June 24, 2013

BH90210 6.3, Must Be a Guy Thing: Tony! Toni! Toné!

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , at 9:14 pm by Jenn

"I get to make out with Luke Perry, and later I'll marry Eric Dane. It's hard not to hate me, isn't it?"

“I get to make out with Luke Perry, and later I’ll marry Eric Dane. It’s hard not to hate me, isn’t it?”

Summary: School is about to start up again, but Clare’s the only person kind of looking forward to it. Valerie, Steve, and Donna decide they need to go to the beach. Kelly shows up to the Peach Pit with Colin and is stunned to learn that he and Valerie already know each other. In fact, they once traveled through Europe together. Kelly puts on her worried face.

Early the next morning, Dylan goes to CU, where Brandon teases him for finding his way back to college. Dylan admits that he’s there to stalk Anthony Marchette’s son, who’s a CU student. Elsewhere, Valerie tells Steve that she and Colin met on a teen tour of Europe, and she had a big crush on him. Another elsewhere, Clare and Donna wonder what developed between Val and Colin in Europe. Kelly tries to convince them (and herself) that it’s not a big deal.

Dylan goes to Marchette’s son’s class and learns that the son, Tony, is actually a daughter, Toni. He tries to ask her out after class, but she’s not interested. Steve manages to put together an awesome schedule – nothing on Mondays and Fridays, and nothing before 11 a.m. But he’s suspicious because his advisor wants to see him.

Now that Brandon’s not president anymore, he didn’t have any pull to get a good schedule. He’s decided to try to get a column in the school paper. Kelly and Donna warn him that the editor is tough and definitely a feminist. Colin finds Kelly for a makeout session, making Valerie uncomfortable. Steve meets with his advisor, who orders him to take remedial class five days a week. And those would be morning classes. Also, he should get a tutor.

Kelly joins Colin at the art building, where he tells her he was offered a teaching position but doesn’t want it. She brings up Valerie, but Colin insists that nothing ever happened between them (and it sounds like he never wanted it to). Brandon meets the newspaper editor, Susan, and asks if he can be a columnist. She tells him he’ll have to work for it. She also clearly doesn’t like him, which is awesome.

The husband of the woman whose ring Ray didn’t steal is a record executive, and Donna has arranged for him to hear Ray play at the After Dark. Speaking of the After Dark, Valerie gives Colin a tour and they reminisce about the Europe trip. He admires a wall, wanting to paint a mural on it. Kelly’s not thrilled that he’ll be spending so much time at the club.

Dylan stalks Toni some more, and she must find his khaki vest more charming than I do, because she offers him a ride in her chauffeured car. Brandon gives Susan an article he wrote, saying it’s a freelance piece. It’s a response to a column she wrote about what girls on campus should watch out for in college guys. Susan tears it up and calls Brandon on having an overblown ego. He thinks they should “research” by seeing what college students actually do in a social setting, such as the After Dark.

Colin tries to figure out what to paint at the club while I try to keep myself awake. David’s late for Ray’s sound check because he was doing something for his mom, and Valerie snaps at him. Kelly calls her on her attitude like a nice, protective sister. Valerie asks if Kelly’s being mean because of David or because she hired Colin. Kelly says it depends on whether Val’s being friendly with him…or overly friendly.

Dylan and Toni go out to eat, and he digs for information on her father. She wants to go out again, though it might mean getting away from her bodyguard, Bruno. She and Dylan agree to meet at the After Dark that night. Steve starts interviewing math tutors, hoping for one who’s gorgeous, corrupt, or both. In short, he wants to pay the tutor to do his work. Unfortunately, his most likely candidate doesn’t speak enough English to know what he’s agreeing to.

Brandon’s surprised to see Susan looking hot at the club, because smart women don’t clean up nice, or something. Whatever, Brandon, shut up. Valerie apologizes to David for snapping at him and offers to be there if he needs to vent about having a crazy parent. He’s surprised that she’s actually capable of showing sympathy. Ray’s nervous about his set, and becomes even more nervous when he learns that the record executive’s daughter has to like him for her father to agree to sign Ray. So far, so bad.

A guy tries to flirt with Susan, using one of the world’s worst pickup lines. When he asks if they’ve met somewhere before, she replies, “I’m the secretary at your VD clinic.” Steve complains to Clare about being forced to take math, and she offers to tutor him. He won’t enjoy the process, but he’ll pass. “She’s beautiful, but is she corrupt?” Brandon asks. (Okay, heh.) Colin and Kelly decide to ditch the club early so they can go get naked at his place. Valerie mopes.

Toni manages to evade Bruno and meet Dylan at the After Dark, but he wants to go somewhere else, since he’s there all the time. He mentions that he once bought the place. He didn’t say anything earlier because he didn’t want Toni to be interested in him for his money. (Uh, she’s rich, too, so I don’t think she cares.) They go inside anyway, and Toni meets the gang. Then Ray does his set, and I say yay for fast-forward. Brandon notices that Toni is really, really interested in Dylan.

At the end of the night, Brandon walks Susan to her car, and as much as I like her, I have to side with him in this; it’s a nice thing to do, and it’s safer that way. Whatever, his charm is definitely wearing her down. Clare lays down the law for Steve, then takes advantage of his desperation to give him a high prices for sessions. He asks how much it would cost for topless tutoring, and she says he can’t afford it. And with that, I actually like Clare for a minute.

The exec’s daughter liked Ray, I guess, so Donna thinks he’s going to get a contract. Brandon warns Dylan that he’ll be heading for disaster if he keeps hanging out with Toni. Dylan is too focused on his plan to care. He takes Toni home and gets a goodnight kiss. Marchette sees them from the doorway and asks Bruno to look into who Dylan is.

Kelly’s alone at Colin’s loft when a woman named Claudia from a gallery in New York calls to talk to him. For some reason, this is supposed to be important. Susan runs Brandon’s article and agrees to let him write a weekly column. He wants to have dinner with her. She says they have nothing in common and she basically hates him, but he won’t take no for an answer. And she finds that charming! Arg, Susan, you’re quickly losing my love.

Colin goes to the After Dark to start painting, and Valerie offers to help inspire him. I’m not sure he gets the subtext there. She tells him straight out that she’s always dreamed of kissing him, so he makes her dream come true, and I really can’t believe no one saw that, especially Kelly.

Thoughts: Clare’s hair is pretty awful, but when she wears it in pigtails, it’s adorable.

I find it very hard to suspend my disbelief that Colin and Valerie know each other. That’s such a soap thing, to have someone move across the country and encounter someone they know. Like how people show up in town and then discover their long-lost relatives live there.

Other things that are hard for me to do: not call Susan “Anya.”

Steve carries a briefcase to class. What’s in it, crayons?

Susan: “I object to everything about you.” Brandon: “But you don’t even know me.” Susan: “Exactly. Why ruin a good thing?” Please don’t change, Susan.

Rebecca Gayheart is…not that great in this.

Brandon, is Susan is bascially your boss. Don’t ask out your boss.

June 22, 2013

BH90210 6.2, Buffalo Gals: Ginger Fail

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , at 2:41 pm by Jenn

She's just going to use that buy more denim

She’s just going to use that buy more denim

Summary: After a replay of the last few minutes of the previous episode, it’s morning at the beach apartment. Donna wants to talk to Ray, but Clare talks her out of it. After all, Donna had to lie to her parents about where she found the missing ring. Brandon comes by with flowers for Kelly’s 21st birthday, but Clare tries to stop him from going to her bedroom. Too late – Brandon sees Colin and realizes that Kelly is no longer single.

Steve is moving out of the frat house and into the Walshes’ house, even though it means leaving behind frat minions, as Ginger points out. She and Valerie are happy to hear that they’ll be allowed to go to Kelly’s birthday party. The frat minions move Steve’s stuff, and the Walsh house suddenly looks like there was never a destructive party there.

Dylan comes by to see Brandon (NOT YOU, Valerie) and look at information on Anthony Marchette, Jack’s killer. He finds the ring Brandon was going to give Kelly. Brandon tells him that Kelly has gone back on “I choose me” and has chosen Colin instead. Kelly calls David at the arena where he’s setting up a concert that night, and asks for tickets for Valerie and Ginger. Colin serves her birthday pancakes, which is just the icing on the cake of her awesome birthday.

Brandon and Steve discuss house rules while Ginger breaks one by smoking pot in Valerie’s room. Ginger’s annoyed by Brandon’s strictness and obsession with Kelly. She’d much rather be with Steve. She also doesn’t want to go to the concert. Valerie tells her to “stick to the program.” Steve wants Brandon to buy beer, but Brandon’s worried that the house will just become a new branch of the KEG house. He’s annoyed to discover that his cookie jar money stash has been depleted. Steve suggests that Ray took it, but Brandon doesn’t think he would steal from Donna’s friends. Of course, Ginger’s the culprit.

Kelly and Jackie check out their seats at the concert, where Jackie wants Kelly to get noticed and have her picture taken. Kelly just wants a fun night with her friends (well, and Valerie and Ginger, who will be seated far away from her). Ginger uses Brandon’s money to buy Kelly earrings. She and Valerie run into Donna and Clare and accidentally make them feel like their presents are inadequate, since they’re not sapphire earrings.

Back at home, Valerie casually asks Brandon what he and Dylan were talking about. She feels like everyone’s excluding her from things. (Yeah, why don’t you take the hint?) She thinks that Brandon’s making a mistake by helping Dylan – he can’t bring his father back. Speaking of Dylan, he and his gun are stalking Marchette, who has lots of security.

Donna and Clare come home to find Ray waiting there. Donna’s mad that he left town and didn’t call her. He knows her friends won’t trust him again, but she insists that she’ll stand up for him. She thinks he changed over the summer, for the better. Ray mopes that she’ll be going back to school soon and won’t have time for him. Donna calls him on his attitude. He sulks some more, saying he doesn’t want to go to Kelly’s party, but she tells him if he doesn’t, they’re definitely over.

Steve’s Cartier watch is missing, and he thinks it was another victim of Ray’s kleptomania. Kelly goes to get Colin for the concert, but he’s working on a painting and isn’t in a partying mood. She snaps at him for using his art to be selfish. Nat makes his requisite appearance of the episode, bringing food for the party. Jackie’s annoyed that Mel isn’t coming since Sheila called him with some sort of problem. Kelly has a better attitude about not having a date; she plans to have fun no matter what.

Dylan tells Brandon that he went to see Marchette, trying to find out how close he could get. Brandon advises him to get a hobby or go back to school instead of plot people’s deaths. Jackie tells the guys that Colin isn’t coming and asks them to sit with Kelly so she’s not alone. (Jackie, you’re really not helping.)

Ray arrives with Donna, and no one’s happy to see him. She tells her friends that she doesn’t care if they have a problem with him being there. Kelly says it’s fine and there won’t be any problems. Steve begs to differ, almost starting a rumble with Ray. Steve accuses him of stealing his watch. Ray leaves, followed by Valerie. Donna decides to stay. Val tries to sympathize with Ray, since she’s also an outsider in the group, but he’s confused over why she would want to help him. She makes him go back to the party with her.

Donna cheers herself up with champagne, and we all know bad things happen when Donna drinks. Kelly opens her presents, and when she gets to Ginger’s earrings, Valerie announces that she bought them with Brandon’s stolen money, then let Ray take the fall. She grabs Ginger’s purse and pulls out Steve’s watch and Brandon’s ring.

Ginger blasts Val, since she’s always been there for her, but Valerie says that doesn’t give her an excuse to steal from Val’s friends. Dylan thinks the gang owes Valerie for figuring things out. Val says that whatever the gang thought of her before was probably true, so she doesn’t expect an apology. Now everyone’s happy and shiny and forgiving. Also, now Kelly knows that Brandon still has her engagement ring.

The concert turns out to be by Dave Koz, and we get to kill a few minutes with music. Meanwhile, Valerie and Ginger regroup, and Ginger receives her payment for helping Val in her con. She arranged the whole Ginger’s-a-thief thing to make herself look good for the gang. Ginger plans to spend her fee in Maui instead of returning to Buffalo.

Back at the beach apartment after the concert, Donna tries to do a drunken striptease for Ray, who doesn’t see the fun in it. She asks him to sleep with her, but he knows it’s the champagne talking. At the Walsh house, Brandon, Steve, and Dylan talk about Kelly and how Colin must be a jerk if he skipped her birthday party. Brandon warns Dylan not to do anything stupid with the information he got him on Marchette. Valerie comes home pretending that her and Ginger’s friendship is over. Now she’s moving on from her old life.

Kelly thinks Ray’s a good guy because of how he’s taking care of Donna. She assures him that they’re on good terms now. Colin shows up with her birthday present, refusing to leave until Kelly comes down to the parking lot. There, he has a guy play her “Happy Birthday” on a trombone, and shows her a big painting of a cake, which is what he was really working on during the concert.

Thoughts: When Kelly calls David, the guy who answers the phone tells him his sister is calling. I thought that was sweet.

Who bought the carousel hourse in the Walshes’ house? Steve?

I’m sorry, things start disappearing just as Ginger shows up, and no one suspects her?

Donna, your pink plaid dress is cute. Clare, your belly shirt with a kitten on it is both hideous and confusing.

Ray really has changed (at least temporarily), considering that Donna orders him to go to the concert and he doesn’t slap her.

The plastic-looking snakeskin-print belly shirt Clare wears to the concert is even more hideous and confusing than the first shirt.

Nothing against Dave Koz, but no way anyone ever had a 21st birthday at one of his concerts.

So am I supposed to like Colin? I get no read on his personality. So far I feel nothing toward him but indifference.

June 17, 2013

BH90210 6.1, Home Is Where the Tart Is: Actually, I Can’t Improve On That Title

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , at 9:11 pm by Jenn

Brandon does Blue Steel

Brandon does Blue Steel

Summary: Kelly’s on a plane to California, and a guy asks to sit with her so he can flirt badly. He’s an artist and is moving to a studio in Venice Beach. They kiss, and the other passengers enjoy the show. Then the guy asks Kelly if she wants to join the Mile-High Club. Despite the fact that no one has ever successfully used that line, she follows him to the bathroom. There, they reveal that they already know each other – in fact, they spent all summer together in New York.

Even though the Walshes’ house was sold at the end of last season, there’s still a sign outside. Most of the furniture is gone. Brandon wanders around, winding up in his bed, but he’s not alone. Not that he minds – he’s always up for a makeout session with a stranger. The mystery woman is Ginger, Valerie’s best friend from Buffalo, who was staying at the house while Brandon was gone for the summer.

Kelly takes her new boy-toy to the beach apartment, where he makes fun of her and her roommates’ taste in art. Clare welcomes Kelly home and meets the boy-toy, Colin Robbins. Clare’s familiar with his work, having read about him in an art magazine. (Also, she has a photographic memory – who knew?) Donna and Ray hang out on a boat, and I guess their summer was good, because there’s no yelling or pushing or anything. Also, Ray has spent the summer sailing with Dr. Martin on his yacht.

Valerie gives us the exposition that Brandon spent the summer in Boston; he was working for a newspaper. He calls Ginger “a piece of work.” Valerie’s glad to have Brandon back, since she spent most of the summer alone (and with no furniture). Escrow closes next week, so they don’t have much time to find new places to live. Brandon plans to move in with Steve. Valerie tells him he’ll “learn how to buy beer in six languages.”

She brings up their brush with romance from months ago, and we learn that once they started to get naked, they started laughing and couldn’t continue. Valerie moved on to a baseball player, but apparently she was such a distraction to him that he got bumped back to the minors. She’s been lonely, since the gang ignored her all summer. Brandon thinks they were just busy doing their own stuff, and that everyone will be happily reunited now that they’re all back in town. Val isn’t sure, but he encourages her to stay in Beverly Hills since she’s the only family he has left there.

Kelly shows Clare the photos she took in New York; she’s not giving up school for her modeling career, though. Dylan arrives and admires her portfolio as well (not a euphemism for anything). He traveled a bunch over the summer but is “back where [he] started.” Kelly thinks he’s talking about the two of them, but I think he means that he didn’t get any further in his investigation. He shows Kelly his father’s pocket watch, which he’d once sold to pay a bar tab. He wants to visit Jack’s storage facility, and he wants Kelly to come with him (but just as a friend).

Brandon gets an email from his parents, asking him to call them. Steve and David drop by, and Ginger coos over David. (No, I don’t know why.) The guys tell Brandon that they know of an apartment the three of them can rent together. The Walshes’ real estate agent shows up to make some last-minute arrangements, and Brandon assures her that they’ll clean the house before the closing. She tells him that the buyers are going to tear the house down after they buy it, so the kids can trash it if they want. Steve decides they need to throw a huge, messy party.

Dylan and Kelly go to the storage facility while Brandon, Steve, and David drive over to their potential new place. Steve expositions that David and Clare broke up over the summer. Steve had to go to summer school and still isn’t a junior. Also, he worked as a doorman at the After Dark, so he really isn’t trying to hide that he’s flaunting the law, is he? The guys’ possible new building is super-nice, and they would have a penthouse with three bedrooms and three bathrooms. No, I don’t know how they would pay for it.

Kelly and Dylan find a bunch of Jack’s paperwork and discuss their daddy issues. Dylan also finds a notebook Jack wrote in while he was in prison. He played a lot of pinochle and his cellmate owed him a lot of money. Kelly jokes that Dylan should go collect, but Dylan thinks visiting the cellmate might actually be a good idea, since he might know something. He tells Kelly that he plans to make his father’s killer pay. She asks him to be careful. They almost kiss, but she stops and tells him he doesn’t need her anymore.

The gang attends a party on the Martins’ yacht, along with a bunch of rich people. Valerie and Ginger crash the party, but Donna doesn’t want to ruin the party with a confrontation, so she lets them stay. One of Felice’s guests tells her that she accidentally left a ring on the sink, and when she went back to get it, it was gone. Ray says he was just there but didn’t see the ring.

Dylan visits Jack’s cellmate, Harris, who warns him not to go after Jack’s killer because he’s dangerous. Dylan, of course, doesn’t want to listen. He’s brought Harris some Robert Ludlum novels, and he notes that things always work out in the books, but in real life, the good guys don’t always make it. Then he tells Dylan that Jack was killed by a man named Anthony Marchette. Harris doesn’t think Dylan will be able to get to him. “That’s what they said about Jack,” Dylan replies.

The woman whose ring went missing files a report with her insurance company as Felice all but asks Donna if she thinks Ray might be a thief. Back at the Walshes’ after the party, Ginger sends Brandon’s parents an email telling them she’s in love with him. He’s both turned on and creeped out. Steve brings over some spray paint so they can really make a mess in the house. Brandon objects until Steve asks if he’s going to cry when the bulldozer knocks the house down. Ginger draws a big heart on the wall, so I think she’s high on paint fumes.

At the beach apartment, Donna tries to pretend that Felice doesn’t think Ray stole the ring. Kelly helps Colin move into his studio as they discuss her trip to the storage facility with Dylan. Apparently Colin’s dad doesn’t know that he’s a professional artist. I don’t care since I don’t like Colin. The party at the Walshes’ starts, but Brandon’s upstairs unpacking and moping over the engagement ring Kelly gave back.

Kelly arrives at the party, and she and Brandon are on surprisingly friendly terms. She meets Ginger and, upon learning that she knows Val, says, “Well, any friend of Valerie’s….” (No, she doesn’t want to finish that sentence.) Brandon and Ginger make out again. Nat brings over some food so he has an excuse to be in this episode. Valerie questions Kelly’s activities since returning to town, and Kelly tells her she’s not going to be nice anymore. (Not that she was that nice to her before.)

Dylan eventually shows up at the party, and Valerie’s happy to see him until he asks if Kelly’s there. Dylan tells Brandon that Marchette, who’s known as a big land developer, killed Jack, and he wants Brandon to…do something, apparently. (Because Brandon’s good at helping people get revenge on murderers?) The party starts to get crazy as Ray tells Donna that he’s feeling more comfortable around her friends. Dylan heads out, telling Kelly not to worry about him.

Ginger wants some alone time with Brandon, and he starts to cooperate until he spots Kelly and gets cold feet. Nat announces that he’s leaving, telling Brandon that what the gang is doing is disgraceful. Brandon doesn’t think it’s a big deal since the house is going to be destroyed. As Nat leaves, the real estate agent arrives and informs Brandon that the house fell out of escrow. There’s no sale, and the Walshes still own the place.

The party ends with the gang trying to figure out what to do about the totally trashed house that is now the responsibility of one of them. They all offer to help get things back in order. Donna borrows Ray’s jacket, and when she puts her hand in a pocket, she finds the missing ring. Steve asks Ray straight out if he took it, and when Ray says no, Steve says he believes him. Ray thinks he’s being mocked. He notes that if he did take the ring, he wouldn’t keep it in his pocket.

Brandon kicks himself for being irresponsible and letting everyone trash his house. Valerie reminds him that everyone’s going to help fix it. He wonders if he can talk his parents into not selling the house and letting him live there. Knowing them, they probably will.

Thoughts: Ginger is played by Elisa Donovan, who’s probably best known as Amber from Clueless.

The email the Walshes send Brandon is in all caps, so I bet Jim typed it.

Also, they bought Brandon a new car when they moved, since they felt guilty for leaving him. What the–? You should be happy to get away from him! Of course, these are the people who rewarded Brenda’s brattiness with a trip to Paris, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.

Donna’s tan plus her bleached hair isn’t a good look.

June 10, 2013

BH90210 5.32, P.S. I Love You, Part 2: The One Where Everyone Makes Horrible Decisions

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , at 9:06 pm by Jenn

He was going to smoke the marijuana like a cigarette

He was going to smoke the marijuana like a cigarette

Summary: The day after his drunken revelry, Brandon’s hungover. He warns David and Clare, who’ve just arrived in Palm Springs, to stay away from the devil’s brew. They tell him Kelly didn’t come with them but try to avoid further discussion about her. David assures Brandon that they didn’t see her with Dylan. But he thinks the dinner Kelly had with Alison was more than just a meal between friends. And now Brandon thinks that, too.

Donna and Ray are late to Felice’s panel, since they were busy riding horses and fighting. Kelly, who’s in Palm Springs now, is surprised to hear that Brandon’s also there. He’s becoming more and more like a KEG member, making prank phone calls and razzing Kelly for possibly being a lesbian. She tells him they’re just friends. Valerie interrupts, implying that she and Brandon are bunking together, but Kelly doesn’t care.

Steve and Rush play tennis again with Robin and her father, and Steve confronts his father for using him for a business deal. Rush and I both roll our eyes. Tom Rose’s girlfriend auditions for Dylan and Charlie’s movie, but she’s horrible. Rose blames the movie plot, since the bank scam would never work. Dylan disagrees, since it’s the scam his father pulled. Rose realizes who Dylan’s dad was, so now he believes the plot.

Brandon decides to move in to Valerie’s suite; first he and Steve head off to run some errands. Valerie overhears Ray and Donna fighting over how annoyed he is to be in Palm Springs. He tells her he’s mad because she makes him angry. She tries to walk away, but he pulls her back, making her fall down a flight of stairs. Valerie runs over to help as Ray insists that it was an accident. At a gas station, Steve runs into his “goddess” again and finally learns her name, Elle. She makes a nice double entendre, so Steve loves her even more.

Donna winds up in the emergency room, where Ray tells Kelly that she tripped. Her arm is injured, but not badly. Donna decides not to correct Ray’s version of what happened. Steve, Brandon, and Elle go to a bar, and Steve and Elle sing karaoke (“I Got You, Babe”). Brandon has another Jim/Cindy-vision, which confuses him since he’s not drunk this time. They think he’s having second thoughts about sleeping with Valerie (and Cindy thinks he’s right to have those second thoughts). Brandon says that if they really cared, they wouldn’t have abandoned him and moved to Hong Kong.

Charlie and Rose stargaze and discuss the movie until one of Rose’s guards tells him Dylan was caught making a phone call. Apparently the recipient of the call is someone Rose doesn’t want him to talk to. Steve gets closer to sealing the deal with Elle, but the moment is over when Steve realizes she stuffed her bra. Then he looks down and realizes Elle has something between her legs that Steve doesn’t want to see.

Ray gives an impromptu concert at the hotel while Felice tells Donna that she should be more cheerful since he’s being so great. Kelly blasts David and Clare for telling Brandon that she was with Alison, and for misinterpreting the whole situation. Valerie comes in looking for Brandon, the last person Kelly wants to talk about right now. (You and me both, Kel.)

On his way back to the hotel, Brandon gets pulled over (for pausing too long at a stoplight, or something like that). The cop asks if he’s been drinking, and Brandon admits to having had a couple of beers earlier in the day. He has trouble finding the car registration since he’s never driven it before. Something he has no trouble finding: a joint Valerie left in the car. Enjoy your patdown, Brandon.

The next day, Rose and his goons take Dylan out to scout locations for the movie. (The finger quotes are implied.) Brandon makes it back to the hotel after a night in jail and flushes Valerie’s stash. He beats himself up for not listening when his parents told him to be responsible and look after Val. He gives her back her keys and says he’ll find another ride back to Beverly Hills.

Steve decides to give Robin another shot, since he’s pretty sure she was born a woman. He tells Brandon what happened to Elle, swearing him to secrecy. Donna tells Ray to leave her alone, but says she doesn’t hate him. He basically says he’s annoyed that she wouldn’t let him go back to Beverly Hills, so I guess everything is her fault. Felice is completely unable to read the room and has no idea that there’s a problem.

As he’s leaving Palm Springs, Brandon runs into Kelly and apologizes for his remarks about her and Alison. She thinks that they should still be together even if they’re not going to get married. He’s upset because she seems to view him as “just another guy,” even though he proposed. Kelly wonders if he’ll ever forgive her. Brandon says that’s not the point; “there’s just no going back.”

Rose takes Dylan to a tramway so they can take a trip up a mountain. Dylan’s suspicious since Charlie isn’t there. He should have been suspicious a little earlier; it’s too late now, since Rose and his guards force him into a tram. They stop it partway up the mountain, open the door, and hold Dylan outside.

Rose reveals that he knows Dylan called Christine, and he’d like to know why Dylan tried to talk to an FBI agent. Rose thinks Dylan suspects him of killing Jack, and insists he didn’t. Dylan quickly says he believes him. Back at Rose’s house, Dylan tells Charlie that he’s done with their deal. Charlie tells him to at least stay for lunch – and Dylan does! What??

Kelly patches things up with David and Clare, since Brandon doesn’t hate her anymore. They’re surprised to see that Felice and Ray seem to be getting along. Valerie tells Donna that she saw the whole “accident,” but Donna asks her to keep quiet. Valerie offers to be there if Donna wants to talk. Donna declines, since she knows there’s something more than friendship and business dealings going on between Ray and Valerie. Then she gives a speech to the frat/sorority convention, saying that the new Alpha girl can’t be pushed around.

Dylan and Brandon run into each other at a bus station, then ride back to Beverly Hills together. Brandon shares that his conscience took the form of his parents. Dylan’s impressed that he was able to keep himself from sleeping with Valerie. The guys bond over being in love with and rejected by Kelly.

Felice thinks that Ray is a great guy after all; obviously he cares about Donna since he was so worried after her fall. Donna drops hints that things aren’t all rosy, but says she still loves him. Brandon and Dylan arrive in Beverly Hills, now friends, and Dylan points out that the “for sale” sign on the Walshes’ house is now a “sold” sign. At his own house, Dylan gets a message from Christine, who begs him to stay away from Rose. Dylan ignores her, finding his gun.

Brandon’s watching home movies from his childhood when Valerie gets home. (Fun fact: He and Brenda once had a Smurf-themed birthday party.) He assures her that he forgives her, but they’ll need to just be friends and nothing more. Now that the house has sold, they have two weeks to find a new place to live. Then Brandon totally forgets what he said 20 seconds earlier, and he and Val start making out.

Thoughts: Whoever cast Elle is a genius. She could pass for a man or a woman.

“Hey, kid, to convince you I didn’t kill anyone, I’m going to threaten to kill you.” Makes sense, doesn’t it?

I still want to know why Clare’s on this show.

“What’s that ‘sold’ sign all about?” Well, Brandon, I think it means your house has been sold. Which was the point of the “for sale” sign. Do you need to write all this down?

I’m halfway through the series! And it only took me two years! Sheesh.

May 27, 2013

BH90210 5.31, P.S. I Love You, Part 1: Parental Guidance Suggested

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , at 4:30 pm by Jenn

That awkward moment when you're about to hook up with a girl who's practically your sister, and your parents have something to say about it

That awkward moment when you’re about to hook up with a girl who’s practically your sister, and your parents have something to say about it

Summary: Road trip! Steve’s going to Palm Springs. At a red light, he spots a woman in a pink hat and is instantly smitten. He and Rush are in town for a frat/sorority convention, and the senior Sanders has already found a blind date for the junior Sanders. Brandon wants to skip out on the convention (which makes sense since he’s not in a frat), but Steve wants him to come to Palm Springs so he’ll stop sitting around and moping about his parents moving and Kelly turned down his proposal. Brandon doesn’t think he can leave, since he’s helping his parents move, but Steve encourages him to come down.

Kelly brings the Walshes a going-away present (a cheesy-looking palm tree), and they encourage her to chat with Brandon. Kelly in turn encourages Brandon to go to Palm Springs. She also doesn’t want them to break up just because they’re not getting married. Valerie shows up to mention that she’s on her way to see Dylan. She taunts Kelly for breaking two guys’ hearts at once. Clare and David help Donna write the speech she’ll give at the convention, though the two of them don’t get the appeal of sororities. Kelly will also be going to the convention, though she’ll be late and won’t tell her friends why.

Ray writes a mopey song, telling LuAnn he’s been thinking about her divorce from his father. He knows Mr. Pruit used to push her around. LuAnn corrects that he hit her, then gave excuses for his behavior and tried to apologize. Ray tells her he was mean to Donna, and she encourages him to make up with her. Valerie finds Dylan packing for a trip to Hawaii to see Iris and Erica. She’ll be staying behind to “be there for” Brandon (Dylan gets the euphemism). Charlie’s supposed to take Dylan to the airport, but he really wants to get him to cancel the trip. He’s found a paragliding company that wants to put up some money for their movie (which…has a paragliding scene).

The Walshes go to the Peach Pit for what will be Jim and Cindy’s last dinner there. Nat’s sad to see Jim go since he’s always been helpful with the diner. Brandon and Valerie will be living in the house and dealing with possible buyers until it’s sold. Donna works more on her speech but is interrupted by a serenade from Ray. He tells her she wasn’t the only one who was scared by his behavior. Donna’s willing to take him back if he comes to the convention in Palm Springs. And now we know that if you get in a fight with your girlfriend, you just have to write her a song.

Jim and Cindy are gone (‘bye, Jim and Cindy), so Brandon and Valerie are alone to contend with late-night visits from potential buyers. Ironically, one family is moving from Hong Kong. Brandon and Valerie decide to go to Palm Springs after all. She tries to proposition him, telling him she’s going to bed, but not to sleep. Kelly goes to the burn clinic to retrieve Alison; a nurse mistakes her for Alison’s girlfriend. Alison, who looks 100 times better, will be staying at the beach apartment temporarily.

Steve and Rush play tennis with Steve’s blind date, Robin, and her father. Brandon and Valerie show up, and Steve complains about being set up with Robin. Brandon doesn’t see what he has to complain about. Steve says all the girls Rush has set him up with have had baggage. Brandon thinks he has it worse since he had to share a house with Valerie, knowing she was next door, waiting for him to join her. They get some refreshment from Muntz’s margarita/sloe gin fizz backpack server.

Donna and Ray are next to arrive in Palm Springs. He’s in a bad mood, shockingly enough. Felice is also there and notes that Donna will be busy, so Ray might not have much to do. Once everyone’s arrived at the hotel, there’s a pool party, and Ray attends, even though he hates fun. Brandon’s drunk on Muntz’s booze and jumps in the pool with his clothes on. He and Steve goof around. Robin asks Valerie if the two of them are always like this, then pretty much asks if Steve is gay. (Fair question, considering how he and Brandon are playing.)

Robin gets on some guy’s shoulders, and Brandon declares a chicken fight. Donna participates, which doesn’t amuse Ray. Felice complains to him about Donna’s skimpy bathing suit, the first thing she and Ray have ever been on the same page about. She asks him to talk to Donna about wearing more appropriate clothing. Ray grabs a towel and tells his girlfriend to get out of the pool. Brandon and Steve decide they need to get out, too, before Valerie and Robin make a move. Muntz gives them a good excuse – they need to get more beer.

Back from a day of paragliding, Dylan complains to Charlie about the footage they shot. Charlie has another potential backer; they just have to give the guy’s girlfriend a part in the movie. Brandon and Steve go on a beer run, which Brandon points out they’re doing instead of hanging out with hot girls in bikinis. Steve says he’s just not into Robin. He spots his pink-hatted “goddess,” and he and Brandon spend some time checking her out.

Back in Beverly Hills, Kelly and Alison have dinner at the beach apartment while David and Clare spy on them. David wonders why Kelly turned down her two boyfriends for Alison. Kelly figures out that they think she and Alison are on a date. She addresses Alison’s crush on her and is trying to let her down when Alison announces that she’s in love with her.

The convention-goers also have dinner, and Felice now approves of Donna’s attire. Brandon’s still drunk and heckles Rush that Sonny Bono (the scheduled speaker) isn’t going to show up. “He has no sense of punctuality, and he never could carry a tune!” he yells. Steve kicks him out, sending him off without a sorely needed babysitter. Brandon winds up at the hot tub, making Valerie very happy.

Alison asks Kelly why she didn’t tell her roommates she was coming. Kelly isn’t sure. She’s concerned that Alison still sees them as a potential couple. Alison tells her “it’s [lesbianism, I guess] one of those things [she’ll] never know” unless she tries. They’ll miss each other when Kelly goes to Palm Springs. As Brandon prepares to join Valerie in the hot tub, he hallucinates his parents shaming him for being irresponsible and self-destructive. Cindy goes all Felice, saying he’s having “impure thoughts” about someone who’s practically family. Val catches him talking to “himself.”

Ray continues being grumpy but cheers up when Donna invites him to swing by her room. Steve apologizes to Robin for ignoring her, and she commiserates over having a parent who always wants to fix her up with guys she doesn’t like. Steve’s about to kiss her when he learns that their fathers are working on a business deal together. Brandon makes it to the hot tub, but he and Valerie don’t have much time alone before the rest of the convention-goers show up. Dylan and Charlie go to meet a guy named Tom Rose, who has bodyguards and a New York accent, and works in “vending machines,” according to Charlie. Dylan knows this means Rose is really a mobster.

Donna and Ray go horseback-riding (the only thing he wanted to do in Palm Springs), and he’s not ready to go back when she is. He blasts her for making him do all sorts of things with all sorts of people he didn’t want to be with, then not hanging out with him. He’s also mad about her bathing suit. She tells him she got it because she thought he would like it. She’ll dress differently, but she can’t miss her mother’s panel, so they have to go back. Ray taunts that she dresses the way she does to get attention from other guys. She’s totally asking for it.

Thoughts: Kelly wears suspenders over a white belly polo shirt. I didn’t even know they made shirts that horrible.

Dylan, get that fuzz off your lip and never grow a mustache again.

Steve uses a fake ID to buy beer. There are a ton of people at the convention – why doesn’t someone legal buy it? And should Steve be running this risk when he’s already had legal trouble?

Brandon, failing to fight the urge to look at Steve’s “goddess”: “If I turn into a pillar of salt, just use me for margaritas.” Drunk Brandon is kind of funny.

Forgive me for sounding like Felice, but there are entirely too many exposed navels in this episode.

May 25, 2013

BH90210 5.30, Hello Life, Goodbye Beverly Hills: “I Choose Me”

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , at 4:31 pm by Jenn

Proposing is definitely an acceptable response to feeling threatened by your girlfriend's ex

Proposing is definitely an acceptable response to feeling threatened by your girlfriend’s ex

Summary: Dylan’s at a travel agency, making plans for a trip around the world. It’s a trip for two, but he only needs one hotel room. He believes his travel companion will be Kelly. Remember how Jim was worried about his job? He’s now threatened to quit, and has received a call at home from his boss. Brandon can sympathize with Jim’s problems; he’s having trouble getting the chancellor to find time to meet with him. Jim informs them that his job isn’t in danger; in fact, he’s getting a promotion and a huge raise. The only problem is that he has to move to Hong Kong.

Kelly goes rollerblading by the beach and runs into Dylan, who takes the opportunity to kiss her again. He gives her a plane ticket and invites her on the trip, which will start right after she takes her finals. Kelly reminds him that she has a modeling contract, school, and family and friends. She may have been Dylan’s soulmate in a past life, but in this one, she’s dating Brandon. Also, they didn’t have a great time the last time they traveled together. Dylan thinks that they’re fated to be together. She isn’t sure how to respond, so he tells her to just be ready when he sends a car for her.

Andrea and Jesse pack for their move to Connecticut, and she bugs him about when her goodbye party is being held. He admits that her friends wouldn’t tell him because they knew she’d try to get it out of him. Steve stops by to get Andrea’s help on a paper, though he obviously wants her to do it for him. Valerie goes by the beach apartment to borrow some of Kelly’s notes and spots the plane tickets. She wonders what Brandon will be doing while Kelly’s gone all summer.

Ray bugs Donna while she tries to study at the Peach Pit. He’s annoyed that she didn’t get it out of the way earlier, but she also has Andrea’s goodbye party to handle. She reminds him that they have the whole summer to spend together. Ray doesn’t want to go to the party since he didn’t go to high school with the gang, and he doesn’t want to befriend them. He notes that he could ask Donna to choose between him and them, but he won’t. Though if he did, who would she choose?

Brandon and Valerie wonder what Cindy will do in Hong Kong if the Walshes move there. Valerie comments that they’re not the only people about to go on a trip. Oh, didn’t Kelly mention her trip with Dylan? Brandon goes to Dylan’s to confront him, and Dylan just says that he and Kelly are connected. Battle lines have been drawn, so Brandon tries to win Kelly over with new rollerblades. One of them contains a ring. Instead of proposing, Brandon asks Kelly how she feels about Dylan. She isn’t sure who she wants to be with. Brandon asks her to marry him.

Kelly can’t give an answer yet, so she and Brandon go for a walk on the beach. He asks her to move in after his parents move to Hong Kong. When/if Kelly puts on the ring, he’ll know she’s ready to make a commitment. Kelly wants time to think everything over. Brandon reminds her of everything they’ve gone through together, and everything they’ve overcome to stay together. At the After Dark, Ray tells Valerie that Clare and David have been bugging him about their hook-up. Val says that they’re just business associates. It’s not her fault if Donna hears something she doesn’t like.

Kelly shows Donna the ring and the tickets, telling her about the decision she needs to make. Donna thinks she should marry Brandon. Kelly slips on the ring and says she loves him, but Dylan will always have “a piece of [her] soul.” Speaking of Dylan, he’s there to see if she’s made up her mind. Kelly still wants time, though she only has four days before the trip begins. He notices the ring and asks if Kelly accepted his proposal (which is a weird question, because why would she wear the ring if she didn’t, but we know she didn’t, so whatever). Kelly says no, and she and Dylan kiss.

Donna and Clare discuss the choice; Clare would choose Brandon (obviously), but Donna’s not sure. She admits that she had a crush on Dylan in high school, though everyone did. Clare thinks she’s attracted to the melodrama and wants a guy who will take care of her. She tells Donna she can do a lot better than Ray. Donna insists that they’re happy. She also doesn’t want to have to defend Ray, especially to someone who’s dating her ex.

As Dylan and Kelly continue making out, Jim and Cindy tell Brandon and Valerie that they’ve decided to move to Hong Kong. Brandon can’t stand that the focus is off of him for more than ten seconds, so he reveals that he proposed to Kelly. He’s annoyed that his parents are selling the house and didn’t tell him. Jim and Brandon question each other’s decisions. Kelly looks over the trip itinerary, then puts the ring away.

Jesse blindfolds Andrea and drives her to her goodbye party. (At least I hope that’s where he’s taking her.) They end up at West Beverly. The rest of the gang (minus Brandon and Dylan, plus Clare) sets up the party, and someone recognizes Donna from the prom drinking incident and the “Donna Martin graduates” fiasco. The gang also meets up with Ms. Teasley, whose new haircut makes her look 15 years younger. Kelly tells Donna that she’s not sure if Brandon and Dylan are coming, which Donna finds ridiculous. I find it ridiculous that we have to put up with the return of Gil.

The gang gives Andrea and Hannah CU and West Beverly shirts. Then the reminiscing starts. David notices that Brandon isn’t there, and Kelly makes some excuse, though Andrea knows what’s going on. Ray shows up for the party, but only to hurry Donna along so they can go out. He doesn’t know that she already has plans with Kelly and Andrea. He storms off and Donna follows him as he complains that she keeps spending time with her friends. She apologizes, but he says it’s too late. He’s sick of her and her spoiled friends. Donna tells him not to call her.

Valerie wants to know if Kelly’s made her decision yet, calling her manipulative for making Brandon wait for her answer to his proposal. She tells Brandon that he deserves better, so she hopes Kelly chooses Dylan. (Also, remember, recently Val randomly decided that she wants Brandon for herself.)

At the beach apartment, Kelly and Donna lament their relationship issues, especially how they sometimes have to do what the guys want. Donna hesitantly asks Kelly if Dylan or Brandon has ever been mean to her, then admits that Ray was to her. She’s not sure what she wants to have happen next. Kelly tells her to follow her heart; she’ll try to do the same. It’s normal to let go of some of yourself to be with someone, but you can’t lose your own identity.

Before they hit the road for Connecticut, Jesse and Andrea stop by the Peach Pit, where the whole gang has gathered to say one last goodbye. Andrea hands over Steve’s paper, though he thought she wouldn’t finish it, so he wrote one himself. Nat gives Andrea a copy of his original menu. She says goodbye to each of her friends, reminiscing a little. She also tells Kelly to marry Brandon. (Stay out of it, Andrea!) Then there are flashbacks.

The gang disperses until only Kelly, Dylan, and Brandon are left. Kelly announces that she’s given the situation a ton of thought, and she loves both guys. She gives Brandon the ring and Dylan the tickets. “I’ve made my choice, and I choose me,” she says. She repeats that she’ll love both guys until the day she dies.

Thoughts: YEAH, you choose yourself, Kelly Taylor! Don’t let boys make you choose between them!

‘Bye, Andrea! I won’t miss you. I’ll miss Jesse, though.

Donna, Ray’s behavior raises more red flags than a game of Minesweeper (I’m not sure who to credit for that, but it’s brilliant). What are you doing?

Brandon is a huge jerk for skipping Andrea’s goodbye party. Oh, you don’t want to go because you might be uncomfortable? TOO BAD. Worst friend ever.

Andrea actually did Steve’s paper? Um, no.

May 19, 2013

BH90210 5.29, The Real McCoy: I Can’t Believe They Didn’t Call This “The Real McKay”

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , at 5:49 pm by Jenn

Once again, Dylan and guns are a bad combination

Once again, Dylan and guns are a bad combination

Summary: At Brandon’s final student senate meeting, Alex and Janice surprise the president with a cake and a visit from his parents and friends. They also encourage him to run for another term. He agrees to serve again, even though he knows it’s crazy. Valerie is suddenly interested in Brandon, and she wonders how close he and Kelly are. David offers to help Brandon with his campaign, but he doesn’t plan to do much, mostly since he’s running unopposed.

Jim’s worried about his job because there was a meeting without him. Having turned down a move to Idaho, Jesse and Andrea don’t have any plans for next year yet. Brandon tells Andrea that he talked to her high school buddy Jordan (on the Internet!), and he still wishes she’d gone to Yale with him. David and Clare try to keep Valerie from getting too close to Brandon. Val promises to look after “him” while Kelly and Steve are in New York doing fashion-y stuff. Kelly thinks she means Brandon, but she really means Dylan: “He’s the one you dream about.”

Valerie packs a picnic for Dylan, but Charlie keeps her out of the house, since Dylan’s having a session with Dr. Campbell. Dylan regresses to the Old West, where he’s a robber named Billy McCoy. While robbing a stagecoach, he flirts with one of his victims, who looks like Kelly. Then things get even more ridiculous when Billy starts narrating.

He and his partner go to a saloon, where a guy recognizes Billy from a wanted poster. Billy starts shooting and takes a bullet in the shoulder. Dylan tells Dr. Campbell that he’s enjoying reinventing himself. Billy goes back to the saloon another time and hooks up with a singer, Dixie. She tells him he’s “the real McCoy.” Gaaaaaag. Billy looks out the window and sees the girl who looks like Kelly.

Brandon wants to have his victory party at the After Dark, though he tells Nat he doesn’t need to campaign. Nat teases him for being so humble. Charlie tells Valerie that as crazy as the regression therapy might seem, it’s very real when it’s happening. Billy and his partner pull off a bank robbery, but Billy’s confronted by a guy he shot during the stagecoach robbery. There’s more shooting, Billy shoots someone, and another guy gives him a guilt trip because he shot a guy with a family.

Billy drinks at the saloon and rejects Dixie when she asks him to spend the night. He goes outside and watches his friends torment an Indian. Dylan flashes back to the sweat lodge, then goes back to his regression, making his friends leave the Indian alone. Old West Kelly sees this and praises Billy for being a good guy. She thinks he can become a better person.

Billy and Old West Kelly are suddenly in love, but Billy’s friends are upset that he’s not a bad guy anymore. He forgot that they were all supposed to rob a train together. Billy assures his friends that he’ll be there, but Dixie overhears and knows something’s up. While the other guys head toward the train, Billy leaves town with Old West Kelly.

Charlie and Valerie come over after the regression session (hey, that rhymes!), and Dylan yells at Val that he found out that he was on the path to Hell until Kelly came into his life. Apparently Dr. Campbell thinks Dylan and Kelly’s link is “seminal.” Charlie deciphers this to mean that Kelly and Dylan are soulmates. Meanwhile, Jim is still worried about his job. No one cares.

Brandon got an endorsement from the Condor, so his candidacy is pretty much a done deal. Valerie asks Brandon if he thinks he has a soulmate, and if he does, is it Kelly? Brandon says he sees a future with her. He thinks Val and Charlie are interested in each other. Valerie complains that Kelly’s trying to turn everyone against her.

She reveals that when she first moved to town, she told Kelly that she was going to make Brandon see her as more than a sister by the end of the year. Valerie continues that she and Brandon have never touched each other; they’ve never even given each other a high five. She hopes Kelly appreciates what she has. Brandon does, too. The he hugs Val, and I can’t believe Kelly didn’t walk in and see that.

At the beach apartment, Donna tries to round up David and Clare for sushi and bowling. They’re on board until they find out Ray’s also coming. Clare quickly comes up with a prior engagement they totally forgot about until just now. (Well played, Clare.) Donna’s disappointed (what, that your friends have other friends?), and Ray calls them on the bluff after she leaves. “How’s Valerie?” Clare asks, actually making me like her for once.

Dylan calls Kelly in New York, and she admits that she’s been thinking about him all day. For some reason, the city makes her think of him. He suggests that it’s déjà vu. Kelly has to leave, but Dylan wants her to call when she gets back to the hotel, no matter how late it is. Back to the boring stuff: Andrea and Cindy talk about Andrea’s lack of plans for the future. Brandon’s still very confident that he’ll win the election, and Andrea thinks he has it in the bag barring “a twist of cataclysmic proportion.”

Brandon prepares for an interview on CU’s news show, CU Later, and Clare warns that the interviewer has something up his sleeve. The interviewer catches Brandon off-guard with a question about a tuition increase. Brandon takes the question to a dean, worried because the election is tomorrow, and he could be blamed. In fact, he’s being slammed by Janice and Alex for not going public with the increase (which Brandon didn’t know about). Alex is now running as a write-in candidate.

Valerie flirts with Brandon, wanting to dance with him at his victory party. She also offers to stuff the ballot box. Kelly and Steve have a successful day in New York, and return to their hotel to find flowers from Dylan. In Beverly Hills, Dylan begs Dr. Campbell to regress him back to his happily-ever-after moment with Old West Kelly. He’s confused because those images don’t fit with how he feels about Kelly or himself. Dr. Campbell wonders exactly what they’re looking for but agrees to another regression.

Back to the Old West! Except it’s a few years later, and Billy and Old West Kelly are married and have kids. (And Billy a mustache. It’s not working for me.) Also, Billy is a marshal, and he’s going by the name Jedediah. One of the robbers tracks him down to tell him that Dixie’s in trouble. Billy agrees to go with him to help her, though Old West Kelly is worried because Billy’s old gang doesn’t know what he’s like now. The two of them say goodbye, knowing they might never see each other again.

Billy rescues Dixie, unknowingly having his life saved by an Indian who knocks down a guy trying to shoot him. Billy takes Dixie to the train station, and as she’s about to leave for San Francisco, Billy’s shot by the son of a man he killed. From Billy’s grave, Dylan sees that some of the people at the funeral are Brandon, Donna, and the real Kelly. Dr. Campbell tells him that this might actually be a premonition. Dylan remembers going to a palm reader who told him he doesn’t have a long life line, so he needs to make the most of his time.

Brandon loses to Alex, so the victory party at the After Dark isn’t to celebrate anything. On the bright side, Brandon doesn’t have to deal with anyone’s complaints about the tuition increase. Jim: still worried. Jesse tells Andrea that he’s been offered a teaching position at Yale Law (I BET), and negotiated a spot for Andrea as an undergrad. Kelly calls the After Dark to talk to Brandon; Valerie remarks that it’s just her to call after the election is over. (Huh?) Kelly’s back in town, at the beach apartment, which is where Dylan finds her to give her big smoochies.

Thoughts: ’90s music alert: Dionne Farris’ “I Know.”

A 15% tuition increase? No, no, no. You have to raise it, like, 3% at a time so people don’t realize how much they’re getting screwed.

Dylan + mustache = Yosemite Sam.

Okay, Dr. Campbell is clearly just making crap up. She’s not even good at pretending she knows what she’s talking about! “This could be a memory, but it could also be a premonition. But I’m not really sure.” Yeah, you’re just taking his money and telling him stuff that sounds good.

May 13, 2013

BH90210 5.28, Girls on the Side: Everybody Loves Kelly

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , at 9:38 pm by Jenn

It's a picture of a picture. Trippy, right?

It’s a picture of a picture. Trippy, right?

Summary: Donna’s trying to tan at the beach apartment, but Kelly ruins her good times by lecturing her about the hazards of the sun. Donna tries to get her to go swimming, thinking she’s had her burns bandaged for too long. Kelly gets a package from Seventeen containing a framed copy of her cover. Ray drives back to Beverly Hills from Reno and reunites with LuAnn, who’s surprised that Valerie went all the way to Reno to get him to come home. Ray invites her to see him perform at the After Dark the next night. He also asks her to keep Valerie’s visit a secret from Donna.

Brandon is about to go to Sacramento for some conference. Pretend to care. Cindy’s excited to bring home a copy of Seventeen with Kelly’s cover. Kelly’s not as excited, since all the agents who want to work with her don’t know about her burn scars. Brandon explains that Kelly’s upset that she’ll never look like she did when she shot the cover. Then he calms her down by making out with her.

Dylan’s also appreciative of Kelly’s cover, which bugs Charlie, since he wants them to get some work done on their screenplay. Valerie joins the writers as Dylan asks why Charlie’s added a threesome to the movie. Charlie claims it’s an homage to the classic movie Jules and Jim, but it’s really just a way for the writers to hit us over the head with the concept of a woman being in love with two men. You know, like Kelly is with Brandon and Dylan.

Clare notices that Ray and David are getting along, which Donna attributes to their time in Portland. They all head to the Peach Pit, where Ray and Valerie pretend that they didn’t just talk in Reno. Kelly continues to turn down offers from agents, then calls Jackie to tell her to stop giving out her number. She has a flashback to being trapped in the bathroom with Alison. She’s so upset that she breaks the framed cover.

Jesse gets a job offer in Idaho, so I guess he and Andrea won’t be around much longer. Try to contain your sadness. Kelly meets with Jackie and Steve, who have teamed up to convince her to meet an agent. Steve will even go with her, and will let her leave if she starts feeling uncomfortable. Kelly’s sure that the agent will dismiss her as soon as he sees her scars. Jackie and Steve wear her down, and Steve immediately takes her to the meeting.

LuAnn has picked out a frightening outfit to go to the After Dark, and Ray tries very hard not to tell her she looks crazy. He questions what she’s drinking, wondering when she fell off the wagon. She says she needed a hobby while he was gone, and tonight she’s just nervous for his performance. Ray puts on his worried face.

Kelly leaves the meeting in a good mood, since the agent told her he can get her work right away. He also doesn’t think her scars are that visible. Kelly spots Dana, Alison’s girlfriend, who she hasn’t spoken to since before that whole cult thing. Dana blows her off, and Kelly thinks it’s because she’s kept her distance from Alison.

Ray’s annoyed to see LuAnn at the bar at the After Dark and asks Donna to get her to leave. She passes the task along to Valerie instead. Valerie has her cut off, and Donna suggests that LuAnn leave so Ray doesn’t get distracted. David and Clare take her away as LuAnn trash-talks Valerie. She tells them that Valerie and Ray slept together. Meanwhile, Nat questions Andrea’s move to Idaho, since there are apparently no medical schools there.

Clare and David get LuAnn home, discussing whether or not she was telling the truth about Ray and Valerie. Clare remembers a number of times she’s seen Val checking Ray out. They decide not to say anything to Donna. Charlie wants to watch Jules and Jim with Dylan and Valerie, since he’s…we’ll say he’s hoping to reenact some scenes. Dylan laughs at him, so Charlie bugs him about Kelly, telling him to just go after her already.

Kelly and Brandon talk on the phone, and she tells him about running into the icy Dana. He encourages her to visit Alison at the burn clinic. Kelly feels bad since she hasn’t seen Alison since she was released from the hospital. Clare and David return to the After Dark, finding it hard to hide their concern over the Donna/Ray/Valerie situation. Now Clare’s more convinced than ever that LuAnn was telling the truth. They still don’t think they can tell Donna, though.

Kelly goes to the clinic but Alison won’t see her. The next day, she goes to see Dana, and learns that she’s dating someone new. The new girlfriend, Kate, tells her that Alison dumped Dana shortly after the fire. Kelly thinks that Alison is avoiding her because she’s mad that Kelly wasn’t as injured as she was. Kate reveals that Alison is actually in love with Kelly.

David pays Ray a visit to reveal that he knows he and Valerie hooked up. Ray admits it, swearing that he regrets it. David promises to keep quiet as long as Ray keeps his pants on around girls who aren’t Donna. (And since he’s dating Donna, he’ll be keeping his pants on around her, too.) As soon as David’s gone, Ray tears into LuAnn for spilling about the affair. Meanwhile, Clare confronts Valerie, who says LuAnn’s lying. Clare warns her to stay away from Ray. Andrea reads up on Idaho, but Jesse tells her that he’s decided it’s not the right place for them since there’s no medical school.

Kelly’s also decided to turn down her job offer, and won’t be signing with the agent she met with. She’s surprised to get a call from Alison, who’s sitting around in the dark like a serial killer or something. She thinks Kelly needs to pursue modeling so she can share her gift of beauty with the world. She asks Kelly to come back for a visit in about a month, after she has a final skin graft. Kelly finally takes off the bandage on her arm, which she definitely didn’t need to keep wearing, since she looks totally fine.

The next day, Kelly goes to the Walshes’, where Brandon has gathered a stack of Seventeens for Kelly to sign for various people. He notices that she’s not wearing the bandage anymore. Everyone’s all happy, and the music lets us know that this is a magical moment. Be happy for Kelly, everyone! Her life is wonderful! Everyone loves her, and she probably smells like cotton candy!

Thoughts: Kelly’s hair is as cute as Donna’s is hideous.

If they want us to think Kelly’s scars are that big a deal, they need to actually be visible.

David and Clare should tell Brandon about Ray and Valerie. He loves making the “right” decision so he can feel good about himself.

Andrea’s not going to be ready for medical school for two more years. Why not move to Idaho, then move somewhere else in two years?

I like that we keep seeing the characters studying. A lot of shows with characters in school don’t show them actually doing school things outside of attending classes. It’s realistic that while Kelly’s moping and fretting, Donna’s trying to study for a test or something.

May 11, 2013

BH90210 5.27, Squash It: Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

Posted in TV tagged , , , at 1:56 pm by Jenn

Not vanilla, indeed

Not vanilla, indeed

Summary: We open in Reno, where Ray has just finished a show. He rejects a groupie in order to take a call from Donna, who offers to talk to Valerie about letting him come back to the After Dark. He’s supposed to be coming back to Beverly Hills in a couple weeks. Ray tells her that he might not be coming back then (but it has nothing to do with her). He invites her to come on the road with him. Donna doesn’t see much of a future in following him around while he tours.

Performance artists are on the stage at the After Dark, and the joint is definitely not jumping. Steve tells Valerie that with Ray gone, no one knows what the club is about anymore. Valerie says that she can’t afford to hire acts like Ray. Steve knows he’s not supposed to get involved, but he’ll give her some advice: Let David turn the place into a hip-hop club. Valerie’s out of ideas, so she lets Steve take the reins on this.

David offers Donna a ride home, and somehow accidentally starts a fight with Clare. She admits to Donna that she misses him. At CU, Chancellor Arnold recruits Brandon to convince a prospective student, Warren, to come to their school. The kid is, like, 13 and a jerk. He also has no interest in going to CU and is only there as a courtesy. Also, he immediately hates Brandon, so I like him.

At the After Dark, David catches Willie the cook’s nephew Juwan using his equipment. He’s a little ticked, but he likes what Juwan was playing. Willie calls him into the kitchen, where he’s supposed to be working as a dishwasher. Back on campus, Brandon’s new protégé demands to be entertained, announcing that he’s staying with Brandon until he has some fun. If Brandon doesn’t cooperate, Warren will complain, and the school will lose endowments.

Donna asks Valerie straight out what happened between her and Ray. She’s noticed that Ray doesn’t like talking about her, and she knows Valerie is the reason Ray doesn’t want to come back to the After Dark. Valerie plays innocent victim, saying she must have given Ray mixed signals when they first met. Donna asks her to call Ray in Reno and convince him that he’s welcome to come back to the After Dark. Valerie is totally on board with that idea.

Dylan has another hypnotherapy session, though he doesn’t think it was successful. Dr. Campbell thinks he’s ready to do his first regression that night. She tells him to open his hand, and he sees that he’s holding a stone with a yin/yang symbol on it. At the Peach Pit, David tells Steve that he wants Juwan to DJ at the After Dark. Steve objects, saying Juwan’s a gangster – he’s only working at the Peach Pit so he’ll be off the streets and away from gang activity. Nat backs up David’s desire to give Juwan a second chance.

Now David just needs permission from Juwan’s parole officer. He finds him at a group session, where Juwan and other delinquents are watching an anti-fighting video called “Squash It.” The officer literally tells the kids, “Check yourself before you wreck yourself.” Somehow, they manage not to laugh in his face. Some of the other kids tease Juwan for getting a visit from a white boy. Juwan’s surprised that David got Willie to agree to let him play; Willie doesn’t see a difference between gangster rap and real gangsters.

Dr. Campbell goes to Dylan’s house for the regression, in which Dylan sees himself in a rail yard (what’s with him and trains?) in the 1920s. They’re interrupted by the phone. Dylan’s really excited to have seen something, but Dr. Campbell doesn’t want to do another regression until the next night. Brandon takes Warren to his house, and upon seeing Valerie, Warren is finally rendered speechless for the first time all day. Valerie calls Ray, but he hangs up on her.

Donna, Clare, and Andrea chat at the Peach Pit, and Andrea admits that she might be willing to move to Idaho with Jesse, if it means they’re patching things up. Some Australian rocker is looking for Valerie – she was supposed to book his band but won’t let them play – so Valerie pretends to be someone else to avoid him.

Juwan gives David DJing tips, then asks why David’s giving him a chance. David just wants to play music, and asks Juwan to advertise the gig to his friends. Steve thinks he’s crazy, since Juwan will bring in a bunch of gang members. He doesn’t want to risk getting busted so David can “play social worker.” (Steve, David’s not the reason you’ll be busted – you’re violating a court order to do this stuff, and that’s on you, idiot.)

Valerie calls David to let him and Steve know that they’ll have to take care of hip-hop night on their own – she has to go out of town. Brandon and Kelly take Warren to the KEG house so he can play pool with Steve and the other brothers. Steve wants him, but Kelly thinks he’s a jerk, since he groped her. Brandon finally loses it, yelling at Warren and telling him he doesn’t care what the chancellor finds out. Kelly thinks he overreacted. Warren runs off, so now Brandon has to find him.

Hip-hop night kicks off, and don’t tell Steve, but there are a lot of non-white people there. Donna and Clare stop by, though Clare isn’t sure how Donna and David can still be friends after their breakup. Donna wonders why Clare decided to come, since she supposedly hates David. Juwan notices that David’s happy to see Donna, and that Clare seems happy to see David. Clare finds onstage David to be hot. I knew I hated that girl.

The Australian rockers try to crash the After Dark, learning that the woman who’s been avoiding them is really Valerie. They pay the bouncer to let them in. David raps – let me repeat that: DAVID RAPS – and Clare is all turned on. The Australians decide to cause trouble in the form of bumping into people and bugging Clare. Nat goes off to call the police before anything more can happen. David tries to calm everyone, but the Australians turn to vandalism and storm the stage.

Juwan starts to mobilize his friends to fight back as David struggles to keep the peace. Willie tells Juwan to check himself (no, really). Juwan refuses to put up with disrespect. David gets between the guys and gets Juwan to back off. The delinquents all make the “squash it” hand gesture from the video. Everyone leaves except the Australians, who are disappointed that everyone else was a coward.

Valerie surprises Ray in Reno while Dylan undergoes his second regression attempt. This time he’s on a train with a woman. He appears to be a writer. Someone boards the train looking for him, so they try to hide. The guy grabs the woman and pulls her off the train while Dylan stands there meekly.

The cops arrest the Australians while Juwan tells David that he did the “squash it” thing because he couldn’t think of anything else to do. Willie’s proud of him. David’s mad that the Australians caused damage, but Clare notes that the whole night was a disaster. He starts getting mad, so Juwan tells him to squash it. Clare tells David how hot he was, and how he almost made her like hip-hop. Then they kiss, so I guess that’s back on.

In Reno, Valerie tells Ray that Donna wants him to come back to Beverly Hills. Valerie’s just trying to be helpful, you know? She wants Ray back at the After Dark, but not because the club is doing badly, or anything. Ray says he’ll only return on his own terms. Val tries to play it off like they’re friends, and everything will be totally professional.

Dylan’s disturbed by his regression, though Dr. Campbell says what he saw could have only been a message from his subconscious. Dylan thinks it really happened. She tells him it could be “one link in a chain.” He could be interpreting a point in his life when he let a woman down. Now he needs to investigate and find out the truth about himself.

Brandon has spent the evening looking for Warren, who wound up returning to the Walshes’ house to hang out with Cindy. He tells Brandon he got upset because of the yelling. Brandon notes that he’s going to have to be more mature if he wants to go to college. The problem is that Warren doesn’t want to go yet, since he likes what he has at home. Brandon duhs that he should live at home while he goes to college. (I’m not sure they would let someone that young live in a dorm anyway.)

Valerie meets Ray after a performance, having convinced him to come back to Beverly Hills. Ray thinks she’s changed. She quickly disproves that by trying to get him back into bed. Ray declines, and Valerie says she was just testing him.

Thoughts: Okay, this is scary: Juwan is played by the same actor who played Andy in the most recent Party of Five episode I watched.

Clare, if the dress you’re wearing made me think you were really wearing an apron, that’s a problem.

“I might be white, but I ain’t vanilla.” No, David, what you are is delusional.

Seriously, what is Clare’s appeal? I choose to believe that David’s only with her because he’s bored and can’t be with Donna.

May 5, 2013

BH90210 5.26, A Song for My Mother: Portlandia

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , at 1:08 pm by Jenn

Oh, David, those flowers aren't for you, silly

Oh, David, those flowers aren’t for you, silly

Summary: Ray meets Donna at the airport in Portland, and poor David has to watch them kiss hello. Ray didn’t know he was tagging along to visit his mother. Back in Beverly Hills, Dylan accompanies Valerie to a tattoo parlor, complaining the whole time. She knows he’s cranky because his and Charlie’s screenplay isn’t going well. Dylan’s planning to visit Charlie’s former hypnotherapist so he can learn more to apply to their protagonist. Valerie chickens out on the tattoo.

In Portland, David goes to visit his mother at work, but learns that Sheila was fired a while ago for not showing up on time (and in some cases, at all). Next he heads to her apartment, but someone else is living there. The building manager says she left two months ago after failing to pay her rent for four months.

Dylan meets the hypnotherapist, Dr. Campbell, who has a really nice house despite living in the middle of an area destroyed by fires and mudslides. She tells Dylan the house is still standing because of luck and fate – and this isn’t the first time she’s survived a fire. Dylan thinks she’s talking about a previous lifetime. Dr. Campbell tells him that she used to be in advertising, but one day she was hypnotized and started on a new journey. Or an old one, really, because she’s been “channeling travelers” for hundreds of years.

Donna and Ray’s reunion makeout session is interrupted by David, who’s distressed about not being able to find Sheila. She left a bunch of mail behind in her apartment, including alimony checks from Mel. Donna’s surprised that Mel didn’t say anything about his checks not being cashed. Ray has little sympathy, I guess because his relationship with his mom is good. Also, because he’s a jerk. Donna asks if they can borrow his truck, but Ray refuses. Because he’s a jerk.

Ray goes off to his club while Donna stays behind with David to follow a lead. He found a flier for a Valentine’s Day gathering at a bar Sheila used to frequent. The bartender hasn’t seen her for a while, but another patron reports that he recently saw her at a hotel, “setting up shop.” David and Donna go to the hotel and learn that Sheila was arrested for disorderly conduct. David doesn’t understand what’s happened to his formerly posh mom. Donna advises him to call Mel.

David makes the call from a police station, then reports to Donna that Mel didn’t sound surprise. A police officer tells them that no one pressed charges against Sheila, so they let her go. It’s been six weeks and no one’s seen her since. The police can’t do anything until 48 hours after Sheila was reported missing. The officer suggests that they check homeless shelters. David tries to send Donna off to Ray’s club to see him perform, but she wants to keep helping him look for Sheila. You can guess how that goes over with Ray.

Donna and David head to a shelter but have no luck. Next they make missing-person posters, and David berates himself for not being more involved in his mother’s life. Donna wonders why she moved to Portland when she doesn’t know anyone there. David tells her that Sheila used to say she was tired of pretending to be happy in California; she preferred the rainy weather in Portland. In bed in Beverly Hills, Dylan teases Valerie about her still-yet-uninked tattoo, and she teases him back about wanting to be hypnotized.

Ray and Donna fight about her spending so much time with David, but Donna is unapologetic about trying to help her friend, not to mention the guy who saved her from Garrett. Ray snaps at her to go sleep with him, then, mockingly saying that he forgot that she won’t sleep with anyone. Donna starts to leave but he pushes her back onto the bed. She tries again, and this time he knocks her into the door. He apologizes (not sounding sincere), saying it was an accident, but Donna leaves anyway.

Ray follows her to David’s hotel room, but Donna’s locked herself in the bathroom and won’t talk to him. David doesn’t know what’s going on. Ray gives him the keys to his truck to use the next morning. David assures him that he didn’t come to Portland to drive a wedge between Donna and Ray. Donna emerges from the bathroom and goes back to her and Ray’s hotel room. Ray apologizes to Donna again, promising he would never do anything to hurt her. He just loves her so much and was scared he was going to lose her.

The next day, David and Donna meet Mel at the airport, and he tries to ease David’s anxieties about Sheila. David says that the police think she’s crazy. Mel informs him that Sheila was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and has been on lithium since David was a kid. David’s upset that no one told him (and they should have, since there’s a history of mental illness in Sheila’s family). Sheila never wanted him to know because she didn’t want him to see her fall apart.

Mel continues that Sheila was stable for years, but stopped taking her medication while David was at camp one summer. She went on a shopping spree, then smashed all the china when Mel confronted her. When David came home, she acted like nothing was wrong. David asks why Mel didn’t think anything was wrong when Sheila stopped cashing his checks. Mel admits that he didn’t want to get sucked back into her problems, and he’d hoped she was being cared for by someone else.

Dr. Campbell hypnotizes Dylan by telling him to imagine he’s in an elevator. Instead, he sees himself running on train tracks, similar to the dreams he had when he was in a coma. He admits to Dr. Campbell that he’s never been able to shake the dreams. She tells him that she’s not 100 percent sure that reincarnation and past lives are real, but if Dylan can regress, he can gain understanding and move forward with his life. He just needs to commit. She decides that they should have their next session at his house, though he isn’t sold on trying again.

David, Donna, and Mel return to the hotel, where Ray tells them that someone saw their flier and has information. A homeless woman takes David and Mel to the street where Sheila (also homeless) has been living, and after a minute of being unable to get through to her, Sheila becomes lucid. David and Mel take her to the hospital and discuss other family members who have been mentally ill. Mel admits that he was relieved to learn that David had a drug problem last year, rather than a chemical imbalance.

David wonders what to do next, and Mel says that the doctors want her to stay in Portland for a while. Then they can bring her to Beverly Hills and help her get a job and a place to live. David thanks Mel for doing so much for his ex, but Mel doesn’t think he’s doing anything unordinary. Sheila is the reason he has a son, so he’ll always be grateful to her.

Ray tries to explain away his behavior with Donna the night before, saying that being on the road is hard. He also feels bad that he wasn’t there to save Donna from Garrett. Donna’s totally over it. David and Mel play a cute tape for Sheila that she and David made when she taught him to play the piano as a child. She says that she never wanted to be a burden; she thought she could take care of herself. David tells her she doesn’t have to do that anymore.

Valerie visits Dylan to show off her new tattoo: She got his name inked on her breast. He flips, but she tells him it’s fake. Then she shows him her real tattoo, a daisy on her back. David meets up with Donna at Ray’s club and tells her that listening to the tape made him want to get back into music. He admits that he stopped playing because he thought the music was making him crazy. Donna notes that the drugs were doing that. He thanks her for all her help.

Ray dedicates his next song to Donna, and David realizes while watching them look at each other that they’re happy together. He goes outside and looks up at the moon. In Beverly Hills, Dylan is also looking up at the moon instead of sleeping next to Valerie. She thinks he should blow off Dr. Campbell if he doesn’t really want to be hypnotized. Her father used to say that we’re only alive for a short time, so it should be a good time. Dylan replies that he’s not sure we’re only alive for a short time.

Thoughts: I think this episode was to make up for earlier episodes where Brian Austin Green didn’t get to do anything.

Donna and Ray, please learn how to kiss more quietly. You’re grossing me out.

Dylan wears a suit during the day and jeans in bed. Okay, then.

Danger, Donna Martin, danger!

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