February 20, 2016
BH90210 10.27, Ode to Joy: And They All Lived Happily Ever After, or Something
I guess this is nice
Summary: Last episode ever! Whee! Donna’s at the After Dark, discussing wedding-reception details with Nat and Noah. She says she and David sent an invitation to Ellen but hasn’t heard back. Apparently Donna and David’s friends are throwing them their reception, which is the best advantage of having friends in the restaurant business. Since Dr. Martin is dead, Donna has no one to walk her down the aisle, so she asks Nat to do it instead. Nat says that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever asked him to do.
Steve helps Janet with an article, assuring her that Charles will like her ideas for Nouveau. He’s right – Charles wants Janet to be the new editor. Janet’s too overwhelmed to be happy; this means tons more work and less time with Maddy. She tries to remind herself that she’s gotten what she wanted. At David’s house, he and Donna look through RSVPs (Andrea and Valerie are coming to the wedding; Brandon and Gina aren’t). Donna worries that they’re doing things too quickly, which means not everyone can come. She decides it’s the non-attending guests’ loss.
At the beach apartment, Kelly worries to Steve that their lives are like a Stephen King novel and something awful is lurking around the corner. Steve tells her that their friends are awesome, which means their lives are awesome, etc. Then he reveals that Matt’s leaving for New York the next day, so he won’t be at the wedding. Dylan arrives and asks Kelly if she wants to dance, for some reason. She wants to wait. She’s still a little annoyed that he kept Matt’s secret from her, but not so annoyed that she won’t let him nuzzle her. So I guess they’re back together?
Steve takes Janet to an empty office building, telling her that he thinks they’re both looking for balance in their lives. He wants to rent an office in the building and run a publication together. They’ll have room for Maddy, so they can work and spend time with her at the same time. Janet’s worried about taking another big risk, but she wants to give it a try.
Donna’s bachelorette party is pretty tame, considering Felice, Jackie, and Ms. Teasley are among the guests. Andrea presents the bride with a video message from Brandon, who calls her “baby” and tells her to give his love to Kelly. Kelly says he’s “still disgustingly cute,” so someone needs to get her eyes checked. Andrea serves ice cream and popcorn, which Donna remembers eating at Brenda’s sleepover way back in season 1. No one mentions whether Brenda’s coming to the wedding. Valerie arrives with a giant box of condoms. Thanks, Val.
Over at the Walsh house, the guests for the bachelor party include Mel and Muntz. Brandon has a video message for the groom as well, taunting David for having to wait so long to have sex with Donna. Shut up, Brandon. Valerie has a game for Donna, “Pin the Macho on the Man.” (I think she only said “macho” because Donna’s mom is there.) Donna has to shoot a Nerf dart at a picture of David, and she misses horribly. Surprisingly, Felice wants to play.
Kelly shares with Janet that Steve was her first love (though she was only 15 at the time). She asks if Steve ever growls or barks during foreplay. Valerie recognizes those sounds. Janet asks if anyone in the room hasn’t slept with Steve. Everyone but Kelly raises her hand, though Ms. Teasley doesn’t hear the question. Felice pins the macho right on the man. I’m going to be sick. Ryan shows up at the bachelor party with a stripper named Kiki who turns out to be a guy in drag. Thanks for your contribution, Ryan.
Suddenly it’s the day of the wedding, which takes place in a church but is officiated by both a priest and a rabbi. Erin’s the flower girl. Janet and Kelly are bridesmaids, allowing Steve and Dylan to admire their significant others in dressy clothes. Nat gives away Donna and her cleavage. Dylan reads a passage from Letters to a Young Poet about marriage being a partnership where each partner is “the guardian of his solitude.” Then they learn to see each other as part of a whole. Matt arrives late and stands at the back of the church.
Kelly reads the Elizabeth Barrett Browning “how do I love thee?” poem, so way to be original, guys. Matt gets uncomfortable and leaves. David and Donna exchange original vows, with him talking about how he feels he’s loved her his whole life, and her saying that he’s inspirational and gives her the courage to be herself. They both cry. Then they recite traditional vows and cry more. Rings! Kiss! They’re married!
The reception is held at the Beverly Hilton. Steve is allowed to talk. Donna and David share their first dance to a live performance by Eric Benet and Tamia. Matt makes another appearance, having delayed his departure for New York to talk to Kelly. They were supposed to get married and live happily ever after. He thought that they could get past all of their problems, even the Dylan-related ones. But after hearing Dylan and Kelly’s readings at the wedding, he realized that they have a good connection after all. Matt thinks Kelly made the right choice, and he’s happy for her.
Noah dances with the bride, telling her he was thinking about moving away. Now, though, he thinks he might be able to give Ellen the commitment she wants. He ducks out to go talk to her. Donna asks Andrea about Hannah, who’s playing T-ball. David shares a nice moment with Valerie. The cake is cut, and no one smashes it in anyone’s face, which is nice. Kelly gives a toast, talking about how horrified she was when her and David’s parents first got together. But now she loves him, not least because he’s turned Donna into her sister.
Donna throws her bouquet, which Kelly catches (and it looks like that was the plan). Later, she and David toast to the gang, then dance some more. For the second time in the episode, Dylan asks Kelly to dance. This time, she doesn’t want to wait. Dancing montage! Everyone’s having a good time! David doesn’t embarrass himself, for once! Then the episode ends, and these people are out of our lives!
Thoughts: I have watched every single episode of this godforsaken show. All I know is it went on at least three seasons too long.
Andrea’s hair looks cute for the first time in the entire series. It’s very 2000.
So Valerie’s close enough to Donna and David to come to the wedding? Even though David’s her ex? And no one’s mentioned her for two years? Okay.
The bridesmaids’ dresses are a great shade of purple. Nice choice, Donna.
David’s mother doesn’t appear, and no one mentions her, so I hope she’s okay.
Remember Tamia? No? She had that…song? About…love? Okay, I don’t remember her either. But she’s married to Grant Hill now, so good for her.
October 3, 2015
BH90210 10.7, Laying Pipe: The Pink Moment
There’s fire at Marta’s show. Steve’s not a fan
Summary: For once, we start someplace other than the After Dark. Donna’s on her way to the boutique when she encounters a homeless man who spent the night outside the store. He says, “Kenny and Louis,” then apologizes and runs off. At the Peach Pit, Steve and Janet ask Kelly and Dylan to be their baby’s godparents. They’re good examples of integrity and loyalty. Janet considers this an important position; she was close with her godmother. The four will be heading to Ojai to speak to the pastor who will be performing the wedding. Dylan laughs at the idea of Steve driving a minivan.
Nearby, Matt’s talking to Walter about getting clemency for Pete. Kelly tries to strike up a conversation with Matt, but when he brings up Pete, she changes her mind. Matt thinks she should work on compassion before she becomes a godmother. Dylan and David go with Steve to pick out a minivan, basically the last thing Steve wants to have to do. Dylan mentions that Steve didn’t tell Janet a lot of the details of Dylan’s past when his name came up for godfather. This car-buying trip is made worse by the fact that Steve’s trading in his Corvette.
Part of Gina’s deal to keep her mouth shut about Mel going to the strip club is that she gets to be his personal trainer/fashion consultant. He finally convinces her to just accept money and go away. Steve gets the minivan without trading in the Corvette, deciding instead to sell it. The potential buyer offers $28,000, annoyed that Steve didn’t disclose an oil leak. Steve won’t take the money, telling David that Janet agreed to let him keep it.
Gina wants to spend Mel’s money on Dylan, but he has to go to Ojai. She’s happy about Dylan being the godfather until she learns that Kelly’s the godmother. “Why is it that every single road leads back to you and Kelly?” she asks. She envisions them playing Mommy and Daddy to Steve and Janet’s child. She urges Steve to turn down the role, but of course he won’t do that. At the boutique, Donna blows Noah off, telling him she might not move in with him after all (since he got her arrested and all). She’s stunned to see that the homeless man has died outside the store.
At the beach apartment, Donna wishes she’d given the man food or water when she first met him. Kelly and Noah try to convince her that it was a chance encounter and she didn’t have any responsibility to help him. Donna, however, thinks the man crossed her path for a reason. She wants to find out more about him. In Ojai, Steve and Janet do a run-through of their wedding. The pastor tells Kelly and Dylan that they’re part of a “spiritual support system” for their new family. In the baby’s eyes, “[Kelly] and Dylan will be linked for life.”
At the After Dark, a woman tells David she’s interested in buying the Corvette. She recognizes David, because apparently he’s a big celebrity now. When she offers $28,000, David calls Steve to get an approval on the deal. Janet answers and it quickly becomes clear that she never said Steve could keep the car. She tells David to sell the car, and he agrees to pretend they never had this conversation.
Donna and Noah visit a coroner, who tells them that they’ll hold on to the homeless man’s body in case someone comes to claim it. If not, he’ll be cremated and his ashes will be disposed of. Donna hates how “anonymous” the situation is. She and Noah look at a picture of the man with his wife and daughter when he was younger. In Ojai, Dylan tells Kelly that he’s happy to be linked to her for life. He talks about the “pink moment,” the time in an Ojai sunset when everything goes…well, pink. Janet interrupts to tell them they’re going home because Steve’s cheating on her with his car. Kelly and Dylan decide to stay back for a while.
David hangs out with the car buyer, Marta, who’s a performance artist. He agrees to go see her work the next day (though he’s probably more interested in taking her to bed). She records him saying that he thinks the guy should pick up the check on a date. Walter waits in Matt’s office for news on Pete, who has just ten hours left. Kelly calls to let Matt know she’s spending the night in Ojai…with Dylan. Gina flips out and heads to Ojai before she winds up with another Mexico incident on her hands.
Donna and Noah go to a bar to ask if anyone in the area knew the homeless man. Someone IDs him as Willard Reiner, a thief who swindled everyone at the bar and left his family. He guarantees that no one will be sad that Willard’s dead. Dylan chats with the pastor, confiding that the last time he was in Ojai, he was with Toni. Now he’s discussing marriage-related things again, but with another couple. The pastor guesses that he has feelings for Kelly and is feeling guilty. The pastor thinks he’s right to move on and find someone other than Toni to watch the sunset with.
Gina’s credit card is rejected at a gas station, so she calls Mel to demand more money. Donna’s decided to stop the search for information on Willard, since he was a jerk. Noah thinks she needs to stop holding people to such high standards. Guys, I don’t think he’s talking about Willard anymore. On the way back to Ojai, Steve gets called “sir” by a guy in a Corvette. Janet tells Steve that who he is as a person is much more important than the car he drives. But if it’ll make him happy, he can keep the Corvette.
Kelly and Dylan check the news for any updates on Pete, though she’s happier being in Ojai than back with Matt. But when the news comes that Matt got Pete clemency, Kelly’s proud of her boyfriend for saving a life. Dylan encourages her to call Matt instead of watching the pink moment – in fact, if she’s going to watch it with anyone, it should be Matt. As they’re hugging, Gina shows up, yelling at them for being inside when they were supposedly going to watch the sunset.
At the Peach Pit, Steve tells David that they need to get the car back from Marta. He accuses David of using the Corvette to pick up women. David denies it, but really, that’s kind of what he did. Off-screen, Donna and Noah run Willard’s obituary in the paper, which leads them to his daughter, Wendy. She tells them how he was a bus driver who was hit by a drunk driver. Two kids – Kenny and Louis – were killed, and though it wasn’t Willard’s fault, he blamed himself. Wendy’s grateful that Donna worked so hard to reconnect the family. Donna’s realized that Noah was right about her standards, and now she just wants to be happy with him.
David, Steve, and Janet go to Marta’s performance space, where she plays David’s voice as part of her piece. It’s called “The Chauvinist,” and will be an hour of deconstructing “in an effort to reconstruct.” And what are they deconstructing? The Corvette. With a chainsaw. David makes sure Steve kept the money, because that there’s a final sale. Kelly returns from Ojai and congratulates Matt on Pete’s clemency. He wishes she’d been there to share the moment with him, but he’s happy she didn’t stay with Dylan in Ojai.
Gina learns that Mel stopped payment on her check, which is a pretty dumb move on his part if he hasn’t already told Jackie what’s going on. Dylan tries to smooth things over, but Gina tells him she doesn’t trust him. Tell me again why they’re together? After Dylan leaves, Gina calls Jackie to let her know what Mel’s been up to. Dylan goes to the beach apartment and sees Kelly and Matt having fun through the window.
Thoughts: Luke Perry directed this episode. So…good for him.
I don’t get why this is called “Laying Pipe.” Also, the next episode is called “Baby, You Can Drive My Car,” which makes more sense for this episode.
The West Wing did Donna’s storyline just a few weeks after this episode aired (“In Excelsis Deo”). I…I can’t believe The West Wing did a plot from this show. I think my head just exploded.
The pastor is played by Ken Jenkins from Scrubs.
There was no point in Kelly calling Matt to tell him she was staying in Ojai, other than to have Gina freak out about it. How dumb.
I wonder what the patient in Mel’s office thought hearing his side of the phone conversation with Gina. “Who’s Gina? Why does he hate her? Did she stop flossing?”
I feel for you, Steve. I feel so old when people call me “ma’am.”
September 26, 2015
BH90210 10.6, ’80s Night: The Naked Truth
No. Oh, so much no
Summary: David’s radio show is so popular that everyone at the After Dark now listens to it while he’s broadcasting. He urges a caller named Tony to dump his girlfriend, and when Tony hedges, David does the deed himself. In case we’ve forgotten, David’s a jerk this season. At the beach apartment, Donna informs Kelly that the Patches – the parents of her rapist – are there. Kelly refuses to talk to them, but they tell her they’ve forgiven her for killing Joe. They hope she can forgive them for what their son did. Kelly says that what Joe did was unforgivable.
A guy who lives across the alley from the After Dark comes to complain about the noise caused by Noah and Gina’s new after-hours business. Gina butters the guy up to get him to calm down. She reminds Noah that they need to keep things going so he can afford all the nice things Donna wants. Noah tells her they’re moving in together. At the Walshes’, Matt watches a news story about one of his clients, Pete, who’s been sentenced to death for rape and murder.
Donna goes by the After Dark, where Noah and Gina pretend they’ve been working on a theme for a Halloween party. Noah quickly comes up with the idea for an ’80s night. Gina runs out to get “accessories.” Noah gives Donna a nice bracelet purchased with the money he made from strippers. How romantic.
Kelly goes to court with Matt, who’s super-nervous about arguing such an important case. After all, a man’s life depends on him. Matt calls Pete’s brother Walter to the stand for Pete’s appeal. The brothers had a rough childhood with an abusive father. Pete confessed to Walter after he murdered a woman named Pam, and Walter turned him in to the police. In the ten years he’s been in prison, Pete has changed, and Walter pleads for the jury to spare his life.
Steve wants to turn the Walshes’ into a haunted house for Halloween, partly to get in touch with his inner kid. Janet already has plans for the holiday, going out with some old friends. In fact, she’s going to play with their band. Steve’s like, “I thought I was the wild and crazy one.” Back in court, the prosecutor plays a recording of Pete’s rape and murder confession. He relays his crime as if nothing major happened. Kelly leaves the courtroom, unable to hear it.
At the club, Tony asks David to help him get his girlfriend, Amber, back – the breakup was a huge mistake. David thinks it was the right thing, since Amber doesn’t love him. Tony begs David to fix things. Dylan calms him down, then tells David he’s being an idiot. David ignores him, then announces that the topic of that night’s show is “old friends and when it’s okay to tell them to go to Hell.”
Donna and Noah flirt boringly, and she complains that he works too many hours. Noah’s just happy that she has no idea what he’s been up to. He tries to make sure that the same goes for Dylan and Gina. Dylan’s back bugging David for his behavior, calling him reckless. David says that he just gives advice, and if people take it, that’s their responsibility. Dylan points out that he doesn’t have any training in counseling people, so he could really screw things up for someone.
Janet comes home to a haunted house that she admires until it scares her. She gushes about how great the band rehearsal was. Steve doesn’t think this is the right time for her to be revisiting things she did in college. Janet points out that he’s getting ready for Halloween to impress kids, so he’s not exactly demonstrating the kinds of mature, adult activities they should be participating in. She’d really like him to be supportive.
At the beach apartment, Matt apologizes for bringing Kelly to a trial that involved rape. She tells him about the Patches’ visit and their quest for forgiveness. She wonders if Matt would want Joe executed if he’d killed her. Matt says that he wouldn’t – the death penalty is immoral and isn’t applied fairly. Kelly’s disgusted that he would be okay with her killer getting to live. She hopes he loses Pete’s case.
Noah calls Gina in the middle of the night, asking her to grab Dylan’s key to the DJ booth and bring it to the After Dark. Otherwise the strippers won’t have any music to dance to. Gina gets the key and makes the delivery…then notices that Mel is at the club. Also at the club: Donna, who wanted to keep Noah company while he worked late. She starts to storm out but is stopped by police. The club is being shut down, and Noah’s in trouble for prostitution, operating without a license, and disturbing the peace.
Gina rushes Mel out the back door as the police cuff both Noah and Donna. They think Donna’s a hooker. Gina heads back to the hotel, putting Dylan’s key back on his keychain and getting back into bed with him to pretend she was there all night. When Dylan’s woken by a call from Donna, Gina learns that she was arrested. Kelly thinks that Matt’s doing something immoral by defending Pete. He introduces her to Walter, who’s hanging out with him until the verdict comes back.
Noah and Donna are released from lockup, and Donna gives back her new bracelet, since it was paid for with strip-club money. She leaves with Dylan, refusing to talk to Noah. Donna heads to the Peach Pit, where David’s telling Nat about his latest meddling in people’s lives. She tells him that he’s being a jerk and making fun of people. What would he say if a teenage girl called him and asked if she should give in to a boyfriend pressuring her to have sex? David’s behavior worries her.
The verdict is in, and Pete’s appeal has been denied. Walter blames himself for basically sentencing his brother to death. Kelly feels bad. Gina tells Noah that they made $4,000 the night before, even with the police breaking things up. She tells him he can have all of it, first making sure he didn’t tell anyone that she had anything to do with the strip club. Dylan arrives, announcing that he’s shutting down the strip club. He was fined $40,000, and his probation could be in trouble. The guys bicker about who works for who, and Dylan demands that Noah pay half the fine.
It’s Halloween! The haunted house is a hit, though some kids run away screaming before Steve can give them popcorn balls. Janet gets ready for a band performance, which Steve objects to. She can’t believe he’s being such an overprotective father to her after being so immature so often. She wishes he would come to the performance, since it’s so important to her.
David goes to see Amber, telling her he was wrong to force Tony’s hand. He asks her not to blame Tony for David’s actions. Kelly goes to see the Patches, wanting to talk about forgiveness. Meanwhile, the club holds its ’80s night. A bandana’d Dylan tells Gina and her crimped hair that he woke up in the middle of the night and noticed his key missing, so he knows what she’s been up to. She promises that the strip club is done and she won’t be lying to him anymore.
On air, David apologizes for giving bad advice to his callers, blaming his personal problems. Now he’s going to work on getting people together. He also seems to want to make up with Dylan. Noah tries to ease Donna’s worries, telling her that the criminal charges have been dropped, so he just has to pay the fine. Donna doesn’t think they should live together – she can’t trust him. Noah notes that he came clean, but she reminds him that he didn’t tell her while it was going on.
Matt joins Steve at the haunted house, which he thinks is about to have a new wave of visitors. Matt points out that it’s 9:15, so the kids are probably in bed. Steve says that he used to believe in capital punishment, but after talking to Kelly about Pete’s case, he’s changed his mind. Then Steve puts on his best Miami Vice outfit and goes to the club to see Janet play. His conversation with Matt helped him remember that he doesn’t have to be a responsible parent all the time. After all, kids have bedtimes. Janet just wants to make sure his costume isn’t from his own closet.
The band plays (Janet’s on bass, by the way), and Steve’s the most excited person in the audience. Gina sneaks out to call Mel, looking for some gratitude, since other people at the strip club got arrested. He tries to brush her off, so she asks what David and Jackie would say if they knew where he was the other night. She’s going to need some hush money.
Kelly returns from the Patches’, telling Matt that she “gave them what they wanted.” Whether it was genuine or not, she knows it was the right thing to do. Matt hopes she can forgive him, too, but Kelly has no sympathy for Pete. Matt says it’s his fault if Pete dies; it means Matt couldn’t save him. Kelly says that they shouldn’t see each other until the case is over.
Thoughts: Steve’s objection to Janet playing in a band is…? He never explains it.
No judgment, but I’m going to guess that Donna was mistaken for a prostitute because of her clothes.
Yeah, they don’t call a lawyer and give him a verdict over the phone. You have to go to court and get everything on the record. Nice try, though.
Who looks at his keychain when he wakes up in the middle of the night?
Donna dresses up as Madonna. Oh, I get it!
Noah looks like an extra from Wet Hot American Summer.
Janet’s friends’ band is called Zaftig Figure. That’s not bad.
August 15, 2015
BH90210 9.24, Dog’s Best Friend: Practically Perfect in Every Way
“I heard you haven’t had enough tragedies in your life. Let me add one”
Summary: Gina dances with some guy at the After Dark while Dylan tries to get David on board for a road trip. Gina ends the conversation by making David dance with her. Noah asks about all the time Donna’s been spending with Wayne. Kelly tries to get him to stop worrying by telling him that Wayne’s gay. David tells Gina that her plan to make Dylan jealous isn’t working; he’s not paying attention to her. Kelly tries to talk to her, but Gina’s not in the mood.
Matt shows Noah an environmental impact report that Hunter Oil commissioned two years earlier. He was entering into a partnership with another company, and their joint project was making people sick. Matt and Noah fight, and Noah says that as bad as his father was, he wouldn’t knowingly hurt people. Matt encourages him to read the report and see if he changes his mind.
The Beverly Beat has been using a computer program, the Love Fisher, to set people up with their perfect matches. Though it’s been successful, Janet isn’t sold on “perfect” matches. But when Steve leaves the office, she tries out the program herself. Matt’s so busy at work that Kelly pitches in to help with some administrative tasks. Gina’s having a problem with a tooth, so Kelly gives her Mel’s number. Gina’s like, “Thanks, but I still hate you.”
Wayne visits Donna at the boutique, noting that they haven’t seen each other for a few days. She tells him they should probably keep that up. Noah asked her to move in, but her crush on Wayne is making her question whether that’s a good idea. At the Peach Pit, Noah meets with Adam, one of father’s former colleagues, to talk about the impact report. Adam admits that Mr. Hunter knew about the information in the report, and that his company might be making people sick.
David and Dylan take a trip to Vegas, where they catch the attention of some women in a bar. Dylan wants to spend time with them, even after David reminds him that he’s supposed to be with Gina. Janet goes out with a guy she met through the Love Fisher. It turns out they went to the same college and have a lot in common. One of those things is that they’re both in relationships already. The guy thinks he and Janet are perfect for each other.
Mel examines Gina, noting the lack of enamel on her teeth and asking how long she’s been bulimic. He wants her to see an internist to make sure she’s okay. Gina insists she’s fine, but Mel warns that her heart could give out at any moment. Dylan spent the night with Mary, one of the women from the bar, as David learns in the morning. Dylan asks David to play along with his story that he might be back in town in a few weeks.
Janet admits to Steve that she went out with a guy she met through the Love Fisher. It was “by-the-numbers perfect,” but also boring. Janet doesn’t want to be with someone who’s just like her. She’s happy with the person she’s already found. Steve decides to try the Love Fisher himself. Gina obsessively calls Dylan, who doesn’t answer. Kelly tries to patch things up with her, but when Gina makes it clear that she’s not ready to forgive her, Kelly suggests that Gina move out. Gina’s bad week is getting worse, so it’s time to binge.
Noah’s found a place for him and Donna to live, but she thinks he’s pushing things. He tells her to figure out what she wants, kind of implying that if they don’t take this next step, things will change. Dylan packs up to leave Vegas, telling David that Mary was a little too inquisitive after they slept together. David’s like, “Darn women, always wanting to get to know the men they have sex with.” Dylan lets Mary continue to think that he’ll be back to see her in a few weeks.
Noah tells Matt to go ahead and use the impact report against his father. If he was willing to let people get sick so he could make money, Mr. Hunter deserves whatever comes next. Donna’s decided to look at the house with Noah, but first she and Steve commiserate over making big steps in their relationships. Steve decides he’d rather be with Janet than find his perfect match, but when he sees a picture of Lilly, the match the Love Fisher picks for him, he calls her. Donna tells Steve she’s calling Noah, but she phones Wayne instead.
David and Dylan return to Beverly Hills, where David blasts Dylan for leading Mary on and cheating on Gina. Dylan doesn’t appreciate his input. Mary calls to give David a message for Dylan – she’s coming to L.A. to visit a friend, and she wants to get together with Dylan. David tells her that’s a great idea. Donna tells Noah that she doesn’t want to move in together. He declines to hear her explanation. Then he finds something interesting in his father’s things.
Janet surprises Steve at the After Dark, where he’s waiting for Lilly. He introduces Janet as a co-worker, so that’s a problem. Janet quickly figures out that they were matched on the Love Fisher. Noah confronts Adam with what he found in his father’s belongings – a memo from Mr. Hunter telling Adam to kill the project that was hurting people. The partners went ahead with the project and blamed Mr. Hunter when they got sued. Noah knows his father was a good guy after all.
Donna has dinner with Wayne, agreeing with him that they’re too young to settle down. They should date around until they find their perfect matches. No one should stay in a relationship just because they’re afraid of the consequences of it ending. Donna convinces herself that it’s okay to make out with Wayne because if she’s meant to be with Noah, they’ll wind up together. Gina goes to make up with Dylan, but Mary’s arrival ruins things for them yet again. At least now Dylan doesn’t have to figure out how to get rid of Mary.
Later, Dylan confronts David for letting Mary believe something could happen (though that’s what Dylan did first). Dylan thinks David wants Gina for himself. Gina hears him yelling that David’s free to take her. Steve apologizes to Janet, but she knows they tried to the Love Fisher for the same reason. They decide to get rid of it…until Steve discovers that he hit the wrong keys, and Lilly was actually his perfect opposite. His perfect match could still be out there. But he chooses Janet anyway.
Matt assures Noah that Mr. Hunter’s name will be cleared, thanks to his memo. Kelly’s happy that things worked out. They’re also working out for her and Matt. In fact, things are pretty perfect right now. (Way to jinx it, Kel.) Gina puts off a binge to fight with Dylan some more. He tells her he cares about her, but she’d be better off with someone else. Gina doesn’t like that he sleeps around instead of facing his problems. She stomps off and purges.
At the boutique, Donna tells Wayne that she wants to let Noah know that they’ve been seeing each other. She should probably do that instead of kissing Wayne out in the open where anyone can see them. Dylan calls Kelly from a coffee shop, asking her to come talk him out of getting high. Someone follows her from her car, pulls her into an alley, and rapes her at knifepoint.
Thoughts: Okay, so Kelly gets abandoned by her father, has a mother who’s an addict, develops an eating disorder, is burned in a fire, gets addicted to cocaine, gets pregnant and miscarries, is shot, gets amnesia, and now gets raped. She has to be in the top ten most tragic TV characters.
Mary is played by Bonnie Somerville.
’90s music alert: “Smile,” by Vitamin C, and “Baby One More Time” by one Miss Britney Spears.
David, jealous over Dylan’s magnetic pull with women: “I don’t know how you do it.” Step 1: Don’t wear shirts with flamingos on them. Do you hear me, Silver?
I blinked and suddenly I’m just two episodes from the end of the season.
September 28, 2014
BH90210 8.10, Child of the Night: Noah Saves the Day for the Hundredth Time
Who wants to tell Noah he’s not at a modeling job?
Summary: Steve goes to the Peach Pit to try to talk to Carly, who’s been giving him some space while he deals with Jody’s revelation. She urges him to get a paternity test to make sure Jody’s telling the truth. She also points out that she can’t trust him to use birth control properly if he had unprotected sex with another woman. Kelly and Brandon try to find Erica, whose disappearance Kelly blames on Valerie. Of course, Kelly blames everything on Val, so that doesn’t mean much.
While Kelly and Donna drive around downtown playing Spot the Prostitute, David meets with Mel to discuss all his financial problems. He’s more upset about the $2,500 he took from Donna than he is about his creditors. Mel quickly devises a plan: David will file for bankruptcy, and Mel will give him the money he needs to pay Donna back. He’s very unhappy with his son.
Steve meets Jody at the Beverly Beat to ask if she’s really sure he’s the baby’s father. Even though they used protection, she’s sure Steve’s the father, since he’s the only guy she’s slept with since she broke up with her boyfriend months earlier. Steve tries to talk her out of having and/or raising the baby on her own, telling her that he’s grateful for the choice his birth mother made to place him for adoption. Jody won’t budge, determined to have and keep the baby.
Valerie lets herself onto Noah’s boat to make him a romantic dinner. She’s all, “We belong together! I’m not a crazy stalker!” He makes her leave, because she is a crazy stalker. The police pick up Erica, and Kelly argues to get her released into her foundation’s custody. Erica still has some stolen items with her, but Kelly gives her the Jean Valjean treatment, lying that she gave them to her.
David gives Donna back her $2,500 and apologizes for all his mistakes. Donna accepts the money but not the apology. He wants another chance, but she can’t trust him anymore. He’ll need to find another place to live. Brandon and Kelly let Erica spend the night at the Walshes’, and in the morning they force her to call Iris before she goes to gynecology and therapy appointments. Kelly also wants back everything she stole.
Erica takes Kelly and Brandon to her apartment to get the stuff she hasn’t already pawned, and they realize that her roommate, Julie, is stoned. Erica claims she hasn’t seen the silver pocket watch Dylan gave Brandon. Kelly wants to help Julie, who just turned 18 (which means they can’t do much about her care). Erica slips Julie the pocket watch as they leave.
Steve asks Carly to talk to Jody about how difficult single parenthood is. Carly refuses, not wanting to try to talk a stranger into what to do with her own body. Steve points out that he’ll be affected, too. Carly tells him that he doesn’t have to be a fulltime dad. Steve asks about Zach’s father, who ditched him and Carly because he didn’t want a child. Somehow, this convinces Carly to try talk to Jody.
Brandon takes Erica to the Beverly Beat, wanting to write a story about her life. Erica doesn’t think her story will help anyone in her position because teen prostitutes don’t really read the newspaper. Brandon talks her into it, promising not to use her real name. Donna hangs out with Noah on the boat while David moves out of the beach apartment. They bond a little over their recent relationship issues.
Steve helps David move, saying he agrees with Mel’s plan for him to file for bankruptcy. David mentions that he kind of sort of borrowed money from a loan shark. Meanwhile, Carly meets with Jody to tell her she’s making very bad decisions. Speaking of possibly bad decisions, Valerie sneaks onto the boat just in time to see Noah and Donna kissing.
Brandon publishes his story on Erica, using an alias for her but printing Riggs’ real name. It earns him a visit from the ADA, who wants to bring a case against Riggs and just needs the name of Brandon’s source. Brandon refuses to give it, since Erica shouldn’t have to face Riggs. The ADA is determined to get what she wants despite Brandon’s stubbornness. David and Donna run into each other at the beach apartment, and it’s awkward and she cries.
Kelly thinks Brandon should give Erica’s name to the ADA so they can be sure Riggs gets put away. Brandon wants to keep his promise to Erica that he won’t let her name become public. Carly admits to Steve that she agrees with Jody’s decision to be a single parent. She wants him to be a part of the child’s life if he’s the father. Steve is still unconvinced that he’s the father, and thinks having a baby would ruin his life.
Kelly and Donna have a girls’ night at the beach apartment so Donna won’t have to be alone right after the breakup. She’s not doing too badly, though, since she spent the day with a hot guy. Valerie goes by the After Dark to let David know that Donna spent the day with Noah. David doesn’t think it’s a big deal until Val mentions the kiss. P.S. Noah’s at the After Dark tonight, if David would like to speak to him.
Yes, David would like to speak to Noah, but first he’ll have to deal with Everett Sands, who wants his money back. David says he’s going to his office to get it, then runs off. Noah buys a bottle of something (with a $100, letting the bartender keep the change), then uses it as a weapon to keep Sands and his goons from injuring David too badly.
Kelly tries to convince Erica to reveal her name to the DA, but Brandon and Erica are still a united front on the topic. Kelly threatens to call the DA herself. As Brandon’s calling her bluff, Erica steals Kelly’s car. David confronts Donna at work about her kiss with Noah, asking why she lied about her whereabouts the previous day. She says her activities are none of his business. David asks if they slept together, which is REALLY none of his business.
Brandon and Kelly track Erica to her apartment, where she’s helping Julie after a beating – Riggs sent someone after her. She gives Erica back the pocket watch, which Brandon says she can keep. Riggs arrives and tries to get Julie to leave with him. Erica stands up to him, but Riggs is sure she’ll come crawling back to him.
Carly brings Steve Zach’s lucky marble, because you never know what might tip a paternity test the way you want it to go. Sands and his goons go back to the After Dark, where David prepares to meet whatever his fate is, since he doesn’t have their money. Fortunately, someone has already taken care of the debt. David doesn’t know it, but it’s Noah and his Tony Soprano shirt.
Brandon, Kelly, and Erica go home so Erica can call Iris. The ADA comes over to press Brandon again about revealing his source – Riggs has a child-prostitution ring and she really wants to bring it down. Brandon refuses once again, pointing out that there’s a law protecting him. The DA replies that the law only protects him from a misdemeanor. She plans to charge him with a felony, which could send him to prison for a long time. Dun dun dun!
Thoughts: Remember when guys used to wear collared shirts with the sleeves ripped off? Noah remembers. He probably wishes he could forget.
There’s no way the baby’s kicking. Jody’s, like, five minutes pregnant.
I’m surprised Valerie didn’t immediately try to seduce David after she saw Donna and Noah together.
Hey, Brandon, you know who you shouldn’t tick off? A pimp.
What is this, like, the fourth fight Noah’s jumped into? He’s only been in ten episodes! Is there a way to make a career out of that?
July 13, 2014
BH90210 7.31, Graduation Day, Part 1: Val Shall Not Be Moved
One big happy…something
Summary: Valerie has just told Brandon how Derrick took all her money. She swears that she didn’t invest with Bill just to mess with Kelly – not that it matters anyway, since Val’s the one who lost in the end. She’s eager for Jim and Cindy to come for the kids’ graduation so she can talk to some real adults about her problems. Unfortunately, they’re not coming. But Val’s mom is, so that’s…something. Kelly thinks Brandon has spent the past few minutes kicking Valerie out, but she’s wrong. Valerie hears her yelling at Brandon to get rid of her so Kelly can move in.
The college kids aren’t the only ones graduating this weekend – Erin’s graduating from kindergarten. (She’s still super-cute, by the way.) Jackie, Mel, Kelly, David, and Donna are all there for the ceremony. Kelly’s happy that David and Donna are so happy. The college kids were all invited to some big party where the Cardigans are playing; the party host is unknown, but David thinks it’s Rush. Jackie assures Kelly that Bill and Joy will be at her graduation.
Donna picks up her grandmother from the airport, sharing that she and David plan to move in together. Mrs. Martin laughs because Felice is going to flip out. She knows that Donna and David will know when the time is right for them to…you know. Valerie’s mother isn’t coming to graduation after all, and Val decides to tell her off. Brandon’s like, “I guess this isn’t a good time to make you move out, huh?” Val lays it on thick, thanking him for being such a great guy and always supporting her.
At the Peach Pit, Steve invites David to help him plan a major senior prank. He and Muntz want to set off confetti cannons, and they need a hand with the electronics side of things. Inside, Valerie packs up her office, getting no sympathy from David about her money problems or living situation. She asks him to talk to Kelly about letting her stay in the house. David tells her to solve her own problems.
Despite Kelly’s skepticism, Bill does arrive for the weekend, bringing Joy along. Kelly’s pleasant to one of them but not the other. Guess which! Go on, guess! Donna tells Kelly that she’s considering having sex with David; she wants to surprise him on graduation night. Kelly says that if she feels the time is right, then it’s right.
The honors grads, led by Brandon, give Chancellor Arnold a going-away present before he leaves for Paris. Steve crashes the end of the honors-grad luncheon, Chancellor Arnold asks about Samantha, Clare gets mad that Steve’s talking about her, and I roll my eyes so hard they pop out of my head. Steve confides in Brandon that he feels like Clare blames him for her father leaving. That makes no sense, but that’s Clare for you.
Brandon and Steve reminisce about various college experiences, then talk about the senior prank. Brandon is actually sad that Steve hasn’t asked for his help. At the Peach Pit, Valerie whines to Nat about Kelly, but Nat thinks she needs to suck it up and move on. Kelly herself shows up, and Valerie tries to convince her that Brandon said she could stay in the house. She threatens to call Jim and Cindy and fill them in – after all, they invited her to live in the house. Val refuses to move.
Donna goes shopping with Clare to find a going-away present for Chancellor Arnold, but Donna gets distracted at a lingerie store. Kelly and Joy are also at the mall, looking for something to wear to the big graduation party. Joy reveals that Bill is the person behind the party, and it’s all for Kelly. They run into Ryan and Austin (ugh), and Ryan instantly develops a crush on Joy. Joy thinks he’s cute. Kelly, quick, get her out of there.
Nat’s hosting a pre-grad party, and as Valerie and Steve get ready, Val tries to get him on her side about staying in the house. She asks him to appeal to Brandon on her behalf. At the beach apartment, Donna tries to hide all her lingerie and condoms from David. He wants her opinion on whether he’s an idiot for helping Steve and Muntz with the prank. He wanted to make sure he wasn’t completely missing out on something school-related, since he never joined a frat or went to a pep rally or anything like that. Donna seems to think it’s cute.
Just before they leave for the pre-grad party, Brandon finally tells Valerie that she needs to move out. Val whines that no one’s looking out for her. She threatens again to tattle to Jim and Cindy, but Brandon already did, and they told him he could make the final call. Valerie begs to be allowed to stay through the summer, but Brandon won’t budge.
The gang and their families have their get-together at the Peach Pit, though Valerie leaves early to go mope alone. Rush thanks Brandon for being so awesome and letting some of that awesomeness rub off on Steve. He wonders why he hasn’t heard anything about a senior prank yet. Steve and David are all, “Oh, I guess no one cares enough about the school to do anything.” They plan to slip out in a little while to meet up with Muntz.
Kelly’s in a great mood now, since Valerie’s leaving the Walshes’. Meanwhile, Val leaves a note on Brandon’s pillow. That night, Steve, David, and Muntz sneak around campus to set up the confetti cannons. They’re hilariously excited about the whole thing. Kelly, Donna, and Clare spend what might be their last night together at the beach apartment. They definitely won’t all be there the next night – Donna wants the apartment to herself so she and David can do it. Clare and Kelly secretly agree that she won’t go through with it.
Valerie checks into the Shangri-La Hotel, saying she’ll be gone the next day. At the house, Brandon finds her note, which says that she won’t be at graduation. She’ll be having her “own private ceremony,” doing something she should have done when she was with David a year ago. Brandon tries to call David to figure out what Val means, but he has to leave a message. Valerie tries to call her mother as she stands on the bluff where she and David discussed suicide. “I’m going to take care of everything tomorrow,” Valerie promises.
The next morning, David finally calls Brandon back, confirming Brandon’s suspicions that Valerie has talked about killing herself. David remembers that she used to stay at the Shangri-La across the street from the bluffs. The guys lament how hard they’ve been on her recently. Kelly arrives to meet up with Brandon before graduation, but he runs off to find Valerie. And for some reason, the episode ends here.
Thoughts: Jim and Cindy are skipping Brandon’s graduation? I thought they were good parents.
How weird would it be to graduate college while your little sister is just finishing kindergarten?
Do college students do senior pranks? I thought that was just a high school thing.
“We’ll be adults soon enough.” I’ve got news for you, Steve: You’re already an adult. You’ve been an adult for four years. Scary, right?
Part of me feels bad for Valerie, because she has no money so how is she supposed to find a place to live? But the rest of me remembers that she was gullible enough to fall for Derrick’s act, and burned her bridges with everyone she’s ever met, and manipulated David into buying her out, which is why she has no job. And then I remember that she’s fictional, so whatever.
February 23, 2014
BH90210 7.13, Gift Wrapped: Secret Sister is the New Secret Santa
“Here’s a journal so you can write down all your evil schemes.” “Here’s a journal so you can write ‘Mrs. Brandon Walsh’ over and over”
Summary: Yay, it’s Christmas! Steve, David, Donna, Clare, Brandon, and Tracy discuss gifts at the Peach Pit. As Kelly arrives, Donna comes up with the idea of the gang drawing names and only giving one gift. They have a $50 cap, and donate the money they would have spent on their other friends. Steve and Nat have each other, Clare and Donna have each other, Brandon and Tracy have each other, and David and Joan have each other. This means Kelly and Valerie are stuck with each other.
Valerie and Tracy go to the mall together to buy gifts for the exchange. (Tracy has Brandon.) Valerie thinks she should just get kitty litter for Kelly. (Huh?) They give money to the Holiday Help Fund and chat with a volunteer playing the xylophone. David asks Mel to meet him at the After Dark so he can ask for advice on dealing with Donna’s mother. Mel suggests that the Martins come to dinner the next night, since David and Donna are already coming over. The Holiday Help Fund woman advises Valerie to sideline her grudge for the holidays.
David and Donna are pleased with their plans to get Felice to warm up to David. Donna tells him not to take it personally, and that her mother’s feelings toward David don’t affect how Donna feels about him. Brandon and Steve are also at the mall, and Steve thinks the gift exchange is a good way for Brandon to “make a move” on Tracy. In other words, he should get her lingerie and then sleep with her.
Kelly’s had no luck finding a present for Valerie, so her Christmas isn’t going so well. Donna has more bad news: Her father called and said he’s coming to L.A. for Christmas. Kelly’s actually happy about that because it’ll give her a chance to yell at him. Steve tells Clare that he got Nat a Wolfgang Puck cookbook, which she thinks might offend him. Chancellor Arnold invites Steve and his mother to a Christmas party, and he’s definitely interested in meeting the famous Samantha Sanders.
Kelly goes to a restaurant to meet her father, but instead is seated with a woman named Joy. Kelly thinks Joy is Bill’s girlfriend, but she’s way off: Joy is also Bill’s daughter. That’s right, Kelly has a half-sister she didn’t know about. The next morning, Kelly shares this news with Donna, lamenting that her father has a whole new family she never knew about. She didn’t stick around to talk to Joy. Donna points out that Kelly and Joy could find common ground, and Joy could give some insight into Bill. Kelly realizes that she’ll have to tell Jackie about Bill’s secret life.
At the Peach Pit, Valerie tells Clare that she got Kelly a really nice present. Clare tries to avoid telling her that Kelly probably isn’t going to do the same for her. Brandon thinks it would be easier to bring peace to the Middle East than to Kelly and Valerie. Val tries to return the sweater; when the store won’t take it back, she donates it to the Holiday Help Fund. Chancellor Arnold is anxious to meet Samantha, but when she shows up at the party, he doesn’t know what to say to her.
Kelly goes to see Jackie, telling her first that Bill’s coming to L.A., then that she has a sister close to her age. Jackie admits that she knew. Apparently she never wanted Kelly to know. Kelly thinks it’s because Jackie wanted her to hate Bill for leaving them; she didn’t want Kelly to know that he had a reason to leave. Jackie tells her that she doesn’t have to have anything to do with Joy. Now, though, Kelly doesn’t want anyone telling her she can’t hang out with her sister.
Clare tries to get her father to warm up to Steve’s mother by inviting Samantha to lead the party in singing carols. Kelly meets with Joy again, learning that Bill told Joy all about Kelly. He was around when Joy was a kid, but now his presence in her life is more like his presence in Kelly’s. The last time Bill ditched Kelly, he was going to be with Joy’s mother while she recovered from surgery, but that was the last time Joy saw him. The sisters don’t expect him to actually join them for Christmas.
Clare’s carol scheme is a success, though Steve and Clare think it might have been too successful. Now there seems to be a physical attraction between Chancellor Arnold and Samantha. As the party winds down, the parents head off to get dinner together. Steve and Clare are grossed out. This is why you don’t Parent Trap people, kids.
The Martins and Silvers get together for dinner, but it starts off badly when Felice makes a remark about Mel serving the kids champagne before prom. Further snide comments involve Jackie’s “quaint” decorating taste and the fact that Mel is Jewish. When Felice mentions how glad she is that Jackie and Mel worked out their marriage problems, they tell her that they’re divorced but living together. Donna and David realize that this wasn’t a good idea after all.
Kelly and Joy go shopping, but Kelly still hasn’t found anything for Valerie. The sisters learn that their father has been giving them the same presents for years. Joy admits that she was always jealous of Kelly; she thought Bill was never around because he was always with her. Kelly says that she was jealous of Joy when they first met, for the same reason. They wonder if he has a bunch of other families he visits whenever he disappears.
At the Walshes’ house, Brandon tells Valerie that Kelly called and was talking really fast about sisters and sisterhood. He thinks this means that she found something really nice for Valerie. Valerie realizes that she’s going to look bad if she doesn’t get something nice for Kelly, too. She returns to the mall to buy another sweater, but they’re all sold out. The Holiday Help Fund woman still has the one Val donated; she was going to take it in to the real donation spot tonight, even though it’s Christmas Eve. (Her husband always works that night.) Val decides not to take the sweater back, and the woman gives her an already-wrapped gift in exchange.
Brandon drives Tracy to her dorm, and the two of them admit that they had trouble buying presents for each other. Felice goes to the beach apartment to see Donna, who skipped Christmas Eve dinner with her parents. Felice apologizes for what happened at the other dinner, and Donna tells her to apologize to Jackie and Mel instead. She suggests that Felice try to win David over with money, like she did with Ray. Felice says that David’s mental-health problems mean he’s not good for Donna. Donna thinks Felice has a bigger problem with David’s religion.
On Christmas morning, the gang gathers at the Walshes’ house to open presents (though Donna gets more than the others since it’s also her birthday). Steve gives Nat the Puck cookbook, and Nat gives Steve a thesaurus. (Ha!) David gives Joan handkerchiefs, and she gives him Monkees reunion tickets. Brandon gives Tracy earrings, then gets the most cop-out gift you can give someone: a pen. Clare gets tickets to an art exhibit from Donna, and gives her a fashion book.
That leaves Kelly and Valerie. Valerie gets a journal, and Kelly says that if she’d found a second one, she would have gotten it for herself. She’s in luck, because Valerie’s gift is the same journal. The gang is amazed that the two of them are getting along for once. They all go to the After Dark, where Valerie’s hosting a Christmas brunch with a performance by Clarence Fountain and the Blind Boys of Alabama. Chancellor Arnold and Samantha show up, which means she’s delayed her trip home to hang out with her new buddy. Clare and Steve realize that they could end up step-siblings.
Felice apologizes to David, asking him to help her smooth things over with Donna. He agrees to talk to Donna about sitting with her parents during brunch. Donna reminds him that it’s her birthday, so she can do whatever she wants. David plays the “do it for me” card. Bill is a no-show, as expected, but Kelly and Joy have each other to hang out with. Joy might also move to L.A. for school in the fall. Jackie goes over to meet her daughter’s sister, and though Kelly’s cold at first, Joy is polite. Kelly decides to let go of her hostility.
Thoughts: Of course her name is Joy. It’s Christmas.
The gang spends $50 on each other? I’m friends with the wrong people.
The way the show reminds us that Chancellor Arnold hangs out with dignitaries is to have his party be full of extras in various cultural outfits.
Clare’s tinsel-draping technique makes me cringe. Don’t clump it all together like that! It’s not a garland!
I hope Erin enjoyed Christmas without her family. I don’t know where she is, but she doesn’t show up in this episode at all.
February 9, 2014
BH90210 7.11, If I Had a Hammer: Who Cares If You’re in Trouble? I’M in Trouble!
Nice sweatpants, David
Summary: There are people dressed as bears in CU’s student union. Weird. Donna checks in on David, who’s still acting a little strangely after what happened in Vegas. He picks a fight with her, telling her that he can’t live up to her standards. As she leaves, he yells that he doesn’t need her or his father. Then he breaks a glass, cutting his hand and bringing a lot of attention to himself. Another student offers help but David just snaps at her.
Thanksgiving is approaching, and Brandon wants to host dinner at the Walshes’ for the whole gang. Valerie reminds him that he’ll have to invite Mark. Tracy, however, will be home with her family. Nat tells them that Willie the cook has been offered a house from Habitat for Humanity, but he and his niece and nephew need to do a lot of the work to build it. He’d like the gang to help out. Brandon and Valerie quickly agree.
Donna and Mel take David to the hospital, where Mel tells Donna that he saw David’s behavior years ago in Sheila. The doctor who took care of David’s hand calls in a psychiatrist to address his frantic manner. David tries to make excuses for his behavior, then uses the old “this is just how I am” story. The psychiatrist, Dr. Tate, isn’t buying that.
At CU, Steve appears before some sort of disciplinary board to address the fact that he recently turned in a paper very much like one Brandon once wrote. Steve not only plagiarized, but he did it for Professor Randall, AKA Lucinda’s ex-husband, AKA the professor who hates Brandon. Oops! Steve will be allowed to appear before a committee next week, but he’s facing expulsion.
Brandon reminds Kelly about Thanksgiving at his place, but she and Mark have plans to spend the weekend in Montecito. They spot Randall, who comes over to pretend to talk nice with Brandon. Even though he left CU, he’s been doing advisory stuff like reviewing term papers. He mentions that Brandon was always a really good writer.
Dr. Tate asks Mel and Donna if David has a family history of psychiatric problems. Mel names Sheila’s bipolar disorder. Dr. Tate wants to admit him to the psychiatric ward for 72 hours so he can be evaluated and diagnosed. Mel gives consent. He has to leave to see patients, so Donna offers to stay.
Steve goes to the beach apartment to tell Clare about his academic problems. Clare’s like, “How did I choose you over Dick and Prince Carl? Also, way to go, doing this just months before you were supposed to graduate.” She advises him to tell Brandon what happened. Steve wants to talk to Chancellor Arnold instead and try to get some sort of clemency. Clare orders him to tell Brandon before the dean does.
Brandon, Valerie, Mark, Nat, and Willie are first to the building site, followed by Clare and Steve. Steve confesses to Brandon that he took his paper and Randall caught him. Brandon quickly figures out that Randall knows he wrote the paper. That means he’s going to be gunning for Brandon. David is understandably annoyed about having to stay at the hospital, and he refuses to take his prescribed sedative. He also doesn’t want to talk to his psychiatrist about his recent behavior.
Dr. Tate chats with Donna instead; she tells him about when she and David went looking for Sheila in Portland. She thinks David’s trying to run away from himself. Dr. Tate tells her that David’s lucky to have her in his life. Kelly and Mark head to Montecito, learning on the way that their hotel reservation has been misplaced. She’s not optimistic that they’ll be able to find another place to stay on a holiday weekend. Mark’s fine with thinking of this as an adventure.
Brandon learns that he’s going to be charged with collusion for helping Steve plagiarize. Clare worries that she’s following in her mother’s footsteps, since she always considered Chancellor Arnold a project to work on. Speaking of the chancellor, Steve’s meeting with him right now. It’s not going to do any good, though, since Chancellor Arnold doesn’t get involved in disciplinary matters. Steve doesn’t get immunity just because of whose daughter he’s dating. He begs for the chance to make up for his plagiarism, regretting that he ever copied the paper. Chancellor Arnold says that he should have copied Brandon’s behavior instead.
David meets with Dr. Tate, and though he tells him a little about his life, he won’t talk about his feelings. Dr. Tate wants to discuss Sheila’s bipolar disorder. David denies that he’s like her, but Dr. Tate points out that he’s genetically predisposed to have what she has. David blah blahs about having a bad day, not having control, wanting to let off steam, etc. Dr. Tate tells him that those are the lows, and he’s been self-medicating with all his drinking. He adds that David has Mel and Donna, so he’s not alone.
Kelly and Mark scramble to get a hotel room anywhere in Montecito. They can’t, but Mark does manage to get them dinner reservations in a four-star restaurant in Lake Tahoe. (He told them it was for Ronald Reagan.) Brandon pleads innocent to collusion, then tells Professor Randall that he had nothing to do with Steve’s plagiarism. Randall won’t drop the charges. Brandon accuses him of making things personal, which, of course, Randall denies.
Back at the work site, Valerie proves to know a lot about construction. She tells Clare that her father was a contractor and she used to work with him on houses. She adds that just before she moved to Beverly Hills, her father committed suicide. Clare is able to empathize with her over losing a parent. Valerie admits that she doesn’t have a lot of happy memories of her father.
While Mark and Kelly eat fancy food at the four-star restaurant, David has a dream about looking for Sheila among homeless people in Portland. When he finds her, she turns into him. Well, it doesn’t take Freud to figure that out! David’s finally ready to talk to Dr. Tate. Sheila arrives in Beverly Hills and meets up with Donna at the hospital. She feels guilty for passing her bipolar disorder on to David. Donna says that David will just be happy to have her support.
At the Walshes’ house, Brandon yells at Steve for being an idiot and dragging Brandon into his antics. No more computer for Steve! Kelly and Mark manage to get a hotel room somewhere, but now she’s sick. Mark thinks she has the flu, but then he gets sick himself. Apparently you can get food poisoning at a four-star restaurant. So much for a romantic weekend. In the morning, they debate going back to Beverly Hills for Thanksgiving with the gang, but decide to stay put.
David’s very happy to see Sheila, who tells him she’s repaying him for the times he was there for her. She wants to talk about their similar behavior, but he still doesn’t think they should be compared. He has, however, been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Sheila knows that David likes his highs, but she cautions that he needs to stop drinking or he’ll have to face the lows, too. If he takes care of himself, he won’t need medication.
The members of the gang who’ve been working on the house gather with Willie and his niece and nephew for Thanksgiving dinner. Valerie and Clare ask Brandon and Steve to call a truce for the holiday. David shows up in time for the meal and asks Donna why she stuck around to help him. She reminds him that he was her first love. They exchange “I love you”s and kiss. So they’re…back together?
Thoughts: They keep showing the people dressed as bears throughout the episode, but no one ever mentions them or explains why they’re there. I’m starting to wonder if I just imagined them. Paging Dr. Tate!
“Hey, Steve, I know you’re in a jam, but can we make this about me?” Sure thing, Brandon!
Kelly can’t get a hotel clerk to help her over the phone, so she has Mark deal with him, saying that the guy must hate women. Mark doesn’t get anywhere either, so he tells Kelly, “He hates men, too.” For some reason, that cracked me up.
Kelly’s never had caviar? I find that hard to believe.
January 26, 2014
BH90210 7.9, Loser Take All: You Can’t Do Anything Unless Brandon Approves
“Did I say you could wear that shirt? Go back upstairs and put on something more appropriate. Don’t give me that look!”
Summary: Nat has brought Frankie to work, but apparently doesn’t know that when a child is screaming, it’s a good idea to change his diaper. Fortunately for him, Valerie figures it out. Brandon is clearly annoyed, so maybe he shouldn’t have children. Kelly arrives and starts hinting to Brandon that Valerie’s gotten herself into another mess. She tells him all about Valerie’s claim of getting pregnant and having an abortion. Brandon can’t believe Valerie didn’t tell him. Kelly says it’s because it’s not true.
Later, at the beach apartment, Mel tells Kelly and Donna about David’s inheritance from his grandfather. He’s worried about the money changing David – he’s already been acting out, and now he can afford to act out even more. Mark calls, apparently just to flirt. Donna assures Mel that she’ll keep an eye on David. Over at the Walshes’, Steve talks about crew, so that’s still going on. Brandon confronts him about keeping Valerie’s secrets, and Steve lists the reasons he and Kelly think Val’s lying.
On campus, Kelly gleefully tells Valerie that she told Brandon about the “baby” and “abortion.” Valerie sticks with her claim that it all happened. Clare and Dick watch Steve and his team row; Clare’s impressed with their progress, but Dick is still bitter and macho. He advises Steve to call off the bet now, but Steve would rather up the stakes: Loser serves dinner to the winner’s frat for a week. Dick agrees, tacking on dinner service for the winner’s dates.
At CUTV, Brandon bounces pregnancy/abortion scenarios off of Tracy, coming to the conclusion that the reason Valerie didn’t tell him anything is probably because she was lying. Tracy suggests that he talk to Kenny. Donna catches up with David and is surprised to hear that he’s enjoying one of his history classes. She’s happy that he’s happy. He credits her for his mood change, since she helped get him back into school.
Brandon meets with Kenny, who tells him that he “fell in love with the wrong girl.” Brandon notes that Kenny’s still with his wife. Kenny says he cared about Valerie, but she just wanted money for an abortion, rather than his support. Brandon confirms that he gave her $100,000 in an attempt to get her to stay away from his family. Kenny admits that he never found out if Valerie was really pregnant, but even if she wasn’t, the money was worth it to make her go away.
David takes Donna on a shopping spree for totally unnecessary things (like an electric toilet seat warmer and an astronaut pen). When she tells him he’s being foolish, he gets loud, then considers going on a big trip. Even though Donna keeps looking down on his spending, David kisses her. She admits that she’s been trying to keep an eye on him for Mel. David finds a scratch on Donna’s car when it comes back from valet parking, but the valet claims it was there before. Donna isn’t sure, so now David feels like he’s all alone.
Blah blah, Steve and Clare, what have I done to deserve this torture? At home, Brandon chastises Valerie for not telling him about her “pregnancy” and “abortion.” He brings up the $100,000, another secret she kept from him. Now he can’t trust Valerie. He orders her to give the money back, since she committed fraud and extortion. If she doesn’t repay Kenny, she has to move out. Kelly has dinner with Mark, and he urges her to talk about herself, since she never does. She admits that she had a drug problem, but Mark doesn’t see it as a dealbreaker.
Tracy goes to the Walshes’ to see Brandon and finds Valerie packing up to move out. Tracy’s figured out that Valerie was the person Brandon was talking to her about, and she offers her sympathy. She urges Val to tell Brandon the truth. Valerie claims that she already did, but since Brandon doesn’t think she’s worthy of his friendship anymore, they’re done. Tracy says that Valerie’s virtue is worth more than she thinks. Val then goes to Kenny’s and gives him back the $100,000.
David shows up at the beach apartment in the middle of the night, wet from swimming in the ocean. He’s talked to a mechanic about Donna’s car and found her a Porsche as a temporary replacement. Donna expresses her concern over his behavior, but David blows her off to go to a club. Steve, Clare, kill me. I think she wants him back. Kill me again.
Valerie unpacks her stuff at the house, telling Brandon that she gave the money back. Now the After Dark is in danger of going bankrupt, but at least Brandon approves of her behavior now. She asks him when she’s been disloyal to him. Brandon gets her to admit that she lied about the pregnancy and abortion. Daddy is disappointed, Valerie. She says that Kenny made promises, and she wanted to believe him because he reminded her of her father. She tells Brandon that she can’t live up to his expectations. He tells her to straighten up and fly right.
Time for the crew race. I would have to put forth effort to care less about this. Donna and Kelly are there to watch, and Donna feels bad for telling Mel how David’s been acting. She thinks his manic behavior has nothing to do with the money, and worries that he’s inherited his mother’s bipolar disorder. The race begins, but the girls aren’t sure who to root for. Kelly doesn’t think Steve’s team will win. She’s right, and they don’t, but it’s a close race. Steve’s a gracious loser and promises to honor the bet. Clare’s proud of him, like she’s his mom or something.
Brandon goes to Tracy’s room to thank her for giving Valerie advice. I bet Tracy’s virtuous enough for Brandon’s approval. Mark calls Kelly and tells her he’s falling in love with her. I think we’re supposed to care. Clare and her crimped hair go to the Walshes’ house to tell Steve that she’s dumped Dick and wants to get back together. Oh, Clare! Why must you do this to me? David finds Valerie at the After Dark and learns of her money troubles. He offers to buy half of the club so it can stay open. They seal the deal with a makeout session.
Thoughts: New rule, guys: We have to tell Brandon everything or he’ll pout and he won’t be our friend anymore.
Brandon: “[Let’s] say you’re pregnant.” Tracy: “I’m pregnant.” Brandon: “That’s not funny.” Me: “Yes, it is.”
Mark has even less personality than Colin. Kelly’s taste in men is really going downhill.
How did Donna recognize David’s manic behavior before Kelly, who’s a psych major?
The shopping list on Tracy’s door: “D cells for pocket rocket.” Holy cow. I’m guessing someone on her hall wrote that as a joke.
January 19, 2014
BH90210 7.8, The Things We Do for Love: Gone, Non-Baby, Gone
Flannel! Remember how popular flannel was, you guys?
Summary: Brandon, Tracy, and Mark are discussing politics at Mark’s house. I’m already bored. Mark thinks Brandon and Tracy should do a broadcast together. The three of them invite David to the Peach Pit with them, but he has to head to Palm Springs for the reading of his grandfather’s will. David confides in Brandon that he feels guilty for not visiting his grandfather last week. Mel’s not making it any easier for him. After everyone leaves, David pours himself a drink.
Did you know Clare was a coxswain for CU’s crew team? Me neither. Steve approaches her after a practice so he can bug her again about getting back together. Clare still wants to date Dick, who’s better than Steve if only because he’s committed to crew. Steve claims that he wants to get involved with crew, too. Valerie calls Kenny to demand money; he put a hold on the $100,000 check he gave her. Val refuses to have an abortion until Kenny leaves his wife. Steve overhears her on the phone and learns that she’s “pregnant.”
At the beach apartment, Clare complains to Donna about how Steve is always hanging around. She joined crew to meet new people, but now he’s following her there, too. Donna currently has no boyfriend problems, since Cliff is so awesome. She thinks Clare should get back together with Steve and be just as happy.
Brandon and Tracy look through student interviews about politics, though it’s not clear anyone they interviewed actually knows the role of government. Tracy doesn’t want to talk her personal beliefs with Brandon, only saying that she’s undecided. Of course, Brandon thinks that’s lame. Elsewhere on campus, Mark and Kelly talk sex – he wants to do a piece on students’ feelings on the topic. She only tells him “it’s been a while.” She also thinks this is charming and doesn’t ask him the same question about his own sex life.
Steve comes in, moping over Valerie’s situation, and mentions to Kelly that one of his friends is pregnant. Kelly uses reverse psychology to get him to spill the details. Steve wishes he could tell Brandon, too, since he would know what to do. Kelly offers to talk to Valerie first. In Palm Springs, David receives his grandfather’s convertible and $250,000. He and Mel are both surprised at his inheritance.
Valerie meets Kelly at the Peach Pit so Kelly can try to be supportive. Valerie thinks she’s secretly gleeful that Val is in such a bad place. Kelly admits that when she used to babysit Kenny’s son, Kenny would hit on her, so she knows he’s not much of a catch. She offers her help if Valerie needs it. Val does appreciate having someone to talk to, but starts to regret it when Kelly invites herself along to the abortion appointment.
Cliff and Donna go hiking, and they’re all cute and happy and stuff. Steve gathers some friends so he can form his very own crew team. Dick arrives with his own team (and Clare) and teases them, so Steve challenges them to a race. Dick schedules it for a week in the future. David’s happy about his new car but still feels guilty about skipping the visit. His grandmother assures him that he doesn’t need to feel bad about anything.
Mel advises David to put his inheritance money in a trust, to be controlled by Mel. David doesn’t like being branded as irresponsible, so he takes his car and heads off to a bar. Mel’s like, “Way to prove your maturity.” Valerie calls Kelly just before her appointment and tells her that Kenny’s going to take her. Kelly offers to stop by later instead. Donna learns more about Cliff – he grew up in Hell’s Kitchen and bonded with a guy who taught him survival skills and got him interested in the Navy.
Tracy wants to hang out with Brandon, who’s trying to avoid getting into a serious relationship. Tracy doesn’t get that he’s really doing her a favor here. While out to lunch with a woman she worked with at the AIDS hospice, Kelly spots Kenny, who is definitely not at a clinic where his girlfriend is having an abortion. Later, Kelly goes to the Walshes’, where Valerie’s faking illness, and calls her on her lie. Val lies that Kenny stood her up. Downstairs, Kelly tells Steve about the inconsistencies in Valerie’s story and Kenny’s actions, but Steve thinks they should go easy on her.
Donna learns from Cliff that bald eagles mate for life. I wish these two were more interesting. Donna tells him that she likes spending time with him. Cliff chooses that moment to announce that he’s leaving town tomorrow to work on an oil rig. He’s not sure when he’ll be back. He didn’t tell her earlier because he was afraid she wouldn’t want to get to know him if she knew he wouldn’t be around much longer. They decide to enjoy the little time they have left together.
Tracy tracks Brandon down and tells him she’s quitting the station. She feels too uncomfortable to keep working with him. In Palm Springs, Mel finds David at a bar and tries to get him to leave. David thinks Mel wants to punish him for skipping his visit with his grandfather. He wants respect from his father, but he doesn’t think Mel respects anyone. Mel points out that he just lost his father; he doesn’t want to worry that he’ll lose his son, too.
Blah, Steve and Clare, blah. Move on, Steve. He wants to prove that he’s changed in the, what, ten days since they broke up? Back at the house, Steve interrogates Valerie about her doctor’s orders, trying to catch her in a lie. David finds out that Mel’s trying to get his inheritance placed in a trust despite David’s protests. He wishes Mel would respect him the way his grandfather did. His grandmother tells him about how his grandfather never let Mel drive his beloved car. Also, Mel wants David’s respect. Why is this episode so boring?
Brandon is about to make his TV debut with Tracy. He wants to alleviate Tracy’s embarrassment over his rejection of her, so he does the broadcast without pants. Steve tells Kelly that Valerie said she was drugged up after her abortion, but she was allowed to drive home. The two of them are starting to wonder if she was ever even pregnant. Cliff says goodbye to Donna, asking her to stay in touch while he’s gone.
Brandon and Tracy nail their broadcast, and she decides not to quit. I think she just wants to see if Brandon will keep showing up in his boxers. David and Mel talk about the car, which is now officially a metaphor for something, but I don’t care to interpret it. Mel has called off the proceedings with the trust, telling David that if his grandfather thought he could be trusted with the money, Mel shouldn’t challenge that. David lets him drive the car. Over a cliff, I hope.
Thoughts: Kelly calls Steve “bubbelah.” I guess Jimmy rubbed off on her.
“We have to talk to Brandon! He’ll know what to do!” This is why he has such an overinflated ego.
If I were Kelly, “Kenny stood me up” is where I would have started doubting Valerie’s whole story.
I hate to admit it (mostly because the thought of Brandon in his underwear makes me shudder), but that pantsless move was kind of nice.
'90s Flashback 