August 11, 2013

BH90210 6.13, Courting: Gossip Girl

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , , at 12:56 pm by Jenn

"Dear Diary: Today I was awesome. Just like yesterday. Tomorrow, I plan to be even more awesome. Ha ha, like that's possible!"

“Dear Diary: Today I was awesome. Just like yesterday. Tomorrow, I plan to be even more awesome. Ha ha, like that’s possible!”

Summary: Kelly and Colin take Erin to eat at the Peach Pit before Kelly goes to court to support Donna. David thinks he should skip the trial and look after his sister, but Valerie’s sure she’ll be fine with Colin. Brandon and Susan arrive, and Valerie tells David that Brandon and Kelly hooked up while Susan and Colin were out of town for Thanksgiving. David advises her to keep that to herself. The trial requires Donna and her adorable dress to skip a trip with the other Rose Court finalists, because apparently that’s STILL GOING ON. But hey, at least she has Joe.

Brandon reports on the trial for the Condor, using a tiny, very ’90s laptop. The gang arrives as Joe’s lawyer dodges questions from the press about how the trial will affect Joe’s football career. The prosecutor offers a deal that would give Joe a suspended sentence and community service. Joe won’t take it since he can’t play football if he pleads guilty. Valerie sees Brandon and Kelly chatting and tries to convince David that it means something. David accepts that Kelly spent the night at the Walshes’, but that doesn’t mean she and Brandon had sex.

Ray shows up for the trial with LuAnn, and there are some awkward looks exchanged with Donna. Felice also comes to support her daughter. Kelly calls Colin to check on Erin, who’s having fun painting with him in the park. (Colin has younger brothers, so he’s used to taking care of kids.) Well, at least she’s having fun until she gets sad about missing her family. Donna testifies in court, and like her deposition, her explanation of what happened on Halloween makes Joe sound like the instigator. Suddenly, the defense attorney remembers how to lawyer, and the truth about Ray’s violent behavior comes out.

Brandon tells Steve that Colin got up early that morning to practice, even though he might not be allowed to play football anymore. Steve wants to take bets on the outcome of the trial, but Brandon has to remain impartial. Colin continues doing art with Erin, this time painting her portrait. She’s slowly turning into a handful. Brandon calls Susan to discuss his story, and she tells him the AP wants to pick it up, since he can get to the defendant. However, Joe’s lawyer doesn’t want him talking to the press.

Joe testifies, but has to admit that Ray didn’t injure Donna – in fact, Ray was the only person hurt. LuAnn’s all smug. Valerie is next called to the stand, which Kelly finds funny, since Valerie hardly ever helps other people. Val testifies as a witness to Ray and Donna’s fight in Palm Springs. After court, the gang goes to the Walshes’ house for dinner; Steve wants a celebration, but David doesn’t want to jump the gun. Valerie tells Brandon that she knows they hooked up on Thanksgiving. He basically tells her to stop talking before he ditches her as a friend.

Joe practices again the next morning, and Brandon meets him there to try to discuss the trial. Joe is extremely optimistic, saying that everything happens for a reason. He’s sure that things will work out in his favor. Everyone returns to court, and Donna’s nervous, but Felice thinks that Valerie’s testimony tipped the scales in Joe’s favor. Brandon corners Ray to plead with him to stop making himself out to be the victim, since the real victim is Donna. He needs to tell the truth and get the trial to end.

Donna is surprised to be recalled to the stand and questioned about the incident in Palm Springs. The prosecutor gets her to admit that she lied in her hospital admission form, saying that she fell. Since she lied to protect her former boyfriend, maybe she’s lying now to protect her new boyfriend. Donna feels horrible for possibly hindering Joe’s freedom, but he doesn’t blame her. Colin’s still on Erin duty, and Valerie finds it impressive, considering…

The next time Colin sees Kelly, he accuses her of cheating on him with Brandon. She admits to spending the night at the Walshes’, but nothing else. Colin doesn’t believe her, and the fact that he believes Valerie instead is pretty ridiculous. Through this whole fight, Erin has been in the bathroom, getting ready for a bath, so of course she falls into the tub and almost drowns. Colin gives her CPR and revives her.

Susan is so super-proud of her boyfriend on his first syndicated story. He’s totally going to be the next Edward R. Murrow because he’s smart and talented and can cook a perfect soufflé and his breath always smells like daisies. Also, he’s honest. Brandon decides to beat Valerie to the punch by telling Susan that Kelly spent the night at his house, but nothing happened. He didn’t sleep with Kelly because of his feelings for Susan. She’s not sure he’s telling the complete truth. Now that Colin’s saved Erin, he somehow no longer cares about what may or may not have happened between Kelly and Brandon, so they’re good.

Back to court for the third day of the trial. Kelly blasts Valerie for spreading gossip, warning that her behavior will get her in trouble one day. Ray is cross-examined, and poor Felice and Dr. Martin have to listen to him lie that he never hurt Donna. By which he means not on purpose. He says that if he ever hurt her, it was only because he loved her. Joe’s lawyer gets Ray to admit what really happened on Halloween. Now LuAnn isn’t so smug anymore. The case is quickly dismissed.

The prosecutor offers to put Ray in jail if Donna will testify against him. Instead, Donna tells Ray about the offer and just says he needs to try harder in his next relationship. Um, what? Brandon goes home to finish up his story, and Valerie admits that she told Colin about Thanksgiving. She asks forgiveness, claiming that she doesn’t gossip to hurt people. He basically tells her what Donna told Ray: “Don’t do it again.”

Speaking of Ray, he comes by the house to thank Brandon for setting him straight. Because Brandon is awesome and perfect and a hero, and if he’d been at the beach apartment when Erin almost drowned, he would have saved her in one breath, then flown her to the hospital like Superman. And when she got back, he would have baked a chocolate cake for her and rented out Disneyland so she could ride on all the rides as much as she wanted. Anyway, Ray’s going to leave town.

The day of the Rose Court final announcement, the gang gathers in Pasadena and discusses how Steve’s been taking bets. He may or may not have gotten a girl’s mother to bet against her. Donna’s friend Lisa is crowned Rose Queen, and though the gang is disappointed that Donna didn’t win, Donna’s thrilled just to be there. Joe thinks she would have done better if she hadn’t been distracted by the trial. Donna tells him and her parents that she wouldn’t change anything. Then we end on Brandon finishing his story, because it’s ALWAYS ABOUT BRANDON.

Thoughts: Of course Brandon saves the day. OF COURSE.

I think Erin may have been aged, probably because they needed someone to have conversations with Colin. She’s…not very good, though. Her eyes are open when Colin starts to give her CPR! Also, I think she might have fake eyelashes.

I used to proofread legal transcripts for a living, which gave me the ability to spot believable courtroom scenes, and the ones in this episode are believable (unlike Donna’s deposition in the last episode). There’s one big screw-up, though: At the end of the trial, the judge dismisses the jury…but there was no jury. Oops!

Thanks for being a completely useless Greek chorus, Steve and Clare. Keep up the great work!

May 27, 2013

BH90210 5.31, P.S. I Love You, Part 1: Parental Guidance Suggested

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , at 4:30 pm by Jenn

That awkward moment when you're about to hook up with a girl who's practically your sister, and your parents have something to say about it

That awkward moment when you’re about to hook up with a girl who’s practically your sister, and your parents have something to say about it

Summary: Road trip! Steve’s going to Palm Springs. At a red light, he spots a woman in a pink hat and is instantly smitten. He and Rush are in town for a frat/sorority convention, and the senior Sanders has already found a blind date for the junior Sanders. Brandon wants to skip out on the convention (which makes sense since he’s not in a frat), but Steve wants him to come to Palm Springs so he’ll stop sitting around and moping about his parents moving and Kelly turned down his proposal. Brandon doesn’t think he can leave, since he’s helping his parents move, but Steve encourages him to come down.

Kelly brings the Walshes a going-away present (a cheesy-looking palm tree), and they encourage her to chat with Brandon. Kelly in turn encourages Brandon to go to Palm Springs. She also doesn’t want them to break up just because they’re not getting married. Valerie shows up to mention that she’s on her way to see Dylan. She taunts Kelly for breaking two guys’ hearts at once. Clare and David help Donna write the speech she’ll give at the convention, though the two of them don’t get the appeal of sororities. Kelly will also be going to the convention, though she’ll be late and won’t tell her friends why.

Ray writes a mopey song, telling LuAnn he’s been thinking about her divorce from his father. He knows Mr. Pruit used to push her around. LuAnn corrects that he hit her, then gave excuses for his behavior and tried to apologize. Ray tells her he was mean to Donna, and she encourages him to make up with her. Valerie finds Dylan packing for a trip to Hawaii to see Iris and Erica. She’ll be staying behind to “be there for” Brandon (Dylan gets the euphemism). Charlie’s supposed to take Dylan to the airport, but he really wants to get him to cancel the trip. He’s found a paragliding company that wants to put up some money for their movie (which…has a paragliding scene).

The Walshes go to the Peach Pit for what will be Jim and Cindy’s last dinner there. Nat’s sad to see Jim go since he’s always been helpful with the diner. Brandon and Valerie will be living in the house and dealing with possible buyers until it’s sold. Donna works more on her speech but is interrupted by a serenade from Ray. He tells her she wasn’t the only one who was scared by his behavior. Donna’s willing to take him back if he comes to the convention in Palm Springs. And now we know that if you get in a fight with your girlfriend, you just have to write her a song.

Jim and Cindy are gone (‘bye, Jim and Cindy), so Brandon and Valerie are alone to contend with late-night visits from potential buyers. Ironically, one family is moving from Hong Kong. Brandon and Valerie decide to go to Palm Springs after all. She tries to proposition him, telling him she’s going to bed, but not to sleep. Kelly goes to the burn clinic to retrieve Alison; a nurse mistakes her for Alison’s girlfriend. Alison, who looks 100 times better, will be staying at the beach apartment temporarily.

Steve and Rush play tennis with Steve’s blind date, Robin, and her father. Brandon and Valerie show up, and Steve complains about being set up with Robin. Brandon doesn’t see what he has to complain about. Steve says all the girls Rush has set him up with have had baggage. Brandon thinks he has it worse since he had to share a house with Valerie, knowing she was next door, waiting for him to join her. They get some refreshment from Muntz’s margarita/sloe gin fizz backpack server.

Donna and Ray are next to arrive in Palm Springs. He’s in a bad mood, shockingly enough. Felice is also there and notes that Donna will be busy, so Ray might not have much to do. Once everyone’s arrived at the hotel, there’s a pool party, and Ray attends, even though he hates fun. Brandon’s drunk on Muntz’s booze and jumps in the pool with his clothes on. He and Steve goof around. Robin asks Valerie if the two of them are always like this, then pretty much asks if Steve is gay. (Fair question, considering how he and Brandon are playing.)

Robin gets on some guy’s shoulders, and Brandon declares a chicken fight. Donna participates, which doesn’t amuse Ray. Felice complains to him about Donna’s skimpy bathing suit, the first thing she and Ray have ever been on the same page about. She asks him to talk to Donna about wearing more appropriate clothing. Ray grabs a towel and tells his girlfriend to get out of the pool. Brandon and Steve decide they need to get out, too, before Valerie and Robin make a move. Muntz gives them a good excuse – they need to get more beer.

Back from a day of paragliding, Dylan complains to Charlie about the footage they shot. Charlie has another potential backer; they just have to give the guy’s girlfriend a part in the movie. Brandon and Steve go on a beer run, which Brandon points out they’re doing instead of hanging out with hot girls in bikinis. Steve says he’s just not into Robin. He spots his pink-hatted “goddess,” and he and Brandon spend some time checking her out.

Back in Beverly Hills, Kelly and Alison have dinner at the beach apartment while David and Clare spy on them. David wonders why Kelly turned down her two boyfriends for Alison. Kelly figures out that they think she and Alison are on a date. She addresses Alison’s crush on her and is trying to let her down when Alison announces that she’s in love with her.

The convention-goers also have dinner, and Felice now approves of Donna’s attire. Brandon’s still drunk and heckles Rush that Sonny Bono (the scheduled speaker) isn’t going to show up. “He has no sense of punctuality, and he never could carry a tune!” he yells. Steve kicks him out, sending him off without a sorely needed babysitter. Brandon winds up at the hot tub, making Valerie very happy.

Alison asks Kelly why she didn’t tell her roommates she was coming. Kelly isn’t sure. She’s concerned that Alison still sees them as a potential couple. Alison tells her “it’s [lesbianism, I guess] one of those things [she’ll] never know” unless she tries. They’ll miss each other when Kelly goes to Palm Springs. As Brandon prepares to join Valerie in the hot tub, he hallucinates his parents shaming him for being irresponsible and self-destructive. Cindy goes all Felice, saying he’s having “impure thoughts” about someone who’s practically family. Val catches him talking to “himself.”

Ray continues being grumpy but cheers up when Donna invites him to swing by her room. Steve apologizes to Robin for ignoring her, and she commiserates over having a parent who always wants to fix her up with guys she doesn’t like. Steve’s about to kiss her when he learns that their fathers are working on a business deal together. Brandon makes it to the hot tub, but he and Valerie don’t have much time alone before the rest of the convention-goers show up. Dylan and Charlie go to meet a guy named Tom Rose, who has bodyguards and a New York accent, and works in “vending machines,” according to Charlie. Dylan knows this means Rose is really a mobster.

Donna and Ray go horseback-riding (the only thing he wanted to do in Palm Springs), and he’s not ready to go back when she is. He blasts her for making him do all sorts of things with all sorts of people he didn’t want to be with, then not hanging out with him. He’s also mad about her bathing suit. She tells him she got it because she thought he would like it. She’ll dress differently, but she can’t miss her mother’s panel, so they have to go back. Ray taunts that she dresses the way she does to get attention from other guys. She’s totally asking for it.

Thoughts: Kelly wears suspenders over a white belly polo shirt. I didn’t even know they made shirts that horrible.

Dylan, get that fuzz off your lip and never grow a mustache again.

Steve uses a fake ID to buy beer. There are a ton of people at the convention – why doesn’t someone legal buy it? And should Steve be running this risk when he’s already had legal trouble?

Brandon, failing to fight the urge to look at Steve’s “goddess”: “If I turn into a pillar of salt, just use me for margaritas.” Drunk Brandon is kind of funny.

Forgive me for sounding like Felice, but there are entirely too many exposed navels in this episode.

May 13, 2013

BH90210 5.28, Girls on the Side: Everybody Loves Kelly

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , at 9:38 pm by Jenn

It's a picture of a picture. Trippy, right?

It’s a picture of a picture. Trippy, right?

Summary: Donna’s trying to tan at the beach apartment, but Kelly ruins her good times by lecturing her about the hazards of the sun. Donna tries to get her to go swimming, thinking she’s had her burns bandaged for too long. Kelly gets a package from Seventeen containing a framed copy of her cover. Ray drives back to Beverly Hills from Reno and reunites with LuAnn, who’s surprised that Valerie went all the way to Reno to get him to come home. Ray invites her to see him perform at the After Dark the next night. He also asks her to keep Valerie’s visit a secret from Donna.

Brandon is about to go to Sacramento for some conference. Pretend to care. Cindy’s excited to bring home a copy of Seventeen with Kelly’s cover. Kelly’s not as excited, since all the agents who want to work with her don’t know about her burn scars. Brandon explains that Kelly’s upset that she’ll never look like she did when she shot the cover. Then he calms her down by making out with her.

Dylan’s also appreciative of Kelly’s cover, which bugs Charlie, since he wants them to get some work done on their screenplay. Valerie joins the writers as Dylan asks why Charlie’s added a threesome to the movie. Charlie claims it’s an homage to the classic movie Jules and Jim, but it’s really just a way for the writers to hit us over the head with the concept of a woman being in love with two men. You know, like Kelly is with Brandon and Dylan.

Clare notices that Ray and David are getting along, which Donna attributes to their time in Portland. They all head to the Peach Pit, where Ray and Valerie pretend that they didn’t just talk in Reno. Kelly continues to turn down offers from agents, then calls Jackie to tell her to stop giving out her number. She has a flashback to being trapped in the bathroom with Alison. She’s so upset that she breaks the framed cover.

Jesse gets a job offer in Idaho, so I guess he and Andrea won’t be around much longer. Try to contain your sadness. Kelly meets with Jackie and Steve, who have teamed up to convince her to meet an agent. Steve will even go with her, and will let her leave if she starts feeling uncomfortable. Kelly’s sure that the agent will dismiss her as soon as he sees her scars. Jackie and Steve wear her down, and Steve immediately takes her to the meeting.

LuAnn has picked out a frightening outfit to go to the After Dark, and Ray tries very hard not to tell her she looks crazy. He questions what she’s drinking, wondering when she fell off the wagon. She says she needed a hobby while he was gone, and tonight she’s just nervous for his performance. Ray puts on his worried face.

Kelly leaves the meeting in a good mood, since the agent told her he can get her work right away. He also doesn’t think her scars are that visible. Kelly spots Dana, Alison’s girlfriend, who she hasn’t spoken to since before that whole cult thing. Dana blows her off, and Kelly thinks it’s because she’s kept her distance from Alison.

Ray’s annoyed to see LuAnn at the bar at the After Dark and asks Donna to get her to leave. She passes the task along to Valerie instead. Valerie has her cut off, and Donna suggests that LuAnn leave so Ray doesn’t get distracted. David and Clare take her away as LuAnn trash-talks Valerie. She tells them that Valerie and Ray slept together. Meanwhile, Nat questions Andrea’s move to Idaho, since there are apparently no medical schools there.

Clare and David get LuAnn home, discussing whether or not she was telling the truth about Ray and Valerie. Clare remembers a number of times she’s seen Val checking Ray out. They decide not to say anything to Donna. Charlie wants to watch Jules and Jim with Dylan and Valerie, since he’s…we’ll say he’s hoping to reenact some scenes. Dylan laughs at him, so Charlie bugs him about Kelly, telling him to just go after her already.

Kelly and Brandon talk on the phone, and she tells him about running into the icy Dana. He encourages her to visit Alison at the burn clinic. Kelly feels bad since she hasn’t seen Alison since she was released from the hospital. Clare and David return to the After Dark, finding it hard to hide their concern over the Donna/Ray/Valerie situation. Now Clare’s more convinced than ever that LuAnn was telling the truth. They still don’t think they can tell Donna, though.

Kelly goes to the clinic but Alison won’t see her. The next day, she goes to see Dana, and learns that she’s dating someone new. The new girlfriend, Kate, tells her that Alison dumped Dana shortly after the fire. Kelly thinks that Alison is avoiding her because she’s mad that Kelly wasn’t as injured as she was. Kate reveals that Alison is actually in love with Kelly.

David pays Ray a visit to reveal that he knows he and Valerie hooked up. Ray admits it, swearing that he regrets it. David promises to keep quiet as long as Ray keeps his pants on around girls who aren’t Donna. (And since he’s dating Donna, he’ll be keeping his pants on around her, too.) As soon as David’s gone, Ray tears into LuAnn for spilling about the affair. Meanwhile, Clare confronts Valerie, who says LuAnn’s lying. Clare warns her to stay away from Ray. Andrea reads up on Idaho, but Jesse tells her that he’s decided it’s not the right place for them since there’s no medical school.

Kelly’s also decided to turn down her job offer, and won’t be signing with the agent she met with. She’s surprised to get a call from Alison, who’s sitting around in the dark like a serial killer or something. She thinks Kelly needs to pursue modeling so she can share her gift of beauty with the world. She asks Kelly to come back for a visit in about a month, after she has a final skin graft. Kelly finally takes off the bandage on her arm, which she definitely didn’t need to keep wearing, since she looks totally fine.

The next day, Kelly goes to the Walshes’, where Brandon has gathered a stack of Seventeens for Kelly to sign for various people. He notices that she’s not wearing the bandage anymore. Everyone’s all happy, and the music lets us know that this is a magical moment. Be happy for Kelly, everyone! Her life is wonderful! Everyone loves her, and she probably smells like cotton candy!

Thoughts: Kelly’s hair is as cute as Donna’s is hideous.

If they want us to think Kelly’s scars are that big a deal, they need to actually be visible.

David and Clare should tell Brandon about Ray and Valerie. He loves making the “right” decision so he can feel good about himself.

Andrea’s not going to be ready for medical school for two more years. Why not move to Idaho, then move somewhere else in two years?

I like that we keep seeing the characters studying. A lot of shows with characters in school don’t show them actually doing school things outside of attending classes. It’s realistic that while Kelly’s moping and fretting, Donna’s trying to study for a test or something.

April 15, 2013

BH90210 5.22, Alone at the Top: Why Don’t You Not Come On Over, Valerie?

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 8:57 pm by Jenn

That's not even the same shade of green shirt Lenny was wearing! Come on!

That’s not even the same shade of green as the shirt Lenny was wearing! Come on!

Summary: Valerie calls LuAnn, looking for Ray, but she lies that he just left. Rush comes by her hotel room and she tells him she wants to buy the Peach Pit After Dark from him. He’s willing to negotiate a deal. The gang throws Kelly a welcome-back-from-your-cult picnic, but Donna leaves after about 30 seconds to meet Ray. As someone lurks in the bushes, watching, a friend of David’s tells the group that someone stole a bunch of bikes from outside a dorm.

Valerie tracks Ray down at the After Dark, arriving just before Donna does. Nothing happens. David and his dorm mate Lenny bowl with soda cans in a dorm hallway; Clare’s bored and makes fun of Lenny’s music collection. Then she leaves, telling David she doesn’t like Lenny because he’s weird. Peter flirts with Andrea at the hospital, and I guess neither of them is worried about anyone seeing them and telling their spouses. Then they make out in an on-call room, because this really is Grey’s Anatomy.

Ray does a set at the After Dark while Donna shows off her poodle-like hairdo. David’s sick of hearing the same songs over and over. Steve and Rush are both around, so I guess we’re just supposed to forget that Steve isn’t allowed to be there. He gets suspicious when he sees his father talking to Valerie. After Ray’s set, Rush announces to the club that Valerie is the new owner. This is news to David, Clare, and Ray. Donna’s the only person who thinks it’s not a horrible idea.

Valerie goes to Dylan’s in the middle of the night to celebrate her new purchase. (And also to smoke some pot.) He declines, and she thinks it’s because he’d rather be with Kelly. He counters that she’d rather be with someone else, too. She goes, but leaves a joint behind. The Walshes discuss Valerie, wondering whether they should tell her mother what she’s up to. Jim says she can do whatever she wants with her money. If she gets into trouble, she’ll come to them.

Steve calls Brandon to let him know that some frat houses were robbed overnight. Brandon isn’t sure what he should do, so way to take your role as president seriously, Bran. The bush lurker watches Kelly as David dreads working with Valerie. Lenny comes by and talk turns to why he lives in a dorm. David notes that he was in the Army, so he should have some sort of GI benefits. Lenny says he has to “beg, borrow, and steal” to afford things, and David makes a joke about the bike thefts. Lenny doesn’t find it funny.

Jesse’s out of town on another interview, so he’s not there when Peter pops by his and Andrea’s place. She’s mad at him for taking a risk and coming over, but not mad enough to deny him some making out. At the After Dark, Ray pretends that he’s finally gotten Valerie’s messages. She threatens to pull his performance slots if he doesn’t start sleeping with her again. He refuses, so she tells David and Clare to book some new performers. Now David’s happy.

Steve meets Rush for lunch and grills him about his arrangement with Valerie; he thinks they slept together. Rush just laughs and gives him commission from the sale. Dylan goes to the park to smoke Valerie’s joint, but he can’t get his lighter to light. Clare gives Donna the news that Valerie doesn’t want Ray at the After Dark anymore, promising that she campaigned for him to stay. Donna isn’t surprised to hear that David didn’t.

Meanwhile, Ray packs his things to go on the road and play at various colleges. LuAnn blasts him for leaving without saying goodbye to Donna. She tells him to go to the gig he has booked that night, then go see Donna. Dylan visits Charlie at the hotel his family owns and admits that he almost smoked pot. Charlie tells him to stop letting Kelly get to him. He also advises Dylan to figure out what he wants to do with his life.

Brandon complains to Kelly that everyone wants him to beef up campus security. People get robbed all the time; he can’t do anything about it. Kelly hears rustling in the bushes but doesn’t see the lurker. We do, and he has a knife and shiny black shoes. Later, David, Clare, and Lenny learn that a girl was raped and cut in the bushes in the middle of the day. Hey, guess who has shiny black shoes? If you said Lenny, you get a gold star!

Brandon, however, doesn’t get a gold star; he’s still whining about having to deal with crimes on campus. Kelly’s freaked out because she and Brandon were right in the area where the girl was attacked. Ray does go to the After Dark for his gig, warning Valerie to stay away from Donna. He hints that he’s going to tell Donna that they had an affair. Valerie calls his bluff, saying he wouldn’t risk hurting her.

Dylan stops by just long enough to return her joint, then goes to the Peach Pit to mope. Kelly finds him there and thanks him for coming to her picnic, even though he didn’t stay long. She also thinks that without him, she’d still be a Finion. She wants him to promise that he’ll always be her friend. Over at the hospital, Peter gives Andrea a motel key, telling her he’s booked a room by the week. She tells him she might meet him there some night.

Donna watches Ray’s farewell performance while Nat wonders why Valerie’s cutting him loose. She tells him to just handle refreshments while she handles running the club. David and Clare skip work to hang out at the student union, where they wind up talking to Lenny. They’re surprised when a detective arrives and asks Lenny to come to the police station for questioning. He thinks he’s being accused of stealing the bikes, but that’s not what it’s about.

After his final set, Ray tells Donna he’s leaving town and isn’t sure when he’s coming back. She thinks something’s off. He starts to tell her about Valerie, but Donna doesn’t need to hear anything other than that he loves her.

Thoughts: The casting of Jed Allan as Rush is great. He and Ian Ziering have a lot of similar mannerisms and facial expressions.

Andrea is a mega-jerk for what she’s doing to poor Jesse. He deserves so much better.

Brandon, your compassion is matched only by your lack of compassion. Can you imagine him as the president of the U.S.? “There was a school shooting? Well, I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t know what you expect me to do about it.”

So we’re just going to completely ignore how Dylan keeps wearing suits?

Even if Lenny were the rapist (and he’s obviously not), why would I care? We were just introduced to him.

April 13, 2013

BH90210 5.21, Stormy Weather: The Evolution Will Not Be Televised

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , at 2:48 pm by Jenn

Good news: The cult storyline is over. Bad news: The love triangle is back on

Good news: The cult storyline is over. Bad news: The love triangle is back on

Summary: Kelly, Donna, and Clare are at the Peach Pit, where Kelly has just announced that she’s dropping out of the sorority. Kelly blathers about sacrifice and other cult stuff. Clare calls her on the cult-speak, but Dylan defends her, saying she’s trying to find meaning in her life. Brandon watches from his car as Dylan walks Kelly to hers, then comes to report that Kelly arranged for him to meet Finley.

Valerie orders room service for herself…and Ray, who has spent the night again. He tries to rush off (probably to meet Donna), reminding Val that she said their activities were just for fun. Then he upends her room-service cart. Andrea’s at Peter’s hospital to interview for a research job, which she is totally not interested in because it means she’ll get to see Peter all the time.

Brandon visits Chancellor Arnold in his leaky office (it rains for almost the whole episode, by the way) to talk about Finley, but the chancellor doesn’t care about him since he doesn’t teach at CU anymore. Brandon notes that Finley’s minions (Finions?) are mostly CU students, including Kelly. He also knows that CU settled a lawsuit with some parents, and he’d like to learn more. The chancellor can’t say anything because it would violate students’ confidentiality. He thinks Kelly will be okay, since she’s smart.

Dylan (still suited up) goes to the compound and meets Finley; they talk about Hawaii and Iris’ New Age-ness. Finley’s surprised to learn who Dylan’s father was. He thinks Dylan would make a great Finion and encourages Kelly to invite him to a party the next day. Jesse calls Andrea from Boise, where he went for the clerkship interview, and she tells him she got the job at the hospital. Jesse thinks they should invite Peter and Adrienne over for dinner when he gets home.

Kelly and Dylan talk about Finley, and he pretends he supports her commitment to the cause. Brandon calls but Dylan can’t talk to him about their plan with Kelly in the room. Kelly invites Dylan to the next day’s “milledding,” a type of wedding where a couple “enter in the new millennium together.” Ray and Donna make out in his truck outside the Peach Pit, and he assures her that no one will be able to come between them. Valerie is currently in her car, watching them, like the freaky stalker she is.

The next day, Kelly and Dylan go to the milledding, which is between a young woman and a guy old enough to be her father (or maybe a young grandfather). Kelly explains that the box people keep putting envelopes into is to hold their pledges for a new learning center, the next step in Finley’s plan. Finley talks about the evolution of mankind, and how they’re all still evolving, and blah blah blah. Dylan’s face says, “Really with this crap?”

Peter and Andrea flirt at the hospital, and though she hesitates when he starts to kiss her, she definitely doesn’t stop him. Back at the milledding, Kelly says that the groom is going to sell his house to Finley, and they’ll use the money to fund their learning center in Oregon. She admits that she’s always been afraid to be too pretty, too smart, or too funny because people might be jealous. Finley has made her realize that “everyone has limitless possibilities.” She’s so happy, she kisses Dylan.

Ray left something at Valerie’s, so she takes it to his place and meets LuAnn. Ray is not happy to see her. She apologizes and reiterates that she wants to have sex with no strings attached. He tries to resist, but she doesn’t think he’ll keep that mentality for long. LuAnn warns her son to be careful of Val.

Dylan and Brandon meet at the Walshes’, and Dylan relays the information that Finley’s getting lots of money out of his Finions. Brandon’s a little worried because Dylan thinks Finley is nice and has some good ideas. He also thinks Kelly and Dylan might be getting closer than they should be. Dylan admits to kissing her, then tells Brandon that if he wants to save Kelly, he’d better move fast.

Brandon goes back to the chancellor the next day to talk about Kelly again; he knows that because of her past, she’s hard on herself. He asks again about the settlement. Chancellor Arnold still won’t tell him anything, but says that he’ll be going to lunch soon, and he can’t stop Brandon from opening his file cabinet and looking up files on a couple of students.

Dylan visits Finley, spouting some cult-speak and asking for more information on the learning center. Then he offers to help fund it, in exchange for knowledge of what Finley has planned for Kelly. Basically, Finley wants to hit that. Dylan tells him that they used to date, and he’s determined to get her back. Since Finley was able to get Kelly to break up with Brandon, Dylan thinks he can talk Kelly into going back to him. If Finley’s successful, he’ll get his funding.

Brandon tries to call a student named Greg (one of the people who received a settlement) from the beach apartment but can’t get through. He decides to go to Orange County to see him in person. Ray comes over and learns that Val is on her way to hang out. He gets upset with Donna for not telling him that someone else would be there, since he thought it would just be the two of them. He throws a fit and leaves.

At the compound, Finley tells Kelly how great Dylan is, and the wonderful chemistry they have. In fact, he thinks Kelly and Dylan are soulmates. She needs to give him everything she has physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Greg, one of Finley’s former teaching assistants, won’t talk to Brandon until Brandon says his girlfriend has gotten involved with the Finions and might move to Oregon with them. Andrea and Peter make out in a hospital elevator, stopping just before poor, clueless Jesse shows up to surprise his wife.

Kelly goes to Dylan’s house and quickly obeys Finley’s suggestion that she give herself to Dylan physically. Dylan figures out her game and comes clean about their deal. Then he calls out Brandon and Greg, who are also in the house. Greg was a charter member of the New Evolution, and he tells Kelly that Finley targets students who can provide money. He was the groom at the first milledding, and his wife was an heiress who funded the first year of the Evolution. (Also, her grandkids love her chocolate chip cookies. Seriously, she’s a grandmother.)

Dylan tells Brandon that he gets how Kelly got snowed – he went to the compound knowing it was a scam and still found himself agreeing with some things Finley said. He thinks Brandon would understand if he’d had the kind of traumatic experiences Dylan and Kelly have. Now successfully deconditioned, Kelly apologizes to Dylan (but not Brandon, interestingly). Greg tells Brandon that he got through to her by showing where the New Evolution led him: to a suicide attempt.

Ray finds Donna at the Peach Pit and apologizes for being a jerk. She’s worried that he’ll get worse when he becomes more famous (because clearly his success is the reason he’s been acting this way). Valerie comes in and teases them, then follows Ray to the After Dark to try to get some. Ray tells her that fooling around with her was a mistake, and they’re done. She threatens to tell Donna in retaliation.

Kelly confronts Finley for pimping her out and for, you know, being a cult leader. He thinks she’ll come back. He also wonders which guy she’ll end up with. Both of them are outside waiting for her, and as soon as they’ve confirmed that she’s back to normal, suddenly they’re rivals for her affection again.

Thoughts: ’90s music alert (both at the Peach Pit): Wilson Phillips’ “Hold On” (which I will admit I think is an awesome song) and Amy Grant and Vince Gill’s “House of Love.”

At the milledding (gag), Finley addresses that some people might challenge marriage as being antiquated, since it’s something their parents did. Then he jokes, “Well, maybe not all your parents did.” Ha ha, some of you are illegitimate!

Aw, the chancellor’s a good guy. It’s nice, because I’ve always liked Nicholas Pryor.

If I had a dime for every time an ex-boyfriend offered to fund a cult’s education center in order to get me back, I’d…well, it wouldn’t matter how many dimes I had – I’d also have a super-rich boyfriend.

I’m surprised the Finions still go to class. I’m surprised he still lets them go to class.

Elevator makeout sessions? What is this, Grey’s Anatomy?

Did anyone miss David in this episode? Ha ha, no, you didn’t. Sadly, I didn’t notice until the end that Steve wasn’t in it either, and I thought I would have missed him earlier on. I’m sorry, Steve! Forgive me!

April 7, 2013

BH90210 5.20, You Gotta Have Heart: Cult-ure Club

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 12:57 pm by Jenn

"Have you heard the good news about Lord Xenu?"

“Have you heard the good news about Lord Xenu?”

Summary: Ray has had another successful set at the After Dark, so he and Donna celebrate by making out at his place. He invites her to spend the night, and they end up in bed, just about to trade in Donna’s V card. She puts the brakes on at the last minute. Brandon tries to contact Kelly at the mansion that’s now serving as Finley’s headquarters, but she doesn’t want to talk to him. Finley uses cult buzzwords to make her take Brandon’s call, where she herself uses cult buzzwords. Kelly’s flaking out on a sorority event she organized, and Brandon’s mad.

The event is a Valentine’s-themed telethon for a pediatric heart fund. Brandon and Donna kick things off with a lot of making out, for some reason. (Donna’s subbing for Kelly.) Meanwhile, Valerie’s moving out of the Walshes’ house and into a luxury hotel called the Bellamy so she can enjoy everything her newfound wealth can bring. Cindy’s upset and wants Jim to talk to her, but Jim thinks it’s pointless. He also thinks she’ll be back in two weeks, having spent everything.

Steve tells David, Clare, and Donna (who are running and airing the telethon) that he booked the band Jade for them. Brandon talks to Nat about Finley, and Nat becomes the first person to call him a cult leader. One of his former waitresses had a sister who died in Jonesboro. Brandon doesn’t think Kelly’s in that much danger, but Nat tells him that’s what his waitress said.

LuAnn’s back from her cruise and very grateful to Donna for financing the trip. Ray confides that he’s having trouble keeping it in his pants while dating a virgin. LuAnn warns him not to screw up the relationship. “Whatever you do, just be discreet,” she advises. Dylan visits Valerie in her new home, having been contacted by a panicking Cindy. He thinks Val will get lonely (and he would know, since he used to live in a hotel). He regrets getting her involved with Jonesy.

Brandon goes to the Finley compound, and Finley tells Kelly to talk to him since right now she’s acting like a tease. She needs to deal with Brandon so she can “start the next phase of [her] life.” Kelly tells Brandon that he won’t understand what she’s doing if he’s not ready to evolve. Finley has helped her realize that she’s a different person than she thought she was. Kelly starts to give a break-up speech, but Brandon doesn’t want her to go through with it. He tries to get her to admit that she still loves him. She says she can’t deny it.

Andrea and Jesse go to the movies, bickering about…whatever. They run into Peter and his wife, Adrienne, and things get super-awkward super-fast, especially when Adrienne suggests that they all sit together. Valerie stops by the telethon, mostly to see Ray. She ducks into his truck and pulls out the cigarette lighter. Brandon’s managed to get Kelly to come in and help answer phones. Valerie sees Dylan watching Kelly and taunts him. Donna asks Brandon how he got Kelly to come; he jokes that he threatened to dance on TV.

David brings out the cute kids to collect donations, and Dylan gives $100. Valerie offers $300, asking for Ray to perform. He sings that song he always sings. After the movie, Andrea, Jesse, Peter, and Adrienne hang out, so there’s more awkwardness. Andrea fantasizes about dancing with Peter a la Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. Ray tries to leave after his set, but his battery’s dead. Valerie follows him outside, offering to give him a “charge,” and not the kind that requires jumper cables.

The next morning, Kelly lies awake in Brandon’s bed, looking…culty. David and Clare are trying to stay awake for the rest of the telethon. Steve wants David to mention Jade again. Donna’s in a good mood, having gotten to sleep the night before, but when she tries to call Ray, LuAnn lies that he just left. He’s really at the Bellamy, having spent the night with Valerie. She doesn’t want him to feel guilty for cheating, and she makes it clear that she doesn’t want a relationship.

Kelly ditches Brandon at the apartment, and Clare is naïve enough to think she just went to get them breakfast. Steve goes to pick up Jade, but learns that the guy he thought he arranged their performance with isn’t their manager, he’s their laundry guy. He ends up chasing their limo, which turns out not to be their limo.

Brandon goes back to the compound and interrupts one of Finley’s “tutorials.” He threatens to call the police if Finley doesn’t tell him where Kelly is. Finley uses him as an example of an “unevolved rough beast.” Kelly arrives and Finley tells her to tell Brandon what she needs. She says Brandon’s holding her back and she can’t let him do so any longer. Brandon leaves while the cult minions applaud Kelly’s evolutionary step.

Ray comes to the telethon to see Donna and accidentally make Andrea jealous that they have a good relationship (supposedly). Peter calls, having seen Andrea on TV, and reveals that he had the same fantasy Andrea did. Steve shows up to break the news to Clare that he didn’t get Jade after all, but the group is already there. Everyone dances dorkily to their performance.

Ray gives Donna a necklace, pretending he was out getting it when she called. She wonders how he went to the jewelry store since his truck was at the After Dark. In fact, how did he get home last night? Valerie walks by and says they look cute together. Brandon tells Nat that he’s probably right about Finley being a cult leader – it seems like Kelly’s being brainwashed. Nat wonders who they can find to get through to her.

Jade hangs out with Steve while Donna spots Valerie and Ray talking. Brandon goes to Dylan’s house to ask him to talk to Kelly. Dylan doesn’t think Finley’s a threat; he says Brandon’s just upset because Kelly dumped him. Brandon thinks Kelly gave Finley her settlement from the fire. He asks Dylan again to talk to her, and this time Dylan agrees, making it clear it’s not for Brandon. Over at the compound, Finley leads his minions in a toast to Kelly for ending her relationship with an outsider. Kelly says it’s nice to be home.

Thoughts: How did Finley afford his compound? Even if each minion gave some money, there’s just no way. Even Val and Dylan couldn’t afford that place.

I guess my knowledge of ’90s music isn’t as extensive as I thought, sinve I’ve never heard of Jade.

Whoever wrote the script for the telethon shouldn’t quit his day job. Unless his day job is writing.

Ray: “This is dedicated to everyone with a heart.” So…everyone?

I’m 99% sure one of the men in the limo Steve chases is Aaron Spelling.

Remember when David had storylines? Me neither.

I’d question why Dylan wears a suit for the whole episode, but I guess I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

March 16, 2013

BH90210 5.15, Christmas Comes This Time Each Year: Felice Navidad

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , at 2:37 pm by Jenn

That poor child

That poor child

Summary: Ray brings a Christmas tree to Donna’s parents’ house and they kiss under the mistletoe. Felice clearly doesn’t like Ray, and she’s not happy when Donna admits that if Ray proposed to her right now, she’d accept. Dr. Martin, however, is amused by Felice’s annoyance and advises her to stay out of it; if she meddles, Donna will just want to be with Ray more. Cindy and Jim are heading to London to spend Christmas with Brenda, but Brandon and Kelly are staying behind. Valerie will be spending the holiday with friends in Buffalo.

Andrea and Jesse take Hannah to the mall to see Santa. She does not enjoy the experience. At the Peach Pit, Steve, David, and Clare help Nat cook for the homeless as Steve laments his bad past Christmases: going to New Mexico, almost getting expelled, and breaking into Randall’s office. This year, he’s facing community service as his punishment for the fire. Clare suggests to David that the two of them run the Peach Pit After Dark for Steve. David’s resistant, but Clare tells him he’ll need to be the one to talk Nat into it.

Brandon tries to get romantic with Kelly, but her burn dressings are the elephant in the room. Kelly admits that she doesn’t want him to see her injuries. Brandon insists that he can handle it, but she still doesn’t give in. Clare, Donna, and David decorate at the beach apartment before Donna leaves to take LuAnn Christmas shopping. She’s worried that LuAnn will overdo the drinking; it’s already awkward enough for her to spend time with Ray’s family, since they’re so different from hers.

Chancellor Arnold shows up and meets David (Clare’s “friend”). The chancellor wants to see Clare, Donna, and Kelly at the faculty Christmas party, and he wants Clare to bring Brandon. After he leaves, David questions why Clare hasn’t told her father that they’re dating. She promises to tell him the next time she sees him. Donna and LuAnn shop, and Donna encourages LuAnn to buy Ray a suit. LuAnn sees an ad for a cruise and mentions that it would be her dream vacation. Donna thinks she should ask Santa about it.

Felice visits Ray at work to ask what he wants for Christmas. He says his dream is to make an album, so Felice gives him a check for what’s sure to be a large amount of money. When LuAnn comes by later, Ray keeps mum. Dylan tries to see Jack’s ex Christine at the FBI, but no one will even confirm that she’s an agent. Dylan threatens to tell the press how the FBI screwed up Jack’s case and got him killed. Finally Christine comes in and Dylan asks for her help.

The homeless eat at the Peach Pit while Andrea tells Steve that she’s having trouble exposing Hannah to Christmas traditions. David brings up Clare’s After Dark idea to Nat, but he’s too busy to think about it. Kelly is shaken when she sees that one of the homeless people has massive scarring from burns. Christine can’t really help Dylan track down Kevin and Suzanne since there’s no one available to take his case. She has another idea and promises to do everything she can to help her ex’s son.

At the Walshes’ after the homeless dinner, Kelly tells Brandon that everyone was staring at the woman with the scars. He thinks the looks were sympathetic. Kelly’s worried that she’s not the same person she was before the fire. Brandon tries to distract her with a trip to a Christmas Eve church service. At the Martins’, Felice tells Donna that she offered Ray $10,000 to stop seeing her – and he took it. But isn’t it better that she knows now, before they get closer and he ends up leaving her?

Ray goes by the beach apartment, but Donna refuses to see him, telling David and Clare the story. Ray says he took the money only so he would have proof that Felice tried to pay him off. Kelly feels better after going to church, so Brandon’s going to have a nice Christmas Eve. Iris calls Dylan and assures him that he can keep fighting the urge to drink. They’re sorry to be apart over the holidays, but their relationship is much better. Dylan has a flashback to last Christmas, which he spent with Erica.

Kelly tries to change her dressings herself, but ultimately has to ask Brandon to help. He’s nicely supportive, assuring her that he doesn’t find the injuries ugly. She’s upset to have a permanent reminder of what happened. Brandon promises that he doesn’t see her any differently. First thing Christmas morning (also her birthday), Donna confronts Felice about the check. This is the first Dr. Martin has heard of the incident, and he’s equally unhappy.

Andrea and Jesse bicker over the fact that she took Hannah out of midnight Mass the previous night. Andrea points out that Hannah’s teething and was fussy. Jesse thinks she wants to cut out Christmas altogether. Dylan gets a visit from J.J. “Jonesy” Jones, who introduces himself as a friend of Christine’s. He’s a “salvage expert” who can track down Dylan’s money (though he’ll be taking half of it). Dylan agrees, though he’ll have to stay behind when Jonesy goes to Brazil.

Brandon, Kelly, David, and Clare go to the faculty Christmas party, where the first three are kind of jerks because they’re bored by Chancellor Arnold’s Christmas music. David takes over the piano and sings “Jingle Bell Rock” with the chancellor. Meanwhile, Donna and Ray give LuAnn her Christmas present: a cruise ticket. No one says it, but it’s clear that’s what they spent Felice’s money on. (Ha ha ha! Looks good on you, Felice.)

Things are still awkward at Jesse and Andrea’s, but Santa Steve, his Santa Clones (David, Brandon, and Nat), and elves Kelly and Clare help defuse the tension. Dylan also comes by to see Hannah for the first time. So now everyone’s happy, except maybe Erica, who’s still stuck in Brazil with horrible people.

Thoughts: I’m unreasonably proud of myself for that recap title.

Donna, please don’t wear a miniskirt and a belly shirt when you’re hanging out with your boyfriend’s mother. Actually, let’s just say don’t wear a belly shirt at all.

I hope you get nothing but coal every Christmas until you die, Felice.

Apparently church turns Brandon on?

Sorry, Jesse – Andrea wins this round. There are few things more annoying than a noisy kid in a church service.

Is it wrong that I love Jonesy?

February 16, 2013

BH90210 5.9, Intervention: Your Behavior Has Affected Me Negatively in the Following Ways

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , at 6:44 pm by Jenn



Summary: Dylan is asleep after another bender when Cindy shows up at his house. She asks him to come to the Walshes’ house, getting very insistent when he tries to decline. He goes to get cleaned up, by which he means snort some drugs. When they get to the Walshes’, they’re met not just by Jim, but also by Brandon, Kelly, Andrea, Steve, Donna, David, Nat, and a woman named Ellen who’s there to run an intervention.

Dylan is defensive, unsurprisingly, but agrees to listen. Brandon starts off, saying that Dylan may have given up on himself, but Brandon hasn’t given up on him. He wants to save Dylan since Dylan saved him when they were camping. David brings up the time Dylan helped him avoid a drug arrest. Dylan insists he’s fine, but Brandon outs him for getting high and messing around with a gun, which is not the behavior of someone who’s “fine.”

Valerie and Clare run into each other at the mall; Clare’s ticked that they weren’t invited to the intervention. (Has she ever even met Dylan? Shut up, Clare.) Meanwhile, Ellen tells Dylan that she skipped the usual step of having the interveners from writing letters to the intervenee because Dylan’s hurt himself more than anyone else. Nat objects: Dylan stole money from the Peach Pit. He warns that Dylan will die if he doesn’t get control of his behavior.

Dylan starts to leave, but Ellen says he won’t get another chance if he does. Steve decides this is a good time to bring up the Valerie issue. He doesn’t really give a crap about Dylan. For some reason, Steve threatening to leave makes Dylan want to listen. Elsewhere, Ray bickers with his mother, LuAnn, who encourages his relationship with Donna since she’s rich. He insists that that’s not the reason he wants to be with her.

Donna tells Dylan she’s always thought of him as an older brother. She lost a lot of respect for him when he crashed her mother’s benefit. He reminds her that he apologized the next day. She reminds him that he was supposed to meet her for registration at CU. Dylan says he’s just not a good guy, but Andrea blames the drugs. She’s mad that he’s never come by to see Hannah. Kelly lets Dylan know that his behavior after he learned she was with Brandon humiliated her, as he wanted.

Dylan goes to the bathroom to do more drugs but changes his mind and puts them away. Ellen tells him they’ve gotten him a spot in rehab. Dylan says he’ll go to meetings, but not rehab. Then he does that typical defensive-addict thing where he claims he could get through rehab with no trouble. He thinks everyone else will be ashamed when he gets better because they’ll realize they’re not really better than him. Ultimately, Dylan says he’ll go.

At the beach apartment that night, Clare suggests that she and David make a sex tape. He only cares about the “sex” part of that. Donna complains about David’s lack of manners as a houseguest but assures Kelly that she doesn’t care that he and Clare are dating. Her own new boyfriend is helping with that. Jackie calls to tell Kelly that Seventeen wants her to do a layout based on the shots she did for the mother/daughter shoot. Kelly doesn’t really want to participate but agrees to since Jackie’s so excited about it.

The next morning, his first in rehab, Dylan is his typical sunny self. Felice is getting ready for Griffin to come to dinner, because Donna hasn’t told her yet that they’re not dating anymore. She tells Felice that she’s seeing Ray now, trying to dance around who he is and the fact that he’s not rich. Felice isn’t sold on him but suggests that Donna invite him to dinner with her and Dr. Martin.

Kelly and Jackie meet with someone from Seventeen, though Jackie dominates the conversation and has to be kicked out. Kelly still isn’t sure about doing the shoot. However, the woman is understanding and says she can take some time to decide. Over at rehab, Dylan decides to sign himself out. The director asks him to stay one more day since the alternatives are all bad and his life isn’t going to get any better. Dylan says he’ll take his chances. Valerie arrives just as he’s leaving, so he suddenly has a ride home.

Cindy learns that Dylan left and is less than happy about it. Jim tells her that they did everything they could, but their all will never be enough. David wants to watch the sex tape, but Clare can’t find it. Ray’s late to dinner at the Martins’, where Donna’s planning to show her parents an air check of herself and David. Little does she know that that’s what David and Clare taped over. Ray inadvertently saves everyone the horror by showing up.

Brandon, Kelly, and Jackie meet up for their own dinner together, celebrating Kelly’s acceptance of the Seventeen offer. Now Kelly’s worried about her weight again, since she’s going to be showing off her body in magazines. Jackie thinks what the gang did for Dylan was great – she wishes she’d had friends like them when she had her own drug problems. Valerie takes Dylan home and he immediately starts drinking.

Ray handles the awkward dinner with the Martins perfectly, and if Felice weren’t such a snob, she might find him charming. Valerie calls Dylan on his drinking when she should really call him on leaving half of his shirt unbuttoned. He makes a call, telling Valerie he’s calling Brandon, but she realizes he’s contacting his dealer. She tells him she thought the intervention was unnecessary, but now she’s changed her mind.

Kelly, Brandon, Steve, Andrea, and Jesse meet up at the Peach Pit, where Nat gets a call from Cindy telling him that Dylan checked himself out of rehab. Dylan goes to the pool hall and meets with his dealer, who offers him heroin. The first taste is for free, of course. Donna and Ray take Rocky II for a walk (does the dog live with the Martins now? Did Donna just bring him for dinner?) and talk about his impressions on her parents. He notes that he only needs to impress Donna (and maybe the dog).

When Donna gets back to the beach apartment, she finds David and Clare searching for their tape. She tells them she took it to her parents’ house. Once she knows it’s no longer an air check, she runs back to the house to retrieve it. Her father tells her and Felice that he tried to watch it but it’s all static. Once Felice leaves the room, Dr. Martin gives Donna the tape, saying, “Give David my best.” She owes him one. Felice wants Donna to give Griffin another chance, so Donna tells her about him pressuring her to have sex.

LuAnn presses Ray for details about the evening with the Martins, again urging him to keep up the relationship with Donna. At the Walshes’, Valerie “learns” that Dylan left rehab and pretends she wasn’t just with him. She tells the Walshes and Kelly to stop worrying about him since he doesn’t want their help. Dylan spends the night in his car by the side of a road, waking up to smoke heroin. A cop passes by, so Dylan drives away. He loses control of the car and drives down a cliff.

Thoughts: Ellen is played by Mackenzie Phillips. Makes sense, doesn’t it?

Dylan snorts his drugs off of a key. Dude, have some self-respect. Get a straw or a dollar bill or something. (…Don’t do drugs, kids! Stay in school!)

You will never be in the cool club, Clare.

I’m pretty sure we’ve seen Kelly eating in every episode from this season. Do they want us to think she’s gained weight or something?

“Getting drunk out of your mind is really not that cool.” I don’t think he’s doing it to be cool, Val.

How is Dylan paying for drugs? Remember how he’s poor? Maybe he’s still on his “free tastes.”

It could be worse, Donna – your dad could have seen a tape of YOU have sex.

Cindy may be my favorite mom on the show, but Dr. Martin is definitely my favorite dad.