January 26, 2014

BH90210 7.9, Loser Take All: You Can’t Do Anything Unless Brandon Approves

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , at 12:53 pm by Jenn

"Did I say you could wear that shirt? Go back upstairs and put on something more appropriate. Don't give me that look!"

“Did I say you could wear that shirt? Go back upstairs and put on something more appropriate. Don’t give me that look!”

Summary: Nat has brought Frankie to work, but apparently doesn’t know that when a child is screaming, it’s a good idea to change his diaper. Fortunately for him, Valerie figures it out. Brandon is clearly annoyed, so maybe he shouldn’t have children. Kelly arrives and starts hinting to Brandon that Valerie’s gotten herself into another mess. She tells him all about Valerie’s claim of getting pregnant and having an abortion. Brandon can’t believe Valerie didn’t tell him. Kelly says it’s because it’s not true.

Later, at the beach apartment, Mel tells Kelly and Donna about David’s inheritance from his grandfather. He’s worried about the money changing David – he’s already been acting out, and now he can afford to act out even more. Mark calls, apparently just to flirt. Donna assures Mel that she’ll keep an eye on David. Over at the Walshes’, Steve talks about crew, so that’s still going on. Brandon confronts him about keeping Valerie’s secrets, and Steve lists the reasons he and Kelly think Val’s lying.

On campus, Kelly gleefully tells Valerie that she told Brandon about the “baby” and “abortion.” Valerie sticks with her claim that it all happened. Clare and Dick watch Steve and his team row; Clare’s impressed with their progress, but Dick is still bitter and macho. He advises Steve to call off the bet now, but Steve would rather up the stakes: Loser serves dinner to the winner’s frat for a week. Dick agrees, tacking on dinner service for the winner’s dates.

At CUTV, Brandon bounces pregnancy/abortion scenarios off of Tracy, coming to the conclusion that the reason Valerie didn’t tell him anything is probably because she was lying. Tracy suggests that he talk to Kenny. Donna catches up with David and is surprised to hear that he’s enjoying one of his history classes. She’s happy that he’s happy. He credits her for his mood change, since she helped get him back into school.

Brandon meets with Kenny, who tells him that he “fell in love with the wrong girl.” Brandon notes that Kenny’s still with his wife. Kenny says he cared about Valerie, but she just wanted money for an abortion, rather than his support. Brandon confirms that he gave her $100,000 in an attempt to get her to stay away from his family. Kenny admits that he never found out if Valerie was really pregnant, but even if she wasn’t, the money was worth it to make her go away.

David takes Donna on a shopping spree for totally unnecessary things (like an electric toilet seat warmer and an astronaut pen). When she tells him he’s being foolish, he gets loud, then considers going on a big trip. Even though Donna keeps looking down on his spending, David kisses her. She admits that she’s been trying to keep an eye on him for Mel. David finds a scratch on Donna’s car when it comes back from valet parking, but the valet claims it was there before. Donna isn’t sure, so now David feels like he’s all alone.

Blah blah, Steve and Clare, what have I done to deserve this torture? At home, Brandon chastises Valerie for not telling him about her “pregnancy” and “abortion.” He brings up the $100,000, another secret she kept from him. Now he can’t trust Valerie. He orders her to give the money back, since she committed fraud and extortion. If she doesn’t repay Kenny, she has to move out. Kelly has dinner with Mark, and he urges her to talk about herself, since she never does. She admits that she had a drug problem, but Mark doesn’t see it as a dealbreaker.

Tracy goes to the Walshes’ to see Brandon and finds Valerie packing up to move out. Tracy’s figured out that Valerie was the person Brandon was talking to her about, and she offers her sympathy. She urges Val to tell Brandon the truth. Valerie claims that she already did, but since Brandon doesn’t think she’s worthy of his friendship anymore, they’re done. Tracy says that Valerie’s virtue is worth more than she thinks. Val then goes to Kenny’s and gives him back the $100,000.

David shows up at the beach apartment in the middle of the night, wet from swimming in the ocean. He’s talked to a mechanic about Donna’s car and found her a Porsche as a temporary replacement. Donna expresses her concern over his behavior, but David blows her off to go to a club. Steve, Clare, kill me. I think she wants him back. Kill me again.

Valerie unpacks her stuff at the house, telling Brandon that she gave the money back. Now the After Dark is in danger of going bankrupt, but at least Brandon approves of her behavior now. She asks him when she’s been disloyal to him. Brandon gets her to admit that she lied about the pregnancy and abortion. Daddy is disappointed, Valerie. She says that Kenny made promises, and she wanted to believe him because he reminded her of her father. She tells Brandon that she can’t live up to his expectations. He tells her to straighten up and fly right.

Time for the crew race. I would have to put forth effort to care less about this. Donna and Kelly are there to watch, and Donna feels bad for telling Mel how David’s been acting. She thinks his manic behavior has nothing to do with the money, and worries that he’s inherited his mother’s bipolar disorder. The race begins, but the girls aren’t sure who to root for. Kelly doesn’t think Steve’s team will win. She’s right, and they don’t, but it’s a close race. Steve’s a gracious loser and promises to honor the bet. Clare’s proud of him, like she’s his mom or something.

Brandon goes to Tracy’s room to thank her for giving Valerie advice. I bet Tracy’s virtuous enough for Brandon’s approval. Mark calls Kelly and tells her he’s falling in love with her. I think we’re supposed to care. Clare and her crimped hair go to the Walshes’ house to tell Steve that she’s dumped Dick and wants to get back together. Oh, Clare! Why must you do this to me? David finds Valerie at the After Dark and learns of her money troubles. He offers to buy half of the club so it can stay open. They seal the deal with a makeout session.

Thoughts: New rule, guys: We have to tell Brandon everything or he’ll pout and he won’t be our friend anymore.

Brandon: “[Let’s] say you’re pregnant.” Tracy: “I’m pregnant.” Brandon: “That’s not funny.” Me: “Yes, it is.”

Mark has even less personality than Colin. Kelly’s taste in men is really going downhill.

How did Donna recognize David’s manic behavior before Kelly, who’s a psych major?

The shopping list on Tracy’s door: “D cells for pocket rocket.” Holy cow. I’m guessing someone on her hall wrote that as a joke.

January 19, 2014

BH90210 7.8, The Things We Do for Love: Gone, Non-Baby, Gone

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , at 3:03 pm by Jenn

Flannel! Remember how popular flannel was, you guys?

Flannel! Remember how popular flannel was, you guys?

Summary: Brandon, Tracy, and Mark are discussing politics at Mark’s house. I’m already bored. Mark thinks Brandon and Tracy should do a broadcast together. The three of them invite David to the Peach Pit with them, but he has to head to Palm Springs for the reading of his grandfather’s will. David confides in Brandon that he feels guilty for not visiting his grandfather last week. Mel’s not making it any easier for him. After everyone leaves, David pours himself a drink.

Did you know Clare was a coxswain for CU’s crew team? Me neither. Steve approaches her after a practice so he can bug her again about getting back together. Clare still wants to date Dick, who’s better than Steve if only because he’s committed to crew. Steve claims that he wants to get involved with crew, too. Valerie calls Kenny to demand money; he put a hold on the $100,000 check he gave her. Val refuses to have an abortion until Kenny leaves his wife. Steve overhears her on the phone and learns that she’s “pregnant.”

At the beach apartment, Clare complains to Donna about how Steve is always hanging around. She joined crew to meet new people, but now he’s following her there, too. Donna currently has no boyfriend problems, since Cliff is so awesome. She thinks Clare should get back together with Steve and be just as happy.

Brandon and Tracy look through student interviews about politics, though it’s not clear anyone they interviewed actually knows the role of government. Tracy doesn’t want to talk her personal beliefs with Brandon, only saying that she’s undecided. Of course, Brandon thinks that’s lame. Elsewhere on campus, Mark and Kelly talk sex – he wants to do a piece on students’ feelings on the topic. She only tells him “it’s been a while.” She also thinks this is charming and doesn’t ask him the same question about his own sex life.

Steve comes in, moping over Valerie’s situation, and mentions to Kelly that one of his friends is pregnant. Kelly uses reverse psychology to get him to spill the details. Steve wishes he could tell Brandon, too, since he would know what to do. Kelly offers to talk to Valerie first. In Palm Springs, David receives his grandfather’s convertible and $250,000. He and Mel are both surprised at his inheritance.

Valerie meets Kelly at the Peach Pit so Kelly can try to be supportive. Valerie thinks she’s secretly gleeful that Val is in such a bad place. Kelly admits that when she used to babysit Kenny’s son, Kenny would hit on her, so she knows he’s not much of a catch. She offers her help if Valerie needs it. Val does appreciate having someone to talk to, but starts to regret it when Kelly invites herself along to the abortion appointment.

Cliff and Donna go hiking, and they’re all cute and happy and stuff. Steve gathers some friends so he can form his very own crew team. Dick arrives with his own team (and Clare) and teases them, so Steve challenges them to a race. Dick schedules it for a week in the future. David’s happy about his new car but still feels guilty about skipping the visit. His grandmother assures him that he doesn’t need to feel bad about anything.

Mel advises David to put his inheritance money in a trust, to be controlled by Mel. David doesn’t like being branded as irresponsible, so he takes his car and heads off to a bar. Mel’s like, “Way to prove your maturity.” Valerie calls Kelly just before her appointment and tells her that Kenny’s going to take her. Kelly offers to stop by later instead. Donna learns more about Cliff – he grew up in Hell’s Kitchen and bonded with a guy who taught him survival skills and got him interested in the Navy.

Tracy wants to hang out with Brandon, who’s trying to avoid getting into a serious relationship. Tracy doesn’t get that he’s really doing her a favor here. While out to lunch with a woman she worked with at the AIDS hospice, Kelly spots Kenny, who is definitely not at a clinic where his girlfriend is having an abortion. Later, Kelly goes to the Walshes’, where Valerie’s faking illness, and calls her on her lie. Val lies that Kenny stood her up. Downstairs, Kelly tells Steve about the inconsistencies in Valerie’s story and Kenny’s actions, but Steve thinks they should go easy on her.

Donna learns from Cliff that bald eagles mate for life. I wish these two were more interesting. Donna tells him that she likes spending time with him. Cliff chooses that moment to announce that he’s leaving town tomorrow to work on an oil rig. He’s not sure when he’ll be back. He didn’t tell her earlier because he was afraid she wouldn’t want to get to know him if she knew he wouldn’t be around much longer. They decide to enjoy the little time they have left together.

Tracy tracks Brandon down and tells him she’s quitting the station. She feels too uncomfortable to keep working with him. In Palm Springs, Mel finds David at a bar and tries to get him to leave. David thinks Mel wants to punish him for skipping his visit with his grandfather. He wants respect from his father, but he doesn’t think Mel respects anyone. Mel points out that he just lost his father; he doesn’t want to worry that he’ll lose his son, too.

Blah, Steve and Clare, blah. Move on, Steve. He wants to prove that he’s changed in the, what, ten days since they broke up? Back at the house, Steve interrogates Valerie about her doctor’s orders, trying to catch her in a lie. David finds out that Mel’s trying to get his inheritance placed in a trust despite David’s protests. He wishes Mel would respect him the way his grandfather did. His grandmother tells him about how his grandfather never let Mel drive his beloved car. Also, Mel wants David’s respect. Why is this episode so boring?

Brandon is about to make his TV debut with Tracy. He wants to alleviate Tracy’s embarrassment over his rejection of her, so he does the broadcast without pants. Steve tells Kelly that Valerie said she was drugged up after her abortion, but she was allowed to drive home. The two of them are starting to wonder if she was ever even pregnant. Cliff says goodbye to Donna, asking her to stay in touch while he’s gone.

Brandon and Tracy nail their broadcast, and she decides not to quit. I think she just wants to see if Brandon will keep showing up in his boxers. David and Mel talk about the car, which is now officially a metaphor for something, but I don’t care to interpret it. Mel has called off the proceedings with the trust, telling David that if his grandfather thought he could be trusted with the money, Mel shouldn’t challenge that. David lets him drive the car. Over a cliff, I hope.

Thoughts: Kelly calls Steve “bubbelah.” I guess Jimmy rubbed off on her.

“We have to talk to Brandon! He’ll know what to do!” This is why he has such an overinflated ego.

If I were Kelly, “Kenny stood me up” is where I would have started doubting Valerie’s whole story.

I hate to admit it (mostly because the thought of Brandon in his underwear makes me shudder), but that pantsless move was kind of nice.

January 12, 2014

BH90210 7.7, Fearless: What to Expect When You’re Not Really Expecting

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 12:36 pm by Jenn

I bet the wardrobe person on this show looks back on these episodes and wonders how she kept her job

I bet the wardrobe person on this show looks back on these episodes and wonders how she kept her job

Summary: Donna’s getting an award for saving the baby deer, even though she didn’t really save it…and it almost got her killed…whatever, yay, Donna. Cliff is there, and Donna introduces him to Kelly and Dr. Martin. Then the girls have to run off to help Alpha set up a haunted house for Halloween. Cliff offers to help out. Valerie calls Kenny to invite him to an OB/GYN appointment; she’s been pressuring him to take responsibility now that she’s pregnant. (Allegedly.)

Cliff helps at the haunted house, promising Donna that he’ll be there the next day to see how the kids like it. She’s not going to say no to that. Mark is also present, and he’s brought Kelly two books she should read if she wants to know him better: one is Spoon River Anthology and one is by Charles Bukowski. Kelly mentions that she used to date a guy who liked Bukowski. Mark thinks she means Brandon, and though she doesn’t, she talks about Brandon anyway. Kelly, shhhh. Mark kisses her, possibly so she’ll shut up. (Nice work, Mark.)

Steve and Clare are still fighting over the circumstances of their breakup. He wants to take her to the Halloween party at the After Dark to hear Tony Rich. She tells him she’s already going somewhere with Dick. Steve hates Dick, but his harshest insult is that the guy is a dork. He begs Clare to go to the After Dark, and she says she will – but with Tony. Steve vows to find his own date.

Brandon looks through fan mail the studio’s gotten about Tracy, some of it really weird. Mark mentions that Tracy doesn’t have a date to the concert at the After Dark, and she’s hoping that Brandon will ask her. Brandon thinks he’s playing matchmaker because he feels guilty for going out with Kelly. Despite the fact that he and Tracy have kissed in the past, Brandon insists that he doesn’t want to date someone he works with again.

At the Peach Pit, Steve shares his dateless woes with Valerie and David, saying he wants someone wild and crazy to go out with. Nat suggests an escort, insisting that Steve wouldn’t be hiring a hooker. Mel stops by before he and Erin head to Palm Springs to see David’s grandparents. David doesn’t want to go, even though they’ll be celebrating his grandfather’s birthday. Mel’s annoyed that David’s avoiding his family. David’s just annoyed in general.

Valerie goes to an OB/GYN’s office, chats with some pregnant women, then leaves, saying she never had an appointment. But when she runs into Kenny, she tells him the doctor confirmed that she’s pregnant. She says she loves him and wants to have the baby with him. Kenny resists, but Valerie keeps pressing that they love each other, so maybe this is a sign that it’s time for him to leave his wife.

After her latest CUTV broadcast, Brandon invites Tracy to the After Dark’s Halloween party. She appreciates the offer, but she wanted to go by herself. Elsewhere on campus, the Alpha haunted house is a huge success. Donna tells Kelly that Cliff was in the Navy, but she doesn’t know much else about him. Kelly advises her to ask what book best describes him. Cliff scares a kid and feels bad about it, so he and Donna comfort the boy. Cliff suggests that the kid help behind the scenes instead. Meanwhile, Steve visits Nat’s recommended escort service and picks a date.

Valerie makes dinner for Kenny at their love nest, but he’s only dropping by to admit that he still hasn’t told his wife about his affair. Val threatens to tell Mrs. Bannerman herself. Kenny’s all, “But it’ll hurt my son!” Val notes that she’s having his child, too. He confesses that he’s not 100 sure the baby is his. Either way, Valerie needs to have an abortion. She agrees, but he’ll have to pay for it…and some other things, since she wants $100,000. Kenny says no, threatening to go after the club if Val doesn’t just take the $10,000 and keep quiet.

Donna’s all turned on since Cliff is so good with kids. Mark and Kelly reaffirm their plans to go to the After Dark together. Steve gets ready for his date while Brandon complains that he doesn’t have one. Steve’s enthusiasm over meeting a hot Swedish nuclear scientist quickly disappears when he finds out that he picked the wrong person, and has wound up with a Japanese translator. Eh, he’ll take her.

Kelly, Donna, and Clare talk guys at the beach apartment, Kelly saying that Mark seems to be a mixture of Brandon and Dylan. (Really? I don’t see it.) Donna and Clare worry that she’s moving too fast. Everyone heads to the party at the After Dark, where Tony Rich sings his only hit, “Nobody Knows.” Tracy runs into Brandon and asks him to hang out. He’s understandably confused about why she turned him down when he invited her. Tracy explains that she knew he felt obligated, so she was holding out for someone who actually likes her.

Donna waits for Cliff at the beach apartment, where the lights are flickering. After he arrives, the electricity goes out; Cliff notes (heh) that that means traffic lights are going to go out, too, so they probably shouldn’t go out driving. They talk about childhood fears of the dark, and how Donna’s was cured by her father because she realized he would always be there to look out for her. At the club, Valerie tries to call Kenny but learns that his number has been disconnected. Tracy decides to leave the party early, and Brandon offers to drive her home.

Kelly’s having a great time with Mark, and Clare and Dick seem to be hitting it off. David’s tipsy but agrees to keep an eye on the club while Valerie goes out to take care of something. Clare meets Steve’s date, who says that he’s still in love with her. Clare asks how much Steve paid her to say that. The date misinterprets this and asks how Clare knew that she was an escort. Steve runs into Dick and tells him that Clare’s using him to make Steve jealous. Clare comes up and announces that Steve had to pay to get a date.

Brandon walks Tracy to her dorm room, and there’s some wackiness involving whether he can come in or not. He settles for a kiss good night. Valerie goes to Kenny’s house and gives his wife a bag containing a package of diapers. Kelly spends the night with Mark, but the next day she tells Donna that all they did was talk. The kid Cliff scared comes back to the house to help clean up, introducing Donna to his mother. This is only so the mom can talk about how great Cliff is, and how Donna should go out with him.

Brandon and Steve discuss their love lives, specifically how Steve can’t get Clare to see how great he is. Brandon says that he’s the best Steve he can be, so it’s Clare’s problem if she doesn’t like him. Clare shows up at the house and apologizes for outing Steve for hiring an escort. She’s ready to stop fighting with Steve, but she’s not ready to decide whether they should get back together. She’d rather have an open relationship. Steve doesn’t want to share her, so she calls him immature. Shut up, Clare.

Valerie and Kenny meet up at the love nest, where he blasts her for causing trouble in his marriage. He gives her a check for $100,000 and demands that she have an abortion. She’ll also need to sign some papers stating that he has no responsibilities, and promising to keep things quiet. Valerie’s thrilled that she won the battle. Elsewhere, David’s woken up by a phone call from Mel telling him that his grandfather died.

Thoughts: Valerie, stop using fake tanner.

I’m not going to ask why Nat knows so much about an escort service.

Steve pronounces it “nukular.” Of course he does.

Greg Vaughan in formal wear…holy cow. He never looked this good on General Hospital. Or maybe I just didn’t notice because there were other hot guys, while here, he’s definitely the hottest.

If I were Kenny, I’d ask Val not just for a paternity test, but for a pregnancy test. All he has is her word.

So Valerie’s end game is…what? Is it just revenge at this point? I’m not convinced that she knows what she’s doing.

January 5, 2014

BH90210 7.6, Housewarming: There’s Fire in Them Thar Hills

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , at 4:15 pm by Jenn

The thing is, this isn't even his worst hairstyle ever. "General Hospital" fans know what I'm talking about

The thing is, this isn’t even his worst hairstyle ever. General Hospital fans know what I’m talking about

Summary: It’s almost 2 a.m., and Valerie and Kenny are asleep in their secret love nest. She wakes up and realizes that he needs to go home to his soon-to-be-ex-wife. They admit to feeling guilty, and Val accuses Kenny of wanting to have both a wife and a girlfriend. He uses his son’s feelings as an excuse not to leave his wife. Valerie decides that she can’t be the other woman any longer, so she gives Kenny an ultimatum: tell his wife about their affair or lose her as a mistress.

In the morning Valerie makes her way home and tells Brandon that she was with Kenny. Brandon isn’t at all surprised that he hasn’t left his wife yet, and doesn’t think he will. He informs Val (and reminds us) that he himself was once involved with a married woman. (Yeah, but she did leave her husband.) David’s throwing a party at his and Mark’s place, and Donna insists that she won’t be jealous if their hot, bikini-clad friends show up. Clare’s fine with Steve checking out other women as long as he keeps his hands to himself.

On their way to the party, Donna and Clare come across a couple deer. Apparently they’re a rare sight in the hills. Kelly’s already at the party, and David asks her why she keeps turning Mark down for dates. She says the timing isn’t right yet. Brandon and Tracy arrive, and though she decides to stick with nonalcoholic beverages (probably since she had enough right before her first broadcast), others have already started drinking at 11 a.m.

Steve asks David to introduce him to his hot neighbors while a cute guy makes eyes at Clare. Donna’s surprised that she hasn’t met the guy, Dick Harrison, since they’re both smarties. Dick flirts with Clare, but she shuts him down by telling him she has a boyfriend. Steve, however, is hitting it off with a girl named Theresa, even putting sunscreen on her. Clare catches him, and somehow, they don’t get into a fight.

Kenny calls Valerie and asks her to meet him at their love nest. Val thinks he’s going to tell her that he told his wife about them. David and Donna hang out, as do Mark and Kelly. Steve saves Theresa from a big, scary spider, and she rewards him with a kiss. Even though he’s freaked out about it, Clare can only see their lips pressed together. Brandon teaches Tracy all the former and current relationships among the gang. She notes that the only person she hasn’t met yet is Kelly.

There’s smoke coming up the hill, and Muntz tells Brandon that he passed a bunch of fire trucks on his way to the party. Mark notes that the hills haven’t burned for 40 years, which means there’s a lot of burnable material. Valerie meets Kenny, who tells her that, yes, he and his wife are officially through. The hills are slowly being evacuated, and though Mark and David’s canyon isn’t yet, Mark thinks everyone needs to leave in an orderly fashion. Brandon notes that Kelly is a little freaked out, thanks to her past experience with fire.

David’s sick from all the drinking he’s done at the party, so he’s not present when Mark sends all the party guests home. Donna pretends to be helpful. Steve and Clare fight, and when Dick asks if he can call her sometime, she says yes. As the fire spreads and firefighters get to work, Brandon and Tracy try to help everyone leave the party. Brandon gets distracted by Kelly, who’s having PTSD flashbacks to the first fire. She’s also mad at him for not being there for him that time. (Thanks a lot, Emily!)

Mark finds Kelly in her car and offers to drive her home, but she tells him to stay. Then she decides to stay as well and help the rest of the gang protect the house from the fire. A firefighter reaches them and recommends evacuation; when Mark won’t leave, he asks for Mark’s next of kin. He tells the gang that they’ll try to cover, but they can’t guarantee everyone’s safety. Even Steve thinks it’s a bad idea to stay, and if Steve thinks your idea is bad, it probably is.

David joins the rest of the gang, then goes to get some tequila, since drinking more is obviously the solution to all of his problems. Hey, David, why don’t you give the fire some tequila, too? Donna and Clare spot one of the deer they saw earlier, and Donna worries that since it’s a baby, it needs help. Kenny has to go to work (on a Saturday? Why do you keep believing everything he says, Val?) but plans to meet up with Valerie again that night.

The firefighter returns to Mark and David’s house to let the gang know that the winds have shifted, so the fire probably won’t reach the house. Now, though, Donna’s missing. Everyone heads off to find her as she wanders through the brush in search of the baby deer. She trips and falls down a hill, hurting her knee. But at least the deer wants to be friends. Kenny calls Valerie to tell her that his wife’s lawyer is already making big moves, so he has to play things safe. That means no date tonight, which means a very angry Valerie.

Donna calls for help and tries to comfort the deer. The deer is like, “Do you have any food? No? Then I don’t think I care about you.” David blames himself for not babysitting the grown woman while he was puking up his guts. Donna’s found by a group of firefighters led by a cute one named Cliff Yeager. Donna starts thinking that it was worth it to have to be rescued. They even get to make eyes at each other on the local news.

The gang goes to dinner at the Peach Pit, where Tracy asks Kelly why she and Brandon broke up. Kelly and Clare just tell her that no one’s perfect. Tracy meets Nat. Clare and Steve pick up their fight where they left off, then decide to FINALLY BREAK UP, HALLELUJAH, CUE THE CHOIR OF ANGELS. Kelly tries to apologize to Brandon for being mad, but he doesn’t hold it against her.

Mark tells Brandon that he asked Kelly out, implying that they’re actually going to go out. Then he asks Kelly out yet again. She jokes that she’ll have to ask Brandon’s permission. Nat tells Brandon not to let Kelly get away like he let Joan get away. STAY OUT OF IT, NAT. David takes Donna home, promising to be a better friend. She’s all, “Please leave so I can dream about my hunky firefighter savior.” Valerie surprises Kenny at his office and drops a bombshell in the form of a positive pregnancy test.

Thoughts: Cliff is played by soap actor Greg Vaughan (formerly Diego on The Young and the Restless and the third Lucky on General Hospital; currently Eric on Days of Our Lives). I don’t think he’s aged since this episode aired.

Dick is played by ’90s mainstay Dan Gauthier.

The chancellor teaches an economics course? Is that normal for a chancellor?

Brandon, please don’t ever say “what’s the haps?” again.

December 29, 2013

BH90210 7.5, Pledging My Love: Sorry You Have to Think About Steve Naked

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , at 1:05 pm by Jenn

Again, I'm sorry

Again, I’m sorry

Summary: Kenny drives Valerie home from a meeting with investors, traveling through the section of Beverly Hills where there are apparently still milkmen. (No, seriously, I think I saw a milkman.) He takes her to an apartment that he tells her he’s rented for their trysts. It’s Spirit Day at CU, whatever that means, and Tracy is disappointed to have to cover a speech Chancellor Arnold is giving. While everyone’s out on the quad, Steve leads a group of KEG pledges covered in shaving cream in a semi-naked run through the crowd. The sprinklers come on and make them even more naked.

Donna’s the head of Alpha’s rush, and she doesn’t see any qualified pledges in this year’s group. Kelly recognizes a transfer student at the café from a Condor article about a basketball player named Dani appearing in a campus play. Donna thinks she should pledge Alpha. Dani would love to, but she didn’t think Alpha took jocks. At the CU TV studio, Brandon, Mark, and Tracy watch footage of the streakers; Mark thinks they should air it, but Brandon has to be convinced.

David can’t get the classes he wanted because he’s registering late. Valerie gets “life credit” for working at the club, so I guess she’s a business major. David wonders if you have to win a gold medal to get a class you want. Gold medalist Kerri Strug isn’t sure. Either I just took some of Colin’s drugs or Kerri Strug goes to CU. What follows is the most random, pointless scene in…well, in this episode, at least.

Kelly visits Magical, Lesson-Giving AIDS Patient Jimmy at the hospice and invites him to services that weekend for Rosh Hashanah. Jimmy isn’t very in touch with his religion but agrees to go. He laments that he doesn’t have any friends. Dani meets with the pledge…deciders (I don’t know the lingo) but has to leave for work. Alpha sister Ellen doesn’t think she should pledge since she’s so athletic and has no style. Donna would prefer some diversity, which I guess means different shades of white skin.

The footage of the streakers airs on CU’s TV station, surprising Chancellor Arnold, who didn’t know it was captured on tape. As Clare’s leaving, Steve shows up to meet her and her father for dinner, and Clare blasts him for humiliating them. Steve’s proud of himself, which shouldn’t surprise anyone. The chancellor reveals that the dean wants to charge the intra-fraternity council charged with sexual harassment. He’s happy that Brandon got the streakers on tape because it means the administration can find out who they are. Steve’s not so proud of himself anymore.

Kenny’s supposed to meet Valerie for some romance, but he doesn’t show. She calls him while he’s in the car with his wife and son, and he pretends his mom is calling. Donna complains to Kelly about the Alpha sisters’ attitudes toward Dani, which she wants to change. Good luck, Donna. Steve gives Brandon the news about his possible punishment, but Brandon’s too amused to be concerned. He notes that this is actually the third stupid stunt Steve has pulled, after taking Professor Randall’s baseball and the mess with the legacy key.

Kenny shows up at the Walshes’ house to see Valerie, pretending it’s all business so Brandon and Steve don’t get suspicious. As if anyone can get anything over on Brandon. Val refuses to see her boyfriend, which doesn’t make Brandon any less suspicious. Donna tracks down Dani to tell her that she has another chance to impress Alpha in an interview. Dani thinks it’s hopeless, though she would have liked to be known as a pretty girl instead of a jock. Donna offers to give her some beauty tips.

Brandon refuses to hand over the streaking tape to Chancellor Arnold, telling him that he should take the situation less seriously. Mark wants to cooperate with the administration, but Brandon has consulted an ACLU lawyer and wants to stand behind journalistic integrity. Mark’s in charge, though, so he agrees to hand it over. Brandon “offers” to “look” for the tape. The chancellor gives him 24 hours, threatening to shut down the station if he doesn’t come through. After he leaves, Brandon tells Mark that he needs to keep the tape to protect a friend. Mark blasts him for risking the station.

Kelly, David, and Jimmy leave Rosh Hashanah services together, discussing how the holiday is about absolution and forgiveness. By Yom Kippur, names are written in the Book of Life determining who will live and who will die. Yes, yes, Jimmy’s dying – we get it. On campus, Steve assures the pledges that Brandon will take care of everything. Cue Brandon arriving to tell him that he failed. Of course, Steve’s mad at him, but Brandon notes that it was his mess to clean up in the first place, not Brandon’s.

Valerie ambushes Kenny at his office to blast him for skipping their date the night before. He’ll be making up for that right now, thank you. Kelly and Donna give Dani a makeover, even as they recognize that it’s a little anti-feminist. (Though Donna notes that Oprah does this a lot.) They want to show that athletes can be glamorous. Clare meets Steve at the Peach Pit so he can…whine, I guess. I’m not sure why he wanted to see her. She tells him to apologize to her father. Steve’s worried that the streaking will bring down all the Greeks on campus.

Tracy praises Brandon for standing up to Mark, even though Mark’s right that he shouldn’t sacrifice the station for a friend. She offers to use a magnet to damage the tape. Brandon’s resigned to handing the tape over to the administration the next day. Kelly goes to the hospice to see Jimmy, who’s gotten very sick overnight. One of the hospice workers admits that he’s probably not going to make it through the rest of the day. Jimmy tells Kelly that someone must have written his name in the Book of Life in disappearing ink. He knows that his death was set in motion a long time ago, so he doesn’t seem scared. He’s also grateful to have someone with him so he won’t die alone.

Steve goes to Chancellor Arnold to turn himself in, but a secretary tells him he’ll have to wait: “He’s punishing someone else right now.” Brandon and Mark are in with him, so the chancellor tells the dean that those horrible male oppressors are about to get what’s coming to them. He plays the tape, but it just shows static. The chancellor says he’ll just have to tell the dean that the case can’t go forward – after all, everyone cooperated, so there’s nothing left to do. Brandon gives Steve the news that he can keep his mouth shut (though he should really tell him to keep his clothes on).

Donna takes the new, improved Dani back to the pledge deciders (just humor me); she’s all prettified and calling herself Danielle. This time, Ellen and the other snobs think she would make a great addition. If she’d just looked and acted like this the first time around, she wouldn’t have needed a second interview. Dani announces that another sorority already offered her a bid, and she’s accepting. Donna resigns as rush chair because she’s sick of working with people who only judge based on outward appearances.

At the café, Steve continues celebrating his lack of punishment with Brandon, Clare, and Tracy. “I almost told the truth for nothing!” he exclaims. Even Clare doesn’t seem to care anymore. After she and Steve leave, Tracy confirms to Brandon that she used a magnet on the tape after all. The two of them start flirting, so I guess Tracy is Brandon’s girlfriend this season. Poor girl. David visits Kelly at the beach apartment, where she’s mourning Jimmy’s death. He gives her a candle to light for him. Kelly admits that she’s mad at Jimmy for leaving her, but she knows she needs to forgive him. They light the candle together and pray for peace and comfort.

Thoughts: Kenny must be great in bed, because otherwise, I don’t get the appeal.

Ack, Kelly caught Donna’s navel-bearing-shirt disease!

Clare and Steve, BREAK UP! You fight more than you get along!

December 27, 2013

BH90210 7.4, Disappearing Act: Hey, Kids! Let’s Learn About AIDS!

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , at 12:52 pm by Jenn

What was Brandon's first clue that this was a bad idea?

What was Brandon’s first clue that this was a bad idea?

Summary: Kelly has arranged for Magical, Lesson-Teaching AIDS Patient Jimmy to perform a magic show, which the gang will be attending. Steve’s a jerk about spending time with someone who has AIDS. He also thinks the show will be depressing since it’s by a guy who’s dying. At the Peach Pit, Nat’s pretty cheery for a guy who has a newborn at home. Mel and David are there for breakfast, and also for father to give son a lecture about how important college is. David’s focused on his video career despite not having a contract. What Mel doesn’t know is that David isn’t going back to college for his last year.

Brandon works with Mark at the CU TV station, where they’re looking for a new anchor. Mark thinks they should base their hire off of more than just looks. What a concept! Valerie and Kenny discuss After Dark renovations; they appear to be dating, but they’re not very lovey-dovey. He’s concerned about an upcoming custody decision between him and his wife. Valerie promises that there are no strings attached in their relationship. Brandon and Mark view audition tapes, contemplating delaying their start date if they can’t find anyone. A girl named Tracy wants to try out despite having no experience. Brandon’s willing to give her a chance.

Kelly hangs out with Jimmy, still trying to make nice with Hal, the jerky hospice resident. She and Jimmy talk about photos, which she doesn’t carry around with her because she sees the people she cares about all the time. He thinks she should hold on to mementos to preserve her memories. While they’re cooking dinner together, Jimmy cuts himself and Kelly accidentally comes in contact with his blood. He assures her that the chances of her getting AIDS from his cut are extremely small, but she’s still shaken.

While, Tracy auditions for the TV station, David tries to get his foot back in the door as a video producer. This involves drinking and pretending to be his own agent. Brandon thinks Tracy did well with the audition, but Mark isn’t convinced. One of the cameramen is just happy with her nice legs. Someone cues the wrong tape, inserting footage of a monkey in a story about students going back to school, but Tracy improvises smoothly. Now Mark’s impressed. At the beach apartment, Kelly goes Lady Macbeth on her hands while spouting HIV stats at Donna. When Jimmy calls, suggesting that Kelly get tested by his doctor, she makes excuses for not going over to see him.

Valerie wants to go to dinner with Kenny, but he has to go to his son’s school for parents’ night. Val tries to get him to promise her (again) that he’s really going to leave his wife for her. He reminds her that she said she wouldn’t come between him and his family. She counters that he can’t use them to come between their relationship. Mel goes by the beach apartment to get something Erin left there, and chats with Donna about David and their falling-out. Donna decides to reveal that David lied about going back to college. He wants to focus on his career instead.

At the Walshes’ house, Steve teases Brandon about hiring a hot news anchor. Valerie gets flowers from Kenny, which is a totally predictable thing a married man would do for his mistress. Kelly stays up late looking at pictures and stressing over the blood incident. She tells Donna and Clare what happened, and they repeat what Jimmy said about the slim chance of her contracting AIDS. Donna suggests that Kelly talk to Dr. Martin for more reassurance. Kelly wonders why everyone’s telling her to see a doctor if she’s not in any danger. The next day, she goes to get tested, but the nurse notices that she has a rash that’s a symptom of AIDS. No, not really – it’s just a dream.

Kelly does go to get tested for real, running into Jimmy in the waiting room. He tries to offer her support, since he’s been tested multiple times, but she wants to be alone. Jimmy recognizes that she’s scared and says he wishes he’d been scared, too. When he and his partner were first tested, they were both negative, so they had unprotected sex. Unfortunately, it turned out that his partner wasn’t monogamous. Jimmy tells Kelly that it’s okay if she wants to distance herself from him, assuring her again that she probably isn’t infected.

Mark’s pleased with how well Brandon is taking to working on the news. Unfortunately, Tracy isn’t as prepared: She’s too nervous for her first broadcast. Kelly sees a doctor who tells her that she hasn’t actually been exposed to AIDS. Then he gives us a PSA. He’s more concerned about the fact that Kelly’s never been tested before, despite having multiple sexual partners and having dated an IV drug user. (She claims that Colin always used a condom, but I doubt that. Also, if she used needles herself, she has that to worry about. Okay, end PSA.)

Now Kenny wants to go to dinner with Valerie, and she’s dumb enough to think he’s sweet again. David shows Mel around his new place, dodging his father’s attempts to talk about college. Mel finally comes out and says that if David isn’t in school, he’s not getting any money. Brandon and Mark take Tracy out for a drink to relax her for her broadcast. Too bad she can’t hold her liquor. She admits that this is the first time she’s ever had a drink. The guys drag her back to the studio, but it’s not looking good.

Kelly continues freaking out about being infected, pointing out that she’s slept with a lot of guys whose HIV statuses she doesn’t know. She notes that Donna’s lucky to be a virgin. David continues the job search, still with no luck. Brandon and Mark put Tracy on camera, which is a horrible idea, but she somehow manages to pull it together and nail the broadcast. Kelly hears back from the doctor, and unsurprisingly, she’s negative for HIV. Now she can relax enough to enjoy Jimmy’s magic show (and maybe flirt with Mark).

David’s mad at Donna for telling Mel that he dropped out, and isn’t happy with her for questioning how much he’s drinking either. She tells him she only did what she thought was right. He easily forgives her, then tells her he’ll go back to school, even though he doesn’t want to. Jimmy’s show begins, and he calls on Steve as an audience participant. Commence close-up magic. After his first trick, Jimmy starts coughing, so Kelly rushes up to give him some water. It turns out to be part of a trick (sorry, GOB – illusion).

While Valerie meets Kenny in a hotel room, Kelly shows Jimmy high school pictures of the gang. She tells him that while she was waiting for her test results, she was mainly afraid of being left alone. She feels horrible for ditching Jimmy and promises not to do it again. He tells her that he’s packed up his own pictures because he only has a few days left. Tonight’s show was his swan song. Jimmy’s ready to let go of his memories, while Kelly now wants to hold on to all of hers. She takes a picture of the two of them together so she can keep her memory of Jimmy.

Thoughts: Wow, Jill Novick (Tracy) looks a lot like Lauren Graham.

Kelly’s sure been favoring overalls lately. And she’s paler than Jimmy. (Not to knock her for being pale. I’m super-freaking pale. I just think the makeup people should do something about making the guy who’s dying look paler than someone who isn’t.)

Brandon starts calling Tracy “Trace” right away. I hate that. Don’t give someone a nickname five minutes after you’ve met.

Mark and David’s house has a cabana? Why?

Drunk Tracy is my new favorite character.

December 22, 2013

BH90210 7.3, A Mate for Life: Shine Bright Like a Diamond

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , at 4:53 pm by Jenn

Way to go! You procreated! P.S. Donna, is that really appropriate attire for a maternity ward? Or anywhere, for that matter?

Way to go! You procreated! P.S. Donna, is that really appropriate attire for a maternity ward? Or anywhere, for that matter?

Summary: Brandon and Steve are at the airport to pick up Joan’s daughter, Lily, for Nat and Joan’s wedding. Yes, Joan, who’s pregnant, has a college-age daughter. Lily first attaches herself to Steve, then switches to Brandon when she finds out that Steve has a girlfriend. Donna and David run into each other outside the Peach Pit; David has all his stuff in his car and explains that he’s moving in with Mark. David and Donna were supposed to film the wedding, and though David doesn’t want to, Donna won’t let him back out.

Apparently it’s already two weeks from Joan’s due date, so the timeline in this series is all screwed up. Steve confirms that Lily made it into town; apparently she’s the only one of Joan’s three kids who could come to the wedding. In the After Dark, Valerie discusses with Kenny all the changes she plans to make once she has her loan. Ultimately, she wants to sell and make a profit. Kenny thinks she should hold on to it and go for a franchise.

Lily checks into the Bel Age Hotel and immediately strips to take a shower. Yeah, I’d say she wants Brandon. They talk about how she’s a dancer, supposedly a ballerina, but the way she spins around the bedpost in just her underwear gives a different impression. Kelly works at the AIDS hospice, where one of the patients does some magic tricks. One of the other patients complains about how cheerful the volunteers at the hospice are. David moves into Mark’s awesome house, suggesting that they use it as a video location, which would help them cover their rent.

The gang helps set up for the wedding (which is at the beach club), because why hire professionals when college students can do it for free? Steve tries to enlist Brandon to help him throw Nat a bachelor party, but Brandon has to keep an eye on Lily all weekend. Clare makes a remark about not wanting to get married, which leads to bickering between her and Steve, just like EVERY SINGLE OTHER THING IN THE WORLD DOES. Please kill me.

Valerie spots Kenny with his wife and young kids, and decides, for some reason, to introduce herself. Mrs. Bannerman admires Val’s tennis bracelet, which Kenny probably bought for her. Kenny questions why Val is being so friendly, but she points out that they supposedly have nothing to hide (after all, he told her that Mrs. Bannerman wouldn’t care if he dated someone else). Donna’s jealous when she sees how much fun David’s having at his new house, with his new hot friends.

Kelly chats with the magician patient, Jimmy, telling him that she’s not completely sure why she chose the hospice for her internship. He advises her to just do what she needs for her credits and not try to connect too much with the patients. She notes that he looks healthier than a lot of the other hospice patients. He tells her it’s one of his illusions. Jimmy’s much closer to the end of his life than anyone would expect.

Lily takes Brandon to what he thought was a regular old dancing club, but what’s actually a place where only the women dance. In little to no clothing. Yep, she’s a stripper. (And can I say, Lily Diamond? Perfect stripper name.) Brandon gets even more uncomfortable when they see Nat and Steve there. Lily doesn’t keep her profession much of a secret. Kelly and Jimmy chat more, this time about Nat and Joan’s wedding. Jimmy confides that he was married once, but he doesn’t want to talk about his husband right now. Kelly’s all, “We’re going to be BFFs!” Jimmy’s all, “You know I’m dying, right?”

Brandon escorts Lily back to her hotel room, assuring her that Nat will most likely keep quiet about her profession to Joan, since he’d have to admit that he was at a strip club. Brandon doesn’t know why Lily doesn’t just tell her mother what she does. I guess he doesn’t get why a mother might not want to hear that her daughter gets paid to take her clothes off for strangers. Lily’s happy that Brandon doesn’t judge her for being a stripper, and she’d like to express her gratitude by taking him to bed.

Steve discusses Clare’s anti-marriage stance with Valerie, as if anyone cares at all about this. They notice that Brandon didn’t come home the night before. Donna gets news that MZA has officially cut her and David loose. The beach apartment residents let Joan (who’s an overnight guest there) sleep in, but Nat gets up early and goes to work. Steve teases Brandon for scoring with Lily, as if he’s not jealous. The guys try to get Nat to shift from work mode to wedding mode. It’s really cheesy, and Steve manages to teleport from the counter area to the kitchen in two seconds.

Lily helps Joan get ready for the wedding, telling her mother that she really likes her stepfather-to-be. (Really, I think she just likes him because he’s not going to tell Joan that she’s a stripper.) Clare gets emotional seeing them together, since she won’t get to celebrate her own wedding day with her own mother. Joan tells her that her mom’s looking down on her with love, blah blah blah, can we please get on with things?

People start gathering for the ceremony, and Valerie mentions to Kelly that a) Brandon’s been spending a lot of time with Lily, and b) he didn’t come home the night before. Thanks, Val! You’re dating a married man! David claims he doesn’t care that MZA dropped him and Donna, since he can get a new contract somewhere else. She tells him she won’t be working with him again. The ceremony starts, but of course, as in any televised wedding where the bride is pregnant, Joan’s water breaks.

Joan is rushed to the hospital, but she refuses to deliver before she’s married. The minister marries them in the hospital hallway. Conveniently, the contractions stop long enough for Nat and Joan to say their vows. The baby’s born while the gang has the wedding reception in the waiting room. It’s a boy, and his name is Francesco, or Frankie for short. (If only they were giving him Joan’s last name – how cool would a kid named Frankie Diamond be?) Nat gives a speech about how he thought he would never have a family, but now he does, but the gang is also his family, and blah blah blah, the circle of life.

Clare gets upset and runs off, but Steve follows to try to get her to talk about what she’s feeling. He admits that weddings make him think about his parents’ divorce. Clare tells him that she’s worried of losing someone she loves, since she’s already lost his mom. However, Nat’s speech made her decide that she needs to let herself love so she doesn’t end up alone. Brandon takes Lily to the airport, where they agree that this was just a one-time thing. Lily admits that she was once married for three weeks, which sounds about right.

Kenny surprises Valerie at the After Dark, where she confronts him for still being with his wife. He assures her that they’re getting a divorce; he’s just keeping his relationship with Val a secret so Mrs. Bannerman can’t use it against him. He also tells Valerie that he’s falling in love with her. David and Donna are awkward with each other, but I guess still friends? Honestly, I don’t know what the point of that scene was. Brandon and Steve talk about having families in the future, and Steve jokingly proposes. Hey, you can’t go wrong with a backup plan.

Brandon, Donna, David, and Steve watch the new Bussichio family together while Kelly takes leftover wedding cake to the hospice. Jimmy questions her about her love life, which is just an excuse for her to talk about Brandon. There’s also some griping about Valerie, and Jimmy advises Kelly not to let Val get to her. She needs to try to keep sadness out of her life so she can enjoy things. After all, life’s short, and who would know that better than our magical, lesson-teaching AIDS patient?

Thoughts: Jimmy is played by Michael Stoyanov, who was Anthony on Blossom. Whoa! Wait, wrong brother.

I wish they hadn’t sped up Joan’s pregnancy – we totally missed getting to see everyone find out, and Nat having a crisis over becoming a father.

Also, why did they wait so long to get married? Who waits until week 38 of a pregnancy? You had nine months! (Well, supposedly.)

I’m not sure if Valerie’s messy hair is a styling choice or if she lost her hairbrush.

Can we go one episode without Clare talking about her mom? Even Joey Potter could manage that once in a while.

Kenny: “You don’t like surprises?” Valerie: “I’d like a little advance notice.” That’s the complete opposite of a surprise, Val.

December 16, 2013

BH90210 7.2, Here We Go Again: All the Sanders Boys Are Dolts

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , at 8:49 pm by Jenn


This is Steve’s serious face. How can you still be mad when he gets that serious?

Summary: Brandon’s back from Southernville just in time for a reunion at the beach club (though he doesn’t want to attend). Steve, Clare, and Valerie welcome him home; Val is on her way to meet with Kenny again. David and Donna meet up at the beach club, talking about a childhood memory that couldn’t have happened because they didn’t meet until they were in high school. Donna spots a guy named Casey who she used to have a crush on. David turns on jerk mode, still mad that she doesn’t want to work for MZA anymore. Donna decides to try her chances with Casey instead.

Ugh, Ryan and Austin are back. Steve and Kelly reminisce about their days at the beach club when they were younger; he’s especially fond of the memory of them hooking up. She doesn’t seem to think of it as being as special as he does. After she leaves, Steve has a flashback to “Spring Dance,” when he was a jerk to her and then whined that she never said she cared about him. He tells Clare that he and Kelly were just talking about old times, casually mentioning that they slept together. This is news to Clare, and not good news.

Kenny’s sure that Valerie won’t have any trouble getting the money she needs, so instead of talking business, he wants to play tennis. On her way to start her internship at the AIDS hospice, Kelly runs into David and his friend Mark, who’s the program director at CU’s TV station. He wants to work with Brandon on something, because everyone loves Brandon and wants to do stuff with him. Kelly and David are clearly attracted to each other, by the way.

Donna reunites with Casey, and they plan to meet up again at a dance that night. David puts on his jealous face. After their tennis game, Valerie and Kenny make small talk, and he reveals that he’s married but separated from his wife. He wants Val to come to dinner with him, because I guess that’s the only place she can sign papers for her bank loan. Poor dear must not have a desk! Brandon goes by the hospice to say hi to Kelly, which, I’m sorry, is not normal and must mean he’s still in love with her. Sigh.

Brandon then goes to the beach club and meets up with Clare; she’s mad that she was the only person who didn’t know about Kelly and Steve’s history. She notes that their group of friends is pretty “incestuous.” Brandon firmly denies that Steve could still have feelings for Kelly, but Clare isn’t so sure. She pulls Steve away from a poker game, orders him to take her home, and demands details about his relationship with Kelly. He tells her to stop making a big deal out of nothing and goes back to his game.

Kenny goes to the Walshes’ house with Valerie, again mentioning his marriage and how it’ll soon be over. He’s sure that his wife wouldn’t care that he’s hanging out with Val. He notices the end of one of her joints but is totally cool with her doing drugs. Why am I supposed to care about this guy? Ryan, Austin, some girl, bleh. Mark approaches Brandon to be the TV station’s news director; Brandon wanted to work for the Condor again (though I thought he was done with that), but is willing to consider Mark’s pitch. Kelly arrives and dances with Mark.

Ryan and Austin try to spy on a girl while she’s changing but see her mom instead. They deserved that. Donna and Casey dance and flirt while David continues wearing his jealous face. He accuses her of wanting out of their business partnership because she really wants to see other guys. He complains that she’s ignoring him while he’s in a bad mood, but she points out that she’s tried to cheer him up and he’s the one who’s been ignoring her.

Brandon tells Kelly about his time in Southernville, and how he changed Mariah’s life and sent her off to her true purpose and is a hero for our time and deserves a medal. They discuss Clare and Steve’s fight, and it turns out Kelly’s on Clare’s side. Steve asks her to stay out of it, but Kelly doesn’t want Clare to be mad at her. After she leaves, Steve confides in Brandon something that no one else knows, including Kelly. Meanwhile, Ryan and Austin are still pervs. What did I do to deserve this?

Valerie and Kenny go to dinner and bore me some more. Then there’s kissing. Back at the club, David crashes Donna and Casey’s conversation, refusing to leave when they ask him to. Steve has to break up a fight between Ryan and Austin. Clare sees him yelling at them for trying to spy on a girl, telling them to respect women because he learned how important that is the hard way. With that plus a conversation she had with Kelly, Clare’s now okay with Steve. Kenny and Valerie make plans to meet up at the beach club the next day.

Steve finds Kelly and reminds her of their fight at the spring dance in tenth grade. He admits that the night they had sex at the beach club was his first time. Afterward, he was upset that it wasn’t as big a deal for her as it was for him, so he got back at her by spreading rumors that she was a slut. Steve’s responsible for the bad reputation she had in high school. Kelly’s furious with him, since she still has to deal with the repercussions. She won’t accept his apology.

The next morning, Brandon is optimistic that Kelly will get over the fight, which Steve feels really bad about. Valerie’s aware of the whole situation and remarks to Brandon that if Steve hadn’t started calling her a slut, someone else would have. Brandon tells her to leave Kelly alone. Then he practically calls her a slut for starting a relationship with Kenny. Thank you, as always, for your help, Brandon.

At the beach club, Steve tries to smooth things over with Kelly, but she won’t talk to him. He reminds her that he’s a different person now. She says she is, too. Steve regrets telling her the truth. Kelly runs into Valerie and Kenny, who tells Val that Kelly used to babysit for his son. David goes to the beach apartment to make up with Donna, but it’s all awkward. They realize that getting back together isn’t working out, and they’re better off as friends.

Kelly mopes on the beach, flashing back to when Steve apologized to her at the spring dance. She forgave him then, by the way. Steve tracks her down to apologize again, and this time Kelly reminds him that they said they loved each other at the dance. She’s actually glad that he was honest with her. Now everything’s okay, yay! Not for Val, though – she spotted Kenny’s wife’s bathing suit in their cabana, and now she feels uncomfortable. Kenny tries to cheer her up with a $10,000 personal loan to hold her over until her bank loan comes through.

Kelly and Steve participate in an egg toss together, so I guess their friendship really is back on track. She tells Brandon that she appreciates how strongly their group of friends is connected, but she did like being alone over the summer. She wonders if she and Brandon will ever be back on the same page. He tells her that they’ll know if it happens. Yeah, because they’ll hear me screaming.

Thoughts: Casey is played by Eddie Cibrian. He looks a lot like Dean Cain here.

Clare, you must chill. YOU MUST. I can’t take another season of her and Steve fighting and making up in every single episode.

Kelly, you need to chill, too. I get being upset about what Steve did, but he really was sorry.

Valerie smokes pot in her bedroom so Brandon can’t get judgy, but she leaves the end of the joint sitting out in the living room. Huh?

I can’t see Val dating someone with a kid. I also think she’d be smarter about the red flags Kenny’s throwing off.

December 8, 2013

BH90210 7.1, Remember the Alamo: To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Love, Brandon Walsh

Posted in TV tagged , , , , at 3:10 pm by Jenn

This is basically the whole show in a nutshell: Brandon stands up for the little guy, even though he's not much bigger than the little guy

This is basically the whole show in a nutshell: Brandon stands up for the little guy, even though he’s not much bigger than the little guy

Summary: David and Donna are wrapping up a video shoot on the beach. The band wants to leave already, and David and Donna argue over what to do about them. David thinks they need to treat lightly; the band is MZA’s biggest act, and if they screw things up, their careers as producers could be over before they really start. At the beach apartment, Kelly welcomes Clare home from her summer vacation overseas. Kelly’s spent the summer in school, and Brandon and Steve have gone on the road trip Brandon and Susan were supposed to take.

Thanks to car troubles, Brandon and Steve are now stuck somewhere very southern and will be delayed in getting to the Alamo. Some rednecks hassle them. Steve’s annoyed that their journey home will also be delayed, which means an additional day without Clare. Brandon sends him home, and Steve asks him to keep quiet so he can surprise Clare. Brandon calls Valerie to tell her about the car problems (and also make sure she’s been paying the bills so he has a house to come home to). The After Dark isn’t doing well, so Valerie has set up a meeting with a CPA from Jim’s office. What Brandon doesn’t know is that Val has started smoking pot again.

Brandon goes to a library and chats with a girl about getting information on the Alamo. She calls him “sir” because it’s the south. Kelly and Clare catch up at a salon, expositioning that Clare went to Switzerland, and that Kelly has to intern at a care facility for one of her classes. Valerie shows up, and it’s clear that she and Kelly didn’t spend the summer strengthening their relationship. Speaking of relationships gone south, Ballen was reassigned, so he and Valerie aren’t together. Clare reveals that she’s heading to San Antonio that night to surprise Steve.

Brandon chats more with the girl at the library, suddenly realizing that she’s pretty. She’s also African-American, and another librarian disapproves of her talking to a white guy. Because apparently this is 1956, not 1996. Awesomely, the girl (Mariah) won’t stand for the librarian’s unjustified anger toward her, and she decides to quit. Brandon offers to buy Mariah lunch so he won’t feel so badly about contributing to her unemployment. The rednecks from earlier see them together and aren’t happy.

Valerie meets with Kenny Bannerman, the CPA, to discuss getting money so she can revitalize the After Dark. Donna’s assigned to keep an eye on a band member, Taz, at the beach apartment while the rest of the crew films. The guy is a Billy Idol reject who recognizes Kelly from her brief modeling days. Donna enlists Kelly to come back to the shoot with them so Taz will cooperate. Back in Southernville, Brandon and Mariah talk about traveling and relationships and Mariah’s desire to write a book about angels. They’re both boring.

The video shoot continues; it involves large alphabet blocks and people in weird, furry masks. Taz is distracted by Kelly, and David blasts Donna for bringing her along. Donna’s equally mad over him blaming her for Taz’s laziness, and she screams at Taz to get back to work. (It’s possibly the most awesome Donna has ever been and ever will be.) At the Walshes’, Valerie has a happy reunion with Steve, then realizes that Clare’s already on her way to surprise him in Texas. He’s afraid that Clare will get mad at him for not being there, so he decides to go back and meet her in Texas.

The redneck mechanics won’t work on Brandon’s car, and when Brandon confronts them, the racial slurs come out. Brandon tries to stand up for Mariah, but he’s way shorter than the rednecks, so that’s not going to go anywhere. Mariah pulls him away before things can get physical, then decides to leave so Brandon doesn’t have to deal with more bigotry. But we all know he doesn’t roll like that.

Back in Beverly Hills, there’s a wrap party for the video, and Nat and Joan attend, for some reason. Taz is still way too interested in Kelly. Valerie invites the band to play at the After Dark, but Taz ignores her. He loses interest in Kelly when she tells him she’ll be interning at an AIDS hospice. The discussion turns to Steve and Clare, and Kelly reports that Clare is on her way back to Beverly Hills. Steve can’t get back to Texas anyway because of heavy winds, so he and Clare are unknowingly stuck in the same airport.

David and Donna make up at the wrap party, though he’s worried that no one from MZA is there. Eric’s secretary arrives and tells them that Eric has been let go. David and Donna’s contracts are up for review in two weeks, and now that their boss is gone, this could be it for them at MZA. Mariah takes Brandon to her place for dinner and they continue to be boring. He admits that he doesn’t want to work on the Condor anymore because of Susan. Mariah decides to cheer him up with a trip to a bar to hear blues music.

At the bar, Brandon meets Mariah’s ex-boyfriend Daniel, who doesn’t like her hanging out with a white boy. Though Mariah decides that they should leave, she does tell Daniel that since they’re not together anymore, she can hang out with anyone she wants. Daniel still won’t let it go, so Mariah tells him he’s just as bad as the white rednecks in town. Steve and Clare spend the night at the airport, not seeing each other until the morning. Cue cheesy-rom-com-running-toward-each-other montage.

In Southernville, Brandon’s car is almost ready, so Mariah tries to rush him along. But it’s not because of all the conflict the two of them have been getting into: It’s because she wants to take a bus to New York and start her life as a writer. Kenny calls Valerie to discuss business, though he clearly would like to turn things personal. I guess we’re supposed to think that she likes him, but I have no idea why she would.

David bugs Donna to go with him to MZA and find out what’s going on with their jobs. Donna wants to relax since they’ve been working so hard. They don’t know what’s going to happen anyway, so why get stressed out? Donna’s fine with just being thankful for the experience and going back to school. David, however, wants to keep working, and isn’t pleased when she tells him she’s done with their partnership.

Brandon and Mariah say their goodbyes, and she basically says he’s an angel because he somehow convinced her to go to New York. Except he didn’t, really, and she basically could have left at any time. But it wouldn’t be this show without Brandon getting the credit for being someone’s hero. The rednecks are watching, so Brandon kisses Mariah before heading back to his boring life in Beverly Hills, where he’ll hopefully find another downtrodden soul to champion.

Thoughts: For those not familiar with To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Love, Julie Newmar, the inspiration for my post title, it’s pretty much just like this episode. Just substitute Brandon for Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes, and John Leguizamo; racism for homophobia; and Mariah’s dream of being a writer for…I don’t know, lots of stuff.

One of the rednecks asks if Steve and Brandon are gay, and Brandon replies, “Sorry, I couldn’t hear you – he had his tongue in my ear.” One point to Brandon.

Taz’s band is called Bad Cow. That’s kind of awesome.

Steve and Clare, you were only apart for three weeks. Calm down.

Kenny is totally creepy. Like, I can imagine Valerie opening her curtains and seeing him staring into her room.