April 21, 2013
BH90210 5.23, Love Hurts: I’ll Be Watching You
I definitely wouldn’t want to be alone with this guy
Summary: At the campus quad, Donna complains to Steve and Andrea that Clare and David are helping Valerie find a new band for the Peach Pit After Dark. Brandon joins them and shares the supposedly confidential news that Lenny isn’t the real rapist and theft. Andrea’s beeper goes off and she says she has to go to work. No one questions why a college student with a research job would have an emergency beeper. Andrea winds up with Peter at their new no-tell motel room. Valerie and Clare audition bands at the After Dark. One of them is covered in mud.
David collects Lenny from the police station, saying he knew the charges would never stick. Lenny confesses that after he got back from Desert Storm, he went out with some friends, got really drunk, and woke up the next morning in jail, having been arrested for rape. He served two years and is now a registered sex offender. David thinks Lenny has turned his life around, since he’s in college and has made the dean’s list. Lenny notes that any time a sex crime is committed, his name will come up.
Indeed, word has spread, and Janice the angry student politician is one of the many people upset that Lenny was allowed on campus. Brandon would rather focus on the real rapist and the lack of security on campus. The police admit that they don’t have any suspects or leads. Over at his family’s hotel, Charlie tells Dylan about the screenplay he’s working on and invites him to help out. He notes that the hotel is a great place to work because people leave him alone. In fact, most of them are having secret rendezvous there. Hey, like that woman leaving right now, who Dylan knows!
Garrett, an employee from the campus quad, goes to the After Dark looking for a job. He chats with Donna, who’s there to confront Valerie for firing Ray. Val tells her that David thought they should get some new musicians. She further snows Donna by pointing out that Ray will grow more as a musician if he plays different venues. Donna goes to get Garrett, but he’s gone. She sees that someone moved her backpack and overreacts.
On campus, Steve runs into Valerie and gives her a ride in a golf cart (it looks like KEG is giving women rides so they’ll feel safer). She asks for his help finding a special music act to play on Friday night. Steve points out that he’s not supposed to get involved in that sort of thing, so someone finally remembered that. Then he promises to help anyway, so that was a waste of continuity. Lenny’s back on campus, and a mob of students is harassing him.
Dylan’s also back on campus to let Andrea know that he knows about her affair. He promises to keep it quiet. He tells her it’s not what he thinks, which is hilarious, because it’s exactly what Dylan thinks. He says it’s none of his business and won’t talk about it if she doesn’t want to. Andrea says something about how it’s good that she didn’t ignore her feelings, so if that’s how she’s able to sleep at night, good for her.
David learns that Lenny’s moving out of the dorm but thinks he should stay since he didn’t do anything. He should fight, not run away. Lenny doesn’t want to be “the poster child for ex-con rights.” David notes that he’s involved with campus media and is friends with the student-body president. Lenny says there are other things going on but won’t discuss them. David asks if that means he’s guilty. Lenny replies that he needs someone to believe in him even if he’s guilty.
Steve has lined up someone for the After Dark, but Valerie has already booked someone and shoos him away. “I hate her,” Steve grumbles. David goes to the beach apartment to try to get Clare to help him produce a profile on Lenny portraying him as rehabilitated. Clare won’t help; she thinks if Lenny wants to go to college, he should go to an all-male school. David doesn’t even get to broach the subject with Donna, since she thinks he helped Valerie get rid of Ray. He calls her self-involved and wonders why he ever dated her in the first place.
As someone packs a bag with a flashlight and knife, Cindy and Jackie hang out at the Peach Pit, discussing possible men for Jackie to date. Mel brings Erin for a custody exchange, and for some reason Jackie is all a-flutter. The rapist breaks into the beach apartment, and we finally see his face: It’s Garrett.
At the Walshes’ house, Brandon talks to Janice on the phone, telling her he’s not running for another term as president. Cindy tells him that Jackie and Mel are suddenly getting along; apparently Mel’s girlfriend just dumped him for someone younger. David comes by and asks Brandon to talk Lenny out of dropping out of CU. Brandon easily agrees. Jesse’s back from his massive interview tour, and he and Andrea immediately start fighting about random things. There’s yelling, and I hate them both.
Brandon tracks Lenny down on campus, and though Lenny is defensive at first, Brandon breaks the ice by making it clear that he doesn’t think Lenny’s the rapist. Lenny confirms that he was in custody when a girl named Melody was raped, which is why he was released. He asks how much cloud Brandon has with the administration and the police. Brandon wonders if Lenny needs a lawyer. Lenny announces that he knows who raped Melody.
Donna, Clare, and Steve hang out at the After Dark, waiting to find out who Valerie’s mystery performer is. Donna decides to bail early since it’s weird being there without Ray. She leaves just as Valerie brings out the mystery act, the Flaming Lips. David shows up and Clare tells him Donna went home.
Donna arrives to see Garrett in the apartment, and though she tries to overpower him with her self-defense training, she’s no match for him. He tells her she’s even prettier than Clare, then takes her to the bedroom, telling her they’re going to get to know each other. Brandon goes to the After Dark with the police, who think Clare’s the rapist’s target. Valerie recognizes Garrett’s name and tells Brandon and Steve that he may be a friend of Donna’s.
At the apartment, Garrett pulls his knife and Donna begs him not to hurt her. She tells him she’s a virgin, which is a surprise to him. David arrives and Donna tells Garrett he’s her roommate. He makes her tell him to go away. David thinks the lights are off because Donna has a migraine, and that she doesn’t want to talk to him because of Ray. She calls him Dave to try to signal that something’s wrong. It works, because when Donna screams, David runs into the room and attacks Garrett. Donna joins in and they knock him out.
Dylan’s back at the hotel with Charlie, and he sees Peter arrive for a hook-up with Andrea. Andrea announces that she’s leaving Jesse because there’s no point in being miserable with him when she can be happy with Peter. Peter, however, is happy with the current arrangements. He reminds Andrea that they agreed not to have any strings. She doesn’t seem to remember that. Dylan sees Peter leave and goes to comfort Andrea, who laments believing that she and Peter were going to be together.
The cops go to the beach apartment, along with Brandon and Clare. Brandon relays Lenny’s news that he was in military prison with Garrett. He was afraid to say anything when he was arrested because he thought he would be pegged as an accomplice. Garrett had been asking him about girls on campus, which tipped Lenny off that he was interested in Clare. Donna apologizes to David for using a figurine he gave her to knock out Garrett. He’s surprised she kept it, and she says of course she did – it was the last thing he gave her. They hug, and Clare should probably be worried.
Thoughts: Donna: “I don’t know your name.” Funny, because you greeted him by name less than a minute ago. Did a writer fall asleep or something?
Yeah, being alone in a golf cart with a frat guy woud not make me feel safe. They need to tell all the women not to walk alone at night.
Dylan suit status: still active. Also, contagious – David caught the disease.
I think the Flaming Lips are the first musicians to play on the show who are still performing today.
Kudos to the guy playing Garrett – he’s normal at first, kind of creepy later, then just full-on shiver-inducing scary at the apartment. Though I think the story would have worked better if there had been some indication that Clare might be the target earlier on. We would have thought he was going to the apartment for her and been surprised when he went after Donna instead.
Kelly isn’t in this episode, but no one’s worried, so I don’t think she went back to the cult.
April 15, 2013
BH90210 5.22, Alone at the Top: Why Don’t You Not Come On Over, Valerie?
That’s not even the same shade of green as the shirt Lenny was wearing! Come on!
Summary: Valerie calls LuAnn, looking for Ray, but she lies that he just left. Rush comes by her hotel room and she tells him she wants to buy the Peach Pit After Dark from him. He’s willing to negotiate a deal. The gang throws Kelly a welcome-back-from-your-cult picnic, but Donna leaves after about 30 seconds to meet Ray. As someone lurks in the bushes, watching, a friend of David’s tells the group that someone stole a bunch of bikes from outside a dorm.
Valerie tracks Ray down at the After Dark, arriving just before Donna does. Nothing happens. David and his dorm mate Lenny bowl with soda cans in a dorm hallway; Clare’s bored and makes fun of Lenny’s music collection. Then she leaves, telling David she doesn’t like Lenny because he’s weird. Peter flirts with Andrea at the hospital, and I guess neither of them is worried about anyone seeing them and telling their spouses. Then they make out in an on-call room, because this really is Grey’s Anatomy.
Ray does a set at the After Dark while Donna shows off her poodle-like hairdo. David’s sick of hearing the same songs over and over. Steve and Rush are both around, so I guess we’re just supposed to forget that Steve isn’t allowed to be there. He gets suspicious when he sees his father talking to Valerie. After Ray’s set, Rush announces to the club that Valerie is the new owner. This is news to David, Clare, and Ray. Donna’s the only person who thinks it’s not a horrible idea.
Valerie goes to Dylan’s in the middle of the night to celebrate her new purchase. (And also to smoke some pot.) He declines, and she thinks it’s because he’d rather be with Kelly. He counters that she’d rather be with someone else, too. She goes, but leaves a joint behind. The Walshes discuss Valerie, wondering whether they should tell her mother what she’s up to. Jim says she can do whatever she wants with her money. If she gets into trouble, she’ll come to them.
Steve calls Brandon to let him know that some frat houses were robbed overnight. Brandon isn’t sure what he should do, so way to take your role as president seriously, Bran. The bush lurker watches Kelly as David dreads working with Valerie. Lenny comes by and talk turns to why he lives in a dorm. David notes that he was in the Army, so he should have some sort of GI benefits. Lenny says he has to “beg, borrow, and steal” to afford things, and David makes a joke about the bike thefts. Lenny doesn’t find it funny.
Jesse’s out of town on another interview, so he’s not there when Peter pops by his and Andrea’s place. She’s mad at him for taking a risk and coming over, but not mad enough to deny him some making out. At the After Dark, Ray pretends that he’s finally gotten Valerie’s messages. She threatens to pull his performance slots if he doesn’t start sleeping with her again. He refuses, so she tells David and Clare to book some new performers. Now David’s happy.
Steve meets Rush for lunch and grills him about his arrangement with Valerie; he thinks they slept together. Rush just laughs and gives him commission from the sale. Dylan goes to the park to smoke Valerie’s joint, but he can’t get his lighter to light. Clare gives Donna the news that Valerie doesn’t want Ray at the After Dark anymore, promising that she campaigned for him to stay. Donna isn’t surprised to hear that David didn’t.
Meanwhile, Ray packs his things to go on the road and play at various colleges. LuAnn blasts him for leaving without saying goodbye to Donna. She tells him to go to the gig he has booked that night, then go see Donna. Dylan visits Charlie at the hotel his family owns and admits that he almost smoked pot. Charlie tells him to stop letting Kelly get to him. He also advises Dylan to figure out what he wants to do with his life.
Brandon complains to Kelly that everyone wants him to beef up campus security. People get robbed all the time; he can’t do anything about it. Kelly hears rustling in the bushes but doesn’t see the lurker. We do, and he has a knife and shiny black shoes. Later, David, Clare, and Lenny learn that a girl was raped and cut in the bushes in the middle of the day. Hey, guess who has shiny black shoes? If you said Lenny, you get a gold star!
Brandon, however, doesn’t get a gold star; he’s still whining about having to deal with crimes on campus. Kelly’s freaked out because she and Brandon were right in the area where the girl was attacked. Ray does go to the After Dark for his gig, warning Valerie to stay away from Donna. He hints that he’s going to tell Donna that they had an affair. Valerie calls his bluff, saying he wouldn’t risk hurting her.
Dylan stops by just long enough to return her joint, then goes to the Peach Pit to mope. Kelly finds him there and thanks him for coming to her picnic, even though he didn’t stay long. She also thinks that without him, she’d still be a Finion. She wants him to promise that he’ll always be her friend. Over at the hospital, Peter gives Andrea a motel key, telling her he’s booked a room by the week. She tells him she might meet him there some night.
Donna watches Ray’s farewell performance while Nat wonders why Valerie’s cutting him loose. She tells him to just handle refreshments while she handles running the club. David and Clare skip work to hang out at the student union, where they wind up talking to Lenny. They’re surprised when a detective arrives and asks Lenny to come to the police station for questioning. He thinks he’s being accused of stealing the bikes, but that’s not what it’s about.
After his final set, Ray tells Donna he’s leaving town and isn’t sure when he’s coming back. She thinks something’s off. He starts to tell her about Valerie, but Donna doesn’t need to hear anything other than that he loves her.
Thoughts: The casting of Jed Allan as Rush is great. He and Ian Ziering have a lot of similar mannerisms and facial expressions.
Andrea is a mega-jerk for what she’s doing to poor Jesse. He deserves so much better.
Brandon, your compassion is matched only by your lack of compassion. Can you imagine him as the president of the U.S.? “There was a school shooting? Well, I’m sorry, ma’am, but I don’t know what you expect me to do about it.”
So we’re just going to completely ignore how Dylan keeps wearing suits?
Even if Lenny were the rapist (and he’s obviously not), why would I care? We were just introduced to him.
April 13, 2013
BH90210 5.21, Stormy Weather: The Evolution Will Not Be Televised
Good news: The cult storyline is over. Bad news: The love triangle is back on
Summary: Kelly, Donna, and Clare are at the Peach Pit, where Kelly has just announced that she’s dropping out of the sorority. Kelly blathers about sacrifice and other cult stuff. Clare calls her on the cult-speak, but Dylan defends her, saying she’s trying to find meaning in her life. Brandon watches from his car as Dylan walks Kelly to hers, then comes to report that Kelly arranged for him to meet Finley.
Valerie orders room service for herself…and Ray, who has spent the night again. He tries to rush off (probably to meet Donna), reminding Val that she said their activities were just for fun. Then he upends her room-service cart. Andrea’s at Peter’s hospital to interview for a research job, which she is totally not interested in because it means she’ll get to see Peter all the time.
Brandon visits Chancellor Arnold in his leaky office (it rains for almost the whole episode, by the way) to talk about Finley, but the chancellor doesn’t care about him since he doesn’t teach at CU anymore. Brandon notes that Finley’s minions (Finions?) are mostly CU students, including Kelly. He also knows that CU settled a lawsuit with some parents, and he’d like to learn more. The chancellor can’t say anything because it would violate students’ confidentiality. He thinks Kelly will be okay, since she’s smart.
Dylan (still suited up) goes to the compound and meets Finley; they talk about Hawaii and Iris’ New Age-ness. Finley’s surprised to learn who Dylan’s father was. He thinks Dylan would make a great Finion and encourages Kelly to invite him to a party the next day. Jesse calls Andrea from Boise, where he went for the clerkship interview, and she tells him she got the job at the hospital. Jesse thinks they should invite Peter and Adrienne over for dinner when he gets home.
Kelly and Dylan talk about Finley, and he pretends he supports her commitment to the cause. Brandon calls but Dylan can’t talk to him about their plan with Kelly in the room. Kelly invites Dylan to the next day’s “milledding,” a type of wedding where a couple “enter in the new millennium together.” Ray and Donna make out in his truck outside the Peach Pit, and he assures her that no one will be able to come between them. Valerie is currently in her car, watching them, like the freaky stalker she is.
The next day, Kelly and Dylan go to the milledding, which is between a young woman and a guy old enough to be her father (or maybe a young grandfather). Kelly explains that the box people keep putting envelopes into is to hold their pledges for a new learning center, the next step in Finley’s plan. Finley talks about the evolution of mankind, and how they’re all still evolving, and blah blah blah. Dylan’s face says, “Really with this crap?”
Peter and Andrea flirt at the hospital, and though she hesitates when he starts to kiss her, she definitely doesn’t stop him. Back at the milledding, Kelly says that the groom is going to sell his house to Finley, and they’ll use the money to fund their learning center in Oregon. She admits that she’s always been afraid to be too pretty, too smart, or too funny because people might be jealous. Finley has made her realize that “everyone has limitless possibilities.” She’s so happy, she kisses Dylan.
Ray left something at Valerie’s, so she takes it to his place and meets LuAnn. Ray is not happy to see her. She apologizes and reiterates that she wants to have sex with no strings attached. He tries to resist, but she doesn’t think he’ll keep that mentality for long. LuAnn warns her son to be careful of Val.
Dylan and Brandon meet at the Walshes’, and Dylan relays the information that Finley’s getting lots of money out of his Finions. Brandon’s a little worried because Dylan thinks Finley is nice and has some good ideas. He also thinks Kelly and Dylan might be getting closer than they should be. Dylan admits to kissing her, then tells Brandon that if he wants to save Kelly, he’d better move fast.
Brandon goes back to the chancellor the next day to talk about Kelly again; he knows that because of her past, she’s hard on herself. He asks again about the settlement. Chancellor Arnold still won’t tell him anything, but says that he’ll be going to lunch soon, and he can’t stop Brandon from opening his file cabinet and looking up files on a couple of students.
Dylan visits Finley, spouting some cult-speak and asking for more information on the learning center. Then he offers to help fund it, in exchange for knowledge of what Finley has planned for Kelly. Basically, Finley wants to hit that. Dylan tells him that they used to date, and he’s determined to get her back. Since Finley was able to get Kelly to break up with Brandon, Dylan thinks he can talk Kelly into going back to him. If Finley’s successful, he’ll get his funding.
Brandon tries to call a student named Greg (one of the people who received a settlement) from the beach apartment but can’t get through. He decides to go to Orange County to see him in person. Ray comes over and learns that Val is on her way to hang out. He gets upset with Donna for not telling him that someone else would be there, since he thought it would just be the two of them. He throws a fit and leaves.
At the compound, Finley tells Kelly how great Dylan is, and the wonderful chemistry they have. In fact, he thinks Kelly and Dylan are soulmates. She needs to give him everything she has physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Greg, one of Finley’s former teaching assistants, won’t talk to Brandon until Brandon says his girlfriend has gotten involved with the Finions and might move to Oregon with them. Andrea and Peter make out in a hospital elevator, stopping just before poor, clueless Jesse shows up to surprise his wife.
Kelly goes to Dylan’s house and quickly obeys Finley’s suggestion that she give herself to Dylan physically. Dylan figures out her game and comes clean about their deal. Then he calls out Brandon and Greg, who are also in the house. Greg was a charter member of the New Evolution, and he tells Kelly that Finley targets students who can provide money. He was the groom at the first milledding, and his wife was an heiress who funded the first year of the Evolution. (Also, her grandkids love her chocolate chip cookies. Seriously, she’s a grandmother.)
Dylan tells Brandon that he gets how Kelly got snowed – he went to the compound knowing it was a scam and still found himself agreeing with some things Finley said. He thinks Brandon would understand if he’d had the kind of traumatic experiences Dylan and Kelly have. Now successfully deconditioned, Kelly apologizes to Dylan (but not Brandon, interestingly). Greg tells Brandon that he got through to her by showing where the New Evolution led him: to a suicide attempt.
Ray finds Donna at the Peach Pit and apologizes for being a jerk. She’s worried that he’ll get worse when he becomes more famous (because clearly his success is the reason he’s been acting this way). Valerie comes in and teases them, then follows Ray to the After Dark to try to get some. Ray tells her that fooling around with her was a mistake, and they’re done. She threatens to tell Donna in retaliation.
Kelly confronts Finley for pimping her out and for, you know, being a cult leader. He thinks she’ll come back. He also wonders which guy she’ll end up with. Both of them are outside waiting for her, and as soon as they’ve confirmed that she’s back to normal, suddenly they’re rivals for her affection again.
Thoughts: ’90s music alert (both at the Peach Pit): Wilson Phillips’ “Hold On” (which I will admit I think is an awesome song) and Amy Grant and Vince Gill’s “House of Love.”
At the milledding (gag), Finley addresses that some people might challenge marriage as being antiquated, since it’s something their parents did. Then he jokes, “Well, maybe not all your parents did.” Ha ha, some of you are illegitimate!
Aw, the chancellor’s a good guy. It’s nice, because I’ve always liked Nicholas Pryor.
If I had a dime for every time an ex-boyfriend offered to fund a cult’s education center in order to get me back, I’d…well, it wouldn’t matter how many dimes I had – I’d also have a super-rich boyfriend.
I’m surprised the Finions still go to class. I’m surprised he still lets them go to class.
Elevator makeout sessions? What is this, Grey’s Anatomy?
Did anyone miss David in this episode? Ha ha, no, you didn’t. Sadly, I didn’t notice until the end that Steve wasn’t in it either, and I thought I would have missed him earlier on. I’m sorry, Steve! Forgive me!
April 7, 2013
BH90210 5.20, You Gotta Have Heart: Cult-ure Club
“Have you heard the good news about Lord Xenu?”
Summary: Ray has had another successful set at the After Dark, so he and Donna celebrate by making out at his place. He invites her to spend the night, and they end up in bed, just about to trade in Donna’s V card. She puts the brakes on at the last minute. Brandon tries to contact Kelly at the mansion that’s now serving as Finley’s headquarters, but she doesn’t want to talk to him. Finley uses cult buzzwords to make her take Brandon’s call, where she herself uses cult buzzwords. Kelly’s flaking out on a sorority event she organized, and Brandon’s mad.
The event is a Valentine’s-themed telethon for a pediatric heart fund. Brandon and Donna kick things off with a lot of making out, for some reason. (Donna’s subbing for Kelly.) Meanwhile, Valerie’s moving out of the Walshes’ house and into a luxury hotel called the Bellamy so she can enjoy everything her newfound wealth can bring. Cindy’s upset and wants Jim to talk to her, but Jim thinks it’s pointless. He also thinks she’ll be back in two weeks, having spent everything.
Steve tells David, Clare, and Donna (who are running and airing the telethon) that he booked the band Jade for them. Brandon talks to Nat about Finley, and Nat becomes the first person to call him a cult leader. One of his former waitresses had a sister who died in Jonesboro. Brandon doesn’t think Kelly’s in that much danger, but Nat tells him that’s what his waitress said.
LuAnn’s back from her cruise and very grateful to Donna for financing the trip. Ray confides that he’s having trouble keeping it in his pants while dating a virgin. LuAnn warns him not to screw up the relationship. “Whatever you do, just be discreet,” she advises. Dylan visits Valerie in her new home, having been contacted by a panicking Cindy. He thinks Val will get lonely (and he would know, since he used to live in a hotel). He regrets getting her involved with Jonesy.
Brandon goes to the Finley compound, and Finley tells Kelly to talk to him since right now she’s acting like a tease. She needs to deal with Brandon so she can “start the next phase of [her] life.” Kelly tells Brandon that he won’t understand what she’s doing if he’s not ready to evolve. Finley has helped her realize that she’s a different person than she thought she was. Kelly starts to give a break-up speech, but Brandon doesn’t want her to go through with it. He tries to get her to admit that she still loves him. She says she can’t deny it.
Andrea and Jesse go to the movies, bickering about…whatever. They run into Peter and his wife, Adrienne, and things get super-awkward super-fast, especially when Adrienne suggests that they all sit together. Valerie stops by the telethon, mostly to see Ray. She ducks into his truck and pulls out the cigarette lighter. Brandon’s managed to get Kelly to come in and help answer phones. Valerie sees Dylan watching Kelly and taunts him. Donna asks Brandon how he got Kelly to come; he jokes that he threatened to dance on TV.
David brings out the cute kids to collect donations, and Dylan gives $100. Valerie offers $300, asking for Ray to perform. He sings that song he always sings. After the movie, Andrea, Jesse, Peter, and Adrienne hang out, so there’s more awkwardness. Andrea fantasizes about dancing with Peter a la Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. Ray tries to leave after his set, but his battery’s dead. Valerie follows him outside, offering to give him a “charge,” and not the kind that requires jumper cables.
The next morning, Kelly lies awake in Brandon’s bed, looking…culty. David and Clare are trying to stay awake for the rest of the telethon. Steve wants David to mention Jade again. Donna’s in a good mood, having gotten to sleep the night before, but when she tries to call Ray, LuAnn lies that he just left. He’s really at the Bellamy, having spent the night with Valerie. She doesn’t want him to feel guilty for cheating, and she makes it clear that she doesn’t want a relationship.
Kelly ditches Brandon at the apartment, and Clare is naïve enough to think she just went to get them breakfast. Steve goes to pick up Jade, but learns that the guy he thought he arranged their performance with isn’t their manager, he’s their laundry guy. He ends up chasing their limo, which turns out not to be their limo.
Brandon goes back to the compound and interrupts one of Finley’s “tutorials.” He threatens to call the police if Finley doesn’t tell him where Kelly is. Finley uses him as an example of an “unevolved rough beast.” Kelly arrives and Finley tells her to tell Brandon what she needs. She says Brandon’s holding her back and she can’t let him do so any longer. Brandon leaves while the cult minions applaud Kelly’s evolutionary step.
Ray comes to the telethon to see Donna and accidentally make Andrea jealous that they have a good relationship (supposedly). Peter calls, having seen Andrea on TV, and reveals that he had the same fantasy Andrea did. Steve shows up to break the news to Clare that he didn’t get Jade after all, but the group is already there. Everyone dances dorkily to their performance.
Ray gives Donna a necklace, pretending he was out getting it when she called. She wonders how he went to the jewelry store since his truck was at the After Dark. In fact, how did he get home last night? Valerie walks by and says they look cute together. Brandon tells Nat that he’s probably right about Finley being a cult leader – it seems like Kelly’s being brainwashed. Nat wonders who they can find to get through to her.
Jade hangs out with Steve while Donna spots Valerie and Ray talking. Brandon goes to Dylan’s house to ask him to talk to Kelly. Dylan doesn’t think Finley’s a threat; he says Brandon’s just upset because Kelly dumped him. Brandon thinks Kelly gave Finley her settlement from the fire. He asks Dylan again to talk to her, and this time Dylan agrees, making it clear it’s not for Brandon. Over at the compound, Finley leads his minions in a toast to Kelly for ending her relationship with an outsider. Kelly says it’s nice to be home.
Thoughts: How did Finley afford his compound? Even if each minion gave some money, there’s just no way. Even Val and Dylan couldn’t afford that place.
I guess my knowledge of ’90s music isn’t as extensive as I thought, sinve I’ve never heard of Jade.
Whoever wrote the script for the telethon shouldn’t quit his day job. Unless his day job is writing.
Ray: “This is dedicated to everyone with a heart.” So…everyone?
I’m 99% sure one of the men in the limo Steve chases is Aaron Spelling.
Remember when David had storylines? Me neither.
I’d question why Dylan wears a suit for the whole episode, but I guess I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.
April 2, 2013
BH90210 5.19, Little Monsters: Deal or No Deal
To be fair to Dylan, hookers probably would dress like this
Summary: Valerie drives Dylan home from the airport after he’s delivered Erica to Iris in Hawaii. She’d like some compensation for her part in the rescue mission. Dylan agrees, and I’m sure Jonesy will totally go for it, too. Also, Dylan and Val are back together, it seems. Ray performs at the After Dark, so we kill a couple minutes there. He complains to David and Clare that the sound system is screwed up, then snipes at them when they say he’s wrong. Donna tells them he’s nervous because a talent scout is coming to see him.
Brandon meets Andrea at the Peach Pit and asks for her advice on the editorial he’s submitting to the Condor in defense of Finley. He admits that Kelly hasn’t seen it because they haven’t been spending much time together lately. That’s because Kelly has turned the beach apartment into Save Finley Central. Ray performs again, this time under the watchful eye of Ariel. (Steve’s also at the After Dark, because he’s an idiot.)
Valerie asks Dylan for money so she can buy a new coat (in Beverly Hills? Okay); he laughs over the fact that he’s giving her money after having sex with her. He gives her $10,000 and she balks at the small fraction she’s getting from his almost $8 million. Dylan calls her greedy, telling her she should have set a price up front. It turns out Ariel is the rep who’s come to scout Ray, which David knows Donna won’t like. Ariel asks Ray to come to her label for a meeting.
Jesse’s supposed to go out of town for a clerkship interview, but Andrea’s nervous because Hannah’s sick again. He suggests that she call Peter for medical advice. On campus, Brandon and Cindy run into Kelly and Finley, but Kelly basically ignores her boyfriend. She confides in Finley her annoyance with Brandon’s lack of support for her cause. Finley says that when the heat is on, people show who they really are. David informs an unhappy Donna that Ariel is the rep courting Ray.
Ray has a good meeting with Ariel’s label, and Ariel’s boss instructs her to sign him. She offers to take Ray out to buy new boots. He tries to decline, so she turns on the flirting. Dylan visits Jim to admit that he should have listened to him about his business deal with Suzanne and Kevin. He’d like Jim to be his business manager (but this time, Dylan’s in control of his money). Jim seems willing to agree, since Dylan has changed since the last time they worked together. Dylan mentions that he gave Val $10,000.
Speaking of, Val is spending the money on something that’s decidedly not a winter coat. Ray and Ariel are at the same boutique, looking at boots. Valerie accuses Ray of cheating on Donna, saying that it looks like Ariel wants him. “But don’t we all,” she adds. Ray takes his new boots to the beach apartment, where Donna tells him that Ariel was the reason she and David broke up. Ray insists that Ariel’s just interested in her music. Donna says that’s what she said about David, too. She wants him to give back the boots and stay away from Ariel. Ray refuses.
Kelly reads Brandon’s editorial and is all happy with him again. But when he asks her to skip out on doing research for Finley to hang out with him, she accuses him of writing the piece just to get on her good side. Ray and his band do a sound check at the After Dark, after which David warns that Ariel might go to unconventional lengths to win him over. Ray doesn’t care what David has to say since Ariel wasn’t the only one who hurt Donna.
Over at the Peach Pit, Donna and Clare agree that Ariel is bad news. The conversation turns to Kelly, and Clare reveals that according to her father, the other professors aren’t supportive of Finley. David tells Donna that he warned Ray about Ariel, but he doesn’t think Ray listened. She’s pleased that he tried, though. Dylan goes to the Walshes’ for dinner so they can recap what happened in Mexico. Cindy wonders if there’s anything they should know about Valerie. Dylan says she’s a “bigger package” than Brenda, “with a much bigger bow.”
Val is currently with Jonesy, trying to get more money. He just wants to sleep with her. Then he says he’ll pay her if she agrees to pair up with him again in the future. Ray meets with Ariel’s label again but is resistant to sign anything – they want him to give up his publishing rights. Ariel tells him she’s willing to do whatever she has to for this deal to go through. Ray already knows this from talking to David, so he’s out.
Andrea and Peter meet up for coffee because Andrea put on her Bad Idea Jeans this morning. There’s flirting, them some meaningful looks, and then a kiss. Meanwhile, Finley assures his students that he’s going to fight for his tenure in his meeting that night. He thanks Brandon for his editorial. Brandon brings Kelly flowers and apologizes if he’s been selfish lately. (Actually, for once, Brandon didn’t do anything wrong.)
Ariel tracks Ray down at the Peach Pit, but he doesn’t want to change his mind about the deal. She tries to get Donna to talk him into signing with the label. Of course, Donna doesn’t owe Ariel anything. Ariel warns her that Ray’s ego might get the better of him. Donna thanks Ray for rejecting the deal, and he confirms that she was right about Ariel, but he turned the deal down because it was a bad one. Valerie shows up at the Peach Pit in a brand-new car, so Dylan calls her a hooker for taking money from Jonesy. (Whoa, Dylan. Back off.)
Dozens of Finley’s students wait outside his meeting for news about his tenure. He addresses his acolytes, calling them “constant soldiers” and sounding more like a cult leader than ever. He didn’t get tenure, but as long as he has students, everything’s fine. He can just lecture in other places. “The new evolution will go on,” Finley promises. Once he’s alone with Kelly, he tells her the faculty feels threatened by him. The Finleyites need to stay together and block out all outsiders. That means Kelly needs to break up with Brandon.
Thoughts: Erica’s going to live with the woman her father was cheating on when he conceived her? Whoa.
Dude, Dylan, Val did have a gun pulled on her. I think you can spare a little more than $10,000.
David, you were a nice guy in this episode, but your hat is losing you cool points.
More pointless so far this season: Clare or Cindy?
March 19, 2013
BH90210 5.16, Sentenced to Life: Forget Me Not
Can we trade Brandon for Saul? Saul’s funnier and tells better stories!
Summary: Andrea brings Dylan a book of Charles Bukowski’s poetry, which leads him to wonder if artists can still be artists after they’ve conquered their demons. He gets a notice to appear in court so he can face the music for his DUI. The Peach Pit After Dark is being constructed, so Donna does a news report calling for musicians to perform. She thinks Ray would be great. Clare disagrees since “his music isn’t exactly danceable.” David opts to stay out of it since he knows Donna will get her way eventually.
Steve reports to a nursing home for his community service, arriving just as a recently deceased resident is wheeled out. He runs into Saul Howard, an actor he remembers from his mom’s TV show. Saul thinks he’s Chuckie. (Oh, ouch.) Saul laments that he was in show business for almost 70 years but is only remembered for his role in a dumb sitcom. (It’s okay, Saul – most of the people on this show will only be remembered for their roles here.) Steve thinks the director will just sign his time sheets and let him go. The director does, but complains that a rich kid is getting away with his crime.
As Steve leaves, Saul (still calling him Chuckie) asks him to wash his sheets. He doesn’t want the staff to know he wet the bed because they’ll make him sleep on plastic sheets. Steve promises to do the chore (or, more accurately, get his mother’s house staff to do the chore). Valerie returns from her Christmas break, which she spent in Jamaica, despite having told everyone she was going to Buffalo. She couldn’t face going home yet. After she leaves the room, Kelly complains that she’s a compulsive liar, encouraging Brandon to call Valerie’s mother.
Steve brings Saul’s sheets back, correcting him again that he’s not Chuckie. Saul knows exactly who he is, revealing that he was fired because Rush told the showrunners he couldn’t remember his lines. They bond over losing family in car accidents. The director stops by and Steve announces that he’s going to complete his community service hours. The director thinks Steve wants to be a hero to Saul; he should just leave the man alone and let him live out his last days in peace.
The next day, Brandon tells Kelly that Valerie’s mother confirmed that Val went to Jamaica. Kelly still doesn’t trust her. Valerie asks to borrow her notes for a class they have together, though Kelly hasn’t noticed her in the classroom. She snits that she doesn’t want to help someone who doesn’t care about the class. Brandon defends Valerie, but Kelly says she’s a user and a liar. At the beach apartment, Donna tells Ray she’s arranged for him to headline opening night at the After Dark. Ray isn’t interested.
Steve works in the nursing home dining room while Saul tells his friends jokes. He calls Steve over to show him a card trick (though there isn’t actually a trick involved). The director snaps at Steve to get back to work. Andrea does laundry again and runs into Peter again. He wants to give her his number again. She still doesn’t tell him a) that she’s married or b) that Hannah’s her daughter, not her babysitting charge.
Saul and Steve lament that they’re both stuck at the nursing home, though at least Steve can leave. Saul says he’s “sentenced to life.” Steve offers to take him on a field trip the next day. At the Peach Pit, Jesse advises Dylan to get a good attorney and plead for mercy in court. He could get away with probation and a fine. Dylan thinks he’ll get a harsh sentence. Jesse gives him an attorney’s number. Steve goes to pick up Saul, but Saul doesn’t know who he is. He thinks Steve’s there to steal money and his Emmy.
Steve comes back the next day, and this time Saul knows who he is and wonders where he’s been. He admires Steve’s Corvette and asks to drive, trying to guilt Steve by saying it could be his last chance. Steve takes him to the Peach Pit, where Nat recognizes him. They meet up with Brandon, Kelly, Donna, David, Clare, Andrea, and Hannah, and Saul does a card trick for them. Clare mentions one of Saul’s movies, but he doesn’t remember whether he was in it. He also doesn’t remember what his Emmy was for. Steve decides it’s time to go home.
That night, while Andrea and Jesse tend to a sick Hannah, Clare tells Ray that they’re holding a spot open for him at the After Dark’s opening. Ray tells Donna again that he doesn’t want to perform. He thinks she wants to show him off so she can show up Felice. Andrea and Jesse take Hannah to the hospital, and guess who the med student on call is? Yep, Andrea’s laundry buddy. Peter gets the one-two punch of information that Andrea’s married and Hannah’s her daughter.
Back at the nursing home, Steve tells Saul that he and Rush don’t get along very well. Saul tells him to stop complaining and cherish what he has. He had a similarly bad relationship with his daughter, and one day he called her and told her he loved her no matter what. Two weeks later, she died. “Do the right thing,” he tells Steve. Steve shouldn’t wait to make up with Rush, or he’ll always regret it. As Steve leaves for the night, Saul says that he knows he’s going downhill. Steve tries to hide his emotions, assuring him that he won’t take anything personally.
Hannah stays in the hospital overnight, but she’s better in the morning. Peter asks why Andrea wasn’t honest about who she was. She says she wanted to see what it was like not to be a wife or a mother. Peter confesses that he’s also married. Andrea chastises him for flirting with her, though he points out that she didn’t exactly resist. He thinks she and Jesse only got married because she got pregnant. (He’s not wrong, but he’s also a jerk.)
Valerie calls Kelly from school, wondering why she isn’t at their psych final. Kelly accidentally overslept, so Val accidentally helped her out. Saul’s in an art class at the nursing home but isn’t painting anything. Steve helps him but he can’t hold the brush. Ray plays his guitar outside the beach apartment (and he’s finally playing a different song!), and Donna apologizes for pushing him to perform. He says he’s always wanted to perform, but he has stage fright. Donna wants to help him overcome his fears.
Dylan runs into Jesse after his hearing and blasts him for his advice before revealing that he got exactly the sentence Jesse said he would. At the Walshes’, Kelly thanks Valerie for getting her to her test on time. Val tells her to stop feeling guilty about not sharing her notes; she did fine without them. Kelly promises to repay the favor sometime. Steve brings Saul some pie, but Saul is so out of it that he doesn’t even acknowledge him. Steve brings him back to lucidity by offering a ride in the Corvette. Saul finally calls him Steve.
Thoughts: Saul is played by Milton Berle.
Jack Bender directed this episode (he directed episodes of Lost and a bunch of other shows). And Ian Ziering co-wrote it! Go, Ian!
Guys, I love Steve. I’m saying it before it’s too late!
“I have an English final tomorrow and I still don’t know who killed the damn mockingbird.” Donna, you make me sad.
Buffalo vs. Jamaica in December? Family or not, Valerie made the right choice.
I thought Kelly was okay with Valerie. Did I miss an episode?
Donna, that’s not a shirt, it’s a vest. Put on more clothes.
Saul drops a card in Kelly’s lap, then says, “I only did that so I could touch your knee.” I wonder if that was ad-libbed – Jennie Garth’s laugh sounds genuine.
Thank you, show, for not killing Saul. I don’t think I would have been able to handle that.
February 2, 2013
BH90210 5.6, Homecoming: Unbearable
They traded Shannen Doherty to get this bear
Summary: Kelly, Donna, Steve, and Griffin are at Southern California University on a “fact-finding mission.” It involves the college’s giant stuffed bear mascot. Brandon goes to Chancellor Arnold’s house as a motorcade escorts over a man named Ferdinand Quintero. Quintero is the president of Selanesia and an old friend of the Arnolds’. Clare introduces him to Brandon, and the chancellor says Brandon is Clare’s boyfriend. Clare gives Brandon the unpublicized news that Quintero’s in town to be treated for liver cancer.
The bearnappers regroup at the Peach Pit to figure out how to get past the bear’s guards. They ask Valerie for help and she suggests a distraction. The others are willing to try it even if it’s cruel. Andrea has confronted Jesse for flirting on the job; he doesn’t think it’s a big deal but she does. She’s also upset that all they do when they have time together is study. She’s worried about their relationship, but Jesse says they’re fine.
Kaye and Ben, two students from CU’s chapter of Human Rights International, visit Brandon to tell him about the torture in Selanesia that they say Quintero authorized. They plan to make his time at CU very unpleasant. They want Brandon on board with them, but he thinks Quintero is a normal guy. Kaye and Ben call him ignorant and repeat what Alex Diaz said about him being Chancellor Arnold’s lackey.
Ray surprises Donna at the TV station to tell her his construction job on campus is over, so he’s leaving. She’s sad to see him go, but she’s reluctant to give him her phone number since she already has a boyfriend. He gets her to admit that her relationship with Griffin isn’t that serious. Brandon asks Clare about the allegations of torture in Selanesia, which Clare calls ridiculous. She’s been there, saw her father help install democracy there, and doesn’t think the chancellor would be friends with a torturer.
Dylan, Valerie, and her sleeveless flannel shirt are still hooking up, though he wants it to be clear that he doesn’t want a real relationship. She wonders if he’s still hung up on Brenda and/or Kelly. He tells her not to fall in love with him. She already knows more about him than she should. Valerie doesn’t get why it’s a big deal that she knows that Dylan has no money. She promises to continue keeping it quiet.
Chancellor Arnold holds a cocktail party for Quintero that gets interrupted by a demonstration held by a bunch of CU students. They’re all chanting, “Quintero kills!” which is no “Donna Martin graduates.” Later, Kaye and Ben bug Brandon and Clare at the campus coffee shop, giving them a report on Selanesia. Clare continues defending Quintero as a good leader. Brandon agrees to read the report but wants some real proof.
Donna makes a date with Ray, to Kelly’s surprise. She’s also scheduled it right before bear-stealing time. Kelly’s worried that Donna’s going out with a guy she barely knows. Brandon chats with Andrea about Human Rights International, which Andrea believes in. She doesn’t think the group would lie since their only mission is to protect human life. Brandon goes to the Arnolds’ and commiserates with Quintero on the tough parts of being a president. Oh, and Quintero’s a good cook, so I guess he’s not a torturer.
Ray and Donna listen to some of his music as he drives them to their mystery date. She’s stunned to see a large knife in the glove compartment. Now she wishes she’d listened to Kelly. But it’s okay – Ray takes her to his family’s pumpkin farm since he promised his aunt he would help out. The knife is for carving (pumpkins, not people). Kaye introduces Brandon to a CU gardener who happens to be from Selanesia. He was tortured and forced to sign a statement against his brother, which led to his brother’s murder. He has scars to prove his story.
Donna and Ray carve pumpkins and go to the farm’s petting zoo as the other bearnappers, now including Muntz, put the finishing touches on their plan. Their “distraction” will involve brownies containing laxatives. Brandon tells Jim and Cindy that Human Rights International wants to serve Quintero with a civil suit that will keep him in the U.S. His security won’t let anyone near him, so Brandon has agreed to serve him. His parents tell him he doesn’t have to do this, but Brandon doesn’t want to be seen as a lackey anymore. He points out that students have made history in the past, like in Tiananmen Square and at the Berlin Wall.
Andrea does laundry at a Laundromat and meets a doctor named Peter. He thinks she’s babysitting Hannah, and she doesn’t correct that Hannah’s her daughter. Steve and Griffin, wearing black shirts and earpieces, wait outside SCU’s lobby while Kelly and Valerie, posing as SCU sorority girls, offer brownies to the guys guarding the bear. (Muntz is randomly there, dusting something.) In case we didn’t already know, Valerie proves to be a really good liar.
Donna’s still at the petting zoo, about to make a baby goat her third boyfriend. She tells Ray she’s not sorry she missed the bearnapping. Then they kiss, and I bet the goat’s jealous. David makes his first appearance of the episode at the beach apartment, asking when she gets to meet Clare’s father. Brandon comes over to talk to her about the suit against Quintero and serving the papers. Clare reminds him that Quintero has cancer and has never done anything to Brandon. She’ll never speak to Brandon again if he goes through with this.
Andrea comes home from the Laundromat to find Jesse waiting with a candlelight dinner. He’s skipping work to hang out with his wife (or shut her up; it could go either way). Andrea decides to throw away Peter’s phone number. The bear guards run to the bathroom, asking Kelly and Valerie to keep an eye on the bear. Muntz locks them in, and the bearnappers grab the bear (conveniently mounted on a wheeled dolly) and run.
Brandon goes to the Arnolds’, where the chancellor confronts him for getting involved with Human Rights International. He insists that Quintero installed democracy in Selanesia to make his people’s lives better. Quintero knows Brandon’s there to serve him and accepts the papers. He acknowledges that Brandon did what he had to do, just like Quintero did. “You’ll see, there’s always a price,” Quintero warns.
Ray takes Donna home, telling her she gets to make the next move. At the Walshes’, Valerie tells Cindy she’s going out to meet Steve, but of course, she’s really meeting Dylan. However, when she arrives, he tells her their plans for the night are cancelled – he already has someone else there to have sex with. Valerie’s mad that Dylan keeps reminding her they don’t have a real relationship.
On the news the next morning, the Walshes hear that Quintero has announced he’s resigning as president for health reasons. Also, the SCU bear has disappeared the same day as SCU’s big football game against CU. The CU students are happy with their new transfer students. Griffin tells Donna he missed her the night before, and she lies that she missed him, too. Valerie and Kelly agree that they had fun bearnapping together, and Kelly says Val can be an honorary Alpha.
Clare decides to keep talking to Brandon, despite her threat, since Quintero is still talking to Chancellor Arnold. (Um, okay, Clare.) As everyone heads to the football game, the gardener thanks Brandon for being brave, like his brother was.
Thoughts: You’d think Brandon would know the name of every head of state who’s committed a human rights violation.
For someone who supposedly hates the gang, Valerie sure doesn’t seem to mind hanging out with them.
Clare, your threat never to speak to Brandon again isn’t exactly negative. He would probably welcome it.
Also, telling Clare about the suit was dangerous – what if she’d told Quintero and he’d left the country?
Blah, blah, Brandon’s a hero and always does the right thing, blah. I didn’t learn anything from this episode!
'90s Flashback 