlie’s glad that his parents left him with the “secret to life,” which is to never let go. Fast-forward to the end of the reception, when the other Salingers see Charlie and Kirsten off on their honeymoon.

Thoughts: Evan is played by Kyle Secor. No matter what he does, he’ll always be Jake Kane to me.

Every single aspiring writer in the world just called BS on Julia’s plot. She goes in for a meeting with the head of the press (no way) about an article she submitted (he would probably never even see it), and he practically offers her a book deal (NO WAY). Next she’ll win the lottery just by looking at a ticket.

Claudia: “What if we missed the whole wedding? What if we’re too late?” Kirsten: “Claud.” Hee. Nice throwaway moment.

’90s music alert: Cody’s band plays Third Eye Blind’s “How’s It Going to Be.” When they break, they put on Smash Mouth’s “All Star.”