May 6, 2013

Party of Five 2.4, Have No Fear: Don’t You Want Me, Baby?

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , at 9:31 pm by Jenn

"I'm totally fine! It's completely normal to have shooting pains in your arms and to feel like an elephant is on your chest!"

“I’m totally fine! It’s completely normal to have shooting pains in your arms and to feel like an elephant is on your chest!”

Summary: Julia hangs out with Griffin (gray shirt) while he works on his motorcycle, then invites him to family dinner. He declines, and she decides to stay with him. Everyone else is at the restaurant, where Joe clearly isn’t feeling well. He insists he’s fine until he collapses. He winds up in the hospital, but just as Charlie’s calling to check on him the next morning, Joe arrives at the house, doing much better. It’s just congestive heart…something. (Joe, the third word is probably “failure.”)

At school, Bailey runs into Sarah (literally), and she tries to laugh off what she told him at the engagement party. He agrees to put the whole embarrassment behind them. Bailey’s dropped out of the election, citing being too busy to serve in student government, especially since he’s back on the football team. Julia tells Nina and her new way-too-old-for-her haircut how hard it is to see Justin at school every day. Nina gives her condoms, noting that her new boyfriend has had sex and will expect it again.

Charlie wants to take Kirsten to a nice lunch, since he just made some money on a painting job, but she wants to go to the family’s restaurant and check on Joe. Charlie thinks she’s being overdramatic about his health problems. She thinks everyone else is being unrealistic. He’ll need someone to help run the restaurant. She means Charlie, but he thinks she’s overreacting and that Joe will be fine by Christmas.

Julia and Griffin (gray shirt) hang out at the coffeehouse, and he teases her about doing a sex quiz in Sassy. She panics about the topic of conversation and runs off. At football practice, Bailey hits a teammate, Andy, so hard that he flips him. Andy hits the ground hard and says he can’t move. Bailey spends the night at the hospital, where he’s joined by Claudia and Charlie in the morning. They learn that Andy has a spinal injury and might not walk again.

Griffin (rust shirt) and Julia meet up and she notices that he got a tattoo. He thinks she should get one, too, though it looks like he just wants an excuse to touch her. Bailey goes to football practice, where the coach says the players get to decide whether they play the next day. Everyone elects to play. The coach tells Bailey he doesn’t have to practice, but Bailey wants to. He spends the whole time taking hits until Will questions his state of mind.

Claudia busts Julia and Griffin making out, announcing she’s going to Ross’. No one else is home, so the lovebirds are alone. Julia quickly suggests that they go out, but Griffin’s tired and wants to stay in. Charlie finds a weak Joe out behind the restaurant and finally gets him to admit that he’s sick. He signed himself out of the hospital early because he doesn’t want to deal with his health problems. He feels young mentally, and now is forced to admit that he feels old physically. Charlie announces that he’ll take over running the restaurant.

Julia practices telling Griffin she’s not ready for sex, but when she goes back to her bedroom, he’s already half naked. (The top half, rendering the Griffin Shirt Watch moot.) But he doesn’t want to have sex – he wants to sleep. Sarah finds Bailey at the football field, and he tells her he’s struggling to get past injuring Andy. She reminds him that it was an accident, but he doesn’t think it matters. He also thinks he deserves worse injuries than he sustained in practice. Sarah kisses one of his bruises, and before long, they’re making out.

Charlie learns in the middle of the night that running a restaurant is a more involved job than he expected. He’s so busy taking calls from Joe that he almost doesn’t notice that Griffin spent the night. He blasts Julia for having sex, but she assures him that they only slept together. No, literally slept. Yeah, in the same bed, but still. Sarah calls for Bailey, but he makes Claudia tell her he’s not there. Charlie announces that Julia’s not having sex in the house, or anywhere else. “Exactly,” she says.

Bailey goes back to the hospital and meets Andy’s mother, who’s outside his room so he doesn’t see her cry. But the tears are happy ones – he’s going to be okay. He’s also in a great mood when Bailey visits, and has no hard feelings about what happened. Andy knew when he started playing football that anyone could get hurt. He tells Bailey that he was lucky, because if the injury had been an eighth of an inch higher, he wouldn’t be in such a good mood.

Joe goes by the Salingers’ house to talk to Charlie about some lunch receipts. Charlie takes offense that Joe’s second-guessing his work. But it turns out it’s a good thing he did, because Charlie did the math wrong. Charlie blasts Joe for climbing a bunch of stairs to talk about $14. Joe says he’s trying to help, but Charlie thinks he’s having trouble letting go of the only thing he has in his life. Bailey’s coach puts him in the game that night, but Bailey freezes and can’t make himself get off the bench.

Griffin (blue shirt, I think – it’s too dark to tell) and Julia sneak into a junkyard so he can get something for his motorcycle. She decides to bring up sex, asking if he wants to sleep with her: “Don’t you want me?” He doesn’t know how to respond. Sarah goes to the Salingers’ to yell at Bailey for ignoring her call and not telling her Andy was okay. She asks why he’s such a jerk. (Well, Sarah, he’s kind of having a bad year.) Sarah says that she’s never gone so far with anyone, and now she feels stupid. All Bailey can think to say is sorry.

Bailey continues that he couldn’t bring himself to play in the game. Sarah asks if he just turns his back on everything. He tells her that he went to the hospital the night Andy was hurt, and when he saw Andy’s mom, he felt like he’d taken something from her. He knew how she felt because someone took something from him, too. Bailey didn’t know how to make it up to her or change what had happened. He knows how close he came to killing Andy, and he’s scared that he’s capable of doing something so terrible.

In the morning, Charlie tries to talk to Bailey about the game, but Bailey thinks he’s in for more criticism. Charlie tells him that he’s taking over the restaurant (Bailey didn’t know), though he’s not completely sure that’s what he wants. He felt like he needed to take the chance. Charlie then goes to the restaurant and apologizes to Joe, who’s packing up his things. Charlie invites him to come by for dinner whenever he wants. Joe gives him a couple of last-minute pieces of information, but they’re on much better terms now.

Griffin (blue shirt) goes to the Salingers’ (but won’t go inside) to tell Julia that if they had sex, it would be a big deal, and he’s “not into big deals,” so they shouldn’t do it. Then he invites her for a ride on his motorcycle. Charlie has to stay late at the restaurant, but Kirsten thinks he knows what he’s doing after watching his father and Joe run things for so long. Charlie says that his dad and Joe would stay late to hang out and tell stories; the restaurant wasn’t their job, it was their life. Kirsten guesses that Charlie’s afraid he’ll come to see the restaurant the same way. He says he’s only scared that he won’t be as good as his father was.

Bailey waits for Sarah at her apartment building, and when she comes home, she tells him she kept wanting to call and apologize for being mad at him. She doesn’t like that she thinks he’s entitled to feel bad but he’s not. She feels pathetic for wanting their kiss to mean more to him. Sarah says she won’t apologize, and she won’t let him say he wants to try to make her feel better. Bailey takes her hand, which distracts her from her rant. She ends up telling him that everything will be okay.

Thoughts: Charlie finally made a good, grown-up decision! Running the restaurant is a much better job for him than his regular odd jobs, considering how many people he has to support.

I’d totally forgotten Bailey played football until this episode.

Hey, Charlie, while you’re making rules about sex, maybe you should make some about motorcycle riding.

Yeah, Sarah, no one blames you for being unable to stay mad at that face for very long.

March 3, 2013

Party of Five 1.12, Games People Play: He’s Just Not That Into You

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , at 1:14 pm by Jenn

Why did we all wear so much denim in the '90s? What was wrong with us?

Why did we all wear so much denim in the ’90s? What was wrong with us?

Summary: Kirsten goes by the restaurant to see Charlie and ask him to dinner. Then she kisses him, so I guess she’s over him cheating on her. Bailey and Kate are going camping, though she’s lied to her parents about what she’s doing. Artie’s at the Salingers’ but bails on Claudia hours before he’s supposed to leave. At Stage 18, Julia flirts with Morgan, and we’re reminded that he thinks she’s in college. He asks her to drive for their upcoming date, so of course she says she can.

Julia shares her woes with Nina, who encourages to do what she needs to do to keep Morgan. Julia decides to take a cab and pretend her car’s in the shop. Nina advises that “men love mysterious women.” Claudia overhears this and decides to wear a scarf and sunglasses when she stalks Artie at an ice cream shop, since that’s what she considers “mysterious.” “Think of all the hidden depths of my character,” she says. “Do I have to?” he asks.

At Kate’s house, her annoying father criticizes her clothes, then gives her a letter that arrived for her and which he already opened. She was accepted at a boarding school in Connecticut. Bailey’s not happy. Julia and Morgan go out, and she learns that he’s a recovering alcoholic (so running a club is a really good career path for him). There’s kissing, and Morgan asks if they can go back to her place. She lies that she lives with a family she nannies for and can’t have visitors. Also, if he calls and someone other than Julia picks up, he should hang up.

Charlie meets Kirsten at her place, and after some small talk, they decide to skip dinner and go straight to dessert, if you know what I mean. The next morning, Charlie tries to be affectionate, but Kirsten is distant. Bailey goes to see Kate’s mother and asks her to change Mr. Bishop’s mind about boarding school. Mrs. Bishop says Kate’s on board – she’s the one who sent away for the applications.

Julia hasn’t heard from Morgan, so she asks Bill the nanny if he’s gotten any hang-up calls. He says the phone hasn’t rung all day. Nina warns that she’s losing her mysteriousness. She might as well just call Morgan, or even go to his place. He’ll love her for being unpredictable. Again, Claudia overhears and applies this to her life by joining Artie’s karate class.

Bailey and Kate have it out over boarding school, which she says isn’t about him. She applied while they were broken up. She wants to have a stable living arrangement and get away from her father. Plus, if she goes to this boarding school, she might get to go to Paris, which is so much better than hanging out with Bailey. Julia takes a picnic to Morgan’s place, but he resists her spontaneity and won’t let her in. Julia asks if someone’s there, and he says no.

Charlie tracks Kirsten down and confronts her for blowing him off; it’s obviously revenge for his cheating. She tells him it was just a hookup and she’s sorry if he thought they were getting back together. She hints that she wanted to be with him because she was lonely, then tells him she might be sick. Charlie takes Kirsten home as she explains that her gynecologist found a mass. She didn’t say anything the night before because she didn’t want pitying looks from him. He offers to stay with her, but she sends him away.

Julia shares her dating problems with Nina again, sure that Morgan’s seeing someone else. Nina tells her to think of it as a blessing in disguise since Morgan’s older. She notes that Julia didn’t make a big deal out of the relationship until she thought there was another woman – people always find other people attractive when they’re unattainable.

Guess what? Claudia hears this. She enlists Will to accompany her to the ice cream shop and pretend to be her boyfriend to make Artie jealous. Artie tells Claudia she’s not as much fun as she used to be, so he doesn’t want to practice music with her anymore. (That’s not a euphemism. They’re only 12.)

Morgan makes a surprise visit to the Salingers’, so Julia pretends Charlie’s the oldest son of the couple she nannies for. Morgan explains that he didn’t have another woman over, he had a girl over: his two-year-old daughter. He was afraid to tell Julia because he didn’t want her to dump him. Bailey’s all mopey over boarding school, so he tells Kate they can’t go camping after all. He picks a fight and she blasts him for ruining the little time they have left.

Charlie and Kirsten have dinner together, but she’s cranky and doesn’t appreciate his attempts to cheer her up. She also doesn’t appreciate his attempts at a makeout session. She decides he’s not the person she should have turned to for support. Charlie assures her that he can be just a friend instead of pressuring her for sex. Kirsten tells him her sister’s coming out to visit, so he can stop trying to take care of her.

Kate begs Bailey not to call off the camping trip since it’s their last chance to spend time together. He blasts her for always trying to get what she wants instead of thinking about him. (Pssst, Kate: He’s talking about sex.) She tells him they’ll have sex on the camping trip. At home, Bailey tries to ask Charlie for sex advice without either of them actually using the word “sex.” Charlie says he’ll know if the time is right to get things started. The actual sex is the easiest part of the process.

Claudia tries to call Artie, explaining to Julia that she tried all of Nina’s dating tips and nothing works. Julia says Artie’s mad that Claudia’s been messing with him. Claudia points out that Julia’s been messing with Morgan. She meets Artie outside his karate class and admits that she was trying to get his attention. She misses spending time with him now that he’s taking karate. Once Claudia says straight out that she wants to hang out more, Artie easily agrees.

Out in the woods, Bailey and Kate get to the sex, but he realizes she doesn’t really want to go through with it. She insists she does since she doesn’t want him to forget her after she leaves. He knows that’s not a good reason to have sex. If she wants to be a virgin until marriage, she should. Julia takes Morgan a stuffed animal for his daughter, then prepares to tell him her own deep, dark secret. She’s interrupted by an inspector who wants to do an ID check around the bar.

Charlie brings Kirsten a new hair dryer (hers is broken) and some other random things he thought she should have. He announces that he loves her, and he can’t keep himself from taking care of her. “When you love someone and they need something, you have to get it for them,” he explains. Kirsten tells him she doesn’t have cancer, but she can’t have children.

Thoughts: Maybe Julia shouldn’t go out with Morgan to places where someone might know her?

A turtleneck and jumper are two of the least sexy things you could wear the morning after a hookup, Kirsten.

“Why is there an apostrophe? Snackwell’s.” Nina is smarter than I thought.

Kate, please find a new hat. Or try no hat at all. Yeah, let’s try no hat at all.

Maybe Claudia should tell Artie she’s going to boarding school. Then he’ll want her.

You want kids, Kirsten? Take Owen. He’d probably be better off with you.

February 17, 2013

Party of Five 1.9, Something Out of Nothing: I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty

Posted in TV tagged , , , , at 2:21 pm by Jenn

"So you got an A on your history test? Mmmm, that's hot"

“So you got an A on your history test? Mmmm, that’s hot”

Summary: There’s a dance coming up, and even though Nina thinks it sounds lame, she still wants to go. They’re in the guys’ bathroom, for some reason, and Julia finds a list of girls the guys most want to sleep with. Nina’s number 2 and Julia isn’t on the list. But she’s on the list of girls the guys want to cheat off of. At home, the Salingers clean up in preparation for a visit from Greer, one of their mom’s friends. She sounds wacky.

Charlie interviews a potential nanny but nixes her because she’s a temptress. (Hey, he’s learning!) Ross meets Claudia at the restaurant, where she tries to set him up with a waitress. At the house, Greer tries to cook for everyone; she’s working on a cookbook called Something Out of Nothing. She asks about everyone’s love lives, which are all depressing. Later, Greer digs more into Bailey’s issues, so we have to hear him complain some more about not having sex. He doesn’t want to go to the dance because he doesn’t want to meet someone else to date. Greer offers to fix him up with someone.

She then moves on to helping Julia, who admits that she’s always wanted Greer’s confident. She admits that her grades aren’t great anymore, and she’s spending a lot of time becoming someone different. She doesn’t think she’s special. Greer objects, forcing Julia to appreciate her own beauty. Ross comes by and Claudia tries to encourage him to go on another date with the waitress. He has to spell out for her that he’s gay. She pretends it’s not a big deal.

The next morning, Julia waxes her legs and tells Claudia that Greer thinks she should do a photo shoot and look into becoming a model. Claudia thinks that’s dumb. Greer suggests a possible date for Bailey as Charlie tries to get a “more mature” (e.g., not hot) nanny for Owen. Bailey goes out with the girl, Lucinda, who’s a pretentious theater type and smokes the whole time. (Also, she’s playing Kate in a production of Taming of the Shrew – heh.)

Julia meets with Greer’s photographer friend, who’s surprised that she’s never modeled before. This is the first time she hears that the photo session will cost her $800. Claudia has a lesson with Ross, but there’s a big old elephant in the room called Ross’s sexuality. Greer tells Bailey that he reminds her of a guy she used to know who never realized how awesome he was.

Charlie confronts Julia for writing a check to the photographer, though he’s more upset with Greer for getting her involved in modeling. He notes that Greer isn’t the best with finances; he had to pay for a wreath she sent after their parents’ funeral. Julia and Nina argue that models can make a lot of money. Charlie doesn’t think the photographer really thinks Julia can be successful – “for 800 bucks, I’d tell you you were beautiful, too.” He can’t believe how dumb Julia was.

Bailey accidentally walks in on Greer as she’s coming out of the shower, so that’s not going to help his interest in older women. They’re both awake in the middle of the night, and she tells him she’s going to stay in a hotel for the rest of her time in San Francisco. She’s embarrassed about the “mistake” she made.

Charlie interviews another nanny, pleased that she’s married. Then she tells him she and her husband are considering an open marriage. Julia goes to her photo session, where the photographer makes her laugh and tells her again that she’s beautiful. Bailey tells Will about what happened with Greer; he thinks Greer’s interested in him. Will thinks he should make a move (and also find out if she has a friend for him).

Charlie finds a marked-up phone book at the house – that’s how Greer found the photographer, so he wasn’t a friend of hers. Claudia skips a lesson, so Ross asks if she has a problem with his sexuality. If she does, she should have come to him, since they treat each other like friends. Ross says that his sexuality has nothing to do with Claudia or her music, but if she thinks it does, maybe he shouldn’t teach her anymore.

When Julia gets home from her shoot, Charlie tells her that the photographer wasn’t a friend of Greer’s. That means Julia just gave $800 to a stranger. She’s more upset that Greer went to a hotel without saying goodbye. Bailey tracks Greer down at her hotel, and it is oh so awkward. They kiss but agree not to take things any farther.

Bailey brings Greer back to the house, and Charlie blasts her for lying about the photographer. Julia’s upset that she paid a guy $800 to tell her she’s beautiful. She wishes Greer hadn’t tried to befriend her in the first place. Charlie has also uncovered that there is no cookbook. Greer just wanted everyone to see the good in their lives, since they were all down. Charlie notes that pretending everything is great doesn’t change the situation. He asks her to leave.

Claudia confides in Charlie that Ross coming out to her made her uncomfortable. (Charlie, for the record, has some gay friends, and though he doesn’t always understand it, he doesn’t think it’s a big deal.) Claudia wonders if Ross can stop being gay. He says no, and she says that’s too bad. Charlie says it isn’t if Ross is happy.

Julia asks the photographer for her money back, but he still thinks she could make it as a model. He’s even shown her pictures to a friend who wants her to pose for those photos you get in picture frames. Claudia meets Ross at the restaurant again, this time to apologize for the way she treated him and ask him to be her teacher again. He says he’ll be her friend if she’ll treat him like a friend. Claudia admits to being sad and disappointed – not because Ross is gay, but because she has a crush on him and thought they would get married someday. Then she tries to fix him up with a waiter.

Bailey goes back to Greer’s hotel to ask if she was just being nice when she kissed him the night before. She assures him she wasn’t playing any games, and she did want to be with him. Julia goes to the dance after all, picking out a guy to dance with. Bailey and Will are there, too, and Bailey keeps an eye out for a potential dance partner. At home afterward, Julia and Bailey toast Greer. Charlie tells them he’s found a new nanny, and there’s no way Charlie will screw things up. His name is Bill.

Thoughts: So Greer wants to get it on with her friend’s 16-year-old son? This show is gross.

Why do the Salingers have capers in their fridge? All they eat is pizza.

Greer: “I say we eat al fresco.” Claudia: “Who’s he?” Snort.

I’m just now realizing how much Mitchell Anderson (Ross) looks like Bradley Whitford.

Julia has horrible instincts, because the photographer skeeved me out the whole episode. She should have at least taken Charlie or Bailey with her when she went to get her money back.

January 29, 2013

Party of Five 1.5, All’s Fair: The Salingers Suck at Every Kind of Relationship

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , at 9:23 pm by Jenn

A first date that involves potential seasickness isn't the best idea

A first date that involves potential seasickness isn’t the best idea

Summary: Kirsten and Charlie’s relationship has progressed to the stage where he’s about to meet her mother. He has friends in town, including his ex-girlfriend, Rebecca, and Bailey teases him about her moving on. Kirsten is a little worried about the two of them going to dinner together. Bailey and Kate camp out for tickets to something, and he somehow doesn’t creep her out by constantly staring at her. Bailey soon becomes a fifth wheel when Kate’s boyfriend Tom joins them.

The next day, Bailey shares with Will some of his ideas for getting Kate away from Tom. Will himself was in a similar situation; he waited it out and eventually the other guy moved away. But then the girl got mono, and by the time she was well enough to see anyone, Will had moved on to another girl. Thanks, Will!

Charlie has dinner with Rebecca and her husband Mike, who got together because of Charlie. Back at the house, Nina encourages Julia to get a job waiting tables at a club called Stage 18. Claudia practices her violin in the bathroom, so Julia tells her to act her age for once. Claudia immediately acts like an 11-year-old by telling Julia to act her age. At the restaurant, Rebecca confides in Charlie that she and Mike are having problems.

Kate and Bailey hang out, but she keeps talking about Tom. He shuts her up by kissing her, then leaving. Kirsten quizzes Charlie on how many dates he and Rebecca went on in high school. He tries to assure her that Rebecca isn’t a threat. Kate shows up at the house and tells Bailey not to come to the concert. Bailey thinks Tom should stay home since Bailey was the one who suggested the concert in the first place. He’s also offended that Tom doesn’t see him as competition.

Claudia tries to get Julia to sign her application for a violin competition, and Julia notes that Claudia wrote her age as 9 instead of 11. She asks if Claudia thinks the judges will go easier on her if they think she’s younger. Claudia decides to talk to Bailey instead, but Julia threatens to tell him she’s trying to cheat. She needs to play the violin because she loves it, not because she wants to win competitions.

Charlie hangs out with Rebecca again, this time alone, though Kirsten thinks he’s with her and Mike. Rebecca says that she always feels like Mike’s waiting for someone better to come along. She doesn’t want to just mark time with him and later regret not pursuing other options. Nina takes Julia to Stage 18 and lies to a bartender that they’re 21. Julia is horrible at keeping up the story.

After the concert, which Bailey went to with Tom, Bailey goes to Kate’s house and throws rocks at her window to get her attention, which I’m sure he thinks is cute and not at all stalkerish. He tells her he no longer cares about doing the right thing. He asks her to marry him, then backtracks and asks for a date. Instead of calling the police or screaming until her parents come chase Bailey away, she says yes.

Charlie takes Rebecca to her parents’ house, and they start making out in the truck. Then their clothes come off. Well, that can’t be comfortable. The next morning, Kirsten has no idea what her boyfriend was doing the night before. Claudia tells Ross that Julia won’t sign her application because the fee is too expensive. Ross offers to pay it and signs the application himself. As Claudia plays in the competition, Nina and Julia make Julia a fake ID using a typewriter (no, really).

Rebecca visits Charlie at the restaurant and tells him she had a dream the night before about pots boiling over on a stove. She’s thinking about telling Mike what happened. Charlie doesn’t seem surprised. Bailey and Kate’s first date will involve a trip to Alcatraz, for some reason. He continues to exhibit behavior that any normal girl should find a little creepy. Rebecca calls the house but Charlie tells Julia to say he’s not there. Julia guesses what happened and calls it “business as usual.”

Ross brings Claudia home and tells Julia how well she did at the competition. Of course, Julia didn’t know she was going. She blasts him for letting Claudia enter the competition and for not noticing how obsessed she was with it. Claudia says that she shouldn’t have to listen to Julia since Julia doesn’t listen to anyone. She also doesn’t think Julia cares about her. Julia notes that she wouldn’t have interfered if she didn’t care. Claudia slams her for never coming to hear her play, then pulls out the old classic: “You’re not my mother.”

Bailey takes Kate a present and finds Tom at her house. Bailey’s confused since he was under the impression that they broke up. The guys start to fight, but Kate tells Bailey to leave. Rebecca goes to the restaurant again and confronts Charlie for avoiding her. He tells her he thinks leaving Mike would be a mistake. Rebecca scoffs because Charlie thinks she’s leaving Mike for him. She just wanted Charlie to comfort her, but now he’s worried about obligation and how he fits into things.

Kate returns Bailey’s present (which Tom broke), asking if she led him on. (Don’t worry, Kate, he would have acted that way no matter what.) She likes both guys and doesn’t want to hurt either of them. Bailey would tell her to choose between them if he were a different guy, so he’s going to walk away and let her stay with Tom. Except then he does tell her to choose between them.

Claudia doesn’t win anything in the competition, but at least Julia’s there. She realizes that Claudia wanted to enter the contest so badly because their mother placed second in it. At home, Bailey tells Will he’s a moron for making Kate choose. Will can’t disagree. Bailey wants to go for a run, but Will points out that he only started running because Kate’s a runner. Bailey says he wanted Kate to choose, but he would have settled for less. Huh?

Julia returns to Stage 18 with her fake birth certificate and ID. Despite having no experience or references, she’s hired. Charlie sits in his truck outside Rebecca’s house, because creepiness is in the Salinger DNA. She comes out to tell him that she needed him to care about her, which he says he thought he was doing. She says he just runs away from whatever scares him. She feels like he had his fingers crossed while they were having sex. In high school, he stopped wanting whatever he wanted as soon as he got it. But she thinks Kirsten means something to Charlie.

Julia tells Claudia she got a job at “a burger place.” Claudia questions her work uniform. She shows her their mother’s prize for placing second in the competition. Claudia wanted to win to make her proud. Julia assures her that their mom is proud of Claudia just for playing the violin. Claudia says Julia looks like their mother, “without all the makeup.” Charlie brings Kirsten flowers and says nothing about having sex with another woman. Kate shows up at the Salingers’ house, so I guess she made her decision.

Thoughts: The bartender who hires Julia is played by Doug Hutchison. Yes, the same Doug Hutchison who married a 16-year-old who can’t keep her clothes on. Also, he was on Lost.

Speaking of which, Bailey suggests having someone kidnap Kate and take her to an island. If he’d said arrest instead of kidnap, that would have been very scary Lost foreshadowing.

Okay, young, impressionable women out there: If a guy ever a) sits outside your house in his car, b) comes to your window at night, and/or c) asks you to choose between him and someone else, RUN AWAY.

Claudia should’ve asked Charlie to sign the application. We know he has no problem with lying.

According to the Dream Moods Dictionary, dreaming about pots “suggests that you are filled with enthusiasm, excitement or ideas. Alternatively, a boiling pot indicates that you have more than you can handle. You are feeling overwhelmed with emotions.” So there you go.

I’m sorry, Rebecca, you cheat on your husband with Charlie and he’s the stupid one?

January 26, 2013

Party of Five 1.4, Worth Waiting For: Access Denied

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , at 5:15 pm by Jenn

Michael Goorjian, I would never friendzone you

Michael Goorjian, I would never friendzone you

Summary: Claudia has some questions for Julia about breast development. Thank you, Claudia. Julia’s friend Justin stops by to discuss the yearbook, which she’s not sure she wants to work on this year. Claudia has more questions, and Julia tells Justin she watched a film in health class and is very curious. Claudia asks why Justin doesn’t come by to hang out with Julia anymore. He says Julia’s been busy, then asks her to a movie. Julia says she’s, again, busy.

Bailey meets Will after football practice, complaining about his suspension, which I maintain is totally his fault, so whatever. He thinks that if the team keeps losing, eventually the coach will change his mind, thinking Bailey could turn things around. Charlie, Kirsten, and Owen go grocery shopping, but Kirsten’s mad at Charlie, I guess because of the thing in the last episode. Some random woman thinks they’re married and Owen is their child. They don’t correct her.

The football team wins, so ha ha, Bailey. He’s actually mad about it. Nina and Will tell him it was because of Roger, the team’s new quarterback, who just moved up from JV. In other words, Bailey’s replacement won the game. Kirsten accidentally kicks him while he’s down, mentioning a 19-year-old in a class she’s TAing who seems to have a crush on her. “I take care of babies, Bailey. I don’t date them,” she tells him.

Kirsten ends up at the restaurant, where Charlie’s working; her friend Lisa wanted to try the oysters there. Lisa thinks she should give Charlie another chance. Nina tells Julia she’s dating a new guy; he’s totally the one and they’re totally going to go all the way. Julia pretends she knows what Nina’s talking about. Kirsten sticks around the restaurant while Charlie cleans up. She starts talking about passion, so I guess that’s her way of making a move. She asks him to take her home.

Claudia has more questions for Julia, but they’re about how sex feels, so Julia doesn’t have the answers. Once she’s alone in the bathroom, Julia looks at herself naked in the mirror. At Kirsten’s place, she and Charlie make out, and he thinks it’s going to go farther. He ducks into the bathroom, swigs some mouthwash, and checks to make sure he has a condom. But when he returns, the quite-drunk Kirsten has passed out. Womp womp.

Bailey’s having a bad day at school, which means I’m having a good day. Justin tries to talk to Julia but knows she’d rather talk to Nina. Nina tells her she had sex with her new guy; now Julia doesn’t know how to look at him. She also gets uncomfortable watching them make out. After school Bailey goes to the sporting-goods store where he works and asks for more hours, now that he has extra time.

Charlie teases Kirsten for seemingly forgiving him, since she was willing to possibly sleep with him. They make out some more, but she decides the Salinger house is a bad place for that since it could distract her from taking care of Owen. He invites her to the restaurant, promising he’ll try to get off work early. Then he tells her she reminds him of an angel, so Charlie’s totally getting some tonight. I don’t think Bailey will mind, though, because he now only has eyes for a girl who comes to his store.

Julia starts talking to Kirsten about sex, but Kirsten thinks she should talk to Charlie. Julia says Charlie uses lines on women, sleeps with them, and never calls them again. Unfortunately, one of the lines she uses as an example is the angel line Charlie used on Kirsten. Cue Claudia with more sex questions. Hey, maybe she should talk to Charlie about that stuff. Bailey hits it off with Kate, his shoe store angel, and will most likely be making her his new obsession any minute now.

Julia calls Justin under the pretense of asking about a chemistry assignment, then agrees to go to a movie with him after all. Charlie waits for Kirsten at the restaurant, but he’s been stood up. He confronts her the next morning and she calls him on the angel line. She thinks he just wants to add her to his collection of one-night stands. Charlie tells her he just wanted to say something nice and couldn’t think of anything else. So she’s not an angel after all. I’m confused, but Kirsten wants another date.

Claudia walks by, throwing out a sex fact, and Charlie tells Kirsten he hopes her obsession goes away soon. Kirsten tells him that by ignoring her interest, he’s sending the message that sex is bad. (I think he’s just sending the message that Claudia is being annoying.) Charlie says his current strategy is working just fine. Julia and Nina look at condoms, though Julia won’t admit that she has a plan to use any.

Kate returns her shoes since Bailey sold her mismatched ones to get her back to the store. He asks her out. Charlie asks Julia to talk to Claudia about sex, but Julia tells him to do it. Owen’s sick, which means Charlie and Kirsten might have to postpone their date. Bailey and Kate get coffee and talk about her crazy family. He doesn’t get the chance to tell her that his family is far from normal. Then Kate’s boyfriend picks her up, so Bailey gets sad face again. Also, his coffee is gross.

Julia and Justin see Psycho (how romantic), then make out. He’s surprised since he didn’t think she was interested in him like that. They spot Nina’s new boyfriend with a girl, but she’s not Nina. Kirsten spends the night at the Salingers’, I guess to look after Owen because the others are incapable of doing it. She even takes Bailey’s bed, forcing Bailey and Charlie to share one.

The next day, Will tries to counsel Bailey on his Kate crush, but Bailey just wants to complain about her boyfriend. Claudia encourages him to steal Kate. Will says he’s not that kind of guy, which Bailey somehow finds offensive. His plan is to hang around her a lot until she changes her mind about him. (Bailey, honey, that’s called stalking. Girls don’t find that romantic.)

Owen’s better, so Kirsten and Charlie decide to reschedule their date. Only it’s Charlie’s night to watch Owen. Bailey moves the arrow on the chore chart and makes it his night, letting Charlie and Kirsten know that he knows they’re together. (Charlie talks in his sleep.) He’s moved on anyway, this time to a girl who’s actually his age.

Nina hasn’t heard from her boyfriend, so she thinks he just used her for sex and doesn’t want to be with her anymore. For some reason, Julia doesn’t tell her about the other girl. Bailey tries to get time off of work, which is dumb since he just asked for more hours. He quits, because he’s an idiot. Then he goes to Kate’s school, because he is a stalker.

Julia and Justin do some more making out; then she gives him the “you’re a great guy, but…” speech. Poor Justin is confused and accuses her of pretending to like him back when she didn’t. Back at home, Julia offers to answer any questions Claudia has about sex. Claudia asks if it hurts when a man and woman get together. Julia says that sometimes it does. Charlie and Kirsten are back at Kirsten’s place, and this time they’ve gotten to the part where their clothes are off. So I guess only Charlie gets to be happy.

Thoughts: Kate looks 35. So Bailey definitely has a type.

Kirsten, trust me, the last person a girl wants to talk to about sex is her older brother. And the last person a guy wants to hear talk about sex is his younger sister.

I can’t believe Julia and Nina didn’t run into anyone they knew while they were looking at condoms. I mean, this is TV.

Why doesn’t Kirsten talk to Claudia about sex? She can talk to Julia about it but not Claudia?

January 19, 2013

Party of Five 1.3, Good Sports: 24-Hour Party People

Posted in TV tagged , , , , at 2:29 pm by Jenn

"Do you hear a nerd? I don't hear a nerd. I know there are no nerds around trying to talk to us..."

“Do you hear a nerd? I don’t hear a nerd. I know there are no nerds around trying to talk to us…”

Summary: Bailey and Will get ready for a football game with their horrible team. (Claudia even dreads game days because she hates it when Bailey cries.) It doesn’t help that Will, the star player (I guess that’s on a sliding scale), has a groin injury and can’t play. The other Salingers make excuses to skip the game. At school, Julia tries to talk to Nina and Abby; they’re looking for a place to party that night. Julia offers her house.

Bailey gives Kirsten a sneaker cleaner from the store where he works. I guess that’s the most romantic present he could think of. He invites her to the game, but she’s busy, probably going out with a guy who’s over the age of 18. After Bailey leaves, Charlie tries to ask Kirsten out again. She notes that people are suddenly very interested in her social schedule. She already has tickets to a Liz Phair concert and will be attending with a lawyer named George. They had their first date the night Charlie bailed on her. (Oops!) Charlie kicks himself for being noble.

The football team (the Possums – hee) gets a pep talk from the coach, who tells them to play their best even if the cheerleaders fall asleep and their families leave early. The players are not sufficiently pepped. Meanwhile, the popular kids show up at the Salingers’, where Julia has to tell Claudia to stop practicing her violin so they can “hang out.” Charlie meets George and is again overshadowed since Charlie does construction but George once served in the Peace Corps and helped build a village in Cameroon. Charlie doesn’t even know where that is.

The Possums play well while the popular kids drink and smoke. (Way to be a responsible adult, Charlie.) Nina and Abby want to fix Julia up with a guy named Porter. After the game, Bailey sees one of his teammates getting beaten up by players from the opposing team. Something is thrown that goes through the window of the coach’s truck. When questioned, Bailey says he didn’t see anything.

The next morning, Bailey tells his siblings about the game as Charlie complains that Julia’s friends ate all their food. The principal calls to summon Charlie and Bailey to her office to talk about the “incident” after the game. Various teachers recognize Charlie, who had a reputation as a troublemaker when he was in high school. Julia, Abby, and Nina tan on the football field and plan another party at the Salingers’ that night.

Charlie defends Bailey, saying that if he claims he didn’t see anything, he’s telling the truth. Bailey says the students from the other school, Havenhurst, started the fight anyway. He also thinks students should stand up for themselves. Principal Stickley rants about all of the problems the football players caused the night before, accusing Bailey of protecting his teammates. The coach announces that Bailey will be suspended if he doesn’t tell who broke the window.

At home, Charlie complains to Kirsten about the situation as she makes him share his apple. She knows someone who can help Charlie decide if there’s a legal angle to pursue: her new lawyer boyfriend! Julia buys food for the party and Claudia slams her for hosting without asking the rest of them if they’re okay with it. Julia says she’ll understand wanting to be popular when she’s older. Charlie goes to George’s fancy law firm and learns that he’s not actually a lawyer – he’s a paralegal.

The popular kids arrive for the party, which isn’t actually a party – Nina and Abby have just brought guys over to make out with. Bailey tells Will and the beaten-up teammate that he’s being pressured to give up the name of the window-breaker. They think he should call the coach’s bluff because the coach wouldn’t sacrifice him when he didn’t do anything. They’re a team, so they should stick together. But when Bailey goes to the locker room for the next practice, the coach enforces his suspension.

Kirsten uses the Salingers’ kitchen to cook for George, who she’ll be going to Napa with that weekend. Unless he has to work on one of his many cases, of course. Charlie asks if she’s ever been to George’s firm, then questions her on the details of his background and job. He announces that George isn’t a lawyer but probably said he was so Kirsten would date him. She heads off to find out for herself.

Bailey bugs the beaten-up teammate about coming clean so Bailey can get off of suspension. The teammate claims he would cover for Bailey if their situations were reversed. Bailey replies that he would never put himself in this position. The teammate refuses to confess and screw himself over. Bailey shoves him against a wall and calls him a coward. The teammate warns that the other players won’t like Bailey very much if he rats one of them out.

Julia gives Claudia a haircut before they head out for a family dinner. The siblings are surprised when a bunch of popular kids show up for another party. Bailey tells Julia to throw everyone out. Nina tells Julia she would be really embarrassed if that happened, so Julia lets them all stay. Charlie doesn’t do anything about the party when he gets home, because he sucks. Claudia orders Julia to kick everyone out, but Julia says they’re her friends. Claudia says her friends wouldn’t treat her like this. Julia replies that she can’t kick them out because they’ll think she’s a loser.

Bailey and Charlie end up in the basement, the only quiet place in the house, and Bailey confides that he’s about to get kicked off the football team. Charlie advises him to think about his future; this will end up on his permanent record and hurt his chances to get a football scholarship. He wants Bailey to man up because no one’s going to save him. Charlie can’t be his father (because he sucks at being an authority figure), and Bailey can’t just do whatever he thinks feels right.

The next day, Bailey starts to tell his coach who broke the window, then says he can’t. He doesn’t think it’s right that he’s being asked to turn in a teammate who didn’t do anything wrong. If the coach wants Bailey to stay out of trouble by betraying his friends, Bailey doesn’t feel like he can stay on the team.

Kirsten shows up for work unhappy, having learned that Charlie was telling the truth about George. Obviously she can’t be in a relationship with someone she doesn’t trust, so they’re over. She doesn’t believe Charlie when he says he’s sorry it didn’t work out. Charlie swears he’s not happy that he has a chance with Kirsten now. Kirsten replies that she thinks he cares about himself, not her. She won’t give him a chance to defend herself, saying Charlie’s no better than George.

Julia tells Nina and Abby that they need to find another party spot, which they don’t like to hear. Bailey visits Charlie at the restaurant to announce that he’s off the team. Even though he stuck to his principles, he feels bad, mostly because Charlie doesn’t support his decision. He says that his actions aren’t Charlie’s responsibility. Except they kind of are, since Charlie is his guardian, but whatever, he’s going to suck even if Bailey saves a burning building full of orphans and kittens.

Julia spends some time with Claudia, helping her tune her violin because apparently Julia has perfect pitch. Nina brings over a lava lamp to replace Bailey’s, which was broken at the party. She appreciates that Julia stood up to them, since they weren’t really being attentive. She invites Julia to get coffee, but Julia instead invites her to come in and listen to Claudia practice.

Kirsten complains to Bailey about how men suck, except him, since Bailey is awesome and selfless and principled and brave and the person we should all aspire to be like. So now Bailey’s all, “Yeah, I made the right decision.” Shut up, Bailey.

Thoughts: The coach is played by Stephen Root. It’s weird seeing him in a non-comedic role.

The whole Bailey plot is dumb. The teammate didn’t do anything wrong. Bailey wouldn’t be ratting him out, he’d be ratting out the players from the other school. And the window-breaking was accidental anyway. Yeah, yeah, principles and all that, but the actual guilty parties aren’t being held accountable. If the student can guilt Bailey into keeping quiet by talking about being a team and all that, Bailey should guilt him into confessing to protect a teammage. Also, I can’t believe I’m siding with Charlie on something.

Best sight gag of the episode: On a poster that says “Go Possums,” someone wrote “Away” after “Go.”

Aww, the guy Abby brings over to make out with has Travis’ haircut.

There are way too many high-waisted jeans in this episode.

Nice plaid overalls over a tie-dyed shirt, Abby. I guess Cher’s makeover didn’t stick.

January 12, 2013

Party of Five 1.2, Homework: Everybody Loves Kirsten

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , at 2:28 pm by Jenn

Libby is totally one of those take-off-her-glasses-and-put-down-her-hair-and-she's-hot girls

Libby is totally one of those take-off-her-glasses-and-put-down-her-hair-and-she’s-hot girls

Summary: Sexy music plays as Bailey checks out Kirsten, who calls him irresistible. Well, not him – Owen. Exposition tells us that she’s been the Salingers’ nanny for two-and-a-half weeks. Bailey would rather spend time with her than go to school. Speaking of school, Julia’s there with her friend Libby, wishing they were in the popular crowd. Julia wants to live by the “80 and dying test” – when she’s 80 and dying, what will she look back on and regret not doing? Not regretting anything right now: Charlie, who’s in bed with a woman it sounds like he’s doing construction for.

Bailey finally makes it to school and tells his friend Will about his obsession with Kirsten. Will reminds him that he needs to concentrate on schoolwork so he can write a paper and not get placed on academic probation. At home after school, Claudia quizzes Bailey on family members’ names so she can make a family tree. She wonders what happened to their mother’s father, who left their mother when she was a child and may or may not still be alive. Julia and Libby go out to a party, asking Charlie to give Libby’s mother various cover stories if she calls.

Bailey asks Charlie if she’s ever been with an older woman. Of course he has. He advises Bailey to make it clear to whoever he’s crushing on that they can talk about things despite their age difference. Julia and Libby go to the cool kids’ party but can’t bring themselves to actually go in. Julia suggests pretending they’re looking for someone. Kirsten searches the Salingers’ yard for her lost keys and gets to chatting with Charlie. There’s clearly some attraction there.

Claudia announces to Bailey and Charlie that she’s going to find their grandfather, Jack. They’re skeptical that she can hunt down a guy who’s been out of the picture for 30 years. She feels bad for him since no one’s ever bothered to look for him. The next morning, Bailey finds Kirsten reading a story to Owen, even though he’s asleep. Bailey tries to strike up a conversation about psychology, admitting that as a child he had an imaginary friend, Lloyd W. Loomis. Lloyd’s father was a baseball player, so Bailey took him in. Kirsten says Bailey must be very nurturing.

A PI arrives to help Claudia in her search for Jack. He’ll need $500 up front, then $100 an hour plus expenses. Claudia wonders if the PI could get the job done in 15 minutes. The PI offers her a free tip: Try the VA, since Jack served in WWII. Julia and Libby go to school on four hours of sleep, still excited about their fun time at the party. A popular girl invites them to another party that night, but Julia gets a big class assignment. Claudia goes to the VA and tries to guilt someone into helping her.

Charlie and his girlfriend don’t get along quite as well with the lights on; she’s way older and more sophisticated. Plus, he’s finished the work in her house, so they don’t really have a reason to spend time together anymore. Claudia and her ugly red plaid hooded maxi dress find a guy on a boat, but instead of seeing their conversation, we fast-forward to her going home, where Julia’s redecorating her room. She wonders if Claudia’s violin awards really make her happy. Claudia says they do.

Bailey makes dinner (Kirsten’s favorite meal) and freaks out when Kirsten wants to sit next to Charlie. Kirsten remarks that if Bailey sits there, he won’t have room for Lloyd. No one’s ever heard of Lloyd and teases Bailey. Charlie and Kirsten start talking, freaking Bailey out more. After dinner, they take out the trash together and kiss while talking about how great Bailey is. In the morning, Kirsten apologizes to Bailey for outing Lloyd, but Bailey admits that he made Lloyd up. He’s about to announces how he feels about her when she gets a phone call and solidifies a date she made…with Charlie.

Julia and Libby failed the quiz they took in class the day before, surprising their teacher. Julia admits that she didn’t do the reading. The teacher offers the girls the chance to redeem their grades with a paper. Claudia goes back to the man on the boat, pretending she’s selling cookies. They hit it off well, and Claudia sees that the man likes violin music.

Bailey’s mad at Charlie (shocker), accusing him of encroaching on Bailey’s “territory.” He announces that he’s interested in Kirsten. Charlie’s surprised, not least because Bailey’s 16 and Kirsten’s in grad school. He adds that Kirsten asked him out, so she’s obviously not waiting around for Bailey. Bailey slams Charlie for always getting whatever he wants. Bailey always has to take care of other people, and just this once, he wants something that’s just his. It may not work out, but there’s a teeny chance it will. Plus, Charlie will land some random woman the next day and he’ll forget all about Kirsten. Charlie tells him to screw himself.

Julia tries to talk Libby into going to a party instead of writing their papers. Libby points out that Nina DiMayo and the other popular kids don’t even know Julia’s name. She doesn’t see the point in hanging out with people who are always drunk. Julia slams her for being a nerd, but Libby points out that Julia makes straight A’s. Julia knows everything could be over before she’s had any fun, so the whole thing is a waste of time.

At home, Claudia announces to her siblings that she found their grandfather. He’s been living on a sailboat in a San Francisco marina the whole time. Her brothers and sister pick apart her supposed evidence. Claudia thinks Jack needs to get to know all of them before he finds out they’re his grandchildren. The others say they want to believe her, but it seems unlikely that Claudia actually found him. She’s adamant that she’s right and chastises them for never trying to find him. She gives Owen a bath and talks about how nice it would be to have another family member around, “just in case.”

Julia and her very ’90s Blossom-type hat are on their way to the party while Bailey tries to write his own super-important paper on his very ’90s computer. She sits down with him and helps him. Over time, this turns into her writing most of the paper for him. Julia leaves for the party, but the next day at school, she tells Libby she didn’t go. She also didn’t write her paper. Libby offers to let Julia use her paper to come up with her own ideas, but Julia declines.

Bailey goes to Jack’s boat and tells him Claudia thinks he’s their grandfather. He’s sure Jack isn’t…right? Later, he picks Claudia up from school and tells her he saw Jack. He’s not their grandfather, and Bailey thinks Claudia knew that the whole time. He tells her that Claudia’s siblings need to be who she wanted Jack to be for her. He doesn’t think they’re doing that bad of a job. Claudia doesn’t want to talk about it. Julia runs into Nina at a bus stop and they start chatting, easily hitting it off.

The Salingers gather for their family dinner, which Charlie’s missing for his date with Kirsten. What Bailey doesn’t know is that Charlie picked up a shift at work so he could cancel the date. Kirsten’s clearly disappointed. Bailey’s pleased and thanks Charlie, who pretends he didn’t do anything. Claudia’s surprised that Charlie and Kirsten were going to go out. Then she suggests that they all spend a day on a sailboat. There’s a whole metaphor about freedom and blah blah blah, the episode’s over.

Thoughts: The popular girl who invites Julia and Libby to the party is played by Brittany Murphy.

Charlie’s much-older girlfriend (or whatever) is played by Laura Innes. Yes, that Laura Innes. The one from ER. I know!

Whoever styled Libby as a nerd did a great job. She has the big glasses and the unstylish clothes, but she’s not over-the-top like most nerds you see on TV.

Isn’t the grandfather’s name Jake, not Jack? That would explain why Claudia can’t find him.