April 13, 2013

BH90210 5.21, Stormy Weather: The Evolution Will Not Be Televised

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , at 2:48 pm by Jenn

Good news: The cult storyline is over. Bad news: The love triangle is back on

Good news: The cult storyline is over. Bad news: The love triangle is back on

Summary: Kelly, Donna, and Clare are at the Peach Pit, where Kelly has just announced that she’s dropping out of the sorority. Kelly blathers about sacrifice and other cult stuff. Clare calls her on the cult-speak, but Dylan defends her, saying she’s trying to find meaning in her life. Brandon watches from his car as Dylan walks Kelly to hers, then comes to report that Kelly arranged for him to meet Finley.

Valerie orders room service for herself…and Ray, who has spent the night again. He tries to rush off (probably to meet Donna), reminding Val that she said their activities were just for fun. Then he upends her room-service cart. Andrea’s at Peter’s hospital to interview for a research job, which she is totally not interested in because it means she’ll get to see Peter all the time.

Brandon visits Chancellor Arnold in his leaky office (it rains for almost the whole episode, by the way) to talk about Finley, but the chancellor doesn’t care about him since he doesn’t teach at CU anymore. Brandon notes that Finley’s minions (Finions?) are mostly CU students, including Kelly. He also knows that CU settled a lawsuit with some parents, and he’d like to learn more. The chancellor can’t say anything because it would violate students’ confidentiality. He thinks Kelly will be okay, since she’s smart.

Dylan (still suited up) goes to the compound and meets Finley; they talk about Hawaii and Iris’ New Age-ness. Finley’s surprised to learn who Dylan’s father was. He thinks Dylan would make a great Finion and encourages Kelly to invite him to a party the next day. Jesse calls Andrea from Boise, where he went for the clerkship interview, and she tells him she got the job at the hospital. Jesse thinks they should invite Peter and Adrienne over for dinner when he gets home.

Kelly and Dylan talk about Finley, and he pretends he supports her commitment to the cause. Brandon calls but Dylan can’t talk to him about their plan with Kelly in the room. Kelly invites Dylan to the next day’s “milledding,” a type of wedding where a couple “enter in the new millennium together.” Ray and Donna make out in his truck outside the Peach Pit, and he assures her that no one will be able to come between them. Valerie is currently in her car, watching them, like the freaky stalker she is.

The next day, Kelly and Dylan go to the milledding, which is between a young woman and a guy old enough to be her father (or maybe a young grandfather). Kelly explains that the box people keep putting envelopes into is to hold their pledges for a new learning center, the next step in Finley’s plan. Finley talks about the evolution of mankind, and how they’re all still evolving, and blah blah blah. Dylan’s face says, “Really with this crap?”

Peter and Andrea flirt at the hospital, and though she hesitates when he starts to kiss her, she definitely doesn’t stop him. Back at the milledding, Kelly says that the groom is going to sell his house to Finley, and they’ll use the money to fund their learning center in Oregon. She admits that she’s always been afraid to be too pretty, too smart, or too funny because people might be jealous. Finley has made her realize that “everyone has limitless possibilities.” She’s so happy, she kisses Dylan.

Ray left something at Valerie’s, so she takes it to his place and meets LuAnn. Ray is not happy to see her. She apologizes and reiterates that she wants to have sex with no strings attached. He tries to resist, but she doesn’t think he’ll keep that mentality for long. LuAnn warns her son to be careful of Val.

Dylan and Brandon meet at the Walshes’, and Dylan relays the information that Finley’s getting lots of money out of his Finions. Brandon’s a little worried because Dylan thinks Finley is nice and has some good ideas. He also thinks Kelly and Dylan might be getting closer than they should be. Dylan admits to kissing her, then tells Brandon that if he wants to save Kelly, he’d better move fast.

Brandon goes back to the chancellor the next day to talk about Kelly again; he knows that because of her past, she’s hard on herself. He asks again about the settlement. Chancellor Arnold still won’t tell him anything, but says that he’ll be going to lunch soon, and he can’t stop Brandon from opening his file cabinet and looking up files on a couple of students.

Dylan visits Finley, spouting some cult-speak and asking for more information on the learning center. Then he offers to help fund it, in exchange for knowledge of what Finley has planned for Kelly. Basically, Finley wants to hit that. Dylan tells him that they used to date, and he’s determined to get her back. Since Finley was able to get Kelly to break up with Brandon, Dylan thinks he can talk Kelly into going back to him. If Finley’s successful, he’ll get his funding.

Brandon tries to call a student named Greg (one of the people who received a settlement) from the beach apartment but can’t get through. He decides to go to Orange County to see him in person. Ray comes over and learns that Val is on her way to hang out. He gets upset with Donna for not telling him that someone else would be there, since he thought it would just be the two of them. He throws a fit and leaves.

At the compound, Finley tells Kelly how great Dylan is, and the wonderful chemistry they have. In fact, he thinks Kelly and Dylan are soulmates. She needs to give him everything she has physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Greg, one of Finley’s former teaching assistants, won’t talk to Brandon until Brandon says his girlfriend has gotten involved with the Finions and might move to Oregon with them. Andrea and Peter make out in a hospital elevator, stopping just before poor, clueless Jesse shows up to surprise his wife.

Kelly goes to Dylan’s house and quickly obeys Finley’s suggestion that she give herself to Dylan physically. Dylan figures out her game and comes clean about their deal. Then he calls out Brandon and Greg, who are also in the house. Greg was a charter member of the New Evolution, and he tells Kelly that Finley targets students who can provide money. He was the groom at the first milledding, and his wife was an heiress who funded the first year of the Evolution. (Also, her grandkids love her chocolate chip cookies. Seriously, she’s a grandmother.)

Dylan tells Brandon that he gets how Kelly got snowed – he went to the compound knowing it was a scam and still found himself agreeing with some things Finley said. He thinks Brandon would understand if he’d had the kind of traumatic experiences Dylan and Kelly have. Now successfully deconditioned, Kelly apologizes to Dylan (but not Brandon, interestingly). Greg tells Brandon that he got through to her by showing where the New Evolution led him: to a suicide attempt.

Ray finds Donna at the Peach Pit and apologizes for being a jerk. She’s worried that he’ll get worse when he becomes more famous (because clearly his success is the reason he’s been acting this way). Valerie comes in and teases them, then follows Ray to the After Dark to try to get some. Ray tells her that fooling around with her was a mistake, and they’re done. She threatens to tell Donna in retaliation.

Kelly confronts Finley for pimping her out and for, you know, being a cult leader. He thinks she’ll come back. He also wonders which guy she’ll end up with. Both of them are outside waiting for her, and as soon as they’ve confirmed that she’s back to normal, suddenly they’re rivals for her affection again.

Thoughts: ’90s music alert (both at the Peach Pit): Wilson Phillips’ “Hold On” (which I will admit I think is an awesome song) and Amy Grant and Vince Gill’s “House of Love.”

At the milledding (gag), Finley addresses that some people might challenge marriage as being antiquated, since it’s something their parents did. Then he jokes, “Well, maybe not all your parents did.” Ha ha, some of you are illegitimate!

Aw, the chancellor’s a good guy. It’s nice, because I’ve always liked Nicholas Pryor.

If I had a dime for every time an ex-boyfriend offered to fund a cult’s education center in order to get me back, I’d…well, it wouldn’t matter how many dimes I had – I’d also have a super-rich boyfriend.

I’m surprised the Finions still go to class. I’m surprised he still lets them go to class.

Elevator makeout sessions? What is this, Grey’s Anatomy?

Did anyone miss David in this episode? Ha ha, no, you didn’t. Sadly, I didn’t notice until the end that Steve wasn’t in it either, and I thought I would have missed him earlier on. I’m sorry, Steve! Forgive me!

April 7, 2013

BH90210 5.20, You Gotta Have Heart: Cult-ure Club

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 12:57 pm by Jenn

"Have you heard the good news about Lord Xenu?"

“Have you heard the good news about Lord Xenu?”

Summary: Ray has had another successful set at the After Dark, so he and Donna celebrate by making out at his place. He invites her to spend the night, and they end up in bed, just about to trade in Donna’s V card. She puts the brakes on at the last minute. Brandon tries to contact Kelly at the mansion that’s now serving as Finley’s headquarters, but she doesn’t want to talk to him. Finley uses cult buzzwords to make her take Brandon’s call, where she herself uses cult buzzwords. Kelly’s flaking out on a sorority event she organized, and Brandon’s mad.

The event is a Valentine’s-themed telethon for a pediatric heart fund. Brandon and Donna kick things off with a lot of making out, for some reason. (Donna’s subbing for Kelly.) Meanwhile, Valerie’s moving out of the Walshes’ house and into a luxury hotel called the Bellamy so she can enjoy everything her newfound wealth can bring. Cindy’s upset and wants Jim to talk to her, but Jim thinks it’s pointless. He also thinks she’ll be back in two weeks, having spent everything.

Steve tells David, Clare, and Donna (who are running and airing the telethon) that he booked the band Jade for them. Brandon talks to Nat about Finley, and Nat becomes the first person to call him a cult leader. One of his former waitresses had a sister who died in Jonesboro. Brandon doesn’t think Kelly’s in that much danger, but Nat tells him that’s what his waitress said.

LuAnn’s back from her cruise and very grateful to Donna for financing the trip. Ray confides that he’s having trouble keeping it in his pants while dating a virgin. LuAnn warns him not to screw up the relationship. “Whatever you do, just be discreet,” she advises. Dylan visits Valerie in her new home, having been contacted by a panicking Cindy. He thinks Val will get lonely (and he would know, since he used to live in a hotel). He regrets getting her involved with Jonesy.

Brandon goes to the Finley compound, and Finley tells Kelly to talk to him since right now she’s acting like a tease. She needs to deal with Brandon so she can “start the next phase of [her] life.” Kelly tells Brandon that he won’t understand what she’s doing if he’s not ready to evolve. Finley has helped her realize that she’s a different person than she thought she was. Kelly starts to give a break-up speech, but Brandon doesn’t want her to go through with it. He tries to get her to admit that she still loves him. She says she can’t deny it.

Andrea and Jesse go to the movies, bickering about…whatever. They run into Peter and his wife, Adrienne, and things get super-awkward super-fast, especially when Adrienne suggests that they all sit together. Valerie stops by the telethon, mostly to see Ray. She ducks into his truck and pulls out the cigarette lighter. Brandon’s managed to get Kelly to come in and help answer phones. Valerie sees Dylan watching Kelly and taunts him. Donna asks Brandon how he got Kelly to come; he jokes that he threatened to dance on TV.

David brings out the cute kids to collect donations, and Dylan gives $100. Valerie offers $300, asking for Ray to perform. He sings that song he always sings. After the movie, Andrea, Jesse, Peter, and Adrienne hang out, so there’s more awkwardness. Andrea fantasizes about dancing with Peter a la Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. Ray tries to leave after his set, but his battery’s dead. Valerie follows him outside, offering to give him a “charge,” and not the kind that requires jumper cables.

The next morning, Kelly lies awake in Brandon’s bed, looking…culty. David and Clare are trying to stay awake for the rest of the telethon. Steve wants David to mention Jade again. Donna’s in a good mood, having gotten to sleep the night before, but when she tries to call Ray, LuAnn lies that he just left. He’s really at the Bellamy, having spent the night with Valerie. She doesn’t want him to feel guilty for cheating, and she makes it clear that she doesn’t want a relationship.

Kelly ditches Brandon at the apartment, and Clare is naïve enough to think she just went to get them breakfast. Steve goes to pick up Jade, but learns that the guy he thought he arranged their performance with isn’t their manager, he’s their laundry guy. He ends up chasing their limo, which turns out not to be their limo.

Brandon goes back to the compound and interrupts one of Finley’s “tutorials.” He threatens to call the police if Finley doesn’t tell him where Kelly is. Finley uses him as an example of an “unevolved rough beast.” Kelly arrives and Finley tells her to tell Brandon what she needs. She says Brandon’s holding her back and she can’t let him do so any longer. Brandon leaves while the cult minions applaud Kelly’s evolutionary step.

Ray comes to the telethon to see Donna and accidentally make Andrea jealous that they have a good relationship (supposedly). Peter calls, having seen Andrea on TV, and reveals that he had the same fantasy Andrea did. Steve shows up to break the news to Clare that he didn’t get Jade after all, but the group is already there. Everyone dances dorkily to their performance.

Ray gives Donna a necklace, pretending he was out getting it when she called. She wonders how he went to the jewelry store since his truck was at the After Dark. In fact, how did he get home last night? Valerie walks by and says they look cute together. Brandon tells Nat that he’s probably right about Finley being a cult leader – it seems like Kelly’s being brainwashed. Nat wonders who they can find to get through to her.

Jade hangs out with Steve while Donna spots Valerie and Ray talking. Brandon goes to Dylan’s house to ask him to talk to Kelly. Dylan doesn’t think Finley’s a threat; he says Brandon’s just upset because Kelly dumped him. Brandon thinks Kelly gave Finley her settlement from the fire. He asks Dylan again to talk to her, and this time Dylan agrees, making it clear it’s not for Brandon. Over at the compound, Finley leads his minions in a toast to Kelly for ending her relationship with an outsider. Kelly says it’s nice to be home.

Thoughts: How did Finley afford his compound? Even if each minion gave some money, there’s just no way. Even Val and Dylan couldn’t afford that place.

I guess my knowledge of ’90s music isn’t as extensive as I thought, sinve I’ve never heard of Jade.

Whoever wrote the script for the telethon shouldn’t quit his day job. Unless his day job is writing.

Ray: “This is dedicated to everyone with a heart.” So…everyone?

I’m 99% sure one of the men in the limo Steve chases is Aaron Spelling.

Remember when David had storylines? Me neither.

I’d question why Dylan wears a suit for the whole episode, but I guess I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

April 2, 2013

BH90210 5.19, Little Monsters: Deal or No Deal

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , at 9:22 pm by Jenn

To be fair to Dylan, hookers probably would dress like this

To be fair to Dylan, hookers probably would dress like this

Summary: Valerie drives Dylan home from the airport after he’s delivered Erica to Iris in Hawaii. She’d like some compensation for her part in the rescue mission. Dylan agrees, and I’m sure Jonesy will totally go for it, too. Also, Dylan and Val are back together, it seems. Ray performs at the After Dark, so we kill a couple minutes there. He complains to David and Clare that the sound system is screwed up, then snipes at them when they say he’s wrong. Donna tells them he’s nervous because a talent scout is coming to see him.

Brandon meets Andrea at the Peach Pit and asks for her advice on the editorial he’s submitting to the Condor in defense of Finley. He admits that Kelly hasn’t seen it because they haven’t been spending much time together lately. That’s because Kelly has turned the beach apartment into Save Finley Central. Ray performs again, this time under the watchful eye of Ariel. (Steve’s also at the After Dark, because he’s an idiot.)

Valerie asks Dylan for money so she can buy a new coat (in Beverly Hills? Okay); he laughs over the fact that he’s giving her money after having sex with her. He gives her $10,000 and she balks at the small fraction she’s getting from his almost $8 million. Dylan calls her greedy, telling her she should have set a price up front. It turns out Ariel is the rep who’s come to scout Ray, which David knows Donna won’t like. Ariel asks Ray to come to her label for a meeting.

Jesse’s supposed to go out of town for a clerkship interview, but Andrea’s nervous because Hannah’s sick again. He suggests that she call Peter for medical advice. On campus, Brandon and Cindy run into Kelly and Finley, but Kelly basically ignores her boyfriend. She confides in Finley her annoyance with Brandon’s lack of support for her cause. Finley says that when the heat is on, people show who they really are. David informs an unhappy Donna that Ariel is the rep courting Ray.

Ray has a good meeting with Ariel’s label, and Ariel’s boss instructs her to sign him. She offers to take Ray out to buy new boots. He tries to decline, so she turns on the flirting. Dylan visits Jim to admit that he should have listened to him about his business deal with Suzanne and Kevin. He’d like Jim to be his business manager (but this time, Dylan’s in control of his money). Jim seems willing to agree, since Dylan has changed since the last time they worked together. Dylan mentions that he gave Val $10,000.

Speaking of, Val is spending the money on something that’s decidedly not a winter coat. Ray and Ariel are at the same boutique, looking at boots. Valerie accuses Ray of cheating on Donna, saying that it looks like Ariel wants him. “But don’t we all,” she adds. Ray takes his new boots to the beach apartment, where Donna tells him that Ariel was the reason she and David broke up. Ray insists that Ariel’s just interested in her music. Donna says that’s what she said about David, too. She wants him to give back the boots and stay away from Ariel. Ray refuses.

Kelly reads Brandon’s editorial and is all happy with him again. But when he asks her to skip out on doing research for Finley to hang out with him, she accuses him of writing the piece just to get on her good side. Ray and his band do a sound check at the After Dark, after which David warns that Ariel might go to unconventional lengths to win him over. Ray doesn’t care what David has to say since Ariel wasn’t the only one who hurt Donna.

Over at the Peach Pit, Donna and Clare agree that Ariel is bad news. The conversation turns to Kelly, and Clare reveals that according to her father, the other professors aren’t supportive of Finley. David tells Donna that he warned Ray about Ariel, but he doesn’t think Ray listened. She’s pleased that he tried, though. Dylan goes to the Walshes’ for dinner so they can recap what happened in Mexico. Cindy wonders if there’s anything they should know about Valerie. Dylan says she’s a “bigger package” than Brenda, “with a much bigger bow.”

Val is currently with Jonesy, trying to get more money. He just wants to sleep with her. Then he says he’ll pay her if she agrees to pair up with him again in the future. Ray meets with Ariel’s label again but is resistant to sign anything – they want him to give up his publishing rights. Ariel tells him she’s willing to do whatever she has to for this deal to go through. Ray already knows this from talking to David, so he’s out.

Andrea and Peter meet up for coffee because Andrea put on her Bad Idea Jeans this morning. There’s flirting, them some meaningful looks, and then a kiss. Meanwhile, Finley assures his students that he’s going to fight for his tenure in his meeting that night. He thanks Brandon for his editorial. Brandon brings Kelly flowers and apologizes if he’s been selfish lately. (Actually, for once, Brandon didn’t do anything wrong.)

Ariel tracks Ray down at the Peach Pit, but he doesn’t want to change his mind about the deal. She tries to get Donna to talk him into signing with the label. Of course, Donna doesn’t owe Ariel anything. Ariel warns her that Ray’s ego might get the better of him. Donna thanks Ray for rejecting the deal, and he confirms that she was right about Ariel, but he turned the deal down because it was a bad one. Valerie shows up at the Peach Pit in a brand-new car, so Dylan calls her a hooker for taking money from Jonesy. (Whoa, Dylan. Back off.)

Dozens of Finley’s students wait outside his meeting for news about his tenure. He addresses his acolytes, calling them “constant soldiers” and sounding more like a cult leader than ever. He didn’t get tenure, but as long as he has students, everything’s fine. He can just lecture in other places. “The new evolution will go on,” Finley promises. Once he’s alone with Kelly, he tells her the faculty feels threatened by him. The Finleyites need to stay together and block out all outsiders. That means Kelly needs to break up with Brandon.

Thoughts: Erica’s going to live with the woman her father was cheating on when he conceived her? Whoa.

Dude, Dylan, Val did have a gun pulled on her. I think you can spare a little more than $10,000.

David, you were a nice guy in this episode, but your hat is losing you cool points.

More pointless so far this season: Clare or Cindy?

March 30, 2013

BH90210 5.18, Hazardous to Your Health: Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , at 2:31 pm by Jenn

My new desktop wallpaper

My new desktop wallpaper

Summary: Dylan packs for his Erica-rescue mission but gets slowed down when Valerie shows up to hang out. She asks to come with him, but he won’t even tell her where he’s going. He remarks that he’s probably not the only guy she plans to visit this morning. When Dylan arrives in Mexico, he tries to call Jonesy, who’s sick in bed and doesn’t answer. He takes a cab to Jonesy’s hotel and learns that Jonesy isn’t so much sick as hungover and heartbroken.

Despite having a sick newborn through finals, Andrea made the dean’s list. She mentions Hannah’s doctor, and Brandon and Steve tease her for having feelings for someone who’s not her husband. David and Clare bicker over his desire to turn the Peach Pit After Dark into a hip-hop club. He thinks her affection for alt rock is awful.

At the beach apartment, Donna and Ray watch a video of Ray’s performance at the After Dark. Brandon finds Kelly meditating while listening to tapes of Professor Finley saying new-agey things. She tells Brandon he was denied tenure despite being popular with his students. He won’t give any more tutorials until he’s granted an appeal, which Brandon is willing to lobby for.

In Mexico, Dylan and Jonesy ride horses down a beach (of course) until they can get a look at the beachfront property Kevin and Suzanne have purchased. They’re now calling themselves Carl and Kitty Cavendish, and are possibly smuggling drugs. Jonesy plans to track down and flush down their secret bank account. His tap on their phone has let him know that Carl likes pirate collectibles and Kitty isn’t sleeping with him.

Jonesy has a plan, but it will only work if he has a female accomplice, and his just ditched him. Dylan gets distracted when he finally catches a glimpse of Erica. Jonesy needs another accomplice who can lie and be seductive. Dylan knows just the person. He calls Valerie, but she’s mad because he blew her off earlier and still won’t tell her what he’s up to. He manages to talk her into going to Mexico, and she gives the Walshes a cover story they don’t believe.

The next day, Dylan and Jonesy go to the airport, where Jonesy has Dylan pose as a valet and pick up Valerie. Dylan still questions Jonesy, who promises that he’s done this sort of thing before. In turn, Dylan promises that Valerie can do whatever they need her do. Jonesy pretends to be Valerie’s boyfriend, and she immediately plays along.

Brandon asks the dean about Finley’s appeal, wondering why he isn’t getting tenure. The dean tells him Finley was supposed to write a book, but he’s doing tutorials instead. The other professors think he’s trying to win “converts.” Parents have also complained about Finley’s conduct during a weekend retreat. The dean is willing to work with Brandon, though.

Dylan, Valerie, and Jonesy go to a retreat near where Suzanne and Kevin are staying. Val and Jonesy will be posing as a super-rich couple on vacation, and Dylan will be their “manservant.” Jonesy has even arranged a double date with Kevin and Suzanne. He tells Valerie to flirt with Kevin, then spills a drink on Suzanne so he can get her out of the picture. They talk pirate stuff, and Jonesy tells Kevin he has Blackbeard’s log. He invites Kevin to join them on their yacht.

Meanwhile, Dylan follows Erica and her nanny (I guess) around town, which would be totally creepy if we didn’t know what was going on. He catches up to her at a market stall and tells her not to look at him while they’re talking. She begs him to take her away from Mexico and gives him her favorite piece from her sea glass collection. A guard from the villa sees him, but Dylan acts casual.

Jonesy finds out about Dylan’s encounter with Erica and blasts him for letting the guard see him. Dylan doesn’t care what he thinks since he hasn’t come through on his promises yet. Valerie assures Dylan that she’ll do whatever he needs to get Erica back.

In Beverly Hills, Brandon meets with Finley, who asks him to lead the charge for his tenure. Brandon thinks he needs to address his critics head-on. Finley thinks the dean has already turned Brandon against him, and Brandon’s only there to find out if Finley’s as bad as everyone thinks. He promises a showdown if it comes to that, and he plans to win.

Jonesy, Valerie, Kevin, and Suzanne spend the day on a yacht, bringing a big marlin back with them. Dylan listens in on a surveillance device as Valerie and Suzanne talk about Erica. Meanwhile, Jonesy tells Kevin that he’s a smuggler (he stuffs his wares inside fish – heh) and wants a partner.

Suzanne and Jonesy head to villa while Valerie goes to the “Cavendishes'” house with Kevin. Kevin uses the Interwebs to access his bank account in the Caymans, and Jonesy hacks into the account to get all the information he needs. He immediately transfers what’s left of Dylan’s $8 million into an FBI account. Jonesy’s ready to go back to the States, but Dylan wants to get Erica. Jonesy has no experience taking kids, so he won’t be helping.

When Valerie finds out that Jonesy’s gone, she blasts Dylan for letting him go; Kevin and Suzanne will soon be coming over to have dinner with the couple. Dylan says that’s perfect, since that means Erica will be alone in the house. Kelly gets herself hired as Finley’s research assistant and chastises Brandon for stabbing Finley in the back. She calls him an extern, which is Finley’s word for a non-believer.

Valerie goes to Kevin and Suzanne’s house, pretending she was on the beach and was going to be late for dinner. She gives Erica back the piece of sea glass she gave Dylan. As soon as the others leave, Dylan sneaks into the house to get Erica. Suzanne calls and hears Erica shout a warning to Dylan as he’s spotted by a member of the house staff. Suzanne quickly figures out that Valerie and Dylan are working together and pulls a gun on her.

Kevin and Suzanne take Valerie back to their house, having easily gotten the truth out of her. Suzanne asks Dylan where Jonesy is. Just then Dylan looks outside to see his supposedly former partner. Gunfighting ensues, and Dylan knocks Kevin out while Valerie takes Suzanne’s gun. Suzanne offers her money, but Valerie tells her it’s already theirs.

Once the bad guys have been taken away, Jonesy tells Dylan and Valerie that he got some help from the FBI after he told them Kevin and Suzanne were plotting to kidnap Erik Estrada. Dylan lets Erica know that he’s okay, and she says she knew he’d find her.

Thoughts: My recap title comes from Veggie Tales, and it’s way better than the actual title of the episode, which has nothing to do with anything.

When Dylan is done playing Jonesy and Valerie’s manservant, can he come be mine? Oh, I’ve said too much.

I was thinking that brenda would have been a better choice for Valerie’s part of Jonesy’s plan, but I think she’s met Suzanne, so that wouldn’t work.

Hotter: Dylan with his shirt open or Dylan in a nice, crisp white shirt? Don’t make me choose!

March 24, 2013

BH90210 5.17, Sweating It Out: Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Riding

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , at 2:57 pm by Jenn

I get it now! Dylan isn't jealous of Brandon, he's jealous of Kelly for stealing his one true love!

I get it now! Dylan isn’t jealous of Brandon, he’s jealous of Kelly for stealing his one true love!

Summary: The semester’s over, and Brandon and Dylan have no idea what to do other than hang out at the Peach Pit, apparently. Dylan suggests a road trip and some camping. He only has three days before his probation starts and he has to turn over his driver’s license. The guys will be road-tripping on motorcycles. Next door, the After Dark is being readied for its debut, but Steve doesn’t think it’ll be ready in time. He also thinks Clare and David will never be able to run it. Clare surprises him by telling him how awesome Rush is. In fact, everyone at the After Dark loves him.

Cindy questions Brandon and Dylan’s plans, though Jim notes that Dylan driving isn’t a better idea. Kelly comes over to say goodbye and tell Brandon she was invited to a workshop led by a psych professor, Patrick Finley. He has some grand theory called the new evolution. Valerie was also invited but wasn’t going to go until she found out Kelly was going. Dylan arrives and Cindy again expresses her anxiety over the guys’ trip. No one listens to her.

Clare, David, and Rush take a break at the Peach Pit while Donna tries to help Ray overcome his stage fright. Dylan and Brandon stop at a diner and flirt horribly with their waitress. Brandon tells Dylan about Lucinda showing up in D.C., but Dylan doesn’t want to hear about her, since she just reminds him of how Kelly and Brandon got together. Later, in their motel room, Brandon sneaks a call to Kelly while Dylan’s in the shower. The guys bicker, so this was clearly not a good idea. Brandon says he’ll go back to Beverly Hills in the morning.

Kelly and Valerie go to the seminar, which involves talk of the search for meaning and illumination and all that hippie stuff. Professor Finley (who’s in a wheelchair) tells the attendees, “We have evolved.” They’re very happy to hear that. Dylan doesn’t want Brandon to go home on his own, and somehow this leads to Brandon agreeing to continue the trip. Back at the seminar, Valerie’s bored but Kelly’s intrigued. When everyone splits into groups, Valerie ducks out. A grad student tells Kelly not to let a “negater” like Valerie hold her back from changing her life.

Brandon and Dylan take a pit stop at the border of a Native American reservation just as a police officer drives by. He tells them they’re desecrating a sacred burial land. Dylan blasts Brandon for handing over his driver’s license without asking to see the officer’s badge. (Um, Dylan, he just stepped out of a police car. I think that makes it pretty clear that he’s a cop.) The officer announces that he could arrest the guys, but instead he’s going to put them on a work detail.

Kelly tells her small group that she thought her life would be different after the fire. She used to care about how she looks, but now she feels like her physical appearance is less meaningful. Finley overhears and tells her not to analyze her “one truth,” which she’s revealed in an attempt to reach a “moment of clarity.” Kelly reveals that when the fire was approaching the door, she prayed that her face wouldn’t be burned – that Alison would be burned instead if that’s what it took. Kelly wants to change her life, but she doesn’t know how to do it.

The officer tells Dylan and Brandon to dig a big hole exactly two feet deep, with perfect sides and a perfect bottom. He gives Dylan the shovel and tells Brandon to supervise. Dylan balks, but Brandon says they have to do what they said they’d do. After all, the people on the reservation could do anything to them – they might not even follow the U.S. Constitution. (No, he really says this.) Dylan complains but starts digging.

Donna asks Steve for some advice on what to tell Ray before he performs. He tells her to sleep with him. Then he blasts her for not thinking that he might not want to hear about the After Dark. He calms down and tells her to look to the inspirational words of Vince Lombardi. The officer visits Dylan and Brandon, questioning Brandon’s claims that the whole is perfect. Dylan throws a hissy fit and storms off, so now it’s Brandon’s turn to dig. But Dylan doesn’t want Brandon to dig; that would give him the chance to tell everyone he bailed Dylan out. Brandon tells him it’ll just be for a while.

Donna confuses David and Clare by watching tapes of Lombardi giving his players pep talks. Clare’s figured out that Ray has stage fright. Donna assures them that she has everything under control. Kelly gushes that Finley is awesome, so David suggests that they get him to help Ray. Brandon and Dylan dig, dig, dig, Brandon with the shovel and Dylan with a rock. The officer returns, wondering who’s checking the sides and bottom if they’re both digging. He gives them back their licenses and tells them they’re free to leave, but he’d like them to stay.

A bunch of tribe members arrive, and by that night they’ve put up tents and turned the hole into a fire pit. The tribe members will use it as a sweat lodge. Brandon doesn’t want to have a turn, but Dylan doesn’t think they can turn down their host. Steve hangs out at the KEG house while everyone else at CU attends the After Dark’s opening. Rush comes by and Steve complains about how everyone loves him, and how he made a stupid deal in court. Rush says he doesn’t care how popular the After Dark gets if Steve doesn’t get to take part. He suggests that Steve sneak in.

Dylan and Brandon get naked in the sweat lodge and pray along with the other tribe members. Dylan is grateful to be alive, and Brandon is grateful to have this memorable experience with Dylan. The After Dark is a big hit, and Andrea and Jesse make their only appearance of the episode to congratulate Clare on the successful opening. David’s nervous that Ray will bomb or chicken out, so Clare tells him he gets to tell Donna if he wants to cancel Ray’s set.

Donna tells Ray to be like some football player, and remember that classic Lombardi quote: “Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.” She’s drawn plays on a chalkboard, and I’d love to know what they’re supposed to mean. Donna tells Steve she took his advice, which he admits was a joke. But it doesn’t matter since it worked, and Ray’s able to perform. Valerie is especially impressed.

In the morning, Brandon and Dylan decide to cut their trip short, since anything else they do will be anticlimactic. Dylan admits that he was mad because he thought Brandon would have an easier time digging a perfect hole. Now he knows everyone’s flawed. Brandon sees the situation differently: Dylan thought Brandon was out to get him when he wasn’t.

Kelly slides a note under Finley’s door and he invites her into his office. She asks if he started “evolving” when he wound up in a wheelchair. He says that she should know from the fire that there are some events that put your life into focus. Kelly can change her life, but not everyone will understand what she’s trying to do. She doesn’t care – she wants to evolve. Dylan comes home to hear a message from Jonesy: He’s in Brazil and has found Dylan’s money.

Thoughts: Don’t you have to have a special license to ride a motorcycle? Is Brandon flagrantly breaking the law? I think Jason Priestley just wanted to ride a motorcycle and look cool.

Brandon doesn’t think the Constitution applies on the reservation? No, of course not – they’re savages, you know. They’ll probably scalp him and feed him to wolves. Brandon, THEY HAVE A POLICE FORCE. They’re not uncivilized.

Rush, you such as a father. “I’m so disappointed in you for the fire! Take your punishment like a man! Now let’s go party at the one place you’re not supposed to go!”

People clapping during Ray’s song: This isn’t that kind of song. Also, you’re not on the beat. Just stand there and listen, okay? (Though I guess I should just be grateful that David doesn’t dance.)