November 24, 2013

BH90210 6.31, You Say It’s Your Birthday, Part 1: Escape Routes

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , at 2:52 pm by Jenn

I want this cake for my birthday. I don't mean one with me in a car. I want this exact cake

I want this cake for my birthday. I don’t mean one with me in a car. I want this exact cake

Summary: Nat asks Valerie for a Colin update, but she doesn’t have any information. They have six days to find him or they’ll lose the Peach Pit and the After Dark. Valerie’s trying to get in touch with Jonesy to see if he can help. Kelly isn’t sympathetic to her problems; Val deserves what she’s getting for moving in on Colin. At a strip club, Colin meets up with a guy who can get him out of the country on a freighter in three days.

Susan packs up her office at the Condor in preparation for handing the paper over to someone else for the summer. She and Brandon plan to take a two-month road trip. There’s exposition about Steve’s upcoming birthday party, which will take place on the Queen Mary with lots of CU students in attendance. Yes, Prince Carl is paying for everything. Colin calls Claudia to try to get money that she supposedly owes him from their broken contract. Steve wants to help set up for his party, since it’s the least he can do to repay Carl. Clare warns that Carl will want a favor in return someday.

Kelly hangs out at the Walshes’, telling Brandon she’s not taking a date to Long Beach for the party. She plans to give Steve a bronzed pair of his own sneakers. (What?) After Kelly leaves, Valerie complains to Brandon that Kelly’s enjoying her Colin-related struggles too much. Jonesy calls her back to let her know that he’s out of the country but is going to send someone to help her out. By the way, he’s also tracked down Dylan – he’s in London. Brandon reveals that he’s probably not with Brenda, since she’s in Scotland, so Val may not be able to rub that in Kelly’s face.

Donna and David go to a meeting at MZA, where even their manager knows about Steve’s party. (Finally, the manager gets a name: Eric.) Donna offers to bring him along. David thinks Eric likes her, but Donna says he just wants to go hear the Goo Goo Dolls, who are playing at the party. Later, David finds their picture in Billboard magazine and decides they need to spend part of the weekend working, since they’re big deals now. Just before they leave for Long Beach, they get a package from Dylan with a birthday letter for Steve. Donna decides not to tell Kelly that it was sent from Brenda’s address in London.

On the Queen Mary, Eric makes sure his room is near Donna’s, so it looks like David’s right about him. Nat brings Joan along, even though she doesn’t feel well. Susan gets a phone message from D.C. but tries to make Brandon think it’s not a big deal that she’s getting calls from a woman who’s working on the president’s reelection campaign. Jonesy’s guy, FBI agent Richard Ballen, meets Valerie on the boat and assures her that he’ll find Colin.

Carl tells Susan that their mothers were on the Queen Mary‘s last trans-Atlantic crossing together. He can show her a picture after he finds it at home, and probably after she agrees to come visit him and sleep in his bed and marry him. Clare and Steve disagree over the fact that Carl’s making them come to a polo match, even though it’s Steve’s birthday. (Steve’s fine with it, but Clare thinks it’s dumb.) Valerie introduces Kelly to Ballen, and she manages to be helpful by mentioning that Colin might have gotten in touch with Claudia. Val just smirks because Colin was sleeping with Claudia while he was dating Kelly.

David advises Eric not to go after Donna too aggressively, since she just got out of a relationship. Eric interprets this to mean that David doesn’t think Donna likes Eric like that. Just as Eric goes to Donna’s room with champagne and a private dinner invitation, David calls to give her an excuse to leave. Donna’s grateful but invites Eric to dine with the gang anyway. Brandon makes a toast to Steve before David and Donna present Steve with a video highlighting moments from his life. It includes a message from Cindy and Jim, which is really sweet.

After Donna reads Dylan’s letter to Steve on the video, various people sing “Happy Birthday,” including Rush, Samantha, Ryan, Austin, Ms. Teasley, and Andrea. Then Andrea makes a surprise appearance in person. There’s drinking and dancing, and Carl heads off to find a missing Clare. Kelly asks David when he talked to Dylan, and he tells her they got the letter just before they left. He’s in London, and they decided not to tell her because she might get upset. Kelly says she’s not, and it was nice to hear from Dylan.

David spots Donna dancing with Eric and pays someone to call Eric away for a phone call. Donna appreciates the gesture. Valerie mopes by herself, but Ballen has good news: He got in touch with someone who recently spoke to Colin, and it sounds like Colin’s still in L.A. Joan still doesn’t feel well, so she and Nat call it an early night. Brandon asks Susan about the call from D.C., which she hasn’t heard more about yet.

Clare returns to the party, so I guess Carl didn’t try to seduce her while they were alone. Steve gets super-drunk, and Clare and Carl have to help him to bed. Carl tries to make his move (on Clare, not Steve, which would at least be interesting), but she’d rather stay with Steve. Eric wants alone time with Donna again, so she finally pulls out her trump card in hopes of getting him to back off: She tells him she’s a virgin. Eric immediately turns his attention to Kelly instead.

At breakfast the next morning, Andrea shows Kelly some pictures of Hannah, and they talk about how difficult the last year was for Kelly. Susan gets a fax from D.C. telling her that she’s been chosen to work on the ’96 campaign. Kelly now can’t get Eric to leave her alone, so Donna advises her to say she’s a virgin, too: “Worked for me!” Valerie invites Ballen to come with the gang to Carl’s polo match. Ballen’s trying to keep his distance, probably because that’s the only way he can keep from jumping Val’s bones, but she makes him come along.

Carl plays polo. It’s boring. Eric finds someone else to bug, though Kelly notes that they still have to spend the whole weekend together. Susan tells Brandon that she’s been offered a job as a youth advisor on Clinton’s campaign, but she’d have to drop out of school and start during the summer, so she’s not taking it. She doesn’t seem that confident that she’s made the right decision, though. More poloing. Steve tells Clare that Carl was in a bad mood earlier, and he wonders if something happened after he went to bed.

After the game, the gang has brunch together, and Steve toasts Carl. Ballen learns that Colin called Claudia from a harbor, so it stands to reason that he’s hanging around there with plans to hop a freighter. Eric asks Kelly out, but she tells him she’s a recovering addict whose last boyfriend is on the lam, so she’s not in a good place to date him right now. He doesn’t take the hint and puts his hand on her leg. Kelly forces him to get the hint by stabbing him in the leg with her fork.

Carl tells Steve straight out that he’s in love with Clare and wants the chance to tell her. Since Steve’s been downplaying their relationship, he thinks it’s reasonable. Basically, Clare gets to choose between the two of them. For some reason, Steve doesn’t punch him in the nose and tell him to back off.

Thoughts: The Goo Goo Dolls were one of my favorite bands in the ’90s. If Prince Carl had thrown me a birthday party where they played, I might be tempted to date him.

Donna, stay away from the self-tanner.

The Queen Mary just makes me think of Arrested Development (like so many things do).

I like Ballen. Can he stay?

“You won’t sleep with me? I’ll go after your best friend instead.” You’re a real charmer, Eric.

Kelly Taylor, you’re my hero.

August 3, 2013

BH90210 6.11, Offensive Interference: This Sting Has Stung

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , at 1:06 pm by Jenn

From Kelly Kapowski to this, ladies and gentlemen

From Kelly Kapowski to this, ladies and gentlemen

Summary: Donna tries to call Joe, then tries to leave a message for him, but fails on both counts. She hopes he’s not avoiding her. He’s not – he’s busy talking to the police, since Ray told them Joe beat him up on Halloween. It’s Homecoming week at CU, and Steve has been assigned to protect the school’s mascot, Corny the Condor, from SCU. He’s taking it seriously, probably because he knows what it’s like to be on the other side of this. He tells a bunch of students that Corny will be hidden in a secret location. Kelly encourages Colin to join in the fun.

Valerie skips out on the festivities to go to work, where she’s surprised by Jonesy. He wants his repayment for the favor he did her and Dylan in Mexico. He also offers to find Dylan now that he’s left Beverly Hills, but Valerie doesn’t think he wants to be found. Jonesy’s new gig requires Valerie to accompany him for one night, though he doesn’t say what’s involved. Joe tells Donna that Ray’s pressing charges; he had to tell his football coach, which meant admitting he missed curfew, so he can’t play in the Homecoming game. He’s also supposed to stay away from Donna.

Valerie’s wardrobe for her night with Jonesy includes a pleather dress from Frederick’s of Hollywood. Hey, at least Jonesy paid for it. Brandon checks Dylan’s answering machine for him in his role as house closer-upper. Susan suggests that he write something for the paper to get himself back into his normal routine. In Pasadena, the Rose Court hopefuls learn which of them will be princesses. Felice and Dr. Martin attend, and Kelly and Clare think Donna will be upset when she sees them. Donna and her friend Lisa both get places on the Rose Court.

After the ceremony, Felice sits down with Donna and confirms that the picture she found is of her. The day after the Rose Court was announced, she found out she was pregnant. She was 19 and Dr. Martin was Medical Student Martin. They got married quickly, and Felice had to drop out of the competition because it was only for single girls. Then she miscarried the baby. Felice is worried that Donna sees her as a fraud; after all, she’s the queen of abstinence lectures. Donna’s just happy that Felice has been honest with her.

Steve and some other KEG guys – AKA the Condor Patrol – transport Corny to the Walshes’ house in a crate. Valerie tells David she has to go out that night, but she sidesteps giving details, which makes him suspicious. That night, Jonesy takes Valerie to a spot popular for guys who want hookers. He’s trying to lure a guy he’ll only call the Duke (not the bookie) so he can take pictures and help the Duke’s wife use them for evidence in a divorce. He assures Valerie that the Duke is a jerk, so he deserves this.

Kelly, Steve, and Clare meet Colin at his loft, and Kelly learns that he’s been working undercover for the Condor Patrol. He caught them making a decoy Corny and joined up. The decoy’s at the Walshes; the real one is in Colin’s fridge. Joe congratulates Donna on making the Rose Court, assuring her that things will work out with his legal problems, even though charges have officially been filed and he’s being arraigned in a few days. Donna agrees to help with his defense.

Valerie is less than helpful with Jonesy’s sting, and happy when the night is over. He tells her he’ll be needing her for another night. At the CU quad, Brandon lectures Steve loudly about how messy the KEG brothers have been. Donna meets with Joe’s lawyer, who thinks Joe will be cleared since he was protecting her. However, the truth about Donna’s abusive relationship with Ray is going to come out at the arraignment. Donna decides it’s time to tell her parents about that.

The Condor Patrol sets up surveillance cameras in the Walshes’ house so they can keep an eye out for SCU thieves. David’s still curious about Valerie’s activities the night before, but she doesn’t want to talk about it, or the fact that she has to put in another night’s work. He thinks she’s seeing someone else. Valerie promises to tell him everything eventually. David doesn’t like that response, and he doesn’t like the pleather dress he finds. She tells him he’s acting childish. He replies that he’s done being patient with their relationship.

Ray tracks Donna down in Pasadena, and Lisa makes the smart decision to stand nearby and keep an eye on things. Donna yells at Ray for going after Joe, and he tells her he’ll drop the case if she gets back together with him. She refuses. Kelly wants to help with the house closing-upping, but Brandon isn’t sure it’s worth it, since he doesn’t think Dylan’s ever going to come back. She says that they both care about Dylan and that will never change. That doesn’t answer the question, but Brandon doesn’t seem to care.

Valerie and Jonesy go back out that night, but she still hates the gig and no longer cares that it’ll bring her some money. As they’re fighting, the Duke arrives in a totally inconspicuous white limo. As Jonesy attempts to pimp Valerie out, a cop jumps out of the limo and arrests him and Valerie for solicitation. Susan goes to see Brandon at Dylan’s and finds him and Kelly playing Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots. (I can’t believe Dylan didn’t take those with him!) It’s awkward, but Kelly quickly leaves so Brandon and Susan can be alone.

Valerie calls David from jail and asks for bail money. He’s confused but pays. He’s also flattered that she called him. She tells him that he’s the only person she was willing to let see her like this. Jonesy gets the charges dropped and assures Valerie that her record will stay clean. He got half his payment from the Duke’s wife, but he can’t pay Valerie for her help. Val’s okay, since she gets David. (Awwww. Or something.)

Donna meets with Joe’s angry jock friends to tell them that Joe broke curfew to protect her from Ray, not to party. She thinks that makes him a good leader on the football field. Joe arrives and makes up with his friends. Everyone goes to a Homecoming pep rally, where Steve shows footage of the SCU students stealing Corny from the Walshes’ house. The Condor Patrol brings out the real Corny. Brandon listens to the Homecoming game on the radio while he tries to write a column about Dylan.

The Martins watch the game at the beach apartment, at least until Donna tells her parents about her relationship with Ray. Felice realizes that he hurt her in Palm Springs. She and Dr. Martin are very sympathetic and assure her that they’ll support her and Joe while they deal with the legal mess.

The CU students celebrate their game win at the Peach Pit, and Donna meets up with Joe, who’s still pretty optimistic about everything working out. The gang discusses having Thanksgiving at the Walshes’; Colin and Susan will both be out of town, so Brandon and Kelly will be unaccompanied…. David and Valerie are at the house, and it looks like they’re no longer taking things slowly. Use protection, kids!

Thoughts: Clare: “Joe?” Donna: “Ray.” Me: “Mi! Oh, wait.”

There’s a sign at Joe’s jock house that says, “Use key to open door.” Are they really that dumb that they need a sign for that?

Why didn’t Valerie just tell David what she was doing? What a stupid conflict.

Ray is completely horrible and Joe is completely wonderful. Yeah, that’s realistic.

I love the twist in the Jonesy/Valerie storyline. Though he kind of owed her some money after he accidentally got her arrested.

David: “You could have called anyone – Brandon, Steve, Nat.” Can you imagine being Nat and getting a phone call from one of those stupid kids in jail? My first instinct would be to say, “Who is this?”

April 2, 2013

BH90210 5.19, Little Monsters: Deal or No Deal

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , at 9:22 pm by Jenn

To be fair to Dylan, hookers probably would dress like this

To be fair to Dylan, hookers probably would dress like this

Summary: Valerie drives Dylan home from the airport after he’s delivered Erica to Iris in Hawaii. She’d like some compensation for her part in the rescue mission. Dylan agrees, and I’m sure Jonesy will totally go for it, too. Also, Dylan and Val are back together, it seems. Ray performs at the After Dark, so we kill a couple minutes there. He complains to David and Clare that the sound system is screwed up, then snipes at them when they say he’s wrong. Donna tells them he’s nervous because a talent scout is coming to see him.

Brandon meets Andrea at the Peach Pit and asks for her advice on the editorial he’s submitting to the Condor in defense of Finley. He admits that Kelly hasn’t seen it because they haven’t been spending much time together lately. That’s because Kelly has turned the beach apartment into Save Finley Central. Ray performs again, this time under the watchful eye of Ariel. (Steve’s also at the After Dark, because he’s an idiot.)

Valerie asks Dylan for money so she can buy a new coat (in Beverly Hills? Okay); he laughs over the fact that he’s giving her money after having sex with her. He gives her $10,000 and she balks at the small fraction she’s getting from his almost $8 million. Dylan calls her greedy, telling her she should have set a price up front. It turns out Ariel is the rep who’s come to scout Ray, which David knows Donna won’t like. Ariel asks Ray to come to her label for a meeting.

Jesse’s supposed to go out of town for a clerkship interview, but Andrea’s nervous because Hannah’s sick again. He suggests that she call Peter for medical advice. On campus, Brandon and Cindy run into Kelly and Finley, but Kelly basically ignores her boyfriend. She confides in Finley her annoyance with Brandon’s lack of support for her cause. Finley says that when the heat is on, people show who they really are. David informs an unhappy Donna that Ariel is the rep courting Ray.

Ray has a good meeting with Ariel’s label, and Ariel’s boss instructs her to sign him. She offers to take Ray out to buy new boots. He tries to decline, so she turns on the flirting. Dylan visits Jim to admit that he should have listened to him about his business deal with Suzanne and Kevin. He’d like Jim to be his business manager (but this time, Dylan’s in control of his money). Jim seems willing to agree, since Dylan has changed since the last time they worked together. Dylan mentions that he gave Val $10,000.

Speaking of, Val is spending the money on something that’s decidedly not a winter coat. Ray and Ariel are at the same boutique, looking at boots. Valerie accuses Ray of cheating on Donna, saying that it looks like Ariel wants him. “But don’t we all,” she adds. Ray takes his new boots to the beach apartment, where Donna tells him that Ariel was the reason she and David broke up. Ray insists that Ariel’s just interested in her music. Donna says that’s what she said about David, too. She wants him to give back the boots and stay away from Ariel. Ray refuses.

Kelly reads Brandon’s editorial and is all happy with him again. But when he asks her to skip out on doing research for Finley to hang out with him, she accuses him of writing the piece just to get on her good side. Ray and his band do a sound check at the After Dark, after which David warns that Ariel might go to unconventional lengths to win him over. Ray doesn’t care what David has to say since Ariel wasn’t the only one who hurt Donna.

Over at the Peach Pit, Donna and Clare agree that Ariel is bad news. The conversation turns to Kelly, and Clare reveals that according to her father, the other professors aren’t supportive of Finley. David tells Donna that he warned Ray about Ariel, but he doesn’t think Ray listened. She’s pleased that he tried, though. Dylan goes to the Walshes’ for dinner so they can recap what happened in Mexico. Cindy wonders if there’s anything they should know about Valerie. Dylan says she’s a “bigger package” than Brenda, “with a much bigger bow.”

Val is currently with Jonesy, trying to get more money. He just wants to sleep with her. Then he says he’ll pay her if she agrees to pair up with him again in the future. Ray meets with Ariel’s label again but is resistant to sign anything – they want him to give up his publishing rights. Ariel tells him she’s willing to do whatever she has to for this deal to go through. Ray already knows this from talking to David, so he’s out.

Andrea and Peter meet up for coffee because Andrea put on her Bad Idea Jeans this morning. There’s flirting, them some meaningful looks, and then a kiss. Meanwhile, Finley assures his students that he’s going to fight for his tenure in his meeting that night. He thanks Brandon for his editorial. Brandon brings Kelly flowers and apologizes if he’s been selfish lately. (Actually, for once, Brandon didn’t do anything wrong.)

Ariel tracks Ray down at the Peach Pit, but he doesn’t want to change his mind about the deal. She tries to get Donna to talk him into signing with the label. Of course, Donna doesn’t owe Ariel anything. Ariel warns her that Ray’s ego might get the better of him. Donna thanks Ray for rejecting the deal, and he confirms that she was right about Ariel, but he turned the deal down because it was a bad one. Valerie shows up at the Peach Pit in a brand-new car, so Dylan calls her a hooker for taking money from Jonesy. (Whoa, Dylan. Back off.)

Dozens of Finley’s students wait outside his meeting for news about his tenure. He addresses his acolytes, calling them “constant soldiers” and sounding more like a cult leader than ever. He didn’t get tenure, but as long as he has students, everything’s fine. He can just lecture in other places. “The new evolution will go on,” Finley promises. Once he’s alone with Kelly, he tells her the faculty feels threatened by him. The Finleyites need to stay together and block out all outsiders. That means Kelly needs to break up with Brandon.

Thoughts: Erica’s going to live with the woman her father was cheating on when he conceived her? Whoa.

Dude, Dylan, Val did have a gun pulled on her. I think you can spare a little more than $10,000.

David, you were a nice guy in this episode, but your hat is losing you cool points.

More pointless so far this season: Clare or Cindy?

March 30, 2013

BH90210 5.18, Hazardous to Your Health: Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , at 2:31 pm by Jenn

My new desktop wallpaper

My new desktop wallpaper

Summary: Dylan packs for his Erica-rescue mission but gets slowed down when Valerie shows up to hang out. She asks to come with him, but he won’t even tell her where he’s going. He remarks that he’s probably not the only guy she plans to visit this morning. When Dylan arrives in Mexico, he tries to call Jonesy, who’s sick in bed and doesn’t answer. He takes a cab to Jonesy’s hotel and learns that Jonesy isn’t so much sick as hungover and heartbroken.

Despite having a sick newborn through finals, Andrea made the dean’s list. She mentions Hannah’s doctor, and Brandon and Steve tease her for having feelings for someone who’s not her husband. David and Clare bicker over his desire to turn the Peach Pit After Dark into a hip-hop club. He thinks her affection for alt rock is awful.

At the beach apartment, Donna and Ray watch a video of Ray’s performance at the After Dark. Brandon finds Kelly meditating while listening to tapes of Professor Finley saying new-agey things. She tells Brandon he was denied tenure despite being popular with his students. He won’t give any more tutorials until he’s granted an appeal, which Brandon is willing to lobby for.

In Mexico, Dylan and Jonesy ride horses down a beach (of course) until they can get a look at the beachfront property Kevin and Suzanne have purchased. They’re now calling themselves Carl and Kitty Cavendish, and are possibly smuggling drugs. Jonesy plans to track down and flush down their secret bank account. His tap on their phone has let him know that Carl likes pirate collectibles and Kitty isn’t sleeping with him.

Jonesy has a plan, but it will only work if he has a female accomplice, and his just ditched him. Dylan gets distracted when he finally catches a glimpse of Erica. Jonesy needs another accomplice who can lie and be seductive. Dylan knows just the person. He calls Valerie, but she’s mad because he blew her off earlier and still won’t tell her what he’s up to. He manages to talk her into going to Mexico, and she gives the Walshes a cover story they don’t believe.

The next day, Dylan and Jonesy go to the airport, where Jonesy has Dylan pose as a valet and pick up Valerie. Dylan still questions Jonesy, who promises that he’s done this sort of thing before. In turn, Dylan promises that Valerie can do whatever they need her do. Jonesy pretends to be Valerie’s boyfriend, and she immediately plays along.

Brandon asks the dean about Finley’s appeal, wondering why he isn’t getting tenure. The dean tells him Finley was supposed to write a book, but he’s doing tutorials instead. The other professors think he’s trying to win “converts.” Parents have also complained about Finley’s conduct during a weekend retreat. The dean is willing to work with Brandon, though.

Dylan, Valerie, and Jonesy go to a retreat near where Suzanne and Kevin are staying. Val and Jonesy will be posing as a super-rich couple on vacation, and Dylan will be their “manservant.” Jonesy has even arranged a double date with Kevin and Suzanne. He tells Valerie to flirt with Kevin, then spills a drink on Suzanne so he can get her out of the picture. They talk pirate stuff, and Jonesy tells Kevin he has Blackbeard’s log. He invites Kevin to join them on their yacht.

Meanwhile, Dylan follows Erica and her nanny (I guess) around town, which would be totally creepy if we didn’t know what was going on. He catches up to her at a market stall and tells her not to look at him while they’re talking. She begs him to take her away from Mexico and gives him her favorite piece from her sea glass collection. A guard from the villa sees him, but Dylan acts casual.

Jonesy finds out about Dylan’s encounter with Erica and blasts him for letting the guard see him. Dylan doesn’t care what he thinks since he hasn’t come through on his promises yet. Valerie assures Dylan that she’ll do whatever he needs to get Erica back.

In Beverly Hills, Brandon meets with Finley, who asks him to lead the charge for his tenure. Brandon thinks he needs to address his critics head-on. Finley thinks the dean has already turned Brandon against him, and Brandon’s only there to find out if Finley’s as bad as everyone thinks. He promises a showdown if it comes to that, and he plans to win.

Jonesy, Valerie, Kevin, and Suzanne spend the day on a yacht, bringing a big marlin back with them. Dylan listens in on a surveillance device as Valerie and Suzanne talk about Erica. Meanwhile, Jonesy tells Kevin that he’s a smuggler (he stuffs his wares inside fish – heh) and wants a partner.

Suzanne and Jonesy head to villa while Valerie goes to the “Cavendishes'” house with Kevin. Kevin uses the Interwebs to access his bank account in the Caymans, and Jonesy hacks into the account to get all the information he needs. He immediately transfers what’s left of Dylan’s $8 million into an FBI account. Jonesy’s ready to go back to the States, but Dylan wants to get Erica. Jonesy has no experience taking kids, so he won’t be helping.

When Valerie finds out that Jonesy’s gone, she blasts Dylan for letting him go; Kevin and Suzanne will soon be coming over to have dinner with the couple. Dylan says that’s perfect, since that means Erica will be alone in the house. Kelly gets herself hired as Finley’s research assistant and chastises Brandon for stabbing Finley in the back. She calls him an extern, which is Finley’s word for a non-believer.

Valerie goes to Kevin and Suzanne’s house, pretending she was on the beach and was going to be late for dinner. She gives Erica back the piece of sea glass she gave Dylan. As soon as the others leave, Dylan sneaks into the house to get Erica. Suzanne calls and hears Erica shout a warning to Dylan as he’s spotted by a member of the house staff. Suzanne quickly figures out that Valerie and Dylan are working together and pulls a gun on her.

Kevin and Suzanne take Valerie back to their house, having easily gotten the truth out of her. Suzanne asks Dylan where Jonesy is. Just then Dylan looks outside to see his supposedly former partner. Gunfighting ensues, and Dylan knocks Kevin out while Valerie takes Suzanne’s gun. Suzanne offers her money, but Valerie tells her it’s already theirs.

Once the bad guys have been taken away, Jonesy tells Dylan and Valerie that he got some help from the FBI after he told them Kevin and Suzanne were plotting to kidnap Erik Estrada. Dylan lets Erica know that he’s okay, and she says she knew he’d find her.

Thoughts: My recap title comes from Veggie Tales, and it’s way better than the actual title of the episode, which has nothing to do with anything.

When Dylan is done playing Jonesy and Valerie’s manservant, can he come be mine? Oh, I’ve said too much.

I was thinking that brenda would have been a better choice for Valerie’s part of Jonesy’s plan, but I think she’s met Suzanne, so that wouldn’t work.

Hotter: Dylan with his shirt open or Dylan in a nice, crisp white shirt? Don’t make me choose!

March 16, 2013

BH90210 5.15, Christmas Comes This Time Each Year: Felice Navidad

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , at 2:37 pm by Jenn

That poor child

That poor child

Summary: Ray brings a Christmas tree to Donna’s parents’ house and they kiss under the mistletoe. Felice clearly doesn’t like Ray, and she’s not happy when Donna admits that if Ray proposed to her right now, she’d accept. Dr. Martin, however, is amused by Felice’s annoyance and advises her to stay out of it; if she meddles, Donna will just want to be with Ray more. Cindy and Jim are heading to London to spend Christmas with Brenda, but Brandon and Kelly are staying behind. Valerie will be spending the holiday with friends in Buffalo.

Andrea and Jesse take Hannah to the mall to see Santa. She does not enjoy the experience. At the Peach Pit, Steve, David, and Clare help Nat cook for the homeless as Steve laments his bad past Christmases: going to New Mexico, almost getting expelled, and breaking into Randall’s office. This year, he’s facing community service as his punishment for the fire. Clare suggests to David that the two of them run the Peach Pit After Dark for Steve. David’s resistant, but Clare tells him he’ll need to be the one to talk Nat into it.

Brandon tries to get romantic with Kelly, but her burn dressings are the elephant in the room. Kelly admits that she doesn’t want him to see her injuries. Brandon insists that he can handle it, but she still doesn’t give in. Clare, Donna, and David decorate at the beach apartment before Donna leaves to take LuAnn Christmas shopping. She’s worried that LuAnn will overdo the drinking; it’s already awkward enough for her to spend time with Ray’s family, since they’re so different from hers.

Chancellor Arnold shows up and meets David (Clare’s “friend”). The chancellor wants to see Clare, Donna, and Kelly at the faculty Christmas party, and he wants Clare to bring Brandon. After he leaves, David questions why Clare hasn’t told her father that they’re dating. She promises to tell him the next time she sees him. Donna and LuAnn shop, and Donna encourages LuAnn to buy Ray a suit. LuAnn sees an ad for a cruise and mentions that it would be her dream vacation. Donna thinks she should ask Santa about it.

Felice visits Ray at work to ask what he wants for Christmas. He says his dream is to make an album, so Felice gives him a check for what’s sure to be a large amount of money. When LuAnn comes by later, Ray keeps mum. Dylan tries to see Jack’s ex Christine at the FBI, but no one will even confirm that she’s an agent. Dylan threatens to tell the press how the FBI screwed up Jack’s case and got him killed. Finally Christine comes in and Dylan asks for her help.

The homeless eat at the Peach Pit while Andrea tells Steve that she’s having trouble exposing Hannah to Christmas traditions. David brings up Clare’s After Dark idea to Nat, but he’s too busy to think about it. Kelly is shaken when she sees that one of the homeless people has massive scarring from burns. Christine can’t really help Dylan track down Kevin and Suzanne since there’s no one available to take his case. She has another idea and promises to do everything she can to help her ex’s son.

At the Walshes’ after the homeless dinner, Kelly tells Brandon that everyone was staring at the woman with the scars. He thinks the looks were sympathetic. Kelly’s worried that she’s not the same person she was before the fire. Brandon tries to distract her with a trip to a Christmas Eve church service. At the Martins’, Felice tells Donna that she offered Ray $10,000 to stop seeing her – and he took it. But isn’t it better that she knows now, before they get closer and he ends up leaving her?

Ray goes by the beach apartment, but Donna refuses to see him, telling David and Clare the story. Ray says he took the money only so he would have proof that Felice tried to pay him off. Kelly feels better after going to church, so Brandon’s going to have a nice Christmas Eve. Iris calls Dylan and assures him that he can keep fighting the urge to drink. They’re sorry to be apart over the holidays, but their relationship is much better. Dylan has a flashback to last Christmas, which he spent with Erica.

Kelly tries to change her dressings herself, but ultimately has to ask Brandon to help. He’s nicely supportive, assuring her that he doesn’t find the injuries ugly. She’s upset to have a permanent reminder of what happened. Brandon promises that he doesn’t see her any differently. First thing Christmas morning (also her birthday), Donna confronts Felice about the check. This is the first Dr. Martin has heard of the incident, and he’s equally unhappy.

Andrea and Jesse bicker over the fact that she took Hannah out of midnight Mass the previous night. Andrea points out that Hannah’s teething and was fussy. Jesse thinks she wants to cut out Christmas altogether. Dylan gets a visit from J.J. “Jonesy” Jones, who introduces himself as a friend of Christine’s. He’s a “salvage expert” who can track down Dylan’s money (though he’ll be taking half of it). Dylan agrees, though he’ll have to stay behind when Jonesy goes to Brazil.

Brandon, Kelly, David, and Clare go to the faculty Christmas party, where the first three are kind of jerks because they’re bored by Chancellor Arnold’s Christmas music. David takes over the piano and sings “Jingle Bell Rock” with the chancellor. Meanwhile, Donna and Ray give LuAnn her Christmas present: a cruise ticket. No one says it, but it’s clear that’s what they spent Felice’s money on. (Ha ha ha! Looks good on you, Felice.)

Things are still awkward at Jesse and Andrea’s, but Santa Steve, his Santa Clones (David, Brandon, and Nat), and elves Kelly and Clare help defuse the tension. Dylan also comes by to see Hannah for the first time. So now everyone’s happy, except maybe Erica, who’s still stuck in Brazil with horrible people.

Thoughts: I’m unreasonably proud of myself for that recap title.

Donna, please don’t wear a miniskirt and a belly shirt when you’re hanging out with your boyfriend’s mother. Actually, let’s just say don’t wear a belly shirt at all.

I hope you get nothing but coal every Christmas until you die, Felice.

Apparently church turns Brandon on?

Sorry, Jesse – Andrea wins this round. There are few things more annoying than a noisy kid in a church service.

Is it wrong that I love Jonesy?