February 20, 2016

BH90210 10.27, Ode to Joy: And They All Lived Happily Ever After, or Something

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 1:33 pm by Jenn

I guess this is nice

I guess this is nice

Summary: Last episode ever! Whee! Donna’s at the After Dark, discussing wedding-reception details with Nat and Noah. She says she and David sent an invitation to Ellen but hasn’t heard back. Apparently Donna and David’s friends are throwing them their reception, which is the best advantage of having friends in the restaurant business. Since Dr. Martin is dead, Donna has no one to walk her down the aisle, so she asks Nat to do it instead. Nat says that’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever asked him to do.

Steve helps Janet with an article, assuring her that Charles will like her ideas for Nouveau. He’s right – Charles wants Janet to be the new editor. Janet’s too overwhelmed to be happy; this means tons more work and less time with Maddy. She tries to remind herself that she’s gotten what she wanted. At David’s house, he and Donna look through RSVPs (Andrea and Valerie are coming to the wedding; Brandon and Gina aren’t). Donna worries that they’re doing things too quickly, which means not everyone can come. She decides it’s the non-attending guests’ loss.

At the beach apartment, Kelly worries to Steve that their lives are like a Stephen King novel and something awful is lurking around the corner. Steve tells her that their friends are awesome, which means their lives are awesome, etc. Then he reveals that Matt’s leaving for New York the next day, so he won’t be at the wedding. Dylan arrives and asks Kelly if she wants to dance, for some reason. She wants to wait. She’s still a little annoyed that he kept Matt’s secret from her, but not so annoyed that she won’t let him nuzzle her. So I guess they’re back together?

Steve takes Janet to an empty office building, telling her that he thinks they’re both looking for balance in their lives. He wants to rent an office in the building and run a publication together. They’ll have room for Maddy, so they can work and spend time with her at the same time. Janet’s worried about taking another big risk, but she wants to give it a try.

Donna’s bachelorette party is pretty tame, considering Felice, Jackie, and Ms. Teasley are among the guests. Andrea presents the bride with a video message from Brandon, who calls her “baby” and tells her to give his love to Kelly. Kelly says he’s “still disgustingly cute,” so someone needs to get her eyes checked. Andrea serves ice cream and popcorn, which Donna remembers eating at Brenda’s sleepover way back in season 1. No one mentions whether Brenda’s coming to the wedding. Valerie arrives with a giant box of condoms. Thanks, Val.

Over at the Walsh house, the guests for the bachelor party include Mel and Muntz. Brandon has a video message for the groom as well, taunting David for having to wait so long to have sex with Donna. Shut up, Brandon. Valerie has a game for Donna, “Pin the Macho on the Man.” (I think she only said “macho” because Donna’s mom is there.) Donna has to shoot a Nerf dart at a picture of David, and she misses horribly. Surprisingly, Felice wants to play.

Kelly shares with Janet that Steve was her first love (though she was only 15 at the time). She asks if Steve ever growls or barks during foreplay. Valerie recognizes those sounds. Janet asks if anyone in the room hasn’t slept with Steve. Everyone but Kelly raises her hand, though Ms. Teasley doesn’t hear the question. Felice pins the macho right on the man. I’m going to be sick. Ryan shows up at the bachelor party with a stripper named Kiki who turns out to be a guy in drag. Thanks for your contribution, Ryan.

Suddenly it’s the day of the wedding, which takes place in a church but is officiated by both a priest and a rabbi. Erin’s the flower girl. Janet and Kelly are bridesmaids, allowing Steve and Dylan to admire their significant others in dressy clothes. Nat gives away Donna and her cleavage. Dylan reads a passage from Letters to a Young Poet about marriage being a partnership where each partner is “the guardian of his solitude.” Then they learn to see each other as part of a whole. Matt arrives late and stands at the back of the church.

Kelly reads the Elizabeth Barrett Browning “how do I love thee?” poem, so way to be original, guys. Matt gets uncomfortable and leaves. David and Donna exchange original vows, with him talking about how he feels he’s loved her his whole life, and her saying that he’s inspirational and gives her the courage to be herself. They both cry. Then they recite traditional vows and cry more. Rings! Kiss! They’re married!

The reception is held at the Beverly Hilton. Steve is allowed to talk. Donna and David share their first dance to a live performance by Eric Benet and Tamia. Matt makes another appearance, having delayed his departure for New York to talk to Kelly. They were supposed to get married and live happily ever after. He thought that they could get past all of their problems, even the Dylan-related ones. But after hearing Dylan and Kelly’s readings at the wedding, he realized that they have a good connection after all. Matt thinks Kelly made the right choice, and he’s happy for her.

Noah dances with the bride, telling her he was thinking about moving away. Now, though, he thinks he might be able to give Ellen the commitment she wants. He ducks out to go talk to her. Donna asks Andrea about Hannah, who’s playing T-ball. David shares a nice moment with Valerie. The cake is cut, and no one smashes it in anyone’s face, which is nice. Kelly gives a toast, talking about how horrified she was when her and David’s parents first got together. But now she loves him, not least because he’s turned Donna into her sister.

Donna throws her bouquet, which Kelly catches (and it looks like that was the plan). Later, she and David toast to the gang, then dance some more. For the second time in the episode, Dylan asks Kelly to dance. This time, she doesn’t want to wait. Dancing montage! Everyone’s having a good time! David doesn’t embarrass himself, for once! Then the episode ends, and these people are out of our lives!

Thoughts: I have watched every single episode of this godforsaken show. All I know is it went on at least three seasons too long.

Andrea’s hair looks cute for the first time in the entire series. It’s very 2000.

So Valerie’s close enough to Donna and David to come to the wedding? Even though David’s her ex? And no one’s mentioned her for two years? Okay.

The bridesmaids’ dresses are a great shade of purple. Nice choice, Donna.

David’s mother doesn’t appear, and no one mentions her, so I hope she’s okay.

Remember Tamia? No? She had that…song? About…love? Okay, I don’t remember her either. But she’s married to Grant Hill now, so good for her.

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February 13, 2016

BH90210 10.26, The Penultimate: Commit or Quit

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , at 1:33 pm by Jenn

Aww. I love Don, too

Aww. I love Don, too

Summary: Donna rushes home to meet Kelly after Matt’s brother’s funeral in New York. She announces that David proposed, and since she’s wearing the ring, I’d say she accepted. She didn’t accept at first because she was surprised, not because she wasn’t sure about marrying him. Dylan and David dig something on the beach outside the apartment, talking about Dylan’s upcoming graduation from CU. He doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it, though.

Steve joins the other guys, who explain that they’re creating a message to declare David’s love for Donna. Steve’s able to commiserate over not having his first proposal accepted, since Janet took her time with him. Apparently Donna hasn’t actually said yes yet, as David thinks he still needs to convince her. So why did he give her the ring? I’m confused. Whatever – second-to-last episode!

Steve’s still annoyed with Janet’s job and how it’s turned him into a stay-at-home dad. Matt arrives in the middle of a fight between them to talk to Steve about his sister-in-law, who’s pregnant. Steve’s sad that her child will have to grow up without her father. David’s message, “I LOVE DONNA,” has been partly destroyed by beachgoers, so now it says “I LOVE DON.” She still hasn’t accepted the proposal. This is weird.

At the Beat, Janet’s boss, Charles, tells her to work on some report about the new magazine. Janet’s confused as to why she needs to compete with Ada, a woman who works on all of Charles’ new acquisitions. Noah and Ellen hang out with Caitlin, who’s been asking her mother questions about her relationship with Noah. Ellen wants to know where they stand, too, since she doesn’t want Noah to bond with Caitlin and then disappear from her life. She wants a commitment.

Ryan’s back in Beverly Hills, so at least Steve has someone to hang out with. He complains to Donna and Ryan about the family’s new work arrangements; they think he should just enjoy his time with his daughter for now. When Janet gets home, she confides in Donna that the job isn’t as great as she’d expected. She’s considering changing her mind about the sale, but she doesn’t want to have another fight with Steve about it. Donna worries about marriage not being 100% fun.

At the beach apartment, Matt tells Kelly that he feels like he has a responsibility to help his sister-in-law with the baby, since his brother can’t be there. David redoes his “I LOVE DONNA” message, telling Donna he already knows that he’s being a perfectionist. That’s exactly what she was worrying about with regards to marriage – that she had an ideal in mind and things aren’t going to turn out perfect. Now, though, Donna knows that she can commit completely to David, and she wants to marry him.

Steve spends another day with Maddy, wishing he had a more interesting life. Then she says her first word, “Dada,” so now he’s happy. Kelly sees David’s sand message and calls him to tell him how sweet it is, and how lucky Donna is to have him. David tells her that Dylan’s graduating that day. Steve wakes Janet (who spent the night on the couch), suddenly sporting a new attitude about their lives. He’s realized how lucky they are and decided to run with it.

At the Peach Pit, Noah teaches Nat how to tie some kind of knot. This is certainly a good use of their salaries. Matt arrives and asks Noah a little about how tough Ellen has it as a single mother. He wants to know what his sister-in-law will be facing without her husband. Noah says he doesn’t know how Caitlin feels about not having a father. Matt and Noah commiserate over living lives that they never thought they would live.

Kelly stops by the hotel, where Dylan quickly guesses that David told her about his graduation. She promises not to tell the rest of the gang if he lets her attend. Dylan wants to keep it private, so Kelly offers to take him to dinner instead. She’s proud of him for seeing his education all the way through. Ada chats with Charles about her report, making Janet feel uneasy. Steve and Ryan try to cheer her by sending her pictures of Maddy from an amusement park.

Matt watches a father and son fish, then meets Kelly for lunch. She loves the way he takes care of things for people and makes them look simple. He tells her that they’re a team now, so they’ll make decisions together. Kelly, however, knows that they’re not going to see eye to eye on what he wants: He wants to parent the baby with his sister-in-law.

David and Donna have spent the whole day in bed, and are now discussing whether or not she should change her name when they get married. He says no, since her clothing line has her name, but she likes the idea of having the same last name as their future kids. She asks if David wishes they hadn’t spent the past few years apart, but he likes things they way they’ve happened.

Kelly meets Dylan for dinner, ranting that Matt is an awesome guy and Dylan is…not as awesome, but still someone she’s drawn to. She knows Matt will never let her down, and Dylan promises the same about himself. They spend the night talking, and in the morning, Kelly avoids telling Matt who she was with. Dylan thinks she’s marrying him for the wrong reasons.

Donna and David continue their sex/eating-in-bed marathon, then decide they should tell their families they’re engaged. Donna goes first, calling Felice. Kelly tells Matt that she thinks he should act on his idea of parenting the baby with his sister-in-law. Oh, and she can’t marry him. She tells him she talked to Dylan, leading Matt to think that he told Kelly about his fling in the desert. This is brand-new information for Kelly. Oops!

Steve visits Janet at work to tell her the sale of the paper is official. He’s pleased that she made the right decision from the start. She’s not so sure anymore. Ellen’s late getting home from work, so Noah’s been on his own with her. He tells her that he can’t commit to her right now, despite how much he likes her; things are just moving too quickly. Ellen can’t slow them down, so that’s it for them, I guess.

Dylan goes by the beach apartment, where Kelly confronts him for keeping Matt’s secret. She thinks this is a good example of why she and Dylan will never work out. Dylan maintains that he was just minding his own business and being a friend. That’s not going to help Kelly when she’s just had her heart broken.

Thoughts: I love that they didn’t bother to come up with an actual title for this episode. “What’s that word that means second-to-last? Just call it that.”

Dylan can’t go to his graduation alone and have no one clap for him! That’s sad!

Other than the cheating and lying, Matt was a pretty great guy, right? Wow, did I really say that?

January 2, 2016

BH90210 10.20, Ever Hear the One About the Exploding Father?: Humor Me

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , at 1:01 pm by Jenn

Honestly, I might be willing to forgive seven years of lies for a pastry

Honestly, I might be willing to forgive seven years of lies for a pastry

Summary: Steve and Janet are trying to Ferberize Maddy, but Janet’s about to crack. They start talking about Ryan, who’s still crashing at their house, now that he’s decided to leave college. He won’t listen to Steve’s suggestion that they write a letter to the dean to work things out. Also, Maddy is still crying, and I’m not going to be happy if this is how the whole episode goes.

Over at the Beverly Royale, Dylan and Jack are having a less-than-happy reunion. Jack explains that an FBI agent grabbed him before he got into his car, and he’s been in witness protection ever since. He’s in Beverly Hills because Kelly called him. He wants to make things up to Dylan, but Dylan doesn’t want to talk to him.

Kelly’s doing PR for the boutique, offering some pretty good incentives. David arrives to announce that he’s going to New York to interview for a station there. Camille’s worried that if he gets the job, he’ll choose it over her, since they’ve only been together a month. Matt meets with a client, Stuart, a standup comedian who was fired for being bad at his job. I can believe it. Matt thinks he can win a lawsuit because talent is subjective.

At the beach apartment, Dylan confronts Kelly for contacting Jack even though she knew Dylan didn’t want to talk to him. Kelly reminds him that Jack is risking his life to try to reconnect with his son. Dylan needs to talk to him, even if it’s just to say goodbye. At the After Dark, a woman has trouble getting Noah’s attention, so Ryan helps her out. The woman, Sheila, invites him to hang out with her and her friends. Since Noah needs some help, Ryan offers to serve as a barback.

Kelly, Donna, Camille, and Matt hang out, though Kelly and Donna don’t seem to enjoy Camille’s presence very much. When she leaves the table, they complain that she’s a know-it-all. Matt thinks Camille and David just have a physical relationship with nothing substantial to hold them together. The key to a successful relationship is humor. “Then why are we still together?” Kelly teases. Matt tells a joke but it falls flat.

Donna notes that if David moves to New York, they’ll have to make a lot of long-distance calls to each other. He thinks they’d do better with email, since he’ll be working late hours. He asks if Camille has said anything, and kind of jokes that he might ask her to move to New York with him. Donna’s a little bummed to be single while David, Camille, Matt, and Kelly are so happy.

Dylan goes to Jack’s hotel room to make some angry inroads. Jack takes a call from his wife, Lisa, and Dylan learns that they named their son Jack. Also, Jack’s wife knows about his past but not that Dylan exists. Dylan remarks that now he remembers where his father’s priorities lie. Janet’s cranky because Maddy’s cranky, and they still don’t agree about how to handle Ryan. He tells them he got a job at the After Dark, which makes his chances of going back to school even smaller.

Kelly bugs Dylan about seeing Jack, and he tells her that Jack hasn’t brought any mention of Dylan into his new life. He blames everything bad from the past few years on the loss of his father. Jack calls to summon him for another meeting that night. Camille wants to take a reporter to lunch, but Donna thinks she should leave that task to Kelly. Camille doesn’t get why Kelly gets mad when Camille does her a favor.

David calls Donna from New York to report that his interview is actually the next day. Camille’s clearly annoyed that David’s talking to Donna and not her. When David asks to speak to Camille, Donna ducks out, not wanting to hear their conversation. Matt and Stuart go to court, where the defense attorney challenges Stuart to make the jury laugh. He fails.

At the After Dark, Ryan makes another good impression on Sheila, this time from behind the bar. Steve wants Ryan to reconsider his options, but Noah thinks the choices he’s made are perfectly fine. Steve orders Ryan to get his things and come home with him. He doesn’t want his brother to end up like Noah.

At the beach apartment, Kelly and Donna complain some more about Camille, who doesn’t seem to trust Kelly to do her job. Donna tries to be diplomatic. Kelly notes that David hasn’t been calling Donna late at night anymore. Donna says Camille asked him to stop, but she’s not jealous. She just knows that she has what Donna wants – a great guy. Donna swears she doesn’t want David, though.

Dylan meets up with Jack, who announces that he’s willing to risk his life to make things up to Dylan. Either he will leave witness protection or he’ll bring Dylan in with him. Ryan’s now staying with Noah, and Sheila spent the night with him. Noah is now leaning toward Steve’s way of thinking – Ryan’s smart, and he needs to take advantage of his opportunities. Noah didn’t, and look how he ended up.

Jack meets up with Dylan at the hotel, making Dylan worry that someone will recognize him. Jack thinks he “should be fine,” since the people he testified against are either in jail or dead. If he needs further protection, he can afford it. Dylan wonders what they’ll tell Lisa and Jack. Jack notes that since his younger son is only four, it won’t be long before he forgets a time when Dylan wasn’t around. If Jack and Dylan work hard enough, they can forget their own pasts as well.

Matt gathers Kelly, Noah, and Ryan at the After Dark so Stuart can practice his act before they go back in front of the jury. It bombs. Stuart decides to drop the case. Even if he could win it, this isn’t the right career for him. David calls Donna to tell her he got the job in New York. He realizes what this means and tells Donna he’ll miss her. He hasn’t told Camille yet – Donna was the first person he called.

Dylan’s now grateful to Kelly for her meddling, and is ready to go meet his stepmother and little brother. He’s happier than he’s been in a long time. He definitely wants to kiss Kelly, but just gives her a smooch on the cheek. Steve apologizes to Noah for using him as a bad example to try to get Ryan to go back to school. He tells Ryan that his parenting book says some kids have to be treated differently. He’s also realized that Ryan isn’t a child anymore. Steve will support whatever Ryan decides to do.

As an FBI agent collects Dylan from the hotel, Matt and Stuart return to court, where Matt warms up the jury for his client. Everyone’s entertained, and Matt reveals that his jokes are all Stuart’s material. So he’s funny after all! Dylan is taken to meet with Christine, who warns that Jack is still in danger. If something happens, will Dylan be able to live with himself? Is he really doing what’s in Jack’s best interest?

Janet and Steve give up on the Ferberizing, preferring to spend time with Maddy than let her cry on her own. Ryan comes by to announce that he’s leaving – he’s going to travel, then return to school. “Someone in this family has got to be professional,” he says. Dylan meets Jack, supposedly for their departure, but instead he tells Jack that his non-death isn’t a secret anymore. He needs to go back into witness protection, even if it means he and Dylan never see each other. Dylan says he hated Jack for a long time, but now he doesn’t. However, he won’t be going with Jack. He says he’s fine with how things are.

Donna and Camille throw a party at the boutique, attracting a lot of big-name editors. Camille’s upset that David will soon be moving to New York. Donna’s like, “You’ve known him a month. We get to be sadder than you.” Matt tries out some more material on Kelly, who’s really not enjoying his brand of humor.

David and Dylan meet up outside the boutique, keeping an eye on Donna and Kelly, respectively. David admits that he’s not going to take the job in New York; there are some people you just can’t live without. As Donna watches him with Camille, she asks Kelly if there’s a statute of limitations on breakups. Her time apart from David has made her realize that she’s still in love with him. YEAH, NO KIDDING.

Thoughts: So…I guess Jack still doesn’t know about Erica, huh?

Maybe Stuart’s act would be better if he cut all the dad jokes and the jokes everyone’s heard a thousand times.

Steve is a better father than Rush is. Of course, the loaf of bread on my kitchen counter is a better father than Rus is, but you know what I mean.

To me, the funniest part of this episode is Jack’s casual attitude about his life. He thinks that since the people he testified against aren’t a threat anymore, he’s home free. Sweetie, the mob is big. They hold grudges. People carry out vendettas for other people. Once you’re a mob target, you can’t get out of it that easily. (I would like to state for the record that this is all hypothetical, of course. The mob has never been proven to exist. In fact, it probably doesn’t. It definitely doesn’t! It doesn’t. Please don’t hurt me, nice godfathers.)

December 26, 2015

BH90210 10.19, I Will Be Your Father Figure: Rumors of Jack’s Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , at 1:22 pm by Jenn

These two should probably have a chaperone at all times

These two should probably have a chaperone at all times

Summary: Donna has taken Noah to the hospital, where she calls David to tell him that Noah was injured. David doesn’t think she should take him back to the beach apartment after he broke in to bug her. Donna ignores him, telling Kelly that she’s volunteering them to take care of Noah for the next few days. Kelly wonders how Donna and Noah are supposed to move on from their breakup if he’s staying with them. Donna promises that nothing’s going to happen.

Later, Kelly goes to the Beverly Royale, where Dylan tells her that he’s been calling people from the passenger manifest to see if anyone remembers “Eddie Waitkus.” He’s starting to think that someone wants to keep them apart. Kelly suggests going back to Christine, but Dylan doesn’t think they’ll be helpful. Her next suggestion is that Dylan call the airline and talk to some of the flight crew.

Donna plays nurse for Noah, telling him that Matt feels bad for giving him a concussion. Noah apologizes for breaking in, admitting that he doesn’t even remember why he came over. Donna tells him he needs to go back to AA. This is his last chance with her – if he screws up again, he’s on his own. Over at the Walsh house, Ryan comes home from college for a visit, meeting Janet and Maddy for the first time. Steve’s maturity level immediately drops ten years, and the brothers make plans to party.

With no job, Kelly can’t figure out what to do with herself. Matt suggests that she think about opening up her own firm, but why would anyone hire a firm run by someone with no experience? They discuss Dylan and the possible return of Jack, and Matt offers to help them investigate. Camille complains about David’s table-clearing methods, then notes that David and Donna (who keeps calling to tell David about horror movies on TV) are kind of like an old married couple. (Seriously, Camille.)

Kelly, Matt, and Dylan ask around at the airport, using various cover stories for why they need to contact “Eddie Waitkus.” A flight attendant takes pity on Dylan when he says he’ll lose his job if he can’t follow up on a business deal with “Eddie.” She tells him that she heard “Eddie” say he lives right outside Phoenix. Time for a road trip!

At the Walsh house, Steve and Ryan are sacked out after a night of partying. Janet wakes Steve up for a meeting with the Sasquatch Watch Group (say that five times past). She’s unhappy to see that Ryan accidentally broke off the tail of the carousel horse. She tells Steve to stop showing off for his brother, since he’s probably egging Ryan on to be a troublemaker. Steve has always had someone to reel him back in – first Brandon, now Janet – and Steve needs to be that person for Ryan.

Noah cleaned the beach apartment, which is nice of him. He tells Donna that when he was kidnapped and thought he might die, he thought about her. He wishes he could do a lot of things differently, especially when it comes to the end of their relationship. He kisses her, but Donna knows getting back together is a bad move. She’s spent the past few weeks getting over their breakup while Noah partied. Now that he’s sobered up, he’s just starting to feel the grief. He agrees and decides to leave.

In Tolleson, Arizona, Kelly goes to a cable company and pretends to be related to Jack to get his address. Dylan complains to Matt about Jack never turning to him for help. After all, Dylan had all of Jack’s money. Kelly’s successful in getting the address, so keep in mind if you’re ever in Tolleson that privacy may be an issue.

David and Camille go out to dinner, and she admits that she realized today that she’s stolen everything Donna had. Well, okay, just her store (which she’s temporarily running) and her ex (not that she stole David). Camille’s having trouble accepting that Donna is so much a part of David’s life. She finds it a little strange to be dating a guy whose best friend is a woman, as well as his ex. David tries to make things up to her by ignoring a call from Donna.

Back in Tolleson, Dylan and Kelly sit outside Jack’s house while Matt hangs out at their hotel by himself. Jack arrives home, and Kelly urges Dylan to go to him. While Dylan’s hesitating, a woman and a young boy come out of the house to greet their husband/father. “There’s no place for me here,” Dylan tells Kelly.

The next day, David goes to see Donna at the store, apologizing for making Camille late for work, but not for ignoring her call. Donna wants to talk about what happened with Noah, which just makes David want to say he told her so. Donna would like to learn how to set boundaries. (Why start now?) David tells her that they need to ease off on their constant phone calls now that he has a girlfriend. Donna realizes he’s right.

Matt heads back to Beverly Hills on his own, warning Dylan that Jack might get spooked and run if he finds out they’ve been in town, asking questions. Kelly still wants Dylan to see his father, but Dylan thinks Jack’s life is better now than it used to be. He urges Kelly to go back to California with Matt.

At the After Dark, Janet accompanies Steve and Ryan on a night out, though Ryan isn’t thrilled to hang out with settled-down parents. He mentions a class he took, and Janet encourages him to talk more about college. Ryan begs off, preferring to hit on someone at the club. Dylan goes back to Jack’s house and watches him through the window for, like, ten minutes.

Donna shows up at the After Dark, inspiring David to declare that the theme of the next night’s broadcast will be relationships, limits, and friendships with people you used to date, or something like that. Noah’s working at the bar, and he admits to Donna that he wants to drink but isn’t going to. Well, he’s certainly working in the right place for avoiding alcohol!

David interrupts the conversation to make sure no one’s going back to anyone’s old ways. He asks Donna if she wants to get something to eat at the Peach Pit, and she teases that she can’t because she’s supposed to be working on her boundaries. David calls Camille to tell her his plans, saying he’s just trying to keep Donna and Noah apart. Camille tells him to do whatever and she’ll see him later.

Kelly and Matt return to Beverly Hills, and she shares that she’s going to start her own PR firm after all. Dylan arrives shortly after, having finally stopped staring at Jack through the window. Kelly tells him that it’s Jack’s loss if he doesn’t want Dylan in his life. Dylan admits that he never approached his father. He knows talking to Jack won’t change anything. All of his problems stem from his father’s death; he doesn’t know who he is without that fact. Kelly points out that Jack’s not dead. Dylan replies that, as far as he’s concerned, that’s not true.

Noah’s back at David’s house, which is super-awkward. David advises him to give Donna some space so she can keep moving forward from their breakup. Noah points out that Donna came to the After Dark to see him, but she spent the evening with David. He’s the one who can’t get over Donna. At the boutique, Donna apologizes to Camille for monopolizing David’s time. She likes Camille and David together, which Camille appreciates. She wants Donna to approve of them before they continue with their relationship.

Ryan spent the night out, and Steve’s worried, since Ryan doesn’t have a history of making great decisions. Ryan finally makes it home, unhappy that Steve and Janet are acting like his parents. He points out that Steve acted out all the time and was always bailed out by Rush. Steve says Ryan doesn’t need help like he did, since he’s smart.

Ryan admits that he hated being smart in high school, so when he got to college, he acted like Steve. Now he’s on academic probation and won’t be able to get into med school. He’s dropped out of college. Steve tells Janet that they’re not having any more kids. Dylan mopes in his hotel room with a drink, trying to ignore whoever’s knocking on his door. He finally opens it to find Jack on the other side.

Thoughts: Tori Spelling directed this episode. So has every cast member directed one now?

One of the flight attendants Dylan questions is played by Eva Longoria in her first TV appearance. Fun fact #1: Vanessa Marcil was once engaged to Eva’s ex-husband. Fun fact #2: Eva’s second TV appearance was as a Vanessa lookalike on General Hospital, where she met said ex-husband.

How has Ryan never met Janet or Maddy? Also, how in the world did he get into Amherst? Since when is he smart??

Yeah, I’m sure a flight attendant would remember details about a random guy on a flight a week earlier, let alone his full name, especially without seeing a picture to jog her memory.

You’d think a guy hiding from the mob would be more wary of random cars parked outside his house. Of course, Jack also didn’t bother to keep his face off of TV, so I don’t know what I expected.

July 20, 2014

BH90210 7.32, Graduation Day, Part 2: CU Later

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , at 3:56 pm by Jenn

After all that build-up...

After all that build-up…

Summary: It’s graduation time! Brandon’s late, having run off to save Valerie. Clare’s graduating summa cum laude, and is also 45 minutes away from being out of our lives forever. Donna wants to get David on board with not staying out too late that night (since she plans to have sex with him). Clare warns Steve not to do anything that will embarrass her father, and Steve’s like, “Why are you still here?” The Walshes may be missing, but all Taylors and Martins are in attendance.

Brandon goes to the Shangri-La and learns that Valerie has already checked out (possibly in more than one sense of the phrase). Meanwhile, the graduation ceremony starts, and Kelly blames Valerie for Brandon’s absence. Valerie’s still standing on a bluff, so Brandon gets to be her white knight. He talks her out of jumping and promises to deal with the Kelly situation after graduation.

They arrive at the ceremony as Chancellor Arnold is quoting Robert Frost and telling the graduates to take risks. Brandon gets a symbolic diploma for being awesome, though if he’s graduating, why is his diploma symbolic? The graduates turn their tassels, everyone applauds, and Steve sets off the confetti cannons.

Despite being asked by Valerie not to say anything, Brandon tells Kelly what happened when they get home. She thinks Val faked being suicidal to get attention. Brandon can’t be sure, so he’s decided to let Valerie stay in the house. Downstairs, Steve and Valerie discuss Clare, who plans to spend the evening with her father since he’s heading to Paris the next day. Steve admits that he thinks Clare believes the chancellor’s leaving the country because Samantha dumped him.

Over at the beach apartment, Clare tells Donna that she’s having trouble with all the changes in her life. Donna promises that Chancellor Arnold and Steve will love her no matter what happens. David’s tired and wants to skip the party Bill’s throwing, but Donna talks him into going. Clare also wants to stay home, telling Steve that she’s also going to Paris, so her dad doesn’t have to be alone. Steve interprets this as, “I’m going so I don’t have to be with you anymore.”

David is nice to Valerie, telling her he was worried about her earlier. Clare chases after Steve to tell him that her father needs her more than Steve does. Steve reminds her that her father is her past; he’s supposed to be her future. Clare invites him to come to Paris, too, but Steve knows he belongs in Beverly Hills. He also knows he won’t handle a long-distance relationship well, so they’ll need to break up. YES! FINALLY! Ahem. I mean, so sad. I really wish those two had been able to make it work.

Everyone else dresses up in ’20s clothes and goes to Bill’s party. David plans to talk to the Cardigans’ manager after the party, which means Donna has to delay sex. Ryan and Austin try to talk their way into the party, getting an assist from Joy. David and Brandon talk about Valerie, agreeing not to let others in on what happened. Brandon laments that his good deed has gotten him in trouble.

Kelly tries to calm Donna’s sex-related nerves, then acts like a killjoy when Bill tries to get her to be enthusiastic about the party in front of everyone. The Cardigans perform “Love Fool” (of course – no one knows any of their other songs). Steve drowns his sorrows, telling Brandon that if he thought there was any chance he could convince Clare to stay, he’d be off trying to convince her. Later, Valerie joins Steve at the bar.

David wants to leave the party early, saying again that he’s sorry; apparently he’s not meeting with the Cardigans’ manager after all. Donna’s on the verge of losing her nerve about sex, but when David assures her that he loves her, she knows she’s making the right choice. Brandon encourages Kelly to spend some time with Bill while he’s in town, so she goes to talk to him. He tells her he wants to be back in her life. She still doesn’t trust him and won’t be won over with just a party.

Kelly storms out and tells Brandon that some things can’t be fixed. She’s mad that he’s been on Bill’s side so much. Brandon says that if she’s that mad, she shouldn’t move in with him. Well, I guess that solves that problem! While Donna and David head home for sex (though he doesn’t know that’s what she has planned), Austin hits on Joy. Ryan gets him to leave by telling him Steve has another girl picked out for him.

Kelly wants to leave, but passive-aggressively tells Brandon she doesn’t know where to go, since Donna’s reserved the beach apartment for sex. Brandon doesn’t give in, so Kelly apologizes for being a jerk. He tells her to let her father love her. Austin goes looking for Steve, who hasn’t picked out a girl for his brother – he’s picked out Valerie for himself, and they’re secretly having sex in some room.

Donna tries to get David to leave her alone for a little while so she can get herself all prettied up. Back at the party, Joy and Bill say goodbye to each other. Kelly makes up with her father, but they don’t have much time to celebrate: Bill has to leave with some federal marshals. Tomorrow, he’s going to jail for fraud and embezzlement. So…that’s probably not going to be good for their relationship.

Kelly must be in a benevolent mood, because she’s willing to let Valerie stay at the house. She’ll probably change her mind the next day. At the beach apartment, David falls asleep, then has to go hunting for Donna. He’s surprised enough to see her in lingerie, with candles everywhere, that he thinks that’s his only surprise. She tells him there’s much more, and she’s very sure that this is the right time. She’s ready for the next chapter in her life. David waited, so now David gets lucky. (And don’t worry, there’s a condom.)

Thoughts: I love that me reward for finishing season 7 is no more Clare.

I’ve linked to this before, but it needs repeating: Vulture’s oral history of this episode.

Chancellor Arnold is Mr. World Traveller, Mr. International, yet he quotes Robert Frost. Thanks for the clichés!

Also, shortest ceremony ever. They didn’t even read people’s names.

I’m impressed that Steve wore a suit under his gown and not, like, swim trunks and a cowboy shirt.

Brandon: “What are you pointing at?” Muntz (dressed as Babe Ruth): “The bar. I promised I’d drink a bottle of scotch for some sick little kid.” Heh.

Also heh to Brandon, dressed as a ’20s gangster, carrying a glass and Johnnie Walker in a violin case.

Continuity alert! David thinks Donna got a pet, and he says he doesn’t want to have to deal with “a dog or some damn bird.” Speaking of which, whatever happened to the dog and the bird?

July 13, 2014

BH90210 7.31, Graduation Day, Part 1: Val Shall Not Be Moved

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , at 3:06 pm by Jenn

One big happy...something

One big happy…something

Summary: Valerie has just told Brandon how Derrick took all her money. She swears that she didn’t invest with Bill just to mess with Kelly – not that it matters anyway, since Val’s the one who lost in the end. She’s eager for Jim and Cindy to come for the kids’ graduation so she can talk to some real adults about her problems. Unfortunately, they’re not coming. But Val’s mom is, so that’s…something. Kelly thinks Brandon has spent the past few minutes kicking Valerie out, but she’s wrong. Valerie hears her yelling at Brandon to get rid of her so Kelly can move in.

The college kids aren’t the only ones graduating this weekend – Erin’s graduating from kindergarten. (She’s still super-cute, by the way.) Jackie, Mel, Kelly, David, and Donna are all there for the ceremony. Kelly’s happy that David and Donna are so happy. The college kids were all invited to some big party where the Cardigans are playing; the party host is unknown, but David thinks it’s Rush. Jackie assures Kelly that Bill and Joy will be at her graduation.

Donna picks up her grandmother from the airport, sharing that she and David plan to move in together. Mrs. Martin laughs because Felice is going to flip out. She knows that Donna and David will know when the time is right for them to…you know. Valerie’s mother isn’t coming to graduation after all, and Val decides to tell her off. Brandon’s like, “I guess this isn’t a good time to make you move out, huh?” Val lays it on thick, thanking him for being such a great guy and always supporting her.

At the Peach Pit, Steve invites David to help him plan a major senior prank. He and Muntz want to set off confetti cannons, and they need a hand with the electronics side of things. Inside, Valerie packs up her office, getting no sympathy from David about her money problems or living situation. She asks him to talk to Kelly about letting her stay in the house. David tells her to solve her own problems.

Despite Kelly’s skepticism, Bill does arrive for the weekend, bringing Joy along. Kelly’s pleasant to one of them but not the other. Guess which! Go on, guess! Donna tells Kelly that she’s considering having sex with David; she wants to surprise him on graduation night. Kelly says that if she feels the time is right, then it’s right.

The honors grads, led by Brandon, give Chancellor Arnold a going-away present before he leaves for Paris. Steve crashes the end of the honors-grad luncheon, Chancellor Arnold asks about Samantha, Clare gets mad that Steve’s talking about her, and I roll my eyes so hard they pop out of my head. Steve confides in Brandon that he feels like Clare blames him for her father leaving. That makes no sense, but that’s Clare for you.

Brandon and Steve reminisce about various college experiences, then talk about the senior prank. Brandon is actually sad that Steve hasn’t asked for his help. At the Peach Pit, Valerie whines to Nat about Kelly, but Nat thinks she needs to suck it up and move on. Kelly herself shows up, and Valerie tries to convince her that Brandon said she could stay in the house. She threatens to call Jim and Cindy and fill them in – after all, they invited her to live in the house. Val refuses to move.

Donna goes shopping with Clare to find a going-away present for Chancellor Arnold, but Donna gets distracted at a lingerie store. Kelly and Joy are also at the mall, looking for something to wear to the big graduation party. Joy reveals that Bill is the person behind the party, and it’s all for Kelly. They run into Ryan and Austin (ugh), and Ryan instantly develops a crush on Joy. Joy thinks he’s cute. Kelly, quick, get her out of there.

Nat’s hosting a pre-grad party, and as Valerie and Steve get ready, Val tries to get him on her side about staying in the house. She asks him to appeal to Brandon on her behalf. At the beach apartment, Donna tries to hide all her lingerie and condoms from David. He wants her opinion on whether he’s an idiot for helping Steve and Muntz with the prank. He wanted to make sure he wasn’t completely missing out on something school-related, since he never joined a frat or went to a pep rally or anything like that. Donna seems to think it’s cute.

Just before they leave for the pre-grad party, Brandon finally tells Valerie that she needs to move out. Val whines that no one’s looking out for her. She threatens again to tattle to Jim and Cindy, but Brandon already did, and they told him he could make the final call. Valerie begs to be allowed to stay through the summer, but Brandon won’t budge.

The gang and their families have their get-together at the Peach Pit, though Valerie leaves early to go mope alone. Rush thanks Brandon for being so awesome and letting some of that awesomeness rub off on Steve. He wonders why he hasn’t heard anything about a senior prank yet. Steve and David are all, “Oh, I guess no one cares enough about the school to do anything.” They plan to slip out in a little while to meet up with Muntz.

Kelly’s in a great mood now, since Valerie’s leaving the Walshes’. Meanwhile, Val leaves a note on Brandon’s pillow. That night, Steve, David, and Muntz sneak around campus to set up the confetti cannons. They’re hilariously excited about the whole thing. Kelly, Donna, and Clare spend what might be their last night together at the beach apartment. They definitely won’t all be there the next night – Donna wants the apartment to herself so she and David can do it. Clare and Kelly secretly agree that she won’t go through with it.

Valerie checks into the Shangri-La Hotel, saying she’ll be gone the next day. At the house, Brandon finds her note, which says that she won’t be at graduation. She’ll be having her “own private ceremony,” doing something she should have done when she was with David a year ago. Brandon tries to call David to figure out what Val means, but he has to leave a message. Valerie tries to call her mother as she stands on the bluff where she and David discussed suicide. “I’m going to take care of everything tomorrow,” Valerie promises.

The next morning, David finally calls Brandon back, confirming Brandon’s suspicions that Valerie has talked about killing herself. David remembers that she used to stay at the Shangri-La across the street from the bluffs. The guys lament how hard they’ve been on her recently. Kelly arrives to meet up with Brandon before graduation, but he runs off to find Valerie. And for some reason, the episode ends here.

Thoughts: Jim and Cindy are skipping Brandon’s graduation? I thought they were good parents.

How weird would it be to graduate college while your little sister is just finishing kindergarten?

Do college students do senior pranks? I thought that was just a high school thing.

“We’ll be adults soon enough.” I’ve got news for you, Steve: You’re already an adult. You’ve been an adult for four years. Scary, right?

Part of me feels bad for Valerie, because she has no money so how is she supposed to find a place to live? But the rest of me remembers that she was gullible enough to fall for Derrick’s act, and burned her bridges with everyone she’s ever met, and manipulated David into buying her out, which is why she has no job. And then I remember that she’s fictional, so whatever.

April 13, 2014

BH90210 7.20, With This Ring: Isn’t Anyone On This Show Happy?

Posted in movies tagged , , , , , , , , , , at 2:53 pm by Jenn

Apparently the jeweler is Jason Priestley in makeup. Freaky

Apparently the jeweler is Jason Priestley in makeup. Freaky

Summary: Valerie has a dream that’s a mixture of her father and being in bed with Tom. She wakes up when Tom starts bleeding on top of her. Real Tom tells her that they’ll have to “face it all” when Abby returns from her business trip. Kelly writes in her journal on the beach, admitting to feeling alone. She chose herself instead of deciding between Brandon and Dylan; now they’re seeing other people and she’s single.

Brandon runs a production meeting at CUTV, but Tracy’s not paying attention. She’s not happy that he held on to the engagement ring he wanted to give Kelly. Brandon wants the conversation to wait until after the show. Donna talks to Clare about her David/Cliff issues; she wants to date Cliff but doesn’t want to take him places David might show up. She’s tired of people seeing her and David as always together, and would like to live her own life.

Ryan asks Steve for advice about taking a girl out. Steve suggests a double date with him and Clare at a pier carnival. Abby returns from her trip, and Valerie admits that she’s surprised to see her. She still won’t sign the papers for the second mortgage on the house. Abby decides to go back to Buffalo the next day.

That night, there’s a special CUTV program, where Chancellor Arnold presents Brandon with a plaque commemorating the station’s 100th broadcast. It’s followed by a party, which Clare, Steve, Donna, and Cliff ditch to go out. Tom urges Valerie to talk to her mother about her issues, but Val resists. Kelly and Brandon make awkward small talk, which Tracy sees, and she blasts Brandon for talking to his ex when they’d planned to have their big conversation.

The party ditchers go to the carnival, and Donna enjoys her time with Cliff. Steve wonders where David fits into things. Clare points out that David hangs out with Chloe all the time. Ryan’s date is going well, and he asks Steve for a condom. The girl’s parents are going out of town, and he wants to be ready for some alone time the next night.

Tracy and Brandon finally have it out, with her accusing him of cheating with Kelly. He assures her he’s not, but when she asks if he still loves Kelly, he doesn’t know what to say. Tracy’s done with him. Cliff tries to turn things romantic with Donna, but she resists since she’s kind of still with David. She doesn’t think she should be playing around with Cliff. Cliff replies that he’s not playing.

David’s hanging out with Chloe, who thinks Donna’s cheating and tells David to get out before he gets hurt. David’s sure that nothing like that is going on since Donna’s a virgin. He wants to respect her decision to send time with someone else. Valerie has another nightmare, this one about her father coming to tell her a story to help her fall asleep: “Once upon a time, there was a little girl who loved her daddy very much. She made her father do all kinds of terrible things.”

Valerie immediately goes to Abby’s hotel for the talk she’s been putting off having with her. She can’t believe Abby was always able to sleep through everything Mr. Malone did to Valerie: She was molested. Abby doesn’t believe her; she and her husband were married for 20 years, so she would have known if he was a molester. Valerie says that Abby could have stopped him. Abby slaps her and tells her to go to Hell, but Val says she’s been there since she was 11.

Kelly wonders why she and Brandon aren’t together if there were truly meant to be. Donna tells her that she still loves David, but she has feelings for Cliff and thinks thing are easier with him. Kelly brings up what I did about how Brandon was with Emily when Kelly was in the fire, and how David was with Chloe when Donna was being held hostage. Donna urges Kelly to tell Brandon how she feels. Kelly points out that they’ve dated other people since they broke up, so they seem to have moved on. If she has to talk to Brandon, Donna has to talk to David.

Clare wants Steve to talk to Ryan about sex instead of just handing over a condom. Steve doesn’t think Clare is the best source for sex education, considering how she handcuffed herself to Brandon’s bed as a teen. Clare decides to initiate the sex talk herself. Brandon talks to Nat about Kelly, saying that she knows how he feels, since he proposed. If she wants to be with him, she knows where to find him.

Abby goes by the After Dark to talk to Tom, and he reveals that he knew Valerie was being molested. Now Abby gets that the accusations are true. Valerie shows up and explains why she never told anyone about the molestation: She thought she’d get into trouble. Plus, Mr. Malone told her that Abby wanted it to happen. Valerie reveals that she only said something because Tom threatened to go to the police. She confronted her father, and he responded by killing himself. Now she feels responsible for her father’s death.

Tracy goes to the beach apartment to tell Kelly that she and Brandon broke up because she found the ring. Tracy wanted to tell Kelly that she’s backing down, and Kelly and Brandon can be together again, but she wants him back. Kelly admits that she still loves him. Tracy’s upset that Kelly gave up her chance and now wants Brandon again. Steve approaches the sex talk with Ryan, but it turns out he doesn’t really need it. He’s relieved to hear that it’s okay if he wants to wait a little while. Kelly comes by to see Brandon, but Steve tells her he left to return the ring.

Chloe gets invited to New York to meet with Luther Vandross’ manager, and she asks David to come along. David doesn’t want to leave Donna back in Beverly Hills, and he definitely doesn’t want to hook up with Chloe and her top that is definitely just a bra. Donna shows up for a talk, and David sends Chloe out of the room but she doesn’t stay out of sight. She comes in with her jacket undone, looking like she was just getting dressed.

As Abby’s packing to return to Buffalo, Valerie arrives to tell her she’ll sign the papers. Now, though, Abby wants to sell the house, knowing what was going on without her knowledge. She feels horrible that she didn’t know what Valerie was going through. The jeweler Brandon bought the ring from two years ago remembers him (whatever) and asks if he wants cash or an exchange. Brandon considers swapping it for a bracelet, but he wants to make sure he and Kelly are really over first.

Outside the store, Brandon runs into Kelly and tells her about returning the ring. She claims to be happy about that decision. She doesn’t think they should get back together. Brandon pretends to agree. At the After Dark, Valerie tells Tom that she wants to leave the past in the past, but looking at him makes her think of her father. She loves him, but she can’t be with him right now. Brandon gives Tracy the bracelet, having returned the ring after all. He has no idea that Kelly bought it.

Thoughts: Why are we suddenly back to Brandon and Kelly? Where did that come from?

I like Tracy, but she needs to calm down. And not just because Brandon’s nowhere near worth it.

They sure waited a long time for the Valerie reveal. I wonder if the molestation storyline was planned all along?

Girl with Ryan, what’s wrong with you?

Chloe doesn’t see what Donna sees in Cliff. Poor girl – she’s blind.

Clare, I’m 99 percent sure Ryan doesn’t want to have the sex talk with his brother’s girlfriend.

December 16, 2013

BH90210 7.2, Here We Go Again: All the Sanders Boys Are Dolts

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , at 8:49 pm by Jenn

C

This is Steve’s serious face. How can you still be mad when he gets that serious?

Summary: Brandon’s back from Southernville just in time for a reunion at the beach club (though he doesn’t want to attend). Steve, Clare, and Valerie welcome him home; Val is on her way to meet with Kenny again. David and Donna meet up at the beach club, talking about a childhood memory that couldn’t have happened because they didn’t meet until they were in high school. Donna spots a guy named Casey who she used to have a crush on. David turns on jerk mode, still mad that she doesn’t want to work for MZA anymore. Donna decides to try her chances with Casey instead.

Ugh, Ryan and Austin are back. Steve and Kelly reminisce about their days at the beach club when they were younger; he’s especially fond of the memory of them hooking up. She doesn’t seem to think of it as being as special as he does. After she leaves, Steve has a flashback to “Spring Dance,” when he was a jerk to her and then whined that she never said she cared about him. He tells Clare that he and Kelly were just talking about old times, casually mentioning that they slept together. This is news to Clare, and not good news.

Kenny’s sure that Valerie won’t have any trouble getting the money she needs, so instead of talking business, he wants to play tennis. On her way to start her internship at the AIDS hospice, Kelly runs into David and his friend Mark, who’s the program director at CU’s TV station. He wants to work with Brandon on something, because everyone loves Brandon and wants to do stuff with him. Kelly and David are clearly attracted to each other, by the way.

Donna reunites with Casey, and they plan to meet up again at a dance that night. David puts on his jealous face. After their tennis game, Valerie and Kenny make small talk, and he reveals that he’s married but separated from his wife. He wants Val to come to dinner with him, because I guess that’s the only place she can sign papers for her bank loan. Poor dear must not have a desk! Brandon goes by the hospice to say hi to Kelly, which, I’m sorry, is not normal and must mean he’s still in love with her. Sigh.

Brandon then goes to the beach club and meets up with Clare; she’s mad that she was the only person who didn’t know about Kelly and Steve’s history. She notes that their group of friends is pretty “incestuous.” Brandon firmly denies that Steve could still have feelings for Kelly, but Clare isn’t so sure. She pulls Steve away from a poker game, orders him to take her home, and demands details about his relationship with Kelly. He tells her to stop making a big deal out of nothing and goes back to his game.

Kenny goes to the Walshes’ house with Valerie, again mentioning his marriage and how it’ll soon be over. He’s sure that his wife wouldn’t care that he’s hanging out with Val. He notices the end of one of her joints but is totally cool with her doing drugs. Why am I supposed to care about this guy? Ryan, Austin, some girl, bleh. Mark approaches Brandon to be the TV station’s news director; Brandon wanted to work for the Condor again (though I thought he was done with that), but is willing to consider Mark’s pitch. Kelly arrives and dances with Mark.

Ryan and Austin try to spy on a girl while she’s changing but see her mom instead. They deserved that. Donna and Casey dance and flirt while David continues wearing his jealous face. He accuses her of wanting out of their business partnership because she really wants to see other guys. He complains that she’s ignoring him while he’s in a bad mood, but she points out that she’s tried to cheer him up and he’s the one who’s been ignoring her.

Brandon tells Kelly about his time in Southernville, and how he changed Mariah’s life and sent her off to her true purpose and is a hero for our time and deserves a medal. They discuss Clare and Steve’s fight, and it turns out Kelly’s on Clare’s side. Steve asks her to stay out of it, but Kelly doesn’t want Clare to be mad at her. After she leaves, Steve confides in Brandon something that no one else knows, including Kelly. Meanwhile, Ryan and Austin are still pervs. What did I do to deserve this?

Valerie and Kenny go to dinner and bore me some more. Then there’s kissing. Back at the club, David crashes Donna and Casey’s conversation, refusing to leave when they ask him to. Steve has to break up a fight between Ryan and Austin. Clare sees him yelling at them for trying to spy on a girl, telling them to respect women because he learned how important that is the hard way. With that plus a conversation she had with Kelly, Clare’s now okay with Steve. Kenny and Valerie make plans to meet up at the beach club the next day.

Steve finds Kelly and reminds her of their fight at the spring dance in tenth grade. He admits that the night they had sex at the beach club was his first time. Afterward, he was upset that it wasn’t as big a deal for her as it was for him, so he got back at her by spreading rumors that she was a slut. Steve’s responsible for the bad reputation she had in high school. Kelly’s furious with him, since she still has to deal with the repercussions. She won’t accept his apology.

The next morning, Brandon is optimistic that Kelly will get over the fight, which Steve feels really bad about. Valerie’s aware of the whole situation and remarks to Brandon that if Steve hadn’t started calling her a slut, someone else would have. Brandon tells her to leave Kelly alone. Then he practically calls her a slut for starting a relationship with Kenny. Thank you, as always, for your help, Brandon.

At the beach club, Steve tries to smooth things over with Kelly, but she won’t talk to him. He reminds her that he’s a different person now. She says she is, too. Steve regrets telling her the truth. Kelly runs into Valerie and Kenny, who tells Val that Kelly used to babysit for his son. David goes to the beach apartment to make up with Donna, but it’s all awkward. They realize that getting back together isn’t working out, and they’re better off as friends.

Kelly mopes on the beach, flashing back to when Steve apologized to her at the spring dance. She forgave him then, by the way. Steve tracks her down to apologize again, and this time Kelly reminds him that they said they loved each other at the dance. She’s actually glad that he was honest with her. Now everything’s okay, yay! Not for Val, though – she spotted Kenny’s wife’s bathing suit in their cabana, and now she feels uncomfortable. Kenny tries to cheer her up with a $10,000 personal loan to hold her over until her bank loan comes through.

Kelly and Steve participate in an egg toss together, so I guess their friendship really is back on track. She tells Brandon that she appreciates how strongly their group of friends is connected, but she did like being alone over the summer. She wonders if she and Brandon will ever be back on the same page. He tells her that they’ll know if it happens. Yeah, because they’ll hear me screaming.

Thoughts: Casey is played by Eddie Cibrian. He looks a lot like Dean Cain here.

Clare, you must chill. YOU MUST. I can’t take another season of her and Steve fighting and making up in every single episode.

Kelly, you need to chill, too. I get being upset about what Steve did, but he really was sorry.

Valerie smokes pot in her bedroom so Brandon can’t get judgy, but she leaves the end of the joint sitting out in the living room. Huh?

I can’t see Val dating someone with a kid. I also think she’d be smarter about the red flags Kenny’s throwing off.

October 13, 2013

BH90210 6.25, Smashed: Our Idiot Brother

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , at 5:03 pm by Jenn

Yay, just who I wanted to see again

Yay, just who I wanted to see again

Summary: Tara’s about to be released from rehab, and Kelly wants to let her stay at the beach apartment. Donna and Clare are very reluctant, but Kelly says that she doesn’t have anywhere else to go. “She needs me,” she insists, which is really creepy when you think about it, since she and Tara have only known each other for a few weeks. At some other unspecified point in time, Clare’s with Steve at the Walshes’, talking about a party he’s throwing that night.

Valerie meets with Colin’s lawyer, who tells her that he has two options: plead guilty and serve time, or plead not guilty and risk a longer sentence. He thinks he can get Colin a pretty good deal with just a few months in a minimum-security facility and some community service. Val now has to convince Colin to agree to this. Kelly goes to get Tara and runs into Greg, who disapproves of her opening her home to Tara. He asks her on a date, but she’s already going to Steve’s party, so she invites Greg to come with her.

Valerie wants to bring Colin to the party, but Brandon doesn’t think it’s a good idea, since everyone hates him. He can’t stop her, though, since the party’s at the Walshes’ and she lives there, too. The male Sanderses eat at the Peach Pit, where Rush asks Steve to look after Austin and Ryan for the night while he goes out of time. Steve resists, since he’s having his party, but Rush doesn’t listen. At least they come with $200 from Rush.

At the beach apartment, Tara continues her slow journey to turn herself into Kelly. She drinks Clare’s juice, but if that’s what passes for drama there, the roommates should all be happy. Valerie tells Colin that he doesn’t have much of a choice about going to prison, but it won’t be nearly as bad as he thinks. She urges him to take the deal instead of going to trial. Colin reluctantly agrees. Valerie invites him to Steve’s party so they can try to enjoy the rest of their time together, but Colin’s worried that Kelly will make a scene.

Steve puts his brothers to work at the Walshes’ house in anticipation of a huge party. Brandon catches them trying to steal beer and stops them. He tells Steve that Valerie’s bringing Colin, but Steve doesn’t seem to care. Tara’s more worried about the possibility of drugs at the party, which is a nice detail. Kelly says they’ll keep each other out of trouble. Then Tara borrows the dress Kelly had planned to wear.

At CU, David tells Joe that he and Donna are working on a piece about the party for the school’s TV station. Donna and David note that they haven’t worked together for a while. Colin decides he doesn’t want to go to the party after all. Valerie thinks he’s still nervous about seeing Kelly, but it’s more that he doesn’t want to spend the whole night with people who think he’s scum. He wishes Valerie had a better understanding of what he’s facing.

Kelly loans Tara a necklace along with her dress, so now Tara is fully clothed in Kelly’s garb. Greg calls, and Tara’s surprised (and not all that happy) to learn that Kelly invited him to the party. She decides that she doesn’t want to go after all since she’ll be a fifth wheel. Kelly changes her mind. The party is already going, with a lot of dorky dancing and Steve in a vest. Susan sees Brandon and Kelly hugging and tries to keep from looking jealous. She tells Brandon that she likes all his friends, even though she was worried about Kelly when they first started dating.

Donna and David film some of the goings-on, educating the general population on how to play quarters. Ryan and Austin ask Muntz for beer, telling him that Steve said they could drink. Steve says they can do one round of shots, not realizing that the only think more annoying than Ryan and Austin would be Ryan and Austin with alcohol in them. Donna’s too busy to hang out with Joe, and he’s not happy about it.

Austin and Ryan snake some drinks from distracted partygoers while Donna finally realizes that Joe’s having a bad time. She asks Brandon to take over filming so she can dance with her boyfriend. Valerie and Colin arrive, and Brandon is amazingly polite. Ryan and Austin try to get back into Muntz’s drinking game, but even money won’t sway him. They steal booze instead. Colin runs into Kelly, and though she’s not exactly warm toward him, she lets him know that she cares what happens to him. Valerie is displeased, of course.

More drinking. Ryan and Austin are somehow not completely drunk yet. Muntz catches them picking up bottles, so they pretend they’re cleaning up. David and Steve know the kids are drunk, but Steve’s not concerned, since he also got drunk at that age. Greg arrives for some flirting, dancing, and making Tara jealous. Ryan starts feeling the effects of the alcohol and has to run outside to get sick. Austin finds him on the back porch, unconscious. Steve thinks he’s just passed out, but Greg (a med student) recognizes that he has alcohol poisoning and needs to go to the hospital to have his stomach pumped.

Now that the party’s over, Colin and Valerie go back to his place, where she confronts him for…having a pleasant conversation with Kelly, I guess. “I’m beginning to think you fall in love with any female body that keeps you afloat,” she says. He insists that he loves her for who she is, not because she’s taking care of him and paying for his lawyer. Val loves him, too, and has never risked so much for anyone else.

Rush is summoned to the hospital, and of course he yells at Steve for not keeping a better eye on Ryan. Greg takes Kelly and Tara home, and Tara spies while the lovebirds kiss good night. She’s so mad that she breaks the necklace Kelly loaned her. Back at the hospital, Ryan’s okay, so Rush feels free to yell at Steve some more. He wants his kids to look after each other, and Steve failed. (Yeah, but think about how much more failure there would have been if, say, Ryan had had to look after Steve.)

Austin’s still at the Walshes’, where Brandon and Susan are sobering him up with coffee. The only problem is that he’s now too caffeinated to sleep. Back at the hospital, Steve’s all, “I still love you, Ryan, even though you’re a huge idiot.” I guess it’s supposed to be touching because Steve’s calling him his brother now instead of his half brother, but really, the kid is a moron and I couldn’t care less.

Thoughts: Holy crap, Clare’s hair. It has big white streaks. It looks horrible.

So Kelly can date Greg, but he doesn’t think she should live with Tara? I don’t get it.

Why do a piece on the party for the TV station? “Hey, uncool people, here’s what the cool people did this weekend!”

I’m pretty sure Colin wears a velvet shirt to the party. Let me repeat that. COLIN WEARS A VELVET SHIRT.

Austin and Ryan drink everyone else’s drinks. They should probably check Ryan for mono while he’s in the hospital, because EW, GERMS.

Tell me, Rush, what is it about Steve that made you think he could be responsible in the first place?

August 25, 2013

BH90210 6.16, Turn Back the Clock: The Bird Is the Word

Posted in TV tagged , , , , , , , , , at 2:56 pm by Jenn

Heh. Still funny

Heh. Still funny

Summary: Brandon and Steve get rid of their Christmas tree (well, really, they just chuck it into the yard) as Clare returns from spending New Year’s away. She notices that Steve has a black eye and asks for the story behind it. Brandon and Steve tell the story: They went to the After Dark on New Year’s Eve, and Brandon saw Susan kissing her ex, Jonathan. Clare needs more details, so the guys back up to the morning of New Year’s Day.

Steve’s teenage brothers, Ryan and Austin, are staying with him and Brandon for the weekend, and pretend not to know anything about the toilet paper all over the yard. Steve gives them an hour to clean it all up. Susan calls to let Brandon know that Jonathan’s in town on a layover (a long layover, considering he’s spending the night). Susan wants to take him to a party at Colin’s, which Brandon wasn’t interested in going to until he hears Jonathan’s going. Valerie’s excited to have a boyfriend on New Year’s Eve for the first time.

In the present, Valerie joins Clare and the storytellers and mentions that Donna called. Steve tells Clare that the parrot escaped and Clare’s being blamed. The story turns to Steve and Clare at the beach apartment before she left for San Diego. Joe’s fixing the bird’s cage door until they can get a new one. Clare asks them to shut the bird up, but they just laugh her off. Joe tells her that the cage latch is broken, so she shouldn’t open it. Clare sarcastically says that it would be a shame if the bird flew away.

David arrives in the present and hijacks the story to tell Clare about Colin’s New Year’s Eve party. At the party, David’s worried that Valerie’s going to do drugs with Colin’s junkie friends. They bicker but make up and plan to meet up at the After Dark later. Susan tries to find a date for Jonathan, who’s joining them for a Corrs concert that night. (Remember the Corrs?) Colin gives Valerie some cocaine to hold onto so Kelly doesn’t find it on him. Kelly sees them talking and is immediately mad. She’s also not very subtle about frisking Colin, supposedly for romantic purposes.

Present-day Clare reminds everyone that she just wants to know how Steve got his black eye. Steve tells her about the Corrs concert so we can kill a couple minutes. Austin and Ryan try to get into the After Dark for the concert, but Steve hasn’t put them on the guest list. When the guy at the door goes to check with Steve, of course the kids just sneak in. Jonathan joins Brandon and Susan and does the smartest thing Brandon’s girlfriend’s ex could ever do: He compliments Brandon’s Condor articles.

Valerie’s proud of the great turnout at the After Dark, but she’s distracted because David hasn’t arrived. That’s because he’s up in a tree, trying to help Donna get her parrot. The bird was out of her cage when Donna got back from Colin’s. Clare wants to jump to the end of the story and find out if they got the bird back. Instead, the story returns to Ryan and Austin at the After Dark. Steve sees them and learns that Nat let them in; the doorman asked if Steve’s brothers could come in, and Nat thought he meant frat brothers. Steve asks Kelly to collect them.

Colin goes to Valerie to get his drugs back, saying he can’t wait until she leaves after midnight. Valerie reluctantly hands them over. Steve and Kelly wrangle Austin and Ryan and eject them. Alone with Brandon, Jonathan announces that he still loves Susan and wants her back. Brandon wonders why he dumped Susan in the first place. Jonathan says she dumped him but won’t tell him why. He considers Brandon “irrelevant” (hey, me, too!) and is sure he’ll get his girlfriend back. Brandon’s so desperate to keep Susan away from Jonathan that he agrees to go dance.

Joe arrives at the beach apartment and takes over the bird rescue so David can go meet up with Valerie. He tries to call her, but she doesn’t pick up. That means Valerie has to spend another midnight on New Year’s Eve without a boyfriend. Jonathan watches sadly as Brandon and Susan make out. Kelly kisses Colin, then goes home to sleep since she has to get up early for the Tournament of Roses Parade. Jonathan decides to leave, too, but when he kisses Susan goodbye, he tries to turn it into a makeout session. Brandon chases him off, but Susan feels bad.

Back in the present, Steve laments missing that drama. He reveals that at midnight, he was in Valerie’s office, having phone sex with Clare. Brandon hasn’t talked to Susan since the party, and he thinks she should be the one to contact him first. Ryan and Austin are still around and let Valerie know that she looked hot at the party. Steve warns them that he’s going to tell Rush everything they did when he gets back. Valerie doesn’t think they deserve punishment, and Clare doesn’t get what they did that was so wrong. That’s because there’s more to the story, of course.

Steve leaves the After Dark party to find shaving cream all over his car. When he tries to go back into the club, he runs into a guy leaving with a mic stand and hits his eye. Valerie finds Colin high and drives him home. Nat makes his concerned face. Steve starts to hose off his car as David finally arrives, having been stopped at a sobriety checkpoint. That’s also where Valerie and Colin get stopped; fortunately, he’s already used all his cocaine, so they don’t get in any trouble. Or at least that’s what he tells Valerie after stashing his drugs in the ashtray.

Valerie tells Clare that she just took Colin home and went right back to the After Dark, but David’s skeptical. Kelly and Donna join the group, and Clare promises that she had nothing to do with the bird escaping. Joe retrieved her, so it’s all good, and Donna’s decided to give her to an aviary, so it’s all even better for Clare. But the bird’s escape leads to a fight between Joe and Donna, since she cares more about getting ready for the parade than she does about a bird he spent so long training. Also, he calls it “our bird,” which is kind of weird. Donna tells him not to come to Pasadena for the parade.

On the morning of New Year’s Day, Kelly goes to Colin’s loft to get him for the parade. She’s upset when she learns that he got high after she left the party, and now he doesn’t feel well enough to go. She refuses to take care of him since she spent so long taking care of Jackie. Colin says he’ll come to Pasadena after all, but Brandon skips the parade to look for Susan. He finds her and Jonathan at the Condor office and thinks they spent the night together. Jonathan apologizes for whatever he might have done the previous night to make Brandon mad, as if he doesn’t know. Susan doesn’t feel like fighting with Brandon right now.

Brandon turns on the TV to watch the parade, which Kelly, Steve, David, and Valerie have front-row seats for. Kelly blames Valerie for Colin’s state, even though she claims she would never touch cocaine. She gives Kelly the rest of Colin’s stash from the night before. Now Kelly can use it to confront Colin and see if he denies that it’s his. The Rose Court float goes by with Donna and the other girls looking like Disney princesses. Joe’s stuck in the back row, having arrived late, but he gets Donna’s attention and holds up a sign that says “Joe loves Donna” and “damn bird.”

In the present, Rush calls to talk to Steve, who plans to tell his father everything Ryan and Austin did all weekend. The boys beg Steve to keep quiet since their father only ever tells them how they’ve screwed up. Of course, Steve can relate, so he tells Rush the guys have been great and Steve wants them to stay longer. Then he makes his brothers rake and mow the yard. The gang laughs because the boys don’t know that the house has a gardener.

Susan shows up and tells Brandon that she made it clear to Jonathan that she wants Brandon. Brandon wonders why Jonathan has such a hold over her. But it doesn’t matter, since he’s decided not to ruin the good thing he has. Clare is all, “Yay, everyone got a happy ending!” Um, except Kelly, whose boyfriend is still a coke addict, but okay, Clare.

Thoughts: Ryan is played by Randy Spelling, as in Tori’s brother.

This episode is like a horrible version of How I Met Your Mother. Except instead of wanting to know who the mother is, Clare wants to know why Steve has a shiner. Not quite as compelling.

Colin has a payphone in his loft. The better to make calls to his dealer, I guess.

Heh, the parrot is still saying, “Damn bird.” I might actually miss it.