March 1, 2015
Summary: Noah bugs Donna about her date with Jacob the morning after it. She thinks his jealousy is adorable and reminds him that she’s just helping him get back at his ex. Valerie goes to a clinic to get her HIV test, but she changes her mind when she sees the poor condition of another patient. That night, the gang gathers for dinner, along with Jim and Cindy (!). Valerie tells David that Johnny revealed that he’s HIV positive.
Jim and Cindy give a joint toast, saying nice things about their son and his soon-to-be-wife. Kelly decides that their vows are fine the way they are. Valerie decides she wants to give a toast, and for some reason, Kelly doesn’t immediately have her removed from the room. Val says that she hopes to someday have what the happy couple has.
Steve ambushes Sarah when she gets home from a date with her husband, almost getting in a fight with Mr. Sarah. They both tell Steve to leave. Donna and Noah discuss their crumbling relationship and wonder whether they should call it quits. David takes Valerie back to the clinic and questions why she didn’t use a condom when she was with Johnny. She tells him she wasn’t thinking that night; if she had been, she would have thought about David.
Steve tells Brandon about his recent encounter with Sarah, who refuses to return his calls. Brandon thinks that’s normal – after all, Sarah’s married to someone else. David films Donna for the wedding video, but she’s not in the best mood for talking about love, since her own love life is going down the drain. Jackie visits Kelly at work and gives her the locket her father gave her mother on their 25th anniversary. Kelly’s worried because she and Brandon struggled so much with their vows.
Donna and Jacob get the Walshes’ house ready for the wedding, and she tells him that she and Noah are a little stuck. Jacob wonders if she’s considering moving on. Their ploy with his ex worked out, because she’s now interested in Jacob again, but Jacob would rather be with Donna. Cindy does her part of the wedding video, talking about letting go of your kids as they grow up. She’s sure that Brandon and Kelly are over the moon and excited to be getting married.
Steve goes to Sarah’s workplace, so he’s officially gone too far with this. She tells him that no matter how he feels about her, she’s not going to walk away from her marriage without fighting for it. It’s pretty clear that she and her husband are officially back together, and she doesn’t anticipate ever going back to Steve. Brandon and Kelly spend the night before their wedding apart; he tries on his ring and she tries on her veil.
Valerie has a sleepless night at David’s, trying to endure the nine hours until she can get her test results. He reminds her that people can live full lives with HIV, but she’s afraid that no one will ever want to be with her. She promises that if she’s negative, she’ll turn over a new leaf. She also apologizes for sleeping with Johnny, but David doesn’t care. Val’s surprised that he’s being so nice to her after they broke up. He thinks that she would do the same for him.
Kelly wakes up on the morning of her wedding finally feeling calm. Brandon, however, looks like he’s preparing for a funeral. Valerie films a nice message for Brandon but can’t bring herself to say anything positive about Kelly. The clinic calls and asks her to come back to get her results instead of hearing them over the phone. Jacob tries to find an excuse to talk to Donna, who admits that she doesn’t know where things stand with Noah, but she loves him. Jacob graciously bows out.
David, Steve, and Noah watch Brandon and Kelly’s portion of their video, in which they’re all lovey-dovey and happy. Valerie tells David she’s going to wait until after the wedding to go back to the clinic. He’s surprised that she’s willing to wait so long, but Val’s fine with postponing it, since she’s sure it’ll be bad news. Noah tries to talk to Donna while she’s running around, trying to put out fires. He runs into Jacob, who tells him that Donna wants Noah, so Noah should put forth some effort.
Steve whines to Joan about Sarah, like Joan doesn’t have anything better to discuss in her five seconds of screentime. Donna and Jackie get Kelly ready, and then Jackie dismisses Donna so Kelly can admit her nerves. She pretty much says that she wants to be with Brandon but not as his wife. Jackie’s like, “Okay, cool, don’t get married,” though she notes that it might just be cold feet.
Steve WILL NOT SHUT UP about Sarah, and it just makes Brandon wonder if he and Kelly have the same kind of passion that Steve thought he and Sarah had. Brandon thinks it’s a problem that he’s not nervous. He goes to see Kelly, who gives him a Swiss Army knife. He reads her an e.e. cummings poem, “somewhere i have never travelled.” They admit their doubts to each other and realize they don’t want to get married.
Donna and Steve are like, “There are a bunch of people here for a wedding, so you need to get married. Also, remember how you love each other?” But Kelly and Brandon walk into the church together and announce that they’re not getting married. The priest thinks they’re brave. They’re still going to have the reception at the Walshes’, but now it’s just a regular party. Somehow, even though no one got married, everyone’s happy.
Sarah shows up at the reception and tells Steve that she left a trip she and her husband were on because she missed Steve so much. She wants to get back together, but he’d rather have his dignity. David tells Valerie he still loves her, but this isn’t a good time to get back together. He’ll still go to the clinic with her, though.
Donna thinks Noah’s happy because Brandon didn’t commit himself to that horrible institution of marriage. Noah thinks Brandon was smart and made the right decision. But if he and Donna ever get to that stage, he won’t necessarily say no to marrying her. Jim and Cindy are supportive of Brandon and Kelly’s decision, and Jackie’s so supportive of Kelly that she wants to set her up with another guy already. Yikes.
Kelly offers to pay for half of the wedding, and Brandon tells her to take Donna on their would-be honeymoon. They dance and talk to their guests like they actually got married. Back at the clinic, a much less happy Valerie is about to get her test results. She and David try to convince themselves that everything will be okay.
Thoughts: I finally made it through season 8! Only five Brandon episodes left!
How many times did Steve and Sarah even go out? Time to drop it, Sanders. Eat some ice cream, watch some sad movies, wear some grubby clothes, and MOVE ON. (With Janet, of course.)
I get Dylan not coming to the wedding, but no Brenda? And no explanation for why she’s not there? Sure, right. And no Andrea either? That’s also strange.
Donna, I don’t think a bridesmaid’s dress is supposed to have a slit that high.
’90s music alert: Babyface’s “Every Time I Close My Eyes.”
August 19, 2013
Summary: Good morning, Susan! She wakes up in Brandon’s bed and does what any reasonable person would do in that situation: She tries to leave. Brandon tells her she doesn’t have to keep doing that, but Susan seems embarrassed to get caught in her boyfriend’s house. (Everyone else who lives there is sleeping with someone, so what’s her problem?) Today she may have a good reason to be embarrassed: Cindy has arrived for a surprise visit. (Yay! Cindy!) But she’s hiding something because she doesn’t know where Jim is. Ooh, scandalous!
It’s almost Christmas, and there are lots of cheesy decorations all over Beverly Hills. Not at the Walshes’ house, though, because Brandon’s too classy for cheese. Cindy tells him that Jim’s job in Hong Kong makes him happy, but she’s bored there. They were supposed to go on a cruise with his boss, and when Cindy said she wouldn’t go, Jim left without her. She’s not sure she’s going to go back to Hong Kong.
Rush volunteers Steve to buy last-minute Christmas presents for his boss at the talent agency (not Tammy, the guy who fired her). Rush tells Steve not to “screw up as usual,” which makes me wonder why he volunteered him if he doesn’t think Steve can do it. Valerie goes to Colin’s to pick up the portrait she’s giving David, and while she’s there, a guy drops by to sell Colin some cocaine. Colin first says it’s for a friend (sure, Colin), then says he needs something to keep him occupied while the gang drinks. Because alcohol is bad, but cocaine is okay.
Steve and Clare deliver Steve’s boss’ Christmas presents, one of which is, strangely, a child’s oven for a woman who’s definitely not a child. At the Peach Pit, David commiserates with Brandon over having parents with a broken marriage. Nat thinks they just need some time apart. Brandon believes there’s something Cindy isn’t telling him. Nat offers to talk to her and try to get more information.
At the beach apartment, Donna tries to sneak a look at the present Joe got her. Awesomely, he anticipated this and filled the box with plastic snakes. Clare advises Steve to stop letting Rush get to him since Steve’s an adult now. Steve says he just has to remind himself that Rush isn’t his real father. Clare doesn’t believe he’s adopted, which is a weird thing not to believe about someone. Steve delivers a present to his boss’ niece, who, strangely, is the right age for that toy oven…
Brandon mopes around the house, blaming Jim for his and Cindy’s problems. Cindy takes responsibility since she’s the one who can’t fit into Jim’s new life. She’s not sure it’s worth fighting to find anything they have in common anymore. She asks him to put the family’s problems aside for the holidays. Later, the gang and a bunch of other people come over to decorate the house. Donna begs Joe to tell her what her present is, but he keeps quiet to punish her for peeking at her fake present. Susan and Brandon are boring.
As the get-together goes on, Colin tells a story about seeing a woman deliver a baby on a park bench in New York. As he goes off to the “little elves’ room,” David tells Valerie that he thinks Colin is high. Clare and Steve are boring. Nat and Cindy decide to go to Mass together and are heading off just as Rush arrives. He informs Steve that he’s been fired because he delivered the presents to the wrong people, and his boss’ niece got a bustier. (Oops!) Steve laughs off the error, since the presents were mislabeled, but Rush holds him responsible anyway. He’s always screwing things up, like with the fire. Rush is ashamed to be Steve’s father. Steve fires back that Rush isn’t his real father anyway.
As Kelly collects Colin, who’s using the little elves’ room to ingest some Christmas snow, Clare encourages Steve to apologize to Rush the next day so his Christmas isn’t ruined. It’s okay, guys – Colin just sniffling because he has allergies. Joe calls Donna at 3:27 a.m. (the time of her birth) to wish her a Merry Christmas and a happy birthday. She asks for hints about her present, so he tells her it’s “mostly grayish” and “interactive.” After he hangs up, we see that the present is a parrot that Joe has taught to say, “Joe loves Donna.”
On Christmas morning, little Brandon goes to see what Santa put in his stocking. Apparently Santa stopped in Hong Kong to get his new watch. Cindy tells him that she’s realized she can make it on her own if it comes down to leaving Jim. Brandon reminds her that they’ve been married for 22 years, so they owe it to each other to work on their marriage. He thinks that their love for each other can get them through all of their problems. Cindy isn’t sure Jim still cares about her. Just then she gets Jim’s present, a little angel, and a note proving that he still loves her.
Steve mopes on down to the Peach Pit to meet Rush and apologize for their fight. Rush admits that he was out of line, and they agree that they want to change the way they act with each other. Then he gives Steve a copy of his adoption papers, which show that Rush isn’t just his adoptive father – he’s also his birth father. Rush and Samantha were trying to adopt, since Samantha couldn’t have children, so Rush wound up buying his own child.
Steve is furious over being led to believe that he was abandoned. Rush notes that he gave his son all sorts of material things, so he had a great life. Steve would have preferred the truth. Rush admits that Samantha doesn’t know that he’s Steve’s biological father, which is why Steve was kept in the dark. (Holy cow, this man is crazy, you guys.) Rush claims he’s proud to have Steve as a son. He should probably also order him not to tell Samantha anything, but whatever.
The gang brings in fake snow for some kids, then takes them sledding. Steve is suddenly in a great mood, which confuses everyone. Donna wants her present, but Joe didn’t want to bring it around the snow. Donna jokingly asks if it’s something that could freeze, then gets mad when he kind of confirms it. Colin sneaks away to snort some more cocaine. Steve throws a snowball at him, which leads to a snowball fight. Valerie tries to plant the idea in Kelly’s head that Colin’s on drugs. Kelly asks if Valerie’s responsible.
Everyone goes to the Peach Pit, where Steve tells them that Rush is his biological father. Kelly ambushes Colin as he’s coming out of the bathroom and accuses him of doing drugs. He denies it, but she sees the powder on his face. Joe goes home to get the parrot, but now it doesn’t want to say its line. Everyone else gathers at the Walshes’, where Rush toasts to fathers and sons. Suddenly Steve is happy about their relationship, and did I miss a scene or something?
Joe brings over the parrot, which I’m sure Kelly and Clare will appreciate having to live with. Now the bird only says the last thing Joe said to it: “Damn bird.” (It also says, “Damn bird loves Donna,” which is pretty great.) Colin confronts Kelly for being cold to him, and we learn that he was using over the summer and promised to quit. He promises that he was only using over the holidays, and now he’s done. Cindy says goodbye to the gang, then heads to the airport to go back to Hong Kong. She misses the house, but her home is now where Jim is.
Thoughts: In “A Walsh Family Christmas” (and by the way, what’s up with Steve’s family issues and Christmas?), Steve’s grandfather said Steve’s mother was in high school when she got pregnant with him. So…Rush is gross.
Hey, where’s Brenda spending Christmas? Does anyone care? …Anyone?
Jim’s present to Cindy is addressed to “Mrs. James Walsh.” Shut up, Jim.
On the adoption papers, Samantha is listed as Iris. Shut up, continuity people.
High Colin doesn’t really seem any different from regular Colin, so I’m not sure how everyone’s figured out he’s using drugs. Maybe they’re looking at his eyes really carefully?
June 10, 2013
Summary: The day after his drunken revelry, Brandon’s hungover. He warns David and Clare, who’ve just arrived in Palm Springs, to stay away from the devil’s brew. They tell him Kelly didn’t come with them but try to avoid further discussion about her. David assures Brandon that they didn’t see her with Dylan. But he thinks the dinner Kelly had with Alison was more than just a meal between friends. And now Brandon thinks that, too.
Donna and Ray are late to Felice’s panel, since they were busy riding horses and fighting. Kelly, who’s in Palm Springs now, is surprised to hear that Brandon’s also there. He’s becoming more and more like a KEG member, making prank phone calls and razzing Kelly for possibly being a lesbian. She tells him they’re just friends. Valerie interrupts, implying that she and Brandon are bunking together, but Kelly doesn’t care.
Steve and Rush play tennis again with Robin and her father, and Steve confronts his father for using him for a business deal. Rush and I both roll our eyes. Tom Rose’s girlfriend auditions for Dylan and Charlie’s movie, but she’s horrible. Rose blames the movie plot, since the bank scam would never work. Dylan disagrees, since it’s the scam his father pulled. Rose realizes who Dylan’s dad was, so now he believes the plot.
Brandon decides to move in to Valerie’s suite; first he and Steve head off to run some errands. Valerie overhears Ray and Donna fighting over how annoyed he is to be in Palm Springs. He tells her he’s mad because she makes him angry. She tries to walk away, but he pulls her back, making her fall down a flight of stairs. Valerie runs over to help as Ray insists that it was an accident. At a gas station, Steve runs into his “goddess” again and finally learns her name, Elle. She makes a nice double entendre, so Steve loves her even more.
Donna winds up in the emergency room, where Ray tells Kelly that she tripped. Her arm is injured, but not badly. Donna decides not to correct Ray’s version of what happened. Steve, Brandon, and Elle go to a bar, and Steve and Elle sing karaoke (“I Got You, Babe”). Brandon has another Jim/Cindy-vision, which confuses him since he’s not drunk this time. They think he’s having second thoughts about sleeping with Valerie (and Cindy thinks he’s right to have those second thoughts). Brandon says that if they really cared, they wouldn’t have abandoned him and moved to Hong Kong.
Charlie and Rose stargaze and discuss the movie until one of Rose’s guards tells him Dylan was caught making a phone call. Apparently the recipient of the call is someone Rose doesn’t want him to talk to. Steve gets closer to sealing the deal with Elle, but the moment is over when Steve realizes she stuffed her bra. Then he looks down and realizes Elle has something between her legs that Steve doesn’t want to see.
Ray gives an impromptu concert at the hotel while Felice tells Donna that she should be more cheerful since he’s being so great. Kelly blasts David and Clare for telling Brandon that she was with Alison, and for misinterpreting the whole situation. Valerie comes in looking for Brandon, the last person Kelly wants to talk about right now. (You and me both, Kel.)
On his way back to the hotel, Brandon gets pulled over (for pausing too long at a stoplight, or something like that). The cop asks if he’s been drinking, and Brandon admits to having had a couple of beers earlier in the day. He has trouble finding the car registration since he’s never driven it before. Something he has no trouble finding: a joint Valerie left in the car. Enjoy your patdown, Brandon.
The next day, Rose and his goons take Dylan out to scout locations for the movie. (The finger quotes are implied.) Brandon makes it back to the hotel after a night in jail and flushes Valerie’s stash. He beats himself up for not listening when his parents told him to be responsible and look after Val. He gives her back her keys and says he’ll find another ride back to Beverly Hills.
Steve decides to give Robin another shot, since he’s pretty sure she was born a woman. He tells Brandon what happened to Elle, swearing him to secrecy. Donna tells Ray to leave her alone, but says she doesn’t hate him. He basically says he’s annoyed that she wouldn’t let him go back to Beverly Hills, so I guess everything is her fault. Felice is completely unable to read the room and has no idea that there’s a problem.
As he’s leaving Palm Springs, Brandon runs into Kelly and apologizes for his remarks about her and Alison. She thinks that they should still be together even if they’re not going to get married. He’s upset because she seems to view him as “just another guy,” even though he proposed. Kelly wonders if he’ll ever forgive her. Brandon says that’s not the point; “there’s just no going back.”
Rose takes Dylan to a tramway so they can take a trip up a mountain. Dylan’s suspicious since Charlie isn’t there. He should have been suspicious a little earlier; it’s too late now, since Rose and his guards force him into a tram. They stop it partway up the mountain, open the door, and hold Dylan outside.
Rose reveals that he knows Dylan called Christine, and he’d like to know why Dylan tried to talk to an FBI agent. Rose thinks Dylan suspects him of killing Jack, and insists he didn’t. Dylan quickly says he believes him. Back at Rose’s house, Dylan tells Charlie that he’s done with their deal. Charlie tells him to at least stay for lunch – and Dylan does! What??
Kelly patches things up with David and Clare, since Brandon doesn’t hate her anymore. They’re surprised to see that Felice and Ray seem to be getting along. Valerie tells Donna that she saw the whole “accident,” but Donna asks her to keep quiet. Valerie offers to be there if Donna wants to talk. Donna declines, since she knows there’s something more than friendship and business dealings going on between Ray and Valerie. Then she gives a speech to the frat/sorority convention, saying that the new Alpha girl can’t be pushed around.
Dylan and Brandon run into each other at a bus station, then ride back to Beverly Hills together. Brandon shares that his conscience took the form of his parents. Dylan’s impressed that he was able to keep himself from sleeping with Valerie. The guys bond over being in love with and rejected by Kelly.
Felice thinks that Ray is a great guy after all; obviously he cares about Donna since he was so worried after her fall. Donna drops hints that things aren’t all rosy, but says she still loves him. Brandon and Dylan arrive in Beverly Hills, now friends, and Dylan points out that the “for sale” sign on the Walshes’ house is now a “sold” sign. At his own house, Dylan gets a message from Christine, who begs him to stay away from Rose. Dylan ignores her, finding his gun.
Brandon’s watching home movies from his childhood when Valerie gets home. (Fun fact: He and Brenda once had a Smurf-themed birthday party.) He assures her that he forgives her, but they’ll need to just be friends and nothing more. Now that the house has sold, they have two weeks to find a new place to live. Then Brandon totally forgets what he said 20 seconds earlier, and he and Val start making out.
Thoughts: Whoever cast Elle is a genius. She could pass for a man or a woman.
“Hey, kid, to convince you I didn’t kill anyone, I’m going to threaten to kill you.” Makes sense, doesn’t it?
I still want to know why Clare’s on this show.
“What’s that ‘sold’ sign all about?” Well, Brandon, I think it means your house has been sold. Which was the point of the “for sale” sign. Do you need to write all this down?
I’m halfway through the series! And it only took me two years! Sheesh.
May 27, 2013
Summary: Road trip! Steve’s going to Palm Springs. At a red light, he spots a woman in a pink hat and is instantly smitten. He and Rush are in town for a frat/sorority convention, and the senior Sanders has already found a blind date for the junior Sanders. Brandon wants to skip out on the convention (which makes sense since he’s not in a frat), but Steve wants him to come to Palm Springs so he’ll stop sitting around and moping about his parents moving and Kelly turned down his proposal. Brandon doesn’t think he can leave, since he’s helping his parents move, but Steve encourages him to come down.
Kelly brings the Walshes a going-away present (a cheesy-looking palm tree), and they encourage her to chat with Brandon. Kelly in turn encourages Brandon to go to Palm Springs. She also doesn’t want them to break up just because they’re not getting married. Valerie shows up to mention that she’s on her way to see Dylan. She taunts Kelly for breaking two guys’ hearts at once. Clare and David help Donna write the speech she’ll give at the convention, though the two of them don’t get the appeal of sororities. Kelly will also be going to the convention, though she’ll be late and won’t tell her friends why.
Ray writes a mopey song, telling LuAnn he’s been thinking about her divorce from his father. He knows Mr. Pruit used to push her around. LuAnn corrects that he hit her, then gave excuses for his behavior and tried to apologize. Ray tells her he was mean to Donna, and she encourages him to make up with her. Valerie finds Dylan packing for a trip to Hawaii to see Iris and Erica. She’ll be staying behind to “be there for” Brandon (Dylan gets the euphemism). Charlie’s supposed to take Dylan to the airport, but he really wants to get him to cancel the trip. He’s found a paragliding company that wants to put up some money for their movie (which…has a paragliding scene).
The Walshes go to the Peach Pit for what will be Jim and Cindy’s last dinner there. Nat’s sad to see Jim go since he’s always been helpful with the diner. Brandon and Valerie will be living in the house and dealing with possible buyers until it’s sold. Donna works more on her speech but is interrupted by a serenade from Ray. He tells her she wasn’t the only one who was scared by his behavior. Donna’s willing to take him back if he comes to the convention in Palm Springs. And now we know that if you get in a fight with your girlfriend, you just have to write her a song.
Jim and Cindy are gone (‘bye, Jim and Cindy), so Brandon and Valerie are alone to contend with late-night visits from potential buyers. Ironically, one family is moving from Hong Kong. Brandon and Valerie decide to go to Palm Springs after all. She tries to proposition him, telling him she’s going to bed, but not to sleep. Kelly goes to the burn clinic to retrieve Alison; a nurse mistakes her for Alison’s girlfriend. Alison, who looks 100 times better, will be staying at the beach apartment temporarily.
Steve and Rush play tennis with Steve’s blind date, Robin, and her father. Brandon and Valerie show up, and Steve complains about being set up with Robin. Brandon doesn’t see what he has to complain about. Steve says all the girls Rush has set him up with have had baggage. Brandon thinks he has it worse since he had to share a house with Valerie, knowing she was next door, waiting for him to join her. They get some refreshment from Muntz’s margarita/sloe gin fizz backpack server.
Donna and Ray are next to arrive in Palm Springs. He’s in a bad mood, shockingly enough. Felice is also there and notes that Donna will be busy, so Ray might not have much to do. Once everyone’s arrived at the hotel, there’s a pool party, and Ray attends, even though he hates fun. Brandon’s drunk on Muntz’s booze and jumps in the pool with his clothes on. He and Steve goof around. Robin asks Valerie if the two of them are always like this, then pretty much asks if Steve is gay. (Fair question, considering how he and Brandon are playing.)
Robin gets on some guy’s shoulders, and Brandon declares a chicken fight. Donna participates, which doesn’t amuse Ray. Felice complains to him about Donna’s skimpy bathing suit, the first thing she and Ray have ever been on the same page about. She asks him to talk to Donna about wearing more appropriate clothing. Ray grabs a towel and tells his girlfriend to get out of the pool. Brandon and Steve decide they need to get out, too, before Valerie and Robin make a move. Muntz gives them a good excuse – they need to get more beer.
Back from a day of paragliding, Dylan complains to Charlie about the footage they shot. Charlie has another potential backer; they just have to give the guy’s girlfriend a part in the movie. Brandon and Steve go on a beer run, which Brandon points out they’re doing instead of hanging out with hot girls in bikinis. Steve says he’s just not into Robin. He spots his pink-hatted “goddess,” and he and Brandon spend some time checking her out.
Back in Beverly Hills, Kelly and Alison have dinner at the beach apartment while David and Clare spy on them. David wonders why Kelly turned down her two boyfriends for Alison. Kelly figures out that they think she and Alison are on a date. She addresses Alison’s crush on her and is trying to let her down when Alison announces that she’s in love with her.
The convention-goers also have dinner, and Felice now approves of Donna’s attire. Brandon’s still drunk and heckles Rush that Sonny Bono (the scheduled speaker) isn’t going to show up. “He has no sense of punctuality, and he never could carry a tune!” he yells. Steve kicks him out, sending him off without a sorely needed babysitter. Brandon winds up at the hot tub, making Valerie very happy.
Alison asks Kelly why she didn’t tell her roommates she was coming. Kelly isn’t sure. She’s concerned that Alison still sees them as a potential couple. Alison tells her “it’s [lesbianism, I guess] one of those things [she’ll] never know” unless she tries. They’ll miss each other when Kelly goes to Palm Springs. As Brandon prepares to join Valerie in the hot tub, he hallucinates his parents shaming him for being irresponsible and self-destructive. Cindy goes all Felice, saying he’s having “impure thoughts” about someone who’s practically family. Val catches him talking to “himself.”
Ray continues being grumpy but cheers up when Donna invites him to swing by her room. Steve apologizes to Robin for ignoring her, and she commiserates over having a parent who always wants to fix her up with guys she doesn’t like. Steve’s about to kiss her when he learns that their fathers are working on a business deal together. Brandon makes it to the hot tub, but he and Valerie don’t have much time alone before the rest of the convention-goers show up. Dylan and Charlie go to meet a guy named Tom Rose, who has bodyguards and a New York accent, and works in “vending machines,” according to Charlie. Dylan knows this means Rose is really a mobster.
Donna and Ray go horseback-riding (the only thing he wanted to do in Palm Springs), and he’s not ready to go back when she is. He blasts her for making him do all sorts of things with all sorts of people he didn’t want to be with, then not hanging out with him. He’s also mad about her bathing suit. She tells him she got it because she thought he would like it. She’ll dress differently, but she can’t miss her mother’s panel, so they have to go back. Ray taunts that she dresses the way she does to get attention from other guys. She’s totally asking for it.
Thoughts: Kelly wears suspenders over a white belly polo shirt. I didn’t even know they made shirts that horrible.
Dylan, get that fuzz off your lip and never grow a mustache again.
Steve uses a fake ID to buy beer. There are a ton of people at the convention – why doesn’t someone legal buy it? And should Steve be running this risk when he’s already had legal trouble?
Brandon, failing to fight the urge to look at Steve’s “goddess”: “If I turn into a pillar of salt, just use me for margaritas.” Drunk Brandon is kind of funny.
Forgive me for sounding like Felice, but there are entirely too many exposed navels in this episode.
May 25, 2013
Summary: Dylan’s at a travel agency, making plans for a trip around the world. It’s a trip for two, but he only needs one hotel room. He believes his travel companion will be Kelly. Remember how Jim was worried about his job? He’s now threatened to quit, and has received a call at home from his boss. Brandon can sympathize with Jim’s problems; he’s having trouble getting the chancellor to find time to meet with him. Jim informs them that his job isn’t in danger; in fact, he’s getting a promotion and a huge raise. The only problem is that he has to move to Hong Kong.
Kelly goes rollerblading by the beach and runs into Dylan, who takes the opportunity to kiss her again. He gives her a plane ticket and invites her on the trip, which will start right after she takes her finals. Kelly reminds him that she has a modeling contract, school, and family and friends. She may have been Dylan’s soulmate in a past life, but in this one, she’s dating Brandon. Also, they didn’t have a great time the last time they traveled together. Dylan thinks that they’re fated to be together. She isn’t sure how to respond, so he tells her to just be ready when he sends a car for her.
Andrea and Jesse pack for their move to Connecticut, and she bugs him about when her goodbye party is being held. He admits that her friends wouldn’t tell him because they knew she’d try to get it out of him. Steve stops by to get Andrea’s help on a paper, though he obviously wants her to do it for him. Valerie goes by the beach apartment to borrow some of Kelly’s notes and spots the plane tickets. She wonders what Brandon will be doing while Kelly’s gone all summer.
Ray bugs Donna while she tries to study at the Peach Pit. He’s annoyed that she didn’t get it out of the way earlier, but she also has Andrea’s goodbye party to handle. She reminds him that they have the whole summer to spend together. Ray doesn’t want to go to the party since he didn’t go to high school with the gang, and he doesn’t want to befriend them. He notes that he could ask Donna to choose between him and them, but he won’t. Though if he did, who would she choose?
Brandon and Valerie wonder what Cindy will do in Hong Kong if the Walshes move there. Valerie comments that they’re not the only people about to go on a trip. Oh, didn’t Kelly mention her trip with Dylan? Brandon goes to Dylan’s to confront him, and Dylan just says that he and Kelly are connected. Battle lines have been drawn, so Brandon tries to win Kelly over with new rollerblades. One of them contains a ring. Instead of proposing, Brandon asks Kelly how she feels about Dylan. She isn’t sure who she wants to be with. Brandon asks her to marry him.
Kelly can’t give an answer yet, so she and Brandon go for a walk on the beach. He asks her to move in after his parents move to Hong Kong. When/if Kelly puts on the ring, he’ll know she’s ready to make a commitment. Kelly wants time to think everything over. Brandon reminds her of everything they’ve gone through together, and everything they’ve overcome to stay together. At the After Dark, Ray tells Valerie that Clare and David have been bugging him about their hook-up. Val says that they’re just business associates. It’s not her fault if Donna hears something she doesn’t like.
Kelly shows Donna the ring and the tickets, telling her about the decision she needs to make. Donna thinks she should marry Brandon. Kelly slips on the ring and says she loves him, but Dylan will always have “a piece of [her] soul.” Speaking of Dylan, he’s there to see if she’s made up her mind. Kelly still wants time, though she only has four days before the trip begins. He notices the ring and asks if Kelly accepted his proposal (which is a weird question, because why would she wear the ring if she didn’t, but we know she didn’t, so whatever). Kelly says no, and she and Dylan kiss.
Donna and Clare discuss the choice; Clare would choose Brandon (obviously), but Donna’s not sure. She admits that she had a crush on Dylan in high school, though everyone did. Clare thinks she’s attracted to the melodrama and wants a guy who will take care of her. She tells Donna she can do a lot better than Ray. Donna insists that they’re happy. She also doesn’t want to have to defend Ray, especially to someone who’s dating her ex.
As Dylan and Kelly continue making out, Jim and Cindy tell Brandon and Valerie that they’ve decided to move to Hong Kong. Brandon can’t stand that the focus is off of him for more than ten seconds, so he reveals that he proposed to Kelly. He’s annoyed that his parents are selling the house and didn’t tell him. Jim and Brandon question each other’s decisions. Kelly looks over the trip itinerary, then puts the ring away.
Jesse blindfolds Andrea and drives her to her goodbye party. (At least I hope that’s where he’s taking her.) They end up at West Beverly. The rest of the gang (minus Brandon and Dylan, plus Clare) sets up the party, and someone recognizes Donna from the prom drinking incident and the “Donna Martin graduates” fiasco. The gang also meets up with Ms. Teasley, whose new haircut makes her look 15 years younger. Kelly tells Donna that she’s not sure if Brandon and Dylan are coming, which Donna finds ridiculous. I find it ridiculous that we have to put up with the return of Gil.
The gang gives Andrea and Hannah CU and West Beverly shirts. Then the reminiscing starts. David notices that Brandon isn’t there, and Kelly makes some excuse, though Andrea knows what’s going on. Ray shows up for the party, but only to hurry Donna along so they can go out. He doesn’t know that she already has plans with Kelly and Andrea. He storms off and Donna follows him as he complains that she keeps spending time with her friends. She apologizes, but he says it’s too late. He’s sick of her and her spoiled friends. Donna tells him not to call her.
Valerie wants to know if Kelly’s made her decision yet, calling her manipulative for making Brandon wait for her answer to his proposal. She tells Brandon that he deserves better, so she hopes Kelly chooses Dylan. (Also, remember, recently Val randomly decided that she wants Brandon for herself.)
At the beach apartment, Kelly and Donna lament their relationship issues, especially how they sometimes have to do what the guys want. Donna hesitantly asks Kelly if Dylan or Brandon has ever been mean to her, then admits that Ray was to her. She’s not sure what she wants to have happen next. Kelly tells her to follow her heart; she’ll try to do the same. It’s normal to let go of some of yourself to be with someone, but you can’t lose your own identity.
Before they hit the road for Connecticut, Jesse and Andrea stop by the Peach Pit, where the whole gang has gathered to say one last goodbye. Andrea hands over Steve’s paper, though he thought she wouldn’t finish it, so he wrote one himself. Nat gives Andrea a copy of his original menu. She says goodbye to each of her friends, reminiscing a little. She also tells Kelly to marry Brandon. (Stay out of it, Andrea!) Then there are flashbacks.
The gang disperses until only Kelly, Dylan, and Brandon are left. Kelly announces that she’s given the situation a ton of thought, and she loves both guys. She gives Brandon the ring and Dylan the tickets. “I’ve made my choice, and I choose me,” she says. She repeats that she’ll love both guys until the day she dies.
Thoughts: YEAH, you choose yourself, Kelly Taylor! Don’t let boys make you choose between them!
‘Bye, Andrea! I won’t miss you. I’ll miss Jesse, though.
Donna, Ray’s behavior raises more red flags than a game of Minesweeper (I’m not sure who to credit for that, but it’s brilliant). What are you doing?
Brandon is a huge jerk for skipping Andrea’s goodbye party. Oh, you don’t want to go because you might be uncomfortable? TOO BAD. Worst friend ever.
Andrea actually did Steve’s paper? Um, no.
April 27, 2013
Summary: Valerie has just gone on a shopping spree, but she probably should have held on to her money, because her account at the hotel has been cut off. At the beach apartment, Clare has thrown a little welcome-back lunch for Donna, who spent a few weeks at her parents’ house recovering from Garrett’s attempted rape. Felice is thankful that David was her hero and remarks that she almost wishes he were still living in the apartment. She also hopes that David and Donna will give things another try now that Ray’s gone. She doesn’t think David and Clare will last much longer.
Clare and David will be spending their weekend working on a class project – basically, it’s a documentary about real college students. (The title of this episode should give you a hint as to where they got this idea.) They run into one of the participants, who tells them his roommates don’t want to be a part of the project anymore, so they’re all dropping out. Clare’s mad because David was supposed to secure their participants and location. David calls her a control freak. She wishes she hadn’t signed on for a project where her grade depends on him.
Valerie meets with the hotel manager, who’s annoyed that she hasn’t paid her tab. Valerie’s annoyed that she’s being asked to pay her tab. She asks for a special rate, which he says she’s already getting. Then she tries to proposition him. He won’t budge. David gathers Kelly, Brandon, Donna, and Steve at the beach apartment so they can be four of the six “roommates” in the video. (Clare and David will be the other two.) David and Donna seem especially interested in the idea of spending 24 hours with each other.
Cindy calls Jim at work to let him know that Valerie has come crawling back to their house. Jim thinks they need to set some ground rules. Cindy’s just glad she’s back, and thinks that if they talk to her, she’ll be different this time. Clare does some late-night prep for the video, planning out the arguments the “roommates” will be having. David complains that she never uses any of his ideas. Clare casually wonders who arranged for David to play the character who has a crush on Donna’s character. He blows off the question, then says, “Good night, Donna.” Oops!
Brandon’s already in character when he gets up in the morning (he’s playing an annoying skater type). Jim’s distracted by trying to figure out why Valerie came back. He also smelled pot coming from her room. The other “roommates” start filming, but everyone is awful at acting. Then Steve takes a phone call and breaks character to announce that Celeste is getting married. Clare films him anyway, but when he realizes she’s capturing his real feelings, he goes back to his character.
Things are better over at Jesse and Andrea’s, so she decides to put her plan to tell him about Peter on hold. Over at the beach apartment, David (in a sweater vest and nerd glasses) watches Donna pretend to play the piano (which is actually a keyboard, and which would never sound like that). Then the real Tuck shows up, having gotten his roommates to change their minds about the project, and objects to Brandon’s portrayal of him. Brandon finds the whole thing hilarious. Meanwhile, Kelly eats a bunch of watermelon Steve spiked with vodka.
Dylan and Charlie work on their screenplay at the Peach Pit, and I’m happy to report that Dylan is no longer wearing suits. Valerie shows up (and <i>she’s</i> wearing a suit, so I don’t know what’s going on anymore) and invites them to a movie premiere. David and Donna film in her bedroom, and she gets a little shaken when she remembers what happened the last time they were in there together. David comforts her, and Clare sees him give her a quick kiss. The kiss almost turns into a lot more, but Donna puts on the brakes.
During a later scene, Clare gets jealous of David and Donna’s closeness, so she gets Steve to dance with her, then makes out with him. Kelly (drunk on watermelon) gets a call from Jackie reporting that she’s asked Mel to move back in. She rants at the guys for always letting women down. She brings up Brandon’s fling with Emily, David’s affair with Ariel, and Steve cheating on Celeste, adding that Ray probably had his own little thing on the side that Donna doesn’t know about. (Kelly’s psychic!)
Andrea and Jesse have a nice night in, happy that they’re finally having fun together. Dylan and Charlie go to the premiere, though Dylan doesn’t want to. Charlie just wants to check out Valerie and network. He runs into his former hypnotherapist (a consultant on the film), who inspired the screenplay he’s working on.
At the beach apartment David decides to put the project out of its misery. (Donna and Steve are now drunk on watermelon anyway.) Clare thinks David was just tired of seeing Donna flirt with someone else. She gets him to admit that he still loves her. He asks if she has feelings for anyone else; he thinks she’s still hung up on Brandon. Clare admits that this is true.
In her bedroom with Brandon, Kelly drunkenly brings up the night of the fire and asks straight-out if he slept with Emily. Brandon says they just kissed, assuring her that she can trust him. He starts to tell her he can see them spending the rest of their lives together, but she’s already passed out. Valerie gives Dylan a ride home from the premiere, and though he doesn’t want to invite her in at first, she changes his mind by promising that they’ll just keep things platonic. (She really means they’ll be friends with benefits.)
The non-drunk “roommates” discuss cheating and relationships that ended poorly. Brandon admits that when Emily came back to town, he realized he had feelings for both her and Kelly. David and Steve think Kelly also still loves Dylan, and he probably still loves her. Steve admits that if Kelly asked him to get back together, he’d do it in a heartbeat. Donna’s worried that her virginity will be the end of all of her relationships, like it was with her and David’s.
Kelly wakes up the next morning with a hangover and no memory past eating all the watermelon. (She does imply that she remembers the Emily conversation, though.) Jesse and Andrea are all smiles, but for some reason she thinks this is the right time to tell him about Peter. She’s been seeing a therapist who wants her to be honest. But before Andrea can come clean, Jesse tells her that he had a fling while he was out of town on an interview.
Donna and Steve discuss the previous night’s conversations, and he tries to make a move on her, which is really weird. David and Clare edit their film, and Clare says the real-life stuff is better than the character stuff. They start bickering, and they confront each other for their respective kisses with Donna and Steve. David’s mad that Clare keeps flirting with other guys right in front of him. Also, her expectations of people are too high, or something. They decide they’re done with each other.
Thoughts: A 20-page proposal for a 30-minute video? Claire is a control freak.
The suit epidemic has spread so far that David almost wears one to bed. This is like 28 Days Later, but fancier.
Donna’s fake British accent is hilarious.
Tuck is clearly based on Puck, and Steve’s character seems to be based on Jon from the L.A. season of The Real World, but I’m not sure who the others are supposed to be.
’90s music alert: “Dreams” by the Cranberries.
Drunk Kelly is kind of adorable.
Nooooo, Jesse, you weren’t supposed to be a jerk!
Now that she and David are over, can Clare please go away?
April 21, 2013
Summary: At the campus quad, Donna complains to Steve and Andrea that Clare and David are helping Valerie find a new band for the Peach Pit After Dark. Brandon joins them and shares the supposedly confidential news that Lenny isn’t the real rapist and theft. Andrea’s beeper goes off and she says she has to go to work. No one questions why a college student with a research job would have an emergency beeper. Andrea winds up with Peter at their new no-tell motel room. Valerie and Clare audition bands at the After Dark. One of them is covered in mud.
David collects Lenny from the police station, saying he knew the charges would never stick. Lenny confesses that after he got back from Desert Storm, he went out with some friends, got really drunk, and woke up the next morning in jail, having been arrested for rape. He served two years and is now a registered sex offender. David thinks Lenny has turned his life around, since he’s in college and has made the dean’s list. Lenny notes that any time a sex crime is committed, his name will come up.
Indeed, word has spread, and Janice the angry student politician is one of the many people upset that Lenny was allowed on campus. Brandon would rather focus on the real rapist and the lack of security on campus. The police admit that they don’t have any suspects or leads. Over at his family’s hotel, Charlie tells Dylan about the screenplay he’s working on and invites him to help out. He notes that the hotel is a great place to work because people leave him alone. In fact, most of them are having secret rendezvous there. Hey, like that woman leaving right now, who Dylan knows!
Garrett, an employee from the campus quad, goes to the After Dark looking for a job. He chats with Donna, who’s there to confront Valerie for firing Ray. Val tells her that David thought they should get some new musicians. She further snows Donna by pointing out that Ray will grow more as a musician if he plays different venues. Donna goes to get Garrett, but he’s gone. She sees that someone moved her backpack and overreacts.
On campus, Steve runs into Valerie and gives her a ride in a golf cart (it looks like KEG is giving women rides so they’ll feel safer). She asks for his help finding a special music act to play on Friday night. Steve points out that he’s not supposed to get involved in that sort of thing, so someone finally remembered that. Then he promises to help anyway, so that was a waste of continuity. Lenny’s back on campus, and a mob of students is harassing him.
Dylan’s also back on campus to let Andrea know that he knows about her affair. He promises to keep it quiet. He tells her it’s not what he thinks, which is hilarious, because it’s exactly what Dylan thinks. He says it’s none of his business and won’t talk about it if she doesn’t want to. Andrea says something about how it’s good that she didn’t ignore her feelings, so if that’s how she’s able to sleep at night, good for her.
David learns that Lenny’s moving out of the dorm but thinks he should stay since he didn’t do anything. He should fight, not run away. Lenny doesn’t want to be “the poster child for ex-con rights.” David notes that he’s involved with campus media and is friends with the student-body president. Lenny says there are other things going on but won’t discuss them. David asks if that means he’s guilty. Lenny replies that he needs someone to believe in him even if he’s guilty.
Steve has lined up someone for the After Dark, but Valerie has already booked someone and shoos him away. “I hate her,” Steve grumbles. David goes to the beach apartment to try to get Clare to help him produce a profile on Lenny portraying him as rehabilitated. Clare won’t help; she thinks if Lenny wants to go to college, he should go to an all-male school. David doesn’t even get to broach the subject with Donna, since she thinks he helped Valerie get rid of Ray. He calls her self-involved and wonders why he ever dated her in the first place.
As someone packs a bag with a flashlight and knife, Cindy and Jackie hang out at the Peach Pit, discussing possible men for Jackie to date. Mel brings Erin for a custody exchange, and for some reason Jackie is all a-flutter. The rapist breaks into the beach apartment, and we finally see his face: It’s Garrett.
At the Walshes’ house, Brandon talks to Janice on the phone, telling her he’s not running for another term as president. Cindy tells him that Jackie and Mel are suddenly getting along; apparently Mel’s girlfriend just dumped him for someone younger. David comes by and asks Brandon to talk Lenny out of dropping out of CU. Brandon easily agrees. Jesse’s back from his massive interview tour, and he and Andrea immediately start fighting about random things. There’s yelling, and I hate them both.
Brandon tracks Lenny down on campus, and though Lenny is defensive at first, Brandon breaks the ice by making it clear that he doesn’t think Lenny’s the rapist. Lenny confirms that he was in custody when a girl named Melody was raped, which is why he was released. He asks how much cloud Brandon has with the administration and the police. Brandon wonders if Lenny needs a lawyer. Lenny announces that he knows who raped Melody.
Donna, Clare, and Steve hang out at the After Dark, waiting to find out who Valerie’s mystery performer is. Donna decides to bail early since it’s weird being there without Ray. She leaves just as Valerie brings out the mystery act, the Flaming Lips. David shows up and Clare tells him Donna went home.
Donna arrives to see Garrett in the apartment, and though she tries to overpower him with her self-defense training, she’s no match for him. He tells her she’s even prettier than Clare, then takes her to the bedroom, telling her they’re going to get to know each other. Brandon goes to the After Dark with the police, who think Clare’s the rapist’s target. Valerie recognizes Garrett’s name and tells Brandon and Steve that he may be a friend of Donna’s.
At the apartment, Garrett pulls his knife and Donna begs him not to hurt her. She tells him she’s a virgin, which is a surprise to him. David arrives and Donna tells Garrett he’s her roommate. He makes her tell him to go away. David thinks the lights are off because Donna has a migraine, and that she doesn’t want to talk to him because of Ray. She calls him Dave to try to signal that something’s wrong. It works, because when Donna screams, David runs into the room and attacks Garrett. Donna joins in and they knock him out.
Dylan’s back at the hotel with Charlie, and he sees Peter arrive for a hook-up with Andrea. Andrea announces that she’s leaving Jesse because there’s no point in being miserable with him when she can be happy with Peter. Peter, however, is happy with the current arrangements. He reminds Andrea that they agreed not to have any strings. She doesn’t seem to remember that. Dylan sees Peter leave and goes to comfort Andrea, who laments believing that she and Peter were going to be together.
The cops go to the beach apartment, along with Brandon and Clare. Brandon relays Lenny’s news that he was in military prison with Garrett. He was afraid to say anything when he was arrested because he thought he would be pegged as an accomplice. Garrett had been asking him about girls on campus, which tipped Lenny off that he was interested in Clare. Donna apologizes to David for using a figurine he gave her to knock out Garrett. He’s surprised she kept it, and she says of course she did – it was the last thing he gave her. They hug, and Clare should probably be worried.
Thoughts: Donna: “I don’t know your name.” Funny, because you greeted him by name less than a minute ago. Did a writer fall asleep or something?
Yeah, being alone in a golf cart with a frat guy woud not make me feel safe. They need to tell all the women not to walk alone at night.
Dylan suit status: still active. Also, contagious – David caught the disease.
I think the Flaming Lips are the first musicians to play on the show who are still performing today.
Kudos to the guy playing Garrett – he’s normal at first, kind of creepy later, then just full-on shiver-inducing scary at the apartment. Though I think the story would have worked better if there had been some indication that Clare might be the target earlier on. We would have thought he was going to the apartment for her and been surprised when he went after Donna instead.
Kelly isn’t in this episode, but no one’s worried, so I don’t think she went back to the cult.
April 2, 2013
Summary: Valerie drives Dylan home from the airport after he’s delivered Erica to Iris in Hawaii. She’d like some compensation for her part in the rescue mission. Dylan agrees, and I’m sure Jonesy will totally go for it, too. Also, Dylan and Val are back together, it seems. Ray performs at the After Dark, so we kill a couple minutes there. He complains to David and Clare that the sound system is screwed up, then snipes at them when they say he’s wrong. Donna tells them he’s nervous because a talent scout is coming to see him.
Brandon meets Andrea at the Peach Pit and asks for her advice on the editorial he’s submitting to the Condor in defense of Finley. He admits that Kelly hasn’t seen it because they haven’t been spending much time together lately. That’s because Kelly has turned the beach apartment into Save Finley Central. Ray performs again, this time under the watchful eye of Ariel. (Steve’s also at the After Dark, because he’s an idiot.)
Valerie asks Dylan for money so she can buy a new coat (in Beverly Hills? Okay); he laughs over the fact that he’s giving her money after having sex with her. He gives her $10,000 and she balks at the small fraction she’s getting from his almost $8 million. Dylan calls her greedy, telling her she should have set a price up front. It turns out Ariel is the rep who’s come to scout Ray, which David knows Donna won’t like. Ariel asks Ray to come to her label for a meeting.
Jesse’s supposed to go out of town for a clerkship interview, but Andrea’s nervous because Hannah’s sick again. He suggests that she call Peter for medical advice. On campus, Brandon and Cindy run into Kelly and Finley, but Kelly basically ignores her boyfriend. She confides in Finley her annoyance with Brandon’s lack of support for her cause. Finley says that when the heat is on, people show who they really are. David informs an unhappy Donna that Ariel is the rep courting Ray.
Ray has a good meeting with Ariel’s label, and Ariel’s boss instructs her to sign him. She offers to take Ray out to buy new boots. He tries to decline, so she turns on the flirting. Dylan visits Jim to admit that he should have listened to him about his business deal with Suzanne and Kevin. He’d like Jim to be his business manager (but this time, Dylan’s in control of his money). Jim seems willing to agree, since Dylan has changed since the last time they worked together. Dylan mentions that he gave Val $10,000.
Speaking of, Val is spending the money on something that’s decidedly not a winter coat. Ray and Ariel are at the same boutique, looking at boots. Valerie accuses Ray of cheating on Donna, saying that it looks like Ariel wants him. “But don’t we all,” she adds. Ray takes his new boots to the beach apartment, where Donna tells him that Ariel was the reason she and David broke up. Ray insists that Ariel’s just interested in her music. Donna says that’s what she said about David, too. She wants him to give back the boots and stay away from Ariel. Ray refuses.
Kelly reads Brandon’s editorial and is all happy with him again. But when he asks her to skip out on doing research for Finley to hang out with him, she accuses him of writing the piece just to get on her good side. Ray and his band do a sound check at the After Dark, after which David warns that Ariel might go to unconventional lengths to win him over. Ray doesn’t care what David has to say since Ariel wasn’t the only one who hurt Donna.
Over at the Peach Pit, Donna and Clare agree that Ariel is bad news. The conversation turns to Kelly, and Clare reveals that according to her father, the other professors aren’t supportive of Finley. David tells Donna that he warned Ray about Ariel, but he doesn’t think Ray listened. She’s pleased that he tried, though. Dylan goes to the Walshes’ for dinner so they can recap what happened in Mexico. Cindy wonders if there’s anything they should know about Valerie. Dylan says she’s a “bigger package” than Brenda, “with a much bigger bow.”
Val is currently with Jonesy, trying to get more money. He just wants to sleep with her. Then he says he’ll pay her if she agrees to pair up with him again in the future. Ray meets with Ariel’s label again but is resistant to sign anything – they want him to give up his publishing rights. Ariel tells him she’s willing to do whatever she has to for this deal to go through. Ray already knows this from talking to David, so he’s out.
Andrea and Peter meet up for coffee because Andrea put on her Bad Idea Jeans this morning. There’s flirting, them some meaningful looks, and then a kiss. Meanwhile, Finley assures his students that he’s going to fight for his tenure in his meeting that night. He thanks Brandon for his editorial. Brandon brings Kelly flowers and apologizes if he’s been selfish lately. (Actually, for once, Brandon didn’t do anything wrong.)
Ariel tracks Ray down at the Peach Pit, but he doesn’t want to change his mind about the deal. She tries to get Donna to talk him into signing with the label. Of course, Donna doesn’t owe Ariel anything. Ariel warns her that Ray’s ego might get the better of him. Donna thanks Ray for rejecting the deal, and he confirms that she was right about Ariel, but he turned the deal down because it was a bad one. Valerie shows up at the Peach Pit in a brand-new car, so Dylan calls her a hooker for taking money from Jonesy. (Whoa, Dylan. Back off.)
Dozens of Finley’s students wait outside his meeting for news about his tenure. He addresses his acolytes, calling them “constant soldiers” and sounding more like a cult leader than ever. He didn’t get tenure, but as long as he has students, everything’s fine. He can just lecture in other places. “The new evolution will go on,” Finley promises. Once he’s alone with Kelly, he tells her the faculty feels threatened by him. The Finleyites need to stay together and block out all outsiders. That means Kelly needs to break up with Brandon.
Thoughts: Erica’s going to live with the woman her father was cheating on when he conceived her? Whoa.
Dude, Dylan, Val did have a gun pulled on her. I think you can spare a little more than $10,000.
David, you were a nice guy in this episode, but your hat is losing you cool points.
More pointless so far this season: Clare or Cindy?
March 2, 2013
Summary: Cindy and Brandon are surprised to hear Jim blasting the Rolling Stones at the house. A client has given him a bunch of Rolling Stones memorabilia, though what Brandon really wants is tickets to their concert at the Rose Bowl. Jim offers to try to get him some, though they might be sold out. Cindy’s surprised people still like them.
At the beach apartment, Kelly looks over her photos from the Seventeen shoot. Brandon brings her a Rolling Stones shirt and learns she’s going to the concert. Seventeen has arranged for her to hang out in the VIP lounge. She’s not excited since she has a midterm the next day. Brandon offers to take her place, and not just because the Constitutional Review Board is going to meet soon to determine whether he’s really the student body president.
Donna tapes David and Clare doing a promo for the concert; they can’t even hide their lack of interest. Ray’s there and tells Donna that the Rolling Stones are awesome. He’s been going to their concerts since he was six. He wants to take Donna to see them.
At the Peach Pit, Steve tries to convince Nat to change the name of the Peach Pit After Dark to the Voodoo Lounge. He claims to have a meeting with someone who works with the Rolling Stones, to do…something. He asks Nat to make sure Dylan is officially no longer a partner; Rush is adamant about it.
Cindy hangs out with Kelly and Andrea on campus, so I guess she’s still taking classes at CU. She informs the girls that Jim managed to get Brandon Rolling Stones tickets and VIP passes. She thinks he should take Valerie. Andrea offers Jesse’s legal advice in case Brandon needs him before the CRB. Brandon thinks the meeting will be postponed since the chancellor isn’t around. Kelly tells Andrea and Cindy that she thinks Brandon’s in denial that by the end of the week, he could be impeached.
Alex informs Brandon that the CRB has moved up the hearing – it’s tonight. He gloats that Brandon’s going to lose, so he should resign as a show of good faith. Then if he wants to run for another office next term, Alex and his pals will back him. Brandon won’t back down.
Valerie visits Dylan in rehab and tells him she’s also going sober. She also delivers one of Brandon’s Rolling Stones hats. Val tells him no one knows that she was with him the night of his accident, and she’d like to keep it that way. She also flushed his stash in case the police searched his house. Dylan doesn’t want Valerie to get caught up in his insane life, so they decide to part ways.
Concert-goers gather at the Rose Bowl. Ray tells Donna he doesn’t have tickets but can get them in anyway. He gets to see all sorts of concerts by working as a vendor. Clare and David use a very primitive Internet to see what people are saying about the Stones. Clare is a troll, to absolutely no one’s surprise. David mentions that Mel offered him tickets, so Clare suggests they go and make fun of the fans.
Kelly can’t go to the CRB hearing to support Brandon, but he’s fine with it. In fact, he’s become pretty zen about it. Valerie doesn’t want Brandon’s extra ticket to the concert, so he offers it to Steve, but Steve has been invited by Claudette, his connection with the Stones. Kelly’s happy to have someone to hang out with. Nat and his cook, Willie, head off to see Dylan in rehab.
Ray and Donna, now dressed as vendors, sneak onto the Rose Bowl stage, where he serenades her with the only song he ever sings (I’m starting to think it’s the only song he knows). At rehab, Dylan easily agrees to sign over his share of the Peach Pit. He’ll be starting therapy that night and knows he’s in for something intense. Nat advises him to ease into it. Willie feels bad for Dylan, telling him, “You just keep messing up.”
Jim is still rocking out at the house. His and Cindy’s clothes start coming off right in the living room. Fortunately, Valerie interrupts. Jesse goes to the hearing with Brandon, telling him he needs to win over two of the three judges. Janice assures Brandon that she has nothing personal against him; she’s totally over the whole Roland Turner thing. Andrea knows who the three judges are and gives Brandon and Jesse some info. They’re probably in trouble.
Kelly and Steve arrive at the Rose Bowl in a limo and run into Clare and David. The latter two are supposed to meet Mel, who has the tickets, but Kelly doesn’t think he’ll show. Kelly gets right in, but Steve isn’t on the VIP list – Claudette didn’t leave him a ticket after all. He bumps into a guy who looks more suited to a Grateful Dead concert, and soon realizes the guy stole his wallet.
Dylan attends his first group therapy session and is immediately razzed by a guy named Charlie. Dylan’s still wearing his Rolling Stones hat, so Charlie pegs him as a junkie. Another participant recognizes Dylan as a fellow West Beverly student. Now Charlie thinks he’s privileged and plans to continue to make his time in rehab difficult. Steve spots Donna and Ray and tells them he can’t get in. Ray offers to get him in for free, but he’ll have to sell ice cream.
The concert starts, as does Brandon’s hearing. Janice argues that after Josh’s death, Brandon, as vice president, wasn’t guaranteed the presidency. They just want a new election so the students can decide who they want. Brandon thinks he’s going down and would rather have this go like the French Revolution. He laments going to all those senate meetings. Jesse’s surprised to hear that he called them all to order even though they didn’t actually meet.
Charlie’s ranting about Dylan’s hat, since rock music = stoned craziness. Dylan notes that he was sober for two years and music sounded the same to him. Charlie points out that the phrase “sex, drugs, and rock and roll” exists for a reason. Dylan says it’s not his fault if Charlie feels like getting wasted when he looks at the hat, because he can’t listen to rock music without getting high. Charlie storms out.
Armed with his new information about the senate meetings, Jesse asks for the hearing to end. The senate has met every week, and because Brandon has called every meeting to order, he’s maintained the integrity of his office. Janice notes that the senate didn’t attend most of those meetings. One of the judges notes that there are no rules of succession in the student government, but this case should set a precedent. Brandon gets to stay president, and the hearing’s over.
Alex tells Brandon there are no hard feelings, and I totally believe him, you guys. Then Brandon and Andrea head to the concert, where David and Clare are still trying to get in touch with Mel to get their tickets. They mope for a bit, then get offered some scalped tickets. Kelly studies backstage, because she’s no fun, and gets Steve entrance to the VIP lounge.
Charlie tries to make up with Dylan, saying he treats every new person the same. Dylan’s annoyed because he came to rehab to get better, and Charlie’s making things worse. Charlie thinks he’s toughening Dylan up. Dylan’s the only person who’s willing to stand up to him, and Charlie appreciates it. He’s 42 and wants this to be his last attempt to get clean. Also, he wants to borrow Dylan’s hat. Eventually, everyone but Dylan and Valerie makes it to the Rose Bowl, and there is dancing with varied levels of dorkiness.
Thoughts: Dylan looks weird in a Rolling Stones hat.
I guess they used real footage of the crowds at the concert. Nice hair, everyone.
Steve’s meltdown is hilarious. I kind of love it when he whines like a child.
February 18, 2013
Summary: Paramedics tend to an unconscious Dylan after his car accident. A firefighter finds drugs in the car. Once Dylan’s admitted to a hospital, a doctor tries to present his case to other doctors, but they don’t really care about him because he’s a junkie. His doctor tells a nurse that according to shamans, when a person’s unconscious, he’s experiencing a battle for his soul. In his “battle,” Dylan dreams that his doctors are Ms. Teasley, Suzanne, and Kevin. He can hear Erica calling for help. Dream Dylan runs off to save Erica, who’s kneeling on a subway track. His drug dealer winks at him.
Over at CU, David and Clare make a video about a frat flag-football tournament Steve and Brandon are playing in. The tournament lasts for four days, so I guess the students don’t have anything else to do right now. Clare wants the video to highlight how jocks are competitive and girls cheer them on, or something. Shut up, Clare. She doesn’t even know why they’re wearing flags. Rush arrives and asks to take over coaching duties, even though KEG is doing fine.
Jim and Cindy disagree about whether or not Valerie should be allowed to smoke in the house. (Cindy is okay with it, since Valerie is such a poor, delicate flower, but Jim is against it.) Valerie overhears and offers to quit. Suddenly they get a call from Iris. After their football game, Brandon, Steve, and Kelly go to the Peach Pit to kill the 90 minutes before the playoffs. Steve’s annoyed that Rush got involved, but Kelly says he’s just trying to recapture his own glory days of being the big man on campus. Inside, Nat and Andrea tell them about Dylan’s accident.
The Walshes and Valerie head to the hospital, where the doctor tells them Dylan’s in a coma. She doesn’t think it’ll last more than 24 hours. Oh, wait, she’s not a doctor, just a med student. Okay, who cares? Dylan dreams that he and Valerie go to the Walshes’ for Thanksgiving (Dylan calls Cindy “Mom” – aww). Suzanne and Kevin are there, and Kevin is friends with Jacques Cousteau. Dylan goes to answer the door and sees a snake slithering around the turkey Jim’s carving. Dylan thinks he’s letting Erica in, but his dealer’s at the door.
Then we get a black-and-white flashback of Dylan and Jack singing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame,” then their final scenes before the car bombing. Dylan keeps seeing the car exploding and burning. Brandon and Kelly go to the hospital, though she thinks he should still go to the playoff game. She doesn’t want them to act like Dylan’s already died. Valerie worries that her presence is making Dylan feel worse. She blames herself for the accident. Kelly reminds her that they did everything they could to help Dylan, but he checked himself out of rehab. It’s not like Valerie knew he was getting wasted and didn’t try to stop him. Val asks if Kelly still loves him. Kelly doesn’t get a chance to answer.
As Kelly says mean things to him, Dylan dreams about their swim in the pool, then imagines them getting married. (Jim walks her down the aisle, so that’s weird.) Suzanne appears to be the maid of honor. Then Dylan realizes Brandon is the groom. Jim asks Dylan, the best man, if he brought the rings. Valerie, in her own wedding gown, says she brought one. Except she’s not Valerie – she’s supposed to be Brenda. Dylan goes back to the subway to get Erica, and his dealer tells him to save her. He just needs to “follow the light.”
Dylan wakes up and rings for a nurse, but instead gets Ms. Teasley, Suzanne, and Kevin again. Suzanne apologizes for stealing his money, then says that since they’ve already come this far, they might as well keep going. The dealer gives him an injection. In reality, the med student (Jamie) asks for more medication for Dylan, but the nurse tells her to fill out the proper paperwork. Over at the Peach Pit, Steve and Nat worry about Dylan’s addiction. Steve wants Dylan’s share of the After Dark, angering Andrea, since they’re discussing business while Dylan’s in the hospital. Nat gives Steve 12 hours to make things work or he’s walking away.
Dylan dreams again about going to Jack’s car, but this time he’s the one who gets in, and it doesn’t blow up. His dealer is there and takes him to the pool hall, which is full of girls Dylan’s slept with. Dylan’s all proud of himself. Kelly makes out with him while the dealer plays electric guitar. Then Valerie intercepts Dylan, offering to do whatever he wants. Next, Donna shows up in her underwear, saying they’re “fixing it.” Suzanne’s next, but then the dealer shoots Dylan up and sends him back to the subway.
Rush helps the KEG guys get ready for the playoffs, annoying Steve. Brandon tells Steve to suck it up so they can win the tournament. Steve doesn’t want to have to put up with his father turning everything into a competition and showing him up. Brandon threatens to quit, since he’s not in KEG anyway and has more important things to do, like check on his possibly dying friend. They decide to pretend it’s still that morning, before they knew about Dylan and before Rush made Steve mad.
Dylan dreams of Kevin and Suzanne urging Ms. Teasley to shoot him. Ms. Teasley realizes that she has nothing against him; Suzanne and Kevin are the ones who ripped him off and “destroyed his faith in mankind.” The dealer offers to pull the trigger. Instead, he sends Dylan back to the subway, but this time Dylan says he won’t follow the light. He gives money to a homeless man and approaches the train. Clare and David wander through, saying the tunnel would be a great place for a music video. (They’re actually in Dylan’s hospital room, and Clare is being a shrew.)
Dream Dylan goes to the pool hall, where Kevin and the dealer, dressed as bikers, scrutinize him. Suzanne tells him he just needs to make the next shot – not with a pool cue but with a syringe. Kevin and Suzanne hold Dylan down while the dealer gets ready to shoot him up. Meanwhile, Donna smokes and dances on the bar. Clare tries to make out with Dylan, then fights with Suzanne over who he belongs to. Clare sits Dylan up and lets him see that Erica’s in the bar. Erica screams and the real Dylan has a seizure. Dream Dylan drives his car down the cliff again and flatlines. Kevin and Suzanne are with him. The dealer turns off his heart monitor.
Football is played, and Jim arrives toward the end of the scoreless game. He chats with Rush, who’s kept himself away from the action so he won’t bother Steve. They talk about Dylan, and Jim says his condition doesn’t look good. Rush is surprised since Steve didn’t mention anything. Steve decides to use one of Rush’s plays to win the game. So now he has a game victory AND his father’s approval! What a great day for Steve!
Jamie and Dylan’s actual doctor bicker, standing close enough to each other to kiss. The doctor doesn’t get why Dylan isn’t getting better. The nurse mentions Jamie’s remark about Dylan undergoing a battle for his soul. Dream Dylan goes to Jack’s car again, and it blows up. Then he’s back in the subway tunnel, giving the homeless man money again. The dealer promises not to shoot him up again if he saves Erica. Dylan reaches out for her, but she screams again and disappears. The homeless man turns Dylan around, but this time it’s Jack. He tells Dylan to keep trying and trust himself.
The real Dylan is calm and stable now, though Jamie and the doctor didn’t have anything to do with the change. Steve toasts the KEG guys’ entrance into the finals and thanks Rush for the game-winning play. Then he hints that Rush will be paying for his shares in the After Dark. That night, Dylan wakes up for real with Iris next to him. He imagines Jack sitting in the room, smiling at him. Then Dylan makes out with Jamie. Okay, not really, but wouldn’t that have made sense?
Thoughts: The mention of Jacques Cousteau made me think of the Friends episode where Phoebe dreams about him. Hey, that took place at Thanksgiving, too!
Dude, Dylan wants Donna! I wouldn’t have expected that.
Hey, Brandon, the emerald green shirt with the kelly green shorts are really working for you.
Very appropriate music in the background of the last pool hall dream: the Police’s “Spirits in the Material World” (hence the name for the recap).